1
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,406
<i>Most of life seems
pointless and absurd to me.</i>

2
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:10,113
<i>Yet there are
moments of clarity
in the chaos and noise</i>

3
00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:11,723
<i>that seem to matter
and make sense.</i>

4
00:01:15,944 --> 00:01:16,902
<i>Death is unavoidable.</i>

5
00:01:20,688 --> 00:01:22,647
Got 'em!

6
00:01:25,606 --> 00:01:26,694
Mort?

7
00:01:26,868 --> 00:01:28,435
<i>But then again,</i>

8
00:01:28,609 --> 00:01:29,480
so is life.

9
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,576
<i>Front door.</i>

10
00:01:43,363 --> 00:01:44,799
It's beautiful,
Mortimer.

11
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:48,542
Smile.

12
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,852
Yeah.

13
00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:55,897
Do you think there's any way
we could get them to come down?

14
00:01:56,071 --> 00:01:58,944
There's no inventory.
It's a seller's market.

15
00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:01,120
And I know they have at least
one other offer on the table.

16
00:02:01,294 --> 00:02:02,687
Baby, I need this house.

17
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,079
I know, sweetheart. I just--

18
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,212
This is a little
over our budget.

19
00:02:06,386 --> 00:02:07,822
All right, guys, look.

20
00:02:07,996 --> 00:02:09,694
I know the other offer's
from a developer.

21
00:02:09,868 --> 00:02:11,043
The couple selling this place

22
00:02:11,478 --> 00:02:13,045
has lived here over 20 years.

23
00:02:13,219 --> 00:02:14,481
They don't wanna hand
their first child off

24
00:02:14,655 --> 00:02:15,700
to some soulless speculator.

25
00:02:16,614 --> 00:02:18,833
In fact, they told me
specifically

26
00:02:19,007 --> 00:02:22,968
that they wanna get
a young couple
or a family in here.

27
00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:24,752
I just don't even think
we'd get approved
for a mortgage

28
00:02:24,926 --> 00:02:26,189
on a place like this.

29
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,191
Uh, what about your LDCs?

30
00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:29,670
We haven't gotten ours yet.

31
00:02:29,844 --> 00:02:30,410
Seriously?

32
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,805
You guys, LDCs
can be a huge help,

33
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:36,503
if not the deciding factor
towards getting your dream home.

34
00:02:36,677 --> 00:02:38,157
Uh, I mean, yes,
credit is important,

35
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,159
but right next to that are LDCs.

36
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:41,552
Please, babe?

37
00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:43,118
We talked about this already.

38
00:02:44,511 --> 00:02:45,817
You might lose the house.

39
00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:47,079
We just wanted to stick

40
00:02:47,253 --> 00:02:49,212
with the whole natural thing.

41
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,126
I thought you didn't wanna know.

42
00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,258
I don't wanna know,
but if it'll help us

43
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:53,825
get the house...

44
00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:55,087
I really want this house.

45
00:02:55,261 --> 00:02:56,567
You know, this garden's great

46
00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:58,090
for taking selfies.

47
00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:00,223
The flowers really match
your eyes.

48
00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:10,842
<i>Here at Valley Medical,</i>

49
00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:12,800
<i>we have the answer.</i>

50
00:03:12,974 --> 00:03:14,585
<i>Life Day Count.</i>

51
00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:20,068
<i>Ninety-seven point nine
percent accuracy.</i>

52
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:23,985
<i>Have you ever wondered
how much time you have left?</i>

53
00:03:24,159 --> 00:03:26,684
<i>Now you can prepare you
and your loved ones</i>

54
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:29,252
<i>for your inevitable demise.</i>

55
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,992
<i>How do we do it?</i>

56
00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:33,168
<i>It's science.</i>

57
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:35,345
Okay, let's get started.

58
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:38,043
All of your tests have been
completed to get your LDCs,

59
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:39,871
or your Life Day Count,

60
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,699
and to determine
your death date,

61
00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:44,005
what we do is we take
the results of your LDC,

62
00:03:44,179 --> 00:03:46,965
we add it to your test date.
It's a very simple math.

63
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:50,185
You know, two plus two
equals four type of...

64
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,666
- Yes.
- Excuse me, um, Doctor.

65
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,190
How spot on is this testing?

66
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:58,585
Statistically speaking,
it's 97.9% accurate

67
00:03:58,759 --> 00:04:00,283
within a week of said date.

68
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:03,024
Now of course,
this estimate is based

69
00:04:03,198 --> 00:04:06,637
on your body's natural decline
from age or disease, okay?

70
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:09,117
What we cannot do here
is predict death

71
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:12,904
based on murder or suicide
or accidents, for example.

72
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:17,300
Of course. Um, but how exactly
do you figure this out?

73
00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,650
We just do. It's science.

74
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:25,220
All right, are you ready
for your results?

75
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,353
As ready as we'll ever be.

76
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:30,008
Mortimer.

77
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:34,360
Nicole. So, you can read
your results on your own,

78
00:04:34,534 --> 00:04:37,755
but I'm required to stay here
and go over any questions
with you, okay?

79
00:04:39,887 --> 00:04:40,714
Oh, my God.

80
00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:44,544
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die.

81
00:04:46,546 --> 00:04:48,200
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!

82
00:04:48,374 --> 00:04:49,810
It's okay, it's okay.
What does it say?

83
00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:57,427
21,490!

84
00:05:01,082 --> 00:05:03,781
Nicole, that's almost
60 years from now.

85
00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:06,218
It just feels really close!

86
00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:09,700
Everyone
does react differently.

87
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,397
It's understandable.

88
00:05:11,571 --> 00:05:12,529
What does yours say, babe?

89
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,234
Three hundred and forty-five.

90
00:05:29,023 --> 00:05:29,676
Days?

91
00:05:32,853 --> 00:05:34,028
That is not ideal.

92
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:38,772
No, it's not.

93
00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:40,774
Young man, I am so sorry.

94
00:05:43,124 --> 00:05:46,345
You know, though, anyone
who has less than a year,

95
00:05:46,519 --> 00:05:52,220
they get a free Bible,
and I think I have one left.

96
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,484
<i>And that was that,
you know? Just like that.</i>

97
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:57,312
I mean, even after
all that mumbo jumbo

98
00:05:57,487 --> 00:06:00,098
about being okay
with the results no matter what,

99
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:05,146
boom, Nicole dropped me
like a hot potato.

100
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,192
I know, I know. I...

101
00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:09,020
I-I'm sure she's going
through a lot too.

102
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:11,414
I can't pretend to know
what it's like for her.

103
00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:13,024
But it just sucks, you know?

104
00:06:14,895 --> 00:06:16,854
But between you and I,

105
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:20,161
I kind of always knew
that she wasn't the one.

106
00:06:20,335 --> 00:06:22,294
I mean, this definitely
proved it.

107
00:06:22,468 --> 00:06:24,035
So maybe it was for the best.

108
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,691
Or maybe not, I don't know.

109
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:31,912
More importantly,
what do I do now, you know?

110
00:06:32,086 --> 00:06:34,219
Do I start dating again?

111
00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:36,874
It's not like I have much time
to build a future with someone,

112
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:39,442
even if I do find the one.

113
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:40,617
I don't know.

114
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:46,492
You know what, Mr. Addison?
God, that is not your shade.

115
00:06:47,928 --> 00:06:49,060
Hey, Mort!

116
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:52,280
Hey, man, your uncle's trying
to see you before you jet, bro.

117
00:06:53,194 --> 00:06:55,066
Okay, Sid.
Yeah, I'll be right there.

118
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,981
All right. Hey, stop talking

119
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,983
to the dead people, all right?
That shit ain't healthy.

120
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:01,420
Ooh!

121
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:25,705
Uh-huh.

122
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:32,277
Oh, so, she...
she never had a chance
to parasail in life, yeah.

123
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,627
Uncle Barry,
you wanted to see me?
- Yeah, yeah, uh--

124
00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:38,239
Are you-- are you going
to your mom's house
for dinner tonight? Oh.

125
00:07:38,413 --> 00:07:42,853
Well, we can definitely
hang her from a parasail.

126
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:46,683
Oh, I am truly sorry
for your loss.

127
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:49,381
This must be devastating,
but we hope to help you

128
00:07:49,555 --> 00:07:51,426
through this process.

129
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,341
Thank you.

130
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,387
Yeah, I'll be there.

131
00:07:55,561 --> 00:07:58,346
Good, 'cause, uh,
I've got a big date tonight,

132
00:07:58,521 --> 00:07:59,565
and she's a looker.

133
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,654
I mean, I think.

134
00:08:01,828 --> 00:08:04,744
Uh, it's hard to tell
from photos online.

135
00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:07,617
- Online?
- Yeah, I've been doing
the online dating thing.

136
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:13,448
It's amazing. I mean,
it's so much cheaper
than prostitutes.

137
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:16,495
Okay, well, uh,
good luck on your date,
and I'll, I'll see you Monday.

138
00:08:16,669 --> 00:08:18,323
See you Monday.
Oh!

139
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,413
Did you, um, say goodbye
to Mrs. Harrison?

140
00:08:21,587 --> 00:08:24,459
She's going
on her final vacation.
Remember, we did the card.

141
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:25,809
- You signed the card, right?
- Yeah, I signed the card.

142
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,115
- Well, just say goodbye to her.
- Okay, I will.

143
00:08:34,469 --> 00:08:36,036
Can I ask you something?

144
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:37,168
Yes, dear.

145
00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:39,823
Are you still glad
that you know?

146
00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:43,174
About my death date?

147
00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:44,262
Mm.

148
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:49,223
I don't know if "glad"
would be the word I would use.

149
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,226
But I'm still okay with knowing.

150
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:58,145
When my husband died,
I figured, why not know?

151
00:08:59,886 --> 00:09:01,888
Because when someone
you love is gone,

152
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:06,719
wouldn't you wanna know
how much longer it's going to be

153
00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:09,200
before you get to be
with them again?

154
00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:14,466
I made a conscious decision
to live the rest of my life

155
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,904
in the pursuit of what
and who makes me happy.

156
00:09:21,081 --> 00:09:23,823
Mortimer? I want you
to promise me something.

157
00:09:26,086 --> 00:09:30,264
I want you to promise me
that you won't live

158
00:09:30,438 --> 00:09:34,138
what time you have left
in a rut, or unhappy,

159
00:09:37,097 --> 00:09:39,360
because you still have time
to find someone

160
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:42,581
you love...

161
00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:45,845
...and enjoy life
until it's over.

162
00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:48,718
I promise.

163
00:10:23,404 --> 00:10:26,756
Hey, Mortimer. How's life
treating you nowadays?

164
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,758
It's good, Sid.
How about you?

165
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,369
Good, can't complain.
I could, but you know

166
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,153
they wouldn't listen.
That's what my daddy always say.

167
00:10:33,327 --> 00:10:35,286
So what you finna get
into tonight, man?

168
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:36,766
You finna go
to your mom's house,

169
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,681
get your grub on,
something like that?

170
00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:40,378
Yep, just another crazy night.

171
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:41,771
Oh, okay.

172
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:45,905
So how you doing, man?

173
00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:49,082
What do you mean?

174
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:52,782
I mean, your Uncle Barry
told me about your girl

175
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,392
kicking you to the curb
on account of you

176
00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:56,046
finding out your death date
and all of that.

177
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,788
I'm sorry, man. That sucks, bro.

178
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:01,268
I found out my death date too
when I was 18.

179
00:11:01,442 --> 00:11:03,401
But I mean, you know,
the grim reaper

180
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,316
ain't exactly looking for me
for another 80 years.

181
00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,579
But if I found out that my date
was within a year,

182
00:11:07,753 --> 00:11:09,494
that would suck balls, bro.

183
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,933
And then to have
my girlfriend leave me
on top of all of that?

184
00:11:14,368 --> 00:11:17,545
Yeah, well, uh,
that's life, I guess.

185
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,634
Yeah, you right
about that, brother.
You right about that, bro.

186
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:23,769
So, anyway, me
and a couple of the boys

187
00:11:23,943 --> 00:11:25,249
heading to the strip club
tonight, man.

188
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:28,731
You should definitely
come through.

189
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:32,473
My boy Hector's the manager.
Ain't no cover with that card.

190
00:11:32,647 --> 00:11:34,693
There's women everywhere,
fly honeys everywhere.

191
00:11:34,867 --> 00:11:37,130
We're talking about
ass ubiquitously,
you know what I mean?

192
00:11:37,304 --> 00:11:40,612
And Hector hooks us up
with free drinks

193
00:11:40,786 --> 00:11:42,832
when the owner's not around.

194
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:45,530
I don't know, Sid,
I-I'm not really...

195
00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:48,272
I don't think strip clubs
are really my thing.

196
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,361
Bullshit, man.
Listen, unless you gay,

197
00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:53,364
every man has a deep
biological urgency to see

198
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:57,063
hot, butt-naked women
wrapped around metal poles, bro.

199
00:11:57,237 --> 00:11:59,370
That's science, bitch.
I ain't making this up.

200
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,981
But seriously though, man,
you look like you're way overdue

201
00:12:02,416 --> 00:12:04,767
for some ass and titties
so, you know, you should...

202
00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:05,985
You know, I'm just saying.

203
00:12:07,595 --> 00:12:09,641
Maybe...

204
00:12:09,815 --> 00:12:11,425
Maybe I'll come
one of these nights.

205
00:12:11,599 --> 00:12:14,211
Okay. Okay, cool.

206
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:16,256
- Have a good one.
- A'ight. Later, Mortimer.

207
00:13:02,302 --> 00:13:03,434
Would anyone like more wine?

208
00:13:05,479 --> 00:13:08,613
No? Okay, great.

209
00:13:18,492 --> 00:13:20,451
So, um, Mortimer,
how's work, honey?

210
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,235
Work's great, Mom.

211
00:13:22,409 --> 00:13:25,151
It's good? Good.

212
00:13:25,325 --> 00:13:27,937
Morty, my friend
was telling me the other day
that when you die,

213
00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:30,287
your fingernails
and your toenails

214
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:32,550
and your hair just keep growing.

215
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:35,335
Is that true?
It's fucking freaky.

216
00:13:35,509 --> 00:13:37,772
No,
that's not true.
What happens

217
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:40,645
is that the dehydration
of the body after you die

218
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:43,866
causes the skin around
the nails and hair to recede,

219
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,650
making it looks like
it's continuing to grow.

