1
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:03,299
Hey. Hi.

2
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,560
Hi. What's up, guy?

3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,440
What's up with them?

4
00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:08,680
Homework.

5
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:10,080
They're that into it?

6
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:14,520
That's my new homework for sugar
program.

7
00:00:16,379 --> 00:00:17,840
You should work for the Board of
Education.

8
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:19,520
Done. There you go.

9
00:00:21,820 --> 00:00:23,720
I take it back. You should work at
SeaWorld.

10
00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:25,980
Done.

11
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:28,920
Hey, Dominic, how was school today,
buddy?

12
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:32,540
Great. Our class picked up the most
trash during lunch last month.

13
00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:35,980
We all won the new Guinness Book of
World Records. Oh, yeah, I loved that

14
00:00:35,980 --> 00:00:36,899
when I was in school.

15
00:00:36,900 --> 00:00:39,940
Now, judging by some of your old
girlfriends, you also had a gift for

16
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:40,940
trash at lunchtime.

17
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:48,480
Hey, so is there still a picture of a
big fat guy in overalls in there?

18
00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:52,200
Yeah, right here. Yeah, check out his
name.

19
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,000
Robert Earl Hughes. Cool.

20
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,580
Are we related to him? Nah.

21
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,290
Darn.

22
00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:01,290
Well, believe me, honey, when you get a
little older, you'll be grateful you're

23
00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:03,870
not genetically linked to a guy who had
to be buried in a piano case.

24
00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:06,530
So what else happened at school today?

25
00:01:06,810 --> 00:01:10,610
Nothing much. It was career day, so a
couple of parents came to talk about

26
00:01:10,610 --> 00:01:12,130
job. Oh, yeah?

27
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:13,749
What'd they do?

28
00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:16,290
One was a stomach doctor, one was a
brain doctor.

29
00:01:16,570 --> 00:01:17,730
Hey, and one was Dr.

30
00:01:17,930 --> 00:01:18,930
Dre.

31
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,320
Hey, uh, listen, if they ever have a
bake sale and he's selling brownies,

32
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:25,320
eat them.

33
00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:31,780
But, uh, make sure you bring some home
for Mommy.

34
00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:35,580
May I go read my room?

35
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:36,679
Yeah, sure, buddy.

36
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,680
I'll tell you what, we'll catch up a
little bit later, okay?

37
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,480
Ah, here we go.

38
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:49,360
A boy reaches a certain age and it
happens. You know, I knew this day was

39
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:50,360
come, if that's what it was.

40
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,100
What day? The day he goes where he's
alone in his room?

41
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:55,979
Oh, my God.

42
00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:57,960
You think he's going in there to... Oh,
no, no.

43
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,760
It's way too early for that. Oh, thank
God.

44
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,320
He scared the hell out of me.

45
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,100
Especially because he went in there with
that Guinness book. That'd just be

46
00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:09,100
weird.

47
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,500
Dominic didn't invite me to career day.

48
00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:17,880
So? Well, he invited me every other
year.

49
00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:22,430
Also, see, Christine, he's embarrassed
that his dad is a security guard.

50
00:02:22,790 --> 00:02:25,430
That's ridiculous. Now, look, I knew
this day was going to come eventually.

51
00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:28,090
I went through the same thing when I was
a kid, you know?

52
00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:32,730
When I was little, I used to think,
like, hey, my dad, he drives a bus.

53
00:02:33,110 --> 00:02:34,110
Yeah.

54
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:39,390
And I got to be Dominic's age, and I was
like, my God, my dad, he drives a bus.

55
00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:43,510
Look, honey, L .A. is a tough town.

56
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:48,180
I mean, if we had stayed back in
Maryland, a guy with a badge, health

57
00:02:48,220 --> 00:02:50,080
and a Trans Am would have ruled on
career day.

58
00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:51,340
I know.

59
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:55,400
Out here, Dominic goes to school with
Antonio Banderas' kid.

60
00:02:57,220 --> 00:03:00,800
Yeah, well, don't feel too bad. His last
three movies flopped.

61
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,700
I know. That's why his kid is stuck
playing with Dominic.

62
00:03:16,810 --> 00:03:17,810
You guys have a question?

63
00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:19,870
You ever embarrassed to be security
guards?

64
00:03:20,110 --> 00:03:23,970
What? You know, having such a low status
job.

65
00:03:24,230 --> 00:03:25,230
Low status?

66
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:27,250
It's a world famous movie studio.

