1
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:55,880
I love you.

2
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,400
I've been waiting for you
since Whetherby services.

3
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:00,440
What did we agree?

4
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,800
No more Scotch Eggs!

5
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,760
They make you fragrant on a night time.

6
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,080
But what if I get peckish?

7
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,960
And what am I gonna peck?

8
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,960
You're controlling what I eat.

9
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,840
That's what women in love do.

10
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,160
And here we are at
Newcastle Ferry Terminal.

11
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:24,560
Once again, thank you for
choosing Draper's Tours.

12
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,560
I'll just do a quick head count

13
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,760
and then we can board
the ship to Amsterdam.

14
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,240
I'd count there's three of 'em, Gemma.

15
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,440
It's like Destiny's
Child with osteoporosis.

16
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:36,360
Hey.

17
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,840
Don't say much for your
tour company, does it?

18
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,520
Three customers, oh!

19
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,640
Well, Mildred hired the whole bus

20
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,080
and promised me it would be full.

21
00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:48,920
Didn't you Mildred?

22
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,240
Well, that was the plan, yes.

23
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,920
But the heating broke down at the home,

24
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,880
which thinned the herd a bit.

25
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:58,080
Very sad. But on the plus side,

26
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,720
these days the queue for the
biscuits is a lot shorter.

27
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,800
And we couldn't just cancel.

28
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:07,160
Marge wanted her friends
to make this trip, Gemma.

29
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,120
It was in her will.

30
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,720
Yeah, course, sorry Mildred.

31
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,040
I think that Marge will be very happy

32
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,880
that you, Colleen and Hilda
have gone to all the effort.

33
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,440
That's what friends are for, isn't it?

34
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:19,840
She wasn't my friend.

35
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:20,920
I didn't like her.

36
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:24,080
Hilda, you've gone off
the reservation again.

37
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,720
You and Marge were very close.

38
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:31,480
Were we? Oh, yes.

39
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:35,400
She was a very dear friend
and I do miss her so.

40
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,640
Who is it I don't like?

41
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,560
You'll have to forgive Hilda,

42
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,400
she's got a bit of a loose mind.

43
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:45,640
Yeah, look, I hate to
interrupt this fascinating trip

44
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:46,920
down short term memory lane,

45
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,640
but we're gonna have to park the bus.

46
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:49,880
I'll see you all onboard.

47
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,680
Gemma, it's gonna be the
best mini break ever.

48
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,000
Trust me, gonna sweep
you right off your feet.

49
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,920
Sweep me off my feet?

50
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:05,760
He'll be lucky.

51
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,160
Last time he tried to pick
me up, he slipped a disc.

52
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,360
Well you need a more well-built man, love.

53
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,840
I enjoy a bloke who can
take a bit of punishment,

54
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,560
and give it out if I'm in the mood.

55
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:22,520
Hiya.

56
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,160
Welcome to the Empress
of the Tyne, ladies.

57
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,800
Are you taking any drugs on board?

58
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,000
Only the ones that keep me alive.

59
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,360
Also a couple of things
for when I get bored.

60
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,200
Don't forget Cocaine Sally here.

61
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,840
Come on, let's get to the bar.

62
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,360
Let's get the champagne open.

63
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:37,200
Yeah!

64
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,760
Oh, champagne!

65
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,000
You celebrating something, Colleen?

66
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,480
We can't say.

67
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,560
Something that'll change
our lives forever,

68
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,800
in ways we can't possibly imagine.

69
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,360
Hardly worth mentioning really.

70
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,240
Ladies and gentlemen,

71
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,320
welcome aboard the Empress of the Tyne.

72
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:55,640
Woooh! Hen night, hen
night, hen night, hen night!

73
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,120
Welcome aboard.

74
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,440
I'm Gemma Draper, Draper's Tours.

75
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,960
I'm first officer Justin Valentine.

76
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,000
If me or any of my crew
can help in anyway,

77
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,760
don't hesitate to keep it to yourselves.

78
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:08,920
Just joking.

79
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,800
I'm the DJ, I'm an
artist, and I'm not happy.

80
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,880
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby! I'm a singer, yeah?

81
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,480
I sing! DJ's are for poor people who can't

82
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,200
afford a band at their wedding.

83
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,360
Emily Valentine, I'll be singing

84
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,160
in the Admiral's Hall later.

85
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,200
I don't do request and you can't join in.

86
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,280
Denise Montgomery, Cruise Director.

87
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,680
Oh, yes, I was supposed
to check in with you.

88
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:36,960
I'm Gemma Draper, Draper's Tours.

89
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:41,720
Of course! So I've got
you down as 55 guests.

90
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:47,360
We have had a very
slight change in numbers.

91
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:48,600
There's three of us.

92
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,800
Yeah, I did call head office

93
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,480
to cancel the unwanted
cabins. Spoke to Brenda.

94
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:58,680
Yes, Brenda. Not great
at passing on messages.

95
00:04:58,680 --> 00:04:59,920
She's going through the menopause

96
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:01,960
for the fourth time, bless her.

97
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,400
So anything she does write down

98
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,080
gets sweated off the
page almost immediately.

99
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,440
If you're worried about
missing out on bartake,

100
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,880
I've been told I drink for ten.

101
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,800
Right, that's the coach
parked. Bloody hell!

102
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,120
Would you like a picture with our mascot?

103
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,760
Dippy the Dolphin.

104
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:21,720
Nice to meet you.

105
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:23,680
I'm Teddy the Terrified.

106
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:28,080
Lovely.

107
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,120
♪ At last... ♪

108
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:35,880
Hilda?

109
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,400
I'm gonna need me pills.

110
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:42,600
♪ My love has come along ♪

111
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,760
I want to touch it, then have it touch me.

112
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,280
♪ My lonely days are over ♪

113
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,200
Even I'm feeling something!

114
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:59,360
♪ And life is like a song ♪

115
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,440
Well, hello girls. Captain Jack Pearson.

116
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,320
And you must be four sisters, yes?

117
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,960
That's either a massive compliment to us,

118
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,280
or he's slagging you right off, Gemma.

119
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,680
Only compliments, I do assure you.

120
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:14,920
Now, if you'll excuse me,

121
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,560
I must get this old girl ready to sail.

122
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,920
She needs quite a firm hand.

123
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,560
I bet she does.

124
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,360
The feisty ones always do.

125
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:28,480
Oh, God! He's as greasy as
a chip shop window as well.

126
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,240
Welcome aboard.

127
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:35,200
Oh, oh, let's get to the
cabins, I need a lie down!

128
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:39,040
Bits of me are waking up that
have been asleep for decades!

129
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,240
Right, allow me to show you
the finest accommodation

130
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,080
this vessel has to offer.

131
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,760
By that, I mean a toilet inside the cabin.

132
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,520
No more jogging on the spot for me!

133
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,720
I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

134
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,280
We'll be winding
our way down the River Tyne

135
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,280
and arriving in Amsterdam
tomorrow morning.

136
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,840
So grab a drink in our fabulous
bar, the Admiral's Hall.

137
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,800
From the tap, these.

138
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,920
And look at that. Who's behind that?

139
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,440
Nothing here for us.

140
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:14,280
Ooh!

141
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,040
Giant Toblerones!

142
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,600
Oh, can we get one, Gemma,
please, please, please!

143
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:20,960
You don't even like Toblerone.

144
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,160
Nobody does, not until they go on holiday.

145
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,640
It's a full kilo of
nutty chocolate triangles

146
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,520
in one handy cumbersome bar.

147
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,040
Hang on, let's see.

148
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,240
Choccy mound.

149
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,960
It's nine Toblerones, is nothing sacred?

150
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,560
Gemma, look what they got.

151
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,200
Oh!

152
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,240
Hi, I'm Jen MacDonald,

153
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:49,080
and I want you to enjoy my secretions.

154
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:54,080
It's gritty. It's Northern.
It stings. It's my secretions.

155
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,960
Special offer, two for one on this ferry.

156
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,000
Do you want some, Gemma?

157
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,720
Please, no.

158
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,520
Right, welcome party over.
There's not many passengers.

159
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,640
They must've seen the
storm coming. Either that

160
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,640
or they heard about the
norovirus in the nachos.

161
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,400
Right. Come on my lovelies.

162
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,920
You know the drill, bars
open, gangway clear,

163
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,560
pepper spray discreetly
hidden about your person

164
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,520
just in case.

165
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,560
And you can take your head off now, Tracy.

166
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,640
Denise, I can't keep doing this.

167
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,240
I thought I was gonna die.

168
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,880
You can see why dolphins are endangered,

169
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,560
if they have to go through this every day.

170
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,720
Tracy, you were fantastic,
very believable.

171
00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:00,560
At one point I even considered
throwing you a fish.

172
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,120
And, as promised, an indoor latrine.

173
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,520
Fancy taking it for a test drive?

174
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,840
Well, as seductive as that may sound,

175
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,760
I'm good, thanks.

176
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,280
Hmm, thought you might
wanna go first, you know,

177
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,120
seeing as I haven't been
since we passed through Leeds.

178
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,840
I've got to offload some
stowaways, if you know what I mean.

179
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,720
It's them kind of chat up lines

180
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,400
that keep me coming back for more.

181
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,480
And you better get used to it.

182
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,000
This weekend's gonna be like
no other we've ever had before.

183
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,320
Oh, aye, are you gonna be
conscious for some of it?

184
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:52,400
I promise nothing.

185
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:58,040
Look, I appreciate the gesture,
but we've got work to do.

186
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:01,000
And that means behaving in a
proper and professional manner.

187
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,200
Oh my God, they've got dressing gowns!

188
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,760
Oh, Terry, I feel like a princess.

189
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,280
A terry-towelling princess.

190
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:21,280
If you'll excuse me,
marauders at the gates.

191
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,120
Oh, eh, I'll bet the girls are
loving this kind of luxury.

192
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,720
On the plus side, If I sleep walk,

193
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,920
you'll not have to go too far to find me.

194
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,320
Right, Terrence.

195
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,400
This time, try not to bugger this up.

196
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,440
She's been the best one yet.

197
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,680
You like it. Let's go put a ring on it.

198
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,480
Oh, you... No, no, no, no, no!

199
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:05,880
You alright?

200
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,840
Yeah, yeah, I dropped me
coach keys down the toilet.

201
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,960
Sounds like you're having a
bit of a time of it in there.

202
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,360
I best go check on the girls.

203
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:15,200
You do that.

204
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,680
Bet Bilbo Baggins never had this problem.

205
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:25,120
Right, my precious, let's
see if you're down there.

206
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,080
I'll see you at the bar, okay?

207
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,240
Oh, mother of God!

208
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,040
And as we get ready to set sail,

209
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,200
can we have all engineers
to their stations please?

210
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,080
Hey, it's Dippy the dolphin!

211
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,920
What brings you down
here to the plank room?

212
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:50,760
You don't want to touch that man,

213
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:51,880
If you do, the pumps will exp-

214
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,320
This is the bar ,ladies.

215
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,960
Can you take them, Tracy?

216
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,360
Sorry.

217
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,640
Thank you.

218
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,240
One, two, three, come on!

219
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:33,720
I'm not sure if you know this,

220
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,320
but it's considered good luck

221
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,880
to buy your tour guide a drink.

222
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,840
Well, I wish you all the luck in the world

223
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,320
in making that happen.

224
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,520
Welcome to the Admiral's Hall,

225
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,520
the finest bar on the ship.