220
00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:47,739
No shit?

221
00:13:47,913 --> 00:13:49,959
That's fucking disgusting.

222
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:53,136
- That's why I never went
into the family biz, babe.
- Mmm.

223
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:55,355
Honestly, I don't know
how you do it, bro.

224
00:13:55,529 --> 00:13:59,403
If I had to put my hands
on a cold stiff every day,

225
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:01,622
I'd puke my guts out.
Okay.

226
00:14:01,796 --> 00:14:04,843
You know what?
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey.

227
00:14:05,017 --> 00:14:08,020
Can we change the conversation
for dinner tonight,

228
00:14:08,194 --> 00:14:11,632
okay, and not talk
about these things,
these disgusting things?

229
00:14:11,806 --> 00:14:13,765
- Death's a part of life, Mom.
- Oh, my God.

230
00:14:13,939 --> 00:14:15,288
Mortimer, you sound
just like your father.

231
00:14:15,462 --> 00:14:19,118
Jesus Christ, okay?
I get it, I know, it is.

232
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:22,426
Hey, Morty, remember when Dad
took us to the funeral home
for the first time?

233
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,429
Mrs. Harrison was downstairs
in the showroom

234
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:27,779
taking a nap
in one of the caskets,

235
00:14:28,214 --> 00:14:29,999
and we thought she was dead,

236
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:33,524
and then when we walked up
to the casket, she woke up,

237
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:36,788
and she just, like...
screamed when she saw us.

238
00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:38,877
Holy shit, right?

239
00:14:40,139 --> 00:14:43,664
Morty didn't even flinch,
cool as a cucumber.

240
00:14:43,838 --> 00:14:47,146
Man, I think I...
crapped my pants.

241
00:14:47,581 --> 00:14:50,758
Why? Why are you
talking about this shit?

242
00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:53,544
Crappy pants,
dead bodies.

243
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:56,068
You know how I feel
about that place.
You know how I feel!

244
00:14:56,242 --> 00:14:58,462
Take it easy.
- You take it easy!

245
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:01,204
You little fucking whore.
Mom!

246
00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:02,945
Why couldn't it be
something nice,

247
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:05,295
like an ice skating rink
or something?

248
00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:07,732
Like an animal hospital?

249
00:15:07,906 --> 00:15:09,429
Guys, it's the family business.

250
00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:12,128
It's not
my family business, honey.

251
00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:15,044
If it weren't
for your Uncle Barry,

252
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:18,221
the whole shebang would've been
shut up after your dad died.

253
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:20,658
Well, you're not gonna have
to hear me talk about it
much longer.

254
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:24,967
Not cool, man.
- Mom. I'm sorry, Mom.

255
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,273
Just don't!

256
00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:29,754
I'm sorry, Mom.

257
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:31,930
Um, somebody's an asshole.

258
00:15:32,104 --> 00:15:34,498
Morty, she's talking about you.
You're the asshole.

259
00:15:36,021 --> 00:15:39,068
I'm-- I'm just
being honest, okay?

260
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,418
It's not gonna change anything,
whether we talk about it or not.

261
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:42,985
I don't see
what the big deal is.

262
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,770
Yeah, no, I'm like
so aware of that.

263
00:15:45,944 --> 00:15:47,815
Thank you very much.
But you know how Mom
is about this.

264
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:51,428
Look, I'm the one
who's dying soon, okay?

265
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:53,908
Would you rather
I not tell you about it?

266
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,954
Well...

267
00:15:56,128 --> 00:15:57,651
Thank you.

268
00:15:57,825 --> 00:15:59,218
Hey, hey!

269
00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:03,440
I got pie.

270
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:04,441
Ooh!

271
00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:14,886
- What?
- Thought you had a hot date.

272
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:18,933
I did. We met at Corky's
on Van Nuys.

273
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:21,023
- And?
- And, uh...

274
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:23,590
we had a very pleasant
conversation.

275
00:16:23,764 --> 00:16:25,940
I politely drank my coffee,

276
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,900
ate my slice of pie,
and got the hell out of there.

277
00:16:29,074 --> 00:16:32,686
But good lord,
she had amazing legs.

278
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:34,601
Don't you think you're being
kind of judgmental?

279
00:16:34,775 --> 00:16:37,126
Honey, I'm too desperate
to discriminate

280
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,998
against anyone willing to go
on a date with me.

281
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,871
- Where's your mother?
- Why don't you ask
your favorite nephew?

282
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:45,221
Did she start crying again?

283
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,791
Life is a very precious thing,

284
00:16:50,965 --> 00:16:52,880
and when we lose
the ones we love,

285
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:54,926
it can be hardest
on those left behind.

286
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,407
Can we just leave it
at work, Uncle Barry?

287
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,844
Why don't you do
the online dating thing?

288
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:02,020
I mean, there are plenty
of ripe hotties out there.

289
00:17:02,194 --> 00:17:04,631
Yeah, Barry, look at all
the dick you're getting.

290
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,026
Funny. No, I really think
you should think of it.

291
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,508
Yeah, well, we talked
about this, okay?
I don't see the point.

292
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,250
I remember hearing
about this dating service

293
00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:17,557
that specializes in matching
people with early death dates.

294
00:17:17,731 --> 00:17:19,472
That sounds depressing.

295
00:17:19,646 --> 00:17:21,344
You're gonna die soon,
I'm gonna die soon.

296
00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:23,433
- Let's go on a date.
- She had this crazy fetish

297
00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:26,000
for sleeping with guys
who were gonna die soon.

298
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:27,828
A glowing review.

299
00:17:28,002 --> 00:17:29,352
Hey, where you going?

300
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,789
I'm gonna go home,
and I'm gonna go to bed.

301
00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:34,400
You're gonna go to bed?
It's 7:30.

302
00:17:34,574 --> 00:17:36,141
I'm aware of that. Good night.

303
00:17:41,842 --> 00:17:44,410
Is your old roommate
still single, or...?

304
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,848
Oh, shut up, Barry.

305
00:18:07,868 --> 00:18:12,786
Look, I-I know this is
very difficult for you.

306
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,789
- I understand, I do.
- Barry, no you don't.

307
00:18:15,963 --> 00:18:17,530
You don't.

308
00:18:17,704 --> 00:18:19,010
That's a good point.

309
00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:31,109
This is my karma
for killing my husband.

310
00:18:31,283 --> 00:18:34,852
Oh, no, no, not this again.
Y-you didn't kill Rupert.

311
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:40,249
If I hadn't needed
a Humphrey's fix that night,

312
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:42,686
fucking froyo freak, pathetic.

313
00:18:43,991 --> 00:18:45,123
- Elaine...
- He wouldn't have been killed.

314
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:46,907
Karma.

315
00:18:47,081 --> 00:18:49,867
A drunk driver ran a red light.

316
00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:53,000
That's what killed him.

317
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,786
It's tragic, but you had
nothing to do with it.

318
00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:59,485
All right?

319
00:18:59,659 --> 00:19:01,487
Life is like that sometimes.
It stinks.

320
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:11,758
I don't understand. I mean,
he's so young. He's so young.

321
00:19:11,932 --> 00:19:14,283
It's just, you know,
you gotta look at it this way.

322
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:17,634
Mort was doomed
ever since he came out

323
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:20,202
of your, you know, vagina.

324
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,813
He was doomed. We all are.

325
00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,423
I mean, we all didn't
come out of your vagina,

326
00:19:24,858 --> 00:19:27,078
but, like, we're all
doomed, we're mortal.

327
00:19:27,252 --> 00:19:29,646
- That's just how it works.
- Barry,

328
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:33,302
you know something?
You're not helping at all.

329
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,217
You're making it worse, actually.

330
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:36,957
I'm sorry, I'm not
much of a comforter

331
00:19:37,131 --> 00:19:39,003
when I'm not on script,

332
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,831
and I'm sorry to bring up
your vagina.

333
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:44,313
Then maybe get back on script,
say something nice.

334
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:47,707
Maybe something sympathetic.
Show some empathy, please.

335
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,450
<i>Times like these, I...</i>

336
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:54,888
<i>I try to remember
to be philosophical,</i>

337
00:19:55,062 --> 00:19:56,325
and remember that...

338
00:19:57,674 --> 00:20:00,720
life is unpredictable.

339
00:20:00,894 --> 00:20:03,288
As much as we may try
to control the narrative,

340
00:20:03,462 --> 00:20:05,464
the universe throws curveballs.

341
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:10,164
How was that?

342
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:14,299
Yeah.

343
00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:20,914
<i>Now Mort
has nothing to fear,</i>

344
00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,743
nothing to lose.

345
00:20:23,917 --> 00:20:27,747
He can do whatever he wants.

346
00:20:27,921 --> 00:20:30,097
Maybe that's the silver lining
in the whole thing.

347
00:20:33,753 --> 00:20:34,537
Right?

348
00:20:39,019 --> 00:20:39,933
Yeah.

349
00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,288
Do you wanna get some froyo?

350
00:20:48,028 --> 00:20:50,640
Um, you and me?

351
00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:52,642
Yeah, yeah.

352
00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:54,818
- Together?
- Thanks.

353
00:20:54,992 --> 00:20:58,256
Well... [mumbles] It could be
like a date, right?

354
00:20:58,430 --> 00:20:59,301
- No.
- I mean--

355
00:20:59,736 --> 00:21:01,215
- No, not at all.
- So...

356
00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:05,959
- Oh.
- Froyo.

357
00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:07,178
Is that code
for, like, hookup, or--

358
00:21:07,613 --> 00:21:09,615
- No.
- Well, on the internet,

359
00:21:09,789 --> 00:21:11,791
- it means something different.
- Frozen yogurt?

360
00:21:11,965 --> 00:21:13,315
On the internet,
it's butt sex.

361
00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:41,299
"Have you ever been
engaged or married?"

362
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:42,431
Yes.

363
00:21:44,302 --> 00:21:46,304
"Do you enjoy social settings?"

364
00:21:47,827 --> 00:21:49,351
No.

365
00:21:49,786 --> 00:21:51,353
"Do you like anal?"

366
00:21:53,224 --> 00:21:54,268
Um...

367
00:22:02,146 --> 00:22:04,235
Mortimer Mortenson?

368
00:22:04,409 --> 00:22:07,151
- Yeah.
- Hi, I'm Kate.

369
00:22:07,325 --> 00:22:09,240
I'll be doing
your video interview.

370
00:22:09,675 --> 00:22:12,199
Oh, no, don't worry
about all that.

371
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:14,898
We can just go through it
in the interview,
if that's cool with you.

372
00:22:15,072 --> 00:22:16,682
- Sure, yeah.
- Cool.

373
00:22:17,117 --> 00:22:19,859
Oh, but would you like
to pick out a background first?

374
00:22:20,033 --> 00:22:22,558
We have, er, city lights,

375
00:22:24,864 --> 00:22:28,738
autumn leaves,
mountainous landscape,

376
00:22:29,608 --> 00:22:33,699
some snowfall,
and my personal favorite,

377
00:22:33,873 --> 00:22:34,700
lasers.

378
00:22:36,528 --> 00:22:38,835
Yeah, I think-- I think
I'll go with the lasers.

379
00:22:39,009 --> 00:22:40,053
- Good choice.
- Yeah.

380
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:45,319
Okay, Mortimer,

381
00:22:45,494 --> 00:22:49,149
we are just going to ask you
some questions about yourself.

382
00:22:49,323 --> 00:22:51,108
- Cool?
- Cool.

383
00:22:51,282 --> 00:22:56,069
What is your username, age,
death date, and occupation?

384
00:22:57,593 --> 00:22:59,725
- My username is--
- Oh, just look

385
00:22:59,899 --> 00:23:01,335
right through the camera, please.

386
00:23:01,771 --> 00:23:04,730
My username
is MortInShermanOaks.

387
00:23:04,904 --> 00:23:06,253
I'm 25.

388
00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:08,778
Uh, my death day
is September 21st,

389
00:23:08,952 --> 00:23:11,215
and I'm a mortician.

390
00:23:11,389 --> 00:23:14,827
Whoa, that's cool.

391
00:23:15,001 --> 00:23:16,829
Wait, so are you around
dead people?

392
00:23:17,743 --> 00:23:20,529
Yeah, I'm around dead people.

393
00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:22,748
- And what year?
- What year what?

394
00:23:22,922 --> 00:23:23,923
What year is your death date?

395
00:23:25,229 --> 00:23:26,012
Oh, this year.

396
00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:29,581
Like, this year this year?

397
00:23:30,321 --> 00:23:31,235
Mm-hmm.

398
00:23:33,324 --> 00:23:34,238
Oh.

399
00:23:35,761 --> 00:23:37,415
Um, I'm sorry to hear that.

400
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:39,678
Oh, it's fine.
Thank you, though.

401
00:23:41,245 --> 00:23:42,072
So...

402
00:23:43,639 --> 00:23:46,859
How would your best friend
describe you?

403
00:23:47,033 --> 00:23:50,123
Right, um...

404
00:23:50,297 --> 00:23:53,170
I think she would describe me
as...

405
00:23:53,344 --> 00:23:56,347
funny, kind, honest,

406
00:23:56,782 --> 00:23:59,089
a little bit boring,
maybe. Um...

407
00:23:59,263 --> 00:24:00,960
I have a good relationship
with my family
for the most part.

408
00:24:01,134 --> 00:24:03,049
I like dogs. You know.

409
00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:08,185
Who is she? Your best friend?

410
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,449
Uh, that would be my ex-fiancee.

411
00:24:13,059 --> 00:24:13,930
Mmm.

412
00:24:15,192 --> 00:24:17,063
I'll tell you what, Mortimer.

413
00:24:17,237 --> 00:24:19,239
Don't worry
about meeting anyone.

414
00:24:19,413 --> 00:24:23,200
Don't worry about saying
the right thing. Just relax.

415
00:24:23,374 --> 00:24:26,508
Pretend we're old friends
having a cup of coffee.

416
00:24:26,899 --> 00:24:27,596
Just be yourself.

417
00:24:29,423 --> 00:24:30,599
- Okay, I'll try.
- Okay.

418
00:24:32,122 --> 00:24:34,516
Wait, so you're
a mortician, huh?

419
00:24:34,951 --> 00:24:36,474
That's a very unusual job.

