1
00:00:01,408 --> 00:00:03,609
Oh, my god, that bag
is soaked with grease.
2
00:00:04,251 --> 00:00:06,012
I'll tell you right now,
I don't care what's in it.
3
00:00:06,046 --> 00:00:07,847
I'm eatin' it.
It's a human head.
4
00:00:07,881 --> 00:00:09,767
Well, if it's deep-fried,
I'm still in.
5
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:13,631
oh, travis, this is
my favorite fried chicken!
6
00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:15,329
Oh, wow!
7
00:00:15,364 --> 00:00:16,831
Wait. Why?
8
00:00:16,866 --> 00:00:20,172
Are you on drugs?
Is someone pregnant? Huh?
9
00:00:21,556 --> 00:00:22,675
Oh, god.
You know what, travis?
10
00:00:22,675 --> 00:00:24,697
No matter what it is, honey,
we are gonna get through it.
11
00:00:24,697 --> 00:00:26,086
Whenever they open
a new chicken dandies,
12
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,524
The first 50 people in line
get free food for a month.
13
00:00:28,559 --> 00:00:31,717
So after waiting behind a large
gentleman for 20-plus hours
14
00:00:31,717 --> 00:00:34,194
Who was using a paint bucket
as a both a chair and a commode,
15
00:00:34,194 --> 00:00:36,332
You're looking at
customer number three.
16
00:00:36,675 --> 00:00:40,014
How did you wait in line so long
without missing school?
17
00:00:40,662 --> 00:00:41,649
Waffle fry?
18
00:00:42,938 --> 00:00:45,540
Did you really call travis
in sick from school
19
00:00:45,574 --> 00:00:48,242
So you two could wait in line
for free chicken?
20
00:00:48,276 --> 00:00:49,809
Shoot. I forgot to call
his school, didn't I?
21
00:00:49,809 --> 00:00:52,133
Wow, you're still not great
at zoning in on why I'm angry.
22
00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:54,874
Look, in my defense, I just ate
a gallon jug of free coleslaw.
23
00:00:54,874 --> 00:00:56,197
My brain's
a little mayonnaise-y.
24
00:00:56,197 --> 00:00:59,433
Bobby, when it comes to travis,
you have to talk to me first.
25
00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:00,691
I know we're divorced,
26
00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:03,620
But we still have to do all
of our parenting together, okay?
27
00:01:04,216 --> 00:01:08,482
We're a team.
Fine, but I get to pick the team mascot.
28
00:01:08,482 --> 00:01:09,968
Coleslaw!
29
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,040
Wait,
let me try that again.
30
00:01:14,185 --> 00:01:17,824
You're still stuck on coleslaw.
Won't get out of my head.
31
00:01:18,728 --> 00:01:19,749
Where's jules?
32
00:01:19,783 --> 00:01:21,951
Andy and I are going on
a romantic couples lunch,
33
00:01:21,986 --> 00:01:22,640
And I want her
to come with us.
34
00:01:22,641 --> 00:01:24,492
She's across the street getting a pedicure.
35
00:01:24,492 --> 00:01:28,126
Ooh, I love that
she's doing that.
36
00:01:27,317 --> 00:01:30,162
It's nothing weird.
I just like feet.
37
00:01:30,196 --> 00:01:31,709
(lowers voice) and asians.
Charming.
38
00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:33,417
Wait here. I'm gonna
go to that lingerie store
39
00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:35,074
And pick out what you're
buying me for valentine's day.
40
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,890
Get sexy panties.
I love panties!
41
00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:40,176
Panties and feet.
42
00:01:40,210 --> 00:01:42,285
All right. Oh, do you know
what panties are?
43
00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:45,118
They're a type of clothes
that most women wear
44
00:01:45,118 --> 00:01:47,398
Under their skirts.
45
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,702
Pass.
46
00:01:50,425 --> 00:01:52,225
So... What are you doing
for valentine's day?
