1
00:00:22,664 --> 00:00:24,914
- Do the new uniforms feel weird to you?
2
00:00:25,014 --> 00:00:26,013
I am so itchy.
3
00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:28,700
My body is actively rejecting this uniform.
4
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:31,747
This job ruins everything.
My skin. My dating life.
5
00:00:32,302 --> 00:00:34,335
Would you like to vent
about your dating life?
6
00:00:34,371 --> 00:00:35,804
Yes. You remember Bryan,
7
00:00:35,839 --> 00:00:37,205
the cute chef that I met?
8
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,473
Well, we still haven't found time
9
00:00:38,508 --> 00:00:39,674
to have our first date.
10
00:00:39,709 --> 00:00:40,975
I was supposed to see him last night,
11
00:00:41,011 --> 00:00:42,010
but then we got delayed in Reno.
12
00:00:42,045 --> 00:00:43,978
Oh, honey. If your plans hinge on Reno,
13
00:00:44,014 --> 00:00:45,213
there's something wrong with your plans.
14
00:00:45,248 --> 00:00:46,681
No, the problem is when you spend
15
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:48,817
60 hours a week in the
sky, it is impossible
16
00:00:48,852 --> 00:00:51,357
to have a normal relationship
with a regular person.
17
00:00:51,457 --> 00:00:53,963
Can't have relationships
with airline people, either.
18
00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:56,188
- Hot dammit.
- What happened to you?
19
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,832
Love happened to me.
20
00:00:58,258 --> 00:00:59,603
It happened to me hard,
21
00:00:59,703 --> 00:01:01,049
and not in the good way.
22
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,809
Gwen left me for another man.
23
00:01:02,909 --> 00:01:04,876
Oh, no. Who's Gwen?
24
00:01:04,911 --> 00:01:06,811
She was the air traffic
controller I fell for.
25
00:01:06,846 --> 00:01:08,746
She left me for a limo driver named Rod.
26
00:01:09,088 --> 00:01:10,769
He probably used a line on her like,
27
00:01:11,277 --> 00:01:14,078
"My car's not the only
thing longer than average."
28
00:01:14,988 --> 00:01:17,035
- God, that's a good line.
- I get it, Dave.
29
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:18,122
Love is the worst.
30
00:01:18,191 --> 00:01:19,390
The absolute worst.
31
00:01:19,425 --> 00:01:20,558
It's like, "Why even try?"
32
00:01:20,763 --> 00:01:22,693
The universe is a cold bastard.
33
00:01:23,388 --> 00:01:24,629
Sounds hard.
34
00:01:24,664 --> 00:01:26,664
I deal with systemic racism every day.
35
00:01:26,995 --> 00:01:28,266
Least you're getting laid.
36
00:01:28,301 --> 00:01:29,430
Damn right, I am.
37
00:01:31,004 --> 00:01:32,236
Jackpot Airlines.
38
00:01:32,272 --> 00:01:34,071
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
39
00:01:38,812 --> 00:01:40,945
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:49,491 --> 00:01:52,152
Is it me, or is the gate
more crowded than usual?
41
00:01:52,425 --> 00:01:55,326
Well, there's a big MMA fight tonight.
42
00:01:55,361 --> 00:01:57,228
- Ah.
- McKnickerson-Kang II.
43
00:01:57,297 --> 00:01:58,462
It's a rematch. The Irish Volcano
44
00:01:58,498 --> 00:01:59,831
versus the Emerald of Samoa.
45
00:01:59,866 --> 00:02:01,933
This is huge betting weekend for me.
46
00:02:01,968 --> 00:02:03,434
Well, it is a lot of men.
47
00:02:03,469 --> 00:02:05,036
It must be a good weekend for you, too.
48
00:02:05,071 --> 00:02:06,771
No, fight nights are
usually dead at the club,
49
00:02:06,796 --> 00:02:08,670
so we have our intramural softball game.
50
00:02:08,770 --> 00:02:10,908
It's a makeup against Momshells.
They canceled last week
51
00:02:10,944 --> 00:02:12,600
- due to custody hearings.
- Yeah.
52
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,733
Hope they're ready to
lose two weeks in a row.
53
00:02:14,770 --> 00:02:15,793
Dear God.
54
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,134
I'm in charge of snacks.
55
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,254
Stop... fighting... back.
56
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,344
Uh, excuse me, miss?
57
00:02:25,380 --> 00:02:26,646
I'm a little busy here.
58
00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:28,715
I just need to know where to put this.
59
00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:30,560
Oh, come on, dude. Bryan.
60
00:02:30,847 --> 00:02:31,918
Hi.
61
00:02:31,953 --> 00:02:32,919
What are you doing here?
62
00:02:32,954 --> 00:02:34,554
Well, I thought since we can't
63
00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:35,889
schedule a date in the world,
64
00:02:35,924 --> 00:02:37,190
I'd bring a date here.
65
00:02:37,259 --> 00:02:38,324
Oh, you brought a date?
66
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,559
That seems cruel, but fine.
67
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:40,694
She's getting a middle seat.
68
00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:42,139
Bad phrasing.
69
00:02:42,164 --> 00:02:44,028
I meant we could have a date at your work.
