1 00:00:00,342 --> 00:00:03,436 Kids, your uncle Barney had been called a lot of names over the years. 2 00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:04,354 Jerk! 3 00:00:05,575 --> 00:00:06,693 Bastard! 4 00:00:07,794 --> 00:00:08,983 Barack Obama Jr.?! 5 00:00:10,883 --> 00:00:12,844 And yes... We can. 6 00:00:13,473 --> 00:00:16,157 But there's one name none of us ever expected to hear him called. 7 00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:17,314 Boyfriend. 8 00:00:17,637 --> 00:00:19,540 Barney Stinson is my boyfriend. 9 00:00:19,665 --> 00:00:22,677 I've said it, like, a hundred times it still sounds weird to say. 10 00:00:22,802 --> 00:00:25,711 Well, anything sounds weird if you say it a hundred times. 11 00:00:26,387 --> 00:00:27,137 Bowl. 12 00:00:28,072 --> 00:00:28,865 Bowl. 13 00:00:30,462 --> 00:00:31,212 Bowl. 14 00:00:31,992 --> 00:00:33,982 But other than that, things are good? 15 00:00:34,374 --> 00:00:35,301 I don't know. 16 00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:37,321 I think he's been single for too long. 17 00:00:37,446 --> 00:00:39,263 The other night, I wake up at 4:00 a.m. 18 00:00:42,078 --> 00:00:43,278 Are you awake? 19 00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:52,235 This is not a one-night stand. We're dating. Come back to bed. 20 00:00:58,722 --> 00:01:01,702 That's happened three times. It's not just that, it's other things. 21 00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:05,540 What's wrong? 22 00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:09,544 It was just one thing after another at work today, and then... 23 00:01:09,738 --> 00:01:11,686 I found out my aunt's in the hospital. 24 00:01:11,811 --> 00:01:13,881 I'm just, I'm feeling so overwhelmed and... 25 00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:18,183 What you need to do is talk through this stuff. 26 00:01:19,009 --> 00:01:19,762 Thanks. 27 00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,988 And, once you're off the phone with Lily, 28 00:01:22,113 --> 00:01:24,596 I'll be down in the bar ready to have sex. 29 00:01:28,127 --> 00:01:31,315 Look, I'm not the touchy-feely-est person in the world, but... 30 00:01:31,793 --> 00:01:34,527 - A little more effort would be nice. - I understand. 31 00:01:34,721 --> 00:01:37,219 I guess, in a lot of ways, Barney doesn't stack up. 32 00:01:37,344 --> 00:01:39,777 I mean, you've had some pretty incredible boyfriends. 33 00:01:45,018 --> 00:01:47,206 No, that's not it. I don't know. 34 00:01:47,839 --> 00:01:50,150 Maybe he just doesn't have it in him. 35 00:01:50,934 --> 00:01:52,545 Maybe this thing's a big mistake. 36 00:01:55,135 --> 00:01:57,174 - She really said that? - And she meant it. 37 00:01:57,696 --> 00:02:00,725 Trust me. I dated Robin for a year. If you don't want to lose her, 38 00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:02,454 you gotta try a little harder. 39 00:02:02,579 --> 00:02:04,849 Be more attentive to where she is emotionally. 40 00:02:04,974 --> 00:02:06,684 Just... be present. 41 00:02:07,081 --> 00:02:08,625 - Yes, totally. - Yeah. 42 00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:10,699 Only thing, and this is just me... 43 00:02:10,824 --> 00:02:12,720 I like my testicles attached to my body, 44 00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:15,580 rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. 45 00:02:15,705 --> 00:02:16,635 Stinson out! 46 00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:19,977 But then a funny thing happened. 47 00:02:20,244 --> 00:02:23,803 Over the next couple weeks, Barney was thoughtful, considerate... 48 00:02:24,447 --> 00:02:25,247 Sweet. 49 00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:27,288 In short, the perfect boyfriend. 50 00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:30,082 Which, to Robin, meant only one thing. 51 00:02:30,277 --> 00:02:31,876 - He's cheating on me. - What?! 52 00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:34,629 Why else would he buy me flowers? He's gettin' some on the side. 53 00:02:34,823 --> 00:02:38,257 Come on, Barney's not the type of guy who would... Go on. 54 00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:40,586 He keeps saying he's working late. 55 00:02:40,711 --> 00:02:42,929 When I call his office, they say he left hours ago. 56 00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:45,375 - That doesn't prove anything. - Yes. Proof. 