1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,426 [birds chirping] 2 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,420 - [Peter] You have a beautiful home. - [Tanner] Thanks. 3 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,973 - [Peter] Ah, you'll be sitting here. - [Tanner] Okay. 4 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,184 [Peter] If you don't mind. Thank you so much. 5 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:21,230 So, we're just curious as to why you went to the police about Kevin. 6 00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:23,357 I didn't do it out of spite. 7 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:27,611 I mean, I wasn't setting out to ruin Kevin's life. 8 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,739 I saw what I saw and I know he did it. 9 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:35,494 And I've known Kevin for a long time. When he gets his mind set on something, 10 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,413 there's no stopping him. 11 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:41,208 I felt a responsibility to stop him. 12 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,379 Look... 13 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,631 Kevin and I used to be like brothers. 14 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,925 And now he won't take any of my calls, 15 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,177 I'm pretty sure he blocked me on everything. 16 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,763 It's like our friendship never existed. 17 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,641 And then there's Chloe. [scoffs] 18 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:01,228 Ever since I went to the police, she won't even talk to me. 19 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,566 All because Kevin went crazy and did that Turd Burglar stuff. 20 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:07,776 [paper rustles] 21 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,153 What if Kevin didn't do it? 22 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,575 We wanted to sit down with you because of something Sam discovered. 23 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:17,077 So, just bear with me here while we explain this. 24 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,328 So, for each of the crimes, 25 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,707 the Turd Burglar would post warning post and an aftermath post. 26 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,501 The aftermath post is a close-up of the device 27 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,295 used to have committed the crime. 28 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,088 We're calling those "delivery devices." 29 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,800 So, the lemonade dispenser, the piñata, the T-shirt launcher, 30 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,563 - those are all delivery devices. - Uh-huh. 31 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,513 Okay, so, on November 30th, 32 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:40,267 we first have a warning post warning of a December 4th crime. 33 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,938 Then, on December 4th, we have another post 34 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,440 of the advent calendar, 35 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,609 which also seemed to warn of a fourth crime. 36 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,235 The thing is, we have no evidence 37 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:53,655 of a fourth crime happening, so we just thought that it never happened. 38 00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:59,411 But to us, this December 4th post is actually an aftermath post. 39 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,663 Because that's no ordinary advent calendar. 40 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,957 That's the custom one from the teachers' lounge, 41 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,168 which, as you know, no students are allowed in, 42 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,253 but I saw it with my own two eyes. 43 00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:10,797 How did you get into the teachers' lounge? 44 00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:13,884 They're really... They're super strict about letting students in. 45 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,969 Fearless journalism. I don't know. 46 00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:19,181 We were just interviewing Ms. Montgomery. Anyway. 47 00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,975 So, if that advent calendar is a delivery... 48 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,519 - If this was a delivery device... - Right. 49 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:26,729 Then...? 50 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,940 Then there was a fourth crime. 51 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,149 Precisely. 52 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,943 You think there was a fourth crime? 53 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,569 Maybe. 54 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,572 And we actually spoke with the faculty, 55 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:39,534 and this advent calendar isn't even placed in the teachers' lounge until December, 56 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,663 and Kevin was placed under house arrest in November. 57 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,582 In fact, his ankle monitor went on on November 30th, 58 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:48,585 and it wouldn't allow him within 100 yards of the school. 59 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,669 Well, then... 60 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:52,923 That's it. 61 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,675 - This looks good for you, Kevin. - Right? 62 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,969 How would you feel if you maybe accused your best friend 63 00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,429 of something he didn't do? 64 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,264 I-I'd feel terrible. 65 00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,934 [chuckles] 66 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:06,978 I'd feel terrible. 67 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,358 [intro music playing] 68 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,190 [Peter] If a crime did take place on December 4th, 69 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,276 it would change everything. 70 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,571 It would place the Turd Burglar still at large, 71 00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,198 still actively targeting the school 72 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,118 after Kevin was expelled and put on house arrest. 73 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,537 It would exonerate Kevin. 74 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,540 But it would also raise more questions. 75 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,752 What exactly happened in the teachers' lounge? 76 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,545 And why was it never reported? 77 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,255 Who was involved? 