226
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,680
Oh look, here comes the captain!

227
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,400
Stand by your beds, there
could be an inspection.

228
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,600
Especially if he takes a liking to you.

229
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,640
Bobby, if you could make
the jokes actually funny,

230
00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,840
that would really help.

231
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,320
Whatever.

232
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,360
Well, hello girls.

233
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:09,120
That's right, girls,
don't lose your dignity.

234
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:12,280
He could be riddled this one,
you know, sailors usually are.

235
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,200
If we get shipwrecked, I'm more than happy

236
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,600
to make a fishing net out of my pantyhose.

237
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,200
I don't wear any.

238
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,160
Then I'll get us out onto the ocean,

239
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,560
like my very life depended on it.

240
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:25,400
Oh, sorry, sorry,

241
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,560
I couldn't quite hear you for
the sound of my skin crawling.

242
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:30,880
I'll get us a table.

243
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,040
Did you get your keys?

244
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,160
Yeah, I got there in the end.

245
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,240
Anyone would think I'd spent
three months' wages on 'em.

246
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,800
As you're travel industry,
you get a discount.

247
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:42,760
Ooh!

248
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:43,600
Discounts!

249
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,000
In that case, we'll have a lager top,

250
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,200
a gin and tonic, two Babychams.
Oh, and a Bailey's chaser.

251
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,520
And whatever Gemma and the
golden girls are having.

252
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,080
Babycham, I'll need to grab
that from the stock room.

253
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:57,720
Excuse us.

254
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,480
Tracy, you're in charge.

255
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,160
Could get used to this life.

256
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,280
Gemma, it's the kind of
life I wanna give you.

257
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,880
There are three different mini products

258
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:09,920
in that cabin bathroom.

259
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,600
I mean, three!

260
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,000
If I had my way there'd
be an avocado body scrub

261
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,480
and an intimate lady wipe as well.

262
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:18,320
Awww!

263
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,800
But also, ewww.

264
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:27,200
And so, this ship leaves
Newcastle for the very last time.

265
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,080
Home of Alan Shearer, Ant and Dec.

266
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,560
And of course, my ex wife, Judy.

267
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,920
Who could beat them all at arm wrestling.

268
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,240
Just kidding, she had very weak arms.

269
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:41,680
Barely strong enough to break
my heart. But she managed!

270
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,400
Here's her least favourite song by Enya!

271
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,560
♪ Enya - Sail Away ♪

272
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,760
Dinner in half an hour, Captain.

273
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,680
Ladies, would you care
to join me for dinner

274
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:30,960
at the captain's table?

275
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,160
Oh, now that's the type of glamour

276
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,000
Draper's Tours likes to
see our guests enjoy.

277
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,240
I'm sitting next to Captain Jack,

278
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,280
and anyone who says otherwise

279
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,680
will be eating their dinner
through broken teeth!

280
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,120
No guests for the dinner, sorry ladies.

281
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,360
This is a celebratory meal
for Justin's promotion,

282
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:53,760
and therefore me. It's a
special dinner for old friends.

283
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:55,600
Actually, Emily, these are my friends.

284
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,000
Yeah, well they're certainly old.

285
00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:59,440
Savage as usual, Emsi.

286
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,200
Who the bloody hell do you think you are?

287
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,680
Who am I, babes?

288
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,840
Um... I'm the most in
demand lounge entertainment

289
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:06,920
on the North Sea.

290
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,320
I'm known in every port
across Northern Europe.

291
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,560
Popular around the docks, are you?

292
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,000
We used to have a name
for girls like that.

293
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,240
"Dirty girls!"

294
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,480
That's what Mother said.

295
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,040
Yeah, laugh all you like ladies,

296
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,160
when Jack retires tomorrow,

297
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,520
it'll be the first day of my new life

298
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,760
as Mrs. Captain Justin Valentine.

299
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,360
And then we'll show this company

300
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,080
how a ferry should be run.

301
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,840
We'll be the Jay Z and
Beyonce of the North Sea.

302
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,200
Except with none of the money.

303
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,480
But full WiFi access!

304
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,360
If I could interrupt you two,
as this is my final dinner,

305
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,880
I'm going to insist that all
of my new friends join us.

306
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,200
That includes you and Terry, Gemma.

307
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,520
Do hope that's not gonna
be a big deal, Emily.

308
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,440
I think we're about to
find out that it is.

309
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,880
Jack Jack, Jack, Jack,
just you listen to me,

310
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,440
you tired old fart.

311
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:55,920
I am the face of this ship.

312
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,840
You are just a pathetic...

313
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,880
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

314
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,440
Let's play a little game

315
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:07,360
of not saying what we regret later, hmm?

316
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:11,440
Jack, of course you can bring
your guests to the dinner.

317
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,280
And Emily, why not go to your cabin

318
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,320
and listen to the podcast
that calms you down.

319
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,080
You know, your Katie Hopkins one?

320
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:19,920
Fine.

321
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,880
I'm sitting the ugly one away from me.

322
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,080
She means you, Colleen!

323
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,040
Well handled, thank you.

324
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,920
No thanks needed. I'm used to it by now.

325
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:32,800
Justin!

326
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,360
You don't need to save a
place for me and Gemma.

327
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:39,600
We're having a little
romantic supper in the cabin.

328
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,680
Just the two of us.

329
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,240
The last services, I got
all the Ginster's you like.

330
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,280
If we're quick, I'm not a.

331
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,720
Aw... We'll be there Jack.

332
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,120
Wonderful, well let's change for dinner.

333
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:55,000
When you get changed,
be careful of the key,

334
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,760
we don't want to loose it now.

335
00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:00,200
What key? Is this your
little secret from before?

336
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,800
It's nothing, Gemma, don't worry.

337
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,800
You'll know when the time comes.

338
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:09,120
Hang on, me and Gemma didn't
bring anything to wear.

339
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:09,960
I mean, I thought I was going

340
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,000
to get two days out of this shirt.

341
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,360
It was only supposed to be a short trip

342
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,560
with the bingo and masseur so...

343
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,360
Try the duty-free shop.
Anything with a collar will do.

344
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,240
They'll have something in your size.

345
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,160
We get a lot of truck drivers in here.

346
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:25,160
I've got something that will fit Gemma.

347
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,720
Oh! We can dress you up!

348
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,600
Oh! Or we can not do that!

349
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,760
Special offer, two
for one on this ferry.

350
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,600
Utterly ruddy-butterly.

351
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,680
Hi, I'm Jane McDonald

352
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,520
and I want you to enjoy my secretions.

353
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,400
It's gritty, it's-

354
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,120
Spread me on toast.

355
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,160
Well, what do you think?

356
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,040
Gemma, I have never seen...

357
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:23,720
You're like a vision.

358
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,600
I see you found yourself some formal wear.

359
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:29,360
At least we don't have to wonder

360
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,720
which European capital you heart.

361
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,520
Whichever one you're in when
you're looking like that.

362
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,440
He's flirting with you, Gemma.

363
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,040
A lot of men have flirted with
me when I wore that dress.

364
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,440
Some very successfully.

365
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,920
Well, let's just hope
it's been dry cleaned

366
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,680
and get on with dinner then, shall we?

367
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:16,720
You see, girls,

368
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:20,040
a ship is a hugely complex
piece of equipment.

369
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,720
You never know what she's
going to throw at you next.

370
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,040
Our voyage is majestic too, Jack!

371
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,000
Oh, really?

372
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,160
You're looking at three millionaires.

373
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,440
Oh, shouldn't we to say?

374
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,160
Millionaires, you say?

375
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,480
Oh Terry, this is it.

376
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:40,760
This is the secret they've been

377
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,800
whispering about all day.

378
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,760
Don't bother trying to
get it out of 'em, Jack.

379
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,480
You've got more chance of
finding out their real ages.

380
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,720
Gemma, I never lie about my age.

381
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,680
It's not becoming of a lady
in her very early 50's.

382
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:59,760
Oh, surely you can let
the cat out of the bag

383
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,160
for your silly old Captain?

384
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,240
Tell him, Mildred, tell him everything.

385
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,760
If he goes on like this,
I'll tell him my pin number!

386
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:08,920
Yours too, Hilda.

387
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,640
2596, Jack.

388
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,360
We've been bequeathed something,
Jack. It's very exciting.

389
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:19,520
A key. A safety deposit box key

390
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,600
Marge left it to us in her will.

391
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,920
The safety deposit box is in Amsterdam.

392
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,240
She says we can have whatever's in it.

393
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,840
Her whole life's savings.

394
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,440
Fascinating.

395
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,240
Then, then, then, was
she a woman of means?

396
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,200
Oh yes. She was very posh.

397
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,120
Yes, had two sets of teeth.

398
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:42,880
One for eating, one for guests.

399
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,200
But she left it to us.

400
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,960
And to us alone, Jack.

401
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:52,520
So that's it. That's your secret?

402
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,480
Oh, you couldn't tell me,

403
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,280
but old twinkly-eyes here licks her hand,

404
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,280
and you're all singing
like randy canaries!

405
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,080
Don't be angry, Gemma.

406
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,400
Course we would have told you!

407
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,800
We know you wouldn't steal it off us.

408
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:04,680
So why....

409
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:10,920
I wouldn't steal from you!

410
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:17,080
I don't need your money. I've
got something money can't buy.

411
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,320
What's that? Gout?

412
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,520
Many of us have sailed this
ship many times before.

413
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,040
Many of us have found love.

414
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,640
God, I think my dinner's
going to come back up.

415
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,000
Many of us have found friends,

416
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,080
admidst the glamour of the lounge

417
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,600
to the grime of the Galley.

418
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:49,600
Did she say grime?

419
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,120
Yeah

420
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,160
But now one of our family has to leave us.

421
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,200
Oh, Jack, the Inuit
people of the Antarctic

422
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,760
used to put their old onto an iceberg,

423
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,600
and push it out into the ocean

424
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,400
when they became a burden to the tribe.

425
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,400
But we're not allowed to do that anymore.

426
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,760
Oh, come on, no one would see.

427
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,400
We could just push him out there.

428
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,080
Instead, Jack must enjoy retirement

429
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,760
and continue to devote his time

430
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,840
to his lifelong search for a sugar mommy.

431
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:31,840
However, he is always
welcome to join Justin and I

432
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,160
on our new ship.

433
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,880
Where he will inevitably
encounter a better class of-

434
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:38,720
I wish I had a hearing aid,

435
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,800
then at least I could switch it off.

436
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:45,800
And we will continue
on our brand new ship.

437
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,000
To share the greatest lesson of all;

438
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,960
that if you really want it,

439
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,840
a midsize, short-crossing,
budget overnight ferry

440
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,920
can become home.

441
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,480
Beautiful words, babes.

442
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,280
I think we can all take
something from that.

443
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:09,280
A round of applause for
Justin, Captain Justin.

444
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,720
And Jack.

445
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,240
It's his last supper.

446
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,240
All right then.

447
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,080
Justin, and to a lesser extent, Jack.

448
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,560
There's also a cake, it
was Denise's idea not mine.

449
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,440
Made it myself, it's a Victoria sponge.

450
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:35,560
There's no gluten in it,

451
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,160
because it brings on
Justin's irritable bowel.

452
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,680
God help us all.

453
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,280
But what it lacks in gluten,

454
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,440
it makes up for in the final ingredient

455
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:47,280
Love.