57 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,868 Good word. I'm glad you brought that up. 58 00:02:48,227 --> 00:02:50,728 Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning. 59 00:02:51,053 --> 00:02:52,855 And what do you plan on doing with it? 60 00:02:53,049 --> 00:02:56,859 We... You and I, are going to open it up and look for evidence. 61 00:02:57,428 --> 00:03:00,134 Ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere. 62 00:03:00,259 --> 00:03:02,323 Stop! Stop! Eye contact. 63 00:03:03,018 --> 00:03:05,931 Listen to me. Robin Scherbatsky is many things: 64 00:03:06,193 --> 00:03:07,428 friend, confidant, 65 00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:09,631 occasional guest star in some confusing dreams 66 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:12,282 that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. 67 00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:14,961 But she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch. 68 00:03:15,502 --> 00:03:16,454 Let go. 69 00:03:18,828 --> 00:03:20,610 I've been down in the basement storage area 70 00:03:20,735 --> 00:03:23,086 going through the stuff that Lily and I left when we moved out. 71 00:03:23,211 --> 00:03:25,346 Sorry. We should've cleared it out for you much sooner. 72 00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:28,099 - There's a basement storage area? - You're not upset. 73 00:03:28,293 --> 00:03:30,434 Good. Baby, guess what I found. 74 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:39,777 - That's great, honey. - What the hell is that? 75 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:44,045 Marshall got it in college. He used it as a nightstand for years. 76 00:03:44,476 --> 00:03:47,660 Until we found out that Lily was allergic to barrel resin. 77 00:03:47,854 --> 00:03:49,434 - Barrel resin? - Just go with it. 78 00:03:49,559 --> 00:03:52,390 - So you need a hand throwing it out? - No, I'm not... 79 00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,583 I'm not just going to throw her out, OK? 80 00:03:54,778 --> 00:03:56,419 Mabel's like family. 81 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,630 So, what are you going to do with Mabel? 82 00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:02,266 I want to give her away, to a lucky new owner. 83 00:04:02,391 --> 00:04:04,944 - Do you know anyone? - Yeah, let me think. 84 00:04:05,069 --> 00:04:06,929 Do I know any rodeo clowns? 85 00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:10,933 That's weird, I do. But even Lenny wouldn't go near that mess. 86 00:04:11,289 --> 00:04:15,286 He's not going to have the chance, because I am putting old Mabel 87 00:04:15,607 --> 00:04:16,880 in the Bermuda triangle. 88 00:04:17,737 --> 00:04:20,369 "The Bermuda triangle" was the name we'd given years earlier 89 00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,922 to the curb right in front of our building. 90 00:04:24,128 --> 00:04:26,890 Whenever we wanted to give something away, we'd put it right there. 91 00:04:31,773 --> 00:04:33,023 It was uncanny. 92 00:04:34,313 --> 00:04:36,083 This is so exciting. 93 00:04:36,278 --> 00:04:38,762 Right now there's some out there who has no idea that tonight 94 00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,987 they're going home with just... 95 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,049 just the best barrel. 96 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,385 Let's just hope they're not allergic to barrel resin like Lily here. 97 00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:48,220 Be cool, baby. Damn! 98 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,604 - See you, sweetie. Good luck. - Bye, babe. 99 00:04:53,056 --> 00:04:55,478 - Now, can we please get out of here? - I'll grab my coat. 100 00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:05,225 - A college notebook?! - Oh, my god, he's cheating on me 101 00:05:05,350 --> 00:05:06,601 with some college girl. 102 00:05:06,726 --> 00:05:09,158 I knew there was a skank, but I thought she'd at least be dumb. 103 00:05:11,872 --> 00:05:13,113 "Birthday: July 23. 