0 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,200 English (HI) Subtitles. Workaholics S04E05 (720p) Three and a Half Men - BrRip [KoTuWa] 1 00:00:01,243 --> 00:00:03,836 - ♪ Motherfucking wizards never die ♪ 2 00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:05,588 - Cool. - Yeah, we look cool. 3 00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:06,798 - Yeah, it looks very magical. - What are you doing? 4 00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:07,965 - Uh... - Uh... 5 00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:09,258 - It's work. - Nothing. 6 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,802 - Why would we even be doing anything? 7 00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,428 - I thought you were watching porn or whatever. 8 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,138 - Wow. - Ew. What? 9 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,723 Like naked stuff? Like butts? 10 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,308 - Oh, you thought we were gonna watch, 11 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,602 like, a dude gaping out a woman with his penis. 12 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,062 You're disgusting. 13 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,980 - Ew. - Alice is a freak. 14 00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:24,691 - [laughs] - It's not porno, okay? 15 00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:26,984 It's a video that we made for our rap group 16 00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:28,403 called "The Wizards." - Sounds lame. 17 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,780 But you guys do know how to edit, huh? 18 00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,573 - Yeah. We're not old people, so... 19 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:33,908 - All right. Here's the deal. 20 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,535 TAC needs a new orientation video, 21 00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:37,328 and this company is, like, raping me on the price, 22 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,330 but if you guys could do it for less... 23 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,623 - We'll do it for three stacks. 24 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:41,749 - What is that? 25 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:42,875 [laughter] 26 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:44,711 - You don't even know stacks? 27 00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:47,088 Oh, my... There's a generational gap here. 28 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,923 Blake, tell her what stacks are. 29 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,676 - Well, I used to subscribe to The Source, so, um, 30 00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,469 Dr. Dre once said, 31 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,596 "Stack is a, like, $50... $500." 32 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,515 So stacks... - So three stacks would be... 33 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,600 - Yeah. - You know... 34 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,144 - I'll give you 300 bucks or zilch. 35 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,645 - That's cool. - Okay, great. 36 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,272 I'll email you the script. - Great. Cool. 37 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,232 - Dude... - An email. Nice! 38 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:07,692 - This is gonna be fun. - Hey, stack of cash. 39 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,026 Great. All right! - Stack. 40 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,862 - Let's watch that other video. - Yeah. 41 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,488 - The other video. - Here we go. 42 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,073 - Ooh, man. 43 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,450 It's like she's playing jazz music 44 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,160 with that gentleman's penis. - Yeah. 45 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:18,619 ♪ Jazz ja-ja-jazz ja-ja-jazz ♪ 46 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:19,871 - Why do they call that dude The Scatman? 47 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:20,997 [plopping] 48 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,123 Ew! all: Oh! 49 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:25,042 [beatboxing] 50 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:26,169 ♪ ♪ 51 00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,838 - ♪ I'm fresh ♪ 52 00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:30,590 - ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, gotta ♪ 53 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,009 - ♪ Gotta be fresh ♪ 54 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,345 - This is incredible. Lookit... 55 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:39,515 The script says the word "synergy," like, 11 times. 56 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:42,143 - Synergy. What is that, like, 57 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,145 the devil's energy drink? 58 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,980 - Aw. - [laughs] Yeah! 59 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,732 That was good, right? 60 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:48,941 - I didn't like it. 61 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,068 - Also, Ders, could you 62 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:53,696 back the fuck up with those cam glasses? 63 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,948 - First of all, they're called "SpyFocals." 64 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,200 Second of all, 65 00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:58,659 these bad boys are going 66 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,037 to change the way people see movies. 67 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:05,124 Finally, the audience will be able to see what man sees! 68 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,542 How man sees, you know? 69 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:07,668 - All right, all right. - Cool. 70 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,587 - Easy, Jim Cameron. - Yeah. 71 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,965 - I'm pretty sure they already used that POV style in porno. 72 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,926 Street blow jobs. You've seen it. We've seen it. 73 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,552 We've watched it together. - I love it. 74 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,805 - Hey! You guys said you needed lighting for your movie, 75 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,349 so I brought a lava, strobe, black light. 76 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,683 - Oh. - Hell, yeah. 77 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:23,851 - None of those sound very helpful. 