1
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,700
[dramatic music playing]

2
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,632
[bright music playing]

3
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,346
[adventurous music playing]

4
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,367
[music ends]

5
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,780
-[announcer] <i>Luxury.</i>
-[chorus] <i>Luxury.</i>

6
00:02:58,913 --> 00:03:00,782
-[announcer] <i>Opulence.</i>
-[chorus] <i>Opulence.</i>

7
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:02,750
-[announcer] <i>Hot people.</i>
-[chorus] <i>Hot people.</i>

8
00:03:02,884 --> 00:03:05,119
[announcer] <i>Here on the</i>
<i>Glamazonian Express,</i>

9
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:08,890
<i>every journey is the height</i>
<i>of extravagance</i>

10
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,958
<i>and wasteful excess.</i>

11
00:03:11,893 --> 00:03:15,495
<i>-Oops.</i> [giggles]
<i>-♪ Glamazonian ♪</i>

12
00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:18,365
[announcer] <i>There's more</i>
<i>where that came from.</i>

13
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:21,435
You can't beat Glamazonian's
five-star service.

14
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:22,770
I'll take this one.

15
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,506
<i>♪ Smoke ♪</i>

16
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:27,842
I love my wife and kids,

17
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,645
but Glamazonian helps me
get away once in a while.

18
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:33,514
Sometimes you just need
a weekend with the boys.

19
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:34,782
-What's your name?
<i>-♪ Dudes ♪</i>

20
00:03:34,916 --> 00:03:36,117
Don't answer that.

21
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:38,519
[announcer] <i>Because</i>
<i>we're not just America's</i>

22
00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:41,221
<i>first transcontinental</i>
<i>bullet train.</i>

23
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:42,790
<i>We're your family.</i>

24
00:03:42,924 --> 00:03:45,026
<i>If your family</i>
<i>was a bunch of rich,</i>

25
00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:48,228
<i>successful ladies</i>
<i>in shoulder pads.</i>

26
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:50,998
<i>-♪ Shoulder pads ♪</i>
- <i>Glamazonian Express.</i>

27
00:03:51,132 --> 00:03:53,534
<i>Travel Glamazoniously.</i>

28
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:56,403
[DeeDee] Look at them.
They're perfect.

29
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,573
[Tess] Could you imagine us
like that,

30
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,842
traveling the country
in a skirt suit?

31
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:04,344
Finally in a high-speed line.
No more commuter rail.

32
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,581
Staying in luxury hotels.

33
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,950
Like a ski chalet in Aspen.

34
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,052
Where a couple muscled-up
Swiss twins

35
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:13,521
walk up to us at the hot tub,
and they're like,

36
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,489
"Maybe we should
take this party upstairs."

37
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,290
Oh, but then we're like,
"Sorry, boys.

38
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,627
We are both married
to men who work in

39
00:04:19,761 --> 00:04:21,996
-commercial real estate."
-Commercial real estate.

40
00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:26,200
But we have consensual kink
positive sex with them anyway.

41
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:30,470
And get this. We both reach
climax at the same exact time

42
00:04:30,605 --> 00:04:34,175
while eyes locked from the twin
beds in our shared room.

43
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,476
Or even separate rooms.

44
00:04:38,012 --> 00:04:39,013
-Oh.
-Oh.

45
00:04:39,147 --> 00:04:41,048
Yeah. Thank you.

46
00:04:41,182 --> 00:04:43,751
-Did you hear about Luann?
-What a loss.

47
00:04:43,885 --> 00:04:46,453
She was the best
cafe car girl out there.

48
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,490
[woman over PA]
<i>Now boarding train 16</i>

49
00:04:50,625 --> 00:04:54,228
<i>to Six Flags Guantanamo Bay.</i>

50
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,930
Tess and DeeDee.

51
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,999
-Hey, Barb. Checking in.
-Hey, Barb. Checking in.

52
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,034
Oh, busy train today, huh?

53
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,069
[DeeDee] She's really getting

54
00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:03,204
in there.

55
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,073
[Barbra] More like no train.

56
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:09,510
Here.
They're letting us girls go.

57
00:05:09,644 --> 00:05:11,512
Shutting the whole thing down.

58
00:05:11,646 --> 00:05:14,314
What? They can't shut down
a whole train line.

59
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:15,850
They can
if it's called Stank Rail,

60
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,919
and only stops
in three sad cities.

61
00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:19,987
One of which just got swallowed
up by a mine fire

62
00:05:20,121 --> 00:05:22,290
that's been burning up
for 60 years.

63
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:23,624
Barb, what are you gonna do?

64
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,660
Girl, I got a few odd jobs
lined up.

65
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,528
You know,
a little light sex work.

66
00:05:27,662 --> 00:05:29,462
Maybe get pregnant.
Maybe I'll sell my hair.

67
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,265
Isn't that the plot
of <i>Les Misérables?</i>

68
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:35,036
Girl, I got a feeling this lez
is gonna be far from miserable.

69
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,572
-Barbra out.
-[woman over PA] <i>Now boarding</i>

70
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:42,210
<i>train 582</i>
<i>to Pyongyang, North Korea.</i>

71
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,878
I'll miss this.

72
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:48,348
Fantasizing about where
everyone's traveling to.

73
00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:49,482
Like him.

74
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,752
[wistful accordion music plays]

75
00:05:51,886 --> 00:05:54,055
He could be going anywhere.

76
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:56,524
Deedles, what happened to us?

77
00:05:56,991 --> 00:05:59,060
I mean, we've been doing this
for what,

78
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,529
like 10 years now.

79
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,430
And I just thought we'd be...

80
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,834
I don't know.
Just, like, something.

81
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:10,671
Know what this is?

82
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:15,109
Oh, my God. Is that our yearbook
from Train Hostess Academy?

83
00:06:16,277 --> 00:06:17,945
I always keep it in my carry-on.

84
00:06:18,079 --> 00:06:22,950
[Tess] Aw, look how young
we were. Well, kind of.

85
00:06:23,084 --> 00:06:26,187
DeeDee, do you remember
when we first met each other

86
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,824
in the showers after that
luggage-lifting seminar?

87
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:34,962
We promised each other that
we would see the world together.

88
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:38,165
You know, climb every mountain,

89
00:06:38,299 --> 00:06:40,034
ford every stream.

90
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:44,138
See the Dakotas,
both Fanning and Johnson.

91
00:06:44,272 --> 00:06:47,808
Oh, visit the world wonders
like the Grand Canyon

92
00:06:47,942 --> 00:06:52,146
and those four gay guys
stuck on that mountain.

93
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,683
And then we were gonna
give birth together in Tijuana,

94
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,818
you know, just to prove
to everybody

95
00:06:57,952 --> 00:06:59,687
that their healthcare system
isn't really as bad

96
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,555
as everybody says it is.

97
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:06,260
Oh, we were gonna explore
all the different cultures

98
00:07:06,394 --> 00:07:08,229
and countries

99
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:11,532
and bathrooms because
of your whole bladder thing.

100
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,237
Glamazonian better find

101
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,373
two replacements soon if those
two girls don't show up.

102
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,642
-Where are they?
-Last time I saw them,

103
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,711
they were
in the ski chalet hot tub.

104
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,580
They're probably still
with those Swiss twins.

105
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,016
Ugh. I hate twins.
If you have sex with one,

106
00:07:29,150 --> 00:07:30,584
you legally have to have sex
with the other

107
00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:32,253
or else you go to jail.

108
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,689
[Ayshleiygh] Glamazonian
will take anyone at this point.

109
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,190
Even girls with big gums.

110
00:07:36,324 --> 00:07:40,027
Or worse,
those girls from Stank Rail.

111
00:07:45,066 --> 00:07:46,334
-[Alli] Don't look at me.
-[Ayshleiygh] No.

112
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,668
[DeeDee] Okay.

113
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,005
DeeDee, did you hear that?

114
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,374
My doctor says
it's a pressurized urethra.

115
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:57,044
No, Glamazonian is looking
for two replacements.

116
00:07:57,178 --> 00:07:58,512
Now, that could be us.

117
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,114
Tess, it's over.

118
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:03,985
It's time to go back to working
at my parents' glue factory.

119
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:08,122
DeeDee. DeeDee, wait.

120
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,292
DeeDee. No.

121
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:15,663
Oh, come out of there.
Weren't you just in here?

122
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:16,931
[DeeDee]
I really like it in here.

123
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,835
Besides, it's not like I have
anywhere else to go today.

124
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,570
Don't you remember
what you told me

125
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,905
our first day
of Train Hostess Academy?

126
00:08:25,039 --> 00:08:28,175
"I'm only here because
I don't wanna join the army"?

127
00:08:28,309 --> 00:08:29,343
The other thing.

128
00:08:29,477 --> 00:08:31,078
"My favorite spice is pudding"?

129
00:08:31,212 --> 00:08:32,113
The other thing.

130
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:33,414
"I'm on the run

131
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:34,882
and nobody knows I'm here"?

132
00:08:35,316 --> 00:08:37,852
The other, other thing.

133
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:42,089
We were going to see America.

134
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:46,127
DeeDee, this is our chance.

135
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:49,730
[inspirational music playing]

136
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,735
[gasps] Look.

137
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:58,973
DeeDee, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

138
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:02,243
"If mermaids exist,
shouldn't there be mer-butlers?"

139
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:04,278
The other thing.

140
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,747
"Are all ghosts naked?"

141
00:09:06,881 --> 00:09:09,417
The other, other thing.

142
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,885
"Do you wanna scissor?"

143
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:11,919
DeeDee!

144
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:16,957
Look.

145
00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:18,993
Uh-huh.

146
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,995
Okay. You bring that over there,

147
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,864
and I'll just start
splitting the pants.

148
00:09:26,167 --> 00:09:28,836
[DeeDee] <i>This is gonna look</i>
<i>just like their uniforms.</i>

149
00:09:32,073 --> 00:09:34,341
[Tess] <i>We're gonna look</i>
<i>so Glamazonian.</i>

150
00:09:35,510 --> 00:09:37,611
[man over PA] <i>We are</i>
<i>experiencing further delays</i>

151
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,146
<i>on the Glamazonian Express</i>

152
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,749
<i>because two bitches</i>
<i>decided to not show up.</i>

153
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,417
Well, they said
there would be replacements.

154
00:09:43,552 --> 00:09:45,119
Where the hell are they?

155
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,221
[Tess] We're right here.

156
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,157
[wife] What are they wearing?

157
00:09:50,291 --> 00:09:52,259
[husband] You are always
so critical of other women.

158
00:09:52,393 --> 00:09:54,028
"Look at their ill-fitting
uniforms."

159
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,197
It looks like they were designed
by Edward Scissor-fuck.

160
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:57,498
[gasps]

161
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,166
-You know what?
-I didn't mean that.

162
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:00,301
Girls. Girls.

163
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,669
Barbra.

164
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:02,937
You work at Glamazonian now?

165
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,139
Looks like
we had the same idea.

166
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,675
You gotta take work
where you can get it, right?

167
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,110
-Thank you.
-[woman over PA] <i>Now boarding</i>

168
00:10:09,243 --> 00:10:11,212
<i>couples</i>
<i>that shouldn't be together.</i>

169
00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:13,114
-She's the one who started it.
-I didn't start anything.

170
00:10:13,247 --> 00:10:14,081
Look at my face.

171
00:10:14,215 --> 00:10:15,216
Use your words.

172
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,051
My words are fuck you!

173
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,221
[exciting music playing]

174
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,628
-[Tess gasps]
-[DeeDee] Oh.

175
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,697
[Tess] Luxury.

176
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,799
Opulence.

177
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:33,834
[Amber] Puke.

178
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,539
As in what's currently
rising up in my esophagus

179
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:41,675
while I wonder why two sad mole
people are in my first class.

180
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:43,477
-[Ayshleiygh] Mm-hm.
-[Tess] Oh.

181
00:10:43,612 --> 00:10:48,349
Look, Deedles, it's Amber
from Train Hostess Academy.

182
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:52,052
Oh, my God, Tess?
It's been a minute, girl.

183
00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:55,557
I didn't recognize you with all
the crow's feet and sun damage.

184
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:56,857
[chuckling]

185
00:10:56,991 --> 00:11:00,127
And DeeDee, you look...

186
00:11:00,595 --> 00:11:02,062
completely different.

187
00:11:02,897 --> 00:11:04,533
-Thank you.
-[Amber] Let me guess.

188
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,968
-Stroke?
-[DeeDee] No. Hi, Alli.

189
00:11:08,637 --> 00:11:09,837
And...

190
00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:14,475
Ash? Ay-ash?

191
00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:16,911
Ai-ush-li... Ash-le-gweh.

192
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,848
I'm not really sure
how to say it.

193
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:23,817
Uh... Don't worry, you won't.

194
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:26,253
It's so weird we've never
worked together before.

195
00:11:26,387 --> 00:11:28,722
How long have you two
been Glamazonians?

196
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,491
-Oh, it's our first day.
-Oh, like, like...

197
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:33,093
-Our whole lives. Entire lives.
-Our entire lives.

198
00:11:33,227 --> 00:11:34,195
Oh, sure.

199
00:11:34,328 --> 00:11:37,064
I remember coach
like it was yesterday.

200
00:11:37,498 --> 00:11:39,333
Oh, wait. No, I don't.

201
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,570
We were put into first class
right after graduation.

202
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,003
[laughing]

203
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:46,340
Let's just say
we made a good impression.

204
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,842
Oh, you slept your way
to the top.

205
00:11:49,343 --> 00:11:50,411
How dare you?

206
00:11:50,545 --> 00:11:52,647
-[Ayshleiygh groans]
-We barely slept at all.

207
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:55,716
We were too busy having sex
with powerful railroad people.

208
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:56,884
-Yeah.
-Fuck!

209
00:11:57,586 --> 00:12:01,121
[Amber] You see? This is exactly
why we don't talk to you two.

210
00:12:01,255 --> 00:12:03,490
You've always been
so mean to us.

211
00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:06,260
-Rude.
-Alli, Ayshleiygh.

212
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,596
Let's go, girls.

213
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,030
[announcer over PA] <i>Now boarding</i>
<i>the Glamazonian Express</i>

214
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:13,067
<i>non-stop to</i>
<i>Celebration, Florida.</i>

215
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:17,471
Wow. They've gotten so much
nicer since the academy.

216
00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:18,872
Totally.

217
00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:20,307
[gasps]
Oh, my God, DeeDee, look.

218
00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,409
Look who's getting
on the train over there.

219
00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:29,016
Cal. The conductor voted

220
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,352
"Number 1 Conductor
We Want to See the Dick Of"

221
00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:34,788
in <i>Conductors We Want</i>
<i>to See the Dick Of Magazine.</i>

222
00:12:40,361 --> 00:12:43,531
[Tess] Yeah,
but why is he walking so slow?

223
00:12:44,098 --> 00:12:46,000
He doesn't even know I exist.

224
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,102
Oh, you should introduce
yourself to him.

225
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,271
-Cal. Cal, hey!
-Tess.

226
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,043
Good morning,
Conductor Davenport.

227
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,345
-Oh, morning, Cal.
-[cat yowls]

228
00:12:58,479 --> 00:12:59,480
How's it hanging?

229
00:12:59,614 --> 00:13:02,316
Slightly to the left as usual.

230
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,417
Fantastic.

231
00:13:04,285 --> 00:13:06,053
Good morning, passengers.

232
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,289
This is your Conductor Davenport
speaking.

233
00:13:08,422 --> 00:13:11,025
Welcome aboard
the Glamazonian Express.

234
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:14,928
Departing sunny Los Angeles,
City of Angels,

235
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:17,666
and one hell-spawned succubus
named Sharon

236
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,602
who ripped my heart out
and tore me away from my kids.

237
00:13:20,735 --> 00:13:22,303
<i>-We don't need to get into it.</i>
-We have the chicken noodle.

238
00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:23,605
<i>-Unless you guys want to.</i>
-Beef barley.

239
00:13:23,738 --> 00:13:25,172
And my favorite, clam chowder.

240
00:13:25,306 --> 00:13:27,542
[man] Perfect.
I'll take the Denver omelet.

241
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:30,712
Excuse me, would you mind
helping me with my mother?

242
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,648
-Of course.
-Thank you.

243
00:13:33,782 --> 00:13:35,550
-Just grab the other side.
-Oh.

244
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,117
[Davenport] <i>Although</i>
<i>we started out as friends,</i>

245
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,653
<i>it quickly became apparent</i>

246
00:13:38,787 --> 00:13:41,055
<i>that there was more</i>
<i>to our relationship.</i>

247
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,591
<i>Our love blossomed</i>
<i>and grew during high school.</i>

248
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:46,226
<i>And we decided,</i>
<i>let's do it for real.</i>

249
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:50,331
We got married. At first, ours
was a life of bliss and joy.

250
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,767
But then things
started to change.

251
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,134
I developed a drug habit,

252
00:13:54,736 --> 00:13:57,404
and Sharon decided she didn't
want to be around that anymore.

253
00:13:57,539 --> 00:13:59,541
They had us waiting
for 30 minutes,

254
00:13:59,674 --> 00:14:01,509
which is actually an hour.

255
00:14:01,643 --> 00:14:05,012
I mean, Jocelyn, you told me
this was a luxury train car.

256
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,749
-I highly--
-[whispering] Excuse me. Hi. Hi.

257
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,149
This is the quiet car.

258
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:11,919
You can take that
into the loud car.

259
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,420
Hold on. I can't hear you.

260
00:14:13,555 --> 00:14:15,956
-Just take it to the loud car.
-I can't hear you.

261
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:17,391
[shouting]
Take it to the loud car!

262
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:18,459
[softly] Please.

