1
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,812
(FAX MACHINE TRILLING)

2
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:27,016
(FAX MACHINE WHIRRING)

3
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,284
How are the numbers?

4
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,532
Incredible.

5
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:48,121
(CHUCKLES)
Absolutely incredible.

6
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,416
Congratulations.

7
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,961
I'm leaving you.

8
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,134
Did you hear what I said?

9
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,224
I'm leaving you.

10
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,771
Yeah, I heard. Yeah. Yeah.

11
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,852
I'm not kidding.
I know.

12
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,576
Look, I think it's an excellent decision on your part.

13
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:21,904
You do?

14
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,203
You're a fantastic person,

15
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,877
and the last year's been great, really.

16
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,672
You're beautiful.

17
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,174
The sex has been wonderful.

18
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,503
You're kind and supportive.

19
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:41,340
You wait for me with dinner when lwork late.
You're amazing.

20
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,927
And it's driving me out of my fucking mind!

21
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,682
You know, with numbers like this,

22
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,312
this should be the happiest day of my life,

23
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:55,692
and instead I have to worry about whetherl make you
happy all the time!

24
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,867
Jessica, sweetheart,

25
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,948
you make me feel like being a better person,

26
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,204
and I'm not a better person.

27
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,165
I'm me.

28
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,882
I feel sorry for you.

29
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,722
Don't.

30
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,300
I certainly don't.

31
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:31,265
In fact, I envy myself deeply.

32
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,554
THOMAS: Morning.
AGENT: Morning.

33
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,302
THOMAS:
Good morning, Mr. President.

34
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,388
And congratulations.

35
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,224
It's good to have you with us for another four years.

36
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:58,105
Thank you, Thomas. It's good to be back.

37
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,529
THOMAS:
Would you like me to turn on the TV, sir?

38
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,777
Oh, no. That‘s okay.

39
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,992
Hey, I'll tell you what.

40
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:13,121
How about the paper?
The paper, sir?

41
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,627
Yeah. Oh, what the heck?

42
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:19,665
We'll see what the New York Times
has to say about things.

43
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,588
Bet they're eating some crow this morning.

44
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,635
We have a copy anywhere?

45
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,213
We can get one, sir.

46
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,800
All right, get one. And scare up my reading glasses.

47
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,679
I'm going to read the newspaper.

48
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,268
Shall I bring it to the workout  room, sir?

49
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:39,772
No, uh, I'm gonna read my paper right here in bed.

50
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,986
Take it a little easy this morning.

51
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,064
Well, you deserve it, sir.

52
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,992
Yes, I do.
It was a heck of a fight.

53
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,285
THOMAS: Yes, sir, a heck of a fight.

54
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,910
The important thing is, the good guys won.

55
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,131
(GRUNTING)

56
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,679
Cut!

57
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:29,780
Cut!

58
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,202
(GROANS)

59
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:35,411
(GUN COCKING)

60
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,491
(GUN FIRING)

61
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,827
(GUN FIRING)

62
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:42,997
(GRUNTS)

63
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,506
(SPITTING)

64
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:45,674
Cut!

65
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,297
DIRECTOR:
This guy is pathetic! He's ruining every shot!

66
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,390
You, come here!

67
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,685
I'm sorry, sir.
Sorry?

68
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,887
Is that what you're going to say

69
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,268
when you endanger your brothers on the holy mission?

70
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,771
No. Just stay out of the shot.

71
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,319
Yes, sir.

72
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:08,653
My wife's cousin. Otherwise,
I send him back home tomorrow!

73
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,993
Okay, everybody, from the top, huh?
Let's shoot this puppy!

74
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,411
Come on.
Come on.

75
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,408
("ONE" PLAYING)

76
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,542
(HUMMING)

77
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:10,878
(SINGING) One, pah!

78
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:13,464
Singular sensation

79
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,890
Every little step she takes

80
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,092
(HUMMING)

81
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,518
One, pah!

82
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,054
Thrilling combination

83
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,765
Every move that she makes

84
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:24,849
(HUMMING)

85
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:28,941
OMER: One smile and suddenly nobody

86
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,694
else will do

87
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,282
You know you’ll never be lonely

88
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:39,206
With you-know—who

89
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,080
One moment

90
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,251
Oh!

91
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,875
What is this?
(MUSIC STOPS)

92
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,376
Was I being loud?

93
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,879
You could hear it down into the  valley.

94
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,963
Hey...

95
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,756
That was rare.

96
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,340
You are lucky it was me who found you,

97
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,595
not one of the others because they would

98
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,143
(MIMICS SLASHING)
cut your throat!

99
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,305
I'm so sorry.
I like show tunes.

100
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:07,518
I grew up listening to them.
My mother had a collection of 50 records.

101
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,728
Your mother was killed by an American bomb.

102
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,233
I know that.

103
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,656
That is why I'm here.

104
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,655
Look, I've got some news for you.

105
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,528
Your papers came through.

106
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:22,081
You are leaving next week
for Frankfurt, and from there to Orange County.

107
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,619
You'll be staying at our mutual cousins'. They know
nothing of your purpose there.

108
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:28,456
You are to just wait until your sleeper cell
contacts you.

109
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,711
When will that be?

110
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,551
Never.

111
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:43,770
I can't. I just can't, I can't,  I can't. I can't
possibly. I can't do it.

112
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:48,267
It's too horrible.
Please, not another season, please.

113
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,649
I beg you, don't make me do it.
Don't make me do it.

114
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,150
Don't make me do it.
Everyone's ready for you, sir.

115
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:57,154
Right, terrific. Okay, let's go!
Let's rock and roll, yeah?

116
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:02,789
Good morning. Good morning, everyone.
Lovely to see you again.

117
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:06,535
Or, rather, not see you.
Can we have the house lights, please?

118
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:07,915
Now?

119
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,708
Now?

120
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,466
Not next Tuesday. Cheers. Boo!

121
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,838
ALL: Boo! (LAUGHING)

122
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,762
Here we are again.
Here we are yet again.

123
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:21,925
Here we are, producing the most
popular show on television.

124
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:26,013
The show to which not only America, but now the
whole world is glued.
Yay!

125
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,652
Which brings me to the task at hand.

126
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,946
When you're on top,
there's only one place to go.

127
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,024
And where is that?
Down!

128
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,817
Who said that?

129
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:41,486
(WOMAN CLEARING THROAT)

130
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,578
"Down" is an incorrect answer.

131
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,166
The answer is "up." Up!

132
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,421
Because if you go down, do you know what happens?

133
00:09:55,512 --> 00:10:00,006
All those people who were buttering you up and smiling
at you just moments ago

134
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,513
leap on you and kick you and kick you

135
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:07,312
and kick you and kick you and kick you
until you shut up.

136
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,772
Down is not an option.

137
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:22,111
So let's go out there and get some great contestants.

138
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,614
And I don't just mean talented.
I mean human.

139
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:30,501
And by human, I mean flawed.
And by flawed, I mean freaks.

140
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,586
Bring me some freaks.

141
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,715
Let's make this a show that even I would watch.
(LAUGHS)

142
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,591
(DOORBELL RINGING)

143
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,678
Is it them?
Is that them?
Don't run!

144
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,381
(THUDDING)

145
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,966
Wait, wait, wait!
Your hair!

146
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,227
Okay, okay, okay.
Stop, Mom.
All right. Go!

147
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,562
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

148
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,561
Oh, Goddess,
please, please, please.

149
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,400
Sally Kendoo?
Yeah.

150
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,326
We're from American Dreamz.

151
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,410
I know. And we're here to tell you...

152
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,412
You've been selected to perform on the show.

153
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,084
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

154
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,128
Why do you do that?
Do what?

155
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,421
You know what.

156
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:19,000
Just once I would like to tell when...
What are you doing?

157
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,294
Sorry. Screaming.

158
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,842
Yes! Yes!
Stop!
Stop, stop screaming.

159
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,343
Stop.
ITTLES: Dude.

160
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:29,094
I'm really sorry. We're gonna have to
do this all over again.

161
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,022
You're gonna
have to go inside, and come out

162
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,939
and jump forjoy all over again

163
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,564
because we didn't get it on camera.

164
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,690
Okay.

165
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,648
(DOOR CLOSES)

166
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,951
(SCREAMING)

167
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,283
Yes! I got it! I got it!

168
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,456
She's good.
SALLY: Yes! Yes!

169
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,661
There's my guy.

170
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,871
Congratulations, Mr. President.

171
00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,333
You said we'd tear them a new one
and we tore them a new one.

172
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:01,963
Excuse me.

173
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,762
The big guy up there tore them a new one.
He smited them.

174
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,010
Smote. Smote, smited, whatever.

175
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,966
What's with the papers?
New puppy?

176
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,053
They're newspapers.
I can see that.

177
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,980
Hi, Mrs. P. You look beautiful.
Good morning, Wally.

178
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,480
So, Mr. P, you ready to meet the press? Not right now.

179
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,526
Mr. P, we discussed this.

180
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:22,572
I mean, it was your idea to meet the press
after the big win.

181
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:26,948
Herald in a new era of openness, what with
our overwhelming mandate.

182
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:31,240
Yeah, I know. It's just that there
is a lot of stuff in here.

183
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,163
It... There's a lot of interesting things.

184
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,746
Well, yeah, there is a lot of stuff. They have to
fill the pages with something.

185
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,331
But I think "interesting" is stretching it.

186
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,126
Well, for instance, did you know

187
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,430
that there are two kinds of Iraqistanis?

188
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,473
(STAMMERING)
I mean, uh, actually,

189
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,222
three kinds of Iraqis.

190
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,895
Do you mean, Sunnis and Shiites
and Kurds?

191
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,731
You knew about this?

192
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:59,017
So did you.
You knew this, Mr. P.

193
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,524
(GROANS)
Yeah, but... It's in your weekly digests.

194
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,525
It's not like in this country,

195
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:07,734
where whites and blacks and Latinos all get along,

196
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:11,663
and there's no prejudicial deal between them.
I mean, these people,

197
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,536
they have some long-standing beefs with each other.

198
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:18,540
MRS STATON:
Look, honey. American Dreamz is coming on again soon.

199
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,289
That's great. Great.

200
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:25,385
Mr. President, we have to get you dressed and prepped.

201
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,302
The press is waiting for you.

202
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,722
You mean,
they're all out there waiting for me?

203
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,299
They certainly are.

204
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:33,142
(SIGHS)

205
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,980
Well, | just want to sit here and read for a while.

206
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:44,107
I think I deserve a break.
I'm kind of exhausted.

207
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,654
Mr. P, we need...

208
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:49,155
I am not going out there right now, g-damn it!

209
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,954
Move it. Fun in a bucket.
Fun in a bucket, everybody.

210
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,078
All right, all right.

211
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,914
Hey, Willie, where's Sally?
Get her down here!

212
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,586
Oh, you know how girls are.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

213
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:04,291
Hey, man. That's some girlfriend you got. When you
gonna marry that girl?

214
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,875
We're talking about it, Uncle Fitz.

215
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,710
We're thinking maybe next spring, huh?

216
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,466
(CHUCKLES)
All righty. All right!

217
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,258
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY
ON RADIO)

218
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,094
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

219
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,810
WILLIE:
Hey, Sally, it's you-know-who. Come on in, Willie.

220
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,600
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
WILLIE:
The door's locked, babe.

221
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,615
What are you doing up here, Sally,

222
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,493
when everybody's down there celebrating your triumph?

223
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:40,042
(CHUCKLING) Great.
I'm really excited for them.

224
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,541
And they're really excited for you.

225
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:46,545
You know, I am, too.
I don't think I've ever been prouder in my life.

226
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:47,921
You know what?

227
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:51,763
I was pretty excited for myself, too,
for like a half-hour.

228
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:56,134
And then it sunk in that this means nothing.

229
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,515
Nothing?

230
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,064
Sally, this is your dream.
You've always wanted to be on TV.

231
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:05,268
No. I've always wanted to be a star.

232
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:06,902
Isn't that the same thing?

233
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:11,278
No, Willie, it's not the same thing. Any idiot
can be on TV nowadays.

234
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:15,570
All you have to do is swap your wife or eat
a sheep's anus or something.

235
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:19,032
Yes. Yes, but you are gonna sing.

236
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,708
Yeah. I'm gonna sing.

237
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,954
I'm gonna sing.
And I'm not good enough.

238
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,922
I'm not good enough!

239
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,300
Seven years!
No, you know what I am?

240
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:33,300
lam the best karaoke singer in this county of Ohio.

241
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,131
I'm going to go all the way out there, right?

242
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,386
And I'm gonna come right back home

243
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,968
and lose in the first round because I'm just...
I'm not good enough!

244
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,143
No way.
Yes.

245
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,311
No way.
Yes.

246
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,482
No way, no way, no way.
You're cute.

247
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,151
(SIGHS)
You got a great voice.

248
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,570
You got personality.

249
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,523
And you got a great voice.

250
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,902
Why, I think you're gonna win the whole damn thing.

251
00:15:56,706 --> 00:16:00,745
And if for some reason those folks have their heads
up their stinkholes,

252
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,746
and you don't win, for whatever reason,

253
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,828
I'm not gonna love you any less.

254
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,001
I'm gonna love you more because I see your real beauty,

255
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:11,050
and I don't need no TV show to show it to me.

256
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,838
Honey, I got some big news today, too.

257
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,437
I'm being made assistant manager, plumbing fixtures.

258
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,690
Assistant manager.

259
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,519
And you know what happens next.

260
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,771
Manager, plumbing fixtures.

261
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,612
Willie? (CHUCKLES)

262
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,446
I think it's time we broke up.

263
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:41,868
What?

264
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:46,211
lt's just... I don't think it's working anymore.

265
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:49,084
Sure it is.
It's going great.
Not really.

266
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,507
No, your life is here.

267
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,630
And my life is...
(IMITATES WHOOSHING)

268
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,003
Or maybe it's...

269
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,463
(IMITATES WHOOSHING
AND CRASHING)

270
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,722
But either way, see, I can't take you with me.

271
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,893
But I love you.

272
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,441
I love you. Damn it, you can't do this to me.

273
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,689
No, listen.

274
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,522
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't take it.

275
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,698
You stay up here and cry.

276
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,943
I'm going to go down and greet my fans.

277
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,657
MAN: Sally!

278
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,538
(ALL CHEERING)

279
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,792
Hi, everyone! Now, who'd like to hear a little song?

280
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,461
(ALL CHEERING)

281
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,830
MAN: Yeah!

282
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,467
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING)

283
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:41,216
(SINGING)
She's a very freaky girl

284
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,685
The kind you don't bring home to mama

285
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,938
She's a super freak Super freak

286
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:52,439
She's super freaky

287
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:53,770
(COUGHS)

288
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,030
Wrong!

289
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,149
Do you want this?

290
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,818
Do you?

291
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,244
Well, then get your ass in gear!

292
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,492
Iqbal, darling.
What?

293
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,326
Your cousin Omer is arriving any minute.

294
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,833
Okay, I'll be up in a moment. I'm doing something here.

295
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:15,337
No, not in a moment.
A moment with you stretches into an hour.

296
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,339
Your cousin has come halfway around the world.

297
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,216
Let's show him some hospitality.

298
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,968
You come up right now!

299
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:24,971
Don't get me upset today, okay? You know
I don't like to get upset.

300
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,613
Nazneen!

301
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,818
What a home. It is, oh, stupendous.

302
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,278
(CHUCKLES)
What, this old place?
Nazneen!

303
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,455
Nazneen!