420
00:24:36,648 --> 00:24:38,258
Yeah, um, I actually
prefer the term,

421
00:24:38,432 --> 00:24:40,130
uh, post-mortem artist.

422
00:24:40,304 --> 00:24:42,436
I see. Why is that?

423
00:24:42,611 --> 00:24:45,265
Well, a few years ago,
I started reading about

424
00:24:45,439 --> 00:24:48,094
how in other countries, uh,

425
00:24:48,268 --> 00:24:50,532
they look at funerals
in a very different way.

426
00:24:50,706 --> 00:24:54,536
You know, instead
of the whole wake
and casket thing,

427
00:24:54,710 --> 00:24:56,625
they basically throw
the person a party.

428
00:24:56,799 --> 00:24:59,976
Uh, you know, doing
something that they loved.

429
00:25:00,150 --> 00:25:01,455
Like what?

430
00:25:01,630 --> 00:25:03,762
Anything, really, uh...

431
00:25:04,197 --> 00:25:06,548
Riding a motorcycle
in the middle of the party,

432
00:25:06,983 --> 00:25:09,159
uh, or sitting
in their favorite chair,

433
00:25:09,333 --> 00:25:11,291
leaning in the corner
with a drink in their hands.

434
00:25:11,465 --> 00:25:13,467
Yeah, the possibilities
are endless.

435
00:25:13,642 --> 00:25:14,991
And it took some convincing,

436
00:25:15,165 --> 00:25:16,383
but I got my Uncle Barry
on board,

437
00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:18,516
and we are now officially

438
00:25:18,690 --> 00:25:22,346
the only adventure
funeral parlor

439
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,000
in Southern California.

440
00:25:24,174 --> 00:25:26,089
Wait, do you have pictures?

441
00:25:27,351 --> 00:25:28,047
Mm-hmm.

442
00:25:34,097 --> 00:25:35,185
Wow.

443
00:25:36,186 --> 00:25:38,275
Definitely zooming in on this.

444
00:25:38,449 --> 00:25:40,146
Wow, that is...

445
00:25:41,408 --> 00:25:45,543
That's the most beautiful
yet horrific thing
I've ever fucking seen.

446
00:25:45,717 --> 00:25:47,153
You do all of that?

447
00:25:47,327 --> 00:25:50,504
Yeah, I design, build,

448
00:25:50,679 --> 00:25:52,202
paint, do the makeup.

449
00:25:52,376 --> 00:25:54,247
I do the embalming, of course.

450
00:25:54,421 --> 00:25:58,425
You really love what you do.
That's rare.

451
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:02,168
Yeah, I mean, I think
it's a privilege to take care
of people after they die.

452
00:26:02,342 --> 00:26:06,303
I feel like I'm helping them
and their loved ones.

453
00:26:06,477 --> 00:26:08,610
I find it strange that people
are so afraid of death,

454
00:26:09,045 --> 00:26:11,264
because there's nothing
to be afraid of.

455
00:26:11,438 --> 00:26:14,224
The way I look at it,
before you were born,

456
00:26:14,398 --> 00:26:15,747
you were not alive,

457
00:26:15,921 --> 00:26:19,098
and after you die,
you're not alive, so...

458
00:26:20,447 --> 00:26:22,972
basically, it's just going back
to being not alive.

459
00:26:24,408 --> 00:26:26,584
That's a very thoughtful way
of looking at it.

460
00:26:26,758 --> 00:26:28,107
Do you like your job?

461
00:26:28,281 --> 00:26:29,152
Yeah.

462
00:26:30,196 --> 00:26:31,023
No.

463
00:26:32,242 --> 00:26:34,505
No, actually. I...

464
00:26:34,679 --> 00:26:37,464
started doing this as a temp gig
when I first moved out here,

465
00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:39,728
and it's just slowly started

466
00:26:39,902 --> 00:26:43,645
becoming more of a usual thing, unfortunately.

467
00:26:45,516 --> 00:26:46,604
Why unfortunately?

468
00:26:46,778 --> 00:26:48,345
Enough about me.

469
00:26:51,130 --> 00:26:52,915
So what kind of gal
are you looking for?

470
00:26:57,528 --> 00:27:00,183
I'm Tilda Svensson,
and I like to start

471
00:27:00,357 --> 00:27:03,055
every meeting as I end it,
with love.

472
00:27:03,229 --> 00:27:05,579
What if someone has a death date
that's coming up

473
00:27:05,754 --> 00:27:07,930
soon, within the year?

474
00:27:08,365 --> 00:27:10,236
Do you think
you could find someone
with a similar death date?

475
00:27:10,410 --> 00:27:13,457
Absolutely, no worries.
Of course, yes,

476
00:27:13,631 --> 00:27:16,503
we do match people
based on their death dates,
but you, my friend,

477
00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:19,376
I'm assuming it's you that's
going to kick it fairly soon?

478
00:27:19,550 --> 00:27:22,422
You're in the driver's seat,
because there are
those individuals

479
00:27:22,596 --> 00:27:24,729
with extended death dates
that don't want the commitment,

480
00:27:24,903 --> 00:27:26,339
so they're just gonna look
at somebody like you

481
00:27:26,513 --> 00:27:29,299
for, like, a nice little
boy toy, a little romp,

482
00:27:29,473 --> 00:27:32,171
and then you'll be gone
and they can move on.

483
00:27:32,345 --> 00:27:33,433
Isn't that exciting?

484
00:27:34,783 --> 00:27:37,611
I pride myself
on my matching abilities,
Mortimer,

485
00:27:37,786 --> 00:27:41,615
and I can just tell right now,
in this short conversation,

486
00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:44,488
that I have many people
who would make you

487
00:27:44,662 --> 00:27:47,491
very, very, very, very, very,

488
00:27:47,665 --> 00:27:49,667
very happy.

489
00:27:52,409 --> 00:27:54,803
All right? And we have
a money-back guarantee.

490
00:27:54,977 --> 00:27:56,718
Nothing that you will be able
to take advantage of,
because you'll be dead,

491
00:27:56,892 --> 00:28:01,026
but we can will it
to whomever you want,

492
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,986
so there's only an upside,
no downside.

493
00:28:04,421 --> 00:28:06,379
Tell me you're in.
Come on, I wanna hear it.

494
00:28:08,642 --> 00:28:11,341
- I'm in.
- Are you in, really?

495
00:28:11,515 --> 00:28:12,995
- I'm in.
- Are you in?

496
00:28:13,430 --> 00:28:15,649
- I'm in.
- Come on. Are you feeling it?

497
00:28:16,781 --> 00:28:18,217
- I'm in.
- Can't work with you

498
00:28:18,391 --> 00:28:19,784
if I don't feel the confidence.

499
00:28:19,958 --> 00:28:21,873
I don't have a very loud voice,
but I'm in.

500
00:28:22,047 --> 00:28:23,527
You're in.

501
00:28:23,701 --> 00:28:26,965
It was really nice
meeting you, Mortimer.

502
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,054
We'll finish
compiling your files

503
00:28:29,228 --> 00:28:31,753
and start working
on your matches right away.

504
00:28:31,927 --> 00:28:33,667
You should be hearing
from us soon.

505
00:28:35,582 --> 00:28:36,670
Thank you.

506
00:28:37,062 --> 00:28:38,890
Um... goodbye.

507
00:28:40,544 --> 00:28:41,675
So long.

508
00:28:43,503 --> 00:28:44,200
Farewell.

509
00:28:47,769 --> 00:28:48,813
<i>Au revoir.</i>

510
00:29:58,491 --> 00:29:59,884
Come on, we're gonna
do this. Let's...

511
00:30:00,276 --> 00:30:01,712
Let's go, okay.

512
00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:38,357
- Hey, there.
- Thanks, but no thanks.

513
00:30:38,531 --> 00:30:40,794
- I'm not interested.
- Not interested?

514
00:30:40,969 --> 00:30:43,580
- Here, let me buy you a drink.
- Hey, I'm with someone.

515
00:30:44,842 --> 00:30:45,887
Uh, who?

516
00:30:49,891 --> 00:30:53,198
With him. This is my boyfriend.

517
00:30:53,372 --> 00:30:56,071
Um... uh, Mortimer.

518
00:30:58,856 --> 00:31:00,423
This is your boyfriend?

519
00:31:01,641 --> 00:31:04,340
Yes, so you better beat it
before he kicks your ass.

520
00:31:07,734 --> 00:31:08,779
Your loss.

521
00:31:10,912 --> 00:31:11,869
Thanks.

522
00:31:12,826 --> 00:31:13,827
You're welcome.

523
00:31:16,004 --> 00:31:17,831
What can I get you, doll?

524
00:31:18,006 --> 00:31:20,269
The usual,
and whatever he's having.

525
00:31:21,574 --> 00:31:23,968
Uh, I'll have
a blueberry daiquiri, please.

526
00:31:25,883 --> 00:31:26,623
Okey-dokey.

527
00:31:27,711 --> 00:31:28,712
Thanks, Larry.

528
00:31:32,237 --> 00:31:33,847
Dammit.

529
00:31:35,806 --> 00:31:37,590
Do you have a cigarette?
I am all out.

530
00:31:37,764 --> 00:31:41,333
Um, no, sorry. I don't smoke.

531
00:31:41,507 --> 00:31:42,204
Figures.

532
00:31:46,034 --> 00:31:47,165
Ah, there they are.

533
00:31:49,515 --> 00:31:51,256
- Here you go, sweet cheeks.
- Thank you.

534
00:31:52,344 --> 00:31:53,650
I was talking to her.

535
00:31:53,824 --> 00:31:55,434
Right.

536
00:31:55,608 --> 00:31:56,914
Yeah.
- Yeah. I got it.

537
00:32:06,010 --> 00:32:08,882
If you keep staring at them,
I'm gonna expect a tip.

538
00:32:09,057 --> 00:32:11,102
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to,

539
00:32:11,276 --> 00:32:13,713
you know--
I'm just joking.

540
00:32:13,887 --> 00:32:14,976
That's why I got them.

541
00:32:16,455 --> 00:32:17,152
Do you wanna feel 'em?

542
00:32:20,416 --> 00:32:21,199
Feel them?

543
00:32:22,592 --> 00:32:23,897
You're-- you're kidding?

544
00:32:24,333 --> 00:32:25,987
Nah, you seem like a nice guy,

545
00:32:26,161 --> 00:32:27,945
and not like most
of the douchebags around here,

546
00:32:28,337 --> 00:32:30,339
so... go ahead.

547
00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:34,517
Thanks but, uh, no thanks.

548
00:32:34,691 --> 00:32:36,562
What, you don't like them?

549
00:32:36,736 --> 00:32:39,304
That's... that's not it.

550
00:32:39,478 --> 00:32:40,871
Are you gay?

551
00:32:41,045 --> 00:32:41,785
I don't think so.

552
00:32:43,569 --> 00:32:47,660
Ah, okay, okay.
You're taken, I get it.

553
00:32:47,834 --> 00:32:51,708
No, I... I'm actually not, so...

554
00:32:53,188 --> 00:32:55,668
Jesus, you trying to give me
a complex here?

555
00:32:55,842 --> 00:32:57,931
No, uh, sorry.

556
00:32:58,106 --> 00:33:00,586
I-I'm just in a weird
headspace, and...

557
00:33:02,023 --> 00:33:04,460
But you know, if, if--

558
00:33:04,634 --> 00:33:06,679
if it would make you
feel better, I...

559
00:33:06,853 --> 00:33:07,854
I could.

560
00:33:08,942 --> 00:33:09,856
Yeah?

561
00:33:11,336 --> 00:33:12,033
Okay.

562
00:33:12,468 --> 00:33:13,730
- Okay, just...
- Yeah.

563
00:33:19,823 --> 00:33:20,563
Feel better?

564
00:33:21,781 --> 00:33:22,956
I do, actually.

565
00:33:24,045 --> 00:33:25,350
They're magic.

566
00:33:25,524 --> 00:33:26,221
I agree.

567
00:33:27,570 --> 00:33:28,527
Do you wanna do it again?

568
00:33:30,312 --> 00:33:33,532
Why not? I guess, you know.

569
00:33:33,706 --> 00:33:36,970
Brother! What do you think
you're doing?

570
00:33:37,145 --> 00:33:38,581
- What kind of place
you think this is?
- I didn't--

571
00:33:39,843 --> 00:33:41,932
She... [stammers] She...

572
00:33:42,106 --> 00:33:44,978
- Um...
- I'm just pulling your leg,
man. Carry on.

573
00:33:45,153 --> 00:33:47,155
You're such
a fucking comedian, Larry.

574
00:33:47,329 --> 00:33:50,549
I am, Rita. Thank you.

575
00:33:50,723 --> 00:33:54,510
Hey, do you wanna get
out of here?

576
00:33:54,684 --> 00:33:55,641
Sure, yeah.

577
00:33:57,774 --> 00:33:58,818
Okay, come on.

578
00:33:59,776 --> 00:34:01,430
Sorry, I'm just a little...
That was scary.

579
00:34:01,604 --> 00:34:03,171
I'm really kind of...

580
00:34:03,345 --> 00:34:05,042
- Mm.
- Heart's beating.

581
00:34:05,216 --> 00:34:06,826
- Larry wouldn't hurt a fly.
- Okay.

582
00:34:47,519 --> 00:34:48,912
Find anything
interesting?

583
00:34:49,086 --> 00:34:52,045
Um... Holy shit.

584
00:34:52,481 --> 00:34:53,873
Do you like my outfit?

585
00:34:55,658 --> 00:34:57,790
Yeah, um...

586
00:34:57,964 --> 00:35:01,272
Yeah, yeah. I... I do.

587
00:35:01,446 --> 00:35:03,796
Good. This is going to be fun.

588
00:35:03,970 --> 00:35:06,625
Okay.

589
00:35:06,799 --> 00:35:08,845
So are you paying me
with cash or credit?

590
00:35:10,673 --> 00:35:11,935
Come again?

591
00:35:12,109 --> 00:35:13,763
Are you paying me
with cash or credit?

592
00:35:16,113 --> 00:35:17,027
Oh.

593
00:35:20,073 --> 00:35:23,642
Oh, okay. I-- At the bar,
all that stuff, I just...

594
00:35:23,816 --> 00:35:25,905
I just thought
you kind of liked me.