78 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,229 - SpyFocals? - Yeah. 79 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,355 - Oh, my God, you guys are shooting 80 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,481 pov pornog, huh? - No... 81 00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:29,899 - That's what we were just saying. 82 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,192 - No, no. Don't tell me. I love surprises. 83 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,277 - Okay. - I shouldn't have to say this. 84 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,404 We're not filming a porno. 85 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,240 - Well, we might have to, because I don't want 86 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,991 to shoot Alice's dumb, stupid script. 87 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,910 - It's really dumb. It's really stupid. 88 00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:42,912 I think we should do our own original idea, man. 89 00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:45,456 - Okay, yes. No. We're gonna do our movie. 90 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,834 Not Alice's. Not a porno. - Okay, well... 91 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,001 - But we're gonna take it to TAC. 92 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,128 People will be like, "Oh, my God. 93 00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:52,547 You guys made that?" And we'll be like, 94 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,715 "Yeah, stupid." Next step, Sundance! 95 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:55,883 - Whoa! - Ooh. 96 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,427 - Where chicks ski down mountains with their boobs out. 97 00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,054 True story. - That's a real thing 98 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,597 that happens. - At Sundance. 99 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,058 - I heard Sandra Bullock got carpal tunnel syndrome 100 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,018 from ski-poling the Coen brothers. 101 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,478 - Yeah. - Yeah. That's... You know, 102 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,855 you know that action. Like... 103 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,773 - Sundance. - Yeah. Cool three-way. 104 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,149 - That's at Sundance. That's cool that it's, like, 105 00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:13,276 a film festival. - Yeah. 106 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:14,944 - I always thought it was, like, 107 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,779 a dance that you took your mom to, 108 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,239 and I did that. I've already been there. 109 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,657 I've done that. Junior prom. 110 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,159 My mom gets low, dude. 111 00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:23,578 - She's got a body on her. 112 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,122 - My mom's body fucking rules. - Yeah. 113 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,540 - So it's two best friends, 114 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,083 and one has been wrongly imprisoned. 115 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,501 - Ooh. - But the movie is really 116 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,253 about the wife banging all the friends... 117 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,046 And that is another porno! Dang it! 118 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,882 - Look, we just gotta think of something that stands out... 119 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:37,425 A story about people. 120 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,594 - Like, what about, like, a documentary? 121 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,095 - Like Super Size Me. 122 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,889 - You saw Super Size Me? - Oh, no. Mm-mm. 123 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:46,142 But when that movie came out, they canceled supersizing, 124 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:50,187 so I started getting a number one and chicken selects. 125 00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:52,356 But when they went back to supersizing, so did I. 126 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,318 And now my body was addicted to the selects, 127 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:59,030 therefore transforming my tight, slender, taut bod 128 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:02,658 into this monstrosity! 129 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:03,993 Just want to rip you off! 130 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,453 Want to rip you off! 131 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,163 You stupid fat! 132 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,915 - Stop, man! You're gonna bruise it again. 133 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,082 You know that. 134 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,375 Stop. - I hate myself. 135 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,169 I hate myself and my body, but... 136 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:16,172 I think that this can reverse the effects, right? 137 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:19,342 Okay? And it can be about health foods that dudes like to eat, 138 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,676 such as hot dogs. 139 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,136 - We could call it a "dog-umentary." 140 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,763 [laughs] - Exactly. 141 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,097 They have all the carrots inside of them 142 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,474 that the cows ate, 143 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,892 making them super, ultra nutritious, right? 144 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,936 - They're made from cow buttholes. 145 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,521 - I will eat 1,000 hot dogs in one week, 146 00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,690 finally answering the question, 147 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,610 "Are hot dogs as healthy as they say, 148 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,570 or are they just okay for you?" 149 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,155 - Nope. - No. Sounds stupid. 150 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,698 Dumb. An hour of that? 151 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,117 - Oh, Blake. That sounds stupid? 152 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:48,704 How about we do a documentary about your tiny-ass dick? 153 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,206 - Oh! - Hey, man. Come on, dude. 154 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:51,749 Don't take it personal. 155 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,417 - It is wildly small, though. - Stop, man. 156 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,252 - That's not a bad idea. No, it's crazy small. 