78 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:19,551 We figured the best place to start was to talk to the C-Hall janitor, 79 00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:22,679 whose duties include cleaning the teachers' lounge. 80 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:26,600 [Sam] My first day was December 6th. It was a really quick hire. 81 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,810 I have no idea why that last guy left. 82 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,646 Could have been 'cause of all the shit. 83 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,273 Who knows? 84 00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,109 [Peter] So we learned that the former C-Hall janitor 85 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,903 quit on December 5th. 86 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,656 If there was a fourth poop crime in the teachers' lounge the day before, 87 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,159 his exit starts to look suspicious. 88 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,495 It's also worth noting 89 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,039 that his departure was felt throughout the student body, 90 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,875 because the former C-Hall janitor 91 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,711 had quite a reputation of his own. 92 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,296 [girl] Okay, do it. 93 00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:59,382 [sexy music playing, girls chuckling] 94 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,761 [girl sighs] I can't believe we lost Hot Janitor. 95 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,347 [girl] Oh, Hot Janitor? 96 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,891 Everyone loves him, especially the girls, 97 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:08,974 'cause he's hot. 98 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,645 You'd never think that mopping would be hot 99 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:12,938 but, like, when he does it... 100 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,022 Fuck. 101 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,318 All the girls were obsessed with him, but I never really saw it. 102 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:22,197 But there is one day where someone vomited and he was mopping that up... 103 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:26,493 - That's when I saw it. - ♪ I'm just a bachelor... ♪ 104 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,371 ♪ Looking for a partner ♪ 105 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:32,165 I consider myself, for my age, you know, not bad looking, 106 00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:35,669 but apparently this was guy was all that, you know? 107 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:39,089 [Ms. Montgomery] It wouldn't be appropriate for a teacher 108 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,423 to say that he's a ten. 109 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,427 But you know, he's at least a nine. 110 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:48,348 [DeMarcus] Say Steve Harvey did a Family Feud questionnaire, 111 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:51,268 and they asked the girls at school, "Who would you smash?" 112 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,396 I feel like I would definitely be the top choice, 113 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:57,858 with, like, 49 points, and then a close follow-up 114 00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,569 would be, like, 24 points and that'd definitely be Hot Janitor. 115 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,113 Changing the whole janitor game. 116 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:06,449 I never found out what his real name was, 117 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,201 so I ended up never calling him anything, 118 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,605 'cause I certainly was never going to call him Hot Janitor. 119 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,582 [male teacher] Hot Janitor was a distraction. 120 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,877 People would top what they were doing and watch that guy. 121 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:20,881 He was muscular. 122 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,259 So, we have our first piece of evidence 123 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,636 that proves that there actually was a fourth crime 124 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,600 - that took place on December 4th. - [Sam] Yeah. 125 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,224 The C-Hall janitor quit on December 5th. 126 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,601 That cannot be a coincidence. 127 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:35,353 No, I don't think so either. I think something definitely went down 128 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,999 in the teachers' lounge on December 4th with that advent calendar. 129 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,209 It's saying a lot, because he stayed after the Brownout. 130 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,819 He did. And the Poop Piñata and the Shit Launcher. 131 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:46,489 So whatever this fourth crime was had to have been fucking disgusting. 132 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,926 The only way we're going to figure out exactly what happened 133 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,762 - is if we track down the C-Hall janitor. - That's where things get weird, 134 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,164 'cause I looked him up on social media, not a thing came up. 135 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,248 Like, nothing at all. 136 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:58,043 That is weird. The guy has zero digital fingerprint. 137 00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,210 He's off the grid. 138 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,713 And I even asked the other janitors for his phone number, 139 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,965 - the number's disconnected. - Huh. 140 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,051 [Sam] You think he's hiding? 141 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,305 [Peter] Hot Janitor is one of the most documented people at St. Bernardine, 142 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,016 but surprisingly little is known about him. 143 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,060 Nobody knows very much about him. 144 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,896 Like his name or where he comes from or anything. 145 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,272 Which is too bad. 146 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:20,982 But it's also really hot. 147 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,361 [Peter] The Hot Janitor was looking like another dead end. 148 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:28,740 Understandably, he didn't reveal much about his personal life at school. 149 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,575 But thankfully 150 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,870 we learned of someone who had a relationship with Hot Janitor 151 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,288 outside of school. 