263
00:14:18,626 --> 00:14:20,494
I think a train hostess
just hit on me.

264
00:14:20,628 --> 00:14:22,262
-I am so hungry.
-[Davenport] <i>We could make it.</i>

265
00:14:22,396 --> 00:14:25,032
<i>And she got pregnant.</i>
<i>We had our son.</i>

266
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,769
But then the drug habit
escalated to me giving hand jobs

267
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,937
under bridges for H.

268
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,072
The "H" stands for "heroin."

269
00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:35,342
I made some great friends
under those bridges.

270
00:14:35,476 --> 00:14:38,412
Oh, well.
We'll be departing shortly.

271
00:14:38,546 --> 00:14:39,848
Our trusty pit crew
is just finishing up

272
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,082
<i>some routine maintenance.</i>

273
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,290
Let's go.

274
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,329
[laughing]

275
00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:57,197
By the way, it's not illegal
to huff paint

276
00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:58,700
next to your
four-year-old son.

277
00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:00,535
<i>I looked it up.</i>

278
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:06,541
Oh, my God. No way. Are you...?

279
00:15:06,674 --> 00:15:08,008
I am.

280
00:15:08,142 --> 00:15:09,376
Oh, but I would really
appreciate it

281
00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:11,378
if you don't make
a big deal of it.

282
00:15:11,513 --> 00:15:13,848
I try to keep a low profile
when I'm traveling.

283
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,850
Are you sitting in my seat?

284
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,384
I paid for the window.

285
00:15:17,886 --> 00:15:19,521
Move.

286
00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:34,602
My God. What an ass.

287
00:15:34,736 --> 00:15:36,937
Welcome aboard.

288
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:38,873
You're sitting next
to the beautiful redhead

289
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,742
right over there.

290
00:15:41,743 --> 00:15:43,477
-Welcome aboard.
-[Davenport] <i>Before we depart,</i>

291
00:15:43,611 --> 00:15:46,280
<i>I'll turn it over</i>
<i>to your lovely rail attendants</i>

292
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,882
<i>for your safety presentation.</i>

293
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,483
Ladies and gentlemen,

294
00:15:49,617 --> 00:15:51,218
can you please
direct your attention

295
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:54,556
to the front of the cabin?

296
00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:56,089
[upbeat music playing]

297
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,058
DeeDee, what's going on?

298
00:15:58,192 --> 00:16:00,227
[Amber] And a-five,
six, seven, eight.

299
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,363
[gasps]
I think we're being hijacked.

300
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,633
<i>♪ Pay attention ♪</i>

301
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,301
<i>♪ Shut up ♪</i>

302
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:11,606
<i>♪ We got some instructions</i>
<i>To keep you tightened up ♪</i>

303
00:16:11,739 --> 00:16:15,108
<i>♪ For the duration of the ride</i>
<i>Stay inside ♪</i>

304
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,712
<i>♪ Remain in your seat ♪</i>

305
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,413
<i>♪ Sit the fuck down ♪</i>

306
00:16:19,881 --> 00:16:21,816
<i>♪ Keep it buckled</i>
<i>Don't cause trouble ♪</i>

307
00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:25,753
<i>♪ Keep your luggage down</i>
<i>Under your feet ♪</i>

308
00:16:25,887 --> 00:16:27,856
<i>-♪ Even the dog ♪</i>
-[dog barks]

309
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,023
<i>♪ No liquids over four ounces ♪</i>

310
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:33,628
<i>♪ And no lithium batteries ♪</i>

311
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,763
<i>♪ They could explode ♪</i>

312
00:16:35,897 --> 00:16:37,799
<i>♪ Read your pamphlet</i>
<i>Know your exits ♪</i>

313
00:16:37,932 --> 00:16:41,401
<i>♪ In case</i>
<i>There is an emergency ♪</i>

314
00:16:41,536 --> 00:16:43,671
<i>♪ Like if we explode ♪</i>

315
00:16:43,805 --> 00:16:47,742
<i>♪ Now take everything we said</i>
<i>And delete it from your brain ♪</i>

316
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:52,514
<i>♪ 'Cause there ain't no rules</i>
<i>When you're riding on a train ♪</i>

317
00:16:52,647 --> 00:16:56,083
<i>♪ Bring your drugs</i>
<i>It's time to play ♪</i>

318
00:16:56,216 --> 00:17:00,120
<i>♪ 'Cause there ain't no TSA ♪</i>

319
00:17:00,254 --> 00:17:03,825
<i>♪ Get on up and celebrate ♪</i>

320
00:17:03,958 --> 00:17:08,830
<i>♪ We're like</i>
<i>If Amtrak was gay ♪</i>

321
00:17:08,963 --> 00:17:10,297
<i>♪ Roll call ♪</i>

322
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,132
<i>♪ Alli here, hand me your bag ♪</i>

323
00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:14,201
<i>♪ I'll throw 'em in the bin</i>
<i>And give 'em a tag ♪</i>

324
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,336
<i>♪ Hit the button</i>
<i>Ask for Ayshleiygh ♪</i>

325
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,472
<i>♪ Snacks and drinks</i>
<i>I'm on my way ♪</i>

326
00:17:18,606 --> 00:17:20,374
<i>♪ Amber, Amber</i>
<i>First-class queen ♪</i>

327
00:17:20,508 --> 00:17:22,877
<i>♪ Need some coffee?</i>
<i>I got extra cream ♪</i>

328
00:17:23,011 --> 00:17:24,012
-[music stops]
-I'm Tess.

329
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,312
One time, I ate a magnet

330
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,114
and got stuck to a flagpole.

331
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:30,150
DeeDee. I was born
with adult teeth.

332
00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,521
[music resumes]

333
00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:37,190
<i>♪ Bring your drugs</i>
<i>It's time to play ♪</i>

334
00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:41,529
<i>♪ 'Cause there ain't no TSA ♪</i>

335
00:17:41,663 --> 00:17:45,700
<i>♪ Get on up and celebrate ♪</i>

336
00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:50,337
<i>♪ We're like</i>
<i>If Amtrak was gay ♪</i>

337
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,073
<i>♪ Sit the fuck down ♪</i>

338
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,274
[music ends]

339
00:17:58,613 --> 00:18:02,550
Ladies and gentlemen,
please prepare for departure.

340
00:18:06,854 --> 00:18:08,322
We nailed it.

341
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:23,270
[man] Pull the levers of the
trolley onto the one person.

342
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,138
Hey, guys,
we got another trolley problem.

343
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,409
<i>Ooh, yes, bitch,</i>
<i>you're fierce!</i>

344
00:18:29,544 --> 00:18:32,747
Dispatcher to train 108,
you are cleared for departure.

345
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:36,084
It is more of a "chugga-chugga"
or a "choo-choo"?

346
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,452
[whistle toots weakly]

347
00:18:40,755 --> 00:18:42,255
Donna Dusk online.

348
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,629
Zoom in on current
weather trajectory.

349
00:18:48,362 --> 00:18:49,664
Too close.

350
00:18:58,072 --> 00:19:00,307
Good God.

351
00:19:03,544 --> 00:19:05,178
Per my calculations,
we are looking at

352
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,914
an unprecedented weather event.

353
00:19:07,048 --> 00:19:09,383
Hurricane, hailstorms,
multiple tornadoes.

354
00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:11,451
And that's just the beginning.

355
00:19:11,586 --> 00:19:13,054
In English, please.

356
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,322
It's gonna be a disaster.

357
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:16,858
In Spanish, please.

358
00:19:16,991 --> 00:19:18,726
[speaking Spanish]

359
00:19:18,860 --> 00:19:20,128
In Mandarin, please?

360
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,396
[speaking Mandarin]

361
00:19:22,530 --> 00:19:24,132
There's little
historical evidence

362
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,566
that something like this
even exists,

363
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:28,536
but only because so few
have survived it.

364
00:19:29,070 --> 00:19:30,605
The ancient Egyptians feared

365
00:19:30,738 --> 00:19:33,306
that it was divine retribution
from the gods,

366
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,409
and they had a name for it.

367
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,479
Stormaganza.

368
00:19:39,614 --> 00:19:40,882
[foreboding sting plays]

369
00:19:41,015 --> 00:19:43,951
[all murmuring] Stormaganza?

370
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:48,690
Donna, when I hired you,
I took a chance.

371
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,291
Hire a woman with glasses,
they said.

372
00:19:51,759 --> 00:19:53,628
Preferably a hot one,
so everyone in the office

373
00:19:53,761 --> 00:19:56,631
could start a pool for who
could have sex with her first.

374
00:19:56,764 --> 00:19:58,966
I had my money on that psycho.

375
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,500
He's a dog.

376
00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:04,772
I can see now
I made the right choice.

377
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:12,279
Because this is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.

378
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:15,950
[laughing] A stormaganza. What?

379
00:20:17,118 --> 00:20:18,686
That's so gay.

380
00:20:19,554 --> 00:20:20,588
Who are you?

381
00:20:20,722 --> 00:20:22,890
I'm Barbra. You just hired me.

382
00:20:23,024 --> 00:20:24,192
-I did?
-Mm-hmm.

383
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,593
Sir, no, you don't understand.

384
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:27,628
We need to stop
all the trains right now.

385
00:20:27,762 --> 00:20:29,362
I just saw there's
a Glamazonian Express

386
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,699
that's headed
for the center of the storm.

387
00:20:31,833 --> 00:20:33,333
Oh, yeah?
How about you stop this?

388
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:34,635
[laughing]

389
00:20:34,769 --> 00:20:36,037
Did someone order a noogie?

390
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:37,572
Uh-oh, Donna did.

391
00:20:38,506 --> 00:20:39,841
Whatever.

392
00:20:43,845 --> 00:20:46,279
May God have mercy
on their souls.

393
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,717
Souls? Baby,
let's start with that hair.

394
00:20:51,719 --> 00:20:54,722
Honey, are you sure you're okay
to be traveling alone?

395
00:20:54,856 --> 00:20:57,759
It's just a train.
What could possibly go wrong?

396
00:20:57,892 --> 00:20:59,627
Just make sure you keep
your service animal

397
00:20:59,761 --> 00:21:01,929
inside its crate at all times.

398
00:21:02,063 --> 00:21:04,665
In fact, let me go ahead
and check that safety latch.

399
00:21:04,799 --> 00:21:05,967
Have at it.

400
00:21:09,537 --> 00:21:11,572
Seems good to me.

401
00:21:18,513 --> 00:21:20,882
Oh, boy, look at you.

402
00:21:21,015 --> 00:21:23,450
-Uh-huh.
-How far along?

403
00:21:23,918 --> 00:21:27,088
-Nine months.
-Wow, congratulations.

404
00:21:27,221 --> 00:21:28,990
I love babies.

405
00:21:30,258 --> 00:21:31,291
In utero.

406
00:21:31,793 --> 00:21:34,294
Not outside of a belly. Nope.

407
00:21:34,762 --> 00:21:36,264
If you had a baby right now,

408
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:38,065
everyone on this train
would hate you.

409
00:21:38,199 --> 00:21:39,834
Loud.

410
00:21:40,701 --> 00:21:42,570
[chuckles] Good thing.

411
00:21:42,703 --> 00:21:46,040
Well, luckily, he's not due
for another...

412
00:21:49,143 --> 00:21:50,511
[woman groans]

413
00:21:54,182 --> 00:21:55,482
Hi.

414
00:21:57,518 --> 00:21:58,820
Whatcha doing?

415
00:22:00,555 --> 00:22:03,057
I'm newly divorced.

416
00:22:03,791 --> 00:22:08,395
I've been married 20 years.
Just like that.

417
00:22:08,529 --> 00:22:10,665
Never felt so free in my life.

418
00:22:12,133 --> 00:22:16,771
Have you read the book
<i>Eat, Pray, Love?</i>

419
00:22:16,904 --> 00:22:20,675
I'm in the...
I'm in the "eat" part right now.

420
00:22:24,111 --> 00:22:26,547
[divorcee moaning]

421
00:22:28,448 --> 00:22:31,052
-[Cal] How does this work?
-[Davenport] Turn to the left...

422
00:22:32,753 --> 00:22:35,556
I'm so sorry. Did I hit you?

423
00:22:35,690 --> 00:22:38,259
Oh, no, I'm completely fine.

424
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:40,228
You're bleeding a lot.

425
00:22:40,761 --> 00:22:43,130
Oh, this? It's nothing.

426
00:22:43,698 --> 00:22:46,067
Doors. Am I right?

427
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,003
[both laughing]

428
00:22:49,136 --> 00:22:51,539
I didn't know girls
could be so funny.

429
00:22:52,874 --> 00:22:54,675
Really nice talking to you.

430
00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:56,344
DeeDee.

431
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:57,845
I'm Cal.

432
00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:00,014
Cal.

433
00:23:05,286 --> 00:23:06,687
[beeping]

434
00:23:06,821 --> 00:23:09,456
Hello? Where's my coffee?

435
00:23:09,824 --> 00:23:10,825
Hello?

436
00:23:11,325 --> 00:23:13,794
Deedles, all of the passengers
are hitting the help button.

437
00:23:13,928 --> 00:23:15,363
How's that drink cart coming?

438
00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:17,231
We're out of milk.
Where'd it go?

439
00:23:17,365 --> 00:23:18,666
[Amber] Milk, anyone?

440
00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:21,869
Milk? Milk?

441
00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:23,304
Milk?

442
00:23:23,436 --> 00:23:24,404
[woman] Hello?

443
00:23:24,538 --> 00:23:25,907
Deedles, all these passengers

444
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,909
are so much nicer
than the ones on Stank Rail.

445
00:23:28,042 --> 00:23:29,677
We have got to do
a good job for them.

446
00:23:29,810 --> 00:23:31,444
I'm going in without it.

447
00:23:31,579 --> 00:23:32,980
How do we look?

448
00:23:33,114 --> 00:23:35,182
[both] Boop! Boop!

449
00:23:35,316 --> 00:23:36,416
[both] Gorge.

450
00:23:36,550 --> 00:23:37,718
[both giggle]

451
00:23:41,756 --> 00:23:44,692
[sweeping music playing]

452
00:23:51,265 --> 00:23:52,366
On the rocks?

453
00:23:52,499 --> 00:23:53,701
Neat.

454
00:23:54,535 --> 00:23:57,437
[kid] Who made this evaluation?
A fucking kindergartener?

455
00:23:57,571 --> 00:24:00,541
I'm telling you,
we should sell short.

456
00:24:00,675 --> 00:24:03,544
One tepid flat water
with olives.

457
00:24:04,312 --> 00:24:06,514
[foreboding music plays]

458
00:24:11,352 --> 00:24:12,687
Drinks?

459
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,522
[Donna] <i>Train Control</i>
<i>to Glamazonian Express.</i>

460
00:24:14,655 --> 00:24:18,092
<i>Train Control to Glamazonian</i>
<i>Express. Do you copy?</i>

461
00:24:18,225 --> 00:24:19,694
Deedles, you left
one of your programs

462
00:24:19,827 --> 00:24:21,329
up on the monitor again.

463
00:24:21,461 --> 00:24:23,030
<i>My name is Donna Dusk.</i>

464
00:24:23,164 --> 00:24:25,498
Oh, it's one of those
makeover shows

465
00:24:25,633 --> 00:24:26,801
where they take the glasses off

466
00:24:26,934 --> 00:24:28,336
and suddenly
the ugly girl's pretty.

467
00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:30,171
<i>If you don't listen</i>
<i>to everything I say,</i>

468
00:24:30,304 --> 00:24:31,439
<i>you are all going to die.</i>

469
00:24:32,273 --> 00:24:35,743
Look, I don't know if you're the
conductor, or some passengers,

470
00:24:35,876 --> 00:24:37,912
or a train attendant,
or a bar cabin chef,

471
00:24:38,045 --> 00:24:40,480
<i>or a ragtag group</i>
<i>of boxcar children.</i>

472
00:24:40,614 --> 00:24:42,083
<i>Okay, I don't care about that.</i>

473
00:24:42,216 --> 00:24:43,684
<i>You're headed into</i>
<i>a stormaganza.</i>

474
00:24:43,818 --> 00:24:47,021
<i>Do you hear me?</i>
<i>A storm-a-ga-nza.</i>

475
00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:49,657
<i>So, we are counting on you.</i>
<i>You're our last hope.</i>

476
00:24:52,593 --> 00:24:54,695
This is our moment.

477
00:24:55,429 --> 00:24:56,630
DeeDee, follow me.

478
00:24:57,531 --> 00:24:59,700
[lively music playing]

479
00:25:00,134 --> 00:25:01,602
Excuse me, what are you two
doing up here?

480
00:25:01,736 --> 00:25:03,537
[Alli] Oh, my God!

481
00:25:03,671 --> 00:25:04,905
-[Alli] I never!
-[Amber] Hey, girls.

482
00:25:05,039 --> 00:25:06,607
[Alli] No.
No running in the cabin!

483
00:25:06,741 --> 00:25:07,808
Everything looks good, sir.

484
00:25:07,942 --> 00:25:09,410
Wheels are still on the track.

485
00:25:09,543 --> 00:25:10,811
[door slams]

486
00:25:10,945 --> 00:25:13,047
-Open the door.
-What's happening in there?

487
00:25:13,914 --> 00:25:14,949
Captain.

488
00:25:15,416 --> 00:25:17,518
[Amber] Oh, my God.

489
00:25:17,651 --> 00:25:19,620
Captain, there's an emergency.

490
00:25:19,754 --> 00:25:21,622
This weird, homely woman,
Donna Dusk,

491
00:25:21,756 --> 00:25:25,126
with these big, cheap glasses,
she popped up on my TV screen.

492
00:25:25,259 --> 00:25:26,994
You're not allowed
to be up here.