157 00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:58,214 How have you gone your entire life with such a small penis? 158 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,132 That's a story. - Yeah. That's a good question. 159 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,926 - Like, you're a survivor. - No, no, no, okay? No. 160 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,719 - Boom! Size Does Matter. - Size Does Matter. 161 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,388 - Karl wants to cut his dick off. 162 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:06,514 - Huh? - Hmm? 163 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,640 - What? - Yep. 164 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,183 We got really drunk last week, 165 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,726 and he told me that. 166 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,229 I'm sorry, Karl. - Uh, Karl. 167 00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:16,649 Your boy's saying that you want to cut off your penis. 168 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,568 - I mean, for 25 years, I've been a slave to my peen. 169 00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,946 It rules over my brain and makes me do dumb stuff. 170 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,073 All I can think about every day 171 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,200 is what time's my next cum, 172 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,910 and to tell you the truth, I'm sick of it. 173 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,329 I'm sick of living cum to cum, so, yeah, guys. 174 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,331 I mean, I want it gone! 175 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:35,459 I want my cock gone! 176 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,423 - You're 25? - You look 45. 177 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:41,632 - Yeah. You look horrible. 178 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,050 - Really? - So if you really 179 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,219 wanna go through with this surgery, Karl, 180 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,638 this could be an amazing documentary, 181 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,932 and if I can, I would love to help in any way. 182 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,851 - Really? - I feel we should really go 183 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,437 for the 1,000 hot dog idea that I have, 184 00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:57,481 'cause it's smart, uh, it's real, it's educational. 185 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,650 - I mean, if it'll help you that much, I'll do it. 186 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,027 This is exactly the spark I needed. 187 00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:02,486 I'm gonna cut my dick off. 188 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,780 - No. You can't just cut your dick off. 189 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,574 It's not just a... a wart. 190 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,409 - Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! 191 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,578 Why not, man? I mean, it's Karl's dick. 192 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,538 You don't get to choose what he does with it. 193 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:13,706 - Thank you, Blake. - It's his dick. 194 00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:15,207 - Okay. When you're born a bro, 195 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,542 you're a bro for life. I'm bro-life, 196 00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,294 and I'm sick of you bro-choice guys. 197 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,546 - Okay, just sh... We'll make both movies, okay? 198 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,006 How about that? - Well, in that case, 199 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,133 yeah, boy! - Yeah. 200 00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,469 Hey, Karl. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 201 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,137 Hey, man. 202 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,222 I am so sorry about, you know, 203 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,933 telling those guys that you wanted to chop off your hog. 204 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,019 Kind of threw you under the bus there. 205 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,521 Threw your dick under the bus. - Dude, it's all good. 206 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:38,647 We're gonna make a movie. 207 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,816 - What are you gonna do with it 208 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,402 after you, you know, slice it off? 209 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,779 - I don't know, man. 210 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,197 I mean, I guess I'll just barbecue it up 211 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:48,532 and feed it to my dogs. 212 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,910 - Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 213 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,954 Yeah, but, uh, what if, um... 214 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,456 [laughs] 215 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,958 You know, let me know if this is too weird. 216 00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,877 You know, "Hey, Blake, go back to daydream world 217 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,629 with that idea," uh... 218 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,214 - [laughs] Blake... 219 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,132 you can have my dick. 220 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,009 - You're serious? 221 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,886 - I'm so serious. 222 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,013 [both laughing] 223 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,515 - I'm gonna get a new dick! - Yeah. 224 00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,725 Gonna get a new dick. - I want that one! 225 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,185 I want it! - [laughing] It's yours. 226 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,020 - I want it now! I wish I could have it now... 227 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,106 - Oh, no, no, no. Keep going. 228 00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,690 - Uh... - I'm telling you. 229 00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:23,484 A dick swap between friends is the new subject 230 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:27,613 of this documentary, and we're gonna win a moon man. 231 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,615 - Are you recording? - Oh, yeah. 232 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:37,206 [beatboxing] 233 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,707 - So let me just get this straight, though. 