152 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:36,957 [Lil K] Hot Janitor's cool. 153 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,255 My brother gets his mushrooms from Hot Janitor, 154 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,211 which makes him my mushroom connection. 155 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,629 Which is awesome 156 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,965 because we needed them for Bumbershoot. 157 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,175 It was dope. 158 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,469 We were peaking during Major Lazer. 159 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:53,807 [Peter] The sale of psychedelic mushrooms to David Kaczmarowski's older brother 160 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,601 led us to the woods of Sultan, Washington, 161 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,895 an hour from St. Bernardine. 162 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,438 These are lichens. 163 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,232 [Sam] What's a lichen? 164 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,067 Well, it's kind of like an epiphyte. 165 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,320 It grows on some of the Doug firs and the other trees around here, 166 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,656 but it blows out in some of the high winds during storms, 167 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,866 so I try to collect it and put it back, you know. 168 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,070 You put it back in the tree? 169 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,036 Yeah, I mean, that's where it wants to be. 170 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,039 I've been here for a few years now. It's almost totally off-grid. 171 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,708 I grow most of my own food. 172 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,002 This is mostly cool season annuals in here. 173 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:25,046 I've got some violas and pansies and stuff that attract pollinators, 174 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,924 and then I've got some kale here, it's Brassica oleracea. 175 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,176 This black kale here is really lovely. 176 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,220 It's got a great texture, really good flavor. 177 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,097 You want to try some? 178 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,016 I'm good. Thank you. 179 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,018 Actually, we came here to ask you 180 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,312 why you quit your custodial job at St. Bernardine. 181 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,023 No, I didn't quit. 182 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:47,318 No, I got transferred to St. B's sister school, St. Mary's. [sniffles] 183 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,988 - Transferred by who? - Mrs. Wexler. 184 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,490 But it's cool. I landed in the tall grass. 185 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,701 I got a sweet little raise, it's a faster commute. 186 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,786 It's good vibes all around over there. 187 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,158 Actually, we wanted to know 188 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,498 exactly what happened on your last day, December 4th. 189 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,582 Oh, man. 190 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,294 That was a disaster. [sniffles] 191 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,463 It was a huge mess. [sniffles] 192 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:07,546 How so? 193 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,760 [Hot Janitor] It was teachers' lounge, second period. 194 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,553 Two people threw up that day. 195 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,389 [Peter] How do you know it was two? 196 00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:20,935 Well, it was two piles of vomit with different consistencies, you know? 197 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,687 One yacked right into the plant. 198 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,815 We tried to save it, but it died. 199 00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,650 And then the next one, 200 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,236 they barfed right into the sink next to the coffee station 201 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,404 like it was urgent. 202 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,782 Probably trying to keep a clean, which I appreciate, 203 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:37,077 except that cleaning throw up out of a sink is harder than you might think. 204 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,954 There's a lot of scooping involved and it was chunky. 205 00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:41,372 So it got me thinking, you know, 206 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,249 what could be making these teachers throw up? 207 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,959 And that's when I found it. 208 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,629 It was like this half-eaten chocolate on the floor. 209 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:52,217 I'm pretty sure a teacher took a candy out of the advent calendar, 210 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,512 but what was inside wasn't nougat 211 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,679 and it wasn't caramel. 212 00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,724 It was cat shit coated in chocolate. 213 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,016 [Peter] Oh my God. 214 00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:02,644 I know, man. 215 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,604 I know it was the advent calendar, 216 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:07,190 'cause Mrs. Wexler had me bleach the whole thing, man. 217 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,860 [Peter] Wait, so, you only found one piece of candy on the floor? 218 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,363 - Yeah. - And why were there two piles of throw up? 219 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,740 It was probably, like, a sympathy vomit, right? 220 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,450 One person with a weak stomach, 221 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,869 couldn't really handle the sound or the smell or whatever 222 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,538 and they started barfing, too. 223 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,249 [Peter] Do you know who was in the teachers' lounge at that time 224 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,583 or who threw up? 225 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,628 No, man, I have no idea. I mean, I wasn't there. 