1
00:00:55,557 --> 00:00:59,293
<i>Most of life seems</i>
<i>pointless and absurd to me.</i>

2
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:09,604
<i>Yet there are</i>
<i>moments of clarity</i>
<i>in the chaos and noise</i>

3
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,539
<i>that seem to matter</i>
<i>and make sense.</i>

4
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:16,678
<i>Death is unavoidable.</i>

5
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,249
Got 'em!

6
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:26,286
Mort?

7
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,088
<i>But then again,</i>

8
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:29,356
so is life.

9
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,432
<i>Front door.</i>

10
00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:44,606
It's beautiful,
Mortimer.

11
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,408
Smile.

12
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:53,180
Yeah.

13
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:55,449
Do you think there's any way
we could get them to come down?

14
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:58,285
There's no inventory.
It's a seller's market.

15
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,622
And I know they have at least
one other offer on the table.

16
00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:02,289
Baby, I need this house.

17
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:03,825
I know, sweetheart. I just--

18
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,693
This is a little
over our budget.

19
00:02:05,827 --> 00:02:07,394
All right, guys, look.

20
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,296
I know the other offer's
from a developer.

21
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:10,798
The couple selling this place

22
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,567
has lived here over 20 years.

23
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,134
They don't wanna hand
their first child off

24
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:15,536
to some soulless speculator.

25
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,171
In fact, they told me
specifically

26
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:22,275
that they wanna get
a young couple
or a family in here.

27
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,344
I just don't even think
we'd get approved
for a mortgage

28
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,680
on a place like this.

29
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,682
Uh, what about your LDCs?

30
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,282
We haven't gotten ours yet.

31
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,317
Seriously?

32
00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:33,153
You guys, LDCs
can be a huge help,

33
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:36,156
if not the deciding factor
towards getting your dream home.

34
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:37,892
Uh, I mean, yes,
credit is important,

35
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:39,894
but right next to that are LDCs.

36
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,194
Please, babe?

37
00:02:41,796 --> 00:02:42,864
We talked about this already.

38
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,399
You might lose the house.

39
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,601
We just wanted to stick

40
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,936
with the whole natural thing.

41
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:50,638
I thought you didn't wanna know.

42
00:02:50,772 --> 00:02:51,973
I don't wanna know,
but if it'll help us

43
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,407
get the house...

44
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:54,609
I really want this house.

45
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:56,209
You know, this garden's great

46
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,845
for taking selfies.

47
00:02:58,211 --> 00:02:59,947
The flowers really match
your eyes.

48
00:03:08,690 --> 00:03:10,424
<i>Here at Valley Medical,</i>

49
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,392
<i>we have the answer.</i>

50
00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:14,461
<i>Life Day Count.</i>

51
00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:19,366
<i>Ninety-seven point nine</i>
<i>percent accuracy.</i>

52
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:23,303
<i>Have you ever wondered</i>
<i>how much time you have left?</i>

53
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,306
<i>Now you can prepare you</i>
<i>and your loved ones</i>

54
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,976
<i>for your inevitable demise.</i>

55
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:30,778
<i>How do we do it?</i>

56
00:03:30,912 --> 00:03:32,680
<i>It's science.</i>

57
00:03:32,814 --> 00:03:34,816
Okay, let's get started.

58
00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:37,618
All of your tests have been
completed to get your LDCs,

59
00:03:37,752 --> 00:03:39,453
or your Life Day Count,

60
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,321
and to determine
your death date,

61
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:43,323
what we do is we take
the results of your LDC,

62
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:46,527
we add it to your test date.
It's a very simple math.

63
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:49,697
You know, two plus two
equals four type of...

64
00:03:49,831 --> 00:03:52,299
- Yes.
- Excuse me, um, Doctor.

65
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,702
How spot on is this testing?

66
00:03:54,836 --> 00:03:58,238
Statistically speaking,
it's 97.9% accurate

67
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,007
within a week of said date.

68
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,342
Now of course,
this estimate is based

69
00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:06,279
on your body's natural decline
from age or disease, okay?

70
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,649
What we cannot do here
is predict death

71
00:04:08,783 --> 00:04:12,285
based on murder or suicide
or accidents, for example.

72
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:16,791
Of course. Um, but how exactly
do you figure this out?

73
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,527
We just do. It's science.

74
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:24,966
All right, are you ready
for your results?

75
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,068
As ready as we'll ever be.

76
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,336
Mortimer.

77
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:33,608
Nicole. So, you can read
your results on your own,

78
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:37,612
but I'm required to stay here
and go over any questions
with you, okay?

79
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:40,581
Oh, my God.

80
00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:44,451
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die.

81
00:04:45,987 --> 00:04:47,722
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!

82
00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,657
It's okay, it's okay.
What does it say?

83
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:57,364
21,490!

84
00:05:00,635 --> 00:05:03,403
Nicole, that's almost
60 years from now.

85
00:05:03,538 --> 00:05:05,973
It just feels really close!

86
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,342
Everyone
does react differently.

87
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,878
It's understandable.

88
00:05:11,012 --> 00:05:12,445
What does yours say, babe?

89
00:05:19,921 --> 00:05:21,989
Three hundred and forty-five.

90
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:29,564
Days?

91
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:33,835
That is not ideal.

92
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,405
No, it's not.

93
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,407
Young man, I am so sorry.

94
00:05:42,677 --> 00:05:45,847
You know, though, anyone
who has less than a year,

95
00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:51,786
they get a free Bible,
and I think I have one left.

96
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,955
<i>And that was that,</i>
<i>you know? Just like that.</i>

97
00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:56,824
I mean, even after
all that mumbo jumbo

98
00:05:56,958 --> 00:05:59,660
about being okay
with the results no matter what,

99
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:04,699
boom, Nicole dropped me
like a hot potato.

100
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,734
I know, I know. I...

101
00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:08,603
I-I'm sure she's going
through a lot too.

102
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,905
I can't pretend to know
what it's like for her.

103
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,840
But it just sucks, you know?

104
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,476
But between you and I,

105
00:06:16,611 --> 00:06:19,714
I kind of always knew
that she wasn't the one.

106
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,816
I mean, this definitely
proved it.

107
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,851
So maybe it was for the best.

108
00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:27,588
Or maybe not, I don't know.

109
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:31,525
More importantly,
what do I do now, you know?

110
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,527
Do I start dating again?

111
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:36,496
It's not like I have much time
to build a future with someone,

112
00:06:36,631 --> 00:06:38,933
even if I do find the one.

113
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,534
I don't know.

114
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:46,439
You know what, Mr. Addison?
God, that is not your shade.

115
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:48,643
Hey, Mort!

116
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:52,046
Hey, man, your uncle's trying
to see you before you jet, bro.

117
00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:54,649
Okay, Sid.
Yeah, I'll be right there.

118
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,584
All right. Hey, stop talking

119
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,819
to the dead people, all right?
That shit ain't healthy.

120
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,155
Ooh!

121
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:25,613
Uh-huh.

122
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:31,619
Oh, so, she...
she never had a chance
to parasail in life, yeah.

123
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,088
- Uncle Barry, you wanted to see me?
 - Yeah, yeah, uh--

124
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:37,792
Are you-- are you going
to your mom's house
for dinner tonight? Oh.

125
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:42,495
Well, we can definitely
hang her from a parasail.

126
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:46,133
Oh, I am truly sorry
for your loss.

127
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,903
This must be devastating,
but we hope to help you

128
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,938
through this process.

129
00:07:51,072 --> 00:07:53,107
Thank you.

130
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,909
Yeah, I'll be there.

131
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,878
Good, 'cause, uh,
I've got a big date tonight,

132
00:07:58,012 --> 00:07:59,280
and she's a looker.

133
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,115
I mean, I think.

134
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,185
Uh, it's hard to tell
from photos online.

135
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:07,088
- Online?
- Yeah, I've been doing
the online dating thing.

136
00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:12,727
It's amazing. I mean,
it's so much cheaper
than prostitutes.

137
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,997
Okay, well, uh,
good luck on your date,
and I'll, I'll see you Monday.

138
00:08:16,130 --> 00:08:17,865
See you Monday.
Oh!

139
00:08:17,999 --> 00:08:20,935
Did you, um, say goodbye
to Mrs. Harrison?

140
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,738
She's going
on her final vacation.
Remember, we did the card.

141
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,239
- You signed the card, right?
- Yeah, I signed the card.

142
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,942
- Well, just say goodbye to her.
- Okay, I will.

143
00:08:34,215 --> 00:08:35,883
Can I ask you something?

144
00:08:36,017 --> 00:08:36,984
Yes, dear.

145
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:39,720
Are you still glad
that you know?

146
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:42,990
About my death date?

147
00:08:43,124 --> 00:08:44,058
Mm.

148
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:49,030
I don't know if "glad"
would be the word I would use.

149
00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:52,033
But I'm still okay with knowing.

150
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:57,972
When my husband died,
I figured, why not know?

151
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,542
Because when someone
you love is gone,

152
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:06,180
wouldn't you wanna know
how much longer it's going to be

153
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,783
before you get to be
with them again?

154
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:13,988
I made a conscious decision
to live the rest of my life

155
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:17,792
in the pursuit of what
and who makes me happy.

156
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:23,731
Mortimer? I want you
to promise me something.

157
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:29,603
I want you to promise me
that you won't live

158
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:33,974
what time you have left
in a rut, or unhappy,

159
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,146
because you still have time
to find someone

160
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,316
you love...

161
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,753
...and enjoy life
until it's over.

162
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:48,656
I promise.

163
00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:26,227
Hey, Mortimer. How's life
treating you nowadays?

164
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,229
It's good, Sid.
How about you?

165
00:10:28,362 --> 00:10:30,931
Good, can't complain.
I could, but you know

166
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,766
they wouldn't listen.
That's what my daddy always say.

167
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,869
So what you finna get
into tonight, man?

168
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,237
You finna go
to your mom's house,

169
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,172
get your grub on,
something like that?

170
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,174
Yep, just another crazy night.

171
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,709
Oh, okay.

172
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:45,813
So how you doing, man?

173
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:48,716
What do you mean?

174
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:52,286
I mean, your Uncle Barry
told me about your girl

175
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:53,954
kicking you to the curb
on account of you

176
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:55,689
finding out your death date
and all of that.

177
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:58,259
I'm sorry, man. That sucks, bro.

178
00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:00,861
I found out my death date too
when I was 18.

179
00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:02,730
But I mean, you know,
the grim reaper

180
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,665
ain't exactly looking for me
for another 80 years.

181
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,101
But if I found out that my date
was within a year,

182
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,036
that would suck balls, bro.

183
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,374
And then to have
my girlfriend leave me
on top of all of that?

184
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,844
Yeah, well, uh,
that's life, I guess.

185
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:19,380
Yeah, you right
about that, brother.
You right about that, bro.

186
00:11:20,214 --> 00:11:23,250
So, anyway, me
and a couple of the boys

187
00:11:23,384 --> 00:11:24,852
heading to the strip club
tonight, man.

188
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:28,222
You should definitely
come through.

189
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:32,026
My boy Hector's the manager.
Ain't no cover with that card.

190
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,195
There's women everywhere,
fly honeys everywhere.

191
00:11:34,328 --> 00:11:36,764
We're talking about
ass ubiquitously,
you know what I mean?

192
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:40,134
And Hector hooks us up
with free drinks

193
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,303
when the owner's not around.

194
00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:45,072
I don't know, Sid,
I-I'm not really...

195
00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:47,875
I don't think strip clubs
are really my thing.

196
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:49,944
Bullshit, man.
Listen, unless you gay,

197
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,947
every man has a deep
biological urgency to see

198
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,717
hot, butt-naked women
wrapped around metal poles, bro.

199
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,752
That's science, bitch.
I ain't making this up.

200
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:01,422
But seriously though, man,
you look like you're way overdue

201
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,258
for some ass and titties
so, you know, you should...

202
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:05,893
You know, I'm just saying.

203
00:12:07,361 --> 00:12:09,163
Maybe...

204
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:11,232
Maybe I'll come
one of these nights.

205
00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:13,834
Okay. Okay, cool.

206
00:12:13,968 --> 00:12:16,103
- Have a good one.
- A'ight. Later, Mortimer.

207
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,250
Would anyone like more wine?

208
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:08,389
No? Okay, great.

209
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,034
So, um, Mortimer,
how's work, honey?

210
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,869
Work's great, Mom.

211
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:24,338
It's good? Good.

212
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,408
Morty, my friend
was telling me the other day
that when you die,

213
00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:29,910
your fingernails
and your toenails

214
00:13:30,044 --> 00:13:32,112
and your hair just keep growing.

215
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:34,948
Is that true?
It's fucking freaky.

216
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,284
No, that's not true.
 What happens

217
00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:39,987
is that the dehydration
of the body after you die

218
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,357
causes the skin around
the nails and hair to recede,

219
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,426
making it looks like
it's continuing to grow.

220
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,261
No shit?

221
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,430
That's fucking disgusting.

222
00:13:49,564 --> 00:13:52,567
- That's why I never went
into the family biz, babe.
- Mmm.

223
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,968
Honestly, I don't know
how you do it, bro.

224
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:59,006
If I had to put my hands
on a cold stiff every day,

225
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,175
- I'd puke my guts out.
- Okay.

226
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:04,345
You know what?
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey.

227
00:14:04,478 --> 00:14:07,481
Can we change the conversation
for dinner tonight,

228
00:14:07,615 --> 00:14:11,185
okay, and not talk
about these things,
these disgusting things?

229
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,287
- Death's a part of life, Mom.
- Oh, my God.

230
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:14,922
Mortimer, you sound
just like your father.

231
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:18,325
Jesus Christ, okay?
I get it, I know, it is.

232
00:14:18,459 --> 00:14:22,029
Hey, Morty, remember when Dad
took us to the funeral home
for the first time?

233
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,032
Mrs. Harrison was downstairs
in the showroom

234
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,535
taking a nap
in one of the caskets,

235
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,470
and we thought she was dead,

236
00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:32,873
and then when we walked up
to the casket, she woke up,

237
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:36,310
and she just, like...
screamed when she saw us.

238
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,613
Holy shit, right?