104 00:05:13,238 --> 00:05:15,277 "Favorite hockey team: the Vancouver Canucks. 105 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,966 Age: 29, but tells people that she's 26." 106 00:05:18,594 --> 00:05:20,614 Oh, my god, these are notes about me. 107 00:05:20,739 --> 00:05:22,755 Or some 29-year-old version of me. 108 00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:28,467 I hope I'm not too late! I want to see the look of joy on the new owner's face! 109 00:05:33,941 --> 00:05:35,341 She's still there! 110 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:38,685 Okay Mabel, let's find you a new home. 111 00:05:39,451 --> 00:05:40,756 Here comes a guy! 112 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,289 He just walked, walked right on by it. 113 00:05:44,608 --> 00:05:47,812 He's probably rushing home to get a handcart or something. 114 00:05:47,937 --> 00:05:49,480 Yeah! Better hurry up, pal. 115 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,771 What are you guys doing with Barney's secret Robin notebook? 116 00:05:56,558 --> 00:05:58,108 Let me rephrase that. 117 00:05:59,136 --> 00:06:01,956 Did you two ladies lose some weight? 118 00:06:03,050 --> 00:06:04,370 What do you know about this? 119 00:06:05,053 --> 00:06:07,707 Why would Barney have a notebook full of information about me? 120 00:06:08,828 --> 00:06:09,580 Well... 121 00:06:09,705 --> 00:06:10,668 The truth was... 122 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,458 Barney was taking a night school class... 123 00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:15,369 ... taught... by me. 124 00:06:15,678 --> 00:06:18,164 Welcome to Robin 101. 125 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,453 Synchro: ShalimarFox, Titou 126 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,941 .:: La Fabrique ::. 127 00:06:36,078 --> 00:06:38,430 Why is Ted teaching a class about me? 128 00:06:38,905 --> 00:06:40,849 It all started a few weeks ago. 129 00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:44,116 ... rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. 130 00:06:44,241 --> 00:06:45,848 Stinson out! 131 00:06:50,449 --> 00:06:51,709 Stinson back in. 132 00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:55,835 Say, hypothetically, I did 133 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,871 want to change who I am to become a better boyfriend to Robin, 134 00:06:58,996 --> 00:07:00,697 which I do not! 135 00:07:02,099 --> 00:07:04,456 What kind of changes are we talking about? 136 00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:07,334 Why, I mean, there's just so much you need to know about her. 137 00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:09,434 Okay, for starters, 138 00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:12,464 don't ever cry in front of her. 139 00:07:14,051 --> 00:07:15,551 And whatever you do, 140 00:07:16,274 --> 00:07:18,590 don't cry in front of her four times. 141 00:07:20,011 --> 00:07:22,038 Hey, guys. What you talking about? 142 00:07:22,163 --> 00:07:23,350 Fantasy football. 143 00:07:25,572 --> 00:07:27,938 They realized they couldn't talk about this stuff at the bar, 144 00:07:28,116 --> 00:07:31,144 and since you live with Ted, they had to find someplace safe. 145 00:07:31,269 --> 00:07:33,243 So... Ted's classroom. 146 00:07:33,799 --> 00:07:35,904 "How to date Robin Scherbatsky." 147 00:07:36,336 --> 00:07:37,288 Lesson one. 148 00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:39,516 Now, even though she puts up a tough exterior, 149 00:07:39,641 --> 00:07:41,660 what Robin really wants, deep down... 150 00:07:41,838 --> 00:07:44,371 - I'm bored. - You said you wanted my help. 151 00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:46,623 Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard? 152 00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:49,709 - We did that already. - No, like, really big boobs. 