1 00:00:08,189 --> 00:00:09,189 Bless you. 2 00:00:12,130 --> 00:00:13,130 Bless you. 3 00:00:13,450 --> 00:00:14,450 I'm not Christian. 4 00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:18,010 I'm not an ordained priest or anything. 5 00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:19,490 I was just being polite. 6 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:23,350 I'm the one that's not all over me because you don't know how to cover your 7 00:00:23,350 --> 00:00:25,410 hole. Not a Christian. 8 00:00:26,490 --> 00:00:28,250 No, you're a... 9 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,500 Well, at least now you know I'm not a Christian either. 10 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:48,680 Oh, hello. 11 00:00:50,260 --> 00:00:51,260 How are you? 12 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:57,200 You're a good -looking crowd. 13 00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:00,200 Welcome to Ursula. 14 00:01:01,370 --> 00:01:06,430 This may come as no big surprise, but I get a bit worked up when people say 15 00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:08,170 unnecessary shit to me. 16 00:01:08,410 --> 00:01:11,770 I don't know if you're the same. Like anything can tip me over the edge. 17 00:01:12,450 --> 00:01:16,310 You know when you go to pay with your card and when you go to tap, there's 18 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,850 always some 12 -year -old with milk around the mouth that goes, it's not 19 00:01:19,890 --> 00:01:21,970 you've got to tap on the side. You go, shut the fuck up. 20 00:01:30,060 --> 00:01:32,480 couple of toys. How about that? How about that? You like that? 21 00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:38,400 But then I also, I'm the first one to put my hand up and say, yeah, I do 22 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,760 from early onset Karen. 23 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,660 Do you ever watch those videos and go, I don't see a problem here. 24 00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:49,660 We have to go check the comments to see what this poor bitch did wrong. 25 00:01:50,580 --> 00:01:54,940 Honestly, I am with those women. I am with those women a hundred percent till 26 00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:58,100 they get to the homophobia and the racism. I'm like, okay, I'm out. 27 00:02:07,050 --> 00:02:08,310 He's got your father's ears. 28 00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:09,889 He's got your test results. 29 00:02:11,009 --> 00:02:12,010 Please sit down. 30 00:02:12,210 --> 00:02:13,210 No, I'm good. 31 00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:14,470 I prefer standing. 32 00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,110 These are pretty serious results. 33 00:02:16,610 --> 00:02:17,890 Come on, honey, sit down. 34 00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:22,690 No, and you cannot force me. It's against my will and goes against the 35 00:02:22,690 --> 00:02:24,250 Convention. I know my rights. 36 00:02:24,490 --> 00:02:25,490 Okay, suit yourself. 37 00:02:26,610 --> 00:02:27,850 Firstly, how are the symptoms? 38 00:02:28,590 --> 00:02:31,670 Excuse me, none of your business. It's a privacy issue. 39 00:02:33,110 --> 00:02:35,590 As you can see, she's gotten worse. 40 00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:38,760 Lots of anger, public outbursts. 41 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,380 We've been arguing with a lot of waiters lately. 42 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,000 I know. I've seen the videos online. 43 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,780 This is menopause. Move on. 44 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,140 I'm afraid it's much more serious than menopause. I'm sorry to tell you this, 45 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,880 but you've contracted early -onset Karen. 46 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,280 No. Oh, no. 47 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,620 How is this possible? 48 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,140 I'm afraid the results are conclusive. 49 00:02:58,460 --> 00:03:01,140 Well, I'll tell you what. I want to talk to your supervisor. 50 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,780 How long do we have? Not long, I'm afraid. As you can see... The virus has 51 00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:08,020 already spread throughout Ursula's internal organs. 52 00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:10,140 That's a myth. 53 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:15,900 Well, this is all fine and dandy, but I don't recognise you as an authority to 54 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:16,900 diagnose me. 55 00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:25,180 Look, we did your ancestry and it turns out you come from a very long line of 56 00:03:25,180 --> 00:03:28,800 Karen's. Look. What is this? 57 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:33,860 Why are these women all so beautiful but all so crazy? 58 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:35,600 No. 59 00:03:36,220 --> 00:03:37,580 Is this me? 60 00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:39,140 Is this my future? 61 00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:42,060 What happened to him? What will happen to me? 62 00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:46,380 They're so beautiful. 63 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:47,980 Robust, but beautiful. 