239
00:14:39,581 --> 00:14:43,217
Morty didn't even flinch,
cool as a cucumber.

240
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,621
Man, I think I...
crapped my pants.

241
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:50,290
Why? Why are you
talking about this shit?

242
00:14:50,424 --> 00:14:52,893
Crappy pants,
dead bodies.

243
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:55,530
You know how I feel
about that place.
You know how I feel!

244
00:14:55,663 --> 00:14:58,065
- Take it easy.
- You take it easy!

245
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,635
- You little fucking whore.
- Mom!

246
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,670
Why couldn't it be
something nice,

247
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,938
like an ice skating rink
or something?

248
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,274
Like an animal hospital?

249
00:15:07,408 --> 00:15:09,042
Guys, it's the family business.

250
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:11,579
It's not
my family business, honey.

251
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:14,516
If it weren't
for your Uncle Barry,

252
00:15:14,649 --> 00:15:17,652
the whole shebang would've been
shut up after your dad died.

253
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:20,220
Well, you're not gonna have
to hear me talk about it
much longer.

254
00:15:22,657 --> 00:15:24,692
- Not cool, man.
- Mom. I'm sorry, Mom.

255
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,927
Just don't!

256
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,296
I'm sorry, Mom.

257
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,432
Um, somebody's an asshole.

258
00:15:31,566 --> 00:15:34,334
Morty, she's talking about you.
You're the asshole.

259
00:15:35,503 --> 00:15:38,540
I'm-- I'm just
being honest, okay?

260
00:15:38,673 --> 00:15:41,041
It's not gonna change anything,
whether we talk about it or not.

261
00:15:41,175 --> 00:15:42,476
I don't see
what the big deal is.

262
00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:45,078
Yeah, no, I'm like
so aware of that.

263
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:47,347
Thank you very much.
But you know how Mom
is about this.

264
00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:51,051
Look, I'm the one
who's dying soon, okay?

265
00:15:51,185 --> 00:15:53,655
Would you rather
I not tell you about it?

266
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,456
Well...

267
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:57,458
Thank you.

268
00:15:57,592 --> 00:15:59,126
Hey, hey!

269
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,063
I got pie.

270
00:16:03,197 --> 00:16:04,298
Ooh!

271
00:16:11,739 --> 00:16:14,408
- What?
- Thought you had a hot date.

272
00:16:14,542 --> 00:16:18,680
I did. We met at Corky's
on Van Nuys.

273
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:20,748
- And?
- And, uh...

274
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,183
we had a very pleasant
conversation.

275
00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:25,452
I politely drank my coffee,

276
00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:28,422
ate my slice of pie,
and got the hell out of there.

277
00:16:28,556 --> 00:16:32,025
But good lord,
she had amazing legs.

278
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,194
Don't you think you're being
kind of judgmental?

279
00:16:34,328 --> 00:16:36,598
Honey, I'm too desperate
to discriminate

280
00:16:36,731 --> 00:16:39,500
against anyone willing to go
on a date with me.

281
00:16:40,602 --> 00:16:43,403
- Where's your mother?
- Why don't you ask
your favorite nephew?

282
00:16:43,538 --> 00:16:45,138
Did she start crying again?

283
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,344
Life is a very precious thing,

284
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,412
and when we lose
the ones we love,

285
00:16:52,547 --> 00:16:54,448
it can be hardest
on those left behind.

286
00:16:54,582 --> 00:16:57,050
Can we just leave it
at work, Uncle Barry?

287
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,419
Why don't you do
the online dating thing?

288
00:16:59,554 --> 00:17:01,523
I mean, there are plenty
of ripe hotties out there.

289
00:17:01,656 --> 00:17:04,224
Yeah, Barry, look at all
the dick you're getting.

290
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,529
Funny. No, I really think
you should think of it.

291
00:17:07,662 --> 00:17:11,131
Yeah, well, we talked
about this, okay?
I don't see the point.

292
00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:13,701
I remember hearing
about this dating service

293
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,170
that specializes in matching
people with early death dates.

294
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,106
That sounds depressing.

295
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,775
You're gonna die soon,
I'm gonna die soon.

296
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:23,076
- Let's go on a date.
- She had this crazy fetish

297
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,513
for sleeping with guys
who were gonna die soon.

298
00:17:25,647 --> 00:17:27,381
A glowing review.

299
00:17:27,515 --> 00:17:28,783
Hey, where you going?

300
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,351
I'm gonna go home,
and I'm gonna go to bed.

301
00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:34,054
You're gonna go to bed?
It's 7:30.

302
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,089
I'm aware of that. Good night.

303
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:44,298
Is your old roommate
still single, or...?

304
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,635
Oh, shut up, Barry.

305
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:12,125
Look, I-I know this is
very difficult for you.

306
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:15,362
- I understand, I do.
- Barry, no you don't.

307
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:17,164
You don't.

308
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,766
That's a good point.

309
00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:30,612
This is my karma
for killing my husband.

310
00:18:30,745 --> 00:18:34,414
Oh, no, no, not this again.
Y-you didn't kill Rupert.

311
00:18:34,549 --> 00:18:39,754
If I hadn't needed
a Humphrey's fix that night,

312
00:18:39,887 --> 00:18:42,523
fucking froyo freak, pathetic.

313
00:18:43,524 --> 00:18:44,859
- Elaine...
- He wouldn't have been killed.

314
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,460
Karma.

315
00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:49,664
A drunk driver ran a red light.

316
00:18:50,798 --> 00:18:52,533
That's what killed him.

317
00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:55,603
It's tragic, but you had
nothing to do with it.

318
00:18:56,638 --> 00:18:59,139
All right?

319
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,375
Life is like that sometimes.
It stinks.

320
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:11,351
I don't understand. I mean,
he's so young. He's so young.

321
00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:13,788
It's just, you know,
you gotta look at it this way.

322
00:19:13,921 --> 00:19:17,257
Mort was doomed
ever since he came out

323
00:19:17,391 --> 00:19:19,927
of your, you know, vagina.

324
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,162
He was doomed. We all are.

325
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,865
I mean, we all didn't
come out of your vagina,

326
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:26,601
but, like, we're all
doomed, we're mortal.

327
00:19:26,734 --> 00:19:29,269
- That's just how it works.
- Barry,

328
00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:32,774
you know something?
You're not helping at all.

329
00:19:32,907 --> 00:19:34,709
You're making it worse,
actually.

330
00:19:34,842 --> 00:19:36,744
I'm sorry, I'm not
much of a comforter

331
00:19:36,878 --> 00:19:38,546
when I'm not on script,

332
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,414
and I'm sorry to bring up
your vagina.

333
00:19:40,548 --> 00:19:43,785
Then maybe get back on script,
say something nice.

334
00:19:43,918 --> 00:19:47,320
Maybe something sympathetic.
Show some empathy, please.

335
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,358
<i>Times like these, I...</i>

336
00:19:52,527 --> 00:19:54,461
<i>I try to remember</i>
<i>to be philosophical,</i>

337
00:19:54,595 --> 00:19:56,263
and remember that...

338
00:19:57,297 --> 00:20:00,333
life is unpredictable.

339
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:02,770
As much as we may try
to control the narrative,

340
00:20:02,904 --> 00:20:05,372
the universe throws curveballs.

341
00:20:08,710 --> 00:20:09,911
How was that?

342
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,247
Yeah.

343
00:20:17,518 --> 00:20:20,487
<i>Now Mort</i>
<i>has nothing to fear,</i>

344
00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:23,356
nothing to lose.

345
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:27,360
He can do whatever he wants.

346
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,864
Maybe that's the silver lining
in the whole thing.

347
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,434
Right?

348
00:20:38,806 --> 00:20:39,741
Yeah.

349
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,013
Do you wanna get some froyo?

350
00:20:47,815 --> 00:20:50,283
Um, you and me?

351
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,285
Yeah, yeah.

352
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,421
- Together?
- Thanks.

353
00:20:54,555 --> 00:20:57,759
Well... It could be
like a date, right?

354
00:20:57,892 --> 00:20:59,026
- No.
- I mean--

355
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:00,962
- No, not at all.
- So...

356
00:21:02,697 --> 00:21:05,533
- Oh.
- Froyo.

357
00:21:05,666 --> 00:21:06,934
Is that code
for, like, hookup, or--

358
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,269
- No.
- Well, on the internet,

359
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,404
- it means something different.
- Frozen yogurt?

360
00:21:11,539 --> 00:21:13,040
On the internet,
it's butt sex.

361
00:21:37,899 --> 00:21:41,035
"Have you ever been
engaged or married?"

362
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:42,369
Yes.

363
00:21:43,805 --> 00:21:46,040
"Do you enjoy social settings?"

364
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,076
No.

365
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:51,078
"Do you like anal?"

366
00:21:52,980 --> 00:21:54,015
Um...

367
00:22:01,689 --> 00:22:03,758
Mortimer Mortenson?

368
00:22:03,891 --> 00:22:06,694
- Yeah.
- Hi, I'm Kate.

369
00:22:06,828 --> 00:22:08,996
I'll be doing
your video interview.

370
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:11,498
Oh, no, don't worry
about all that.

371
00:22:11,632 --> 00:22:14,502
We can just go through it
in the interview,
if that's cool with you.

372
00:22:14,635 --> 00:22:16,103
- Sure, yeah.
- Cool.

373
00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:19,472
Oh, but would you like
to pick out a background first?

374
00:22:19,607 --> 00:22:22,475
We have, er, city lights,

375
00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:28,381
autumn leaves,
mountainous landscape,

376
00:22:29,050 --> 00:22:33,386
some snowfall,
and my personal favorite,

377
00:22:33,521 --> 00:22:34,354
lasers.

378
00:22:35,990 --> 00:22:38,458
Yeah, I think-- I think
I'll go with the lasers.

379
00:22:38,593 --> 00:22:39,861
- Good choice.
- Yeah.

380
00:22:42,429 --> 00:22:44,599
Okay, Mortimer,

381
00:22:44,732 --> 00:22:48,703
we are just going to ask you
some questions about yourself.

382
00:22:48,836 --> 00:22:50,671
- Cool?
- Cool.

383
00:22:50,805 --> 00:22:55,877
What is your username, age,
death date, and occupation?

384
00:22:57,044 --> 00:22:59,379
- My username is--
- Oh, just look

385
00:22:59,513 --> 00:23:01,082
right through the camera,
please.

386
00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:04,384
My username
is MortInShermanOaks.

387
00:23:04,518 --> 00:23:05,786
I'm 25.

388
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,421
Uh, my death day
is September 21st,

389
00:23:08,556 --> 00:23:10,992
and I'm a mortician.

390
00:23:11,125 --> 00:23:14,461
Whoa, that's cool.

391
00:23:14,595 --> 00:23:16,463
Wait, so are you around
dead people?

392
00:23:17,164 --> 00:23:20,001
Yeah, I'm around dead people.

393
00:23:20,134 --> 00:23:22,402
- And what year?
- What year what?

394
00:23:22,536 --> 00:23:23,771
What year is your death date?

395
00:23:24,772 --> 00:23:25,840
Oh, this year.

396
00:23:27,174 --> 00:23:29,510
Like, this year this year?

397
00:23:30,077 --> 00:23:31,012
Mm-hmm.

398
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,015
Oh.

399
00:23:35,182 --> 00:23:37,151
Um, I'm sorry to hear that.

400
00:23:37,484 --> 00:23:39,587
Oh, it's fine.
Thank you, though.

401
00:23:40,821 --> 00:23:41,889
So...

402
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:46,493
How would your best friend
describe you?

403
00:23:46,627 --> 00:23:49,462
Right, um...

404
00:23:49,597 --> 00:23:52,733
I think she would describe me
as...

405
00:23:52,867 --> 00:23:56,103
funny, kind, honest,

406
00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:58,438
a little bit boring,
maybe. Um...

407
00:23:58,572 --> 00:24:00,574
I have a good relationship
with my family
for the most part.

408
00:24:00,708 --> 00:24:02,877
I like dogs. You know.

409
00:24:04,979 --> 00:24:07,748
Who is she? Your best friend?

410
00:24:07,882 --> 00:24:11,185
Uh, that would be my ex-fiancee.

411
00:24:12,887 --> 00:24:13,788
Mmm.

412
00:24:14,755 --> 00:24:16,657
I'll tell you what, Mortimer.

413
00:24:16,791 --> 00:24:18,559
Don't worry
about meeting anyone.

414
00:24:18,693 --> 00:24:22,530
Don't worry about saying
the right thing. Just relax.

415
00:24:22,663 --> 00:24:26,233
Pretend we're old friends
having a cup of coffee.

416
00:24:26,534 --> 00:24:27,535
Just be yourself.

417
00:24:28,936 --> 00:24:30,538
- Okay, I'll try.
- Okay.

418
00:24:31,706 --> 00:24:34,241
Wait, so you're
a mortician, huh?

419
00:24:34,575 --> 00:24:35,977
That's a very unusual job.

420
00:24:36,110 --> 00:24:38,045
Yeah, um, I actually
prefer the term,

421
00:24:38,179 --> 00:24:39,714
uh, post-mortem artist.

422
00:24:39,847 --> 00:24:41,949
I see. Why is that?

423
00:24:42,083 --> 00:24:44,819
Well, a few years ago,
I started reading about

424
00:24:44,952 --> 00:24:47,688
how in other countries, uh,

425
00:24:47,822 --> 00:24:49,790
they look at funerals
in a very different way.

426
00:24:49,924 --> 00:24:54,028
You know, instead
of the whole wake
and casket thing,

427
00:24:54,161 --> 00:24:56,097
they basically throw
the person a party.

428
00:24:56,230 --> 00:24:59,600
Uh, you know, doing
something that they loved.

429
00:24:59,734 --> 00:25:00,968
Like what?

430
00:25:01,102 --> 00:25:03,204
Anything, really, uh...

431
00:25:03,537 --> 00:25:06,273
Riding a motorcycle
in the middle of the party,

432
00:25:06,607 --> 00:25:08,509
uh, or sitting
in their favorite chair,

433
00:25:08,642 --> 00:25:10,845
leaning in the corner
with a drink in their hands.

434
00:25:10,978 --> 00:25:12,980
Yeah, the possibilities
are endless.

