1 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,134 Announcer: And he's down. That's it! 2 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:20,051 That's it. Cleon "slammin" salmon 3 00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:23,437 is still the heavyweight champion of the world. 4 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,269 What a deadly punch. It's all over. 5 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,268 Hi. Two? 6 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,039 Hey, buddy. 7 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,915 Do me a favor. My girlfriend don't like her tuna. 8 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,379 - Oh, I'm sorry. - It's fine. 9 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,031 What do you mean? You just said it was undercooked. 10 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,512 - Tell the guy. - It's fine, Anthony. The guy is busy. 11 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:42,641 Stacy, he's a monkey wrench. It's his job. Look. 12 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,932 Oh, let me get that for you. 13 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,188 See? Just tell him what you want and he'll do it. 14 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,474 - I'm not even that hungry. - You know what? 15 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,689 Look, this is a little raw. Just put a little fire on it, all right, buddy? 16 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:57,027 Uh, sir, tuna is a very delicate fish. 17 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,678 Whoa. You think you're better than me? 18 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,784 No, I don't think I'm better than you, sir. 19 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,674 Well, you talk to me like I never ate a piece of fucking fish before. 20 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,493 I'm sure you've had some fish before, sir. 21 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,704 You know what? Tell the chef to cook it nice. 22 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:11,871 And here, we need more butter. 23 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,335 Okay. I will be right back. 24 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,420 - Yeah, you will. - Thank you. 25 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:18,301 Now we got no butter. 26 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,048 Dave, can I get a re-fire? 27 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,683 What did you just say to me? 28 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,345 The guy on table five wants it cooked a little bit more. 29 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,356 No, they asked for it medium rare. It's perfect. 30 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,963 If he wants it cooked more tell him to go shove it up his ass. 31 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,729 You want me to tell that guy to cook this in his ass? 32 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,398 Yeah, within the inside of his anus. 33 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:42,909 - Come on, Dave. - Fine. 34 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,704 Fuck him if he doesn't know what medium rare is. 35 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,084 Anthony: Are you kidding me? 36 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:54,667 When I said cook it nice, I didn't mean bring it back looking like a fucking turd. 37 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,298 Sir, I actually do not cook the food. I am just a waiter. 38 00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:58,925 Oh, a smart guy. 39 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,696 You want to get smart with me, smart guy? 40 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:03,134 Oh, great. What are you gonna do, kick his ass? 41 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,593 Yeah, maybe I am. You want me to? 42 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,429 Sure, go ahead. 43 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,523 You always got to beat the shit out of the loser. 44 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,125 Like the waiter at the macaroni grill, the waiter at the olive garden, 45 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,605 the waiter at buca di beppo. 46 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,463 Sir, here at the slammin' salmon there are no problems, just solutions. 47 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:18,149 You know what? Here, you puck ass bitch. Here. 48 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,634 You like that? How about some of that? 49 00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,240 Tell me what that tastes like. And you better say like shit. 50 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,402 Like shit. 51 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,266 Good, now get the fuck out of here and bring us some swordfish instead. 52 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,746 I'll be right back. 53 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,498 And you better not spit that out. 54 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,284 Okay, I will not. 55 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,952 Thank you. 56 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,295 Up yours, you shit bird. 57 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,881 You've got to be fucking fucking me. 58 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,513 Were you just eating that piece of fish on the floor? 59 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:48,300 You have no idea. This guy made me eat it. 60 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,513 Oh, really? 61 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:53,055 A customer shoved the food in your mouth and told you you had to eat it? 62 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,349 Yeah. He actually told me I couldn't spit it out too. 63 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,893 Oh man, that's crazy. What? 64 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,562 And I'm the prime minister of narnia. 65 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,489 You're paying for that piece of fish. 66 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,991 It was a send back. 67 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,806 Then you should have put it in the send back area. 68 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,991 - You're paying for it. - You know what? 69 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,704 Fuck this, Carl. I quit. 70 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,584 Fine, but I'm not the one you have to tell. 71 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,337 You've got to tell the champ. 72 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,502 And I know you don't have the guts to do it. 73 00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:28,511 All right then, I'll just leave. Screw the champ. 74 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,518 You really think you can walk out of here without telling the champ? 75 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,519 You remember Marty millman? 76 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:37,148 Marty millman is breathing through a hole in his throat right now. 77 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:40,686 Rich, he will find you and ass fuck you 78 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,525 in the face or in the mouth. 79 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,031 Fine. Fine, I'll tell him to his face. 80 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,908 - Okay, fine. - I'll tell him myself. 81 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,798 - Okay, go for it. - I'm gonna go right now. 82 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,635 - Okay, good luck. - I'm not afraid of him. 83 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,197 - Okay, bye-bye. - I'll see you soon. 84 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,366 - We'll be here. - Carl. 85 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,081 In his face, right? 86 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,912 Shit. Fuck it. Fuck this. 87 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:38,077 Hey, Carl. Rich parente is not a quitter. 88 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:42,081 Whoa! 89 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,050 Guess we ain't getting our swordfish. 90 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,520 Ow. 91 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,961 Dude, last night was sick. 92 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:24,294 I was rolling with my boys down at club merengue 93 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,583 and they called last call. 94 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,968 So I reminded them it's now daylight savings 95 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,255 and we got an extra hour. 96 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:35,176 And in that hour I had five smirnoff ices... 97 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:39,645 And I walked out of there with a Bangladeshi hooker. 98 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,562 I banged her deshi all night long. 99 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,654 Where'd you go pimping last night, playboy? 100 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,611 I too had a wild night last night. 101 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,322 I made sweet hot love to an orangutan. 102 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,407 Really? A bachelor party? 103 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,368 - Oh yeah. - What'd it smell like? 104 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,908 - Bananas mostly. - Really? 105 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,452 Guy, I'm pulling your leg. 106 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,748 I did not fuck an orangutan last night. 107 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,686 I have student teacher evaluations coming up. 108 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,584 Keep going, playboy. I'm listening. 109 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,845 - There's one kid who... - Hey. 110 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,426 So, did you hear who's coming back tonight? 111 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:21,188 Yeah, Connor. God, I can't believe it. 112 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,724 Can you imagine being the star of a TV show 113 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,421 and then having to come back and wait tables? 114 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,107 I know. It's humiliating. 115 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,902 Hey, do you think you guys will get it on again? 116 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:35,160 Yeah right. He should be so lucky. 117 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,036 You don't get two bites of the apple, 118 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:40,040 especially when it's golden delicious. 119 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,292 Oh, yeah. 120 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,623 - Dave: Chow down. - Yes! 121 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,959 - Mm-hmm. - I'm starving. 122 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,374 What you pigs are eating is the blackened COD. 123 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:53,295 It comes with Rosemary mashed potatoes and tempura mushrooms. 124 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,963 It's blackened because... hey! 125 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,804 It's blackened because I bought 60 pieces last Tuesday and it's gone bad. 126 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,688 I'll give a free dessert to whoever sells the most of this shit. 127 00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,438 - You bitch. - Rich: Guys. 128 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,191 I hate to be a ball buster, but somebody was toking marijuana 129 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:10,149 in the coat checkroom last night and that is a big no no never. 130 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,439 Rich, you put me on for a double tomorrow. 131 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,136 You said you needed money for ballet school. 132 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,900 I do, but I also told you 133 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,115 that I'd get shin splints if I work a double. 134 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,371 - Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. - That's right. 135 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,645 Shin splints, okay, you're right. I will change that right away. 136 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,909 Who the hell is that? 137 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,248 Oh, that's our new busboy. 138 00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,254 Donnie, could you come over here, please? 139 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,588 Donnie is Dave's twin brother. 140 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,218 Straighten your fucking bow tie. 141 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:37,096 No, you went too far. Back. 142 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,262 I'll warn you guys now, he's a complete retard. 143 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,678 - I told you not to call me that. - You what? 144 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,097 - I said you're the retard. - You're the retard! 145 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:46,890 - You're the retard. - You're the retard. 146 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,683 - You're the re... - Shut up! 147 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,979 - Weird. - Donnie kanogi, hi. 148 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,774 - You a douchebag like your brother? - No, I... 149 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,448 - Donnie kanogi. - Tara. 150 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,705 Don't worry about it. My sister's a dick too. I get it. 151 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,083 Ladies and gentlemen, straight from TV land, 152 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,039 our old friend Connor rhodes! 153 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,794 What's up? What's up? 154 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,626 I missed each and every one of you. 155 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,882 Rich: Look at him. Look at this guy. 156 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,918 - Hey. - There you go. 157 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,712 We watched you every single Sunday for two weeks. 158 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,552 Hot stuff. 159 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,307 - Dude! Ha ha! - Whoa! 160 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,969 Oh, you did get a nose job. 161 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,934 No no, my hair is longer and it makes my face look tiny. 162 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,315 We noticed it looked smaller ontv 163 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,317 but we thought it was makeup. 164 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:35,982 It's strange, I know, but the camera actually takes 2 lbs off your nose. 165 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,820 I think you took 2 lbs off your nose. 166 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:41,327 Nice one, dick p. But seriously, I did not get a nose job. 167 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,238 Hey, true to form, you're an hour late. 168 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,829 - Nuh-uh. Daylight savings. - Then you should be an hour early. 169 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,459 - Oh. - Pretty good, huh? 170 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,588 All right, everybody, hit the floor. Let's have a big night tonight. 171 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,398 - Whoo! - Let's see some pep in that step. 172 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,667 - Let's do it. - Oh, I'm Donnie. 173 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,605 - Welcome back. - Thank you. Nice to see you. 174 00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,129 - Good to see you. - You look good. 175 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,298 - You do too. - How are you doing? 176 00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,842 Mmm. 177 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,306 Wow, frosty. 178 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,062 So are you gonna be all right with this? 179 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,503 Yeah yeah. Well, you know, I spent a shitload of cash I didn't have. 180 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,767 So... got to eat. 181 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,606 Go to work. 182 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,987 - Okay. Working, huh? - Yeah. 183 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,289 So what, you like quit tobeonatv show? 184 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,583 Yeah yeah, I got a lead role on "cfil hotlanta." 185 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:39,047 - No way. - Yeah. 186 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,884 Connor walked out of here in a Blaze of glory. 187 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,265 Uh-huh. 188 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,050 Uh-huh. 189 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,935 Uh-huh. 190 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,721 Uh-huh. 191 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,311 Yeah! Yeah! 192 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,396 I'm famous! Whoo! 193 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:58,155 I'm famous! