1 00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:47,940 SNYDER: Mr. Gustafson, I have to talk to you. 2 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,030 Mr. Gustafson, will you answer the door, please? 3 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,865 I know you're in there. 4 00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:02,788 It's no use pretending this isn't happening, Mr. Gustafson. 5 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:07,334 I can't keep coming back here every couple of days. 6 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,671 You have to talk to me. 7 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:16,343 Mr. Gustafson, I'm just trying to help you. 8 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,804 Come on, answer the door. 9 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,889 I'm just gonna keep knocking. 10 00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:24,268 I'm gonna keep ringing the bell, so you might as well answer the door. 11 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,481 We know you're in there. 12 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,736 Think of the neighbors, Mr. Gustafson. 13 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:38,323 There's a letter for you, Mr. Gustafson. 14 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:43,245 I suggest you read it. 15 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,375 - Morning, dickhead. - Hello, moron. 16 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,044 What are you, uh... 17 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,920 Never mind. Just forget it. 18 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:55,257 - Who's the guy yakking at your door? - Mind your own business. 19 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,676 "Mind your own business." 20 00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:00,929 - Tie your shoelace. You'll fall. - Aw, shut up. 21 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,849 We're having a heat wave here. 22 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:08,145 [SINGING "HEAT WAVE"] 23 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:15,110 Somebody moving into the old Clickner place. 24 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:21,408 - Gee, you picked up on that, Sherlock. SNYDER: Excuse me. 25 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:24,078 I wonder if you gentlemen could tell me... 26 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,580 ...uh, where I could find Mr. Gustafson? 27 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,082 No. Gustafson? No, no, sorry. 28 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,626 - Mr. John Gustafson? - That's right. 29 00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,758 You mean the lowlife, ass-wipe... 30 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:40,302 ...egg-sucker John Gustafson? - Oh. 31 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:41,720 Have you seen him? 32 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,556 Man's crazy. Loco. 33 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:48,102 Always hanging out around those kinky strip bars. 34 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,396 - What? - Where men take their clothes off. 35 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:51,980 Oh, for God's sake. 36 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,316 That's, of course, if he's taken his medication. 37 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,151 Medication? 38 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,320 Yes. Without it, he could be anywhere. 39 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,739 Wandering around, talking to the trees. 40 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:04,201 Believe me, this man is a menace. He's always drinking, starting fights. 41 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,078 Isn't that right? 42 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,665 - But have you seen him? - No, sorry. 43 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:13,002 I think, perhaps... 44 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,255 Um, no. 45 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,590 - No. No. - No. 46 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,634 If you see him... 47 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,095 ...would you give him this and tell him he must contact... 48 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,597 ...Mr. Snyder as soon as possible. - Yes. Uh-huh. Okay. 49 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,808 - Schneider. - Snyder. 50 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,728 That's me. It's important. 51 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,982 Important? Yes, sir. We'll tell him when we see him. 52 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,114 - Oops. - Oh, look out! 53 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,449 Watch out for that ice there. 54 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,576 Slippery. Very slippery. 55 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:46,869 Right. 56 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,372 Holy moly. 57 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,130 Jesus. 58 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,767 A men's strip joint? 59 00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:14,480 Idiot. 60 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,342 Thirty days. 61 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,303 That's just great. 62 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:09,451 MAN : Remington MicroScreen Rechargeable Shaver so much... 63 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,245 ...I bought the company. 64 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,956 It shaves as close as a blade, or I'll give you your money back. 65 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:17,376 The first microscreen is so thin it shaves incredibly close. 66 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,504 The second even closer. Remington's American... 67 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:24,425 You should have seen Mrs. Carlson's face when he said, "It's a keeper." 68 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:27,636 Oh, cold enough for you? Brr! 69 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,097 Oh, shut up, fat-ass. 70 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:34,143 It's not even Thanksgiving, and here we are enjoying our lovely fall weather. 71 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,146 Six inches of snow on the ground already... 72 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:40,149 ...with traveler's advisories in effect throughout our area tonight... 73 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:43,610 ...you'd be advised to stay inside and have yourself... 74 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,612 ...a warm, home-cooked meal. 75 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,200 How'd you like a clue for what's coming up this week? 76 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:53,287 It's snow, snow, and more snow. 77 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,665 We've got snow coming into our area all week long. 78 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,126 Come Sunday afternoon, another cold front... 79 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,500 What the hell? 80 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,336 Holy moly. 81 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,011 Oh, my God. 82 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,487 MOVER 1 : Got it. MOVER 2: There we are. 83 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,114 MOVER 3: This up front? MOVER 4: Yeah. 84 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,957 You're still using that beat-up piece of firewood? 85 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:07,087 The Green Hornet's caught more fish than you've lied about, Gustafson. 86 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,089 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 87 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,008 - You see her? - Huh? 88 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,886 Drives pretty fast on that snowmobile. 89 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,638 - Pretty damn fast. - Yeah. 90 00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,600 Did you hear about Eddie Hicks? 91 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,769 Hypothermia's a bitch. 92 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,979 Not quick like a stroke. 93 00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:27,566 A stroke is no damn good. You could end up like a vegetable. 94 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,651 Give me a cardiac any day. 95 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,487 MAX: You know what Jacob said? 96 00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:36,158 Jacob said that old Billy Hinshel was killed in a car crash. 97 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,786 Head-on collision with a freight truck. 98 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,830 Cleared his car straight over the bridge into the Mississippi. 99 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,457 Lucky bastard. 100 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,292 You bet. 101 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,503 Hey, how is he anyway? 102 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,297 He's dead. Died on impact. 103 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,841 Jacob, moron. Jacob. 104 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,177 Oh, ah, he's fine. 105 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,262 Doing real good. Real busy and everything. 106 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,515 But he promised to come over for Thanksgiving. 107 00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,183 Is he really gonna run for mayor? 108 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,978 - Make a damn fine mayor, too. - Good thing he's his mother's son. 109 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:07,606 If he looked like you, he'd never get on the ballot. 110 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,441 Eat my shorts. 111 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,653 MOVER: Morning, Mrs. Truax. ARIEL: Morning, how you doing? 112 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,196 MAX: Holy moly. 113 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,617 MOVER: Watch your step, ma'am. ARIEL: Thank you. 114 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,553 Jesus Quincy Adams. 115 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,555 - Ha, ha. MAX: Hmm... 116 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,236 I hit the cans again. 117 00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,612 I heard. 118 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,406 How is the Grinch today? 119 00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:01,035 Ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. 120 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,953 CHUCK: Ha, ha. Can I get you something? 121 00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:05,539 Yeah, I need a six-pack of Schmidt and I'm out of bait. 122 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:09,585 - Shiners or wax worms? - I can't afford shiners. Give me wax worms. 123 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,211 Wax worms are 75 cents. 124 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:16,175 75 cents? Crime in Italy. Chuck, we're talking about worms, not caviar. 125 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,094 You go through that every time. 126 00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:24,099 Where are you gonna get worms this time of year? It's supply and demand. 127 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,894 You could retire in Florida just from selling me worms. 