234 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,876 We're gonna chop off Karl's knob, 235 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:43,003 and we're gonna attach it to Blake's mound. 236 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,839 - Yup. - Friend of the year over here. 237 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,382 - Seems insane, right? 238 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,342 - I'm in. It sounds fun. 239 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,177 - Hey, Doc. Why don't we, um, 240 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,887 just get a little background on who you are? 241 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,598 And just talk to my face. - Okay. 242 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:56,225 I'm widely considered by me 243 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,102 to be the only sex-change expert 244 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,770 in all of Rancho Cucamonga. - Yup. 245 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,940 - I've got some pretty high-profile clientele, 246 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,441 including, but not limited to, 247 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,277 the stuntwomen from Rizzoli and Isles. 248 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,820 - Oh! - Wow. 249 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,363 - Let me check my schedule here. 250 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,198 Okay. You know what? You guys lucked out. 251 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,159 Looks like I got a... an opening next Friday. 252 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,285 - Well, Friday after work... 253 00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,661 That works for me. - Yeah. 254 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,746 - Friday? That's hecka soon. - Okay, Doc. 255 00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:20,958 I'm about to be wildly famous 256 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,586 for eating 1,000 hot dogs in one week. 257 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,880 - That sounds highly dangerous. - Highly dangerous. 258 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,257 Everybody keeps talking about how highly dangerous it is! 259 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:29,633 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Adam! 260 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,093 - What is it? - I'm out of here, man. 261 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,970 I'm out of here, man! 262 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,722 - I'm sorry about... 263 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,224 - Hey, guys, just kidding. It's ketchup. 264 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,559 I put ketchup in here. [laughs] 265 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,060 - Oh-ho-ho-ho! Yeah. 266 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,271 Wow. You can't buy that kind of adrenaline. 267 00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,481 That guy really gave me a gift right there. 268 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,443 - Oh! - Oh, dang it. 269 00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:48,819 - I'm so sorry. 270 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:51,197 [laughs] - Hey. 271 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:52,448 - Hey. 272 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,825 Um, you dropped this. 273 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,452 Did you... 274 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,788 [both laugh] 275 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,419 Oh! Wow. 276 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,795 You've really got something there. 277 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:10,424 - You really got something there with... 278 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,134 that body, girl. 279 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,304 [both laughing] 280 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:16,639 - What? - I don't know. 281 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,349 Does Friday seem a little bit too soon? 282 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,517 Maybe we should get some other, like, opinions or whatnot. 283 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:21,936 That dude seemed a... just a little bit shady. 284 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,437 - Karl, are you kidding me? 285 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,648 The guy is a pro, plus the camera loves him. 286 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:26,941 - For real? - No, he seemed drunk to me. 287 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,275 - All right. 288 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,152 - You see that hot assistant chick? 289 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,029 She was totally into my raw dogging. 290 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,739 - She was hot. - Not condom-less sex. 291 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:36,408 I mean, like, me physically eating raw hot dogs. 292 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,369 - Right. - All that hot dog mud. 293 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:41,038 Need to reload... My God! 294 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,665 It's a Christmas miracle! 295 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,667 It's all working out, Ders! 296 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,835 Ooh, this doc is all working out. 297 00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:48,170 Roll the glasses, baby. 298 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,172 - Adam. Shut up on set. 299 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,632 Karl! 300 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,425 Get back here, man. We got you a new scene. 301 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,219 - What do you mean, "Shut up on set"? 302 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,679 - We got another scene. Come on! 303 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,138 - There's a hot dog stand right here. 304 00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,473 This is like a... It's a... It's a miracle. 305 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,891 What are we do... Okay. Yeah. 306 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,060 Follow the dick-less loser. All right. Sure. 307 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,186 - I'm gonna go low. 308 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,396 You guys just walk in. - Okay. 309 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,022 - What is this place? - Whoo! 310 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,108 It is a dog-eat-dog world, baby. 311 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,693 How much for all your dogs? 312 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,611 Half stack, quarter stack? 