70
00:02:44,053 --> 00:02:46,299
I bought tickets to fly
back and forth all weekend,
71
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,734
which you'll either find charming
72
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:49,991
or use as grounds for a restraining order.
73
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,941
Well, lucky for you, I
can't afford a lawyer,
74
00:02:52,976 --> 00:02:54,534
so I have to find it charming.
75
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,049
But really...
76
00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:57,217
I don't know what to say.
77
00:02:57,252 --> 00:02:58,585
I mean, this is, like, the sweetest thing
78
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:00,253
- anyone's ever done for me.
- Miss?
79
00:03:00,289 --> 00:03:02,389
Can I borrow your shoes
to go to the bathroom?
80
00:03:02,861 --> 00:03:05,796
I have to go explain society to someone,
81
00:03:05,831 --> 00:03:07,297
but I will be back.
82
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,499
Well, uh, you know, take your time.
83
00:03:09,535 --> 00:03:11,885
I'll have a-a whole date waiting
for you when you're ready.
84
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,348
You're gonna have to handle
the comms today, Alan.
85
00:03:20,448 --> 00:03:22,497
I don't think I can bear
to hear Gwen's voice.
86
00:03:22,566 --> 00:03:24,066
Oh, Gwen's not working this week.
87
00:03:24,101 --> 00:03:25,727
She told me she was going on vacation
88
00:03:25,752 --> 00:03:27,040
with some guy named Rod.
89
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:29,705
Said he's taking her to Poundtown?
90
00:03:32,910 --> 00:03:34,342
If she says it's nice,
91
00:03:34,378 --> 00:03:36,101
I might take myself to Poundtown.
92
00:03:41,449 --> 00:03:43,719
Oh! Excuse me...
93
00:03:44,379 --> 00:03:47,347
That is unexpected reveal.
94
00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:50,343
You bought him his own seat?
95
00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:52,559
Yeah. He gets real whiny
96
00:03:52,659 --> 00:03:54,496
when I try putting him under the plane.
97
00:03:55,081 --> 00:03:56,447
Yeah, still better
98
00:03:56,482 --> 00:03:58,579
than sitting next to chatty Canadian.
99
00:04:02,444 --> 00:04:04,121
Oh, uh, excuse me.
100
00:04:04,157 --> 00:04:05,589
I think you might have taken my seat.
101
00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,354
Nope. Don't think so.
102
00:04:07,679 --> 00:04:09,553
Okay, well, th-that is my seat,
103
00:04:09,578 --> 00:04:11,812
because that's my NPR tote
bag, and that's my-my book.
104
00:04:11,847 --> 00:04:14,381
- Oh, this book?
- Yes. It's-it's actually
105
00:04:14,450 --> 00:04:16,312
a gripping tome on some
of the nicer points...
106
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,582
Oh, my God!
107
00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:19,486
Wow. Well, now you have a problem with me
108
00:04:19,522 --> 00:04:21,514
and with the Pasadena Public Library.
109
00:04:21,824 --> 00:04:23,623
But no matter. I will find another seat.
110
00:04:27,630 --> 00:04:28,798
Hmm.
111
00:04:29,575 --> 00:04:31,932
So sorry to keep you
waiting. I'm all yours now.
112
00:04:31,957 --> 00:04:33,866
Well, I hope you brought your passport,
113
00:04:33,903 --> 00:04:37,204
because our date begins
by you getting whisked away
114
00:04:37,592 --> 00:04:39,892
to Argentina circa 2012.
115
00:04:40,230 --> 00:04:42,996
Now, you can't bring in
a whole bottle of Malbec,
116
00:04:43,064 --> 00:04:45,197
but you can smuggle it
in three ounces at a time.
117
00:04:45,615 --> 00:04:46,869
Ronnie, we have a problem.
118
00:04:46,969 --> 00:04:48,734
Oh, I'm in Argentina right now, Colin.
119
00:04:48,769 --> 00:04:50,769
Oh, look, it's the restaurant guy
120
00:04:50,805 --> 00:04:52,037
from the restaurant.
121
00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,205
What's all this, then?
122
00:04:53,274 --> 00:04:55,374
Just a little makeshift plane date.
123
00:04:55,409 --> 00:04:57,009
'Cause who doesn't love a shampoo-y finish
124
00:04:57,044 --> 00:04:58,177
under a buttery Chard?
125
00:04:58,212 --> 00:04:59,609
Is there a problem, Colin?
126
00:04:59,671 --> 00:05:00,832
Yes, I'm sorry.
127
00:05:00,863 --> 00:05:02,730
Um, that guy over there took my seat.
128
00:05:02,731 --> 00:05:04,183
Okay, well, just find another one.
129
00:05:04,218 --> 00:05:05,484
Well, that's the problem.
130
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:06,601
There aren't any.
131
00:05:06,701 --> 00:05:07,667
Oh, God.
132
00:05:07,969 --> 00:05:09,468
Don't tell me we're...
133
00:05:09,504 --> 00:05:11,637
- Overbooked?
- By four people.
134
00:05:11,672 --> 00:05:13,506
I talked to the gate
agents, who blamed ticketing.