493
00:25:27,128 --> 00:25:28,729
Captain.

494
00:25:28,863 --> 00:25:30,865
It's a stormaganza.

495
00:25:31,399 --> 00:25:34,568
[boy's voice] <i>Mommy,</i>
<i>Daddy's smoking crack again.</i>

496
00:25:34,702 --> 00:25:37,671
<i>Again, again, again.</i>

497
00:25:39,306 --> 00:25:43,644
Captain Davenport to train HQ.
Get me Donna Dusk.

498
00:25:43,778 --> 00:25:44,879
[Chet] <i>Pfft. Donna?</i>

499
00:25:45,012 --> 00:25:46,881
You mean
little Bimbo Baggins?

500
00:25:47,014 --> 00:25:47,815
[laughs]

501
00:25:47,948 --> 00:25:49,383
This is Donna Dusk.

502
00:25:49,518 --> 00:25:52,853
[Davenport] <i>The stormaganza.</i>
<i>Is this a joke?</i>

503
00:25:53,387 --> 00:25:54,955
Check your control panel.

504
00:25:56,557 --> 00:25:58,092
[ominous sting plays]

505
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,395
Dear God.

506
00:26:01,530 --> 00:26:03,831
[thunder rumbling]

507
00:26:06,967 --> 00:26:09,203
You have to stop the train now.

508
00:26:14,408 --> 00:26:16,210
[alarm beeping]

509
00:26:19,613 --> 00:26:22,349
The brakes. They're fried.

510
00:26:25,686 --> 00:26:27,054
Conductor.

511
00:26:27,922 --> 00:26:30,224
Are you saying
that you're on a runaway train?

512
00:26:30,724 --> 00:26:35,663
Worse. What I'm saying is
we can't stop.

513
00:26:37,131 --> 00:26:39,066
[foreboding music playing]

514
00:26:43,270 --> 00:26:45,906
I once drove through
a stormaganza.

515
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:50,277
It was a long, long time ago.

516
00:26:50,411 --> 00:26:51,779
What happened?

517
00:26:53,414 --> 00:26:54,915
[Davenport sighs]

518
00:26:57,418 --> 00:26:59,620
[slurping]

519
00:27:02,123 --> 00:27:06,994
Conductor, the passengers in the
rear have fallen into hysteria.

520
00:27:07,128 --> 00:27:08,796
Now, don't you worry, Amelia.

521
00:27:08,929 --> 00:27:10,764
We'll be through
this squall soon.

522
00:27:10,898 --> 00:27:14,368
I'd stake all 44 states on it.

523
00:27:14,503 --> 00:27:16,137
Ooh, Lord.

524
00:27:17,705 --> 00:27:19,740
[thunder rumbling]

525
00:27:19,874 --> 00:27:21,742
[screaming]

526
00:27:21,876 --> 00:27:23,744
[brakes squealing]

527
00:27:24,078 --> 00:27:25,980
Our train derailed.

528
00:27:26,747 --> 00:27:28,583
What was it like?

529
00:27:28,716 --> 00:27:30,050
Like...

530
00:27:30,184 --> 00:27:32,453
Screech!

531
00:27:32,587 --> 00:27:35,122
Oh, God, no. Please stop!

532
00:27:35,590 --> 00:27:36,857
Stop the train!

533
00:27:36,991 --> 00:27:39,293
Oh, no, no!
We're going off the rails!

534
00:27:39,426 --> 00:27:41,462
Oh, God, save us!

535
00:27:41,596 --> 00:27:43,831
My face! I'm burning alive!

536
00:27:43,964 --> 00:27:48,702
Boom, boom, boom! Aaahhh!

537
00:27:50,104 --> 00:27:51,472
[sighs]

538
00:27:51,606 --> 00:27:54,942
There in the wreckage,

539
00:27:55,075 --> 00:27:57,011
lost in the wilderness,

540
00:27:57,144 --> 00:27:59,847
just me and the co-conductor.

541
00:27:59,980 --> 00:28:03,350
I'm sure you can see
where this is going.

542
00:28:03,484 --> 00:28:04,718
You kissed.

543
00:28:04,852 --> 00:28:06,787
No, I ate him.

544
00:28:06,921 --> 00:28:09,924
Oh, my God.
How long were you out there?

545
00:28:10,057 --> 00:28:11,292
Forty-six minutes.

546
00:28:12,293 --> 00:28:13,394
You poor thing.

547
00:28:14,663 --> 00:28:15,896
Donna, are you still there?

548
00:28:16,363 --> 00:28:18,899
So, if my calculations
are correct,

549
00:28:19,033 --> 00:28:21,936
you still have a chance
of making it through the storm,

550
00:28:22,069 --> 00:28:24,205
but you have to find a way
to stop the train

551
00:28:24,338 --> 00:28:26,608
before it crashes
into the final stop,

552
00:28:27,074 --> 00:28:29,810
which is located right next
to a nuclear power plant,

553
00:28:29,944 --> 00:28:31,712
a hotel for dogs,

554
00:28:32,413 --> 00:28:35,182
and the home of beloved actress
Lori Metcalfe.

555
00:28:35,684 --> 00:28:37,284
Not Lori Metcalfe.

556
00:28:37,418 --> 00:28:38,587
[all groan]

557
00:28:38,719 --> 00:28:40,187
Dear God.

558
00:28:41,021 --> 00:28:43,224
[intense music playing]

559
00:28:44,291 --> 00:28:46,393
[dealer] Place your bets, ladies
and gentlemen. Place your bets.

560
00:28:46,528 --> 00:28:49,698
The wheel turns. No more bets,
please. No more bets.

561
00:28:50,164 --> 00:28:52,099
What were you two talking
to the conductor about?

562
00:28:52,233 --> 00:28:53,834
Amber, there's been
a bit of an emergency.

563
00:28:53,968 --> 00:28:55,469
Oh, you mean the weight
restriction in this cabin

564
00:28:55,604 --> 00:28:58,339
that was exceeded
when you two walked in.

565
00:28:58,806 --> 00:29:01,809
Actually, Amber, we don't have
to tell you anything

566
00:29:01,942 --> 00:29:03,811
because the conductor
put us in charge.

567
00:29:03,944 --> 00:29:07,147
You met the conductor?
He's real?

568
00:29:08,148 --> 00:29:09,817
Tess, what are you doing?

569
00:29:09,950 --> 00:29:13,887
Excuse me. Hi, y'all.
My name is Tess.

570
00:29:14,021 --> 00:29:15,823
And I'm DeeDee.
And we have an announcement.

571
00:29:15,956 --> 00:29:17,424
[Amber] What do you think
you're doing?

572
00:29:17,559 --> 00:29:20,160
Ayshleiygh, do something.

573
00:29:24,064 --> 00:29:26,133
I took eight beta-blockers.
Um...

574
00:29:26,267 --> 00:29:27,501
[thud]

575
00:29:29,136 --> 00:29:30,605
The conductor
would like us to tell you

576
00:29:30,739 --> 00:29:33,173
that we're looking
at inclement weather ahead.

577
00:29:33,307 --> 00:29:36,611
Please stay in your seats and
keep your seat belts fastened.

578
00:29:36,745 --> 00:29:38,012
We'll get through it in no time.

579
00:29:38,145 --> 00:29:42,651
And complimentary drinks on us.

580
00:29:42,783 --> 00:29:44,852
[cheering]

581
00:29:46,020 --> 00:29:48,690
Oh. So, that's
how you wanna play.

582
00:29:48,822 --> 00:29:50,791
-Hmm.
-Okay, bitch.

583
00:29:50,924 --> 00:29:52,793
We love games. Right, girls?

584
00:29:52,926 --> 00:29:54,261
[Alli]
Yeah, but we don't play fair.

585
00:29:54,395 --> 00:29:56,163
We can basically read
each other's minds.

586
00:29:56,297 --> 00:29:57,364
Watch.

587
00:29:58,499 --> 00:29:59,500
Bryce. Bryce. Bryce.

588
00:29:59,634 --> 00:30:01,736
[all] Bryce Dallas Howard.

589
00:30:01,869 --> 00:30:02,737
Ha ha!

590
00:30:02,870 --> 00:30:03,672
[Amber] See?

591
00:30:03,804 --> 00:30:04,905
[Ayshleiygh] Locked in.

592
00:30:05,039 --> 00:30:06,473
So, get ready to play

593
00:30:06,608 --> 00:30:11,513
4-D motherfucking chesssss.

594
00:30:11,646 --> 00:30:12,714
And we thank you.

595
00:30:12,846 --> 00:30:15,082
[stately music playing]

596
00:30:16,383 --> 00:30:17,851
Madam President.

597
00:30:20,854 --> 00:30:22,056
Have you made a decision?

598
00:30:25,426 --> 00:30:26,894
I have.

599
00:30:28,028 --> 00:30:29,597
It's time...

600
00:30:31,999 --> 00:30:34,068
to nuke Russia.

601
00:30:35,169 --> 00:30:37,871
Are you serious, madam?

602
00:30:38,005 --> 00:30:39,940
Does this look serious?

603
00:30:42,276 --> 00:30:43,844
[music intensifies]

604
00:30:44,011 --> 00:30:45,547
Kidding!

605
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,047
[all laughing]

606
00:30:47,782 --> 00:30:50,984
I mean, do you really think
I wanna deal with that mess?

607
00:30:51,118 --> 00:30:53,688
Pfft. I don't even come in
on Fridays.

608
00:30:53,822 --> 00:30:56,791
[press secretary] So good.
You know what's so funny?

609
00:30:56,924 --> 00:30:58,425
We literally were just
saying outside,

610
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,227
we hope she does the bit
with the button.

611
00:31:00,361 --> 00:31:02,930
It's so funny every time.

612
00:31:03,063 --> 00:31:04,632
Oh, my God.

613
00:31:04,766 --> 00:31:07,067
Approve all these bills

614
00:31:07,201 --> 00:31:10,971
and throw everyone a tax rebate.

615
00:31:11,105 --> 00:31:13,107
I'm in an Oprah mood.

616
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:14,475
Hey, just a reminder.

617
00:31:14,609 --> 00:31:16,644
You have your one o'clock
with AOC.

618
00:31:17,612 --> 00:31:20,648
Yeah. And then after that
is your photoshoot with Skims.

619
00:31:20,782 --> 00:31:22,049
Remember the concept?

620
00:31:22,182 --> 00:31:24,084
Mary Poppins
fell into her big bag

621
00:31:24,218 --> 00:31:27,221
and is now clawing at the walls
of her dark bag pit.

622
00:31:27,354 --> 00:31:29,423
-[phone buzzes]
-Oh. What?

623
00:31:29,557 --> 00:31:31,291
[squeaky voice
chattering over phone]

624
00:31:31,425 --> 00:31:32,527
Okay.

625
00:31:32,660 --> 00:31:34,194
[squeaky voice
chattering over phone]

626
00:31:36,363 --> 00:31:37,464
No.

627
00:31:38,265 --> 00:31:41,536
Now, I could be wrong,
but that sounded like...

628
00:31:41,669 --> 00:31:42,871
An emergency.

629
00:31:43,003 --> 00:31:44,204
[gasps]

630
00:31:44,338 --> 00:31:46,006
A national emergency.

631
00:31:46,140 --> 00:31:48,610
[foreboding sting plays]

632
00:31:49,076 --> 00:31:50,745
Madam President,
the situation is ongoing,

633
00:31:50,879 --> 00:31:53,447
but we have our people
monitoring it from every angle.

634
00:31:53,581 --> 00:31:55,482
We're gonna corner the market
on messaging on this,

635
00:31:55,617 --> 00:31:57,619
including running some
contingency plans

636
00:31:57,752 --> 00:31:59,788
and getting best
and worst-case projections.

637
00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:01,955
We also have a rapid response
team on the scene

638
00:32:02,089 --> 00:32:03,957
in case the situation escalates.

639
00:32:04,091 --> 00:32:07,261
We have a direct line to
defense, NASA, FEMA,

640
00:32:07,394 --> 00:32:10,197
PETA, GOOP, the NAACP,

641
00:32:10,330 --> 00:32:13,668
the WNBA, SWV, Xscape,

642
00:32:13,802 --> 00:32:16,036
TLC, Build-a-Bear Workshop,

643
00:32:16,170 --> 00:32:17,839
Mothers Against Drunk Driving,
the cast of

644
00:32:17,971 --> 00:32:19,273
<i>The Real Housewives of Potomac,</i>

645
00:32:19,406 --> 00:32:21,074
the cast of <i>Married to Medicine,</i>

646
00:32:21,208 --> 00:32:24,244
and of course,
the Taco Bell Innovation Lab.

647
00:32:26,614 --> 00:32:28,182
[ticking]

648
00:32:29,383 --> 00:32:31,151
Tell it to me straight.

649
00:32:31,285 --> 00:32:32,887
There's a Glamazonian Express

650
00:32:33,020 --> 00:32:35,055
headed directly
into a massive storm.

651
00:32:35,189 --> 00:32:36,990
Now tell it to me gay.

652
00:32:37,124 --> 00:32:39,126
[shrieks]

653
00:32:40,662 --> 00:32:41,696
Dear God.

654
00:32:42,597 --> 00:32:43,665
It's serious.

655
00:32:44,866 --> 00:32:46,300
[distressed groan]

656
00:32:47,334 --> 00:32:49,604
Do you know what this is?
Hmm?

657
00:32:49,737 --> 00:32:52,105
Well, of course, madam.
That's your approval rating.

658
00:32:52,239 --> 00:32:55,075
Hasn't once dipped below
"Love her!"

659
00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:58,680
That's right. That's right.

660
00:32:59,747 --> 00:33:02,884
Not since the day
I sat my perfect derriere

661
00:33:03,016 --> 00:33:05,085
in this little chair-iere.

662
00:33:05,219 --> 00:33:06,788
And do you know why?

663
00:33:06,921 --> 00:33:07,889
You're sickening.

664
00:33:08,055 --> 00:33:08,890
Yes.

665
00:33:09,022 --> 00:33:10,324
But more.

666
00:33:10,457 --> 00:33:12,159
I'm fun.

667
00:33:12,292 --> 00:33:15,329
It was literally
my whole campaign.

668
00:33:18,031 --> 00:33:20,400
You know what's not fun?

669
00:33:20,535 --> 00:33:25,305
America's first bullet train
flying off the tracks.

670
00:33:25,773 --> 00:33:30,945
We will be the laughingstock of
all high-speed-rail countries.

671
00:33:31,078 --> 00:33:34,114
Of course. Shouldn't you be
the one to speak to this issue

672
00:33:34,248 --> 00:33:36,584
considering
your military history?

673
00:33:38,485 --> 00:33:41,421
The United States Rail Force.

674
00:33:41,556 --> 00:33:44,057
-[warning bell ringing]
-[child giggling]

675
00:33:44,191 --> 00:33:47,327
-[train horn blaring]
-[child screaming]

676
00:33:49,129 --> 00:33:50,565
[loud thud]

677
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:53,801
-[gasps]
-[explosion]

678
00:33:54,434 --> 00:33:56,971
Are you having another one
of your hot flashbacks?

679
00:33:57,104 --> 00:33:58,540
Of course not.

680
00:33:59,239 --> 00:34:03,310
All right,
bring me my TV pantsuit.

681
00:34:03,443 --> 00:34:05,379
We're going live.

682
00:34:05,513 --> 00:34:06,246
Go.

683
00:34:06,380 --> 00:34:08,816
[dramatic music playing]

684
00:34:08,950 --> 00:34:10,718
-[sighs]
-[groans softly]

685
00:34:15,690 --> 00:34:17,157
Whoa!

686
00:34:17,291 --> 00:34:19,326
-Good game.
-You too.

687
00:34:19,928 --> 00:34:21,161
Your coffee, conductor.

688
00:34:21,295 --> 00:34:24,032
-Oh. Thank you.
-Sorry it took so long.

689
00:34:24,164 --> 00:34:25,499
That's all right.

690
00:34:26,300 --> 00:34:28,135
And hi, Cal.

691
00:34:28,268 --> 00:34:30,004
Oh, you remembered my name.

692
00:34:30,137 --> 00:34:31,873
What was your name again?

693
00:34:32,006 --> 00:34:33,106
DeeDee.

694
00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:36,076
DeeDee. That's a great name.

695
00:34:36,209 --> 00:34:37,979
You know, I had a dog once.

696
00:34:38,111 --> 00:34:39,514
Named DeeDee?

697
00:34:39,647 --> 00:34:40,648
No.

698
00:34:49,057 --> 00:34:50,257
-I'm sorry, sorry.
-[clamoring]

699
00:34:50,390 --> 00:34:52,225
No, we are out of vodka

700
00:34:52,359 --> 00:34:54,428
and whiskey and gin.

701
00:34:54,562 --> 00:34:58,231
But we do have a tequila branded
by a very famous Meghan.

702
00:34:58,365 --> 00:34:59,667
Thee Stallion?

703
00:34:59,801 --> 00:35:01,368
Markle.

704
00:35:03,403 --> 00:35:06,139
[man] <i>You worked hard. Your</i>
<i>mamas and daddies worked hard.</i>

705
00:35:06,273 --> 00:35:07,709
<i>We're mighty proud of you.</i>

706
00:35:14,048 --> 00:35:17,018
No way. Are you...?

707
00:35:17,150 --> 00:35:19,219
Yes, that's me.

708
00:35:19,353 --> 00:35:21,421
[sighs] Fun set.

709
00:35:21,556 --> 00:35:23,791
Are you looking at my screen
right now?

710
00:35:23,925 --> 00:35:26,995
Because I paid
$20 for this movie.