67
00:03:27,650 --> 00:03:31,330
Lots of pretty young ladies who know
that I'm the big strong man that

68
00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:33,810
them. Open the gate, moron.

69
00:03:43,370 --> 00:03:46,650
I love this job, man. We get dibs on all
the stuff from lost and found after

70
00:03:46,650 --> 00:03:47,850
it's been there for 30 days.

71
00:03:48,470 --> 00:03:51,730
For example, I found this mini Swiss
Army knife there.

72
00:03:51,950 --> 00:03:52,668
Hey, that's mine.

73
00:03:52,670 --> 00:03:53,670
30 days. Too late.

74
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,210
I'm not so proud of this job.

75
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,070
I've heard you lie about what you do
when you meet women.

76
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:01,410
We said we think this is a good job.

77
00:04:01,610 --> 00:04:03,430
We didn't say women think this is a good
job.

78
00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:07,670
Technically, I don't lie. I just tell
them I'm a key man at Melrose Studios.

79
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,030
You get it?

80
00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:11,570
Get it?

81
00:04:11,579 --> 00:04:13,900
Billy, I was there when you read it in
the Bazooka Joe comic.

82
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,620
Why are you so worried about this all of
a sudden? Dominic didn't invite me to

83
00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:19,620
career day.

84
00:04:19,779 --> 00:04:22,560
You know, I think now that he's getting
older, he's embarrassed by my job.

85
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:23,760
That's ridiculous.

86
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,620
Yeah, you should let him come around.
Let him see how cool we are. I mean, we

87
00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:28,000
get to carry tasers and everything.

88
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:31,540
Oh! All right.

89
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:36,400
Dominic used to think this job was cool.

90
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,800
It's a great job.

91
00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:40,260
Good pay, benefits, vacation time.

92
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,060
I mean, Dominic's just not old enough to
appreciate these things.

93
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:46,740
Yeah, let the cruel, hard world beat the
dreams out of him, and then one day

94
00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:48,800
he'll be happily standing right here
with us.

95
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,760
Hi, honey. How was work?

96
00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:57,720
Same as always.

97
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:02,140
I raise the gate, people with cool jobs
drive through, I lower the gate.

98
00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:04,940
You feel upset about Dominic?

99
00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:07,180
It's just career day. It'll pass.

100
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,520
I don't think so.

101
00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:12,520
No, the truth is... Once I started to be
embarrassed by my father, I never

102
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,220
stopped. To this day, I'm still
embarrassed by him.

103
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,660
You think that has to do with him being
a bus driver?

104
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,480
You don't think it might have something
to do with his habit of gambling away

105
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:23,480
the grocery money?

106
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:25,780
Maybe a little.

107
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:29,140
The fact that he stayed out drinking all
night, every night?

108
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,359
I guess.

109
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:33,640
Let's not forget about insurance fraud,
fighting, whoring around.

110
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,800
Hey, that's my father you're talking
about.

111
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,160
Right, but that's not you.

112
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:45,240
Look, maybe you don't have the coolest
job, right? But you're still a cool

113
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,240
father.

114
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,880
I mean, how many of those other dads
with their big -shot jobs take their

115
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:50,880
go -kart racing?

116
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,340
Or build a treehouse?

117
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:54,760
That's true.

118
00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:57,340
No, you're right. You know, I am a
pretty cool dad.

119
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:01,260
You know, last month on our Cub Scout
camping trip, when Dominic asked to put

120
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:03,880
the black -eyed piece, I was the only
dad that didn't reach for the can

121
00:06:07,570 --> 00:06:08,570
Exactly.

122
00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:09,870
See?

123
00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:11,490
Do you feel better?

124
00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:13,190
Yes. Thank you.

125
00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:16,950
You know what? I do not know what I
would do without you, Christine.

126
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:21,130
You know, I think my dad would have been
a better father if he had had a wife

127
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,130
like you.

128
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,010
Well, it's kind of an easy for him, you
know?

129
00:06:26,550 --> 00:06:30,890
Coming home to a drinking, smoking,
cursing, lazy... Hey, that's my mother

130
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:31,890
you're talking about!

131
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,960
Come on, buddy, get your sneakers on.
We're going for a ride.

132
00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:42,100
Nothing. I'd rather read.

133
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:46,000
Did you know that the most expensive
coffee is made from cat poop?

134
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:49,500
What?

135
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,940
The best beans are eaten by wild cats
when someone digs through their poop,

136
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:56,420
the beans out, and sells them for $300 a
pound.