64 00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:49,880 I don't know! 65 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,580 How's this possible? 66 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,820 I don't understand what's happening. 67 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,140 Should I be wearing a mask or something? 68 00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:13,260 You should be fine. We haven't seen the disease mutate, which is lucky because 69 00:04:13,260 --> 00:04:14,920 currently there's no cure. 70 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,060 You have to do something. Yes. Give me something right now. 71 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,100 Okay. Take this number. 72 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,360 Is it for a specialist? 73 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,000 No. 74 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:24,520 That's for the local council. 75 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,080 You'll be calling them a lot to complain about the garbage man. 76 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,760 Even better. Thanks. 77 00:04:32,910 --> 00:04:37,990 You know, who knows? Maybe I can fight this, you know. I don't feel so bad, you 78 00:04:37,990 --> 00:04:39,770 know. Don't worry, we'll get you through this. 79 00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:42,170 Oh, nice, Ollie. 80 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,250 Thanks, lady. 81 00:04:44,290 --> 00:04:47,690 Well done, you. 82 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:52,750 Oi! 83 00:04:53,570 --> 00:04:54,570 Can't you hear me? 84 00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:59,230 It says no skateboarding. There are children who play in this area. Somebody 85 00:04:59,230 --> 00:05:00,230 could get hurt. 86 00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:01,630 Oh, my God. 87 00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:07,860 Sorry. She's on a period. 88 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,119 I'm not. 89 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,060 I should have punched him in the head. 90 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,200 It's not too late. 91 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:32,720 $10 ,000. 92 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,620 All right, donkey ducks. 93 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:42,500 I need a mainstream TV idea that families can watch together and that 94 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:47,680 advertisers will love, but more importantly, will keep the cashola in my 95 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,820 and you pack a horse or flip a pole. 96 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:53,060 So hit me with your ideas. What have you got? 97 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,680 I've got one. 98 00:05:57,140 --> 00:06:01,220 The skin I was born in. A heartfelt... 99 00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:06,830 an honest documentary about body image and beauty standards in today's society. 100 00:06:06,990 --> 00:06:11,410 We follow these brave souls on their journey towards acceptance. 101 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,110 Wow, a show about fat people. I love it. 102 00:06:15,490 --> 00:06:19,890 Well, it's more a show about body image. 103 00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:21,450 Fat Fuck Island. 104 00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,770 Oh, I love it, Bob. 105 00:06:23,990 --> 00:06:25,270 Talk us through the idea. 106 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:29,750 Okay, so fat people on an island and potentially they fuck. 107 00:06:30,410 --> 00:06:31,830 Oh, that's too neat. 108 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,129 They would. 109 00:06:33,130 --> 00:06:34,690 They would do that. They would. 110 00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:35,889 They try. 111 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:38,310 There's a lot of gut. Could be part of their contract. 112 00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:39,610 Yeah. Must fuck. 113 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:43,190 Yeah, I mean, I... Or, take them out in the country. 114 00:06:43,890 --> 00:06:46,170 Fat farmer wants a fat wife. 115 00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:52,710 Oh, that's great. I think that's straying quite far from my... I've got 116 00:06:52,850 --> 00:06:53,850 She's cooking now. 117 00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:56,750 Married at fat site. You don't know who's coming. 118 00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:57,990 You can hear them. 119 00:07:00,050 --> 00:07:01,490 Fat Ninja Warrior. 120 00:07:01,890 --> 00:07:06,430 Oh, my God. Try and hold on to a rope, am I right? The Fat Singer. 121 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:09,110 Who is it? They all sing opera. 122 00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,470 OK, RuPaul's Fat Race. 123 00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:18,330 The Great British Fat Horse. Fat guy for a queer guy. Dumpy, kind of dumpy. I 124 00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:23,410 think we've gone a little... I've got it. 125 00:07:23,990 --> 00:07:25,630 Fatty, Fatty Fight Club. 126 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,350 OK, hear me out. 127 00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:31,720 We put a whole bunch of fatties together. All the weight that they lose 128 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:35,780 a tank, okay? And then once a week, we get two of these jumbos to fight each 129 00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:40,540 other. And then the winner gets to eat cake, of course. And the loser goes into 130 00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:41,540 the fat tank. 131 00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:43,760 Fat tank Friday. 