595
00:35:26,079 --> 00:35:29,822
Oh, Mortimer,
you're very likable,

596
00:35:29,996 --> 00:35:31,128
but I'm a working girl.

597
00:35:34,175 --> 00:35:35,567
Oh, hon. You really
didn't know, did you?

598
00:35:36,568 --> 00:35:38,091
This has never happened
to me before, um,

599
00:35:38,527 --> 00:35:40,181
because most guys
usually pick up on it

600
00:35:40,616 --> 00:35:41,747
when I let them cop a feel.

601
00:35:43,749 --> 00:35:46,535
No, yeah, uh,
I'm just an idiot.

602
00:35:46,709 --> 00:35:48,624
Uh, so, it was really nice
meeting you.

603
00:35:49,712 --> 00:35:52,932
Wait. I'm not supposed
to do this.

604
00:35:53,106 --> 00:35:57,023
You can't take it with you
anyway, so how about a freebie?

605
00:35:57,198 --> 00:36:00,723
Freebie? Um...

606
00:36:00,897 --> 00:36:05,684
I've just, uh, never had sex
with a prostitute before.

607
00:36:05,858 --> 00:36:07,686
- Professional escort.
- Sorry. I--

608
00:36:07,860 --> 00:36:10,776
I've never had sex with
a professional escort before.

609
00:36:10,950 --> 00:36:13,997
When I said freebie,
I meant a blow job.

610
00:36:18,175 --> 00:36:20,525
My hesitation has nothing
to do with you. Um...

611
00:36:23,746 --> 00:36:25,922
Okay. I...

612
00:36:26,096 --> 00:36:27,967
Yeah, let's... let's do that.

613
00:36:28,141 --> 00:36:29,142
Okay, then.

614
00:36:30,361 --> 00:36:32,755
Sit back, relax,
and enjoy the ride.

615
00:36:34,626 --> 00:36:35,584
Let's lose the jacket.

616
00:36:45,855 --> 00:36:48,858
Wow, you really are
very professional.

617
00:37:01,131 --> 00:37:02,437
Wow, that's cold!

618
00:37:06,179 --> 00:37:07,877
Mmm. What's in here?

619
00:37:22,152 --> 00:37:23,196
Rita?

620
00:37:23,588 --> 00:37:24,241
Rita?

621
00:37:25,764 --> 00:37:27,288
Are... are you okay?

622
00:37:31,248 --> 00:37:32,162
Oh, God, oh God.

623
00:37:35,296 --> 00:37:37,733
Oh, oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!

624
00:37:43,216 --> 00:37:44,392
Oh, shit.

625
00:37:45,915 --> 00:37:47,177
Oh, shit.

626
00:37:57,230 --> 00:37:58,710
You got your LDC done.

627
00:38:00,625 --> 00:38:01,539
Today's the day.

628
00:38:03,411 --> 00:38:04,499
Why didn't you say anything?

629
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:09,939
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

630
00:38:10,940 --> 00:38:12,158
Shit!

631
00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:13,812
Who the fuck are you?

632
00:38:15,248 --> 00:38:17,338
- Mortimer.
- What you doing up
in Rita's crib, Mortimer?

633
00:38:17,773 --> 00:38:20,341
She, uh, she invited me up here.

634
00:38:25,476 --> 00:38:27,217
I know, I'm just
fucking with you.

635
00:38:27,391 --> 00:38:28,566
How was it? She do you right?

636
00:38:31,830 --> 00:38:34,703
Yeah, um, I just--
I do have to go, though.

637
00:38:34,877 --> 00:38:36,835
- I'm in kind of a hurry.
- Just hold up.

638
00:38:37,009 --> 00:38:39,534
Let me just check with Rita,
make sure it's copacetic.

639
00:38:39,708 --> 00:38:42,188
- What's taking so long, boo?
- Baby, I told you
to wait in the car.

640
00:38:42,363 --> 00:38:44,016
I'm not waiting in no car
in this sketchy-ass hood.

641
00:38:44,190 --> 00:38:45,670
Can you just let me handle
my fucking business?

642
00:38:45,844 --> 00:38:47,455
Let me handle my business.

643
00:38:49,021 --> 00:38:49,631
Rita!

644
00:38:51,241 --> 00:38:52,242
Rita.

645
00:38:53,852 --> 00:38:54,766
She pass out on you?

646
00:38:56,246 --> 00:38:57,029
Is she okay?

647
00:38:59,684 --> 00:39:01,773
Rita, stop meditating.
Hey, wake up.

648
00:39:04,123 --> 00:39:05,124
Wake up!

649
00:39:07,257 --> 00:39:08,389
Hey, Rita...

650
00:39:09,259 --> 00:39:10,956
Oh, shit.

651
00:39:11,130 --> 00:39:13,959
- Shit? Shit what?
- You're a dead, man!

652
00:39:14,133 --> 00:39:16,484
- Is she dead?
- You just let him leave?

653
00:39:16,658 --> 00:39:18,399
You said you was
handling business!
I didn't wanna interfere!

654
00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:20,226
Go get the shotgun
from the bedroom!

655
00:39:22,011 --> 00:39:22,620
Fuck!

656
00:39:29,497 --> 00:39:34,415
You shitbag killed
my bottom bitch! Shitbag!

657
00:39:34,589 --> 00:39:37,287
No, no, no, no, no! I, I--
I didn't do anything to her!

658
00:39:37,461 --> 00:39:40,812
She-she wanted to give me
a blow job, and then she died,

659
00:39:40,986 --> 00:39:43,162
and I-I checked her ID,
it was her death day.

660
00:39:43,336 --> 00:39:45,164
Look, I would never hurt anyone.
Just-just check her ID.

661
00:39:45,338 --> 00:39:46,470
You should check her ID.

662
00:39:48,690 --> 00:39:51,344
You know, you right
about that death date.

663
00:39:51,780 --> 00:39:54,130
That crazy bitch
was on her last legs.

664
00:39:54,304 --> 00:39:57,350
We should get her body,
put it in the trunk of your car,
and go dump it.

665
00:39:58,439 --> 00:40:00,049
I don't think
that's a good idea.

666
00:40:00,223 --> 00:40:02,704
Get the--
Get up. Get up.

667
00:40:04,575 --> 00:40:07,752
So are we... are we good here?

668
00:40:07,926 --> 00:40:11,582
No, no. You still owe me
for Rita's services.

669
00:40:11,756 --> 00:40:14,324
But... but she said
it was a freebie.

670
00:40:14,498 --> 00:40:17,283
This ain't Trader Joe's, bitch.
I ain't handing out
free pussy samples

671
00:40:17,458 --> 00:40:19,634
to dudes off the street.
I'm running a professional
escort service.

672
00:40:20,069 --> 00:40:23,725
You get a hummer, you pay.
You owe me 500 bucks.

673
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,336
- Five hundred dollars
for a blow job?
- Yeah.

674
00:40:26,510 --> 00:40:29,382
Sir, I... I can't afford that.
No, I'm sorry.

675
00:40:29,557 --> 00:40:33,386
I mean, I'm not trying
to be difficult,
but I don't have that money.

676
00:40:33,561 --> 00:40:35,388
- Give me your keys.
- What? No, no!

677
00:40:35,563 --> 00:40:38,870
Come on, give me
your fucking keys,
you little fuck!

678
00:40:39,044 --> 00:40:41,351
Now I got 'em.
Now your car's collateral

679
00:40:41,525 --> 00:40:43,527
till you pay me
what you fucking owe me.

680
00:40:43,701 --> 00:40:46,008
What? You can't do that!

681
00:40:46,182 --> 00:40:48,227
I just did, fucker.

682
00:40:48,401 --> 00:40:50,534
Do you know how hard it is
to run in heels?

683
00:40:50,708 --> 00:40:52,580
- Fuck, take the shotty.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you--

684
00:40:52,754 --> 00:40:54,886
Shit!

685
00:40:55,060 --> 00:40:57,802
Oops.

686
00:40:57,976 --> 00:40:59,412
Here, sweetie,
you forgot your jacket.

687
00:41:00,892 --> 00:41:02,067
Hold on, let me see here.

688
00:41:03,808 --> 00:41:05,418
Oh, look at this.

689
00:41:07,333 --> 00:41:08,900
That's a nice photo
of you. Look.

690
00:41:09,901 --> 00:41:11,990
Mortimer Mortenson,
Sherman Oaks.

691
00:41:13,775 --> 00:41:16,299
You better have my money.
Can we go already?

692
00:41:28,354 --> 00:41:30,531
<i>911,
what's your emergency?</i>

693
00:41:30,705 --> 00:41:33,969
Hi, I was just attacked
by a pimp who stole my car.

694
00:41:34,143 --> 00:41:37,233
<i>Are you injured? Do you need
any medical services?</i>

695
00:41:37,407 --> 00:41:39,322
No, I just really want
my car back.

696
00:41:39,496 --> 00:41:42,543
<i>You said your attacker
was a pimp?</i>

697
00:41:42,717 --> 00:41:45,154
Yeah, yeah, he runs
a professional escort service.

698
00:41:45,328 --> 00:41:47,069
They were less than
professional.

699
00:41:47,243 --> 00:41:50,159
Uh, it's kind of complicated,
but the escort,

700
00:41:50,333 --> 00:41:53,205
you know, uh,
died of natural causes.

701
00:41:53,379 --> 00:41:55,425
It was her death date.
And then he showed up.

702
00:41:55,599 --> 00:41:57,383
He demanded money
that I didn't have,
and he got pissed off.

703
00:41:58,602 --> 00:42:02,824
<i>Sir, you are aware
that soliciting a prostitute
is a crime, right?</i>

704
00:42:03,259 --> 00:42:06,436
You know what? Um,
never mind, actually.

705
00:42:06,610 --> 00:42:09,047
Thank you so much for your time.
Have a-- have a nice evening.

706
00:43:00,446 --> 00:43:02,710
I don't know how I let you
sucker me into this, man.

707
00:43:02,884 --> 00:43:04,712
I'm a driver. I don't do this.

708
00:43:04,886 --> 00:43:07,410
I know, I know.
Just one more second.

709
00:43:07,584 --> 00:43:10,108
Just need to...

710
00:43:11,632 --> 00:43:13,677
- Okay. It's good.
Yeah, she's secure.
- Let go?

711
00:43:13,851 --> 00:43:15,940
- All right. I can let go?
- Yeah.

712
00:43:16,114 --> 00:43:16,854
Okay.

713
00:43:17,986 --> 00:43:19,465
You know what we should do?

714
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:21,337
We should tie some strings
to her, right,

715
00:43:21,511 --> 00:43:23,905
and then we should just,
like, reenact that video.

716
00:43:24,340 --> 00:43:26,429
You know what I mean?
When they were like...

717
00:43:26,603 --> 00:43:28,257
- You know what I mean?
- We're not allowed to do that.

718
00:43:28,431 --> 00:43:31,695
Why not? She ain't gonna
tell nobody, look at her.

719
00:43:31,869 --> 00:43:33,392
Thank you, Sid.
I appreciate it a lot.

720
00:43:33,566 --> 00:43:34,437
Yeah, yeah.

721
00:43:35,525 --> 00:43:37,353
Got a black man
hanging a white woman.

722
00:43:37,527 --> 00:43:39,224
Boy, how the times have changed.

723
00:43:40,573 --> 00:43:43,011
Actually feels kind of good,
I ain't gonna lie.

724
00:43:43,185 --> 00:43:45,927
I feel good, deep
in my ancestrial spirit.

725
00:43:46,362 --> 00:43:49,365
I feel like a thousand slaves
are just patting me
on the back right now,

726
00:43:49,539 --> 00:43:50,583
you know what I'm saying?

727
00:43:50,975 --> 00:43:52,368
Whew!

728
00:43:52,542 --> 00:43:54,500
All right, so, gotcha, man.

729
00:43:54,675 --> 00:43:55,980
- Thank you.
- No doubt.

730
00:43:57,025 --> 00:43:58,026
- Hey.
- What up, Barry?

731
00:44:00,158 --> 00:44:03,596
Mort.

732
00:44:04,032 --> 00:44:05,773
Oh, wow.

733
00:44:07,339 --> 00:44:08,253
You...

734
00:44:15,739 --> 00:44:18,176
You are an artist.

735
00:44:18,350 --> 00:44:19,569
Thank you.

736
00:44:20,004 --> 00:44:22,354
I really believe Mr. Telemacher

737
00:44:22,528 --> 00:44:25,096
is gonna love
seeing her off like this.

738
00:44:26,315 --> 00:44:27,577
Wow.

739
00:44:32,669 --> 00:44:34,627
She's sexy, right?

740
00:44:34,802 --> 00:44:36,412
Maybe that's just me.

741
00:44:38,457 --> 00:44:40,416
Hey, let me ask you. Um...

742
00:44:41,896 --> 00:44:44,420
I've been talking
to this new woman online,

743
00:44:44,594 --> 00:44:47,075
and it turns out

744
00:44:47,249 --> 00:44:50,208
she has a sister
who's also single.

745
00:44:52,428 --> 00:44:53,429
And?

746
00:44:54,386 --> 00:44:57,607
And, maybe we could do
some double dating.

747
00:44:57,781 --> 00:44:59,217
I don't know.

748
00:44:59,391 --> 00:45:00,697
What-what is she, like, 60?

749
00:45:01,132 --> 00:45:04,048
She's not 60.

750
00:45:04,222 --> 00:45:05,746
Well, she is the older sister.

751
00:45:07,312 --> 00:45:09,532
I really wish you'd get back
out there, Mort.

752
00:45:09,706 --> 00:45:11,534
I am, actually.

753
00:45:11,708 --> 00:45:13,362
I just joined
this dating service

754
00:45:13,536 --> 00:45:16,408
that matches you with people
based on death dates.

755
00:45:16,582 --> 00:45:18,497
I mean, I'm a little nervous,
but, uh, who knows?

756
00:45:18,671 --> 00:45:20,499
That is awesome.

757
00:45:20,673 --> 00:45:23,372
You're-- you're getting back
in the saddle.

758
00:45:23,546 --> 00:45:25,330
That's so great.

759
00:45:25,504 --> 00:45:28,812
After the way
Nicole humiliated you

760
00:45:28,986 --> 00:45:32,729
and started sleeping with
that really good-looking guy,

761
00:45:32,903 --> 00:45:36,864
I mean... I mean, believe me,
she was beautiful and, like,

762
00:45:37,038 --> 00:45:41,782
her body is really, really hot,
you know what I mean?

