1 00:01:42,338 --> 00:01:44,340 Haven't seen Brian. 2 00:01:44,340 --> 00:01:46,843 He's with Justin. It's "date night". 3 00:01:49,845 --> 00:01:51,847 I'm sorry, are we keeping you up? 4 00:01:51,847 --> 00:01:56,351 No. It's the business. 5 00:01:56,852 --> 00:01:57,853 Toiling away, day and night, 6 00:01:57,853 --> 00:01:58,854 it's not the same as punching in 7 00:01:58,854 --> 00:02:01,356 9:00 to 6:00 at Wertshafter's. 8 00:02:01,356 --> 00:02:04,859 But just think, you're a success. 9 00:02:04,859 --> 00:02:06,861 Not that I've had much time to enjoy it. 10 00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:08,352 What you need is something 11 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,864 to keep your eyelids open. 12 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:12,333 Yeah, like him. 13 00:02:13,051 --> 00:02:15,752 Yeah, right. As if a Norse God 14 00:02:15,762 --> 00:02:17,688 is going to be interested in me. 15 00:02:17,688 --> 00:02:22,692 You never know unless you try. 16 00:02:22,692 --> 00:02:23,693 Sure, what the hell? 17 00:02:23,693 --> 00:02:25,695 I'm too tired to care. 18 00:02:25,695 --> 00:02:28,702 - Attaboy. - Yeah. 19 00:02:33,702 --> 00:02:38,207 Hi. How's it going? 20 00:02:38,207 --> 00:02:40,996 I'm Ted. 21 00:02:43,996 --> 00:02:47,498 Maybe you could use it as a bookmark or something. 22 00:02:48,966 --> 00:02:51,853 Jerkatwork.net. 23 00:02:52,353 --> 00:02:54,355 - That you? - That's right. 24 00:02:54,355 --> 00:02:56,290 I'm the President. 25 00:02:56,290 --> 00:02:59,227 I'm Thor. 26 00:02:59,227 --> 00:03:02,646 So, how about hooking up? 27 00:03:02,646 --> 00:03:05,101 You and me? 28 00:03:08,101 --> 00:03:09,603 You got it... 29 00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:11,910 Thor. 30 00:03:17,910 --> 00:03:19,378 He gave you his number? 31 00:03:19,378 --> 00:03:24,784 Seems success is the ultimate aphrodisiac. 32 00:03:24,784 --> 00:03:28,254 Oh, shit! 33 00:03:28,254 --> 00:03:30,755 Well, if it isn't the hunkiest professor 34 00:03:30,755 --> 00:03:32,257 in the whole wide world. 35 00:03:32,257 --> 00:03:35,243 Thank you for making me feel so much better. 36 00:03:35,243 --> 00:03:37,162 You did the right thing. 37 00:03:37,162 --> 00:03:38,653 The guy's positive. 38 00:03:38,663 --> 00:03:41,099 Positively yummy. 39 00:03:41,599 --> 00:03:43,101 There are plenty of fuckable guys out there 40 00:03:43,101 --> 00:03:44,536 that you don't have to worry about. 41 00:03:44,536 --> 00:03:46,537 Come on, let's dance. 42 00:03:58,465 --> 00:04:00,466 It's true, there's a lot of fuckable guys out there 43 00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:02,952 and I've even dated a few. 44 00:04:03,386 --> 00:04:04,887 More than a few. 45 00:04:04,887 --> 00:04:05,888 The only problem is... 46 00:04:05,888 --> 00:04:07,824 they're not Ben. 47 00:04:07,824 --> 00:04:08,825 I can't stop thinking about him. 48 00:04:08,825 --> 00:04:09,826 I'm obsessed. 49 00:04:09,836 --> 00:04:11,761 And I'm trying to eat. 50 00:04:12,261 --> 00:04:13,763 It's classic end-of-the-affair remorse. 51 00:04:13,763 --> 00:04:15,697 Made worse by the fact that you don't have anyone 52 00:04:15,697 --> 00:04:16,698 to replace him. 53 00:04:16,698 --> 00:04:19,117 It's my own fault. 54 00:04:19,117 --> 00:04:21,620 I shouldn't have let myself be influenced by other people. 55 00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,121 Well, you obviously had your doubts, 56 00:04:23,121 --> 00:04:25,123 or else you'd have told us all to go fuck ourselves. 57 00:04:25,123 --> 00:04:27,576 There's probably some truth to that, Michael. 58 00:04:27,576 --> 00:04:29,543 Do you think it's too late? 59 00:04:30,044 --> 00:04:31,996 You know, I ordered my eggs with bacon. 60 00:04:31,996 --> 00:04:33,931 - Okay. - Not group therapy. 61 00:04:37,368 --> 00:04:40,872 If you want Ben back, go fucking get him. 62 00:04:41,872 --> 00:04:42,840 Hey! 63 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,843 Your side of bacon. 64 00:04:46,843 --> 00:04:48,845 Oh, well. Huh. 65 00:04:48,845 --> 00:04:50,996 Can't paste it back on the pig. 66 00:04:53,733 --> 00:04:55,735 Uh-oh. 67 00:04:55,735 --> 00:04:59,171 Those puppy-dog eyes can only mean one thing. 68 00:04:59,171 --> 00:05:00,672 Boy trouble. 69 00:05:02,124 --> 00:05:04,610 Oh. 70 00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:08,063 Honey. 71 00:05:08,063 --> 00:05:11,567 The right guy'll come along. You'll see. 72 00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:13,067 And when he does, you'll be right there 73 00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:16,070 with your big, warm heart. 74 00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:17,572 And that face that you just wanna pinch 75 00:05:17,572 --> 00:05:19,073 like a peach. 76 00:05:19,073 --> 00:05:22,460 Look at that. 77 00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:24,462 Right? Don't forget, 78 00:05:24,462 --> 00:05:27,964 Monday night, ziti night. 79 00:05:27,964 --> 00:05:29,466 Great, so I can be fat and single. 80 00:05:31,468 --> 00:05:33,900 I'm telling you, Brian, she's driving me out of my mind. 81 00:05:34,905 --> 00:05:36,406 I told you two to behave! 82 00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:38,358 He did it. 83 00:05:38,358 --> 00:05:39,359 No, he did. 84 00:05:39,359 --> 00:05:40,327 Faggot. 85 00:05:40,826 --> 00:05:41,777 Homo. 86 00:05:41,777 --> 00:05:44,680 - Look, sit down and shut up. - Hey! 87 00:05:45,164 --> 00:05:46,665 Or I'll make sure your balls never drop. 88 00:05:47,149 --> 00:05:49,101 You know, I do everything for her. 89 00:05:49,101 --> 00:05:51,103 Do you think she appreciates it? 90 00:05:51,587 --> 00:05:53,038 Do you think she ever says "thank you"? 91 00:05:53,038 --> 00:05:55,540 All she does is criticize. I mean, 92 00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,976 nothing is good enough for her. 93 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,411 Why don't you kill her? 94 00:06:00,411 --> 00:06:01,846 No jury on earth would convict you. 95 00:06:01,846 --> 00:06:03,348 They all have mothers of their own. 96 00:06:03,348 --> 00:06:04,832 I have a better idea. 97 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,251 You deal with her. 98 00:06:06,251 --> 00:06:07,252 You put up with her demands, 99 00:06:07,252 --> 00:06:09,254 her drinking. 100 00:06:09,254 --> 00:06:11,255 Which has gotten a lot worse since daddy died. 101 00:06:11,255 --> 00:06:12,706 She's celebrating. 102 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,207 Why don't you drive her to the doctor? 