304
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,159
There you are. Aunt Nazneen.

305
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:52,120
This young man thinks our little home is stupendous.

306
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:56,499
What, this old shack?
Let me see you. Let me see you.

307
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,212
SHAZZY: Hey, Omer!

308
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,712
Could this be little Shabnum?

309
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,301
Call me "Shazzy." Everyone does.

310
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:06,008
I'm so excited you‘re here.
It's been, what, 10 years, right?

311
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,685
Yes. We're gonna party like rock stars!

312
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,138
Okay.

313
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,185
NAZNEEN: Oh, Omer. Omer.

314
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:16,611
I am so, so sorry about your mother.

315
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:20,114
You know I loved her very, very much.

316
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,989
I told herto leave Baghdad. It's too dangerous.

317
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,532
(SNIFFLES)

318
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,116
But she was headstrong.

319
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,870
No, no, Nazneen.
This is a happy day.
Remember.

320
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,076
Oh, yes, of course, sweetie. Yes, honey.

321
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,036
RIZA: Hey, Iqbal, this is your cousin, Omer!

322
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:37,373
OMER: Oh, hello.
Hi. Long time no see.

323
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,590
Come on. Come on, everybody.
Come on, sweetheart.

324
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,263
Come on,
let's be happy.
OMER: (CHUCKLES) Yes.

325
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:48,093
The President hasn't made a public appearance
for the last three weeks.

326
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,807
What about the rumors that he has a mystery ailment?

327
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,638
There is no mystery ailment.

328
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,726
As we all know, the campaign process
takes a lot out of a person.

329
00:19:56,821 --> 00:20:00,985
And the President has been enjoying the intervening
time to rest and reflect

330
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:04,112
Is it true that he left President Putin on hold
for 30 minutes

331
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,410
when the Russian president called to congratulate him?

332
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:07,862
Absolutely not.

333
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,664
The President and Mr. Putin had a nice talk.

334
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,493
The President considers him a close friend

335
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:17,705
while, of course, deeply mistrusting
his undemocratic tendencies.

336
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,131
(REPORTERS LAUGHING)

337
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,926
Sir, what about the rumors that the President had
a nervous breakdown?

338
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,298
Nervous breakdown?

339
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:25,508
(SCOFFS)

340
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:30,218
Look, fellows, I would like to remind everyone
that we're still at war here.

341
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,396
The terrorists are looking to exploit
any sign of weakness.

342
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,347
And it's not a question of if

343
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:40,278
but when they're going to launch a major attack
ending life on Earth as we know it.

344
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,943
So let's just try and keep a positive attitude.

345
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,069
Okay, that's it.

346
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:49,786
(ALL CLAMORING)

347
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:05,844
Poopie.

348
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:09,598
Poopie!

349
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,592
Oh, hey, Poopie.

350
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:15,229
When did you get up?
Four hours ago. (CHUCKLES)

351
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:18,270
It's time for you to get dressed.

352
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,313
I picked you out a nice suit.

353
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:23,316
We both think you need to get up
and get out of this bedroom.

354
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,989
Who's "we"?
Hi, Mr. P.

355
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:30,278
Oh, hi, Wally,
I didn't hear you come in.
I guess you were distracted.

356
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:34,240
(STAMMERING)
Wally, be careful with that pile.
That is the Canadian press.

357
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:35,825
Canadian press?

358
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:39,912
What on Earth are you doing reading the Canadian press?

359
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:42,669
Who outside of Canada gives a shit
about the Canadian press?

360
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,876
Wally, language.
They're our neighbors.

361
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,460
Our neighbors?

362
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:49,843
Sir, you are worrying me here.

363
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:52,596
I don't know how long I can cover for this.

364
00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:56,270
(GROANS)
Well, there is nothing to cover for.

365
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,147
(SIGHS)

366
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:04,604
I'm just... I'm just trying to figure out a few things.

367
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:08,566
If you wanted more info, sir, why did you cancel
the weekly briefings?

368
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:13,121
Because I'm not sure
I'm getting the straight poop from them. That's all.

369
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,789
I mean, Iran and North Korea

370
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:19,118
are notjust like Dr. Octopus and Magneto.

371
00:22:19,213 --> 00:22:21,750
You don't like cartoons?
Fine, they're gone.

372
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,207
Joe, we're trying to help, here.

373
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:28,552
Linda?
Well, uh, we were wondering

374
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:32,590
maybe you ought to take some of these.

375
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,972
What,
your hormone pills?

376
00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:38,805
They're not hormone pills.
They're happy pills.

377
00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:41,231
They make you happy when you're sad.

378
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,644
Well, hold on here.

379
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:49,653
Are you sad?
No. I'm happy.

380
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:53,323
But I think you're a little sad maybe.

381
00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:57,164
I think maybe you ran so hard,

382
00:22:57,585 --> 00:23:01,248
you fought so well for this wonderful victory,

383
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:05,839
so that you could help your country, and...

384
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,922
You fought so well

385
00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:12,096
for a wonderful victory.

386
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:16,554
Fought so well
for the wonderful victory that you...

387
00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:20,388
Now you have the wind, the wind knocked out of you.

388
00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:23,353
You're wondering, what was the point of it all.

389
00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:25,560
Why you? Why now?

390
00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:29,151
Why did the Lord pick you out of all people?

391
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:31,778
What are your special qualifications?

392
00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:33,780
And did the Lord even pick you?

393
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:37,329
Or was itjust having really, really powerful friends?

394
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:41,166
Are you saying the Lord didn't pick me?

395
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,619
The Lord did pick you.
He picked you.

396
00:23:43,714 --> 00:23:46,296
Of course, he picked you, honey.

397
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:50,422
The thing is, wejust can't have a President

398
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:53,254
who stays in his pajamas all day.

399
00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:55,093
WALLY: Come on, sir.

400
00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,263
The country needs you.

401
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,220
I like the country.

402
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:05,433
Well, that's good, because you're its President.

403
00:24:25,756 --> 00:24:28,498
Hello, William.
Hi, Mrs. Kendoo.

404
00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:32,126
I just came by to, uh, say goodbye to Sally.

405
00:24:33,097 --> 00:24:35,304
Well, have you up and joined the Army?

406
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:38,723
I have, Mrs. Kendoo.

407
00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:42,595
Ijust feel like, since Sally dumped me,
my life has been meaningless.

408
00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:46,182
So I'm trying to find meaning by defending my country.

409
00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:49,819
And Ijust wanted to tell Sally that.

410
00:24:50,197 --> 00:24:53,610
Well, William, that's very sincere of you,

411
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:56,780
but Sally isn't here.

412
00:24:56,870 --> 00:25:00,033
She's in New York, meeting with agents.

413
00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:03,666
Agents? They're folks that, uh...

414
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:09,463
They act greedy and mean for you so you can
seem like a nice person.

415
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,961
But Sally is a nice person.

416
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:17,179
So I'm not gonna get to see her, then, am I?

417
00:25:17,558 --> 00:25:19,549
I'm afraid not, William.

418
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:27,223
Well, you, uh... You just tell her

419
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,441
that, wherever I am, I'll be thinking of her.

420
00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:32,065
And I got her face tattooed on my arm.

421
00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:34,147
It's from our prom photo.

422
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:38,192
Well, it's beautiful work.

423
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,115
(SIGHS)

424
00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:43,288
Well.

425
00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:47,205
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MRS. KENDOO GROANS)

426
00:25:47,671 --> 00:25:50,003
Now | feel like a terrible person.

427
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:54,709
Oh, you can't help it if that boy wants to go do
something foolish like get a tattoo.

428
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:58,803
(SCREAMING)

429
00:26:00,893 --> 00:26:03,259
I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored.

430
00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:05,890
I'm bored, bored, bored of these contestants.

431
00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:08,688
I want some variety, okay?

432
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:12,943
I want someone to love. I want someone to pity.
I want someone to laugh at.

433
00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:14,611
I want someone to masturbate over.

434
00:26:14,698 --> 00:26:16,438
Possibly, we have that already.

435
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:20,196
I want... I want an Arab.

436
00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:22,823
I'm part Arab.

437
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:24,280
No, don‘t be ridiculous.

438
00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:27,366
No. Mother's Syrian. Dad's Korean.

439
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,042
Good God. All right, then.

440
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:32,292
Bring me a fellow Arab. And a Jew.

441
00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:34,338
Bring me an Arab and a Jew.

442
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:36,667
What about an Arab Jew?

443
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:38,093
Don't be funny.

444
00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:40,466
ASSISTANT:
Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt.

445
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:43,344
Martin, I've got the White House on the phone for you.

446
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:46,848
No, love.
ldon't think you have.
I think I do.

447
00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:53,017
Hello? Martin Tweed.

448
00:26:53,237 --> 00:26:54,647
No commercials.

449
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:57,275
Don't be ridiculous.
We can't do no commercials.

450
00:26:57,366 --> 00:27:00,108
The PR benefit to you will more than make up for it.

451
00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:03,911
With all due respect, we are the number one show
on TV.

452
00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:07,489
We are watched by college freshmen,
grandmas in retirement homes,

453
00:27:07,584 --> 00:27:09,495
death-row inmates, nuns.

454
00:27:09,586 --> 00:27:12,578
We hit every demo.
That is the reason you've come to us.

455
00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:14,789
You need the PR more than we do.

456
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:17,499
We're talking about the President of
the United States here.

457
00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:20,176
Yeah, a President who hasn't been seen
in public for weeks.

458
00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,050
There are rumors he's gone bonkers.

459
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:26,475
He hasn't gone bonkers.
Doing great. Feeling good.
Has a good sense of humor,

460
00:27:26,562 --> 00:27:28,894
tremendous popular appeal.
Man of the people.

461
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:31,563
That's why we want to get him out there in a big way.

462
00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:33,891
I heard you're also booking
him on Larry King and Oprah.

463
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,726
That's correct.
MARTIN:
No, that is incorrect.

464
00:27:35,821 --> 00:27:38,107
If he does our show, he cannot do any other show
before our show,

465
00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:40,405
and he cannot do another show for at least a week
afterwards.

466
00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:41,857
But those are talk shows.

467
00:27:41,952 --> 00:27:44,489
The President's old friends with Larry,
and he loves Oprah.

468
00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:46,696
Don't we all?
Still, those are my terms.

469
00:27:46,790 --> 00:27:49,281
No other TV appearances.
Two commercial breaks.

470
00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:50,991
No commercial breaks.
Two.

471
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:52,667
One.
One.

472
00:27:54,131 --> 00:27:55,996
One commercial break.

473
00:27:56,175 --> 00:27:59,133
Okay.
Okay. Great! Great!

474
00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:00,334
(MARTIN WHOOPS)

475
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:04,638
Looks like the President's gonna be a guestjudge
on American Dreamz.
(LAUGHS)

476
00:28:06,977 --> 00:28:09,138
SHAZZY: Hi.
Hello.

477
00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:12,304
Oh, well, now he looks as strange as you two do.

478
00:28:12,399 --> 00:28:14,811
Nonsense. He looks adorable.

479
00:28:14,902 --> 00:28:18,065
He barely let us spend anything on him.
All this stuff was on sale.

480
00:28:18,155 --> 00:28:20,316
Thank you so much. This is more than I need.

481
00:28:20,407 --> 00:28:23,399
You see?
You two need to learn a lot from this fellow.

482
00:28:23,493 --> 00:28:26,451
Darling, we must get him his own credit card.

483
00:28:27,414 --> 00:28:28,654
Why not?

484
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,578
Hey, Omerizer.
Want to see something cool?

485
00:28:31,668 --> 00:28:33,408
Watch out. Super-gay-meister might jump you!

486
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:36,165
Shut up, hairy she-male!
Let's go.

487
00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:40,298
IQBAL: (SINGING)
She's a super freak Super freak

488
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,376
She's super freaky

489
00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:48,345
(HARMONIZING)

490
00:28:59,696 --> 00:29:00,731
OMER: Wow.

491
00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:01,811
(EXCLAIMING)

492
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:03,818
Bravo!

493
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:06,608
Okay. Thank you.

494
00:29:06,703 --> 00:29:08,318
Thanks.
Oh, the shaking.

495
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:11,371
Okay, now you're just making fun of me. Stop.

496
00:29:12,501 --> 00:29:13,911
No! No!

497
00:29:14,002 --> 00:29:17,460
No, you are extremely talented, cousin.

498
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:22,466
Not only as a singer but as a dancer.
You have pizzazz, my friend.

499
00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:24,384
Really?

500
00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:26,928
You really think so?
Yes.

501
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:28,714
Wow.

502
00:29:28,809 --> 00:29:31,050
How strange to not be met with mockery.

503
00:29:31,144 --> 00:29:32,509
Who mocks you?

504
00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,311
Uh, everyone! That's why no one's allowed down here.

505
00:29:35,399 --> 00:29:38,266
Oh, this is a spectacular set-up you have.

506
00:29:38,485 --> 00:29:39,941
You think so?

507
00:29:40,362 --> 00:29:43,820
Oh, gosh! I really wish you would have
been here last month!

508
00:29:43,907 --> 00:29:46,148
l taped an audition for American Dreamz.

509
00:29:46,243 --> 00:29:49,701
Had to have Shazzy run the camera. She couldn't
stop shaking with laughter.

510
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,780
So how do you work the lighting in here?
Oh, I'll show you.

511
00:30:15,772 --> 00:30:19,515
Hey, how long you been in Iraq?
Fourteen months.

512
00:30:19,609 --> 00:30:23,522
Wow. Fourteen months.
You must have seen a lot of stuff.

513
00:30:24,281 --> 00:30:26,237
This is my first day here.

514
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,611
In fact,
Ijustjoined the Army two weeks ago.

515
00:30:28,702 --> 00:30:31,614
I had kind of an accelerated basic training.

516
00:30:31,955 --> 00:30:35,914
I was pretty surprised
when they said, "Pack your bags. You're going to Iraq."

517
00:30:36,084 --> 00:30:38,746
Honestly, I thought they were joking.

518
00:30:40,130 --> 00:30:42,462
Hey, you got any advice for me?

519
00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:45,628
Don‘t get shot.

520
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:48,006
"Don't get shot."

521
00:30:48,305 --> 00:30:50,136
Okay. Will do.

522
00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:51,633
(BULLET WHIZZING)

523
00:30:52,559 --> 00:30:54,220
(MACHINE GUN FIRING)
What was that?

524
00:30:54,811 --> 00:30:56,893
I think you just got shot.

525
00:30:57,814 --> 00:30:59,350
My tattoo!

526
00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:03,183
First off, I think you're really talented,

527
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,360
and you have a chance to win this whole thing.

528
00:31:05,447 --> 00:31:07,984
A chance? She's going to win it all, mister.

529
00:31:08,075 --> 00:31:10,066
Mom, shut up.
Go on, Chet Krogl.

530
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,276
Thank you. I know she's gonna win, Martha.

531
00:31:12,371 --> 00:31:13,907
That's why I'm representing her.

532
00:31:13,997 --> 00:31:17,410
But winning American Dreamz isn't just about talent.

533
00:31:17,501 --> 00:31:19,958
You have to have a story.

534
00:31:20,212 --> 00:31:23,704
Now, the whole "poor white trash" thing is great.

535
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:25,755
Well, we're not white trash.

536
00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:29,050
No. No, no, no. Of course not, of course not.

537
00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,923
But it doesn't hurt to imply that you are.

538
00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:33,426
Look what it's done for Britney Spears.

539
00:31:33,517 --> 00:31:36,554
See, everyone in America thinks they're middle class.