128 00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:31,106 - And throw the beefjerky in too. - That's $5 for the beer and the worms. 129 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,734 Now you know your old gut can't handle no jerky. 130 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,778 God... 131 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:38,280 Hey, is Pop out there at the shanty? 132 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,407 Always. 133 00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:42,117 Uh-huh. And the moron? 134 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,953 There's lots of ice out there, Gustafson. 135 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,039 Should be room enough for the both of you. 136 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,958 JOHN: "Lots of ice out there, Gustafson." 137 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,794 Mm-mm-mm. 138 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,867 - Hi, Dad. GRANDPA: Hi, hi. 139 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,077 Any luck today? 140 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,955 How the hell should I know? I just got here. 141 00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:31,458 JOHN: Oh. - Say, Mel, she came by the other day... 142 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:34,003 ...and said that you'd been snapping. JOHN: Oh. 143 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:38,340 - Like a damned catfish. - Well, I've had a lot on my mind lately. 144 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,426 I'll tell you what's on my mind. 145 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,513 It's butt-cold out here and I'm fresh out of beer. 146 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:48,183 Oh, did you hear? Someone moved into the Clickner place. Awoman. 147 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,436 - Awoman? - Yeah. 148 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,355 - Did you mount her? - Oh, Dad. 149 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,858 No, wait a minute. Has she got big thighs? 150 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,694 - No. - No? 151 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,654 Then what's the problem? 152 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,866 If I was a young fellow like you, I'd be mounting... 153 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:07,161 ...every woman in Wabasha. 154 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,080 Keep the change. 155 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,170 Hi, Punky. 156 00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,796 Hi, John. 157 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:27,116 MAX: The Green Hornet strikes again! 158 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,577 Caught my limit. 159 00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,621 I see you only snagged one, huh? 160 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,290 Two fish are on there, you bonehead. 161 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,793 You know damn well I throw back what I'm not gonna eat. 162 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:41,755 Oh, yeah? Like that 40-pound muskie you're always yakking about. 163 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:44,758 It's a shame that nobody ever sees you with these monsters. 164 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:55,561 You're gonna love it, Goldman. 165 00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,815 Go to work, baby. 166 00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,450 Hmm? 167 00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:12,244 What is it? 168 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,042 Oh, my God, they've come for me. 169 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,030 Hi. 170 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:51,116 Oh, my God. I, uh... 171 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,202 You see, I was... 172 00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:54,620 Hi. 173 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,955 I hope you don't mind, but I saw your light on... 174 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,875 ...and I was just wondering if I might use your bathroom. 175 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,503 What? 176 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,884 - So, uh, your toilet is broken? - Oh, no, thank goodness. 177 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:14,014 I don't know, the house seemed so empty tonight. I do so love bathrooms. 178 00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:16,767 You know, you can tell a lot about a person from his bathroom. 179 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:19,061 - Did you know that? - No, I didn't know that. 180 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:22,398 - There's a guest bath... - I can't wait to see what I find in there. 181 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,317 - Much better than having your palm read. - Well, uh... 182 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,611 You give me 30 seconds in a person's bathroom... 183 00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:31,699 ...and I will give you a complete and accurate profile. 184 00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,952 - There's a guest bathroom, please. - I'll only be a minute. 185 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,164 Ah. Guest bathroom. 186 00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:10,612 So? 187 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,740 Fascinating. 188 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,034 Uh... 189 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,911 Now, don't you think it's time that you finally introduced yourself? 190 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,748 - Oh, uh... - John "Goostafson," right? 191 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,833 - Gustafson. - Gustafson. 192 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:27,171 Well, I took some of your mail yesterday just to find out who you were. 193 00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:31,508 But you don't get much and what you do get doesn't paint a picture. 194 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:34,970 - You took my mail. That's a federal offense. - I know. 195 00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:38,307 Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way... 196 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:41,101 ...in order to come back a short distance correctly. 197 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,979 - Don't you find that too? I love that line. - What? 198 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:48,442 I have to confess it's not mine. It's from The Zoo Story by Edward Albee. 199 00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:51,987 I teach American literature at Winona State University. 200 00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,491 I started yesterday. Oh, I love the classics, don't you? 201 00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:59,578 - Yeah. Well, I also read Field and Stream. - Indeed? 202 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,706 You have a whole library up there from what I could see. 203 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:07,628 You know, there's something really rugged and virile about the outdoors, isn't there? 204 00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,630 Oh, yeah. 205 00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:10,923 Oh. 206 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,008 My manners. I'm so sorry. 207 00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,510 I'm Ariel Truax. 208 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,262 How do you do? I'm John G-Gustafson. 209 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,931 - Yes, I know. - You know that. 210 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,518 When did you move into the Clickner place? 211 00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:24,520 Oh, I'm sure you know that, John. 212 00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:26,939 Ever since I got here, you and Max Goldman... 213 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:32,111 ...have been stuck up against your windows watching me like two Garfield cats. 214 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,863 You know, those kind that people stick to their car windows? 215 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,658 You know, those little suction cups they have? It's so... 216 00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,284 Squirrels. 217 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:43,205 Been watching the squirrels. One of them's making a nest under your eaves. 218 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,790 Sure, John. 219 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,333 Here's your mail. 220 00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:49,169 Now, there's nothing addressed to a Mrs. Gustafson. 221 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:52,172 And by the state of your bathroom, I presume that you're a bachelor. 222 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,382 Yeah. 223 00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:54,717 Gay or straight? 224 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,387 - Huh? - Heterosexual or homosexual? 225 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,140 Jeez Louise. 226 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,183 It's a perfectly legitimate question. 227 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,230 Well, maybe in California, but here in Minnesota... Ho-ho. 228 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,566 Have I upset you? 229 00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:12,443 No, hey. 230 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,320 It's the middle of the night and I don't know what the hell is... 231 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,322 Would you like me to leave? 232 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,741 No. 233 00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,492 Yeah. 234 00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:25,039 Well, it was very nice meeting you, John Gustafson. 235 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:28,334 And now that we know each other, don't be a stranger, neighbor. 236 00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:30,878 Oh, and John... 237 00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:34,340 ...king's rook to queen's bishop 3. 238 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,394 Ah. 239 00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,280 MAN: Hey, John. 240 00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:08,957 Phil, wait a minute. Don't ring that up yet. 241 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,960 I need something for my lumbago. The pain is killing me. 242 00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:16,298 Ah, it's killing you, my ass. He doesn't know the meaning of the word pain. 243 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:20,427 l got a pinched sciatica that makes your lumbago look like eye strain. 244 00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,222 Pain. He wants to talk about pain. 245 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,684 I had a gallstone the size of a baseball. 246 00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,270 Gallstones, yeah. Gallstones are for pussies. 247 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,732 When I had shingles did you see me complaining to Phil? 248 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,068 Shingles schmingles. 249 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,654 When I had my ulcers, I was... 250 00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:42,074 ...farting razor blades. 251 00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:45,452 - Good morning, John. - Huh? Good... 252 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:48,747 Oh, you must be Max Goldman. 