132 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:50,780 Yes! I love it. I love it. Great, Trish. Honestly, Trish, this was remarkable. 133 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,900 Well done. Great idea. This isn't my idea. That's your idea. 134 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,000 This is your idea. I just punched it up. Yeah. 135 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:01,230 A little bit. It was talking about a wholesome documentary to do with body 136 00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:03,290 image. Yeah, and this has all of that. 137 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:08,290 Plus it has fighting and a fat tank. That's right. You should be proud of 138 00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:10,010 yourself. Take this moment, okay? 139 00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:12,710 Do you have any other amazing ideas, Trish? 140 00:08:13,430 --> 00:08:19,630 What about at the end if there's a ball pit filled with pudding 141 00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:22,790 and they have to eat their way out? 142 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:27,540 Because we're fat. 143 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,260 I'm so sorry that you had to hear that. 144 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,840 Shouldn't have said that, Trish. It's too much. 145 00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,100 It's too much, Trish. 146 00:08:35,539 --> 00:08:40,179 I mean, she said way worse than... Because I can't. 147 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,620 Because you're fat? 148 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,860 Trish, what the... Because it is my lived experience. 149 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,080 I have that bra extension. 150 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:52,980 You don't see me pitching ideas on your tour, do you? I'm not out here going, 151 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:57,680 hey, guys, how about we make a TV show about an ugly, skinny, hairy bitch? 152 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:03,219 Yeah, Trish. 153 00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:05,860 There might be something in that, boss. I think that idea has legs. 154 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:10,300 Yes. Ugly, skinny, hairy legs. Write it down. Yes, yes, yes. 155 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,160 Trish's legs. 156 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,880 Hairy. And barren. Bitch. 157 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,200 Barren. 158 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:23,140 I guess don't mess with me in a meeting, is all I'm saying. 159 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:29,780 Can we just step to a more serious side? I do want to talk to you about your 160 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:36,480 health, specifically mammogram, all right? Now, ladies, we got them titties. 161 00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:42,780 And, you know, you have to make... Like, I'm not judging them. That's not why 162 00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:45,500 we're here. I'm not going to get you to flop them out unless you're completely 163 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:46,640 comfortable with that. 164 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,400 No? Okay, just checking. It's worth checking. It's worth checking. 165 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,760 Just run that past you, all right? 166 00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:57,680 No, men, I don't know if you know this, but men can get breast cancer too. This 167 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,060 isn't a joke. Like, it's true. Men can get breast cancer. A lot of men don't 168 00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:04,420 know that. So, boys, tomorrow morning when you're in the shower, just for a 169 00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:09,760 split second, we'll take your hand off your deck and just feel, just feel that 170 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,380 everything's all right there, okay? 171 00:10:13,439 --> 00:10:17,000 And you know what? While you're going to the doctor for a mammogram, why don't 172 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:21,440 you get yourself a little smear? And I know that is not high on the popularity 173 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:26,020 scale things to do at the doctor's. You know, you go in and they always go, just 174 00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:29,100 take your clothes off and put the robe on. I'll just wait outside for you. I'm 175 00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,100 like, no, stay. 176 00:10:32,060 --> 00:10:33,420 Why would you go out? 177 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:35,660 Just stay here. 178 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,340 Plus, I don't take my clothes off anymore. I go, no, you're all right. 