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[" Blue Dress " playing]
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♪ Wearing a blue dress
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♪ I don't care
Who's president ♪
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♪ I'd rather look
Into the blue sky ♪
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♪ Than hear
A pack of white lies ♪
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[applause]
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Wow, wow, wow,
American Bloomers, folks.
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00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:56,248
An Ears Wide Shut exclusive.
Talking about our
g-g-generation.
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00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:59,551
And, next on the show
is Morning Breezwith
Sheila Browning,
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00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:02,754
on 87.9, Seattle's
public broadcast.
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00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,960
I've gotta go
like five minutes ago.
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-Oh...
-Jeez...
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Say hi
to the Brown Shirts for us.
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-Hi, Sheila.
-Hi.
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00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:18,604
-Hi.
-I have three passes
to the Arctic yoga center.
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-Interested?
-I think I'll take a pass.
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00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:24,176
Oh, yay, because ice yoga
is so trans-formative.
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00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,411
Well, no, I mean I'll pass
on the pass.
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-Okay, Ethan.
-Understand?
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00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:32,317
-Listen, a sub zero
body stretch in a cryo tank.
-Okay, mmm-hmm.
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-How can you say no?
-Read my lips, no ice yoga.
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00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,489
Thank you, though. Have fun.
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00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:42,361
[TV playing]
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00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,265
Sorry, we had
a live musical guest.
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You're the producer
of this show.
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00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:51,036
You wanna be an exclusive
employee of the Tree Humpers
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down the hall,
go ahead be my guest.
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-It won't happen again.
-You're damn right
it won't happen again.
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I'm trusting you with this
show while I'm gone.
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Do try to be on time.
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It's a matter
of self respect, ultimately.
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00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,251
[Voice on Radio] Get ready
for two hours with the
mic from the right,
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00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:09,188
the sage from Seattle,
Mr. Tom Fleischman.
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All right, folks.
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Well, the demon libs are
up to their old tricks again.
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00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,799
Their latest ploy
in dealing with the deficit,
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is to raise the sales tax
on a cup of Joe?
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And their other brilliant idea,
and I'm afraid
this one may pass,
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is to ban all smoking
around the vicinity
of the Space Needle?
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00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:39,551
I mean why don't they just
ban the internal combustion
engine while they are at it?
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Hello!
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All right.
43
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:47,826
We have Cynthia from
Mount Rainier on the line.
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First time calling,
long time admirer.
45
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,831
Well, thank you Cynthia.
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00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,566
And what's on your mind?
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00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,635
Oh, you're
on my mind, Tommy.
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00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,737
Ever since I first laid ears
on you,
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00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,907
I used to be an extremely
fertile liberal, liberal.
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00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:05,644
Well, am glad to know we've
opened your eyes.
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00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:08,547
Oh, you've opened up
a lot of things in me, Tommy.
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00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:12,184
Before I was selling crack
to support a crank habit.
53
00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:14,453
Mixing Miley with Molly.
54
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:17,356
-Even hooking
kept the cable on.
-Heavens!
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00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:22,728
I know I've had nine abortions
in a six month span.
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But, thanks to you, Tommy,
those dark and lustful,
orgasmic nights are gone.
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-You showed me the light
and you turned me on. Oh!
-You!
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I caught you red handed.
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00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:36,141
My hands are not red.
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00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:39,478
I was in the middle
of a tender, gender neutral
moment with my girlfriend.
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00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,313
And you interrupted it.
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00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,248
You one of those
anti-American punks?
63
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:47,619
Well, I'm more anti-stupidity
but, you guys have monopolized
that lately.
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00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,155
Just...
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00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,124
You're a card carrying
pussy, Ethan.
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00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:53,458
[sighs]
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00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,927
[drums playing]
68
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:02,701
Listen, Adrienne, look I saw
a movie once about a real
live talking Jedi.
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00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,470
I'm telling you what, it freaked
me out, I almost switched teams.
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00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:08,940
[laughs]
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00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:11,777
-Adrienne...
-It's so ridiculous.
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It's not ridiculous.
It's not ridiculous, Adrienne.
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00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:18,350
Um, could we talk about
the duplex and your
down payment, please?
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00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:22,054
Hey, Adrienne, do you remember
I can't pay for anything.
I'm cash poor, you know that.
75
00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:25,691
I know because you sunk your
freaking money into a
donut holes scheme.
76
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,860
Which deep fried
your credit score.
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00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,296
Listen, Doughglobes
has franchise potential
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00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,832
A franchise
is like Starbucks, okay?
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00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:38,904
Colonel Sanders was holed up
in a gunny shack in the middle
of Monroe, Kentucky,
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now look where he is.
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Here's your food.
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Thank you. Awesome.
That looks... That's amazing.
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Thank you so much.
That's really nice.
84
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,980
-What is this stuff?
-It's vegan.
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00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,784
Listen let's just switch
subjects, I've got
really good news.
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-You do?
-I do.
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00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:55,887
Great.
What are we talking about?
88
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,089
A voice over part.
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Honey! Honey!
90
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,594
-Thank you. Great.
-1500 dollars.
91
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,830
That's even
better. Nice.
92
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,899
-Okay.
-Yup. We have
to use your studio.
93
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,000
-Is that cool?
-Yeah.
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00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,103
No, seriously. That's great.
Definitely. Yeah, sure.
95
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[soft piano music playing]
96
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:33,825
Governor Sollow promises
a cleaner environment
and yet,
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00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:38,029
his administration has
side stepped the natural
wildlife act at every turn.
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Gutting some 50,000--
99
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,133
More forceful at the end.
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00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:43,769
Baby, if you didn't stare me
down the whole time too
that might be helpful too.
101
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,704
-Cause you're just kind of...
-What?
102
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:51,510
...his administration has
side stepped the natural
wildlife act at every turn.
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Gutting some 50,000 acres
of our state's most pristine
forestry.
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00:06:56,116 --> 00:07:01,586
The Sierra club recently called
Governor Sollow a great
environmental disappointment.
105
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:05,056
Governor Sollow,
how low will he go?
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00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,025
Oh, great right hook.
107
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,627
Right on the kisser.
108
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,095
-I think you did it.
-Great.
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00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,497
Great job.
110
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,533
-Excellent job. Hi.
-Oh, thank you. Hi.
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-Susan.
-I'm Ethan. Nice to meet you.
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Oh, yes, so I finally
get to meet Adrienne's
mystery boyfriend.
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Yeah.
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I'd love for you to meet
my daughter, Julia.
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Hi, so nice to meet you.
So great to have another
soldier on the ground.
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Yeah, it's great to be here.
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We just got her back
after a year in the Sudan.
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That's cool, I'm, uh, I'm Ethan.
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Hi.
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00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,524
So, listen I'm willing to pull
out all the stops for you.
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'Cause I think you're
amazing and I'm here.
So, if you need me...
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00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,897
Thank you, Adrienne. I love
your energy. And you're
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00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,800
already proving invaluable.
Everything is just great.
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00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,636
You know what we really
should get going,
you've got that, uh...
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00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,538
That interview with
The Post.
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00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,041
You've got that fund-raiser
with the preschool.
And a brunch with Aaron Ivenson
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00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:59,144
Oh, well, what I need
is a strong cup of coffee.
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00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,745
Oh, Doughglobes has coffee.
129
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,814
-I don't know
what Doughglobes is.
-It's a donut.
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00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,749
I don't, I don't really
understand you.
131
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:08,220
Anyway, thank you so much.
I can't wait. This is great.
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00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:09,421
Nice meeting you guys.
133
00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:12,023
-Nice to meet you, bye.
-Bye, nice to meet you.
134
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,959
Thanks for the gig,
I really appreciate it.
135
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,360
It's helping out a lot.
136
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,729
You're not getting
paid for this.
137
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,097
What are you talking about?
138
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,700
I mean that goes against
the 8000 dollars
that you owe me.
139
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:26,004
If you want to put a down
payment on a duplex,
that's your decision, not mine.
140
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,640
First of all,
we had a verbal agreement.
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00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,742
Adrienne, you're ridiculous.
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00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,944
Okay, you know what,
that hey...
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00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:36,081
-You know what, that's fine.
-See you, Adrienne.
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00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:44,155
[man on TV] Gold, the universal
symbol of wealth.
145
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,925
Ancient man forged coins
inventing money.
146
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:51,496
Today money
is not always gold, but
thankfully gold is always...
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00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,932
[cellphone ringing]
148
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:54,933
[gasps]
149
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,670
Fuck!
150
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,739
[cellphone ringing]
151
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,174
-Wow!
-Take it easy, Luke.
152
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:06,111
-For fuck's sake.
-It's the station man, sorry.
153
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,480
Yeah, hello?
154
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:11,616
Hey, Rouge, sorry to bother
you, uh, I don't know where
Tom is.
155
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,485
-What do you mean?
-I don't know where he is.
156
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:15,687
-Uh, he's not here.
-Your kidding me.
157
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,556
He's never been
late in eight years.
158
00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:19,558
Um...
159
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,626
Okay, well you're gonna
have to run an old show.
160
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:27,699
The tape is in the vault,
Rouge and it's locked.
161
00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:30,135
Shit.
162
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,571
Yeah, I got the keys. Um...
163
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:38,143
You...
You're gonna have
to cover the show.
164
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:40,845
-What?
-Yeah...
165
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,847
[sighs]
166
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,150
Look, we can't go to dead air,
we'll both lose our jobs.
167
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:48,520
It will just be for a couple
of minutes until Tom gets back.
Okay?
168
00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:50,221
I'm not trained for this.
169
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:53,658
I don't care if you're
a fucking communist.
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00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:57,963
On the Tom Fleischman show
you are a conservative
republican. All right?
171
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,231
Just take a few calls,
let them talk.
172
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,233
Okay.
173
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:05,804
Hey.
174
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,809
Ethan. Ethan.
I have a problem.
175
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,177
What, what is the problem?
176
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,045
Tom didn't show, Rouge
wants me to cover the shift.
177
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:15,814
What's the problem?
178
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,449
You know I get tongue...
179
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,950
[stammering]
180
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:19,918
Tongue tied.
181
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,820
Neil, were your parents mimes?
182
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:25,890
All right, problem solved.
I'll do it.
183
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,225
I could use the paycheck anyway.
184
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,494
-No, I could use the paycheck.
-Rouge would fire me.
185
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:30,929
What about Sheila?
186
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,765
Well, Sheila was in a very bad
ice yoga accident.
187
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,734
She shattered her femur.
188
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,103
How can her karma fuck
my karma? That's not fair.
189
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,338
I'm rooting for you, buddy.
Feel good about you.
190
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:44,542
-Fuck! All right, you do it.
-That's what I thought.
191
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:47,979
Okay, but you have
to be a republican.
192
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,948
-Piece of cake.
-Totally gonna fuck this up,
aren't you?
193
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,916
-What are you talking about?
-Yeah, you're gonna
get me fired.
194
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,752
-No, am not.
-And arrested probably.
195
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,788
Your gonna say something and
it will offend a whole bunch
of people like Donald Trump.
196
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:59,424
You're out of control.
Let's do this.
197
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,701
[recorded voice] Get ready for
two hours with the mic
from the right,
198
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,871
the sage from Seattle,
Mr. Tom Fleischman.
199
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,552
Top of the morning, folks.
I'm Charles Fern.
200
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:32,223
Visiting from out of town,
missing my home where
my heart is.
201
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:35,193
And in the world,
there is a lot of things
in the world.
202
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,262
A lot of things
in the world are happening.
203
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:39,397
And lots going on right now.
204
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,032
Uh, and, and...
205
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:44,169
Actually right now, number
one album in America
today, guys,
206
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,172
is none other than gangster
rapper, Ridicule.
207
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:49,474
And I tell you what,
this album is an outrage.
208
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,042
It is an outrage, all right.
209
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:55,013
This thing is vulgar,
it is virulent
and at times it is vexing.
210
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,582
Let me read you
some of his "poetry."
211
00:11:57,584 --> 00:12:00,452
"N-word what, N-word what,
N-word, please,
212
00:12:00,454 --> 00:12:05,323
I got your p-word in my face
and my d-word up your sleeve."
213
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:09,527
I tell you what, this is enough.
I'm calling for a boycott.
214
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,296
Enough is enough
over here, folks.
215
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,898
Let's tell these people
what they really need to hear.
216
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,468
Let's send a message over
to Periscope records.
217
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:18,937
We're not gonna take it,
no, we're not gonna take it.
218
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,905
No, we're not gonna
take it anymore.
219
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:25,844
My producer Rasputin over
here is telling me that we have
some callers calling in.
220
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:29,414
Uh, Tiffany from Mount Rainer,
state your case please.
221
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:33,151
Hi. I totally agree with
everything that you are
saying, Charles.
222
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:36,087
My four year old boy called
his sister a "hoe" yesterday.
223
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,524
Whoa, a hoe. Wash that potty
mouth out with Pine Sol.
224
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:43,862
Yes, well we found out his
friends at school, they are
playing that rapper music.
225
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:48,199
Ah, Tiffany, well it's all part
of the coarsening of the society
by if it feels good,
226
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:51,369
let's mash it up and stuff
it into a syringe and just
227
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,839
stick it right up my urethra
liberal mentality.
228
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,441
I love your boycott idea.
229
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:59,978
Wow. You know what you are
a wonderful, wonderful
Republican MILF.
230
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:05,416
Mothers of Inspirational
Liberty and Freedom.
231
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:09,554
You're a fine MILF indeed.
Thank you, Tiffany.
Have a wonderful day.
232
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:12,090
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
our country has been hijacked.
233
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,893
It has been overtaken
and overrun,
234
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,862
but, we will not let them
pull the wool over
our eyes anymore, will we?
235
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:20,799
No, we will not
get fooled again.
236
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,700
But, now a word
from our sponsor.
237
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:27,005
Glorious way to start your day,
a delectable assortment
of Doughglobe donut holes.
238
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,808
Tasty, tasty to stuff
your face-y, face-y.
239
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:33,578
Take the MO King exit off
the five and it's right there
on Hudson.
240
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:34,979
Tell him Fern sent ya.
241
00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:39,818
[guitar music playing]
242
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:53,164
Think with the check and that,
243
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,268
you could definitely pitch in.
244
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,170
What?
245
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,739
Are you suggesting that we sell
my grandfather's Martin guitar?
246
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,041
Yeah.
247
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,109
I don't...
Do you know what this is?
248
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,412
I sure do. It's your only asset.
249
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:12,317
Honey, I am stepping up,
you just gotta give me some
more time.
250
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,019
How are you stepping up?
And how much more time?
251
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,864
All right, well I guess we
should be filming right now.
252
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:29,367
What? You're filming?
253
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:31,836
Yeah, I'm filming us.
254
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:32,971
Why are you filming us?
255
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,906
I was filming us
if we're breaking up.
256
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:36,441
Because it should be on tape.
257
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:37,976
We're not breaking up?
258
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,511
That's great. Oh, we're gonna
film our breakup now.
That's great.
259
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:44,883
Hey, everybody, hey, Adrienne
wants to film our breakup.
260
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,319
So, we're just gonna... you
wanna just send this to me?
Then we'll just post it?
261
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,521
No, we don't have
to call anybody.
262
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,790
We'll just send this and we'll
just post it to everybody.
263
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,192
Then that's how
they'll find out.
264
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,027
They'll find out and send it
to the whole world.
265
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,229
You see that face?
You see that face
of an asshole?
266
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,499
Oh, I am the asshole.
I am the asshole.
267
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:07,906
-Can't bug the system.
-Yeah.
268
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,875
Get a ticket.
Pay the ticket same day.
269
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,011
Save yourself a major headache.