313 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,364 What we talking stack-wise? - What the hell's a stack? 314 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,825 - What is a stack? It's like, um... Blake? 315 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,786 - You're joining us now at the Na San Thai Massage Parlor, 316 00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:23,622 where our friend Karl is going to get... 317 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:27,084 Come on. Going to get his final hand job. 318 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,210 Let's see how he's doing. 319 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:31,505 Psst. Hey, buddy. 320 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,631 Hey. How are you? 321 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,133 - Good. She's gonna jack me off. 322 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,302 - That's awesome. - Yes. It's extra to watch. 323 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,304 - No, we're good. - Yes. You pay extra. 324 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,055 - That's just... That's bizarre. - There's my guy. 325 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:43,475 - Mmm, slurping it down, my baby. 326 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,935 Line me up. Four more doggies. 327 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,312 Naked, no bun. Let's do this. 328 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:47,521 - You just ate four. 329 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,023 - I've eaten 97. 330 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,607 You're gonna see me enter the century club. 331 00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,234 - That's not healthy for you, kid. 332 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,902 - Okay, you know... That's... 333 00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:55,946 You're a hot dog vendor, man. 334 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,740 You should be, like, on my side. 335 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,241 Hot dogs are healthy, okay? 336 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,618 Just 'cause, like, cows, they eat carrots, 337 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,162 and I eat hot dogs, therefore I'm gonna have 338 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,539 the type of eyes that eagles have! 339 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,416 And you're out of ketchup. Jeez, man! 340 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:08,917 Learn how to run a business. 341 00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,502 Luckily, I brought my own. 342 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,504 - Take what you want. Take whatever you want! 343 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,048 - I mean, it's like nobody respects 344 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,133 the healing power of hot dogs! 345 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:18,761 - Wh... What... What specifically are you going to do 346 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,262 with your juicy new dong? 347 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,597 - Definitely wash it every day 348 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:25,976 with Caress Daily Silky body wash... 349 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,353 - [mouthing words] - And, uh... 350 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,271 yeah, and a loofah probably. - Mm-hmm. 351 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,939 - Which has always been a dream of mine, but, you know, 352 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,900 it just would get kind of lost in the bubbles. 353 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,818 - [moaning] - Oh, it sounds like 354 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:38,238 our good friend Karl is about to bust his last final nut. 355 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,032 - That was quick. - Why don't we join him... 356 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:42,159 - Hey, um, I'm sorry. I don't mean to eavesdrop, 357 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,203 but I could have swore I heard you say something 358 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:47,790 about washing my penis with something called a loofah? 359 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:51,502 - Yes, and Caress Daily Silky body wash. 360 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:52,836 - Nice, nice. - Silky, yes. 361 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,713 - Oh... Oh, okay. Now, see, Blake, 362 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,257 that's where we're thinking a little different. 363 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,051 You know, you can't wash my penis. 364 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,761 It's never been washed. 365 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,597 It doesn't respond well to soap and water, all right? 366 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,599 It's very well seasoned, like a cast-iron pan. 367 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,435 If anything, you just put a moist towel on it 368 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,229 and then hit it with a lot of sand. 369 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,189 - Oh, no. I'm... I'd never do that. 370 00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,608 I'm not washing m-my dick with sand. 371 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,236 - No! You're gonna wash my dick with some sand. 372 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,613 - Right, but we're talking about the future now 373 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,616 when it's on my body, so it's my dick. 374 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,868 - Oh, I'm sorry. It's still on my body, Blake. 375 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,871 - Is everything okay? - Jodi, back off! 376 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,706 All right? He's gonna ruin my dick! 377 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,333 He's gonna wash it without sand! - It's not his dick. 378 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,961 It's my dick! Jodi, what'd you do back there? 379 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,004 Pull his brains out of his ass? 380 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,423 - Oh, no. It's extra! 381 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,633 - Jodi, stay out of it! 382 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,219 [RandB music] 383 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:45,013 ♪ ♪ 384 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:48,517 - ♪ I've ♪ 385 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,727 ♪ Been lookin' for ♪ 386 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:55,399 ♪ A lover, baby ♪ 387 00:12:55,525 --> 00:13:07,161 ♪ Just like you ♪ 388 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:11,707 ♪ Now I ♪ 389 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,375 - Ders, you got to film this! 390 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:14,918 Hang on one second. Ders! 391 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,420 - Oh, really? Well, why don't you tell me 392 00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,797 how you're gonna self-sex yourself then? 393 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:19,923 - I'm probably gonna cut a little hole 394 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,175 in a seedless watermelon, 395 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,010 microwave it for 30 seconds, 396 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,262 and fuck the shit out of it! 397 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,055 - You don't bang fruit! 