179 00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:41,000 pull my knickers to the side for you. 180 00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,520 I go, chuck it in, trust me, it'll fit. 181 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:51,400 If your doctor's not comfortable with that, then respect them, say, hey, don't 182 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,960 worry about it, I'll lower myself down on it. 183 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,460 All righty, let's take a good look down there, see what's going on. You feeling 184 00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:06,020 OK? No, I feel like you're about to shuck my oyster. 185 00:11:06,460 --> 00:11:09,120 Right, well, you might feel some pressure. You just scream out if it 186 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,120 uncomfortable at any point. 187 00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:11,260 OK. OK. 188 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:13,490 Well... In we go. 189 00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:15,390 Oh. 190 00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:18,930 What? What's wrong? 191 00:11:20,390 --> 00:11:21,390 That's interesting. 192 00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:22,810 What's interesting? 193 00:11:24,930 --> 00:11:25,930 Huh. 194 00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:32,970 You have, in my personal and professional experience, the smallest 195 00:11:32,970 --> 00:11:33,970 ever seen. 196 00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:34,789 Is it? 197 00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:36,510 Tiny. Oh, my God. 198 00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:38,110 And quite frankly, petite. 199 00:11:38,670 --> 00:11:39,529 That's amazing. 200 00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:40,930 I didn't think I was going to hear that today. 201 00:11:41,230 --> 00:11:42,370 Can I get a second opinion on this? 202 00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:43,570 I'd love it. 203 00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:44,870 This is going to make Mark's day. 204 00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:46,590 Hey, Mark. 205 00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:48,110 It's one of the best days ever. 206 00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:50,870 Oh, whoa. 207 00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,850 The whole gang's here. I should have sold tickets for this show. 208 00:11:55,870 --> 00:11:56,829 It's extraordinary. 209 00:11:56,830 --> 00:11:58,130 I know. I've never seen anything like it. 210 00:11:58,750 --> 00:11:59,750 It's quite remarkable. 211 00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:01,090 Oh, thank you. 212 00:12:01,810 --> 00:12:02,810 What do you think? 213 00:12:02,850 --> 00:12:05,470 That is officially the smallest pussy on record. 214 00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:06,870 Oh, my God. 215 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,440 Well done. 216 00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:09,980 Mine's huge. 217 00:12:10,140 --> 00:12:11,140 Yeah, no, it is massive. 218 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,200 I can hear it. It sounds like the ocean. 219 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,020 Excuse me. 220 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,280 I've got London on the line. Hi, London. 221 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:19,560 Good Lord. 222 00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:20,860 Thank you, London. 223 00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:22,860 It's how big Ben is to know. 224 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,380 Oh, fisherman, what do you think? It's so small. 225 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,240 I'll kiss it and throw it back. 226 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,820 Has anyone actually measured it? 227 00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:35,680 It's a flawless melee. 228 00:12:36,060 --> 00:12:40,270 Decolor. Eye of clarity, but with a brilliance and sparkle beyond its 229 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:44,650 Wow. What do you think, designer of toys with many small moving parts? 230 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:46,870 Basically a choking hazard. 231 00:12:47,870 --> 00:12:51,990 Oh, you'd better keep Pinocchio out of this. That boy tells one lie. 232 00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:56,190 This is honestly the best day of my entire life. 233 00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:58,850 Right, well, now let's check the anus. 234 00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:01,410 Oh, we don't need to do that. 235 00:13:02,330 --> 00:13:06,350 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Guys, it only looks big! 236 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,320 This is my vagina. It's so small. 237 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,700 I like your hair. Thank you, Bubby. 238 00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:18,280 It's gorgeous work. 239 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:23,400 Okay, lovebirds. Welcome to your wedding cake tasting. 240 00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:29,440 Bon appetit. I've been waiting for this day for longer than the actual wedding 241 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:30,359 date. Gosh. 242 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:31,860 You know cake is my everything. 