540
00:31:36,645 --> 00:31:38,931
So they like to have someone to look down on.

541
00:31:39,022 --> 00:31:40,228
We are middle class.

542
00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:43,807
Mom, shut your gaping pie hole.
Go on, Chet Krogl.

543
00:31:44,194 --> 00:31:46,776
Human interest is what wins these things.

544
00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:49,195
Now, absent father's not bad.

545
00:31:49,366 --> 00:31:50,776
You two are divorced, right?

546
00:31:50,867 --> 00:31:53,859
Well, uh, Daddy lives with another man in Chicago.

547
00:31:53,954 --> 00:31:55,615
Another man.

548
00:31:55,789 --> 00:31:56,778
Hmm.

549
00:31:56,915 --> 00:31:59,748
Maybe? Well, no.

550
00:32:00,210 --> 00:32:03,122
Let's not feature that.
That's too much of a wild card.

551
00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:04,749
Now, one thing that is important, Sally,

552
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,001
is that you not appear to want it too much.

553
00:32:07,092 --> 00:32:09,333
I'm just singing for the love of singing.

554
00:32:09,428 --> 00:32:11,293
As long as I get to get on that stage

555
00:32:11,388 --> 00:32:15,597
and perform in front of that incredible audience,
I'm happy.

556
00:32:16,226 --> 00:32:17,966
Not bad. Not bad.

557
00:32:18,103 --> 00:32:19,263
(SALLY CHUCKLES)

558
00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:22,429
Now, of course, on the inside, you do need to want it
really badly.

559
00:32:22,524 --> 00:32:25,641
Mr. Krogl, I'd rather jab my eyes out with
toothpicks and eat them

560
00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:28,226
than lose this thing.
Okay. Awesome!

561
00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:33,524
Um, there's sort of this Hollywood thing.
The camera puts on 10 pounds.

562
00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:35,199
So you're gonna want to lose 20.

563
00:32:35,328 --> 00:32:36,693
Screw you.

564
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,704
I control my weight swings.
No one else.

565
00:32:39,916 --> 00:32:41,247
Having a little extra meat,

566
00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:44,792
taking it off, packing it on can really make people
root for you.

567
00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:47,461
Hasn't hurt Oprah.

568
00:32:49,843 --> 00:32:50,832
I love Oprah.

569
00:32:50,927 --> 00:32:52,087
(DOORBELL RINGING)

570
00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:54,093
We're busy!

571
00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:58,515
Could you get that?
Yes.

572
00:33:04,733 --> 00:33:07,975
Oh, my Lord! Sally, you better get over here.

573
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:15,945
(WHISPERING)
It's William. He's back. And I think he's been wounded.

574
00:33:17,787 --> 00:33:19,698
Oh, my God.

575
00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:20,866
Oh.

576
00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:23,289
I know. Poor William.

577
00:33:25,962 --> 00:33:28,203
MRS. KENDOO:
I don't think he's going away.

578
00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:30,998
Who's William?

579
00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:33,125
It's Sally's old boyfriend.

580
00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:35,461
She broke up with him a few weeks ago.

581
00:33:35,555 --> 00:33:37,216
Yeah, it just wasn't gonna work.

582
00:33:37,307 --> 00:33:40,515
Every time he smiled, I wanted to hit him
in the head with my shoe.

583
00:33:41,019 --> 00:33:43,635
So he's a returning war veteran injured in Iraq?

584
00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:45,186
That's right.

585
00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:48,064
Yep.

586
00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:50,816
Sally, remember what I said

587
00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,611
about human interest being the thing
that wins American Dreamz?

588
00:33:58,662 --> 00:33:59,777
Hi, William.

589
00:34:00,247 --> 00:34:03,205
Hi, Sally. I'm back.

590
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:04,956
Brought you some flowers.

591
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:07,705
Oh, gosh. Thank you, William.

592
00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:10,586
I got injured in Iraq.

593
00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:14,503
Yeah, I can see. I'm so, so sorry.

594
00:34:17,180 --> 00:34:20,843
Well, I... Ijust came
to say hi, so...

595
00:34:21,101 --> 00:34:22,841
Yeah. But, William, um,

596
00:34:23,186 --> 00:34:26,644
I'm actually really happy that you're home

597
00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:28,934
and you're back

598
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,521
and you're alive.

599
00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:34,110
(GROANS)

600
00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,654
Oh, oh, sorry, sorry.
No big deal. No big deal.

601
00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:39,608
Um, listen, I'm so happy to see you, too. I...

602
00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:49,751
Sally, who's the guy with the video camera?

603
00:34:49,838 --> 00:34:51,123
Nobody. He's just my agent.

604
00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:52,499
Oh, cool.

605
00:34:53,133 --> 00:34:55,294
Keep going. Don't mind me.

606
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:59,086
This is Linda Garvey reporting
live from the White House.

607
00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:02,297
It is his first official state visit
since his re-election,

608
00:35:02,392 --> 00:35:04,599
and the President is hosting the Premier of China.

609
00:35:04,686 --> 00:35:07,849
Unfortunately, news cameras weren't allowed
inside for the meeting.

610
00:35:08,231 --> 00:35:10,722
I am terrified of North Korea.

611
00:35:12,152 --> 00:35:14,359
I keep having this nightmare.

612
00:35:14,696 --> 00:35:16,561
The sirens are going off,

613
00:35:16,656 --> 00:35:20,774
and then someone rushes in and tells me that the
North Koreans are attacking.

614
00:35:21,369 --> 00:35:24,987
So I run to get my Bible, but I can't find it.

615
00:35:25,582 --> 00:35:28,415
And then the sky goes dark.

616
00:35:30,795 --> 00:35:33,081
Do you ever have nightmares?

617
00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:36,957
Vamp. Improvise.

618
00:35:37,677 --> 00:35:39,383
(SPEAKING MAN DARIN)

619
00:35:43,058 --> 00:35:45,925
Bye-bye. Sure you don't want to sleep over?

620
00:35:46,186 --> 00:35:48,768
All right. Next time.
Bye, now.

621
00:35:49,189 --> 00:35:50,725
(DOOR CLOSES)

622
00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:53,932
Well,

623
00:35:55,528 --> 00:35:57,940
I think that went really well.

624
00:35:58,823 --> 00:36:01,314
He seems like a real nice guy.

625
00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:03,691
WALLY:
Yes, he's very nice.

626
00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:07,112
Very nice, for a communist dictator.

627
00:36:07,874 --> 00:36:09,910
What the hell is going on here, Joe?

628
00:36:10,001 --> 00:36:12,834
I mean, have you had a frigging nervous breakdown?

629
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:15,541
Uh, no.

630
00:36:16,299 --> 00:36:20,508
"Uh, no," is not a very reassuring answer.

631
00:36:20,845 --> 00:36:24,303
Joe, you remember when we first met?

632
00:36:24,557 --> 00:36:27,674
When I came up to you
at that fundraiser for your dad, and I said,

633
00:36:27,769 --> 00:36:29,225
"You're gonna make one hell of a President."

634
00:36:29,312 --> 00:36:32,554
And you said, "You mean my dad is." And I said,
"No, pal. You are."

635
00:36:33,775 --> 00:36:36,608
I kind of remember it. I was pretty toasted.

636
00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:39,815
Is that what's happening here?
Are you getting toasted again?

637
00:36:39,906 --> 00:36:43,148
Do you have a bottle hiding somewhere?
No! Of course not.

638
00:36:43,243 --> 00:36:44,949
'Cause I'm there for you.

639
00:36:47,997 --> 00:36:49,533
It's just that

640
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:54,793
there are some things that kind of seemed
pretty black-and-white.

641
00:36:55,630 --> 00:37:00,841
And now they're kind of becoming a little gray-seeming.

642
00:37:01,094 --> 00:37:04,086
I'll tell you one thing that isn't gray-seeming.

643
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:05,590
Your numbers.

644
00:37:05,682 --> 00:37:08,719
The only demo where you have an approval
rating above 30%

645
00:37:08,810 --> 00:37:10,095
is with children under the age of five.

646
00:37:10,186 --> 00:37:11,676
You know what they're saying out there?

647
00:37:11,771 --> 00:37:13,181
Yeah, I've been reading the papers.

648
00:37:13,273 --> 00:37:16,310
They're saying
you've disappeared. They're saying you've gone cuckoo!

649
00:37:16,693 --> 00:37:18,149
Look, Mr. President.

650
00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:20,272
We have a lot of important work to do.

651
00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:24,151
We're making democracies, and you have to keep your eye
on the prize!

652
00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:29,698
First off, no more newspapers.

653
00:37:29,789 --> 00:37:32,121
In fact, no more reading. Back to the regular briefing.

654
00:37:32,208 --> 00:37:34,699
Second off,
we're gonna up the dosage on your medicine.

655
00:37:34,794 --> 00:37:36,830
Third off, we‘re going on a publicity blitz

656
00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:40,379
to show the world that you're still going strong,
still have the common touch.

657
00:37:40,467 --> 00:37:44,255
And to start off with, you're gonna be a guest judge
on American Dreamz.

658
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:50,469
Are you sure that's dignified?
Oh, it will be dignified.

659
00:37:51,436 --> 00:37:55,270
And charming. And populist and on-message

660
00:37:55,940 --> 00:38:00,775
because you'll be wearing this.

661
00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:04,145
Uh, what is that?

662
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:08,821
Hey, Omer. Want to go to the mall?

663
00:38:09,621 --> 00:38:11,327
We just went last weekend.

664
00:38:11,414 --> 00:38:13,575
Yeah. Now we're going again.

665
00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:16,290
Why? Did you forget to purchase something?

666
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:23,210
If you do not mind, I think I will pass
on the mail today.

667
00:38:23,468 --> 00:38:26,301
I would like to just stay here and relax.

668
00:38:26,554 --> 00:38:29,170
Okay. Bye!
Bye.

669
00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:55,201
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

670
00:38:55,291 --> 00:38:58,328
You're too kind. You're too kind, really.
Thank you very much.

671
00:38:58,419 --> 00:38:59,784
Thank you.

672
00:38:59,879 --> 00:39:03,167
And now a piece from the classic,
Guys and Dolls.

673
00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:07,876
This is really a new low.

674
00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:11,296
This Iqbal guy can't sing.
Neither can the Hasidic guy.

675
00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:13,635
What? The Hasidic guy rules.

676
00:39:13,726 --> 00:39:16,763
Wait! I hear singing.
Start the camera. Start the camera.

677
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:20,226
(SINGING)
Luck be a lady tonight

678
00:39:20,316 --> 00:39:23,353
Luck be a lady tonight, pah!

679
00:39:23,778 --> 00:39:27,191
Luck if you've ever been a lady to begin with

680
00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:29,944
Luck be a...
(IMITATES WHOOSHING)
Tonight

681
00:39:32,829 --> 00:39:34,239
May | help you?

682
00:39:34,330 --> 00:39:38,824
You do not understand.
I have no desire to be on a television show.

683
00:39:39,127 --> 00:39:40,992
ITTLES: (ON VIDEO)
But you have real talent.

684
00:39:41,087 --> 00:39:42,293
OMER: Do you really think so?

685
00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:46,624
But it is a moot point, because it is not I
you are looking for.

686
00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:48,750
It is my cousin, Iqbal.

687
00:39:48,845 --> 00:39:51,302
I want him.
No, I don't want him.

688
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:53,467
I need him. I love him.

689
00:39:53,558 --> 00:39:56,391
That is it. That's my Arab.
lqbal's out. Omer's in.

690
00:39:56,477 --> 00:39:57,967
Okay. We're working on it.

691
00:39:58,062 --> 00:40:01,725
Now here's a tape that Sally Kendoo's agent sent over.

692
00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:04,144
The white-trash girl from Ohio.

693
00:40:04,235 --> 00:40:07,602
Apparently, she has a boyfriend who was injured
in the Iraq war,

694
00:40:07,697 --> 00:40:10,188
and this is footage of their reunion.

695
00:40:14,203 --> 00:40:16,285
Now look at this right here.

696
00:40:16,372 --> 00:40:18,033
(WHISPERS)
Did you get that?

697
00:40:18,374 --> 00:40:19,489
Whoa.

698
00:40:20,084 --> 00:40:22,325
Give me that. Give me that. Give me that.

699
00:40:24,881 --> 00:40:26,621
(WHISPERS)
Did you get that?

700
00:40:31,346 --> 00:40:32,677
Dirty bitch.

701
00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:50,774
Oh, my God. It's Martin Tweed!

702
00:40:50,990 --> 00:40:52,105
Martin Tweed, everyone!

703
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:53,736
(WOMEN GASPING)

704
00:40:57,664 --> 00:40:58,699
ALL: Oh, my God!

705
00:40:58,790 --> 00:41:00,621
MRS. KENDOO: Get back. Get back, everyone!

706
00:41:00,959 --> 00:41:02,699
(DOORBELL RINGING)

707
00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:12,425
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

708
00:41:15,682 --> 00:41:17,172
Mr. Tweed.

709
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:20,349
Come on in.
Thank you very much.

710
00:41:20,436 --> 00:41:22,347
Mrs. Kendoo?
Oh, yes.

711
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:25,100
And a lot of other Kendoos.
(CHUCKLES)

712
00:41:26,109 --> 00:41:29,977
Can I get you some hot bundt cake or how about a beer?

713
00:41:30,071 --> 00:41:32,562
No, thank you very much.
I'm on a strict sashimi diet.

714
00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:35,649
Martin, Chet Krogl.
We met at upfronts a couple of years ago.

715
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,108
Right. Yeah, Chet Krogl.

716
00:41:37,203 --> 00:41:39,694
I don't want to talk to you.
Okay. No problem.

717
00:41:39,789 --> 00:41:43,623
Do you know what? Do you think I might go upstairs
and talk to Sally in private?

718
00:41:44,085 --> 00:41:46,201
Oh, yeah, absolutely.

719
00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:01,757
(CHUCKLES)

720
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:13,695
Cool car.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.

721
00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:17,194
Not easy renting a Ferrari
in Padookie, Ohio.

722
00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:23,238
I'm surprised that you're here, cause I thought

723
00:42:23,332 --> 00:42:26,449
we were supposed to meet for the first time
onstage at the show.

724
00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:29,502
Yeah. Normally, we would.
I never produce these segments.

725
00:42:29,589 --> 00:42:32,456
But I heard Padookie was an exciting town.
Thought I'd check it out.

726
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:37,043
That was a joke.
I'm aware.

727
00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:39,462
You didn't laugh.

728
00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:41,388
It wasn't funny.

729
00:42:43,019 --> 00:42:44,099
No.

730
00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:48,688
But why didn't you laugh just to kiss my ass?

731
00:42:48,941 --> 00:42:51,023
I figure you didn't need me to kiss your ass.

732
00:42:51,110 --> 00:42:55,524
I mean, I'm sure you have people kissing your ass
24 hours a day.

733
00:42:56,783 --> 00:42:58,614
And I guess, like, not kissing your ass

734
00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:01,283
is like kissing your ass for most people.

735
00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:04,283
Absolutely right.

736
00:43:06,292 --> 00:43:09,705
It's weird. One can become quite detached from reality
when one's famous.

737
00:43:09,796 --> 00:43:11,002
Really.

738
00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:14,126
(CHUCKLES)
That sounds so cool.

739
00:43:14,217 --> 00:43:16,458
Yeah, it can be.

740
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:24,679
So, Sally, I've seen your tapes, and
I think you're very talented.

741
00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:28,352
Really? You do?
Well, moderately.