226 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,213 All I'm saying is 227 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,215 a teacher ate cat shit. 228 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,135 You know? Like, ate it. 229 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,470 - Fuck, that's gross. - Yeah. 230 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,449 [Sam] These are the five teachers that we're possibly looking into. 231 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,392 Yes, because if you look at their schedules, 232 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,061 those were the five teachers that were free during second period 233 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,825 and could've been in the teachers' lounge. 234 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,816 Which means that there are five possible victims. 235 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,237 [Sam] So which one of you ate shit? Hmm. 236 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,824 [Peter] Mr. Bernstein and Mrs. Wallace 237 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:02,453 were off-campus on the 4th of December for an annual Kairos Retreat. 238 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:06,082 That left three potential shit-eating victims. 239 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,626 But when speaking to those teachers, 240 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,545 they didn't offer much help. 241 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,256 Mr. Fernandez, does anything about December 4th stand out to you 242 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,674 for any particular reason? 243 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:16,885 As far as I can recall, 244 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:18,761 there wasn't anything special about that day. 245 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,096 December 4th... 246 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,892 [inhales deeply, sighs] To the best of my recollection, 247 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,060 that was a pretty typical day. 248 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:30,064 That was a long time ago, but to the best of my memory, 249 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,817 I don't remember anything unusual happening. [inhales] 250 00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:36,446 So, all the teachers are claiming that they don't remember 251 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,325 anything happening on December 4th that nothing stood out. 252 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:43,119 "To the best of my recollection..." Um... 253 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,205 "To the best of my knowledge, nothing happened." 254 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:48,666 They all are kind of using the same exact kind of verbiage. 255 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,210 They all sound like Mrs. Wexler 256 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,629 from her initial email that she sent to us a while back. 257 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,840 [Peter] Is it a coincidence that all three teachers 258 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:59,135 used the same non-committal language that Mrs. Wexler used 259 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,429 when we asked her about her meeting with Kevin? 260 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:04,432 Wait, so you think Mrs. Wexler is, you know, steering them? 261 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,995 I mean, it's possible. But there definitely was a fourth crime. 262 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:11,564 Whether or not Wexler order a cover-up is just speculation, 263 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,651 but as much as the teachers wanted us to believe that 264 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,238 to the best of their memory, December 4th was just a normal day, 265 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,490 we know that's simply not true. 266 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,409 The 4th wasn't an ordinary day, 267 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:27,121 because the Turd Burglar was threatening another crime. 268 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,791 Yeah, I remember December 4th because of that post. 269 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:33,169 We were bracing for the worst, waiting for another Turd Burglar attack. 270 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,630 Honestly, I thought classes would be canceled, 271 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,508 but it was just treated like a normal day. 272 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,344 I was low-key hoping for a poop crime on the 4th 273 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,514 because that's when are AP Calc midterms were in Fernandez's class. 274 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,392 Everyone in first period said the test was impossible. 275 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:50,395 So when no poop crime happened, I was obviously annoyed. 276 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,314 But we get to class and we had a sub. 277 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,900 Fernandez left halfway through the day. 278 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,319 [Peter] On December 4th, 279 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,989 Fernandez leaves right after second period, 280 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:04,492 just before Hot Janitor was called to clean up the mess. 281 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:08,037 - [Peter whispers] Take it slow. - [Sam] Just don't overthink it. 282 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,789 [Peter, knocking] Mr. Fernandez? 283 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,250 Hey, is it okay if we ask you a few questions? 284 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,168 Awesome. Thank you so much. 285 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,715 So, um... 286 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,426 we're just trying to figure out exactly what took place 287 00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:23,094 in the school on December 4th, 288 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,888 and in speaking with some of the faculty, 289 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,140 we realized that... 290 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,351 Actually, following the Turd Burglar's Instagram posts, you could see... 291 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,228 Mr. Fernandez, did you eat shit? 292 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,484 No, I did not eat shit. 293 00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,529 I've told you, now, I'm busy here, guys. 294 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,822 I'm so sorry about that. 295 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,700 - Sam had a bit too much coffee... - I am busy, guys. 296 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,744 - Okay, sorry about that. - Get out! 297 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,787 - [whispering] Fuck! - [Sam] He totally ate shit. 298 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,082 [Peter] If Fernandez really ate poop, 299 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,709 why would he deny it? 300 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,919 Wouldn't he want justice? 301 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,881 How was the school keeping him quiet? 302 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,050 And what did he have to gain? 303 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,593 We had to wonder. 