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya! 194 00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,905 Whoo-hoo! 195 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,192 Mm-mmm. 196 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,952 Cole slaw never tasted so good. 197 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,488 Whoo-hoo! 198 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,998 Fucking big nose. 199 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,660 Suck it. Eat a dick. Eat a dick. 200 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,874 Suck it. Lick it. Stick it. 201 00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,584 Double dick it. 202 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:19,125 And fuck you! 203 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,924 - Cole slaw! - Yeah. 204 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,967 They killed me off after two episodes. 205 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,808 - Aw, how come? - Because every time he came on TV 206 00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,982 America threw up in their mouths just a little bit. 207 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,151 Oh, yes. 208 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:38,187 Actually, it's because the actress who plays the police commissioner 209 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,231 and I took a little trip to ejacuidor together. 210 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:44,367 Whoa, wait. Isn't that Morgan Fairchild? 211 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,573 It is Morgan Fairchild. 212 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:47,783 - What? - All right. 213 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:48,957 - Dude! - She's hot! 214 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,662 But the creator of the show, this guy named dick lobo, 215 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,578 got jealous and suddenly detective shep winford 216 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:58,340 would up dead in a petting zoo with the killer's sperm in his shoes. 217 00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:01,046 Wait, his sperm was in your shoe? 218 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,337 Whatever, dude. Tell us about Morgan Fairchild. 219 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,630 Was she wet? Was she dry? Did she laugh? Did she cry? 220 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,844 All right, day one of shooting, 221 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:11,637 Morgan Fairchild is giving me the stink eye something fierce. 222 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:16,228 At the end of the day she says, "I want to see you in my trailer." 223 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,144 So I knock on the door, open it up and go in 224 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:23,235 and Morgan Fairchild is wearing the tiniest piece of lingerie. 225 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,572 I mean, it's not even lingerie. It's like silly string. 226 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,078 - What color? - See-through. 227 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,365 - See-through? - Like a spider web. 228 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:32,827 That's so hot. 229 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,122 She says, "I've got a little welcome present for you." 230 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,163 Takes out a gift wrapped box, opens it, 231 00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:42,084 reaches in and pulls out, and I shit you not, 232 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,675 the biggest, blackest... 233 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,009 - Woman: Welcome to slammin' salmon. - Man: Thank you. 234 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:49,674 - Just one? - Just one. 235 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,934 - No no no. - Not my section. Not my section. 236 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,891 - He's definitely coming back. - No he's not. 237 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,056 - No no no no. - No no no no. 238 00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,600 - Ah! - Damn it! 239 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,144 You do not seat one person at a four top. 240 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,562 Sorry, guy. 241 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,447 Can you please wait until I get back to finish that story? 242 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,030 - I can't wait. - No dice, Jim rice. 243 00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,570 - Come on. - They've spoken, guy. 244 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,204 God! 245 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,582 Shit. 246 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,664 All right, she reaches in and pulls out, and I shit you not... 247 00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:20,455 Hey, sport. How are you? 248 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,295 Welcome to the slammin' salmon. I'm guy. 249 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,710 Well, hello, guy. I'm Horace, and thank you. 250 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,925 Oh no! 251 00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:33,218 Sounds like someone told a great story. 252 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,512 Yes it does. 253 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,488 Connor, I just sat you. Welcome back. 254 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,365 It's good we didn't get a booth. 255 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,152 Don't forget your slammin' salmon smile. 256 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,696 Donnie: Is that a real thing? 257 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,660 - Do I need to know that? - Mia: Yeah. 258 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,746 Honey, I'm not hungry. Can we just split a couple things? 259 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,253 Hi, welcome to the slammin' salmon. 260 00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,416 - Okay. - Oh my god, I know you. 261 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,301 - Really? - Oh yeah, I definitely know you. 262 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,009 - Where do I know you from? - Maybe he's in your spinning class. 263 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,925 - He looks like a spinner. - Honey, he's not a spinner. 264 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,343 Oh, god, it's driving me crazy. 265 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,261 I know I've seen you somewhere before. 266 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,806 Is it from TV do you think? 267 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,349 Oh! 268 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,734 Yes, I've got it. 269 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,112 Yeah, you waited on me last time I was here. 270 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,944 = duh. 271 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:32,861 Well, I left for a while to be one of the leads on "cfil hotlanta." 272 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:38,325 No way. I'm the black woman from "law and order," so... 273 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,290 - You're so funny. - Thanks. 274 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,956 - I'll have a Merlot. - Dry sack, rocks. 275 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,929 Ladies and gentlemen, 276 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,341 from hell's kitchen, New York, 277 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:57,226 the doctor of destruction, 278 00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,230 the captain of crunch, 279 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,642 the heavyweight champion of the world, 280 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,857 slammin' cleon salmon. 281 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,698 Thank you. I hope you find the seafood to be succulent. 282 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,284 And if you need anything, anything at all, 283 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,744 remember... ding... ring the bell. 284 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:23,286 And come back soon, or else I'll ring your bell. 285 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,670 Oh, look at that. You've been working out. 286 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,801 Let's see. Come here. Yeah. Okay. 287 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,837 Nuts, I need a drink. 288 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,178 $200 for a babysitter? I mean, come on, that's a lot of money. 289 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,092 No, you're totally worth it. 290 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,057 I know how much you love Norah Jones. 291 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,688 I love her too. I bought the tickets. Front row seats. 292 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,396 My favorite song? Um... 293 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,689 "Don't know why"? 294 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,946 Recording: Round one. 295 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,528 Oh my god. Oh my god. I've got to go. I love you. 296 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:55,193 Well, if it isn't the king of siam. 297 00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:58,283 - Make yourself at home. - Okay. Hey, champ. 298 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,458 Didn't mean to sit in your chair. Sorry about that. 299 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,957 I'm just being humorous. 300 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,211 But I do want to talk about something serious. 301 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:09,750 Are you familiar with Japanese albino hunting? 302 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,543 Can't say that I am, no. 303 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,054 Oh my god, it is all the rage in Japan right now. 304 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,385 What they do is they set a bunch of Japanese albinos 305 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,266 loose in the forest and you hunt them. 306 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,973 And you shoot them? 307 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,934 No no, it's just for sport. Strictly catch and release. 308 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,769 Who is it?! 309 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,025 Round one. 310 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:30,694 Your drink, champ. 311 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,981 Oh, crazy straw. 312 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,945 Mmm. Wow, that's good. 313 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,735 So my first time hunting these albinos 314 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,905 an albino ran right past me. 315 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,869 I got so nervous I smacked him in the head 316 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,909 and almost depacitated him. 317 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,419 It's decapitated, champ. 318 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,080 Whatever, motherfucker! 319 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,091 Hmm. Hmm. 320 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,967 Round one. 321 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,253 Now where was I? 322 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,264 You were talking about Japanese albino hunting. 323 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,766 Oh yeah. So I bet the head of the yakuza 324 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,349 20 grand that I could catch more albinos than him. 325 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,855 I mean, look at me, come on. I'm an athlete. 326 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,936 Well, you know what? I got my ass kicked. 327 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,601 And now I've got to pay him 20 grand by tomorrow. 328 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,146 Sounds like someone has to go to the atm machine. 329 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,110 Yeah, you would think that. 330 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,991 But I'm a little cash-poor right now. 331 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,529 I bought some land on the moon next to John Travolta. 332 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,948 Smart. Real estate is a very safe investment. 333 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,562 So here's what you've got to do for me. 334 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,417 I need you to make 20 grand tonight 335 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,954 or else these guys are gonna come and take the restaurant. 336 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,714 Champ, the most the restaurant 337 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,625 has ever made in one night is 15 grand. 338 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,216 Oh, boo hoo hoo. I don't care. 339 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,826 I wish you would have told me. I would have had more waiters on tonight. 340 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,841 I wish nino Gutierrez would have told me 341 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:45,056 he was gonna sock me with a hard right in the fracas in Caracas. 342 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,722 And now look at him. 343 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,810 He's dead. 344 00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:55,150 I can see that. 345 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,531 So figure it out. 346 00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:01,615 If you don't get me 20 grand by tonight I'm gonna lose the restaurant. 347 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,451 If I lose the restaurant I'm gonna be mad. 348 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,162 And if I'm mad I'm gonna beat the shit out of you 349 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,746 and break all your arms. 350 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,912 Champ, I'm gonna need those arms. 351 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,671 I got three kids. 352 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:15,424 All the more reason to keep it open. Okey-dokey? 353 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,630 Okey-dokey. 354 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,135 I'm gonna skedaddle. 355 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,638 I'll be back to check on you later. 356 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,179 Bam! 357 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,684 Round one. 358 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,096 Oh boy. 359 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:28,308 Everybody listen up, please. 360 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,147 Everybody listen up, please. 361 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,354 Hello, everyone listen to me, please. 362 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,359 Champ wants a big night tonight. 363 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,522 So he is offering a prize to the top selling waiter. 364 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,362 - Ooh, is it cash? - It's not cash, but it's something better. 365 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,743 - What, a blowjob from your mother? - Oh! 366 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:45,780 No no, it's not a blowjob from my mother, okay? 367 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,290 The prize for the top selling waiter, 368 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:52,454 two front row seats to the Norah Jones concert this week. 369 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,232 Oh my god, oh my god! I love Norah Jones. 370 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,131 Oh my god. 371 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,338 - Right? Right? - Sweet, I'm in. 372 00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,093 Are you serious? You like Norah Jones? 373 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,754 No, she's a slag. 374 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:03,869 But think of all the tang that's gonna be at that show. 375 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,600 I'll be up to my elbows in tang. Like a fucking astronaut. 376 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,308 With a space helmet on. 377 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,518 You're a weird fucking dude. You know that? 378 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,434 I am so gonna win this. Do tips count? 379 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,372 Tips count. Champ loves great service, right? 380 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:20,068 Okay, give me your tips as you get them and I'll post it up on the board, okay? 381 00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,652 - All right. - Now everyone, 382 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,284 get out there and move some fish. 383 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,787 I've never lost at anything in my life. 384 00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:35,580 Look at this good-looking group of men. 385 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,545 So are you boys hungry? 386 00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,255 Starving. 387 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:44,092 Mmm, well you know what they say about a man with a big appetite. 388 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,257 It's all true. 389 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,596 Good. 'Cause you know what? 390 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:50,932 You're gonna have the 4-ib lobster tonight. 391 00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,689 - Okay. - Okay? And so are you. And you. 392 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,396 I just have to tell you, I am a huge fan. 393 00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,652 "Dogs of the Sahara" is a perfect movie. 