253 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,792 Hi, I'm Ariel Truax, your new neighbor. 254 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,004 - Pleasure. - Isn't it a peach of a day? 255 00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:57,673 - Ah. ARIEL: Listen, I have something for you. 256 00:20:57,841 --> 00:21:00,342 It was dropped off at my house by accident. 257 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,136 Some of your mail. Heh. 258 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,764 - Here you are. Sorry. - Ah. 259 00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,851 Phil, have my herbal therapy oils arrived yet? 260 00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:10,519 They arrived this morning. 261 00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:13,313 Special delivery from California. 262 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,482 Wonderful. Wonderful. 263 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:18,777 Ah, yes, there's nothing like the scent of... 264 00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:21,030 ...fresh tea tree... 265 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:24,033 ...just soaking into your pores. - Hmm. 266 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,659 Don't you agree? 267 00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:27,036 Lovely. 268 00:21:28,163 --> 00:21:31,123 Thank you. It was such a pleasure meeting you... 269 00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:34,126 ...and I'm sure we're going to see a lot of one another. 270 00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:37,588 Goodbye, gentlemen. Goodbye, John. 271 00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:39,340 Yeah. 272 00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:44,511 - Holy moly. JOHN: Uh-huh. 273 00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:47,556 JOHN: Now wait. You got all four wheels on the track? Okay. 274 00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:51,018 All right. Now, careful, fellas, huh? Hey, Mel. 275 00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:55,230 Be careful. That's over 1 00 years old. Damn thing might collapse. 276 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:58,192 - Hi, sweetheart. How are you? - Hi, Dad. Good. 277 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,111 JOHN: There's Granddaddy's little girl. - What's going on? 278 00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:04,907 - I'm getting rid of that. It's just firewood. - Why? 279 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:08,744 Well, I don't know. I don't play it much. It sits around, collects dust. 280 00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:11,580 - You love that piano. - Granddaddy's got a surprise... 281 00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:14,500 ...for you in the house, pumpkin. - Dad. 282 00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:18,087 Oh, just a little C-A-N-D-Y. It's not going to kill her. 283 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,047 ALEXANDRA: Candy. 284 00:22:21,925 --> 00:22:24,093 Which one? Okay, which hand? 285 00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:26,428 This one? No. 286 00:22:26,596 --> 00:22:29,223 Which hand? That's the one. Yeah. 287 00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:31,600 There you are, sweet pea. How about that? Here. 288 00:22:31,768 --> 00:22:33,769 Dad. 289 00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:37,648 - Is there something wrong? - No. Nothing's wrong at all. 290 00:22:38,316 --> 00:22:39,900 With me... 291 00:22:45,156 --> 00:22:47,408 Now, Mel, um... 292 00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:50,994 How am I gonna...? People are asking about you. 293 00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:52,329 I know. 294 00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:56,458 Yeah, now I keep telling them that you and Mike are doing just fine. 295 00:22:56,626 --> 00:22:58,794 It's just a lot of gum-flapping. 296 00:22:59,838 --> 00:23:03,757 - Mike and I aren't fine. - Yeah. That's what I thought. 297 00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:09,430 Dad, we're gonna separate for a while. 298 00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:15,811 Honey, marriage isn't easy, you know. You gotta work at it. 299 00:23:16,604 --> 00:23:18,981 It's hard to work at it when he's never there. 300 00:23:19,149 --> 00:23:22,192 Oh, my God, is that familiar. Your mother wondered where I was for 20 years. 301 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,904 You really think I wanted two jobs? I didn't do that for me. 302 00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:28,323 - I was doing it for you, Brian, your mother. - Dad. Dad. 303 00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:31,618 Dad, this isn't about you. This is about me and Mike. 304 00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:35,748 Yeah, I'm sorry. I-I get... I keep... 305 00:23:39,002 --> 00:23:41,128 I'm sorry. I love you so much. 306 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,925 Well, whatever you and Mike decide is... 307 00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:50,846 I never liked him anyway. 308 00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:05,861 MELANIE: Who is that? 309 00:24:06,529 --> 00:24:08,280 I don't know. 310 00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:11,784 Hi! 311 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,370 Ha, ha. She seems to know you. 312 00:24:14,537 --> 00:24:15,829 Well, I... 313 00:24:18,708 --> 00:24:21,377 - Does she always do that? - I don't know. 314 00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:24,213 ARIEL: Oh! This is great! 315 00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:27,383 Whoo! 316 00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:43,607 Aah! 317 00:24:43,775 --> 00:24:46,819 TV ANNOUNCER: We hope you enjoyed our feature presentation. 318 00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:50,698 Now stay tuned for tonight's $6.4 million jackpot on Powerball. 319 00:24:50,865 --> 00:24:52,449 JOHN: Three, four five... 320 00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:54,410 Followed by local news. 321 00:24:54,577 --> 00:24:56,745 Out of the way, Slick. Come on, baby. 322 00:24:56,913 --> 00:24:58,580 Come on. I gotta win a million bucks. 323 00:25:13,388 --> 00:25:14,555 Who's that? 324 00:25:16,433 --> 00:25:18,392 MAX: Okay. Okay. JACOB: Ta-da! 325 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,853 Hey, Jacob, you got my vote. That's terrific. 326 00:25:21,021 --> 00:25:25,065 Come on in. Have a little TV dinner. Lasagna's heating up now. 327 00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:28,152 I don't have time. I just dropped by to give you the placard for the yard. 328 00:25:28,319 --> 00:25:31,572 - I got a bunch I gotta deliver. - You'll have just a drink Little drink. 329 00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,782 Pop, I can't. I'm sorry. I'll call you. 330 00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:35,284 No, close the door. Come in. 331 00:25:36,661 --> 00:25:38,495 Wait a minute. Give me a minute, will you? 332 00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:43,417 I'll be with you in a second. I have to do something here that's very important. 333 00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:46,628 Six-point-four million. That's our estimated jackpot tonight. 334 00:25:46,796 --> 00:25:48,422 You could be our next millionaire. 335 00:25:56,306 --> 00:25:58,640 - To win the jackpot, correctly match... - Come on. Do it. 336 00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:03,312 Our first number is a... 337 00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:13,364 What's going on? 338 00:26:13,907 --> 00:26:15,908 - There's number four. - Seven. 339 00:26:16,076 --> 00:26:20,079 - To win the jackpot, match 5 white balls... - There's a seven. Now, second... 340 00:26:20,246 --> 00:26:22,122 And next up is a... 341 00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:24,833 Come on! 342 00:26:25,001 --> 00:26:27,086 The schmuck doesn't know what's happening. 343 00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:29,672 - A 25. - Seven... 344 00:26:29,839 --> 00:26:32,758 - There's just one more ball and here it is... - Fifteen. 345 00:26:35,679 --> 00:26:37,596 Jesus Christ! 346 00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:44,937 Goldman. 347 00:26:46,356 --> 00:26:48,315 Goldman. It's Goldman. 348 00:26:48,483 --> 00:26:51,777 - You're a child. - Don't tell me, Jacob. It isn't me. 349 00:26:51,945 --> 00:26:53,654 JACOB: Oh, it never is. 350 00:26:53,822 --> 00:26:56,156 No, I'm sure John started every fight since 1 940. 351 00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:59,159 - '38. - Well, it's ridiculous. 352 00:27:02,455 --> 00:27:03,831 - Hey, John! MAX: Oh! 353 00:27:03,998 --> 00:27:05,207 Come over here and apologize. 354 00:27:05,375 --> 00:27:07,501 - Come here. Come on. - I'm not apologizing to anybody. 355 00:27:07,669 --> 00:27:09,378 You're letting the cold air in. 356 00:27:13,174 --> 00:27:15,050 Take that, you criminal. 357 00:27:37,949 --> 00:27:40,576 I don't believe it. That old trick? 358 00:27:40,744 --> 00:27:43,078 This is something between me and your father, Jakey. 359 00:27:43,246 --> 00:27:45,706 There's no need for you to get involved. 360 00:27:46,624 --> 00:27:49,293 I don't say anything on one condition: 361 00:27:49,461 --> 00:27:51,545 Put one of these in your yard. 362 00:27:52,797 --> 00:27:54,423 I'd be proud to, Jake. 363 00:27:54,591 --> 00:27:57,176 Hey, not one word to your old man, remember? 364 00:28:01,222 --> 00:28:03,599 - Have fun, Johnny. - Yeah. 365 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,242 Hey, dickhead, you win the lottery? 366 00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:26,372 Enjoy your shower, smartass? 367 00:28:43,306 --> 00:28:44,890 Mm, mm. 368 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,062 Gotta use hot water, you schmuck. 369 00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:52,064 You'll never get me. 370 00:28:54,818 --> 00:28:57,778 - See you later, Gustafson. - Ah. 371 00:29:07,997 --> 00:29:10,207 Up yours, Gustafson. 372 00:29:13,336 --> 00:29:15,462 Phew. Puke. 373 00:29:15,630 --> 00:29:18,007 P-yew! What the hell is that smell? 374 00:29:26,683 --> 00:29:28,642 P-yew! 375 00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:33,022 MAX: Ah. 376 00:29:41,531 --> 00:29:43,490 Watch it, bonehead. 377 00:29:46,119 --> 00:29:47,536 Phew. 378 00:29:53,543 --> 00:29:56,879 MAX: Mrs. Cusack over at the store said she came in yesterday... 379 00:29:57,047 --> 00:29:59,298 ...to buy some candles and incense. 380 00:29:59,841 --> 00:30:03,344 Ask me, she's probably a member of one of them religious cults. 381 00:30:03,511 --> 00:30:05,971 - You say she's all alone? - From what I heard... 382 00:30:06,139 --> 00:30:09,391 ...she's available and hot to trot. 383 00:30:11,019 --> 00:30:12,227 JOHN: Hey, Chuck. 384 00:30:14,689 --> 00:30:16,732 - Moron. - Putz. 385 00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:18,442 CHUCK: Hi, John. 386 00:30:19,361 --> 00:30:21,653 Max was telling me about your new neighbor. 387 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:23,739 What? My new neighbor? 388 00:30:23,907 --> 00:30:27,451 Oh, yes, yeah, new neighbor. Yeah, she came over to see me last night. 389 00:30:27,619 --> 00:30:28,869 She what? 390 00:30:29,037 --> 00:30:30,913 Yeah, about 1 :30 in the morning. 391 00:30:31,081 --> 00:30:34,041 Why would a woman come over at 1 :30 in the morning to see you? 392 00:30:34,209 --> 00:30:37,211 Just why do you think, bonehead? I'll have a six-pack, Chuck. 393 00:30:37,379 --> 00:30:40,047 Ha. Women and fish... 394 00:30:40,215 --> 00:30:42,758 ...you can never catch either one of them, Gustafson. 395 00:30:42,926 --> 00:30:46,428 I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing. 396 00:30:46,596 --> 00:30:49,264 Oh, yeah? Now you're telling me you're going to go after her? 397 00:30:49,432 --> 00:30:53,644 Oh, me? Oh, jeez. God, no. She's too... She's too disturbed for me. 398 00:30:53,812 --> 00:30:55,312 For you maybe. 