243 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,820 Should we? Yes. Let's do it. 244 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,400 Mmm. 245 00:13:37,290 --> 00:13:41,970 That is to die for. The best. Oh, good. Thank you, ladies. Thank you. It has 246 00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:47,370 been a privilege to bake for such a beautiful couple. 247 00:13:47,590 --> 00:13:48,590 Oh, my God. 248 00:13:49,050 --> 00:13:54,870 But now for my favourite part, the wedding cake toppers. Oh, my God. 249 00:13:55,190 --> 00:14:00,270 I didn't sleep last night. Okay, first up, we have the lovely Lisa. 250 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:11,920 Oh, my gosh, I love it. And also, do you recognise that's your mum's wedding 251 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,660 dress? Baby, did you do that for me? I did do that. 252 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,700 Making this was like carving the Venus de Milo. 253 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,400 Oh, thank you. 254 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,860 Now, your bride. 255 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,460 I'm so nervous now. 256 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:28,560 Don't be nervous. I am. We have Ursula. 257 00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:30,180 What is this? 258 00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,540 Why is it so heavy? 259 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,320 It's a thing made from lead. 260 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:35,980 This is... 261 00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:41,690 This thing is the hunchback of Notre Dame. It should be living under a bridge 262 00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:45,510 and not be on top of a couch. Look, I think she looks beautiful. 263 00:14:45,810 --> 00:14:47,630 There's nothing in this that looks like me. 264 00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:53,470 Well, this thing's got lopsided tits. That's not me. Hey, I love your lopsided 265 00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:55,410 tits. Look at the butt on this thing. 266 00:14:55,730 --> 00:14:59,910 Kim Kardashian on this side. Harris Hilton on this side. It looks like a 267 00:14:59,910 --> 00:15:03,900 bulldog. And they're a chihuahua trapped in a bag. And why is this nose this 268 00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,980 size? It's like half the face of this nose. 269 00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:08,400 And what is this white stuff in the front here? 270 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,420 Did a seagull shit on it before he brought it out? 271 00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:16,000 This is hideous. Okay, all right. Now, listen, I've never once had a complaint. 272 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,760 Well, allow me to be the first. 273 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,520 Now, I have made a backup. Would you like to see it? Yeah, thanks. Okay. 274 00:15:21,780 --> 00:15:26,720 Fantastic. I think you're going to like this one a little bit more. Oh, what do 275 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,660 you think of that? 276 00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:32,300 We think that's you. 277 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:37,120 I wouldn't have thought so. It's got the hat. It's got the apron. It's even 278 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,520 holding another little cake topper in its cake topper hand. 279 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:42,080 Would you look at that? 280 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000 So is. 281 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,480 Let's just see what it looks like. 282 00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:49,980 There. 283 00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:53,920 I think we can work with this. 284 00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,580 Are you trying to muscle in on my marriage? 285 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,060 Oh, I see what's happening. You want to steal my bride? Take it. Have it. 286 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:06,540 Live your lives and I will steal your cake. You can't steal something you've 287 00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:07,540 already bought. 288 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:13,800 Oh, babe. 289 00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:20,900 I can see it now. 290 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,140 Enjoy each other. 291 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,280 We'll leave. 292 00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:32,930 Did you guys watch the poo cruise? 293 00:16:33,770 --> 00:16:34,770 Listen. 294 00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:42,090 My heart, when people say, you should do a comedy cruise, I would rather run 295 00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:43,930 full speed into a fucking wood chipper. 296 00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:52,330 Why would you risk going on a cruise when the possibility exists that a crew 297 00:16:52,330 --> 00:16:55,870 member will hand you a bag and go, henceforth, you'll be shitting in that. 298 00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:58,970 No, Sam. 299 00:16:59,210 --> 00:17:03,030 I watched that poo cruise thing and even if you haven't watched it, you can 300 00:17:03,030 --> 00:17:04,690 figure it out. Poo cruise. 301 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,970 It's like you didn't have to watch two girls one cup. You just know it's gross. 