742
00:43:29,190 --> 00:43:30,976
But beyond that...

743
00:43:31,234 --> 00:43:32,644
Beyond that?

744
00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:35,192
I think I like you.

745
00:43:37,323 --> 00:43:39,154
I don't mean romantically,
I mean,

746
00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:43,568
I think I like you as a human being.

747
00:43:49,377 --> 00:43:51,368
MARTIN:
So have you ever been in a Ferrari before?

748
00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:53,327
SALLY:
Yeah, yeah, tons of times.

749
00:43:55,675 --> 00:43:58,883
You know, sometimes, I'll be driving my Enzo
down Mulholland Drive,

750
00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:02,383
really gunning it. I'll look at the little railing
at the side of the road

751
00:44:02,473 --> 00:44:04,805
and the steep drop just beyond that, and I'll think,

752
00:44:04,892 --> 00:44:08,601
"Wouldn't it be great just to shoot off the edge
of the cliff?"

753
00:44:09,230 --> 00:44:12,063
Wouldn't that be fun?
Mr. Tweed, I...

754
00:44:12,150 --> 00:44:15,108
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't call me "Mr. Tweed."
Call me "Tweedy."

755
00:44:15,194 --> 00:44:18,812
Like "Tweety Bird," but with a "D"?
Exactly, yeah.

756
00:44:19,532 --> 00:44:23,866
You know, my mum used to say to me,
"Martin, you have no talent.

757
00:44:23,995 --> 00:44:25,826
"No one will ever love you."

758
00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:29,497
Well, look at me now, Mum!
Look where no talent will get you!

759
00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:32,124
You jealous, drunk old bitch.

760
00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:34,122
Really, that's...
That's great.

761
00:44:34,213 --> 00:44:37,580
But, Tweedy, can you...
Can you help me win?

762
00:44:37,842 --> 00:44:40,675
Because I would do absolutely anything
to win this show.

763
00:44:40,761 --> 00:44:44,049
I'd love to help you, Sally,
but there's only so much I can do.

764
00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:46,756
It's down to you.
You've got to make the people love you.

765
00:44:46,851 --> 00:44:50,184
The way that they love you?
Nope. Nobody loves me.

766
00:44:51,022 --> 00:44:54,560
My mum was right about that.
But it's fine. I don't care.

767
00:44:55,026 --> 00:44:58,359
I don't want the fake bullshit that passes for love
in this world.

768
00:44:58,446 --> 00:45:02,439
Well, you don't have to worry about me. I'm not
even sure that I like you.

769
00:45:02,992 --> 00:45:04,573
Wow.
(LAUGHS)

770
00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:06,651
My God, I can't believe I just said that out loud.

771
00:45:06,746 --> 00:45:08,486
I never say stuff like that out loud.

772
00:45:08,581 --> 00:45:10,867
Oh, I think you are a rapacious little bitch.

773
00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:13,745
Well, Ithink
you're a self-involved, preening idiot.

774
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:16,748
Sociopathic, egomaniacal, Madonna wannabe.

775
00:45:16,839 --> 00:45:18,795
No-talent, famous-for-being-famous,

776
00:45:18,883 --> 00:45:20,999
third-rate, Regis Philbin clone!

777
00:45:23,387 --> 00:45:26,003
SHAZZY: So, at the mail today, I upgraded my plan
to 5,000 minutes,

778
00:45:26,098 --> 00:45:27,213
but it's a family plan.

779
00:45:27,308 --> 00:45:30,266
Thank you, Auntie.
IQBAL: You should've gotten 10,000.

780
00:45:30,436 --> 00:45:32,222
Um, Iqbal?
Yeah.

781
00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,808
Something very odd happened today.

782
00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:36,647
(CHUCKLES)
It's funny, really.

783
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:40,647
You see, uh, these people from the American Dreamz
television show came by.

784
00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:46,402
Yeah?
And, uh...

785
00:45:46,494 --> 00:45:47,574
(CHUCKLES)

786
00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,862
And?
And, uh, I was using your stage,

787
00:45:50,957 --> 00:45:52,913
and they heard me singing, and they want me to be
on the show.

788
00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:54,616
Mmm.

789
00:45:56,462 --> 00:46:00,922
I'm sorry. Did you say they want you
to sing on the show?

790
00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:02,165
Mmm-hmm.

791
00:46:02,385 --> 00:46:03,465
Isn't that amusing?

792
00:46:03,636 --> 00:46:05,467
Holy crap.
NAZNEEN: Shazzy.

793
00:46:06,305 --> 00:46:08,466
Congratulations, Omer!
Thank you.

794
00:46:08,557 --> 00:46:10,798
"Congratulations, Omer!"
That's what you have to say!

795
00:46:10,893 --> 00:46:12,679
"Congratulations, Omer!"

796
00:46:13,145 --> 00:46:15,978
Do you know how hard I have worked
to get on this show?

797
00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:17,896
You've stolen my dream!

798
00:46:17,984 --> 00:46:21,522
I'm so sorry. I told them. I told them
they had made a mistake.

799
00:46:22,113 --> 00:46:23,228
But do not worry.

800
00:46:23,322 --> 00:46:27,190
Iwill... IwiII simply refuse to be on
the television show. Yes?

801
00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:29,776
Yes, and then they must take you instead.

802
00:46:29,870 --> 00:46:31,656
They don't want me.

803
00:46:32,456 --> 00:46:35,163
Nobody wants me!

804
00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:38,376
Nonsense, sweetheart. We all love you.

805
00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:42,872
Is that going to make me famous?
I don't think so.

806
00:46:52,226 --> 00:46:55,263
MARTIN: (ON TV) Next week,
the exciting premiere episode of American Dreamz.

807
00:46:55,354 --> 00:46:58,642
Which of these hopefuls will live the next
American dream?

808
00:47:04,113 --> 00:47:07,150
Wait. Rewind the TiVo.

809
00:47:12,872 --> 00:47:14,203
Pause it.

810
00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:20,209
Hello.
Hello, Mrs. Riza.

811
00:47:20,629 --> 00:47:23,587
Is Omer at home, please?
NAZNEEN: Yes, he is.

812
00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:26,795
Who shall I say is asking for him?

813
00:47:26,886 --> 00:47:29,298
Just some friends.

814
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,301
NAZNEEN: Come in, please.

815
00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:43,399
Sun block, anyone?
OMER: Yes. Thank you, Auntie.

816
00:47:43,486 --> 00:47:44,601
NAZNEEN: Sure.

817
00:47:45,154 --> 00:47:48,317
Now, lam going to bring you boys a little treat.

818
00:47:48,783 --> 00:47:50,114
Thank you.

819
00:47:57,708 --> 00:48:00,199
Very cushy situation you have here.

820
00:48:02,088 --> 00:48:05,251
No pool?
No. No, just the Jacuzzi.

821
00:48:10,346 --> 00:48:14,134
The Western Command has learned of you
being chosen to sing and dance

822
00:48:14,225 --> 00:48:18,559
on a hedonistic television show aptly named
American Dreamz.

823
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:22,893
Wow. You guys heard about that?

824
00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:27,150
It's all a big mistake, you see.

825
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:30,230
They got me mixed up with my cousin

826
00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:34,526
because I would never engage
in such a frivolous activity.

827
00:48:35,121 --> 00:48:38,579
In fact, I'm going to tell them
I will not be on the show.

828
00:48:38,707 --> 00:48:40,868
You are to do no such thing.

829
00:48:41,127 --> 00:48:43,209
You are to perform on the show.

830
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:45,832
And you must get to the championship round

831
00:48:45,923 --> 00:48:48,130
because judging the championship round

832
00:48:48,217 --> 00:48:52,176
will be none other than the President of
the United States of America.

833
00:48:53,389 --> 00:48:54,879
The President?

834
00:48:55,182 --> 00:48:57,389
When you are onstage with the President,

835
00:48:57,476 --> 00:49:00,092
you will have smuggled in an explosive belt.

836
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:02,766
And you are to martyr yourself,

837
00:49:02,857 --> 00:49:06,099
killing, in the process, the head of the serpent.

838
00:49:07,111 --> 00:49:09,602
What if I don't make it to the final round?

839
00:49:09,697 --> 00:49:12,780
Omer, folks don't call me "The Torturer"

840
00:49:12,867 --> 00:49:15,028
because I don't like to torture people.

841
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:16,154
You know what I mean?

842
00:49:19,206 --> 00:49:22,664
Now, who would like to try some grapefruit sorbet?

843
00:49:26,547 --> 00:49:28,003
In a busy political week

844
00:49:28,090 --> 00:49:30,456
capped by a marked increase in his approval ratings,

845
00:49:30,551 --> 00:49:32,007
the President has stepped back

846
00:49:32,094 --> 00:49:34,506
into the public eye in a string of high-profile events.

847
00:49:34,597 --> 00:49:37,384
Earlier this week, he hosted the Ukrainian President,

848
00:49:37,475 --> 00:49:40,717
lifted weights with the head of the Organization
of African States,

849
00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:42,893
spent some time with his dog, Henry,

850
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,313
and chatted with Carmen Electra at a black-tie event.

851
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:47,856
Thank you.
You come back now,
all right?

852
00:49:47,943 --> 00:49:49,479
Okay.
Nice meeting you.
Okay.

853
00:49:51,322 --> 00:49:54,906
After weeks of seclusion, suddenly,
the President is everywhere,

854
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:56,323
even signing on to guest judge

855
00:49:56,410 --> 00:49:59,823
the finale of the top-rated television show
American Dreamz.

856
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:02,246
You hear that? We're back.

857
00:50:03,375 --> 00:50:05,240
All right. Now hold still.

858
00:50:08,005 --> 00:50:09,211
It tickles.

859
00:50:09,298 --> 00:50:12,040
You want to wear this thing all night? Then sit still.

860
00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:19,638
This thing is incredible.
Great reception.

861
00:50:21,227 --> 00:50:24,219
I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier.

862
00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:28,556
Hell of a week, sir! You really got back on message.

863
00:50:28,651 --> 00:50:31,267
That's because you're telling me what the message is.

864
00:50:31,362 --> 00:50:32,602
Exactly.

865
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:36,773
I just love that Carmen Electra. Thanks.

866
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:39,609
I would have never had the courage to go up

867
00:50:39,703 --> 00:50:42,285
and talk to her by myself face to face.

868
00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:44,697
Engaging girl.

869
00:50:45,751 --> 00:50:47,412
Good night, Mr. President.

870
00:50:47,503 --> 00:50:48,492
(DOOR OPENS)

871
00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:51,787
(DOOR CLOSES)

872
00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:56,633
(SOBBING)

873
00:50:59,098 --> 00:51:01,885
One and two. Three and four.

874
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,344
Five...

875
00:51:04,228 --> 00:51:05,343
Hey. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

876
00:51:06,063 --> 00:51:07,143
What are you doing?

877
00:51:07,231 --> 00:51:10,439
Nothing. Nothing.
I'm just rehearsing some dance steps.

878
00:51:10,526 --> 00:51:11,732
Oh.

879
00:51:11,860 --> 00:51:13,350
Look, Iqbal.

880
00:51:14,321 --> 00:51:16,277
I am so sorry...
Stop.

881
00:51:18,075 --> 00:51:21,567
I don't want your pity.
Does it look like I need pity?

882
00:51:22,496 --> 00:51:25,112
No, no, no.
You have far too much dignity.

883
00:51:25,207 --> 00:51:29,200
If these people know nothing about talent,
there's not much I can do about it, is there?

884
00:51:32,089 --> 00:51:35,047
So let's see it.
Let's see your dance steps.

885
00:51:36,844 --> 00:51:38,175
(STAMMERING) All right.

886
00:51:38,596 --> 00:51:39,585
(SIGHS)

887
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:44,427
One and two. Three and four.

888
00:51:44,935 --> 00:51:46,050
What?

889
00:51:46,145 --> 00:51:48,511
Oh, there's no way you're gonna win this thing.

890
00:51:49,106 --> 00:51:51,097
I know. I fear as much.

891
00:52:00,659 --> 00:52:02,240
Are you sure?

892
00:52:02,328 --> 00:52:04,614
Do it. Before I change my mind.

893
00:52:06,665 --> 00:52:08,951
Okay. Now this is just the bass track.

894
00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:10,499
It's good to practice moves to.

895
00:52:10,586 --> 00:52:13,043
Mmm-mmm, ldon't like this kind of music.
It's just a bass track.

896
00:52:13,422 --> 00:52:14,912
It's just for rehearsal!

897
00:52:16,592 --> 00:52:17,832
Okay.

898
00:52:18,093 --> 00:52:19,378
(SIGHS)

899
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:24,054
Now, one problem you have is you move like a
re-animated corpse in a zombie movie.

900
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:25,381
Not good.

901
00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:27,224
You need to loosen up.

902
00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:30,139
Okay. Come on, let's go.

903
00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:32,221
Free-form jazz dancing, right now, immediately.

904
00:52:32,358 --> 00:52:34,565
Iqbal, why are you helping me?

905
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,063
I destroyed your dream.

906
00:52:38,113 --> 00:52:39,273
Yeah.

907
00:52:40,032 --> 00:52:41,317
You did.

908
00:52:41,867 --> 00:52:43,653
But that was yesterday.

909
00:52:44,078 --> 00:52:47,411
Today, I've turned a page on a new chapter in my life.

910
00:52:47,581 --> 00:52:51,119
I'm not sure being a performer
was ever what I was really meant for.

911
00:52:51,460 --> 00:52:54,952
I'm more of a behind-the-scenes player. A puppeteer.

912
00:52:55,089 --> 00:52:56,795
A Svengali, if you will.

913
00:52:58,634 --> 00:53:00,170
As of today,

914
00:53:01,011 --> 00:53:02,751
I'm your manager.

915
00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:08,599
This is Martin Tweed, and I am
in the small town of Padookie, Ohio.

916
00:53:09,061 --> 00:53:11,552
Our first dream starts right here,

917
00:53:11,647 --> 00:53:15,731
where local chanteuse Sally Kendoo
hopes her dream comes true.

918
00:53:16,527 --> 00:53:19,610
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

919
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:24,490
It was always Sally's idea to perform, not mine.

920
00:53:25,619 --> 00:53:28,531
I mean, she's been wanting to do this since
she was six months old.

921
00:53:28,997 --> 00:53:30,328
Sing!

922
00:53:31,917 --> 00:53:35,660
She did it before. She's just shy.
Come on, honey. Sing!

923
00:53:36,088 --> 00:53:39,956
MARTIN: The last remaining business on Main Street is
Harry's Hangdown Bar and Grill

924
00:53:40,426 --> 00:53:42,542
where Sally works as a part-time waitress.

925
00:53:42,928 --> 00:53:44,839
The Hangdown is a home away from home

926
00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:47,262
for the largely unemployed male population of Padookie.

927
00:53:47,599 --> 00:53:49,385
(ALL CHEERING)

928
00:53:53,021 --> 00:53:54,602
MAN: Come Oh! Yeah!

929
00:53:54,982 --> 00:53:58,019
MARTIN:
Sally's high-school sweetheart
is a decorated war veteran,

930
00:53:58,110 --> 00:53:59,816
a real American hero.

931
00:54:01,655 --> 00:54:05,489
And halfway across America, hailing from
halfway around the world,

932
00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:08,989
Omer Obeidi lives with his  cousins, the Riza Family.

933
00:54:09,204 --> 00:54:11,866
A refugee from the mayhem of the Middle East.

934
00:54:11,957 --> 00:54:15,825
I cannot believe my good fortune
to be competing on the Show.