304 00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:07,847 Did the school find a way to buy loyalty from Mr. Fernandez? 305 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:11,601 Every year, a select group of students and faculty 306 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:15,521 embark on a Gifts of the Lamb trip to Costa Rica. 307 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,983 The kids do a lot of good for the community. 308 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,361 The first place we go is an orphanage, 309 00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,804 and you see little kids running around, they got dirty feet. 310 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,742 They got dirt floors and, like, mud houses and stuff, 311 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:30,912 and it's, like, it's kind of sad. I mean, I was a little depressed for 'em. 312 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:35,166 But then we left the poor people part, and the hotel was crazy, like... 313 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,793 Yo, the hotel was lit. 314 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,669 [EDM music playing] 315 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:42,757 [girl scoffs] It's a total joke. We spend, like, two hours painting a shitty shack, 316 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,051 and then we stay at this sick resort. 317 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,929 [Mascot Boy] The hotel is ridiculous. 318 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,012 [loud chatter] 319 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,057 My parents won't pay for spring break, 320 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,393 but they'll pay for Gifts of the Lamb. 321 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,561 - [screaming] - [blond girl] It's just as good. 322 00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:57,897 We help a lot of poor people out. 323 00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,148 [all] Charity, charity! 324 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,952 And some of them actually work at the hotel, 325 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,568 so they kind of help us out too. 326 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,904 You know, like, cleaning towels and all that. 327 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,824 [guy] I think we did some really good things there, 328 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,284 but I don't remember any of it. 329 00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:12,995 [guy All the guys on the team get to go. 330 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,679 We gotta do a little charity work, but then we can just kick back, 331 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,266 watch porn in the Jacuzzi, straight up. 332 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,459 It's dope, man. 333 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,461 Every bathroom in the hotel had a bidet, right? 334 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,296 So, a bidet is like... 335 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:25,341 you got your regular toilet, then you got a bidet toilet. 336 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,094 A bidet shoot, like, a water stream up your ass. 337 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,471 Now, it sound a little gay, 338 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:31,973 but it's not at all. 339 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,683 It's hella clean and it's hella tight. 340 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,978 It's a vacation for everyone, yeah. 341 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,813 You know, for the teachers, even. 342 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,607 It's so popular. 343 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,236 We literally hold a lottery to determine 344 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,405 who lands the lucky spot as chaperone. 345 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:48,656 [chuckles] 346 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,450 We pretend it's not a big deal, 347 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:53,953 but as soon as Mrs. Wexler decides who it's gonna be, 348 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,746 when she posts it on that activities board, 349 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:58,040 we are racing over to find out who won. 350 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:01,419 [Peter] The Gifts of the Lamb trip always features four chaperones. 351 00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,755 But this year, there was an exception. 352 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:07,633 The selection process, quite frankly, 353 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,052 is a little mysterious. 354 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,763 I was bummed that my name wasn't on the list, 355 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,349 but neither was Mr. Fernandez. 356 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,061 Then they revised the list, and there he was. 357 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,035 [Peter] So this is what I think happened. 358 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:25,151 I think that Miss Wexler moved Hot Janitor 359 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,528 an hour away to St. Mary's, right? 360 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,906 - Moved him around like a rape-y priest. - Exactly. 361 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,949 Then all the teachers that were in the lounge, 362 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,577 she told them all to be quiet and coached their responses. 363 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:35,870 And then finally, 364 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,748 she rigs the Gifts of the Lamb retreat for Fernandez. 365 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,709 Huh. Gave him a nice, free, little vacation to keep his mouth shut. 366 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:43,878 - Exactly. - Well, almost free. 367 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,671 - He did eat poop. - Exactly. 368 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,965 So, everyone who knew about the crime, 369 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,717 she found a way to keep quiet. 370 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:53,679 [stuttering] There is clear evidence of a cover-up here, Sam. 371 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,224 There has to be a fourth crime. 372 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:04,649 Mr. Fernandez pulls a chocolate-covered cat poop from the advent calendar 373 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,776 - and eats it. - [soft crunch] 374 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:11,197 - He immediately throws up in the plant. - [muffled barf] 375 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,865 After seeing him vomit, 376 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:17,245 either Mr. Gesualdi or Sister Ruth throws up in the sink 377 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:19,287 Shortly after, 378 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,750 Hot Janitor gets called in to clean up the mess. 379 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,671 The school was under a lot of pressure to find the Turd Burglar, 380 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,048 and that all went away when Kevin was arrested. 