398 00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:28,724 That's not gonna... - Ders, Ders, Ders, Ders! 399 00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,684 - Ow. - I need the SpyFocals out here. 400 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,186 Oh, my God, I'm out there 401 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,687 just gobbling dogs like a champ, right, 402 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,063 and then that hot assistant... 403 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,440 - Adam, stop! 404 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:37,858 I'm not filming you anymore, okay? 405 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,693 This is the movie. Your movie sucks. 406 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,028 This movie's rad. I'm filming them. 407 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,529 I got some tension building, 408 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,490 so just sit down or something. [siren wails] 409 00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,408 - Uh-oh. Not a real gun. Do you have an exit in the back? 410 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:49,369 [beatboxing] 411 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,667 - Hey, guys. I'm sorry about that back there. 412 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,586 I've been thinking about it a lot, 413 00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:00,339 and I would like to be part of this half of the film as well. 414 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,382 I did some research online, 415 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,551 and I kind of want to show you 416 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,763 how the surgery's gonna go through a visual demonstration 417 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,516 that I'm gonna show the both of you for the documentary. 418 00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:11,725 - Cool. - All right. Okay. 419 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,685 Adam's on board. - All right! 420 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,811 - This is great, man. 421 00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,813 - I'm part of the team now. 422 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,023 - I'm gonna roll on this. 423 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,149 - Okay. - Okay. 424 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,818 - This is you right here, and I gave you a big ol' penis. 425 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,654 - [laughs] - I gave you a big one, 426 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,614 and here's what you're gonna want to hope happens. 427 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,699 One quick snip, 428 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,368 and your penis is off, 429 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,161 and then... and then you put it on Blake, 430 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,871 but that's not usually what happens. 431 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,374 What's going to happen, more than likely, 432 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,709 'cause I've done my research... The doctor's drunk, right? 433 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,169 He comes in. He's just like, 434 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,587 "Let me get a little..." 435 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,422 Oh, gosh. Oh! And he's slipping, 436 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,550 and the anesthesia hasn't kicked in fully. 437 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,218 - Oh, my... - So you're feeling it all, 438 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:47,844 and he's like, "Oh, no! What's happening?" 439 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,222 And inside your brain's just going, "Oh, God! 440 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,890 "He's cutting my penis! 441 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,059 "Oh! He slit the side of it! Oh, it's all n..." 442 00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:56,019 Now the doctor's freaking out, right? 443 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,813 The doctor's freaking out. "I got to hide the evidence!" 444 00:14:57,939 --> 00:14:59,815 - Oh, no. No. - No, it's not gonna get... 445 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,441 You... He's... Don't listen to him. 446 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,902 - Your dick gonna get chewed. - Hey! 447 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:07,948 Hey! Don't you dare listen to this bro-life propaganda. 448 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,658 - I don't know, that could happen. I did my research. 449 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,368 - It's poppycock is what it is. 450 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,203 - I don't even know. I don't know anymore. 451 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,622 I mean, I-I don't even know if I'm bro-choice, dude. 452 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,708 - You can't back out now, man! All right? 453 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,628 I've already made so many plans with the new penis, all right? 454 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,338 I've already got an appointment over at Sears. 455 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,549 I'm gonna take some very, very tasteful nudes, 456 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:26,925 and I don't want to jinx it, 457 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,635 but they might be our Christmas card. 458 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,095 You got a choice to make. 459 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,431 You either keep your dick, or you keep your friend. 460 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,224 - You pick your dick. - I don't know. 461 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,726 How am I supposed to decide that? 462 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,060 - Think about it! - You make... 463 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,186 What? - Keep your dick. 464 00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:39,563 - Karl, here's $100 465 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,189 from our budget, if you do it. 466 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,941 - Oh, hell, yeah. - Thank you. 467 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:46,820 - That's great. $100. 