135
00:05:13,541 --> 00:05:15,074
Then I talked to ticketing,
who blamed the Web site.
136
00:05:15,109 --> 00:05:17,076
Then I talked to the Web
guys, who hacked my Twitter.
137
00:05:17,111 --> 00:05:18,611
I blame the gate agents.
138
00:05:18,646 --> 00:05:20,079
They love calling names
off the standby list
139
00:05:20,114 --> 00:05:21,493
and watching the world burn.
140
00:05:21,494 --> 00:05:22,848
It's ironic, isn't it?
141
00:05:22,884 --> 00:05:24,717
The plane is overbooked,
142
00:05:24,752 --> 00:05:26,847
yet the seat in my heart remains vacant.
143
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:28,028
Don't tell the gate agents
144
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,789
because they'll stuff two people in there.
145
00:05:34,729 --> 00:05:36,929
Well, I guess we have
to deal with this now.
146
00:05:41,059 --> 00:05:42,735
All right, everyone.
147
00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,603
Like a '90s rap video,
148
00:05:44,639 --> 00:05:46,272
this plane's got too many butts.
149
00:05:46,307 --> 00:05:48,374
So four lucky people
150
00:05:48,409 --> 00:05:50,109
willing to take a later flight
151
00:05:50,144 --> 00:05:53,245
will receive $100.
152
00:05:53,281 --> 00:05:54,780
Ooh!
153
00:05:55,817 --> 00:05:58,484
Okay, two hundred...
154
00:05:59,164 --> 00:06:00,696
and fifty...
155
00:06:01,832 --> 00:06:03,823
five dollars.
156
00:06:04,736 --> 00:06:05,958
Come on, guys.
157
00:06:06,027 --> 00:06:09,295
The average round-trip ticket
on Jackpot costs, like, $12.
158
00:06:09,363 --> 00:06:11,156
With that money, you
could buy yourself, like...
159
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:13,466
How many flights will that buy?
160
00:06:13,501 --> 00:06:15,801
If I could do that math, do
you think I'd have this job?
161
00:06:15,837 --> 00:06:17,910
We're holding out for big money.
162
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:19,738
Big money? This is Jackpot.
163
00:06:19,774 --> 00:06:21,707
They buy refurbished
seats from plane crashes.
164
00:06:21,742 --> 00:06:23,442
This is all we're authorized to give.
165
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:26,247
Please, someone take this deal,
166
00:06:26,347 --> 00:06:28,569
because it only gets worse from here.
167
00:06:29,851 --> 00:06:32,752
All right. I'm sorry,
everyone, but Jackpot protocol
168
00:06:32,787 --> 00:06:34,387
says until four of you take the offer,
169
00:06:34,422 --> 00:06:36,522
there's no food, no drinks
170
00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:37,856
and no bathrooms.
171
00:06:39,761 --> 00:06:41,727
Now you understand why I oohed
172
00:06:41,763 --> 00:06:42,952
when she offered the money.
173
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,680
- Hey, I'll give you five bucks for the...
- Ew, no.
174
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:57,015
No, for the water.
175
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,803
I'm dying here, and they
won't give us anything.
176
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,754
- I'll sell it to you for $20.
- Deal.
177
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,232
Just wondering, what
made you say, "Ew, no,"
178
00:07:07,268 --> 00:07:08,867
and, uh, how much for that?
179
00:07:12,451 --> 00:07:13,571
Uh-uh.
180
00:07:17,852 --> 00:07:19,369
Okay, I'm ready for more date.
181
00:07:19,469 --> 00:07:20,987
Don't you have to focus on getting
182
00:07:21,022 --> 00:07:22,255
four people off this plane?
183
00:07:22,290 --> 00:07:23,956
Nah, someone's gonna crack.
184
00:07:23,992 --> 00:07:25,958
In the meantime, we've had shampoo.
185
00:07:25,994 --> 00:07:27,389
- What's for conditioner?
- Well,
186
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:28,621
I'm glad you asked.
187
00:07:30,139 --> 00:07:32,359
Is that supposed to be sushi?
188
00:07:32,395 --> 00:07:34,762
May I present to you
freshly caught Swedish Fish
189
00:07:34,797 --> 00:07:36,163
on Rice Krispy Treats.
190
00:07:36,198 --> 00:07:37,765
I call it the Hudson News Roll.
191
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,066
I know how much you like crap.
192
00:07:39,101 --> 00:07:40,667
I love crap.
193
00:07:40,703 --> 00:07:42,813
Ronnie, report to the cockpit.
194
00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:45,339
Aw, crap. I'll be right back.
195
00:07:51,213 --> 00:07:54,248
Hey, Dave, we are totally on
top of this overbooked thing.
196
00:07:54,283 --> 00:07:56,250
I'm sure people are
gonna start dropping soon.
197
00:07:56,285 --> 00:07:58,352
I'm actually not sure why they haven't yet.
198
00:07:58,387 --> 00:07:59,686
Cheez-Its are $10. Waters are $20.
199
00:07:59,722 --> 00:08:01,255
I do not make change.
200
00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:02,923
I don't care about that.