153 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,192 No. Look, I need this, too. 154 00:07:52,317 --> 00:07:54,838 I've only been a professor a few weeks. Being up here, it's, 155 00:07:54,963 --> 00:07:57,092 - it's good practice for me. - Can we've class outside? 156 00:07:58,147 --> 00:08:00,847 What Robin really wants deep down is... 157 00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,045 - Barney! - What? 158 00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:05,783 I'm tweeting about you. 159 00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:07,380 You should be flattered. 160 00:08:07,505 --> 00:08:09,980 How do you spell blah-blah-blah, "H'S" or no? 161 00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:13,900 You were just, like, the worst student in the world, weren't you? 162 00:08:14,322 --> 00:08:16,825 They said I had A, D... something. 163 00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:18,697 Can we have class outside? 164 00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:21,027 Barney, I'm only gonna say this once, 165 00:08:21,306 --> 00:08:22,617 so listen up. 166 00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:26,734 I love you and I love Robin. And I want to make this work. 167 00:08:27,101 --> 00:08:29,458 So if you give me a few weeks of attention, 168 00:08:29,583 --> 00:08:31,919 I could give you a lifetime of happiness. 169 00:08:32,236 --> 00:08:33,547 Can you do that for me? 170 00:08:33,809 --> 00:08:37,389 Do you think I should get sports illustrated for 70% off the cover price? 171 00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:38,758 Can we have class outside? 172 00:08:39,701 --> 00:08:42,151 I got to find a way to reach this kid. 173 00:08:43,062 --> 00:08:44,512 "Class number two." 174 00:08:44,747 --> 00:08:46,507 "Top ten Robin Scherbatsky 175 00:08:46,632 --> 00:08:48,818 facial expressions and their meaning." 176 00:08:49,411 --> 00:08:51,464 Now, notice the vacant eyes, 177 00:08:51,589 --> 00:08:54,396 the pale, queasy expression, suggesting nausea. 178 00:08:54,521 --> 00:08:57,133 - What do these mean? - You guys just had sex? 179 00:08:59,924 --> 00:09:00,867 Wasn't me. 180 00:09:01,393 --> 00:09:04,167 Dude! I worked really hard on these slides, okay? 181 00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:05,785 Can we just... 182 00:09:06,674 --> 00:09:07,992 This look is hunger. 183 00:09:08,117 --> 00:09:11,251 If you ever see her looking like this, get some food in her quick, 184 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:13,504 or one of two things will happen. One: 185 00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,628 weird, out-of-context laughter. 186 00:09:17,188 --> 00:09:18,038 Or two: 187 00:09:18,606 --> 00:09:21,519 spontaneously falling asleep in strange places. 188 00:09:21,983 --> 00:09:22,844 But... 189 00:09:23,577 --> 00:09:26,806 the most important facial expression of all? 190 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,604 That's a building. 191 00:09:31,957 --> 00:09:34,596 That's for my class. The Flatiron building. 192 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:36,493 Fun story about it. 193 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,604 It was designed by Chicago's Daniel Burnham 194 00:09:38,729 --> 00:09:41,146 in the beaux arts style; this architectural gem was one... 195 00:09:41,271 --> 00:09:42,548 - Dude! - Right. 196 00:09:43,311 --> 00:09:46,159 The most important facial expression of all. 197 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,303 Flared nostril ridges. 198 00:09:56,213 --> 00:09:57,962 Wide, unblinking eyes. 199 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,398 If you ever, 200 00:10:00,591 --> 00:10:02,461 ever see this face, Barney, 201 00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:04,304 run. 202 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,213 And don't take a picture of it. 203 00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:08,788 She will punch you. 204 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,159 And you will cry... 205 00:10:12,213 --> 00:10:13,763 for the third time... 206 00:10:15,224 --> 00:10:16,271 that night. 