763
00:45:41,956 --> 00:45:45,394
And, you know, I remember
when I would see her at dinner,

764
00:45:45,568 --> 00:45:48,310
I'd be like, "Oh my God,
I'd love to do her."

765
00:45:48,484 --> 00:45:51,139
But, you know, I wouldn't,
because of you.

766
00:45:51,313 --> 00:45:54,098
Unless you were into it.
Like, you could've watched.
You know what I mean?

767
00:45:54,272 --> 00:45:56,492
Some people are into that.
Weirdos.

768
00:45:56,666 --> 00:45:58,494
Anyway, but now,

769
00:45:58,668 --> 00:46:00,713
you're going back out there,
and you're...

770
00:46:02,890 --> 00:46:03,891
I'm proud of you.

771
00:46:04,065 --> 00:46:05,370
Anyway, I'm proud of you.

772
00:46:15,990 --> 00:46:17,165
- Hello?
- Mortimer?

773
00:46:17,339 --> 00:46:18,296
<i>Hi, this is he.</i>

774
00:46:18,470 --> 00:46:19,820
Hi, it's Tilda Svensson

775
00:46:20,255 --> 00:46:21,430
<i>from Till Death Do Us Part.</i>

776
00:46:21,604 --> 00:46:22,692
Oh, hi.

777
00:46:23,127 --> 00:46:24,868
I've got some exciting news.

778
00:46:25,042 --> 00:46:26,957
Based on your video,
we've already gotten

779
00:46:27,131 --> 00:46:30,178
several requests for matches.

780
00:46:30,352 --> 00:46:31,222
Really?

781
00:46:32,136 --> 00:46:34,573
That's amazing,
I mean, that was so fast.

782
00:46:34,747 --> 00:46:37,054
Well, we are a professional
dating service, Mortimer.

783
00:46:37,489 --> 00:46:39,622
Check your email inbox
for all the details

784
00:46:39,796 --> 00:46:42,712
- regarding each match.
- Okay, uh, thank you.

785
00:46:42,886 --> 00:46:45,933
<i>Congratulations, Mortimer.
I'm so happy for you.</i>

786
00:46:46,107 --> 00:46:48,196
Happy dating! And remember,

787
00:46:48,370 --> 00:46:50,720
<i>till death do you part!</i>

788
00:46:50,894 --> 00:46:54,332
All right, love you--
Um, yeah, uh, thank you, bye.

789
00:47:19,314 --> 00:47:21,794
Yes.
- Please don't hurt me!

790
00:47:22,230 --> 00:47:25,146
Yo, relax, relax.
Just wanna talk.

791
00:47:26,277 --> 00:47:28,366
You surprised to see me?
You didn't think

792
00:47:28,540 --> 00:47:30,629
I'd track you down?
I told you I would.

793
00:47:30,803 --> 00:47:32,718
Is that where you work
back there? What d'you do?

794
00:47:32,893 --> 00:47:35,069
Prepare bodies
for final viewing.

795
00:47:35,504 --> 00:47:37,941
So you, like, prepare bodies
for final viewing
at, like, a funeral?

796
00:47:38,115 --> 00:47:39,856
You put makeup on dead people.

797
00:47:40,030 --> 00:47:42,076
That's a perfect job
for a freak like you.

798
00:47:42,511 --> 00:47:44,861
You ever get any cute
dead girls up in there?

799
00:47:46,210 --> 00:47:47,690
I don't know.

800
00:47:47,864 --> 00:47:48,647
You ever think about
fucking one of them

801
00:47:48,821 --> 00:47:50,693
hot dead girls?

802
00:47:50,867 --> 00:47:52,869
- No, that's disgusting!
- I'm just playing.

803
00:47:53,261 --> 00:47:55,263
Come on, hold up.

804
00:47:56,090 --> 00:47:59,571
Yeah, I'm playing.
But I do know some guys
who'd be into that shit.

805
00:47:59,745 --> 00:48:02,270
Could make a little money
on the side, if you want.

806
00:48:03,619 --> 00:48:05,360
So where's my money, man?
You got it?

807
00:48:06,013 --> 00:48:09,668
I get paid today, okay?
So after work,
I'll give you the $500,

808
00:48:09,842 --> 00:48:11,540
you give me the car back,
and we can move on
with our lives.

809
00:48:11,714 --> 00:48:14,108
Five hundred dollars?
It's $1,000, motherfucker.

810
00:48:14,543 --> 00:48:18,286
No, you said it was 500
for Rita's services.

811
00:48:18,460 --> 00:48:21,376
Yeah, but that was
if you would've paid me then.
But now it's 1,000.

812
00:48:22,725 --> 00:48:25,032
This is turning into
the most expensive blow job
in human history.

813
00:48:25,206 --> 00:48:26,816
And look,
I don't have that, okay?

814
00:48:26,990 --> 00:48:28,557
- I have to pay my rent!
- You think I'm fucking stupid?

815
00:48:28,731 --> 00:48:31,560
I've seen you, fucking
Mortenson Funeral Home.

816
00:48:31,734 --> 00:48:34,650
That's your name.
I know you're rolling in dough.

817
00:48:34,824 --> 00:48:37,914
No, it's my family's business,
okay? I just work there.

818
00:48:38,088 --> 00:48:39,785
Well, maybe I should go talk
to your family, tell them

819
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:40,961
- you're trying
to slip out paying...
- No!

820
00:48:41,396 --> 00:48:43,833
...for your professional
blow job, Morty.

821
00:48:44,007 --> 00:48:46,270
Okay, I'll give you $1,000.
Just please don't involve
my family in this.

822
00:48:46,705 --> 00:48:49,317
Can we go already?
I'm bored as fuck.
- Morty, I like you though, man.

823
00:48:49,491 --> 00:48:51,754
Shut the fuck up
for two minutes, bitch!

824
00:48:51,928 --> 00:48:53,451
Who the fuck
are you calling a bitch?

825
00:48:53,625 --> 00:48:55,671
I warned you about
calling me that.

826
00:48:55,845 --> 00:48:58,021
I'm gonna call Big Rey,
and he's gonna beat your ass.

827
00:48:58,195 --> 00:49:00,763
Hey, baby. Come on, man,
you know what I mean by that.

828
00:49:00,937 --> 00:49:02,983
You know I don't mean it
like that, baby.

829
00:49:04,810 --> 00:49:07,900
I'll come by your house later.
You better have it.

830
00:49:29,009 --> 00:49:29,922
Mortimer?

831
00:49:31,359 --> 00:49:32,012
Nicole.

832
00:49:33,143 --> 00:49:37,147
Wow, what a crazy coincidence,
running into you here.

833
00:49:38,453 --> 00:49:43,023
Not really. I mean, we used
to shop here all the time
on Saturdays.

834
00:49:43,197 --> 00:49:46,287
It's a been a while.
Like, how long has it been?

835
00:49:48,593 --> 00:49:49,333
A month.

836
00:49:51,988 --> 00:49:55,470
Um, this is Nathaniel,
my fiance. This is Mortimer.

837
00:49:57,602 --> 00:49:58,908
Fiance.

838
00:49:59,909 --> 00:50:01,606
Well, we met right after
you and I broke up.

839
00:50:01,780 --> 00:50:03,347
It was kind of
love at first sight.

840
00:50:03,782 --> 00:50:05,871
- It's been a real whirlwind.
- Yes, it has.

841
00:50:06,046 --> 00:50:09,658
Bro, Mortimer,
so glad to finally meet you.

842
00:50:09,832 --> 00:50:11,790
I'm so sorry about
your whole death day news.

843
00:50:11,964 --> 00:50:13,836
Oh, my God, yeah.
How are you doing?

844
00:50:14,010 --> 00:50:16,143
Are you in pain?

845
00:50:16,317 --> 00:50:18,754
Um, no, no, no.
I'm good, I feel fine.

846
00:50:18,928 --> 00:50:20,973
How are you feeling?

847
00:50:21,409 --> 00:50:23,628
I'm feeling fine. I feel fine.

848
00:50:25,326 --> 00:50:27,850
Good. How are you feeling?

849
00:50:28,024 --> 00:50:29,504
Like a stallion.

850
00:50:30,635 --> 00:50:32,420
Hey, babe, I'm gonna go
grab the tabouli.

851
00:50:32,594 --> 00:50:33,943
I'll meet you
at the checkout, okay?

852
00:50:34,378 --> 00:50:36,728
Mortimer, I'm just glad
we had a chance

853
00:50:36,902 --> 00:50:38,078
to finally meet before...

854
00:50:40,689 --> 00:50:42,169
You know.

855
00:50:42,343 --> 00:50:44,910
Be well, my friend. Godspeed.

856
00:50:45,085 --> 00:50:48,349
<i>Don't forget, LDC
can make great party events.</i>

857
00:50:48,784 --> 00:50:50,002
Well, he seems, uh...

858
00:50:52,396 --> 00:50:54,877
Wow, engaged again already.

859
00:50:55,965 --> 00:50:57,836
Actually, we met here
in the Valley
at a dating service

860
00:50:58,010 --> 00:50:59,403
called Till Death Do Us Part.

861
00:50:59,577 --> 00:51:01,013
So Nathaniel and I
have a death day

862
00:51:01,188 --> 00:51:02,928
that's like two weeks
apart from each other.

863
00:51:03,755 --> 00:51:04,669
Um...

864
00:51:06,976 --> 00:51:08,499
How are you doing?
Have you met anyone?

865
00:51:10,980 --> 00:51:12,982
- Met anyone?
- You know, despite
what you might think,

866
00:51:13,461 --> 00:51:15,419
I want you to be happy,
Mortimer.

867
00:51:16,159 --> 00:51:19,554
I am happy, and, uh,
and, yeah, I met someone. Rita.

868
00:51:20,598 --> 00:51:21,599
Rita?

869
00:51:22,948 --> 00:51:24,298
What does Rita do?

870
00:51:26,169 --> 00:51:28,084
She was in the service industry.

871
00:51:28,867 --> 00:51:30,826
Was?

872
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:32,523
She's taking some time off.

873
00:51:32,697 --> 00:51:34,090
She has a master's in poetry.

874
00:51:34,264 --> 00:51:36,310
Um, she's really big
on words, so...

875
00:51:36,745 --> 00:51:42,011
Um, I'm happy that you met
someone that likes words.

876
00:51:42,185 --> 00:51:45,188
I'm really happy that you met
Mr. Tabouli Stallion.

877
00:51:48,757 --> 00:51:50,846
Well, I should go.

878
00:51:51,020 --> 00:51:53,153
It really was good to see you.

879
00:51:53,588 --> 00:51:54,937
I'm glad you're doing okay.

880
00:51:55,111 --> 00:51:56,547
<i>Dying soon?</i>

881
00:51:56,721 --> 00:51:58,680
<i>Don't forget the chips and dip.</i>

882
00:51:58,854 --> 00:52:01,117
<i>Visit our funeral specials
in aisle seven,</i>

883
00:52:01,291 --> 00:52:03,598
<i>and check out these savings
before your LDC runs out.</i>

884
00:52:09,125 --> 00:52:10,474
Three matches.

885
00:52:11,823 --> 00:52:12,737
Hmm.

886
00:52:13,999 --> 00:52:16,567
She seems nice.

887
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:23,922
Who is it?

888
00:52:24,096 --> 00:52:25,707
Guess who.

889
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:27,752
I want my 5,000 bucks.

890
00:52:27,926 --> 00:52:29,754
Open the door.

891
00:52:30,755 --> 00:52:34,455
Five thousand?
You said it was 1,000 for--

892
00:52:34,890 --> 00:52:36,500
Yeah, that was this morning,
then you made me wait
till tonight.

893
00:52:36,674 --> 00:52:38,981
You wasted a lot
of my time, Morty boy.

894
00:52:39,155 --> 00:52:41,113
I want my money. Open up.

895
00:52:41,505 --> 00:52:43,203
I-I don't have it.

896
00:52:43,377 --> 00:52:45,335
You're-you're just trying
to take advantage of me.

897
00:52:48,469 --> 00:52:49,687
I know you got paid today.

898
00:52:51,254 --> 00:52:52,299
Open the fucking door.

899
00:52:56,955 --> 00:52:58,087
You see this?

900
00:53:00,611 --> 00:53:01,482
Don't make me use it.

901
00:53:07,792 --> 00:53:10,360
Go on, then.
I don't even care.

902
00:53:10,534 --> 00:53:13,015
I-I've got a death date
that's due in less than a year,

903
00:53:13,189 --> 00:53:15,017
so I'm gonna die anyway.

904
00:53:15,191 --> 00:53:17,933
Fuck! Fuck!

905
00:53:18,107 --> 00:53:21,371
Motherfucker! Fuck! Fuck!

906
00:53:24,244 --> 00:53:26,550
I got your car, you idiot!

907
00:53:26,724 --> 00:53:27,769
Keep it.

908
00:53:27,943 --> 00:53:28,857
I'm not gonna need it anyway

909
00:53:29,031 --> 00:53:31,425
and, you know,

910
00:53:31,860 --> 00:53:33,122
I've actually learned
that I enjoy riding a bike

911
00:53:33,557 --> 00:53:34,863
instead of sitting
in LA traffic.

912
00:53:36,691 --> 00:53:38,083
You stupid dumbass!

913
00:53:38,258 --> 00:53:39,911
I'm gonna make you wish
you were dead!

914
00:53:40,085 --> 00:53:41,261
Fuck you!

915
00:53:49,834 --> 00:53:51,271
Yo.

916
00:53:51,662 --> 00:53:53,055
You got our money?

917
00:53:53,229 --> 00:53:55,492
Yeah, got our money, bitch?

918
00:53:57,059 --> 00:53:59,583
I didn't get it 'cause
he wouldn't open the door.

919
00:53:59,757 --> 00:54:01,019
Oh.

920
00:54:02,630 --> 00:54:04,414
Oh, you don't gotta get up.

921
00:54:04,588 --> 00:54:06,111
Rey, please,
don't-don't stand up.

922
00:54:11,247 --> 00:54:13,336
He wouldn't open the door?

923
00:54:15,164 --> 00:54:16,818
Then why didn't you
just break it in, then?

924
00:54:16,992 --> 00:54:20,561
Yeah, I tried, I tried,
but he had a club on it.

