1
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,560
The end.

2
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:22,320
I fear that this could be the end.

3
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,240
With all the other lands now fallen,
surely ours will be next.

4
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,480
The dark forces shall prevail

5
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,200
and the peace that we have
marshalled these past...

6
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,600
These past centuri will
surely be gone for ever.

7
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,440
HE SNORES

8
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,400
Unless...

9
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,480
-Wise Ones.
-Feet.

10
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,360
SHUFFLING

11
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,600
Wise Ones, I think I've found her.

12
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,520
ALL MURMUR

13
00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,120
CHILDREN ARGUE WOMAN: One. Two. Three.

14
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,960
Four. Five.

15
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,400
Pete, counting to five's stopped working.

16
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:07,800
Yeah, happened at the weekend.

17
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,480
You've got to bribe them with chocolate now.
SHE GROANS

18
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,920
Guys, guys, one picture in uniform
to show you love Mummy, please.

19
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:17,200
Well, I'm going to tell Mummy.
Did you get one?

20
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,520
It's lovely. It reminds me of Christmas.

21
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,760
Right, come on, guys.
We can't be late first day.

22
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,680
Come on. Move! Come on!

23
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,960
Right, I think we've settled which one's the
"Poohead with poo on their head"

24
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,480
but we've lost a shoe, so...

25
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,840
Are you sure you're OK?
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm fine.

26
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,240
-It's only school.
-Exactly.

27
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:40,560
Look,
you know where I am if you need to talk so...

28
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,560
SHE SOBS Oh, no, no, no, no...

29
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,200
BABBLES TEARFULLY

30
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:51,320
I know, I know.
I know, darling, I know. I know.

31
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,560
Yeah, but you're not like Tina are you?

32
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,320
-No.
-No. Come on.

33
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:00,960
FLY BUZZES

34
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,840
Is she a warrior?

35
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,960
She can kill when she needs to.

36
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,000
Arggh!

37
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,400
Any other skills?

38
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,600
Wrestling. Pretty good with a blade.

39
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,720
Ow!

40
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,680
Some basic magic.

41
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,280
It's time to play What's In The Box?

42
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,200
She doesn't sound very impressive.

43
00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,040
Trevor, you're a blob.

44
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,080
Perhaps she has hidden talents.

45
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,480
And five, six, seven, eight.

46
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,400
Maybe. But mostly it seems to be...

47
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,160
Good afternoon and welcome
to What's In The Box?

48
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,720
And shimmy.

49
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,080
What's In The Box?

50
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,520
It's time to play...

51
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,920
Ow!..What's In The Box?

52
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:56,120
Sounds like a very dull sequence...
of events.

53
00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:01,040
That's as well as may be,
but it fits...it all fits.

54
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,280
Then...it is time.

55
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,600
Sounded good, didn't it?

56
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,800
Very good, very good. It's good drama.

57
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:14,080
And welcome to a very special
celebrity edition of...

58
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,840
What's In The Box? ..What's In The Box?

59
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:19,800
Jesus, Debbie, you are going mad.

60
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,240
All right?

61
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,440
Needs a sauce.

62
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,520
THEY BOTH SCREAM

63
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,240
BREATHES RAGGEDLY

64
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,640
It's OK. You're OK.

65
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,840
Everything's OK. That's the spirit.

66
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,240
Arggh! Now, come on, Debbie, it's not real.

67
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,960
You're just having a breakdown.

68
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,080
Ah, that's bad timing,
cos we need your help.

69
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,760
I can't hear you.
Yes, you're answering, so...

70
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,200
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

71
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,360
Come on, Debbie, we're wasting time.

72
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,840
I know you come with me - it's written.

73
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,200
PHONE RINGS

74
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,480
-What's that?
-Shut up.

75
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,560
- Hi.
- This is Debbie and Peter.

76
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,920
Oh, hello again.

77
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,960
We're not here at the moment,
so please leave a message after the beep.

78
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,800
OK. BEEP

79
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,960
Um, right, well, the elders have sent..

80
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,440
- Hiya. It's Ruth.
- Oh, hello, Ruth!

81
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,360
I said "shut up"! Who - me or Ruth?

82
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,960
I'm just checking you're still up for Bums,
Mums and Tums.