270
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,046
Thanks, man.
271
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:17,148
You got a week before
it goes to auction.
272
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,584
Then your car becomes my car.
273
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,555
[sighs] Stupid boot.
274
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:30,528
Now let's head on over
to the vacuum concession stand.
275
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:34,132
Where for premium members
we're offering a thousand
signed copies
276
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,868
of my first ever children's
book, Who's got your back?
277
00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:39,771
It's available now at
BobBernard.com.
278
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:43,107
And of course the usual
merchandise, The Vaccum
is sealed, t-shirts,
279
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,810
sweatpants and blazers
are only a mouse click away.
280
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,346
All righty folks, that's it
from me, I'm Bob Bernard
281
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,616
and until I see you again,
The Vacuum is Sealed.
282
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,819
Hey. Thanks for letting
me stay here, man.
283
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,555
Yeah, of course.
I'm sorry about that.
284
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,324
Yeah, well lock of shame.
285
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:02,327
It's a viscous cycle you know.
You get the lock of shame
because of unpaid parking
286
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,429
tickets, but then it just
creates more unpaid
parking tickets.
287
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,664
Well, everybody knows
the dice are loaded so...
288
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,067
Yeah.
289
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,569
So, what do you wanna do
for your birthday?
290
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,572
I don't know,
probably go cliff diving.
291
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,441
I know a place where
they drain the water.
292
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,444
You know what I mean?
293
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,679
Oh, check this out.
I found this hardcore
track by Ridicule.
294
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,683
♪ He taught me to survive
The Harlem ♪
295
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,118
♪ Sometimes it's harder
296
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,220
♪ Disguised in the dark
Look in the eyes of the ♪
297
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,888
♪ Snake singing
Inside the monster ♪
298
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,857
♪ To rise be divided
Conquer ♪
299
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:36,527
♪ If it's all about money
I don't respect your power
That's weak ♪
300
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:39,163
♪They could prowl and devour
They cowards you ask me ♪
301
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,566
♪ Powers that be mistreat us
Mislead us ♪
302
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,335
♪ Thinking eventually
We gon' bite the hand
That feed us ♪
303
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,438
♪ Some of them
they tried to keep
all up and from them... ♪
304
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:51,542
Hey, Julia.
305
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,080
Oh, hi.
306
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:57,715
Need a lift?
307
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:58,783
[laughs]
308
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,218
That's a joke.
309
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,919
Skateboard, joke, yeah.
310
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,121
Right, got it.
311
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,456
Where you headed?
312
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,192
Harborview hospital.
I'm a nurse, you know.
313
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,660
Cause the outfit
didn't give me away.
314
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,362
I gave blood once.
315
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,265
Which is...
I'm not saying that that's...
316
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:17,068
-Right.
-Comparing to what that is.
317
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:22,540
Sure, um, so I'm sorry,
what do you do anyway?
You're like a voice over person?
318
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:26,110
No, well, I run a radio show.
319
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,979
Called Ears Wide Shut.
320
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,981
-Wait, are you serious?
-Yeah.
321
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:33,985
I love that show. Yes,
I've been trying to figure out
where I knew your voice from.
322
00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:35,353
That's crazy, yeah.
323
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,488
Feels terrific to see all
of you out here.
324
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,124
Standing up
to liberal hypocrisy.
325
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:43,294
Standing up to the bleeding
hearts, I am proud of each
and every one of you.
326
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,263
God, that guy is such a dick.
327
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:49,801
You know, he actually had
the audacity to call my Mom
roadkill that just won't die.
328
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:51,035
Really?
329
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,837
The nastier he gets,
the higher his ratings go.
330
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:56,240
Why don't you get a few more?
Give them to your kids,
get them involved.
331
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:57,608
That sucks.
332
00:17:57,976 --> 00:17:59,110
Yeah.
333
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,914
I haven't been
in a hospital since birth.
334
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,348
[laughs]
335
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:05,750
That's...
336
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:09,754
[laughs] Um, I don't
know do you wanna come
in for a coffee, maybe?
337
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,156
-Sure, yeah.
-I can give you a tour.
338
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,393
It's pretty remarkable how
there are certain films
339
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:18,329
that actually connect
patients to their past.
340
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,398
That's pretty amazing,
how do you pick the films?
341
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:24,268
Well, we have thousands
of movies from Westerns
to Kabuki theater.
342
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:28,306
But, the ones that really hold
the audience's interest
are the love stories.
343
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:30,741
Okay.
344
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,613
Keep them shut.
345
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,182
-Okay.
-Okay, open.
346
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:41,219
No way, a parking permit.
347
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,087
This is amazing,
how did you get this?
348
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,755
I swapped a night shift with
Doctor Carl Murray.
349
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,024
What's the point of having
your BMW if you can't drive it.
350
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:49,727
This is really thoughtful,
Jefferson.
351
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:50,862
Thank you.
352
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,531
Oh, yeah this is my friend...
353
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,700
Ah, Jules, I am late for
a corroded artery.
354
00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:03,174
-Nice guy.
-Yeah, he's great.
355
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,476
-Brilliant surgeon.
-Oh...
356
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:09,780
[piano music playing]
357
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:21,792
Yeah, so this is where
I get to go to work everyday.
358
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:26,564
This is really cool.
359
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:29,467
Yeah, it's part of this new
program where we're studying
360
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,602
the effects of old films
on Alzheimer's patients.
361
00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:35,606
Amazing. What a novel idea.
362
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:43,514
[engine revs]
363
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:51,255
♪ Doesn't matter
How hard yo try ♪
364
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:55,593
Oh, how about
"Love is Like Oxygen"
by Sweet.
365
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,596
-Yeah, sure, why not.
-Great.
366
00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:00,431
What about, um...
367
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,469
What about...
368
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:08,406
"Swept away" from The Very
Best of Yanni.
369
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,107
Sure, yeah, add it on there.
370
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,043
Okay, man, what's going on?
371
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,811
I've tried to get that song
past you before.
372
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,480
Did you get back together
with Adrienne again?
373
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:19,917
No, no, no.
I did meet a pretty cool
girl yesterday, though.
374
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,320
Susan Davis daughter.
375
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,621
-That's interesting.
-Yeah.
376
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:28,526
Her name is Julia.
She's a nurse at
Harborview hospital.
377
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,328
-Admirable.
-Yeah.
378
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,863
[cellphone ringing]
379
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:36,534
Gnarly Neil's hotline.
380
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:37,969
Hello, Neil?
381
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:40,304
No, guess again.
382
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:43,207
-You shitting dog,
you can put Neil on.
-Oh.
383
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:46,244
He's pissy, man.
It's Rouge.
384
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,312
-Hey, Rouge.
-Hey, Neil.
385
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:51,649
So, Tom had a massive stroke.
386
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,951
He can't even move his lips.
387
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:55,820
-No way.
-Way.
388
00:20:56,888 --> 00:21:00,491
Poor guy. So, uh...
389
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:04,862
All channel is coming down
tomorrow and I'm not gonna
make it back till nightfall.
390
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:07,898
All channel is coming to the
station tomorrow?
391
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:12,937
Peter Dennon and company.
Big decisions have to be made.
And, um...
392
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:17,008
Really good job covering.
We got some really
good feedback.
393
00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:20,811
Yeah, it wasn't me.
It was a guest from
next door.
394
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:23,981
-What?
-Some conservative guy
visiting.
395
00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:25,616
Oh...
396
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,119
Okay, he can cover tomorrow,
right, we're paying.
397
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,420
I don't think so.
398
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:33,391
I think he went back
to his home.
399
00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:35,593
No, dude, come on,
I could use the money.
400
00:21:36,328 --> 00:21:38,229
Do it. What are you doing?
401
00:21:38,231 --> 00:21:41,365
Okay, I think I can get him
for tomorrow but after
that he leaves forever.
402
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:45,469
Good, good,
and remember we got
the Ann Alcott interview.
403
00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:46,971
Shit.
404
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,880
[playing "Happy Birthday"]
405
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:18,369
Wow, wow, that was...
[claps]
406
00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:20,137
Jeez, that was fantastic, wow.
407
00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:23,841
Thank you so much.
Happy birthday to us, right?
Happy birthday, Seattle.
408
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:28,045
That's Ears Wide Shut, 87.9.
409
00:22:28,047 --> 00:22:29,313
We gotta go.
410
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:31,248
You got everything?
What is this? This is great.
411
00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:32,416
We're gonna do this.
412
00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:34,852
-They're Dockers?
-They don't wrinkle.
413
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,822
They don't zip?
414
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,990
Proper. I pop. I pop.
415
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:42,026
Well, you look like one of them.
416
00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:48,132
I know.
417
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,534
What are you talking about?
418
00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:54,271
Hey, Mary Sue. Hi, how are you?
419
00:22:54,273 --> 00:22:56,307
What have we got going on here?
420
00:22:56,309 --> 00:22:57,441
It's performance art.
421
00:22:57,443 --> 00:22:59,443
Yeah, this is a character
for our show.
422
00:22:59,445 --> 00:23:02,513
This is your Lois Lane moment
where you get to be sworn
together in secrecy.
423
00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:06,717
Well, I love the fact
that there are true
performers in this building.
424
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,219
I won't your be
your Kryptonite.
425
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:11,055
-Okay.
-Oh, oh, happy birthday.
426
00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:12,990
It's Scott Brooke's greatest
hits on vinyl.
427
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:14,558
I gotta get the tapes,
I'll meet you in there.
428
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,794
He's gotta get the tapes,
so, we'll meet you.
429
00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:19,130
So, tell me Charles,
where you from?
430
00:23:19,132 --> 00:23:23,868
Great question, actually it's
upstate Maine, in the,
431
00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:26,771
the Maine region,
it's a part
of the Maine area.
432
00:23:26,773 --> 00:23:29,673
I didn't realize Maine was big
enough to have an upstate.
433
00:23:29,675 --> 00:23:31,108
[laughing]
434
00:23:31,110 --> 00:23:33,444
Well, it's upstate enough
to know we're not
Canadians, Peter.
435
00:23:33,446 --> 00:23:35,746
You know what I'm saying?
[laughing]
436
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,715
He got it, he got it,
he figured it out.
437
00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:40,618
Oh, look it's our tardy
producer, Rasputin.
438
00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:43,053
Rasputin say hello to Peter
and Ryan from All channel.
439
00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,055
-Nice to meet you.
-Ryan.
440
00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:46,590
I'm sorry, we gotta start.
441
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:47,858
I'm sorry.
442
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,761
Well, good luck to you,
young man.
443
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:52,963
-Sure.
-Show me your magic.
444
00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:54,298
I'll be up here listening.
445
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,434
-Great, thanks Peter.
-You got it.
446
00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:57,568
All right.
447
00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:01,806
[recorded voice] Get ready for
two hours with the mic
on the right,
448
00:24:01,808 --> 00:24:05,109
the sage from Seattle,
Mr. Tom Fleischman.
449
00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:09,680
Hello, and welcome fellow
Seattlites, I'm Charles Fern,
450
00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:13,217
your humble guest host,
and I'll tell you what, wow,
we have a great show today.
451
00:24:13,219 --> 00:24:16,821
And I am amped after my third
cup of Doughglobes coffee
452
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:20,424
that blends symphonically
with this buttermilk
Doughglobe that you can
453
00:24:20,426 --> 00:24:22,760
get down off the five
on Hudson.
454
00:24:22,762 --> 00:24:26,630
It's called Doughglobes, folks,
tell them Fern sent ya.
455
00:24:26,632 --> 00:24:31,302
Magnifico, anyway with us
in the second segment is
renowned commentator Ann Alcott.
456
00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:33,771
But first, some election news.
457
00:24:33,773 --> 00:24:36,207
Wow, and I tell you what
the papers are hot today.
458
00:24:36,209 --> 00:24:39,376
Today's Seattle Post has
governor Sollow up
by six points.
459
00:24:39,378 --> 00:24:41,579
But, this is not good
news for the governor.
460
00:24:41,581 --> 00:24:44,081
This left leading Kool Aid
drinking whore-mongers,
461
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:47,651
marshaled their forces
again and what say
you Seattle?
462
00:24:47,653 --> 00:24:49,753
Let's take a call here
and discuss.
We have a caller here.
463
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:51,489
Rasputin, is there
someone on the line?
464
00:24:52,457 --> 00:24:53,958
Do you wanna speak
into the microphone?
465
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,760
The folks at home think
you are some kind of a ghost.
466
00:24:58,430 --> 00:25:01,031
The phone lines
are all blinking, Sir Charles.
467
00:25:01,033 --> 00:25:04,535
Caller state your case
and make it snappy,
krackerjackie.
468
00:25:04,537 --> 00:25:11,475
Yeah, I'm Ron and I just,
I really wanna say that I
really like Susan Davis.
469
00:25:11,477 --> 00:25:16,347
Oh, yeah, isn't she wonderful?
Wow. Yeah, she is kind
of likable.
470
00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:20,951
If you're smoking a three
foot bronze bong,
you mangy hippie.
471
00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:23,087
I resent that.
472
00:25:23,089 --> 00:25:24,455
Well, you resemble it, Ron.
473
00:25:24,457 --> 00:25:26,857
You're just another yellow
belly, taxes spending,
cut and run
474
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:28,092
toking, smoking,
475
00:25:28,094 --> 00:25:31,228
midnight coking,
porn making liberal
is what you are.
476
00:25:31,230 --> 00:25:34,431
I don't make porn.
I watch it.
477
00:25:34,433 --> 00:25:37,768
Well, schlemiel schlimazel,
Ron, you can't hate the sin
and love the sinner,
478
00:25:37,770 --> 00:25:39,403
can we baby,
that's masturabitorial,
479
00:25:39,405 --> 00:25:40,738
self-aggrandizement that
you lefties
480
00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:42,540
love to wax on about.
481
00:25:42,542 --> 00:25:44,441
Let's have a moment
of honesty here, Ron.
482
00:25:44,443 --> 00:25:48,445
All your huffing and puffing
has caught up with you,
you are in a perpetual
483
00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:50,381
John Holm sized hangover,
484
00:25:50,383 --> 00:25:54,251
you've got your gerbaise
of the dark side of your
Luna, comprehende?
485
00:25:55,987 --> 00:25:56,887
That's not fair.
486
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:58,622
Oh, it's not fair, Ron?
Is it not fair?
487
00:25:58,624 --> 00:26:01,525
Well, listen you are
a trembling,
simpering puss puss.
488
00:26:01,527 --> 00:26:03,127
Well, woof-woof, prune juice.
489
00:26:03,129 --> 00:26:06,997
It's time to take a cold
dark look at the mouse
in the mirror, baby.
490
00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:08,732
[crying]
491
00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:16,040
Is that a cry?
Are you crying?
492
00:26:16,042 --> 00:26:19,076
Is he crying?
Are you a baby
man crying, Ronnie?
493
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,578
Are you crying, Ronnie?
494
00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,513
Do we have any Kleenex for
Ron, guys?
495
00:26:22,515 --> 00:26:24,214
Can we get a runner out?
496
00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:27,384
Rasputin, do you wanna send
a runner out to
get some Kleenex?
497
00:26:27,386 --> 00:26:28,953
[laughing]
498
00:26:28,955 --> 00:26:32,122
You want a little pillow?
You want a little blanket, Ron?
[laughing]
499
00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:34,858
Yeah, you're right.
500
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:37,795
My life is a fucking mess.
501
00:26:39,164 --> 00:26:40,664
I split with my wife.
502
00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:43,167
The bank will
foreclose my house.
503
00:26:46,137 --> 00:26:47,738
[sniffing]
504
00:26:50,775 --> 00:26:52,309
Well, Ron, I'll tell you what.