468 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,489 Have you ever seen this amount of money in your life? 469 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,907 - Best of luck in there, pal. 470 00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,659 - Thank you, Ders. Thank you. 471 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,161 - No. Thank you, Karl. 472 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,872 I can't wait to have your dick. 473 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,749 - You're gonna love it. 474 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,500 - First day of the rest of my life. 475 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:01,793 - Okay. So you know that I don't 476 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:04,504 support this in any way, right? - Yeah. 477 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,299 - But I really hope you don't die in there, man. 478 00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,550 - Thank you, Adam. 479 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:11,219 I'd like to get hard for one last time. 480 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,512 - Yeah. - Makes sense. 481 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,723 All right, boys. Let's give him a little space. 482 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,975 - Mom from Home Improvement. 483 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,311 Mother from Home Improvement. 484 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,314 Oh, she's so freakin' hot. 485 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,441 Oh. 486 00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:25,859 - Wow. Holy moly. 487 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,820 - Jill Taylor. She'll chub ya. 488 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,864 - Hidy ho, patients! Karl, you're fully prepped. 489 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,240 Let's get you into surgery. 490 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,826 - Okay. 491 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,745 Dead dick walking! 492 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,498 - You can back out now! - It's gonna be yours. 493 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,251 - I'll be right back. - Okay. 494 00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:47,381 - ♪ I've ♪ [both laughing] 495 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:51,176 ♪ Been lookin' for a lover ♪ 496 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,844 - [shrill laugh] Oh, my God! 497 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,971 I can't believe this is happening. 498 00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,766 This is real life right now. Oh, I'm so glad you're here. 499 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,559 - I go everywhere Dr. Johnson goes. 500 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,728 - Ah, well, how about we go where my Dr. Johnson is? 501 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,730 - [laughs] - In my boxer briefs, 502 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,190 except for I'm not wearing any right now, 503 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,566 'cause I'm out of detergent, 504 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:07,901 so I didn't even do any laundry. 505 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,736 - God, as soon as I met you, 506 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,363 I knew we were gonna be sucking each other's dicks. 507 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,489 - Totally. 508 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,199 Oh, wait. Oh, hold on. 509 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,410 Wait. Sucking each other's... 510 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,954 - I-I'm one of Dr. Johnson's patients 511 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,330 as well as his assistant. 512 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,873 I'm female to male transgender, 513 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,375 so I haven't gotten my boobs removed yet, 514 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:26,378 but downstairs, it's New Dick City. 515 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:27,879 - Yeah! New Dick... New Dick City? 516 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,423 - Yeah. - Yeah. New Jack City. 517 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,882 I love that movie, but I don't know 518 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,843 if I would see New Dick City as a film. 519 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,511 I don't know if that's up my alley 'cause, you know, 520 00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:37,681 I'm not into... I'm not into dudes. 521 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,851 - Oh, the way you were eating those hot dogs, I just... 522 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,602 - There's a homosexual way to eat hot dogs. 523 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,937 Yeah. I didn't know that. 524 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,272 I just thought it was, like... - Wow. 525 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,648 - Just trying to protein-load. 526 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,066 - Yeah, I really thought you were into me. 527 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,360 - I'm into you. Like, as a... as a bro. 528 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,987 We are bros. We are friends. 529 00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,864 - Okay. - Since these are going away, 530 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,074 you mind if I just get a... just a bro... bro squeeze? 531 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,200 - Bro, go for it, bro. 532 00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:58,702 - As a dude. - Mm-hmm. 533 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,036 - As a bro thing. - Totally. 534 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:01,580 - It's a bro thing. Wow! - Yeah. 535 00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,206 - Those are squishier than I remember. 536 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,750 - Yeah. They're squishy. - Yeah. 537 00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,460 It's been a while since I've jiggled one. 538 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,253 - Dude, check this out. 539 00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,755 I'm editing the scene right now 540 00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:11,840 that's going to get us into Sundance. 541 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,468 - Awesome. Awesome. Yeah, yeah. 542 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,553 I mean, I already have my threesome picked out. 543 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,472 Uh, Joseph Gordon-Levitt... - Nice. 544 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,348 - Olivia Munn... 545 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,309 - Awesome. - And Manny Pacquiao. 