935
00:54:16,837 --> 00:54:19,670
This is truly an American dream come true.

936
00:54:20,549 --> 00:54:21,709
MAN: (WHISPERING) Now.

937
00:54:22,259 --> 00:54:23,465
Now.

938
00:54:23,677 --> 00:54:26,669
America, you will be Omerized.

939
00:54:28,724 --> 00:54:32,216
MARTIN: Like any American kid,
Omer likes to hang out at the mall

940
00:54:32,311 --> 00:54:34,051
where his posse all know him.

941
00:54:34,313 --> 00:54:36,099
Omer! American Dreamz, baby!

942
00:54:36,190 --> 00:54:38,272
Yo, Big O! I like your style.

943
00:54:38,358 --> 00:54:40,974
O-mizzer!
That's my dawg right there!

944
00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:42,934
Keep it real, man!
Remember that. Keep it real.

945
00:54:43,030 --> 00:54:44,895
There may not be peace in the Middle East,

946
00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:46,981
but there is Middle East in this piece,

947
00:54:47,075 --> 00:54:51,660
as we visit cantor Sholem Glickstein,
recent Israeli immigrant.

948
00:54:51,997 --> 00:54:53,407
I wish Omer luck.

949
00:54:53,791 --> 00:54:56,999
I wish all of the contestants luck,
because I'm coming for them.

950
00:54:57,085 --> 00:54:58,200
Do you hear that?

951
00:54:58,295 --> 00:55:01,708
Do you hear that?
I am coming for you, bitches! I am coming for you!

952
00:55:01,965 --> 00:55:04,206
Huh? Looks great.

953
00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:07,176
Big day tomorrow, boss.
You fired up?

954
00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:10,671
Yes. I am fired up.

955
00:55:12,351 --> 00:55:14,717
(POP BALLAD PLAYING ON TV)

956
00:55:14,812 --> 00:55:16,473
Debra?
Yes.

957
00:55:17,356 --> 00:55:19,096
Do you think I'm lovable?

958
00:55:20,150 --> 00:55:21,435
Lovable?

959
00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:25,106
Yeah. Yes, sure, very.

960
00:55:26,657 --> 00:55:27,988
Frank?

961
00:55:29,493 --> 00:55:32,576
I love you. That's all I know.

962
00:55:36,416 --> 00:55:38,407
Okay, thanks. You can go.

963
00:55:51,849 --> 00:55:54,306
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

964
00:56:01,567 --> 00:56:04,980
Welcome! Welcome! Welcome back, America!

965
00:56:05,487 --> 00:56:07,148
Boo!
AUDIENCE: Boo!

966
00:56:07,906 --> 00:56:10,272
I'm Martin Tweed, and I am so delighted to be back

967
00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:12,403
with another exciting season of American Dreamz.
(CHUCKLES)

968
00:56:12,536 --> 00:56:14,322
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

969
00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:18,122
We have some amazing dreamers who are gonna perform
for you tonight.

970
00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:20,870
Some will triumph. Some will sink back into obscurity.

971
00:56:21,003 --> 00:56:23,790
Only one will become America's newest sensation.

972
00:56:23,881 --> 00:56:25,087
It's up to you, America.

973
00:56:25,173 --> 00:56:28,006
Only you have the awesome power to lift someone up
into the heavens

974
00:56:28,093 --> 00:56:29,424
and create a new star.

975
00:56:29,511 --> 00:56:31,672
And here are your dreamers!

976
00:56:31,763 --> 00:56:33,799
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

977
00:56:42,941 --> 00:56:45,182
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Come on, watch your step! Watch your step!

978
00:56:45,277 --> 00:56:48,144
GO, go, go, go! Come on, get on up!

979
00:56:48,238 --> 00:56:50,854
Let's go! GO! Move it out! Move it!

980
00:56:51,283 --> 00:56:53,990
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

981
00:57:07,299 --> 00:57:08,414
(SIGHS)

982
00:57:13,388 --> 00:57:14,503
(CHUCKLES)

983
00:57:14,765 --> 00:57:18,223
I’d like to dedicate this song to a real American hero.

984
00:57:18,435 --> 00:57:21,097
My boyfriend, William Williams.

985
00:57:24,691 --> 00:57:29,230
He risked his life for our  freedom,
and that's a real American dream.

986
00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:41,034
(SINGING)
Mommy, don't drink me to bed tonight

987
00:57:41,750 --> 00:57:47,620
What's gotten into your head tonight?

988
00:57:48,006 --> 00:57:50,622
Did I make you mad?

989
00:57:51,385 --> 00:57:54,092
Is that why you're sad?

990
00:57:55,222 --> 00:58:01,138
Daddy, where have you been all my life?

991
00:58:01,853 --> 00:58:04,560
Mommy said that

992
00:58:04,773 --> 00:58:07,606
You got a new wife

993
00:58:07,859 --> 00:58:11,101
And there’s nothing to do

994
00:58:11,405 --> 00:58:14,238
But I know that’s not true

995
00:58:14,533 --> 00:58:18,025
And there’s no one to hold me

996
00:58:18,495 --> 00:58:21,157
Close when I cry

997
00:58:21,790 --> 00:58:24,702
To rock me so gentle

998
00:58:24,918 --> 00:58:27,910
Till the storm passes by

999
00:58:28,839 --> 00:58:31,330
And I’m just a kid

1000
00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:35,042
But I know it ain't right

1001
00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:43,719
So, Mommy, don't drink me to bed tonight

1002
00:58:44,813 --> 00:58:46,644
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1003
00:58:58,827 --> 00:59:00,158
Sally.

1004
00:59:02,664 --> 00:59:04,495
I think you're terrific.

1005
00:59:04,833 --> 00:59:08,872
In fact, I think you have star quality.

1006
00:59:09,588 --> 00:59:11,374
Thank you, Mr. Tweed.

1007
00:59:14,217 --> 00:59:15,923
Sally Kendoo.

1008
00:59:19,681 --> 00:59:22,423
(SINGING)
Girl, let's not be friends

1009
00:59:22,517 --> 00:59:24,508
’Cause we've shared too much

1010
00:59:24,603 --> 00:59:29,518
Girl, you know that I'm yearning for your touch

1011
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:33,977
'Cause I can't be less than your everything

1012
00:59:34,362 --> 00:59:36,648
'Cause I'll lay down and cry

1013
00:59:36,740 --> 00:59:39,072
I’ll curl up and die

1014
00:59:39,159 --> 00:59:43,823
Don't let this be how my story ends

1015
00:59:43,955 --> 00:59:46,287
It’s love or goodbye

1016
00:59:46,374 --> 00:59:48,990
So let's not be friends

1017
00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:51,831
(SINGING) I’m a rocking man

1018
00:59:51,963 --> 00:59:55,000
I’m a genuine rocking man

1019
00:59:55,092 --> 00:59:59,301
I’m a rock, rock, rock, Rocking man!

1020
01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:04,389
I’m a rock, rock, rock

1021
01:00:04,601 --> 01:00:06,637
(SINGING) I never felt

1022
01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:09,811
This way

1023
01:00:10,565 --> 01:00:16,481
Before

1024
01:00:16,905 --> 01:00:21,114
(SINGING)
Girl, you know I want you I got a rocket launcher

1025
01:00:21,201 --> 01:00:23,988
So, baby let's get raunchy tonight

1026
01:00:24,079 --> 01:00:26,115
CHORUS:
Let's get raunchy tonight

1027
01:00:26,206 --> 01:00:29,994
I don't want to taunt you
Or take you out and flaunt you

1028
01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,792
So, baby Let's get raunchy, all right

1029
01:00:32,879 --> 01:00:35,621
CHORUS:
Let's get raunchy, baby

1030
01:00:36,508 --> 01:00:38,590
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1031
01:00:44,558 --> 01:00:45,547
Sholem.

1032
01:00:46,601 --> 01:00:48,717
I only have two words for you.

1033
01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:50,268
Maze! tov!

1034
01:00:50,939 --> 01:00:53,521
No, you were wonderful.
Really, wonderful.

1035
01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:58,022
Good news, Pauly.
I don't want to be your friend.

1036
01:00:58,113 --> 01:01:00,695
In fact, you make me want to projectile vomit.

1037
01:01:00,782 --> 01:01:01,862
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

1038
01:01:01,950 --> 01:01:06,910
Bobby, I think my ears are actually bleeding.
You are like a musical Ebola virus.

1039
01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:08,995
Cindy, uh...

1040
01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:12,157
I’m afraid I have felt this way before.

1041
01:01:12,252 --> 01:01:15,961
And it was just before I tried to kill myself.
Sorry, love.

1042
01:01:18,216 --> 01:01:19,422
Sorry.

1043
01:01:21,887 --> 01:01:23,343
I hate you!

1044
01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:25,712
Nice girl. Cindy.

1045
01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:36,188
Hmm.

1046
01:01:36,443 --> 01:01:37,774
Here he is.

1047
01:01:40,238 --> 01:01:41,694
Fantastic, Omer.

1048
01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:51,029
Don't clap.
No, no, of course.

1049
01:01:55,629 --> 01:01:57,244
(SINGING) To dream

1050
01:01:57,339 --> 01:02:00,081
The impossible dream

1051
01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:05,294
To fight

1052
01:02:05,388 --> 01:02:09,427
The unbeatable foe

1053
01:02:10,727 --> 01:02:12,968
To bear

1054
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:17,189
With unbearable sorrow

1055
01:02:18,944 --> 01:02:22,653
To run where the brave dare not go

1056
01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:25,856
What the hell is that?
He looks like he stepped on a scorpion.

1057
01:02:26,034 --> 01:02:28,616
This is my quest

1058
01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:31,740
To follow that star

1059
01:02:31,831 --> 01:02:34,618
No matter how hopeless

1060
01:02:34,709 --> 01:02:37,576
No matter how far

1061
01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:40,128
To fight for the right

1062
01:02:40,382 --> 01:02:43,294
Without question or pause

1063
01:02:43,385 --> 01:02:46,627
To be willing to march into hell

1064
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:50,259
For a heavenly cause

1065
01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:52,636
GO, Omer. Go.

1066
01:02:53,395 --> 01:02:57,183
To reach the unreachable star

1067
01:02:59,359 --> 01:03:01,850
You have been Omerized! Pah!

1068
01:03:02,654 --> 01:03:05,111
(ALL CHEERING)

1069
01:03:06,533 --> 01:03:07,522
(CHUCKLES)

1070
01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:16,706
Omer,

1071
01:03:17,502 --> 01:03:19,413
that was strange.

1072
01:03:19,838 --> 01:03:21,248
Strange,

1073
01:03:22,632 --> 01:03:24,168
but rather wonderful.

1074
01:03:25,010 --> 01:03:27,046
I think I have been Omerized.

1075
01:03:27,137 --> 01:03:29,344
I think I might be Omer-sexual.
(LAUGHS)

1076
01:03:29,597 --> 01:03:31,258
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1077
01:03:47,324 --> 01:03:49,155
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1078
01:03:53,455 --> 01:03:55,491
(EXCLAIMS) Oh, my God!

1079
01:03:58,585 --> 01:03:59,791
Yes!

1080
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:02,581
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1081
01:04:02,922 --> 01:04:04,162
Yes!

1082
01:04:28,448 --> 01:04:32,782
SALLY: (SINGING)
They came on boats from across the sea

1083
01:04:34,621 --> 01:04:37,033
From faraway places

1084
01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:39,705
And far distant lands

1085
01:04:39,793 --> 01:04:40,782
(INAUDIBLE)

1086
01:04:41,336 --> 01:04:43,292
And still they come

1087
01:04:43,671 --> 01:04:47,129
To a place where they're free

1088
01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:50,133
They fly in on planes

1089
01:04:50,303 --> 01:04:53,511
With hope in their hands

1090
01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:56,673
Sometimes it feels

1091
01:04:56,976 --> 01:04:59,888
Like we're stuffed to the seams

1092
01:05:00,355 --> 01:05:04,724
But it's everyone's God-given right

1093
01:05:06,319 --> 01:05:09,527
To follow their dreams

1094
01:05:09,614 --> 01:05:11,821
CHORUS:
My American dream

1095
01:05:12,784 --> 01:05:15,651
SALLY:
Will come true for me

1096
01:05:16,037 --> 01:05:17,777
CHORUS:
My American dream

1097
01:05:17,872 --> 01:05:21,581
SALLY:
For all to see

1098
01:05:23,128 --> 01:05:26,211
Every woman and man

1099
01:05:26,673 --> 01:05:30,040
Has their own destiny

1100
01:05:31,052 --> 01:05:35,170
To dream American Dreamz

1101
01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:37,634
Dreamz with a Z

1102
01:05:37,725 --> 01:05:42,094
To dream American Dreamz

1103
01:05:42,188 --> 01:05:45,021
Dreamz with a Z

1104
01:05:46,401 --> 01:05:48,983
We began the show with 50 dreamers.

1105
01:05:49,529 --> 01:05:51,770
Now we're down to just three.

1106
01:05:54,993 --> 01:05:56,358
Boo.
AUDIENCE: Boo! (LAUGHING)

1107
01:05:57,328 --> 01:05:58,864
How are you doing?

1108
01:05:59,581 --> 01:06:01,162
You all right?

1109
01:06:02,542 --> 01:06:04,783
And the two finalists

1110
01:06:12,677 --> 01:06:16,295
will be revealed after this commercial break brought
to you by American Motors,

1111
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:20,132
introducing The Tank, 50% larger than the next
biggest SUV on the road,

1112
01:06:20,226 --> 01:06:21,511
because you need it.

1113
01:06:22,187 --> 01:06:25,475
STAGE MANAGER: And we're out!
Come on, people. Hair and makeup, let's go, let's go.

1114
01:06:26,608 --> 01:06:28,974
All right. Give me some room over here, Travis.

1115
01:06:29,068 --> 01:06:32,856
Calm, calm, calm, calm.
Thank you, thank you very much.

1116
01:06:33,198 --> 01:06:35,814
Here you go. And you're supposed to be drinking this.

1117
01:06:35,909 --> 01:06:38,025
Must I?
Contractually, yes.

1118
01:06:38,119 --> 01:06:40,451
Your envelope.
Thank you.

1119
01:06:41,748 --> 01:06:43,784
STAGE MANAGER: All right,
let's wrap it up.
Let's get it started.

1120
01:06:43,875 --> 01:06:44,910
Let's get the chairs out.
Let's go.

1121
01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:46,957
Get the lead out.
Big smiles, everyone.

1122
01:06:47,045 --> 01:06:50,378
Big smiles. And we're back. Three, two.

1123
01:06:50,757 --> 01:06:54,750
Mmm. Excuse me. Delicious. That's wildly refreshing.

1124
01:06:55,345 --> 01:06:59,133
And now, America, you have voted.

1125
01:07:10,944 --> 01:07:12,650
Sholem Glickstein?
Yeah.

1126
01:07:24,791 --> 01:07:26,122
You are

1127
01:07:28,545 --> 01:07:30,501
not a winner.
(EXCLAIMS)

1128
01:07:31,005 --> 01:07:33,542
(ALL CHEERING)

1129
01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:38,502
This week‘s winners who will move on to the
championship round

1130
01:07:38,596 --> 01:07:41,429
are Sally Kendoo and Omer Obeidi. And don't forget,

1131
01:07:41,516 --> 01:07:44,178
on next week's finale, special guest judge,
the President.

1132
01:07:49,566 --> 01:07:50,897
(TV SWITCHES OFF)

1133
01:07:51,234 --> 01:07:52,223
(SIGHS)

1134
01:07:53,027 --> 01:07:54,187
Honey?