711
00:35:27,127 --> 00:35:29,964
You know what? You owe me half.

712
00:35:30,098 --> 00:35:32,199
[thunder rumbling]

713
00:35:32,332 --> 00:35:33,601
Okay.

714
00:35:34,301 --> 00:35:38,205
Thank you. And if I see you
looking at this screen again,

715
00:35:38,338 --> 00:35:40,374
I'm gonna beat
the shit out of you.

716
00:35:40,842 --> 00:35:42,610
[contestant] <i>It's my goal</i>
<i>to entertain the world</i>

717
00:35:42,744 --> 00:35:44,311
<i>through artistic expression.</i>

718
00:35:44,746 --> 00:35:47,147
<i>Through art,</i>
<i>I shall serve my country.</i>

719
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,415
[laughing]

720
00:35:51,418 --> 00:35:52,787
All right, you leeches.

721
00:35:53,721 --> 00:35:54,522
Listen up.

722
00:35:54,656 --> 00:35:56,791
You get one question each,

723
00:35:56,924 --> 00:35:59,359
and don't get greedy.
Or I will have you thrown

724
00:35:59,493 --> 00:36:01,062
into a government
black site so fast

725
00:36:01,194 --> 00:36:04,164
you'll be making Zara handbags
like the rest of the filth.

726
00:36:04,297 --> 00:36:05,667
Is that what you want?

727
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,301
Ask me if I'm kidding.
Seriously, ask. Yeah.

728
00:36:08,435 --> 00:36:09,637
Are you kidding?

729
00:36:09,771 --> 00:36:10,938
No.

730
00:36:11,072 --> 00:36:12,339
And that was your one question.

731
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,778
And now, please
welcome your president,

732
00:36:16,911 --> 00:36:20,213
Judy Gagwell!

733
00:36:22,482 --> 00:36:26,020
Thank you.
I will start taking questions.

734
00:36:26,154 --> 00:36:27,855
-Yes.
-Madam President,

735
00:36:27,989 --> 00:36:30,058
what can you tell us
about this storm?

736
00:36:30,190 --> 00:36:31,826
Well, it's quite--

737
00:36:31,959 --> 00:36:33,293
Big? Dangerous?

738
00:36:33,427 --> 00:36:35,530
What are you hiding, Gagwell?

739
00:36:35,663 --> 00:36:36,998
What kind of conspiracy is this?

740
00:36:37,131 --> 00:36:38,933
-Watergate. Pizzagate.
-Get her out of here.

741
00:36:39,067 --> 00:36:42,170
Wait. Aah! No, no, no, no, no.
What's happening?

742
00:36:42,302 --> 00:36:45,506
I don't wanna work
at a Zara! No!

743
00:36:46,140 --> 00:36:47,975
-Did you see that?
-Yes, yes.

744
00:36:48,475 --> 00:36:53,447
Big. Just know we are monitoring
the situation,

745
00:36:53,581 --> 00:36:56,084
and we have eyes on the train.

746
00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:57,151
[reporters clamoring]

747
00:36:57,284 --> 00:36:58,686
No.

748
00:37:00,487 --> 00:37:01,556
[blows raspberry]

749
00:37:02,489 --> 00:37:04,257
What are the chances
of survival?

750
00:37:04,726 --> 00:37:09,362
And by "survival," I mean how
many people are going to die?

751
00:37:09,496 --> 00:37:11,799
Dead. Six feet under. Maggots.

752
00:37:11,933 --> 00:37:14,202
Don't even get me started
on the bats.

753
00:37:14,334 --> 00:37:16,604
Have you ever had
a bat nest in your hair?

754
00:37:16,738 --> 00:37:18,740
Honey, the whole
bat family moves in.

755
00:37:18,873 --> 00:37:22,076
-They bring lawn chairs--
-Okay. You had your turn.

756
00:37:22,210 --> 00:37:23,544
Excuse me.

757
00:37:24,112 --> 00:37:25,646
Y'all talking trains?

758
00:37:25,780 --> 00:37:27,715
I know a little something
about trains.

759
00:37:27,849 --> 00:37:31,119
This is an inside job.
How do I know?

760
00:37:31,251 --> 00:37:33,253
I'm a certified railway hostess.

761
00:37:33,386 --> 00:37:36,023
-Oh.
-Well, I used to be.

762
00:37:36,157 --> 00:37:38,226
Then Big Train got my ass.

763
00:37:38,358 --> 00:37:39,594
And they're gonna
get you all too.

764
00:37:39,794 --> 00:37:42,130
Soon, we're not gonna
have no cars.

765
00:37:42,262 --> 00:37:43,998
We ain't gonna have no feet.

766
00:37:44,132 --> 00:37:47,769
Like the movie <i>Snowpiercer,</i>
but no feet.

767
00:37:47,902 --> 00:37:51,005
Do you think these are
my real legs? [laughs]

768
00:37:51,139 --> 00:37:54,642
They are, for now. Then
they're gonna hack them off,

769
00:37:54,776 --> 00:37:56,744
they're gonna chain them
to the bottom of that train,

770
00:37:56,878 --> 00:37:58,980
and they're gonna be like
one Flintstones car.

771
00:37:59,113 --> 00:38:02,250
Madam President, do you feel
a personal connection to this,

772
00:38:02,382 --> 00:38:04,351
considering your past?

773
00:38:04,484 --> 00:38:06,386
-My past?
-Weren't you a part

774
00:38:06,521 --> 00:38:08,488
of that now-defunct
military branch

775
00:38:08,623 --> 00:38:11,526
dedicated to defend
the country with trains?

776
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:13,995
That was...

777
00:38:15,129 --> 00:38:17,397
many years ago. I...

778
00:38:17,532 --> 00:38:19,734
[camera shutters clicking]

779
00:38:23,204 --> 00:38:24,605
[train horn blaring]

780
00:38:28,375 --> 00:38:29,610
<i>No!</i>

781
00:38:30,678 --> 00:38:32,880
-[screaming]
-[explosion]

782
00:38:33,514 --> 00:38:35,917
Joanie! No!

783
00:38:36,383 --> 00:38:38,820
Did you just have
a hot flashback?

784
00:38:38,953 --> 00:38:40,721
Take her out.

785
00:38:40,855 --> 00:38:41,823
I've had it.

786
00:38:41,956 --> 00:38:42,924
No!

787
00:38:43,057 --> 00:38:44,592
[strained squealing]

788
00:38:44,759 --> 00:38:47,360
[indistinct chatter]

789
00:38:47,595 --> 00:38:49,197
Cal, status?

790
00:38:49,329 --> 00:38:51,165
Single, captain, but having sex

791
00:38:51,299 --> 00:38:53,935
with a few different women
in my karate class.

792
00:38:54,068 --> 00:38:55,236
Copy that.

793
00:38:55,368 --> 00:38:57,404
Donna, how's it looking
up ahead?

794
00:38:57,538 --> 00:38:58,973
Great, Captain.
We're all rooting for you.

795
00:38:59,106 --> 00:39:00,608
[Chet] All right,
who has money on 100?

796
00:39:00,808 --> 00:39:02,777
-[man] Three hundred.
-Two hundred, 200.

797
00:39:02,910 --> 00:39:04,545
-I'm all in.
-Come on, guys.

798
00:39:04,679 --> 00:39:06,981
I'm thinking mass casualties,
bodies high.

799
00:39:07,114 --> 00:39:09,784
Get those bills out.
Come on, don't be a cheap-ass.

800
00:39:09,917 --> 00:39:11,919
You know, it's only
gonna get uglier,

801
00:39:12,053 --> 00:39:14,889
but I have no doubt
we'll make it through.

802
00:39:15,022 --> 00:39:17,592
As long as I'm sitting
in this chair,

803
00:39:18,259 --> 00:39:21,529
focused, alert, determined,

804
00:39:21,662 --> 00:39:24,431
and not incapacitated
for some reason.

805
00:39:24,632 --> 00:39:27,068
[uplifting music playing]

806
00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:28,803
[grunting]

807
00:39:28,936 --> 00:39:31,438
-[rattling]
-Oh! Oh! Oh!

808
00:39:31,572 --> 00:39:33,741
-[grunting]
-Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

809
00:39:33,875 --> 00:39:35,009
[gasps]

810
00:39:36,043 --> 00:39:37,044
[gasps]

811
00:39:37,278 --> 00:39:39,881
[brakes straining]

812
00:39:42,683 --> 00:39:45,253
What is going on up there?

813
00:39:45,385 --> 00:39:46,954
[indistinct chatter]

814
00:39:47,922 --> 00:39:49,724
[Cal] Who brought
a scorpion in here?

815
00:39:49,857 --> 00:39:51,959
He's allergic to scorpions,
I think.

816
00:39:52,093 --> 00:39:53,561
We can fix this.

817
00:39:54,061 --> 00:39:56,163
Cal, you're gonna take over
as conductor.

818
00:39:56,297 --> 00:39:57,732
No, I'm the co-conductor.

819
00:39:57,865 --> 00:40:00,368
All I know how to do is play
music on the aux cord.

820
00:40:01,168 --> 00:40:02,937
What if I stay up here
and help him?

821
00:40:03,070 --> 00:40:05,139
I could speak on the headset,
make sure everything's okay.

822
00:40:05,273 --> 00:40:07,541
Yes, and I'll take care
of the conductor.

823
00:40:07,675 --> 00:40:09,877
[grunting and convulsing]

824
00:40:10,011 --> 00:40:11,178
How do we look?

825
00:40:11,312 --> 00:40:12,880
[both] Boop! Boop!

826
00:40:13,014 --> 00:40:14,481
[both] Gorge.

827
00:40:18,786 --> 00:40:20,855
There's an amazing venue
we should try.

828
00:40:20,988 --> 00:40:22,489
Oh, maybe. Yes.

829
00:40:23,557 --> 00:40:26,661
[gentle music playing]

830
00:40:27,728 --> 00:40:29,931
[thunder crashing]

831
00:40:41,976 --> 00:40:43,010
Oh.

832
00:40:44,345 --> 00:40:49,750
Ooh... Conductor Davenport.

833
00:40:49,884 --> 00:40:51,619
Is this seat taken?

834
00:40:52,553 --> 00:40:53,921
Mmm.

835
00:40:54,889 --> 00:40:55,756
[gasps]

836
00:40:55,890 --> 00:40:57,490
Oops!

837
00:40:57,625 --> 00:40:59,492
Ah! Got it.

838
00:40:59,627 --> 00:41:01,162
[giggles]

839
00:41:02,029 --> 00:41:05,666
Oh, I'm sorry, I...
Oh, I guess I should...

840
00:41:07,467 --> 00:41:08,970
I guess I'll go here.

841
00:41:14,342 --> 00:41:16,077
Oh, that's my journal.

842
00:41:16,210 --> 00:41:17,678
Wow.

843
00:41:18,579 --> 00:41:20,548
Look at us. It's like,

844
00:41:20,681 --> 00:41:22,550
are we even gonna
get any work done up here?

845
00:41:22,683 --> 00:41:23,584
[Cal laughs]

846
00:41:23,718 --> 00:41:25,519
I know. It's like,

847
00:41:25,653 --> 00:41:28,089
what does any of this stuff
even do?

848
00:41:28,222 --> 00:41:29,523
[thunder rumbling]

849
00:41:29,657 --> 00:41:30,658
[Cal giggles]

850
00:41:30,791 --> 00:41:32,994
[DeeDee giggling]

851
00:41:37,264 --> 00:41:39,467
[Donna] <i>Glamazonian Express,</i>
<i>do you copy?</i>

852
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,102
Donna, do you copy?

853
00:41:41,235 --> 00:41:42,770
-Yes, BeeBee, I read you.
<i>-DeeDee.</i>

854
00:41:42,903 --> 00:41:45,072
Whatever your name is,
you're headed right into

855
00:41:45,206 --> 00:41:47,608
an oncoming tornado. You will
need to redirect the train

856
00:41:47,742 --> 00:41:49,910
onto some sort of
alternate track.

857
00:41:50,044 --> 00:41:51,879
Uh, you can manually switch

858
00:41:52,013 --> 00:41:53,381
to an old mining track
up ahead,

859
00:41:53,514 --> 00:41:56,584
but fair warning,
it's been closed for decades

860
00:41:56,717 --> 00:41:58,519
for being too haunted.

861
00:41:58,652 --> 00:42:00,855
[spooky music plays]

862
00:42:07,028 --> 00:42:07,995
Okay.

863
00:42:09,296 --> 00:42:10,197
[Cal] Oh.

864
00:42:10,931 --> 00:42:13,868
[exhilarating music playing]

865
00:42:18,372 --> 00:42:20,307
[giggling]

866
00:42:20,441 --> 00:42:21,575
Cal.

867
00:42:21,709 --> 00:42:23,377
Oh, here it is.

868
00:42:23,512 --> 00:42:26,280
[DeeDee] Oh. Sorry. [chuckles]

869
00:42:29,150 --> 00:42:30,151
<i>Cal.</i>

870
00:42:32,186 --> 00:42:33,554
[Cal] Ooh.

871
00:42:33,687 --> 00:42:35,189
Ah.

872
00:42:35,823 --> 00:42:37,224
[DeeDee] Oh, it's slippery.

873
00:42:37,358 --> 00:42:39,560
[both moaning]

874
00:42:42,263 --> 00:42:44,698
Can you guys just,
like, pull it?

875
00:42:47,334 --> 00:42:48,202
[Cal grunts]

876
00:42:54,442 --> 00:42:56,877
It wasn't that bad, right?

877
00:43:06,187 --> 00:43:08,189
Well, we'll just have
to handle this

878
00:43:08,322 --> 00:43:12,059
the way we take care
of all scandals.

879
00:43:13,260 --> 00:43:15,129
Just start saying names.

880
00:43:16,363 --> 00:43:17,566
No.

881
00:43:17,698 --> 00:43:20,434
We wait it out
until it all blows over.

882
00:43:20,569 --> 00:43:25,372
I mean, it can't get worse
than this, right?

883
00:43:25,507 --> 00:43:28,476
[foreboding sting plays]

884
00:43:28,609 --> 00:43:30,211
Oh.

885
00:43:34,715 --> 00:43:36,917
[ghostly laughter]

886
00:43:39,987 --> 00:43:42,223
[eerie music playing]

887
00:43:42,756 --> 00:43:44,959
[ghostly laughter]

888
00:43:47,795 --> 00:43:50,231
Donna? Donna?

889
00:43:52,166 --> 00:43:53,267
We lost signal.

890
00:43:54,635 --> 00:43:56,637
That's good, right?

891
00:43:57,872 --> 00:44:00,474
Can you read me? Hello?

892
00:44:00,609 --> 00:44:01,909
Hello? Hello?

893
00:44:02,343 --> 00:44:06,814
-Can you read me?
-Girl, where do I start?

894
00:44:06,947 --> 00:44:08,583
[ghostly laughter]

895
00:44:08,716 --> 00:44:10,317
[passengers murmuring]

896
00:44:10,451 --> 00:44:11,719
[Amber] Aw.

897
00:44:11,852 --> 00:44:13,721
Looks like you couldn't
handle it after all.

898
00:44:13,854 --> 00:44:15,156
[all snickering]

899
00:44:15,923 --> 00:44:18,259
Don't worry, I've got this.

900
00:44:19,193 --> 00:44:22,263
Passengers,
we are currently experiencing

901
00:44:22,396 --> 00:44:24,599
some slight
technical difficulties.

902
00:44:24,732 --> 00:44:26,967
There's no need to panic.

903
00:44:28,936 --> 00:44:30,771
[passengers screaming]

904
00:44:35,009 --> 00:44:36,977
-I just said, don't panic.
-You did.

905
00:44:37,111 --> 00:44:39,880
We're gonna need something
to distract the passengers.

906
00:44:40,014 --> 00:44:41,583
Would you like me to help?

907
00:44:41,715 --> 00:44:43,083
I actually got my start
on the stage.

908
00:44:43,217 --> 00:44:45,119
One-woman production
of <i>Our Town.</i>

909
00:44:45,252 --> 00:44:47,556
-The review said that I was--
-[Amber] Girls, girls.

910
00:44:47,688 --> 00:44:49,156
Look who it is.

911
00:44:50,124 --> 00:44:53,093
It's some complete fucking rando
who can't stay in her seat.

912
00:44:53,227 --> 00:44:54,461
Get out of here!

913
00:44:55,597 --> 00:44:56,730
What are we gonna do?

914
00:44:56,864 --> 00:44:59,066
[passengers clamoring]

915
00:44:59,700 --> 00:45:00,868
I have an idea.

916
00:45:02,671 --> 00:45:05,239
-[man] Who turned out the light?
-[Tess] You have to trust me

917
00:45:05,372 --> 00:45:06,941
-and put these on.
-[Amber] I'm out.

918
00:45:07,074 --> 00:45:08,342
[Alli] I'm in.
-[Ayshleiygh] I'm in too.

919
00:45:08,475 --> 00:45:09,343
[Alli] Who's that?

920
00:45:09,476 --> 00:45:10,277
[voice] <i>I'm a ghost.</i>

921
00:45:10,411 --> 00:45:11,011
[Tess] Okay.

922
00:45:11,145 --> 00:45:13,414
Five, six, seven, eight.