302 00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:18,690 The thing that disappointed me the most about that poo cruise documentary is the 303 00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:24,430 fact that no one butch lesbian took control of that ship and went, oi, no 304 00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:25,430 shitting in a bag. 305 00:17:25,849 --> 00:17:28,670 Okay, we're all going to be shedding over starboard. 306 00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:34,670 If you need to go for a shit, just hang your ass over the side of the ship. 307 00:17:35,070 --> 00:17:39,230 It's a little trust exercise with your partner. They will hold your hands as 308 00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:40,990 you're shedding over the side of the ship. 309 00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:44,870 And just watch your mouth. Don't be saying stuff like, you're just like your 310 00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:45,870 mother. 311 00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:52,730 One of my biggest passions in life is crime documentaries. 312 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:58,280 Who loves a good crime doctor? Yes, how good. Do you hear how that's a lot of 313 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:03,340 women? I think it was even with me, like I am slowly planning the perfect 314 00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:04,340 murder. 315 00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:09,140 I reckon I'm about this far away from nailing it. I just need to figure out a 316 00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:14,840 way to get my mother -in -law to my house without a paper trail to me. 317 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,760 I'm kidding, she's dead. 318 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,920 Just to me, she's still alive. To other people, she's dead to me. 319 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:30,980 I got a job. 320 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,800 Classic smash and grab. 321 00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:36,660 Bank heist. And to pull it off, we need an elite team. 322 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,880 That's why I brought all you here. 323 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,780 Leo, best safe cracker in the game. 324 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,100 I get in, I get out. 325 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:47,920 Like a ninja. 326 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,360 Like a ninja. 327 00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:52,200 Barker. Weapons specialist. 328 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:53,860 Anyone gets in my way? 329 00:18:56,540 --> 00:18:57,540 I get an S. 330 00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:58,820 Wheels. 331 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:00,700 Getaway driver. 332 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:03,800 McCain brothers. 333 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,600 Muscle. 334 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:10,020 And lastly, the brains of the operation. 335 00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:12,720 This is Ursula. 336 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:14,880 Hello, boys. 337 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,080 How's it going? 338 00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:17,260 Who the hell is this? 339 00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:19,920 Man, I've never heard of no Ursula. Oh. 340 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,560 I'm the mastermind of the operation. 341 00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:23,519 Popcorn, anyone? 342 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,420 What makes you think you're the mastermind? 343 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:31,000 Simple. I've watched every single true crime documentary ever made, so I know 344 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,300 how to get away with every crime. 345 00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:35,560 Bullshit, you can't have seen them all. I mean, there's far too many. 346 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,800 Mate, I'm a stay -at -home mum. I watch it while I'm doing my chores. 347 00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:41,710 Tell them what you know, Urs. 348 00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:47,450 I know how to rob banks and boot diamonds and swindle women on Tinder. I 349 00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:51,970 how to lead cults and run pyramid schemes and kill people on staircases. 350 00:19:51,970 --> 00:19:54,370 name it. I had a consult on the London job. 351 00:19:55,270 --> 00:19:56,430 Didn't those guys get caught? 352 00:19:56,670 --> 00:20:00,290 Yeah, but they wouldn't have if they'd used their left hands to write the 353 00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:03,330 note. Got that one from the jinx. It's my favourite. 354 00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:07,650 Ursula knows everything that's going to happen before it even happens. 355 00:20:08,430 --> 00:20:09,249 That's right. 