381 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,426 Admitting that the Turd Burglar was still at large 382 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,470 and that Kevin's confession was forced, 383 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,889 would have gotten Mrs. Wexler and the school 384 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,474 a lot of negative attention. 385 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,102 Perhaps that's why this fourth crime 386 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,104 was swept under the rug. 387 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,022 There was a fourthcrime. 388 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,148 Precisely. 389 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:50,194 Wexler knew [stuttering] that there was a crime 390 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,821 on December 4th. 391 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,699 [Peter] It was a rare moment of hope for Kevin. 392 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,493 Vindication felt within reach. 393 00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:58,827 His freedom, 394 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,414 his life outside house arrest, 395 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,292 all of it felt so close. 396 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,627 There is a chance the Horsehead Collective 397 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,297 might be able to perform at the Gilbert bar mitzvah. 398 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,758 I was worried I'd have to decline because of the ankle monitor but... 399 00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:16,387 Let's not ahead of ourselves yet. We still have a lot of work to do. 400 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,180 But I've seen this kind of hope before, 401 00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:21,183 and I know that without definitive proof, 402 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,144 hope means nothing. 403 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,523 We still needed confirmation that a fourth poop crime happened. 404 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:31,360 Obviously Mrs. Wexler declined to sit down with us. 405 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,279 But luckily, 406 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:36,949 she does meet with students during office hours. 407 00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:39,160 - Oh. That's okay. - Sorry. 408 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:42,580 - Say something for me. - Hmm... Something. 409 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:44,749 - Yeah. - Okay. 410 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,752 All right. And if you feel like she's on to you at any moment 411 00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,896 and you feel uncomfortable and you want to just bail, 412 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,465 - we totally get it. - Guys, I got this, okay? 413 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,342 - All right. - You got this. 414 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:55,259 Yeah. 415 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,343 [Peter mumbles] 416 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:57,927 Okay. 417 00:18:58,429 --> 00:18:59,429 Good luck in there. 418 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,976 [Chloe whispering] Can you guys hear me? 419 00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:08,356 I think she's on the phone. 420 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,273 Oh, she's coming. 421 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,651 - Hi, Chloe. - Hi. 422 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,414 - You have a schedule change? - Yes. Hmm... 423 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,945 - Come on in. - All right, thanks. 424 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,324 [Cathy] You can take a seat right over there. 425 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,534 I'll look up your transcript. [clears throat] 426 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,160 What's your conflict? 427 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:25,164 [Chloe] Um... Well, I... 428 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,667 Actually, Mrs. Wexler, 429 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,794 I'm here to talk about the teachers' lounge. 430 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:32,338 I know there was a fourth Turd Burglar crime. 431 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:35,091 We know that Mr. Fernandez left halfway through the day 432 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,569 and that Hot Janitor found a piece of cat poop on the floor... 433 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:41,263 [Cathy] Does that have something to do with adjusting your winter schedule? 434 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,556 [Chloe] Well, I mean... 435 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:46,018 So, if the crime happened in December, 436 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:50,147 well, then it proves that Kevin couldn't have done it, because... 437 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,231 [Cathy] Chloe... 438 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,073 [Chloe] Because he wasn't on school grounds... 439 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,945 [Cathy] Kevin confessed. Okay? He confessed. 440 00:19:56,654 --> 00:20:00,324 [Chloe] But he couldn't have done it. He was on house arrest by then, 441 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,827 and it just proves he didn't do anything... 442 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:05,329 [Cathy] Chloe... Chloe, I'm not your enemy. 443 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,707 But if a fourth crime occurred, 444 00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,543 it sounds like what you're telling me is that... 445 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,337 one of Kevin's friends helped him out. 446 00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,007 I don't think it's in your best interest for us 447 00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:20,678 to start looking at who might have conspired with him. 448 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,224 [Chloe] Um... 449 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:28,477 Is that a threat, Mrs. Wexler? 450 00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:30,896 [Cathy] You need to understand, 451 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,649 these are felony charges we're talking about, here. 452 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,446 So you might want to rethink having this conversation right now. 453 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:41,657 Is that it? 454 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,371 [thump, Kevin sighs] 455 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,957 [Peter] Without definitive proof, 456 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,500 hope means nothing. 457 00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,086 And Kevin realized 458 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:57,506 that Mrs. Wexler wasn't going to give us the confirmation we needed. 