923
00:45:13,548 --> 00:45:16,483
[lively music playing]

924
00:45:20,421 --> 00:45:24,358
<i>♪ We are onboard</i>
<i>Private entertainment ♪</i>

925
00:45:24,491 --> 00:45:28,229
<i>♪ Here to keep the vibes high</i>
<i>No derailment ♪</i>

926
00:45:28,362 --> 00:45:31,700
<i>♪ Little funky, little flirty</i>
<i>Hot arrangement ♪</i>

927
00:45:31,832 --> 00:45:36,203
<i>-♪ So light, so smooth ♪</i>
<i>-♪ So light, so smooth ♪</i>

928
00:45:36,337 --> 00:45:39,674
<i>♪ 'Cause everything is perfect</i>
<i>Everything is right ♪</i>

929
00:45:40,441 --> 00:45:45,779
<i>♪ No need to be nervous</i>
<i>Just enjoy the ride ♪</i>

930
00:45:45,913 --> 00:45:49,316
<i>-♪ Hey, you, look over there</i>
<i>-♪ Right there ♪</i>

931
00:45:49,450 --> 00:45:51,252
<i>♪ Nothing to worry about ♪</i>

932
00:45:51,385 --> 00:45:53,354
<i>♪ No reason</i>
<i>You should be scared ♪</i>

933
00:45:53,487 --> 00:45:57,258
<i>-♪ Hey, you, look over there ♪</i>
<i>-♪ Right there ♪</i>

934
00:45:57,391 --> 00:46:01,596
<i>♪ We're just here hanging out</i>
<i>Like we don't have a care ♪</i>

935
00:46:01,730 --> 00:46:03,998
Now it's even louder in here.

936
00:46:04,131 --> 00:46:06,834
[rattling and rumbling]

937
00:46:07,835 --> 00:46:08,936
Whoa.

938
00:46:14,676 --> 00:46:16,010
[screams]

939
00:46:18,546 --> 00:46:20,914
-Oh, my God.
-Whoa!

940
00:46:26,787 --> 00:46:30,357
<i>-♪ Hey, you, look over there ♪</i>
<i>-♪ Right there ♪</i>

941
00:46:30,491 --> 00:46:32,459
<i>♪ Nothing to worry about ♪</i>

942
00:46:32,594 --> 00:46:34,596
<i>♪ No reason</i>
<i>You should be scared ♪</i>

943
00:46:34,729 --> 00:46:38,032
<i>-♪ Hey, you, look over there ♪</i>
<i>-♪ Right there ♪</i>

944
00:46:38,165 --> 00:46:42,504
<i>♪ We're just here hanging out</i>
<i>Like we don't have a care ♪</i>

945
00:46:42,637 --> 00:46:46,006
<i>♪ Look over there now</i>
<i>Look over there ♪</i>

946
00:46:46,140 --> 00:46:50,512
<i>♪ Don't you look over here</i>
<i>Don't you look over here now ♪</i>

947
00:46:50,645 --> 00:46:53,814
<i>♪ Look over there now</i>
<i>Look over there ♪</i>

948
00:46:53,947 --> 00:46:59,086
<i>♪ Don't look over there</i>
<i>Don't you look over there now ♪</i>

949
00:47:01,822 --> 00:47:04,024
[cheering]

950
00:47:04,958 --> 00:47:06,360
[music ends]

951
00:47:10,164 --> 00:47:13,568
Donna, Donna, do you read?
Donna?

952
00:47:13,702 --> 00:47:16,538
Your skin looks like you got
power-washed in a FEMA tent.

953
00:47:16,671 --> 00:47:18,573
Head so big
you look like the Michelin Man.

954
00:47:18,707 --> 00:47:21,909
Great ascot, I wish
your ass got hit by a bus.

955
00:47:22,042 --> 00:47:23,944
You're aging like goat milk.

956
00:47:24,078 --> 00:47:25,245
[DeeDee] <i>Donna?</i>

957
00:47:25,714 --> 00:47:27,649
We made it through the tunnel.

958
00:47:27,782 --> 00:47:29,983
[cheering]

959
00:47:35,889 --> 00:47:37,424
Train hands.

960
00:47:39,193 --> 00:47:41,462
DeeDee, we did it.

961
00:47:41,596 --> 00:47:43,531
[groans]

962
00:47:43,665 --> 00:47:45,032
Oh.

963
00:47:46,433 --> 00:47:48,302
You look incredible right now.

964
00:47:48,435 --> 00:47:49,370
Oh.

965
00:47:49,504 --> 00:47:52,439
I guess I'll go take care
of this.

966
00:47:57,512 --> 00:47:59,113
[cheering]

967
00:47:59,246 --> 00:48:02,383
[passengers] Tess! Tess!
Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess!

968
00:48:02,517 --> 00:48:06,621
That was amazing. You're like
the Tate McRae of railroads.

969
00:48:06,755 --> 00:48:08,857
Like Tate McRailroad.

970
00:48:08,989 --> 00:48:10,859
Wait, wait, y'all liked that?

971
00:48:10,991 --> 00:48:12,192
-Ah, yeah!
-Yeah!

972
00:48:12,326 --> 00:48:13,595
You're totally
in with us now, girl.

973
00:48:13,728 --> 00:48:16,130
So in. Even with that little
weird eye thing.

974
00:48:16,263 --> 00:48:18,365
-Wait, what? What?
-Right there.

975
00:48:18,499 --> 00:48:21,435
I'm sorry.
Is this a joke?

976
00:48:21,569 --> 00:48:24,338
Her name
doesn't even start with A.

977
00:48:24,471 --> 00:48:28,643
Amber. I think you're needed
back there in coach.

978
00:48:28,777 --> 00:48:30,210
[laughing]

979
00:48:30,745 --> 00:48:32,614
Give it up for Tess, everyone.

980
00:48:32,747 --> 00:48:34,649
[cheering]

981
00:48:36,718 --> 00:48:39,854
Pick her up. Pick her up.
Let's go. Come on.

982
00:48:40,487 --> 00:48:42,590
[all] Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess!

983
00:48:42,724 --> 00:48:44,191
Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess!

984
00:48:44,324 --> 00:48:46,628
Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess!

985
00:48:46,761 --> 00:48:50,063
Tess! Tess! We made it.

986
00:48:51,131 --> 00:48:52,499
Tess?

987
00:48:54,468 --> 00:48:55,737
Tess?

988
00:48:56,336 --> 00:48:57,872
Train Control, come in.

989
00:48:58,372 --> 00:49:00,608
Yes, I see you. Zooming in.

990
00:49:01,576 --> 00:49:03,511
-Too close.
<i>-It's good, right?</i>

991
00:49:03,645 --> 00:49:06,380
-We're through the storm.
<i>-No.</i>

992
00:49:08,081 --> 00:49:10,117
You're just in the eye of it.

993
00:49:10,984 --> 00:49:12,252
[sighs]

994
00:49:13,287 --> 00:49:15,657
[foreboding music playing]

995
00:49:15,890 --> 00:49:18,025
[Cal] Holy fuck.

996
00:49:28,636 --> 00:49:32,172
It's clear they're no longer
buying what I'm selling.

997
00:49:33,340 --> 00:49:35,543
[crickets chirping]

998
00:49:40,615 --> 00:49:43,150
Madam President, your speech
for when the train crashes,

999
00:49:43,283 --> 00:49:44,586
killing everyone.

1000
00:49:45,986 --> 00:49:47,020
Sit down.

1001
00:49:47,454 --> 00:49:49,958
I think it's time
I tell you a story.

1002
00:49:53,093 --> 00:49:56,865
Everyone knows me
as Judy Gagwell.

1003
00:49:56,997 --> 00:49:58,800
"She fun."

1004
00:49:59,601 --> 00:50:04,371
But what if I told you
sometimes she not fun?

1005
00:50:05,005 --> 00:50:06,541
What if I told you...

1006
00:50:07,007 --> 00:50:09,076
she sad?

1007
00:50:10,912 --> 00:50:12,981
Oh, my God.

1008
00:50:13,113 --> 00:50:15,382
Was it something that I did?

1009
00:50:17,585 --> 00:50:21,021
There's one chapter in my life
that I haven't spoken about.

1010
00:50:22,222 --> 00:50:27,261
My time in the
United States Rail Force.

1011
00:50:27,929 --> 00:50:29,664
Take a seat.

1012
00:50:41,876 --> 00:50:45,580
The year was 1986.

1013
00:50:48,148 --> 00:50:50,518
The Rail Force.

1014
00:50:50,652 --> 00:50:54,388
A new military initiative
under Reagan

1015
00:50:54,522 --> 00:50:58,760
who thought there was no better
way to defend America

1016
00:50:59,259 --> 00:51:01,428
than by train.

1017
00:51:05,833 --> 00:51:09,003
<i>It was supposed to be</i>
<i>a standard test</i>

1018
00:51:09,136 --> 00:51:13,340
<i>where I'd launch missiles that</i>
<i>were mounted on my caboose.</i>

1019
00:51:13,975 --> 00:51:19,346
<i>I had a blemish on my chin that</i>
<i>day that needed a little TLC.</i>

1020
00:51:21,015 --> 00:51:23,818
<i>I was so distracted by my mug</i>

1021
00:51:23,952 --> 00:51:26,286
<i>that I didn't see</i>
<i>all the warning signs</i>

1022
00:51:26,420 --> 00:51:28,790
<i>staring right at me.</i>

1023
00:51:39,767 --> 00:51:40,835
[thud]

1024
00:51:42,202 --> 00:51:43,538
What was that?

1025
00:51:44,572 --> 00:51:45,238
Hm.

1026
00:51:45,439 --> 00:51:47,575
[somber music playing]

1027
00:51:53,915 --> 00:51:56,551
Like little Joanie Muggins

1028
00:51:57,685 --> 00:52:00,120
prancing down the train tracks.

1029
00:52:00,253 --> 00:52:01,589
[whimpers]

1030
00:52:04,191 --> 00:52:06,861
I had to bury this story
for my campaign.

1031
00:52:07,695 --> 00:52:10,397
You know,
there's a saying in politics.

1032
00:52:10,531 --> 00:52:14,368
The only thing less fun
than a train crash

1033
00:52:14,501 --> 00:52:18,472
is a flattened,
exploded toddler.

1034
00:52:19,439 --> 00:52:23,111
And you are always saying that.

1035
00:52:23,243 --> 00:52:26,781
So, now that you know
the real me,

1036
00:52:27,247 --> 00:52:29,316
the true me,

1037
00:52:30,217 --> 00:52:31,519
what do you think?

1038
00:52:33,453 --> 00:52:35,155
We can spin this.

1039
00:52:35,288 --> 00:52:36,858
We're gonna get background
on that toddler.

1040
00:52:36,991 --> 00:52:40,662
I guarantee you we can find it
saying some racist shit.

1041
00:52:40,795 --> 00:52:42,764
I have to go.

1042
00:52:42,897 --> 00:52:43,931
No.

1043
00:52:44,065 --> 00:52:45,633
I'm not fit for this job
anymore.

1044
00:52:45,767 --> 00:52:47,035
What?

1045
00:52:47,167 --> 00:52:49,403
-I have to go.
-No.

1046
00:52:50,437 --> 00:52:51,773
President Gagwell.

1047
00:52:52,305 --> 00:52:53,841
President Gagwell, wait!

1048
00:52:53,975 --> 00:52:55,208
[door closes]

1049
00:52:56,176 --> 00:52:57,545
[sighs]

1050
00:53:00,148 --> 00:53:01,849
[alarm blaring]

1051
00:53:01,983 --> 00:53:03,751
Oh, shit!

1052
00:53:08,355 --> 00:53:09,924
Phew!

1053
00:53:14,461 --> 00:53:17,264
Like I said, you're just
in the eye of the storm.

1054
00:53:17,397 --> 00:53:19,534
You're telling me now
it has a face?

1055
00:53:20,068 --> 00:53:23,604
And if I'm being frank, the
other side is not looking good.

1056
00:53:23,738 --> 00:53:27,608
If you're being Frank, what if
you're being, like, Dylan?

1057
00:53:27,742 --> 00:53:29,777
Deedles, we got this, okay?

1058
00:53:29,911 --> 00:53:33,280
We just gotta keep on doing
what we've been doing.

1059
00:53:33,413 --> 00:53:34,882
Cal's really into you.

1060
00:53:35,016 --> 00:53:36,316
[both giggling]

1061
00:53:36,450 --> 00:53:38,152
Did you hear those passengers
out there?

1062
00:53:38,285 --> 00:53:39,921
They are chanting our names.

1063
00:53:40,054 --> 00:53:41,589
I kind of just heard your name.

1064
00:53:41,723 --> 00:53:43,825
-What? No, no.
-[cell phone chimes]

1065
00:53:43,958 --> 00:53:46,794
Oh! It's the other girls.
I gotta get back out there.

1066
00:53:46,928 --> 00:53:49,197
-They need me.
-Okay, how do we look?

1067
00:53:49,329 --> 00:53:51,398
Huh? Fine, fine, whatever.

1068
00:53:51,532 --> 00:53:53,968
Boop! Boop!

1069
00:53:54,836 --> 00:53:56,269
Gorge.

1070
00:53:58,639 --> 00:54:00,307
-Hey, everybody.
-Ah!

1071
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:01,976
Did you miss me?

1072
00:54:02,110 --> 00:54:03,778
[all] Yes!

1073
00:54:03,911 --> 00:54:07,181
Tess! Tess! Tess!
Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess!

1074
00:54:07,314 --> 00:54:11,953
Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess!
Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess! Tess!

1075
00:54:14,589 --> 00:54:16,389
"Babies cause 100 percent
of train delays."

1076
00:54:16,524 --> 00:54:18,092
Yeah. Not good.

1077
00:54:18,559 --> 00:54:19,794
Oh, my goodness.

1078
00:54:19,927 --> 00:54:22,563
Congratulations.
You are a Miranda.

1079
00:54:22,697 --> 00:54:26,266
Gentle and compassionate,
but also relatively passive.

1080
00:54:26,399 --> 00:54:27,969
Okay, I'm gonna do me next.

1081
00:54:28,268 --> 00:54:30,738
[lounge music playing]

1082
00:54:37,011 --> 00:54:39,013
[moaning]

1083
00:54:43,017 --> 00:54:45,820
[moaning continues]

1084
00:54:49,456 --> 00:54:51,291
I'm horny.

1085
00:54:51,424 --> 00:54:52,693
DeeDee.

1086
00:54:54,128 --> 00:54:55,663
I just wanna say,

1087
00:54:55,797 --> 00:54:57,765
I couldn't do this without you.

1088
00:55:00,034 --> 00:55:01,636
Cal, I...

1089
00:55:01,769 --> 00:55:03,604
[Donna] <i>Cal and DeeDee,</i>
<i>do you copy?</i>

1090
00:55:05,472 --> 00:55:06,974
-Donna?
<i>-This might be your one chance</i>

1091
00:55:07,108 --> 00:55:10,678
to redirect the train
before you re-enter the storm.

1092
00:55:10,812 --> 00:55:14,782
We just need to find a way
to brake the train manually.

1093
00:55:17,317 --> 00:55:18,953
Tess will know what to do.

1094
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:21,622
Who's Tess?

1095
00:55:21,756 --> 00:55:23,958
[disco music playing]

1096
00:55:29,096 --> 00:55:30,397
[DeeDee] Tess?

1097
00:55:32,365 --> 00:55:33,668
Tess!

1098
00:55:35,402 --> 00:55:36,604
Tess!

1099
00:55:39,307 --> 00:55:42,176
I'll have a Denver omelet.

1100
00:55:42,310 --> 00:55:43,678
[indistinctly mumbles]

1101
00:55:44,879 --> 00:55:45,947
Woot-woot!

1102
00:55:52,086 --> 00:55:53,955
Excuse you, bitch.

1103
00:56:01,295 --> 00:56:02,630
[DeeDee] Tess!

1104
00:56:06,100 --> 00:56:07,702
The Swiss twins.

1105
00:56:08,336 --> 00:56:09,570
Tess!

1106
00:56:10,370 --> 00:56:11,706
DeeDee?

1107
00:56:11,839 --> 00:56:12,707
DeeDee!

1108
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:15,576
Hey, it's DeeDee, everybody!

1109
00:56:20,114 --> 00:56:21,448
What is all this?

1110
00:56:21,916 --> 00:56:24,652
I'm just trying to keep
all the passengers entertained,

1111
00:56:24,785 --> 00:56:27,088
you know, like the girls do
on the commercial.

1112
00:56:27,221 --> 00:56:30,524
The girls in the commercial
did everything together.

1113
00:56:30,658 --> 00:56:32,425
-What?
-[Alli] Everyone!

1114
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:35,963
I would just like
to make a toast to Tess,

1115
00:56:36,097 --> 00:56:38,266
our new best friend
who is running this train

1116
00:56:38,398 --> 00:56:41,168
all by herself, with absolutely
no help from anyone else.

1117
00:56:41,302 --> 00:56:43,504
[cheering and clapping]

1118
00:56:44,305 --> 00:56:46,908
Stop, y'all are crazy.

1119
00:56:47,041 --> 00:56:50,443
Oh, DeeDee. What was it
you wanted to tell me?

1120
00:56:50,578 --> 00:56:52,412
You know what? Never mind.

1121
00:56:52,546 --> 00:56:55,116
-What?
-Never mind!

1122
00:56:55,249 --> 00:56:56,183
What?

1123
00:56:56,317 --> 00:56:58,052
I said, never mind!

1124
00:56:58,986 --> 00:57:01,889
Because I can do this
all by myself.

1125
00:57:07,261 --> 00:57:08,428
[Amber groans]

1126
00:57:09,330 --> 00:57:10,631
I'm so sorry. No offense.

1127
00:57:10,765 --> 00:57:12,767
It just smells like
poor people back here.

1128
00:57:17,004 --> 00:57:19,407
Oh, hold on,
the snack girl finally got here.

1129
00:57:19,540 --> 00:57:21,409
Y'all got Nutter Butters
or what?

1130
00:57:21,976 --> 00:57:24,011
Sir, please don't touch me.