394 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:02,315 And your acting in it is sick. Like hospital sick. 395 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,200 Wow. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. 396 00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,955 Seriously, I think you discovered, like, a new emotion in that movie. 397 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:12,083 Really? I didn't know. Thanks again. 398 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,789 Well, what kind of emotion? 399 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,579 Well, you know, it's like he's like brave 400 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,088 but naive. 401 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,090 You know? Like braive. 402 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:22,297 Okay. 403 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,086 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 404 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:26,506 - Sorry, I never do this. - What's your name, pal? 405 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,800 - I'm Connor. - Connor, I'm Marlon. 406 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:31,264 And this is my girlfriend Samara Dubois. 407 00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,555 Oh, I read "us weekly." I know who this is. 408 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,224 The interior designer who stole your heart. 409 00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,687 That's right. 410 00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,023 I hired her to decorate my chill chalet. 411 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:43,405 She said, "first things first. You should just call it a 'chilet." 412 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,158 I fell in love with her right then and there. 413 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,909 I just put the two words together. 414 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,991 Chilet. I love that. 415 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,200 New guy. Sorry. 416 00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:57,415 - So what's this? - Little tradition here at the salmon. 417 00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,878 Anytime a busboy breaks something he does a shot of blue curacao. 418 00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:03,133 Is it cool to drink on the job? 419 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:06,011 Do you need to ask your big brother for permission? 420 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,764 Do you want to try shaving with this? Okay, yeah, let's see. 421 00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,266 I'm older by eight hours. 422 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,143 Hi-yaa! 423 00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,270 And don't worry. No one will ever know. 424 00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:16,977 Cool. 425 00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,483 - Hey, conman. - Mr. Spencer. 426 00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:22,360 I was wondering if you could help me out. 427 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,897 Oh my god, this is really sudden. 428 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,076 I'm proposing to Samara tonight. 429 00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:32,704 Wow, somebody finally put a saddle on you, huh, bronco? 430 00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:35,082 Um, yeah. When we order dessert, 431 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,243 could you put the ring in it so she can find it? 432 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,834 Yeah yeah yeah. Let's get her drunk so she says yes. 433 00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:46,256 That's a custom-made ring, yeah? 434 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:48,421 It's safe with me. You have my word. 435 00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:49,964 Cool. 436 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,009 - Wow. - Wow. 437 00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,107 - Send back - Oh, out of the way. It's a dessert. 438 00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,263 - Somebody sent back a dessert. - Oh my god. 439 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,102 Mmm. 440 00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,421 When somebody sends back a dessert you've got to move fast. 441 00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:03,401 They're like wild jackals at their mother's teat. 442 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:05,779 I've got to get lemons. Tara, will you watch my section? 443 00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:08,783 - Mmm, yup. - This is good! 444 00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,575 - What's up, mamma Mia? - Uh-oh. 445 00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:20,961 The old follow me down to the walk-in fridge game, huh? 446 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,871 - Uh-huh. - Oh. 447 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:26,884 Frankly, I didn't expect to see you here at the salmon again. 448 00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:30,137 Yeah, well, I figure I'm here three or four months tops. 449 00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:32,285 And then I'm moving to California to do some modeling. 450 00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:35,267 Well, don't you have to be like tall, 451 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,474 muscular and really hot to model? 452 00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:42,016 No no, not anymore. You'd be amazed what they can do with cgi these days. 453 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:43,809 Right. 454 00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,979 I like the new nose, by the way. 455 00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:48,647 It's so funny that you all think that. 456 00:22:48,826 --> 00:22:50,987 'Cause it's the same nose it always was. 457 00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:52,492 - Really? - Uh-huh. 458 00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:55,780 - Want to take a closer look? - I just might. 459 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:11,344 - You fucking love it. - Yeah. 460 00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,346 Oh my god! Oh yes! 461 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,431 - So fucking hot. - Yeah. 462 00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:25,192 Wow. You know what? I'm not your tickle friend anymore. 463 00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:27,398 Well, you are saying no 464 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:29,609 but a couple of your friends are saying yes. 465 00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:31,990 It's cold in here, asshole. 466 00:23:41,337 --> 00:23:42,918 Why do they call you nuts? 467 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,079 Because I'm crazy. 468 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:46,497 You don't look crazy. 469 00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:48,666 Oh, I'm insane. 470 00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:51,210 You should see me without my meds. 471 00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:53,674 At my last job, I didn't take my meds one day, 472 00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,841 hour later I was walking around naked with peanut butter in my hair 473 00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:59,260 telling people my name was zongo. 474 00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:03,022 I delivered an old lady a cup of hot water with my balls in it. 475 00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,148 Yeah, talk about your red zinger. 476 00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:08,482 Yeah, but I don't remember any of it. 477 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:11,489 My balls were red though. 478 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,492 - Are you serious? - Totally. 479 00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,574 No, I'm joking. 480 00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:19,534 But it is true. 481 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,505 - Sir. - Huh? 482 00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:30,587 Are you ready to order your entree? 483 00:24:30,761 --> 00:24:33,047 Oh, I haven't even looked at the menu. 484 00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:35,554 Oh, that's my party people. 485 00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:37,055 Yeah! 486 00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:40,972 Hey, all right. 487 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:44,013 You've been here for an hour, sir. Surely you must be hungry. 488 00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:46,773 Oh, I am. I'll take a look. 489 00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:50,232 In the meantime, I'll have a drink. 490 00:24:50,406 --> 00:24:53,489 Tell me, guy, what goes well with Tolstoy? 491 00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:56,401 Dom perignon, cristal, perhaps a chateau margaux, 492 00:24:56,578 --> 00:24:58,694 or even a 1945 rothschild. 493 00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,737 Well, I'll take all four. 494 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,998 - Really? - No. 495 00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,454 I'll just have a cup of hot water 496 00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:08,416 with a wedge of lemon. 497 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,457 Living on the edge. 498 00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:16,011 - Tara: Oh no, here. - Hold on, hold on. 499 00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:17,796 Oh! 500 00:25:18,809 --> 00:25:20,720 Rich: Oh, come on. 501 00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:25,141 Oh, Jesus. 502 00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,351 Connor: Nuts, you fucker. 503 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:28,732 Uh-oh! Dick p, a little help? 504 00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:31,484 - What are you guys doing? - Dicking around, bro. 505 00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:33,941 - Yahtzee! - What are you doing with the booze? 506 00:25:34,116 --> 00:25:37,404 Donnie, leave us. Grab me an olive from the bar, please. 507 00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:44,206 Dave kanogi's brother. I'm hazing the shit out of him, dude. 508 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:46,479 Maybe you should be selling the shit out of the food, dude. 509 00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:47,663 - Tara. - Yes? 510 00:25:47,838 --> 00:25:49,607 You love Norah Jones. I mean, "come away with me." 511 00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:51,401 You love that song. I've heard you humming it. 512 00:25:51,425 --> 00:25:53,086 Yes, I also hum the macarena. 513 00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:55,280 It doesn't mean I want to go to the macarena concert. 514 00:25:55,304 --> 00:25:57,795 - Oh, snap. - Well, Norah Jones is different. 515 00:25:57,973 --> 00:26:00,180 I mean, she's cool and folksy and jazzy. Come on. 516 00:26:00,350 --> 00:26:03,934 Rich, look, I'm in medical school, okay? I don't have time to go to a concert. 517 00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:07,813 - What about you? - I'm not sure who Norma Jones is. 518 00:26:07,983 --> 00:26:09,564 - Is she the puppeteer? - No. 519 00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:13,023 Here's the thing. Norah Jones is for chicks and weepy dorks like you. 520 00:26:13,197 --> 00:26:15,904 If I'm gonna make the champ richer, I want a real prize. 521 00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:17,675 Till then, you tell him to go fuck a cow. 522 00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:20,067 - What's up? - Oh, snap! 523 00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:30,460 Hey, retards, you want to answer the phone? 524 00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:32,997 Oh, I'll do it. I'm only the manager. 525 00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:37,176 Good evening. Persuasions spa and casino resort. 526 00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:40,383 I'm Stanley bellin. How may I persuade you? 527 00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:43,515 Hey, Stanley. It's rich parente calling on behalf of cleon salmon. 528 00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:46,802 Yeah, the champ would like to book his regular suite. 529 00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:49,972 Oh, I'm afraid the suite 530 00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:52,186 is not available for Mr. salmon. 531 00:26:52,361 --> 00:26:54,693 What do you mean? Why not? 532 00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:57,696 'Cause last time Mr. salmon's pet kangaroo 533 00:26:57,866 --> 00:26:59,822 defecated in our kitchen. 534 00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:02,484 Oh, well, that kangaroo is no longer with us. 535 00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:05,450 The champ actually killed him during a sparring session. 536 00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,285 I'm so sorry to hear that. 537 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:10,701 Unfortunately I will have to politely say no. 538 00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:12,494 Is that Stanley? 539 00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:15,335 - Let me talk to him. - Don't tell him it's me. Just... 540 00:27:15,509 --> 00:27:16,840 Yes, champ. It's Stanley bellin. 541 00:27:17,010 --> 00:27:18,170 Fuck. 542 00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:20,427 Tell him I said I want the emperor suite 543 00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:22,758 or I'm gonna shove his ass up his ass. 544 00:27:22,933 --> 00:27:26,926 Uh, of course Mr. salmon can stay in the emperor suite. 545 00:27:27,104 --> 00:27:28,765 I was merely joking. 546 00:27:28,939 --> 00:27:31,806 Tell him to make the reservation under king kamehameha. 547 00:27:31,984 --> 00:27:34,396 All right, kamehameha. 548 00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:36,561 How many ms? 549 00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:39,730 And it better be free or I'm gonna knock Stanley into Bolivian. 550 00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:43,025 Yeah, he said that he was hoping it would be free 551 00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:44,763 or he was gonna knock you into Bolivian. 552 00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,411 But I think he means oblivion. 553 00:27:46,582 --> 00:27:48,413 Whatever, motherfucker! 554 00:27:48,584 --> 00:27:51,075 It'll be free. It'll be free. 555 00:27:51,253 --> 00:27:53,414 Guys, listen up. New deal, okay? 556 00:27:53,589 --> 00:27:55,469 Champ is very serious about selling big tonight. 557 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,463 So there's a new prize. 558 00:27:57,634 --> 00:27:59,545 A four-day, three-night stay 559 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,053 at the persuasions spa and casino resort hotel in key largo. 560 00:28:03,223 --> 00:28:05,054 - That sounds awesome. - Really? 561 00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:06,578 Wait a minute, is that the gay key? 562 00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:08,183 It's the straight key, guy. 563 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:10,184 What if he wanted the gay key? 564 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:11,515 Why would I want the gay key? 565 00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:14,727 - I thought you said you... - Rich: All right, listen listen listen. 566 00:28:14,902 --> 00:28:16,312 It's a great prize. Come on. 567 00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:18,602 Persuasions spa and casino resort hotel. 568 00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:20,175 - That's awesome. - Hell yeah, dick p. 569 00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:22,064 Here are the current standings, okay? 570 00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:24,483 Nuts, Tara, let's pick it up a notch, okay? 571 00:28:24,661 --> 00:28:25,867 Enthusiasm! 572 00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:28,529 My suggestion to you guys, sell the COD. 573 00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:30,447 One of the most expensive items on the menu. 574 00:28:30,626 --> 00:28:32,537 $38.95, okay? 575 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:34,747 Let's get out there and turn 'em and burn 'em. 576 00:28:34,922 --> 00:28:37,629 All right? 577 00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:39,630 Rich: Come on, sell some COD. 578 00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:42,292 Well, you have got to try the COD. 579 00:28:42,471 --> 00:28:44,587 Is it fishy? I don't really like fishy fish. 580 00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:47,006 Oh, no no no. The COD is the least fishy of the fishes. 581 00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:50,722 It's so unfishy it's not even classified as a fish. 582 00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,636 I'll take one. 583 00:28:54,024 --> 00:28:56,857 Do yourself a favor, order the COD. 584 00:28:57,027 --> 00:29:00,736 Is it a fishy fish? I like my fish fishy. 585 00:29:00,906 --> 00:29:02,634 COD is definitely the fishiest fish there is. 586 00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:05,070 And a fishy fish is a healthy fish. 587 00:29:06,787 --> 00:29:08,527 Did you know that COD is a flying fish? 588 00:29:08,705 --> 00:29:10,491 It's flying off the shelf tonight. 589 00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:12,827 Is it flakey? I like flakey. 590 00:29:13,001 --> 00:29:14,957 Very flakey. The eskimo name for COD 591 00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:17,585 is actually ponacana which means flake fish. 592 00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,247 Huh. 593 00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:22,757 It's a rare Moroccan midget COD. 594 00:29:22,928 --> 00:29:25,965 It's almost impossible to catch so the portions are tiny. 595 00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:27,629 You might want to get two per person. 