I called you in to talk
201
00:08:02,958 --> 00:08:04,425
about how love is the worst
202
00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:06,633
and to rip up photos of our exes.
203
00:08:06,733 --> 00:08:09,500
I don't actually have any photos
of Gwen, so I had to improvise.
204
00:08:09,536 --> 00:08:11,336
I'm sorry, Dave.
205
00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:14,305
But I'm actually feeling pretty
hopeful about love right now.
206
00:08:14,341 --> 00:08:15,795
You're abandoning me, too?
207
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:18,312
Traitor. This is you now.
208
00:08:26,197 --> 00:08:27,233
Sorry, Alan.
209
00:08:27,258 --> 00:08:28,828
I know how hard you worked on that.
210
00:08:29,893 --> 00:08:32,807
Listen to me, Caroline, this
is the gate agents' fault.
211
00:08:32,982 --> 00:08:34,581
You're the gate agent.
212
00:08:34,617 --> 00:08:36,138
It's your fault, Caroline.
213
00:08:36,828 --> 00:08:38,371
Then come in here and talk to me.
214
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,591
Well, I'm not coming out there.
215
00:08:41,123 --> 00:08:42,222
Fine.
216
00:08:42,258 --> 00:08:43,574
We'll meet in Switzerland.
217
00:08:44,427 --> 00:08:46,960
I don't know what's taking
you sky waiters so long,
218
00:08:46,996 --> 00:08:48,529
but we need this gate.
219
00:08:48,564 --> 00:08:51,365
Believe it or not, other
flights need to take off, too.
220
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,634
The world doesn't revolve
around you and your little plane.
221
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,969
We would've been long gone if
you hadn't kept tossing bodies
222
00:08:56,005 --> 00:08:57,871
in here like it was a Malaysian rickshaw.
223
00:08:57,907 --> 00:08:59,873
Well, when corporate calls to ask
224
00:08:59,909 --> 00:09:02,076
why their entire schedule's delayed,
225
00:09:02,111 --> 00:09:05,045
I'll be telling them it's
because you couldn't handle
226
00:09:05,081 --> 00:09:06,315
your business, Bernard.
227
00:09:06,316 --> 00:09:09,005
You keep my name out of
your ramen-breath mouth.
228
00:09:09,105 --> 00:09:10,671
It's not ramen.
229
00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:12,204
It's pho.
230
00:09:13,976 --> 00:09:15,476
Ronnie, two things.
231
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:18,079
Caroline has a surprisingly
international palate.
232
00:09:18,114 --> 00:09:20,695
she's gonna pin this all
on us if we don't take off soon.
233
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,450
Why won't any of these people leave?
234
00:09:22,485 --> 00:09:24,919
I don't know. I mean, who
cares this much about a fight?
235
00:09:24,987 --> 00:09:27,421
If you offered me 250
bucks to get off this plane,
236
00:09:27,457 --> 00:09:29,123
I'd be knee-deep in Red Lobster
237
00:09:29,158 --> 00:09:31,392
- Cheddar Bay Biscuits by now.
- We need to do something.
238
00:09:31,427 --> 00:09:33,627
We already have Jackpot's second
worst on-time departure rating.
239
00:09:33,663 --> 00:09:35,239
Any worse and we lose to Tampa.
240
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:36,297
Tampa, Ronnie!
241
00:09:36,332 --> 00:09:37,331
Well, what are we supposed to do?
242
00:09:37,366 --> 00:09:38,963
We already took away everything.
243
00:09:40,002 --> 00:09:41,335
Not everything.
244
00:09:48,577 --> 00:09:50,596
Let's see how long they last without AC.
245
00:09:54,532 --> 00:09:57,068
Sir, since we're overbooked,
246
00:09:57,234 --> 00:10:01,164
would you mind stowing your
wooden boy to free up a seat?
247
00:10:01,578 --> 00:10:03,821
Hey, I paid for this
seat. I'm sittin' in it.
248
00:10:04,026 --> 00:10:05,993
Hey, can we talk like humans?
249
00:10:06,028 --> 00:10:08,863
I mean, he should move.
He's not even real man.
250
00:10:08,898 --> 00:10:10,985
Neither are you, and you're not getting up.
251
00:10:11,267 --> 00:10:12,900
That is so immature.
252
00:10:12,935 --> 00:10:15,302
You're using dummy to be mean to me?
253
00:10:15,338 --> 00:10:18,873
"Dummy"? This dummy's got
three sold-out shows at the Rio
254
00:10:18,908 --> 00:10:21,217
this weekend, you trash-humper.
255
00:10:21,951 --> 00:10:24,411
Hey, what did you just call me?
256
00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:25,379
Nothing.
257
00:10:25,414 --> 00:10:26,680
Trash-humper.
258
00:10:26,716 --> 00:10:28,015
That's slander!
259
00:10:28,050 --> 00:10:30,017
I don't do that with trash!
260
00:10:30,052 --> 00:10:33,085
Oh, no? Then what are you
doing with that can of Pringles?
261
00:10:33,193 --> 00:10:35,356
Oh, I'm using this as my wallet.
262
00:10:39,428 --> 00:10:41,729
I don't know what you're up
to, but your vibe is all wrong.