1131
00:57:24,578 --> 00:57:26,981
[shudders] So sad.

1132
00:57:38,626 --> 00:57:40,828
[suspenseful sting plays]

1133
00:57:45,066 --> 00:57:47,168
According to the schematic...

1134
00:57:49,469 --> 00:57:51,539
Ah. There is an emergency brake

1135
00:57:51,672 --> 00:57:54,175
situated directly
on top of the caboose.

1136
00:57:54,308 --> 00:57:58,679
But there's no way to access it
from inside the train.

1137
00:57:58,813 --> 00:58:00,881
Unless someone goes out there
and does it themselves.

1138
00:58:01,015 --> 00:58:02,817
[computer]
<i>Autoconduct activated.</i>

1139
00:58:02,950 --> 00:58:06,387
Cal, that's a suicide mission.

1140
00:58:06,954 --> 00:58:08,889
DeeDee,
it's time for me to prove

1141
00:58:09,023 --> 00:58:11,125
that I'm more than just
a perfect face

1142
00:58:11,258 --> 00:58:13,327
or a gorgeous set of abs

1143
00:58:13,794 --> 00:58:15,963
or those little V lines
right above my pelvis

1144
00:58:16,097 --> 00:58:19,499
that poke out
from my low-rise jeans.

1145
00:58:20,067 --> 00:58:21,102
I'm Cal.

1146
00:58:21,902 --> 00:58:23,571
I have to do this.

1147
00:58:25,039 --> 00:58:26,874
I have to save the world.

1148
00:58:29,076 --> 00:58:30,711
Sorry.

1149
00:58:38,085 --> 00:58:39,687
All right. When I get out there,

1150
00:58:39,820 --> 00:58:42,289
I'm gonna need eyes on me
from inside the cabin.

1151
00:58:42,423 --> 00:58:45,292
Just give me the signal
when you need to be pulled in.

1152
00:58:45,426 --> 00:58:47,028
What's the signal?

1153
00:58:47,695 --> 00:58:48,896
This.

1154
00:58:50,297 --> 00:58:51,699
-Okay.
-Uh-huh.

1155
00:58:51,832 --> 00:58:54,035
How's that sound, Donna?

1156
00:58:54,168 --> 00:58:55,569
Dumb as shit.

1157
00:58:55,703 --> 00:58:56,971
Dumb as a school made of shit

1158
00:58:57,104 --> 00:58:59,440
filled with little
shit students.

1159
00:58:59,573 --> 00:59:01,208
But it's so dumb...

1160
00:59:01,876 --> 00:59:04,645
it just might work,
you crazy bastard.

1161
00:59:04,979 --> 00:59:06,013
DeeDee.

1162
00:59:07,081 --> 00:59:09,950
This might be the last time
we ever see each other.

1163
00:59:10,851 --> 00:59:13,721
Cal, I need to tell you
something.

1164
00:59:14,523 --> 00:59:15,756
What?

1165
00:59:16,157 --> 00:59:17,358
I love you.

1166
00:59:17,792 --> 00:59:19,427
I've loved you
since the first time I saw you

1167
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:22,596
on that <i>Conductors We Want</i>
<i>to See the Dick Of Magazine.</i>

1168
00:59:22,730 --> 00:59:26,167
And you don't have to say
anything back to me. I just...

1169
00:59:34,775 --> 00:59:36,777
What did you need to tell me?

1170
00:59:38,813 --> 00:59:41,782
Oh! Oh. Oh, nothing.

1171
00:59:42,483 --> 00:59:43,751
You know what?

1172
00:59:44,285 --> 00:59:47,455
No, I'm done living
in this fantasy.

1173
00:59:47,588 --> 00:59:49,723
I love you, Cal.

1174
00:59:50,491 --> 00:59:52,561
I said it out loud.

1175
00:59:52,693 --> 00:59:54,128
Wow, DeeDee.

1176
00:59:54,595 --> 00:59:56,931
I don't know what to say, except

1177
00:59:57,064 --> 01:00:00,034
do you want to finally see
what my dick looks like?

1178
01:00:01,102 --> 01:00:02,336
Yeah.

1179
01:00:04,305 --> 01:00:05,507
[unzipping]

1180
01:00:05,639 --> 01:00:07,509
-Whoa!
-Whoa!

1181
01:00:07,641 --> 01:00:09,777
What did you need to tell me?

1182
01:00:10,744 --> 01:00:13,914
Oh! Good luck out there.

1183
01:00:16,884 --> 01:00:18,886
No, no, it's fine.
Everybody calm down, okay?

1184
01:00:19,019 --> 01:00:20,855
There's something
they're not telling us.

1185
01:00:20,988 --> 01:00:25,259
Yeah, like,
is this even a train?

1186
01:00:25,392 --> 01:00:27,161
Think about it, people.

1187
01:00:27,294 --> 01:00:30,831
Does anybody remember
getting on the train?

1188
01:00:32,399 --> 01:00:33,701
I do.

1189
01:00:35,035 --> 01:00:36,704
Oh, I do too, actually.

1190
01:00:39,140 --> 01:00:43,144
Why don't we see those
pretty peepers?

1191
01:00:44,245 --> 01:00:46,013
Oh.

1192
01:00:46,147 --> 01:00:50,050
You know, nipples
are the eyes of the face.

1193
01:00:51,085 --> 01:00:52,753
-[divorcee] Oh!
-[all gasp]

1194
01:00:53,522 --> 01:00:54,556
Oh!

1195
01:00:54,688 --> 01:00:56,690
-Oh.
-Hey, look.

1196
01:00:56,824 --> 01:01:00,661
That's the conductor.
And a very large nipple.

1197
01:01:00,794 --> 01:01:02,963
Wait, who's driving the train?

1198
01:01:03,097 --> 01:01:05,567
And why is her nipple so big?

1199
01:01:05,699 --> 01:01:08,269
[groans]
You're all just jealous.

1200
01:01:08,402 --> 01:01:09,703
I bet she knows.

1201
01:01:10,337 --> 01:01:13,374
I mean, look at her. Can we
even trust anyone from coach?

1202
01:01:13,508 --> 01:01:15,442
[groans] She is from coach.

1203
01:01:16,343 --> 01:01:17,878
[Ayshleiygh] And she was
in the conductor's cabin

1204
01:01:18,012 --> 01:01:20,347
the entire time
we did the dance.

1205
01:01:21,048 --> 01:01:24,818
Dance? What dance?

1206
01:01:25,386 --> 01:01:30,024
Oh, just a disco-infused,
late-'80s-inspired number.

1207
01:01:35,396 --> 01:01:38,365
Passengers, apologies
for the confusion.

1208
01:01:38,499 --> 01:01:41,368
I'm getting word now that
your first-class attendant here

1209
01:01:41,502 --> 01:01:43,003
is a two-faced bitch

1210
01:01:43,137 --> 01:01:45,674
who takes credit for the onboard
entertainment choreo

1211
01:01:45,806 --> 01:01:48,909
that we came up with together.

1212
01:01:49,043 --> 01:01:51,078
-Get her ass.
-Get her. Let her know.

1213
01:01:51,212 --> 01:01:53,648
Passengers, if I could
direct your attention

1214
01:01:53,781 --> 01:01:56,050
to the right side
of history,

1215
01:01:56,183 --> 01:01:58,319
I will let you know
that I am the one

1216
01:01:58,452 --> 01:02:00,522
who came up with that
choreo in the first place

1217
01:02:00,655 --> 01:02:04,058
when I had that dream that Dolly
Parton made us dance at gunpoint

1218
01:02:04,191 --> 01:02:06,794
in order to escape
her Rocky Mountain Labyrinth.

1219
01:02:08,295 --> 01:02:09,997
Passengers.

1220
01:02:10,130 --> 01:02:11,765
It's better to have no friends

1221
01:02:11,899 --> 01:02:15,169
than one friend who is
a social-climbing skank,

1222
01:02:15,302 --> 01:02:18,439
who was just lying about us
finally having our moment.

1223
01:02:18,573 --> 01:02:19,873
Passengers.

1224
01:02:20,274 --> 01:02:24,178
Maybe it's difficult
for us to have our moment

1225
01:02:24,311 --> 01:02:28,182
when one of us is always
holding the other one back.

1226
01:02:28,749 --> 01:02:30,951
[growls]

1227
01:02:31,085 --> 01:02:33,320
-[grunts]
-[passengers gasp]

1228
01:02:33,921 --> 01:02:34,955
-[grunting]
-[groans]

1229
01:02:35,089 --> 01:02:36,524
[passengers gasp]

1230
01:02:36,890 --> 01:02:37,958
Wha--

1231
01:02:39,059 --> 01:02:41,529
Ow! Owee, owee, owee!

1232
01:02:41,663 --> 01:02:42,796
Ooh.

1233
01:02:44,331 --> 01:02:46,033
[DeeDee yelling]

1234
01:02:47,868 --> 01:02:49,704
Okay, okay. Time out, time out.

1235
01:02:49,837 --> 01:02:51,105
-Time out.
-Tess, too much.

1236
01:02:51,238 --> 01:02:52,306
-Yeah.
-[DeeDee] Tess, time out.

1237
01:02:52,439 --> 01:02:54,408
-Time out.
-Okay. Okay. Fine.

1238
01:02:58,513 --> 01:02:59,547
[grunts]

1239
01:02:59,681 --> 01:03:01,516
[passengers gasp]

1240
01:03:09,423 --> 01:03:12,126
[Amber over intercom]
<i>Ugh, what is that smell?</i>

1241
01:03:12,860 --> 01:03:18,098
<i>Oh, never mind. It's just two</i>
<i>girls stanking up the train.</i>

1242
01:03:21,101 --> 01:03:22,503
That's right.

1243
01:03:22,671 --> 01:03:25,740
Neither of these attendants
are from Glamazonian.

1244
01:03:25,873 --> 01:03:26,974
[passengers gasp]

1245
01:03:27,107 --> 01:03:28,677
[Amber] They're impostors

1246
01:03:28,809 --> 01:03:31,546
from Stank Rail.

1247
01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:32,580
[all gasp]

1248
01:03:34,114 --> 01:03:35,883
That's right.
You know, the trains

1249
01:03:36,016 --> 01:03:37,451
where the seats
don't even recline?

1250
01:03:37,585 --> 01:03:39,186
[all gasp]

1251
01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:40,154
[groans]

1252
01:03:40,287 --> 01:03:41,922
You lied to us, Tess.

1253
01:03:42,056 --> 01:03:43,991
You were the first woman
I ever trusted.

1254
01:03:44,124 --> 01:03:45,025
No, no, no, no, no.

1255
01:03:45,159 --> 01:03:45,959
I was gonna ask you

1256
01:03:46,093 --> 01:03:47,361
to be my maid of honor.

1257
01:03:47,494 --> 01:03:49,096
And I still will be.

1258
01:03:49,229 --> 01:03:52,366
And I was gonna adopt you
as my weird, sad daughter.

1259
01:03:53,735 --> 01:03:56,036
Oh, I really wanna be Tess Rina.

1260
01:03:56,638 --> 01:04:00,709
And neither one of you will ever
be Glamazonian material.

1261
01:04:00,841 --> 01:04:03,043
[passengers murmuring]

1262
01:04:06,847 --> 01:04:08,516
What's this for?

1263
01:04:11,485 --> 01:04:12,986
[exhales]

1264
01:04:14,388 --> 01:04:16,323
Now let's save this train.

1265
01:04:18,225 --> 01:04:20,127
-[whooshing]
-[yelps]

1266
01:04:23,163 --> 01:04:24,766
Did anybody just see that?

1267
01:04:24,898 --> 01:04:28,969
That looked like the conductor
I wanted to see the dick of.

1268
01:04:30,705 --> 01:04:32,239
Cal!

1269
01:04:32,373 --> 01:04:34,542
DeeDee!

1270
01:04:34,676 --> 01:04:38,011
Call 911!

1271
01:04:40,582 --> 01:04:42,584
[shouting in panic]

1272
01:04:46,821 --> 01:04:48,055
Great.

1273
01:04:48,188 --> 01:04:49,657
So, now we're all gonna
die in this train

1274
01:04:49,791 --> 01:04:51,526
because of you two boneheads.

1275
01:04:51,659 --> 01:04:52,560
Wait.

1276
01:04:52,794 --> 01:04:54,696
Maybe we could try and stop it.

1277
01:04:55,462 --> 01:04:57,632
-Get into it, girl.
-[Amber groans]

1278
01:05:06,808 --> 01:05:09,410
Donna, tell it to us straight.

1279
01:05:11,178 --> 01:05:12,479
No brakes.

1280
01:05:12,913 --> 01:05:14,448
A fatal storm.

1281
01:05:14,582 --> 01:05:18,553
A dead co-conductor we really
wanted to see the dick of.

1282
01:05:19,153 --> 01:05:20,855
I'd say our odds are...

1283
01:05:21,589 --> 01:05:25,660
a .01 percent chance
of survival.

1284
01:05:25,794 --> 01:05:27,227
Tell it to us gay.

1285
01:05:27,428 --> 01:05:29,363
Oh, you give me a half-hour,
I go over to Home Depot.

1286
01:05:29,496 --> 01:05:30,964
I load my Subaru with tools.

1287
01:05:31,098 --> 01:05:33,000
I pay my ex Deb
some vegan jerky to help me.

1288
01:05:33,133 --> 01:05:35,135
We fix that train in,
like, 20 minutes.

1289
01:05:35,269 --> 01:05:37,137
-Boy gay.
-Oh, sorry.

1290
01:05:37,271 --> 01:05:39,507
[clicks tongue] Girl!

1291
01:05:39,641 --> 01:05:41,008
[all gasp]

1292
01:05:44,712 --> 01:05:46,548
Donna, pack up your desk.

1293
01:05:46,681 --> 01:05:48,215
-What? Why?
-Well...

1294
01:05:48,716 --> 01:05:50,384
we have to blame someone
for all this,

1295
01:05:50,518 --> 01:05:53,353
and you're the only woman
wearing glasses.

1296
01:05:53,487 --> 01:05:55,122
You know, Chet, every day

1297
01:05:55,255 --> 01:05:58,125
I come to work at this office
with a sword in my side,

1298
01:05:58,258 --> 01:06:00,194
knowing you're just gonna
push it in further,

1299
01:06:00,327 --> 01:06:02,630
but I still come in. Why?

1300
01:06:03,263 --> 01:06:04,666
Because I'm a human being.

1301
01:06:05,132 --> 01:06:07,968
A human being
who happens to be a woman.

1302
01:06:08,603 --> 01:06:12,607
But not just a woman.
I am my mother's daughter

1303
01:06:12,740 --> 01:06:15,442
and her daughters before her
and her daughters before her

1304
01:06:15,577 --> 01:06:18,178
in a never-ending line
of daughters.

1305
01:06:18,312 --> 01:06:20,515
[muffled laughter]

1306
01:06:22,650 --> 01:06:24,552
[playing ragtime music]

1307
01:06:38,098 --> 01:06:39,534
[clattering]

1308
01:06:51,546 --> 01:06:52,647
The usual?

1309
01:06:53,180 --> 01:06:56,016
Barbra? You're a bartender now?

1310
01:06:57,752 --> 01:06:59,186
Who's Barbra?

1311
01:07:04,057 --> 01:07:05,727
[Gagwell] Hard day?

1312
01:07:05,860 --> 01:07:07,394
You don't know the half of it.

1313
01:07:08,596 --> 01:07:10,364
Try having half the country

1314
01:07:10,497 --> 01:07:12,800
think of you
as a laughing stock.

1315
01:07:13,968 --> 01:07:15,637
Madam President?

1316
01:07:16,169 --> 01:07:17,505
You knew it was me?

1317
01:07:18,405 --> 01:07:20,107
But I'm wearing a disguise.

1318
01:07:20,575 --> 01:07:23,678
Shouldn't you be running
the country?

1319
01:07:23,811 --> 01:07:25,112
Oh, I'm running all right.

1320
01:07:25,245 --> 01:07:28,683
Running from my past.

1321
01:07:28,816 --> 01:07:31,451
Well, whatever it is,
I'm sure it's not that bad.

1322
01:07:32,219 --> 01:07:35,188
I ran over a toddler
with a train.

1323
01:07:36,123 --> 01:07:37,491
Oh.

1324
01:07:38,058 --> 01:07:40,728
I did it, and then I buried it.

1325
01:07:40,862 --> 01:07:43,130
Just like they buried
that toddler,

1326
01:07:43,263 --> 01:07:46,066
or at least
whatever they could find of her.

1327
01:07:46,199 --> 01:07:49,637
All so that I could run
for president.

1328
01:07:49,771 --> 01:07:53,140
Just like that toddler
ran across those train tracks

1329
01:07:53,273 --> 01:07:56,076
and then exploded on impact.

1330
01:07:56,978 --> 01:07:58,846
Well, it could be worse.

1331
01:07:59,514 --> 01:08:01,649
You could be the reason
an entire train

1332
01:08:01,783 --> 01:08:03,651
full of people crashes.

1333
01:08:06,654 --> 01:08:07,989
You're right.

1334
01:08:08,121 --> 01:08:12,492
I mean, there's probably five or
six toddlers on there at least.

1335
01:08:15,362 --> 01:08:19,366
To running away
from life's problems.

1336
01:08:22,770 --> 01:08:24,639
You know, I don't think
you're running away.

1337
01:08:26,074 --> 01:08:27,542
I think you're stuck.

1338
01:08:28,442 --> 01:08:30,945
Just like I was stuck
in that control tower.

1339
01:08:31,713 --> 01:08:36,216
We're sitting here avoiding our
problems when we should be...

1340
01:08:36,350 --> 01:08:38,485
Ignoring them.