103 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,210 To church. To get her hair done. 104 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,645 Fuck that shit. 105 00:06:20,063 --> 00:06:21,565 Shut up. 106 00:06:21,565 --> 00:06:23,000 She's your mother too, 107 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,001 and you can't just stick me with her. 108 00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:26,002 It's worked so far. 109 00:06:26,002 --> 00:06:28,955 Well, not any more. I've looked after her, 110 00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,957 well, after both of them, ever since we were kids 111 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,458 while you just got off scot-free. 112 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:36,395 Now, either you help me out, Brian, or I swear 113 00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,830 she's yours. 114 00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:39,331 All yours. 115 00:06:41,766 --> 00:06:43,268 Come on, let's go. 116 00:06:43,268 --> 00:06:44,769 - I don't wanna go. - I said we're going. Let's go. 117 00:06:44,769 --> 00:06:47,707 - Oh... - This sucks. 118 00:07:00,718 --> 00:07:02,720 Well, I've done cop, cowboy. 119 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,221 Indian chief. 120 00:07:04,722 --> 00:07:06,724 After this, I guess I've done the village people. 121 00:07:08,725 --> 00:07:10,660 Ted? 122 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:13,162 Hey! 123 00:07:13,162 --> 00:07:14,163 - Huh? - Poor baby. 124 00:07:14,163 --> 00:07:16,568 You really are exhausted. 125 00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:20,570 Invoices. Payroll. 126 00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:23,038 Accounts receivable. 127 00:07:23,038 --> 00:07:26,009 It's like Wertshafter's times a thousand. 128 00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:30,513 And I'm supposed to meet Thor the Impaler tonight. 129 00:07:31,513 --> 00:07:33,515 Oh, what's the point? 130 00:07:33,515 --> 00:07:35,017 I'm too tired to even get it up. 131 00:07:35,017 --> 00:07:36,018 Honey, 132 00:07:36,517 --> 00:07:38,953 you are in the biz. 133 00:07:38,953 --> 00:07:40,955 A hard dick... 134 00:07:41,455 --> 00:07:43,876 is at your fingertips. 135 00:07:45,876 --> 00:07:47,880 Viagra? 136 00:07:50,381 --> 00:07:51,881 I don't know. I haven't exactly had a winning score 137 00:07:51,891 --> 00:07:52,882 when it comes to drugs. 138 00:07:52,882 --> 00:07:54,334 I understand your trepidation. 139 00:07:54,334 --> 00:07:56,336 And normally I'd agree with you. 140 00:07:56,336 --> 00:07:59,839 But, uh, but this stuff is made for octogenarians. 141 00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:02,342 If they can fuck like someone who's 30, 142 00:08:02,342 --> 00:08:05,761 even you should be able to fuck like someone who's 80. 143 00:08:05,761 --> 00:08:07,246 You ever tried it? 144 00:08:07,246 --> 00:08:10,199 Only when I operate heavy equipment. 145 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:11,183 And? 146 00:08:11,183 --> 00:08:13,686 Ah, lasts for a few hours, tops. 147 00:08:13,686 --> 00:08:17,698 But, uh, long enough to have a night you'll never forget. 148 00:08:27,198 --> 00:08:29,701 Ben! 149 00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:31,202 Hey, Michael. 150 00:08:31,202 --> 00:08:33,655 What a coincidence, my running into you. 151 00:08:34,155 --> 00:08:39,576 Uh, not really. I live here. 152 00:08:40,077 --> 00:08:43,998 Well, it was, uh, nice seeing you. 153 00:08:44,998 --> 00:08:47,501 The truth is, I've been walking up and down the block 154 00:08:47,501 --> 00:08:50,505 for two hours waiting for you. 155 00:08:53,005 --> 00:08:55,007 Would you like to come up? 156 00:08:55,007 --> 00:08:57,943 Can I get you something to drink? 157 00:08:57,943 --> 00:09:00,946 No. Thanks. 158 00:09:00,946 --> 00:09:03,948 Oh, a friend of mine gave me that. 159 00:09:04,449 --> 00:09:06,451 You're supposed to rub its belly for luck. 160 00:09:06,451 --> 00:09:08,453 Does it work? 161 00:09:08,453 --> 00:09:10,955 Can't hurt. 162 00:09:11,456 --> 00:09:15,331 Come through, Buddha, ol' buddy. 163 00:09:21,832 --> 00:09:23,333 I've been thinking about you. 164 00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:25,836 A lot. 165 00:09:25,836 --> 00:09:27,838 I've thought about you too. 166 00:09:27,838 --> 00:09:30,841 Yeah? 167 00:09:30,841 --> 00:09:33,342 I think I may have overreacted. 168 00:09:33,342 --> 00:09:37,847 You know, to you being positive. 169 00:09:40,349 --> 00:09:42,852 I listened to a lot of people when I... 170 00:09:43,352 --> 00:09:47,355 I should have listened to myself. Anyway... 171 00:09:47,355 --> 00:09:51,359 I'd like to start again. 172 00:09:51,359 --> 00:09:53,361 That is, if you're not seeing anyone. 173 00:09:53,361 --> 00:09:55,864 You're not... seeing anyone, are you? 174 00:09:55,864 --> 00:09:58,366 No. 175 00:09:58,366 --> 00:10:01,368 Well, good. Then... 176 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,870 we can pick up where we left off. 177 00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:09,376 Look, uh, I appreciate your coming to see me 178 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,796 and everything you said that this time 179 00:10:11,796 --> 00:10:15,232 it would be different. 180 00:10:15,232 --> 00:10:18,234 But I can't take that chance. 181 00:10:18,234 --> 00:10:20,737 I need to know that if I allow myself to love someone, 182 00:10:20,737 --> 00:10:23,740 that they're not going to bail on me. 183 00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:25,241 No matter what their friends or their mother say, 184 00:10:25,241 --> 00:10:30,629 I need to know they'll be there. 185 00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:32,631 So, I'm sorry. 186 00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:36,102 But it takes more than a kiss. 187 00:10:37,102 --> 00:10:38,604 Oh. 188 00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,406 It's been an hour since I took it. 189 00:10:41,406 --> 00:10:43,125 Well, there are no hard or firm rules 190 00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:44,725 when it comes to these things. 191 00:10:44,725 --> 00:10:45,927 It'll happen when it happens. 192 00:10:46,327 --> 00:10:47,528 Well, I don't want anything to happen 193 00:10:47,528 --> 00:10:48,729 till Thor arrives. 194 00:10:48,729 --> 00:10:50,398 Hold on. 195 00:10:50,398 --> 00:10:51,599 Hello? 196 00:10:51,599 --> 00:10:53,601 It's me. Thor. 197 00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:55,603 Hey. 198 00:10:55,603 --> 00:10:58,005 So, uh... 199 00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,006 when are you coming over? 200 00:11:00,006 --> 00:11:01,608 I can't. My dog's throwing up. 201 00:11:01,608 --> 00:11:02,809 I gotta take her to the hospital. 202 00:11:04,411 --> 00:11:07,614 Christ, Lulu! 203 00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:09,232 She did it again. 