263
00:10:41,764 --> 00:10:43,297
I'm trying to get four
people off this plane.
264
00:10:43,332 --> 00:10:45,032
Are you with us or against us?
265
00:10:45,067 --> 00:10:46,400
I don't know what you mean, Bernard.
266
00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:48,283
I'm just a clueless stripper.
267
00:10:48,750 --> 00:10:49,749
Uh-huh.
268
00:10:49,788 --> 00:10:51,506
One eyebrow is already raised.
269
00:10:51,541 --> 00:10:53,129
Don't make me raise the other.
270
00:10:56,979 --> 00:10:59,513
- Do you mind, bro?
- Oh! Excuse me.
271
00:10:59,549 --> 00:11:01,582
Um, I don't know where you
expect me to stand though.
272
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:04,251
It's a packed plane, and
this gentleman took my seat.
273
00:11:04,287 --> 00:11:06,387
Aye, well, he's a Kang fan.
They don't respect anything.
274
00:11:06,422 --> 00:11:08,022
Hey, you talking about us?
275
00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:09,890
Yeah, maybe I am. What
are you gonna do about it?
276
00:11:11,991 --> 00:11:13,727
Okay, let's calm down!
277
00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:25,525
Hey.
278
00:11:25,717 --> 00:11:26,602
Hey!
279
00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:28,270
I was just about to sneak you a water.
280
00:11:28,370 --> 00:11:30,136
I swear, not all dates with me
281
00:11:30,172 --> 00:11:32,105
will end in an epic struggle for survival.
282
00:11:32,140 --> 00:11:34,540
But no promises if we
move into a relationship.
283
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,342
Ronnie, this is crazy. I should go.
284
00:11:36,378 --> 00:11:38,111
I mean, I am the only person on this flight
285
00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:40,180
that doesn't actually need
to be in Vegas, and you seem
286
00:11:40,215 --> 00:11:42,399
- so stressed.
- Don't you dare.
287
00:11:42,554 --> 00:11:45,099
You are the one person I
actually want on this plane.
288
00:11:45,253 --> 00:11:46,869
Ronnie, new problem.
289
00:11:47,255 --> 00:11:50,323
I mean, there was a problem,
but I solved it, so it's fine.
290
00:11:50,358 --> 00:11:52,726
Yeah, the-the two groups of
angry shoulders in the cabin
291
00:11:52,761 --> 00:11:55,161
were getting ready to
fight, but I averted disaster
292
00:11:55,197 --> 00:11:57,660
by pointing out we should
all be supporting the troops.
293
00:11:57,933 --> 00:12:00,200
- It's the ultimate sacrifice.
- They're protecting our freedom.
294
00:12:00,268 --> 00:12:01,768
So they're fine, for now,
295
00:12:01,803 --> 00:12:03,169
although I would keep an eye on them.
296
00:12:03,238 --> 00:12:06,139
As my father once said,
a watched pot never boils.
297
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:09,197
That's right. My father was the homemaker.
298
00:12:11,608 --> 00:12:13,346
Well, now I have a fight to worry about.
299
00:12:13,415 --> 00:12:15,408
Great, that's just one more thing...
300
00:12:17,628 --> 00:12:19,546
I'll be right back.
301
00:12:20,527 --> 00:12:22,856
When those guys almost
fought, what set them off?
302
00:12:22,891 --> 00:12:24,190
Well, it was a number of factors.
303
00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:26,159
Uh, cultural differences,
304
00:12:26,194 --> 00:12:27,594
performative masculinity,
305
00:12:27,662 --> 00:12:29,028
me. It was... it was me.
306
00:12:29,064 --> 00:12:30,530
Great! Go do that again.
307
00:12:30,565 --> 00:12:31,531
What-what do you mean?
308
00:12:31,566 --> 00:12:34,067
You sweet, devious genius.
309
00:12:34,324 --> 00:12:36,408
If they fight, we have a
reason to kick them off.
310
00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:38,659
Hold on, how am I supposed
to make them that angry?
311
00:12:38,707 --> 00:12:40,595
Just tell them one of those things you say,
312
00:12:40,664 --> 00:12:43,598
like "A-a touchscreen will never
replace the feel of a book."
313
00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:45,711
So you just want to hear a
bunch of men loudly agree?
314
00:12:45,811 --> 00:12:46,720
Go!
315
00:13:00,077 --> 00:13:01,257
I hear you're carrying.
316
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:02,491
That depends.
317
00:13:02,591 --> 00:13:04,678
Am I talking to Dave or Captain Dave?
318
00:13:04,778 --> 00:13:07,345
I'm just a guy whose
feelings got out of the pen,
319
00:13:07,381 --> 00:13:09,047
and now I'm looking for
some chocolate cowboys
320
00:13:09,082 --> 00:13:10,847
- to round 'em up.
- I've got what you need.
321
00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:15,320
Not here.
322
00:13:15,345 --> 00:13:16,482
I know a place.
323
00:13:17,573 --> 00:13:18,766
Hey, Nichole!
324
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,859
Can you please help me? I'm very thirsty.
325
00:13:20,894 --> 00:13:22,093
I'm sorry, Artem.