83
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,400
-Ha, "bums".
-Oh, and there's a new cushion shop that's opened in Acocks Green.

84
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,960
Ah!

85
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,520
As we prepare to play What's In The Box?

86
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,720
Come on, Debbie, this is silly.
We need your help.

87
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,920
Question is -
are you brave enough...to open the box?

88
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,400
Please. We really need you.

89
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,520
Step into the light!

90
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,320
Sorry?

91
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,200
"Step into the light" -
I was trying to make it a bit more...

92
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:18,000
Could you step into the light, please?
You won't need the gloves.

93
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,960
Oh. Can I just check - I have gone mad,
haven't I?

94
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,680
I'm just here about the portal,
but maybe you're bonkers too.

95
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,200
I don't know - I'm not a doctor.

96
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,040
-What is that?
-Come on. Wait, I need to... Wait!

97
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:39,080
Oh, it's beautiful here, Mr Havelock.

98
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:44,080
It seemed only fitting.
You see, Miss Fanshawe... Rachel.

99
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,640
-Oh!
-The thing is, I was rather wondering...

100
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,800
Yes? ..if you would do me the honour...

101
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,440
Yes?..of...

102
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,720
Yeah?..of... Yeh?

103
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,320
THEY BOTH SCREAM

104
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,800
Oh. Ohhh.

105
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,680
Arggh!

106
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,800
What happened? Where am I?

107
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,920
-Well, you know the New Forest?
-Yeah.

108
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,880
It's like that, but in another world.

109
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,280
What? Right - you know the New Forest?

110
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,760
Where's my kitchen?
Am I asleep? Is this a dream?

111
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,040
Did I take Night Nurse?

112
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,240
Oh, well done. You've freaked her out.

113
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,040
SHE SCREAMS I freaked her out?

114
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,600
I told you not to speak.

115
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,520
What the hell is that?

116
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,800
I'm a magic stick. Get over it.

117
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,640
What do you mean, "a magic..."
Cheese on toast!

118
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,240
I had cheese on toast. This
is a cheese dream, right?

119
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,040
Look, you're bound to have questions,

120
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,200
but best to save them for the elders.

121
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,880
-What elders?
-That's a question.

122
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,200
There.

123
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,200
10 days journey across the
most treacherous terrain

124
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,880
known to any creature.

125
00:06:54,880 --> 00:07:00,240
Till they built the railway.
Been an absolute godsend. Come on.

126
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,880
-Who's that?
-Some sort of elf.

127
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:11,400
No! The ugly one.
She's going before the elders.

128
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,840
-Before they what?
-I should report this to His Darkship.

129
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,360
YOU report it? I saw her first!

130
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,280
Wait, wait, wait... Report what?
Report what?

131
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:26,160
Come on. Oh,
and don't pick the flowers - you won't win.

132
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,680
PLANT RETCHES, BURPS

133
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,520
Needs a sauce.

134
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,680
Miss Fanshawe?

135
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,960
Rachel? RACHEL?

136
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,360
ELDERS MURMUR

137
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,760
Oh, Wise Ones! She is here.

138
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,880
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

139
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,880
Debbie of Maddox.

140
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,400
Debbie Maddox.

141
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,560
Cross out the "of".

142
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,080
Debbie Maddox, we are the Council of the 12.

143
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:15,880
The 12 elders from the 12 realms...
But there's 11 of you.

144
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,080
11?

145
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,120
Look, OK, this is much nicer than the one

146
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,880
where I'm naked in a French exam,

147
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,240
but at some point,
I'm going to wake up and you'll all just...

148
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,760
OW!

149
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,160
Still feel like a dream?

150
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,240
Just a pinch. Couldn't reach the arm.

151
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,000
This is no dream, Debbie.

152
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:37,960
The ancient scroll foretelled of a woman -
"Debbie of Maddox".

153
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,240
The "of" is optional. The Chosen One.

154
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:44,480
The Chosen One! OK, can we not do that?

155
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:49,240
"And, lo, the rift between
realms shall deliver Debbie of...

156
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,480
"..Debbie Maddox unto us

157
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:57,480
"by way of a 3ft-square
larder-slash-utility area..."

158
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,240
Look, hold on -
I'm not the Debbie you're looking for.