435
00:25:13,114 --> 00:25:14,615
And it took some convincing,

436
00:25:14,749 --> 00:25:16,150
but I got my Uncle Barry
on board,

437
00:25:16,283 --> 00:25:18,019
and we are now officially

438
00:25:18,152 --> 00:25:21,889
the only adventure
funeral parlor

439
00:25:22,023 --> 00:25:23,624
in Southern California.

440
00:25:23,758 --> 00:25:25,926
Wait, do you have pictures?

441
00:25:26,894 --> 00:25:27,895
Mm-hmm.

442
00:25:33,934 --> 00:25:35,002
Wow.

443
00:25:35,770 --> 00:25:38,072
Definitely zooming in on this.

444
00:25:38,205 --> 00:25:39,740
Wow, that is...

445
00:25:40,708 --> 00:25:45,046
That's the most beautiful
yet horrific thing
I've ever fucking seen.

446
00:25:45,179 --> 00:25:46,747
You do all of that?

447
00:25:46,881 --> 00:25:50,017
Yeah, I design, build,

448
00:25:50,151 --> 00:25:51,786
paint, do the makeup.

449
00:25:51,919 --> 00:25:53,854
I do the embalming, of course.

450
00:25:53,988 --> 00:25:57,725
You really love what you do.
That's rare.

451
00:25:57,858 --> 00:26:01,762
Yeah, I mean, I think
it's a privilege to take care
of people after they die.

452
00:26:01,896 --> 00:26:05,866
I feel like I'm helping them
and their loved ones.

453
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,335
I find it strange that people
are so afraid of death,

454
00:26:08,669 --> 00:26:10,838
because there's nothing
to be afraid of.

455
00:26:10,971 --> 00:26:13,808
The way I look at it,
before you were born,

456
00:26:13,941 --> 00:26:15,209
you were not alive,

457
00:26:15,342 --> 00:26:18,712
and after you die,
you're not alive, so...

458
00:26:19,747 --> 00:26:22,616
basically, it's just going back
to being not alive.

459
00:26:23,717 --> 00:26:26,087
That's a very thoughtful way
of looking at it.

460
00:26:26,220 --> 00:26:27,955
Do you like your job?

461
00:26:28,089 --> 00:26:28,989
Yeah.

462
00:26:30,024 --> 00:26:30,891
No.

463
00:26:31,826 --> 00:26:34,028
No, actually. I...

464
00:26:34,161 --> 00:26:36,997
started doing this as a temp gig
when I first moved out here,

465
00:26:37,131 --> 00:26:39,200
and it's just slowly started

466
00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:43,604
becoming more of a usual thing,
unfortunately.

467
00:26:45,039 --> 00:26:46,107
Why unfortunately?

468
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,142
Enough about me.

469
00:26:50,744 --> 00:26:52,813
So what kind of gal
are you looking for?

470
00:26:57,051 --> 00:26:59,787
I'm Tilda Svensson,
and I like to start

471
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:02,690
every meeting as I end it,
with love.

472
00:27:02,823 --> 00:27:05,092
What if someone has a death date
that's coming up

473
00:27:05,226 --> 00:27:07,361
soon, within the year?

474
00:27:07,695 --> 00:27:09,830
Do you think
you could find someone
with a similar death date?

475
00:27:09,964 --> 00:27:12,766
Absolutely, no worries.
Of course, yes,

476
00:27:12,900 --> 00:27:16,036
we do match people
based on their death dates,
but you, my friend,

477
00:27:16,170 --> 00:27:18,706
I'm assuming it's you that's
going to kick it fairly soon?

478
00:27:18,839 --> 00:27:21,742
You're in the driver's seat,
because there are
those individuals

479
00:27:21,876 --> 00:27:24,211
with extended death dates
that don't want the commitment,

480
00:27:24,345 --> 00:27:25,913
so they're just gonna look
at somebody like you

481
00:27:26,046 --> 00:27:28,649
for, like, a nice little
boy toy, a little romp,

482
00:27:28,782 --> 00:27:31,785
and then you'll be gone
and they can move on.

483
00:27:31,919 --> 00:27:32,987
Isn't that exciting?

484
00:27:34,054 --> 00:27:36,891
I pride myself
on my matching abilities,
Mortimer,

485
00:27:37,024 --> 00:27:41,128
and I can just tell right now,
in this short conversation,

486
00:27:41,262 --> 00:27:44,031
that I have many people
who would make you

487
00:27:44,165 --> 00:27:47,034
very, very, very, very, very,

488
00:27:47,168 --> 00:27:49,403
very happy.

489
00:27:51,739 --> 00:27:54,041
All right? And we have
a money-back guarantee.

490
00:27:54,175 --> 00:27:56,210
Nothing that you will be able
to take advantage of,
because you'll be dead,

491
00:27:56,343 --> 00:28:00,681
but we can will it
to whomever you want,

492
00:28:00,814 --> 00:28:03,417
so there's only an upside,
no downside.

493
00:28:03,751 --> 00:28:06,187
Tell me you're in.
Come on, I wanna hear it.

494
00:28:08,189 --> 00:28:10,925
- I'm in.
- Are you in, really?

495
00:28:11,058 --> 00:28:12,426
- I'm in.
- Are you in?

496
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,396
- I'm in.
- Come on. Are you feeling it?

497
00:28:16,263 --> 00:28:17,831
- I'm in.
- Can't work with you

498
00:28:17,965 --> 00:28:19,266
if I don't feel the confidence.

499
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,335
I don't have a very loud voice,
but I'm in.

500
00:28:21,468 --> 00:28:23,070
You're in.

501
00:28:23,204 --> 00:28:26,407
It was really nice
meeting you, Mortimer.

502
00:28:26,740 --> 00:28:28,709
We'll finish
compiling your files

503
00:28:28,842 --> 00:28:31,245
and start working
on your matches right away.

504
00:28:31,378 --> 00:28:33,414
You should be hearing
from us soon.

505
00:28:35,349 --> 00:28:36,417
Thank you.

506
00:28:36,717 --> 00:28:38,819
Um... goodbye.

507
00:28:40,321 --> 00:28:41,422
So long.

508
00:28:43,057 --> 00:28:44,058
Farewell.

509
00:28:47,494 --> 00:28:48,762
<i>Au revoir.</i>

510
00:29:57,831 --> 00:29:59,601
Come on, we're gonna
do this. Let's...

511
00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:01,468
Let's go, okay.

512
00:30:35,069 --> 00:30:37,971
- Hey, there.
- Thanks, but no thanks.

513
00:30:38,105 --> 00:30:40,307
- I'm not interested.
- Not interested?

514
00:30:40,441 --> 00:30:43,377
- Here, let me buy you a drink.
- Hey, I'm with someone.

515
00:30:44,579 --> 00:30:45,613
Uh, who?

516
00:30:49,383 --> 00:30:52,853
With him. This is my boyfriend.

517
00:30:52,986 --> 00:30:55,989
Um... uh, Mortimer.

518
00:30:58,593 --> 00:31:00,027
This is your boyfriend?

519
00:31:00,961 --> 00:31:03,964
Yes, so you better beat it
before he kicks your ass.

520
00:31:07,501 --> 00:31:08,536
Your loss.

521
00:31:10,638 --> 00:31:11,606
Thanks.

522
00:31:12,574 --> 00:31:13,575
You're welcome.

523
00:31:15,476 --> 00:31:17,344
What can I get you, doll?

524
00:31:17,478 --> 00:31:20,147
The usual,
and whatever he's having.

525
00:31:21,148 --> 00:31:23,917
Uh, I'll have
a blueberry daiquiri, please.

526
00:31:25,386 --> 00:31:26,420
Okey-dokey.

527
00:31:27,488 --> 00:31:28,489
Thanks, Larry.

528
00:31:31,892 --> 00:31:33,595
Dammit.

529
00:31:35,329 --> 00:31:37,164
Do you have a cigarette?
I am all out.

530
00:31:37,297 --> 00:31:40,968
Um, no, sorry. I don't smoke.

531
00:31:41,101 --> 00:31:42,102
Figures.

532
00:31:45,507 --> 00:31:47,074
Ah, there they are.

533
00:31:49,109 --> 00:31:51,145
- Here you go, sweet cheeks.
- Thank you.

534
00:31:51,979 --> 00:31:53,447
I was talking to her.

535
00:31:53,581 --> 00:31:55,048
Right.

536
00:31:55,182 --> 00:31:56,651
- Yeah.
- Yeah. I got it.

537
00:32:05,492 --> 00:32:08,395
If you keep staring at them,
I'm gonna expect a tip.

538
00:32:08,530 --> 00:32:10,565
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to,

539
00:32:10,698 --> 00:32:13,500
- you know--
- I'm just joking.

540
00:32:13,635 --> 00:32:14,935
That's why I got them.

541
00:32:16,069 --> 00:32:17,070
Do you wanna feel 'em?

542
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:21,108
Feel them?

543
00:32:22,176 --> 00:32:23,645
You're-- you're kidding?

544
00:32:23,977 --> 00:32:25,479
Nah, you seem like a nice guy,

545
00:32:25,613 --> 00:32:27,682
and not like most
of the douchebags around here,

546
00:32:27,981 --> 00:32:30,217
so... go ahead.

547
00:32:31,485 --> 00:32:34,154
Thanks but, uh, no thanks.

548
00:32:34,288 --> 00:32:36,156
What, you don't like them?

549
00:32:36,290 --> 00:32:38,959
That's... that's not it.

550
00:32:39,092 --> 00:32:40,394
Are you gay?

551
00:32:40,528 --> 00:32:41,563
I don't think so.

552
00:32:43,163 --> 00:32:47,234
Ah, okay, okay.
You're taken, I get it.

553
00:32:47,367 --> 00:32:51,506
No, I... I'm actually not, so...

554
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,242
Jesus, you trying to give me
a complex here?

555
00:32:55,375 --> 00:32:57,444
No, uh, sorry.

556
00:32:57,579 --> 00:33:00,414
I-I'm just in a weird
headspace, and...

557
00:33:01,749 --> 00:33:04,084
But you know, if, if--

558
00:33:04,218 --> 00:33:06,487
if it would make you
feel better, I...

559
00:33:06,621 --> 00:33:07,622
I could.

560
00:33:08,690 --> 00:33:09,624
Yeah?

561
00:33:10,991 --> 00:33:11,759
Okay.

562
00:33:12,092 --> 00:33:13,528
- Okay, just...
- Yeah.

563
00:33:19,366 --> 00:33:20,400
Feel better?

564
00:33:21,335 --> 00:33:22,704
I do, actually.

565
00:33:23,771 --> 00:33:25,005
They're magic.

566
00:33:25,138 --> 00:33:26,139
I agree.

567
00:33:27,174 --> 00:33:28,375
Do you wanna do it again?

568
00:33:29,744 --> 00:33:33,146
Why not? I guess, you know.

569
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,250
Brother! What do you think
you're doing?

570
00:33:36,383 --> 00:33:38,185
- What kind of place
you think this is?
- I didn't--

571
00:33:39,386 --> 00:33:41,488
She... She...

572
00:33:41,623 --> 00:33:44,491
- Um...
- I'm just pulling your leg,
man. Carry on.

573
00:33:44,626 --> 00:33:46,628
You're such
a fucking comedian, Larry.

574
00:33:46,761 --> 00:33:50,163
I am, Rita. Thank you.

575
00:33:50,297 --> 00:33:54,134
Hey, do you wanna get
out of here?

576
00:33:54,268 --> 00:33:55,469
Sure, yeah.

577
00:33:57,337 --> 00:33:58,606
Okay, come on.

578
00:33:59,339 --> 00:34:01,074
Sorry, I'm just a little...
That was scary.

579
00:34:01,208 --> 00:34:02,644
I'm really kind of...

580
00:34:02,777 --> 00:34:04,546
- Mm.
- Heart's beating.

581
00:34:04,679 --> 00:34:06,614
- Larry wouldn't hurt a fly.
- Okay.

582
00:34:47,154 --> 00:34:48,488
Find anything
interesting?

583
00:34:48,623 --> 00:34:51,793
Um... Holy shit.

584
00:34:52,125 --> 00:34:53,661
Do you like my outfit?

585
00:34:55,262 --> 00:34:57,364
Yeah, um...

586
00:34:57,497 --> 00:35:00,735
Yeah, yeah. I... I do.

587
00:35:00,868 --> 00:35:03,605
Good. This is going to be fun.

588
00:35:03,738 --> 00:35:06,239
Okay.

589
00:35:06,373 --> 00:35:08,643
So are you paying me
with cash or credit?

590
00:35:10,277 --> 00:35:11,478
Come again?

591
00:35:11,613 --> 00:35:13,581
Are you paying me
with cash or credit?

592
00:35:15,850 --> 00:35:16,784
Oh.

593
00:35:19,587 --> 00:35:23,256
Oh, okay. I-- At the bar,
all that stuff, I just...

594
00:35:23,390 --> 00:35:25,459
I just thought
you kind of liked me.

595
00:35:25,593 --> 00:35:29,396
Oh, Mortimer,
you're very likable,

596
00:35:29,530 --> 00:35:30,865
but I'm a working girl.

597
00:35:33,668 --> 00:35:35,435
Oh, hon. You really
didn't know, did you?

598
00:35:36,203 --> 00:35:37,839
This has never happened
to me before, um,

599
00:35:38,171 --> 00:35:39,907
because most guys
usually pick up on it

600
00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:41,576
when I let them cop a feel.

601
00:35:43,343 --> 00:35:46,179
No, yeah, uh,
I'm just an idiot.

602
00:35:46,313 --> 00:35:48,482
Uh, so, it was really nice
meeting you.

603
00:35:49,316 --> 00:35:52,252
Wait. I'm not supposed
to do this.

604
00:35:52,386 --> 00:35:56,791
You can't take it with you
anyway, so how about a freebie?

605
00:35:56,924 --> 00:36:00,327
Freebie? Um...

606
00:36:00,460 --> 00:36:05,298
I've just, uh, never had sex
with a prostitute before.

607
00:36:05,432 --> 00:36:07,300
- Professional escort.
- Sorry. I--

608
00:36:07,434 --> 00:36:10,370
I've never had sex with
a professional escort before.