505
00:26:52,944 --> 00:26:55,145
You have just been fernatized.
506
00:26:55,147 --> 00:26:57,615
You have been fernatized, Ron.
507
00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:06,657
Yes, Ron, take a deep breath
and smell the fresh chlorine
scented Republican air.
508
00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:13,230
We're talking about Ann Alcott's
new book
A Brief History of Liars
509
00:27:13,232 --> 00:27:14,498
From Hitler to Hilary.
510
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,634
I mean in a word,
amazing balls.
511
00:27:16,636 --> 00:27:20,604
I'm glad you liked it.
Eleventh week as New York
Times bestseller list.
512
00:27:20,606 --> 00:27:22,206
Your such a wunderbar writer.
513
00:27:22,208 --> 00:27:24,475
I mean your pros so turgid,
your arguments so cleft.
514
00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:26,677
And with a francophile
sense of language,
515
00:27:26,679 --> 00:27:29,947
coupled with a healthy disdain
for French culture and their
people in general.
516
00:27:29,949 --> 00:27:33,017
I mean this is just,
this is wonderful.
517
00:27:33,019 --> 00:27:35,919
I should have had you write
my back cover, Charles.
518
00:27:35,921 --> 00:27:38,722
Well, I'll be your back door
man anytime, Ann.
519
00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:42,526
Such a lovely American.
You're great.
520
00:27:42,528 --> 00:27:46,263
And, to my listeners,
listen I am so touched
by your support.
521
00:27:46,265 --> 00:27:48,599
Grateful for your perspicacity.
522
00:27:48,601 --> 00:27:51,368
I'm Charles Fern, ferning off.
523
00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:54,905
You have something
really special here, Peter.
524
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,141
I think you are right, Ann.
525
00:27:58,143 --> 00:28:00,577
You did a pretty good job,
today, Charles.
526
00:28:00,579 --> 00:28:04,381
Oh, well, don't josher
josher, Peter Piper.
527
00:28:04,383 --> 00:28:06,850
I have never known Peter
to josh, Fern.
528
00:28:06,852 --> 00:28:08,952
You are a real talent.
529
00:28:08,954 --> 00:28:10,788
Gosh, well, thank you,
that's very touching.
530
00:28:10,790 --> 00:28:14,024
-That's lovely.
-Tell us, Mr. Fern.
531
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:17,194
-What are your future plans?
-My plans are plains.
532
00:28:17,196 --> 00:28:20,264
I unfortunately have to swish
on back to Maine tomorrow.
533
00:28:20,266 --> 00:28:22,232
Hmm...
534
00:28:22,234 --> 00:28:26,403
Well, I have a better idea.
Why don't we all go to dinner?
535
00:28:26,405 --> 00:28:31,308
Yes, we can't let Charles swish
back to Maine without dinner.
536
00:28:32,110 --> 00:28:33,944
Well...
537
00:28:33,946 --> 00:28:36,780
-I do like to nibble.
-All right, it's settled.
538
00:28:36,782 --> 00:28:38,882
And, I know just the spot.
539
00:28:43,755 --> 00:28:45,055
[phone line ringing]
540
00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:47,624
-Hello?
-Hey, Neil, what's up?
How are you?
541
00:28:47,626 --> 00:28:49,827
Oh, hey Adrienne, uh...
542
00:28:49,829 --> 00:28:51,628
Hey, can you
put Ethan on, please?
543
00:28:51,630 --> 00:28:53,564
Yeah, Ethan is not here.
544
00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:58,102
Don't be a spineless, cowardly
liar like your roommate,
put him on, please?
545
00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:07,277
-Hi, Adrienne.
-I just wanted to see what you
were doing for your birthday.
546
00:29:07,279 --> 00:29:09,780
Oh, well I'm actually
gonna be playing
my air guitar now cause
547
00:29:09,782 --> 00:29:11,615
my real guitar was stolen.
548
00:29:11,617 --> 00:29:15,352
I have your guitar because it
was collateral for promises
that you made to me.
549
00:29:15,354 --> 00:29:19,556
Why don't you come by tomorrow
and give me my guitar back
as my birthday present?
550
00:29:19,558 --> 00:29:20,791
How about that?
551
00:29:20,793 --> 00:29:23,427
Yeah, well, happy
birthday to you.
552
00:29:24,896 --> 00:29:26,997
You can turn your phone
back on.
553
00:29:30,969 --> 00:29:32,836
So, we've been talking.
554
00:29:32,838 --> 00:29:38,308
And we've decided that we're
gonna make the Tom Fleischman
show, your show.
555
00:29:38,310 --> 00:29:42,813
Now, think about this.
The Charles Fern show.
556
00:29:42,815 --> 00:29:46,183
To be heard all over
the state of Washington.
557
00:29:46,185 --> 00:29:49,119
Wow, well, what an honor,
Mr. Peter, thank you.
558
00:29:49,121 --> 00:29:52,022
And yes, it is an honor
because if you do well here,
559
00:29:52,024 --> 00:29:53,891
we're gonna take you national.
560
00:29:53,893 --> 00:29:56,160
Wow, that's really tempting.
561
00:29:56,162 --> 00:29:57,761
But, I've gotta, like I said,
562
00:29:57,763 --> 00:30:01,064
I've gotta head home,
my pine tree farm
is ripe for syruping.
563
00:30:01,066 --> 00:30:04,234
-But, I am really
excited about...
-Charlie, Charlie...
564
00:30:04,236 --> 00:30:07,838
You're gonna be able to buy
all the Aunt Jemima you want.
565
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,040
Yes, and that's just
pancake batter.
566
00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:15,179
If we take you national,
you're gonna get a starting
bonus of six figures.
567
00:30:15,181 --> 00:30:17,381
And get to re-negotiate
your salary.
568
00:30:17,383 --> 00:30:18,482
How does that sound, huh?
569
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:19,817
Well?
570
00:30:19,819 --> 00:30:23,854
Well, I guess, that's,
that's, that is...
571
00:30:23,856 --> 00:30:26,857
That is an offer that
Charles Fern cannot refuse.
572
00:30:26,859 --> 00:30:28,559
Okay, that sounds...
573
00:30:28,561 --> 00:30:30,594
Looks like everyone is here
and table is ready guys.
574
00:30:30,596 --> 00:30:31,628
-Okay.
-Charles...
575
00:30:31,630 --> 00:30:33,530
Welcome to the All
channel family.
576
00:30:33,532 --> 00:30:35,332
Okay.
577
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:38,268
Ann tells me your quite
the talent, Charles, so where
are you from in Maine?
578
00:30:38,270 --> 00:30:42,005
Oh, well, about a 100 miles
north of the Canadian border.
579
00:30:42,007 --> 00:30:44,775
-North?
-South of our side.
580
00:30:44,777 --> 00:30:47,177
Little bit of heaven from
your home state, huh?
581
00:30:47,179 --> 00:30:50,781
Well, I have been craving a nice
piece of tail, Peter.
582
00:30:50,783 --> 00:30:56,320
Well, I'm an Iowian and like
a Mainer, we know what a hard
day's work consists of.
583
00:30:56,322 --> 00:31:00,991
Unlike Susan Davis, who wants
to give needles to the junkies.
584
00:31:00,993 --> 00:31:03,861
And subsidize
drug rehabilitation.
585
00:31:03,863 --> 00:31:06,063
Well, I think they should
buy their own drugs.
586
00:31:07,332 --> 00:31:10,767
Could I have a Shirley temple
with some Jack Daniels in there?
587
00:31:10,769 --> 00:31:11,735
Coming right up.
588
00:31:11,737 --> 00:31:13,103
I'm getting us some olive oil.
589
00:31:13,105 --> 00:31:15,405
Olive oil, are you serious,
madam?
590
00:31:15,407 --> 00:31:18,408
It's my wife's first time.
She's a stylist.
591
00:31:18,410 --> 00:31:21,044
We'll let it pass.
We'll let it pass.
592
00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:24,381
I'm the reason why Ryan
looks so well put together.
593
00:31:25,351 --> 00:31:32,422
So, Charles, can you show
me how a native would
eat this bird.
594
00:31:32,424 --> 00:31:34,491
Right, well that's...
595
00:31:35,393 --> 00:31:39,396
We have our customs
and where I come from,
596
00:31:39,398 --> 00:31:43,267
it's very customary to use
your hand, so you just,
you pick her up.
597
00:31:44,569 --> 00:31:46,970
[all exclaiming]
598
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,974
[stammering]
599
00:31:50,976 --> 00:31:54,678
I guess this is how
we get to know each other.
600
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,213
-Indeed.
-Young man.
601
00:31:56,215 --> 00:31:58,982
We have a little surprise
for you.
602
00:31:58,984 --> 00:32:02,586
You get to interview
the great governor.
603
00:32:02,588 --> 00:32:05,455
That's splendid.
Splendid indeed.
604
00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:06,590
Indeed.
605
00:32:10,528 --> 00:32:11,461
Ooh...
606
00:32:14,732 --> 00:32:17,200
[humming]
607
00:32:37,555 --> 00:32:39,556
[slow rock music playing]
608
00:32:45,330 --> 00:32:47,464
[all] Surprise!
609
00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:53,403
-Hey, guys.
-Hi!
610
00:32:53,405 --> 00:32:54,338
Happy birthday!
611
00:32:55,907 --> 00:32:59,476
I didn't have anything
to do with that.
All right, see you guys.
612
00:33:00,511 --> 00:33:02,279
Woo.
Hey, guys.
613
00:33:02,281 --> 00:33:04,715
Oh, my gosh. Look at how
pregnant you are.
614
00:33:04,717 --> 00:33:06,283
I know, I'm huge.
615
00:33:06,285 --> 00:33:09,653
Trevor was telling me about
the misadventures
of lamaze class.
616
00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:14,391
So, Trevor and I are the only
ones in the group that can't
breathe in unison.
617
00:33:14,393 --> 00:33:16,960
Well, I mean here is your free
education right here.
618
00:33:16,962 --> 00:33:18,562
Julia is a nurse
and Jefferson is a doctor.
619
00:33:18,564 --> 00:33:19,963
Cardiothoracic surgeon.
620
00:33:19,965 --> 00:33:22,599
Nice to meet you both.
And I deal with heavy
breathing all the time.
621
00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:25,202
You do?
622
00:33:25,204 --> 00:33:27,571
Cool. How do you guys all
know each other?
623
00:33:27,573 --> 00:33:31,508
Well, Ethan was actually
hired by my mother to do
a voice over.
624
00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:33,210
Oh, who is your mother?
625
00:33:33,212 --> 00:33:35,178
She is, um, Susan Davies.
626
00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:37,681
-Our next governor.
-I am totally voting
for your mom.
627
00:33:37,683 --> 00:33:41,251
You know if you need
any volunteers? Let me know.
628
00:33:41,253 --> 00:33:44,321
I was also actually thinking
about volunteering.
629
00:33:44,323 --> 00:33:47,391
That would be great.
We can use all the help
we can get.
630
00:33:47,393 --> 00:33:48,625
So, thank you Ethan.
631
00:33:48,627 --> 00:33:52,562
I was actually born
on the Gram Parsons tour bus.
632
00:33:52,564 --> 00:33:55,932
Wow, your mom must
have been a big Gram Parsons
fan.
633
00:33:55,934 --> 00:33:57,734
Yeah, you could say so.
634
00:33:57,736 --> 00:33:59,302
Your show is it on AM or FM?
635
00:33:59,304 --> 00:34:02,606
Uh, FM. 87.9 Seattle's finest.
636
00:34:02,608 --> 00:34:04,174
Yeah.
637
00:34:04,176 --> 00:34:06,309
Way down on the left
side of the dial.
638
00:34:06,311 --> 00:34:08,612
-Yeah.
-It's hard to get in.
639
00:34:08,614 --> 00:34:11,314
It's hard to get in
when you have a small
tiny receiver.
640
00:34:11,749 --> 00:34:13,683
[laughing]
641
00:34:13,685 --> 00:34:17,988
In my next life when I am
not saving lives, I am gonna
be a rock and roll DJ.
642
00:34:17,990 --> 00:34:19,122
[laughs]
643
00:34:19,690 --> 00:34:20,657
-Cool.
-Great.
644
00:34:20,659 --> 00:34:21,591
[doorbell rings]
645
00:34:22,026 --> 00:34:23,160
Good luck.
646
00:34:24,095 --> 00:34:25,228
Talk to you in a second.
647
00:34:30,768 --> 00:34:31,701
Neil.
648
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,371
-Its Jack with honor.
-Rouge?
649
00:34:36,541 --> 00:34:38,241
Hey, what, are you
having a party?
650
00:34:38,243 --> 00:34:39,009
Yeah.
651
00:34:39,011 --> 00:34:41,111
-Birthday?
-Yeah.
652
00:34:41,113 --> 00:34:43,513
Did you bring me some antlers
fresh from the kill?
653
00:34:44,248 --> 00:34:45,949
Them antlers is mine.
654
00:34:45,951 --> 00:34:47,050
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
655
00:34:47,052 --> 00:34:49,753
Well, hey, now you
got something to mount.
656
00:34:54,192 --> 00:34:55,325
Neil, we need to talk.
657
00:34:56,828 --> 00:34:58,495
What do you need to talk
to Neil about?
658
00:35:00,031 --> 00:35:02,299
Holy shit. What is this?
A Turkish drug den?
659
00:35:02,301 --> 00:35:03,500
Who put a stick up his ass?
660
00:35:03,502 --> 00:35:06,303
Cindy, Steve,
let's take this outside.
661
00:35:06,971 --> 00:35:08,638
-You all right, buddy?
-Yeah.
662
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,209
This is exactly how an innocent
marine fails a piss test.
663
00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:14,544
Neil...
664
00:35:16,013 --> 00:35:18,415
I got another call
from All channel.
665
00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:23,854
About this Charles Fern.
666
00:35:24,555 --> 00:35:25,956
Really?
667
00:35:25,958 --> 00:35:28,758
Yeah, they said he's the new
voice of conservative talk
radio.
668
00:35:30,928 --> 00:35:32,362
Who is this guy?
669
00:35:32,364 --> 00:35:34,364
Yeah, Neil where did you
find the Michael Jordan
of chitchat?
670
00:35:34,366 --> 00:35:36,433
He was a guest next door,
I don't know his life story.
671
00:35:36,435 --> 00:35:38,502
Really? What's his number?
672
00:35:38,504 --> 00:35:42,139
Well, you know, unfortunately
Rouge, he's gone.
673
00:35:42,141 --> 00:35:43,974
He went back to Maine.
674
00:35:43,976 --> 00:35:46,576
Ryan Pollard said that
they just hired him.
675
00:35:46,944 --> 00:35:48,011
Really?
676
00:35:48,013 --> 00:35:51,414
Mr. Holmes. Charles Fern
at your service.
677
00:35:51,416 --> 00:35:53,416
Pleasure to make
your acquaintance.
678
00:35:53,418 --> 00:35:56,153
[laughing]
679
00:35:56,155 --> 00:35:58,388
-Howdy-doody.
-How do I look?
680
00:36:01,125 --> 00:36:02,259
Wait a minute.
681
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,728
Tuna jerky here
is not Charles Fern.
682
00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:07,030
You've just been fernatized.
683
00:36:07,032 --> 00:36:08,798
[laughing]
684
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,167
Is this some kind of hoax?
685
00:36:10,169 --> 00:36:12,502
You're not gonna keep
doing Tom's show.
686
00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:15,338
What do you mean?
It's not a show anymore,
it's my show now.
687
00:36:15,340 --> 00:36:17,140
You're not even from Maine.