326
00:13:22,129 --> 00:13:24,134
Business is booming. I'm all out.
327
00:13:25,699 --> 00:13:28,063
Hey, buddy, you want a sip of this?
328
00:13:28,293 --> 00:13:31,078
Oh, thank you. That's very generous of you.
329
00:13:38,516 --> 00:13:39,469
Oops.
330
00:13:39,776 --> 00:13:41,976
How can you be so cruel?
331
00:13:42,346 --> 00:13:45,680
I'm just a simple man
trying to get to Vegas
332
00:13:45,748 --> 00:13:49,350
so that I may spread the
ashes of my beloved father
333
00:13:49,385 --> 00:13:51,319
in the canals of the Venetian.
334
00:13:52,705 --> 00:13:54,655
Was your dad a trash-humper, too?
335
00:13:54,691 --> 00:13:56,958
Who was your mom, a wadded-up napkin?
336
00:13:57,294 --> 00:13:58,992
Ronnie!
337
00:14:01,634 --> 00:14:03,497
So, I don't want to cause any trouble, uh,
338
00:14:03,533 --> 00:14:06,267
but I believe I heard
some of the Irish fans,
339
00:14:06,302 --> 00:14:09,036
uh, insulting your-your Samoan heritage...
340
00:14:09,072 --> 00:14:10,943
...insulting your Irish heritage...
341
00:14:11,043 --> 00:14:14,175
...and referred to Samoa
as Earth's third nipple.
342
00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:18,012
They also said that Liam Neeson
is aging into an old woman.
343
00:14:18,047 --> 00:14:20,756
...saying that Samoa is barely a Guam.
344
00:14:21,184 --> 00:14:23,184
And they said your music sounds like
345
00:14:23,219 --> 00:14:24,986
a "busted-ass ringtone."
346
00:14:25,054 --> 00:14:26,921
And they said the most common blood type
347
00:14:26,956 --> 00:14:29,457
for a Samoan is chocolate milkshake.
348
00:14:33,696 --> 00:14:35,196
Come on. Seriously, Artem?
349
00:14:35,231 --> 00:14:36,631
You're fighting with a puppet?
350
00:14:36,666 --> 00:14:38,272
Well, he started it.
351
00:14:38,372 --> 00:14:41,168
Miss, I'm as surprised as you are.
352
00:14:41,204 --> 00:14:43,337
I politely explained that my dummy
353
00:14:43,373 --> 00:14:45,106
is too valuable to be stowed.
354
00:14:45,141 --> 00:14:47,743
He just started yelling and sweating at me.
355
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:50,311
That is untrue! And, yes, I know
356
00:14:50,346 --> 00:14:52,046
I'm doing both things right now,
357
00:14:52,081 --> 00:14:54,749
which doesn't help my case, I know.
358
00:14:54,784 --> 00:14:56,951
Look, I know everyone's going
359
00:14:56,986 --> 00:14:58,953
a little crazy right now, but don't worry.
360
00:14:58,988 --> 00:15:01,055
We're gonna be getting people
off this plane any minute.
361
00:15:01,155 --> 00:15:03,190
I hear you're talking smack, Lucky Charms.
362
00:15:03,226 --> 00:15:05,326
I'm just saying that you
and your wee buddies here
363
00:15:05,361 --> 00:15:07,628
should stop ruining this for
everyone and get off the plane.
364
00:15:07,697 --> 00:15:10,197
I'll send you off this plane in a body bag.
365
00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:11,465
- At least I fit in a body bad.
- You're dead meat.
366
00:15:11,501 --> 00:15:13,834
Hey, stop! Hey, come on, guys. Back off.
367
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,870
I-I don't think you understand
what we're trying to do here.
368
00:15:15,905 --> 00:15:19,106
Look, the whole point of watching MMA,
369
00:15:19,142 --> 00:15:22,176
is to get your aggression out
in a healthy, non-violent way.
370
00:15:22,211 --> 00:15:24,812
Now, for me, that's hate-whisking
371
00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:26,536
a stiff-peaked meringue.
372
00:15:26,636 --> 00:15:29,424
For you guys, that's
watching Kang-McKnickerson.
373
00:15:29,906 --> 00:15:33,253
Now, those guys fight so you don't have to.
374
00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:35,876
That...
375
00:15:37,043 --> 00:15:38,417
actually makes sense.
376
00:15:38,517 --> 00:15:41,518
Okay. We'll let Kang and McKnickerson
377
00:15:41,553 --> 00:15:43,520
settle this for us then, will we?
378
00:15:46,639 --> 00:15:47,815
What just happened?
379
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:50,177
Ronald, this is not resolved!
380
00:15:50,213 --> 00:15:53,430
Ah, what's wrong? Miss
your mommy, trash-humper?
381
00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:55,049
What did you just do?
382
00:15:55,489 --> 00:15:57,022
Uh, saved the day.
383
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,440
Those guys were about to kill each other.
384
00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,973
Yes. That's what we want.
385
00:16:00,008 --> 00:16:01,208
If they fight, we can kick them off.
386
00:16:01,243 --> 00:16:02,576
If we kick them off, we can leave.