47
00:01:52,225 --> 00:01:54,316
You know that guy smith
I'm dating?
Nope.
48
00:01:54,316 --> 00:01:55,029
Doesn't matter.
49
00:01:55,029 --> 00:01:56,748
He's driving home
from law school.
50
00:01:56,748 --> 00:02:00,565
He wants me to meet his dad.
Isn't that romantic?
51
00:02:00,565 --> 00:02:02,489
That depends
on what you three are doin'.
52
00:02:03,475 --> 00:02:05,257
Feet, panties, asians
and threesomes.
53
00:02:05,257 --> 00:02:06,562
Lettin' it all out today.
54
00:02:06,562 --> 00:02:09,997
My cousin runs a web site
that you'd really be into.
55
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,330
There's actually
a picture on there
56
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:14,134
Of my bare feet
dripping in honey.
You're honey toes?
57
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,756
Yeah.
Oh, my god! You are.
58
00:02:17,756 --> 00:02:20,396
This whole dad thing
just has me so nervous.
59
00:02:21,204 --> 00:02:22,115
Andy!
60
00:02:23,113 --> 00:02:24,417
Sorry. You'll be fine.
61
00:02:24,417 --> 00:02:26,650
Just do what I did
when I first met ellie's folks--
62
00:02:26,650 --> 00:02:29,507
Be yourself, only less latino.
63
00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:35,238
Oh, look. There's a little old
bird's nest on the windowsill.
64
00:02:35,272 --> 00:02:36,943
Oh, hey, did you ever have
that conversation with andy
65
00:02:36,943 --> 00:02:38,237
About doing some
downstairs man grooming?
66
00:02:38,237 --> 00:02:41,134
Didn't have to. I signed him up
for an eyebrow wax,
67
00:02:41,134 --> 00:02:42,803
Which is really a bikini wax.
68
00:02:42,803 --> 00:02:45,268
Andy will be so turned on
by all the screaming koreans,
69
00:02:45,268 --> 00:02:47,069
He won't know what hit him until
he's sliding around our bed
70
00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:50,034
Like a canned ham.
I'm not really big
on the manscaping.
71
00:02:50,317 --> 00:02:53,389
You don't husk the corn?
Nah. If it's humid,
I might throw in
72
00:02:53,389 --> 00:02:54,830
A little leave-in conditioner
down the.
73
00:02:55,491 --> 00:02:56,572
Anyway, thanks for the coffee
74
00:02:56,572 --> 00:03:00,540
And the really weird
personal conversation.
(ellie and jules) bye.
75
00:03:00,540 --> 00:03:03,093
You have let too many people
into our coffee circle.
76
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:04,433
Why don't you just invite
77
00:03:04,433 --> 00:03:06,344
Those creepy homeschooled kids
from next door?
78
00:03:06,344 --> 00:03:10,799
They canow us with math skills
while they stab us to death.
Fine. Who do you want
to be in our coffee circle?
79
00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:13,852
Just you and me.
This is our shopping circle
argument all over again.
80
00:03:13,852 --> 00:03:16,093
So, mom, since we have
a relationship
81
00:03:16,093 --> 00:03:19,251
Professionals have deemed
"unhealthy"...
(chuckles) they have.
82
00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:21,523
That's cute.
David schoenburger's
having a party this weekend.
83
00:03:21,523 --> 00:03:23,395
Are--
no, his parents
won't be there.
84
00:03:23,395 --> 00:03:25,332
Will--
yes, there will be beer,
but I won't be drinking.
85
00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:28,345
How are you gonna say no?!
86
00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:31,176
This is ridiculous!
87
00:03:32,527 --> 00:03:33,398
What just happened?
88
00:03:33,628 --> 00:03:35,490
It's called parenting, ellie.
Try and keep up.
89
00:03:36,597 --> 00:03:37,964
Jules.
90
00:03:37,998 --> 00:03:40,166
May I present...
91
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,467
Smith frank.