204 00:11:09,232 --> 00:11:10,483 I gotta go. 205 00:11:10,483 --> 00:11:13,586 Great. 206 00:11:13,586 --> 00:11:15,454 - Ted? - That was Thor. 207 00:11:15,955 --> 00:11:17,456 Lulu's throwing up. 208 00:11:17,957 --> 00:11:18,958 Who's Lulu? 209 00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:21,460 Oh, God. 210 00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:22,461 I'm getting hard. 211 00:11:22,461 --> 00:11:24,964 Oh, there, you see? It's working. 212 00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:27,466 Oh, it's working. 213 00:11:27,466 --> 00:11:29,467 Yeah. What do I do now? 214 00:11:29,968 --> 00:11:31,469 What do you mean, "What do you do now?" 215 00:11:31,970 --> 00:11:32,971 You need a manual? 216 00:11:33,471 --> 00:11:34,973 Honey, I've seen you in action. 217 00:11:34,973 --> 00:11:36,975 We've all seen you in action. 218 00:11:36,975 --> 00:11:40,779 I'm sure you'll come up with something. 219 00:11:44,548 --> 00:11:46,850 Wow! 220 00:11:49,003 --> 00:11:51,305 It's a little early 221 00:11:51,305 --> 00:11:52,723 for that, isn't it? 222 00:11:52,723 --> 00:11:54,725 Just something to calm my nerves. 223 00:11:54,725 --> 00:11:58,694 When was the last time I saw you? 224 00:11:59,128 --> 00:12:00,112 Christmas. 225 00:12:00,112 --> 00:12:04,100 You stayed for an hour. Brought me flowers. 226 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:08,554 Same ones. 227 00:12:10,556 --> 00:12:13,558 We better go, we don't want to be late. 228 00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:16,561 - For what? - Church. 229 00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:18,063 Church? 230 00:12:18,063 --> 00:12:21,066 Claire said you'd take me. 231 00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:27,571 I never said that. 232 00:12:27,571 --> 00:12:29,073 That bitch. 233 00:12:29,073 --> 00:12:33,079 Brian, do you have to use such language? 234 00:12:35,079 --> 00:12:36,580 You always went to the 8:00 o'clock service. 235 00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:38,999 Well, I've switched to the noon one. 236 00:12:38,999 --> 00:12:41,000 It's more traditional... 237 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:50,009 and we have this wonderful new minister. 238 00:12:50,009 --> 00:12:51,511 Are you coming? 239 00:12:51,511 --> 00:12:54,513 Hell no. 240 00:12:54,513 --> 00:12:57,516 Fine. 241 00:12:58,016 --> 00:13:01,954 I'll go myself. 242 00:13:02,454 --> 00:13:06,925 You can't go like that. 243 00:13:06,925 --> 00:13:10,428 Darling, I've managed quite well on my own 244 00:13:10,428 --> 00:13:15,433 without you, without anyone my entire life. 245 00:13:15,433 --> 00:13:16,934 Truly, I can do it. 246 00:13:16,934 --> 00:13:18,436 I don't need you. 247 00:13:39,388 --> 00:13:40,839 Yeah! 248 00:13:40,839 --> 00:13:41,790 Wow. 249 00:13:41,790 --> 00:13:43,742 Pretty cool. 250 00:13:43,742 --> 00:13:46,161 The NFL should sign you up. 251 00:13:46,662 --> 00:13:47,613 Uh, that's football. 252 00:13:48,063 --> 00:13:50,049 Right, right. I meant... I meant the NBL. 253 00:13:50,049 --> 00:13:53,451 There is no NBL. 254 00:13:53,451 --> 00:13:55,453 Okay, I don't know anything about basketball. 255 00:13:55,937 --> 00:13:57,372 But in... case you haven't noticed, I'm queer. 256 00:13:57,372 --> 00:14:00,313 Well, I love basketball. In case you haven't noticed, I'm queer, too. 257 00:14:00,324 --> 00:14:01,793 Oh, I've noticed. 258 00:14:01,793 --> 00:14:02,727 What's up, king, what's up. 259 00:14:03,227 --> 00:14:04,645 - D'you want the ball? - C'mon, let's go. 260 00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:20,827 Yeah! Whoo! 261 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,746 Yo, guys, I gotta go. 262 00:14:23,746 --> 00:14:26,148 I'll cover. 263 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,973 All right. Let's play ball. 264 00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,963 I'll cover Mighty Mouse. 265 00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:37,859 All right, wait. Come on, these guys are gonna trounce you. 266 00:14:37,859 --> 00:14:38,860 - Give me the ball. - No. 267 00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:40,812 I said give me the ball, Michael. 268 00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:42,814 Not until you agree to go out with me. Tonight. 269 00:14:42,814 --> 00:14:45,250 Pardon me? The ball. 270 00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:48,219 - Keep your shorts on, Godzilla. - Huh? 271 00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:49,720 I'm not handing over the ball 272 00:14:49,730 --> 00:14:52,723 until he agrees to go out with me on a date. 273 00:14:52,723 --> 00:14:54,224 Are you out of your mind? 274 00:14:54,224 --> 00:14:56,727 You met my mother. Do you really need to ask that? 275 00:15:01,632 --> 00:15:03,133 I suggest you say yes, 276 00:15:03,133 --> 00:15:05,134 'cause if he's like the bitch I got at home, 277 00:15:05,134 --> 00:15:07,637 We're gonna be standing here all day. 278 00:15:27,389 --> 00:15:30,809 Hi. 279 00:15:30,809 --> 00:15:32,310 Jesus. 280 00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:33,811 I told him to lay off the slimfast. 281 00:15:34,311 --> 00:15:35,312 Shh! 282 00:15:35,312 --> 00:15:36,313 Behave yourself. 283 00:15:36,313 --> 00:15:40,818 When were you last in church? 284 00:15:41,318 --> 00:15:45,322 It's been a while. 285 00:15:45,823 --> 00:15:49,142 Well, whenever I come here... 286 00:15:49,142 --> 00:15:52,011 I feel a sense of calm, of... 287 00:15:52,011 --> 00:15:53,963 inner peace... 288 00:15:53,963 --> 00:15:56,466 knowing that I'm watched over. 289 00:15:56,466 --> 00:15:59,969 Protected. Safe. 290 00:16:00,470 --> 00:16:02,461 Yeah, well a good security system would do the same job 291 00:16:02,471 --> 00:16:03,972 and in the long run be a lot cheaper than all those deposits 292 00:16:03,972 --> 00:16:06,975 you've dropped in the offering plate over the years. 293 00:16:06,975 --> 00:16:09,978 Wait till you see our new minister. 294 00:16:10,479 --> 00:16:12,981 I can't tell you what a comfort he's been to me 295 00:16:12,981 --> 00:16:15,484 since your father died. 296 00:16:15,484 --> 00:16:17,985 He calls, he visits. 297 00:16:17,985 --> 00:16:20,988 He makes sure I'm all right. 298 00:16:20,988 --> 00:16:25,493 Oh, he's been... like a son. 299 00:16:25,493 --> 00:16:26,994 Well, for his sake, I... 300 00:16:26,994 --> 00:16:30,889 - Sure hope you don't treat him like one. - Here he is. 301 00:16:38,889 --> 00:16:40,891 The grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ, 302 00:16:40,891 --> 00:16:44,861 the love of God and the communion of the Holy Spirit 303 00:16:44,861 --> 00:16:46,362 be with you all. 304 00:16:46,362 --> 00:16:48,818 And with you. 305 00:16:56,689 --> 00:16:58,157 Good afternoon, everyone, 306 00:16:58,157 --> 00:17:01,659 and, uh, welcome. 