1135
01:07:55,363 --> 01:07:57,445
I have a confession to make.

1136
01:07:59,909 --> 01:08:02,150
I haven't been taking my happy pills.

1137
01:08:02,245 --> 01:08:03,485
Oh.

1138
01:08:04,247 --> 01:08:07,159
Actually, I haven't been taking mine, either.

1139
01:08:07,292 --> 01:08:10,534
But you don't seem sad.
Well, I guess I'm not.

1140
01:08:11,296 --> 01:08:14,959
At first, those happy pills really helped me a lot.

1141
01:08:15,466 --> 01:08:20,051
But, eventually, I think they
were just kind of like placebos.

1142
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,387
Placebos? Aren't they illegal?

1143
01:08:25,143 --> 01:08:29,352
No, Poopie. It means fake.

1144
01:08:31,107 --> 01:08:32,313
(SIGHS)
(CHUCKLES)

1145
01:08:33,067 --> 01:08:34,477
Well, yeah.

1146
01:08:34,652 --> 01:08:35,812
Well.

1147
01:08:38,948 --> 01:08:40,233
You know,

1148
01:08:41,284 --> 01:08:44,993
I guess I kind of feel like I'm a placebo.

1149
01:08:48,124 --> 01:08:51,161
I mean, I've had speech writers

1150
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:53,702
writing for me all my career

1151
01:08:53,796 --> 01:08:56,879
and advisors telling me what positions to take.

1152
01:08:59,093 --> 01:09:03,006
I can't even remember why I wanted to get into
politics to begin with.

1153
01:09:04,641 --> 01:09:07,428
I think it's 'cause my mom wanted me to.

1154
01:09:08,519 --> 01:09:11,056
Show my dad any idiot could do it.

1155
01:09:12,190 --> 01:09:15,682
Maybe I ought to just chuck the  whole thing.
What do you think?

1156
01:09:16,277 --> 01:09:18,689
Starting with that American Dreamz deal.

1157
01:09:18,780 --> 01:09:20,941
Don't you say that.

1158
01:09:22,325 --> 01:09:26,489
Do you remember what I said the first time I met you?

1159
01:09:27,288 --> 01:09:28,448
Yeah.

1160
01:09:28,748 --> 01:09:30,864
"Hey, jerk-off, you spilled your beer on me."

1161
01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:32,410
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

1162
01:09:33,127 --> 01:09:34,663
After that.

1163
01:09:35,421 --> 01:09:37,628
When you went and got that towel

1164
01:09:37,715 --> 01:09:41,674
and borrowed that T-shirt from one of your frat
brothers for me.

1165
01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:45,299
I said, "Now that there is a good guy."

1166
01:09:45,723 --> 01:09:47,839
And I still think so today.

1167
01:09:49,102 --> 01:09:53,436
So you just go on and be on that show.

1168
01:09:54,649 --> 01:09:59,143
And then, afterwards, we will tell Wally
no more earplugs, okay?

1169
01:10:01,364 --> 01:10:04,026
Well, how am I gonna knowwhat to say?

1170
01:10:05,535 --> 01:10:08,117
Well, we will think of it together.

1171
01:10:10,957 --> 01:10:12,197
Mmm-hmm.

1172
01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:14,582
Mmm.

1173
01:10:16,087 --> 01:10:17,873
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

1174
01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:20,706
Look at this! "Omer Mania!"

1175
01:10:21,050 --> 01:10:23,883
"America's newest mascot, adorable, hmm,

1176
01:10:24,345 --> 01:10:26,961
"Omer Obeidi has 'Omerized' the whole country."

1177
01:10:27,056 --> 01:10:28,091
(SHAZZY CHUCKLES)

1178
01:10:28,182 --> 01:10:30,093
It should have been me.

1179
01:10:31,018 --> 01:10:33,760
I mean, great, Omer! They love you! (CHUCKLES)

1180
01:10:33,855 --> 01:10:34,935
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

1181
01:10:35,022 --> 01:10:36,307
MAN: Room service.

1182
01:10:37,859 --> 01:10:41,397
Hey, what are you gonna say
when you meet the President?

1183
01:10:41,612 --> 01:10:43,352
Uh, sorry?

1184
01:10:43,740 --> 01:10:46,402
"Sorry?" (CHUCKLES)
Omer, you crack me up.

1185
01:10:46,534 --> 01:10:50,777
Okay, we got two orders spicy tuna hand rolls,
a plate of fresh fruit,

1186
01:10:50,872 --> 01:10:52,453
and some chimichangas.

1187
01:10:59,672 --> 01:11:02,379
Oh, you guys go ahead and start eating. I, uh...

1188
01:11:02,592 --> 01:11:06,335
I have to go talk to the waiter
in private for a moment.

1189
01:11:08,556 --> 01:11:09,716
SO...

1190
01:11:10,808 --> 01:11:13,720
You have become quite the famous man.

1191
01:11:14,687 --> 01:11:16,803
You know why they vote for you?

1192
01:11:16,898 --> 01:11:18,183
Because they like me?

1193
01:11:18,274 --> 01:11:19,389
(SCOFFS)

1194
01:11:20,568 --> 01:11:23,275
Because you are a figure of fun to them.

1195
01:11:23,905 --> 01:11:27,238
They see you prancing and singing and they can
forget the terrors

1196
01:11:27,325 --> 01:11:30,613
they've inflicted on our lands
with their soldiers and weapons.

1197
01:11:31,329 --> 01:11:33,411
It could be. Yes, I guess.

1198
01:11:33,498 --> 01:11:35,409
But I have to hand it to you.

1199
01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:39,368
You have put us in a wonderful position to
strike them a crippling blow.

1200
01:11:43,174 --> 01:11:45,165
About that crippling blow.

1201
01:11:45,802 --> 01:11:47,508
I really don't know how I'm supposed to do it.

1202
01:11:47,595 --> 01:11:50,086
You see, really, there Is a lot of security there.

1203
01:11:50,181 --> 01:11:53,264
All you have to do is get me and the rest of your
brothers on the guest list

1204
01:11:53,351 --> 01:11:55,262
for the studio audience.

1205
01:11:55,394 --> 01:11:59,137
We will smuggle in the explosive device In pieces,
assemble it there,

1206
01:11:59,273 --> 01:12:01,013
and then you must only retrieve it

1207
01:12:01,108 --> 01:12:04,771
in the toilet-seat-cover dispenser
in the men's bathroom.

1208
01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:07,899
Then, when you meet the President

1209
01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:11,028
and shake his hand live on television,

1210
01:12:11,118 --> 01:12:13,234
you will ignite the device.

1211
01:12:13,996 --> 01:12:16,453
And I will see you in paradise.

1212
01:12:17,750 --> 01:12:19,706
You will be killed, too?

1213
01:12:20,002 --> 01:12:23,039
Not yet. It's a pretty small bomb.

1214
01:12:23,631 --> 01:12:26,293
But I'll see you up there in a few years, I'm sure.

1215
01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:33,804
So I'm just curious. How is this, uh,
Martin Tweed in person?

1216
01:12:34,475 --> 01:12:35,885
(DOOR OPENS)

1217
01:12:36,686 --> 01:12:37,675
(DOOR CLOSES)

1218
01:12:37,895 --> 01:12:40,227
Sally, Sally, Sally. I am so proud of you.

1219
01:12:40,314 --> 01:12:43,522
I always knew you hada great voice, and now
the whole world knows it, too.

1220
01:12:43,609 --> 01:12:46,271
William, no, no. I have not won yet.

1221
01:12:46,362 --> 01:12:47,977
Everybody seems to be forgetting that.

1222
01:12:48,072 --> 01:12:51,530
You know, folks, mmm, they love that Middle Eastern guy.

1223
01:12:51,617 --> 01:12:53,323
They love you more.

1224
01:12:53,578 --> 01:12:57,412
They love us more. You know how many hits we got
on our website last night?

1225
01:12:57,498 --> 01:12:59,159
Sixteen million.

1226
01:13:00,001 --> 01:13:02,208
Congratulations.
Thank you.

1227
01:13:03,129 --> 01:13:04,790
God, William.

1228
01:13:04,881 --> 01:13:07,964
You make me feel bad. Why do you care so much about me?

1229
01:13:08,134 --> 01:13:09,465
Why?

1230
01:13:10,511 --> 01:13:14,550
Because, honey, you are my dream girl.

1231
01:13:14,807 --> 01:13:16,172
Yuck. Ugh!

1232
01:13:16,267 --> 01:13:18,474
I can't stand looking at those damn French fries
anymore.

1233
01:13:18,561 --> 01:13:20,267
Just cover them up or something.

1234
01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:22,894
Sally Kendoo, I love you.

1235
01:13:23,024 --> 01:13:25,356
Okay? I love you.

1236
01:13:25,568 --> 01:13:28,184
I love how you binge eat and then starve yourself.

1237
01:13:28,279 --> 01:13:30,486
I love how pretty you sing, whether it's in the shower

1238
01:13:30,573 --> 01:13:32,689
or in front of millions of TV viewers.

1239
01:13:32,783 --> 01:13:37,322
I look at you, and | see that same girl that I fell
in love with in high school.

1240
01:13:38,039 --> 01:13:40,872
And I'd like to know, right here and now,

1241
01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:46,001
if you'd help to make my dream come true and marry me?

1242
01:13:47,214 --> 01:13:48,624
Oh, my God.

1243
01:13:50,259 --> 01:13:51,715
Oh, my Lord.

1244
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:54,088
Hold it right there! Nobody move.

1245
01:13:54,180 --> 01:13:56,262
Chet, what are you doing?
I'm calling the camera crew.

1246
01:13:56,349 --> 01:13:58,385
No, you're not.
Put the phone down, Chet.

1247
01:13:58,559 --> 01:14:00,925
Chet, put the phone down
right now!

1248
01:14:01,020 --> 01:14:02,351
Chet, put the phone down!

1249
01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:05,054
What? Are you kidding me?
This is great stuff.

1250
01:14:07,234 --> 01:14:09,190
And, William, stand up, please.
But...

1251
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:10,609
Stand up.

1252
01:14:11,072 --> 01:14:14,735
Now, please understand.
I am so touched by your proposal

1253
01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:17,783
and the sweet things that you just said to me,

1254
01:14:18,245 --> 01:14:20,736
but right now is a really bad time.

1255
01:14:20,831 --> 01:14:22,412
Do it on the Show!

1256
01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:24,491
On the show?
Absolutely.

1257
01:14:24,585 --> 01:14:26,291
That's a great idea.

1258
01:14:26,379 --> 01:14:27,459
Really?
CHET: Yes.

1259
01:14:27,546 --> 01:14:29,628
And do that thing about how,
every time you look at her,

1260
01:14:29,715 --> 01:14:31,876
you see the same girl you fell in love with
in high school.

1261
01:14:31,968 --> 01:14:35,005
You were listening?
I'm in the other room, man, so, yes.

1262
01:14:35,096 --> 01:14:38,338
And you. Hey, you! Are you still into
winning this thing?

1263
01:14:38,432 --> 01:14:41,515
Because this is what we in the biz call
"incredible television."

1264
01:14:41,602 --> 01:14:43,467
People are going to be in their living rooms, sobbing.

1265
01:14:43,562 --> 01:14:45,018
And then they're gonna be crawling over each other,

1266
01:14:45,106 --> 01:14:48,018
trying to get to the phone so they can call up
and vote for you!

1267
01:14:50,194 --> 01:14:54,608
Well, I'm up for it if you are, Sally.

1268
01:14:54,782 --> 01:14:56,113
Yes! This guy!

1269
01:14:56,200 --> 01:14:57,861
We are gonna get into this with the producers.

1270
01:14:57,952 --> 01:14:59,692
Can I see that ring for a second?

1271
01:14:59,787 --> 01:15:01,243
Wow, that's great.

1272
01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:03,453
We're gonna get a bigger one so that it plays on TV,

1273
01:15:03,541 --> 01:15:04,951
but there is nothing wrong with that ring.

1274
01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:06,498
Now, here's what I'm thinking,
Okay?

1275
01:15:06,585 --> 01:15:08,200
It's gonna be a special built around the wedding.

1276
01:15:08,295 --> 01:15:09,831
Do you sing at all, William?
I can sing a little bit.

1277
01:15:09,922 --> 01:15:11,128
I thought you could sing a little bit.

1278
01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:13,877
I think we're gonna call it
"Sally and William, sealed with a kiss."

1279
01:15:13,968 --> 01:15:15,378
What do you think about that?
I love that.

1280
01:15:15,469 --> 01:15:17,380
CHET:
Yeah, I think everyone's gonna love that.

1281
01:15:19,140 --> 01:15:21,131
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

1282
01:15:53,007 --> 01:15:54,338
Hey, Omer?

1283
01:15:55,134 --> 01:15:56,920
Can I buy you a beer?

1284
01:15:57,219 --> 01:16:00,677
Oh, no, no, no, no. I do not drink. But thank you.

1285
01:16:06,353 --> 01:16:09,937
Hey, do you ever wonder why you're doing this whole
competition thing for?

1286
01:16:10,024 --> 01:16:11,013
(CHUCKLING)

1287
01:16:12,359 --> 01:16:14,020
Only every day.

1288
01:16:18,741 --> 01:16:21,027
But then I think of my mother.

1289
01:16:22,036 --> 01:16:24,368
She loved all types of singing.

1290
01:16:25,498 --> 01:16:27,409
It keeps me going on.

1291
01:16:34,632 --> 01:16:36,588
When I was 10 years old,

1292
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:39,546
I weighed 200 pounds.

1293
01:16:41,555 --> 01:16:44,092
That is large.
Yeah.

1294
01:16:47,061 --> 01:16:50,929
And I told myself I would lose
90 pounds by the time I turned 14

1295
01:16:51,023 --> 01:16:52,058
or I would kill myself.

1296
01:16:54,735 --> 01:16:56,350
SO I lost the weight.

1297
01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:57,901
And, um...

1298
01:16:59,365 --> 01:17:01,651
I suddenly was really popular.

1299
01:17:01,742 --> 01:17:06,111
I had a whole new group of friends.
I had this cute boyfriend.

1300
01:17:06,580 --> 01:17:08,946
Even my teachers liked me better.

1301
01:17:09,917 --> 01:17:11,782
And my mom and I walked around the entire house,

1302
01:17:11,877 --> 01:17:15,495
collecting all the pictures of me when I was
fat and burned them.

1303
01:17:18,801 --> 01:17:20,337
I love my mom.

1304
01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:25,046
(GROANS IN DISGUST)

1305
01:17:27,309 --> 01:17:28,640
SO...

1306
01:17:30,437 --> 01:17:32,018
Good luck tomorrow.

1307
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:39,143
Sorry I'm gonna have to destroy you.

1308
01:17:45,828 --> 01:17:48,114
(SNIFFING)

1309
01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:04,711
Here is your chewing gum.

1310
01:18:05,055 --> 01:18:07,216
Remember, no blowing bubbles.

1311
01:18:13,022 --> 01:18:15,058
IS this really necessary?

1312
01:18:15,149 --> 01:18:19,017
Just a little bit higher. Oh, that's good.

1313
01:18:20,237 --> 01:18:23,695
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Give me a little bit more in here.

1314
01:18:23,782 --> 01:18:25,989
Take my moustache down a little bit, too.

1315
01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:29,659
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

1316
01:18:30,539 --> 01:18:33,326
My cousin's gonna bein the finale.
(LAUGHING)

1317
01:18:45,638 --> 01:18:47,048
William?
Yeah, yeah.