92
00:03:41,502 --> 00:03:44,271
Wow. You're, uh, you're
even prettier than laurie said.
93
00:03:44,305 --> 00:03:45,672
Strong start, smith.
94
00:03:45,706 --> 00:03:47,417
Even though he dresses
like an accountant,
95
00:03:47,417 --> 00:03:50,378
Check this out--
whbam! Crazy socks!
96
00:03:50,412 --> 00:03:53,080
We feel these say
I can still get funky.
97
00:03:53,115 --> 00:03:56,117
Well, it's business upstairs
and party downstairs. I like it.
98
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,587
(chuckles) wow,
you seem perfect. Right?
99
00:03:58,621 --> 00:04:02,457
I mean, almost too perfect.
What's your dirty secret, smith?
100
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:06,061
I will not be questioned
by a woman.
101
00:04:06,095 --> 00:04:10,099
Oh, my god. That was--
that was... Funnier in my head.
102
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:12,034
Um, I'm--I'm sorry. That was--
103
00:04:12,068 --> 00:04:14,169
Yeah, I'm feeling
a little nauseous,
104
00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:16,705
So I think I'm gonna, um...
(clears throat) sit.
105
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:19,475
I like him.
Me, too!
106
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:20,468
Tell henderson
that I think that
107
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:23,110
A zero-down commercial re-fi
in a cratering economy
108
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:25,304
Is a slam dunk idea!
109
00:04:25,882 --> 00:04:29,985
Whoa. That is some grade "a"
smart guy gibberish.
110
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,353
And look at this office.
111
00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:34,355
If I ever I sold my boat,
I could live here.
112
00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:37,526
No.
(laughs) okay, I was just
thinking out loud, brother.
113
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,394
Man, you are like
the big dog
114
00:04:39,429 --> 00:04:42,831
With low-hanging fruit
around here, aren't you?
Watch this.
115
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,768
Paul!
Yes, sir?
116
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:50,774
(grunts)
117
00:04:53,078 --> 00:04:55,146
See? That's work andy.
118
00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:57,215
He's sexy. Is that how
you bagged ellie?
119
00:04:57,249 --> 00:04:59,451
Work andy
also makes a lot of dough.
120
00:04:59,485 --> 00:05:02,387
Gotcha. Hey, you want
to go grab lunch?
121
00:05:02,422 --> 00:05:03,812
Sorry. I gotta prep
for a meeting tomorrow.
122
00:05:03,812 --> 00:05:05,221
Big potential client.
123
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:08,560
If I manage this guy's money,
it would be a career changer.
124
00:05:08,595 --> 00:05:10,562
(cell phone rings)
oh! That's ellie.
125
00:05:10,596 --> 00:05:12,964
She's helping me stay focused
on what's important.
126
00:05:12,999 --> 00:05:15,366
Hey, honey.
I want a new car!
127
00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:18,169
(beep)
it's nice to have someone
in my corner.
128
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:22,608
129
00:05:22,076 --> 00:05:25,509
It's your old
high school photo album.
130
00:05:25,544 --> 00:05:27,812
Well, this isn't going
to go well for me, is it?
131
00:05:27,846 --> 00:05:29,814
For you? No.
For me? (kisses) delicious.
132
00:05:29,848 --> 00:05:31,301
In this picture,
133
00:05:31,301 --> 00:05:34,718
You appear to be in a moving car
with a beer in both hands.
134
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,853
Fun!
I'm not driving.
135
00:05:36,888 --> 00:05:39,555
Oh, so I can drink
as long as I'm not driving.
136
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,557
You're twisting my words.
You're a word twister.
137
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,926
Ellie, he's a word twister.
The hypocritical photo album.
138
00:05:43,961 --> 00:05:44,983
Keep looking, travis.
You'll find out'
139
00:05:44,983 --> 00:05:48,462
Why she named your hamsters
"jager" and "meister."
you with beer.
140
00:05:48,921 --> 00:05:49,915
You doing shots.