925
00:54:20,996 --> 00:54:23,651
- Looks like he had the club.
- What the fuck
was this for, then, huh?

926
00:54:23,825 --> 00:54:26,306
I was gonna, uh, well, uh...

927
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:29,396
- Mm, no...
- Shut the fuck up!

928
00:54:31,354 --> 00:54:34,879
The time to pay up
is running out.

929
00:54:35,053 --> 00:54:38,579
Ticktock, motherfucker!
Ticktock.

930
00:54:40,929 --> 00:54:42,757
I tried to warn you.

931
00:54:42,931 --> 00:54:43,975
Tick tock, boo.

932
00:54:45,107 --> 00:54:46,151
Let's go.

933
00:54:52,941 --> 00:54:54,116
All right.

934
00:54:54,290 --> 00:54:55,813
Drive safe, drive safe.

935
00:54:57,424 --> 00:54:58,816
Yeah, it's crazy out there, Rey.

936
00:55:10,045 --> 00:55:11,307
<i>Heard this place</i>

937
00:55:11,742 --> 00:55:13,309
has the best gnocchi
in the Valley.

938
00:55:13,483 --> 00:55:15,224
- Gnocchi?
- You look lovely.

939
00:55:15,398 --> 00:55:17,269
- Aw, thank you.
- Guh-notchy?

940
00:55:17,705 --> 00:55:20,316
Love the suit.
You know what they say.

941
00:55:20,490 --> 00:55:22,884
Black is the new black.

942
00:55:23,058 --> 00:55:24,407
Do you come here often?

943
00:55:24,581 --> 00:55:26,670
No, I-I never have, actually.

944
00:55:27,105 --> 00:55:28,585
But I saw on your profile
that you like food.

945
00:55:29,020 --> 00:55:31,762
You're really trying
to impress me, aren't you?

946
00:55:32,633 --> 00:55:34,722
I think we need some drinks.

947
00:55:34,896 --> 00:55:36,898
- I like drinks.
- Me too.

948
00:55:37,072 --> 00:55:39,814
My death date is coming up.

949
00:55:39,988 --> 00:55:41,685
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.

950
00:55:41,859 --> 00:55:43,383
I hate it when people
act sorry for me.

951
00:55:43,818 --> 00:55:45,297
- I don't even know you.
- Okay.

952
00:55:45,733 --> 00:55:49,040
- I'm cold.
- Here.

953
00:55:49,214 --> 00:55:51,565
Organic cotton?
I have to go to the bathroom.

954
00:55:54,698 --> 00:55:56,657
We just gotta keep our chins up

955
00:55:57,092 --> 00:55:58,789
and try to make the most
of the time we have left.

956
00:55:58,963 --> 00:56:00,356
That's just asinine.

957
00:56:00,791 --> 00:56:02,967
There is no God, no heaven,

958
00:56:03,141 --> 00:56:05,448
- no justice.
- You guys ready to order?

959
00:56:05,622 --> 00:56:08,320
Eating is just
an elaborate farce
to prolong the inevitable.

960
00:56:08,495 --> 00:56:10,714
I prefer to let my body
waste away to dust.

961
00:56:10,888 --> 00:56:12,237
Yeah, I'll have
the vegan burger.

962
00:56:14,326 --> 00:56:15,763
- Do you dance salsa?
- Me?

963
00:56:15,937 --> 00:56:17,460
Uh... no.

964
00:56:17,634 --> 00:56:20,332
- Why not?
- It seems complicated.

965
00:56:20,507 --> 00:56:22,291
It's easy. It's just like sex.

966
00:56:22,726 --> 00:56:24,728
It's all about moving your hips.

967
00:56:26,208 --> 00:56:30,081
I'm not terrible at the whole
hip-moving thing.

968
00:56:30,255 --> 00:56:31,213
I bet not.

969
00:56:31,387 --> 00:56:33,650
Well, that was, um...

970
00:56:34,912 --> 00:56:35,739
interesting.

971
00:56:35,913 --> 00:56:36,871
You hate me.

972
00:56:37,045 --> 00:56:38,046
This date has been

973
00:56:38,220 --> 00:56:39,526
a total fucking disaster.

974
00:56:39,700 --> 00:56:42,137
I guess this is where
we say good night.

975
00:56:42,311 --> 00:56:43,007
Good night.

976
00:56:44,052 --> 00:56:45,880
Aren't you gonna give me
a good night kiss?

977
00:56:46,054 --> 00:56:48,448
Your continued refusal
to face reality

978
00:56:48,622 --> 00:56:49,884
irritates me to the bone.

979
00:56:50,798 --> 00:56:51,451
Uh...

980
00:56:52,408 --> 00:56:53,888
Yeah, sure.

981
00:56:57,892 --> 00:57:00,329
Well, on that pleasant note...

982
00:57:04,725 --> 00:57:06,161
I hope you have
a pleasant evening.

983
00:57:06,335 --> 00:57:08,642
- Is that okay to say?
- Fuck off.

984
00:57:09,077 --> 00:57:11,993
Excuse me. Uh,
have you seen the woman
that I came in here with?

985
00:57:12,167 --> 00:57:14,822
The one with the cool jacket?
I think she left.

986
00:57:16,693 --> 00:57:19,479
You know,
if you're not doing
anything on Saturday night,

987
00:57:19,653 --> 00:57:22,917
maybe we could go see a movie
at Hollywood Forever.

988
00:57:23,091 --> 00:57:25,354
I'd love to,
but, Mortimer,

989
00:57:25,789 --> 00:57:28,009
can I be totally
honest with you?

990
00:57:28,749 --> 00:57:31,491
I'm not really
into commitment right now.

991
00:57:31,926 --> 00:57:33,405
You kind of just left
the restaurant

992
00:57:33,580 --> 00:57:35,625
without saying anything.
Is everything all right?

993
00:57:35,799 --> 00:57:39,237
Yeah, no, um, I'm good,
I was just really tired,

994
00:57:39,411 --> 00:57:41,631
so... I bounced.

995
00:57:41,805 --> 00:57:44,112
That's why I only date guys
with early death dates.

996
00:57:44,286 --> 00:57:46,418
You know, there's just
less strings attached.

997
00:57:46,593 --> 00:57:49,465
You left with my jacket
and my wallet's in the pocket,

998
00:57:49,639 --> 00:57:51,728
so I'm gonna need
to get those back.

999
00:57:52,163 --> 00:57:55,079
Are you saying that I stole
your jacket and wallet?

1000
00:57:56,516 --> 00:57:59,257
<i>No, no, I'm not saying that.
I just want my stuff back.</i>

1001
00:58:00,911 --> 00:58:01,999
Oh, huh.

1002
00:58:04,393 --> 00:58:06,961
Oh, don't be down on yourself.
You were wonderful.

1003
00:58:07,135 --> 00:58:08,440
I had such a great time.

1004
00:58:08,876 --> 00:58:11,269
Let's just start over, okay?

1005
00:58:11,443 --> 00:58:13,620
You can keep the jacket.
I just need the wallet.

1006
00:58:13,794 --> 00:58:17,319
First, you try to give me
your jacket to, like,
make me like you,

1007
00:58:17,493 --> 00:58:19,843
and then you accuse me
of stealing it,

1008
00:58:20,278 --> 00:58:23,543
and now you're asking me
to meet you
in the middle of the night?

1009
00:58:23,717 --> 00:58:25,327
What am I, a lady of the night?

1010
00:58:25,501 --> 00:58:26,850
Just, please. Hello?

1011
00:58:28,330 --> 00:58:29,244
Hello?

1012
00:58:46,870 --> 00:58:49,220
Open up, you crooks!
I know you're in there!

1013
00:58:56,314 --> 00:58:57,489
Mortimer?

1014
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:00,144
Hey.

1015
00:59:00,318 --> 00:59:02,625
- What are you doing here?
- Where's Tilda?

1016
00:59:02,799 --> 00:59:04,627
I need to speak to someone
in charge immediately.

1017
00:59:04,801 --> 00:59:06,368
No one's around.
We're closed on the weekends.

1018
00:59:06,542 --> 00:59:08,500
I just came by to grab
my check. What's up?

1019
00:59:08,675 --> 00:59:11,634
What's up is that
on this professional date,

1020
00:59:11,808 --> 00:59:15,507
my date took my wallet
and refuses to give it
back to me.

1021
00:59:15,682 --> 00:59:18,554
Oh, my God,
that's really fucked up.

1022
00:59:18,728 --> 00:59:20,904
I can't say I'm surprised.

1023
00:59:21,078 --> 00:59:23,124
Oh, oh, does this happen a lot
with you people?

1024
00:59:23,298 --> 00:59:25,648
- I, like--
- I'm sorry, okay? Really, I am.

1025
00:59:25,822 --> 00:59:28,390
You seem like a sweet,
gentle human being,

1026
00:59:28,564 --> 00:59:30,174
and you have every right
to be pissed off.

1027
00:59:30,348 --> 00:59:32,350
- You're darn right I do.
- And for the record,

1028
00:59:32,524 --> 00:59:34,265
I just shoot videos
for these dipwads.

1029
00:59:34,439 --> 00:59:36,006
I don't screen their clientele.

1030
00:59:42,491 --> 00:59:43,884
Are you okay?

1031
00:59:45,189 --> 00:59:46,103
Yeah.

1032
00:59:47,452 --> 00:59:51,326
Yeah, yeah, I, uh...
I'm just having a rough morning.

1033
00:59:51,500 --> 00:59:52,719
I've had a lot of those
lately, so...

1034
01:00:01,249 --> 01:00:03,425
It's gonna be okay,
I promise.

1035
01:00:06,863 --> 01:00:09,649
Hey, I have a brilliant idea.

1036
01:00:09,823 --> 01:00:11,346
Why don't you let me
take you to breakfast?

1037
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:13,696
- You don't have to do that.
- No, I insist.

1038
01:00:13,870 --> 01:00:15,132
It's the least I could do
after all the bullshit

1039
01:00:15,306 --> 01:00:16,090
we put you through.

1040
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:19,354
Okay.

1041
01:00:22,183 --> 01:00:22,923
Great.

1042
01:00:51,255 --> 01:00:53,257
I like your ride.

1043
01:00:53,431 --> 01:00:55,303
It's a little
on the she/her side, though.

1044
01:00:56,391 --> 01:00:58,741
Yeah, no, that's because
it's my ex's.

1045
01:00:58,915 --> 01:01:02,179
My car was stolen
by this crazy pimp named Simon

1046
01:01:02,353 --> 01:01:04,051
who thinks that I accepted
a freebie blow job

1047
01:01:04,225 --> 01:01:05,792
from one of his
professional escorts.

1048
01:01:05,966 --> 01:01:07,576
- Did you?
- Did I what?

1049
01:01:07,750 --> 01:01:11,406
Receive a freebie blow job
from a professional escort?

1050
01:01:11,580 --> 01:01:15,453
Oh, no, no, it was just a--
just a misunderstanding.

1051
01:01:15,627 --> 01:01:16,846
You've been through a lot.

1052
01:01:21,024 --> 01:01:22,591
Biking's great, isn't it?

1053
01:01:22,765 --> 01:01:24,419
Yeah. Yeah, it is.

1054
01:01:55,624 --> 01:01:58,322
Yeah, just drop it in
through the mail slot,

1055
01:01:58,496 --> 01:02:00,716
and then we won't have
to involve the authorities.

1056
01:02:01,151 --> 01:02:04,067
Yeah, okay, great.
Thank you so much.

1057
01:02:05,373 --> 01:02:09,116
Okay, psycho girl
is going to drop your wallet

1058
01:02:09,290 --> 01:02:10,247
in the next few hours.

1059
01:02:12,467 --> 01:02:14,469
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate
you helping me out.

1060
01:02:14,643 --> 01:02:15,775
No worries.

1061
01:02:18,778 --> 01:02:19,779
This burrito is incredible.

1062
01:02:20,170 --> 01:02:21,041
I know, right?

1063
01:02:22,477 --> 01:02:24,653
Once you go food truck,
you never go back.

1064
01:02:26,263 --> 01:02:27,525
Are you from LA?

1065
01:02:27,699 --> 01:02:29,310
No, upstate New York.

1066
01:02:30,833 --> 01:02:34,576
I came out here
to be a great director,
or great actor.

1067
01:02:35,882 --> 01:02:39,189
Or something, I don't know.
Something really great.

1068
01:02:39,363 --> 01:02:43,106
That must be depressing.

1069
01:02:43,541 --> 01:02:46,414
Filming losers like me
instead of pursuing your dreams.

1070
01:02:46,588 --> 01:02:49,199
Maybe this is my dream.
I just haven't realized it yet.

1071
01:02:50,592 --> 01:02:53,856
And you're not a loser,
Mortimer. Okay?

1072
01:02:54,030 --> 01:02:56,163
You're just going through
a rough time.

1073
01:02:56,337 --> 01:02:57,642
There's no shame in that.

1074
01:02:59,514 --> 01:03:01,603
- Can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.

1075
01:03:01,777 --> 01:03:05,346
Do you have any things
you'd like to do

1076
01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:07,522
on your bucket list
before your death date hits?

1077
01:03:08,915 --> 01:03:12,614
I guess there's one thing
that's pretty random.

1078
01:03:12,788 --> 01:03:14,268
I don't know, you may laugh.

1079
01:03:15,182 --> 01:03:16,879
I promise.
I promise I won't laugh.

1080
01:03:17,053 --> 01:03:19,882
Unless it's, like,
running buck naked

1081
01:03:20,056 --> 01:03:21,841
through the LA Marathon
or something.

1082
01:03:25,670 --> 01:03:26,846
Okay, I've never told
anyone this,

1083
01:03:27,281 --> 01:03:30,153
but, uh, I want to climb
Mount Fuji.

1084
01:03:31,633 --> 01:03:32,242
Really?

1085
01:03:34,679 --> 01:03:35,811
Why? Why Mount Fuji?

1086
01:03:36,246 --> 01:03:38,640
That's the thing.
There's no real reason.

1087
01:03:38,814 --> 01:03:42,470
I just, uh, I mean,
it looks beautiful and serene

1088
01:03:42,644 --> 01:03:44,689
and, uh, you know,
I've read that you can have

1089
01:03:44,864 --> 01:03:47,736
a spiritual experience
if you climb to the top.