456
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:49,760
And where would we be without-

457
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:50,640
Just bring in the cake , Denise.

458
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:51,480
Of course.

459
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,760
Terry. No cake from the grimy Galley.

460
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,280
Make an excuse.

461
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:02,400
We're okay for cake,
thanks. It bloats her.

462
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,720
Like, massive.

463
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,360
That wasn't what I had in mind.

464
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,440
♪ We'll meet ♪

465
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,040
♪ Again don't ♪

466
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,040
♪ No I don't ♪

467
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,600
♪ No one ♪

468
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,560
♪ But I know, ♪

469
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,160
♪ We'll meet again ♪

470
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:31,480
♪ Some sunny day ♪

471
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:34,800
Hello, everyone.

472
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:35,720
Alan.

473
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,200
Alan!

474
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,200
Finish the song, Emily. It
is your favourite, isn't it?

475
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,880
You got some cheek
getting on board my ship.

476
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,920
Oh, hello, Jack.

477
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,240
I'll join you if I may.

478
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,520
Oh, I see you didn't keep me a seat.

479
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:54,920
You can have my seat if you want.

480
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:55,760
No, Terry.

481
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,920
Alan can go below and
eat with his own kind.

482
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,240
The rats.

483
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,560
There's rats?

484
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,960
A few.

485
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,000
But the king rat is sitting
right here, isn't he, Jack?

486
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:06,840
This all kicks off,

487
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,440
stick some of them napkins in your purse,

488
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,520
they're proper cotton.

489
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,920
Alan, please remove yourself
from my dining room.

490
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:13,760
Immediately.

491
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,320
Get out of yourself, Jack.

492
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,320
I've got as much right
to be as anyone else.

493
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:19,240
Jack, behave.

494
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,920
Alan, please leave.

495
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:25,200
All right, I'll leave.

496
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,280
But this isn't over. For any of you.

497
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,960
You should've let him stay.

498
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,520
Anything to block out the
sound of her awful voice.

499
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,040
Perhaps that's the reason
people like your singing,

500
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,640
because it's the only time
you're not talking, love.

501
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:47,760
Shut up, you old tart.

502
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:51,920
What did you call me?

503
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,880
You heard me, tart!

504
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:00,040
Can we all just calm down
and have some lovely cake?

505
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,520
Well, this can't get any worse.

506
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:29,360
Captain!

507
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:34,480
Janice!

508
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,560
There it goes.

509
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:47,800
We're getting none now.

510
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,240
This is Janice, one of our engineers.

511
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:03,160
He's evidently drunk, and
has fallen over, again.

512
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,200
Justin, can you get him to the infirmary?

513
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:07,600
Could anyone help me?

514
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,360
He's quite a size. Don't
wanna put my back out.

515
00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:12,200
Ruin the first day of my new command.

516
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,120
In fact, it may be prudent
me not to lift him at all.

517
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:16,200
I'll help you.

518
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,480
He doesn't look much bigger than Terry,

519
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,320
and I carry him up the
stairs most Friday nights,

520
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:20,400
if we've been out.

521
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,640
Okay, let's get this lad shifted.

522
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:28,520
Emily.

523
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,840
Can you take Colleen to her
cabin and get her cleaned up?

524
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,080
You should be ashamed of yourself.

525
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,880
We don't throw food at the passengers.

526
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,160
This is not a Eurostar.

527
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,200
Sorry, Captain.

528
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,600
Took me two days, that cake.

529
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,440
Look at it now, it's a disaster.

530
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:52,880
A gluten-free disaster.

531
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,400
He doesn't look good.

532
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,560
Should we think about turning back?

533
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,400
Turning back, Lord, no.

534
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,000
No, I've got a ship to deliver.

535
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,040
He's just drunk.

536
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:13,920
It's happened before,

537
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:15,680
we once found him face
down in the duty free.

538
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:19,160
Yeah, he smelled like
CK One for a fortnight.

539
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,560
Seems a bit strange, doesn't it?

540
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:22,880
He didn't look drunk.

541
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,840
He looked panicked, if anything.

542
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,960
And we have been in this situation before.

543
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,240
There could be a lot more
to this than meets the eye.

544
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,720
I think we're a long way
from anything sinister.

545
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,200
I mean, a drunken sailor.

546
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,680
Well, people have written
songs about that, haven't they?

547
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,080
Let's not get ourselves all
worried about what appears to be

548
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:45,640
a simple accident.

549
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,400
Yeah, he's right, Gemma.

550
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,120
Can't we just accept it as an accident?

551
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,200
Just to be sure, maybe I
should check the control room,

552
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,280
make sure everything's all right.

553
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:55,120
No, no, no, no.

554
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,080
You must forgive Justin, he
thinks he's Captain already.

555
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,600
But I've still got a day to
go, and this is still my ship.

556
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,120
I should be the one to
check the control room.

557
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,680
Tracy, you're staying here with Janice,

558
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,640
you're first-aid trained.

559
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,080
Denise, can you man the bar?

560
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,480
This won't happen when I
get my own ship, Denise,

561
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,320
you mark my words.

562
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:16,680
And the only people in the infirmary

563
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,400
will be anyone stupid enough
to try the seafood buffet.

564
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,280
You, uh, gonna be all right here, Tracy?

565
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,640
Oh yeah. Found a copy of Woman's Weekly.

566
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:31,720
There's a story I want to read

567
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,360
about a woman who gave
birth to her own ghost.

568
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:38,040
No, with Janice. In
case he needs anything.

569
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:39,920
All right, yeah, probably.

570
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,760
Think I remember the first-aid training.

571
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,680
But the man who was
teaching us was mega fit,

572
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,960
so I pretended to play dead,

573
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,120
so he gave me mouth to mouth.

574
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:48,680
But when he did, he had proper bad breath,

575
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,080
so I think I just blocked it all out.

576
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,720
It's like a blank space in me head, but...

577
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,320
I'm sure it'll be fine.

578
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,320
It's not like it's life or death, is it?

579
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:00,440
You don't have to come with me.

580
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,920
I can clean myself up
perfectly on my own, thank you.

581
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:05,320
Jack insisted.

582
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,680
And he is still in charge
whether I like it or not.

583
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,480
Well, he's a slimy so-and-so.

584
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:11,840
Oh, God, he is.

585
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,840
I'm glad I'm not the
only one that sees it.

586
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:17,600
He's been leering over the
older passengers for years.

587
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,000
Some nights, it's like
a pornographic version

588
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:21,200
of Jurassic park.

589
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:23,280
He's got a long way to go

590
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,360
before he gets near my velociraptor.

591
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,800
Look, look, I'm very sorry.

592
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:32,960
I shouldn't have let myself go like that.

593
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,560
I have to learn that with
a talent as great as mine

594
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,280
comes a fiery temper.

595
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:39,840
Don't worry about it, love.

596
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,200
I started it after all.

597
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,440
Do you know, if I'm honest,
I see a lot of myself in you.

598
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,200
Oh, bless. Thank you.

599
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,360
Although, you probably never
had this figure, did you?

600
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:54,440
Oh yes, I did.

601
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,280
When I was your age, I had
that figure, those legs,

602
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:58,680
that attitude.

603
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,360
Thought all I had to do
was click my fingers,

604
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,920
and the world would give me what I wanted.

605
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,160
And look where it led me.

606
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,040
Not a friend in the world, three divorces,

607
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,800
and stuck on a ferry
with the likes of you.

608
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:16,400
That's why I'm not angry.

609
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:20,080
Time will give me all the revenge I need.

610
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:24,960
You'll see, in a few years,
when you turn out like me.

611
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,840
Oh look, here we are.

612
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:36,640
Emily?

613
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,840
Alan! Don't surprise people like that!

614
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,480
Don't you think you've made
yourself unpopular enough

615
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:42,600
on this cruise?

616
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,560
Emily, I need you.

617
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,480
I've been sneaking around for a year.

618
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,400
We have to tell Justin about us tonight.

619
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,880
No, dolly, but shush,
shush, someone might hear.

620
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:57,080
I don't care if anybody hears.

621
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,000
This has gone on for too long Emily.

622
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,520
It's time to tell Justin the truth.

623
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,400
We good together, we should be together.

624
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:06,600
Al-Al needs his Booboo.

625
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,000
Can we not just
keep things the way they are?

626
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:13,400
I mean, Baby loves her Al-Al,
this is a little tweet.

627
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:17,520
I need the life Justin can
provide me, the house, the cars,

628
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,440
the peak hour David Lloyd gym membership.

629
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:22,200
I can get you a three
month trial membership.

630
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:23,600
It's not the same.

631
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,080
The trial is off peak.

632
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,200
Oh, Emily.

633
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,440
Hello, Alan.

634
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,600
Colleen! You haven't even got changed yet.

635
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,800
No, I couldn't find
anything to suit, so...

636
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:38,720
I'm just going to find my friends

637
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:39,760
No, no, but you need to change your top.

638
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:40,800
It's still got cake on it.

639
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:45,280
No need. Remember, I
don't mind looking a site.

640
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,280
One of the parks of being the ugly one.

641
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,720
Now, Alan, try not to
play it so desperate, son.

642
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,640
I was nearly sick in my own mouth.

643
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:55,680
Toodle-pip.

644
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,240
Good. Now she's gone.

645
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,560
No, Alan,

646
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,800
go and tell her before she
tells Justin everything.

647
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:04,760
She should tell him.

648
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,680
And it'll be out in the open.

649
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:11,360
Alan. I am about to become
the wife of a captain.

650
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,360
I will be a captain's wife.

651
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,080
Fine. I'll tell him meself.

652
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,200
Then you'll be no one's wife.

653
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,280
No, no, look, look, you're
very, very precious to me,

654
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,120
you know that. I just need
to buy a bit more time.

655
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:25,760
I'll think of something.

656
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:29,040
In the meantime, can you
stop being a total idiot?

657
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:31,360
I'll stop for now.

658
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:34,280
But not forever.

659
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,160
Attention,
ladies and gentlemen,

660
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,800
we are now in international
waters, and the casino is open.

661
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,280
He forgot to mention
that as a special treat,

662
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,760
I'll be doing the cards
on the blackjack table.

663
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:53,680
Let's hope it's goes well,

664
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,000
cause numbers aren't my strong point.

665
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,280
I couldn't even add up how many men

666
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,280
my ex wife has cheated on me with.

667
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,160
It's my duty to advise you to
gamble in moderation, girls,

668
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,560
yeah. Let's not go crazy.

669
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:17,800
Put everything on black.

670
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:22,400
And if you've got grandchildren,
use their inheritance.

671
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:27,280
Can you feel the restraint
causing through the veins?

672
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,040
Major gossip!

673
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,760
What is it?

674
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,440
Colleen, ha ha ha. I lost you.

675
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,480
You haven't got changed
yet, you're still all cakey.

676
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,560
Do you not want to pop
down and get sorted,

677
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,880
and we can have a little talk on the way.

678
00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:45,920
I'm settled now.

679
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,440
I just can't help thinking-

680
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,080
Ooh, thinking's not one
of your strengths, love,

681
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:52,520
you want to leave that alone.

682
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:58,120
Tell you what, why don't
we play some blackjack?

683
00:35:58,120 --> 00:35:59,880
If you walk away with more than me,

684
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:01,320
then I'll come and talk to you.

685
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:05,960
If not, then I'll go and talk
to somebody else, won't I?

686
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:13,520
Fine, shall we start, with say, £100?