1341
01:08:39,721 --> 01:08:43,256
Bo... Bomb... Bombing...
Bombing them?

1342
01:08:44,257 --> 01:08:45,560
Eating them.

1343
01:08:46,794 --> 01:08:50,565
-Hurdling towards them.
-Towards them.

1344
01:08:51,099 --> 01:08:53,034
Hurdling right towards them.

1345
01:08:53,166 --> 01:08:54,501
Yes.

1346
01:08:54,969 --> 01:08:56,571
Yes!

1347
01:08:56,704 --> 01:08:58,539
Yes! Yes!

1348
01:08:58,673 --> 01:09:01,075
You know, I was gonna say that

1349
01:09:01,743 --> 01:09:03,711
because that's who I am,
you know?

1350
01:09:03,845 --> 01:09:06,848
Hurdling towards them
and solving this.

1351
01:09:06,981 --> 01:09:08,916
That is... That is brilliant.

1352
01:09:09,050 --> 01:09:10,317
That's brilliant.

1353
01:09:10,450 --> 01:09:13,755
Hurdling towards them.

1354
01:09:15,222 --> 01:09:18,325
Bitch, we've got a train
to catch.

1355
01:09:18,458 --> 01:09:19,994
-Last will and testament?
-[thunder crashing]

1356
01:09:20,128 --> 01:09:21,328
Last will and testament?

1357
01:09:21,863 --> 01:09:24,331
-Last will and testament?
-I'll take one.

1358
01:09:24,932 --> 01:09:26,366
Last will and testament?

1359
01:09:26,500 --> 01:09:28,235
-Wow.
-Last will and testament?

1360
01:09:28,368 --> 01:09:29,436
[chuckles]

1361
01:09:38,846 --> 01:09:40,748
You come back here
to die with me?

1362
01:09:41,683 --> 01:09:42,717
Oh, wait.

1363
01:09:43,785 --> 01:09:46,087
I'd probably hold you back
from that, too, right?

1364
01:09:46,219 --> 01:09:48,255
Deedles, I'm sorry.

1365
01:09:48,388 --> 01:09:49,657
You know I didn't mean
any of those things

1366
01:09:49,791 --> 01:09:51,491
that I said to you. I just...

1367
01:09:52,392 --> 01:09:54,327
For the first time,
I felt like our lives

1368
01:09:54,461 --> 01:09:58,498
were finally about to begin,
you know?

1369
01:09:58,633 --> 01:10:01,401
I guess it was always
just meant to end like this.

1370
01:10:04,806 --> 01:10:07,542
Tess, I'll be honest with you.

1371
01:10:08,142 --> 01:10:13,581
Before this morning, I thought
our lives had started years ago.

1372
01:10:13,715 --> 01:10:17,417
-When?
-The day we met at THA.

1373
01:10:18,119 --> 01:10:21,288
-Train Hostess Academy.
-Train Hostess Academy.

1374
01:10:22,023 --> 01:10:24,424
Deedles, we were supposed
to do big things.

1375
01:10:24,559 --> 01:10:25,960
Like see the world,

1376
01:10:26,094 --> 01:10:28,863
like those four gay guys
stuck up on that mountain.

1377
01:10:29,664 --> 01:10:32,399
You know, I think I saw them
passing by the window earlier.

1378
01:10:32,533 --> 01:10:34,102
Is that what that was?

1379
01:10:34,234 --> 01:10:36,137
[both] Oh!

1380
01:10:36,269 --> 01:10:37,370
[both gasp]

1381
01:10:37,505 --> 01:10:39,540
We're doing it, Tess.

1382
01:10:40,041 --> 01:10:41,441
Like we always have been.

1383
01:10:41,909 --> 01:10:45,913
Oh, if I'm gonna die in a fiery
crash next to my best friend,

1384
01:10:46,047 --> 01:10:49,483
I don't wanna do it
in these tacky-ass uniforms.

1385
01:10:50,417 --> 01:10:52,620
[gasps then chuckles]

1386
01:10:54,421 --> 01:10:56,057
I can't wait to get this off.

1387
01:10:56,724 --> 01:10:58,960
-I hate this.
-[helicopter whirring]

1388
01:10:59,527 --> 01:11:02,496
-Do you hear that?
-[Gagwell] Geronimo!

1389
01:11:13,340 --> 01:11:16,043
Who says we have to crash?

1390
01:11:17,979 --> 01:11:21,381
All right, let's pack it up,
folks. This is so boring.

1391
01:11:21,516 --> 01:11:25,352
Wait.
Who says we have to crash?

1392
01:11:26,386 --> 01:11:27,822
No one said that.

1393
01:11:28,956 --> 01:11:31,592
Is this a joke? Certainly, they
won't be able to pick me up.

1394
01:11:31,726 --> 01:11:33,293
They're women, and no--

1395
01:11:33,426 --> 01:11:36,463
Whoa! Whoa!
They're doing it, you guys.

1396
01:11:36,597 --> 01:11:38,298
Let's save the train, people.

1397
01:11:38,733 --> 01:11:41,636
By that, I don't mean people
with wheels as arms

1398
01:11:41,769 --> 01:11:45,139
and headlamps as eyes
and a smokestack for a head.

1399
01:11:45,273 --> 01:11:47,508
And we wouldn't wanna save those
people anyway. They're freaks.

1400
01:11:47,642 --> 01:11:49,476
Like, what is their blood,
passengers?

1401
01:11:49,610 --> 01:11:52,647
No, I mean,
let's save the train, people.

1402
01:11:53,247 --> 01:11:54,481
Yeah!

1403
01:11:55,415 --> 01:11:57,285
<i>♪ That my BFF, she the shit ♪</i>

1404
01:11:57,417 --> 01:12:01,088
<i>♪ Sister from another mister</i>
<i>That my twin, thick and thin ♪</i>

1405
01:12:01,222 --> 01:12:03,858
<i>♪ We the baddest in the world</i>
<i>Can't name nobody badder ♪</i>

1406
01:12:03,991 --> 01:12:06,694
<i>♪ It's just me and her</i>
<i>Nobody else don't even matter ♪</i>

1407
01:12:06,828 --> 01:12:09,063
<i>♪ That my BFF, that my sis ♪</i>

1408
01:12:09,197 --> 01:12:12,066
<i>♪ Sister from another mister</i>
<i>That my twin ♪</i>

1409
01:12:12,200 --> 01:12:14,035
<i>♪ Thick and thin</i>
<i>Just like that ♪</i>

1410
01:12:14,168 --> 01:12:15,368
<i>♪ Have my back ♪</i>

1411
01:12:15,502 --> 01:12:17,071
<i>♪ If your bestie in the club ♪</i>

1412
01:12:17,205 --> 01:12:18,072
<i>♪ Where she at? ♪</i>

1413
01:12:18,206 --> 01:12:19,874
[Alli] Look who's here.

1414
01:12:20,007 --> 01:12:21,776
Are they really gonna die
in those clothes?

1415
01:12:21,909 --> 01:12:24,278
Well, it looks like
they already did.

1416
01:12:24,411 --> 01:12:25,713
Excuse us, ladies.

1417
01:12:25,847 --> 01:12:27,114
But we've got work to do.

1418
01:12:27,248 --> 01:12:28,749
Oh, and by the way, Amber,

1419
01:12:29,283 --> 01:12:31,219
I'm sorry we ever asked to be
part of your little group

1420
01:12:31,351 --> 01:12:32,653
in the first place.

1421
01:12:32,787 --> 01:12:34,889
At least now I know
what a real best friend

1422
01:12:35,022 --> 01:12:36,057
looks like.

1423
01:12:36,524 --> 01:12:37,792
You mean me, right?

1424
01:12:37,925 --> 01:12:38,926
Yeah.

1425
01:12:39,660 --> 01:12:42,362
Oh, my God.
Just rent the U-Haul

1426
01:12:42,495 --> 01:12:44,232
and buy the Birkenstocks
already, ladies.

1427
01:12:44,364 --> 01:12:45,166
Barf.

1428
01:12:45,299 --> 01:12:48,002
[sighs] I got this.

1429
01:12:48,970 --> 01:12:50,403
Amber, is it?

1430
01:12:50,538 --> 01:12:51,672
[chuckles]

1431
01:12:51,806 --> 01:12:53,975
-Apparently this is first class.
-Mm-hm.

1432
01:12:54,108 --> 01:12:58,145
But that face of yours
is screaming basic economy.

1433
01:12:58,279 --> 01:13:01,048
Fried hair, migrating filler.

1434
01:13:01,182 --> 01:13:03,684
And the only bags
you forgot to check

1435
01:13:03,818 --> 01:13:06,287
are under those overlined eyes

1436
01:13:06,419 --> 01:13:10,358
that make you look like
a spooked horse.

1437
01:13:10,558 --> 01:13:11,859
[grunts]

1438
01:13:11,993 --> 01:13:14,996
Next time you come for
Tess or DeeDee,

1439
01:13:15,129 --> 01:13:19,634
remember, you just got
a presidential address,

1440
01:13:20,234 --> 01:13:25,907
and it's 1600
Out-Of-My-Way-Bitch Boulevard.

1441
01:13:26,674 --> 01:13:28,075
Oh, Amber.

1442
01:13:32,479 --> 01:13:33,915
Because reading is what?

1443
01:13:34,048 --> 01:13:35,983
[all] Fundamental!

1444
01:13:36,117 --> 01:13:39,086
[laughing boisterously]

1445
01:13:42,223 --> 01:13:44,558
[Donna] <i>Glamazonian Express,</i>
<i>can you read me?</i>

1446
01:13:44,692 --> 01:13:45,960
<i>Can you read me?</i>

1447
01:13:46,093 --> 01:13:47,528
Should I start
with those shoes?

1448
01:13:47,662 --> 01:13:50,197
-Shut up.
-Uh, loud and clear, Donna.

1449
01:13:50,331 --> 01:13:52,432
-Tell her about the president.
-You're not gonna believe it.

1450
01:13:52,566 --> 01:13:54,969
The president has boarded
the train by...

1451
01:13:55,102 --> 01:13:56,771
Wait. How did you get
on the train?

1452
01:13:56,904 --> 01:13:59,774
No time.
What are we looking at, Donna?

1453
01:13:59,907 --> 01:14:02,243
All right, you'll be coming up
on the storm shortly.

1454
01:14:02,743 --> 01:14:06,213
I'm uploading a 3-D rendering
to your comms.

1455
01:14:06,614 --> 01:14:08,015
<i>Now, once you're there,</i>

1456
01:14:08,149 --> 01:14:10,251
<i>you'll have to find</i>
<i>a way to stop that train</i>

1457
01:14:10,384 --> 01:14:13,321
<i>-with no brakes.</i>
-No brakes?

1458
01:14:13,453 --> 01:14:15,389
<i>Otherwise, it'll crash</i>
<i>into the final stop.</i>

1459
01:14:15,523 --> 01:14:16,489
[screaming]

1460
01:14:16,624 --> 01:14:18,025
Crash.

1461
01:14:18,159 --> 01:14:20,561
Now the stop
should be empty except for

1462
01:14:20,695 --> 01:14:22,863
the Make-A-Wish field trip
that's visiting.

1463
01:14:23,364 --> 01:14:24,999
I... I shouldn't do this.

1464
01:14:25,132 --> 01:14:26,499
-What?
-No. No.

1465
01:14:26,634 --> 01:14:29,203
One of you
will have to stop the train.

1466
01:14:29,337 --> 01:14:30,604
-What?
-One of you

1467
01:14:30,738 --> 01:14:32,039
will have to stop
this train instead.

1468
01:14:32,173 --> 01:14:34,474
I will guide you. Go on.

1469
01:14:34,608 --> 01:14:35,609
Go.

1470
01:14:35,876 --> 01:14:38,245
T-minus one minute
until the storm.

1471
01:14:38,379 --> 01:14:39,914
Whatever T-minus means.

1472
01:14:40,881 --> 01:14:43,150
Someone needs to be
the conductor.

1473
01:14:43,284 --> 01:14:44,685
Tess.

1474
01:14:46,754 --> 01:14:48,689
-Tess, what are you doing?
-Look, Deedles.

1475
01:14:48,823 --> 01:14:51,359
I know I am always saying
that this is our moment,

1476
01:14:51,491 --> 01:14:54,061
but right now it's yours.

1477
01:14:57,164 --> 01:14:59,066
Madam President,
are you sure about this?

1478
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:01,302
[Gagwell]
I've never been more sure

1479
01:15:01,435 --> 01:15:04,238
about anything in my life.

1480
01:15:08,776 --> 01:15:09,944
[Donna] <i>Hello?</i>

1481
01:15:10,077 --> 01:15:11,245
Oh.

1482
01:15:12,413 --> 01:15:14,882
Sorry. Never mind.

1483
01:15:15,783 --> 01:15:17,184
Now listen up.

1484
01:15:17,852 --> 01:15:22,156
When you get in there,
you listen to everything I say.

1485
01:15:22,289 --> 01:15:26,260
Because this whole country
is counting on you.

1486
01:15:27,495 --> 01:15:29,230
Any last words?

1487
01:15:30,264 --> 01:15:31,298
Good luck.

1488
01:15:31,432 --> 01:15:34,769
And don't fuck it up.

1489
01:15:34,902 --> 01:15:36,604
What's taking so long?

1490
01:15:36,737 --> 01:15:38,139
[thunder crashing]

1491
01:15:40,708 --> 01:15:42,309
[Gagwell]
Okay, girls, buckle up.

1492
01:15:42,443 --> 01:15:45,746
-[Tess] What's the plan?
-We need to shut off the engine

1493
01:15:45,880 --> 01:15:48,215
and eject it from the train

1494
01:15:48,349 --> 01:15:51,986
<i>so we can explode it out of</i>
<i>its sexy little undercarriage.</i>

1495
01:15:52,119 --> 01:15:52,953
What?

1496
01:15:53,087 --> 01:15:54,722
Then we can use it as an anchor

1497
01:15:54,855 --> 01:15:56,323
to slow us down.

1498
01:15:56,457 --> 01:15:59,060
Look for a small blue button.

1499
01:16:00,194 --> 01:16:02,096
Blue button. Uh...

1500
01:16:07,802 --> 01:16:10,271
[screaming]

1501
01:16:26,454 --> 01:16:28,155
Okay, well,
that clearly didn't work.

1502
01:16:28,289 --> 01:16:30,391
Uh... What about

1503
01:16:30,525 --> 01:16:31,692
this one?

1504
01:16:34,161 --> 01:16:35,596
[woman] Mom.

1505
01:16:35,729 --> 01:16:37,865
I'm sorry. She always does this.

1506
01:16:37,998 --> 01:16:40,034
I'm fine now.
I just needed a snack.

1507
01:16:40,167 --> 01:16:43,637
It's like that movie with
the guy, that, like, actor,

1508
01:16:43,771 --> 01:16:45,139
and then
they're on a desert island

1509
01:16:45,272 --> 01:16:46,841
and his best friend's
a baseball.

1510
01:16:46,974 --> 01:16:48,242
We're running out of time.

1511
01:16:48,375 --> 01:16:49,610
Okay, I know. I'm trying.

1512
01:16:49,743 --> 01:16:53,080
Um... Wait, wait. I found it.

1513
01:17:00,855 --> 01:17:02,156
[alarm blaring]

1514
01:17:12,900 --> 01:17:14,702
[Tess] <i>It's working.</i>
<i>We're slowing down.</i>

1515
01:17:14,835 --> 01:17:16,203
<i>Donna, what's up ahead?</i>

1516
01:17:16,337 --> 01:17:17,572
Okay, girls.

1517
01:17:17,705 --> 01:17:19,874
You're not gonna believe
what I'm seeing.

1518
01:17:21,543 --> 01:17:24,546
We're coming up on a few
irregular weather patterns.

1519
01:17:25,012 --> 01:17:26,714
<i>Hold her steady, ladies.</i>

1520
01:17:28,048 --> 01:17:30,050
We're seeing extreme lightning.

1521
01:17:34,589 --> 01:17:35,689
Heavy fog.

1522
01:17:35,823 --> 01:17:37,526
[Tess] Deedles, where are you?

1523
01:17:37,658 --> 01:17:40,494
[DeeDee] Tess, I can't see,
so I have to speak loud.

1524
01:17:40,629 --> 01:17:43,664
[Tess] No, you really don't.
I am right here. Just reach out.

1525
01:17:43,797 --> 01:17:45,699
A lot of water.

1526
01:17:45,833 --> 01:17:48,068
[Gagwell]
Look, there's a blowfish.

1527
01:17:48,202 --> 01:17:51,506
[Tess] Oh, it's blowing
the angel fish.

1528
01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:54,241
Passengers, please be aware
that your safety vest

1529
01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:56,710
also doubles
as a flotation device.

1530
01:17:57,178 --> 01:18:00,014
To inflate, just pull the tab.

1531
01:18:00,915 --> 01:18:02,883
[all] Ooh.

1532
01:18:04,185 --> 01:18:07,354
The only way out is through.

1533
01:18:08,689 --> 01:18:09,790
You girls got this, right?

1534
01:18:10,424 --> 01:18:13,794
I'll be cheering you on
from back here.

1535
01:18:22,436 --> 01:18:25,039
-You girls need pretzels?
-[Tess] No, thanks.

1536
01:18:25,172 --> 01:18:27,007
Or a seltzer? Seltzer?

1537
01:18:27,141 --> 01:18:31,879
Ladies, it has been a pleasure
playing with you tonight.

1538
01:18:36,150 --> 01:18:38,352
[playing out of tune]

1539
01:18:41,155 --> 01:18:43,625
You're entering
a zone of extreme pressure.