137
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,060
Yeah, add a little foam, you get
yourself a crappuccino.

138
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,600
Come on, let's go do something fun.

139
00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:05,820
Do I have to?

140
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:09,040
Yeah. Come on, buddy. We're going to go
play skee -ball. We're going to win some

141
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,140
prizes. That's our thing.

142
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,560
I just want to read.

143
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,000
All right, fine. You know what? You take
your book with you, all right?

144
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,400
Okay. All right.

145
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:23,320
Did you know that there was a guy who
made 534 parachute jumps in 24 hours?

146
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,340
He must be the world's bravest man.

147
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,640
No, Dominic. The world's bravest man is
the first guy to try that coffee.

148
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:40,960
Gonna do another sack of tickets over
here. I tell you, I keep winning at this

149
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,760
pace, you guys are gonna have to comp me
a suite overlooking the batting cages.

150
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,700
Is Dominic even been watching?

151
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,080
No.

152
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,820
Man, skee -ball was our thing.

153
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:56,600
Sorry. But on the bright side, for
Mother's Day, maybe I'll get jewelry

154
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,600
not made out of sweet tarts.

155
00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:00,180
Hey, Dominic.

156
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:01,960
Check it out.

157
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,740
You can get anything you want,
everything you want.

158
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,900
Legos, giant slinky, you name it, buddy.

159
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,700
There's nothing I really want.

160
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:27,960
It's all for little kids.

161
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,020
Yeah, but what about that remote
-controlled fart machine?

162
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:32,400
No thanks.

163
00:08:32,419 --> 00:08:33,419
Logan might like it.

164
00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,360
Here, Logan, these are for you.

165
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,760
Don't even count these tickets.

166
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,360
Just give me the fart machine.

167
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,400
Yeah.

168
00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:50,580
For how long?

169
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,360
Don't start that.

170
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,060
Look, Dominic will come around.

171
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,420
I don't know, Christine. Career Day was
one thing, but this is skee -ball.

172
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:00,040
Skee -ball?

173
00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:02,300
Well, skee -ball is your thing.

174
00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:06,380
Now he has a thing of his own. How about
you show some interest in that?

175
00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:11,180
No, you're right.

176
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,080
I gotta get into that Guinness book.

177
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,740
Exactly. You know what? We'll pick you
up a copy on the way home.

178
00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:17,380
No.

179
00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:20,390
I'm going to get my name in that
Guinness book. I'm going to set a

180
00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:22,910
Come on, really?

181
00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:26,630
Yeah. This is my relationship with my
son you're talking about. I don't care

182
00:09:26,630 --> 00:09:28,730
what it takes. I'm going to get my name
in that Guinness book.

183
00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:30,550
Wow.

184
00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:33,450
I haven't seen you this determined since
you first started getting in my pants.

185
00:09:34,430 --> 00:09:37,570
Well, I only wish it was going to be
that easy.

186
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:47,440
All right, now listen, I'm... Obviously
not going to break the record for most

187
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:52,240
NBA championship titles with the longest
walk ever taken on the moon. So I think

188
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,220
we should just stick to the human
achievement section.

189
00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:56,740
Here's one that should be easy for you.

190
00:09:57,140 --> 00:09:58,140
Largest eruption.

191
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:02,200
Oh, wait, that's volcanoes.

192
00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:08,600
Hey, hey, how about this one? Most
gender reassignment surgeries, 64.

193
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,880
This guy had 64 surgeries to turn
himself into a woman.

194
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:14,880
Is there a picture?

195
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:16,310
Page 62.

196
00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:21,070
Huh. Looks just like the girl's gym
teacher at my high school.

197
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:24,490
Mine, too.

198
00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:28,550
How do you prove this stuff, anyway?

199
00:10:28,770 --> 00:10:32,990
It says right here, you send in an
application, you wait for them to

200
00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:34,690
you, and then videotape your attempt.

201
00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:37,950
You also need two witnesses who are not
relatives.

202
00:10:38,290 --> 00:10:39,290
Yeah, I can get Roy and Billy.

203
00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:41,370
Who are upstanding members of your
community.

204
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:42,790
Or somebody else.

205
00:10:43,959 --> 00:10:45,140
Okay, how about this one?

206
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,960
Largest kidney stone, 12 .5 ounces.

207
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,040
Nope. How about jumping rope?

208
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:52,540
234 in a minute. Nope.

209
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,080
How about most bras unhooked in a
minute?