399 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,482 No, I don't wanna have anything to do with her. 400 00:30:58,650 --> 00:31:00,859 See, women fall too hard for me. 401 00:31:01,027 --> 00:31:03,278 They get obsessed with me. 402 00:31:03,446 --> 00:31:06,323 It's like one of them Fatal Attraction things... 403 00:31:06,491 --> 00:31:09,410 ...that they show on The Donahue Show, you know. 404 00:31:09,577 --> 00:31:13,247 You guys are the biggest damn bullshitters... 405 00:31:13,415 --> 00:31:17,042 ...in this entire frozen nation. 406 00:31:17,210 --> 00:31:19,545 You're just plain chicken... 407 00:31:19,713 --> 00:31:21,588 ...both of you, if you ask me. 408 00:31:21,756 --> 00:31:25,217 A beautiful woman just sitting there... 409 00:31:25,385 --> 00:31:27,594 ...20 feet from your front yards... 410 00:31:27,762 --> 00:31:31,932 ...and you're trying to tell me you'd rather park your wrinkly butts... 411 00:31:32,100 --> 00:31:33,684 ...on a frozen piece of ice... 412 00:31:33,852 --> 00:31:37,813 ...kissing up to a couple of buckets of fish bait. Ha! 413 00:31:37,981 --> 00:31:40,232 Jesus, listen to Casanova, will you? 414 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,277 Yeah, he's a regular Don Juan. 415 00:31:43,445 --> 00:31:46,405 No wonder the ladies "Don Juan" anything to do with you. 416 00:31:46,573 --> 00:31:48,490 JOHN: That did it. - Oh. 417 00:31:48,658 --> 00:31:50,701 I'm out. I am out. 418 00:31:50,869 --> 00:31:53,287 Hey, Max, will you say hello to Jake for me? 419 00:31:53,455 --> 00:31:56,290 Why don't you come over and have some turkey with us? 420 00:31:56,458 --> 00:31:59,043 There's always plenty of bird with just Jacob and me. 421 00:31:59,210 --> 00:32:01,670 That way you can spend next week in bed with ptomaine, huh? 422 00:32:01,838 --> 00:32:04,590 Come on over to my place, Melanie cooks up a real feast, Chuck. 423 00:32:04,758 --> 00:32:08,260 Thanks, fellas. But you know those old boys over at the VFW... 424 00:32:08,428 --> 00:32:10,471 ...they expect me every Thanksgiving. 425 00:32:10,638 --> 00:32:12,514 Oh, yeah, forget it. See you, Chuck. 426 00:32:12,682 --> 00:32:14,808 - Moron. - Putz. 427 00:32:17,937 --> 00:32:19,480 Tell me something, Chuck. 428 00:32:19,647 --> 00:32:21,315 - Do I stink? JOHN: Yeah! 429 00:32:21,483 --> 00:32:24,151 Not you, smartass. Didn't ask you. 430 00:32:27,572 --> 00:32:30,741 I could smell it in the car. This stink. 431 00:32:30,909 --> 00:32:32,451 Is it me? 432 00:32:34,579 --> 00:32:35,621 Yep. 433 00:32:38,708 --> 00:32:39,917 Damn. 434 00:32:54,683 --> 00:32:57,434 Ah, what the hell is that? 435 00:32:58,019 --> 00:32:59,520 For chrissake. 436 00:33:25,630 --> 00:33:27,047 Gustafson. 437 00:33:33,221 --> 00:33:35,264 You schmuck! 438 00:33:49,237 --> 00:33:52,072 Damn disgrace the way they coach that team. 439 00:34:08,798 --> 00:34:09,798 Stay there. 440 00:34:09,966 --> 00:34:12,134 Stay there, you little bastard. 441 00:34:24,814 --> 00:34:26,398 It's the Green Hornet. 442 00:34:28,818 --> 00:34:32,154 - How are you, Punky? - Hey, buttercup. 443 00:34:32,447 --> 00:34:34,239 Give me two packs of Camels... 444 00:34:34,407 --> 00:34:38,285 ...and a cup of your special coffee, you love muffin, you. 445 00:34:38,453 --> 00:34:41,246 You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes, Pop. 446 00:34:41,414 --> 00:34:45,751 Yeah, well, I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care, huh? 447 00:34:45,919 --> 00:34:48,629 Oh, thank you, dear. 448 00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,186 - Max is here. - Ah. 449 00:35:14,447 --> 00:35:16,281 - Come on, love muffin. GRANDPA: Yeah, yeah. 450 00:35:22,622 --> 00:35:23,872 - Thanks. - Here. 451 00:35:25,083 --> 00:35:28,335 - You were always there to save me. - Mm-hm. Yeah, right. 452 00:35:28,503 --> 00:35:31,046 No, really. When Billy Gerber locked me in his tree house... 453 00:35:31,214 --> 00:35:32,840 ...you were my knight in shining armor. 454 00:35:33,008 --> 00:35:35,175 And I got a black eye for my effort. 455 00:35:35,343 --> 00:35:37,136 - Let me get that. - There you go. 456 00:35:37,303 --> 00:35:38,887 I always knew, you know. 457 00:35:39,055 --> 00:35:40,556 Knew what? 458 00:35:40,724 --> 00:35:43,142 That you had a crush on me since 6th grade. 459 00:35:43,309 --> 00:35:46,186 You used to watch me with your dad's binoculars. 460 00:35:46,354 --> 00:35:47,521 - What? - Mm-hm. 461 00:35:47,689 --> 00:35:49,356 No. I... 462 00:35:49,524 --> 00:35:52,985 You never wondered why my curtains were open just enough? 463 00:35:53,153 --> 00:35:54,903 I thought I was lucky. 464 00:35:56,197 --> 00:35:58,449 I just did it to torture you. Ha, ha. 465 00:35:59,659 --> 00:36:01,744 Yes. Well, you succeeded wonderfully. 466 00:36:01,911 --> 00:36:04,538 How come you never asked me out? 467 00:36:06,207 --> 00:36:07,750 Uh, I... 468 00:36:07,917 --> 00:36:09,501 Hey, Mel. Hi, Jakey. 469 00:36:09,669 --> 00:36:11,837 Uh, Mel, is the turkey supposed to be smoking? 470 00:36:12,005 --> 00:36:15,215 Oh, man. I better run. See you. 471 00:36:15,383 --> 00:36:16,759 JACOB: Hey, John. - Hey. 472 00:36:16,926 --> 00:36:18,260 Happy Thanksgiving. 473 00:36:18,428 --> 00:36:21,347 - Yeah. How are you? - Good. 474 00:36:21,514 --> 00:36:23,599 - They're getting a divorce. - Huh? 475 00:36:23,808 --> 00:36:28,062 Mel and Mike, they're getting a divorce. They call it a separation, but it's divorce. 476 00:36:28,271 --> 00:36:30,731 - Gee, I'm sorry to hear that. - Yeah. 477 00:36:30,899 --> 00:36:32,691 So are you seeing anyone special, are you? 478 00:36:32,859 --> 00:36:35,694 Me? Mmm... 479 00:36:35,862 --> 00:36:39,698 - No, I guess not. Nobody serious. - What do you know? 480 00:36:41,659 --> 00:36:43,702 We got a new neighbor, did you hear? 481 00:36:43,870 --> 00:36:46,038 JACOB: Everyone in town is talking about this woman. 482 00:36:46,206 --> 00:36:49,541 Yeah. Gee, she hasn't been out since 11 :20. 483 00:36:50,710 --> 00:36:52,419 What are you doing? Clocking her, John? 484 00:36:52,587 --> 00:36:54,880 Well, she keeps odd hours, you know. 485 00:36:55,048 --> 00:36:56,965 Very interesting woman. 486 00:36:57,133 --> 00:36:59,259 Sounds like a wacko to me. 487 00:37:00,845 --> 00:37:03,263 I haven't had sex for 1 5 years. 488 00:37:11,898 --> 00:37:13,982 Could I have little? Oh. Mmm. 489 00:37:16,194 --> 00:37:17,736 GRANDPA: Oh, my. MELANIE: Too much, Dad? 490 00:37:17,904 --> 00:37:19,154 Yeah, that was plenty. 491 00:37:19,322 --> 00:37:21,448 Hey, why don't you give some of the leftovers to Jakey? 492 00:37:21,616 --> 00:37:23,117 He'll have his own leftovers. 493 00:37:23,284 --> 00:37:27,204 That pre-cooked stuff his old man gets? That tastes like cardboard. 494 00:37:28,707 --> 00:37:30,833 Why don't you go and talk to her, Dad? 495 00:37:31,001 --> 00:37:32,459 What? Talk to who? 496 00:37:32,627 --> 00:37:33,877 Ariel. 497 00:37:34,087 --> 00:37:36,171 You spent half the meal staring out the window. 498 00:37:36,339 --> 00:37:37,381 Just squirrels. 499 00:37:37,549 --> 00:37:40,342 There's the squirrels on her roof. That's what I was staring at. 500 00:37:40,510 --> 00:37:43,929 You're a handsome, eligible guy with a nice house, a good pension. 501 00:37:44,097 --> 00:37:45,347 You got a lot to offer her. 502 00:37:45,515 --> 00:37:47,182 Well, I got something to offer her. 503 00:37:51,062 --> 00:37:53,480 I got zip to offer her. 504 00:37:54,190 --> 00:37:56,316 JACOB: Pop, I can't tell if this is done. 505 00:37:59,237 --> 00:38:02,031 Pop, do you know how many minutes this thing needs to cook? 506 00:38:02,198 --> 00:38:04,116 Getting hungry. 507 00:38:07,245 --> 00:38:10,622 Sure be nice to have some turkey right about now. 508 00:38:12,542 --> 00:38:14,835 You remember the turkey your mother used to make? 509 00:38:15,003 --> 00:38:18,505 - Oh, yeah. - Damn, she was a good cook. 510 00:38:18,882 --> 00:38:20,674 You remember the stuffing? 511 00:38:20,842 --> 00:38:22,217 BOTH: The best. 512 00:38:22,385 --> 00:38:25,137 - How about those potato latkes? - Oy. 513 00:38:27,182 --> 00:38:29,058 I thought you said Chuck was going to VFW. 514 00:38:29,225 --> 00:38:31,560 MAX: He is. JACOB: I don't think so. 515 00:38:31,728 --> 00:38:33,645 What are you talking about? 516 00:38:33,980 --> 00:38:35,731 Looks like he's making a house call. 517 00:38:35,899 --> 00:38:36,982 What? 518 00:38:39,235 --> 00:38:40,402 What in the... 519 00:38:40,570 --> 00:38:42,154 Hell is he doing there? 520 00:38:45,075 --> 00:38:47,326 - He's going to do it. - So? 521 00:38:47,494 --> 00:38:48,911 What? 522 00:38:49,079 --> 00:38:51,497 What is he doing in that crazy... 523 00:38:51,664 --> 00:38:54,208 - Son of a... - Jealous? 524 00:38:54,376 --> 00:38:56,377 Of what? Are you...? 525 00:39:01,216 --> 00:39:03,133 - He's in. - He's in. 526 00:39:03,301 --> 00:39:05,135 - He's in! - Oh. 527 00:39:05,303 --> 00:39:09,014 Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye to the optometrist. 528 00:39:09,182 --> 00:39:11,225 - Oh, jeez, Dad. What? - Oh. 529 00:39:12,686 --> 00:39:14,061 God... 530 00:39:44,259 --> 00:39:46,468 - Chuck? MAX: Chuck, where are you? 531 00:39:46,636 --> 00:39:48,387 JOHN: Ah. - Hello, fellas. 532 00:39:48,555 --> 00:39:50,556 JOHN: Hey, um... MAX: Hi, Chuck. 533 00:39:50,724 --> 00:39:53,267 - Some game last night. MAX: Double overtime. 534 00:39:53,435 --> 00:39:57,062 - Blackhawks were killers, weren't they? - Did you catch the game, Chuck? 535 00:39:58,773 --> 00:39:59,815 No. 536 00:40:00,483 --> 00:40:03,569 Oh, sure, you were with the guys at the VFW. 537 00:40:03,737 --> 00:40:08,782 Yeah. How was the turkey at the VFW this year, Chucky? 538 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,119 The turkey this year... 539 00:40:12,287 --> 00:40:15,080 ...was delicious. Ha, ha. 540 00:40:15,874 --> 00:40:16,999 Yeah... 541 00:40:17,167 --> 00:40:18,584 - Oh, come on. - We saw you. 542 00:40:18,752 --> 00:40:20,794 - You were there half the night. MAX: What'd you do? 543 00:40:20,962 --> 00:40:22,838 - What's it like in there? - What did she say? 544 00:40:23,006 --> 00:40:24,882 Fellas. Fellas. 545 00:40:25,216 --> 00:40:27,760 There are some experiences in life too rich... 546 00:40:27,927 --> 00:40:31,513 ...too beautiful to try to put into words. 547 00:40:31,681 --> 00:40:33,682 - What does that mean exactly? JOHN: Yeah. 548 00:40:33,850 --> 00:40:38,520 Could have been either of you if you just had the guts to ask. 549 00:40:40,106 --> 00:40:44,193 - You mean, you and she...? - I'm not talking about sex, dummies. 550 00:40:44,361 --> 00:40:46,111 JOHN: No? - Of course not. 551 00:40:46,863 --> 00:40:48,530 Oh. 552 00:40:48,698 --> 00:40:50,240 I get it. 553 00:40:51,159 --> 00:40:53,744 Your old pal failed you, huh, Chuck? 554 00:40:54,079 --> 00:40:56,622 Oh, couldn't rise to the occasion? 555 00:40:56,998 --> 00:41:00,876 - Yes, the spirit was willing... - Yeah, but the flesh was, uh... 556 00:41:01,044 --> 00:41:02,294 Weak, weak. 557 00:41:03,630 --> 00:41:06,215 Okay, okay, if it wasn't sex what was it? 558 00:41:09,177 --> 00:41:11,053 It was an awakening. 559 00:41:12,847 --> 00:41:15,891 Ariel reminded me that I was alive. 560 00:41:16,059 --> 00:41:20,688 That I was a man full of energy, love, and passion. 561 00:41:20,855 --> 00:41:23,482 It was like being young again. 562 00:41:23,650 --> 00:41:25,693 If only for a moment. 563 00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:32,032 Couldn't get it up, huh, Chuck? 564 00:41:34,452 --> 00:41:36,495 Get out of here, both of you. 565 00:41:36,663 --> 00:41:38,580 Yeah, I'll see you. 566 00:41:40,417 --> 00:41:42,042 Yeah, but... 567 00:41:45,296 --> 00:41:47,840 MAX: So long. CHUCK: Hey, boys. 568 00:41:49,551 --> 00:41:52,636 That's not just a woman living across your street. 569 00:41:52,804 --> 00:41:55,264 She's an angel. 570 00:41:56,516 --> 00:41:58,684 Angel, right. Take it easy, Chuck. 571 00:42:01,396 --> 00:42:02,771 See you, Chuck. 572 00:43:21,267 --> 00:43:22,976 MAX: Holy moly. 573 00:43:23,311 --> 00:43:26,730 Look at all the crap you... Excuse me. The stuff you got here. 574 00:43:26,898 --> 00:43:30,693 ARIEL: Well, it's my inspiration. - You did...? You're an artist? 575 00:43:30,860 --> 00:43:33,070 Ah, I try. 576 00:43:33,530 --> 00:43:37,700 I used to teach courses in Expressionism at Berkeley. 577 00:43:37,909 --> 00:43:41,036 But now I'm back to the classics of literature. 578 00:43:41,413 --> 00:43:43,455 Berkeley, that explains it. 579 00:43:43,915 --> 00:43:45,165 Oh, my God. 580 00:43:45,917 --> 00:43:47,376 ARIEL: What? 581 00:43:47,544 --> 00:43:50,045 Your TV. It's got no guts. 582 00:43:50,213 --> 00:43:51,380 I took them out. 583 00:43:51,548 --> 00:43:55,009 How could you do that to a '54 Super Zenith? 