1540
01:18:43,757 --> 01:18:45,292
[baby crying]

1541
01:18:45,426 --> 01:18:48,630
Oh, great.
Where did that come from?

1542
01:18:48,762 --> 01:18:49,863
Oh, fuck.

1543
01:18:50,297 --> 01:18:51,932
[Donna]
<i>Some very extreme pressure</i>

1544
01:18:52,066 --> 01:18:54,201
<i>might be enough</i>
<i>to shatter the windows.</i>

1545
01:18:54,335 --> 01:18:57,404
[cracking]

1546
01:18:57,539 --> 01:18:58,973
Almost there.

1547
01:18:59,106 --> 01:19:00,741
And they've got
the hummus packs.

1548
01:19:00,874 --> 01:19:02,409
You know, with the pretzels
on the side?

1549
01:19:02,544 --> 01:19:06,180
You know, I keep some of these
in the Resolute Desk.

1550
01:19:07,515 --> 01:19:08,449
What's this doing here?

1551
01:19:08,583 --> 01:19:10,784
[screaming]

1552
01:19:15,089 --> 01:19:16,457
[Tess]
Deedles, I can see the station.

1553
01:19:16,591 --> 01:19:17,626
We're almost through the storm.

1554
01:19:17,758 --> 01:19:18,926
[cracking]

1555
01:19:19,860 --> 01:19:22,930
Tess, I think there's something
wrong with the window.

1556
01:19:26,267 --> 01:19:28,102
-[glass shatters]
-[screams]

1557
01:19:28,235 --> 01:19:29,336
Tess!

1558
01:19:29,470 --> 01:19:30,471
DeeDee!

1559
01:19:30,605 --> 01:19:32,339
Tess!

1560
01:19:35,876 --> 01:19:38,178
Tess! [screams]

1561
01:19:38,680 --> 01:19:39,813
Tess.

1562
01:19:40,715 --> 01:19:42,416
-Tess!
-DeeDee!

1563
01:19:42,651 --> 01:19:44,084
-Tess!
-DeeDee!

1564
01:19:45,019 --> 01:19:46,053
What is that?

1565
01:19:46,186 --> 01:19:47,388
It's a dog on two legs

1566
01:19:47,522 --> 01:19:48,922
pushing a shopping cart.

1567
01:19:49,056 --> 01:19:50,824
No, what's that?

1568
01:19:54,995 --> 01:19:57,498
As if this day
couldn't get any worse.

1569
01:19:57,632 --> 01:19:58,832
Tess!

1570
01:19:58,966 --> 01:20:02,036
-Tess.
-Take my hand.

1571
01:20:06,340 --> 01:20:09,143
Tess. You have to let me go.

1572
01:20:09,276 --> 01:20:11,879
No, I'll never let go.

1573
01:20:12,614 --> 01:20:14,882
We'll always have the memories.

1574
01:20:16,518 --> 01:20:19,554
[wistful music playing]

1575
01:20:34,935 --> 01:20:37,137
Is it weird that I can't
remember anything

1576
01:20:37,271 --> 01:20:39,373
that didn't happen today?

1577
01:20:39,507 --> 01:20:41,543
Yeah, me too.

1578
01:20:42,409 --> 01:20:44,411
[both grunting]

1579
01:20:52,687 --> 01:20:55,189
[inspirational music playing]

1580
01:20:58,425 --> 01:20:59,927
Well done.

1581
01:21:01,696 --> 01:21:03,030
[gasps]

1582
01:21:17,645 --> 01:21:21,982
[music intensifies
and grows louder]

1583
01:21:22,449 --> 01:21:24,351
Can you please turn that down?

1584
01:21:25,787 --> 01:21:27,988
[music volume lowers]

1585
01:21:35,597 --> 01:21:37,599
[brakes squealing]

1586
01:21:37,866 --> 01:21:40,367
[screaming]

1587
01:21:44,972 --> 01:21:46,306
[screaming silently]

1588
01:21:47,975 --> 01:21:50,512
[brakes straining]

1589
01:21:58,018 --> 01:22:00,154
[President Gagwell
laughs nervously]

1590
01:22:04,124 --> 01:22:07,529
[laughing]

1591
01:22:10,665 --> 01:22:12,366
We did it.

1592
01:22:13,500 --> 01:22:14,501
We did it.

1593
01:22:14,636 --> 01:22:16,638
[all cheering]

1594
01:22:20,974 --> 01:22:24,978
[all cheering]

1595
01:22:28,415 --> 01:22:31,418
You know, I'm just
getting out of something,

1596
01:22:31,553 --> 01:22:35,055
so not really looking for
anything serious right now.

1597
01:22:36,691 --> 01:22:38,325
But it was really fun.

1598
01:22:41,361 --> 01:22:43,665
You first. I'm gonna go slip

1599
01:22:43,798 --> 01:22:45,966
into something
a little more comfortable.

1600
01:22:46,099 --> 01:22:47,401
Okay.

1601
01:22:53,140 --> 01:22:55,743
-Tess.
-Deedles.

1602
01:22:59,046 --> 01:23:00,314
Oh.

1603
01:23:02,216 --> 01:23:04,418
[indistinct lively chatter]

1604
01:23:07,988 --> 01:23:09,924
[excited chatter]

1605
01:23:10,057 --> 01:23:11,559
[man] Come on. Let's go.

1606
01:23:17,097 --> 01:23:18,999
Look who it is.
Look who it is. Come on.

1607
01:23:19,132 --> 01:23:22,236
Finally, people
who know who I am. Oh!

1608
01:23:22,369 --> 01:23:24,137
[Tess] No, DeeDee,
I think nobody can tell

1609
01:23:24,271 --> 01:23:26,674
-you're not wearing pants.
-Yes, they can tell.

1610
01:23:26,808 --> 01:23:29,544
-There's so many people here.
-My goodness. Hi, how are you?

1611
01:23:29,677 --> 01:23:30,778
Hi.

1612
01:23:31,178 --> 01:23:32,881
Well, it's a little moist
here, isn't it?

1613
01:23:33,013 --> 01:23:35,617
-It's a little moist.
-We've never been to Florida.

1614
01:23:36,350 --> 01:23:38,853
Tess, DeeDee,
you just saved countless lives.

1615
01:23:38,987 --> 01:23:40,555
Tell me how you feel.

1616
01:23:41,121 --> 01:23:42,924
I just wish Cal
could have seen this.

1617
01:23:43,056 --> 01:23:45,192
-Aw.
-[Cal] DeeDee!

1618
01:23:46,293 --> 01:23:48,495
[DeeDee] Cal, you're alive.

1619
01:23:48,630 --> 01:23:50,430
I know when
I fell into the ravine,

1620
01:23:50,565 --> 01:23:53,033
it looked like
I was definitely gonna die,

1621
01:23:53,166 --> 01:23:54,501
but I didn't.

1622
01:23:54,636 --> 01:23:56,370
I broke every bone in my body.

1623
01:23:56,503 --> 01:23:58,706
All I thought about was you,
DeeDee.

1624
01:23:58,840 --> 01:24:01,141
On the brink of death,
I was rescued

1625
01:24:01,275 --> 01:24:03,277
by a valet
who was on a hike.

1626
01:24:03,410 --> 01:24:06,446
She was incredibly well-trained,
and her name was--

1627
01:24:06,581 --> 01:24:08,482
Wait, Barb? How did you...

1628
01:24:08,616 --> 01:24:11,686
I'm a lot of things, girls,
but nothing for too long.

1629
01:24:13,320 --> 01:24:15,255
Barbra, you're an angel.

1630
01:24:15,389 --> 01:24:19,326
Cal, I need to tell you
something.

1631
01:24:19,459 --> 01:24:22,296
What, that you're in love
with me?

1632
01:24:23,031 --> 01:24:25,934
-How did you know?
-Because you said it, like,

1633
01:24:26,066 --> 01:24:28,036
eight times
in the conductor cabin.

1634
01:24:28,168 --> 01:24:30,738
You kept looking at me, and
then you would just glaze over

1635
01:24:30,872 --> 01:24:33,440
like you were fantasizing
about something.

1636
01:24:33,575 --> 01:24:37,377
And sometimes,
you looked at my body too.

1637
01:24:38,780 --> 01:24:40,848
I don't know
why this is taking so long.

1638
01:24:40,982 --> 01:24:42,517
Just kiss already.

1639
01:24:45,687 --> 01:24:47,055
Ow! My shoulder!

1640
01:24:47,187 --> 01:24:48,288
[groans]

1641
01:24:48,422 --> 01:24:50,959
You grabbed
my exposed bone.

1642
01:24:51,626 --> 01:24:53,695
DeeDee, meet me in the ICU.

1643
01:24:53,828 --> 01:24:56,330
-I need to use your insurance.
-He does like you.

1644
01:24:56,463 --> 01:24:58,465
[Tess] I can't believe
you did that.

1645
01:25:00,200 --> 01:25:02,070
Thank you, Madam President.

1646
01:25:02,202 --> 01:25:03,805
No, Donna.

1647
01:25:03,938 --> 01:25:06,741
Thank little Joanie Muggins.

1648
01:25:09,209 --> 01:25:10,310
Who?

1649
01:25:10,778 --> 01:25:13,146
Tess, DeeDee,
a word for the <i>Times.</i>

1650
01:25:13,280 --> 01:25:17,051
Oh, we did it, DeeDee.
We saw America.

1651
01:25:17,184 --> 01:25:19,119
[crowd cheering]

1652
01:25:19,252 --> 01:25:20,588
You heard it here first.

1653
01:25:20,722 --> 01:25:23,156
We are live
from Celebration, Florida.

1654
01:25:23,290 --> 01:25:26,828
This is Shayna
Gefilte-Manischevitz.

1655
01:25:28,096 --> 01:25:29,931
Wait. One more thing.

1656
01:25:30,064 --> 01:25:31,599
We're missing someone.

1657
01:25:33,166 --> 01:25:35,369
[crowd cheering]

1658
01:25:38,205 --> 01:25:41,876
[triumphant music playing]

1659
01:25:55,188 --> 01:25:56,791
<i>♪ All aboard the party train ♪</i>

1660
01:25:56,924 --> 01:25:58,492
<i>♪ Hurry up and don't be late ♪</i>

1661
01:25:58,626 --> 01:26:00,128
<i>♪ Doo wop, don't you stop ♪</i>

1662
01:26:00,260 --> 01:26:01,596
I mean,
the only thing that worked

1663
01:26:01,729 --> 01:26:04,431
on this whole train
is I got snacks once.

1664
01:26:04,565 --> 01:26:06,199
Can you believe
we didn't even die?

1665
01:26:06,333 --> 01:26:08,102
Have a lovely day, sir.

1666
01:26:08,603 --> 01:26:11,338
NASA,
<i>The Real Housewives of Potomac,</i>

1667
01:26:11,471 --> 01:26:14,307
BET, MTV, VH1.

1668
01:26:14,441 --> 01:26:17,879
[snickers] XstyleC.

1669
01:26:18,780 --> 01:26:19,747
Sorry, guys.

1670
01:26:19,881 --> 01:26:21,983
One of which
just got burned up by...

1671
01:26:22,550 --> 01:26:24,952
Mine fire that's been
burning for 50 years.

1672
01:26:25,953 --> 01:26:27,622
[laughs] I'm sorry.

1673
01:26:27,755 --> 01:26:30,190
[all laughing]

1674
01:26:30,323 --> 01:26:32,860
[crew member]
Five, six, seven, eight.

1675
01:26:33,360 --> 01:26:36,764
Oh, my God. Damn.

1676
01:26:36,898 --> 01:26:38,599
[laughing]

1677
01:26:38,733 --> 01:26:40,467
We hope you enjoyed your ride.

1678
01:26:40,601 --> 01:26:42,737
Please come back
and see us again soon.

1679
01:26:45,640 --> 01:26:48,308
Thank you for choosing
Glamazonian Express.

1680
01:26:48,442 --> 01:26:51,579
-Hope you had a nice trip.
-Enjoy your day.

1681
01:26:51,713 --> 01:26:53,614
-Talk about dead weight, right?
-Mm.

1682
01:26:53,748 --> 01:26:56,818
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Oh, yeah.

1683
01:26:56,951 --> 01:26:58,586
-Oh.
-Oh.

1684
01:26:58,720 --> 01:26:59,654
Okay. Cut.

1685
01:26:59,787 --> 01:27:01,388
[crew member] Cutting. Cutting.

1686
01:27:01,522 --> 01:27:04,926
Nice ascot. I wish your ass
got hit by a bus.

1687
01:27:05,059 --> 01:27:07,461
[laughing]

1688
01:27:08,596 --> 01:27:10,732
Oh, shit. Okay. I'm sorry.

1689
01:27:10,865 --> 01:27:12,667
-Okay.
-Don't forget your bag.

1690
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:14,802
We hope you enjoyed your ride.

1691
01:27:14,936 --> 01:27:16,403
Whee!

1692
01:27:19,574 --> 01:27:21,274
The conductor
would like us to tell you

1693
01:27:21,408 --> 01:27:25,713
that we're approaching
inclement weather ahead.

1694
01:27:27,014 --> 01:27:30,151
I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have looked at you.

1695
01:27:30,718 --> 01:27:33,621
Congratulations,
you are a Miranda.

1696
01:27:33,755 --> 01:27:36,256
Gentle and compassionate,
but also--

1697
01:27:36,389 --> 01:27:38,492
[laughing]

1698
01:27:40,061 --> 01:27:40,962
Okay.

1699
01:27:41,095 --> 01:27:42,063
I hope you had a pleasant

1700
01:27:42,196 --> 01:27:43,263
and enjoyable ride.

1701
01:27:43,396 --> 01:27:45,066
Come back again soon.

1702
01:27:45,199 --> 01:27:46,366
[gasps]

1703
01:27:47,101 --> 01:27:51,038
You see, this is exactly
why we don't talk to you girls.

1704
01:27:54,274 --> 01:27:58,713
You see, this is exactly--
Would you stop it. Sorry.

1705
01:27:58,846 --> 01:28:00,848
-My face hidden?
-You are.

1706
01:28:00,982 --> 01:28:03,283
[stifled laughter]

1707
01:28:03,416 --> 01:28:04,786
[clears throat]

1708
01:28:06,120 --> 01:28:09,456
You see, this...

1709
01:28:10,758 --> 01:28:13,293
Sorry. Fuck. I got it, I got it,
okay. Here we go.

1710
01:28:13,426 --> 01:28:15,930
[crew member] And look right
into the camera. Mouth open.

1711
01:28:16,063 --> 01:28:18,566
The burning flesh!

1712
01:28:20,433 --> 01:28:22,703
-[crew member] And... Cut.
-[crew laughing]

1713
01:28:22,837 --> 01:28:24,972
-Come again.
-I plan on it.

1714
01:28:25,106 --> 01:28:26,373
Oh!

1715
01:28:26,874 --> 01:28:27,975
What the hell?

1716
01:28:28,408 --> 01:28:29,944
[chuckles]

1717
01:28:31,045 --> 01:28:33,047
[grunting]

1718
01:28:34,215 --> 01:28:36,050
[laughs] This is so stupid.

1719
01:28:37,685 --> 01:28:39,754
<i>♪ All aboard the party train ♪</i>

1720
01:28:43,791 --> 01:28:45,560
-Have a lovely day.
-Love your nails.

1721
01:28:45,693 --> 01:28:47,562
-You would.
-Oh, God.

1722
01:28:48,763 --> 01:28:52,667
And you two will never be
Glamazonian material.

1723
01:28:57,004 --> 01:29:00,373
-[crew member] Okay. Wow.
-[all laughing]

1724
01:29:00,508 --> 01:29:02,310
[crew member] And cut. Okay.

1725
01:29:02,442 --> 01:29:04,312
On to the next scene.
[laughs]

1726
01:29:04,444 --> 01:29:06,614
-What is that?
-What is this?

1727
01:29:07,248 --> 01:29:09,317
I think it's shampoo.

1728
01:29:09,449 --> 01:29:11,219
-Is that funny?
-Is it shampoo?

1729
01:29:11,351 --> 01:29:13,821
[crew member] Okay, cut. Let's
clean up their hands, please.

1730
01:29:13,955 --> 01:29:15,590
-Well, it smells good.
-It smells great.

1731
01:29:16,157 --> 01:29:17,925
Thank you for riding with us,
ma'am.

1732
01:29:18,059 --> 01:29:19,492
Please don't touch me.

1733
01:29:21,863 --> 01:29:24,065
-Ugh, it was polyblend.
-Mm.

1734
01:29:24,198 --> 01:29:26,734
Don't worry. I've got this.

1735
01:29:28,870 --> 01:29:30,470
-Passengers!
-[crew member] Oh, my God.

1736
01:29:30,605 --> 01:29:33,841
So too early. Nun.

1737
01:29:34,175 --> 01:29:36,143
[crew laughing]

1738
01:29:36,310 --> 01:29:38,145
[all laughing]

1739
01:29:38,411 --> 01:29:40,014
-Religious freedom.
-[crew member] You're so sweet.

1740
01:29:40,147 --> 01:29:42,016
I'm glad you're praying
for everybody.

1741
01:29:42,149 --> 01:29:45,485
Oh, wait! Stop that train!

1742
01:29:45,620 --> 01:29:47,288
Thank you for choosing
Glamazonian.

1743
01:29:47,420 --> 01:29:49,489
-Yuck, not you again.
-Wait, but I'm--

1744
01:29:49,624 --> 01:29:51,659
-That's lovely.
-Oh!

1745
01:29:56,197 --> 01:29:57,464
[gasps]

1746
01:30:02,970 --> 01:30:04,906
Uh... Hello?

1747
01:30:07,108 --> 01:30:08,475
Hello?