307 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,661 As we begin our worship... 308 00:17:03,661 --> 00:17:06,164 - Sorry. - Let us pray. 309 00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:33,090 Wasn't he wonderful? 310 00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:36,092 I want you to come and say hello. 311 00:17:36,092 --> 00:17:37,593 I've told him all about you. 312 00:17:37,593 --> 00:17:40,096 I told him how successful and goodlooking you are. 313 00:17:40,096 --> 00:17:41,597 He's just dying to meet you. 314 00:17:41,597 --> 00:17:43,598 - I'll bet. - Bye. 315 00:17:44,099 --> 00:17:46,101 - Reverend Tom. - Joan. 316 00:17:46,101 --> 00:17:48,903 You never miss a single Sunday. 317 00:17:49,104 --> 00:17:50,605 Not for the world. 318 00:17:50,605 --> 00:17:52,607 You'll never guess who's with me. My son. 319 00:17:52,617 --> 00:17:53,608 That's wonderful. 320 00:17:53,608 --> 00:17:55,110 Let me introduce you. 321 00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:56,611 Brian. 322 00:17:56,611 --> 00:18:00,064 This is Reverend Tom Butterfield. 323 00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:02,566 Reverend Butterfield. 324 00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:07,004 My mother's told me so much about you. 325 00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:09,506 It's uncanny. I feel as if we've already met. 326 00:18:09,516 --> 00:18:11,442 Oh, excuse me. 327 00:18:11,442 --> 00:18:12,442 Ruth! 328 00:18:12,942 --> 00:18:14,944 Hello, Joan... 329 00:18:15,445 --> 00:18:16,946 Great service. 330 00:18:16,946 --> 00:18:17,947 I'm glad you enjoyed it. 331 00:18:17,947 --> 00:18:19,922 I meant at the baths. 332 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,384 - Look, look... - Good sermon, Reverend Tom. 333 00:18:21,384 --> 00:18:25,388 Hi, thank you very much for coming. 334 00:18:25,388 --> 00:18:26,389 I don't know what to say. 335 00:18:26,389 --> 00:18:28,390 Me either. 336 00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:30,882 And I've fucked practically everybody in this burgh. 337 00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:34,830 But this... This is a first. 338 00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:38,333 I would appreciate it if you'd keep this between the two of us. 339 00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:40,335 - You think I'm gonna tell my mom? - Bye-bye. 340 00:18:40,335 --> 00:18:42,336 She doesn't even know I'm gay. 341 00:18:42,837 --> 00:18:44,272 And I haven't talked to your boss for years, 342 00:18:44,272 --> 00:18:46,274 so don't worry, Rev. 343 00:18:46,274 --> 00:18:52,146 Your secret's safe with me. 344 00:18:52,146 --> 00:18:54,548 So... you fucked your mother's minister? 345 00:18:54,548 --> 00:18:56,549 You should've seen it. 346 00:18:56,549 --> 00:18:57,550 It was totally hot. 347 00:18:57,550 --> 00:18:59,552 Isn't he taking quite a chance? 348 00:19:00,053 --> 00:19:02,055 The average age of his parish is 102. 349 00:19:02,055 --> 00:19:04,057 I doubt they're hanging out at the baths. 350 00:19:04,057 --> 00:19:06,977 I once wanted to be a priest. 351 00:19:06,977 --> 00:19:08,979 But then I thought, how unnatural, 352 00:19:09,479 --> 00:19:11,981 living your life cloistered away in a world full of men. 353 00:19:15,484 --> 00:19:17,486 It's me. 354 00:19:17,486 --> 00:19:18,487 Hello? 355 00:19:18,487 --> 00:19:19,471 It's me. 356 00:19:19,972 --> 00:19:22,474 - Teddy? - Shhh! 357 00:19:22,474 --> 00:19:23,475 Where are you? 358 00:19:23,475 --> 00:19:25,476 On Mel and Lindsay's front porch. 359 00:19:25,476 --> 00:19:27,412 What are you doing on the front porch, honey? 360 00:19:27,412 --> 00:19:28,813 Why don't you come in? 361 00:19:28,896 --> 00:19:30,381 Because I don't want the others to see me. 362 00:19:30,381 --> 00:19:32,383 I've got to talk to you. 363 00:19:32,383 --> 00:19:33,885 So just... slip outside 364 00:19:33,885 --> 00:19:36,387 Like you're gonna check on the weather. 365 00:19:36,387 --> 00:19:40,330 But... promise, promise, promise me you'll come alone. 366 00:19:46,330 --> 00:19:47,331 Come have some brunch. 367 00:19:47,331 --> 00:19:49,266 Uh, no. No, no thank you, uh, 368 00:19:49,766 --> 00:19:51,768 I just, uh, I need to talk with Emmett 369 00:19:51,768 --> 00:19:52,769 and, uh, then I'll be on my way. 370 00:19:56,272 --> 00:19:58,274 I still have an erection. 371 00:19:58,274 --> 00:20:00,276 What do you mean you still have an erection? 372 00:20:03,195 --> 00:20:06,148 Thank you, CNN. 373 00:20:06,148 --> 00:20:09,150 I took viagra last night. 374 00:20:09,651 --> 00:20:11,736 It's been 18 hours and it won't go down. 375 00:20:11,736 --> 00:20:12,670 What am I gonna do? 376 00:20:13,154 --> 00:20:14,589 Have you tried soaking it? 377 00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:16,030 How about a cold shower? 378 00:20:16,041 --> 00:20:17,011 How about scaring it? 379 00:20:17,025 --> 00:20:17,976 That's hiccups. 380 00:20:17,976 --> 00:20:18,927 Boo! 381 00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:20,362 Thank you all for caring. 382 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,830 What about something that would absolutely turn you off? 383 00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:25,282 That's a great idea. Why don't you two show him your tits? 384 00:20:25,282 --> 00:20:26,266 - Brian! - Brian! 385 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:29,269 You said this would last a few hours, tops. 386 00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:30,204 Go figure. 387 00:20:30,704 --> 00:20:32,206 Maybe you should take some. 388 00:20:32,206 --> 00:20:34,907 Our sex life isn't what it used to be. 389 00:20:35,659 --> 00:20:38,611 Well, we're down to like, four times a day. 390 00:20:38,611 --> 00:20:40,113 Look, I've gotta do something. 391 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:43,032 Okay. Okay. Come on. 392 00:20:43,032 --> 00:20:45,034 Well, just try and make it till next Monday. 393 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:46,536 What's next monday? 394 00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:49,473 It's Flag Day. 395 00:20:51,473 --> 00:20:53,910 Bye. 396 00:20:54,910 --> 00:20:57,412 I can't believe... 397 00:20:57,412 --> 00:20:59,915 you're fucking me... 398 00:21:00,415 --> 00:21:04,419 again. 399 00:21:04,419 --> 00:21:06,921 It was your idea... 400 00:21:06,921 --> 00:21:09,423 to steal... 401 00:21:09,423 --> 00:21:11,425 Ted's... 402 00:21:11,425 --> 00:21:13,929 viagra. 403 00:21:29,442 --> 00:21:32,946 Are you gonna answer? 