1090
01:03:47,910 --> 01:03:50,739
I'm not religious
but, uh, it just seems
like a fun adventure.

1091
01:03:52,697 --> 01:03:55,265
- You should do it.
- It's too far.

1092
01:03:56,049 --> 01:03:57,746
Oh, well,
there's this new thing.

1093
01:03:57,920 --> 01:03:59,530
It's called an airplane.

1094
01:03:59,704 --> 01:04:02,925
Yeah, it can take you
to Japan in 12, 13 hours.

1095
01:04:03,099 --> 01:04:04,535
Yeah, I've heard of these...

1096
01:04:04,709 --> 01:04:06,233
These airplanes, um...

1097
01:04:25,556 --> 01:04:27,950
Here you go. Make sure
everything's in there first.

1098
01:04:29,299 --> 01:04:31,388
Yep, it's all here.

1099
01:04:31,562 --> 01:04:32,259
Good.

1100
01:04:34,391 --> 01:04:35,871
Hey, thanks again for breakfast.

1101
01:04:36,263 --> 01:04:37,307
No problem.

1102
01:04:39,744 --> 01:04:42,617
So anyway, I'm gonna go, but...

1103
01:04:42,791 --> 01:04:45,359
I'd love to hang out
with you again.

1104
01:04:45,533 --> 01:04:47,578
I'd love to hang out
with you too.

1105
01:04:48,579 --> 01:04:49,189
Great.

1106
01:04:50,625 --> 01:04:51,495
Goodbye.

1107
01:04:51,669 --> 01:04:53,236
So long.

1108
01:04:54,368 --> 01:04:55,891
Farewell.

1109
01:04:56,283 --> 01:04:56,979
<i>Au revoir.</i>

1110
01:05:20,394 --> 01:05:22,439
Hello? Nicole?

1111
01:05:22,613 --> 01:05:24,659
<i>Hi.</i>

1112
01:05:24,833 --> 01:05:26,748
<i>I just wanted to see
what you've been doing.</i>

1113
01:05:26,922 --> 01:05:28,663
<i>How was your day?</i>

1114
01:05:28,837 --> 01:05:29,707
I'm doing fine.

1115
01:05:29,881 --> 01:05:31,492
<i>Really?</i>

1116
01:05:31,666 --> 01:05:32,406
Absolutely.

1117
01:05:33,711 --> 01:05:35,496
<i>You still hanging out
with that Rita chick?</i>

1118
01:05:35,670 --> 01:05:37,280
<i>How are you guys doing?</i>

1119
01:05:37,454 --> 01:05:38,064
Uh...

1120
01:05:40,109 --> 01:05:42,198
No, we broke up, actually.

1121
01:05:42,633 --> 01:05:45,462
<i>Oh, I'm devastated
for you, babe.</i>

1122
01:05:45,636 --> 01:05:47,116
Shit happens.

1123
01:05:47,290 --> 01:05:49,814
How are things
with Mr. Tabouli Stallion?

1124
01:05:49,989 --> 01:05:51,773
<i>He's such a sweetheart,</i>

1125
01:05:51,947 --> 01:05:55,516
<i>but I was wondering
if...</i>

1126
01:05:55,690 --> 01:05:57,344
<i>...if you're doing
anything later today.</i>

1127
01:05:58,867 --> 01:06:01,609
Uh, no, not really.

1128
01:06:01,783 --> 01:06:03,698
<i>Can you come over?</i>

1129
01:06:03,872 --> 01:06:06,005
<i>There's something I wanted
to talk to you about.</i>

1130
01:06:10,705 --> 01:06:11,445
Hi, sailor.

1131
01:06:12,924 --> 01:06:14,361
Hi.

1132
01:06:14,535 --> 01:06:16,363
How's the old gal treating you?

1133
01:06:18,452 --> 01:06:20,149
Oh, uh, the bike.

1134
01:06:21,368 --> 01:06:23,848
Pretty good, I've been
riding it all over
for the past couple weeks.

1135
01:06:24,936 --> 01:06:26,547
Good for you.
You look fantastic.

1136
01:06:27,896 --> 01:06:28,897
Thank you.

1137
01:06:30,551 --> 01:06:31,769
Come in. I'm by the pool.

1138
01:06:44,565 --> 01:06:45,740
Have a seat.

1139
01:06:47,046 --> 01:06:48,656
Do you want some wine?

1140
01:06:48,830 --> 01:06:51,006
Um, sure.

1141
01:06:51,180 --> 01:06:52,181
Cheers.

1142
01:06:59,232 --> 01:07:01,712
So, what did you
wanna talk about?

1143
01:07:04,976 --> 01:07:05,977
I have a confession.

1144
01:07:09,633 --> 01:07:11,113
I've been thinking
about you a lot lately.

1145
01:07:12,941 --> 01:07:13,811
I miss you.

1146
01:07:16,075 --> 01:07:17,598
You know, your timing sucks.

1147
01:07:17,772 --> 01:07:19,817
I know, and I'm sorry.

1148
01:07:19,991 --> 01:07:21,863
I abandoned you.

1149
01:07:22,037 --> 01:07:23,865
But I was scared
when we found out
your death date,

1150
01:07:24,039 --> 01:07:25,780
and it's only because
I'm so terrified

1151
01:07:25,954 --> 01:07:27,825
of going through losing you,

1152
01:07:27,999 --> 01:07:29,349
because I love you.

1153
01:07:31,438 --> 01:07:32,787
What about Nathaniel?

1154
01:07:33,962 --> 01:07:35,920
I mean, he's...
he's amazing,

1155
01:07:36,095 --> 01:07:39,881
but, you know, I had a dream
about us last night.

1156
01:07:41,143 --> 01:07:43,450
- I came in my sleep.
- Nicole...

1157
01:07:43,624 --> 01:07:47,018
Don't you miss me?
I love you.

1158
01:07:47,193 --> 01:07:49,282
Honey, I'm home.

1159
01:07:50,892 --> 01:07:51,588
We're out here.

1160
01:07:52,894 --> 01:07:56,115
Hey, babe. Mort!
Buddy, how the hell are you?

1161
01:07:57,116 --> 01:08:00,293
I... am good.

1162
01:08:02,121 --> 01:08:03,034
Good.

1163
01:08:03,470 --> 01:08:05,036
We're just catching up.

1164
01:08:06,951 --> 01:08:07,691
Is that so?

1165
01:08:11,434 --> 01:08:13,175
You know, I... I actually--

1166
01:08:13,349 --> 01:08:14,829
- I have to go, so...
- No, no, no, no.

1167
01:08:15,003 --> 01:08:16,831
Don't be silly. You--

1168
01:08:18,876 --> 01:08:20,791
I'll be right back.
Where do you have to go?

1169
01:08:20,965 --> 01:08:22,402
Stay, enjoy.

1170
01:08:30,410 --> 01:08:33,369
Yep. Yep, I do,
I have to go, it's--

1171
01:08:34,762 --> 01:08:35,980
Have a seat, Mortimer.

1172
01:08:37,982 --> 01:08:39,767
Relax.

1173
01:08:41,943 --> 01:08:43,466
You look really tense.

1174
01:08:45,512 --> 01:08:47,818
Tense? No, I'm not...

1175
01:08:47,992 --> 01:08:50,865
Not tense. I'm, uh,
loose, if anything.

1176
01:08:54,303 --> 01:08:56,000
W-what are you--
what are you doing?

1177
01:08:56,175 --> 01:08:57,611
I'm just trying to take away
that mountain of stress

1178
01:08:57,785 --> 01:08:58,960
that's been crushing you.

1179
01:09:00,483 --> 01:09:01,919
Poor guy, you're so wound up.

1180
01:09:05,793 --> 01:09:08,012
Relax.

1181
01:09:08,187 --> 01:09:09,884
Just go with it, okay?

1182
01:09:13,583 --> 01:09:15,194
Can I ask you
a personal question?

1183
01:09:15,585 --> 01:09:17,718
Why not? Why not?

1184
01:09:17,892 --> 01:09:19,110
When you and Nicole were dating,

1185
01:09:19,546 --> 01:09:21,896
did you guys ever try pegging?

1186
01:09:22,070 --> 01:09:24,855
Pegging? What is that,
like, cribbage?

1187
01:09:25,029 --> 01:09:28,163
Wait, oh, my God,
you don't know what pegging is?

1188
01:09:28,337 --> 01:09:33,342
Oh. Mortimer, pegging's
when a girl puts on a dildo

1189
01:09:33,516 --> 01:09:35,214
and bangs the shit out of a guy.

1190
01:09:36,693 --> 01:09:39,305
It's really something. Just--

1191
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:42,699
Nicole, she...
she's a fucking natural.

1192
01:09:42,873 --> 01:09:45,049
Really knows
how to hit my G-spot.

1193
01:09:45,224 --> 01:09:46,573
Goddamn!

1194
01:09:50,098 --> 01:09:52,796
I'm gonna get into
some deep body work
and open up those chakras.

1195
01:09:52,970 --> 01:09:53,710
I... I gotta go.

1196
01:10:10,727 --> 01:10:12,076
Are you boys playing nice?

1197
01:10:33,097 --> 01:10:35,274
Hello?

1198
01:10:35,448 --> 01:10:37,798
Hello, Mortimer. It's Kate.

1199
01:10:37,972 --> 01:10:39,713
Kate, hi.

1200
01:10:39,887 --> 01:10:41,192
<i>Are you free tomorrow?</i>

1201
01:10:42,150 --> 01:10:43,760
Yes. Um...

1202
01:10:45,414 --> 01:10:46,720
I think so. Let me see.

1203
01:10:51,638 --> 01:10:53,335
Yes, I happen to be
free tomorrow.

1204
01:10:53,727 --> 01:10:57,121
Great. I was...

1205
01:10:57,296 --> 01:10:58,993
<i>thinking that I could get you
out of the Valley.</i>

1206
01:10:59,167 --> 01:11:01,256
Could do a little exploring.
How does that sound?

1207
01:11:02,344 --> 01:11:03,345
That sounds wonderful.

1208
01:11:04,303 --> 01:11:05,304
Awesome.

1209
01:11:05,739 --> 01:11:06,740
<i>I'll see you tomorrow.</i>

1210
01:11:06,914 --> 01:11:07,610
See you tomorrow.

1211
01:13:09,166 --> 01:13:11,995
<i>Life is a very precious thing.</i>

1212
01:13:13,997 --> 01:13:15,912
And when we lose
the ones we love,

1213
01:13:17,479 --> 01:13:20,308
it can be hardest
on those left behind.

1214
01:13:23,267 --> 01:13:27,054
I guess in times like these,
I try and be philosophical

1215
01:13:27,228 --> 01:13:28,316
and remember that...

1216
01:13:29,448 --> 01:13:30,971
life is unpredictable.

1217
01:13:33,495 --> 01:13:36,672
As much as we try
and control the narrative,

1218
01:13:39,196 --> 01:13:43,244
that universe keeps
throwing us curveballs.

1219
01:13:43,418 --> 01:13:48,597
We might as well just treat it
like a roller coaster.

1220
01:13:48,771 --> 01:13:52,035
Buckle up and see
where the ride takes us.

1221
01:13:56,475 --> 01:13:57,519
She looks good.

1222
01:13:59,260 --> 01:14:00,174
Very good.

1223
01:14:13,927 --> 01:14:14,884
Coming.

1224
01:14:19,149 --> 01:14:21,848
- Hello there. Oh, hi.
- I'm looking
for Mort the pervert.

1225
01:14:22,022 --> 01:14:23,023
- What?
- Is he here?

1226
01:14:23,197 --> 01:14:25,504
No, sorry. Get out of my--

1227
01:14:25,678 --> 01:14:27,506
Shh.

1228
01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:30,421
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Or maybe I am, I don't know.

1229
01:14:30,596 --> 01:14:34,469
But this ain't about you.
It's about your lame-ass
man friend, Mortimer.

1230
01:14:34,643 --> 01:14:37,472
You know he received
an unauthorized blow job

1231
01:14:37,646 --> 01:14:40,257
from one of my professional
escorts, and now
he's trying to screw me?

1232
01:14:40,431 --> 01:14:42,477
And that girl is gone.
She is gone.

1233
01:14:42,912 --> 01:14:44,479
She's gone to heaven.

1234
01:14:46,263 --> 01:14:50,180
Now, I want you to tell Mort
the next time you see him,

1235
01:14:50,354 --> 01:14:51,530
would you give him
a message for me?

1236
01:14:51,921 --> 01:14:52,835
Yeah.

1237
01:14:54,141 --> 01:14:56,360
You tell him Simon says
he better have my money in full

1238
01:14:56,535 --> 01:14:58,667
by midnight tomorrow,
or my next visit

1239
01:14:58,841 --> 01:15:00,713
ain't gonna be
so fucking pleasant.

1240
01:15:01,148 --> 01:15:03,280
You hear me, sweetheart? Okay?

1241
01:15:03,454 --> 01:15:06,370
- Yeah, yeah.
- You got it? Okay.

1242
01:15:10,549 --> 01:15:13,987
I like this.
You're really talented.

1243
01:15:14,161 --> 01:15:14,901
Have a nice day.

1244
01:15:43,233 --> 01:15:44,931
Hello? Kate?

1245
01:15:46,672 --> 01:15:49,544
Oh, God. Are you all right?

1246
01:15:49,718 --> 01:15:53,113
A guy named Simon came by.
He said to give you a message.

1247
01:15:53,287 --> 01:15:55,289
You have until tomorrow night
to pay him,

1248
01:15:55,463 --> 01:15:57,378
or he's going to hurt me.

1249
01:15:57,552 --> 01:15:59,336
Son of a bitch.

1250
01:15:59,510 --> 01:16:01,251
He strangled me.

1251
01:16:03,166 --> 01:16:05,168
I'm so sorry, Kate.

1252
01:16:05,342 --> 01:16:07,214
I had no idea
that he would do this.

1253
01:16:08,128 --> 01:16:11,958
He said you owed him
for an unauthorized blow job?

1254
01:16:12,132 --> 01:16:16,397
That was true?
Wait, you were serious?

1255
01:16:16,571 --> 01:16:20,444
I just thought you had,
like, a really fucked up
sense of humor.

1256
01:16:20,619 --> 01:16:23,099
No. I mean, not really.