584 00:43:55,176 --> 00:43:57,219 This TV is a classic. 585 00:43:57,387 --> 00:44:00,723 I can fix it for you though, if you wanted me to. 586 00:44:00,890 --> 00:44:03,809 That's what I used to do. I was a TV repairman. 587 00:44:03,977 --> 00:44:06,729 Aw, that's so sweet, Max, but... 588 00:44:06,896 --> 00:44:09,440 ...you know, I think it works quite well... 589 00:44:09,607 --> 00:44:11,608 ...just the way it is. 590 00:44:13,653 --> 00:44:16,280 How the hell does she see any shows? 591 00:44:23,079 --> 00:44:24,580 Holy moly. 592 00:44:29,836 --> 00:44:31,378 ARIEL: I see you've met Ernest. 593 00:44:31,921 --> 00:44:34,548 - Who? - The model was my husband. 594 00:44:35,467 --> 00:44:38,385 Boy, he sure wasn't pleased about modeling in the nude. 595 00:44:38,553 --> 00:44:41,555 Took quite a bit of prompting, I must say. 596 00:44:42,807 --> 00:44:44,224 He's, uh... 597 00:44:44,851 --> 00:44:46,226 Passed on. 598 00:44:46,519 --> 00:44:48,520 Five years ago. 599 00:44:49,856 --> 00:44:52,066 Hmm. Would you like some coffee? 600 00:44:52,233 --> 00:44:54,401 - Yeah. - Cream and sugar? 601 00:44:54,569 --> 00:44:56,320 Yeah. 602 00:44:57,614 --> 00:44:58,947 Hmm. 603 00:45:08,750 --> 00:45:11,794 Sure moved around a lot the last few years, didn't you? 604 00:45:11,961 --> 00:45:16,423 Yeah, I think it's exciting to experience new things... 605 00:45:16,591 --> 00:45:19,927 ...new places, and meet new people. 606 00:45:20,095 --> 00:45:21,345 Like you. 607 00:45:25,433 --> 00:45:27,017 Do you paint? 608 00:45:27,185 --> 00:45:29,103 - Paint? Me? - Yes. Uh-huh. 609 00:45:29,270 --> 00:45:30,437 Sure do. 610 00:45:30,605 --> 00:45:32,272 I paint the shed every spring. 611 00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:33,816 - Ha-ha! - No. No. 612 00:45:33,983 --> 00:45:36,026 - You get it? - I get it, I get it. 613 00:45:36,194 --> 00:45:38,487 No, I mean, you know... 614 00:45:38,655 --> 00:45:40,155 ...pictures, paintings. 615 00:45:41,116 --> 00:45:42,825 What for? 616 00:45:42,992 --> 00:45:46,245 Everyone needs some form of... 617 00:45:47,163 --> 00:45:48,831 ...release. 618 00:45:49,708 --> 00:45:51,041 I fish. 619 00:45:52,085 --> 00:45:53,127 Fish? 620 00:45:54,170 --> 00:45:56,005 Fish... 621 00:45:56,172 --> 00:45:58,173 Oh. Yeah, fish. 622 00:45:58,341 --> 00:46:01,010 Oh, yeah. I can see the beauty in that. 623 00:46:01,177 --> 00:46:03,387 - Yeah? - Mm. 624 00:46:06,349 --> 00:46:09,560 Miss Truax, would you do me the honor... 625 00:46:09,728 --> 00:46:12,688 ...of accompanying me to my ice shanty tomorrow? 626 00:46:16,234 --> 00:46:18,360 I'd be honored. 627 00:46:27,078 --> 00:46:29,997 MAX: See you tomorrow. ARIEL: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. 628 00:46:31,958 --> 00:46:33,334 ARIEL: Be careful. MAX: Okay. 629 00:46:34,502 --> 00:46:38,380 [MAX SINGING "HEAT WAVE"] 630 00:46:42,510 --> 00:46:44,136 Whoa! 631 00:46:44,304 --> 00:46:46,638 - I can't hold it! MAX: Reel him in. 632 00:46:46,806 --> 00:46:48,974 ARIEL: I can't hold him, Max. - Work him. Work him. 633 00:46:49,142 --> 00:46:51,894 ARIEL: I'm trying. He's so strong! MAX: Easy does it. 634 00:46:52,062 --> 00:46:53,979 MAX: Reel it in. - I can't hold it. 635 00:46:54,147 --> 00:46:56,690 - I'm trying but I can't! - All right. Give me the pole. 636 00:46:56,858 --> 00:46:59,151 Oh, not yet. Not on your life. Get out of here! 637 00:46:59,319 --> 00:47:01,362 - Let me... Pull! - Stop! 638 00:47:06,159 --> 00:47:08,535 MAX: That's it. Coming. Coming. ARIEL: Aah! Aah! 639 00:47:08,703 --> 00:47:09,912 Morning, John. 640 00:47:12,082 --> 00:47:13,749 Morning, Punky. 641 00:47:13,917 --> 00:47:16,210 ARIEL: Oh, Max. MAX: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. 642 00:47:16,378 --> 00:47:20,214 - Oh, I almost lost him. - Max, oh, he's just magnificent. 643 00:47:20,382 --> 00:47:23,217 Magnificent? He's a damn record-breaker. You've got a 3-footer. 644 00:47:23,385 --> 00:47:25,260 Oh, Max. 645 00:47:25,428 --> 00:47:27,429 I can see the beauty in this now. 646 00:47:27,597 --> 00:47:30,933 - Can you see it? - Yes, the lure. No, the fight. 647 00:47:31,101 --> 00:47:33,477 - The fight. Wait till I show the guys. - The catch. 648 00:47:33,645 --> 00:47:35,771 - What a catch. - And then the release. 649 00:47:35,939 --> 00:47:37,064 The release! 650 00:47:37,232 --> 00:47:40,734 - What release? There's no release. - Oh, yes, it's beautiful. 651 00:47:40,902 --> 00:47:44,363 No, I'll tell you what's beautiful. This monster on my wall stuffed. 652 00:47:44,531 --> 00:47:48,409 Oh, no. There can be no stuffing. This is a live creature. 653 00:47:48,576 --> 00:47:51,328 Full of courage and life. 654 00:47:51,496 --> 00:47:53,747 Nobody's gonna believe me. Let me get a camera. 655 00:47:53,915 --> 00:47:55,541 - Oh, no. - Just hold it for a minute. 656 00:47:55,709 --> 00:47:58,085 - I hear the water calling it back, Max. - Where is it? 657 00:47:58,253 --> 00:48:00,254 ARIEL: Here we go. - Wait, wait! 658 00:48:00,422 --> 00:48:03,298 - Calling. - Here. Hold it. Hold it! 659 00:48:14,644 --> 00:48:15,686 Hey, Pop. 660 00:48:21,359 --> 00:48:23,819 Hey. Just finishing breaKfast. 661 00:48:23,987 --> 00:48:25,821 So I see. 662 00:48:26,614 --> 00:48:29,533 Colder than a witch's titty out there, isn't it? 663 00:48:30,785 --> 00:48:32,536 Where did you get this fishing pole? 664 00:48:32,704 --> 00:48:35,789 GRANDPA: Oh, I snagged it about an hour ago. 665 00:48:35,957 --> 00:48:38,167 The only damn thing I caught all day. 666 00:48:38,335 --> 00:48:40,002 Ah. 667 00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:46,216 Hey, Chuck, guess what Pop found. 668 00:48:52,515 --> 00:48:53,974 Chuck? 669 00:48:55,101 --> 00:48:57,061 Chuck? Hey, Chuck! 670 00:48:58,021 --> 00:49:02,191 Ch... You forgot to unlock the back door, you dummy. 671 00:49:20,210 --> 00:49:23,629 Isn't it wonderful to have a little adventure every day? 672 00:49:23,797 --> 00:49:26,382 All I know is you're one hell of a fisherman, Ariel. 673 00:49:26,549 --> 00:49:28,467 Oh. I learned from the best. 674 00:49:28,885 --> 00:49:31,345 Oh, I hope you weren't mad at me for putting them all back. 675 00:49:31,513 --> 00:49:34,515 Ah, that's okay. Gustafson does the same thing. 676 00:49:34,683 --> 00:49:38,560 He just keeps the ones he eats. That's what he says. 677 00:49:38,728 --> 00:49:40,145 I think he never catches them. 678 00:49:40,313 --> 00:49:42,815 - Ha, ha. - Ha, ha. Oh, Max. 679 00:49:42,982 --> 00:49:45,150 I think we're going to be great friends. 680 00:49:45,318 --> 00:49:47,111 Oh, fr... Fr... 681 00:49:47,737 --> 00:49:50,322 Friends. Friends is good. That's good, isn't it? 682 00:49:50,490 --> 00:49:52,741 - Yeah. - Mm-hm. 683 00:49:52,909 --> 00:49:55,661 How about some supper tonight? After your class, I mean. 684 00:49:55,829 --> 00:50:00,207 Oh, thank you so much, but I already have made plans. I'm sorry. 685 00:50:00,375 --> 00:50:02,584 - Oh. - But I'll take a rain check. 686 00:50:02,752 --> 00:50:04,878 - That's a deal. - Okay? 687 00:50:05,046 --> 00:50:07,923 Yeah. Until we meet again, my dear Ariel. 688 00:50:08,091 --> 00:50:09,633 Yes. 689 00:50:09,801 --> 00:50:11,385 - Ha, ha. - Goodbye. 690 00:50:12,971 --> 00:50:14,763 Watch out. Don't slip. 691 00:50:26,526 --> 00:50:29,862 Well, Gustafson, looks like the best man won. 692 00:50:32,323 --> 00:50:35,534 Ah. You always were a lousy loser. 693 00:50:37,495 --> 00:50:39,121 He's dead. 694 00:50:39,956 --> 00:50:42,791 - What? Who? - Chuck. 695 00:50:42,959 --> 00:50:44,626 Chuck? How? 696 00:50:45,962 --> 00:50:47,755 Last night in his sleep. 697 00:50:47,922 --> 00:50:49,840 In his sleep. 698 00:50:51,092 --> 00:50:52,634 Lucky bastard. 699 00:50:52,802 --> 00:50:56,055 Of course, you might have known if you hadn't been out with that minx. 700 00:50:56,222 --> 00:50:59,641 Hey, it ain't my fault. Chuck was a friend of mine too. 701 00:50:59,809 --> 00:51:02,770 You call yourself a friend? You bastard. 702 00:51:02,937 --> 00:51:05,105 Hey, watch your mouth, you dumb frigging Swede. 703 00:51:05,273 --> 00:51:07,524 Look, don't tell me what to do, huh? 704 00:51:07,692 --> 00:51:09,735 Yeah, yeah. Big man with the ax in your hand. 705 00:51:09,903 --> 00:51:13,655 Ax? All right, fine. You wanna clock me? You think you can take me? Come on. 706 00:51:13,823 --> 00:51:16,950 - All right. 1 937, at Todd Field... - Oh, for God's sake. 707 00:51:17,118 --> 00:51:21,663 ...I kicked your ass after football practice when you stole my liniment. 708 00:51:21,831 --> 00:51:25,334 - I kicked your ass and I can do it again. - Bullshit. 709 00:51:25,502 --> 00:51:27,503 Give it your best shot, shrimp. 710 00:51:30,674 --> 00:51:32,424 It's not worth the effort. 711 00:51:33,843 --> 00:51:35,844 Get out of there. 712 00:51:44,104 --> 00:51:45,270 Damn. 713 00:51:46,439 --> 00:51:49,858 He has the intelligence quotient of a newt. 714 00:52:03,998 --> 00:52:06,709 Shrimp thinks he can get funny with me. 715 00:52:08,169 --> 00:52:09,670 Left hook... 716 00:52:09,838 --> 00:52:11,547 ...right cross... 717 00:52:11,715 --> 00:52:13,257 ...and dump him. 718 00:52:18,763 --> 00:52:20,639 Oh, Chuck. 719 00:52:23,643 --> 00:52:26,228 I'm gonna kill him. 720 00:52:27,022 --> 00:52:29,398 God damn you, Goldman, you... 721 00:52:30,775 --> 00:52:32,067 John Gustafson? 722 00:52:32,235 --> 00:52:34,820 I'm Elliot Snyder of the Internal Revenue Service. 723 00:52:34,988 --> 00:52:37,489 I'm asking you to accompany me to my office. 724 00:53:18,990 --> 00:53:20,032 Slick? 725 00:54:00,824 --> 00:54:02,825 - Oh! - Hi. 726 00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:06,453 I was wondering where you were. 727 00:54:06,621 --> 00:54:08,247 I, uh... 728 00:54:08,415 --> 00:54:11,333 I had a little, uh, business. 729 00:54:11,501 --> 00:54:13,627 Oh, I hope it went all right. 730 00:54:14,963 --> 00:54:16,922 Yeah. Uh, wh... What are you doing? 731 00:54:17,090 --> 00:54:19,174 Cooking. Ha, ha. 732 00:54:19,342 --> 00:54:21,677 Cooking. Yes, yeah. That's... 733 00:54:25,098 --> 00:54:27,266 Oh, wait a minute. I can't have anything spicy. 734 00:54:27,434 --> 00:54:29,685 I mean, if it's too exciting, I'm up all night. 735 00:54:30,395 --> 00:54:33,105 Good. I'm making Sichuan. 736 00:54:34,524 --> 00:54:37,776 Ah, gotcha. 737 00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:43,866 From the moment I saw you, I could feel that we had the same kind of aura. 738 00:54:44,034 --> 00:54:47,036 - That we share something special. - Teaching. 739 00:54:47,203 --> 00:54:49,913 Thirty-nine years I taught American history at Wabasha High. 740 00:54:50,081 --> 00:54:53,125 Oh. History, it's so romantic. 741 00:54:54,461 --> 00:54:57,004 Great dental plan. 742 00:55:01,009 --> 00:55:03,427 All the ideas that you brought to those young minds. 743 00:55:03,595 --> 00:55:06,180 Yeah, the kids think they know it all, right? 744 00:55:06,514 --> 00:55:09,350 Oh, once in a while you reach one. You touch them somehow. 745 00:55:09,517 --> 00:55:11,602 - I did that once. - Really? 746 00:55:11,770 --> 00:55:13,729 It was my Roosevelt's New Deal lecture. 747 00:55:13,897 --> 00:55:16,899 I touched a kid on the back of his head while he was snoring. 748 00:55:17,067 --> 00:55:18,859 - Ha, ha. - You're so bad. 749 00:55:22,238 --> 00:55:23,989 You know, uh... 750 00:55:25,533 --> 00:55:29,036 - Chuck, he... - Mm. 751 00:55:31,414 --> 00:55:33,916 - I know. - Oh. 752 00:55:34,084 --> 00:55:38,170 We can be thanKful that we had the privilege of knowing him... 753 00:55:38,338 --> 00:55:39,922 ...while he was here. 754 00:55:41,883 --> 00:55:46,178 Yeah. 755 00:55:48,306 --> 00:55:49,640 To Chuck. 756 00:55:50,767 --> 00:55:52,851 Yes, to Chuck. 757 00:56:03,530 --> 00:56:06,281 Thank you, John. It was a wonderful evening. 758 00:56:06,449 --> 00:56:08,033 Thank you, Ariel. 759 00:56:26,094 --> 00:56:29,138 - Now, Pop, you think I should I call her? - What? 760 00:56:29,305 --> 00:56:30,848 - What? - The woman. 761 00:56:31,099 --> 00:56:34,309 Well, let me tell you something, John. 762 00:56:34,519 --> 00:56:37,229 That the first 90 years or so... 763 00:56:37,397 --> 00:56:40,315 ...they go by pretty fast. - Ha, ha. Yeah? 764 00:56:40,483 --> 00:56:43,819 - What? - The first 90 years, they go by pretty fast. 765 00:56:43,987 --> 00:56:47,156 Yeah, but how would you know? You're just a damn kid. 766 00:56:47,323 --> 00:56:49,199 Well, I didn't say it, you did. 767 00:56:49,367 --> 00:56:52,119 - Well, they do. They go fast. - Okay. All right. 