596 00:29:27,808 --> 00:29:30,265 Moroccan midget COD? I've heard of that. 597 00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:31,891 It's really good. 598 00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:34,624 I usually don't swear at my tables, but you people look really cool. 599 00:29:34,648 --> 00:29:36,604 So it's fucking delicious. 600 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,561 We'll get fucking two each. 601 00:29:38,735 --> 00:29:41,477 Good order. 602 00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:43,191 Hey! 603 00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:48,863 - I've got to ask you something. - Okay. 604 00:29:49,037 --> 00:29:50,493 Were you on "cfi hotlanta"? 605 00:29:50,664 --> 00:29:53,326 Uh, yeah, I was. 606 00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:54,706 I knew it. 607 00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:56,867 I said you were on "the bachelorette,” dude. 608 00:29:57,045 --> 00:29:59,001 Well, they're both good shows, I suppose. 609 00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:00,503 I love both of those shows. 610 00:30:00,674 --> 00:30:02,630 Hey, conman, when you're ready, 611 00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,712 I think we're ready for desert. 612 00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:08,049 We'll have a brownie, one scoop of vanilla ice cream 613 00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:09,554 and two spoons. 614 00:30:09,725 --> 00:30:11,966 Mmm, carbs. 615 00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:15,227 Yeah, I will get that right out to you. 616 00:30:17,441 --> 00:30:19,477 You know, oysters are an aphrodisiac. 617 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:23,394 More oysters, more aphrodisia. 618 00:30:25,449 --> 00:30:28,282 That is if you guys think you're gonna get lucky tonight. 619 00:30:28,452 --> 00:30:30,067 I probably will. 620 00:30:30,245 --> 00:30:32,406 What's up, boys? Did you dirty ho-daddies 621 00:30:32,581 --> 00:30:34,867 wish this perfect angel a happy birthday yet? 622 00:30:36,335 --> 00:30:38,496 Oh, it's your birthday? 623 00:30:38,670 --> 00:30:40,285 Yeah. 624 00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:42,079 Where's your birthday suit? 625 00:30:43,967 --> 00:30:45,457 Stop. 626 00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:49,173 - You're so bad. - I can be worse. 627 00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:55,663 Donnie, have you ever noticed that redheaded people 628 00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,018 breathe through their mouths? 629 00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:58,850 Like orangutans? 630 00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:01,140 Yeah, exactly like orangutans. 631 00:31:01,318 --> 00:31:02,979 Coincidence? 632 00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:04,563 Happy birthday? 633 00:31:04,738 --> 00:31:06,444 Donnie, leave us. 634 00:31:06,615 --> 00:31:09,197 Bring me a cocktail onion from the bar, please. 635 00:31:09,368 --> 00:31:12,326 What can I say? I thought I'd help you get a big tip. 636 00:31:12,496 --> 00:31:13,986 Just like the old days. 637 00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:16,120 And while we're at it... 638 00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:18,202 May I ask for your hand? 639 00:31:18,377 --> 00:31:20,538 Ooh, I accept. 640 00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:24,037 You know, if you and I work together, 641 00:31:24,216 --> 00:31:26,502 we will definitely win this key largo prize. 642 00:31:26,676 --> 00:31:27,756 Mmm, no. 643 00:31:27,928 --> 00:31:29,839 Come on, Mia. Why are you being so difficult? 644 00:31:30,013 --> 00:31:31,469 I want my tickle friend back. 645 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,346 - You do? - Ooh! 646 00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:36,454 Rich, did you just take a bite of that? 647 00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:38,139 Rich? 648 00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:39,644 Something's stuck. 649 00:31:41,983 --> 00:31:44,128 Jesus Christ, there was a diamond ring in that brownie. 650 00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:46,143 It was in the send back area. It was up for grabs. 651 00:31:46,321 --> 00:31:49,063 - You said it was a send back. - I said I want my tickle friend back. 652 00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:51,232 What the fuck is a tickle friend? 653 00:31:53,495 --> 00:31:55,656 Cough it up. 654 00:31:55,831 --> 00:31:57,196 - Whoo! - Connor: Come on! 655 00:31:57,374 --> 00:31:59,285 I'm not choking. I swallowed it. 656 00:31:59,459 --> 00:32:02,121 Get it out. 657 00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:21,220 Nuts: Clam chowder for the gentleman. 658 00:32:21,398 --> 00:32:23,935 One, two, three. 659 00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:28,568 The salmon and haricots verts for the lady. 660 00:32:28,738 --> 00:32:31,980 One, two, three. 661 00:32:32,159 --> 00:32:34,024 Soup spoon. 662 00:32:34,202 --> 00:32:36,693 One, two, three. 663 00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:40,285 Is there anything else I can get you this evening? 664 00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:42,575 I think we're fine for now. 665 00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:44,242 Thank you. 666 00:32:44,421 --> 00:32:46,878 One, two, three. 667 00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:50,875 Uh, enjoy your wine. 668 00:32:53,763 --> 00:32:56,379 Oh! 669 00:32:57,392 --> 00:32:59,804 Dude, it's heading down to funkytown. 670 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,468 I can't feel it anymore. 671 00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:03,326 - What is that thing? - It's a stud finder. 672 00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,806 Stud finder? Sounds like a gay dating service. 673 00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:07,349 Heyoo! 674 00:33:07,527 --> 00:33:09,063 Can we just get the ring, please? 675 00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:11,148 - Tara. - What? 676 00:33:11,323 --> 00:33:14,051 We need medical help. Rich just swallowed a really important diamond ring. 677 00:33:14,075 --> 00:33:16,441 Um, is it still in the esophagus? 678 00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:20,333 Okay, well, it's too deep to expunge by vomiting. 679 00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:22,333 It could tear the esophageal tissue on its way up. 680 00:33:22,417 --> 00:33:23,657 After all, it is a diamond. 681 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,371 Hardest substance known to man! 682 00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:29,333 Look, my advice... You have to pass it anally. 683 00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:32,124 - Oh, shit. - Hope it doesn't turn into coal. 684 00:33:32,302 --> 00:33:34,322 Dude, you better pray it doesn't fork off into your dick. 685 00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:35,882 Ouch. 686 00:33:36,056 --> 00:33:37,658 Nuts, what was with that counting thing at the table? 687 00:33:37,682 --> 00:33:39,593 Counting? 688 00:33:39,768 --> 00:33:41,053 Did you take your meds today? 689 00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:43,765 Meds? Yeah, 3:30. Took 'em before I came here. 690 00:33:43,939 --> 00:33:46,430 Next one is at 8:30. 691 00:33:46,608 --> 00:33:47,814 Right now. 692 00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:50,350 Wait, did you account for daylight savings? 693 00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:53,020 Daylight savings. No. No. 694 00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,259 Well, that means that your body actually thinks it's 9:30. 695 00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:57,011 You were supposed to take your meds an hour ago. 696 00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,742 Uh-oh. Not good. 697 00:33:59,913 --> 00:34:02,450 Okay, look, why don't you take them and I'll watch your section? 698 00:34:02,624 --> 00:34:04,034 Yeah. 699 00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:06,270 Probably all those cock rings jangling around in there. 700 00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:07,730 Nuts, nuts, nuts, where are you going? 701 00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:10,316 I've got to get something out of the coat room. Just take a second. 702 00:34:10,340 --> 00:34:13,298 Can you watch these guy's tables? I got a diamond ring in me, man. 703 00:34:14,594 --> 00:34:16,926 That's all right. I'll get it later. 704 00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:32,646 - Was he just skipping? - What? 705 00:34:32,821 --> 00:34:35,233 - Was he just skipping? - Pig in a poke. 706 00:34:35,407 --> 00:34:36,772 Let's get back to work. 707 00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:39,566 I think I got a pretty good bead on a lunch box. 708 00:34:50,463 --> 00:34:51,543 What's up, buddy? 709 00:34:51,715 --> 00:34:54,627 Okay, there's been a bit of a shag. 710 00:34:56,136 --> 00:34:57,922 Someone ate your engagement ring. 711 00:34:59,639 --> 00:35:02,346 You're fucking with me. That's good. 712 00:35:02,517 --> 00:35:04,599 No. I put the ring in the brownie 713 00:35:04,769 --> 00:35:06,885 and I turned my back for just one second 714 00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:09,349 and a member of the staff ate the brownie. 715 00:35:09,524 --> 00:35:12,186 You stupid cock. That was a $450,000 716 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,816 south African bing diamond. 717 00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:16,854 I want to speak to the manager and the asshole who ate it now. 718 00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:19,990 Did you know some dumb fuck ate my ring? 719 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,072 Yes, sir. And I'm terribly sorry about that. 720 00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:24,599 So what are you gonna do about it? 721 00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:26,204 I'm trying to pass it. 722 00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:28,490 - Come again? - I'm trying to pass it. 723 00:35:28,668 --> 00:35:31,626 Anally. Coffee, cigarettes, laxatives. 724 00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:34,959 - It was you? - Uh, yes it was. 725 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:39,672 That was a $450,000 south African bing diamond you just ate. 726 00:35:39,846 --> 00:35:42,007 Uh, your meal is on the house tonight. 727 00:35:42,182 --> 00:35:43,262 Screw the meal. 728 00:35:43,433 --> 00:35:47,221 If you don't fuck out that shitting diamond and fast I'm gonna kick your ass. 729 00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:50,057 And conster, there will be a sequel to that. 730 00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,898 Como se dice "Cleveland steamer"? 731 00:35:55,070 --> 00:35:56,480 Don't worry about it. 732 00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,361 Yo, Dave. 733 00:35:58,531 --> 00:36:00,772 No, don't even say it. 734 00:36:00,950 --> 00:36:02,190 The woman said it's cold. 735 00:36:02,369 --> 00:36:04,655 - It's steaming. - I know. 736 00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:05,989 Fucking customers, huh? 737 00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:09,143 I mean, I told her to cook with her ass and then go fuck herself but she insisted. 738 00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:11,328 I like you, guy. 739 00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:13,585 Jamie, nuke the dick out of it. 740 00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:16,497 Si, senor. 741 00:36:26,101 --> 00:36:28,683 Hey, what's that blue shit on your lips? 742 00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:29,968 Nothing. 743 00:36:30,146 --> 00:36:32,353 - Blue curacao. - Are you drunk? 744 00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:37,192 Asshole, I got you this fucking job. 745 00:36:37,362 --> 00:36:39,353 You screw this up, I'm telling mom. 746 00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,396 No! 747 00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:43,656 Jamie: Come on, senor Dave, get him! 748 00:36:46,329 --> 00:36:48,741 Get him, Dave. Come on, man. 749 00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:52,144 I'm gonna stick your fucking face in the oven. 750 00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:53,954 I fucking hate you! 751 00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:00,874 Come on, senor! 752 00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:03,384 Twins are disgusting, man. 753 00:37:03,555 --> 00:37:06,797 Want me to put your head in the oven? 'Cause I'll do it! I'll do it! 754 00:37:06,975 --> 00:37:08,761 I'm sorry. 755 00:37:08,935 --> 00:37:11,142 The kitchen just told me we're out of the brownies. 756 00:37:11,312 --> 00:37:13,098 So would you like the soufflé instead? 757 00:37:13,273 --> 00:37:15,184 It takes an hour to prepare. 758 00:37:15,358 --> 00:37:16,838 I don't think that we actually need... 759 00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:18,649 - Oh, we'll take it. - Honey. 760 00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:20,881 Now tell me all about your plans for the living room. 761 00:37:20,905 --> 00:37:22,941 Okay, 762 00:37:23,116 --> 00:37:26,028 where is my boyfriend and what did you do with him? 763 00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:30,787 Okay, think pillows. 764 00:37:30,957 --> 00:37:33,238 - I'll leave you two alone. - Starting with the bathtub... 765 00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:36,041 Oh, thank you. 766 00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:38,419 I'm a ballerina, you know? 767 00:37:38,590 --> 00:37:42,299 And I'm putting myself through the bilitnikoff ballet school. 768 00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:46,002 Well, you certainly got the body for it. 769 00:37:46,181 --> 00:37:49,469 And it stretches in every direction. 770 00:37:51,811 --> 00:37:54,769 Uh, here's a little something extra 771 00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:57,430 for the sugar plum fairy. 772 00:37:57,609 --> 00:38:01,101 Oh, thank you. 773 00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,570 What are you looking at, Liz? 774 00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:07,528 - You are so winning this contest. - Oh, yeah. 775 00:39:06,636 --> 00:39:09,503 Oh... 776 00:39:09,681 --> 00:39:11,091 Shit! 777 00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:17,931 Don't cry. It's gonna look fine. 778 00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:20,563 Oh, gently gently gently. Ah! 779 00:39:20,733 --> 00:39:22,693 This looks all right. Was this a cream-based soup? 780 00:39:22,861 --> 00:39:24,567 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think so. 781 00:39:24,737 --> 00:39:27,399 - Does that make a difference? - Sometimes. 782 00:39:27,574 --> 00:39:30,361 Okay, well, it looks like first-degree burns. 783 00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:32,400 It could lead to some epidermal scarring. 784 00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:36,367 I want you to go home and get some rest and drink plenty of water. 785 00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:39,453 I am not going home. I'm in first place. 786 00:39:39,627 --> 00:39:41,788 Hey, that's the spirit, Mia. Get out there. 787 00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,624 What? Rich, no. Look, she needs to rest 788 00:39:43,798 --> 00:39:46,665 and put some ichthammol or sulfadiazine on her face. 789 00:39:46,843 --> 00:39:50,210 Yeah, rich, she needs ichthioldizine. 790 00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:53,095 Thank you, Donnie. At least someone here has a heart. 791 00:39:53,266 --> 00:39:55,473 - Thank you. - Um, all right. 792 00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:57,099 You guys are right. You're right. 793 00:39:57,270 --> 00:39:58,680 Mia, you should go home. 794 00:39:59,814 --> 00:40:02,351 Did baryshnikov go home 795 00:40:02,525 --> 00:40:05,141 when he twisted his ankle at the bolshoi festival? 796 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:06,730 I, uh... 797 00:40:06,905 --> 00:40:10,648 Did Vladimir putinski walk away when he sprained his toe 798 00:40:10,825 --> 00:40:13,441 doing "the marzipan king" at the ballet des elysées? 799 00:40:13,620 --> 00:40:16,157 I'm guessing by your tone, no. 800 00:40:16,331 --> 00:40:20,324 Okay, did Joe theesman quit baseball when he broke his leg? 801 00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:22,787 Um, it's actually Joe theismann, 802 00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,362 and he never played football again. 803 00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:27,835 Either way, I am tougher than you are, motherfucker. 804 00:40:28,009 --> 00:40:30,716 Shh, what's that? 805 00:40:30,887 --> 00:40:33,799 Oh no. Oh, shit. Okay, I'll be back. 806 00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:36,806 - Look, Mia, just sit down, okay? - Yeah yeah. Don't touch. 807 00:40:36,976 --> 00:40:38,557 The captain of crunch, 808 00:40:38,728 --> 00:40:41,686 the heavyweight champion of the world, 809 00:40:41,856 --> 00:40:44,268 slammin' cleon salmon. 810 00:40:46,736 --> 00:40:48,522 You've got to be kidding me. 811 00:40:48,696 --> 00:40:51,483 I am here. Undefeated, baby. 812 00:40:51,658 --> 00:40:53,649 - The king is here. - You're number one. 813 00:40:53,826 --> 00:40:55,532 How you doing? Come here and give me a hug. 814 00:40:55,703 --> 00:40:57,284 Mmm, you look good. 815 00:40:57,455 --> 00:41:00,162 Hey, get a carrot for the ss fudgealicious, okay? 816 00:41:00,333 --> 00:41:02,119 I assume that's the horse? 817 00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:05,911 Never assume. When you assume you make an asshole out of yourself. 818 00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:09,793 All right, thank you. Go back to eating. 819 00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:11,654 Enjoy yourselves. Forget it. It's not about me. 820 00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:15,091 Hey, rich, tell Dave to cook that swordfish. 821 00:41:15,264 --> 00:41:18,006 I won it from emeril lagasse in a thumb-wrestling contest. 822 00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:20,140 I broke this thumb. Bam! 823 00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:22,427 He cried like a baby. 824 00:41:22,605 --> 00:41:24,687 Hey, look, me and Mr. yamamuri, 825 00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,688 we want the best seat in the house. 826 00:41:26,859 --> 00:41:28,219 We want the royal treatment, rich. 827 00:41:28,277 --> 00:41:29,733 Uh, champ, you can't. 828 00:41:29,904 --> 00:41:32,486 I mean, we need those tables if you want to earn the 20 grand. 829 00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:35,194 That's nice, rich. Check this out. 830 00:41:35,368 --> 00:41:37,359 If you don't find me a table, 831 00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:40,950 I'm gonna shove him up your ass. 832 00:41:41,124 --> 00:41:44,457 Champ, isn't he yakuza? 