688
00:36:17,142 --> 00:36:19,609
Well, I attended a pottery
camp there one summer.
689
00:36:19,611 --> 00:36:23,480
No, I'm not gonna just stand
here, while you fool everybody,
while Tom lays
690
00:36:23,482 --> 00:36:25,282
paralyzed in a hospital bed.
691
00:36:25,284 --> 00:36:26,449
Suit yourself, Crisco,
692
00:36:26,451 --> 00:36:28,818
but Charles Fern
is a tribute to Tom, you know?
693
00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:31,188
I'm elevating his message
to a higher level.
694
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:33,323
But, your not a conservative
on any level.
695
00:36:34,125 --> 00:36:35,725
The new voice
of the right, right?
696
00:36:35,727 --> 00:36:39,796
So, if you want to keep your
job, you better get
with the program.
697
00:36:39,798 --> 00:36:43,233
If you try to get me fired,
we all get fired.
698
00:36:43,235 --> 00:36:45,135
No, this can't be happening.
This is a bad dream.
699
00:36:45,137 --> 00:36:48,939
Oh, man, that would be
weird, if we were all
having the same dream.
700
00:36:48,941 --> 00:36:51,841
-Who goes there?
-Hey, it's Julia.
701
00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:53,677
I'm looking for Ethan.
702
00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:58,448
-Hey.
-Hey.
703
00:36:58,450 --> 00:36:59,983
-What's going on?
-Nice jacket.
704
00:36:59,985 --> 00:37:03,286
[laughs] Oh...
Sorry, we were just...
705
00:37:03,288 --> 00:37:04,854
We were just catching up.
706
00:37:04,856 --> 00:37:08,959
Jefferson got a page and had
to go back to the hospital,
so...
707
00:37:10,027 --> 00:37:11,628
Yeah, I might take off
in a minute.
708
00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:14,297
Can you just stay for a little
bit? Just stay for a little bit,
come on?
709
00:37:14,299 --> 00:37:17,200
I'll get you home by
midnight, I promise.
710
00:37:17,202 --> 00:37:19,035
Yeah, I guess I could stay
a little longer.
711
00:37:19,037 --> 00:37:21,137
Okay, I'll be right out.
712
00:37:21,139 --> 00:37:23,873
-Okay.
-Promise. I'll see you soon.
713
00:37:28,112 --> 00:37:29,379
The nut is in your sack.
714
00:37:33,217 --> 00:37:35,418
Got my daughter's student
loans to pay back.
715
00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:37,520
The house is upside down.
716
00:37:39,357 --> 00:37:40,757
What do you say, Rouge?
717
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,662
I guess the show must go on.
718
00:37:45,664 --> 00:37:48,431
There you go. Right on, Reagan.
Come on, baby.
719
00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:50,600
Let's get you a drink
and celebrate, huh?
720
00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:54,037
Hey, I could use another drink.
721
00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:56,339
Let's get him a drink.
722
00:38:14,492 --> 00:38:16,860
It's really good to be home.
723
00:38:16,862 --> 00:38:19,229
Yeah, sometimes I forget
how good we have it here.
724
00:38:19,231 --> 00:38:21,464
Yeah, sometimes I think
we have it too good.
725
00:38:22,166 --> 00:38:24,401
What does that mean?
726
00:38:24,403 --> 00:38:26,836
You know all the sacrifices
we make to...
727
00:38:27,672 --> 00:38:29,873
Get the things we think
we deserve,
728
00:38:30,941 --> 00:38:32,709
you know, it's kind of
like that old commercial,
729
00:38:32,711 --> 00:38:34,778
what would you do for
a Klondike bar?
730
00:38:34,780 --> 00:38:37,080
[laughs] Yeah.
731
00:38:37,082 --> 00:38:39,282
A Klondike bar.
732
00:38:39,284 --> 00:38:41,351
Yeah, I kind of got some
bad news today though.
733
00:38:41,353 --> 00:38:44,187
Really? What happened?
734
00:38:44,189 --> 00:38:47,524
The hospital decided
to cut the funding
for the Alzheimer's theater.
735
00:38:48,192 --> 00:38:50,527
Really? Why?
736
00:38:50,529 --> 00:38:53,396
They decided to build a hair
restoration clinic.
737
00:38:54,565 --> 00:38:55,899
Mmm...
738
00:38:55,901 --> 00:38:57,467
Thick hair for thick people.
739
00:38:58,102 --> 00:38:59,736
Pretty much.
740
00:38:59,738 --> 00:39:01,971
I'm gonna ask my mom
for some help but,
741
00:39:01,973 --> 00:39:04,107
they're gonna transfer
me to the pediatric ward.
742
00:39:05,609 --> 00:39:07,510
That's really a shame.
743
00:39:08,112 --> 00:39:09,045
It is.
744
00:39:11,615 --> 00:39:13,950
Don't you have a girlfriend?
745
00:39:15,453 --> 00:39:17,887
No. That's all over now.
746
00:39:21,459 --> 00:39:23,426
I'm still not gonna
kiss you tonight.
747
00:39:25,062 --> 00:39:26,896
Well, it's my birthday.
I mean...
748
00:39:27,632 --> 00:39:32,569
But, that would mean
everything we just talked
about was small talk.
749
00:39:32,571 --> 00:39:34,704
And, I don't really like the
way that makes me feel.
750
00:39:35,639 --> 00:39:38,375
Well, we can kiss and talk
at the same time.
751
00:39:38,377 --> 00:39:40,510
Stop your slobbering.
752
00:39:40,512 --> 00:39:43,113
I'm just trying to kill
two birds with one stone.
753
00:39:45,783 --> 00:39:46,916
Not tonight.
754
00:39:49,453 --> 00:39:51,988
-But, happy birthday.
-Thanks.
755
00:39:53,257 --> 00:39:56,226
My car is just
right there, so...
756
00:39:56,228 --> 00:39:58,161
-I'm gonna take off.
-Okay.
757
00:40:00,731 --> 00:40:01,898
Be safe.
758
00:40:03,134 --> 00:40:04,567
-Goodnight, Ethan.
-Goodnight.
759
00:40:09,206 --> 00:40:10,874
We'll haul a Tribune.
760
00:40:12,476 --> 00:40:14,177
There you are.
761
00:40:14,179 --> 00:40:15,712
We'll get you right in.
762
00:40:15,714 --> 00:40:18,481
That takes care of both of
us, right?
See what did I tell you?
763
00:40:18,483 --> 00:40:19,949
Okay, I just...
764
00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:21,117
I always look out for you.
765
00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:23,553
-Because remember in January...
-That was one time.
766
00:40:23,555 --> 00:40:25,855
Yeah, but I got left outside.
767
00:40:25,857 --> 00:40:28,158
I'm just trying to make
it really nice.
768
00:40:30,027 --> 00:40:33,029
That's just not gonna work
for us today, okay.
We're gonna have to push.
769
00:40:33,031 --> 00:40:34,164
Tell him I'll call him back.
770
00:40:35,266 --> 00:40:37,033
Ready? We got a tight
day ahead of us.
771
00:40:37,035 --> 00:40:38,468
Oh, yeah, absolutely ready.
772
00:40:39,570 --> 00:40:41,438
The Charles Fern show.
773
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,440
All channel. ALL.
774
00:40:43,442 --> 00:40:45,575
Yup, I got you right here.
775
00:40:45,577 --> 00:40:48,678
-Okay, that should be that.
-You ever been fernatized?
776
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:53,583
If you don't mind I wanted
to show you some images
and get some impressions.
777
00:40:53,585 --> 00:40:57,420
So, basically right here
we have Michael Ray Vallus.
778
00:40:57,422 --> 00:41:00,957
It's a seven year old boy
who found his dad's gun
779
00:41:00,959 --> 00:41:04,694
in the spring after you vetoed
the mandatory child locks.
780
00:41:07,398 --> 00:41:10,033
That is indeed a tragedy.
781
00:41:10,035 --> 00:41:11,901
Well, of course it is.
782
00:41:11,903 --> 00:41:15,138
I don't suppose this
is a sneak attack.
783
00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:17,440
And you probably don't
write for the Trib.
784
00:41:17,442 --> 00:41:19,676
That's it, interview
is over, come on.
785
00:41:19,678 --> 00:41:21,544
No, wait, you have nothing
to say about that.
786
00:41:21,546 --> 00:41:25,882
Sure, I do, if you wanna have
an intelligent conversation
about gun laws, yeah.
787
00:41:26,116 --> 00:41:27,050
Okay.
788
00:41:28,886 --> 00:41:32,055
I did want to give you
this, this is from
his mother.
789
00:41:32,057 --> 00:41:35,225
This is the hat that he
wore when he shot himself.
790
00:41:35,227 --> 00:41:37,093
And she actually wanted
you to have it.
791
00:41:37,095 --> 00:41:38,828
-Here you go.
-Okay.
792
00:41:38,830 --> 00:41:42,298
That's enough. Enough, enough.
Come on.
793
00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:43,967
You too, let's go.
Come on.
794
00:41:45,369 --> 00:41:46,836
We'll just come back.
795
00:41:50,908 --> 00:41:54,277
Have a nice day.
I'm sure, we'll be welcome.
796
00:41:55,246 --> 00:41:56,179
Sorry about that.
797
00:41:58,182 --> 00:42:01,818
Next interview is here.
It's a talk show host.
Charles Fern.
798
00:42:01,820 --> 00:42:04,721
All right we're live in five,
four, three, two, one.
799
00:42:04,723 --> 00:42:07,056
[recorded voice] Get ready
for two hours with the
mic from the right,
800
00:42:07,058 --> 00:42:09,359
the messenger from Maine,
Mr. Charles Fern.
801
00:42:09,361 --> 00:42:12,829
And this is the
Charles Fern show.
802
00:42:12,831 --> 00:42:14,998
We're here live at the
governor's mansion
803
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,867
with governor Sollow himself,
governor what a blast.
804
00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:20,336
So, good to have you here
Charles, I'm a huge fan.
805
00:42:20,338 --> 00:42:24,240
How do we get our country
back to those foundation
republican principles?
806
00:42:24,242 --> 00:42:28,077
I'm talking pre-maternity
leave, pre-bra burning.
807
00:42:28,079 --> 00:42:30,947
You know the people
know what they know,
Charles, and once you get
808
00:42:30,949 --> 00:42:34,717
outside of those
coffee houses of Seattle
I think you'll find most
809
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:39,422
of the people share our view
for a compassionate,
conservative,Washington state.
810
00:42:39,424 --> 00:42:42,525
A lot of whore houses
are going on inside
of coffee shops these days.
811
00:42:42,527 --> 00:42:45,461
-It's gotten out of hand.
-Another question?
812
00:42:45,463 --> 00:42:50,667
The next question also Governor
now I'm gonna go right into
a hard question here.
813
00:42:50,669 --> 00:42:53,036
Are there any republican bands
that do not suck?
814
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,972
What do you mean?
815
00:42:55,974 --> 00:42:59,342
The left has Radiohead,
it's got Elton John,
you got Neil Young.
816
00:42:59,344 --> 00:43:04,547
And in the right,
we're talking what,
Toby Keith and Ted Nugent.
817
00:43:04,549 --> 00:43:07,383
We're really getting
crushed here
in the creative trenches.
818
00:43:07,385 --> 00:43:09,285
-I see.. I get your point.
-Yeah.
819
00:43:09,287 --> 00:43:13,423
I don't know, we don't
have an answer for that.
But, we do need a theme song.
820
00:43:13,425 --> 00:43:14,958
You know Susan Davis already
has one.
821
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:17,360
"Looks like we made it",
Barry Manilow.
822
00:43:17,362 --> 00:43:19,629
That's a Manilow hanging fruit.
823
00:43:20,698 --> 00:43:23,032
Well, you got any suggestions?
824
00:43:23,034 --> 00:43:28,271
Yeah, have you heard
of an old goth rock band
called Cat Rapes Dog?
825
00:43:29,740 --> 00:43:31,841
Well, a bit too obscure.
826
00:43:31,843 --> 00:43:34,611
What about Pink Houses
by John Mellencamp?
827
00:43:34,613 --> 00:43:35,745
That's a good song.
828
00:43:36,347 --> 00:43:37,680
That's subtle.
829
00:43:37,682 --> 00:43:39,649
Isn't Mellencamp a democrat?
830
00:43:39,651 --> 00:43:44,487
No, Mellencamp is more
of a independent.
831
00:43:44,489 --> 00:43:47,223
When is the tour?
Are we gonna have a tour?
832
00:43:47,225 --> 00:43:50,193
An official...
well?
833
00:43:50,195 --> 00:43:53,229
I'll tell you what,
we'll do better than that.
We'll take you hunting.
834
00:43:58,202 --> 00:44:02,605
All right, it's a beautiful
day, we got 500 acres
to roll, and...
835
00:44:02,607 --> 00:44:04,273
You boys are gonna catch lunch.
836
00:44:05,342 --> 00:44:08,277
-You bag her in Africa?
-Oh, no.
837
00:44:08,279 --> 00:44:09,812
That was in Vegas.
838
00:44:11,081 --> 00:44:12,815
Vegas?
839
00:44:12,817 --> 00:44:15,284
-During one of the shows?
-Oh, please. After.
840
00:44:21,125 --> 00:44:23,793
[GUN SHOT]
[groaning]
841
00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:26,229
First shot of the season.
842
00:44:27,097 --> 00:44:29,699
-It's a custom in Maine.
-Yeah, reload.
843
00:44:29,701 --> 00:44:31,934
-I wanna see that again.
-Thank you.
844
00:44:36,774 --> 00:44:42,145
Charles is more
of a semi-automatic kind
of guy. Precision tactical.
845
00:44:44,381 --> 00:44:47,617
They never look like James Bond
They always look like this guy.
846
00:44:47,619 --> 00:44:49,752
-Don't they?
-Exactly.
847
00:44:49,754 --> 00:44:51,654
You know I grew up in Maine.
848
00:44:51,656 --> 00:44:53,890
-Did you?
-Yeah.
849
00:44:53,892 --> 00:44:56,125
Out there we hunt
moose with a machine gun.
850
00:44:56,127 --> 00:44:59,295
Well, that doesn't sound
very sporting. Does it,
Charles?
851
00:45:00,464 --> 00:45:03,032
Well, in Maine, you know
it's...
852
00:45:04,134 --> 00:45:06,936
It's overrun right now
with moose.
853
00:45:06,938 --> 00:45:09,505
But, you just get out
there and you go...
854
00:45:09,507 --> 00:45:12,008
They got a whole flock.
855
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:14,811
-Good times?
-It's good times, yeah.
856
00:45:14,813 --> 00:45:19,682
It sure is,
you know governor...
857
00:45:19,684 --> 00:45:24,854
I'm getting over this,
it's a bout of this bird flu,
actually which has been
858
00:45:24,856 --> 00:45:27,090
it is just plaguing
the land in Maine right now.
859
00:45:27,092 --> 00:45:30,793
It's really wild, but I would,
I don't know if hunting
860
00:45:30,795 --> 00:45:33,796
pheasant is really
in the doctor's orders.
861
00:45:33,798 --> 00:45:36,165
Mmm-hmm. You rest your voice.
862
00:45:36,167 --> 00:45:38,968
I'm gonna need you,
top shape for this election.
863
00:45:41,805 --> 00:45:44,273
-Thank you governor.
-Thank you governor.
864
00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:46,509
For your time.
865
00:45:49,446 --> 00:45:53,382
And now a word from
our sponsor, glorious way
to start your day,
866
00:45:53,384 --> 00:45:57,019
delectable and delightful
Doughglobe donut holes.
867
00:45:57,021 --> 00:45:59,355
You can get it down
off the five in Hudson.