207 00:10:20,747 --> 00:10:22,598 Which brings us to an important point, 208 00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:25,358 defusing the bomb. 209 00:10:25,911 --> 00:10:27,787 "Defusing the bomb"? 210 00:10:27,912 --> 00:10:29,439 What does that even mean? 211 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:32,323 "Three topics to distract Robin from being mad at you". 212 00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:34,455 "Distract" me? That is so condescending. 213 00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:36,619 These guys are really starting to piss me off! 214 00:10:36,846 --> 00:10:39,370 "Immediately switch the conversation to one of the following, 215 00:10:40,586 --> 00:10:43,459 "unless you want Robin to start throwing her shoes". 216 00:10:44,787 --> 00:10:45,787 One: 217 00:10:46,481 --> 00:10:48,539 "Vancouver Canucks 2004 division title." 218 00:10:49,508 --> 00:10:51,972 What?! That's not distracting. 219 00:10:52,097 --> 00:10:54,978 That's just talking about the story of a scrappy little underdog team 220 00:10:55,103 --> 00:10:58,066 that prevailed despite very shaky goaltending and, frankly, 221 00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,050 the decling skills of Trevor Linden. 222 00:11:01,472 --> 00:11:02,472 Two: 223 00:11:03,303 --> 00:11:05,439 "Proper gun cleaning and maintenance". 224 00:11:06,817 --> 00:11:08,484 You have to clean your gun. 225 00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,410 My uncle had a filthy old shotgun, 226 00:11:10,535 --> 00:11:12,535 blew his thumbs off trying to shoot a beaver. 227 00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:14,189 You want to distract someone, 228 00:11:14,314 --> 00:11:16,534 make them watch my uncle try to eat corn on the cob. 229 00:11:18,097 --> 00:11:19,097 Three: 230 00:11:20,241 --> 00:11:21,543 "Emperor penguins." 231 00:11:22,536 --> 00:11:24,544 Did you know that before intercourse, 232 00:11:24,669 --> 00:11:27,919 the male and female emperor penguins bow to each other? 233 00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:29,698 Mr. Penguin. 234 00:11:30,285 --> 00:11:31,435 Mrs. Penguin. 235 00:11:31,913 --> 00:11:34,511 Oh, God, silly penguins acting all fancy. 236 00:11:36,725 --> 00:11:38,256 What were we talking about? 237 00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:40,015 Looks like we got a taker. 238 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:42,685 Come on, dude. 239 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,599 You know you want to. 240 00:11:44,724 --> 00:11:46,974 A guy like you, beard, no mustache. 241 00:11:47,213 --> 00:11:49,817 You're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. 242 00:11:50,702 --> 00:11:51,418 Do it. 243 00:11:53,311 --> 00:11:54,911 That's not a fire hydrant! 244 00:11:55,036 --> 00:11:57,017 What... For shame, sir. 245 00:11:57,142 --> 00:11:58,075 For shame! 246 00:11:58,474 --> 00:12:01,874 I bet you couldn't even grow a mustache if you wanted to. 247 00:12:02,265 --> 00:12:03,414 Neither can you. 248 00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,082 He doesn't know that, baby! 249 00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:09,628 Ted's only teaching Barney horrible things about me. 250 00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:11,264 I don't know. 251 00:12:11,776 --> 00:12:13,757 Check this out. This is kind of sweet. 252 00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,514 Now, we all know Robin's not what you'd call "touchy-feely." 253 00:12:18,639 --> 00:12:21,514 She doesn't say "I love you" like a normal person. 254 00:12:21,639 --> 00:12:23,699 Instead, she'll laugh, 255 00:12:23,824 --> 00:12:26,724 shake her head, give you a little smile and say 256 00:12:26,993 --> 00:12:28,563 "You're an idiot." 257 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,106 "You're an idiot"? 258 00:12:31,202 --> 00:12:33,860 If she tells you you're an idiot, you're a lucky man. 259 00:12:35,173 --> 00:12:38,365 And if she does say "I love you", she's already broken up in her mind. 260 00:12:39,657 --> 00:12:41,701 It's nice that Ted knows you that well. 261 00:12:41,888 --> 00:12:43,787 Too bad, it's next to a page entitled... 