1257
01:16:23,273 --> 01:16:24,535
Kind of.

1258
01:16:26,407 --> 01:16:28,104
I met this woman at a bar,

1259
01:16:28,278 --> 01:16:31,455
and she invited me back
to her place for a drink.

1260
01:16:31,630 --> 01:16:34,545
And turns out,
it was her death day,
that same day.

1261
01:16:34,720 --> 01:16:37,461
This pimp,
this shakedown artist arrives,

1262
01:16:37,636 --> 01:16:39,333
and he tells me that I owe him
all this money

1263
01:16:39,507 --> 01:16:42,336
for an unauthorized blow job
that I did not receive.

1264
01:16:42,510 --> 01:16:44,599
And so he took my car
as collateral,

1265
01:16:44,773 --> 01:16:47,646
and I've just been basically
avoiding him since then.

1266
01:16:47,820 --> 01:16:49,996
No, you need to call
the police, Mortimer.

1267
01:16:50,170 --> 01:16:51,954
- No, no, no, I can't.
- Mort, he's crazy!

1268
01:16:52,128 --> 01:16:55,262
He just attacked me!
He stole your car.

1269
01:16:55,436 --> 01:16:58,265
- I know, I know.
- Okay, then call the cops.

1270
01:16:58,439 --> 01:17:00,354
And then what?
He gets out on bail

1271
01:17:00,528 --> 01:17:03,444
and he comes after you again,
or my family?

1272
01:17:05,272 --> 01:17:08,014
I just have to pay him.
I need to finish this
once and for all.

1273
01:17:08,188 --> 01:17:10,364
You don't need to do that.

1274
01:17:10,538 --> 01:17:11,582
Yeah, I do.

1275
01:17:15,717 --> 01:17:18,546
You must think
I'm the biggest scumbag
in the world right now.

1276
01:17:25,466 --> 01:17:28,208
No, I... I don't.

1277
01:17:46,443 --> 01:17:48,141
All right, let's see
what we have here.

1278
01:17:54,625 --> 01:17:55,539
Mrs. Harrison.

1279
01:18:04,723 --> 01:18:06,812
What's the matter, Mortimer?

1280
01:18:06,986 --> 01:18:08,422
You knew you were gonna
see me here sooner

1281
01:18:08,596 --> 01:18:09,858
rather than later.

1282
01:18:11,033 --> 01:18:14,167
Yeah, but it's still a shock.

1283
01:18:14,341 --> 01:18:16,952
Hm, that's life, Mortimer.

1284
01:18:18,780 --> 01:18:20,216
So what's the matter?

1285
01:18:20,390 --> 01:18:22,958
That crazy pimp
still getting you down?

1286
01:18:23,393 --> 01:18:24,655
Yeah, I have to go after work
to pay him off

1287
01:18:25,091 --> 01:18:26,266
so that he'll leave me and my...

1288
01:18:27,833 --> 01:18:29,182
My friend Kate alone.

1289
01:18:29,356 --> 01:18:31,662
I'm just so pissed right now.

1290
01:18:32,098 --> 01:18:34,796
Well, if you want my advice,

1291
01:18:34,970 --> 01:18:37,756
I would run off
with that nice girl
and do something fun,

1292
01:18:38,191 --> 01:18:40,802
like climb Mount Fuji.

1293
01:18:40,976 --> 01:18:44,197
I wish I could, but I have
to deal with this first.

1294
01:18:44,371 --> 01:18:46,286
My life has just been
so crazy recently.

1295
01:18:46,460 --> 01:18:48,114
I mean, between
the pimp situation,

1296
01:18:48,288 --> 01:18:50,333
and I finally meet a girl
that I really like.

1297
01:18:50,507 --> 01:18:52,771
It's called living, Mortimer.

1298
01:18:54,424 --> 01:18:57,210
Well, not for long.
My death date's coming up.

1299
01:18:57,384 --> 01:18:59,690
But how do you feel now?

1300
01:19:01,475 --> 01:19:03,782
I don't know. Angry, afraid,

1301
01:19:04,217 --> 01:19:07,307
happy, excited,
all at the same time.

1302
01:19:07,481 --> 01:19:11,877
I've just been
so emotional recently.

1303
01:19:12,051 --> 01:19:14,053
Like you've actually
started living?

1304
01:19:16,751 --> 01:19:17,665
Yeah.

1305
01:19:28,458 --> 01:19:32,419
Well,
let's get you ready.

1306
01:19:32,593 --> 01:19:34,377
Today's a big day.
There's a lot of people
coming to see you.

1307
01:20:39,399 --> 01:20:41,183
Goodbye, Mrs. Harrison.

1308
01:21:02,291 --> 01:21:04,990
Oh, look who it is.
Walking dead man.

1309
01:21:07,688 --> 01:21:09,733
Don't you ever disobey me again,
you hear me?

1310
01:21:11,431 --> 01:21:12,301
You got my money?

1311
01:21:13,476 --> 01:21:14,521
Show me.

1312
01:21:23,617 --> 01:21:25,184
How much is in there?

1313
01:21:25,619 --> 01:21:27,882
Six grand, way more
than you asked for,

1314
01:21:28,056 --> 01:21:29,928
'cause I knew you were gonna
ask for more anyway.

1315
01:21:30,102 --> 01:21:32,931
So there you go.
It's yours, have it, okay?

1316
01:21:33,366 --> 01:21:35,150
We're good here.
Just leave us alone.

1317
01:21:36,978 --> 01:21:39,372
- One more thing.
- Enough with this shit.

1318
01:21:39,546 --> 01:21:41,809
No, you're fucking done
when I say you're done.

1319
01:21:41,983 --> 01:21:43,637
And Simon says you're gonna
pay me a thousand dollars

1320
01:21:43,811 --> 01:21:45,682
every week from now on.

1321
01:21:45,856 --> 01:21:47,858
Yeah? Well, Mortimer says

1322
01:21:48,294 --> 01:21:49,643
go fuck yourself.

1323
01:21:50,905 --> 01:21:52,254
You--

1324
01:21:55,301 --> 01:21:56,606
You fucking...

1325
01:22:02,961 --> 01:22:06,181
Yeah, motherfucker!

1326
01:22:07,791 --> 01:22:09,880
Fuck! Fuck!

1327
01:22:19,978 --> 01:22:23,285
I think I'll go over
to your little girlfriend's
house, huh?

1328
01:22:23,459 --> 01:22:24,852
Give her what she really want.

1329
01:22:26,723 --> 01:22:28,769
You hear me, asshole?

1330
01:22:28,943 --> 01:22:30,118
What you think about that?

1331
01:22:37,734 --> 01:22:41,129
Fuck! Now you're really starting
to piss me off.

1332
01:22:50,747 --> 01:22:52,793
Morty. Hey, Mort!

1333
01:22:52,967 --> 01:22:54,142
Make me look good!

1334
01:23:18,819 --> 01:23:20,690
Oh, my God. Come here.

1335
01:23:26,392 --> 01:23:27,654
You hurt?

1336
01:23:27,828 --> 01:23:28,829
A little, yeah.

1337
01:23:30,004 --> 01:23:31,005
Come on.

1338
01:23:37,968 --> 01:23:39,492
Yeah, no, it's fine, Mom.

1339
01:23:39,666 --> 01:23:42,060
I'm just gonna be gone
for-for two weeks.

1340
01:23:42,495 --> 01:23:44,453
I'm sure Uncle Barry
will be fine without me.

1341
01:23:45,976 --> 01:23:47,978
Okay, yeah, no, I'll...

1342
01:23:48,153 --> 01:23:49,502
I'll be careful on the ascent.

1343
01:23:51,156 --> 01:23:53,767
Yeah, no, I--
I love you too.

1344
01:23:53,941 --> 01:23:55,203
Okay, bye.

1345
01:24:00,687 --> 01:24:02,167
Got you something.

1346
01:24:02,341 --> 01:24:03,472
- Got me something?
- Yeah.

1347
01:24:08,477 --> 01:24:09,435
What is this?

1348
01:24:10,349 --> 01:24:12,133
Just a little something
to help you pass the time

1349
01:24:12,307 --> 01:24:13,874
on the long flight to Tokyo.

1350
01:24:17,834 --> 01:24:20,010
- A box?
- Mmm.

1351
01:24:20,185 --> 01:24:21,838
Not just any box, my friend.

1352
01:24:22,012 --> 01:24:23,927
This is a Japanese puzzle box.

1353
01:24:24,102 --> 01:24:26,713
There's a secret inside,
but you can only get to it

1354
01:24:26,887 --> 01:24:29,063
by doing a series
of complex moves.

1355
01:24:29,542 --> 01:24:31,239
They say it takes hours
to solve.

1356
01:24:31,413 --> 01:24:33,154
Thank you so much.
This is great.

1357
01:24:40,466 --> 01:24:41,206
What's wrong?

1358
01:24:43,251 --> 01:24:44,426
Just wish I met you sooner.

1359
01:24:49,823 --> 01:24:51,520
It's better late
than never, right?

1360
01:24:52,739 --> 01:24:53,348
Yeah.

1361
01:24:55,698 --> 01:24:58,092
- How are we doing on time?
- We're good.

1362
01:24:58,266 --> 01:25:00,181
We have everything?
We have passports,

1363
01:25:00,573 --> 01:25:02,444
the cash, hotel info?

1364
01:25:02,618 --> 01:25:06,187
Relax. Everything's
all taken care of.

1365
01:25:06,361 --> 01:25:07,928
The tickets!
We forgot the tickets!

1366
01:25:08,102 --> 01:25:09,059
They're in your bag.

1367
01:25:16,066 --> 01:25:17,981
Shit.

1368
01:25:18,156 --> 01:25:19,809
Got 'em!

1369
01:25:25,641 --> 01:25:27,556
Mort?

1370
01:25:27,730 --> 01:25:29,167
Just hold on, okay?

1371
01:25:29,341 --> 01:25:32,561
Just stay still, okay?
Stay still.

1372
01:25:32,735 --> 01:25:34,476
We were so close.

1373
01:25:34,650 --> 01:25:35,782
This wasn't supposed to happen.

1374
01:25:35,956 --> 01:25:37,000
Okay, don't try to talk. Just...

1375
01:25:37,175 --> 01:25:38,088
Help is on the way.

1376
01:25:39,264 --> 01:25:40,700
Thank you for everything.

1377
01:25:40,874 --> 01:25:42,397
This has been the best time
of my life.

1378
01:25:44,051 --> 01:25:47,097
Me too, Mort. Me too.

1379
01:25:47,272 --> 01:25:51,319
Please, please just hang on.
Hang on.

1380
01:25:51,493 --> 01:25:52,886
We're going to climb
Mount Fuji, remember?

1381
01:25:53,060 --> 01:25:55,454
Kate, goodbye.

1382
01:25:56,846 --> 01:25:57,760
No!

1383
01:25:58,935 --> 01:25:59,762
Goodbye.

1384
01:26:03,026 --> 01:26:04,027
So long.

1385
01:26:05,681 --> 01:26:06,291
Farewell.

1386
01:26:07,857 --> 01:26:08,902
Au revoir.

1387
01:26:17,693 --> 01:26:19,434
<i>If you could do it over,</i>

1388
01:26:19,869 --> 01:26:22,263
<i>would you still
wanna know your LDC?</i>

1389
01:26:22,437 --> 01:26:24,657
<i>Yeah, of course.</i>

1390
01:26:24,831 --> 01:26:25,527
Why?

1391
01:26:27,007 --> 01:26:31,229
Well, knowing isn't easy.

1392
01:26:31,403 --> 01:26:33,448
<i>I lost someone I cared about,
and now I'm here.</i>

1393
01:26:35,189 --> 01:26:37,496
<i>It set me on a different path
than the one I was on,</i>

1394
01:26:39,237 --> 01:26:40,063
<i>for better or worse,</i>

1395
01:26:41,369 --> 01:26:44,459
and it forces me to think
about not just my life,

1396
01:26:46,374 --> 01:26:47,767
<i>but the meaning of life
in general.</i>

1397
01:26:51,466 --> 01:26:54,252
<i>Guess I'm around death so much,
I kind of forgot about living.</i>

1398
01:26:57,124 --> 01:26:59,082
<i>After finding out my death day,</i>

1399
01:26:59,257 --> 01:27:01,476
<i>every day seems to matter more.</i>

1400
01:27:01,911 --> 01:27:03,391
<i>Every encounter
seems more important.</i>

1401
01:27:06,438 --> 01:27:09,571
<i>I've only just begun to realize
how important it is to be loved</i>

1402
01:27:09,745 --> 01:27:10,746
<i>and to love others.</i>

1403
01:27:13,227 --> 01:27:16,448
<i>Not just the romantic
kind of love, but all love.</i>

1404
01:27:16,883 --> 01:27:19,059
<i>I've started to notice
that people come into your life</i>

1405
01:27:19,233 --> 01:27:21,017
<i>for a reason.</i>

1406
01:27:21,191 --> 01:27:24,630
<i>They touch you in some way.
You touch them back.</i>

1407
01:27:27,067 --> 01:27:29,504
<i>It's strange, but...</i>

1408
01:27:29,939 --> 01:27:31,593
<i>it seems like everyone's
connected in some way,</i>

1409
01:27:32,594 --> 01:27:35,728
<i>like a tapestry
of personalities.</i>

1410
01:27:37,817 --> 01:27:38,992
<i>Death is unavoidable.</i>

1411
01:27:41,342 --> 01:27:43,039
But then again, so is life.

1412
01:27:54,050 --> 01:27:56,792
Hey, my name's, uh,
Barnabas Mortenson.

1413
01:27:56,966 --> 01:28:00,666
Uh, my friends know me
as Barry. Uh, Hairy Barry.

1414
01:28:00,840 --> 01:28:03,016
I mean, I don't have
a lot of hair but, like,

1415
01:28:03,190 --> 01:28:04,626
that was just a nickname
in high school.

1416
01:28:07,325 --> 01:28:10,458
And I'm a freewheeling guy.
I have my own business
here in Sherman Oaks,

1417
01:28:10,632 --> 01:28:14,419
and I enjoy popcorn
and margaritas.

1418
01:30:46,266 --> 01:30:47,876
<i>So long.</i>

1419
01:30:48,050 --> 01:30:49,530
<i>Farewell.</i>

1420
01:30:49,922 --> 01:30:50,749
Au revoir.