356 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,250 Now prove it. 357 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:14,910 Easy. Usually on a heist like this, the day before, one of the members just up 358 00:20:14,910 --> 00:20:18,870 and leave without explanation. You know what? The hell with this. I'm out of 359 00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:19,870 here. 360 00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:23,150 Told you. And then someone in the team will just turn up dead. 361 00:20:26,130 --> 00:20:31,170 And the murderer is usually someone you would least expect, like a male family 362 00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:32,670 member. It was him. 363 00:20:35,390 --> 00:20:37,650 God, she's good. 364 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,440 Good? We just lost three of our men. 365 00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:43,500 Who's going to be our muscle? Who's going to drive it? Bigger worry. 366 00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:45,180 Who's the rat? 367 00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:47,100 Rat. Good rat. 368 00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:51,640 Well, on a tight group like this, one of you is normally a narc. And in this 369 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,100 group, I'm going to say... 370 00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:59,820 It's you. 371 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,160 What? Walker! I say it isn't so! 372 00:21:03,540 --> 00:21:04,780 I don't know what she's talking about. Hi. 373 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,600 He's a cop! 374 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:09,760 Really? 375 00:21:09,980 --> 00:21:11,100 That's not what he looks like. 376 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:25,920 Cover's blown. 377 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,080 He didn't back up. 378 00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:28,500 Really, Parker? 379 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:29,700 How could you? 380 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,240 I'm sorry. 381 00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:35,800 I knew that was going to happen. 382 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,140 Right, so I'll kill the cop. Any advice? 383 00:21:38,860 --> 00:21:43,540 Well, try not to leave any DNA at the scene. And whatever you do, do not go on 384 00:21:43,540 --> 00:21:45,300 true crime docker and accidentally confess. 385 00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:46,580 So embarrassing. 386 00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:48,100 Thanks, Urs. You're the best. 387 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:49,320 Watch your back. 388 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:51,340 What are you doing, Leo? 389 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:53,440 Parker was my friend. 390 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,160 And my lover. 391 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:59,340 Oh, yeah, I forgot to say, usually at one of these things, someone always 392 00:21:59,340 --> 00:22:00,340 in love. 393 00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:01,680 Wouldn't you say something? 394 00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:03,820 Are you kidding? This is the best part. 395 00:22:04,940 --> 00:22:06,140 Put your gun down, Leo. 396 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,160 Yeah, put the gun down, big dang. 397 00:22:17,820 --> 00:22:21,320 My gosh, best crime and wine night ever. 398 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,080 It's pretty exciting. 399 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:27,320 God, I could kill for a finger bang, I tell you what. One of these boys is 400 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,320 alive. 401 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,720 It'll be a whole different night. 402 00:22:34,890 --> 00:22:39,050 Well, I guess what we can take away from this is make sure you get your 403 00:22:39,050 --> 00:22:42,890 checkups. Go to the doctor. Go talk to your doctor. But also make sure it's not 404 00:22:42,890 --> 00:22:45,790 a creepy doctor that'll bring 40 people in to look at your clacker. 405 00:22:47,290 --> 00:22:52,070 But I must go now because I have to hop on a cruise so I can go join Fat Fuck 406 00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:54,930 Island. You guys have been absolutely amazing. 407 00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:56,290 Good night. 408 00:22:59,410 --> 00:23:00,410 That's interesting. 409 00:23:00,470 --> 00:23:01,710 What? You. 410 00:23:02,570 --> 00:23:04,250 And I apologise if this is coming on a bit forward. 411 00:23:06,570 --> 00:23:07,570 What's that? 412 00:23:12,510 --> 00:23:14,290 It's the number one thing we've got to do. 413 00:23:14,670 --> 00:23:15,670 Don't sniff the glove. 414 00:23:15,790 --> 00:23:18,670 Now, for the cake toppers. Yes, first things first. 415 00:23:19,110 --> 00:23:20,570 I love the box, Evan. 416 00:23:23,790 --> 00:23:24,950 Cake toppers. Yes. 417 00:23:25,330 --> 00:23:26,690 I even like the box. 418 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:31,410 We've heard. 419 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,400 Next up, Urschel. 420 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:36,680 Oh, my. 421 00:23:37,140 --> 00:23:38,140 Sorry, 422 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:40,120 I hate myself. 423 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:41,420 I hate you too. 424 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:42,900 Urschel. Oh, my. 425 00:23:44,460 --> 00:23:47,280 Stop it. It has been a privilege to bake. 426 00:23:49,540 --> 00:23:51,560 I would like the privilege of baking.