609
00:36:10,505 --> 00:36:13,775
When I said freebie,
I meant a blow job.

610
00:36:17,679 --> 00:36:20,414
My hesitation has nothing
to do with you. Um...

611
00:36:23,350 --> 00:36:25,485
Okay. I...

612
00:36:25,620 --> 00:36:27,522
Yeah, let's... let's do that.

613
00:36:27,655 --> 00:36:28,890
Okay, then.

614
00:36:29,824 --> 00:36:32,593
Sit back, relax,
and enjoy the ride.

615
00:36:34,261 --> 00:36:35,462
Let's lose the jacket.

616
00:36:45,205 --> 00:36:48,442
Wow, you really are
very professional.

617
00:37:00,888 --> 00:37:02,355
Wow, that's cold!

618
00:37:05,693 --> 00:37:07,695
Mmm. What's in here?

619
00:37:21,909 --> 00:37:22,944
Rita?

620
00:37:23,243 --> 00:37:23,978
Rita?

621
00:37:25,378 --> 00:37:27,247
Are... are you okay?

622
00:37:30,752 --> 00:37:31,919
Oh, God, oh God.

623
00:37:35,022 --> 00:37:37,592
Oh, oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!

624
00:37:42,730 --> 00:37:44,331
Oh, shit.

625
00:37:45,499 --> 00:37:46,701
Oh, shit.

626
00:37:56,978 --> 00:37:58,579
You got your LDC done.

627
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:01,448
Today's the day.

628
00:38:02,884 --> 00:38:04,417
Why didn't you say anything?

629
00:38:08,388 --> 00:38:09,757
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

630
00:38:10,758 --> 00:38:11,692
Shit!

631
00:38:11,826 --> 00:38:13,426
Who the fuck are you?

632
00:38:14,529 --> 00:38:17,064
- Mortimer.
- What you doing up
in Rita's crib, Mortimer?

633
00:38:17,397 --> 00:38:20,067
She, uh, she invited me up here.

634
00:38:24,939 --> 00:38:26,741
I know, I'm just
fucking with you.

635
00:38:26,874 --> 00:38:28,475
How was it? She do you right?

636
00:38:31,444 --> 00:38:34,347
Yeah, um, I just--
I do have to go, though.

637
00:38:34,481 --> 00:38:36,449
- I'm in kind of a hurry.
- Just hold up.

638
00:38:36,584 --> 00:38:38,753
Let me just check with Rita,
make sure it's copacetic.

639
00:38:38,886 --> 00:38:41,756
- What's taking so long, boo?
- Baby, I told you
to wait in the car.

640
00:38:41,889 --> 00:38:43,591
I'm not waiting in no car
in this sketchy-ass hood.

641
00:38:43,724 --> 00:38:45,325
Can you just let me handle
my fucking business?

642
00:38:45,458 --> 00:38:47,394
Let me handle my business.

643
00:38:48,596 --> 00:38:49,530
Rita!

644
00:38:50,998 --> 00:38:51,999
Rita.

645
00:38:53,466 --> 00:38:54,635
She pass out on you?

646
00:38:55,770 --> 00:38:56,838
Is she okay?

647
00:38:59,106 --> 00:39:01,642
Rita, stop meditating.
Hey, wake up.

648
00:39:03,911 --> 00:39:04,912
Wake up!

649
00:39:06,781 --> 00:39:08,348
Hey, Rita...

650
00:39:09,016 --> 00:39:10,551
Oh, shit.

651
00:39:10,685 --> 00:39:13,554
- Shit? Shit what?
- You're a dead, man!

652
00:39:13,688 --> 00:39:15,756
- Is she dead?
- You just let him leave?

653
00:39:15,890 --> 00:39:17,892
You said you was
handling business!
I didn't wanna interfere!

654
00:39:18,025 --> 00:39:19,994
Go get the shotgun
from the bedroom!

655
00:39:21,596 --> 00:39:22,530
Fuck!

656
00:39:28,970 --> 00:39:33,908
You shitbag killed
my bottom bitch! Shitbag!

657
00:39:34,041 --> 00:39:36,811
No, no, no, no, no! I, I--
I didn't do anything to her!

658
00:39:36,944 --> 00:39:40,447
She-she wanted to give me
a blow job, and then she died,

659
00:39:40,581 --> 00:39:42,717
and I-I checked her ID,
it was her death day.

660
00:39:42,850 --> 00:39:44,952
Look, I would never hurt anyone.
Just-just check her ID.

661
00:39:45,086 --> 00:39:46,419
You should check her ID.

662
00:39:48,122 --> 00:39:51,092
You know, you right
about that death date.

663
00:39:51,424 --> 00:39:53,460
That crazy bitch
was on her last legs.

664
00:39:53,594 --> 00:39:57,098
We should get her body,
put it in the trunk of your car,
and go dump it.

665
00:39:57,932 --> 00:39:59,634
I don't think
that's a good idea.

666
00:39:59,767 --> 00:40:02,603
Get the--
Get up. Get up.

667
00:40:04,038 --> 00:40:07,407
So are we... are we good here?

668
00:40:07,541 --> 00:40:11,279
No, no. You still owe me
for Rita's services.

669
00:40:11,411 --> 00:40:13,614
But... but she said
it was a freebie.

670
00:40:13,748 --> 00:40:16,584
This ain't Trader Joe's, bitch.
I ain't handing out
free pussy samples

671
00:40:16,717 --> 00:40:19,086
to dudes off the street.
I'm running a professional
escort service.

672
00:40:19,419 --> 00:40:23,190
You get a hummer, you pay.
You owe me 500 bucks.

673
00:40:23,524 --> 00:40:25,860
- Five hundred dollars
for a blow job?
- Yeah.

674
00:40:25,993 --> 00:40:28,663
Sir, I... I can't afford that.
No, I'm sorry.

675
00:40:28,796 --> 00:40:32,900
I mean, I'm not trying
to be difficult,
but I don't have that money.

676
00:40:33,034 --> 00:40:34,902
- Give me your keys.
- What? No, no!

677
00:40:35,036 --> 00:40:38,506
Come on, give me
your fucking keys,
you little fuck!

678
00:40:38,639 --> 00:40:40,875
Now I got 'em.
Now your car's collateral

679
00:40:41,008 --> 00:40:43,010
till you pay me
what you fucking owe me.

680
00:40:43,144 --> 00:40:45,613
What? You can't do that!

681
00:40:45,746 --> 00:40:47,782
I just did, fucker.

682
00:40:47,915 --> 00:40:50,017
Do you know how hard it is
to run in heels?

683
00:40:50,151 --> 00:40:52,053
- Fuck, take the shotty.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you--

684
00:40:52,186 --> 00:40:54,522
Shit!

685
00:40:54,655 --> 00:40:57,457
Oops.

686
00:40:57,591 --> 00:40:59,160
Here, sweetie,
you forgot your jacket.

687
00:41:00,528 --> 00:41:01,896
Hold on, let me see here.

688
00:41:03,463 --> 00:41:05,166
Oh, look at this.

689
00:41:06,867 --> 00:41:08,769
That's a nice photo
of you. Look.

690
00:41:09,537 --> 00:41:11,839
Mortimer Mortenson,
Sherman Oaks.

691
00:41:13,207 --> 00:41:16,077
- You better have my money.
- Can we go already?

692
00:41:27,888 --> 00:41:30,024
<i>911,</i>
<i>what's your emergency?</i>

693
00:41:30,157 --> 00:41:33,594
Hi, I was just attacked
by a pimp who stole my car.

694
00:41:33,728 --> 00:41:36,797
<i>Are you injured? Do you need</i>
<i>any medical services?</i>

695
00:41:36,931 --> 00:41:38,866
No, I just really want
my car back.

696
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:42,036
<i>You said your attacker</i>
<i>was a pimp?</i>

697
00:41:42,169 --> 00:41:44,739
Yeah, yeah, he runs
a professional escort service.

698
00:41:44,872 --> 00:41:46,674
They were less than
professional.

699
00:41:46,807 --> 00:41:49,744
Uh, it's kind of complicated,
but the escort,

700
00:41:49,877 --> 00:41:52,546
you know, uh,
died of natural causes.

701
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,715
It was her death date.
And then he showed up.

702
00:41:54,849 --> 00:41:56,917
He demanded money
that I didn't have,
and he got pissed off.

703
00:41:57,852 --> 00:42:02,256
<i>Sir, you are aware</i>
<i>that soliciting a prostitute</i>
<i>is a crime, right?</i>

704
00:42:02,623 --> 00:42:05,726
You know what? Um,
never mind, actually.

705
00:42:05,860 --> 00:42:08,662
Thank you so much for your time.
Have a-- have a nice evening.

706
00:42:59,980 --> 00:43:02,183
I don't know how I let you
sucker me into this, man.

707
00:43:02,316 --> 00:43:04,185
I'm a driver. I don't do this.

708
00:43:04,318 --> 00:43:06,954
I know, I know.
Just one more second.

709
00:43:07,088 --> 00:43:09,723
Just need to...

710
00:43:10,891 --> 00:43:13,160
- Okay. It's good.
Yeah, she's secure.
- Let go?

711
00:43:13,294 --> 00:43:15,596
- All right. I can let go?
- Yeah.

712
00:43:15,729 --> 00:43:16,764
Okay.

713
00:43:17,631 --> 00:43:18,999
You know what we should do?

714
00:43:19,133 --> 00:43:20,901
We should tie some strings
to her, right,

715
00:43:21,035 --> 00:43:23,337
and then we should just,
like, reenact that video.

716
00:43:23,671 --> 00:43:25,973
- You know what I mean?
- When they were like...

717
00:43:26,107 --> 00:43:27,842
- You know what I mean?
- We're not allowed to do that.

718
00:43:27,975 --> 00:43:31,178
Why not? She ain't gonna
tell nobody, look at her.

719
00:43:31,312 --> 00:43:33,180
Thank you, Sid.
I appreciate it a lot.

720
00:43:33,314 --> 00:43:34,215
Yeah, yeah.

721
00:43:35,049 --> 00:43:36,917
Got a black man
hanging a white woman.

722
00:43:37,051 --> 00:43:39,053
Boy, how the times have changed.

723
00:43:40,087 --> 00:43:42,690
Actually feels kind of good,
I ain't gonna lie.

724
00:43:42,823 --> 00:43:45,359
I feel good, deep
in my ancestrial spirit.

725
00:43:45,693 --> 00:43:48,929
I feel like a thousand slaves
are just patting me
on the back right now,

726
00:43:49,063 --> 00:43:50,331
you know what I'm saying?

727
00:43:50,631 --> 00:43:51,932
Whew!

728
00:43:52,066 --> 00:43:54,034
All right, so, gotcha, man.

729
00:43:54,168 --> 00:43:55,870
- Thank you.
- No doubt.

730
00:43:56,670 --> 00:43:57,905
- Hey.
- What up, Barry?

731
00:43:59,773 --> 00:44:03,344
Mort.

732
00:44:03,677 --> 00:44:05,713
Oh, wow.

733
00:44:06,914 --> 00:44:08,082
You...

734
00:44:15,222 --> 00:44:18,025
You are an artist.

735
00:44:18,159 --> 00:44:19,326
Thank you.

736
00:44:19,660 --> 00:44:21,929
I really believe Mr. Telemacher

737
00:44:22,062 --> 00:44:24,965
is gonna love
seeing her off like this.

738
00:44:26,133 --> 00:44:27,334
Wow.

739
00:44:32,406 --> 00:44:34,141
She's sexy, right?

740
00:44:34,275 --> 00:44:36,210
Maybe that's just me.

741
00:44:38,012 --> 00:44:40,214
Hey, let me ask you. Um...

742
00:44:41,348 --> 00:44:44,218
I've been talking
to this new woman online,

743
00:44:44,351 --> 00:44:46,720
and it turns out

744
00:44:46,854 --> 00:44:49,857
she has a sister
who's also single.

745
00:44:51,992 --> 00:44:52,993
And?

746
00:44:53,727 --> 00:44:57,131
And, maybe we could do
some double dating.

747
00:44:57,264 --> 00:44:58,832
I don't know.

748
00:44:58,966 --> 00:45:00,434
What-what is she, like, 60?

749
00:45:00,768 --> 00:45:03,704
She's not 60.

750
00:45:03,837 --> 00:45:05,706
Well, she is the older sister.

751
00:45:06,907 --> 00:45:09,310
I really wish you'd get back
out there, Mort.

752
00:45:09,443 --> 00:45:11,078
I am, actually.

753
00:45:11,212 --> 00:45:12,947
I just joined
this dating service

754
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,749
that matches you with people
based on death dates.

755
00:45:15,883 --> 00:45:18,285
I mean, I'm a little nervous,
but, uh, who knows?

756
00:45:18,419 --> 00:45:20,054
That is awesome.

757
00:45:20,187 --> 00:45:22,990
You're-- you're getting back
in the saddle.

758
00:45:23,123 --> 00:45:24,925
That's so great.

759
00:45:25,059 --> 00:45:28,295
After the way
Nicole humiliated you

760
00:45:28,429 --> 00:45:32,233
and started sleeping with
that really good-looking guy,

761
00:45:32,366 --> 00:45:36,337
I mean... I mean, believe me,
she was beautiful and, like,

762
00:45:36,470 --> 00:45:41,275
her body is really, really hot,
you know what I mean?

763
00:45:41,408 --> 00:45:44,979
And, you know, I remember
when I would see her at dinner,

764
00:45:45,112 --> 00:45:47,915
I'd be like, "Oh my God,
I'd love to do her."

765
00:45:48,048 --> 00:45:50,317
But, you know, I wouldn't,
because of you.

766
00:45:50,451 --> 00:45:53,754
Unless you were into it.
Like, you could've watched.
You know what I mean?

767
00:45:53,887 --> 00:45:56,090
Some people are into that.
Weirdos.

768
00:45:56,223 --> 00:45:58,058
Anyway, but now,

769
00:45:58,192 --> 00:46:00,461
you're going back out there,
and you're...

770
00:46:02,363 --> 00:46:03,364
I'm proud of you.

771
00:46:03,497 --> 00:46:05,199
Anyway, I'm proud of you.

772
00:46:15,442 --> 00:46:16,810
- Hello?
- Mortimer?