833 00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:47,334 Come on, man. Don't be racist. No, he's not yakuza. 834 00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:51,248 Mr. yamamuri is gonna make the first slammin' salmon candy bar in Japan. 835 00:41:51,426 --> 00:41:53,257 Check it out... a layer of chocolate, 836 00:41:53,428 --> 00:41:57,216 nougat, peanut, more nougat and salmon. 837 00:41:57,390 --> 00:41:59,346 Yeah, I know it sounds nasty, but trust me. 838 00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:01,883 They love that fish candy over in the orient. 839 00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:04,177 Now I'm saying that to say this: 840 00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:07,062 Shut the fuck up, get me a table, 841 00:42:07,233 --> 00:42:09,940 or I'm gonna use your nuts for cufflinks. 842 00:42:10,111 --> 00:42:12,102 - Coming right up. Great. - All right. 843 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,941 - Candy bar sounds delicious. - Itis. 844 00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:16,322 - Okay, be right back. - All right. 845 00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:18,778 You're gonna love this waitress. She's a ballerina. 846 00:42:18,953 --> 00:42:21,945 Graceful like a swan. Tell Mr. yamamuri. 847 00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:26,704 Hey, champ. 848 00:42:28,629 --> 00:42:30,961 What the fuck happened to you? 849 00:42:31,132 --> 00:42:33,088 I got burned with soup. 850 00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:36,376 Don't you know you're supposed to blow on it first? 851 00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:37,634 Yes, champ. 852 00:42:37,805 --> 00:42:40,045 Well, don't just stand there. Get out of here, soup face. 853 00:42:40,099 --> 00:42:41,459 You're offending my tokyokan guest. 854 00:42:41,559 --> 00:42:44,346 - Get me the smart girl. - Tara? 855 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,182 - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm gonna get her for you. 856 00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:49,847 And tell her to bring me some champagne. 857 00:42:50,026 --> 00:42:52,813 I am so sorry, but her soup face scared the shit out of me. 858 00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:54,568 My voice is not that high. 859 00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:59,653 This says eight hours. I need something faster. 860 00:42:59,827 --> 00:43:01,567 I hear eye-drops work on some people. 861 00:43:01,746 --> 00:43:04,158 One glass of apple juice and I can fill up a mailbox. 862 00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:07,165 - Yogurt. - Cheddar cheese. 863 00:43:07,335 --> 00:43:11,044 Tara, the champ wants you to wait on him. 864 00:43:11,214 --> 00:43:13,921 Oh, okay. 865 00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:18,130 - Cause of the... - Oh, yeah. Right. 866 00:43:22,892 --> 00:43:26,225 Mr. yamamuri say he think if Muhammad Ali 867 00:43:26,395 --> 00:43:28,761 was still young man no one ever defeat him. 868 00:43:30,399 --> 00:43:32,765 Yeah, well, if ifs and buts was candies and nuts, 869 00:43:32,944 --> 00:43:34,855 we'd all have a merry Christmas. Tell him that. 870 00:43:39,534 --> 00:43:41,070 No, I didn't say that. 871 00:43:41,244 --> 00:43:44,736 If ifs and buts was candies and nuts, 872 00:43:44,914 --> 00:43:47,030 we'd all have a merry Christmas. 873 00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:48,448 Yes, champ-San. 874 00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:50,708 - I translate... - Say it! 875 00:43:53,047 --> 00:43:57,040 If if and but was candy and nut, 876 00:43:57,218 --> 00:43:59,379 we all have a merry Christmas. 877 00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:01,920 Thank you. Was that so hard? 878 00:44:02,098 --> 00:44:04,885 - Hey, champ. - Mmm. 879 00:44:05,059 --> 00:44:06,390 Oh. 880 00:44:06,561 --> 00:44:09,268 Dave, what did you do? Did you blow papa smurf? 881 00:44:11,858 --> 00:44:14,565 Blow papa smurf. 882 00:44:16,070 --> 00:44:19,153 We got a couple of stiffs over here. 883 00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:21,135 Champ, would you like to order some appetizers? 884 00:44:21,159 --> 00:44:23,696 Yes, I would like to order some encrapments. 885 00:44:23,870 --> 00:44:26,361 I will have the frutti del mare, 886 00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:28,780 the oysters del cabana 887 00:44:28,958 --> 00:44:31,074 and the clams casino. 888 00:44:31,252 --> 00:44:33,459 And for the entree I want that swordfish that I caught. 889 00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,416 Oh, and Dave, make sure you cook the nose too. 890 00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:38,752 I want to see what that tastes like. 891 00:44:38,926 --> 00:44:40,257 You got that, Dave? 892 00:44:40,428 --> 00:44:42,919 Oh, and I want maraschino cherries on everything. 893 00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:45,839 Did you know that the word maraschino 894 00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:49,100 came from the boxer rocky maraschino? 895 00:44:49,270 --> 00:44:52,182 Uh, it's actually rocky marciano. 896 00:44:52,356 --> 00:44:55,098 Whatever, motherfucker! 897 00:44:55,276 --> 00:44:57,608 Okay. Okay. Okay. 898 00:44:58,946 --> 00:45:01,779 How do you say motherfucker in Spanish? 899 00:45:01,949 --> 00:45:04,281 Most guys go surf 'n' turf. 900 00:45:04,452 --> 00:45:07,194 But I like a guy who goes surf 'n' surf 'n' turf 'n' turf. 901 00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:09,099 You know, actually, could you give us a minute? 902 00:45:09,123 --> 00:45:12,615 And we will call you when we need you. 903 00:45:12,793 --> 00:45:16,126 You men always say you're gonna call. 904 00:45:16,297 --> 00:45:18,317 Okay, actually I'm just trying to keep my appetite here. 905 00:45:18,341 --> 00:45:20,297 But thank you... 906 00:45:20,468 --> 00:45:22,424 For groping me 907 00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,631 and bringing your face into our dinner. 908 00:45:26,307 --> 00:45:29,140 These are the days I thank god I have a perfect face. 909 00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:37,265 Sorry. 910 00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:44,147 Hmm. 911 00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:47,820 - Hey, you. - Oh. 912 00:45:49,372 --> 00:45:52,864 So I'm gonna take you up on your offer about working as a team. 913 00:45:53,042 --> 00:45:56,000 Oh, I don't know. 914 00:45:56,170 --> 00:45:58,252 I think I would drag you down. 915 00:45:58,422 --> 00:45:59,787 No. 916 00:45:59,966 --> 00:46:02,252 Best of luck to you. 917 00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:05,960 Dave: Get it out of the soup! Get it out of the soup! 918 00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:08,550 Will somebody please kill this thing?! 919 00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:12,091 He's strong! He's strong! 920 00:46:12,270 --> 00:46:15,228 What the fuck is taking so long? 921 00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:24,187 You have to dominate the swordfish. 922 00:46:24,365 --> 00:46:26,947 Only then can you saute it. 923 00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:29,109 Thanks, champ. 924 00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:31,073 Rich, numbers! 925 00:46:31,247 --> 00:46:33,454 Here you go. 926 00:46:33,624 --> 00:46:34,830 Are we at 20 grand yet? 927 00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:36,241 We're at 12,000. 928 00:46:36,419 --> 00:46:38,159 That's not even halfway. 929 00:46:38,337 --> 00:46:40,919 - Um, actually... - In my office! 930 00:46:42,883 --> 00:46:44,464 Everybody in my office! 931 00:46:46,053 --> 00:46:47,884 No no no, not the customers. 932 00:46:48,055 --> 00:46:49,636 You guys sit down. 933 00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:52,173 Wait staff in my office. 934 00:47:07,408 --> 00:47:10,900 So I guess nobody wants this trip to the Bahamas. 935 00:47:11,078 --> 00:47:13,740 Um, it's actually key largo, champ. Persuasions. 936 00:47:13,914 --> 00:47:17,077 You know what? Don't say another word. 937 00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:20,243 'Cause you've proven yourself useless, wouldn't you say? 938 00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:22,377 Say it. 939 00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:26,587 I am useless with a capital y. 940 00:47:26,761 --> 00:47:28,877 I am useless 941 00:47:29,055 --> 00:47:30,795 with a capital y. 942 00:47:30,973 --> 00:47:34,340 That's right. Now then, when I was in your position, 943 00:47:34,518 --> 00:47:36,600 I would have rabbit-punched my own mother 944 00:47:36,771 --> 00:47:38,727 for a trip to the Bahamas. 945 00:47:40,316 --> 00:47:42,794 Are you telling me you wouldn't want to be on a beach right now 946 00:47:42,818 --> 00:47:44,524 sipping on a strawberry daiquiri? 947 00:47:44,695 --> 00:47:47,311 - I would like that very much. - Well, too bad! 948 00:47:47,490 --> 00:47:49,981 'Cause strawberry daiquiris are for closers! 949 00:47:50,159 --> 00:47:51,945 Not for pussies! 950 00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:56,240 Hey, numbnuts. 951 00:47:56,415 --> 00:47:58,531 Yeah, champ? 952 00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:01,325 You're gonna be polishing my fist with your teeth. 953 00:48:02,421 --> 00:48:04,002 I'll get to you later. 954 00:48:04,173 --> 00:48:07,381 Who is guy "meatdrapes"? What kind of name is that? 955 00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:09,792 It's metdrapedes, sir. 956 00:48:12,014 --> 00:48:14,255 Well, I think you're pronouncing it wrong. 957 00:48:14,433 --> 00:48:16,219 This says "meatdrapes.” 958 00:48:16,394 --> 00:48:18,806 It's actually pronounced metdrapedes. 959 00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:20,957 Well, why doesn't it sound like that when I say it? 960 00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:22,642 "Meatdrapes.” 961 00:48:22,817 --> 00:48:24,978 I don't know. 962 00:48:25,152 --> 00:48:27,313 You don't know much, do you, guy? 963 00:48:27,488 --> 00:48:29,103 No, sir. 964 00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:31,317 Well, if a trip to the Bahamas 965 00:48:31,492 --> 00:48:33,824 ain't gonna get the molasses out ya asses, 966 00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:36,360 maybe $10,000 will do the trick. 967 00:48:36,539 --> 00:48:38,746 - What? - What? 968 00:48:38,916 --> 00:48:41,658 - 10,000 bucks? - That's right, new prize. 969 00:48:41,836 --> 00:48:45,374 Top waiter leaves here tonight with 10 grand in his pocket. 970 00:48:45,548 --> 00:48:48,790 Do you know what 10 grand feels like in your pocket? 971 00:48:48,968 --> 00:48:51,084 It feels like a third cock. 972 00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:54,720 Jesus, how many cocks you got, champ? 973 00:48:56,517 --> 00:48:58,257 Are you lampooning me, meatdrapes? 974 00:48:58,436 --> 00:48:59,551 No, of course not, sir. 975 00:48:59,728 --> 00:49:02,344 - You want a punch in the eye, guy? - No, please. 976 00:49:02,523 --> 00:49:04,354 I can make your face look like a pie, guy. 977 00:49:04,525 --> 00:49:06,186 Oh, god, no. 978 00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,351 Oh! 979 00:49:17,872 --> 00:49:19,954 Excuse me. I didn't mean to do that. 980 00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:22,740 But now you know the deal. 981 00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:25,034 The waiter that comes in first place 982 00:49:25,212 --> 00:49:27,373 gets $10,000. 983 00:49:27,548 --> 00:49:30,790 Whoever comes in last gets a broken rib sandwich. 984 00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:33,630 And I wasn't even trying to hurt him. 985 00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:37,012 - Are you about to cry, guy? - No, of course not. 986 00:49:37,183 --> 00:49:38,798 Loosen up your tie, guy. 987 00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:41,058 Did you hear what I just said? 988 00:49:41,228 --> 00:49:43,014 It was a rhyme. 989 00:49:43,189 --> 00:49:46,431 If you're not gonna cry, then put it in his eye. 990 00:49:46,609 --> 00:49:51,103 Punch to the gut and make him smell like a skunk. 991 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,737 If he runs out of meat then he's... 992 00:50:03,042 --> 00:50:04,782 So what are you all staring at? 993 00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,042 Don't nobody want $10,000? 994 00:50:07,213 --> 00:50:09,704 Get the hell out of here now! 995 00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:12,002 - Get out of my way. - I've got this thing in the bag. 996 00:50:12,092 --> 00:50:13,487 Bullshit, big nose, it's already over. 997 00:50:13,511 --> 00:50:15,342 Um, champ, 998 00:50:15,513 --> 00:50:17,299 I don't mean to tell you your business, 999 00:50:17,473 --> 00:50:20,010 but if you have to make 20 grand tonight and you give away 10, 1000 00:50:20,184 --> 00:50:22,675 it works counter to what you're trying to do. 1001 00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:26,095 Richardo, believe it or not, I ain't a numbers man. 1002 00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:28,184 I punch people for a living. 1003 00:50:28,359 --> 00:50:31,476 And I'm gonna punch you if you don't make that money tonight. 1004 00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:34,145 Okay, that's good math. I'm on it. 1005 00:50:45,501 --> 00:50:48,117 - You really mean that? - Oh, yeah I do. 1006 00:50:49,630 --> 00:50:51,495 Wow, that is so cool. 1007 00:50:51,674 --> 00:50:53,790 It's that couple's 20th wedding anniversary. 1008 00:50:53,968 --> 00:50:57,460 Woman: Really? They look so young. 1009 00:50:57,638 --> 00:50:59,366 Well, they've been married since they were 16. 1010 00:50:59,390 --> 00:51:01,802 Can you believe? That's amore. 1011 00:51:02,893 --> 00:51:06,761 Gordon, send those kids a bottle of champagne. 1012 00:51:06,939 --> 00:51:08,699 Apparently they've been married for 10 years. 1013 00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:11,545 But she didn't want to get pregnant until the cancer went into remission. 1014 00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:14,527 Well, it went into remission last week. 1015 00:51:14,697 --> 00:51:17,551 Oh, will you send them a bottle of your best champagne? On us, of course. 1016 00:51:17,575 --> 00:51:19,315 - It'd be my pleasure. - Thank you. 1017 00:51:19,493 --> 00:51:21,324 Mia: You see that man over there? 1018 00:51:21,495 --> 00:51:24,032 He's the one who pulled me from the burning car. 1019 00:51:24,206 --> 00:51:25,537 He's my hero. 1020 00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:27,539 Tara: After three years in a wheelchair, 1021 00:51:27,710 --> 00:51:29,575 he walked into her arms. 1022 00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:32,290 It was "oprah™'s highest rated episode. 1023 00:51:32,464 --> 00:51:35,206 And they're sitting right over there. 1024 00:51:35,384 --> 00:51:38,672 I am gonna stuff it in your ass tonight. 1025 00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:41,508 Well, that's gonna be an extra 50 bucks. 1026 00:51:41,682 --> 00:51:44,765 That's okay. Shellfish makes me horny. 1027 00:51:44,935 --> 00:51:47,517 - Good, 'cause I got crabs. - Who doesn't? 1028 00:51:47,688 --> 00:51:51,021 Excuse me, sir. Compliments of the house. 1029 00:51:57,698 --> 00:51:59,814 What is this, some kind of hidden camera thing? 1030 00:51:59,992 --> 00:52:02,779 - Are you miked? - Are you miked? 1031 00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:05,660 I was just kidding about the anal. 1032 00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:07,367 Woman: Eww. 1033 00:52:07,541 --> 00:52:08,741 I was just bored at the hotel. 1034 00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:10,832 I was looking for something to do with my cock. 1035 00:52:11,003 --> 00:52:12,959 Perfectly natch. 1036 00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:16,167 Come on, take a look at her. You wouldn't kick in that back door? 1037 00:52:16,342 --> 00:52:18,958 I'm not ashamed. = fuck this! 1038 00:52:32,024 --> 00:52:35,232 Yeah, guy. Number two with a bullet. 1039 00:52:35,402 --> 00:52:37,734 Congratulations. 1040 00:52:37,905 --> 00:52:39,190 Burn. 1041 00:52:39,365 --> 00:52:41,731 I would like to see you try and sell with a burned face, 1042 00:52:41,909 --> 00:52:44,070 you orange tanned prick! 1043 00:52:44,244 --> 00:52:46,735 Oh, sucks to be you, Hiroshima. 1044 00:52:48,332 --> 00:52:49,572 10 grand! 1045 00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:55,857 Oh, yeah? Well, check out the scoreboard. 1046 00:52:55,881 --> 00:52:57,621 You got to get by me first, fake 'n' bake. 1047 00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,883 - Aha-ha! See ya. - Oh, I am going to own this. 1048 00:53:12,147 --> 00:53:14,638 Hi there. Hey. 1049 00:53:14,817 --> 00:53:16,648 Is that Norma Jones? 1050 00:53:16,819 --> 00:53:18,434 That's Nutella the pop star. 1051 00:53:18,612 --> 00:53:20,732 Connor: Yeah, you take Norah Jones, Fergie and Beyonce 1052 00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:22,384 and mix "em together, you get Nutella. 1053 00:53:22,408 --> 00:53:25,741 Ah. Who's Beyonce? 1054 00:53:25,911 --> 00:53:28,778 - Nutella, Nutella. - There he is. 1055 00:53:28,956 --> 00:53:30,617 Good to see you. 1056 00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:32,827 Mwah mwah. 1057 00:53:33,001 --> 00:53:35,959 Nutella thinks it's always good to see you too, champ. 1058 00:53:36,130 --> 00:53:37,570 Give 'em the best seat in the house. 1059 00:53:37,715 --> 00:53:40,798 Thank you, baby. Y'all see all that chocolate? 1060 00:53:40,968 --> 00:53:42,833 - I know, I love chocolate. - I heard that. 1061 00:53:43,011 --> 00:53:44,296 - Right this way. - All right. 1062 00:53:44,471 --> 00:53:46,712 - Perfect, that table. - Come on. 1063 00:53:46,890 --> 00:53:49,723 - Thank you. - Yes! 1064 00:53:49,893 --> 00:53:52,009 Come on. 1065 00:53:52,187 --> 00:53:55,099 - Hey, sexy Patty. - Hey. 1066 00:53:55,274 --> 00:53:57,001 Hey, if you give me the best tables for the rest of the night 1067 00:53:57,025 --> 00:53:58,515 I'll take you to persuasions with me. 1068 00:53:58,694 --> 00:54:00,400 Oh, I thought you were taking Mia. 1069 00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:03,233 No, I would rather take you-a. 1070 00:54:03,407 --> 00:54:05,363 Oh my god, you are so funny. 1071 00:54:05,534 --> 00:54:06,886 You've got a great sense of humor. 1072 00:54:06,910 --> 00:54:08,241 Oh, you have great posture. 1073 00:54:08,412 --> 00:54:09,697 I used to have scoliosis. 1074 00:54:09,872 --> 00:54:12,158 You can't tell. 1075 00:54:16,128 --> 00:54:17,459 Good evening, miss Nutella. 1076 00:54:17,629 --> 00:54:20,792 We are so honored to have you with us tonight. 1077 00:54:20,966 --> 00:54:23,673 Can I just say that I love your song 1078 00:54:23,844 --> 00:54:25,926 "too Sincere for you"? 