210
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,820
How many? 20. Nope.

211
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:04,280
Hey, remember this guy, the world's
tallest man?

212
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:05,660
Oh, man.

213
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,060
This guy had it easy. He didn't have to
do anything. He just got in.

214
00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:10,640
Now, why couldn't that have been me?

215
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:19,700
Hey, remember these guys? Chang and Ng
Bunker, the world's first Siamese twins.

216
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,460
Why couldn't I be the world's first
something?

217
00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:25,740
You really want to be one of the world's
first Siamese twins?

218
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,480
Maybe.

219
00:11:33,140 --> 00:11:34,140
Maybe not.

220
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,600
Maybe you could grow the world's longest
fingernail.

221
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,920
faster way to get into the book. You can
just make up your own record and submit

222
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:48,920
it for approval.

223
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,080
Let me see that.

224
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:52,700
This is perfect.

225
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:57,080
All I gotta do is figure out something
I'm already great at and do all the time

226
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,560
and then just get it approved and I'm
in.

227
00:11:58,780 --> 00:11:59,619
Hey, hey, hey.

228
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:06,020
How about the longest time spent on
unemployment in two states

229
00:12:06,020 --> 00:12:09,180
at the same time?

230
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,960
I'm serious. What's something I do more
than anybody else? You guys gotta help

231
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:14,960
me.

232
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,560
Concentrate, concentrate.

233
00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:25,520
What do I do?

234
00:12:26,020 --> 00:12:29,360
What do I do more than anybody else?

235
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:36,560
What?

236
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,280
Stupid. What?

237
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:40,760
Your hat.

238
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,420
Oh, thanks. It's a new one. I just
picked it up. No, you wear a hat more

239
00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:46,480
anyone else in the world. You have to
have the record.

240
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,580
Oh, my God, you're right. The most hours
spent wearing a hat.

241
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,380
I wear my hat everywhere.

242
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,000
Except this one time where they made me
take it off at this bar mitzvah.

243
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,100
But then they just gave me this other
little round ones.

244
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:23,330
from Guinness World Records. I've been
waiting for that. Let me see that.

245
00:13:23,950 --> 00:13:26,870
Why have they sent you a letter? You
don't have any special talent.

246
00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:29,010
We'll see about that.

247
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:31,570
Go ahead and read it.

248
00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:39,150
Dear Mr. Hughes, we receive over 6 ,000
inquiries a year and regret that we

249
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:41,950
cannot certify a record that is so
specific to one individual.

250
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:43,430
Thank you for your interest.

251
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:44,910
Let me see that.

252
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:49,330
Specific to one individual? Everybody
wears hats.

253
00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:51,060
It's okay, Dad.

254
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,120
Thanks for trying.

255
00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:54,280
Don't worry, Dominic. I'm going to get
in that book.

256
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:58,280
Damn it.

257
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,100
Why couldn't I have been born with a
book and a tail?

258
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:10,600
Okay, Kim, just make sure the shot is
wide enough to get all the action.

259
00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:11,820
Got it.

260
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,680
Okay, guys, are you ready to be a part
of history?

261
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:24,210
You know, if you can't do this, Dominic
is going to be disappointed, but Billy's

262
00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:25,210
going to be devastated.

263
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,190
Jimmy, I got your witnesses.

264
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:32,510
Oh, thank you so much for coming. I know
how busy you guys can be on the

265
00:14:32,510 --> 00:14:36,190
weekend. And Mr. Savitki, thank you so
much. I'm really honored you would do

266
00:14:36,190 --> 00:14:39,670
this for me. My pleasure, Jimmy.
Besides, any time I spend with the

267
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:42,270
counts as community service towards my
DUIs.

268
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,530
Okay, let's get started. Hi.

269
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,720
My name is Jimmy Hughes, and I'm
attempting to break the coin -spinning

270
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:53,640
of 19 .37 seconds in three attempts or
less.

271
00:14:56,860 --> 00:14:57,900
Does that one count?

272
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,660
Well, these guys are tough.

273
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,300
Sorry,

274
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:15,280
Dad. Not a record.

275
00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:18,670
I don't know what Smith is. Jimmy does
better under pressure.

276
00:15:18,990 --> 00:15:21,830
I got 20 bucks says he breaks the record
on the next try.

277
00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:23,270
I'll take that action.

278
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:48,629
was exciting.

279
00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:51,910
Now, Rabbi, if I could just get your
signature right here.

280
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,750
How many more clothespins?