1318
01:18:47,139 --> 01:18:49,130
Okay. Omer's gonna go on first.

1319
01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:52,012
Then, after Sally is done,
we're gonna hit you with a spotlight.

1320
01:18:52,102 --> 01:18:54,559
Then you're gonna go onstage and do your proposal.

1321
01:18:54,647 --> 01:18:55,762
Got it?
Got it.

1322
01:18:55,856 --> 01:18:58,393
All right. It's happening.

1323
01:18:59,526 --> 01:19:01,266
She's very excited.

1324
01:19:01,445 --> 01:19:03,561
It's a joyful moment.
Joyful.

1325
01:19:05,366 --> 01:19:08,449
(CHUCKLES)
Hi, Tweedy.
Hi, Sally.

1326
01:19:10,037 --> 01:19:11,026
(SIGHS)

1327
01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:15,952
Just wanted to say good luck tonight.

1328
01:19:16,043 --> 01:19:17,658
Mmm, thank you.
(CHUCKLES)

1329
01:19:17,836 --> 01:19:19,952
Could you just give us a quick second, please?

1330
01:19:20,047 --> 01:19:21,878
Sure, no problem. Thank you.

1331
01:19:27,346 --> 01:19:28,461
So, um...

1332
01:19:29,640 --> 01:19:31,505
I think you're going to win.

1333
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:32,760
(SALLY CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

1334
01:19:32,851 --> 01:19:35,058
Novelty contestants never win the whole thing.

1335
01:19:35,145 --> 01:19:36,385
That's why I've been helping him along.

1336
01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:38,345
Thank you.

1337
01:19:42,027 --> 01:19:43,983
Hey, is something wrong?

1338
01:19:45,030 --> 01:19:46,190
No.

1339
01:19:47,533 --> 01:19:50,195
I mean, nothing beyond the usual creeping dread.
(LAUGHS)

1340
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:58,203
(EXHALES)
All right. Well, I'm sure you know at this point

1341
01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:01,252
that William is supposed to
propose to me on tonight's show.

1342
01:20:01,547 --> 01:20:02,662
Yeah.

1343
01:20:03,674 --> 01:20:06,962
Do you think it's bad of me to accept a proposal
from a man I don't love

1344
01:20:07,052 --> 01:20:09,634
in order to manipulate people into voting for me?

1345
01:20:11,015 --> 01:20:14,132
"Bad." Such a nebulous word, isn't it?

1346
01:20:14,268 --> 01:20:17,726
You know what I think?
I think everyone wants something.

1347
01:20:17,813 --> 01:20:19,474
William wants you.

1348
01:20:20,107 --> 01:20:24,020
Why?
Because he has this idea in his head Of what you are.

1349
01:20:25,154 --> 01:20:26,735
I don't think he cares if it's true or not,

1350
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:29,234
just so long as he keeps his fantasy alive.

1351
01:20:29,325 --> 01:20:31,532
So I think he deserves what he gets.

1352
01:20:31,618 --> 01:20:34,655
He deserves to be miserable?
Why not?

1353
01:20:35,581 --> 01:20:37,367
You are, aren't you?

1354
01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:40,995
Despite your newfound fame and adulation?

1355
01:20:42,046 --> 01:20:43,126
Tweedy,

1356
01:20:43,213 --> 01:20:45,454
I sometimes feel like you're the only person
in the whole world

1357
01:20:45,549 --> 01:20:47,460
who really gets me.

1358
01:20:49,803 --> 01:20:50,883
Yeah.

1359
01:20:52,139 --> 01:20:55,427
Sometimes, I look at you, and I see my own reflection.

1360
01:20:56,101 --> 01:20:57,682
It's revolting.

1361
01:20:59,063 --> 01:21:02,931
And attractive.

1362
01:21:09,114 --> 01:21:10,445
Martin,

1363
01:21:12,201 --> 01:21:16,444
I'm not physically attracted to other people,
but if you want me,

1364
01:21:18,290 --> 01:21:19,575
I'm yours.

1365
01:21:21,502 --> 01:21:25,461
The problem is I find that, whenever
I become intimately involved

1366
01:21:26,548 --> 01:21:28,413
with a woman I admire,

1367
01:21:29,593 --> 01:21:32,756
it rapidly degenerates into mutual loathing.

1368
01:21:34,223 --> 01:21:36,259
I don't want that to happen to us.

1369
01:21:43,357 --> 01:21:45,063
Having said that...

1370
01:22:16,348 --> 01:22:18,009
Omer, are you okay?

1371
01:22:18,100 --> 01:22:21,092
Great. Great. Just a little nervous, I guess.

1372
01:22:22,271 --> 01:22:24,762
I just feel confused.
About what?

1373
01:22:24,940 --> 01:22:26,521
About this country.
(CHUCKLES)

1374
01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:28,189
You know, there are so many nice people here,

1375
01:22:28,277 --> 01:22:30,939
but it does so much harm in the world.

1376
01:22:31,363 --> 01:22:32,398
So?

1377
01:22:32,489 --> 01:22:36,198
So... Soto what degree is this
country culpable for its actions?

1378
01:22:36,952 --> 01:22:40,615
Are Americans to blame for America? And beyond that,

1379
01:22:41,498 --> 01:22:43,409
can causing someone else to suffer

1380
01:22:43,500 --> 01:22:46,116
ever truly ease one's own suffering?

1381
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:50,921
Omer! You're wigging out.
That bitch deserves to suffer!

1382
01:22:51,633 --> 01:22:52,839
What bitch?

1383
01:22:52,968 --> 01:22:54,299
Sally! Who are you talking about?

1384
01:22:54,386 --> 01:22:55,375
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

1385
01:22:55,471 --> 01:22:56,802
Fifteen minutes, Omer.

1386
01:22:56,889 --> 01:22:58,550
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHING)

1387
01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:01,507
Well, see, I think the dress works cause it flows nice.

1388
01:23:01,602 --> 01:23:03,809
The dress is gonna be a hit.

1389
01:23:05,731 --> 01:23:07,722
Hey, I'm gonna go run lines with Sally.

1390
01:23:07,816 --> 01:23:08,931
Well, don't be long.
WILLIE: Okay.

1391
01:23:09,276 --> 01:23:10,265
Yeah.

1392
01:23:42,643 --> 01:23:45,350
Mr. President, it's such an honor to have you here.

1393
01:23:45,437 --> 01:23:47,098
Happy to be here.
Oh!

1394
01:24:19,179 --> 01:24:20,510
Whoa.

1395
01:24:23,559 --> 01:24:27,518
"Press here to explode yourself."

1396
01:24:30,274 --> 01:24:33,357
Where's Martin?  Where the hell is Martin?
Has anybody seen Martin?

1397
01:24:33,443 --> 01:24:34,478
He's in there.

1398
01:24:34,736 --> 01:24:36,943
What the hell is he doing in there?

1399
01:24:37,614 --> 01:24:40,230
What are you doing? This isn't pretty.

1400
01:24:40,325 --> 01:24:41,440
What?

1401
01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:51,500
That's Sally and Mr. Tweed?
Yep.

1402
01:25:00,929 --> 01:25:03,591
Are you seeing anybody?
What?

1403
01:25:09,688 --> 01:25:12,179
It looks so much bigger on TV.

1404
01:25:12,649 --> 01:25:14,310
Hey, watch my foot, huh?

1405
01:25:17,070 --> 01:25:20,562
So do you feel filthy?
Not really.

1406
01:25:21,283 --> 01:25:22,864
How do you feel?

1407
01:25:28,373 --> 01:25:29,783
It's weird.

1408
01:25:31,543 --> 01:25:34,455
I don't actually loathe you. You, either.

1409
01:25:40,552 --> 01:25:41,541
(SIGHS)

1410
01:25:42,179 --> 01:25:43,168
(KISSES)

1411
01:25:47,893 --> 01:25:50,134
Right. The President here yet?

1412
01:25:50,228 --> 01:25:52,389
WARM-UP ENTERTAINER:
Yeah! How you doing, everybody?

1413
01:25:55,776 --> 01:25:58,734
How many Omer fans do I have with me tonight?

1414
01:25:58,820 --> 01:25:59,809
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1415
01:25:59,905 --> 01:26:01,065
Yeah!

1416
01:26:02,407 --> 01:26:06,400
And how many Sally fans do I have?
She can hear you in the back!

1417
01:26:06,495 --> 01:26:08,201
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1418
01:26:09,748 --> 01:26:14,037
ANNOUNCER: And now your host, Martin Tweed!

1419
01:26:14,127 --> 01:26:16,083
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1420
01:26:23,303 --> 01:26:25,043
That's Martin Tweed.

1421
01:26:30,811 --> 01:26:33,223
Welcome, America.

1422
01:26:33,730 --> 01:26:36,847
Welcome, world. Welcome, everyone else.

1423
01:26:37,901 --> 01:26:39,391
Boo! (CHUCKLES)
AUDIENCE: Boo!

1424
01:26:41,029 --> 01:26:42,894
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1425
01:26:43,198 --> 01:26:45,564
We've been through so much together.

1426
01:26:45,659 --> 01:26:49,572
We've laughed. We've cried. We've formed attachments.

1427
01:26:50,664 --> 01:26:53,246
And now, we’re down to just two.

1428
01:26:53,375 --> 01:26:56,867
And to help me help you judge tonight,

1429
01:26:56,962 --> 01:26:59,294
we’re welcoming a very special guest.

1430
01:26:59,506 --> 01:27:02,373
The President of this great country,

1431
01:27:03,093 --> 01:27:06,301
President Joseph Staton!

1432
01:27:06,680 --> 01:27:08,295
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1433
01:27:10,350 --> 01:27:12,762
Thanks for having me on your show.

1434
01:27:22,279 --> 01:27:23,644
SO...

1435
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:27,197
What do you think of  these two great contestants,
Mr. President?

1436
01:27:27,826 --> 01:27:32,069
I think they exhibit what's best about America.

1437
01:27:34,082 --> 01:27:36,994
The spirit of resolve... The spirit of resolve

1438
01:27:37,085 --> 01:27:40,577
that makes this the greatest country in the world.

1439
01:27:42,841 --> 01:27:44,001
They know what they want...

1440
01:27:44,092 --> 01:27:46,504
They know what they want, and they go out and get it.

1441
01:27:46,595 --> 01:27:47,880
All right.

1442
01:27:49,347 --> 01:27:50,507
I'll be right back!

1443
01:27:50,599 --> 01:27:52,590
Omer! Where are you going?

1444
01:27:59,232 --> 01:28:00,972
(STATIC BUZZING)

1445
01:28:01,777 --> 01:28:04,268
Where's that interference coming from?

1446
01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:06,604
Turn that frigging thing off!

1447
01:28:06,698 --> 01:28:09,030
And turn that frigging thing off!

1448
01:28:10,952 --> 01:28:12,158
Oh!

1449
01:28:21,213 --> 01:28:23,454
Okay. Okay.

1450
01:28:24,591 --> 01:28:26,923
America, Mr. President,

1451
01:28:27,177 --> 01:28:32,137
without further ado, let me introduce America's
favorite Middle Eastern import,

1452
01:28:32,891 --> 01:28:35,257
Omer Obeidi!

1453
01:28:59,626 --> 01:29:01,457
Where the hell is he?

1454
01:29:01,586 --> 01:29:03,622
I don't know where he is... I'm going on!

1455
01:29:03,755 --> 01:29:04,835
(STATIC BUZZING)

1456
01:29:06,758 --> 01:29:09,044
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1457
01:29:14,391 --> 01:29:15,847
GO, Omer!

1458
01:29:19,229 --> 01:29:21,891
My wife loves this guy.

1459
01:29:24,484 --> 01:29:28,898
(SINGING)
And now the end is near

1460
01:29:30,574 --> 01:29:32,235
That's a bad call. That's Frank's song.

1461
01:29:32,325 --> 01:29:33,986
People aren't gonna respond to that.

1462
01:29:34,619 --> 01:29:36,405
Bold choice of song.

1463
01:29:36,955 --> 01:29:38,536
OMER: (SINGING)
My friends

1464
01:29:39,291 --> 01:29:41,452
I’ll say it clear

1465
01:29:42,502 --> 01:29:45,084
I’ll state my case

1466
01:29:45,589 --> 01:29:48,205
Of which I'm certain

1467
01:29:49,551 --> 01:29:54,090
I’ve lived a life that's full

1468
01:29:54,973 --> 01:29:57,055
I’ve traveled each

1469
01:29:58,101 --> 01:30:01,389
And every highway

1470
01:30:02,272 --> 01:30:05,856
But more, much more than this

1471
01:30:06,026 --> 01:30:07,141
(STATIC BUZZING)

1472
01:30:07,235 --> 01:30:08,850
I did it

1473
01:30:09,487 --> 01:30:13,526
My way

1474
01:30:14,910 --> 01:30:19,495
I’ve loved I’ve laughed and cried

1475
01:30:20,415 --> 01:30:22,451
I’ve had my fill

1476
01:30:22,542 --> 01:30:24,658
Mr. President, what are you doing?

1477
01:30:24,753 --> 01:30:26,118
OMER: (SINGING)
My share oflosing

1478
01:30:28,924 --> 01:30:32,587
OMER: (SINGING)
And now, as tears subside

1479
01:30:33,094 --> 01:30:35,255
I find it all

1480
01:30:36,348 --> 01:30:38,464
So amusing

1481
01:30:39,935 --> 01:30:41,550
To think

1482
01:30:42,395 --> 01:30:44,761
I did all that

1483
01:30:45,565 --> 01:30:48,056
And may I say

1484
01:30:48,985 --> 01:30:52,102
Not in a shy way

1485
01:30:52,572 --> 01:30:54,153
Oh, no

1486
01:30:55,033 --> 01:30:57,115
Oh, no, not me

1487
01:30:57,661 --> 01:30:59,322
I did it

1488
01:30:59,996 --> 01:31:03,454
My way

1489
01:31:03,833 --> 01:31:07,325
For what is a man?

1490
01:31:07,712 --> 01:31:09,794
What has he got?

1491
01:31:10,757 --> 01:31:13,624
If not himself

1492
01:31:13,927 --> 01:31:15,463
Then he has naught

1493
01:31:15,553 --> 01:31:17,544
William Williams, you're a moron.

1494
01:31:18,014 --> 01:31:22,348
A moron. Stupid moron! Stupid moron!

1495
01:31:23,311 --> 01:31:26,519
OMER: (SINGING)
And not the words

1496
01:31:26,731 --> 01:31:29,973
Of one who kneels

1497
01:31:30,068 --> 01:31:32,730
The record shows

1498
01:31:32,821 --> 01:31:35,403
I took the blows

1499
01:31:35,615 --> 01:31:37,856
And did it

1500
01:31:38,034 --> 01:31:42,949
My way

1501
01:31:44,666 --> 01:31:46,748
(ALL CHEERING)

1502
01:31:48,503 --> 01:31:50,164
I love you, Mom.

1503
01:31:55,093 --> 01:31:56,754
He nailed it!

1504
01:31:58,138 --> 01:31:59,799
That's my cousin!

1505
01:32:00,056 --> 01:32:01,671
(STATIC BUZZING)

1506
01:32:11,568 --> 01:32:13,229
We're gonna stand up.

1507
01:32:25,415 --> 01:32:27,531
Omer, meet the President.

1508
01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:29,870
OMER: Nice to meet you, sir.

1509
01:32:29,961 --> 01:32:31,792
He's talking to him.