773
00:46:16,944 --> 00:46:17,911
<i>Hi, this is he.</i>

774
00:46:18,045 --> 00:46:19,547
Hi, it's Tilda Svensson

775
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:21,248
<i>from Till Death Do Us Part.</i>

776
00:46:21,382 --> 00:46:22,449
Oh, hi.

777
00:46:22,783 --> 00:46:24,351
I've got some exciting news.

778
00:46:24,485 --> 00:46:26,420
Based on your video,
we've already gotten

779
00:46:26,554 --> 00:46:29,857
several requests for matches.

780
00:46:29,990 --> 00:46:30,858
Really?

781
00:46:31,559 --> 00:46:33,894
That's amazing,
I mean, that was so fast.

782
00:46:34,028 --> 00:46:36,497
Well, we are a professional
dating service, Mortimer.

783
00:46:36,830 --> 00:46:39,166
Check your email inbox
for all the details

784
00:46:39,300 --> 00:46:42,002
- regarding each match.
- Okay, uh, thank you.

785
00:46:42,136 --> 00:46:45,406
<i>Congratulations, Mortimer.</i>
<i>I'm so happy for you.</i>

786
00:46:45,540 --> 00:46:47,841
Happy dating! And remember,

787
00:46:47,975 --> 00:46:50,244
<i>till death do you part!</i>

788
00:46:50,377 --> 00:46:54,181
All right, love you--
Um, yeah, uh, thank you, bye.

789
00:47:18,939 --> 00:47:21,543
- Yes.
- Please don't hurt me!

790
00:47:21,875 --> 00:47:25,045
Yo, relax, relax.
Just wanna talk.

791
00:47:25,913 --> 00:47:27,981
You surprised to see me?
You didn't think

792
00:47:28,115 --> 00:47:29,950
I'd track you down?
I told you I would.

793
00:47:30,084 --> 00:47:32,252
Is that where you work
back there? What d'you do?

794
00:47:32,386 --> 00:47:34,522
Prepare bodies
for final viewing.

795
00:47:34,855 --> 00:47:37,424
So you, like, prepare bodies
for final viewing
at, like, a funeral?

796
00:47:37,559 --> 00:47:39,360
You put makeup on dead people.

797
00:47:39,493 --> 00:47:41,529
That's a perfect job
for a freak like you.

798
00:47:41,862 --> 00:47:44,599
You ever get any cute
dead girls up in there?

799
00:47:45,866 --> 00:47:47,234
I don't know.

800
00:47:47,368 --> 00:47:48,435
You ever think about
fucking one of them

801
00:47:48,570 --> 00:47:50,237
hot dead girls?

802
00:47:50,371 --> 00:47:52,607
- No, that's disgusting!
- I'm just playing.

803
00:47:52,906 --> 00:47:54,908
Come on, hold up.

804
00:47:55,543 --> 00:47:59,146
Yeah, I'm playing.
But I do know some guys
who'd be into that shit.

805
00:47:59,279 --> 00:48:01,915
Could make a little money
on the side, if you want.

806
00:48:02,950 --> 00:48:04,985
So where's my money, man?
You got it?

807
00:48:05,486 --> 00:48:08,989
I get paid today, okay?
So after work,
I'll give you the $500,

808
00:48:09,123 --> 00:48:11,125
you give me the car back,
and we can move on
with our lives.

809
00:48:11,258 --> 00:48:13,561
Five hundred dollars?
It's $1,000, motherfucker.

810
00:48:13,894 --> 00:48:17,464
No, you said it was 500
for Rita's services.

811
00:48:17,599 --> 00:48:21,001
Yeah, but that was
if you would've paid me then.
But now it's 1,000.

812
00:48:22,035 --> 00:48:24,506
This is turning into
the most expensive blow job
in human history.

813
00:48:24,639 --> 00:48:26,340
And look,
I don't have that, okay?

814
00:48:26,473 --> 00:48:28,142
- I have to pay my rent!
- You think I'm fucking stupid?

815
00:48:28,275 --> 00:48:30,911
I've seen you, fucking
Mortenson Funeral Home.

816
00:48:31,044 --> 00:48:34,214
That's your name.
I know you're rolling in dough.

817
00:48:34,348 --> 00:48:37,418
No, it's my family's business,
okay? I just work there.

818
00:48:37,552 --> 00:48:39,319
Well, maybe I should go talk
to your family, tell them

819
00:48:39,453 --> 00:48:40,688
- you're trying
to slip out paying...
- No!

820
00:48:41,021 --> 00:48:43,157
...for your professional
blow job, Morty.

821
00:48:43,290 --> 00:48:45,693
Okay, I'll give you $1,000.
Just please don't involve
my family in this.

822
00:48:46,026 --> 00:48:48,962
- Can we go already?
I'm bored as fuck.
- Morty, I like you though, man.

823
00:48:49,096 --> 00:48:51,298
Shut the fuck up
for two minutes, bitch!

824
00:48:51,432 --> 00:48:53,066
Who the fuck
are you calling a bitch?

825
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,002
I warned you about
calling me that.

826
00:48:55,135 --> 00:48:57,505
I'm gonna call Big Rey,
and he's gonna beat your ass.

827
00:48:57,639 --> 00:49:00,307
Hey, baby. Come on, man,
you know what I mean by that.

828
00:49:00,441 --> 00:49:02,710
You know I don't mean it
like that, baby.

829
00:49:04,344 --> 00:49:07,649
I'll come by your house later.
You better have it.

830
00:49:28,736 --> 00:49:29,671
Mortimer?

831
00:49:31,004 --> 00:49:31,739
Nicole.

832
00:49:32,607 --> 00:49:36,611
Wow, what a crazy coincidence,
running into you here.

833
00:49:37,612 --> 00:49:42,517
Not really. I mean, we used
to shop here all the time
on Saturdays.

834
00:49:42,650 --> 00:49:46,186
It's a been a while.
Like, how long has it been?

835
00:49:48,188 --> 00:49:49,223
A month.

836
00:49:51,291 --> 00:49:55,329
Um, this is Nathaniel,
my fiance. This is Mortimer.

837
00:49:57,431 --> 00:49:58,666
Fiance.

838
00:49:59,433 --> 00:50:01,201
Well, we met right after
you and I broke up.

839
00:50:01,335 --> 00:50:02,770
It was kind of
love at first sight.

840
00:50:03,103 --> 00:50:05,405
- It's been a real whirlwind.
- Yes, it has.

841
00:50:05,540 --> 00:50:09,243
Bro, Mortimer,
so glad to finally meet you.

842
00:50:09,376 --> 00:50:11,345
I'm so sorry about
your whole death day news.

843
00:50:11,478 --> 00:50:13,615
Oh, my God, yeah.
How are you doing?

844
00:50:13,748 --> 00:50:15,617
Are you in pain?

845
00:50:15,750 --> 00:50:18,553
Um, no, no, no.
I'm good, I feel fine.

846
00:50:18,686 --> 00:50:20,722
How are you feeling?

847
00:50:21,054 --> 00:50:23,457
I'm feeling fine. I feel fine.

848
00:50:24,759 --> 00:50:27,629
Good. How are you feeling?

849
00:50:27,762 --> 00:50:29,363
Like a stallion.

850
00:50:30,230 --> 00:50:32,065
Hey, babe, I'm gonna go
grab the tabouli.

851
00:50:32,199 --> 00:50:33,701
I'll meet you
at the checkout, okay?

852
00:50:34,034 --> 00:50:36,303
Mortimer, I'm just glad
we had a chance

853
00:50:36,436 --> 00:50:38,038
to finally meet before...

854
00:50:40,508 --> 00:50:41,643
You know.

855
00:50:41,776 --> 00:50:44,211
Be well, my friend. Godspeed.

856
00:50:44,344 --> 00:50:47,782
<i>Don't forget, LDC</i>
<i>can make great party events.</i>

857
00:50:48,115 --> 00:50:49,751
Well, he seems, uh...

858
00:50:51,819 --> 00:50:54,421
Wow, engaged again already.

859
00:50:55,255 --> 00:50:57,424
Actually, we met here
in the Valley
at a dating service

860
00:50:57,559 --> 00:50:59,059
called Till Death Do Us Part.

861
00:50:59,192 --> 00:51:00,528
So Nathaniel and I
have a death day

862
00:51:00,662 --> 00:51:02,697
that's like two weeks
apart from each other.

863
00:51:03,565 --> 00:51:04,498
Um...

864
00:51:06,500 --> 00:51:08,368
How are you doing?
Have you met anyone?

865
00:51:10,270 --> 00:51:12,740
- Met anyone?
- You know, despite
what you might think,

866
00:51:13,106 --> 00:51:15,075
I want you to be happy,
Mortimer.

867
00:51:15,643 --> 00:51:19,413
I am happy, and, uh,
and, yeah, I met someone. Rita.

868
00:51:20,213 --> 00:51:21,448
Rita?

869
00:51:22,717 --> 00:51:24,217
What does Rita do?

870
00:51:25,653 --> 00:51:27,822
She was in the service industry.

871
00:51:28,656 --> 00:51:30,424
Was?

872
00:51:30,558 --> 00:51:32,159
She's taking some time off.

873
00:51:32,292 --> 00:51:33,595
She has a master's in poetry.

874
00:51:33,728 --> 00:51:35,763
Um, she's really big
on words, so...

875
00:51:36,096 --> 00:51:41,536
Um, I'm happy that you met
someone that likes words.

876
00:51:41,669 --> 00:51:45,138
I'm really happy that you met
Mr. Tabouli Stallion.

877
00:51:48,342 --> 00:51:50,410
Well, I should go.

878
00:51:50,545 --> 00:51:52,880
It really was good to see you.

879
00:51:53,213 --> 00:51:54,481
I'm glad you're doing okay.

880
00:51:54,616 --> 00:51:56,183
<i>Dying soon?</i>

881
00:51:56,316 --> 00:51:58,285
<i>Don't forget the chips and dip.</i>

882
00:51:58,418 --> 00:52:00,622
<i>Visit our funeral specials</i>
<i>in aisle seven,</i>

883
00:52:00,755 --> 00:52:03,457
<i>and check out these savings</i>
<i>before your LDC runs out.</i>

884
00:52:08,863 --> 00:52:10,364
Three matches.

885
00:52:11,633 --> 00:52:12,567
Hmm.

886
00:52:13,768 --> 00:52:16,203
She seems nice.

887
00:52:21,709 --> 00:52:23,477
Who is it?

888
00:52:23,611 --> 00:52:25,312
Guess who.

889
00:52:25,813 --> 00:52:27,347
I want my 5,000 bucks.

890
00:52:27,481 --> 00:52:29,584
Open the door.

891
00:52:30,350 --> 00:52:33,888
Five thousand?
You said it was 1,000 for--

892
00:52:34,221 --> 00:52:36,156
Yeah, that was this morning,
then you made me wait
till tonight.

893
00:52:36,289 --> 00:52:38,526
You wasted a lot
of my time, Morty boy.

894
00:52:38,660 --> 00:52:40,862
I want my money. Open up.

895
00:52:41,161 --> 00:52:42,697
I-I don't have it.

896
00:52:42,830 --> 00:52:45,265
You're-you're just trying
to take advantage of me.

897
00:52:47,902 --> 00:52:49,537
I know you got paid today.

898
00:52:50,738 --> 00:52:52,239
Open the fucking door.

899
00:52:56,511 --> 00:52:57,845
You see this?

900
00:53:00,247 --> 00:53:01,381
Don't make me use it.

901
00:53:07,387 --> 00:53:09,824
Go on, then.
I don't even care.

902
00:53:09,957 --> 00:53:12,560
I-I've got a death date
that's due in less than a year,

903
00:53:12,694 --> 00:53:14,796
so I'm gonna die anyway.

904
00:53:14,929 --> 00:53:17,497
Fuck! Fuck!

905
00:53:17,632 --> 00:53:21,301
Motherfucker! Fuck! Fuck!

906
00:53:23,738 --> 00:53:26,206
I got your car, you idiot!

907
00:53:26,339 --> 00:53:27,374
Keep it.

908
00:53:27,508 --> 00:53:28,676
I'm not gonna need it anyway

909
00:53:28,810 --> 00:53:30,878
and, you know,

910
00:53:31,211 --> 00:53:32,880
I've actually learned
that I enjoy riding a bike

911
00:53:33,213 --> 00:53:34,448
instead of sitting
in LA traffic.

912
00:53:36,316 --> 00:53:37,618
You stupid dumbass!

913
00:53:37,752 --> 00:53:39,486
I'm gonna make you wish
you were dead!

914
00:53:39,620 --> 00:53:40,988
Fuck you!

915
00:53:49,429 --> 00:53:50,998
Yo.

916
00:53:51,298 --> 00:53:52,834
You got our money?

917
00:53:52,967 --> 00:53:55,402
Yeah, got our money, bitch?

918
00:53:56,604 --> 00:53:59,239
I didn't get it 'cause
he wouldn't open the door.

919
00:53:59,372 --> 00:54:00,808
Oh.

920
00:54:02,275 --> 00:54:03,878
Oh, you don't gotta get up.

921
00:54:04,011 --> 00:54:05,880
Rey, please,
don't-don't stand up.

922
00:54:10,985 --> 00:54:13,286
He wouldn't open the door?

923
00:54:14,689 --> 00:54:16,423
Then why didn't you
just break it in, then?

924
00:54:16,557 --> 00:54:19,994
Yeah, I tried, I tried,
but he had a club on it.

925
00:54:20,327 --> 00:54:23,296
- Looks like he had the club.
- What the fuck
was this for, then, huh?

926
00:54:23,430 --> 00:54:25,800
I was gonna, uh, well, uh...

927
00:54:25,933 --> 00:54:29,336
- Mm, no...
- Shut the fuck up!

928
00:54:30,838 --> 00:54:34,474
The time to pay up
is running out.

929
00:54:34,609 --> 00:54:38,478
Ticktock, motherfucker!
Ticktock.

930
00:54:40,515 --> 00:54:42,382
I tried to warn you.

931
00:54:42,517 --> 00:54:43,785
Tick tock, boo.

932
00:54:44,886 --> 00:54:45,920
Let's go.