687
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,520
Bring it on.

688
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:17,880
Oh, this is exciting!

689
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,760
In a slightly menacing
sort of way, isn't it?

690
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:24,960
Gambling, girls?

691
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:26,200
I hope you're not frittering away

692
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,720
your newfound wealth
before you even have it.

693
00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:31,440
Which reminds me, have you considered-

694
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,280
Not now, pervert Santa Claus.

695
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:36,760
Yes, of course, as you wish.

696
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:41,880
Smooth as butter there, Jack.

697
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,640
Terry, all my life I've been searching

698
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,200
for the perfect woman.

699
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,560
And now, I think I've
found her in Mildred.

700
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:50,920
Or possibly Hilda.

701
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,320
25! Bust! Oh, sorry, Emily,

702
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,320
but I'm finding it really hard
not to feel happy about that.

703
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:10,240
Dealer has 18, so The
House pays 19 in all.

704
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:15,160
Well, that's us done then.

705
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:16,320
Shall we head back to the bar,

706
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:17,600
where there's fewer potential arguments?

707
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,600
Oh no, Gemma. There's
plenty more hands to go.

708
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,760
Oh yes, I think there will be.

709
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,840
Great! Let's just stay here

710
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,400
and watch things get out
of control then, shall we?

711
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:34,280
Nearly done.

712
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,080
Hey, look at me, I'm a mummy in Egypt.

713
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:41,640
Oh, I'd have hated that, being a mummy.

714
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,840
Wouldn't you? This fabric in that heat!

715
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,040
I remember I wore leggins once in Ibiza,

716
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,120
and I thought my legs were on fire.

717
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,080
Then I remember they were sunburned.

718
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:52,040
Because when I was putting on suncream,

719
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,640
they said it was two for one
shots at the swim up bar.

720
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:55,440
Then my mom said something

721
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,680
about me not being able to
concentrate on anything.

722
00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:58,760
So yeah, that's how my legs got sunburned,

723
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,280
and why I'll never go on holiday in Egypt.

724
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,760
You know, because of the mummies.

725
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:28,320
Blackjack!

726
00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:37,280
God, it really gets you
proper gambling, don't it?

727
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:38,160
Makes me glad I've got no savings,

728
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:39,760
they'd have gone 10 minutes ago.

729
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:43,520
I need more chips, Bobby.

730
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:48,560
Champagne. Courtesy of Captain Jack.

731
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:49,760
Give me two.

732
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:50,760
The adrenaline's sobering me up

733
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,440
quicker than I can get it down me.

734
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,240
Oh, do I like champagne?

735
00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:02,960
It's free. When it's
free, you drink it first

736
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,120
and decide if you like it later.

737
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:08,040
Declined.

738
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,720
What do you bloody mean declined?

739
00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:11,720
I think you've maxed out your card, Emily.

740
00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:16,640
You have lost £1000. Sad times.

741
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,920
Oh, God. Justin's going to whinge.

742
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:21,800
Lost £1000, Emily, dear?

743
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:26,800
And I've won six! I must be lucky.

744
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:31,520
Either that or I spent my
twenties dealing blackjack

745
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:33,040
in a casino in Wigan.

746
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:36,800
Cash those in and these.

747
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:39,240
I've done what I came to do.

748
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,840
It's cost you quite a lot,
hasn't it, Emily dear?

749
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:44,800
To stop me talking about the affair

750
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,240
you're having with Alan.

751
00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:49,000
Well, I'm due a break.

752
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,680
Don't forget to join me later

753
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:55,680
in the Admiral's Hall for
the karaoke competition.

754
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:59,160
Star prize is a meal at
the restaurant in Amsterdam

755
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,600
where I proposed to the woman

756
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:04,080
who now won't let me in the
house that I'm still paying for.

757
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:07,000
But I still have my
dignity. And the Sky remote,

758
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,280
so who really has the last laugh?

759
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:10,120
Emily.

760
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:14,520
Alan, you've already made one scene today.

761
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,400
I'd prefer it if you didn't
make another, please leave.

762
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,080
Why Jack? So these people won't hear about

763
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,480
how you skim off the duty-free tills?

764
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,720
I bet head office would like to know, too.

765
00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:28,160
I wonder how keen they'll
be to give you your pension

766
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:29,840
when I tell them you're a thief.

767
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,120
This won't happen when I'm in charge.

768
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:37,640
Alan, time to make yourself
scarce, you little squirt.

769
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,680
You've caused enough upset for one voyage.

770
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:40,960
More than enough.

771
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,880
You're getting involved
too, are you? Justin?

772
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,400
It's your fault they let
me go in the first place.

773
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,360
You knew how much I needed that job.

774
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,040
Once I got Emily the new backing track,

775
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:52,960
she said we had no need for a pianist.

776
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:54,960
Did he say-

777
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,720
No. Pianist, plays piano.

778
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,360
Right. I thought he said-

779
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:01,760
We know.

780
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,480
Alan, I think it's time you left.

781
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,000
Yes, Alan, leave now.

782
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,000
Don't you make me get physical with you.

783
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:11,640
Oh

784
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:18,680
See. Won't even stand up for himself.

785
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,440
Some captain he'll make.

786
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,520
What a night, eh, Emily dear?

787
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:25,520
First you lose a grand,

788
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,920
and now someone's smacking your bitch up.

789
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:32,920
And, Emily, sometimes
you do need a pianist.

790
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:34,720
That time-

791
00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:35,560
No.

792
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,880
I think I will change this top after all.

793
00:41:42,720 --> 00:41:44,920
Going to stash my winnings.

794
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,240
Before the sleazy captain here

795
00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:51,840
gets his slimy little paws on it.

796
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:58,360
Yes, well if you'll excuse me,

797
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:02,440
I think I'll just go and
check in with the bridge.

798
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,960
Did I hear right, kitten?
Have you lost £1000?

799
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,240
Not now, Justin!

800
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:14,880
She'll calm down.

801
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:17,560
I'll go and rub her feet in a bit.

802
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,240
I haven't got any fancy pants lotion,

803
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:21,000
but I'll just wax some engine grease

804
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,800
into a tub of yoghourt I've
got that's on the turn.

805
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:24,640
That'll do it.

806
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:30,120
I'm gonna need a drink after that.

807
00:42:31,720 --> 00:42:36,280
The doctor said Jägerbombs
would mess with my medication.

808
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:37,960
But he's not here now, is he?

809
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,720
So where's Mildred?

810
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,280
She's just gone to the bar.

811
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:54,960
Do you want me to walk you there?

812
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:59,960
Terry, you're such a
flirt, no! I know the way.

813
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:08,120
Maybe later.

814
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:14,760
You pulled.

815
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:32,680
Terry, we're supposed to be looking after

816
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:34,000
Mildred and the girls.

817
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,720
Mildred? You wanna be minding Jack.

818
00:43:38,720 --> 00:43:40,680
Just wait till them Jägerbombs kick in.

819
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:43,680
They do make a cute
couple, though, don't they?

820
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:44,520
Yeah.

821
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:46,440
Maybe that'll be us, one day.

822
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,480
Well, that's what I'd
like to talk to you about.

823
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,040
Gemma, for years, we were just friends.

824
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:53,880
Hi guys.

825
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,440
And at this rate, we're
gonna be just friends

826
00:43:58,440 --> 00:43:59,840
for the rest of our lives.

827
00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:04,200
A grand, eh, mate?

828
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,200
That was a slap in the face.

829
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:11,040
But then there was, you
know, the slap in the face.

830
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:13,440
Well, you know, Emily's passionate,

831
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:17,600
but bloody hell is she
expensive. She's bleeding me dry.

832
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:23,160
Justin. You don't need
money if you've got love.

833
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,000
Look at us.

834
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,560
We're living proof of that.

835
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:33,280
Last Valentine's, I gave
her a photo of a rose.

836
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:37,400
Love is more than just things
you can buy for each other.

837
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:40,560
It's accepting each other
for all your faults.

838
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,240
You're right, of course, Gemma.

839
00:44:42,240 --> 00:44:44,600
Sometimes, you know,
you look at your life.

840
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,560
When you're taking off your shoes

841
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,840
in the garage of a house you can't afford.

842
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:52,000
To walk on cream carpets
that you didn't want,

843
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,240
and sit on a sofa that
you can't even remember

844
00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:55,480
if you like or not.

845
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:58,880
And you wonder what's happened to you.

846
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:04,880
And then she smiles and it's all worth it.

847
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:10,880
You'll do anything for them
just to make them happy.

848
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:15,040
Sometimes they'll do unspeakable things.

849
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,960
If you'll excuse me, I must
attend to something below deck.

850
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,280
Well, he proper cheers me right up.

851
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:35,960
Come on, shall we get some more air?

852
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:38,000
Oh yeah. We're gonna see a dolphin.

853
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,440
Gemma, it's nighttime.

854
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:41,560
Yeah, might smell one. Come on.

855
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,520
Emily and Justin, eh?

856
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:51,840
They've got the same
kind of love as us, Gem.

857
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,840
But without you know, the
psycho bit at the end.

858
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:57,200
You're so not up to speed.

859
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,600
Emily is having a fling with Alan.

860
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:00,440
Give over.

861
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,680
I know. This is the
most exciting trip ever.

862
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:09,520
Drama, arguments, we're
not involved in any of it.

863
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:11,520
We might be the ones

864
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:14,880
writing the one star
TripAdvisor reviews this time.

865
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,760
Brilliant. Well while
you're in such a good mood,

866
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:18,800
I'd just like to say

867
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,440
this has been the best
year of my entire life.

868
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:25,920
Really?

869
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,160
We nearly got killed this time last year.

870
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,960
A woman tried to stab me in a
toilet in Blackpool, remember?

871
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,400
Though we got together. Then we moved in.

872
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:38,360
But I didn't ask you to move in.

873
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:44,840
Sort of stayed over and never left.

874
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:50,000
You're like a squatter, but
one who shares his chips.

875
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,440
But what I'm trying to say, Gemma, is

876
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,840
for years we were just friends,

877
00:46:57,840 --> 00:46:59,920
but now we're more than friends.

878
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,840
Nearly gave me a heart attack that did.

879
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,240
Right. Let's go find the
girls and get hammered.

880
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:14,480
Oh, for-

881
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:32,360
Where the bloody hell am I?

882
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:38,720
Attention ladies and gentlemen,

883
00:47:38,720 --> 00:47:40,880
we are happy to announce that
happy half hour has started

884
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,200
in the Admiral's Hall, where we will be-

885
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,480
- Sorry to interrupt,

886
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:47,080
we've just found a case of Baileys

887
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:49,720
without a sell-by date
on it in the stock room.

888
00:47:49,720 --> 00:47:51,600
So if you're up for a gamble,

889
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:53,800
we're selling them five shots for £1.

890
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:16,520
What do you want?

891
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:36,520
♪ It's Raining Men ♪

892
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,960
A word of warning. You know
that safety deposit box key,

893
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:58,680
if they're not careful, he's very smooth.

894
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:00,680
Had an access ramp built into his cabin.

895
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,520
Oh, I think he's met his match.

896
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,160
Yes well, I'll just be
glad when he's gone.

897
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:13,120
And Justin and Emy and
I have our own ship.

898
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:14,840
I'll take a bottle of champers

899
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,120
for me and my future captain.

900
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,440
Oh, she knows how to treat her man.

901
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:20,960
She's an angel.