768 00:56:52,287 --> 00:56:54,288 - Then one day you wake up... - Yeah? 769 00:56:54,456 --> 00:56:56,040 ...and you realize... 770 00:56:56,207 --> 00:56:59,251 ...ha, ha, that you're not 81 anymore. 771 00:56:59,419 --> 00:57:02,338 And then you begin to count the minutes rather than the days... 772 00:57:02,505 --> 00:57:06,300 ...and you realize that pretty soon you'll be gone. 773 00:57:06,468 --> 00:57:09,845 And that all you have, see, is the experiences. 774 00:57:10,013 --> 00:57:13,766 That's all there is, Johnny. Everything. The experiences. 775 00:57:19,314 --> 00:57:21,690 You mount the woman, son. Ha, ha. 776 00:57:23,234 --> 00:57:24,860 Or else, uh... 777 00:57:25,028 --> 00:57:27,363 ...send her out to me, huh? 778 00:58:08,822 --> 00:58:11,782 I happened to come by these two tickets for the Gopher game. 779 00:58:14,285 --> 00:58:16,161 So, Ariel, uh... 780 00:58:16,329 --> 00:58:19,081 ...ever play much ice hockey? Ha-ha-ha. 781 00:58:20,500 --> 00:58:23,544 - Ah, schmuck. SNYDER: Mr. Gustafson. 782 00:58:23,712 --> 00:58:27,715 Mr. Gustafson. We had an appointment. 783 00:58:36,766 --> 00:58:39,560 JOHN: There she is. Wabasha. 784 00:58:41,312 --> 00:58:42,438 ARIEL: Hmm. 785 00:58:42,605 --> 00:58:45,065 It is just beautiful. 786 00:58:45,233 --> 00:58:49,403 Yeah. Yeah, from up here. I used to camp out up here when I was a kid. 787 00:58:53,158 --> 00:58:54,616 What are you thinking? 788 00:58:54,784 --> 00:58:56,869 Oh, I'm sorry. I just... 789 00:58:57,662 --> 00:58:58,996 It's the snow. 790 00:59:00,790 --> 00:59:03,917 Reminded me of the Iast Christmas I spent with my husband. 791 00:59:09,466 --> 00:59:12,343 - Are you all right? - Yes, an angel. 792 00:59:12,510 --> 00:59:15,512 - What? - I'm making a snow angel, remember? 793 00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:17,264 Oh. Oh, yeah. 794 00:59:17,432 --> 00:59:19,099 Yeah. I remember. 795 00:59:19,267 --> 00:59:20,809 ARIEL: Whoo! 796 00:59:28,234 --> 00:59:30,152 Hey. 797 00:59:33,031 --> 00:59:34,823 Do you believe in angels? 798 00:59:35,575 --> 00:59:37,242 - Oh, yeah. - Uh-huh? 799 00:59:37,410 --> 00:59:39,620 - Oh, they're all around us. - Yeah? 800 00:59:39,788 --> 00:59:43,415 Mm-hm. You've got to look hard but they're there... 801 00:59:44,709 --> 00:59:47,670 ...whenever anything good happens to us. 802 00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:50,464 I think I see one. 803 01:00:08,942 --> 01:00:11,652 WOMAN : Look at how large Papa's bald spot is. 804 01:00:11,820 --> 01:00:15,072 MAN : Actually does look like hair growing there. 805 01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:19,535 - You could imagine problems that will become reality. 806 01:00:40,306 --> 01:00:44,351 MAN 2 : Give it all you've got. Again and again and again. 807 01:00:47,063 --> 01:00:48,272 Aha. 808 01:00:49,190 --> 01:00:51,567 I'll have you mated in three moves. 809 01:00:51,735 --> 01:00:54,987 Shouldn't we get to know each other a little better first? 810 01:00:58,700 --> 01:01:02,036 Oh, you have a wonderful smile. You should wear it more often. 811 01:01:02,203 --> 01:01:03,996 Yeah? L... I... 812 01:01:04,164 --> 01:01:06,915 I bring it out on special occasions. Heh. 813 01:01:07,083 --> 01:01:08,334 Hmm. 814 01:01:10,003 --> 01:01:11,211 Tell me, who's this? 815 01:01:11,379 --> 01:01:13,422 - What? - Over here. 816 01:01:13,590 --> 01:01:16,008 - Oh, that's my dad. That's Pop. - Oh. 817 01:01:16,176 --> 01:01:19,094 The handsome guy right behind him. You know him, I think, don't you? 818 01:01:19,262 --> 01:01:22,348 My daughter Melanie and her mother, and Melanie and her husband, Mike. 819 01:01:22,515 --> 01:01:24,016 - She's beautiful. - Yeah. 820 01:01:24,184 --> 01:01:26,268 Now, these people over here? 821 01:01:26,436 --> 01:01:29,313 Ah, the little girl is Alexandra, my granddaughter. 822 01:01:29,481 --> 01:01:33,108 - And my son, Brian. - Oh, he's so handsome. 823 01:01:33,735 --> 01:01:35,402 Lost him in Vietnam. 824 01:01:35,570 --> 01:01:38,947 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - Oh, that's okay. It's all right. It's okay. 825 01:01:39,741 --> 01:01:41,075 And these little guys. 826 01:01:41,242 --> 01:01:44,119 - Oh, ha. That's me and the moron. - Max? 827 01:01:44,287 --> 01:01:46,538 - Of course it's Max. He's ugly isn't he? - Ha, ha! 828 01:01:46,706 --> 01:01:48,749 ARIEL: Oh, you mean you were friends? 829 01:01:48,917 --> 01:01:51,126 Well, I was 1 0. I didn't know any better. 830 01:01:52,545 --> 01:01:55,964 What can make two grown men spend most of their lives fighting each other? 831 01:01:56,132 --> 01:01:58,175 - Oh, guess. - Awoman. 832 01:01:58,343 --> 01:02:00,719 - Uh, yeah. - How romantic. 833 01:02:00,887 --> 01:02:04,640 Oh, no, it wasn't romantic at all. It was... Ah, well. 834 01:02:06,643 --> 01:02:09,061 What did I know? I was just a kid. 835 01:02:09,229 --> 01:02:11,563 Which I am not anymore. 836 01:02:26,204 --> 01:02:28,288 I think it's kind of late. 837 01:02:29,833 --> 01:02:32,918 Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. I guess... 838 01:02:33,086 --> 01:02:34,712 It's time for bed. 839 01:02:39,426 --> 01:02:42,428 God, you are dumb, dumb, dumb. 840 01:02:46,933 --> 01:02:49,143 Ariel, I'm sorry that... 841 01:02:53,690 --> 01:02:55,315 I thought you said... 842 01:02:55,483 --> 01:02:57,860 I said it's time for bed. 843 01:02:59,029 --> 01:03:01,655 - Well, wait a minute. What about... - What? 844 01:03:01,823 --> 01:03:03,699 Well, you know, you've been seeing... 845 01:03:03,867 --> 01:03:05,409 - Max? - Yeah, Max. 846 01:03:05,577 --> 01:03:07,202 He's just my friend. 847 01:03:08,121 --> 01:03:10,789 Uh, yeah, but, uh... 848 01:03:10,957 --> 01:03:13,000 The last man that I slept with was my husband. 849 01:03:13,168 --> 01:03:14,543 Uh... 850 01:03:17,130 --> 01:03:19,840 Oh, God. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. 851 01:03:24,179 --> 01:03:25,971 I'm not prepared. 852 01:03:26,765 --> 01:03:30,476 See, these days, they say you have to do safe sex. 853 01:03:32,062 --> 01:03:34,313 John, when was the last time you made love? 854 01:03:36,608 --> 01:03:38,901 October 4. 855 01:03:42,405 --> 01:03:43,781 1 978. 856 01:03:45,825 --> 01:03:48,577 Oh, I think we're safe. 857 01:04:19,609 --> 01:04:20,943 ARIEL: Max! 858 01:04:21,111 --> 01:04:22,528 Good morning. 859 01:04:23,988 --> 01:04:25,364 Oh, are those for me? 860 01:04:25,532 --> 01:04:28,909 - Oh, yeah. - They're just beautiful. Thank you. 861 01:04:29,536 --> 01:04:32,037 - They're for you. I got them for you. - Thank you. 862 01:04:32,205 --> 01:04:34,790 Thank you. How sweet. 863 01:04:35,375 --> 01:04:37,001 I... 864 01:04:38,420 --> 01:04:40,087 ...got them for you. 865 01:04:46,469 --> 01:04:48,262 Snake in the grass. 866 01:05:31,514 --> 01:05:33,891 Burn, baby, burn. 867 01:06:22,065 --> 01:06:23,857 JOHN: How you doing, Punky? 868 01:06:26,528 --> 01:06:27,569 MAX: Creep. 869 01:07:19,914 --> 01:07:23,584 Holy shit. Max. Stop the car, you idiot! 870 01:07:24,085 --> 01:07:27,046 Look out, Goldman's gone nuts. Look out! 871 01:07:27,213 --> 01:07:29,715 - Look out! Look out! - Aah! 872 01:07:31,259 --> 01:07:34,303 - Max, you've really lost it. - Dirty little bastard. 873 01:07:34,471 --> 01:07:37,139 Are you out of your mind? Max! 874 01:07:38,308 --> 01:07:39,641 JOHN: Oh, my God! 875 01:07:51,404 --> 01:07:52,821 Yes! 876 01:07:58,203 --> 01:07:59,661 Oh, no. 877 01:08:04,501 --> 01:08:06,585 He belongs in a rubber room. 878 01:08:13,385 --> 01:08:15,803 I fixed your fishing pole. 879 01:08:15,970 --> 01:08:18,514 Who cares about a damn fishing pole? 880 01:08:18,682 --> 01:08:20,516 You can shove that pole. 881 01:08:20,684 --> 01:08:24,144 You think a lousy old pole is gonna replace her? 882 01:08:27,607 --> 01:08:28,941 Are you crazy? 883 01:08:30,777 --> 01:08:34,363 Don't egg him on. Go back to your fishing and leave him alone, all right? 884 01:08:34,531 --> 01:08:35,989 - We'll settle this thing. - Aargh! 885 01:08:36,157 --> 01:08:38,325 Max, cut it out. 886 01:08:43,540 --> 01:08:46,166 Shrimp, you're not going anywhere. 887 01:08:50,046 --> 01:08:51,463 MAX: Come on. Aah! - Aah! 888 01:09:00,557 --> 01:09:04,643 - Oh, you broke my nose! - I didn't break your damn nose. 889 01:09:05,937 --> 01:09:08,647 Look at that. What the hell has gotten into you? 890 01:09:08,815 --> 01:09:10,733 - You stole her, didn't you? - What? 891 01:09:10,900 --> 01:09:12,317 She's mine. 892 01:09:12,902 --> 01:09:14,111 - Says who? - Says me. 893 01:09:14,279 --> 01:09:15,988 Yeah? Well, she came to me. 894 01:09:16,156 --> 01:09:19,324 Bull. You're trying to steal her away, just like you did May. 895 01:09:19,492 --> 01:09:22,661 Oh, for God's sake. Could I remind you, Einstein, May was no prize. 896 01:09:22,829 --> 01:09:25,581 - She was to me. - I was married to the woman 20 years. 897 01:09:25,749 --> 01:09:27,541 - She was no prize. - She was to me. 898 01:09:27,709 --> 01:09:30,669 Yeah. Well, that's why you're a moron. If you'd ended up with May... 899 01:09:30,837 --> 01:09:33,505 ...you never would have had Amy. And Amy was a good woman. 900 01:09:33,673 --> 01:09:36,425 - She was the best. - And more loyal than May ever was. 901 01:09:36,593 --> 01:09:37,676 - Absolutely. - So. 902 01:09:37,844 --> 01:09:39,345 - So what? - Huh? 903 01:09:39,512 --> 01:09:41,347 What? 904 01:09:42,223 --> 01:09:44,266 - Huh? - So? 905 01:09:44,434 --> 01:09:45,601 What? 906 01:09:47,270 --> 01:09:50,230 - What? - What? 907 01:09:50,398 --> 01:09:52,107 Did you... 908 01:09:53,735 --> 01:09:55,402 Well, did you? 909 01:09:55,570 --> 01:09:56,904 What? 910 01:09:57,072 --> 01:09:58,364 You know. 911 01:09:58,531 --> 01:10:02,785 - Oh, that's a private matter. - Private, my foot. Did you? 912 01:10:02,952 --> 01:10:04,787 - That's all I can tell you. - You better tell me. 913 01:10:04,954 --> 01:10:07,623 All right, we did the horizontal mambo! We danced it! 914 01:10:07,791 --> 01:10:10,709 It was the greatest sex I ever had in my life. All right, are you happy? 915 01:10:10,877 --> 01:10:13,212 - You... - Oh, shit! Shit! 916 01:10:23,890 --> 01:10:27,101 Hey! Drop that fish. 917 01:10:27,268 --> 01:10:30,396 Huh? Mr. Gustafson. 918 01:10:30,563 --> 01:10:34,233 Don't make me have to separate you two again, damn it. 919 01:10:35,568 --> 01:10:40,406 Now go to your shanties, all of you. You're scaring the fish away. 920 01:10:40,949 --> 01:10:42,157 Damn kids. 921 01:10:44,869 --> 01:10:48,205 GRANDPA: Kids. You can't live with them, can't shoot them. 922 01:10:51,543 --> 01:10:56,005 How you gonna take care of her, huh, Gustafson? Huh? 923 01:10:56,172 --> 01:11:00,426 How are you gonna support her when the IRS takes your house away? 924 01:11:04,514 --> 01:11:08,392 I can't wait around for anotherAmy. I ain't got time. 925 01:11:59,903 --> 01:12:03,489 JOHN: Okay, Max. This time you win. 926 01:12:27,889 --> 01:12:29,056 - Hi there. - Ariel, uh... 927 01:12:29,224 --> 01:12:31,058 If you're not going to keep our date tonight... 928 01:12:31,226 --> 01:12:33,560 ...I'm bringing the date to you. - Huh? 929 01:12:34,270 --> 01:12:37,606 You promised that you would come over and give me the New Deal lecture... 930 01:12:37,774 --> 01:12:40,025 - and like a good student... - Uh, what's that? 931 01:12:41,152 --> 01:12:42,569 It's a gift. 932 01:12:43,613 --> 01:12:45,239 A snow angel. 933 01:12:46,616 --> 01:12:48,283 You inspired it. 934 01:12:53,123 --> 01:12:54,415 I can't accept it. 935 01:12:55,875 --> 01:12:57,251 Why not? 936 01:12:58,878 --> 01:13:01,338 I, uh... It doesn't... It... 937 01:13:03,341 --> 01:13:06,969 Ariel, I think it might be a very good idea if we didn't see each other. 938 01:13:07,137 --> 01:13:09,471 I mean, for a while. Anyway. 939 01:13:09,639 --> 01:13:12,933 You know, give each of us a chance to be alone and... 940 01:13:13,101 --> 01:13:14,643 But I thought... 941 01:13:14,811 --> 01:13:16,979 Ah, goddamn it. Look, Ariel, please. 942 01:13:17,147 --> 01:13:20,149 - First place, I'm too old for you. Okay? - What does that...? 943 01:13:20,316 --> 01:13:23,402 Mainly, I don't like you coming over here any time you feel like it. 944 01:13:23,570 --> 01:13:26,822 I don't like you hanging around here all day long, damn it. 945 01:13:27,741 --> 01:13:30,617 Look, I'm not like you. L... I'm not afraid to be alone. 946 01:13:30,785 --> 01:13:32,828 I am not afraid to be alone. 947 01:13:32,996 --> 01:13:36,206 I just prefer to experience things... 