404 00:21:32,946 --> 00:21:35,948 They'll go away. 405 00:21:46,408 --> 00:21:47,910 Mom. 406 00:21:47,910 --> 00:21:50,912 I'm sorry, am I disturbing you? 407 00:21:50,912 --> 00:21:53,915 I was going to leave this here by the door with a note, 408 00:21:53,915 --> 00:21:55,917 but then I thought as long as I'm here... 409 00:21:55,917 --> 00:21:57,919 I might as well bang on his door a million times 410 00:21:57,919 --> 00:21:59,921 and drive him nuts until he answers. 411 00:21:59,921 --> 00:22:01,923 It's your favourite. 412 00:22:01,923 --> 00:22:11,431 Chocolate chocolate chip. 413 00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:15,352 It's just my way of saying thank you 414 00:22:15,352 --> 00:22:18,354 for going with me to church. 415 00:22:18,854 --> 00:22:22,858 I can't tell you how much it meant. 416 00:22:22,858 --> 00:22:27,363 Let's do it again. Soon. 417 00:22:27,863 --> 00:22:31,367 I know you don't mean that. 418 00:22:31,367 --> 00:22:35,371 I probably won't see you again for another six months. 419 00:22:36,371 --> 00:22:38,373 If you had any idea how lonely it gets 420 00:22:38,373 --> 00:22:41,826 now that your father is gone. 421 00:22:41,826 --> 00:22:43,828 I'm in that house... 422 00:22:43,828 --> 00:22:47,331 night and day by myself. 423 00:22:47,331 --> 00:22:56,840 The phone never rings. 424 00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:01,844 If only... we could be close. 425 00:23:01,844 --> 00:23:03,346 The way we once were. 426 00:23:03,346 --> 00:23:05,348 Brian? 427 00:23:05,348 --> 00:23:07,850 Are you coming back? 428 00:23:08,351 --> 00:23:17,359 I didn't know there was someone else here. 429 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,865 Justin, this is... my mother. 430 00:23:23,865 --> 00:23:25,869 Mom, this is Justin. 431 00:23:27,869 --> 00:23:37,278 Hi. 432 00:23:37,278 --> 00:23:39,280 Mom. 433 00:23:45,718 --> 00:23:47,720 What? 434 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,692 You're not gonna talk to me? 435 00:23:53,192 --> 00:23:55,628 Thank God your father didn't know. 436 00:23:55,628 --> 00:24:00,549 He did. 437 00:24:01,049 --> 00:24:10,058 I told him before he died. 438 00:24:10,058 --> 00:24:19,984 What about your sister? 439 00:24:19,984 --> 00:24:26,941 So, you told everyone but me. 440 00:24:26,941 --> 00:24:29,909 I hope you know it's a sin. 441 00:24:29,909 --> 00:24:33,920 That I fuck guys or that I didn't tell you? 442 00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:42,721 You can make all the jokes you want. 443 00:24:42,721 --> 00:24:45,224 The bible makes it clear. 444 00:24:45,224 --> 00:25:02,040 You're going to hell. 445 00:25:08,029 --> 00:25:10,531 What is it, doctor? 446 00:25:10,531 --> 00:25:13,533 Well, that's quite a boner you've got there. 447 00:25:13,533 --> 00:25:15,035 Nothing like the expert diagnosis 448 00:25:15,035 --> 00:25:17,037 of a trained medical professional. 449 00:25:17,037 --> 00:25:18,538 Shush! 450 00:25:18,538 --> 00:25:21,541 But, uh... but, doctor, why won't it go down? 451 00:25:21,541 --> 00:25:23,043 It's a priapism. 452 00:25:23,543 --> 00:25:25,545 - A blood clot to the penis. - Oh, my God. 453 00:25:25,545 --> 00:25:27,046 Well, it's... 454 00:25:27,546 --> 00:25:29,048 better than a blood clot to the brain. 455 00:25:29,048 --> 00:25:32,003 Unless you think with your dick. 456 00:25:34,003 --> 00:25:36,005 Well, this is extremely unusual. 457 00:25:36,005 --> 00:25:38,941 It's one for the medical journals. 458 00:25:38,941 --> 00:25:41,432 Or the Guinness Book of World Records. 459 00:25:41,443 --> 00:25:44,446 Shut up! 460 00:25:44,446 --> 00:25:46,448 So, what do you recommend? 461 00:25:46,448 --> 00:25:49,951 Are you in any pain? 462 00:25:49,951 --> 00:25:52,454 Well, try taking a decongestant. 463 00:25:52,454 --> 00:25:54,456 A decongestant? 464 00:25:54,277 --> 00:25:58,258 not a stuffed up nose. 465 00:25:54,456 --> 00:25:57,257 I have a penis in a state of permanent first stage alert, 466 00:25:58,268 --> 00:26:00,461 Isn't there anything more cutting edge you can do? 467 00:26:00,461 --> 00:26:01,962 Well, actually there is. 468 00:26:01,972 --> 00:26:02,963 We could, uh, insert 469 00:26:02,973 --> 00:26:04,948 two wide needles up the shaft 470 00:26:04,948 --> 00:26:06,949 and drain the blood. 471 00:26:08,002 --> 00:26:11,320 You know, decongestants have been very effective for me. 472 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:15,308 But, uh... when will it go down, doctor? 473 00:26:15,308 --> 00:26:17,810 A week? Month? 474 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:20,229 A year? 475 00:26:20,730 --> 00:26:22,732 Hard to say. 476 00:26:22,732 --> 00:26:25,652 Sorry. 477 00:26:38,629 --> 00:26:40,564 God, I need a stiff one. 478 00:26:41,515 --> 00:26:42,950 The other kind. 479 00:26:43,451 --> 00:26:45,452 Quit worrying. You heard what the doctor said. 480 00:26:45,452 --> 00:26:45,953 It'll go down. 481 00:26:45,963 --> 00:26:47,287 Yeah, mine did. 482 00:26:47,297 --> 00:26:48,823 Yeah, thanks to your mom. 483 00:26:48,823 --> 00:26:50,825 She can make anyone lose their hard-on. 484 00:26:50,825 --> 00:26:51,809 Can I get her number? 485 00:26:51,809 --> 00:26:53,693 She just needs a little time 486 00:26:53,693 --> 00:26:55,195 - to get used to it. - What? 487 00:26:55,195 --> 00:26:57,583 That her baby boy sucks hot, hard cock? 488 00:26:57,597 --> 00:26:58,531 And loves it. 489 00:26:58,531 --> 00:26:59,532 Yeah, she's probably 490 00:26:59,532 --> 00:27:01,534 praying for my soul as we speak 491 00:27:01,534 --> 00:27:02,952 with Reverend Buttfuck. 492 00:27:02,952 --> 00:27:04,370 What a joke. 493 00:27:04,370 --> 00:27:06,823 Well, he's the one she believes in. 494 00:27:06,823 --> 00:27:08,757 The one she trusts. 495 00:27:09,258 --> 00:27:12,227 The one who's been like a son to her. 496 00:27:12,711 --> 00:27:13,712 If she only knew. 497 00:27:13,712 --> 00:27:15,214 Well, don't worry. 498 00:27:15,214 --> 00:27:18,700 God still loves you, no matter what. 499 00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:21,669 Yeah, like I give a shit what God thinks about me. 500 00:27:21,669 --> 00:27:24,105 He'd better be worried what I think about him. 501 00:27:24,105 --> 00:27:25,573 How do you figure that? 502 00:27:25,573 --> 00:27:27,074 Well, in all this cold, dead universe 503 00:27:27,074 --> 00:27:29,527 we're the only ones that know he exists. 504 00:27:29,527 --> 00:27:32,012 Without us, he's nothing. 505 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,822 Oh. 506 00:27:42,322 --> 00:27:45,826 - You came. - I said I would, didn't I? 507 00:27:45,826 --> 00:27:49,262 - I'm over here with the guys. - Whoa. 508 00:27:49,262 --> 00:27:51,247 I thought this was about you and me. 509 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:55,584 It is. Come on. 510 00:27:59,572 --> 00:28:01,073 Hey, guys, look who's here. 511 00:28:01,073 --> 00:28:03,409 - Hi, guys. - Hey, Ben. 512 00:28:03,893 --> 00:28:04,843 Forgive me for not standing. 