159
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,040
I'm just a mum from Selly Oak

160
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,920
who's having some minor
psychological issues.

161
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,080
MAJESTIC MUSIC

162
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,200
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY Oh,
no - it's the other one.

163
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,000
MAJESTIC MUSIC

164
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:25,520
"For only The Chosen One can align the fates

165
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:30,480
"and save the 12 lands from
the forces of darkness."

166
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,320
So...?

167
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:38,560
What? We await your teachings, Debbie.

168
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,160
What do you want me to say?

169
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,560
Why you are here.
You brought me here. You tell me!

170
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,000
THEY ALL MURMUR

171
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,120
Not really in my job description, but...

172
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,000
So you're saying you dragged me
through a portal into another world

173
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,800
to tell me that I'm "The Chosen One"

174
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,520
but you've no idea what I've
actually been chosen to do?

175
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:58,720
Well, that is written on the second scroll.

176
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,520
And where's the second scroll?

177
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:01,720
Um...

178
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,720
Oh. How many times...? I was drunk!

179
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,560
I definitely had it when I left the tavern.

180
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,280
The scroll tells us her fate.

181
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,400
Well, then,
perhaps it is her fate to find the scroll.

182
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:31,200
Perhaps if we were to cast
off these cumbersome robes...

183
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:32,640
Everybody just shut up.

184
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,880
But we must establish... Ah!
Fingers on lips.

185
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,920
-No fingers.
-No lips.

186
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,120
Right, here's the thing.

187
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,520
I have two kids to pick up
from school in...three hours...

188
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,320
Three hours your time, but in our time...

189
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:45,760
Fingers on lips! Fingers on lips.

190
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:46,800
..and in that time,

191
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:50,520
I would very much like to know
why my picture is on that wall.

192
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,840
Sensible suggestions, please.

193
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,400
HE MUMBLES

194
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,000
Finger off lips. Cast off our robes?

195
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,840
Finger back on. Anyone else?

196
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,160
Ask the oracle?

197
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,760
-Hmm.Hmm.
-Worth a try.

198
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,320
-OK.
-Yes.

199
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,080
Let's ask the oracle.

200
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:14,720
..Grintallin-Gobscrew-Crotelli
Fashanu-F'naw Goplatz-holla-holla.

201
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,320
Can't I just call you "Elf"?

202
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,360
Bit racist.

203
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,440
CHATTERING LAUGHTER

204
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,800
Hello, lady. Whoa!

205
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,600
Slippy fingers.

206
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,880
-All right, Brian?
-Susan left me.

207
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,280
Oh, no. Well, keep your chin up, mate.

208
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,800
Wait, Debbie!

209
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,160
Guilty!

210
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,400
I'm not even sorr... HE SCREAMS

211
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,000
SHE GASPS

212
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,720
-Owww!
-Red seven!

213
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,000
Come on, then. Cough up.

214
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,760
-I've lost everything.
-Winner!

215
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,480
Oh! After you.

216
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:05,960
No, no, really - I insist.

217
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,400
No, I insist. After you.
No, no - you were here first, sir.

218
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,720
I think it was my fault.
You were on your way through.

219
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,160
No, no, no, I wouldn't...

220
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,640
Debbie, come away - this won't end well.
Come on.

221
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:15,960
This is an awful kerfuffle.

222
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,480
I feel like I'm being awkward.
I'm in the way, I'm in the way.

223
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,320
-I insist, I insist.
-You're not being awkward at all. It's my fault.

224
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,840
I'm being insistent here. I'm being -insistent.
-Here we are, then. Don't show me up.

225
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,120
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

226
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,720
OK.

227
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,240
GROANING

228
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:41,760
Ah! Visitors! So long since visitors.

229
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,080
Come.

230
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,040
Chair! Sit!

231
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,080
Oh!

232
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:55,680
So pretty - so very pretty!

233
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,440
I too know the burden of beauty.

234
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,240
Tea?

235
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,320
Oh, yes. Please. That would be amazing.

236
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,960
What kind of tea?

237
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,000
Er, what sort do you have? None! Cake?

238
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,480
Is this the same as the tea thing?
Yes! Biscuits?

239
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,360
Look, whilst I'd love to spend the day

240
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,760
going through the contents
of your fictional cupboard,

241
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,680
we, um, actually need your help.