868
00:45:59,357 --> 00:46:02,291
It's called Doughglobes,
folks, tell them Fern sent you.
869
00:46:02,293 --> 00:46:04,427
♪ Bought a house
And a second car ♪
870
00:46:04,429 --> 00:46:08,264
♪ As my knuckles worked
The recess of the jar ♪
871
00:46:12,102 --> 00:46:15,938
♪ Almonds in her eyes
I bet she's wandering around ♪
872
00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:18,674
♪ That's my old love
873
00:46:18,676 --> 00:46:22,945
♪ Yeah I'm hip to the scene
and the score ♪
874
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:26,015
♪ It all went down before
875
00:46:28,986 --> 00:46:32,622
♪ 360 degrees
876
00:46:32,624 --> 00:46:34,957
Okay, we have our
winners in the studio.
877
00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:39,362
Now what do you say
to three tickets to country
town radio's hometown hoedown.
878
00:46:39,364 --> 00:46:41,230
We love the hoedown.
879
00:46:41,232 --> 00:46:43,199
The hoedown is awesome.
880
00:46:44,601 --> 00:46:46,602
So, who's he?
881
00:46:46,604 --> 00:46:49,272
That guy?
He invented the donut hole.
882
00:46:49,274 --> 00:46:54,443
What do you say we throw in
two dozen of these Doughglobes
with your tickets?
883
00:46:54,445 --> 00:46:55,978
-Yummy.
-Thank you.
884
00:46:55,980 --> 00:46:58,714
-Your welcome.
-Make sure you share
with Daddy.
885
00:46:58,716 --> 00:47:00,349
I will.
886
00:47:00,351 --> 00:47:03,719
I tell ya it's not the right
to bare feet, or, to bare naked
ladies,
887
00:47:03,721 --> 00:47:05,121
it's the right to bear arms.
888
00:47:05,123 --> 00:47:07,390
Our founding fathers
were packing heat.
889
00:47:07,392 --> 00:47:10,059
It should be illegal not
to own a gun, don't you think?
890
00:47:10,061 --> 00:47:12,829
You gotta dig
the founding wigs.
891
00:47:12,831 --> 00:47:17,633
I'm curious to know what
do you think about building a
fence along our border, Charles?
892
00:47:17,635 --> 00:47:22,171
Terrific idea. I'm also
proposing a reptilian moat
with steeples and turrets.
893
00:47:22,173 --> 00:47:24,574
There is nothing like
staring down the barrel
of a canon to keep
894
00:47:24,576 --> 00:47:27,410
the huddled masses huddled,
are you with me Jennifer?
895
00:47:27,412 --> 00:47:31,247
You are using your air time
to whip up xenophobia.
896
00:47:31,249 --> 00:47:35,351
Well, most of our listeners
are two syllable crowd,
okay, calm it down.
897
00:47:35,353 --> 00:47:38,054
Most of your listeners
are small minded bigots.
898
00:47:38,056 --> 00:47:40,423
And, you are their leader.
It's shameful.
899
00:47:40,425 --> 00:47:42,024
I can't defend everyone
who listens to the show,
900
00:47:42,026 --> 00:47:43,993
that would require
me to be omnipotent.
901
00:47:43,995 --> 00:47:46,495
Which you a likely atheist
would not understand.
902
00:47:46,497 --> 00:47:49,732
And yes, probably the AM crowd
has a couple of borderline
personality types
903
00:47:49,734 --> 00:47:53,102
sitting alone in a dark house
eating TV dinners for breakfast
every morning.
904
00:47:53,104 --> 00:47:55,538
And that would make anyone
a little paranoid,
don't you think?
905
00:47:55,540 --> 00:47:58,040
I tell you what,
if they are a gun owner,
all bets are off.
906
00:47:58,042 --> 00:48:02,278
But, if you think I'm gonna
let you sit here and attack
my maladjusted listeners
907
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:05,348
you are sorely mistaken.
[laughing]
908
00:48:05,350 --> 00:48:07,183
Thank you for the call.
909
00:48:07,185 --> 00:48:09,552
And now a little
sponsorship talk.
910
00:48:09,554 --> 00:48:12,722
I'm talking about a little
place called Doughglobes.
911
00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:17,526
Charles, I just got off
the phone with Peter Dennon
and All channel loves you.
912
00:48:17,528 --> 00:48:19,228
All you need is love, Ryan.
913
00:48:19,230 --> 00:48:22,698
-Charles Fern.
-Whose asking?
914
00:48:22,700 --> 00:48:25,935
We're his official MILF
fan club.
915
00:48:25,937 --> 00:48:27,603
We've been fernitized.
916
00:48:28,238 --> 00:48:29,906
I need a selfie.
917
00:48:30,841 --> 00:48:34,176
Well, okay, yeah,
get in there, okay.
918
00:48:34,178 --> 00:48:37,747
Thank you for listening.
It's lovely to see such
lovely fans.
919
00:48:37,749 --> 00:48:39,181
Thank you, thank you.
920
00:48:39,183 --> 00:48:41,784
-Oh, that's good.
-Bye bye now.
921
00:48:41,786 --> 00:48:44,053
All right, thank you.
922
00:48:44,055 --> 00:48:47,056
-That was cool.
-Yeah, right?
923
00:48:48,558 --> 00:48:50,793
[chattering]
924
00:48:50,795 --> 00:48:55,031
Hi, I'd like to urge you
to vote for Susan Davis
on November 2nd.
925
00:48:57,367 --> 00:49:01,270
[overlapping chatter]
926
00:49:03,407 --> 00:49:07,143
Amazing, I really appreciate
your time and support.
Thank you.
927
00:49:07,145 --> 00:49:10,079
Hold this photo
for the bio
in the front page.
928
00:49:10,647 --> 00:49:13,215
Un-fucking-believable.
929
00:49:14,651 --> 00:49:17,153
I mean, honey, I'm willing
to match funding, but,
930
00:49:17,155 --> 00:49:21,157
quarter of a million dollars
that's a lot of money for me
right now with the campaign.
931
00:49:21,159 --> 00:49:22,992
Well, I mean we're already
off to a big start.
932
00:49:22,994 --> 00:49:24,827
But, I honestly think it is
gonna help your campaign.
933
00:49:24,829 --> 00:49:27,330
I mean just imagine,
Susan Davis asks
all of Seattle to match
934
00:49:27,332 --> 00:49:29,799
her gift
to the Alzheimer's wing.
935
00:49:29,801 --> 00:49:31,334
That's very generous of you.
936
00:49:31,336 --> 00:49:33,402
Lucky for me the stock
market in this country
mostly goes up.
937
00:49:33,404 --> 00:49:36,138
Is that how you got
successful, from the
stock market?
938
00:49:36,140 --> 00:49:37,740
When I was young,
I saved my money.
939
00:49:37,742 --> 00:49:41,644
I bought this commercial
real estate property and
renovated it, sold it.
940
00:49:41,646 --> 00:49:43,779
And I took the profits
and put it in the market.
941
00:49:43,781 --> 00:49:46,582
So, my first deal was
a winning deal and that
set me in motion.
942
00:49:46,584 --> 00:49:48,651
I've done that about
a 100 times over now.
943
00:49:48,653 --> 00:49:50,453
I think that's how you
get wealthy in America.
944
00:49:50,455 --> 00:49:52,588
It's just this sort
of specialized duplication.
945
00:49:52,590 --> 00:49:55,191
Yes, and of course you
have to have the education
and resources.
946
00:49:55,193 --> 00:49:57,760
I mean my mother here,
she's an attorney and
an MBA.
947
00:49:57,762 --> 00:49:59,695
Wow, swish, that's cool.
948
00:49:59,697 --> 00:50:04,533
So, fucking All channel has
syndicated this hawk Charles
Fern throughout the whole state.
949
00:50:04,535 --> 00:50:07,403
-I mean where did this guy
come from?
-Who is this guy?
950
00:50:07,405 --> 00:50:10,239
He's a replacement for
Tom Fleischman.
You heard about that show?
951
00:50:10,507 --> 00:50:11,273
No.
952
00:50:11,275 --> 00:50:12,575
Oh, it's a horrible show.
953
00:50:12,577 --> 00:50:14,777
I don't think anyone
listens to that quack.
954
00:50:14,779 --> 00:50:16,512
Oh, yeah they do
and the kid is a star.
955
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:19,348
His listeners hold on
to his every word like
it's Gospel.
956
00:50:19,350 --> 00:50:22,885
He called you a lesbian
sympathizer.
957
00:50:22,887 --> 00:50:24,520
Wait, what does that even mean?
958
00:50:24,522 --> 00:50:26,522
It means your mom
isn't against gay marriage.
959
00:50:26,524 --> 00:50:29,291
Well, yeah I mean your not.
Isn't that law.
960
00:50:29,293 --> 00:50:33,496
Right. But, we don't want
to get dragged into those
trenches.
961
00:50:35,265 --> 00:50:38,067
I've been listening to that
scumbag all morning.
962
00:50:38,902 --> 00:50:40,236
-Ethan?
-What?
963
00:50:41,171 --> 00:50:42,671
Why are you here?
964
00:50:42,673 --> 00:50:46,509
Oh, I'm just volunteering.
Helping out with the phones.
965
00:50:46,511 --> 00:50:50,112
Well, no one gives better
phone than you do.
966
00:50:50,114 --> 00:50:54,450
Look, Adrienne I want you
to find every weed out
of this fucking Fern.
967
00:50:56,420 --> 00:50:58,187
-Done.
-Look, all I am saying is
968
00:50:58,189 --> 00:51:00,289
that it is no coincidence
this guy is out here now.
969
00:51:00,291 --> 00:51:02,491
I mean all those guys are
Bible thumpers at All Channel.
970
00:51:02,493 --> 00:51:04,660
They imported this nutter
butter from Maine.
971
00:51:04,662 --> 00:51:05,961
I need you to get him out.
972
00:51:05,963 --> 00:51:08,431
-You'll see. Bye guys.
-Great.
973
00:51:10,667 --> 00:51:16,072
Prelim figures from indicate
ratings for the fall book
are gonna be very strong.
974
00:51:16,074 --> 00:51:18,074
I've never seen so many e-mails.
975
00:51:18,076 --> 00:51:20,209
Mmm-hmm. And guess what?
976
00:51:21,144 --> 00:51:23,279
I got the go ahead from Peter.
977
00:51:23,281 --> 00:51:25,548
We're sending the Charles Fern
show on the road
978
00:51:25,550 --> 00:51:28,184
following Sollow for the last
stretch of the election.
979
00:51:28,186 --> 00:51:30,352
-On the road?
-Uh-huh.
980
00:51:31,955 --> 00:51:33,322
Your boy is a phenom.
981
00:51:39,596 --> 00:51:43,899
Well, this is my special place
for special people.
982
00:51:43,901 --> 00:51:46,235
You are hereby sworn to secrecy.
983
00:51:46,237 --> 00:51:48,504
I will take an oath of silence.
984
00:51:53,643 --> 00:51:55,144
This is so beautiful.
985
00:51:57,047 --> 00:52:01,684
[sighs] I don't know Julia,
I am just not who I appear
to be.
986
00:52:06,723 --> 00:52:08,124
Are you in the closet?
987
00:52:09,860 --> 00:52:12,895
Yeah. Are you in the closet?
988
00:52:12,897 --> 00:52:14,864
No, but, I don't know...
989
00:52:16,133 --> 00:52:18,634
I'm working for this other
radio station,
990
00:52:19,202 --> 00:52:21,837
to make money on the side.
991
00:52:21,839 --> 00:52:25,541
Okay so what?
You're playing music you don't
believe in, or, something?
992
00:52:27,310 --> 00:52:30,779
Yeah, I'm playing music
I don't believe in.
993
00:52:32,649 --> 00:52:33,916
I don't even know...
994
00:52:35,285 --> 00:52:37,753
What I believe in right now.
995
00:52:37,755 --> 00:52:39,188
You know I'm just...
996
00:52:39,190 --> 00:52:42,024
I think you know
who to believe in.
997
00:52:42,026 --> 00:52:43,993
That's why you feel
the way you do.
998
00:52:43,995 --> 00:52:46,595
It's a conundrum.
999
00:52:46,597 --> 00:52:50,499
Whatever problems you think
you have, Ethan, they
are manageable.
1000
00:52:53,069 --> 00:52:56,906
You are right,
you are absolutely right, Julia.
1001
00:53:04,581 --> 00:53:08,150
Last week Seattle's radio
personality Charles Fern
1002
00:53:08,152 --> 00:53:11,353
began a simple boycott
of Ridicule's music.
1003
00:53:11,355 --> 00:53:14,957
Tonight we join that boycott.
1004
00:53:14,959 --> 00:53:18,694
Here at the Vacuum
with our millions of cleaners
around the world,
1005
00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:22,198
we want to send a clear message
to those at Periscope records.
1006
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,533
While we will never legislate
corporate ethics,
1007
00:53:24,535 --> 00:53:28,037
we will only support products
that reflect our values.
1008
00:53:28,039 --> 00:53:30,973
Thanks very much everybody.
I'm Bob Bernard, that's it
from me for today.
1009
00:53:30,975 --> 00:53:35,611
We'll see you tomorrow
and until the the vacuum
is sealed.
1010
00:53:35,613 --> 00:53:37,446
Wow.
1011
00:53:37,448 --> 00:53:40,683
The Charles Fern show is having
a cultural effect.
1012
00:53:40,685 --> 00:53:45,921
Guys, listen I am done
with Charles Fern.
1013
00:53:45,923 --> 00:53:47,256
What are you talking about?
1014
00:53:47,258 --> 00:53:49,024
I just can't do this anymore.
This is ridiculous.
1015
00:53:49,026 --> 00:53:52,361
Hey, don't start with
the sorry Charlie bullshit.
We're on a roll.
1016
00:53:52,363 --> 00:53:54,029
You can't quit now.
1017
00:53:54,031 --> 00:53:57,233
Look I'm seeing Ann Alcott
tonight and I' gonna get
liquored up
1018
00:53:57,235 --> 00:53:58,634
and I'll just tell her
that I am a fraud.
1019
00:53:58,636 --> 00:54:02,905
No, no, this is fucking insane.
You, hey, Ethan.
1020
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:05,741
You have a gift.
You are gifted.
1021
00:54:05,743 --> 00:54:08,244
-And this is your destiny.
-My destiny?
1022
00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:11,380
Hi. Hello, Ethan.
1023
00:54:11,382 --> 00:54:14,950
-Hi, Adrienne.
-So I head you started seeing
Julia Davis.
1024
00:54:16,586 --> 00:54:17,987
Okay.
1025
00:54:17,989 --> 00:54:19,488
I thought I'd be the first
to tell you that I am seeing
Woodrow.
1026
00:54:19,490 --> 00:54:22,324
-Your cameraman?
-No, cinematographer.
1027
00:54:22,326 --> 00:54:24,026
Well, I'm very happy
for you guys.
1028
00:54:24,028 --> 00:54:27,029
He's very, very, very caring.
And he's got something
you don't.
1029
00:54:27,631 --> 00:54:28,564
Integrity.
1030
00:54:28,566 --> 00:54:32,501
So, Neil do you know that
you work for a fascista?
1031
00:54:32,503 --> 00:54:34,803
-What?
-Charles Fern, that's what.
1032
00:54:34,805 --> 00:54:36,605
And I am here to get
the straight poop,
1033
00:54:36,607 --> 00:54:39,041
because there is no one
in Maine with that name.
1034
00:54:39,043 --> 00:54:42,144
Well, maybe it's a stage name.
1035
00:54:42,146 --> 00:54:44,046
Like Liberace, or, Mitt Romney.