262 00:12:44,202 --> 00:12:47,082 "Robin Scherbatsky's surprising erogenous zones." 263 00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:49,468 Right knee, 264 00:12:50,852 --> 00:12:51,852 ticklish. 265 00:12:52,774 --> 00:12:54,256 Left knee... 266 00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:56,608 Does lefty like that? 267 00:13:00,209 --> 00:13:01,509 Lefty like that. 268 00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:06,322 I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby. 269 00:13:07,159 --> 00:13:09,759 That's like taking fashion advice from... 270 00:13:10,135 --> 00:13:11,435 Well, Ted Mosby. 271 00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:14,374 Here's a good one. 272 00:13:14,499 --> 00:13:16,978 "Top five things never to do around Robin". 273 00:13:18,408 --> 00:13:19,266 Three: 274 00:13:19,391 --> 00:13:22,701 "Never, ever, play the "Guess who?" game with her." 275 00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:23,886 What do you mean? 276 00:13:26,033 --> 00:13:27,039 Guess who? 277 00:13:29,534 --> 00:13:30,959 It's me! It's me! It's me! 278 00:13:31,652 --> 00:13:32,377 Four: 279 00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:35,342 "unless you want to see it 80 times a day, for the next month, 280 00:13:35,467 --> 00:13:38,144 never show Robin a youtube clip 281 00:13:38,361 --> 00:13:40,385 of an animal playing a musical instrument." 282 00:13:41,408 --> 00:13:42,408 Barney! 283 00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:47,409 - Do you have a problem with this class? - It's boring as hell 284 00:13:47,534 --> 00:13:49,060 and I'm not learning anything. 285 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:52,606 Maybe the problem is your attitude. You're not listening to a word I say. 286 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:55,784 Can you hear this, professor? 287 00:13:55,909 --> 00:13:57,959 Or should I turn it up for you? 288 00:13:58,484 --> 00:14:00,506 It may not have been a thumbs-up, kids. 289 00:14:02,243 --> 00:14:04,416 So, you think you're not learning anything? 290 00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:08,351 Pop quiz. 291 00:14:09,484 --> 00:14:12,044 When Robin's PMS-ing, what chocolate should you get her? 292 00:14:12,169 --> 00:14:14,390 - Trick question. Butterscotch. - Correct! Why? 293 00:14:14,515 --> 00:14:17,199 Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women. 294 00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:18,356 Correct! 295 00:14:18,704 --> 00:14:19,921 Robin's dream job? 296 00:14:20,111 --> 00:14:22,469 To become the most successful female tv journalist. 297 00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:25,096 Correct! And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy? 298 00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:27,601 Robin's deep-seated need for attention can be traced 299 00:14:27,726 --> 00:14:29,594 back to her father's emotional distance, 300 00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:32,135 and no success will ever make up for what she truly needs, 301 00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:35,523 which is six simple words from her dad: "Robin, I'm proud of you, eh?". 302 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,587 But I guess you're right. 303 00:14:42,357 --> 00:14:43,933 You haven't learned anything. 304 00:14:45,732 --> 00:14:47,782 Sorry to have wasted your time. 305 00:14:51,053 --> 00:14:52,457 "O captain! My captain!". 306 00:14:58,634 --> 00:15:00,215 How good was dead poet's society? 307 00:15:00,401 --> 00:15:02,634 I know, right? The end? Tears. 308 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:06,463 Can I just say that my deepest need in life 309 00:15:06,588 --> 00:15:08,973 is not to have my father to say "I am proud of you, eh?". 310 00:15:09,356 --> 00:15:11,976 - Then why are you crying right now? - I'm not crying. 311 00:15:12,163 --> 00:15:13,144 Sweetie. 312 00:15:13,732 --> 00:15:15,271 Can I get you some butterscotch? 313 00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:16,815 Stop it. 314 00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:22,293 Wait a second. 