387
00:16:02,611 --> 00:16:04,077
Well, if I knew that was the plan,
388
00:16:04,113 --> 00:16:06,379
I still would have stopped it,
because that's a terrible plan.
389
00:16:06,415 --> 00:16:08,048
Physical violence was our
best chance out of here.
390
00:16:08,083 --> 00:16:09,783
Now no one's gonna fight.
391
00:16:09,818 --> 00:16:13,420
For the last time, I'm
tired of your insults!
392
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:15,909
What the...?
393
00:16:17,025 --> 00:16:18,992
- What are you doing?
- You little... you little...
394
00:16:19,971 --> 00:16:23,132
Oh. I do have a fetish.
395
00:16:29,047 --> 00:16:31,147
Careful I bruise like a peach.
396
00:16:31,837 --> 00:16:32,983
Yeah.
397
00:16:33,504 --> 00:16:34,804
Well, that's three off.
398
00:16:34,829 --> 00:16:36,877
We just need one more person. Any ideas?
399
00:16:37,448 --> 00:16:39,516
- I'll do it.
- Not you, Alan.
400
00:16:39,616 --> 00:16:40,639
Oh. The...
401
00:16:41,317 --> 00:16:44,085
Hey. Hey. So, uh,
402
00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:45,486
obviously, this didn't really
403
00:16:45,555 --> 00:16:46,887
turn out the way I planned.
404
00:16:46,956 --> 00:16:47,922
Uh, the whole "date on a plane" thing
405
00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:49,256
was obviously a bad idea.
406
00:16:49,325 --> 00:16:50,925
- I think I'm gonna go.
- No.
407
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:52,059
No, Bryan, don't.
408
00:16:52,084 --> 00:16:53,894
I'm-I'm so sorry about before.
409
00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:56,543
Ah, look, y-you're stressed.
It's-it's cool, I get it.
410
00:16:56,568 --> 00:16:59,469
I just, I think it's better
for everybody if I leave.
411
00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:01,168
We'll figure out something else.
412
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,536
I-I'll call you.
413
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:05,624
Bye.
414
00:17:07,677 --> 00:17:09,496
Is there any chance he meant that?
415
00:17:09,999 --> 00:17:13,401
Oh, sweetie. I think you
know my sarcastic reply.
416
00:17:15,572 --> 00:17:18,172
Good news. We got four
people off the plane.
417
00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:20,929
Well, three people and
one pre-wish Pinocchio.
418
00:17:20,997 --> 00:17:22,914
- But we can take off.
- Great.
419
00:17:23,014 --> 00:17:24,386
Now I have to talk to ATC and remember
420
00:17:24,387 --> 00:17:26,167
that Gwen's not there
because she's with Rod.
421
00:17:26,434 --> 00:17:27,470
Why him?
422
00:17:27,727 --> 00:17:29,068
I've been saving up my miles.
423
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:30,876
I could have taken her to Poundtown.
424
00:17:31,015 --> 00:17:32,948
Oh, Dave. Okay, look.
425
00:17:32,973 --> 00:17:35,880
When it comes to love, there
are two types of people:
426
00:17:35,980 --> 00:17:37,480
Kangs and McKnickersons.
427
00:17:37,759 --> 00:17:40,345
Kangs play defense,
protecting their hearts,
428
00:17:40,402 --> 00:17:42,169
throwing out the occasional jabs.
429
00:17:42,237 --> 00:17:43,804
But McKnickersons leave themselves open
430
00:17:43,872 --> 00:17:45,572
to taking those bigger swings.
431
00:17:45,641 --> 00:17:47,841
What are you saying? Put
money on Kang in the third?
432
00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:50,143
No. I'm saying you're a McKnickerson.
433
00:17:50,212 --> 00:17:51,812
You're always throwing emotional haymakers,
434
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:52,998
which leaves you open
435
00:17:53,098 --> 00:17:55,499
to some pretty painful gut
punches, but that's okay.
436
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:58,551
Because when you connect,
you're gonna connect big.
437
00:17:58,683 --> 00:17:59,836
You're gonna find love.
438
00:18:00,252 --> 00:18:01,704
You're too good of a guy not to.
439
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,562
You know, I've been
piloting planes for so long,
440
00:18:04,662 --> 00:18:06,576
sometimes I forget how
to pilot my own life.
441
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,670
Okay, but don't say stuff like that,
442
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:10,469
because it makes me feel
like I'm wasting my time.
443
00:18:10,809 --> 00:18:11,815
Hmm.
444
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,711
Well, Dave, I'm back with you.
445
00:18:16,736 --> 00:18:18,203
Love is the worst.
446
00:18:18,406 --> 00:18:20,282
Bryan did everything
he could to make it work
447
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,150
and I still screwed it up.
448
00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:25,120
Maybe it's not the job, maybe it's us.
449
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:26,955
Hmm. Might be us, but it's not me.
450
00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:29,291
Sorry, Ronnie. The bitter
Captain Dave caterpillar
451
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,893
has emerged from his grief
cocoon as a hopeful butterfly
452
00:18:31,962 --> 00:18:33,995
looking for a sexy flower to pollinate.