1036
00:54:44,048 --> 00:54:45,247
Exactly.
1037
00:54:45,249 --> 00:54:47,383
And I think I found the
real Mccoy.
1038
00:54:49,219 --> 00:54:50,786
Charles Fernando.
1039
00:54:51,721 --> 00:54:52,655
Does that look like him?
1040
00:54:54,324 --> 00:54:57,559
You know the more I gaze,
yeah.
1041
00:54:58,261 --> 00:55:01,230
-Mexican dude.
-Fernando, yeah.
1042
00:55:01,232 --> 00:55:04,400
So, your boss is into
some really serious shit.
1043
00:55:04,402 --> 00:55:07,803
-Cocaine, hookers.
-Charles Fern is doing
cocaine?
1044
00:55:07,805 --> 00:55:11,273
No, Charles Fern is doing
hookers and selling cocaine.
1045
00:55:11,275 --> 00:55:12,841
So where do I find this Fern?
1046
00:55:12,843 --> 00:55:16,512
-I don't know, he's reclusive.
-Oh, is he? Well, I'll find him.
1047
00:55:16,514 --> 00:55:19,682
I'll find him faster than you
can say Osama Bin Laden.
1048
00:55:21,951 --> 00:55:23,752
Bye guys. Thank you.
1049
00:55:23,754 --> 00:55:29,625
Now, I outlined in
my new number one
New York times bestseller,
1050
00:55:29,627 --> 00:55:32,561
A brief history of liars
from Hitler to Hillary,
1051
00:55:32,563 --> 00:55:34,797
the methodology
in which
1052
00:55:34,799 --> 00:55:39,568
the liberal establishment
has invaded academia.
1053
00:55:40,470 --> 00:55:43,572
The truth is liberals
hate science.
1054
00:55:43,574 --> 00:55:47,076
They believe that humans
are equivalent to rodents.
1055
00:55:48,511 --> 00:55:51,647
Well, I am here to tell you
that American students
1056
00:55:51,649 --> 00:55:54,650
deserve more than
evolutionary dogma.
1057
00:55:54,652 --> 00:55:57,419
[applause]
1058
00:56:01,658 --> 00:56:05,728
But, Washington,
there is good news.
1059
00:56:06,463 --> 00:56:08,397
We have a new voice in town.
1060
00:56:08,399 --> 00:56:11,367
A fresh voice.
A voice that many of us believe
1061
00:56:11,369 --> 00:56:15,137
is going to lead our
party into greatness.
1062
00:56:15,139 --> 00:56:18,574
So, please with a very warm
welcome,
1063
00:56:18,576 --> 00:56:20,976
welcome Charles Fern.
1064
00:56:20,978 --> 00:56:22,945
[applause]
1065
00:56:29,252 --> 00:56:30,753
Gosh, you look gorgeous.
1066
00:56:32,422 --> 00:56:33,922
Isn't she gorgeous?
1067
00:56:34,457 --> 00:56:35,691
[students whistling]
1068
00:56:35,693 --> 00:56:39,995
Wow, what a good book, huh?
What a good read.
1069
00:56:39,997 --> 00:56:42,431
Pick it up.
Pick it up.
1070
00:56:42,433 --> 00:56:44,466
-And what a gorgeous
group of humans.
-Yes.
1071
00:56:45,402 --> 00:56:47,436
Gorgeous humans.
1072
00:56:47,438 --> 00:56:50,072
Well, listen, I've prepared
a little something.
1073
00:56:52,542 --> 00:56:55,744
They'll spit and spat.
They'll tell their tale.
1074
00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:57,980
Call Daddy chimp
and mommy whale.
1075
00:56:57,982 --> 00:57:00,416
They'll chirp and chime
and make their claim.
1076
00:57:00,418 --> 00:57:03,519
Mold of man is whence we came.
1077
00:57:03,521 --> 00:57:05,754
But, evolutionists be damned.
1078
00:57:05,756 --> 00:57:09,191
We're more than beasts,
by god, we're man.
1079
00:57:09,193 --> 00:57:14,029
And Darwin is a proven fool.
His theory merely cock
and bull.
1080
00:57:14,031 --> 00:57:15,431
[laughter]
1081
00:57:15,433 --> 00:57:17,733
So, free your body,
free your mind.
1082
00:57:17,735 --> 00:57:21,069
Embrace intelligent design.
1083
00:57:21,071 --> 00:57:22,905
[applause]
1084
00:57:28,211 --> 00:57:30,045
[cheering]
1085
00:57:39,589 --> 00:57:43,192
You know Ann there is
something very serious
I want to talk to you about.
1086
00:57:43,194 --> 00:57:45,360
Anything for you, Charles.
1087
00:57:45,362 --> 00:57:47,162
Essential oils,
I couldn't believe it.
1088
00:57:49,065 --> 00:57:51,033
Why don't we sit down first?
1089
00:57:51,901 --> 00:57:54,169
Can we sit over there,
actually?
1090
00:57:54,171 --> 00:57:55,871
Ricardo. Thank you.
1091
00:58:00,877 --> 00:58:01,910
Thank you.
1092
00:58:07,884 --> 00:58:09,418
I love this place.
1093
00:58:09,420 --> 00:58:14,656
Oh, yes, it's such a wonderful
place, I'm really
glad you picked it.
1094
00:58:14,658 --> 00:58:18,293
This has honestly been such
a lovely evening. Thank you for
an amazing dinner, Jefferson.
1095
00:58:18,295 --> 00:58:21,196
I'm so happy to have you back.
I missed you like crazy.
1096
00:58:22,198 --> 00:58:23,866
I missed you too.
1097
00:58:24,367 --> 00:58:26,568
Buonasera.
1098
00:58:26,570 --> 00:58:30,005
Hello, your Merlot,
Miss Alcott?
1099
00:58:30,007 --> 00:58:31,406
Yes, thank you, Phillipe.
1100
00:58:31,408 --> 00:58:33,675
And for the gentleman
in the fabulous jacket?
1101
00:58:33,677 --> 00:58:36,144
[laughs] Thank you.
You're so kind.
1102
00:58:36,146 --> 00:58:39,181
I'll have a Shirley Temple
with Jack Daniels please.
1103
00:58:39,183 --> 00:58:40,716
An excellent choice.
1104
00:58:42,719 --> 00:58:46,121
So, Charles, do you live
in a house or an
apartment in Maine.
1105
00:58:46,123 --> 00:58:47,823
Well, that's funny you ask...
1106
00:58:47,825 --> 00:58:51,560
It's actually a log cabin that
my grandfather built
with a pick ax and a hammer.
1107
00:58:51,562 --> 00:58:53,362
He built it all himself?
1108
00:58:53,364 --> 00:58:57,299
Well, he had the help of
a couple of small Chinese
railroad workers as well.
1109
00:58:58,501 --> 00:59:01,837
It's on the lake.
It's quite lovely.
1110
00:59:01,839 --> 00:59:04,606
Sounds stunning.
Like a Thomas Kinkade painting.
1111
00:59:04,608 --> 00:59:06,341
[both laughing]
1112
00:59:06,343 --> 00:59:08,010
Well, it is very Kinkadian.
1113
00:59:09,612 --> 00:59:12,548
Come on, Jules, I wanna
see the sights.
1114
00:59:12,550 --> 00:59:14,950
I suppose you've earned
a trip to my special place
1115
00:59:14,952 --> 00:59:16,652
but, you promise to behave
yourself.
1116
00:59:16,654 --> 00:59:19,955
Of course, no one denies
the man with the magic hands.
1117
00:59:19,957 --> 00:59:22,991
[laughing] Okay, come on,
let's go.
1118
00:59:26,029 --> 00:59:29,631
And for the beautiful lady,
the merlow.
1119
00:59:29,633 --> 00:59:33,669
And for the gentleman.
Your Shirley temple.
1120
00:59:33,671 --> 00:59:36,204
With Jack Daniels, like it?
1121
00:59:36,206 --> 00:59:40,142
-I'll give you a few minutes
with the menu.
-Thank you.
1122
00:59:40,144 --> 00:59:46,248
Well, to you Ann, a rare woman
of beauty, grace and integrity.
1123
00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:47,783
Thank you, Charles.
1124
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:54,189
I want you to know Charles
that whatever it is,
1125
00:59:54,191 --> 00:59:57,292
you have it and it needs
to be shared with the world.
1126
00:59:57,294 --> 01:00:01,697
I think you are one
of the coolest people
I have ever met.
1127
01:00:01,699 --> 01:00:04,366
You are just the woman of
your word and that is rare.
1128
01:00:04,368 --> 01:00:05,867
I feel the same about you.
1129
01:00:07,837 --> 01:00:10,205
No, I am a student
and you are a professor.
1130
01:00:10,740 --> 01:00:11,873
Well, I am older.
1131
01:00:13,209 --> 01:00:14,876
But, you are very beautiful.
1132
01:00:30,193 --> 01:00:31,226
[chuckles]
1133
01:00:34,397 --> 01:00:38,200
I had a wonderful time
tonight, Charles.
Thank you.
1134
01:00:38,202 --> 01:00:41,903
Susan Davis lives in a glass
house enclosed in an
ivory tower
1135
01:00:41,905 --> 01:00:43,572
in the center
of emerald city.
1136
01:00:43,574 --> 01:00:47,042
All right, I have had enough
of that one, can you imagine
what kind of
1137
01:00:47,044 --> 01:00:49,378
girlfriend you would
make if you were raised
by that woman?
1138
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,080
Tell you what, huh?
1139
01:00:52,082 --> 01:00:55,984
Well, anyway listen,
we're all very excited
on the fernization tour.
1140
01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:59,054
I'm Charles Fern.
Stay wealthy Washington.
1141
01:01:01,658 --> 01:01:05,661
Hey, Ethan, your ex
is at the door, she's got
a cameraman with her.
1142
01:01:05,663 --> 01:01:08,063
-Adrienne and Woody?
-Yeah, yeah.
1143
01:01:08,065 --> 01:01:11,933
Put on some of the meditation
music or something? You have
any of that?
1144
01:01:11,935 --> 01:01:14,803
Put on some... Do some
instruction video or something
like that.
1145
01:01:14,805 --> 01:01:16,738
-What?
-Stretch.
1146
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:21,009
Deeper down, going
south, going south.
1147
01:01:21,644 --> 01:01:24,479
Oh, my God, what are you doing?
1148
01:01:24,481 --> 01:01:28,150
Rouge, I really actually...
I'm sick of that... I like the
choice of the Jeans, because,
1149
01:01:28,152 --> 01:01:30,452
It probably keeps your
inner thighs pretty warm.
1150
01:01:30,454 --> 01:01:33,355
What are you guys doing here?
This is the Charles Fern show.
1151
01:01:33,357 --> 01:01:35,624
Oh, no, not anymore
actually, that's over.
1152
01:01:35,626 --> 01:01:39,461
We use this space
for post show yoga.
1153
01:01:39,463 --> 01:01:42,631
You guys are really welcome
to join us in some yoga motion.
1154
01:01:42,633 --> 01:01:46,868
Actually we're good.
Cause Woody stretched
me out this morning.
1155
01:01:47,570 --> 01:01:48,837
Show him.
1156
01:01:49,639 --> 01:01:52,207
Wow, that's some details.
1157
01:01:52,209 --> 01:01:54,943
Actually I have something
for you. This is a check.
1158
01:01:54,945 --> 01:01:57,279
You can just call that
a peace offering.
1159
01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:00,215
Where did you get this money?
1160
01:02:01,250 --> 01:02:02,951
Doughglobes is picking up.
1161
01:02:02,953 --> 01:02:06,588
Fried food for fat people.
1162
01:02:06,590 --> 01:02:10,058
When this check clears
I'll give you back your
precious guitar.
1163
01:02:11,060 --> 01:02:12,194
Okay.
1164
01:02:13,963 --> 01:02:17,365
All right guys, going back
to going farther south
down.
1165
01:02:18,868 --> 01:02:21,770
Neil, you gotta watch
Ears wide shut while
we're gone.
1166
01:02:21,772 --> 01:02:23,839
Me, I'm going on the road
with you guys.
1167
01:02:23,841 --> 01:02:25,474
No, you're not.
1168
01:02:25,476 --> 01:02:27,409
Ears wide shut cannot
fall apart. Do you understand
what this is?
1169
01:02:27,411 --> 01:02:30,612
Dude, there's no way.
I'm not a public speaker.
1170
01:02:30,614 --> 01:02:32,114
There's no public.
1171
01:02:32,116 --> 01:02:34,483
What if I get sick
and I lose my voice?
1172
01:02:34,485 --> 01:02:35,984
-And, I just can't...
-Neil...
1173
01:02:37,520 --> 01:02:40,155
Buck the fuck up.
Just buck up.
1174
01:02:41,924 --> 01:02:44,292
-Buck up.
-I don't even know what
that is.
1175
01:02:44,294 --> 01:02:45,360
What is buck?
1176
01:02:52,068 --> 01:02:56,204
♪ All we are saying
1177
01:02:56,206 --> 01:03:00,509
♪ Is give guns a chance
1178
01:03:00,511 --> 01:03:02,177
[cheering and applause]
1179
01:03:02,179 --> 01:03:09,050
It is my honor to introduce
to you the governor
Richard Dick Sollow.
1180
01:03:09,886 --> 01:03:12,254
[cheering and applause]
1181
01:03:12,256 --> 01:03:16,024
[chanting] We want Dick!
We want Dick!
1182
01:03:16,026 --> 01:03:20,362
We want Dick!
We want Dick!
We want Dick!
1183
01:03:20,364 --> 01:03:23,498
We want Dick!
1184
01:03:23,500 --> 01:03:26,201
[cheering and applause]
1185
01:03:27,403 --> 01:03:29,237
[marching band playing]
1186
01:03:30,239 --> 01:03:31,106
Thank you.
1187
01:03:34,443 --> 01:03:35,744
I love you more.
1188
01:03:35,746 --> 01:03:37,946
[cheering and applause]
1189
01:03:39,749 --> 01:03:43,819
Charles, we can't argue with
a rally like that.
1190
01:03:43,821 --> 01:03:46,188
That crowd was speaking.
1191
01:03:46,190 --> 01:03:49,891
And his message
is really resonating.
Resonating indeed.
1192
01:03:50,359 --> 01:03:51,293
Yeah, that's true.
1193
01:03:52,061 --> 01:03:55,263
I just gotta thank the team.
1194
01:03:55,265 --> 01:03:57,666
For the hard work
they are doing. And,
1195
01:03:57,668 --> 01:04:01,903
in particular, you have
really electrified this race
Charles, thank you.
1196
01:04:01,905 --> 01:04:03,805
Exactly, we're a great team,
Charles.
1197
01:04:03,807 --> 01:04:07,242
This week with the governor,
Charles has exceeded all
expectations.
1198
01:04:07,244 --> 01:04:09,744
We just analyzed a cross
section of polling data,
1199
01:04:09,746 --> 01:04:11,847
we are trending up, up, up.
1200
01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:14,349
Well, he's the man.
[laughter]
1201
01:04:16,118 --> 01:04:19,754
Charles Fern I'd like
to talk to you about
your past record.
1202
01:04:19,756 --> 01:04:21,489
What are you talking about?
1203
01:04:21,491 --> 01:04:22,724
What am I talking about?
1204
01:04:22,726 --> 01:04:26,294
Charles Fern aka Charles
Fernando,
1205
01:04:26,296 --> 01:04:31,733
was convicted of selling
a controlled substance in
1990...
1206
01:04:31,735 --> 01:04:33,468
Ethan?
1207
01:04:33,470 --> 01:04:35,370
Whoa, hey, hey.