902
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:22,720
You might have the odd little tension,

903
00:49:22,720 --> 00:49:23,880
but once you calm down,

904
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,320
your biggest strength is in acting

905
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,600
like it never happened at all,

906
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:30,080
which is actually very brave.

907
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:32,640
Well, this is our special trip

908
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:36,000
and no one's gonna spoil it
for us, you mark my words.

909
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,560
A fresh start on a fresh ship.

910
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:44,800
Speaking of healthy stable relationships,

911
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:46,720
looks like Jack's about to drop anchor.

912
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:51,840
Gemma, I'd like to lodge a complaint.

913
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:52,680
What's wrong?

914
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:53,680
Mildred's hogging Jack.

915
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:55,960
By the time I get my go, he'll be spent.

916
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:00,360
Right, erm...

917
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:03,400
Well maybe when Mildred's done,

918
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:09,240
you can let Jack recharge himself a bit

919
00:50:10,240 --> 00:50:14,960
and then have your go on him.

920
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:20,280
Is it wrong I'm starting to
feel like a nautical pimp?

921
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:23,600
It's got me all riled
up, set my waters off.

922
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,520
I can feel myself sloshing.

923
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,040
Can you help me to the loo?

924
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:30,360
Bar toilets are blocked, I'm afraid.

925
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:31,840
Truckers have just had their dinner.

926
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,160
You can use one in my cabin.

927
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:34,640
We're just one deck up.

928
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:37,920
Right, Terry, help Hilda. She's sloshing.

929
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:54,920
Draw me like one of
your French girls, Jack.

930
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:59,520
Well, I've only got a Biro,
but uh, Ill do my best.

931
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,760
This is huge.

932
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:15,760
Tiny, our cabins are, like
little floating coffins.

933
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,760
Terry, why are the girls
sleeping in floating coffins?

934
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:19,760
I'll tell you why.

935
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:21,680
So he can keep all the money for himself

936
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:23,920
and fritter it all away on this palace.

937
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,560
Gemma, I just wanted you
to have the best for once.

938
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:31,080
See them pillows on that
bed? They're hypoallergenic.

939
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:31,920
I mean, for all I know,

940
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:34,280
that means there were
made in Hypoallergenia,

941
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:37,080
but they're still the best.

942
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:38,800
Well, I can't deny your motives.

943
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:42,640
I'll make it right. I promise.
But not in the usual way.

944
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:44,160
Look, there's no garage forecourt flowers

945
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:45,680
in the middle of the North Sea.

946
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:49,400
Well, I think we have to
swap cabins with them.

947
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:50,800
We are the tour operators,

948
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:52,800
we should have the worst accommodation.

949
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:55,480
Don't be daft. There's three of them.

950
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:58,760
Oh, come on. Look at the size of Mildred.

951
00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:00,360
There's two and a half
of them at the most.

952
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:01,400
She's right.

953
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,200
We can easily get two in that bed,

954
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,000
and I can sleep in the chair.

955
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:06,080
I live in a home, dear,

956
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:08,240
I'm basically a
professional chair sleeper.

957
00:52:08,240 --> 00:52:09,640
Gemma, no.

958
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:12,520
Go and get the bags, Terry.

959
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,400
Here are our key cards,

960
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:16,560
and this is Colleen's,
she gave me her spare

961
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:18,920
in case me and Mildred got in a fight.

962
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,440
We don't always see eye to eye on bingo,

963
00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:22,560
and Mildred kicks off

964
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:24,920
if she thinks anyone's
been using her dapper.

965
00:52:32,720 --> 00:52:33,680
It's typical, this.

966
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:36,480
I try and do one thing
right, what happens?

967
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,760
The devil farts at my nose one more time.

968
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:43,200
1256.

969
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:50,240
Mildred, you in here?

970
00:52:50,240 --> 00:52:51,800
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

971
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,560
Please let me forget,
please let me forget,

972
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:57,320
please let me forget.

973
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:00,000
Look, I don't know what
you think you saw in there.

974
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:05,000
I saw everything. I wanted
to use these eyes again.

975
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:08,560
Tell Mildred she's swapping
cabins with me and Gemma,

976
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,880
and I'll come to collect
her bags in five minutes.

977
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:14,640
Oh, right. You couldn't
give it, say, half an hour.

978
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:16,640
An hour, Jack.

979
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:17,840
An hour, could you?

980
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:19,440
Yeah, yes! Just...

981
00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:23,880
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but go easy on her.

982
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:25,880
She's not.

983
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:29,000
Aye aye, sirrah.

984
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:38,600
All right, 1257.

985
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:41,920
Let's hope there's no surprises in here.

986
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:49,600
Oh, dear God.

987
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,480
Yes, it seems Gemma may be right, Terry,

988
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:01,840
this wasn't accidental.

989
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,040
Oh, Colleen.

990
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:06,680
It looks like Jane McDonald's Secretions

991
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,240
was the weapon of choice.

992
00:54:08,240 --> 00:54:11,360
Poor Jane. She'll not be happy about that.

993
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,080
Ooh, there there, love, don't cry.

994
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:16,840
She's in a better place.

995
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:19,280
I'm not crying, it's that smell.

996
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:21,280
Jane weren't lying, it proper stings.

997
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,800
Yes, yes, it's very vibrant on the nose.

998
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,760
We use it to clean the flies
off the windows on the bridge.

999
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,600
What do we do now Jack?
Lock down the ship?

1000
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:34,040
Afraid not. No, that'll cause panic,

1001
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,080
which will drive down bar sales.

1002
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:38,720
No. No, I'll get poor Colleen
into the ship's morgue,

1003
00:54:38,720 --> 00:54:41,040
and then I'll sniff out the executioner.

1004
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:42,880
You go and get Gemma and Hilda,

1005
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:44,280
and put yourselves in the bar.

1006
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,560
Somewhere visible, just to be safe

1007
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:49,320
That does seem like the best option.

1008
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,200
I'll get straight onto it.

1009
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:53,720
Mildred, get some clothes on.

1010
00:54:53,720 --> 00:54:57,760
And if you could keep them
on forever, I'd be obliged.

1011
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,200
Well, say what you like, Terry,

1012
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:01,160
I'm not ashamed of my body.

1013
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:04,120
Yeah. A fact I've recently
become very aware of.

1014
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:08,760
Look at him. Aah!

1015
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:12,880
The captain. Get the captain.

1016
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:16,200
We're all in great danger.

1017
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:18,360
Janice, you're alive!

1018
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,280
Well, I weren't expecting that.

1019
00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:23,360
I was practising me sad face
for when they all got back

1020
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:25,280
and I had to tell them you didn't make it.

1021
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:26,120
The captain.

1022
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:27,800
Right, yeah. Oh, what am I like?

1023
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:29,720
Honestly, I can blight my.

1024
00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:31,360
Come on, focus, Trace.

1025
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:37,160
Captain, Janice has woken up.

1026
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:39,840
He's not dead. He's not drunk.
And he's asking for you.

1027
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:42,800
Oh, he says we're all in great danger.

1028
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:44,760
Oh wait, hang on, I'm on the tannoy.

1029
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:48,240
Er, nothing to worry about, everyone.

1030
00:55:48,240 --> 00:55:52,120
Enjoy your holidays. Oh,
knocked this right up.

1031
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:56,000
If he's not drunk, that means
someone's done this to him.

1032
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:58,440
The same person that's killed Colleen.

1033
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,080
Colleen's dead?

1034
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:00,920
Yes.

1035
00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:03,280
Oh no! How did she go?

1036
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:06,200
Beaten to death with a big
bottle of Jane McDonald.

1037
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:09,880
Did I like this Colleen?
I've gone fuzzy again.

1038
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:12,960
Nobody did, but it's still sad.

1039
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:14,520
I'll have a little cry then.

1040
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:20,400
Girls, you stay close to us from now on.

1041
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:21,800
We'll protect you.

1042
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,280
Gemma's right. Look, no
running off anywhere.

1043
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:27,320
Terry, we've not run
anywhere for 20 years.

1044
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:28,760
We're not going to start now.

1045
00:56:29,720 --> 00:56:31,880
Fair point. All right,
come on. All of you.

1046
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:33,160
Fast waddle to the bar.

1047
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:39,360
Why is Mildred's top on inside out?

1048
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:42,040
I'll notify you about that later.

1049
00:56:45,720 --> 00:56:47,240
Oh, yes, Janice.

1050
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:54,360
The captain. The ship will shink.

1051
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:55,800
Shink?

1052
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:56,640
Shink.

1053
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,320
Sink? Right to the bottom of the sea?

1054
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:02,520
Yeah.

1055
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,760
I aren't brought me swimming
costume or anything.

1056
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:07,920
I'll get the captain. Oh, not
about the swimming costume.

1057
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:10,240
I don't think he'd have
a spare or anything.

1058
00:57:10,240 --> 00:57:11,080
But you never know, do you?

1059
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:12,880
People get up to all
sorts behind closed doors.

1060
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:15,720
Oh, look at me. Concentrate, honestly.

1061
00:57:15,720 --> 00:57:18,240
My mum says it'll be the death of me.

1062
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,760
She might be right if
I don't warn everyone.

1063
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:21,960
I mean, she'd be gutted that I drowned,

1064
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,360
but probably quiet chuffed
that she was proven right.

1065
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,280
Right, enough. I'll get the captain.

1066
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:31,360
What's wrong with this chick?

1067
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:36,840
Oh, thank God. I've got
to find the Captain,

1068
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:37,680
the ship is going to-

1069
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:53,480
Do you ever get the feeling
we should have just flown?

1070
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:11,960
I know this probably isn't the time,

1071
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:13,760
but I was right, wasn't I?

1072
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:15,880
When I said something was going on?

1073
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:17,120
Well, I think I'm going to have to

1074
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:18,320
give you this one, yeah.

1075
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,880
Good. As long as we know.

1076
00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:24,240
I've been in touch with the
authorities in Amsterdam,

1077
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:25,880
they will meet us in the morning.

1078
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,840
And now we've got three bodies.

1079
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:30,640
And do you know what that means?

1080
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:33,600
Three means we have a
serial killer on our hands.

1081
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:34,480
Worse than that.

1082
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:38,240
The morgue on the ship only
has room for two corpses.

1083
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:40,280
In the event of a third, we have to...

1084
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:42,160
Implement the ice cream protocol.

1085
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:48,600
Once we've put human remains
in the ice cream fridges,

1086
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:51,080
we have to condemn the whole lot.

1087
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:52,080
Bon appetit.

1088
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:56,000
On the one hand, I do miss Colleen,

1089
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:59,440
but on the other hand,
this is a neapolitan.

1090
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,040
Now, myself and the other staff

1091
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:03,760
are going to search the ship.

1092
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:05,600
See if we can find the man responsible,

1093
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:09,120
by which, of course, I mean
Alan. Slimy little sod,

1094
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:12,520
should've locked him up the
moment he came on board.

1095
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:16,200
We have to find him
before he strikes again.

1096
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:18,240
Ah, Natasha's dead!

1097
00:59:18,240 --> 00:59:20,600
No, she's just passed out.

1098
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:22,800
Oh, sorry, carry on.

1099
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:26,960
I must also ask if there are
any able-bodied passengers

1100
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:28,960
Who might wish to help.

1101
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:30,120
Terry's here.

1102
00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:35,560
Or you could have just
said nothing, Mildred.

1103
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:42,000
Come back to me. I can't go
through this life without you.