453
00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:35,699
Bees pollinate, stupid.
454
00:18:35,724 --> 00:18:37,216
Butterflies do it, too.
455
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,000
- They're just less efficient.
- You're a traitor.
456
00:18:39,025 --> 00:18:41,415
Alan, do you have any
Dave drawings in that pile?
457
00:18:41,805 --> 00:18:42,958
Um...
458
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:46,207
Is this a nude?
459
00:18:46,232 --> 00:18:47,370
I didn't pose for that.
460
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:49,405
You didn't not pose for it.
461
00:18:58,121 --> 00:18:59,220
Where did everyone go?
462
00:18:59,289 --> 00:19:00,388
You'll never believe this.
463
00:19:00,413 --> 00:19:01,466
The fight's off.
464
00:19:01,491 --> 00:19:02,691
Kang missed the weigh-in.
465
00:19:02,734 --> 00:19:04,069
He was on the Jackpot flight out of Tampa.
466
00:19:04,094 --> 00:19:05,560
They never even left the gate.
467
00:19:05,662 --> 00:19:06,772
We're not the worst.
468
00:19:06,872 --> 00:19:08,196
Bye, guys. I'll see you next week.
469
00:19:08,332 --> 00:19:09,431
Wait. You're out, too?
470
00:19:09,499 --> 00:19:10,665
Don't you have to work this weekend?
471
00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:12,200
Not anymore. I made a fortune today.
472
00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:13,435
Which reminds me,
473
00:19:13,503 --> 00:19:14,936
this is for your troubles.
474
00:19:15,005 --> 00:19:15,971
Bye.
475
00:19:17,462 --> 00:19:19,854
We're all gonna be working
for her one day, aren't we?
476
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,421
I know this sounds crazy,
477
00:19:25,521 --> 00:19:27,714
but, um, that's actually my seat.
478
00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:36,558
- Ugh.
- Flight 334...
479
00:19:36,627 --> 00:19:38,860
Remind me never to run
out of ink in front of you.
480
00:19:40,432 --> 00:19:42,659
Do you fancy a-a drink and a talk?
481
00:19:42,755 --> 00:19:45,800
I don't know if I want to talk,
but I definitely want a drink.
482
00:19:45,869 --> 00:19:47,569
Okay, perfect. Well, how about this:
483
00:19:47,638 --> 00:19:49,004
you finish whatever you're doing here,
484
00:19:49,072 --> 00:19:50,305
and I'll meet you at the bar.
485
00:19:50,539 --> 00:19:51,768
Yeah, I'd like that.
486
00:19:52,009 --> 00:19:52,968
Okay.
487
00:19:58,185 --> 00:20:00,010
Excuse me, miss, is this
what you're looking for?
488
00:20:00,035 --> 00:20:00,966
Bryan.
489
00:20:01,018 --> 00:20:03,518
Hi. Uh, wh-what are you doing here?
490
00:20:03,587 --> 00:20:06,154
We said we'd figure out
things later, and I figured out
491
00:20:06,223 --> 00:20:07,989
that if I bought a ticket on Southwest,
492
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:10,782
they'd get me here in half
the time as it takes Jackpot.
493
00:20:10,995 --> 00:20:13,262
Yes, but do they also lose your bags?
494
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,127
I thought that if we can't make a date work
495
00:20:16,227 --> 00:20:18,627
out in the world, or on a plane,
496
00:20:19,213 --> 00:20:22,264
the least I could do is take
you to dinner in Terminal Three?
497
00:20:33,177 --> 00:20:34,510
- You still need this?
- No.
498
00:20:34,578 --> 00:20:36,145
Great.
499
00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:39,714
God, the airport has so many good options.
500
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:40,728
I know.
501
00:20:40,753 --> 00:20:42,051
Love is the worst.
502
00:20:44,740 --> 00:20:45,952
I know, buddy.
503
00:20:48,220 --> 00:20:50,300
Rip these up, it might help.
504
00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:52,046
Who am I tearing up?
505
00:20:52,275 --> 00:20:54,178
I don't know. Alan sucks at art.
506
00:21:01,853 --> 00:21:03,217
Oh, excuse me.
507
00:21:03,286 --> 00:21:04,352
Oh, hey, there, eh.
508
00:21:04,394 --> 00:21:05,733
This is my first time to Vegas.
509
00:21:05,758 --> 00:21:07,155
Do you want to know the rules about hockey?
510
00:21:07,223 --> 00:21:08,556
What's your name, eh? You got to speak up.
511
00:21:08,625 --> 00:21:10,525
I blew an eardrum out at a
Rush show a few years back,
512
00:21:10,593 --> 00:21:12,660
and then I took a puck to the other ear.
513
00:21:12,729 --> 00:21:14,529
Oh, bit of a shy guy, huh?
514
00:21:14,554 --> 00:21:16,033
That's all right. I'll do all the talking.
515
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:17,465
I got a lot to talk aboot.
516
00:21:17,534 --> 00:21:19,267
You ever have poutine? I don't like it.
517
00:21:19,335 --> 00:21:20,507
But I eat it.
518
00:21:21,022 --> 00:21:22,208
Ronnie!