242
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,440
Yeah. You see,
I've been pulled into this world by this...

243
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,880
-Him.
-Yeah, and no-one seems to know why.

244
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,960
So I was hoping, you know,
if you are what they say you are...

245
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,400
A slapper?

246
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,840
What? No! An oracle.

247
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:36,640
Oh, no, I'm not the oracle, dear.
I'm merely his guardian.

248
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,280
Ensuring his health and wellbeing.

249
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,680
-Well, can I see him?
-He's dead.

250
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:46,000
-What?
-Hasn't so much as moved in my lifetime.

251
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,120
Or my mother's lifetime.

252
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,480
Or my mother's mother's lifetime.

253
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,240
Or her mother's mother's mother's lifetime.

254
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:58,360
Or my mother's mother's
mother's mother's mother's...

255
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,280
Arggh! It lives!

256
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,960
Ugh.

257
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,680
Oh, that was a mistake.

258
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,800
Oh, speak!

259
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,520
SPEAK.

260
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,720
Oh, that is so much better.

261
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,280
You'll have to keep this short because...

262
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,600
Well, you can see the problem.
Every time I...

263
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,280
What do you want?

264
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,080
Well, there's this room full of weird guys.

265
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,520
-Elders.
-Yeah.

266
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,240
And they say that I'm "The Chosen One".

267
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,280
But they don't know what
I've been chosen to do.

268
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,720
So, any thoughts?

269
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,760
Your future is clouded. Not clear.

270
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,040
Nigel, darling. Oh, hello.
There's been a bit of a spillage.

271
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,040
I don't suppose you've
seen a cloth anywhere?

272
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,680
-I'll be in in a minute.
-All right!

273
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,320
-Talking to the nice lady.
-OK.

274
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,880
Where were we?

275
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:56,520
The path to your true fate
begins...begins with...

276
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,480
Do you know a John?

277
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,480
-What?
-Or Robert? No?

278
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,280
I'm sensing a Steve.

279
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,920
Or Stephen.

280
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,400
OK, forget that. I see a black dog. Yeah?

281
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,000
-Have you got a dog?
-No.

282
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,360
Might be black and white.
Ginger. A cat? Could be.

283
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,040
I see a tall, dark stranger.

284
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,120
Oh, no. Come on, this is ridiculous! I do!

285
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,520
Ugh. Bad dreams. What's happening?
I'm going home, right?

286
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,080
Stay out of my cupboard.

287
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,720
-Where are we going now?
-No, wait!

288
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,360
It is dead.

289
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,800
-Ow. Ow again.
-Make it work.

290
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,640
"It"? I do have a name, you know.

291
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,200
Debbie, please.

292
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,360
It's "Nick", since you're so interested.

293
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,760
At the risk of repeating myself - OW!

294
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,040
It doesn't work like that.

295
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,440
It takes both of us to summon the portal.

296
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,200
Well, then, you do it.

297
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,080
But the oracle has spoken -
you can't leave now.

298
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,920
He's a fraud. A snake oil salesman.

299
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,080
But he saw your future.

300
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,560
No, he didn't.
There is no John or Robert or...

301
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,880
Then, with your permission, sir,

302
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,240
I shall split your handsome
head like a ripe melon,

303
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:14,360
strain the juices and serve them
as a pleasant afternoon tea.

304
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,920
Oooh!

305
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,280
What on earth?

306
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,800
As I feared - Gallants. Polite to the death.

307
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,240
Not before I, if you'll permit me,

308
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,800
cleave your arms from your well-toned torso

309
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,080
and use them to viciously beat you to death.

310
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,360
Are they going to...?

311
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,160
Arm yourself, sir. If you'd indulge me.

312
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,360
Oh, my God - they are.

313
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,760
En garde, dear fellow. Time permitting.

314
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,040
Step aside, ma'am. I'll deal with this.

315
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,960
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

316
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,520
All this bickering is no
way to settle a score.

317
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,440
Now, what started this quarrel? Hmm?

318
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,960
As I thought -
a matter of very little consequence

319
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,600
and one best sorted in the proper
and time-honoured fashion -

320
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,760
A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!

321
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,440
ALL CHEER You know the rules.

322
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,200
Oh, my God! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.

323
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,920
Honestly, you're like kids.