1208
01:04:36,038 --> 01:04:37,873
No, Senora, no, s enora.
1209
01:04:40,543 --> 01:04:42,944
-Shit.
-Oh, god, sorry.
1210
01:04:42,946 --> 01:04:48,383
Charles, see I've been
trying to quit smoking
and I am having hell of a time.
1211
01:04:48,985 --> 01:04:50,886
And I have a date tonight.
1212
01:04:50,888 --> 01:04:53,154
-Care for a patch, Charles?
-No, I'm fine.
1213
01:04:53,156 --> 01:04:54,789
How about some vertigo lift?
1214
01:04:54,791 --> 01:04:56,791
I'm right as rain,
good as wood so...
1215
01:04:56,793 --> 01:04:59,961
Listen let's keep this
between ourselves okay.
1216
01:04:59,963 --> 01:05:01,997
Listen, your secret
is safe with me.
1217
01:05:01,999 --> 01:05:04,399
You're a terrific kid.
Close the door.
1218
01:05:12,275 --> 01:05:14,175
It's the longest road
I've ever been on.
1219
01:05:14,911 --> 01:05:16,378
It's a Long drive.
1220
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:19,080
[sighs]
Just call her.
1221
01:05:19,082 --> 01:05:21,416
-I'm gonna call her.
-Mmm hmm.
1222
01:05:23,452 --> 01:05:24,619
[cellphone ringing]
1223
01:05:24,621 --> 01:05:27,155
-Hey.
-Hey, Julia.
1224
01:05:27,157 --> 01:05:29,124
Ethan, where have you been?
I've been worried sick.
1225
01:05:29,126 --> 01:05:30,825
I left you like
a dozen messages.
1226
01:05:30,827 --> 01:05:32,594
I got the message so to speak.
1227
01:05:32,596 --> 01:05:35,497
Look, why didn't you tell
me you were dating
Jefferson?
1228
01:05:35,499 --> 01:05:36,831
What are you talking about?
1229
01:05:36,833 --> 01:05:39,234
I went to the brewery
on Tuesday night.
I know what's going on.
1230
01:05:39,236 --> 01:05:42,771
Brewery? Oh, god no.
Jefferson is just my friend.
1231
01:05:42,773 --> 01:05:44,406
Oh, just a friend huh?
1232
01:05:44,408 --> 01:05:47,208
Well, did your friend's magic
hands get down your
magic pants?
1233
01:05:47,210 --> 01:05:49,444
Hey, he's a cardiothoracic
surgeon, that's a joke.
1234
01:05:49,446 --> 01:05:52,314
Just come clean.
I know you took him
to your special place.
1235
01:05:52,316 --> 01:05:53,949
Your magical make out
mountain.
1236
01:05:53,951 --> 01:05:56,017
Okay, you have your facts
way wrong.
1237
01:05:56,019 --> 01:05:58,219
What are my facts then
Jackie O nasty?
1238
01:05:58,221 --> 01:06:00,021
I know you are not speaking
to me like that.
1239
01:06:00,023 --> 01:06:02,290
And just so you know,
my special place,
1240
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:04,626
is the name of the pediatric
ward in the hospital.
1241
01:06:04,628 --> 01:06:07,028
If you don't believe me,
give him a call.
1242
01:06:09,899 --> 01:06:11,333
I'm such an idiot.
1243
01:06:12,935 --> 01:06:16,604
Look, I know that Jefferson
likes me but he hasn't
crossed any boundaries.
1244
01:06:16,606 --> 01:06:19,574
And, I would never mess with
your mind like that.
1245
01:06:19,576 --> 01:06:21,743
I'm sorry, that was just...
1246
01:06:23,045 --> 01:06:25,613
I gotta get back to work
but call me later?
1247
01:06:25,615 --> 01:06:26,548
Okay.
1248
01:06:28,484 --> 01:06:29,417
Bye.
1249
01:06:32,221 --> 01:06:33,154
Uh-oh.
1250
01:06:36,225 --> 01:06:41,363
♪ America, America
1251
01:06:41,365 --> 01:06:47,002
♪ God shed his grace on thee
1252
01:06:47,004 --> 01:06:52,841
♪ And crown thy good
With brotherhood ♪
1253
01:06:52,843 --> 01:06:58,046
♪ From sea to shining sea!
1254
01:07:05,588 --> 01:07:07,756
Ah...
1255
01:07:07,758 --> 01:07:10,558
It is getting late,
I'll walk you to your room.
1256
01:07:18,567 --> 01:07:20,668
This could ruin my career.
1257
01:07:23,739 --> 01:07:24,806
So...
[clears throat]
1258
01:07:26,175 --> 01:07:29,277
Here's my room.
Would you like to come
in for a drink?
1259
01:07:29,279 --> 01:07:32,714
Uh, well...
I don't think...
I'm tired.
1260
01:07:32,716 --> 01:07:34,716
Charles Fern?
1261
01:07:34,718 --> 01:07:37,318
Or should I say Ethan Smith?
1262
01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:39,421
Your just a lefty nutbag.
1263
01:07:39,423 --> 01:07:42,057
Oh, your just a right wing
cock puppet.
1264
01:07:42,059 --> 01:07:44,192
Isn't there a terrorist
you should be mating with?
1265
01:07:44,194 --> 01:07:47,262
Isn't there an abortion
clinic you should
bomb, bitch?
1266
01:07:47,264 --> 01:07:48,863
Charles, let's go.
1267
01:07:48,865 --> 01:07:50,398
Not till I am done.
1268
01:07:51,567 --> 01:07:53,301
Adrian!
Adrian!
1269
01:08:04,747 --> 01:08:06,548
Pay no attention to her,
Charles.
1270
01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:08,650
Thank you, I'm sorry you
had to deal with that.
1271
01:08:10,352 --> 01:08:12,120
Wow. You have your own doll.
1272
01:08:12,888 --> 01:08:14,389
You sell a lot of these?
1273
01:08:14,391 --> 01:08:18,093
Yes, some for novelty,
some for craftsmanship.
1274
01:08:18,095 --> 01:08:19,861
-They are really lovely.
-Thank you.
1275
01:08:21,297 --> 01:08:22,831
Your like the republican
Madonna.
1276
01:08:24,900 --> 01:08:28,336
Only I am not like a virgin,
I...
1277
01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:31,239
I am a virgin.
1278
01:08:32,875 --> 01:08:34,576
What?
1279
01:08:34,578 --> 01:08:39,447
I've been waiting to meet
a man who I could give
my body to.
1280
01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:42,450
Someone who I could
share my views and
my values with.
1281
01:08:50,559 --> 01:08:51,893
Take me, Charles.
1282
01:08:57,666 --> 01:08:59,567
[moaning]
1283
01:09:00,836 --> 01:09:02,203
Oh, my gosh, Ann.
1284
01:09:02,205 --> 01:09:05,240
Ann. Listen, there is something
I need to apologize for.
1285
01:09:05,242 --> 01:09:08,476
Listen, there is something
I need to tell you.
1286
01:09:08,478 --> 01:09:10,645
I have to apologize
for something.
1287
01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:14,749
That night I kissed you
at your car, it was a mistake.
1288
01:09:15,985 --> 01:09:17,485
I guess I am too old for you.
1289
01:09:17,487 --> 01:09:19,287
No, it's not that,
I love old women,
1290
01:09:19,289 --> 01:09:23,191
it's just that there is someone
else I am betraying.
1291
01:09:23,193 --> 01:09:25,894
Don't tell me you are married
to somebody else in Maine.
1292
01:09:26,595 --> 01:09:28,596
Yes.
[laughs]
1293
01:09:28,598 --> 01:09:32,100
That's exactly it.
I am married to
someone in Maine.
1294
01:09:32,102 --> 01:09:33,701
[grunting]
1295
01:09:33,703 --> 01:09:37,172
You are destroying her life.
She made a commitment
to you,
1296
01:09:37,174 --> 01:09:40,308
God and man, and Marriage...
And you...
1297
01:09:40,310 --> 01:09:42,777
were playing with my heart.
1298
01:09:42,779 --> 01:09:45,513
It's not like that.
It's not like that.
1299
01:09:46,148 --> 01:09:49,717
Ann, I'm married to a man.
1300
01:09:52,054 --> 01:09:53,388
What?
1301
01:09:53,390 --> 01:09:55,456
Yes, it's a little bit weird
to talk about.
1302
01:09:55,458 --> 01:09:58,326
But, I met this
fly and tackle hand
1303
01:09:58,328 --> 01:10:01,663
who helped me haul some wood
to my cabin in Maine, and...
1304
01:10:01,665 --> 01:10:04,933
Well, we were in close quarters
during a very violent tornado.
1305
01:10:06,135 --> 01:10:08,636
And after the sun rose...
1306
01:10:08,638 --> 01:10:12,207
We drove all the way to Rowan
County and that's where
we tied the knot.
1307
01:10:20,149 --> 01:10:21,983
So are you for gay marriage?
1308
01:10:24,086 --> 01:10:25,220
Yes.
1309
01:10:27,923 --> 01:10:29,657
Yeah, that's a deal breaker.
1310
01:10:32,328 --> 01:10:35,063
Traitor. He's going down.
1311
01:10:35,065 --> 01:10:36,231
You know...
1312
01:10:37,700 --> 01:10:41,903
I always thought there
was something off
about that guy.
1313
01:10:41,905 --> 01:10:43,471
Look...
1314
01:10:43,473 --> 01:10:46,441
-I'm going
to the weekly with this.
-No, no, no.
1315
01:10:47,276 --> 01:10:49,644
This is a national story.
1316
01:10:49,646 --> 01:10:52,780
We are the next Woodward
and fucking Bernstein.
1317
01:10:52,782 --> 01:10:55,450
My old college roommate,
I gave him a ring
1318
01:10:55,452 --> 01:10:57,986
he's now a producer
on the vacuum.
1319
01:10:57,988 --> 01:11:01,422
And he said that Bob Bernard
is dying to see our footage.
1320
01:11:01,424 --> 01:11:03,291
-Send it.
-Okay.
1321
01:11:03,293 --> 01:11:06,027
-What? Now.
-Okay, done.
1322
01:11:06,662 --> 01:11:07,829
Done.
1323
01:11:13,969 --> 01:11:17,639
Live music with no auto tune
and no quick track.
1324
01:11:29,218 --> 01:11:32,320
♪ Maybe I should've tried
1325
01:11:34,189 --> 01:11:36,591
♪ More than I figured all
1326
01:11:38,694 --> 01:11:41,396
♪ Maybe I should've left
1327
01:11:43,265 --> 01:11:45,833
♪ Before we ever met
1328
01:11:47,169 --> 01:11:49,003
♪ It don't matter now
1329
01:11:56,445 --> 01:12:00,982
♪ The end of the World is
The beginning of everything ♪
1330
01:12:09,792 --> 01:12:12,493
Neil Hornback
for Ears Wide Shut signing off.
1331
01:12:18,434 --> 01:12:20,435
Nice work, man. You did it.
1332
01:12:20,437 --> 01:12:21,969
Was it as good as you?
1333
01:12:24,606 --> 01:12:25,707
All right.
1334
01:12:26,542 --> 01:12:28,910
Let's not get ahead
of ourselves.
1335
01:12:31,113 --> 01:12:32,046
There he is.
1336
01:12:34,083 --> 01:12:36,884
Your show is a monster.
1337
01:12:36,886 --> 01:12:42,557
You are a hit throughout
Washington and we are gonna
take you nationwide.
1338
01:12:42,559 --> 01:12:43,558
Yes!
1339
01:12:43,560 --> 01:12:45,660
Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you!
1340
01:12:45,662 --> 01:12:47,962
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
1341
01:12:47,964 --> 01:12:50,932
Excuse me, I need a moment
alone with Charles.
1342
01:12:50,934 --> 01:12:53,601
Thank you. Now, thank you.
1343
01:12:53,603 --> 01:12:54,702
Thank you.
1344
01:12:57,139 --> 01:12:58,940
I'll step over here.
1345
01:13:10,119 --> 01:13:11,052
Wow.
1346
01:13:14,123 --> 01:13:16,124
We have already signed this.
1347
01:13:17,793 --> 01:13:23,698
And as soon as you do,
you will get your
300,000 dollar advance.
1348
01:13:23,700 --> 01:13:26,067
And we're gonna take you coast
to coast.
1349
01:13:27,469 --> 01:13:29,871
Congratulations, my boy.
1350
01:13:32,574 --> 01:13:36,110
-Hey, bud, how you doing?
-I'm good.
1351
01:13:36,112 --> 01:13:37,712
This is going
national tomorrow.
1352
01:13:37,714 --> 01:13:39,247
Yeah, you know what you did.
1353
01:13:39,249 --> 01:13:41,082
-What is this?
-Ethan.
1354
01:13:41,084 --> 01:13:45,386
Come on, if you have anything
to say for yourself, now
is your opportunity. Go.
1355
01:13:45,388 --> 01:13:47,655
Okay, listen I will talk
to you off camera, but you
1356
01:13:47,657 --> 01:13:49,524
will have to get rid
off the paparazzi.
1357
01:13:49,526 --> 01:13:51,092
Listen, I am not paparazzi.
1358
01:13:51,094 --> 01:13:54,328
I am a cinematographer,
you fascista.
-That's right.
1359
01:13:54,330 --> 01:13:57,398
Ethan you are going to be
exposed, okay.
1360
01:13:57,400 --> 01:13:59,867
I mean, I don't even know
who you are anymore.
1361
01:13:59,869 --> 01:14:01,569
I don't think you ever
knew who I was.
1362
01:14:01,571 --> 01:14:04,338
Really? Well, guess what
I am not interested anymore.
1363
01:14:04,340 --> 01:14:06,774
-Oh, you are not?
-But Bob Bernard is.
1364
01:14:06,776 --> 01:14:09,076
Can I have my
guitar back, please?
1365
01:14:09,078 --> 01:14:12,780
And when Julia finds out,
her little heart
is gonna be crushed.
1366
01:14:17,252 --> 01:14:18,619
Where you going?
1367
01:14:18,621 --> 01:14:20,154
-I'm leaving.
-Oh, yeah.
1368
01:14:20,156 --> 01:14:22,490
-Get out of here.
-Leaving?
1369
01:14:27,196 --> 01:14:31,766
Whoo! Well, shit that was
the best sound it ever made.
1370
01:14:33,669 --> 01:14:34,602
Bye.
1371
01:14:42,644 --> 01:14:44,712
Hey, I gotta talk to you
about something.
1372
01:14:44,714 --> 01:14:46,414
Okay, you are gonna come
to election night, right?
1373
01:14:46,416 --> 01:14:48,716
I mean, win or lose
I'd really like it
if you could be there.
1374
01:14:48,718 --> 01:14:50,051
-Yes, I definitely wanna go.
-Okay.
1375
01:14:52,955 --> 01:14:54,722
[grunts]
1376
01:14:57,226 --> 01:14:58,926
Liar.
1377
01:14:58,928 --> 01:15:02,396
Oh, my God.
That's Mr. Fleischman's
first word since the stroke.
1378
01:15:02,398 --> 01:15:06,267
Tom, I'm so sorry Buddy.
Are you okay?
1379
01:15:06,269 --> 01:15:08,536
Do you know him?
1380
01:15:08,538 --> 01:15:11,639
Well, I think he's gone
back to sleep.
1381
01:15:13,709 --> 01:15:15,376
You are working
with Tom Fleischman?
1382
01:15:15,378 --> 01:15:16,944
Well, yeah, what do you mean?
1383
01:15:16,946 --> 01:15:21,849
Okay, come on I work
in a hospital, I give
everyone equal care.