933
00:54:52,527 --> 00:54:53,661
All right.

934
00:54:53,795 --> 00:54:55,428
Drive safe, drive safe.

935
00:54:56,898 --> 00:54:58,666
Yeah, it's crazy out there, Rey.

936
00:55:09,610 --> 00:55:11,045
<i>Heard this place</i>

937
00:55:11,378 --> 00:55:12,814
has the best gnocchi
in the Valley.

938
00:55:12,947 --> 00:55:14,749
- Gnocchi?
- You look lovely.

939
00:55:14,882 --> 00:55:17,018
- Aw, thank you.
- Guh-notchy?

940
00:55:17,350 --> 00:55:19,821
Love the suit.
You know what they say.

941
00:55:19,954 --> 00:55:22,489
Black is the new black.

942
00:55:22,623 --> 00:55:23,925
Do you come here often?

943
00:55:24,058 --> 00:55:26,093
No, I-I never have, actually.

944
00:55:26,426 --> 00:55:28,029
But I saw on your profile
that you like food.

945
00:55:28,361 --> 00:55:31,398
You're really trying
to impress me, aren't you?

946
00:55:32,066 --> 00:55:34,367
I think we need some drinks.

947
00:55:34,501 --> 00:55:36,504
- I like drinks.
- Me too.

948
00:55:36,637 --> 00:55:39,439
My death date is coming up.

949
00:55:39,574 --> 00:55:41,341
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.

950
00:55:41,474 --> 00:55:43,110
I hate it when people
act sorry for me.

951
00:55:43,443 --> 00:55:45,046
- I don't even know you.
- Okay.

952
00:55:45,378 --> 00:55:48,616
- I'm cold.
- Here.

953
00:55:48,749 --> 00:55:51,484
Organic cotton?
I have to go to the bathroom.

954
00:55:54,121 --> 00:55:56,090
We just gotta keep our chins up

955
00:55:56,423 --> 00:55:58,425
and try to make the most
of the time we have left.

956
00:55:58,559 --> 00:56:00,094
That's just asinine.

957
00:56:00,427 --> 00:56:02,563
There is no God, no heaven,

958
00:56:02,697 --> 00:56:04,699
- no justice.
- You guys ready to order?

959
00:56:04,832 --> 00:56:07,835
Eating is just
an elaborate farce
to prolong the inevitable.

960
00:56:07,969 --> 00:56:10,370
I prefer to let my body
waste away to dust.

961
00:56:10,504 --> 00:56:12,006
Yeah, I'll have
the vegan burger.

962
00:56:13,841 --> 00:56:15,408
- Do you dance salsa?
- Me?

963
00:56:15,543 --> 00:56:16,944
Uh... no.

964
00:56:17,078 --> 00:56:19,847
- Why not?
- It seems complicated.

965
00:56:19,981 --> 00:56:22,049
It's easy. It's just like sex.

966
00:56:22,382 --> 00:56:24,384
It's all about moving your hips.

967
00:56:25,519 --> 00:56:29,891
I'm not terrible at the whole
hip-moving thing.

968
00:56:30,024 --> 00:56:30,992
I bet not.

969
00:56:31,125 --> 00:56:33,561
Well, that was, um...

970
00:56:34,528 --> 00:56:35,395
interesting.

971
00:56:35,529 --> 00:56:36,496
You hate me.

972
00:56:36,631 --> 00:56:37,632
This date has been

973
00:56:37,765 --> 00:56:39,000
a total fucking disaster.

974
00:56:39,133 --> 00:56:41,702
I guess this is where
we say good night.

975
00:56:41,836 --> 00:56:42,837
Good night.

976
00:56:43,638 --> 00:56:45,506
Aren't you gonna give me
a good night kiss?

977
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,942
Your continued refusal
to face reality

978
00:56:48,075 --> 00:56:49,744
irritates me to the bone.

979
00:56:50,443 --> 00:56:51,178
Uh...

980
00:56:52,146 --> 00:56:53,748
Yeah, sure.

981
00:56:57,518 --> 00:57:00,087
Well, on that pleasant note...

982
00:57:04,158 --> 00:57:05,726
I hope you have
a pleasant evening.

983
00:57:05,860 --> 00:57:08,095
- Is that okay to say?
- Fuck off.

984
00:57:08,428 --> 00:57:11,599
Excuse me. Uh,
have you seen the woman
that I came in here with?

985
00:57:11,732 --> 00:57:14,467
The one with the cool jacket?
I think she left.

986
00:57:15,903 --> 00:57:18,973
You know,
if you're not doing
anything on Saturday night,

987
00:57:19,106 --> 00:57:22,543
maybe we could go see a movie
at Hollywood Forever.

988
00:57:22,677 --> 00:57:25,112
I'd love to,
but, Mortimer,

989
00:57:25,445 --> 00:57:27,615
can I be totally
honest with you?

990
00:57:28,182 --> 00:57:31,218
I'm not really
into commitment right now.

991
00:57:31,552 --> 00:57:32,920
You kind of just left
the restaurant

992
00:57:33,054 --> 00:57:35,089
without saying anything.
Is everything all right?

993
00:57:35,222 --> 00:57:38,793
Yeah, no, um, I'm good,
I was just really tired,

994
00:57:38,926 --> 00:57:41,095
so... I bounced.

995
00:57:41,228 --> 00:57:43,698
That's why I only date guys
with early death dates.

996
00:57:43,831 --> 00:57:45,933
You know, there's just
less strings attached.

997
00:57:46,067 --> 00:57:48,970
You left with my jacket
and my wallet's in the pocket,

998
00:57:49,103 --> 00:57:51,172
so I'm gonna need
to get those back.

999
00:57:51,505 --> 00:57:54,909
Are you saying that I stole
your jacket and wallet?

1000
00:57:56,010 --> 00:57:59,046
<i>No, no, I'm not saying that.</i>
<i>I just want my stuff back.</i>

1001
00:58:00,548 --> 00:58:01,849
Oh, huh.

1002
00:58:03,918 --> 00:58:06,587
Oh, don't be down on yourself.
You were wonderful.

1003
00:58:06,721 --> 00:58:08,189
I had such a great time.

1004
00:58:08,522 --> 00:58:10,858
Let's just start over, okay?

1005
00:58:10,992 --> 00:58:13,094
You can keep the jacket.
I just need the wallet.

1006
00:58:13,227 --> 00:58:16,864
First, you try to give me
your jacket to, like,
make me like you,

1007
00:58:16,998 --> 00:58:19,266
and then you accuse me
of stealing it,

1008
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:23,037
and now you're asking me
to meet you
in the middle of the night?

1009
00:58:23,170 --> 00:58:24,872
What am I, a lady of the night?

1010
00:58:25,006 --> 00:58:26,741
Just, please. Hello?

1011
00:58:28,109 --> 00:58:29,043
Hello?

1012
00:58:46,293 --> 00:58:48,796
Open up, you crooks!
I know you're in there!

1013
00:58:55,870 --> 00:58:57,238
Mortimer?

1014
00:58:58,139 --> 00:58:59,740
Hey.

1015
00:58:59,874 --> 00:59:02,109
- What are you doing here?
- Where's Tilda?

1016
00:59:02,243 --> 00:59:04,111
I need to speak to someone
in charge immediately.

1017
00:59:04,245 --> 00:59:05,913
No one's around.
We're closed on the weekends.

1018
00:59:06,047 --> 00:59:08,015
I just came by to grab
my check. What's up?

1019
00:59:08,149 --> 00:59:11,118
What's up is that
on this professional date,

1020
00:59:11,252 --> 00:59:15,022
my date took my wallet
and refuses to give it
back to me.

1021
00:59:15,156 --> 00:59:18,092
Oh, my God,
that's really fucked up.

1022
00:59:18,225 --> 00:59:20,561
I can't say I'm surprised.

1023
00:59:20,694 --> 00:59:22,730
Oh, oh, does this happen a lot
with you people?

1024
00:59:22,863 --> 00:59:25,132
- I, like--
- I'm sorry, okay? Really, I am.

1025
00:59:25,266 --> 00:59:27,935
You seem like a sweet,
gentle human being,

1026
00:59:28,069 --> 00:59:29,770
and you have every right
to be pissed off.

1027
00:59:29,904 --> 00:59:31,906
- You're darn right I do.
- And for the record,

1028
00:59:32,039 --> 00:59:33,841
I just shoot videos
for these dipwads.

1029
00:59:33,974 --> 00:59:35,876
I don't screen their clientele.

1030
00:59:42,249 --> 00:59:43,784
Are you okay?

1031
00:59:44,785 --> 00:59:45,719
Yeah.

1032
00:59:46,754 --> 00:59:50,925
Yeah, yeah, I, uh...
I'm just having a rough morning.

1033
00:59:51,058 --> 00:59:52,660
I've had a lot of those
lately, so...

1034
01:00:00,835 --> 01:00:03,204
It's gonna be okay,
I promise.

1035
01:00:06,307 --> 01:00:09,143
Hey, I have a brilliant idea.

1036
01:00:09,276 --> 01:00:10,911
Why don't you let me
take you to breakfast?

1037
01:00:11,045 --> 01:00:13,180
- You don't have to do that.
- No, I insist.

1038
01:00:13,314 --> 01:00:14,748
It's the least I could do
after all the bullshit

1039
01:00:14,882 --> 01:00:15,950
we put you through.

1040
01:00:18,219 --> 01:00:19,153
Okay.

1041
01:00:21,789 --> 01:00:22,823
Great.

1042
01:00:50,851 --> 01:00:52,853
I like your ride.

1043
01:00:52,987 --> 01:00:55,122
It's a little
on the she/her side, though.

1044
01:00:55,956 --> 01:00:58,259
Yeah, no, that's because
it's my ex's.

1045
01:00:58,392 --> 01:01:01,795
My car was stolen
by this crazy pimp named Simon

1046
01:01:01,929 --> 01:01:03,697
who thinks that I accepted
a freebie blow job

1047
01:01:03,831 --> 01:01:05,266
from one of his
professional escorts.

1048
01:01:05,399 --> 01:01:07,101
- Did you?
- Did I what?

1049
01:01:07,234 --> 01:01:10,971
Receive a freebie blow job
from a professional escort?

1050
01:01:11,105 --> 01:01:15,009
Oh, no, no, it was just a--
just a misunderstanding.

1051
01:01:15,142 --> 01:01:16,777
You've been through a lot.

1052
01:01:20,681 --> 01:01:22,116
Biking's great, isn't it?

1053
01:01:22,249 --> 01:01:24,218
Yeah. Yeah, it is.

1054
01:01:55,149 --> 01:01:57,918
Yeah, just drop it in
through the mail slot,

1055
01:01:58,052 --> 01:02:00,454
and then we won't have
to involve the authorities.

1056
01:02:00,788 --> 01:02:03,958
Yeah, okay, great.
Thank you so much.

1057
01:02:04,992 --> 01:02:08,762
Okay, psycho girl
is going to drop your wallet

1058
01:02:08,896 --> 01:02:10,097
in the next few hours.

1059
01:02:11,799 --> 01:02:14,268
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate
you helping me out.

1060
01:02:14,401 --> 01:02:15,736
No worries.

1061
01:02:18,272 --> 01:02:19,507
This burrito is incredible.

1062
01:02:19,807 --> 01:02:20,941
I know, right?

1063
01:02:22,042 --> 01:02:24,411
Once you go food truck,
you never go back.

1064
01:02:25,879 --> 01:02:27,314
Are you from LA?

1065
01:02:27,448 --> 01:02:29,149
No, upstate New York.

1066
01:02:30,317 --> 01:02:34,355
I came out here
to be a great director,
or great actor.

1067
01:02:35,356 --> 01:02:38,826
Or something, I don't know.
Something really great.

1068
01:02:38,959 --> 01:02:42,530
That must be depressing.

1069
01:02:42,863 --> 01:02:45,766
Filming losers like me
instead of pursuing your dreams.

1070
01:02:45,899 --> 01:02:49,069
Maybe this is my dream.
I just haven't realized it yet.

1071
01:02:50,137 --> 01:02:53,340
And you're not a loser,
Mortimer. Okay?

1072
01:02:53,474 --> 01:02:55,809
You're just going through
a rough time.

1073
01:02:55,943 --> 01:02:57,411
There's no shame in that.

1074
01:02:59,079 --> 01:03:01,148
- Can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.

1075
01:03:01,282 --> 01:03:04,952
Do you have any things
you'd like to do

1076
01:03:05,085 --> 01:03:07,321
on your bucket list
before your death date hits?

1077
01:03:08,389 --> 01:03:12,393
I guess there's one thing
that's pretty random.

1078
01:03:12,527 --> 01:03:14,128
I don't know, you may laugh.

1079
01:03:14,828 --> 01:03:16,363
I promise.
I promise I won't laugh.

1080
01:03:16,497 --> 01:03:19,366
Unless it's, like,
running buck naked

1081
01:03:19,500 --> 01:03:21,802
through the LA Marathon
or something.

1082
01:03:25,205 --> 01:03:26,574
Okay, I've never told
anyone this,

1083
01:03:26,907 --> 01:03:30,044
but, uh, I want to climb
Mount Fuji.

1084
01:03:31,178 --> 01:03:32,112
Really?

1085
01:03:34,214 --> 01:03:35,550
Why? Why Mount Fuji?

1086
01:03:35,883 --> 01:03:38,185
That's the thing.
There's no real reason.

1087
01:03:38,319 --> 01:03:42,056
I just, uh, I mean,
it looks beautiful and serene

1088
01:03:42,189 --> 01:03:44,224
and, uh, you know,
I've read that you can have

1089
01:03:44,358 --> 01:03:47,027
a spiritual experience
if you climb to the top.

1090
01:03:47,161 --> 01:03:50,497
I'm not religious
but, uh, it just seems
like a fun adventure.

1091
01:03:52,232 --> 01:03:54,902
- You should do it.
- It's too far.

1092
01:03:55,502 --> 01:03:57,271
Oh, well,
there's this new thing.

1093
01:03:57,404 --> 01:03:59,106
It's called an airplane.

1094
01:03:59,239 --> 01:04:02,409
Yeah, it can take you
to Japan in 12, 13 hours.