1079 00:54:26,096 --> 00:54:29,680 J for you... j it's up here. 1080 00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:31,511 Got it. Nutella thanks you, baby. 1081 00:54:31,685 --> 00:54:34,017 Now can we order fast? 'Cause Nutella is hungry. 1082 00:54:34,188 --> 00:54:35,644 Of course. 1083 00:54:35,814 --> 00:54:37,679 So what should we have? 1084 00:54:37,858 --> 00:54:41,726 Well, the champ ordered two bottles of cristal, 1085 00:54:41,904 --> 00:54:44,065 four lobsters troubadour, 1086 00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:45,945 an Alaskan king crab, 1087 00:54:46,116 --> 00:54:49,483 oysters carbonara and a round of swordfish. 1088 00:54:49,661 --> 00:54:51,947 Well, we will take five of that. 1089 00:54:52,122 --> 00:54:54,283 - Fantastic. - You treat Nutella right, 1090 00:54:54,458 --> 00:54:56,119 Nutella treats you right. 1091 00:54:56,293 --> 00:54:58,229 - I know what you're saying, girlfriend. - All right, girl. 1092 00:54:58,253 --> 00:55:01,541 - Okay, right. - Show 'em what you're working with. 1093 00:55:19,441 --> 00:55:22,399 Okay, great. There we go. 1094 00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:27,313 No. What? What are you doing? 1095 00:55:27,491 --> 00:55:29,571 - Why am I on the board? - I am giving you a section. 1096 00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:31,616 Congratulations, you are in the competition. 1097 00:55:31,787 --> 00:55:33,223 What are you talking about? I'm a busboy. 1098 00:55:33,247 --> 00:55:35,829 - You were a busboy. - Get your hands off me. 1099 00:55:35,999 --> 00:55:37,364 But now you're a waiter. 1100 00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:40,125 No, I don't know the first thing about waiting tables. 1101 00:55:40,295 --> 00:55:42,627 It's very simple. You ask the people what they want, 1102 00:55:42,798 --> 00:55:45,039 and then you bring it to them. A monkey could do it. 1103 00:55:45,217 --> 00:55:48,584 I'm four hours behind these guys and I'm shitfaced. 1104 00:55:48,762 --> 00:55:50,423 Bring those tables out. = no no no! 1105 00:55:50,597 --> 00:55:52,758 Rich: Great, stick them wherever they fit. 1106 00:55:52,933 --> 00:55:54,514 Donnie: Please don't do this. 1107 00:55:54,685 --> 00:55:56,926 Rock shrimp and scallop Linguini. 1108 00:55:57,104 --> 00:55:59,766 Stay close to the shitter. I call it my pants down pasta. 1109 00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:01,700 Be sure to eat all the cream. Hey, douchebag. 1110 00:56:01,859 --> 00:56:04,396 Dave, you've got to tell the guy I'm a fuck-up, yeah? 1111 00:56:04,570 --> 00:56:07,131 No no no, you'll do great. You made it through six months of college. 1112 00:56:07,155 --> 00:56:09,567 - Come on, Dave. - Sounds like waiter material to me. 1113 00:56:09,741 --> 00:56:11,527 This is delicious. 1114 00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:15,445 I hope the champ knocks every tooth out of your fucking head. 1115 00:56:15,622 --> 00:56:17,658 I hope the champ knocks your tooth out. 1116 00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:24,169 Ah! 1117 00:56:25,299 --> 00:56:28,211 Shots shots shots. Come on, get it into ya. 1118 00:56:31,263 --> 00:56:33,879 Hello, gentlemen, and welcome to the salmon slammin'. 1119 00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:37,299 My name is Donnie. Can I start you off with something to drink tonight? 1120 00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:39,934 We've already got some drinks, haven't we, mate? 1121 00:56:40,105 --> 00:56:41,936 Sounds like you're from the uk. 1122 00:56:42,107 --> 00:56:45,315 Are you in a band like oasis or Herman's hermits? 1123 00:56:45,485 --> 00:56:48,022 No, we're not. 1124 00:56:48,196 --> 00:56:50,903 Are there any answers I can question you from the menu tonight? 1125 00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:54,237 All right, Donnie, why don't you tell us something good on the menu, eh? 1126 00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:56,151 Well, the blue curacao is excellent. 1127 00:56:56,330 --> 00:56:58,412 Private joke. 1128 00:56:58,582 --> 00:57:00,698 Just get us some more shots, all right? 1129 00:57:00,876 --> 00:57:03,436 Then I will just clear these shot glasses out of the way for you. 1130 00:57:03,545 --> 00:57:05,661 Hey hey! 1131 00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:12,342 You fucking cunt. 1132 00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:15,345 I'm not drunk. 1133 00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:30,561 So how is everything tonight? 1134 00:57:30,739 --> 00:57:33,776 Oh, truly splendid, guy. Thank you. 1135 00:57:33,951 --> 00:57:36,363 Well, we're really really busy tonight. 1136 00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:38,276 Yes, I can see that. 1137 00:57:38,455 --> 00:57:40,821 So is there anything else I can get for you tonight 1138 00:57:40,999 --> 00:57:43,035 or just the check? 1139 00:57:43,210 --> 00:57:45,701 Well, I wouldn't mind a cup of tea. 1140 00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:49,292 Get the fuck out of here. 1141 00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:51,377 Excuse me? 1142 00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:52,916 Are you reading "war and peace"? 1143 00:57:53,095 --> 00:57:54,447 Get the fuck out of here. I love that book. 1144 00:57:54,471 --> 00:57:57,588 Oh, well, perhaps you'd like to come to my book club. 1145 00:58:02,104 --> 00:58:04,186 It really brought the... 1146 00:58:04,356 --> 00:58:06,438 House down. 1147 00:58:06,608 --> 00:58:08,314 Hey, kid. 1148 00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:09,645 I like you. 1149 00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,856 I think they put you in a really tough situation. 1150 00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:14,092 I'm gonna help you out and give you one of my tables. 1151 00:58:14,116 --> 00:58:15,697 Really? Thanks. 1152 00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:18,074 Yeah, see Donald Trump over there? 1153 00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,945 Knock yourself out. 1154 00:58:24,751 --> 00:58:27,117 - Mmm-mmm. - Ooh, Connor. 1155 00:58:27,295 --> 00:58:29,536 - Hmm? - I just sat you a six. 1156 00:58:29,715 --> 00:58:31,000 Six. 1157 00:58:31,174 --> 00:58:32,914 Mmm, thanks, Patty. 1158 00:58:35,887 --> 00:58:38,469 Woman: So you just keep whacking him in the knee. 1159 00:58:40,684 --> 00:58:43,016 Painful, but better than a punch in the face. 1160 00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:52,768 - Connor? - Hey, Morgan. 1161 00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,278 Hi. 1162 00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:57,235 You remember dick lobo, 1163 00:58:57,409 --> 00:58:59,695 - the producer of "cfi hotlanta." - Hey. 1164 00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:01,280 Of course. 1165 00:59:01,455 --> 00:59:03,286 And the entire rest of the cast. 1166 00:59:03,457 --> 00:59:05,994 Yeah, Ron, Mary Kay, jojo. 1167 00:59:06,168 --> 00:59:08,705 Um, what are you guys doing here? 1168 00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:11,712 Oh, we're in town to shoot this fabulous crossover promo 1169 00:59:11,882 --> 00:59:13,088 with "cfi Miami." 1170 00:59:13,258 --> 00:59:14,623 Oh, cool. 1171 00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:16,883 You know, somebody suggested that if I was in Miami 1172 00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:18,385 this is the place to come. 1173 00:59:18,555 --> 00:59:20,170 That was me. 1174 00:59:20,348 --> 00:59:22,680 Right. Right. 1175 00:59:22,851 --> 00:59:24,842 Yeah, so what are you doing here? 1176 00:59:25,020 --> 00:59:27,477 You researching a role for TV or something? 1177 00:59:27,647 --> 00:59:29,308 Not really. 1178 00:59:29,483 --> 00:59:31,974 I actually just work here. So... 1179 00:59:32,152 --> 00:59:34,768 Keeping it real, huh? 1180 00:59:34,946 --> 00:59:38,279 - Good for you, dog. - All right. Okay. 1181 00:59:39,826 --> 00:59:42,863 So can I get you all started off 1182 00:59:43,038 --> 00:59:45,074 with something to drink? 1183 00:59:45,248 --> 00:59:49,412 I told myself I wasn't going to put 1184 00:59:49,586 --> 00:59:54,000 my thumbprint into every dessert 1185 00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:55,664 and yet... 1186 00:59:58,470 --> 01:00:00,176 That's impossible. 1187 01:00:00,347 --> 01:00:02,087 I never touched that one. 1188 01:00:02,265 --> 01:00:03,701 You know you're gonna have to start over now. 1189 01:00:03,725 --> 01:00:05,056 I know. 1190 01:00:06,144 --> 01:00:08,681 I told myself I wasn't going to put... 1191 01:00:08,855 --> 01:00:10,516 This is undefeated, you are... 1192 01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:12,601 Should be depleted. 1193 01:00:12,776 --> 01:00:14,186 When you go against me 1194 01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:16,818 you're gonna be needing a paramedic. 1195 01:00:16,988 --> 01:00:19,775 P-a-r-a-dic. Paramedic. 1196 01:00:22,202 --> 01:00:24,909 Zongo's in the house! 1197 01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:36,292 Cleon: Hey, he's onto something. 1198 01:00:36,466 --> 01:00:37,922 You guys see nuts? 1199 01:00:38,093 --> 01:00:41,426 I want all the wait staff skipping just like nuts now. 1200 01:00:43,431 --> 01:00:46,264 God damn it, I said now! Skip! 1201 01:00:46,434 --> 01:00:48,766 Skip, everybody! 1202 01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:51,053 Keep skipping. Keep skipping. 1203 01:00:51,231 --> 01:00:52,812 If you're in one place, hop up and down. 1204 01:00:52,983 --> 01:00:55,599 - There you go, man. - Tara: You doing all right? 1205 01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:59,269 Skip it like you mean it! Keep skipping! 1206 01:00:59,447 --> 01:01:00,732 What the fuck? 1207 01:01:00,907 --> 01:01:04,195 J tempura j 1208 01:01:04,369 --> 01:01:07,657 j it's delicious. J 1209 01:01:10,625 --> 01:01:12,911 that's great. 1210 01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:14,997 I love it. We'll take all of it. 1211 01:01:15,172 --> 01:01:17,208 - Nuts, nuts, come here. - Rich: Tara, Tara, Tara. 1212 01:01:17,382 --> 01:01:20,124 Rich, he's over the edge. We have to help him. 1213 01:01:20,302 --> 01:01:21,782 Let it slide. He's selling like crazy. 1214 01:01:21,928 --> 01:01:25,011 - You don't care? - I totally care. 1215 01:01:26,975 --> 01:01:28,886 Rich, look at him. He's totally out of control. 1216 01:01:29,060 --> 01:01:31,096 That doesn't bother you? 1217 01:01:31,271 --> 01:01:34,058 - Keep up the good work, okay? - Rich, come on. Something's wrong. 1218 01:01:34,232 --> 01:01:35,938 If you need anything ask for zongo. 1219 01:01:37,611 --> 01:01:39,226 In second place is Connor. 1220 01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:42,612 And in first place, nuts/zongo. 1221 01:01:42,782 --> 01:01:44,647 - Nuts is in first? Jesus Christ. - What? 1222 01:01:44,826 --> 01:01:46,908 Rich, he's bazonkers. Get him off the floor. 1223 01:01:47,078 --> 01:01:49,319 - Yeah. - Look, aren't we all a little bazonkers? 1224 01:01:49,497 --> 01:01:51,909 Rich, why are you doing this? Is it because of the champ? 1225 01:01:52,083 --> 01:01:53,789 That's ridiculous. We have a job to do. 1226 01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:55,813 Nuts and zongo should at least count as two different people. 1227 01:01:55,837 --> 01:01:56,837 - I agree. - Yes. 1228 01:01:57,005 --> 01:01:59,525 Look, if it's any consolation, you're all really close together. 1229 01:01:59,591 --> 01:02:01,331 - Oh. - Except for you, Donnie. 1230 01:02:01,509 --> 01:02:03,374 Oh. 1231 01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:05,794 Oh my god. Excuse me. I've got to go. 1232 01:02:09,017 --> 01:02:12,180 - Got to be an asshole about this. - I ain't losing to some lunatic. 1233 01:02:14,064 --> 01:02:16,459 If you don't like mauve we can totally do some kind of texture 1234 01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:17,893 mosaic finger-painting. 1235 01:02:18,068 --> 01:02:19,729 Excuse me. 1236 01:02:19,903 --> 01:02:22,144 I just wanted to let you know that the chef 1237 01:02:22,322 --> 01:02:24,153 is pushing out 1238 01:02:24,324 --> 01:02:26,861 your dessert from the oven. 1239 01:02:27,035 --> 01:02:29,117 It'll just be a few minutes. 1240 01:02:29,287 --> 01:02:33,246 Well, that is fantastic, detective shep winford. 1241 01:02:33,416 --> 01:02:35,953 Now why don't you track me down another drink? 1242 01:02:36,127 --> 01:02:38,334 And tell them to put some booze in it this time, yeah? 1243 01:02:38,505 --> 01:02:40,336 Coming right up. 1244 01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:42,213 - Are you sure you want another one? - Yes. 1245 01:02:42,384 --> 01:02:44,170 Maybe a virgin rum and coke. 1246 01:02:44,344 --> 01:02:47,302 - That would just be coke. - Oh, that sounds delicious. 1247 01:02:47,472 --> 01:02:49,258 Whoo! What's up, noodle dicks? 1248 01:02:49,432 --> 01:02:52,265 That table over there just ordered two rounds of premium Tequila. 1249 01:02:52,435 --> 01:02:53,800 Now are y'all just gonna sit here 1250 01:02:53,979 --> 01:02:56,082 while they make you look like a bunch of fucking pussies? 1251 01:02:56,106 --> 01:02:58,347 Hell no, dude. We'll take three rounds. 1252 01:02:58,525 --> 01:02:59,925 Shit yeah! What are y'all, phi taus? 1253 01:02:59,985 --> 01:03:02,442 - Phi taus! - Come on now, give it to me. 1254 01:03:02,612 --> 01:03:04,332 - Give it to me good. - Let's take him down. 1255 01:03:04,406 --> 01:03:07,819 - I know where he keeps his meds. - Yeah. 1256 01:03:07,993 --> 01:03:10,154 I want some booze in my belly. 1257 01:03:10,328 --> 01:03:11,909 Yeah, baby! 1258 01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:14,867 Fidel, this is for a pissed-off movie star, so give it some balls. 1259 01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:17,745 Mm-hmm, yeah. Do it. 1260 01:03:17,919 --> 01:03:20,706 Go and go. That's what I'm talking about. 1261 01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:22,541 Hola, diablo blancos. 1262 01:03:22,716 --> 01:03:25,002 Zongo like vodka. 1263 01:03:25,176 --> 01:03:27,462 Hey hey, you doing okay, zongo? 1264 01:03:27,637 --> 01:03:30,299 - Mmm. - Hello, zongo. 1265 01:03:30,473 --> 01:03:32,088 You've got to take it, zongo. 1266 01:03:32,267 --> 01:03:34,724 Nobody puts zongo in a cage. 1267 01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:38,386 No one's trying to put zongo in a cage, zongo. 1268 01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:41,352 Okay. I'll take it. 1269 01:03:41,526 --> 01:03:44,142 - It's so big! - Get him! 1270 01:03:49,909 --> 01:03:52,275 Zongo, calm down. 1271 01:04:05,425 --> 01:04:06,710 What the fuck? 1272 01:04:06,885 --> 01:04:09,046 Hey, Mr. lobo. 1273 01:04:09,220 --> 01:04:11,632 - Men's room? - All: Just down the hall. 1274 01:04:11,806 --> 01:04:14,388 Miami. 1275 01:04:14,559 --> 01:04:16,515 Open. There. 1276 01:04:16,686 --> 01:04:19,393 Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. 1277 01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:22,055 Easy. Easy, zongo. Easy. Shh. 1278 01:04:22,233 --> 01:04:24,269 Easy. That's good. 1279 01:04:24,444 --> 01:04:27,186 - That's good. - Get him up. 1280 01:04:30,950 --> 01:04:33,066 Hey, you look better. 1281 01:04:33,244 --> 01:04:34,700 Yeah, I'm better now. 1282 01:04:34,871 --> 01:04:37,487 I am gonna win this thing, face or no face. 1283 01:04:37,665 --> 01:04:40,782 Got a birthday table and I've got 'em in the palm of my hand. 1284 01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:43,793 - So you want to sing with me? - Yes, I do. 1285 01:04:43,963 --> 01:04:46,625 Get your poop in a group. 1286 01:04:49,427 --> 01:04:52,464 - Any second now. - Believe it when I see it. 1287 01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:00,931 Sorry. 1288 01:05:03,316 --> 01:05:05,682 - Ahem. - Oh shit. 1289 01:05:05,860 --> 01:05:07,396 Connor, hey. 1290 01:05:07,570 --> 01:05:09,652 Mr. lobo, I just need a minute of your time 1291 01:05:09,823 --> 01:05:11,188 to talk about why you fired me. 1292 01:05:11,366 --> 01:05:14,779 Connor, please. I don't know what you're taking about. 1293 01:05:14,953 --> 01:05:17,114 It's okay, I understand. 1294 01:05:17,288 --> 01:05:19,028 I mean, you cast me to play a big-nosed cop 1295 01:05:19,207 --> 01:05:21,368 and I got a nose job. It was stupid. 1296 01:05:21,543 --> 01:05:23,329 I didn't even know you had a nose job. 1297 01:05:23,503 --> 01:05:25,463 Looks pretty good though. Turn your head that way. 1298 01:05:25,547 --> 01:05:27,378 Yeah. Who's your doctor? 1299 01:05:27,549 --> 01:05:29,790 I've got a 12-year old daughter with a fucking beak. 1300 01:05:29,968 --> 01:05:32,630 She's got bean bag tits and a big caboose too. 1301 01:05:32,804 --> 01:05:35,011 That poor girl's gonna have a hard road ahead. 1302 01:05:35,181 --> 01:05:36,967 Mr. lobo, I know I made a mistake. 1303 01:05:37,142 --> 01:05:40,054 Look, kid, I didn't fire you for having a small nose. 1304 01:05:40,228 --> 01:05:43,095 Mr. lobo, I am not gonna turn you in to the nose police. 1305 01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:45,059 You kill me, man. 1306 01:05:45,233 --> 01:05:48,020 It was hard growing up with that nose. 1307 01:05:48,194 --> 01:05:51,027 You are a real fucking moron, you know that? 1308 01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:53,734 - What? - You read the script, didn't you, shithead? 1309 01:05:53,908 --> 01:05:57,196 It's all nose jokes. "I've been nosing around. I smell a rat." 1310 01:05:57,370 --> 01:05:59,577 And then you show up with that little cat nose. 1311 01:05:59,747 --> 01:06:01,362 Doesn't make any sense. 1312 01:06:01,541 --> 01:06:03,953 Do you realize how hard it is to rewrite an entire season? 1313 01:06:04,127 --> 01:06:06,709 - No, sir. - You were a kid with a big nose. 1314 01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,996 Yougoton TV but you fucked it up. 1315 01:06:09,174 --> 01:06:12,041 You. Who? You fucked it up. 1316 01:06:14,053 --> 01:06:16,385 Look, Mr. lobo, I found out about this place 1317 01:06:16,556 --> 01:06:18,672 that does nose enlargements. 1318 01:06:18,850 --> 01:06:22,183 And if all goes well I could actually have the money to do it by tomorrow. 1319 01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:23,638 Oh. 1320 01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:27,726 The new honker is gonna be a goddamn fire hose. 1321 01:06:27,901 --> 01:06:29,391 What are we supposed to do? 1322 01:06:29,569 --> 01:06:33,812 Bring back detective shep winford from the dead with a big nose? 1323 01:06:33,990 --> 01:06:35,855 This isn't fucking "x files." 1324 01:06:39,746 --> 01:06:41,111 Goodbye. 1325 01:06:43,208 --> 01:06:46,746 Rich: So you didn't donkey punch Morgan Fairchild. 1326 01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:49,036 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1327 01:06:59,641 --> 01:07:03,600 Hey, wasn't I in last place an hour ago? 1328 01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:05,101 Yes, you were. 1329 01:07:05,271 --> 01:07:08,013 - Was zongo here? - Oh, zongo was here all right. 