513 00:28:05,293 --> 00:28:07,679 He already is. 514 00:28:07,679 --> 00:28:09,997 So, did you guys just happen to... 515 00:28:09,997 --> 00:28:11,566 run into each other? 516 00:28:11,566 --> 00:28:13,051 - Actually... - Uh, no. 517 00:28:13,051 --> 00:28:16,856 I invited him. He's my date. 518 00:28:17,856 --> 00:28:18,857 Well, I thought you two, uh... 519 00:28:18,857 --> 00:28:20,841 We did. But, uh, 520 00:28:20,841 --> 00:28:22,843 I'm hoping we can get back together again. 521 00:28:22,843 --> 00:28:26,213 Anybody got a problem with that? 522 00:28:26,213 --> 00:28:27,181 No. 523 00:28:27,681 --> 00:28:28,665 No. 524 00:28:32,085 --> 00:28:33,554 Glad to hear it. 525 00:28:33,554 --> 00:28:34,554 How about you? 526 00:28:42,428 --> 00:28:43,429 Hot stuff. 527 00:28:44,881 --> 00:28:46,816 Thank you. That goes out to Jerome, 528 00:28:46,816 --> 00:28:50,302 My beloved, you're the only hot stuff I'll ever need, baby. 529 00:28:50,802 --> 00:28:53,255 Thanks, sweetie. You're my hot stuff too, baby. 530 00:28:56,224 --> 00:28:57,726 That was, uh, 531 00:28:57,726 --> 00:28:59,728 that was so moving. 532 00:28:59,728 --> 00:29:00,729 Wasn't that moving? 533 00:29:00,729 --> 00:29:03,097 Like a case of dysentery. 534 00:29:03,597 --> 00:29:05,099 Well, I think it takes real courage 535 00:29:05,099 --> 00:29:08,602 to stand up there and proclaim your love... 536 00:29:08,602 --> 00:29:11,522 Off-key. 537 00:29:11,522 --> 00:29:13,457 I gotta get going. 538 00:29:13,457 --> 00:29:14,942 But you just got here. 539 00:29:14,942 --> 00:29:17,329 You said let's get together, and we did. 540 00:29:19,329 --> 00:29:23,219 Take care of yourself, Michael. 541 00:30:07,257 --> 00:30:09,259 You know, I found out a lot about you 542 00:30:09,259 --> 00:30:10,677 in the last few days. 543 00:30:10,677 --> 00:30:13,179 Like what? 544 00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:15,180 You can't play basketball. 545 00:30:15,180 --> 00:30:18,684 And you can't sing. 546 00:30:18,684 --> 00:30:21,686 It's pretty amazing how untalented i am, isn't it? 547 00:30:21,696 --> 00:30:24,690 I did not say that. 548 00:30:24,690 --> 00:30:26,191 All right, I admit... 549 00:30:26,191 --> 00:30:31,195 it took a lot of courage to get up there. 550 00:30:31,195 --> 00:30:35,199 Hell, it took fucking balls. 551 00:30:35,199 --> 00:30:36,701 Well, I told you. 552 00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:39,704 I know what I want, and I'll do anything to get it. 553 00:30:39,704 --> 00:30:42,907 - You mean me? - Yeah, I mean you. 554 00:30:56,653 --> 00:30:59,088 All right, tell you what. 555 00:30:59,588 --> 00:31:02,591 Dinner, tomorrow night. My place. 556 00:31:02,591 --> 00:31:06,095 I will make you a chicken satay with pad thai noodles 557 00:31:06,095 --> 00:31:08,564 that will make you weep. 558 00:31:08,564 --> 00:31:10,066 Cool. 559 00:31:10,566 --> 00:31:12,068 Shit! 560 00:31:12,068 --> 00:31:13,568 What? 561 00:31:14,069 --> 00:31:15,070 I promised my mother I'd have dinner 562 00:31:15,070 --> 00:31:17,505 with her and my Uncle Vic. 563 00:31:17,505 --> 00:31:21,426 - Some other time, then. - No. 564 00:31:21,426 --> 00:31:22,927 No. 565 00:31:22,927 --> 00:31:28,432 Dinner. Tomorrow night. 566 00:31:43,046 --> 00:31:47,000 Hello, Reverend. 567 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:51,504 I just came in for a few quiet moments of solace. 568 00:31:51,504 --> 00:31:53,956 Prayer. 569 00:31:53,956 --> 00:31:56,958 Well, don't let me disturb you. 570 00:31:56,958 --> 00:32:00,881 You see, I have this terrible burden. 571 00:32:02,881 --> 00:32:04,383 And what is that? 572 00:32:04,383 --> 00:32:09,388 Well, my mother recently discovered that I'm a homosexual. 573 00:32:09,388 --> 00:32:11,889 And... 574 00:32:11,889 --> 00:32:14,394 she thinks I'm going to hell. 575 00:32:16,394 --> 00:32:17,395 That is a problem. 576 00:32:17,895 --> 00:32:19,897 But what she doesn't know 577 00:32:20,398 --> 00:32:23,901 is that so is her minister. 578 00:32:23,901 --> 00:32:25,902 Not only that, 579 00:32:25,902 --> 00:32:30,356 and this is the part you're never gonna believe... 580 00:32:30,356 --> 00:32:32,358 I've actually had him. 581 00:32:32,358 --> 00:32:34,360 Myself. 582 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:35,862 Down on all fours. 583 00:32:35,862 --> 00:32:37,363 Squealing like a pig. 584 00:32:37,363 --> 00:32:39,364 I don't think this is the time, 585 00:32:39,364 --> 00:32:42,367 or the place to be having this kind of discussion. 586 00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:46,288 What would she say if she knew her man of God was at the baths 587 00:32:46,288 --> 00:32:50,709 taking it up the ass? 588 00:32:50,709 --> 00:32:53,712 I understand your feelings of anger. 589 00:32:53,712 --> 00:32:55,713 Of pain. 590 00:32:55,713 --> 00:32:59,217 But they have nothing to do with me or this church. 591 00:32:59,717 --> 00:33:02,170 They have to do with you and your mother. 592 00:33:02,170 --> 00:33:06,090 You don't know shit about my mother. 593 00:33:06,090 --> 00:33:09,025 I know a lot more than you. 594 00:33:09,025 --> 00:33:10,527 'Cause I spend time with her. 595 00:33:11,027 --> 00:33:13,964 And I talk to her and I try to offer comfort. 596 00:33:14,448 --> 00:33:17,334 By telling her that I'm going to burn in hell? 597 00:33:17,834 --> 00:33:20,337 I don't teach that lesson. 598 00:33:20,837 --> 00:33:23,339 I teach love. 599 00:33:23,339 --> 00:33:24,840 I teach truth. 600 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,809 The truth is you're a goddamn liar. 601 00:33:26,809 --> 00:33:28,744 Brian. If you want to betray me, 602 00:33:28,744 --> 00:33:31,247 if that's what you need to do, 603 00:33:31,747 --> 00:33:35,201 you do it. 604 00:33:35,201 --> 00:33:38,136 But I know who I have to answer to... 605 00:33:38,136 --> 00:33:42,140 and it isn't you. 606 00:33:42,140 --> 00:33:45,631 Now get the fuck out of my church. 607 00:33:50,014 --> 00:33:51,516 So which piece of whimsical fiction 608 00:33:51,516 --> 00:33:54,518 would you prefer, sonny boy? 609 00:33:55,018 --> 00:33:56,520 Grimm's fairy tales? 610 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:57,521 Or the bible? 611 00:33:58,021 --> 00:33:59,022 If you're going to be struck by lightning, 612 00:33:59,022 --> 00:34:00,524 I'd appreciate it if you do it 613 00:34:00,524 --> 00:34:02,025 when Gus and I aren't around. 614 00:34:02,025 --> 00:34:04,027 That's all it is, it's a book. 615 00:34:04,027 --> 00:34:07,019 Full of fairy tales made up by a bunch of tribal hash-heads. 616 00:34:07,029 --> 00:34:09,949 The world's been killing itself over it ever since. 617 00:34:09,949 --> 00:34:11,951 So who's the latest victim? 618 00:34:11,951 --> 00:34:14,943 Your mother's minister? 