1384
01:15:21,851 --> 01:15:24,652
There's something I really
got to talk to you about,
okay?
1385
01:15:24,654 --> 01:15:28,689
Do you remember the radio
station I was helping out with?
The other radio station?
1386
01:15:28,691 --> 01:15:30,291
Yeah.
1387
01:15:30,293 --> 01:15:32,393
It was Tom Fleischman's
show. And,
1388
01:15:32,395 --> 01:15:36,697
When he couldn't fill in,
I stepped in and I
covered for him.
1389
01:15:36,899 --> 01:15:37,832
So what?
1390
01:15:39,835 --> 01:15:42,236
-I'm Charles Fern.
-Okay, that's not funny.
1391
01:15:42,238 --> 01:15:43,738
No, I'm Charles Fern, listen.
1392
01:15:45,240 --> 01:15:49,076
Good morning, Washingtonians,
I'm your humble guest host,
Charles Fern.
1393
01:15:54,883 --> 01:15:57,552
It's me, Julia.
1394
01:15:57,554 --> 01:15:59,320
Okay, wait, so your telling
me that your the person
1395
01:15:59,322 --> 01:16:00,955
who has been attacking
my mother?
1396
01:16:01,757 --> 01:16:03,024
Sort of...
I just...
1397
01:16:03,026 --> 01:16:05,359
-It was all a joke.
-It was not funny.
1398
01:16:05,361 --> 01:16:06,894
All channel offered me
all this money.
1399
01:16:06,896 --> 01:16:09,397
I honestly don't know
what I am supposed
to say to you right now.
1400
01:16:09,399 --> 01:16:11,165
I can't forgive you for this.
1401
01:16:11,167 --> 01:16:13,734
Okay, look it's fine if you
don't want my
mother to be governor,
1402
01:16:13,736 --> 01:16:17,605
but, to malign her in such
a way in a ridiculous
costume...
1403
01:16:17,607 --> 01:16:19,440
Listen I didn't mean
to hurt anyone.
1404
01:16:19,442 --> 01:16:23,277
Okay you know what, that is just
what every hypocrite says,
and you did hurt somebody.
1405
01:16:23,279 --> 01:16:27,715
I completely misjudged you.
I thought you were someone
who had, I don't know...
1406
01:16:27,717 --> 01:16:30,151
-Integrity?
-Yes. It's time
for you to leave.
1407
01:16:30,153 --> 01:16:32,386
-Can you just give me
another chance?
-It's too late.
1408
01:16:32,388 --> 01:16:34,055
Please.
1409
01:16:34,057 --> 01:16:36,824
-What are you doing?
-Can I get security to
604 please?
1410
01:16:36,826 --> 01:16:39,727
Get off of me,
I have feet you know.
1411
01:16:42,331 --> 01:16:44,198
Tell me what I can
do and I'll do it all right?
1412
01:16:44,200 --> 01:16:46,534
Don't make this worse, man,
come on, have some dignity.
1413
01:16:46,536 --> 01:16:48,135
Can you please move along?
1414
01:16:49,838 --> 01:16:53,474
Julia, I love you okay,
there I said it.
1415
01:16:53,476 --> 01:16:55,509
Now you might not see me
for the rest of my life.
1416
01:16:55,511 --> 01:16:59,447
But, I still love you and I'll
always love you. That might be
a cliche but, it's true.
1417
01:16:59,449 --> 01:17:01,549
Oh, man, I think you
just shoot me.
1418
01:17:01,551 --> 01:17:03,618
Put the camera over there
and you just shoot me.
1419
01:17:03,620 --> 01:17:05,853
Like where? Like in the head?
1420
01:17:05,855 --> 01:17:08,689
Well, I don't know.
I think maybe in this area.
1421
01:17:08,691 --> 01:17:10,825
We can't shoot it in here
because like...
1422
01:17:10,827 --> 01:17:13,794
-You'll know that I shot you.
-You'll be out of the frame.
1423
01:17:13,796 --> 01:17:16,130
Then we shoot Charles Fern.
1424
01:17:16,132 --> 01:17:17,732
Why don't we go somewhere
and shoot?
1425
01:17:17,734 --> 01:17:20,501
Yes, you would do that.
1426
01:17:20,503 --> 01:17:23,771
Hey, hey, don't fuck around.
What the hell?
1427
01:17:23,773 --> 01:17:25,873
Rouge, we're not fucking
around, all right?
1428
01:17:26,508 --> 01:17:27,875
Charles Fern must die.
1429
01:17:27,877 --> 01:17:29,744
You ain't gonna
kill him with a BB gun.
1430
01:17:31,113 --> 01:17:34,248
Well, we tried to think of
things man, but Adrienne...
1431
01:17:34,250 --> 01:17:37,284
She's onto me man.
She's got the photo composites.
1432
01:17:37,286 --> 01:17:41,255
We deny it.
And then we deny it again,
and then we deny it again.
1433
01:17:41,257 --> 01:17:45,326
Yeah but she's got me on tape
and then Ann Alcott thinks
I'm gay.
1434
01:17:46,161 --> 01:17:48,062
-She does?
-Yeah.
1435
01:17:48,064 --> 01:17:50,731
Gay is okay,
we can work with gay.
1436
01:17:50,733 --> 01:17:52,833
[doorbell ringing]
1437
01:17:54,603 --> 01:17:56,671
-Dude, did you invite someone
over?
-No.
1438
01:17:59,174 --> 01:18:01,742
It's your crazy ex girlfriend
again.
1439
01:18:03,779 --> 01:18:05,746
Go hide in the bathroom.
1440
01:18:07,582 --> 01:18:09,950
Oh, oh, oh...
1441
01:18:10,385 --> 01:18:11,419
Thank you.
1442
01:18:11,421 --> 01:18:14,355
Wow.
This is really...
1443
01:18:14,357 --> 01:18:20,661
Boy, oh, boy, I always knew
that there was something
different about you.
1444
01:18:20,663 --> 01:18:22,329
That's probably
the Maine thing.
1445
01:18:22,331 --> 01:18:25,466
The Maine thing.
And the main thing
is honesty.
1446
01:18:25,468 --> 01:18:27,868
Really, thank you,
that's wonderful.
1447
01:18:27,870 --> 01:18:29,870
Oh, Ryan that's really...
1448
01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:33,774
Ann told me everything.
1449
01:18:33,776 --> 01:18:37,111
She told you everything...
You're...
1450
01:18:37,113 --> 01:18:41,882
-Oh yeah, right well you are
a married man.
-So are you.
1451
01:18:41,884 --> 01:18:44,952
Well, I'm married to a man so...
1452
01:18:44,954 --> 01:18:50,191
Hey, Lucy is my best friend...
But, that's it.
1453
01:18:51,460 --> 01:18:52,960
I have never...
1454
01:18:56,231 --> 01:18:57,732
Oh, gosh.
1455
01:18:57,734 --> 01:19:01,502
Well, things are a little more
complicated than...
1456
01:19:01,504 --> 01:19:03,537
...than you think actually
Ryan, so...
1457
01:19:03,539 --> 01:19:06,207
Wait, wait, you and Rouge?
1458
01:19:06,209 --> 01:19:09,844
Yeah, I know.
Right well, the cat's out
of the bag now.
1459
01:19:10,045 --> 01:19:10,978
Wow.
1460
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:13,013
Does Neil know?
1461
01:19:13,015 --> 01:19:16,317
Oh, of course, cause
he was our best man.
1462
01:19:16,319 --> 01:19:17,551
And the maid of honor.
1463
01:19:17,553 --> 01:19:19,186
Rouge, please accept my
sincerest apology.
1464
01:19:19,188 --> 01:19:22,490
I wouldn't have tried anything
if I knew you and Charles...
1465
01:19:22,492 --> 01:19:25,526
No, no Rouge and I yes,
if we weren't happily
married...
1466
01:19:25,528 --> 01:19:29,196
You'd be a perfect really
good catch. You'd be a catch.
1467
01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:32,767
You know Ryan,
thank you so much
for coming by.
1468
01:19:32,769 --> 01:19:36,537
It's really been delightful.
Yup this way is the door.
That way is the door.
1469
01:19:37,272 --> 01:19:38,539
Just get a good cab home.
1470
01:19:56,391 --> 01:19:57,324
Take off your glasses.
1471
01:20:05,534 --> 01:20:06,967
Here comes the cool part.
1472
01:20:14,810 --> 01:20:16,677
[grunting]
1473
01:20:16,679 --> 01:20:18,145
Ah!
Oh!
1474
01:20:18,147 --> 01:20:19,213
Ow!
1475
01:20:21,216 --> 01:20:22,883
Oh! Ow!
[grunts]
1476
01:20:29,791 --> 01:20:30,925
You okay?
1477
01:20:31,693 --> 01:20:32,860
Rouge, you all right?
1478
01:20:32,862 --> 01:20:35,196
I'm all right.
Give me my fucking phone.
1479
01:20:35,198 --> 01:20:37,097
You got a little
blood on your hand.
1480
01:20:40,435 --> 01:20:41,368
Get outta here.
1481
01:20:42,337 --> 01:20:43,404
Sure buddy.
1482
01:20:45,907 --> 01:20:47,341
Rouge, thanks.
1483
01:20:53,982 --> 01:20:58,052
Yeah, hey we have an
emergency.
1484
01:20:58,054 --> 01:21:03,190
I was hunting and we
got attacked by
a grizzly bear.
1485
01:21:16,471 --> 01:21:18,439
[indistinct chatter]
1486
01:21:21,643 --> 01:21:23,143
Hello?
1487
01:21:27,148 --> 01:21:28,315
Holy shit!
1488
01:21:30,252 --> 01:21:31,385
Okay...
1489
01:21:33,588 --> 01:21:34,521
Charles...
1490
01:21:35,690 --> 01:21:37,191
Saw a little bear cub.
1491
01:21:39,327 --> 01:21:40,995
A baby bear cub.
1492
01:21:40,997 --> 01:21:43,797
Stuck under
a small boulder and...
1493
01:21:43,799 --> 01:21:45,666
Well, he went to help
the little fella and...
1494
01:21:46,501 --> 01:21:47,668
Out of nowhere this...
1495
01:21:49,437 --> 01:21:51,171
The bear came...
1496
01:21:51,173 --> 01:21:54,241
Must have been the mama.
Grizzly bear.
1497
01:21:55,677 --> 01:21:59,446
Jeez, Rouge you know better
than to hunt cascades
this time of the year?
1498
01:21:59,448 --> 01:22:04,018
I know, but, Charles he twisted
my arm, he was an avid hunter,
it was so dumb.
1499
01:22:04,020 --> 01:22:06,053
And the grizzly had him
by the neck you say?
1500
01:22:06,055 --> 01:22:07,021
Yes.
1501
01:22:07,722 --> 01:22:09,256
I fear the worst.
1502
01:22:09,258 --> 01:22:10,891
[phone ringing]
1503
01:22:10,893 --> 01:22:13,394
Teared him off like
a cat crazy kitten.
1504
01:22:13,396 --> 01:22:14,328
I fear the worst.
1505
01:22:16,364 --> 01:22:18,499
Oh, really?
1506
01:22:20,101 --> 01:22:22,636
All right, well
keep searching through
the night.
1507
01:22:28,243 --> 01:22:32,279
Well, they found some glasses
on the ground.
1508
01:22:33,381 --> 01:22:35,282
Polka dotted bow tie.
1509
01:22:36,952 --> 01:22:38,085
I'm sorry.
1510
01:22:40,855 --> 01:22:41,989
[snorts]
1511
01:22:43,591 --> 01:22:47,328
Okay, okay, it's fine.
1512
01:22:47,330 --> 01:22:49,396
Hey, hey, hey.
It's okay.
1513
01:22:52,133 --> 01:22:54,868
And the most ludicrous
item of the week comes
to us from the
1514
01:22:54,870 --> 01:22:57,304
leftist documentarian,
Adrienne Lockhart.
1515
01:22:57,306 --> 01:22:59,406
Last week she claimed that
the recently deceased
1516
01:22:59,408 --> 01:23:03,243
radio commentator
Charles Fern who died
nobly trying to save a bear cub
1517
01:23:03,245 --> 01:23:05,479
was actually her ex-boyfriend.
1518
01:23:05,481 --> 01:23:10,684
This after claims that
Charles Fern was famed
Mexican drug runner,
1519
01:23:10,686 --> 01:23:12,486
Charles Fernando.
1520
01:23:12,488 --> 01:23:14,421
So what is she basing her
most recent claim on?
1521
01:23:14,423 --> 01:23:18,058
A grainy photo she matched
using computer enhancements.
1522
01:23:18,060 --> 01:23:21,395
This one wouldn't pass
the Dan Rather smell test.
1523
01:23:21,397 --> 01:23:23,831
-Come on.
-Libelous, perhaps.
1524
01:23:23,833 --> 01:23:25,733
Ludicrous...
Without question.
1525
01:23:25,735 --> 01:23:28,369
Thanks very much everyone.
I am Bob Bernard.
That's all from me for today.
1526
01:23:28,371 --> 01:23:30,170
That's it?
That's it?
1527
01:23:30,172 --> 01:23:32,373
That's all for you today.
Jesus.
1528
01:23:38,213 --> 01:23:41,048
Well, it's virtual time.
1529
01:23:41,050 --> 01:23:44,752
95 percent of the precincts
are in and yet no one can get
a straight count.
1530
01:23:45,353 --> 01:23:46,687
It's gonna be a long night.
1531
01:23:51,359 --> 01:23:53,894
Julia are you all right?
You just don't seem
like yourself?
1532
01:23:53,896 --> 01:23:56,630
Yeah, no, I am just
ready for the campaign
to be over.
1533
01:23:56,632 --> 01:24:00,601
Me too. Oh, I did get some
good news today that will
make you happy.
1534
01:24:00,603 --> 01:24:03,604
Harborview called me and they
got a match for my donation.
1535
01:24:03,606 --> 01:24:04,671
What?
1536
01:24:04,673 --> 01:24:06,740
Yeah, the Alzheimer wing
is saved.
1537
01:24:06,742 --> 01:24:08,575
-Serious?
-It was so strange.
1538
01:24:08,577 --> 01:24:13,180
Okay, the guy that donated
was that right winger who
died, Charles Fern.
1539
01:24:14,082 --> 01:24:15,816
You don't say.
1540
01:24:15,818 --> 01:24:19,286
Yeah. And then I guess he
donated it right before
the grizzly incident.
1541
01:24:19,288 --> 01:24:22,189
The guy had it coming.
Car police should step right in.
1542
01:24:22,191 --> 01:24:25,159
Well, I didn't like what
he was saying about me
1543
01:24:25,161 --> 01:24:27,561
but, he obviously
had a different side.
1544
01:24:27,563 --> 01:24:28,695
The bear thought so too.
1545
01:24:30,698 --> 01:24:34,535
Poor thing. Did you read
what they wrote.
How they found him?
1546
01:24:36,237 --> 01:24:38,639
Apparently the bear
stuffed him in a tree.
1547
01:24:40,208 --> 01:24:42,142
Like ate him just
a little bit at a time.
1548
01:24:43,044 --> 01:24:44,578
Like the Revenant.
1549
01:24:45,180 --> 01:24:46,647
I haven't seen that movie.
1550
01:24:54,122 --> 01:24:58,492
[pop song playing]
1551
01:25:17,045 --> 01:25:19,847
CHARLES FERN
ALZHEIMER'S WING
1552
01:25:33,561 --> 01:25:34,628
Say it again.
1553
01:25:35,797 --> 01:25:37,531
I promise for the rest
of my life
1554
01:25:37,533 --> 01:25:40,167
I will never wear
another bow tie.