1330 01:07:08,191 --> 01:07:10,557 Sold 18 entrees to a party of six. 1331 01:07:10,735 --> 01:07:13,067 I don't remember any of that. 1332 01:07:13,238 --> 01:07:14,590 Not even the champ offering 10 grand? 1333 01:07:14,614 --> 01:07:17,606 - 10 grand for what? - Top seller. 1334 01:07:22,997 --> 01:07:26,080 Fucking dodo bird. 1335 01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:47,219 Nuts? 1336 01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:49,308 Are you okay? 1337 01:07:49,482 --> 01:07:52,770 I am zongo. 1338 01:07:52,944 --> 01:07:54,559 Ugh. 1339 01:07:54,737 --> 01:07:56,568 I am still going to win this contest 1340 01:07:56,739 --> 01:07:59,105 because I can hold it together under pressure. 1341 01:07:59,284 --> 01:08:01,775 Welcome to the slammin' salmon. 1342 01:08:01,953 --> 01:08:03,693 Be graceful and amazing 1343 01:08:03,871 --> 01:08:05,827 'cause that's what I am. 1344 01:08:08,626 --> 01:08:10,708 Donnie? 1345 01:08:10,878 --> 01:08:13,585 Who the fuck is Donnie? 1346 01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:16,293 I'm Donnie, Mr. salmon. 1347 01:08:16,467 --> 01:08:18,958 Good try, Dave. 1348 01:08:20,179 --> 01:08:22,545 No, I'm Dave's twin brother. 1349 01:08:23,641 --> 01:08:25,006 And you know what? Another thing, 1350 01:08:25,184 --> 01:08:27,391 I don't care how severe her peanut allergy is. 1351 01:08:27,562 --> 01:08:29,018 Wow! 1352 01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:31,645 Did anybody ever tell you you guys look exactly alike? 1353 01:08:31,816 --> 01:08:33,226 Every day. 1354 01:08:33,401 --> 01:08:35,687 Is that why you wear the blue lipstick? 1355 01:08:35,862 --> 01:08:37,944 Either way, I hope you like hospital food. 1356 01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:41,356 No, I was recently a busboy. 1357 01:08:41,534 --> 01:08:44,025 - I wasn't a part of this thing. - Yeah, you know what? 1358 01:08:44,203 --> 01:08:47,491 Excuses are like assholes. Everybody's got one, 1359 01:08:47,665 --> 01:08:49,747 but don't nobody want to admit it. 1360 01:08:49,917 --> 01:08:53,205 Now get your ass out of last place 1361 01:08:53,379 --> 01:08:56,462 or I'm gonna use your spine for a jump rope. 1362 01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:01,793 What the fuck? 1363 01:09:03,222 --> 01:09:06,055 I'd still hit that. 1364 01:09:11,856 --> 01:09:13,721 - I got it. - Nice. 1365 01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:18,063 Dude, where's the south African bing diamond? 1366 01:09:20,740 --> 01:09:22,526 Shit! 1367 01:09:25,787 --> 01:09:28,529 Ladies, hello and welcome to the slammin' salmon tonight. 1368 01:09:28,706 --> 01:09:32,119 Let me tell you about some of the more delicious things on our menu. 1369 01:09:32,293 --> 01:09:35,330 Uh, we have a boneless fillet of... 1370 01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:40,582 Champion... 1371 01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:44,002 Also a very nice black eye... 1372 01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:49,757 Sock-eyed salmon. It's very nice. 1373 01:09:51,854 --> 01:09:53,936 It's sautéed... 1374 01:09:54,107 --> 01:09:55,847 Heartbeat... 1375 01:09:58,152 --> 01:10:00,188 He's watching me. 1376 01:10:17,046 --> 01:10:20,288 Little story for you, Dave il, before you get back to work. 1377 01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:23,833 When I was training for the dispute in Beirut, 1378 01:10:24,011 --> 01:10:27,629 I used to run 10 miles a day with a baby camel strapped to my back. 1379 01:10:29,976 --> 01:10:32,467 So you can understand how bemusing I find it 1380 01:10:32,645 --> 01:10:34,226 that you're trying to run away from me. 1381 01:10:34,397 --> 01:10:36,433 I was... 1382 01:10:36,607 --> 01:10:39,269 Don't run. Just take it. 1383 01:10:43,865 --> 01:10:45,571 Okay, here we go. Here we go. 1384 01:10:45,742 --> 01:10:47,698 Here's to "cfll hotlanta" 1385 01:10:47,869 --> 01:10:50,861 and its record 15 Emmy award nominations. 1386 01:10:51,038 --> 01:10:52,744 - Yay. - Hear hear. 1387 01:10:53,750 --> 01:10:54,830 Oh. 1388 01:10:55,001 --> 01:10:56,866 Connor. 1389 01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:58,705 Come here. Come here a second. 1390 01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:01,838 Come here. Come here. 1391 01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:06,335 Hey, buddy, we couldn't have done it without you, man. 1392 01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:08,594 - Hear hear. - Hear hear. 1393 01:11:08,765 --> 01:11:10,426 Thanks a million. 1394 01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:13,057 Oh, Connor, have you met our newest cast member? 1395 01:11:13,227 --> 01:11:14,717 This is Steve lemmaduche. 1396 01:11:16,355 --> 01:11:17,936 Hey, buddy. What's crackin'? 1397 01:11:18,107 --> 01:11:20,189 Call me duche. 1398 01:11:21,778 --> 01:11:24,110 Hey, what are those guys eating over there? 1399 01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:27,272 Over there? That's the salmon. 1400 01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:31,409 Oh yeah. That smells beautiful. 1401 01:11:31,579 --> 01:11:33,115 Hustle me out one of those. 1402 01:11:33,289 --> 01:11:35,746 And a chocotini, dry. 1403 01:11:35,917 --> 01:11:37,157 Thanks, pal. 1404 01:11:37,335 --> 01:11:38,620 The duche. 1405 01:11:38,795 --> 01:11:40,626 Connor. 1406 01:11:40,797 --> 01:11:44,289 Look, I just know you're gonna find another show really soon. 1407 01:11:44,467 --> 01:11:46,458 Thank you, Morgan. 1408 01:11:46,636 --> 01:11:50,549 And that being said, I also know that I ordered my ahi tuna seared, 1409 01:11:50,723 --> 01:11:53,089 and, baby, this is not seared. 1410 01:11:53,267 --> 01:11:56,225 I'll get that right back to you. 1411 01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:58,431 Thank you. 1412 01:12:06,656 --> 01:12:10,114 Donnie? What are you doing? 1413 01:12:12,453 --> 01:12:13,659 Are you crying? 1414 01:12:13,830 --> 01:12:15,786 No. 1415 01:12:16,791 --> 01:12:19,908 What is that? It's not coming off. 1416 01:12:20,086 --> 01:12:21,872 The champ is gonna kill me. 1417 01:12:22,046 --> 01:12:23,957 There's no way I can get out of last place. 1418 01:12:24,131 --> 01:12:25,746 Donnie, he's not gonna kill you. 1419 01:12:25,925 --> 01:12:28,837 Didn't you hear? Last place is a broken rib sandwich. 1420 01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:32,344 You see? Breaking your ribs won't kill you. 1421 01:12:34,433 --> 01:12:37,220 Okay, look, Donnie, why don't you take one of my tables? 1422 01:12:37,395 --> 01:12:39,260 The mcnaultys. They're great tippers 1423 01:12:39,438 --> 01:12:41,850 and they've got a huge check. My gift to you. 1424 01:12:42,024 --> 01:12:43,810 Shut up. You need that money for school. 1425 01:12:43,985 --> 01:12:46,442 Nutella's check is over $1000. 1426 01:12:46,612 --> 01:12:48,773 Once I close her out, I'm gonna shoot past everyone. 1427 01:12:48,948 --> 01:12:50,859 Take the table. 1428 01:12:51,033 --> 01:12:53,399 - Really? - Yeah. 1429 01:12:53,578 --> 01:12:56,820 - How would I pay you back? - I don't know. 1430 01:12:56,998 --> 01:13:00,161 Take me out for a broken rib sandwich sometime. 1431 01:13:00,334 --> 01:13:02,700 Help me up. 1432 01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:04,335 Come on, you lush. 1433 01:13:09,468 --> 01:13:11,629 Welcome to the slammin' salmon. 1434 01:13:11,804 --> 01:13:13,214 My name is zongo. 1435 01:13:13,389 --> 01:13:15,880 How is everyone feline this evening? 1436 01:13:17,476 --> 01:13:20,809 The '62 salmon is "purrfect.” 1437 01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:24,143 Would anybody like to try? 1438 01:13:24,317 --> 01:13:27,184 Oh, yes. Everybody take a sip. 1439 01:13:27,361 --> 01:13:29,226 Mmm, delicious. 1440 01:13:29,405 --> 01:13:32,397 How about you, ma'am? How does that taste? 1441 01:13:32,575 --> 01:13:34,987 How does that taste? How does that taste? 1442 01:13:35,161 --> 01:13:36,651 How does that taste? 1443 01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:39,161 How does that taste? How does that taste? 1444 01:13:39,332 --> 01:13:41,618 How does that taste? How does it taste? 1445 01:13:41,792 --> 01:13:43,783 How does it taste? How does that taste? 1446 01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:46,168 How does it taste? 1447 01:13:50,676 --> 01:13:52,166 Ow! 1448 01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:58,013 Definitely the hardest substance known to man. 1449 01:13:58,184 --> 01:14:00,266 Mmm! Mmm! 1450 01:14:00,436 --> 01:14:03,098 Mmm, so good. 1451 01:14:03,272 --> 01:14:05,137 Mmm. 1452 01:14:05,316 --> 01:14:08,433 Mmm. Mmm. 1453 01:14:15,159 --> 01:14:16,490 Oh my god. 1454 01:14:16,661 --> 01:14:19,403 - Oh, I love it. - I'm glad you like it. 1455 01:14:19,580 --> 01:14:21,195 Yes. 1456 01:14:21,374 --> 01:14:23,456 Yes, I'll marry you. 1457 01:14:29,173 --> 01:14:32,586 - I love you so much. - I love you too, baby. 1458 01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:34,625 - Tara, Tara, Tara. - What? 1459 01:14:34,804 --> 01:14:36,124 Can you go check on nuts, please? 1460 01:14:36,222 --> 01:14:37,741 Why do I have to do it? Rich, I'm slammed. 1461 01:14:37,765 --> 01:14:39,096 'Cause you're a doctor, come on. 1462 01:14:39,266 --> 01:14:41,536 I'm not even close to being a doctor. I'm a second-year med student. 1463 01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:43,050 I'm making half of this shit up. 1464 01:14:43,229 --> 01:14:45,149 Come on, isn't it part of your hippocrastic oath? 1465 01:14:45,272 --> 01:14:47,979 Hippo what? Look, don't put this on me, okay? 1466 01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:50,141 He got punched out by that gigantic mongoloid 1467 01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:52,059 because you denied him his medication. 1468 01:14:52,238 --> 01:14:55,401 You sold him out just like you sold out Mia and that poor kid Donnie. 1469 01:14:55,574 --> 01:14:57,815 And all because you're afraid of cleon. 1470 01:14:57,994 --> 01:15:00,155 God, you're a real spineless pussy, rich. 1471 01:15:02,415 --> 01:15:05,498 Hey, three of them. 1472 01:15:05,668 --> 01:15:07,033 Oh, Jesus. 1473 01:15:07,211 --> 01:15:08,951 Look at these babies. 1474 01:15:09,130 --> 01:15:12,213 - Honey, hi. - Hey. 1475 01:15:12,383 --> 01:15:13,589 What are you doing here? 1476 01:15:13,759 --> 01:15:16,546 Well, the kids couldn't sleep so I thought we'd pop in and say hi. 1477 01:15:16,721 --> 01:15:19,428 Mrs. rich parente in the house. 1478 01:15:19,598 --> 01:15:20,883 - Hey, champ. - Hey. 1479 01:15:21,058 --> 01:15:23,925 Oh, cleon. 1480 01:15:24,103 --> 01:15:27,095 I don't mean to be mean, but, baby, you need some listerine. 1481 01:15:29,066 --> 01:15:31,728 That's my little sister. Always tells it like it is. 1482 01:15:31,902 --> 01:15:34,393 Oh, look at the little babies. 1483 01:15:34,572 --> 01:15:36,688 Hey, it's uncle cleon. 1484 01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:41,697 What'd you do, fuck a xerox machine? 1485 01:15:41,871 --> 01:15:44,362 Watch your goddamn mouth in front of my kids. 1486 01:15:44,540 --> 01:15:46,656 - It's uncle cleon. Watch it. - No no, not too close. 1487 01:15:46,834 --> 01:15:49,291 - Okay, easy now. Okay. - Keep your guard up. 1488 01:15:49,462 --> 01:15:52,329 How the hell did you wind up with the champ's sister? 1489 01:15:52,506 --> 01:15:54,667 Well, believe it or not, 1490 01:15:54,842 --> 01:15:57,083 the champ introduced us and we fell in love 1491 01:15:57,261 --> 01:16:00,549 and had these babies. And here we are. 1492 01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:04,056 When I first was made aware of richardo here, 1493 01:16:04,226 --> 01:16:06,638 he cracked his head open running out of my office. 1494 01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:09,053 And I thought right away, this guy 1495 01:16:09,231 --> 01:16:11,688 is such a pussy. 1496 01:16:11,859 --> 01:16:13,815 I knew he was such a pussy 1497 01:16:13,986 --> 01:16:16,648 that he would never ever cheat on my sister. 1498 01:16:16,822 --> 01:16:18,608 No, I'm serious. 1499 01:16:18,783 --> 01:16:20,819 You want to know what my nickname for him was? 1500 01:16:20,993 --> 01:16:23,359 Cunty mctwat. 1501 01:16:23,537 --> 01:16:25,073 'Cause he was such a pussy. 1502 01:16:27,958 --> 01:16:30,870 Why isn't anybody laughing? 1503 01:16:31,045 --> 01:16:33,331 - That's amazing. - Cleon: Hey, babies, yes. 1504 01:16:33,506 --> 01:16:35,358 The middle one has your head. 1505 01:16:35,382 --> 01:16:36,792 Don't touch... no no no. Okay. 1506 01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:40,811 Rich: Okay, we've got some movement, you guys. 1507 01:16:40,846 --> 01:16:43,053 Oh! 1508 01:16:43,224 --> 01:16:45,010 This is bullshit! 1509 01:16:45,184 --> 01:16:48,426 You gave Donnie all of nuts's huge tables. 1510 01:16:48,604 --> 01:16:50,040 Guy, it's anyone's game still, all right? 1511 01:16:50,064 --> 01:16:52,271 There's only 250 bucks separating first and last. 1512 01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:54,272 - It's anyone's game. - That's awesome. 1513 01:16:54,443 --> 01:16:56,213 You better not be lying, 'cause I will cut you. 1514 01:16:56,237 --> 01:16:58,603 All right, one hour left. Go get 'em, guys, all right? 1515 01:16:58,781 --> 01:17:01,067 - Okay okay. - Mia Mia Mia. 1516 01:17:01,242 --> 01:17:02,857 I just sat the last table. You got 'em. 1517 01:17:03,035 --> 01:17:06,368 It's the Miami dolphin's offensive line and they're starving. 1518 01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:09,656 Good luck. Sorry, but, you know... 1519 01:17:09,834 --> 01:17:11,324 This is so not over. 1520 01:17:11,502 --> 01:17:14,915 - You're gonna burn, baby. - I'm not losing this thing. 1521 01:17:15,089 --> 01:17:16,545 I'm not losing this thing. 1522 01:17:17,675 --> 01:17:19,211 All right, if you ladies are like me, 1523 01:17:19,385 --> 01:17:21,046 you can eat a shitload of lobster. 1524 01:17:21,220 --> 01:17:24,087 I am not leaving until you people are heaving. 1525 01:17:24,265 --> 01:17:27,257 So that's four orders of the Alaskan king crab legs. 1526 01:17:28,811 --> 01:17:31,473 Eat it, fuck nut. 1527 01:17:35,985 --> 01:17:37,521 Hey, how are you? 1528 01:17:37,695 --> 01:17:39,855 I couldn't help but overhear you ordered the king crab. 1529 01:17:39,989 --> 01:17:42,947 Well, we came in here dead set on the San Francisco cioppino, 1530 01:17:43,117 --> 01:17:46,951 but that young lad made those king crab legs sound irresistible. 1531 01:17:47,121 --> 01:17:49,237 It's just that you look like good people. 1532 01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:52,248 And the chef asked us not to sell the king crab 1533 01:17:52,418 --> 01:17:55,706 because it's a week old. 1534 01:17:55,880 --> 01:17:59,338 Why would that waiter recommend something that's turned? 1535 01:17:59,508 --> 01:18:01,669 It's one of the most expensive items on the menu. 1536 01:18:01,844 --> 01:18:05,177 You can figure it out. But please, you didn't hear it from me. 1537 01:18:05,347 --> 01:18:07,963 My name is guy. 1538 01:18:08,142 --> 01:18:11,259 I like him more. That's the man I trust. 1539 01:18:14,023 --> 01:18:17,766 Hi, guys. Welcome to the slammin' salmon. 1540 01:18:17,943 --> 01:18:20,104 My name is Mia and I'll be your waitress. 1541 01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,611 I apologize for my appearance, 1542 01:18:22,781 --> 01:18:25,113 but I was in an explosion. 1543 01:18:25,284 --> 01:18:26,899 Is this like make a wish foundation? 1544 01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:28,942 Yes, definitely. 1545 01:18:29,121 --> 01:18:30,657 That's great. 1546 01:18:30,831 --> 01:18:34,198 What a brave lady. I mean, showing your face in public like this. 1547 01:18:34,376 --> 01:18:35,991 - Thank you. - Tell you what, Mia, 1548 01:18:36,170 --> 01:18:39,253 we're starving, so would you start us off with some appetizers? 1549 01:18:39,423 --> 01:18:41,505 Of course. 1550 01:18:41,675 --> 01:18:44,087 We'll take two t-bone steaks. Two each. 1551 01:18:44,261 --> 01:18:46,843 - Two each. - Okay. 1552 01:18:47,014 --> 01:18:48,800 Put some calamari on there. 1553 01:18:48,974 --> 01:18:51,260 Good luck on your nose job. 1554 01:18:51,435 --> 01:18:52,845 Thank you, Mr. lobo. 1555 01:18:53,020 --> 01:18:54,581 Give me a call when the bandages come off. 1556 01:18:54,605 --> 01:18:57,438 - Okay. - We're doing "cfi greektown." 1557 01:18:57,608 --> 01:19:01,066 You might be right for detective stavros popadropolis. 1558 01:19:01,237 --> 01:19:03,569 - Okay. - Feel like I'm gonna give birth. 1559 01:19:03,739 --> 01:19:05,024 Thank you, Mr. lobo. 1560 01:19:05,199 --> 01:19:08,236 Thank you, Connor. It's so good to see you again. 1561 01:19:08,410 --> 01:19:10,138 Great to see you too, Morgan. You look terrific. 1562 01:19:10,162 --> 01:19:13,245 - Oh, thank you. - Hey, man, you're a hell of a waiter. 1563 01:19:13,415 --> 01:19:16,327 Don't quit your day job. Boop. 1564 01:19:16,502 --> 01:19:18,914 Get lost. 1565 01:19:19,088 --> 01:19:22,376 Oh, enjoy not winning 10 grand, sucker. 1566 01:19:22,549 --> 01:19:24,756 Oh, honey, that's so cute. 1567 01:19:24,927 --> 01:19:28,715 But I still have Nutella and, whew, it is a huge check. 1568 01:19:28,889 --> 01:19:31,005 Don't worry though. When I'm done with school 1569 01:19:31,183 --> 01:19:33,595 I'll fix your nose for free. Any shape you want, okay? 1570 01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:36,055 Button nose, cute little clown nose. 1571 01:19:36,230 --> 01:19:39,017 Ooh, a brown nose. That works well for you. 1572 01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:48,773 And I came in here dead set on the San Francisco cioppino. 1573 01:19:48,951 --> 01:19:50,971 I'm very sorry, sir. We will change your order right away. 1574 01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:52,722 - And guy will be your waiter. - Donnie: What? 1575 01:19:52,746 --> 01:19:55,237 Donnie, the table is guy's now. 1576 01:19:55,416 --> 01:19:57,498 No no no. No, it was... 1577 01:19:57,668 --> 01:20:00,501 - See? I can step up to the plate. - Finally. 1578 01:20:03,465 --> 01:20:06,332 Some pitchers of beer, that bucket of jumbo shrimp, 1579 01:20:06,510 --> 01:20:08,046 that spinach artichoke dip, 1580 01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:10,586 and of course that 8-1b lobster you were talking about. 1581 01:20:10,764 --> 01:20:12,755 - Yes. - And that should do it. 1582 01:20:12,933 --> 01:20:14,798 Okay. 1583 01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:16,763 Oh, baby girl, what's wrong? 1584 01:20:16,937 --> 01:20:19,553 It's just you guys are so nice. 1585 01:20:19,732 --> 01:20:22,348 And this is my biggest check ever. 1586 01:20:22,526 --> 01:20:25,142 I just really needed this. 1587 01:20:25,321 --> 01:20:27,403 And you're the nicest waitress we've ever had. 1588 01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:30,861 You know, Mia, I know you were pretty once. 1589 01:20:31,035 --> 01:20:32,866 Thank you. 1590 01:20:43,422 --> 01:20:45,663 That's disgusting. 1591 01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:49,716 I'm gonna be sick. 1592 01:20:57,853 --> 01:21:01,846 I just wanna win. 1593 01:21:05,486 --> 01:21:07,602 And, um, word to your mother. 