948 01:13:36,374 --> 01:13:39,877 ...and not just watch them on television or looking out the windows like you do. 949 01:13:40,045 --> 01:13:42,755 Don't you understand? I like being alone. 950 01:13:42,922 --> 01:13:44,631 Oh, I understand. 951 01:13:44,799 --> 01:13:46,342 I understand completely. 952 01:13:46,509 --> 01:13:48,010 You don't know a damn thing about me. 953 01:13:48,178 --> 01:13:50,179 I do too. 954 01:13:50,347 --> 01:13:53,474 And I also know that the only things in life that you regret... 955 01:13:53,641 --> 01:13:55,476 ...are the risks that you don't take. 956 01:13:55,643 --> 01:13:59,646 Oh, but you wouldn't understand that. Because you're too pig-headed. 957 01:14:46,486 --> 01:14:48,153 Oh, damn. 958 01:14:48,321 --> 01:14:49,530 JACOB: Hi, John. 959 01:14:52,742 --> 01:14:54,576 - John. JOHN: Yeah? 960 01:14:54,744 --> 01:14:56,745 - How are you doing? - Hey, Jakey. 961 01:14:56,913 --> 01:14:59,581 - Merry Christmas. - Congratulations on the election. 962 01:14:59,749 --> 01:15:02,376 Thanks. That's kind of old news though, John. Where you been? 963 01:15:02,544 --> 01:15:06,755 Ah, well, I had all of this stuff that I had to get taken care of. I, uh... 964 01:15:06,923 --> 01:15:09,925 Oh, hey, listen. Melanie said that she's gonna come by tonight. 965 01:15:10,093 --> 01:15:11,677 You, know, Christmas Eve. Around 9:00. 966 01:15:11,845 --> 01:15:14,430 - Is that right? - Yeah. So why don't you drop over later? 967 01:15:14,597 --> 01:15:16,974 - Yeah. Well, I'll do that. - Okay. 968 01:15:31,489 --> 01:15:33,866 Come spring, this neighborhood will be a lot safer... 969 01:15:34,034 --> 01:15:36,285 ...without that snowmobile around. 970 01:15:36,453 --> 01:15:38,454 Hi, Jacob. Hello, putz. 971 01:15:38,621 --> 01:15:40,372 Hey, Pop. 972 01:15:40,540 --> 01:15:42,541 Merry Christmas, John. 973 01:15:43,960 --> 01:15:45,169 Ariel. 974 01:15:46,755 --> 01:15:50,132 Hey, Gustafson, your cat crapped on my steps again. 975 01:15:50,300 --> 01:15:52,593 Yeah? Who says you can't train a cat? 976 01:15:52,761 --> 01:15:54,970 Ah, yeah? Well, that's a warning. 977 01:15:55,138 --> 01:15:57,598 Don't let it happen again or I'll punch you in the nose. 978 01:15:57,766 --> 01:16:00,100 - Pop. MAX: He started it. 979 01:16:00,268 --> 01:16:02,144 JOHN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 980 01:16:18,495 --> 01:16:21,830 Hey. Where's Santa's favorite little girl, huh? 981 01:16:21,998 --> 01:16:24,667 - Merry Christmas, Dad. - Merry... 982 01:16:24,834 --> 01:16:26,752 Come on, sweetheart. Hi, John. 983 01:16:28,922 --> 01:16:30,673 What, no twinkle lights? 984 01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:33,801 Huh? Yeah, well, I, uh... 985 01:16:33,968 --> 01:16:35,803 I forgot about them this year. 986 01:16:38,014 --> 01:16:39,515 - Be polite. - Yeah. 987 01:16:39,683 --> 01:16:41,517 - Hey, John. - Mike. 988 01:16:41,685 --> 01:16:43,686 - Merry, uh... - Christmas. 989 01:16:43,853 --> 01:16:45,688 JOHN: Yeah, Christmas. 990 01:16:46,523 --> 01:16:48,273 Can I put Allie in your bed? 991 01:16:48,441 --> 01:16:50,526 JOHN: Yeah, sure. MIKE: Good night, baby. 992 01:16:50,694 --> 01:16:53,362 MELANIE: Bedtime. Say good night to Grandpa. 993 01:16:53,530 --> 01:16:54,947 ALEXANDRA: Good night, Grandpa. 994 01:16:57,117 --> 01:16:58,867 So how you been? 995 01:16:59,035 --> 01:17:01,537 Lousy. Thought you two were getting a divorce. 996 01:17:01,705 --> 01:17:03,872 MELANIE: Dad! MIKE: Ha. 997 01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:06,500 Uh, actually, it's only a separation. 998 01:17:07,377 --> 01:17:11,046 I had to get some things worked out for myself before we could work on us. 999 01:17:12,048 --> 01:17:14,216 Did you get it worked out? 1000 01:17:15,552 --> 01:17:17,803 Uh... Uh, yeah. 1001 01:17:17,971 --> 01:17:20,848 You know, as far as I can tell. 1002 01:17:23,268 --> 01:17:25,019 Damn, that's great, Mike. 1003 01:17:26,312 --> 01:17:28,772 Maybe the rest of us should just put our lives on hold... 1004 01:17:28,940 --> 01:17:32,109 ...for the next two, three weeks while you oil yourself up with enough booze... 1005 01:17:32,277 --> 01:17:36,071 ...and bullshit that you can make your mind up. Shall we do that? Huh? 1006 01:17:39,117 --> 01:17:41,160 Uh, heh. 1007 01:17:41,327 --> 01:17:43,078 You know... 1008 01:17:43,246 --> 01:17:44,830 ...maybe I'll grab a beer. 1009 01:17:44,998 --> 01:17:47,416 Yeah, you grab a beer. It's in the fridge. 1010 01:17:50,295 --> 01:17:52,504 What had gotten into you? JOHN: I don't know. 1011 01:17:52,672 --> 01:17:54,590 Grab me one too. 1012 01:17:54,758 --> 01:17:57,051 Dad, try and understand. 1013 01:17:57,218 --> 01:17:59,887 He showed up last night. Says he's gotten himself straightened out. 1014 01:18:00,055 --> 01:18:04,933 What do I know? I'm 68-year-old man. I got no house, no wife, no pension. 1015 01:18:05,101 --> 01:18:07,269 What are you talking about? 1016 01:18:07,437 --> 01:18:09,646 Look, I don't know one damn thing, but I know this: 1017 01:18:09,814 --> 01:18:14,610 The only things in this life that you really regret are the risks you didn't take. 1018 01:18:14,778 --> 01:18:16,779 And, God, Mel, if you see a chance to be happy... 1019 01:18:16,946 --> 01:18:20,908 ...you grab it with both hands and to hell with the consequences. 1020 01:18:22,243 --> 01:18:23,786 Okay? 1021 01:18:24,788 --> 01:18:26,288 Okay. 1022 01:18:28,291 --> 01:18:31,293 Uh, Dad? I'll be damned if I can find a bottle opener. 1023 01:18:34,631 --> 01:18:37,966 Sweetheart, I'm gonna walk down to Slippery's. 1024 01:18:40,470 --> 01:18:41,679 What? 1025 01:18:44,224 --> 01:18:46,141 MELANIE: Dad... 1026 01:18:47,310 --> 01:18:49,728 Oh, hey, Jakey. Merry Christmas. 1027 01:18:49,896 --> 01:18:51,188 Merry Christmas. 1028 01:18:53,066 --> 01:18:54,566 Uh, is this a bad time? 1029 01:18:54,734 --> 01:18:56,819 I'm sorry, Jacob. 1030 01:18:56,986 --> 01:19:00,114 I don't know what's wrong with him. He just exploded. 1031 01:19:00,281 --> 01:19:02,074 Do you want me to go after him? 1032 01:19:02,242 --> 01:19:03,409 No, no. That's okay. 1033 01:19:03,576 --> 01:19:05,744 He'll cool off down at Slippery's. Come on in. 1034 01:19:08,164 --> 01:19:09,999 What's that? 1035 01:19:10,166 --> 01:19:12,209 Oh, this is, uh, broccoli. 1036 01:19:12,377 --> 01:19:14,545 Pop didn't have mistletoe, so I... 1037 01:19:20,844 --> 01:19:23,345 Mike! Hey! You're next, big guy. 1038 01:19:23,513 --> 01:19:26,640 - Heh. Hi, Stinky. - Ha. 1039 01:19:27,517 --> 01:19:30,811 I, uh... I just came by to wish you all a Merry Christmas. 1040 01:19:30,979 --> 01:19:33,856 Oh, that was sweet, Jacob. Wasn't that sweet, Mike? 1041 01:19:34,024 --> 01:19:36,692 Yeah. Sweet and short. 1042 01:19:38,945 --> 01:19:41,572 - Well, I... - Ha, ha. 1043 01:19:41,740 --> 01:19:44,116 JACOB: Uh... - Ha, ha. 1044 01:19:44,284 --> 01:19:46,076 Uh, good to see you, Mike. 1045 01:19:47,287 --> 01:19:49,288 Uh, Jacob? JACOB: Yeah? 1046 01:19:50,457 --> 01:19:53,459 - Could I ask you a favor? JACOB: Sure. 1047 01:19:53,668 --> 01:19:58,047 Could you have a word with your dad? See if they can't make up for Christmas. 1048 01:20:01,134 --> 01:20:02,843 Uh, yeah, sure. Absolutely. 1049 01:20:03,011 --> 01:20:05,220 MELANIE: That would be great. 1050 01:20:07,515 --> 01:20:09,975 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 1051 01:20:18,026 --> 01:20:21,195 - Over at the Gustafsons'? - Yeah. 1052 01:20:23,740 --> 01:20:26,241 - Melanie there? - Uh-huh. 1053 01:20:28,161 --> 01:20:30,621 She, uh... She look good? 1054 01:20:31,289 --> 01:20:34,541 Very. She also looks to still be married. 1055 01:20:34,709 --> 01:20:36,710 What? Mike's back? 1056 01:20:36,878 --> 01:20:38,337 Looks that way. 1057 01:20:39,464 --> 01:20:43,258 You know, Melanie said that John just exploded and walked out. 1058 01:20:44,469 --> 01:20:47,262 - So? - So, what's going on? 1059 01:20:47,430 --> 01:20:50,516 Nothing that shouldn't have happened years ago. 1060 01:20:52,977 --> 01:20:54,103 Pop... 1061 01:20:56,731 --> 01:21:00,275 He tried to steal her away from me, but I won. 1062 01:21:01,277 --> 01:21:03,362 Could you at least, uh, talk to him? 1063 01:21:06,616 --> 01:21:09,952 My door is open. He knows where to find me. 1064 01:21:11,871 --> 01:21:13,330 He started it. 1065 01:21:14,416 --> 01:21:17,543 I don't care who started it, you're gonna end it. 1066 01:21:17,711 --> 01:21:19,920 I don't like him. I never liked him. 1067 01:21:20,088 --> 01:21:22,715 You know, it's Christmas, Pop, all right? 1068 01:21:22,882 --> 01:21:25,801 At least you could go down to Slippery's and make peace with the man. 1069 01:21:27,178 --> 01:21:29,805 I'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt. 1070 01:21:33,810 --> 01:21:37,813 This 1 ,500-pound moose is the real thing, folks. 1071 01:21:37,981 --> 01:21:42,151 Reared by local volunteer firefighter, Peter Carlson, of Wabasha... 1072 01:21:42,318 --> 01:21:46,613 ...who found it injured on a hunting trip, brought it home, and brought it up... 1073 01:21:48,074 --> 01:21:49,616 MAX: Merry Christmas. 1074 01:22:08,261 --> 01:22:09,511 Moron. 1075 01:22:09,846 --> 01:22:11,180 Putz. 1076 01:22:12,057 --> 01:22:13,390 Thank you, Lou. 1077 01:22:15,935 --> 01:22:19,980 Jacob says that Michael and Melanie are, uh, gonna get back together again. 1078 01:22:20,148 --> 01:22:22,691 Well, Jacob doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. 1079 01:22:22,859 --> 01:22:24,943 Melanie is getting a divorce. 1080 01:22:26,529 --> 01:22:29,531 Ah. Yeah, well, uh... 1081 01:22:29,699 --> 01:22:33,285 ...I got a couple of things I want to tell you. - Yeah? 1082 01:22:33,453 --> 01:22:36,372 The reason I came down here tonight is... 1083 01:22:36,539 --> 01:22:38,207 ...I wanted to tell you... 1084 01:22:38,375 --> 01:22:40,125 Spit it out. I haven't got all night. 1085 01:22:40,293 --> 01:22:41,794 - Don't shout. - I'm not shouting. 1086 01:22:41,961 --> 01:22:45,964 Bust my tuchus to get down here on Christmas Eve to thank you... 1087 01:22:46,132 --> 01:22:48,258 ...and all you can do is shout at me. - Wait. 1088 01:22:48,426 --> 01:22:50,052 To thank me? 1089 01:22:50,553 --> 01:22:53,222 All right, I take it back. I don't thank you. 1090 01:22:53,390 --> 01:22:57,518 Oh, for... Jesus, it's impossible. Impossible. 1091 01:23:03,942 --> 01:23:05,401 Look, Goldman... 1092 01:23:07,445 --> 01:23:09,363 I want to ask you something. 1093 01:23:09,572 --> 01:23:14,076 Well, what? I ain't got all night, either. I'm just as busy as you are. 1094 01:23:14,244 --> 01:23:17,037 Listen, do you love her? 1095 01:23:17,205 --> 01:23:20,416 Do I love her? What the hell does that have to do with anything? 1096 01:23:20,583 --> 01:23:22,710 It would make the whole thing worthwhile. 1097 01:23:22,877 --> 01:23:24,670 You know something, Gustafson? 1098 01:23:24,838 --> 01:23:28,215 Sometimes I think you've lost whatever frigging marbles you ever had. 1099 01:23:28,383 --> 01:23:31,385 What do you think you did, walk on coals for me? 1100 01:23:31,553 --> 01:23:35,097 Gave me back my old fishing pole and I told you, "thank you." 1101 01:23:35,265 --> 01:23:37,599 - Fishing pole? - Yes. 1102 01:23:37,767 --> 01:23:39,935 - Pisses me off you had to break it first. - Oh, my God. 1103 01:23:40,103 --> 01:23:41,979 - But schmuck that you are... - Ha, ha. Aah! 1104 01:23:42,147 --> 01:23:45,065 ...I suppose I gotta be realistic. What the hell is so funny? 1105 01:23:45,233 --> 01:23:48,777 You are so butt-blind, you think this whole thing is about a stupid fishing pole? 1106 01:23:48,945 --> 01:23:50,404 - What's it about then? - Forget it. 1107 01:23:50,572 --> 01:23:52,781 What do you mean forget it? Don't give me that crap. 1108 01:23:52,949 --> 01:23:55,409 - I wanna know. - You really wanna know? 1109 01:23:55,577 --> 01:23:57,703 Yes, yes! 1110 01:24:03,293 --> 01:24:05,085 Ariel. 1111 01:24:05,253 --> 01:24:06,879 What about her? 1112 01:24:08,882 --> 01:24:11,216 You made me feel sorry for you. 1113 01:24:13,345 --> 01:24:16,930 She chose me. She did. 1114 01:24:17,098 --> 01:24:20,142 And if anybody says otherwise they're damn liars. 1115 01:24:20,310 --> 01:24:23,270 JOHN: What's the difference? You got her anyway. 1116 01:24:29,194 --> 01:24:32,071 - Heh. - What the hell are you looking at? 1117 01:24:45,001 --> 01:24:46,460 Stupid moron. 