324
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,040
Now,
I'll tell you exactly how this started -

325
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,680
over that door there and who
should go through it first.

326
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,560
Ah, yes. I believe I started it.

327
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,160
Oh, no - I insist that was my fault.

328
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,200
Well, we'll see about that. No, no, no.

329
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,040
Now, I've had a very long day,
and I'm not going to stand here

330
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,240
and watch two silly boys
kill each other over a door.

331
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:29,240
So you're going to apologise
and everyone's going to go home.

332
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,840
What?

333
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,120
Aren't they?

334
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,000
Well,
I suppose it would save on the paperwork.

335
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,920
There we go. You - say, "Sorry".

336
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,480
-Sorry.
-And what do you say?

337
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,080
- Sorry.
- Properly.

338
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,480
Sorry. Good. That's better. Now shake.

339
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,520
Hands.

340
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,400
Oh, my... Hands. Yeah?

341
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,640
This is good. All yours.

342
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:11,160
With this hand-gripping ritual
replacing our daily bloodbath,

343
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,840
for the first day in living memory,
there will be no killing.

344
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,920
ALL CHEER

345
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,920
Is this a joke?

346
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,200
Stopped a war, so they say.

347
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,840
Glows in the dark, they say.

348
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,080
They say she's the Chosen One.

349
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,120
Are you hearing this?

350
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,920
HE SNIFFS Lovely toes.

351
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,960
-What?
-Nothing.

352
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,440
HE GROANS Shut up!

353
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,600
Aye.

354
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,320
Um... Yeah!

355
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,880
As I have said...11 times now,

356
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,680
all I did was ask some people not
to kill each other, which is just...

357
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,480
Wise.

358
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,400
No! No! It's not wise.

359
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,800
That's the point.

360
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:14,440
I-I just happened to stop some
childish argument between...

361
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,120
Oh, um... John of Temple Meads.

362
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,240
And, uh... Robert. Just "Robert".

363
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,440
..between John and Robert there.

364
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,800
-I helped!
-Oh, shut up, Steve.

365
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,120
Stephen in public.

366
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,560
And just because John...

367
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,720
- Do you know a John?
- Or Robert?

368
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:35,120
I'm sensing a Steve or Stephen.

369
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,000
I see a tall, dark stranger...

370
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,600
Excuse me. Excuse me.

371
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,960
Move.

372
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,480
DOG BARKS

373
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,200
"A dog, maybe a cat."

374
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,360
The path to your true fate begins...

375
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,320
Oh, my God. Am I...?

376
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,840
The Chosen One.!

377
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,440
The Chosen One!

378
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,880
ALL CHEER

379
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,680
I've got to pick up the twins!

380
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,040
Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me.

381
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,400
You'll need us.

382
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,840
Excellent, excellent.

383
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,720
Well, early days, but it's her, all right.

384
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,240
- The Chosen One.
- THE CHOSEN ONE!

385
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,440
Please stop doing that.

386
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,320
Hey, chu-chi face. How was your day?

387
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,480
Um...

388
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,320
Look, I know how this is going to sound, OK,

389
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,000
so just bear with me -

390
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,200
but there is another world
in the back of the larder

391
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,600
and I think I'm supposed to save it.

392
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,840
And I'm telling you because
that's just what we do, OK?

393
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,840
So I want you to promise me
now that crazy as that sounds,

394
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,800
when I turn around,
nothing has changed between us.

395
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:47,960
OK?

396
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,320
Now, look, I got these,
but they're not peas -

397
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,840
they're called, um, "eda-mame"?

398
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,800
But if we're only going to have them with
sausages, that's probably all right, isn't it?

399
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,080
-Yes, perfect.
-Yeah?

400
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,240
Oh, sorry, love -
what were you saying about your...your day?

401
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,280
Oh, just...just the usual, really.

402
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,240
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

403
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,120
Your Shadowyness, I have news. WE have news.

404
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,320
Yes, but I thought we'd
agreed that I would say it.

405
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:25,560
No, you see, we didn't... No, no, no.
Hang on.

406
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,920
Look, I've got a memo... You two.

407
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,400
Silence!

408
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,360
What news?

409
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,880
She has come.

410
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,960
Who has?

411
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,520
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

412
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,120
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