619 00:34:14,954 --> 00:34:15,955 Ye shall know the truth 620 00:34:15,955 --> 00:34:17,456 and the truth shall make you free. 621 00:34:17,456 --> 00:34:19,909 The truth according to Saint Brian? 622 00:34:19,909 --> 00:34:21,409 It's John 8:32. 623 00:34:21,413 --> 00:34:23,879 Wow, I'm impressed. 624 00:34:23,879 --> 00:34:25,881 So what do you hope to accomplish 625 00:34:25,881 --> 00:34:28,884 with your truth? 626 00:34:28,884 --> 00:34:30,886 You'll destroy him, in which case you're no different 627 00:34:30,886 --> 00:34:34,389 than the so-called good Christians you purport to despise. 628 00:34:34,389 --> 00:34:36,847 Doesn't mommy talk nice? 629 00:34:36,857 --> 00:34:39,793 All those big words. 630 00:34:39,793 --> 00:34:40,794 She has a right to know. 631 00:34:40,794 --> 00:34:42,713 What, that he's gay? 632 00:34:42,713 --> 00:34:45,716 So how come you never told her about yourself? 633 00:34:45,716 --> 00:34:48,719 Because my private life is none of her goddamn business. 634 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:51,721 - Right? - Neither is her minister's. 635 00:34:51,721 --> 00:34:54,174 So why tell her? 636 00:34:54,174 --> 00:34:59,179 I mean, why take away the one thing she's got? 637 00:35:02,632 --> 00:35:04,550 Do you think I made enough? 638 00:35:04,550 --> 00:35:07,553 That depends on what you mean by "enough". 639 00:35:07,553 --> 00:35:09,454 If you mean enough for the entire population 640 00:35:09,464 --> 00:35:10,545 of the western hemisphere, 641 00:35:10,556 --> 00:35:13,559 then... yeah, you've made enough. 642 00:35:13,559 --> 00:35:16,061 - Now relax, will you? - Relax? 643 00:35:16,061 --> 00:35:18,063 My son is bringing someone home to meet us 644 00:35:18,063 --> 00:35:20,565 without my even asking. 645 00:35:20,565 --> 00:35:22,567 Huh? At his request. 646 00:35:22,567 --> 00:35:24,569 Remember the last time that happened? 647 00:35:24,569 --> 00:35:26,571 - Uh... - It never has. 648 00:35:26,571 --> 00:35:30,074 So, this could be the one. 649 00:35:30,074 --> 00:35:34,578 The guy he wants to grow old with. 650 00:35:34,578 --> 00:35:37,581 Wouldn't it be a kicker if Brian walked through that door? 651 00:35:37,581 --> 00:35:40,573 Yeah, maybe you need to get your meds adjusted. 652 00:35:40,584 --> 00:35:42,085 Ma, Uncle Vic? 653 00:35:42,085 --> 00:35:43,576 - Oh, they're here. - God, he's here. 654 00:35:43,587 --> 00:35:45,589 - All right. - Okay, they're here. 655 00:35:45,589 --> 00:35:46,590 All right... 656 00:35:46,590 --> 00:35:49,091 Sweetheart! 657 00:35:49,091 --> 00:35:50,593 Hi, baby. 658 00:35:50,593 --> 00:35:55,547 You remember Ben. 659 00:35:55,547 --> 00:35:57,549 Sure. 660 00:35:57,549 --> 00:35:59,969 - Hi, Ben. - Hey. 661 00:35:59,969 --> 00:36:02,420 - Hi. - And, uh, this is my Uncle Vic. 662 00:36:02,921 --> 00:36:06,841 - It's a pleasure to meet you, Ben. - Same here. 663 00:36:06,841 --> 00:36:09,344 Oh, uh, these are for you. 664 00:36:09,344 --> 00:36:11,346 Well, thank you. 665 00:36:11,346 --> 00:36:14,849 They're lovely. 666 00:36:14,849 --> 00:36:18,778 Well, are we just gonna stand here? Come on in. 667 00:36:27,778 --> 00:36:30,230 Mom. 668 00:36:30,730 --> 00:36:33,716 Imagine finding you here. 669 00:36:33,716 --> 00:36:36,686 I'm praying, Brian. 670 00:36:36,686 --> 00:36:38,604 For my soul? 671 00:36:38,604 --> 00:36:42,074 I always include you in my prayers. 672 00:36:42,074 --> 00:36:44,088 What a pal. 673 00:37:13,087 --> 00:37:15,088 Now then, what do you want? 674 00:37:15,088 --> 00:37:18,024 Well, there's something I thought you might like to hear. 675 00:37:18,024 --> 00:37:21,027 And this seemed like the perfect setting. 676 00:37:21,027 --> 00:37:24,532 I hope you've come to ask forgiveness. 677 00:37:26,532 --> 00:37:28,533 Not exactly. 678 00:37:28,533 --> 00:37:31,536 It's the only salvation there is. 679 00:37:31,536 --> 00:37:35,043 What about the Salvation Army? 680 00:37:38,043 --> 00:37:41,546 You've always thought you were so smart, so clever. 681 00:37:41,546 --> 00:37:45,049 So much better than everybody else. 682 00:37:45,049 --> 00:37:47,051 Well, all the cleverness in this world 683 00:37:47,051 --> 00:37:49,053 - isn't going to help you... - Save it, mom, 684 00:37:49,053 --> 00:37:52,056 for your fagfree afterlife. 685 00:37:52,056 --> 00:37:55,559 Oh... all right. 686 00:37:55,559 --> 00:37:58,061 Go ahead, mock me. 687 00:37:58,561 --> 00:38:02,565 Mock my faith, mock God. 688 00:38:02,565 --> 00:38:05,568 You're no different than your father. 689 00:38:05,568 --> 00:38:08,571 He used to mock me too. 690 00:38:08,571 --> 00:38:11,574 He called me a saint. 691 00:38:11,574 --> 00:38:14,575 He said I was as stone-cold as one. 692 00:38:17,579 --> 00:38:19,581 Well, it's hard to love a man 693 00:38:19,591 --> 00:38:21,583 who's never given you 694 00:38:21,593 --> 00:38:24,086 a kind word in 30 years. 695 00:38:24,086 --> 00:38:27,588 Who'd rather spend time with his friends drinking 696 00:38:27,588 --> 00:38:29,090 Than with me. 697 00:38:29,090 --> 00:38:31,592 He never cared about his family. 698 00:38:31,592 --> 00:38:34,595 He didn't even want me to have you. 699 00:38:35,096 --> 00:38:37,598 I know the story. 700 00:38:37,598 --> 00:38:39,089 You may have heard it, 701 00:38:39,100 --> 00:38:40,600 but you don't know it. 702 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,603 You don't know how I had to put up with his abuse. 703 00:38:43,613 --> 00:38:46,095 You don't know how I had to protect you from him. 704 00:38:46,106 --> 00:38:48,608 You don't know how I had to... 705 00:38:48,608 --> 00:38:52,112 let him hit me instead of you. 706 00:38:52,112 --> 00:38:55,614 You don't know that, do you? 707 00:38:55,614 --> 00:38:58,617 I don't want to hear that. 708 00:38:58,617 --> 00:39:01,122 No, 'course not. 709 00:39:03,122 --> 00:39:06,626 You can't be bothered. You never could. 710 00:39:07,626 --> 00:39:09,128 'Cause you're selfish. 711 00:39:09,128 --> 00:39:12,130 That's not true. 712 00:39:12,130 --> 00:39:16,634 I'm sorry to tell you, dear, but it is. 713 00:39:17,135 --> 00:39:20,139 All you ever cared about is yourself. 714 00:39:21,139 --> 00:39:25,144 I can't depend on you any more than I could on him. 715 00:39:27,144 --> 00:39:29,646 But there is someone I can count on, 716 00:39:30,147 --> 00:39:34,651 no matter what. 717 00:39:34,651 --> 00:39:37,154 Let me guess. 718 00:39:37,154 --> 00:39:41,657 Reverend Tom. 719 00:39:42,158 --> 00:39:46,662 God. 720 00:39:46,662 --> 00:39:50,666 God will always be there for me. 721 00:39:50,666 --> 00:39:56,671 God will never let me down. 722 00:39:57,172 --> 00:40:00,381 Who can you say that about? 723 00:40:09,650 --> 00:40:12,153 My... my mom never did anything half-assed. 724 00:40:12,153 --> 00:40:14,588 She couldn't just join P-Flag, right, 725 00:40:14,588 --> 00:40:16,090 she had to be the chapter president. 