1104
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:43,280
And I can't without you.

1105
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:48,240
Gemma, before I spend the
first night of this holiday

1106
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:50,800
looking for a pretty vicious murderer,

1107
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:53,600
I need to say something.

1108
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:55,360
For years, we were just friends-

1109
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:57,160
No time, Terry, we must find Alan.

1110
00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:58,040
Fine!

1111
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:04,080
Come on, man, let's go and
kick this bloke's head in.

1112
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:05,720
We're only going to
ask him some questions.

1113
01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:07,880
Potato, potato. Come on!

1114
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:13,560
Just be careful, Justin, for God's sake.

1115
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:15,520
That advice is best suited to Alan.

1116
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:17,520
No one plays silly buggers on my ship.

1117
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:19,240
I think you'll find it's my ship.

1118
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,480
I swear, by the gods of the sea,

1119
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:28,000
I will get you to Amsterdam,
your safety deposit box,

1120
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,640
and we'll open it. Together.

1121
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:36,880
Right. I'll try and
keep the hen night busy

1122
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:37,960
with activities.

1123
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:40,960
Fine, well, fire up the karaoke.

1124
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:43,440
Ooh, karaoke. It's a bit of me, that is.

1125
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:44,280
Where are you going, Emily?

1126
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:47,000
To see if I can find Alan
before any of the others do.

1127
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:54,440
Karaoke! Right, who wants to go first?

1128
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,240
We'd like to go first, please.

1129
01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:12,080
♪ Cheeky Girls ♪

1130
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:11,960
Oh, God! Not another
bloody Dippy the Dolphin.

1131
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:13,800
You shouldn't be down here on your own.

1132
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:19,240
Just stick with me. Yeah?

1133
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:25,560
Soon as we found Alan, I'll
take you back upstairs.

1134
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:26,400
All right?

1135
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:33,480
Nothing.

1136
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:36,000
I don't even know why I'm looking.

1137
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:38,800
He could be anywhere.

1138
01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:40,760
I don't know me way round this place.

1139
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:51,080
Although I've got a feeling
you do. Isn't that right, Alan?

1140
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:57,320
Son of a fish!

1141
01:03:00,560 --> 01:03:01,760
Alan?

1142
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:03,560
What is it now?

1143
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:04,400
Run!

1144
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:16,080
Let me in!

1145
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:23,640
Don't worry. Don't worry.

1146
01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:24,920
I've locked the doors, he can't get in.

1147
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:26,480
Terry, get here now.

1148
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:30,960
Alan is being beaten
to death by a dolphin.

1149
01:03:30,960 --> 01:03:34,880
Oh, dear, knock-off
Toblerone. Just say it, love.

1150
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:36,320
It is what it is.

1151
01:03:41,200 --> 01:03:44,720
Gemma, Alan's not the murderer!

1152
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:49,440
I'm not entirely sure
we can rule that out.

1153
01:03:54,960 --> 01:03:58,600
Look, let's not let this get us down.

1154
01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:01,040
We just have to sit and wait.

1155
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:03,600
And hopefully we'll all be
alive when the sun comes up.

1156
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:04,800
If that's the case,

1157
01:04:04,800 --> 01:04:06,920
we might as well have stayed in the home.

1158
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:08,840
You all right, Terry?

1159
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:09,880
No, Gemma, I'm not.

1160
01:04:11,240 --> 01:04:13,360
This was meant to be a romantic minibreak.

1161
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:16,720
If I wanted this amount
of violence and bloodshed

1162
01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:19,680
on me holidays, I'd have booked
an all-exclusive to Malaga.

1163
01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:24,120
I am going to get to
the bottom of all this.

1164
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:29,520
Right. I think I've figured out

1165
01:04:29,520 --> 01:04:31,680
which one of you lot done this.

1166
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:36,720
Sorry. Slipped. From a quiz.

1167
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:43,480
Jack. You hated Alan, didn't you?

1168
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:46,160
And wasn't he gonna see to it
that your pension got stopped.

1169
01:04:46,160 --> 01:04:50,480
Yes. And Colleen, you two hated
each other at first sight.

1170
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:56,400
How dare you? I do not kill my passengers.

1171
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:58,080
Hmm, that's what they all say.

1172
01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:01,720
But Terry's got you. Bang
to rights, you going down.

1173
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:04,560
Gemma. Love, I'm trying
to do me thing here.

1174
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:06,800
Sorry, Mr. Poirot. Well, carry on.

1175
01:05:07,880 --> 01:05:11,040
Besides, Jack won't spoil his final cruise

1176
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:14,520
by bumping people off,
Gemma. It's not his style.

1177
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:15,360
Oh, right.

1178
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:20,120
No. He'd much rather be diddling
Mildred in her quarters.

1179
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:23,200
So who is it then, Terry?

1180
01:05:26,520 --> 01:05:27,920
Justin?

1181
01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:29,160
Excuse me?

1182
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:30,440
Yes, Justin.

1183
01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:34,440
You wanted to kill Colleen
for her money, didn't you?

1184
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:38,520
Oh, oh, and Colleen humiliated
Emily as well, didn't she?

1185
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:41,000
That proves nothing.
Emily's been sniggered at

1186
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:42,640
by hundreds of people
while she's been singing.

1187
01:05:42,640 --> 01:05:44,320
I haven't killed any of them, have I?

1188
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:46,520
And Alan. Of course.

1189
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:48,960
Emily was having an affair
with Alan, wasn't she?

1190
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:54,960
Oh, God. Does he know?
Don't know, does he?

1191
01:05:56,800 --> 01:05:58,320
Forget I said anything.

1192
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:05,480
Justin, I know how it feels.

1193
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:08,320
Watching someone you
love loving someone else.

1194
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:11,400
I spent years watching Gemma
with loads of other blokes.

1195
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:12,240
Loads.

1196
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:17,760
An amount of blokes.
And it hurt me. Deeply.

1197
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:22,320
It's a good enough reason
for killing someone,

1198
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:25,480
who's having an affair with
your wife, Justin. Wasn't it?

1199
01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:30,240
Justin, what, what's he
saying, I don't understand.

1200
01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:33,680
Oh, give up, Emily, I've
suspected since Christmas.

1201
01:06:33,680 --> 01:06:36,000
The times you said you
were visiting your mother.

1202
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:38,600
I've spoken to your mother.
You were never there.

1203
01:06:38,600 --> 01:06:40,760
She won't let you in the
house. Your mother hates you.

1204
01:06:40,760 --> 01:06:43,800
Well, she's just never taken
the time to get to know me.

1205
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:46,400
Anyway, Denise confirmed
it for me last week.

1206
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:47,240
Denise?

1207
01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:50,240
But I said I thought it
was just a silly fling.

1208
01:06:51,360 --> 01:06:52,520
I was trying to help.

1209
01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:59,520
But you couldn't kill Alan
even if you wanted to.

1210
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:00,640
Could you, Justin?

1211
01:07:00,640 --> 01:07:01,920
No.

1212
01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:05,360
No. And why's that?

1213
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:08,680
Because he made Emily happy.

1214
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:12,160
Because he made Emily happy.

1215
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:18,880
Oh Justin, but you and Emily
can sort it all out now,

1216
01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:20,320
can't you?

1217
01:07:20,320 --> 01:07:22,360
Yeah, now that Alan's gone.

1218
01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:28,280
Oh, Terry, I see where
you're going with this now.

1219
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:29,640
It was Emily wasn't it?

1220
01:07:29,640 --> 01:07:31,400
bang on the money, my little ginger ninja.

1221
01:07:31,400 --> 01:07:34,960
Are you insinuating I did
this, you pudgy little turd?

1222
01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:35,800
Oi!

1223
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:38,000
It's no good trying to sweet
talk me like that, Emily.

1224
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:40,080
You needed Colleen's money.

1225
01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:42,440
You hated her for the
things she'd said to you.

1226
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:47,200
When you were worried that
Alan was going to blow the lead

1227
01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:49,040
on your dirty little affair.

1228
01:07:49,040 --> 01:07:52,200
Yes, go on Terry. Woo hoo!

1229
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:55,720
Gemma, Gemma, people have died.

1230
01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:59,760
Sorry. Sorry. On behalf of Draper's tours,

1231
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:02,240
please accept our humblest sympathies

1232
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:03,520
at this difficult time.

1233
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:08,200
Except for you, Emily, you can suck it.

1234
01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:13,520
This pudgy little turd got you
in the end and now it's over.

1235
01:08:13,520 --> 01:08:17,320
You can relax now, everyone.
We're out of danger.

1236
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:25,680
This is it!
What comes next, Emily?

1237
01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:26,520
Terry!

1238
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:29,280
The DJ box is down
people, the DJ box is down.

1239
01:08:29,280 --> 01:08:30,520
The emergency generator

1240
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:33,440
will kick in at any second,
and everything will be alright.

1241
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:41,280
Ah, see. Everything's
going to be just fine.

1242
01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:52,440
I mean, of course, I could
be wrong about the murderer.

1243
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:06,880
Everyone, watch your backs.

1244
01:09:06,880 --> 01:09:09,040
The killer could still
be here in this room.

1245
01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:12,400
This is the Captain?

1246
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:14,920
Yes. Yes, go ahead.

1247
01:09:14,920 --> 01:09:15,920
We're taking on water

1248
01:09:15,920 --> 01:09:18,200
and the external communications are down.

1249
01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:19,480
Can't you pump the bloody water out?

1250
01:09:19,480 --> 01:09:21,000
We can't, sir,

1251
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:23,840
the emergency pump hasn't
kicked in yet- Aah!

1252
01:09:23,840 --> 01:09:27,200
Well, I'm going below to see
if I can start the pumps.

1253
01:09:28,160 --> 01:09:31,280
Justin, you stay here,
help the passengers.

1254
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:34,840
If the murderer pops up,
deal with that, will you?

1255
01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:40,280
Can I have a top up, please, Denise?

1256
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:43,880
You know, seeing as it
might be my last one ever.

1257
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:46,840
Oh, help yourself, Terry.

1258
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:49,520
There doesn't see much point
in charging for them now.

1259
01:09:53,200 --> 01:09:54,560
You're gonna be all right, Justin.

1260
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:59,560
Yeah. Denise is here. She's
always here when I need her.

1261
01:10:01,480 --> 01:10:03,040
When Emily had her meltdowns,

1262
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,680
like after her audition for
The Voice, and X Factor,

1263
01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:11,000
and Bake Off! God, I thought
she was going to kill me

1264
01:10:11,000 --> 01:10:12,320
after Bake Off, oh God.

1265
01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:18,760
Eh, I'll always be here, chicken.

1266
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:24,120
You're, you're very close in this photo,

1267
01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:25,640
aren't you Denise?

1268
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:27,080
We always have been, Terry.

1269
01:10:28,560 --> 01:10:30,400
Makes you wonder, Gemma, doesn't it?

1270
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:33,280
What you might do if the love of your life

1271
01:10:33,280 --> 01:10:34,480
was taken away from you.

1272
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:39,960
This was all about Justin, wasn't it?

1273
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:41,960
You did all this just to be with him.

1274
01:10:42,880 --> 01:10:47,160
You murdered Alan and
Emily just to punish them

1275
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:49,280
for hurting your beloved Justin.

1276
01:10:49,280 --> 01:10:52,040
Terry, what reason would I have

1277
01:10:52,040 --> 01:10:53,880
to kill one of my best friends?