315 00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:24,906 It says here that the class meets at 6:15 on Tuesday. 316 00:15:25,169 --> 00:15:26,783 - So? - That's right now. 317 00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:31,754 Now, as you can see, well over 50% of the blankets 318 00:15:31,879 --> 00:15:33,623 have been dragged onto her side. 319 00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:35,407 Make no mistake. 320 00:15:35,607 --> 00:15:38,679 Robin Scherbatsky is a classic, 321 00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:39,857 textbook... 322 00:15:41,081 --> 00:15:42,081 cover hog. 323 00:15:43,857 --> 00:15:45,927 - Any questions? - I have one. 324 00:15:55,141 --> 00:15:56,354 Flared nostril ridges. 325 00:15:56,787 --> 00:15:58,481 Wide, unblinking eyes. 326 00:16:00,161 --> 00:16:01,161 I got this. 327 00:16:01,286 --> 00:16:03,271 So, emperor penguins, 328 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,237 Crazy! 329 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,533 What do you think you're doing? 330 00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:10,368 Marshall, did you sell us out? 331 00:16:10,763 --> 00:16:12,312 I was vulnerable. 332 00:16:12,784 --> 00:16:15,582 I said good-bye to a very dear friend today. 333 00:16:15,786 --> 00:16:17,289 Dude, it's a barrel! 334 00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:19,855 You're giving Mabel away? 335 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,463 I have so many questions. 336 00:16:21,662 --> 00:16:24,257 Why would you do this? What were you thinking? 337 00:16:24,622 --> 00:16:25,943 Who the hell is that guy? 338 00:16:27,363 --> 00:16:30,013 That's Shin-Ya. He's sort of been auditing the class. 339 00:16:30,418 --> 00:16:31,280 "Auditing"? 340 00:16:31,603 --> 00:16:33,643 I tried to explain it wasn't a real class, 341 00:16:33,768 --> 00:16:35,467 but I don't think he speaks english. 342 00:16:35,852 --> 00:16:38,531 On the bright side, he came in handy standing in for you 343 00:16:38,656 --> 00:16:40,267 during the role-playing exercises. 344 00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:44,341 Wait, you did role-playing exercises where I was played by Shin-Ya? 345 00:16:49,627 --> 00:16:51,278 I can't believe you, Ted. 346 00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,739 You actually think you're kind of an expert on me? 347 00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,997 He is an expert. He's a great teacher! 348 00:16:56,184 --> 00:16:56,998 Kiss ass. 349 00:16:57,377 --> 00:17:00,078 You know, half the stuff in this notebook is patently wrong. 350 00:17:00,271 --> 00:17:01,811 Really? Name one wrong thing. 351 00:17:02,076 --> 00:17:04,762 "Robin Scherbatsky's surprising erogenous zones"? 352 00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:07,083 Let me clear something up for you. 353 00:17:07,951 --> 00:17:09,552 Does lefty like that? 354 00:17:13,411 --> 00:17:15,369 Don't want to leave out righty. 355 00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:18,826 The right one's ticklish, I guess. 356 00:17:20,631 --> 00:17:22,968 But the left one, I'm glad you're back there. 357 00:17:23,827 --> 00:17:25,405 Because that is just some... 358 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,469 sweet, sweet lovin'. 359 00:17:29,407 --> 00:17:30,256 Noted. 360 00:17:30,909 --> 00:17:32,875 - That was a lie? - We had just started dating. 361 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,271 I was being nice. 362 00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:36,403 And you. 363 00:17:36,528 --> 00:17:39,352 I got it into my head this week that you were cheating on me. 364 00:17:39,477 --> 00:17:42,079 I even broke open your briefcase to look for evidence. 365 00:17:42,271 --> 00:17:45,255 That is a huge violation of my privacy! 366 00:17:48,979 --> 00:17:49,751 Go on. 367 00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:52,980 You know, in a way, I was right. You cheated. 368 00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,890 You can't get crib sheet on dating me. That's not how it works. 