1118 01:24:47,545 --> 01:24:50,339 Complete idiot. Ah. 1119 01:25:16,658 --> 01:25:19,201 It makes a difference, damn it. 1120 01:25:43,893 --> 01:25:45,978 Dirty rat. Little turd. 1121 01:25:54,320 --> 01:25:55,988 Oh, my God. 1122 01:25:56,156 --> 01:25:57,740 Hey, John! 1123 01:25:58,450 --> 01:26:01,410 John. 1124 01:26:01,578 --> 01:26:02,911 Are you dead? 1125 01:26:04,914 --> 01:26:09,501 Not yet. But I don't wanna die looking at your ugly face. 1126 01:26:09,669 --> 01:26:12,588 You stay there. You stay right there. 1127 01:26:13,590 --> 01:26:16,133 Wait a minute. I'll be right back. 1128 01:26:22,015 --> 01:26:25,351 Help, help! It's an emergency. 1129 01:26:25,518 --> 01:26:29,646 Emergency. We need an ambulance. Somebody dial 911 . 1130 01:26:32,400 --> 01:26:33,859 MAX: Miss? 1131 01:26:34,027 --> 01:26:37,112 Miss, could you tell... Could you...? 1132 01:26:39,032 --> 01:26:41,408 Oh, nurse. Nurse? 1133 01:26:41,576 --> 01:26:43,327 Nurse? 1134 01:26:43,495 --> 01:26:46,121 Could you tell me where Mr. John Gustafson is? 1135 01:26:46,289 --> 01:26:48,040 Are you friend or family? 1136 01:26:48,875 --> 01:26:50,709 John Gus... What? 1137 01:26:51,670 --> 01:26:53,545 Are you friend or family, sir? 1138 01:26:57,759 --> 01:26:58,884 Uh... 1139 01:27:03,640 --> 01:27:04,890 Friend. 1140 01:27:39,259 --> 01:27:41,468 Merry Christmas, John. 1141 01:27:46,224 --> 01:27:47,683 You putz. 1142 01:28:03,867 --> 01:28:08,287 Well, you'd better have a good reason for standing me up this morning. 1143 01:28:12,083 --> 01:28:14,043 What's wrong? 1144 01:28:15,045 --> 01:28:16,587 Can I come in? 1145 01:28:19,049 --> 01:28:20,174 Sure. 1146 01:28:32,479 --> 01:28:33,729 ARIEL: Hi. 1147 01:28:34,939 --> 01:28:37,232 I know that you said that you wanted to get rid of me... 1148 01:28:37,400 --> 01:28:39,485 ...but isn't this a little drastic? 1149 01:28:47,702 --> 01:28:50,454 You know, my husband passed away at Easter. 1150 01:28:50,622 --> 01:28:52,790 And if you leave me at Christmas... 1151 01:28:52,957 --> 01:28:55,751 ...I won't have any kind of holidays to look forward to. 1152 01:28:55,919 --> 01:28:58,921 Except for maybe Thanksgiving and... 1153 01:28:59,881 --> 01:29:03,175 You know, I really... I'm not crazy about turkey. 1154 01:29:05,679 --> 01:29:07,346 So, what do you say? 1155 01:29:08,807 --> 01:29:09,973 Let's get out of here. 1156 01:29:10,141 --> 01:29:12,142 All right. 1157 01:29:22,278 --> 01:29:24,071 Okay, I can wait. 1158 01:29:31,746 --> 01:29:34,081 MAX: The guy could be dead tomorrow, for chrissake. 1159 01:29:34,249 --> 01:29:36,750 I'm sorry your friend is sick, Mr. Goldman... 1160 01:29:36,918 --> 01:29:40,295 ...but the court order is in and my hands are tied. 1161 01:29:40,463 --> 01:29:42,881 Check the bedroom. I want all that paperwork filed. 1162 01:29:43,049 --> 01:29:47,386 Gustafson's straight as a grizzly's dick. He'd never cheat on his taxes. Never. 1163 01:29:47,554 --> 01:29:49,722 It's not a matter of cheating. 1164 01:29:49,889 --> 01:29:52,141 It's a matter of, oh, miscalculation. 1165 01:29:52,308 --> 01:29:57,438 You friend received health benefits for 20 years while claiming as a married man. 1166 01:29:57,939 --> 01:30:00,941 Um, however, he omitted to inform us... 1167 01:30:01,109 --> 01:30:04,403 ...that his ex-wife had a part-time job for 11 of those 20 years. 1168 01:30:04,571 --> 01:30:06,989 Had he done so, we'd have informed him... 1169 01:30:07,157 --> 01:30:09,408 ...that, because of her income... 1170 01:30:09,576 --> 01:30:13,954 ...a larger portion of those benefits were subject, of course, to federal tax. 1171 01:30:14,122 --> 01:30:16,290 Ooh, about $1 3,000. 1172 01:30:16,458 --> 01:30:19,376 Thirteen thousand? Well, he can raise that. 1173 01:30:19,544 --> 01:30:21,337 However, uh... 1174 01:30:21,504 --> 01:30:24,506 ...that amount, when combined with... 1175 01:30:24,841 --> 01:30:29,970 ...11 years worth of interest, mandatory late charges, and penalties... 1176 01:30:30,513 --> 01:30:35,684 ...uh, comes out at about $57,000, ballpark. 1177 01:30:37,896 --> 01:30:39,855 He'd never find that. 1178 01:30:42,025 --> 01:30:44,735 He will when we sell his house. 1179 01:30:56,581 --> 01:31:00,751 Dirty rat. I'll show him. Picking on people. 1180 01:31:03,963 --> 01:31:06,840 SNYDER: Let's go, let's go. Hubba-hubba. 1181 01:31:07,008 --> 01:31:08,759 - Where's the Realtor? MAN: Get the door? 1182 01:31:08,927 --> 01:31:13,347 SNYDER: Listen, men, all the furniture goes to the auction house. 1183 01:31:13,515 --> 01:31:16,767 Any paperwork put in the back of my car, okay? 1184 01:31:16,935 --> 01:31:18,519 MAN: Yes, sir. 1185 01:31:18,687 --> 01:31:21,522 - Beautiful day, Mr. Goldman! - Hey, Snyder. 1186 01:31:21,690 --> 01:31:26,068 Do the world a favor and pull your lip over your head and swallow. 1187 01:31:30,740 --> 01:31:32,032 SNYDER: Asshole. 1188 01:31:34,035 --> 01:31:35,577 Bloodsuckers. 1189 01:31:36,579 --> 01:31:39,748 - Max, what's going on? - Morning, Ariel. 1190 01:31:40,500 --> 01:31:41,750 Anyone looking? 1191 01:31:42,627 --> 01:31:43,752 No, why? 1192 01:31:48,883 --> 01:31:52,553 SYNDER: I don't care. - We got a problem here, sir. 1193 01:31:52,971 --> 01:31:55,889 - What is it? - Somebody's barricaded the doors. 1194 01:31:56,474 --> 01:31:57,975 Wait a minute. 1195 01:31:58,143 --> 01:31:59,893 What?! 1196 01:32:00,061 --> 01:32:03,731 - Well, break it in. - Watch this. You'll get a kick out of this. 1197 01:32:03,898 --> 01:32:06,066 SNYDER: We'll see about this. 1198 01:32:08,361 --> 01:32:10,070 Yo, Ray. 1199 01:32:12,157 --> 01:32:15,200 This isn't gonna stop me, Mr. Goldman. 1200 01:32:16,369 --> 01:32:18,120 I got him right where I want him. 1201 01:32:27,922 --> 01:32:30,215 No. Jacob. 1202 01:32:30,383 --> 01:32:32,217 Got it, Pop. Just like you said. 1203 01:32:32,385 --> 01:32:35,304 - You don't understand. - No, no, it's good. I can handle it. 1204 01:32:36,681 --> 01:32:39,058 I'm Jacob Goldman, Mayor of Wabasha. 1205 01:32:39,225 --> 01:32:42,394 Jacob! No! Ha, ha. 1206 01:32:42,562 --> 01:32:46,398 I've got a 30-day cease and desist order says you can't touch this house. 1207 01:32:54,991 --> 01:32:56,658 Jacob. 1208 01:32:57,535 --> 01:32:59,036 Very well. 1209 01:33:03,291 --> 01:33:05,000 JACOB: Whoa. 1210 01:33:18,807 --> 01:33:20,891 But, you... 1211 01:33:45,166 --> 01:33:47,418 - Jacob? - Hey, Mel. 1212 01:33:47,585 --> 01:33:49,545 - Hey. - Hey. 1213 01:33:49,713 --> 01:33:52,548 - Wow, you look great. - Thanks, so do you. 1214 01:33:52,716 --> 01:33:54,466 No, no, I mean it. 1215 01:33:54,634 --> 01:33:57,886 People always try to be nice by saying you look great but, uh... 1216 01:33:58,054 --> 01:33:59,680 ...you really do look great. 1217 01:33:59,848 --> 01:34:02,725 - I feel good. - Yeah. So how are you? 1218 01:34:02,892 --> 01:34:04,476 I'm good, Jacob. 1219 01:34:06,104 --> 01:34:10,232 Yeah. Listen, I'm, uh, sorry about the, uh... 1220 01:34:10,400 --> 01:34:12,109 - Divorce. Yeah, thanks. - Right. 1221 01:34:12,277 --> 01:34:15,195 I mean, I'm just glad it's over and done with. 1222 01:34:15,363 --> 01:34:17,364 Yeah. Yeah, you must be. 1223 01:34:21,411 --> 01:34:24,496 - Ready for this? - No, not really. 1224 01:34:27,250 --> 01:34:30,878 Listen, Mel, if you need someone to talk to tonight... 1225 01:34:31,046 --> 01:34:33,088 ...I'm staying at Pop's. 1226 01:34:33,965 --> 01:34:36,967 Thanks, Jacob. I'd like that. 1227 01:34:37,510 --> 01:34:39,219 GRANDPA: Hey, you two! 1228 01:34:39,387 --> 01:34:41,263 Get your asses in here! 1229 01:34:43,725 --> 01:34:45,684 - I guess it's time. - Yeah. 1230 01:34:53,068 --> 01:34:56,028 - Where have you been? - Relax, Pop. You nervous? 1231 01:34:56,196 --> 01:34:57,905 Not nervous. The groom is nervous. 1232 01:34:58,073 --> 01:35:01,116 - I'm not nervous, schmuck. - Don't call me a schmuck, you putz. 1233 01:35:01,284 --> 01:35:02,618 Fellas, you're in a church. 1234 01:35:44,077 --> 01:35:47,663 Wait, wait! Ain't you forgetting something? 1235 01:35:47,831 --> 01:35:50,708 Oh! Grandpa! 1236 01:35:51,793 --> 01:35:53,335 Okay, that'll do it. 1237 01:35:53,503 --> 01:35:56,880 Yeah. That'll do it, Dad! I think that'll do it. 1238 01:35:57,048 --> 01:35:59,967 - Okay, here we go. - Oh, wow! 1239 01:36:01,011 --> 01:36:03,804 - Oh, Max, you're the greatest. MAX: Thank you. 1240 01:36:05,890 --> 01:36:06,932 Thank you. 1241 01:36:08,101 --> 01:36:09,935 - I love you. JOHN: Goodbye, pumpkin. 1242 01:36:10,103 --> 01:36:11,687 - Bye, Jacob. - Have fun. 1243 01:36:11,855 --> 01:36:14,273 Hey, Gustafson. Here's a house. 1244 01:36:14,441 --> 01:36:16,525 Jacob got them to waive the penalties and interest... 1245 01:36:16,693 --> 01:36:18,652 ...and I took care of the 1 3 grand. 1246 01:36:19,320 --> 01:36:22,448 Wipe the smile off your face, because it's just a loan. 1247 01:36:25,785 --> 01:36:29,163 And I'll lay 8-to-5 you can't get it up the entire honeymoon. 1248 01:36:29,330 --> 01:36:31,373 Oh! You're on. 1249 01:36:31,541 --> 01:36:33,792 I got a sure winner. 1250 01:36:51,728 --> 01:36:53,062 JOHN: You smell something? 1251 01:36:54,689 --> 01:36:56,357 What is that? 1252 01:36:56,524 --> 01:36:59,693 - That dirty son of a... - Ugh. 1253 01:37:13,166 --> 01:37:14,833 What a putz. 1254 01:37:21,424 --> 01:37:24,343 What do you feel like tonight, Pop, Leno or Letterman? 1255 01:37:24,511 --> 01:37:26,720 Tell me about it in the morning, Jacob. 1256 01:37:26,888 --> 01:37:28,347 Oh. Where are you going? 1257 01:37:28,515 --> 01:37:33,894 The Daughters of the American Revolution are having a little dance at the VFW. 1258 01:37:34,062 --> 01:37:37,606 Maybe I'll get lucky. Don't wait up for me. 1259 01:38:40,337 --> 01:38:42,546 MELANIE: Hi, Jacob. JACOB: Hey, Mel. 1260 01:38:43,673 --> 01:38:46,300 - What you got there? MELANIE: Broccoli. 1261 01:38:46,468 --> 01:38:49,053 JACOB: Holy moly. MELANIE: Ha, ha. 1262 01:38:54,559 --> 01:38:55,726 MAN: Marker. 1263 01:38:55,894 --> 01:38:57,895 He's in. He's in. 1264 01:38:59,022 --> 01:39:02,232 Looks like he's gonna enter the holy of holies. 1265 01:39:02,400 --> 01:39:04,651 - Huh? - Coitus uninterruptus. 1266 01:39:07,697 --> 01:39:09,448 LEMMON: I throw back what I'm not gonna eat. 1267 01:39:09,616 --> 01:39:13,535 Oh, yeah, like that 40-pound muskie you're always yakking about. 1268 01:39:13,703 --> 01:39:16,121 It's a shame that... That, um... 1269 01:39:16,289 --> 01:39:20,876 Your uncle has a fish market on 23rd Street and 14th Avenue. 1270 01:39:21,044 --> 01:39:24,004 - And, uh... LEMMON: 26th. 26th Street, you dummy. 1271 01:39:24,255 --> 01:39:26,340 - Ah, you schmuck. MAN: Marker. 1272 01:39:26,508 --> 01:39:31,470 Yeah. It looks like Chuck's slipping her the old salami. 1273 01:39:31,638 --> 01:39:34,640 - Oh, Jesus, Dad! - Ha, ha! 1274 01:39:36,976 --> 01:39:38,435 - Oh, hello. - Hello. 1275 01:39:38,603 --> 01:39:42,940 I'm Ronald Reagan. I used to be President of the United States. 1276 01:39:43,108 --> 01:39:45,651 - I live across the street over there. - Yes. Yes, come in. 1277 01:39:45,819 --> 01:39:49,655 MATTHAU: I was also in the movies for a while. I was a lousy actor. 1278 01:39:51,658 --> 01:39:56,036 Looks like Chuck's gonna put the hot dog in the bun. 1279 01:39:56,204 --> 01:39:59,373 - Oh, Jesus, Dad. - Oh. 1280 01:39:59,541 --> 01:40:02,418 - That's why I came down. - Yeah, well, spit it out. 1281 01:40:02,585 --> 01:40:04,670 - Don't shout. - I'm not shouting. 1282 01:40:04,838 --> 01:40:07,881 Bust my tuchus to get here on New Year's Eve... 1283 01:40:08,049 --> 01:40:11,010 ...or Christmas, or whatever the **** it is. 1284 01:40:11,177 --> 01:40:12,886 CREW: Ha-ha-ha! - And, uh... 1285 01:40:14,014 --> 01:40:17,766 Looks like Chuck's a tomcat on the prowl. 1286 01:40:19,769 --> 01:40:22,855 I got a pinched sciatica that would make your lumbago look like eye strain. 1287 01:40:23,023 --> 01:40:26,400 Pain. He... Is it...? Does he? 1288 01:40:26,568 --> 01:40:28,694 Would he? Is he... 1289 01:40:28,862 --> 01:40:30,279 - Yes, he is. - Is he...? 1290 01:40:31,740 --> 01:40:35,200 Looks like Chuck is taking the old log to the beaver. 1291 01:40:36,036 --> 01:40:39,204 Looks like Chuck's gonna bury his boner. 1292 01:40:39,372 --> 01:40:41,582 Yeah, that's right, you're a moron. 1293 01:40:41,750 --> 01:40:43,459 If you hadn't had Amy... 1294 01:40:53,720 --> 01:40:58,557 It looks like Chuck is taking the skinboat to tuna town. 1295 01:40:59,476 --> 01:41:04,313 Looks like Chuck is taking a ride on the wild bologna pony. 1296 01:41:16,034 --> 01:41:17,451 Who left? 1297 01:43:15,111 --> 01:43:17,863 If I knew there was a nude scene in this picture... 1298 01:43:18,031 --> 01:43:19,865 ...I would've asked for another million. 1299 01:43:20,033 --> 01:43:21,283 MAN: Slate it.