1594 01:21:07,780 --> 01:21:09,316 All right, girl. 1595 01:21:17,081 --> 01:21:19,788 Nutella, I'm sorry. This isn't the check that I gave you. 1596 01:21:19,958 --> 01:21:22,791 Yeah it is. Champ comped us. 1597 01:21:22,961 --> 01:21:25,953 I throw a little knee right there. 1598 01:21:26,131 --> 01:21:28,998 It bends him down. Bam! 1599 01:21:30,636 --> 01:21:33,548 Well, were you dissatisfied with the service? 1600 01:21:33,722 --> 01:21:36,259 - You didn't leave a tip. - Do the math. 1601 01:21:36,433 --> 01:21:39,049 20% of nothing is nothing. 1602 01:21:39,228 --> 01:21:41,594 Come on, y'all. We outie. 1603 01:21:51,824 --> 01:21:53,689 Shit. 1604 01:22:23,522 --> 01:22:25,082 Here you go. I didn't want to interrupt. 1605 01:22:25,232 --> 01:22:26,392 Thank you. 1606 01:22:26,567 --> 01:22:28,478 Have you read this? 1607 01:22:28,652 --> 01:22:30,233 Uh, no. I can't say that I have. 1608 01:22:30,404 --> 01:22:33,146 I did not know anything, 1609 01:22:33,323 --> 01:22:35,530 anything at all till now. 1610 01:22:38,662 --> 01:22:41,074 You remind me of a young Andrew bolkonski. 1611 01:22:41,248 --> 01:22:43,785 Oh, thank you. 1612 01:22:43,959 --> 01:22:45,199 No, thank you. 1613 01:22:45,377 --> 01:22:47,038 Thank you. 1614 01:22:57,598 --> 01:22:59,714 Uh... 1615 01:22:59,892 --> 01:23:01,678 I'm sorry, sir. I think you made a mistake. 1616 01:23:01,852 --> 01:23:03,638 I can't take that much money. 1617 01:23:03,812 --> 01:23:06,599 I didn't make a mistake. What's your name? 1618 01:23:06,773 --> 01:23:08,889 Donald kanogi. 1619 01:23:09,067 --> 01:23:11,479 I'm dying, Donald kanogi. 1620 01:23:12,905 --> 01:23:16,022 My doctor told me I have a month to live. 1621 01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:19,784 Have you ever heard of schistophosiasis? 1622 01:23:19,953 --> 01:23:21,534 No, I haven't. 1623 01:23:21,705 --> 01:23:23,161 Well, I've got it. 1624 01:23:23,332 --> 01:23:25,493 - I've got it hard. - Oh my god. 1625 01:23:25,667 --> 01:23:28,750 All I wanted to do tonight was to sit quietly, 1626 01:23:28,921 --> 01:23:30,832 have a nice meal, 1627 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:33,292 read a little Russian pre-existentialism. 1628 01:23:33,467 --> 01:23:36,675 It was pretty crowded, but unlike the other waiter, 1629 01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:39,678 you were content to let me sit here nonetheless. 1630 01:23:39,848 --> 01:23:42,089 And I thank you for that. 1631 01:23:43,310 --> 01:23:45,016 But, sir... 1632 01:23:45,187 --> 01:23:47,303 No, young man, 1633 01:23:47,481 --> 01:23:49,597 you can't take it with you. 1634 01:23:49,775 --> 01:23:52,357 Now if you'll excuse me, 1635 01:23:52,528 --> 01:23:56,237 I've got a lot of living to do before I die. 1636 01:23:57,824 --> 01:23:59,360 Do svidaniya. 1637 01:24:26,728 --> 01:24:27,934 Oh! 1638 01:24:31,483 --> 01:24:33,474 That poor man. 1639 01:24:33,652 --> 01:24:35,984 You know, it really puts things into perspective. 1640 01:24:36,154 --> 01:24:39,112 Fuck him and the horse that rode over him. 1641 01:24:39,283 --> 01:24:42,650 That's guy. Big heart, big hair. 1642 01:24:42,828 --> 01:24:45,661 That's me. Throw big dick in there, you got a box trifecta. 1643 01:24:45,831 --> 01:24:48,698 You know what? It's way too late for that kind of chatter. 1644 01:24:48,875 --> 01:24:50,706 - Heyo, I've got the totals. - Guy: All right. 1645 01:24:50,877 --> 01:24:53,459 - Who wants to see some results? - Oh, I do, I do. 1646 01:24:53,630 --> 01:24:56,747 - Oh, yeah. - Gather round. This is pretty exciting. 1647 01:24:56,925 --> 01:24:59,507 - Gather around, everybody. - All right. 1648 01:24:59,678 --> 01:25:02,010 - I'm excited. - Good. 1649 01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:03,636 - Are you guys ready? - Yes. 1650 01:25:03,807 --> 01:25:06,469 Okay. First, before I start, let me just say 1651 01:25:06,643 --> 01:25:09,305 - I'm really proud of you guys. - Thank you. 1652 01:25:09,479 --> 01:25:11,515 Very proud. I think you did a great job tonight. 1653 01:25:11,690 --> 01:25:13,396 - Thank you. - Here we go. 1654 01:25:13,567 --> 01:25:16,229 In third place... 1655 01:25:17,821 --> 01:25:20,062 - Is the waiter... - Oh, Jesus Christ. 1656 01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:22,652 - Wwho did a good job tonight... - Say it, you big dog. 1657 01:25:22,826 --> 01:25:26,489 - Come on. - And his name is nuts. 1658 01:25:26,663 --> 01:25:29,996 - Hey, nuts. - In the pickle jar, all right. 1659 01:25:30,167 --> 01:25:31,282 - Great. - Okay. 1660 01:25:31,460 --> 01:25:32,620 - Bring it. - Here we go. 1661 01:25:32,794 --> 01:25:35,831 In second place, and runner up, 1662 01:25:36,006 --> 01:25:39,214 is... 1663 01:25:39,384 --> 01:25:41,295 - Come on. - Connor. 1664 01:25:41,470 --> 01:25:42,801 What? Who won? 1665 01:25:42,971 --> 01:25:45,553 Drum roll, please. Drum roll. 1666 01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:47,885 Great, thank you. 1667 01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:51,518 And the winner of the $10,000 prize 1668 01:25:51,688 --> 01:25:53,679 and the big contest 1669 01:25:53,857 --> 01:25:57,065 tonight is... 1670 01:25:57,235 --> 01:25:59,647 - Oh! - Tara. 1671 01:25:59,821 --> 01:26:02,312 - Oh my god! - Honk the goose. 1672 01:26:02,491 --> 01:26:04,402 - What? - Oh my god, I won? 1673 01:26:04,576 --> 01:26:05,986 How is that even possible? 1674 01:26:06,161 --> 01:26:09,995 Well, the guy who got hit by the horse gave her a $1,000 tip. 1675 01:26:10,165 --> 01:26:12,531 I had that table. That's my table. 1676 01:26:13,794 --> 01:26:15,625 Jesus, Donnie. 1677 01:26:15,796 --> 01:26:18,412 You gave me a table, I gave you a table. 1678 01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:22,128 That is the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. 1679 01:26:22,302 --> 01:26:24,042 Well, when the champ kills me, 1680 01:26:24,221 --> 01:26:25,961 just see to it I get a decent burial. 1681 01:26:26,139 --> 01:26:27,925 You're not gonna die. 1682 01:26:28,100 --> 01:26:29,715 I'll give you mouth to mouth. 1683 01:26:29,893 --> 01:26:33,101 Stick a sock in it before I puke. 1684 01:26:34,398 --> 01:26:36,684 Richardo. It's time. 1685 01:26:36,858 --> 01:26:40,476 All right, if you guys will excuse me for one second... 1686 01:26:40,654 --> 01:26:41,860 All right, baby, 1687 01:26:42,030 --> 01:26:44,737 what is the final take? 1688 01:26:44,908 --> 01:26:47,866 Am I sitting in the lap of luxury or what? 1689 01:26:48,036 --> 01:26:50,152 Well, we made... 1690 01:26:50,330 --> 01:26:52,946 $19,017. 1691 01:26:53,125 --> 01:26:54,706 Wow. 1692 01:26:54,876 --> 01:26:57,583 $19,017. 1693 01:26:57,754 --> 01:26:58,960 Pretty good. 1694 01:26:59,131 --> 01:27:01,793 But last time I checked, 1695 01:27:01,967 --> 01:27:05,630 19 is lower than 20, right? 1696 01:27:06,847 --> 01:27:09,384 That makes you a grand short, short shorts. 1697 01:27:11,309 --> 01:27:13,425 What's that? 1698 01:27:13,603 --> 01:27:15,514 - The waiters tips. - Problem solved. 1699 01:27:15,689 --> 01:27:18,396 I'll just take a grand out of that then. 1700 01:27:18,567 --> 01:27:20,148 No no no, hold on. 1701 01:27:20,318 --> 01:27:22,400 Excuse me, champ. About the 10 grand. 1702 01:27:22,571 --> 01:27:24,607 - Not now, Tara. - The what? 1703 01:27:24,781 --> 01:27:25,941 The $10,000. 1704 01:27:26,116 --> 01:27:28,152 Oh, there is no $10,000. 1705 01:27:28,326 --> 01:27:30,817 That was all predicated on an illusion. 1706 01:27:30,996 --> 01:27:32,987 I don't understand. 1707 01:27:33,165 --> 01:27:36,828 Okay, I'll break it down. If I needed to make 20 tonight, 1708 01:27:37,002 --> 01:27:40,494 why would I give away 10? That makes no sense. 1709 01:27:40,672 --> 01:27:42,458 Right, rich? 1710 01:27:42,632 --> 01:27:44,497 Right. 1711 01:27:44,676 --> 01:27:45,916 Thank you. 1712 01:27:46,094 --> 01:27:48,005 Adieu. 1713 01:27:54,186 --> 01:27:56,973 Champ. 1714 01:27:58,982 --> 01:28:01,018 This money belongs to the waiters. 1715 01:28:01,193 --> 01:28:03,058 And you owe Tara $10,000. 1716 01:28:03,236 --> 01:28:04,521 Whoa. 1717 01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:07,187 What the hell is wrong with you, richardo? 1718 01:28:07,365 --> 01:28:09,822 You offered a prize and now you owe her. 1719 01:28:09,993 --> 01:28:12,780 You want to make something of it? 1720 01:28:16,333 --> 01:28:18,119 Yeah, I do. 1721 01:28:18,293 --> 01:28:21,126 Just do what you promised, you motherfucker. 1722 01:28:21,296 --> 01:28:23,582 - Oh! - What? 1723 01:28:25,425 --> 01:28:27,541 Well well well, 1724 01:28:27,719 --> 01:28:29,926 looks like somebody's little acorns 1725 01:28:30,096 --> 01:28:31,836 done grew into big nuts. 1726 01:28:32,015 --> 01:28:34,222 You're finally acting like a man. 1727 01:28:34,392 --> 01:28:36,474 But you're too little too late. 1728 01:28:36,645 --> 01:28:38,727 I still got to pay the yakuza 1729 01:28:38,897 --> 01:28:40,637 20,000 yen. 1730 01:28:40,816 --> 01:28:43,353 Wait, yen or dollars? 1731 01:28:43,527 --> 01:28:45,563 Same thing, stupid. 1732 01:28:45,737 --> 01:28:47,898 Yen is Japanese for dollars. 1733 01:28:48,073 --> 01:28:49,984 Oh. 1734 01:28:50,158 --> 01:28:51,898 Actually, champ, 20,000 yen 1735 01:28:52,077 --> 01:28:55,444 is about 170 American dollars. 1736 01:28:55,622 --> 01:28:58,534 Ah-so. 1737 01:28:59,626 --> 01:29:02,789 In circumspeculation that makes sense. 1738 01:29:02,963 --> 01:29:05,579 When I was in the orient I used to wonder to myself 1739 01:29:05,757 --> 01:29:07,918 why is everything so small 1740 01:29:08,093 --> 01:29:11,176 yet so expensive? 1741 01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,211 Good work, Dr. Doolittle. 1742 01:29:14,224 --> 01:29:16,340 170 for me. 1743 01:29:16,518 --> 01:29:18,258 10 grand for you. 1744 01:29:20,230 --> 01:29:22,190 What do you think I should do with the rest of it? 1745 01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:23,997 I think you should give it to the waiters. 1746 01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:27,021 - I think they earned it. - Cleon: Yeah, I guess so. 1747 01:29:27,195 --> 01:29:30,687 I was wrong to think they could be replaced by robots. 1748 01:29:30,866 --> 01:29:33,027 Nice one, rich. 1749 01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:35,408 Feed, my pretties, feed. 1750 01:29:37,664 --> 01:29:39,996 Oh my god! 1751 01:29:48,133 --> 01:29:49,623 Money money money! 1752 01:29:49,801 --> 01:29:51,541 Oh god. 1753 01:29:51,720 --> 01:29:54,086 Wow, rich. 1754 01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:57,097 - That was legendary. - Thank you. 1755 01:30:03,481 --> 01:30:07,144 Well, I guess I should thank you properly for what you did. 1756 01:30:10,655 --> 01:30:11,986 Aw! 1757 01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:13,897 That's so nice. 1758 01:30:43,605 --> 01:30:45,891 Whoa. Oh, just... 1759 01:30:46,066 --> 01:30:48,557 Okay, oh oh oh. 1760 01:30:48,735 --> 01:30:51,727 Okay okay, what the fuck, Donnie? 1761 01:30:51,905 --> 01:30:53,361 You see that, Donnie? 1762 01:30:53,531 --> 01:30:55,647 That's how you kiss a girl, you fucking fruit cake. 1763 01:30:55,825 --> 01:30:58,942 I hate you. 1764 01:30:59,120 --> 01:31:01,031 Nice going, dog. 1765 01:31:01,206 --> 01:31:03,071 Oh, god. 1766 01:31:03,249 --> 01:31:05,114 It tastes like tartar sauce. 1767 01:31:05,293 --> 01:31:07,158 Wait wait wait wait. Hold on. 1768 01:31:07,337 --> 01:31:09,453 I almost forgot. 1769 01:31:09,631 --> 01:31:13,044 I still got to kick the shit out of the low man. 1770 01:31:13,218 --> 01:31:15,709 Is he fucking serious? 1771 01:31:15,887 --> 01:31:17,172 Oh god. 1772 01:31:20,558 --> 01:31:23,095 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself, huh? 1773 01:31:23,269 --> 01:31:25,373 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? 1774 01:31:25,397 --> 01:31:28,389 Why are you hitting yourself? Have you gone crazy, huh? 1775 01:31:28,566 --> 01:31:29,897 Are you crazy, man? 1776 01:31:30,068 --> 01:31:31,828 All right, come on. Let's get this over with. 1777 01:31:31,903 --> 01:31:33,965 I've got to get home and watch "dancing with the stars." 1778 01:31:33,989 --> 01:31:35,525 Nick lachey is doing the jitterbug. 1779 01:31:35,699 --> 01:31:36,968 He's good. Have you ever seen him? 1780 01:31:36,992 --> 01:31:38,482 - No no. - You've got your guards up. 1781 01:31:38,660 --> 01:31:40,471 - You want to fight? - You're just kidding, right, champ? 1782 01:31:40,495 --> 01:31:43,578 Don't be so scared. You should learn to control your fears. 1783 01:31:43,748 --> 01:31:45,739 Take me for instance. I'm afraid of the dark. 1784 01:31:45,917 --> 01:31:48,117 But you'd never know it 'cause I have mental discipline. 1785 01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:50,731 You know what I'm saying? I don't even use a nightlight no more. 1786 01:31:50,839 --> 01:31:53,421 - Okay okay. - Whoa whoa, what's up? 1787 01:31:53,591 --> 01:31:55,127 What? What's up? What's up? 1788 01:31:55,301 --> 01:31:59,260 J it's the cry of the cougar, the fist to the face j 1789 01:31:59,431 --> 01:31:59,715 j no pride or glory for the loser j 1790 01:31:59,723 --> 01:32:03,466 j no pride or glory for the loser j 1791 01:32:03,643 --> 01:32:07,101 j there's blood and broken teeth all over the place j 1792 01:32:07,272 --> 01:32:09,103 j and the last thing you'll hear j 1793 01:32:09,274 --> 01:32:13,233 j is the cry of the cougar j 1794 01:32:15,822 --> 01:32:17,608 j lock your doors j 1795 01:32:17,782 --> 01:32:20,398 j get off the streets, I'm on the prowl j 1796 01:32:20,577 --> 01:32:23,319 j I'm telling you I'm on the hunt now j 1797 01:32:23,496 --> 01:32:25,532 j don't try to stop me j 1798 01:32:25,707 --> 01:32:30,292 j I smell raw meat and I ain't had shit to eat for six days j 1799 01:32:31,755 --> 01:32:34,963 j who wants a piece? Who wants a shot? J 1800 01:32:35,133 --> 01:32:39,627 j who wants a long and brutal bloody painful smackdown? J; 1801 01:32:39,804 --> 01:32:43,012 j you in the glasses, I'm talking to you j 1802 01:32:43,183 --> 01:32:46,550 j how'd you like my foot up your ass? J 1803 01:32:48,980 --> 01:32:50,720 j it's the cry of the cougar j 1804 01:32:50,899 --> 01:32:52,560 j the fist to the face j 1805 01:32:52,734 --> 01:32:57,228 j I'm gonna shoot you with my luger j 1806 01:32:57,405 --> 01:33:00,568 j there's blood and broken teeth all over the place j 1807 01:33:00,742 --> 01:33:02,482 j and the last thing you'll hear j 1808 01:33:02,660 --> 01:33:06,573 j is the cry of the cougar j 1809 01:33:13,588 --> 01:33:15,328 J I've got the speed j 1810 01:33:15,507 --> 01:33:17,213 j I've got the book j 1811 01:33:17,383 --> 01:33:19,214 j I'm lean and mean and swift and tough j 1812 01:33:19,385 --> 01:33:21,296 j and big and fast, yeah j 1813 01:33:21,471 --> 01:33:23,211 j it's like if a ninja man j 1814 01:33:23,389 --> 01:33:24,799 j had sex with the hulk j 1815 01:33:24,974 --> 01:33:28,432 j and gave birth to some kind of crazy ninja hulk j 1816 01:33:28,603 --> 01:33:30,685 j it's the cry of the cougar j 1817 01:33:30,855 --> 01:33:33,016 j the fist to the face j 1818 01:33:33,191 --> 01:33:37,184 j I'll slash you up like Freddy krueger 1819 01:33:37,362 --> 01:33:40,775 j there's blood and broken teeth all over the place j 1820 01:33:40,949 --> 01:33:44,112 j when your mom finds your body she'llcry j 1821 01:33:44,285 --> 01:33:47,527 j the cry of the cougar j 1822 01:33:49,999 --> 01:33:53,742 j cry, cougar, cry. J 1823 01:33:55,004 --> 01:33:56,540 what's up, noodle dicks? 1824 01:33:56,714 --> 01:33:58,045 That to-do-you... 1825 01:34:00,009 --> 01:34:02,546 Whoo! Hey, noodle dicks. 1826 01:34:02,720 --> 01:34:05,177 God damn it. Come on. 1827 01:34:05,348 --> 01:34:07,384 Whoo! What's up, noodle dicks? 1828 01:34:07,559 --> 01:34:10,767 That table over there just ordered two rounds of premium Tequila. 1829 01:34:10,937 --> 01:34:12,893 Now you guys... now you guys... 1830 01:34:13,064 --> 01:34:14,929 Shit! 1831 01:34:15,108 --> 01:34:17,315 I missed each and every one of you. 1832 01:34:22,448 --> 01:34:25,531 I don't like that shit. I don't like the dark. 1833 01:34:25,702 --> 01:34:28,068 Y'all didn't fucking see "green mile"? 1834 01:34:28,246 --> 01:34:29,861 I am afraid of the dark. 1835 01:34:30,039 --> 01:34:32,280 - That's fucked up. - Cut. 1836 01:34:33,960 --> 01:34:36,246 Oh my god, that's crazy. 1837 01:34:36,421 --> 01:34:38,127 And I'm Barack Obama. 1838 01:34:38,298 --> 01:34:39,879 And I'm osama bin laden. 1839 01:34:40,049 --> 01:34:41,414 And I'm Obama bin laden. 1840 01:34:41,593 --> 01:34:42,833 And I'm Shaquille O'Neal. 1841 01:34:43,011 --> 01:34:46,253 And I'm Gloria estefan from the Miami sound machine. 1842 01:34:51,102 --> 01:34:52,967 I can do it. I can do it. 1843 01:35:00,612 --> 01:35:03,024 - Can you do a faster one, please? - Okay. 1844 01:35:07,619 --> 01:35:10,201 Cut. 1845 01:35:18,171 --> 01:35:20,082 Good, let's go from the top again. 1846 01:35:20,256 --> 01:35:22,622 Is it gross? All right, cut. 1847 01:35:22,800 --> 01:35:24,131 Cut cut cut. 1848 01:35:24,302 --> 01:35:26,182 It wasn't gross. I just thought I'd put it back. 1849 01:35:31,226 --> 01:35:32,807 Well, you know what they say: 1850 01:35:32,977 --> 01:35:34,888 All the good ones are either gay or crazy. 1851 01:35:35,063 --> 01:35:36,644 Or fat. Or gassy. 1852 01:35:36,814 --> 01:35:38,805 Or Dutch. Or uncircumcised. 1853 01:35:38,983 --> 01:35:41,975 - Ew! - What does that mean? 1854 01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:43,768 Cut! 1855 01:35:43,947 --> 01:35:46,484 And she throws an elbow across like this. 1856 01:35:46,658 --> 01:35:48,774 So I want to grab her... I started to do like that. 1857 01:35:48,952 --> 01:35:50,783 Body shot, body shot, body shot, body shot. 1858 01:35:50,954 --> 01:35:52,194 We were in the clinch like this 1859 01:35:52,330 --> 01:35:54,308 and I started to go, "bitch, what the fuck are you doing?" 1860 01:35:54,332 --> 01:35:56,038 So I'm like... And I'm trying to hit him. 1861 01:35:56,209 --> 01:35:58,120 And we cover up like this and I'm moving around. 1862 01:35:58,294 --> 01:35:59,704 I'm like, "this dude is..." 1863 01:35:59,879 --> 01:36:01,273 No, don't turn your back. Stay right here. 1864 01:36:01,297 --> 01:36:03,663 Last week on "heroes." 1865 01:36:03,841 --> 01:36:06,503 Yeah, cut. Yes. Very good. 1866 01:36:25,154 --> 01:36:26,735 'Cause I'm bored. 1867 01:36:26,906 --> 01:36:29,522 Cut. Cut. 1868 01:36:36,666 --> 01:36:39,749 J ay, mamacita j 1869 01:36:39,919 --> 01:36:42,080 j go on and do your thing, yeah j 1870 01:36:42,255 --> 01:36:44,041 j go on and do your thing, girl j; 1871 01:36:44,215 --> 01:36:46,797 j ay, mamacita j 1872 01:36:46,968 --> 01:36:49,835 j go on and do your thing, yeah j 1873 01:37:14,787 --> 01:37:16,323 J uh-huh tl 1874 01:37:22,086 --> 01:37:23,667 J uh-huh tl 1875 01:37:29,761 --> 01:37:31,342 J uh-huh tl 1876 01:37:52,617 --> 01:37:55,609 J ay, mamacita j 1877 01:37:55,787 --> 01:37:58,278 j go on and do your thing, yeah j 1878 01:37:58,456 --> 01:38:00,538 j go on and do your thing, girl j; 1879 01:38:00,708 --> 01:38:02,869 j ay, mamacita j 1880 01:38:03,044 --> 01:38:05,126 j go on and do your thing, yeah j 1881 01:38:05,296 --> 01:38:07,127 j oh, yeah j 1882 01:38:07,298 --> 01:38:09,289 j ay, mamacita. J