281
00:15:59,010 --> 00:16:00,370
Only 119.

282
00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:45,500
guys say the three of us walk into a bar
i've always wanted to do that

283
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:53,440
ow

284
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:59,640
ow i should have done the grapes first
you know stretched out my cheeks before

285
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:05,839
did the clothes pins so what are you
gonna try next giving up i gotta get in

286
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:08,920
that record book unless there's a record
for most failed attempts at getting in

287
00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,349
Well, there might be. They don't. I
already checked.

288
00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:14,770
Okay, then.

289
00:17:15,609 --> 00:17:16,609
What?

290
00:17:17,109 --> 00:17:20,410
I just thought this was important to
you, that's all. It is, but you saw it,

291
00:17:20,470 --> 00:17:22,950
Christine. I didn't even come close to
setting a record.

292
00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:27,050
Well, that's because, like always, you
took the lazy way out.

293
00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:28,249
I did not.

294
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:29,910
Jimmy, you tried to get in for wearing a
hat.

295
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:35,090
And then you picked the three easiest
records you could find, and as soon as

296
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:36,210
don't break those, you quit.

297
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:39,610
Well, I'm sorry, but not everyone's
lucky enough to have had a bullet in

298
00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:40,750
head for 61 years.

299
00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:45,270
Or blessed with a nine -inch appendix.

300
00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:52,070
No, but do you think the guy that
squirted milk out of his eyeball shot at

301
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:53,110
feet the first time?

302
00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:55,670
Probably not.

303
00:17:56,050 --> 00:18:01,550
And the first time he tried it and just
a little bit of milk leaked out of the

304
00:18:01,550 --> 00:18:05,650
bottom of his eyeball and trickled down
his nose, did he give up?

305
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:07,279
I guess not.

306
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:11,580
And what about the guy that ate 18
bicycles? You don't think he wanted to

307
00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:13,040
the first time he passed a gear shift?

308
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,400
He probably did.

309
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,620
I'm just saying that if it's so
important for you to impress Dominic,

310
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:25,600
you've got to step up and you've got to
put in the work. Oh, you're right.

311
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:27,920
You're absolutely right, Christine. I've
got to put in the work.

312
00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:31,280
How many bras did that guy unhook again?

313
00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:34,460
Pick something you're better at. Oh,
please.

314
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,540
I used to be pretty quick at that.

315
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,900
Jimmy, the first time you tried to
unhook my bra, it took you ten minutes.

316
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,720
Yeah, ten minutes from when we started
dating.

317
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:53,460
All right, Dominic, you ready?

318
00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:54,820
Yeah. Okay.

319
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,280
So, uh, what record are you going for
now?

320
00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:01,920
Farthest marshmallow nose blow caught in
someone else's mouth.

321
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,220
That was a little stupider than you had
idea.

322
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,120
Guinness is never going to go for that.
I already went for it. It's an existing

323
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:12,240
record. All I got to do is fire a
marshmallow from a single nostril 16

324
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,620
inches into somebody else's mouth.

325
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:15,220
Greg, I'm going to need your help.

326
00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:20,360
Jimmy, I have fed you, I have housed
you, and I have clothed you.

327
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:24,160
And there's no way in hell I'm going to
let you shoot a marshmallow out of your

328
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,940
nose into my mouth hole.

329
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,640
Actually, Billy's going to do that.
We've been practicing for days.

330
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:34,910
Yeah. I love Jimmy, I love Dominic, and
I love marshmallows.

331
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:39,210
All right, all I need you to do is hold
one end of the tape measure.

332
00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:40,450
All right.

333
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:46,890
16 feet, 4 inches.

334
00:19:47,250 --> 00:19:48,250
Okay.

335
00:19:48,810 --> 00:19:49,810
Kim, are you ready?

336
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:51,770
And action!

337
00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:56,390
Hi, my name is Jimmy Hughes, and I'm
attempting to break the record for

338
00:19:56,390 --> 00:19:57,830
marshmallow nose blow.

339
00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:00,350
Rabbi, load me up.

340
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,300
Okay, pay attention, Dominic.

341
00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:09,900
Your dad is about to make history.

342
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,080
18 feet, 4 inches. A new world record.

343
00:20:53,860 --> 00:20:56,620
I'm telling you, Billy, we're going to
be rich. We just got to figure out a way

344
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,740
to get the cats to eat these coffee
beans.

345
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,140
What happens after they eat the beans?

346
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,700
That's where you come in.