546 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,853 - Wait, that's three people. What are... Where are you? 547 00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,396 - Oh, I watch. 548 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,064 - My man. All right. 549 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,399 Why don't you watch this? 550 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,401 I'm telling you, it's awesome. 551 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,611 - You're such a great penis, 552 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:34,404 but I promised you to my braj. 553 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,240 And don't you give him no lip now, okay? 554 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,533 Wave to your daddy now. 555 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:42,662 [crying] Point to your daddy now. 556 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,041 Now just go on, now! Get! 557 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,250 Just go on, now, get. 558 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:50,253 [dramatic music] 559 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:54,925 ♪ ♪ 560 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,802 - ♪ I'm cuttin' my dick off ♪ 561 00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:59,513 - Wait! Don't cut this man's dick off. 562 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:00,972 - Well, I was halfway through, 563 00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,808 but I guess I could sew it back on. 564 00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:05,143 - Yeah. Do that. 565 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,895 - Ladies, let's turn this train around. 566 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,355 Give me a set of tweezers. 567 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,023 Let's reattach this man's shaft. 568 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,817 Luckily he had a muscle tissue of a howler monkey. 569 00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:16,780 [beatboxing] 570 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,073 [heart monitor beeping] 571 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,033 - Hey. Huh? 572 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,326 Is it done? 573 00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:22,953 - Well, why don't you go ahead 574 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,539 and touch your crotch-less wasteland? 575 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,457 - No. What have I done? 576 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,917 What did I do? - Hey, buddy. 577 00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,210 It's okay. Just go ahead 578 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,003 and reach down and grab your groin. 579 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,089 - No. I'm not touching it. I'm not touching it! 580 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,299 - Trust us. 581 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,222 - I still have my boy muscle? 582 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,849 - You still have your boy muscle. 583 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,267 - That's fucking sick. 584 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,435 But, Blake, what about your baby penis? 585 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,020 - You know, all you guys, you like me for me, 586 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,022 and I'm sure I'll find a girl out there 587 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:53,191 who likes what I have. 588 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:56,278 You know, she'll probably have a tiny little pussy. 589 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,113 [laughs] 590 00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:00,073 Not a baby. - Ew. Yeah. 591 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,491 That's what I was thinking. - He was. 592 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,742 He was. And then he caught himself. 593 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,035 - No. I wouldn't do that. 594 00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:06,037 - Of course not. That's illegal. 595 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:09,791 - Also, I'd like to make an announcement. 596 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,751 I'm bro-choice. - Get out of here. 597 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,378 What? Why come? 598 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:14,629 - Why come not? Who cares? 599 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,047 Shut up. Get off my back. 600 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:19,217 - Okay. - I'm just bummed now 601 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,803 that we don't get to, like, do our documentary. 602 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:24,598 - Well, I mean, we have to give Alice something. 603 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,141 Might as well film her script. 604 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,767 - And remember. 605 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,686 - When you're here... 606 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,980 all: You're family! 607 00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,523 - You didn't totally blow it. 608 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,066 - Thank you. I think we did a pretty good job, 609 00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:37,652 but there is a part we left in at the end 610 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,404 that I want to just turn it off before we get there. 611 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,072 - No. We're gonna watch the whole thing. 612 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,616 - No, I... - So I finally jerked off 613 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,200 for the first time since the surgery, 614 00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,953 and the ejac just came out of the side stitches. 615 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,663 It looked so cool. 616 00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,498 I've got to show it to you. 617 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:51,625 - What? - What the... 618 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:52,918 - Our bad. 619 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,878 - Nice! 620 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,963 [dog snorts] [party horn blows] 621 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,385 - Where'd my nuts go? 622 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,137 - They're there. - Tim Burton film. 623 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,056 - [gags] - Whoa. 624 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,891 - I don't wanna suck it. 625 00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:09,809 - [laughs] I didn't ask you to suck it. 626 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,895 - Did I say... [laughs]