1510
01:32:33,506 --> 01:32:36,589
Uh, what'd you think of Omer  tonight,
Mr. President?

1511
01:32:36,968 --> 01:32:38,629
What did I think? Um...

1512
01:32:39,637 --> 01:32:40,797
Um...

1513
01:32:41,222 --> 01:32:42,462
Mr. President?

1514
01:32:42,557 --> 01:32:43,637
What did I think?

1515
01:32:43,725 --> 01:32:46,057
Mr. President? Can you read me?

1516
01:32:46,895 --> 01:32:48,385
Ithink

1517
01:32:51,775 --> 01:32:53,231
Iliked you.

1518
01:32:53,985 --> 01:32:55,350
Thank you, sir.

1519
01:32:55,612 --> 01:32:56,772
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1520
01:32:57,572 --> 01:32:58,937
GO ahead.

1521
01:33:00,366 --> 01:33:01,446
Do it!

1522
01:33:01,534 --> 01:33:03,741
And Ijust want to say,

1523
01:33:04,079 --> 01:33:06,240
in terms of the Middle East,

1524
01:33:08,500 --> 01:33:12,493
that it looks like the problems over there
are never going to be solved.

1525
01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:14,661
What?

1526
01:33:14,756 --> 01:33:16,087
I mean never.

1527
01:33:16,716 --> 01:33:19,332
Never, never, never, never, never.

1528
01:33:20,595 --> 01:33:21,926
And so

1529
01:33:24,641 --> 01:33:26,472
I'm sorry about that.

1530
01:33:26,559 --> 01:33:29,141
What the hell was that? I never said that!

1531
01:33:29,229 --> 01:33:30,890
Oh, Poopie.

1532
01:33:36,069 --> 01:33:37,605
Mr. President?

1533
01:33:38,196 --> 01:33:40,027
I deeply hope,

1534
01:33:40,990 --> 01:33:42,821
for all of our sakes,

1535
01:33:43,743 --> 01:33:45,233
that you are wrong.

1536
01:33:45,995 --> 01:33:47,576
I hope so, too.

1537
01:33:50,291 --> 01:33:51,781
Nice singing.

1538
01:33:54,087 --> 01:33:55,577
WeII... (CHUCKLES)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING TEPIDLY)

1539
01:33:55,672 --> 01:33:57,082
On a brighter note,

1540
01:33:57,173 --> 01:34:00,631
we'll be back after a short break
with the enchanting Sally Kendoo.

1541
01:34:00,718 --> 01:34:05,553
And then you all will decide who is the winner of
American Dreamz.

1542
01:34:05,682 --> 01:34:07,593
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1543
01:34:10,562 --> 01:34:13,224
That's it! Show is over!

1544
01:34:13,314 --> 01:34:15,475
What are you talking about?
There's another contestant.

1545
01:34:15,567 --> 01:34:16,807
Sorry, I'm taking my guy out!

1546
01:34:16,901 --> 01:34:19,734
Your guy! Your guyjust went way off reservation!

1547
01:34:19,821 --> 01:34:22,278
Talk about depressing. Half the
audience want to shoot themselves!

1548
01:34:22,365 --> 01:34:24,071
And you, Sir, are no Oprah!

1549
01:34:24,534 --> 01:34:27,276
I'd kind of like to see how Sally does.

1550
01:34:27,662 --> 01:34:30,620
All right, you. Where is the  you-know-what?

1551
01:34:32,083 --> 01:34:34,825
STAGE MANAGER:
And we're back in three, two.

1552
01:34:34,919 --> 01:34:36,455
Get off the stage!
Get off the stage!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1553
01:34:36,838 --> 01:34:38,248
STAGE MANAGER: We're back!

1554
01:34:38,339 --> 01:34:41,672
And now all the way from Padookie, Ohio,

1555
01:34:41,759 --> 01:34:45,627
America's newest sweetheart, Sally Kendoo!

1556
01:34:46,097 --> 01:34:47,837
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1557
01:34:49,184 --> 01:34:51,220
(ALL CHEERING)

1558
01:35:16,336 --> 01:35:19,544
Where the hell is William? He's supposed to be up here.

1559
01:35:21,925 --> 01:35:24,211
(SIGHS)
I would like to dedicate this song

1560
01:35:24,302 --> 01:35:27,044
to someone very special in the audience,

1561
01:35:27,430 --> 01:35:28,966
my boyfriend.
(CHUCKLES)

1562
01:35:29,641 --> 01:35:31,177
William Williams!

1563
01:35:31,267 --> 01:35:33,303
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1564
01:35:47,033 --> 01:35:48,398
What? No!

1565
01:35:48,618 --> 01:35:51,234
No, he's supposed to propose after she Sings!

1566
01:35:51,496 --> 01:35:53,487
He's an idiot!
Yeah.

1567
01:35:54,916 --> 01:35:57,749
Excuse me a moment. This moron's missed his cue.

1568
01:36:00,463 --> 01:36:03,250
Let's all welcome Sally's sweetheart.

1569
01:36:03,341 --> 01:36:06,174
Decorated war veteran, William Williams!

1570
01:36:10,723 --> 01:36:14,307
I think, perhaps, William has
something he wants to ask Sally.

1571
01:36:15,520 --> 01:36:16,726
Sally?

1572
01:36:18,523 --> 01:36:20,013
Yes, William?

1573
01:36:20,692 --> 01:36:22,853
How could you do this to me?

1574
01:36:26,572 --> 01:36:28,483
How could I do what to you?

1575
01:36:30,368 --> 01:36:32,859
How could you sleep with Mr. Tweed?

1576
01:36:32,954 --> 01:36:34,615
(AUDIENCE GASPING)

1577
01:36:39,919 --> 01:36:41,034
Whoa!

1578
01:36:42,171 --> 01:36:43,160
Boo!
AUDIENCE: Boo!

1579
01:36:43,256 --> 01:36:44,541
I'm serious.

1580
01:36:45,383 --> 01:36:47,123
Well, seriously, William,

1581
01:36:47,218 --> 01:36:49,630
I think it's common knowledge
Iwould never ever, ever, ever

1582
01:36:49,721 --> 01:36:51,837
sleep with a contestant on American Dreamz.

1583
01:36:51,931 --> 01:36:54,138
I saw you through the keyhole.

1584
01:36:54,267 --> 01:36:56,132
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

1585
01:36:57,228 --> 01:36:58,684
He nailed her.

1586
01:37:01,316 --> 01:37:03,807
I guess you two think I'm stupid.

1587
01:37:04,360 --> 01:37:07,102
I guess you all think I'm stupid.

1588
01:37:07,947 --> 01:37:10,609
Well, I'll show you how stupid I am.

1589
01:37:11,200 --> 01:37:13,782
I'm going to blow myself up with this bomb I found.

1590
01:37:14,579 --> 01:37:15,864
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1591
01:37:19,250 --> 01:37:22,458
William, don't joke around about something like that.

1592
01:37:22,545 --> 01:37:24,410
Oh, I am not joking!

1593
01:37:24,505 --> 01:37:26,336
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

1594
01:37:27,091 --> 01:37:28,627
What the fuck?

1595
01:37:29,010 --> 01:37:31,922
Great idea! On-air proposal, Chet Krogl!

1596
01:37:32,013 --> 01:37:33,298
Keep rolling! Keep rolling!

1597
01:37:33,389 --> 01:37:36,005
Get back to your camera! Get back to your camera!

1598
01:37:36,100 --> 01:37:37,636
Come back! Come back!

1599
01:37:37,935 --> 01:37:39,516
MARTIN:
Get back to that camera!

1600
01:37:39,604 --> 01:37:40,764
Oh, no.

1601
01:37:41,481 --> 01:37:43,187
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

1602
01:37:49,947 --> 01:37:51,357
Mr. Williams?

1603
01:37:51,741 --> 01:37:55,654
Mr. Williams, do not do this. It is not worth it.

1604
01:37:56,454 --> 01:37:59,116
Your death will not solve any problems.

1605
01:37:59,207 --> 01:38:02,415
It'll solve the problem of me feeling miserable.

1606
01:38:04,545 --> 01:38:06,911
William? I'm the President.

1607
01:38:07,006 --> 01:38:08,166
(GASPS)

1608
01:38:08,925 --> 01:38:10,881
I know who you are, sir.

1609
01:38:11,511 --> 01:38:13,297
Now, as your Commander and Chief,

1610
01:38:13,388 --> 01:38:16,755
I'm gonna have to ask you not to blow yourself up.

1611
01:38:18,309 --> 01:38:21,051
Now, I've had dark days myself, William.

1612
01:38:21,646 --> 01:38:25,480
Days where Ijust wanted to lie in bed and dream.

1613
01:38:26,776 --> 01:38:28,232
Never get up.

1614
01:38:32,115 --> 01:38:34,447
But I have come to think

1615
01:38:34,700 --> 01:38:37,692
that it is better to deal with
reality,

1616
01:38:41,791 --> 01:38:43,998
no matter how unpleasant it is.

1617
01:38:45,837 --> 01:38:47,202
That's my guy.

1618
01:38:53,845 --> 01:38:55,506
No disrespect, sir,

1619
01:38:57,265 --> 01:38:59,506
but if I can't have Sally Kendoo,

1620
01:38:59,600 --> 01:39:01,136
then I don't want to go on living.

1621
01:39:01,227 --> 01:39:02,262
(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

1622
01:39:02,353 --> 01:39:03,638
William, wait...

1623
01:39:03,855 --> 01:39:05,811
Stay there! Stay there!

1624
01:39:08,317 --> 01:39:10,774
(SINGING) My American dream

1625
01:39:11,112 --> 01:39:13,603
Will come true for me

1626
01:39:19,537 --> 01:39:21,869
My American dream

1627
01:39:22,707 --> 01:39:25,039
For all to see

1628
01:39:25,293 --> 01:39:27,329
William! In here.

1629
01:39:27,837 --> 01:39:30,749
Every woman and man

1630
01:39:31,299 --> 01:39:34,462
Has their own destiny

1631
01:39:38,347 --> 01:39:41,510
To dream American Dreamz

1632
01:39:41,934 --> 01:39:44,016
Dreamz with a Z

1633
01:39:44,103 --> 01:39:48,472
To dream American Dreamz

1634
01:39:48,649 --> 01:39:50,731
Dreamz with a Z

1635
01:39:51,152 --> 01:39:52,141
(MOUTHING)

1636
01:39:52,236 --> 01:39:55,148
To dream American Dreamz

1637
01:39:55,239 --> 01:39:57,275
Dreamz with a Z

1638
01:39:57,366 --> 01:39:58,401
(BOMB ACTIVATING)

1639
01:39:58,493 --> 01:39:59,824
(EXPLOSION)

1640
01:39:59,911 --> 01:40:00,900
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

1641
01:40:04,415 --> 01:40:05,495
What happened?

1642
01:40:31,067 --> 01:40:33,023
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

1643
01:40:43,788 --> 01:40:46,029
Yes! Yes! Yes!

1644
01:40:47,250 --> 01:40:49,741
You won this thing. You won it.

1645
01:40:49,877 --> 01:40:51,333
SHAZZY:
Where are you going?

1646
01:40:51,420 --> 01:40:52,751
Listen, those three gentlemen right there.

1647
01:40:52,838 --> 01:40:54,294
They were the ones with the bombs.

1648
01:40:54,382 --> 01:40:57,215
You see? Back there, those three.
They were the ones with the bomb.

1649
01:41:05,851 --> 01:41:07,182
AGENT: Go!

1650
01:41:09,897 --> 01:41:10,886
(SIREN BLARING)

1651
01:41:10,982 --> 01:41:15,942
Mr. President! Stop! Stop! Stop!

1652
01:41:27,790 --> 01:41:30,497
All right, everyone, please. Please, shut up.

1653
01:41:31,961 --> 01:41:33,451
It's starting.

1654
01:41:34,964 --> 01:41:39,207
SALLY: Last season's finale was the
highest-rated show in television history,

1655
01:41:39,302 --> 01:41:41,543
as my boyfriend, William Williams,

1656
01:41:41,637 --> 01:41:44,925
suffering from hallucinations
caused by posttraumatic stress

1657
01:41:45,016 --> 01:41:46,847
tragically lost his life.

1658
01:41:47,393 --> 01:41:49,224
There was a silver lining, though,

1659
01:41:49,312 --> 01:41:52,896
as he was voted the surprise
winner of American Dreamz.

1660
01:41:53,274 --> 01:41:55,765
I know he would have been so thrilled.

1661
01:41:56,152 --> 01:41:57,813
Fellow runner-up, Omer Obeidi,

1662
01:41:57,903 --> 01:42:01,862
has been touring the country with
a repertory of Broadway hits.

1663
01:42:02,158 --> 01:42:03,318
(SINGING)
Go, Greased Lightning

1664
01:42:03,409 --> 01:42:05,570
You're burning up the quarter mile

1665
01:42:05,661 --> 01:42:08,027
CHORUS: Greased Lighting Go, Greased Lighting

1666
01:42:08,122 --> 01:42:10,909
IQBAL: Stop! Stop! Stop!

1667
01:42:11,334 --> 01:42:12,995
This isn't a hoedown!

1668
01:42:13,502 --> 01:42:15,618
SALLY: Special guest judge, President Staton,

1669
01:42:15,713 --> 01:42:18,420
recently returned from a Mid-East fact-finding tour

1670
01:42:18,507 --> 01:42:20,168
with his new Chief of Staff.

1671
01:42:20,259 --> 01:42:21,999
You choose first, Poopie.

1672
01:42:22,386 --> 01:42:23,546
(SIGHS)

1673
01:42:23,638 --> 01:42:25,924
I guess I'll go for the newspapers first.

1674
01:42:26,015 --> 01:42:28,347
You take the intelligence reports
and summit briefing,

1675
01:42:28,434 --> 01:42:30,345
and then we‘ll switch.

1676
01:42:30,436 --> 01:42:33,928
SALLY: And I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

1677
01:42:34,732 --> 01:42:35,767
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1678
01:42:35,900 --> 01:42:37,390
Welcome!

1679
01:42:37,652 --> 01:42:41,440
Welcome back to another season of American Dreamz.

1680
01:42:41,530 --> 01:42:45,523
I am so excited to be your new host. It's such
a dream come true for me.

1681
01:42:46,118 --> 01:42:50,612
And I'd like to dedicate this season to someone
who was very special to us all.

1682
01:42:51,123 --> 01:42:53,785
The great Mr. Martin Tweed.

1683
01:42:55,461 --> 01:42:57,122
AUDIENCE: Aw!

1684
01:42:57,880 --> 01:43:00,542
We will miss you so very much.

1685
01:43:01,759 --> 01:43:05,001
But now, on to an exciting new season!

1686
01:43:05,096 --> 01:43:07,178
And here are your dreamers!

1687
01:43:07,306 --> 01:43:09,092
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1688
01:43:28,744 --> 01:43:30,905
("DREAMS WITH A Z" PLAYING)

1689
01:44:06,031 --> 01:44:08,022
("GIRL LET'S NOT BE FRIENDS"
PLAYING)

1690
01:44:35,811 --> 01:44:37,802
("ROCKIN' MAN" PLAYING)

1691
01:44:51,952 --> 01:44:53,943
("NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE"
PLAYING)

1692
01:45:13,849 --> 01:45:15,840
("LEZ GIT RAUNCHY" PLAYING)

1693
01:45:58,686 --> 01:46:00,677
("MOMMY DON'T DRINK ME
TO BED TONIGHT" PLAYING)