369 00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,404 If we can't figure out how to be with each other 370 00:17:58,529 --> 00:18:00,245 in a real, honest way, 371 00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:02,903 I don't see the point of even trying. 372 00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:18,635 What do you want? 373 00:18:19,044 --> 00:18:20,081 Look. 374 00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:22,433 All that stuff I told Barney... 375 00:18:22,558 --> 00:18:24,808 It was personal between you and me. 376 00:18:25,351 --> 00:18:26,395 I'm really sorry. 377 00:18:27,793 --> 00:18:29,757 I'm impressed by how much you remembered. 378 00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:32,590 It's funny. 379 00:18:33,384 --> 00:18:35,317 When you date someone, it's like you're... 380 00:18:35,442 --> 00:18:37,633 taking one long course in who that person is 381 00:18:37,758 --> 00:18:40,268 and then, when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. 382 00:18:41,414 --> 00:18:43,904 It's the emotional equivalent of an english degree. 383 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,538 I liked the idea of putting all my Robin Scherbatsky 384 00:18:47,663 --> 00:18:49,372 knowledge to good use, you know? 385 00:18:50,977 --> 00:18:53,077 Since you know me pretty well... 386 00:18:54,226 --> 00:18:56,659 Am I fooling myself with this whole Barney thing? 387 00:18:57,175 --> 00:18:58,094 I don't know. 388 00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:01,110 I will say this, though. 389 00:19:01,235 --> 00:19:03,985 I've seen Barney work very hard to get women. 390 00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:07,227 I've seen him work very hard to get rid of women. 391 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,607 I've never seen him work this hard to keep one around. 392 00:19:12,191 --> 00:19:14,226 I was going to give him an A. 393 00:19:14,351 --> 00:19:17,221 Well, B , Shin-Ya kind of screwed up the curve. 394 00:19:22,766 --> 00:19:26,175 Before you say anything, I am done with this stupid Robin 101. 395 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,776 Here, I'll get rid of the notebook. 396 00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:35,390 But there's... 397 00:19:35,639 --> 00:19:38,003 There's something that I did want to say to you. 398 00:19:39,126 --> 00:19:41,095 Robin, I have been with a lot of women, 399 00:19:42,191 --> 00:19:45,257 Blondes, brunettes, redheads. 400 00:19:46,126 --> 00:19:49,770 Big boobs, small boobs, medium boobs. 401 00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:53,566 Some boobs that were big, but kind of in a bad way. 402 00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,689 The point is... Boobs that pointed in opposite direc... 403 00:19:56,814 --> 00:19:57,904 The point is... 404 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,427 I'm really scared that you're going to dump me 405 00:20:03,552 --> 00:20:06,102 and that's why I did this and I'm sorry. 406 00:20:12,163 --> 00:20:13,463 You're an idiot. 407 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:19,926 You know... 408 00:20:20,627 --> 00:20:22,554 That notebook does contain 409 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:23,988 a lot of personal info, 410 00:20:24,113 --> 00:20:25,848 and I think it has my home address. 411 00:20:26,409 --> 00:20:28,009 And your work address. 412 00:20:32,781 --> 00:20:35,632 If you don't want the barrel, can you sit somewhere else? 413 00:20:35,757 --> 00:20:37,904 'cause you're scaring away potential takers! 414 00:20:43,316 --> 00:20:45,296 Designed by Chicago's Daniel Burnham 415 00:20:45,421 --> 00:20:47,161 in the beaux arts style, 416 00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:50,389 this architectural gem was the first of its kind... 417 00:20:50,514 --> 00:20:51,591 Professor Mosby? 418 00:20:52,757 --> 00:20:54,544 That's a woman drinking beer on the toilet. 419 00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,663 Right. That... 420 00:20:58,942 --> 00:21:00,711 was Daniel Burnham's wife. 421 00:21:00,836 --> 00:21:03,337 She was a troubled, troubled woman. 422 00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:04,771 We are moving on.