1095
01:04:02,544 --> 01:04:04,111
Yeah, I've heard of these...

1096
01:04:04,244 --> 01:04:06,113
These airplanes, um...

1097
01:04:25,132 --> 01:04:27,901
Here you go. Make sure
everything's in there first.

1098
01:04:28,936 --> 01:04:31,004
Yep, it's all here.

1099
01:04:31,138 --> 01:04:32,139
Good.

1100
01:04:34,007 --> 01:04:35,610
Hey, thanks again for breakfast.

1101
01:04:35,909 --> 01:04:37,177
No problem.

1102
01:04:39,279 --> 01:04:42,182
So anyway, I'm gonna go, but...

1103
01:04:42,316 --> 01:04:44,985
I'd love to hang out
with you again.

1104
01:04:45,119 --> 01:04:47,388
I'd love to hang out
with you too.

1105
01:04:48,155 --> 01:04:49,089
Great.

1106
01:04:50,424 --> 01:04:51,325
Goodbye.

1107
01:04:51,458 --> 01:04:53,127
So long.

1108
01:04:53,994 --> 01:04:55,630
Farewell.

1109
01:04:55,929 --> 01:04:56,930
<i>Au revoir.</i>

1110
01:05:20,020 --> 01:05:22,055
Hello? Nicole?

1111
01:05:22,189 --> 01:05:23,991
<i>Hi.</i>

1112
01:05:24,124 --> 01:05:26,293
<i>I just wanted to see</i>
<i>what you've been doing.</i>

1113
01:05:26,427 --> 01:05:28,228
<i>How was your day?</i>

1114
01:05:28,362 --> 01:05:29,496
I'm doing fine.

1115
01:05:29,631 --> 01:05:31,098
<i>Really?</i>

1116
01:05:31,231 --> 01:05:32,266
Absolutely.

1117
01:05:33,267 --> 01:05:35,102
<i>You still hanging out</i>
<i>with that Rita chick?</i>

1118
01:05:35,235 --> 01:05:36,937
<i>How are you guys doing?</i>

1119
01:05:37,070 --> 01:05:38,005
Uh...

1120
01:05:39,574 --> 01:05:41,643
No, we broke up, actually.

1121
01:05:41,975 --> 01:05:45,078
<i>Oh, I'm devastated</i>
<i>for you, babe.</i>

1122
01:05:45,212 --> 01:05:46,581
Shit happens.

1123
01:05:46,714 --> 01:05:49,349
How are things
with Mr. Tabouli Stallion?

1124
01:05:49,483 --> 01:05:51,318
<i>He's such a sweetheart,</i>

1125
01:05:51,452 --> 01:05:55,122
<i>but I was wondering</i>
<i>if...</i>

1126
01:05:55,255 --> 01:05:57,224
<i>...if you're doing</i>
<i>anything later today.</i>

1127
01:05:58,425 --> 01:06:01,195
Uh, no, not really.

1128
01:06:01,328 --> 01:06:03,263
<i>Can you come over?</i>

1129
01:06:03,397 --> 01:06:05,733
<i>There's something I wanted</i>
<i>to talk to you about.</i>

1130
01:06:10,270 --> 01:06:11,305
Hi, sailor.

1131
01:06:12,674 --> 01:06:14,007
Hi.

1132
01:06:14,141 --> 01:06:16,243
How's the old gal treating you?

1133
01:06:18,078 --> 01:06:19,614
Oh, uh, the bike.

1134
01:06:20,548 --> 01:06:23,618
Pretty good, I've been
riding it all over
for the past couple weeks.

1135
01:06:24,451 --> 01:06:26,386
Good for you.
You look fantastic.

1136
01:06:27,655 --> 01:06:28,656
Thank you.

1137
01:06:30,157 --> 01:06:31,325
Come in. I'm by the pool.

1138
01:06:44,171 --> 01:06:45,540
Have a seat.

1139
01:06:46,541 --> 01:06:48,242
Do you want some wine?

1140
01:06:48,375 --> 01:06:50,512
Um, sure.

1141
01:06:50,645 --> 01:06:52,112
Cheers.

1142
01:06:58,686 --> 01:07:01,523
So, what did you
wanna talk about?

1143
01:07:04,491 --> 01:07:05,727
I have a confession.

1144
01:07:09,229 --> 01:07:11,064
I've been thinking
about you a lot lately.

1145
01:07:12,466 --> 01:07:13,601
I miss you.

1146
01:07:15,570 --> 01:07:17,204
You know, your timing sucks.

1147
01:07:17,337 --> 01:07:19,373
I know, and I'm sorry.

1148
01:07:19,507 --> 01:07:21,408
I abandoned you.

1149
01:07:21,543 --> 01:07:23,410
But I was scared
when we found out
your death date,

1150
01:07:23,545 --> 01:07:25,345
and it's only because
I'm so terrified

1151
01:07:25,479 --> 01:07:27,615
of going through losing you,

1152
01:07:27,749 --> 01:07:29,249
because I love you.

1153
01:07:31,084 --> 01:07:32,587
What about Nathaniel?

1154
01:07:33,487 --> 01:07:35,455
I mean, he's...
he's amazing,

1155
01:07:35,590 --> 01:07:39,661
but, you know, I had a dream
about us last night.

1156
01:07:40,628 --> 01:07:43,096
- I came in my sleep.
- Nicole...

1157
01:07:43,230 --> 01:07:46,534
Don't you miss me?
I love you.

1158
01:07:46,668 --> 01:07:49,202
Honey, I'm home.

1159
01:07:50,437 --> 01:07:51,438
We're out here.

1160
01:07:52,439 --> 01:07:56,076
Hey, babe. Mort!
Buddy, how the hell are you?

1161
01:07:56,844 --> 01:08:00,213
I... am good.

1162
01:08:01,849 --> 01:08:02,784
Good.

1163
01:08:03,116 --> 01:08:04,786
We're just catching up.

1164
01:08:06,486 --> 01:08:07,522
Is that so?

1165
01:08:10,858 --> 01:08:12,694
You know, I... I actually--

1166
01:08:12,827 --> 01:08:14,629
- I have to go, so...
- No, no, no, no.

1167
01:08:14,762 --> 01:08:16,631
Don't be silly. You--

1168
01:08:18,432 --> 01:08:20,602
I'll be right back.
Where do you have to go?

1169
01:08:20,735 --> 01:08:22,302
Stay, enjoy.

1170
01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:33,280
Yep. Yep, I do,
I have to go, it's--

1171
01:08:34,348 --> 01:08:35,750
Have a seat, Mortimer.

1172
01:08:37,518 --> 01:08:39,587
Relax.

1173
01:08:41,488 --> 01:08:43,357
You look really tense.

1174
01:08:45,192 --> 01:08:47,394
Tense? No, I'm not...

1175
01:08:47,528 --> 01:08:50,430
Not tense. I'm, uh,
loose, if anything.

1176
01:08:53,768 --> 01:08:55,536
W-what are you--
what are you doing?

1177
01:08:55,670 --> 01:08:57,237
I'm just trying to take away
that mountain of stress

1178
01:08:57,371 --> 01:08:58,740
that's been crushing you.

1179
01:08:59,907 --> 01:09:01,709
Poor guy, you're so wound up.

1180
01:09:05,613 --> 01:09:07,548
Relax.

1181
01:09:07,682 --> 01:09:09,684
Just go with it, okay?

1182
01:09:13,220 --> 01:09:14,922
Can I ask you
a personal question?

1183
01:09:15,222 --> 01:09:17,324
Why not? Why not?

1184
01:09:17,457 --> 01:09:18,860
When you and Nicole were dating,

1185
01:09:19,226 --> 01:09:21,461
did you guys ever try pegging?

1186
01:09:21,596 --> 01:09:24,431
Pegging? What is that,
like, cribbage?

1187
01:09:24,565 --> 01:09:27,669
Wait, oh, my God,
you don't know what pegging is?

1188
01:09:27,802 --> 01:09:32,807
Oh. Mortimer, pegging's
when a girl puts on a dildo

1189
01:09:32,940 --> 01:09:34,942
and bangs the shit out of a guy.

1190
01:09:36,309 --> 01:09:38,780
It's really something. Just--

1191
01:09:38,913 --> 01:09:42,315
Nicole, she...
she's a fucking natural.

1192
01:09:42,449 --> 01:09:44,819
Really knows
how to hit my G-spot.

1193
01:09:44,952 --> 01:09:46,219
Goddamn!

1194
01:09:49,389 --> 01:09:52,426
I'm gonna get into
some deep body work
and open up those chakras.

1195
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:53,561
I... I gotta go.

1196
01:10:10,343 --> 01:10:11,846
Are you boys playing nice?

1197
01:10:32,867 --> 01:10:34,769
Hello?

1198
01:10:34,902 --> 01:10:37,638
Hello, Mortimer. It's Kate.

1199
01:10:37,772 --> 01:10:39,339
Kate, hi.

1200
01:10:39,473 --> 01:10:40,942
<i>Are you free tomorrow?</i>

1201
01:10:41,909 --> 01:10:43,611
Yes. Um...

1202
01:10:44,879 --> 01:10:46,581
I think so. Let me see.

1203
01:10:51,284 --> 01:10:53,054
Yes, I happen to be
free tomorrow.

1204
01:10:53,353 --> 01:10:56,423
Great. I was...

1205
01:10:56,557 --> 01:10:58,559
<i>thinking that I could get you</i>
<i>out of the Valley.</i>

1206
01:10:58,693 --> 01:11:00,995
Could do a little exploring.
How does that sound?

1207
01:11:01,829 --> 01:11:03,296
That sounds wonderful.

1208
01:11:04,031 --> 01:11:05,032
Awesome.

1209
01:11:05,365 --> 01:11:06,366
<i>I'll see you tomorrow.</i>

1210
01:11:06,500 --> 01:11:07,501
See you tomorrow.

1211
01:13:08,723 --> 01:13:11,826
<i>Life is a very precious thing.</i>

1212
01:13:13,594 --> 01:13:15,763
And when we lose
the ones we love,

1213
01:13:16,964 --> 01:13:20,067
it can be hardest
on those left behind.

1214
01:13:22,570 --> 01:13:26,641
I guess in times like these,
I try and be philosophical

1215
01:13:26,774 --> 01:13:28,075
and remember that...

1216
01:13:29,176 --> 01:13:30,811
life is unpredictable.

1217
01:13:32,980 --> 01:13:36,584
As much as we try
and control the narrative,

1218
01:13:38,519 --> 01:13:42,790
that universe keeps
throwing us curveballs.

1219
01:13:42,924 --> 01:13:48,062
We might as well just treat it
like a roller coaster.

1220
01:13:48,195 --> 01:13:51,866
Buckle up and see
where the ride takes us.

1221
01:13:56,203 --> 01:13:57,470
She looks good.

1222
01:13:58,806 --> 01:13:59,974
Very good.

1223
01:14:13,554 --> 01:14:14,755
Coming.

1224
01:14:18,491 --> 01:14:21,494
- Hello there. Oh, hi.
- I'm looking
for Mort the pervert.

1225
01:14:21,629 --> 01:14:22,630
- What?
- Is he here?

1226
01:14:22,763 --> 01:14:24,999
No, sorry. Get out of my--

1227
01:14:25,132 --> 01:14:27,001
Shh.

1228
01:14:27,134 --> 01:14:29,937
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Or maybe I am, I don't know.

1229
01:14:30,071 --> 01:14:33,975
But this ain't about you.
It's about your lame-ass
man friend, Mortimer.

1230
01:14:34,108 --> 01:14:36,744
You know he received
an unauthorized blow job

1231
01:14:36,877 --> 01:14:39,814
from one of my professional
escorts, and now
he's trying to screw me?

1232
01:14:39,947 --> 01:14:42,216
And that girl is gone.
She is gone.

1233
01:14:42,550 --> 01:14:44,218
She's gone to heaven.

1234
01:14:45,586 --> 01:14:49,757
Now, I want you to tell Mort
the next time you see him,

1235
01:14:49,890 --> 01:14:51,258
would you give him
a message for me?

1236
01:14:51,559 --> 01:14:52,526
Yeah.

1237
01:14:53,527 --> 01:14:55,896
You tell him Simon says
he better have my money in full

1238
01:14:56,030 --> 01:14:58,132
by midnight tomorrow,
or my next visit

1239
01:14:58,265 --> 01:15:00,167
ain't gonna be
so fucking pleasant.

1240
01:15:00,500 --> 01:15:02,837
You hear me, sweetheart? Okay?

1241
01:15:02,970 --> 01:15:05,906
- Yeah, yeah.
- You got it? Okay.

1242
01:15:10,044 --> 01:15:13,614
I like this.
You're really talented.

1243
01:15:13,748 --> 01:15:14,782
Have a nice day.

1244
01:15:42,810 --> 01:15:44,812
Hello? Kate?

1245
01:15:46,147 --> 01:15:49,050
Oh, God. Are you all right?

1246
01:15:49,183 --> 01:15:52,720
A guy named Simon came by.
He said to give you a message.

1247
01:15:52,853 --> 01:15:54,855
You have until tomorrow night
to pay him,

1248
01:15:54,989 --> 01:15:56,924
or he's going to hurt me.

1249
01:15:57,058 --> 01:15:59,126
Son of a bitch.

1250
01:15:59,260 --> 01:16:01,062
He strangled me.

1251
01:16:02,763 --> 01:16:04,765
I'm so sorry, Kate.

1252
01:16:04,899 --> 01:16:07,034
I had no idea
that he would do this.

1253
01:16:07,735 --> 01:16:11,605
He said you owed him
for an unauthorized blow job?

1254
01:16:11,739 --> 01:16:15,943
That was true?
Wait, you were serious?

1255
01:16:16,077 --> 01:16:20,214
I just thought you had,
like, a really fucked up
sense of humor.

1256
01:16:20,347 --> 01:16:22,950
No. I mean, not really.

1257
01:16:23,084 --> 01:16:24,285
Kind of.

1258
01:16:25,953 --> 01:16:27,721
I met this woman at a bar,

1259
01:16:27,855 --> 01:16:30,991
and she invited me back
to her place for a drink.

1260
01:16:31,125 --> 01:16:34,061
And turns out,
it was her death day,
that same day.