726 00:40:16,090 --> 00:40:18,909 Sounds familiar. 727 00:40:18,909 --> 00:40:20,878 I bet you two'd have a lot in common, ma. 728 00:40:20,878 --> 00:40:22,862 Uh-huh. 729 00:40:22,862 --> 00:40:25,274 Anybody hungry? I am. 730 00:40:34,274 --> 00:40:37,778 - You need any help? - Nope. 731 00:40:39,778 --> 00:40:42,281 - Ben's awesome, isn't he? - Awesome. 732 00:40:42,281 --> 00:40:45,288 Where's my goddamn cheese grater? 733 00:40:49,788 --> 00:40:51,779 I like him, ma. I like him a lot. 734 00:40:51,789 --> 00:40:54,792 I know you do, sweetheart. I like him too. 735 00:40:54,792 --> 00:40:56,294 He's handsome, charming, smart. 736 00:40:56,294 --> 00:40:59,297 Obviously works out more than once a week. 737 00:40:59,297 --> 00:41:03,793 I just don't like him for you. 738 00:41:06,303 --> 00:41:08,805 And frankly I don't appreciate you ambushing me. 739 00:41:08,805 --> 00:41:10,307 I did not ambush you. 740 00:41:10,307 --> 00:41:11,758 You know how I feel about him. 741 00:41:11,758 --> 00:41:13,760 I made it perfectly clear. 742 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:15,762 And yet you didn't even bother to tell me 743 00:41:15,772 --> 00:41:16,763 you were bringing him. 744 00:41:16,773 --> 00:41:17,764 I don't need your permission. 745 00:41:17,764 --> 00:41:19,715 This is still my house. 746 00:41:19,715 --> 00:41:24,653 And in my house, you still say "Mother, may I?" 747 00:41:24,653 --> 00:41:26,657 I love him, ma. 748 00:41:28,657 --> 00:41:30,593 That's the reality. 749 00:41:30,593 --> 00:41:35,081 And you're just gonna have to live with it. 750 00:41:37,081 --> 00:41:39,567 God, I miss New York. 751 00:41:41,069 --> 00:41:42,987 I lived there for 12 years, you know. 752 00:41:42,987 --> 00:41:44,489 What's that bar on the Upper West Side? 753 00:41:44,489 --> 00:41:45,990 "The Works". 754 00:41:45,990 --> 00:41:47,442 You ever go there? 755 00:41:47,442 --> 00:41:48,875 Oh, what, are you kidding? 756 00:41:48,875 --> 00:41:50,377 I grew up right around the corner. 757 00:41:50,877 --> 00:41:52,379 Huh. 758 00:41:52,379 --> 00:41:55,869 So how long you been positive, Ben? 759 00:41:58,869 --> 00:41:59,870 Mother. 760 00:41:59,870 --> 00:42:01,371 I'd just like to know. 761 00:42:01,371 --> 00:42:03,306 That's okay, I'm fine with it. 762 00:42:03,306 --> 00:42:05,758 Five years. 763 00:42:05,758 --> 00:42:06,759 What's your T-Cell count? 764 00:42:06,759 --> 00:42:09,679 Uh, it's 600. 765 00:42:10,179 --> 00:42:11,180 Ever been hospitalized? 766 00:42:11,190 --> 00:42:12,181 No, not yet. 767 00:42:12,191 --> 00:42:14,150 Knock wood. 768 00:42:14,150 --> 00:42:15,585 Viral load? 769 00:42:15,585 --> 00:42:17,086 Undetectable. 770 00:42:17,086 --> 00:42:18,503 On the cocktail? 771 00:42:18,503 --> 00:42:20,004 Anti-virals. 772 00:42:20,005 --> 00:42:24,060 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 773 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:29,848 This is the reality, sweetheart. 774 00:42:29,848 --> 00:42:32,912 And you're just gonna have to live with it. 775 00:42:44,712 --> 00:42:46,766 Garlic bread? 776 00:43:02,477 --> 00:43:04,980 It's great that you're out in the world, 777 00:43:04,980 --> 00:43:06,982 you know, you're not letting it get you down. 778 00:43:06,982 --> 00:43:08,483 I wish something would get it down. 779 00:43:08,483 --> 00:43:09,985 Hey! 780 00:43:09,985 --> 00:43:10,986 Hey, Ted. 781 00:43:10,986 --> 00:43:13,488 Listen, man, I'm sorry about the other night. 782 00:43:13,498 --> 00:43:15,473 I know. 783 00:43:15,483 --> 00:43:16,924 How's Lulu? 784 00:43:16,924 --> 00:43:19,927 Turns out she ate a pair of my shorts. 785 00:43:19,937 --> 00:43:21,428 Caused her tummy great distress. 786 00:43:21,438 --> 00:43:26,350 You know, the same thing happens to me. 787 00:43:26,350 --> 00:43:29,303 So, you up for a little action? 788 00:43:29,303 --> 00:43:32,905 Oh, he's up for it, all right. 789 00:43:49,722 --> 00:43:51,223 Wow. 790 00:43:51,223 --> 00:43:52,924 That's some monster. 791 00:43:57,663 --> 00:43:59,647 Oh, yeah. 792 00:44:07,488 --> 00:44:09,493 - Hey. - Something wrong? 793 00:44:12,493 --> 00:44:13,493 It's going down. 794 00:44:14,945 --> 00:44:16,867 Oh, it is. 795 00:44:20,867 --> 00:44:23,371 It is! 796 00:44:24,371 --> 00:44:26,790 It's going down. 797 00:44:26,790 --> 00:44:28,290 I'm soft. 798 00:44:28,290 --> 00:44:29,792 You made my dick soft! 799 00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:32,227 Do you have to broadcast it? 800 00:44:32,678 --> 00:44:34,647 Hey, I'm soft! 801 00:44:35,097 --> 00:44:36,599 Look, I'm soft! 802 00:44:36,599 --> 00:44:37,999 Hey, I'm soft. Oh... 803 00:44:39,101 --> 00:44:45,090 Hey! I'm soft! 804 00:44:45,557 --> 00:44:46,558 It was supposed to be dinner, 805 00:44:46,558 --> 00:44:49,060 not the fucking Spanish in-queer-Sition. 806 00:44:49,070 --> 00:44:50,962 She knows lots of positive people. 807 00:44:50,972 --> 00:44:51,963 But none of them are dating her son. 808 00:44:51,973 --> 00:44:53,047 She's just trying to protect you. 809 00:44:53,047 --> 00:44:55,049 I don't need anyone protecting me. 810 00:44:55,049 --> 00:44:57,551 Well, try telling her that. 811 00:44:57,551 --> 00:45:00,988 What she was asking, you have the right to know. 812 00:45:00,988 --> 00:45:02,489 I'm in good shape now. 813 00:45:02,990 --> 00:45:03,991 But I can't promise that I'll always be. 814 00:45:03,991 --> 00:45:06,960 But there is no always. There's only now. 815 00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:10,447 That's all we have. Isn't that what you're always telling me? 816 00:45:10,447 --> 00:45:11,948 That's what I'm always telling you. 817 00:45:11,948 --> 00:45:13,883 So, then... 818 00:45:14,383 --> 00:45:18,387 I don't care what anyone else says or feels. 819 00:45:18,387 --> 00:45:20,889 I just care how I feel. 820 00:46:07,233 --> 00:46:11,704 I want you to be very sure. 821 00:46:12,704 --> 00:46:14,207 I am sure. 822 00:47:09,073 --> 00:47:11,075 Hey. 823 00:47:11,576 --> 00:47:15,079 Double. 824 00:47:15,079 --> 00:47:16,581 - Two double Jim beam. - Okay, coming up. 825 00:47:16,581 --> 00:47:18,082 Let me get that. 826 00:47:18,082 --> 00:47:20,553 There you go, sir. 827 00:47:23,053 --> 00:47:24,555 That's a first. 828 00:47:24,555 --> 00:47:27,559 A clergyman buying someone else a drink. 829 00:47:28,559 --> 00:47:31,496 Your mother tells me you were at church. 830 00:47:32,496 --> 00:47:36,949 Yeah, well not for the reason you think. 831 00:47:36,949 --> 00:47:40,437 Whatever the reason, thank you. 832 00:47:41,938 --> 00:47:43,940 For what? 833 00:47:43,940 --> 00:47:45,443 Not saying anything. 834 00:47:47,443 --> 00:47:50,946 I didn't do it for you. 835 00:47:50,946 --> 00:47:54,416 You're a good son. 836 00:47:54,416 --> 00:47:56,418 Promise not to tell? 837 00:47:56,518 --> 00:48:01,418 Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hell.