1278
01:10:53,880 --> 01:10:57,520
The reason that makes the
world turn, Denise. Love.

1279
01:10:58,720 --> 01:11:02,880
The same reason that made me
slightly embezzle some money

1280
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:04,000
from three pensioners.

1281
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:07,280
To get me and Gemma a better cabin.

1282
01:11:07,280 --> 01:11:10,680
And I'll bet she's just
offered you six grand

1283
01:11:10,680 --> 01:11:12,640
to help you with your money troubles.

1284
01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:15,800
The exact same amount that
Colleen won in the casino.

1285
01:11:18,160 --> 01:11:19,000
No.

1286
01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:22,520
Oh, right.

1287
01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:28,280
To be honest, that last
one was a bit of a punt.

1288
01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:32,200
So, am I no longer under suspicion then?

1289
01:11:32,200 --> 01:11:35,680
I do have a dear friend here
who has just lost his wife.

1290
01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:38,200
No, sorry Denise.

1291
01:11:39,040 --> 01:11:43,360
Guess I just let me mind run
away with meself, I guess

1292
01:11:43,360 --> 01:11:44,720
And to think I gave you
an industry discount

1293
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:45,800
on your drinks.

1294
01:11:45,800 --> 01:11:49,120
Judeas Charmaz herself
didn't get a discount.

1295
01:11:55,720 --> 01:11:57,160
That's a lovely photo.

1296
01:12:03,680 --> 01:12:06,040
I'm very sorry, Denise.

1297
01:12:06,040 --> 01:12:09,240
Terry is just trying to
help, that's his way.

1298
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:10,960
Sometimes it's endearing,

1299
01:12:10,960 --> 01:12:13,480
sometimes it's accusing people of murder.

1300
01:12:13,480 --> 01:12:15,520
He was wrong, Gemma.

1301
01:12:15,520 --> 01:12:18,320
Poor Denise has been here all night.

1302
01:12:18,320 --> 01:12:21,360
Well, except for when she's
gone to get more drinks

1303
01:12:21,360 --> 01:12:23,120
from the... stock room.

1304
01:12:26,840 --> 01:12:29,760
Yeah, Mildred. In the stock room.

1305
01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:36,320
In Denise's locker.

1306
01:12:38,240 --> 01:12:40,560
She can get all over the
ship from down there.

1307
01:12:41,480 --> 01:12:43,240
I knew I was right, I-

1308
01:12:45,320 --> 01:12:48,440
Well, seems like you got
it all worked out, Terry.

1309
01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:51,720
Terry, she's got a gun.

1310
01:12:51,720 --> 01:12:54,640
I know. I can see it.

1311
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:59,560
Everyone, the lights should
be working again momentarily.

1312
01:12:59,560 --> 01:13:01,440
But the pump room is flooded.

1313
01:13:01,440 --> 01:13:03,200
I'm afraid it doesn't look good.

1314
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:06,480
We may have to abandon ship.

1315
01:13:06,480 --> 01:13:07,720
And I didn't want to panic anyone,

1316
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:11,080
but we don't seem to
have any life jackets.

1317
01:13:14,480 --> 01:13:15,320
Oh.

1318
01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:18,800
Am I to assume you're
the person responsible

1319
01:13:18,800 --> 01:13:20,520
for my passengers dying?

1320
01:13:20,520 --> 01:13:22,560
Very clever, Jackie.

1321
01:13:22,560 --> 01:13:25,560
Oh, Jack. She's got a gun. Do something.

1322
01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:29,920
Don't worry, Mildred.
That's just a flare gun.

1323
01:13:31,680 --> 01:13:33,720
She only has one shot.

1324
01:13:33,720 --> 01:13:36,040
Yes, yes, well don't use it on me.

1325
01:13:36,040 --> 01:13:37,840
Shoot Terry, like you were going to.

1326
01:13:37,840 --> 01:13:39,040
Justin, we're leaving.

1327
01:13:39,960 --> 01:13:40,800
Why you doing this, Denise,

1328
01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:42,560
I thought Emily was your friend.

1329
01:13:42,560 --> 01:13:46,560
Friend? Well, for years
I've kowtowed to her,

1330
01:13:46,560 --> 01:13:48,720
and I was fine with it.

1331
01:13:48,720 --> 01:13:51,160
As long as my Justin was happy.

1332
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:52,720
And that's all I want, Justin.

1333
01:13:52,720 --> 01:13:55,120
You could start by not
pointing a gun at my head.

1334
01:13:58,200 --> 01:14:03,200
See, he's so funny. Aren't you, my love?

1335
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:08,920
So when Emily started cheating on you,

1336
01:14:08,920 --> 01:14:13,040
I knew what I had to do.
I only wanted to kill her.

1337
01:14:13,040 --> 01:14:15,760
But then everybody else
kept getting in the way.

1338
01:14:17,360 --> 01:14:20,640
And, Alan, well... how dare
he turn up and slap my Justin?

1339
01:14:21,480 --> 01:14:22,800
He definitely had to go.

1340
01:14:22,800 --> 01:14:26,240
I mean that's straight
forward justice, isn't it?

1341
01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:31,200
No, look, I've planned it perfectly.

1342
01:14:31,200 --> 01:14:32,680
And now this ship is going to sink,

1343
01:14:32,680 --> 01:14:35,160
taking all the dead bodies with it,

1344
01:14:35,160 --> 01:14:36,800
all the proof and all of you,

1345
01:14:36,800 --> 01:14:39,360
it'll just be me and
Justin left in a life boat.

1346
01:14:39,360 --> 01:14:41,200
We can all get in life boats, Denise.

1347
01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:46,200
Really? And which ones haven't
I put holes in, Jackie?

1348
01:14:46,600 --> 01:14:49,120
Come on. Let's get outta here.

1349
01:15:00,960 --> 01:15:02,040
I don't approve of her methods,

1350
01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:05,000
but you can't fault her passion
for the old thing, can you?

1351
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,800
So do we know who the murderer is yet?

1352
01:15:16,480 --> 01:15:17,320
Come on, my Justin.

1353
01:15:17,320 --> 01:15:19,520
We'll be the brave
survivors of a sinking ship.

1354
01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:22,960
You can still be a captain
and I can be a captain's wife,

1355
01:15:22,960 --> 01:15:26,360
like the Beyonce and Jay Z
of the North Sea, remember.

1356
01:15:26,360 --> 01:15:28,800
With none of the money,
but all of the WiFi access.

1357
01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:30,240
Oh, Denise, the WiFi's free,

1358
01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:33,240
you just have to put
in your email address.

1359
01:15:33,240 --> 01:15:35,040
We need to smash the door down.

1360
01:15:35,040 --> 01:15:36,560
I'll sort it.

1361
01:15:36,560 --> 01:15:38,080
I used to be a safe cracker.

1362
01:15:39,400 --> 01:15:41,960
Look. I did all this for you.

1363
01:15:42,800 --> 01:15:46,240
Come with me now, and just see
how many more people I kill.

1364
01:15:46,240 --> 01:15:48,400
It'll hardly be any at all, I promise.

1365
01:15:48,400 --> 01:15:50,560
You're currently sinking a
whole ship full of people.

1366
01:15:50,560 --> 01:15:52,280
Focus on the details, I'm not a monster,

1367
01:15:52,280 --> 01:15:53,600
I'm just highly motivated!

1368
01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:57,160
This'll shift it!

1369
01:16:01,480 --> 01:16:02,720
All right.

1370
01:16:02,720 --> 01:16:05,440
Mildred, Hilda, you two stay here.

1371
01:16:05,440 --> 01:16:07,200
This could be dangerous.

1372
01:16:07,200 --> 01:16:08,240
Terry's right, there's no sense

1373
01:16:08,240 --> 01:16:11,440
in all of us getting
killed. We should stay.

1374
01:16:14,400 --> 01:16:16,080
Very brave, Jack.

1375
01:16:16,080 --> 01:16:18,000
Open the door!

1376
01:16:19,040 --> 01:16:21,960
Denise, stop. You're right, you're right.

1377
01:16:21,960 --> 01:16:23,360
I am?

1378
01:16:23,360 --> 01:16:25,400
I've wanted you for so long, Denise.

1379
01:16:26,560 --> 01:16:28,320
As long as I can remember.

1380
01:16:30,560 --> 01:16:33,400
What? Really?

1381
01:16:33,400 --> 01:16:38,400
Yes. You're the only one who's
ever really cared about me.

1382
01:16:38,920 --> 01:16:40,400
Who sat with me when I was revising

1383
01:16:40,400 --> 01:16:42,800
for my captain's licence? You did.

1384
01:16:44,360 --> 01:16:45,200
Who shaves my back

1385
01:16:45,200 --> 01:16:47,280
when it's coming over
the top of my collar?

1386
01:16:48,280 --> 01:16:49,120
Me.

1387
01:16:49,120 --> 01:16:50,080
You do, Denise.

1388
01:16:51,920 --> 01:16:56,400
Oh, but I couldn't compete
with Emily. She was perfect.

1389
01:16:56,400 --> 01:17:00,760
Only on the outside. And even
then, only 10 to 12 years ago.

1390
01:17:02,160 --> 01:17:05,560
Some nights, I stay awake dreaming

1391
01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:08,240
of holding you in my arms.

1392
01:17:14,760 --> 01:17:15,840
And you can have me.

1393
01:17:17,480 --> 01:17:21,160
This moment is when we
can make that happen.

1394
01:17:29,000 --> 01:17:30,800
Justin, what are you doing?

1395
01:17:30,800 --> 01:17:34,040
Just so you know, before you drown,

1396
01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:36,120
I didn't kill your Colleen.

1397
01:17:36,120 --> 01:17:39,200
I'll admit, I killed the others,

1398
01:17:39,200 --> 01:17:40,920
but I never touched your friend.

1399
01:17:42,080 --> 01:17:44,600
Oh, if I were you, I'd go to the bar

1400
01:17:44,600 --> 01:17:46,640
and I'd get a brandy in you.

1401
01:17:46,640 --> 01:17:48,800
The water's really cold.

1402
01:17:50,960 --> 01:17:52,360
You'll not get away with this.

1403
01:17:52,360 --> 01:17:54,080
Oh, I think I will.

1404
01:18:11,680 --> 01:18:13,280
No, Denise. You won't.

1405
01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:20,040
Justin, why?

1406
01:18:21,520 --> 01:18:25,000
For Emily. She may have had her faults-

1407
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:26,920
So many faults.

1408
01:18:26,920 --> 01:18:28,160
We haven't got time to list them now,

1409
01:18:28,160 --> 01:18:30,920
but I still loved her, Denise.

1410
01:18:30,920 --> 01:18:32,400
And you took her away from me.

1411
01:18:34,040 --> 01:18:34,880
I'm cold.

1412
01:18:34,880 --> 01:18:39,440
I'm here. I'll be here until,
you know, well, you die.

1413
01:18:43,520 --> 01:18:44,600
Forgive me.

1414
01:18:45,600 --> 01:18:46,440
No.

1415
01:18:59,960 --> 01:19:02,120
How are we doing out there?

1416
01:19:02,120 --> 01:19:04,560
It's over. She's dead.

1417
01:19:04,560 --> 01:19:05,920
We're saved!.

1418
01:19:05,920 --> 01:19:09,440
Hilda, the ship is still sinking.

1419
01:19:09,440 --> 01:19:11,200
Justin, we need to get the pump started.