459 00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,592 Perhaps nobody was. 460 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,010 [Kevin] Well, then it's over. 461 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,888 And now I'm taking down the people that I care about with me. 462 00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:08,309 - Oh my God. - [Peter] I felt for Kevin. 463 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,519 When your hopes are high, 464 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:12,813 the fall is twice as hard. 465 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,649 [Kevin] No one wants me back at school. 466 00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:18,360 - That's not true! - It is, Peter. 467 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:19,445 [crowd cheering] 468 00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:21,822 [Kevin] DeMarcus has the whole school in his corner. 469 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,201 I-I... [chuckles] 470 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,328 I have no one. 471 00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:29,205 [slurping] 472 00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:33,751 Everybody sees me as this island. 473 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:39,548 Like I don't need anything from anyone. 474 00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:45,387 I feel like I'm sinking. 475 00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:49,642 You know, I know I can be difficult. 476 00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,309 Amen! 477 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:55,314 That's why my grandma's always up my ass, and... 478 00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:56,524 [inhales deeply] 479 00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:58,567 probably why Wexler hates me. 480 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,946 It's why my mom left, probably. 481 00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:05,616 [stuttering] It's... [sighs] 482 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,286 It's been a hard couple of years, Peter. 483 00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:13,498 Oh! 484 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:15,376 And worst of all, 485 00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:19,880 I now have to officially decline the Gilbert bar mitzvah. Shit. 486 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,509 Myles said there were gonna be so many older cousins there. 487 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,601 [footsteps, floor squeaking] 488 00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:35,729 [Chloe] Hey, the smell is gone. 489 00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:42,361 Oh, is this the Doomhammer you were saving up for? 490 00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:43,444 It is. 491 00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:46,490 It'd be totally impractical in actual combat, 492 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,700 but whatever. 493 00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:51,203 Really? It's really heavy. I feel like it could do a lot of damage. 494 00:22:52,121 --> 00:22:53,622 I regret the purchase. 495 00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,583 [sighs] 496 00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:58,377 I heard what you did, Chloe. 497 00:22:59,753 --> 00:23:03,382 And I appreciate the effort. It, uh... 498 00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:06,594 It... It-it was a "noble" effort. 499 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,345 You're welcome. 500 00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:10,764 [sighs] I need you to stop. 501 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,518 They made up their mind. They're not going to change their mind. 502 00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:19,189 So, there's just no use you going down with me. 503 00:23:20,357 --> 00:23:21,357 What? 504 00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:23,193 No, I'm, like... 505 00:23:24,111 --> 00:23:25,446 I'm not stopping. 506 00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:28,032 Come on, we are so close to exposing... 507 00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:30,117 We aren't, Chloe. [chuckles] 508 00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:32,995 And frankly, I don't really know 509 00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:36,373 why you're pretending to care so much all of a sudden. 510 00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:39,627 - Kevin, we're friends. - Are we? 511 00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:43,172 You haven't been here in months. 512 00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:45,757 Wow. 513 00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:48,928 Do you know what I've had to do for you? 514 00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:51,430 I called out DeMarcus for you. 515 00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:55,434 And now my teammates hate me and I'm on Mrs. Wexler's shit list. 516 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,517 [scoffs] 517 00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:58,686 Nothing? 518 00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:00,689 Okay. 519 00:24:01,148 --> 00:24:02,483 I'm gonna leave. 520 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:05,319 Just have fun with your little fucking pity party. 521 00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:07,488 At least I'm trying to help you. 522 00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:10,991 [footsteps departing] 523 00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:15,788 [crickets chirping] 524 00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:18,248 [phone line trilling] 525 00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:24,505 Hi, you've reached Peter Maldonado of PM Productions. 526 00:24:24,588 --> 00:24:27,049 Please leave me a message and I'll give you a call right back. 527 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,802 [Kevin] Peter, it's Kevin. 528 00:24:30,344 --> 00:24:32,513 I've been thinking about the teachers' lounge. 529 00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:35,432 My locker, B-542, 530 00:24:35,516 --> 00:24:38,268 it's directly across from the teachers' lounge. 531 00:24:38,352 --> 00:24:41,605 The combination is 26-37-23. 532 00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:46,986 I thought that perhaps if you put a camera inside of the locker 533 00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:49,655 that you could record 534 00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:52,741 the daily activity, the ins-and-outs, of the teachers' lounge. 535 00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:56,954 Also, it occurred to me that 536 00:24:57,413 --> 00:25:01,041 I perhaps have seemed a tad bit ungrateful 537 00:25:01,125 --> 00:25:04,003 for what you've done, and Sam and Chloe, 538 00:25:04,086 --> 00:25:06,755 and that's not true. 539 00:25:07,214 --> 00:25:09,133 I am grateful. 540 00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:10,759 So, yeah. 541 00:25:10,843 --> 00:25:13,762 I hope that the vantage point from my locker 542 00:25:13,846 --> 00:25:17,516 can be useful in your finding the true Turd Burglar. 543 00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:21,812 [ominous music playing]