1261
01:16:34,195 --> 01:16:36,997
This pimp,
this shakedown artist arrives,

1262
01:16:37,131 --> 01:16:38,899
and he tells me that I owe him
all this money

1263
01:16:39,033 --> 01:16:41,902
for an unauthorized blow job
that I did not receive.

1264
01:16:42,036 --> 01:16:44,105
And so he took my car
as collateral,

1265
01:16:44,238 --> 01:16:47,141
and I've just been basically
avoiding him since then.

1266
01:16:47,274 --> 01:16:49,643
No, you need to call
the police, Mortimer.

1267
01:16:49,777 --> 01:16:51,612
- No, no, no, I can't.
- Mort, he's crazy!

1268
01:16:51,745 --> 01:16:54,849
He just attacked me!
He stole your car.

1269
01:16:54,982 --> 01:16:57,852
- I know, I know.
- Okay, then call the cops.

1270
01:16:57,985 --> 01:16:59,920
And then what?
He gets out on bail

1271
01:17:00,054 --> 01:17:03,224
and he comes after you again,
or my family?

1272
01:17:04,625 --> 01:17:07,661
I just have to pay him.
I need to finish this
once and for all.

1273
01:17:07,795 --> 01:17:09,930
You don't need to do that.

1274
01:17:10,064 --> 01:17:11,332
Yeah, I do.

1275
01:17:15,202 --> 01:17:18,072
You must think
I'm the biggest scumbag
in the world right now.

1276
01:17:25,012 --> 01:17:28,048
No, I... I don't.

1277
01:17:46,000 --> 01:17:48,002
All right, let's see
what we have here.

1278
01:17:54,141 --> 01:17:55,309
Mrs. Harrison.

1279
01:18:04,451 --> 01:18:06,287
What's the matter, Mortimer?

1280
01:18:06,420 --> 01:18:08,222
You knew you were gonna
see me here sooner

1281
01:18:08,355 --> 01:18:09,790
rather than later.

1282
01:18:10,691 --> 01:18:13,827
Yeah, but it's still a shock.

1283
01:18:13,961 --> 01:18:16,864
Hm, that's life, Mortimer.

1284
01:18:18,265 --> 01:18:19,833
So what's the matter?

1285
01:18:19,967 --> 01:18:22,403
That crazy pimp
still getting you down?

1286
01:18:22,736 --> 01:18:24,405
Yeah, I have to go after work
to pay him off

1287
01:18:24,738 --> 01:18:26,106
so that he'll leave me and my...

1288
01:18:27,308 --> 01:18:28,809
My friend Kate alone.

1289
01:18:28,943 --> 01:18:31,412
I'm just so pissed right now.

1290
01:18:31,745 --> 01:18:34,048
Well, if you want my advice,

1291
01:18:34,181 --> 01:18:37,484
I would run off
with that nice girl
and do something fun,

1292
01:18:37,818 --> 01:18:40,287
like climb Mount Fuji.

1293
01:18:40,421 --> 01:18:43,824
I wish I could, but I have
to deal with this first.

1294
01:18:43,958 --> 01:18:45,893
My life has just been
so crazy recently.

1295
01:18:46,026 --> 01:18:47,761
I mean, between
the pimp situation,

1296
01:18:47,895 --> 01:18:49,930
and I finally meet a girl
that I really like.

1297
01:18:50,064 --> 01:18:52,499
It's called living, Mortimer.

1298
01:18:53,767 --> 01:18:56,837
Well, not for long.
My death date's coming up.

1299
01:18:56,971 --> 01:18:59,440
But how do you feel now?

1300
01:19:01,041 --> 01:19:03,511
I don't know. Angry, afraid,

1301
01:19:03,844 --> 01:19:06,914
happy, excited,
all at the same time.

1302
01:19:07,047 --> 01:19:11,352
I've just been
so emotional recently.

1303
01:19:11,485 --> 01:19:13,954
Like you've actually
started living?

1304
01:19:16,490 --> 01:19:17,424
Yeah.

1305
01:19:28,035 --> 01:19:31,772
Well,
let's get you ready.

1306
01:19:31,905 --> 01:19:34,208
Today's a big day.
There's a lot of people
coming to see you.

1307
01:20:39,006 --> 01:20:40,841
Goodbye, Mrs. Harrison.

1308
01:21:01,929 --> 01:21:04,932
Oh, look who it is.
Walking dead man.

1309
01:21:07,234 --> 01:21:09,503
Don't you ever disobey me again,
you hear me?

1310
01:21:11,038 --> 01:21:12,172
You got my money?

1311
01:21:13,307 --> 01:21:14,341
Show me.

1312
01:21:23,183 --> 01:21:24,619
How much is in there?

1313
01:21:24,952 --> 01:21:27,388
Six grand, way more
than you asked for,

1314
01:21:27,522 --> 01:21:29,423
'cause I knew you were gonna
ask for more anyway.

1315
01:21:29,557 --> 01:21:32,660
So there you go.
It's yours, have it, okay?

1316
01:21:32,993 --> 01:21:35,062
We're good here.
Just leave us alone.

1317
01:21:36,463 --> 01:21:38,999
- One more thing.
- Enough with this shit.

1318
01:21:39,133 --> 01:21:41,101
No, you're fucking done
when I say you're done.

1319
01:21:41,235 --> 01:21:43,203
And Simon says you're gonna
pay me a thousand dollars

1320
01:21:43,337 --> 01:21:45,239
every week from now on.

1321
01:21:45,372 --> 01:21:47,609
Yeah? Well, Mortimer says

1322
01:21:47,941 --> 01:21:49,443
go fuck yourself.

1323
01:21:50,645 --> 01:21:52,146
You--

1324
01:21:54,948 --> 01:21:56,417
You fucking...

1325
01:22:02,456 --> 01:22:06,093
Yeah, motherfucker!

1326
01:22:07,562 --> 01:22:09,631
Fuck! Fuck!

1327
01:22:19,239 --> 01:22:22,943
I think I'll go over
to your little girlfriend's
house, huh?

1328
01:22:23,076 --> 01:22:24,612
Give her what she really want.

1329
01:22:26,280 --> 01:22:28,315
You hear me, asshole?

1330
01:22:28,449 --> 01:22:30,050
What you think about that?

1331
01:22:37,291 --> 01:22:41,061
Fuck! Now you're really starting
to piss me off.

1332
01:22:50,304 --> 01:22:52,339
Morty. Hey, Mort!

1333
01:22:52,473 --> 01:22:54,074
Make me look good!

1334
01:23:18,365 --> 01:23:20,501
Oh, my God. Come here.

1335
01:23:26,039 --> 01:23:27,474
You hurt?

1336
01:23:27,609 --> 01:23:28,610
A little, yeah.

1337
01:23:29,744 --> 01:23:30,745
Come on.

1338
01:23:37,484 --> 01:23:39,119
Yeah, no, it's fine, Mom.

1339
01:23:39,253 --> 01:23:41,789
I'm just gonna be gone
for-for two weeks.

1340
01:23:42,122 --> 01:23:44,324
I'm sure Uncle Barry
will be fine without me.

1341
01:23:45,492 --> 01:23:47,529
Okay, yeah, no, I'll...

1342
01:23:47,662 --> 01:23:49,363
I'll be careful on the ascent.

1343
01:23:50,632 --> 01:23:53,568
Yeah, no, I--
I love you too.

1344
01:23:53,701 --> 01:23:55,135
Okay, bye.

1345
01:24:00,274 --> 01:24:01,643
Got you something.

1346
01:24:01,776 --> 01:24:03,343
- Got me something?
- Yeah.

1347
01:24:08,115 --> 01:24:09,082
What is this?

1348
01:24:09,784 --> 01:24:11,619
Just a little something
to help you pass the time

1349
01:24:11,753 --> 01:24:13,655
on the long flight to Tokyo.

1350
01:24:17,391 --> 01:24:19,527
- A box?
- Mmm.

1351
01:24:19,661 --> 01:24:21,428
Not just any box, my friend.

1352
01:24:21,563 --> 01:24:23,463
This is a Japanese puzzle box.

1353
01:24:23,598 --> 01:24:26,300
There's a secret inside,
but you can only get to it

1354
01:24:26,433 --> 01:24:28,803
by doing a series
of complex moves.

1355
01:24:29,169 --> 01:24:30,705
They say it takes hours
to solve.

1356
01:24:30,838 --> 01:24:33,106
Thank you so much.
This is great.

1357
01:24:40,113 --> 01:24:41,148
What's wrong?

1358
01:24:42,717 --> 01:24:44,318
Just wish I met you sooner.

1359
01:24:49,389 --> 01:24:51,391
It's better late
than never, right?

1360
01:24:52,326 --> 01:24:53,260
Yeah.

1361
01:24:55,295 --> 01:24:57,599
- How are we doing on time?
- We're good.

1362
01:24:57,732 --> 01:24:59,901
We have everything?
We have passports,

1363
01:25:00,200 --> 01:25:02,102
the cash, hotel info?

1364
01:25:02,235 --> 01:25:05,673
Relax. Everything's
all taken care of.

1365
01:25:05,807 --> 01:25:07,709
The tickets!
We forgot the tickets!

1366
01:25:07,842 --> 01:25:08,810
They're in your bag.

1367
01:25:15,583 --> 01:25:17,518
Shit.

1368
01:25:17,652 --> 01:25:19,621
Got 'em!

1369
01:25:25,258 --> 01:25:27,227
Mort?

1370
01:25:27,361 --> 01:25:28,663
Just hold on, okay?

1371
01:25:28,796 --> 01:25:32,199
Just stay still, okay?
Stay still.

1372
01:25:32,332 --> 01:25:34,134
We were so close.

1373
01:25:34,267 --> 01:25:35,369
This wasn't supposed to happen.

1374
01:25:35,502 --> 01:25:36,771
Okay, don't try to talk. Just...

1375
01:25:36,904 --> 01:25:37,839
Help is on the way.

1376
01:25:38,740 --> 01:25:40,307
Thank you for everything.

1377
01:25:40,440 --> 01:25:42,309
This has been the best time
of my life.

1378
01:25:43,578 --> 01:25:46,614
Me too, Mort. Me too.

1379
01:25:46,748 --> 01:25:50,785
Please, please just hang on.
Hang on.

1380
01:25:50,918 --> 01:25:52,687
We're going to climb
Mount Fuji, remember?

1381
01:25:52,820 --> 01:25:55,355
Kate, goodbye.

1382
01:25:56,658 --> 01:25:57,592
No!

1383
01:25:58,492 --> 01:25:59,594
Goodbye.

1384
01:26:02,797 --> 01:26:03,798
So long.

1385
01:26:05,298 --> 01:26:06,233
Farewell.

1386
01:26:07,669 --> 01:26:08,703
Au revoir.

1387
01:26:17,310 --> 01:26:18,880
<i>If you could do it over,</i>

1388
01:26:19,212 --> 01:26:21,749
<i>would you still</i>
<i>wanna know your LDC?</i>

1389
01:26:21,883 --> 01:26:24,284
<i>Yeah, of course.</i>

1390
01:26:24,418 --> 01:26:25,419
Why?

1391
01:26:26,554 --> 01:26:30,725
Well, knowing isn't easy.

1392
01:26:30,858 --> 01:26:33,360
<i>I lost someone I cared about,</i>
<i>and now I'm here.</i>

1393
01:26:34,729 --> 01:26:37,397
<i>It set me on a different path</i>
<i>than the one I was on,</i>

1394
01:26:38,733 --> 01:26:39,834
<i>for better or worse,</i>

1395
01:26:40,835 --> 01:26:44,371
and it forces me to think
about not just my life,

1396
01:26:45,840 --> 01:26:47,608
<i>but the meaning of life</i>
<i>in general.</i>

1397
01:26:50,678 --> 01:26:54,214
<i>Guess I'm around death so much,</i>
<i>I kind of forgot about living.</i>

1398
01:26:56,651 --> 01:26:58,619
<i>After finding out my death day,</i>

1399
01:26:58,753 --> 01:27:00,922
<i>every day seems to matter more.</i>

1400
01:27:01,254 --> 01:27:03,323
<i>Every encounter</i>
<i>seems more important.</i>

1401
01:27:05,893 --> 01:27:09,229
<i>I've only just begun to realize</i>
<i>how important it is to be loved</i>

1402
01:27:09,362 --> 01:27:10,598
<i>and to love others.</i>

1403
01:27:12,734 --> 01:27:15,903
<i>Not just the romantic</i>
<i>kind of love, but all love.</i>

1404
01:27:16,236 --> 01:27:18,606
<i>I've started to notice</i>
<i>that people come into your life</i>

1405
01:27:18,740 --> 01:27:20,575
<i>for a reason.</i>

1406
01:27:20,708 --> 01:27:24,512
<i>They touch you in some way.</i>
<i>You touch them back.</i>

1407
01:27:26,614 --> 01:27:28,950
<i>It's strange, but...</i>

1408
01:27:29,282 --> 01:27:31,251
<i>it seems like everyone's</i>
<i>connected in some way,</i>

1409
01:27:32,019 --> 01:27:35,590
<i>like a tapestry</i>
<i>of personalities.</i>

1410
01:27:37,424 --> 01:27:38,793
<i>Death is unavoidable.</i>

1411
01:27:40,828 --> 01:27:42,830
But then again, so is life.

1412
01:27:53,608 --> 01:27:56,409
Hey, my name's, uh,
Barnabas Mortenson.

1413
01:27:56,544 --> 01:28:00,313
Uh, my friends know me
as Barry. Uh, Hairy Barry.

1414
01:28:00,447 --> 01:28:02,583
I mean, I don't have
a lot of hair but, like,

1415
01:28:02,717 --> 01:28:04,519
that was just a nickname
in high school.

1416
01:28:06,587 --> 01:28:09,924
And I'm a freewheeling guy.
I have my own business
here in Sherman Oaks,

1417
01:28:10,057 --> 01:28:13,895
and I enjoy popcorn
and margaritas.

1418
01:30:46,047 --> 01:30:47,515
<i>So long.</i>

1419
01:30:47,648 --> 01:30:49,250
<i>Farewell.</i>

1420
01:30:49,550 --> 01:30:50,651
Au revoir.