1420
01:19:11,200 --> 01:19:12,600
We need to save the ship.

1421
01:19:12,600 --> 01:19:14,800
I'm on it. Come on, Terry.

1422
01:19:16,040 --> 01:19:17,120
Where are we going?

1423
01:19:17,120 --> 01:19:19,560
To save about a hundred lives.

1424
01:19:21,480 --> 01:19:23,960
He gets a bit sexy when
he's in command, don't he?

1425
01:19:25,440 --> 01:19:29,200
You always say that, but
take away the uniform

1426
01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:31,720
and he's just a bossy bloke
with a lot of purpose.

1427
01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:35,080
The main pump room is flooded,

1428
01:19:35,080 --> 01:19:37,440
but I can swim across
it and get to the pumps.

1429
01:19:37,440 --> 01:19:40,600
Once I'm there, I'll start
them up, and we should be okay.

1430
01:19:40,600 --> 01:19:42,640
It's a bit of a distance,
but I think I can make it.

1431
01:19:42,640 --> 01:19:46,360
Can I say, I'm loving
your use of the word "I".

1432
01:19:46,360 --> 01:19:50,400
You've not said "we" once.
And I'm very grateful for it.

1433
01:19:50,400 --> 01:19:51,280
Don't worry, Terry.

1434
01:19:51,280 --> 01:19:53,720
Your only job is to stand
there and keep the rope taut.

1435
01:19:53,720 --> 01:19:55,360
If I get in trouble, I'll pull once on it,

1436
01:19:55,360 --> 01:19:56,840
and you can pull me back.

1437
01:19:56,840 --> 01:20:00,720
Your luck's in. Standing
still is one of my strengths.

1438
01:20:00,720 --> 01:20:01,920
Good luck.

1439
01:20:01,920 --> 01:20:03,160
For Emily.

1440
01:20:09,080 --> 01:20:11,400
I was wondering, you know,

1441
01:20:11,400 --> 01:20:14,840
seeing as we're not entirely
sure we're not going to drown,

1442
01:20:14,840 --> 01:20:15,880
Right?

1443
01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:17,440
If I could ask you something.

1444
01:20:18,840 --> 01:20:19,680
Go for it.

1445
01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:24,200
Well, Gemma, for years we
were friends. Now, we're more-

1446
01:20:24,200 --> 01:20:27,840
If you're gonna ask me

1447
01:20:27,840 --> 01:20:29,120
what I think you're going to ask me,

1448
01:20:29,120 --> 01:20:32,360
you can wait and do it
somewhere a bit more romantic.

1449
01:20:33,520 --> 01:20:36,240
I'm gonna hopefully get to
tell people where you did this,

1450
01:20:36,240 --> 01:20:38,400
and standing in a smelly plank room

1451
01:20:38,400 --> 01:20:40,400
on a sinking ship is not going to be it.

1452
01:20:41,400 --> 01:20:44,880
Right. Yeah. Wrong time.

1453
01:20:56,880 --> 01:20:59,920
He's taking his time, aint he?

1454
01:20:59,920 --> 01:21:01,840
This were a movie, he'd be done by now.

1455
01:21:03,840 --> 01:21:06,560
It's gone slack. What does that mean?

1456
01:21:07,600 --> 01:21:09,200
Well, I don't know, pull it.

1457
01:21:09,200 --> 01:21:10,200
All right.

1458
01:21:11,760 --> 01:21:14,600
Terry, I don't think he's made it.

1459
01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:15,440
Give him a sec.

1460
01:21:24,440 --> 01:21:25,280
Right.

1461
01:21:26,920 --> 01:21:30,520
Shall we go up on deck?
Enjoy one last moonlit night

1462
01:21:30,520 --> 01:21:32,320
before it's all over?

1463
01:21:32,320 --> 01:21:35,200
Well, we can raid the
bar and get slaughtered.

1464
01:21:35,200 --> 01:21:38,280
Might make it a bit easier
when the ship goes down.

1465
01:21:38,280 --> 01:21:41,480
And that is why I love you.

1466
01:21:46,120 --> 01:21:48,520
I did it. Pumps are running.

1467
01:21:48,520 --> 01:21:49,680
We're going to make it.

1468
01:21:51,440 --> 01:21:53,240
Where were you going?

1469
01:21:53,240 --> 01:21:57,520
Just looking for some, some more rope.

1470
01:22:00,280 --> 01:22:02,720
Come on then, we've got
passengers to reassure.

1471
01:22:11,880 --> 01:22:15,120
This is your Captain
speaking for the final time.

1472
01:22:16,400 --> 01:22:20,720
The Empress of the Tyne
has arrived in Amsterdam.

1473
01:22:20,720 --> 01:22:23,360
It has been my honour to deliver you sa-

1474
01:22:23,360 --> 01:22:25,200
well, most of you, safely.

1475
01:22:26,320 --> 01:22:30,680
And I hope the Captain of the new Empress

1476
01:22:30,680 --> 01:22:34,400
will take away as many happy
memories as I know I do.

1477
01:22:36,480 --> 01:22:37,320
Thank you.

1478
01:22:59,440 --> 01:23:01,080
Well, we got here.

1479
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:03,520
Oh, hello.

1480
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:04,920
Looks like they got what
they were looking for

1481
01:23:04,920 --> 01:23:07,360
in the safety deposit box.

1482
01:23:07,360 --> 01:23:10,480
Oh, come on, girls. What's
Marge leave you, then?

1483
01:23:10,480 --> 01:23:13,840
The jackpot, Gemma, the bloody jackpot.

1484
01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:14,680
Yes.

1485
01:23:18,640 --> 01:23:19,440
Whoa.

1486
01:23:20,480 --> 01:23:21,920
It's a shame that Colleen isn't here

1487
01:23:21,920 --> 01:23:23,320
to enjoy it with you, though.

1488
01:23:23,320 --> 01:23:24,160
Oh, not really.

1489
01:23:24,160 --> 01:23:27,440
We each ended up with more
on account of her being dead.

1490
01:23:28,640 --> 01:23:29,760
It's still bothering me though,

1491
01:23:29,760 --> 01:23:31,000
that even at the end,

1492
01:23:31,000 --> 01:23:33,520
Denise said that she
hadn't killed Colleen.

1493
01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:36,320
Well, that's because she
didn't kill her, dear. I did.

1494
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:39,200
Hilda!

1495
01:23:39,200 --> 01:23:41,120
Did I forget to mention it?

1496
01:23:42,720 --> 01:23:44,880
She wanted me to.

1497
01:23:44,880 --> 01:23:47,920
Had a tumour, you see, in her head.

1498
01:23:48,840 --> 01:23:51,360
And we said she should go to Switzerland,

1499
01:23:51,360 --> 01:23:52,400
that dignity place,

1500
01:23:52,400 --> 01:23:55,720
the one where they pop you off
with the nice music playing.

1501
01:23:55,720 --> 01:23:58,600
But she said it would be
better coming from a friend.

1502
01:23:58,600 --> 01:24:01,400
So I stepped up, like
a good friend should,

1503
01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:03,440
and bashed her head right in.

1504
01:24:03,440 --> 01:24:04,720
Oh my God.

1505
01:24:04,720 --> 01:24:08,080
Colleen never mentioned any tumour to me.

1506
01:24:08,080 --> 01:24:10,400
Oh yes, she couldn't walk for the pain.

1507
01:24:10,400 --> 01:24:14,480
Hilda, Colleen walked
onto the ship with us.

1508
01:24:14,480 --> 01:24:17,640
Oh, yes. Who am I thinking about then?

1509
01:24:19,120 --> 01:24:20,440
Doris?

1510
01:24:20,440 --> 01:24:23,800
Doris, oh, it's very sad.

1511
01:24:23,800 --> 01:24:27,480
Last week she died of a brain tumour.

1512
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:35,640
Mildred, I think I've
killed the wrong person.

1513
01:24:38,480 --> 01:24:40,840
Well, I think we should, er...

1514
01:24:43,120 --> 01:24:44,800
We should...

1515
01:24:44,800 --> 01:24:46,560
I think what you're trying to say is

1516
01:24:46,560 --> 01:24:50,320
that we shouldn't bother the
police with this. Should we?

1517
01:24:51,440 --> 01:24:54,040
Well, that's one way to
look at it, Mildred, yeah.

1518
01:24:55,040 --> 01:24:58,600
And we could all agree to just
forget this ever happened.

1519
01:24:58,600 --> 01:25:00,560
I promise I will, Mildred.

1520
01:25:00,560 --> 01:25:02,680
I don't doubt you for a second, Hilda.

1521
01:25:02,680 --> 01:25:06,440
But I've got ask, what
happened with Colleen's money?

1522
01:25:08,600 --> 01:25:10,000
I mean, you've got your millions now,

1523
01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:12,480
but what happened to the six grand?

1524
01:25:12,480 --> 01:25:15,240
Don't worry. I did the
right thing with that.

1525
01:25:18,560 --> 01:25:20,360
Everything on black, please.

1526
01:25:23,280 --> 01:25:24,240
Seven red.

1527
01:25:24,240 --> 01:25:25,040
Woo hoo!

1528
01:25:26,840 --> 01:25:28,400
Oh.

1529
01:25:28,400 --> 01:25:32,000
I think I better look after
our money from now on.

1530
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:34,000
We're meeting Jack later.

1531
01:25:34,000 --> 01:25:37,040
He's going to give us
some financial advice.

1532
01:25:37,880 --> 01:25:40,640
Come on, Hilda, let's go shopping.

1533
01:25:42,320 --> 01:25:45,280
Keep your hands where I can see them.

1534
01:25:45,280 --> 01:25:48,720
By the look of you, you might
still have the bloodlust.

1535
01:25:50,840 --> 01:25:51,640
Come on.

1536
01:25:58,000 --> 01:26:00,720
She's going to wish she'd
held on to that six grand.

1537
01:26:02,200 --> 01:26:03,960
80 pence.

1538
01:26:03,960 --> 01:26:04,840
What?

1539
01:26:04,840 --> 01:26:07,360
What I'm holding. Sudanese shillings.

1540
01:26:07,360 --> 01:26:10,160
They're worth about 80 pence,
look at the exchange rate.

1541
01:26:12,200 --> 01:26:13,400
They're walking round Amsterdam

1542
01:26:13,400 --> 01:26:16,200
with about a hundred quid's
worth of collapsed currency.

1543
01:26:20,840 --> 01:26:23,760
Wait till you see the look on Jack's face.

1544
01:26:23,760 --> 01:26:24,920
Should I go and tell them?

1545
01:26:24,920 --> 01:26:27,080
Nah, let them enjoy the moment.

1546
01:26:29,640 --> 01:26:32,040
Well, you know what they say.

1547
01:26:35,480 --> 01:26:37,240
Life's all about moments, isn't it?

1548
01:26:38,760 --> 01:26:40,760
It's not the amounts of breath you take,

1549
01:26:40,760 --> 01:26:43,600
it's the moments that
take your breath away.

1550
01:26:43,600 --> 01:26:46,280
Ah. Are you drunk?

1551
01:26:47,080 --> 01:26:47,920
No.

1552
01:26:54,240 --> 01:26:55,480
I'm doing this.

1553
01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:04,200
Gemma, for years we were just friends, oh-

1554
01:27:05,480 --> 01:27:06,320
Oh, for f-

1555
01:27:07,280 --> 01:27:08,120
's sake!