141
00:05:49,915 --> 00:05:52,068
Ooh! Cigarettes!
142
00:05:52,755 --> 00:05:54,271
Were those as cool
as they look?
143
00:05:54,305 --> 00:05:57,707
Sometimes.
You're probably right
not to let mgo to the party.
144
00:05:57,742 --> 00:05:58,908
I mean, you were allowed
to have fun as a kid.
145
00:05:58,908 --> 00:06:00,840
And now you can't even go one
ght without a glass of wine.
146
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,333
Yes, I can.
Okay, how about tonight?
147
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,485
Well, I can't do it tonight.
It's Wednesday. Tomorrow.
148
00:06:05,485 --> 00:06:08,043
No, I can't do it tomorrow.
And then it's the weekend,
149
00:06:08,043 --> 00:06:09,844
And then, well,
that's just crazy talk.
150
00:06:09,844 --> 00:06:11,266
Um, how about
I don't drink for a night
151
00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:14,183
Starting Monday morning?
Mrs. Torres, are you gonna
be around later
152
00:06:14,183 --> 00:06:17,025
If I want to do
an intervention?
My speech is already written.
153
00:06:17,453 --> 00:06:20,221
All right, fine!
I'll do it tonight.
Good luck.
154
00:06:20,221 --> 00:06:24,971
I don't need luck, travis.
Mmm! Mmm!
155
00:06:25,005 --> 00:06:27,439
Oh, give it to me.
156
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,176
Really? Two seconds?
157
00:06:34,915 --> 00:06:37,850
What?
I'm still drinking it.
158
00:06:43,582 --> 00:06:45,783
Well, enjoy the day,
159
00:06:45,817 --> 00:06:49,385
Knowing you've taken
what little social life I have
160
00:06:49,385 --> 00:06:50,787
And murdered it.
161
00:06:50,822 --> 00:06:52,956
I'm not in the mood
for the 'tude, dude.
162
00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:55,872
Rhyme-five. Thank you.
All right.
163
00:06:55,872 --> 00:06:56,559
You're incredibly annoying.
164
00:06:56,594 --> 00:06:59,129
Thanks, sweetie. Love you.
165
00:06:59,129 --> 00:07:01,102
So what are you and andy doing
for valentine's day?
166
00:07:01,102 --> 00:07:02,835
167
00:07:02,835 --> 00:07:04,530
And buy up
all the valentine's day cards.
168
00:07:04,530 --> 00:07:06,404
Then we watch
the forgetful husbands panic.
169
00:07:06,404 --> 00:07:08,883
There is nothing better
than watching a man
170
00:07:08,883 --> 00:07:10,636
Buying a bar mitzvah card
trying to change
171
00:07:10,636 --> 00:07:12,268
The star of david into a heart.
(laughs)
172
00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:15,613
Laurie has plans, too.
What about you?
173
00:07:15,613 --> 00:07:18,053
Who's the lucky young girl
off your boink list
174
00:07:18,053 --> 00:07:20,846
That gets the golden ticket?
On valentine's day?
175
00:07:20,846 --> 00:07:23,895
None of them. That would
imply caring. Wrong message.
176
00:07:23,895 --> 00:07:25,112
You know what I just realized?
177
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,858
You're gonna be the mistake
that all those girls learn from.
178
00:07:27,858 --> 00:07:30,346
Yeah. I do it for them.
179
00:07:30,346 --> 00:07:32,484
Well, you know,
you and I could hang out.
180
00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:35,238
You know, just as friends. You
know, we can drink some beers,
181
00:07:35,238 --> 00:07:37,351
Make fun of how lame
valentine's day is.
182
00:07:38,012 --> 00:07:38,713
But not too much
183
00:07:38,713 --> 00:07:41,177
Because it's the most beautiful
holiday god ever created.
184
00:07:41,177 --> 00:07:43,810
It's a fake holiday
created by candy companies
185
00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:46,644
To prey on
sad and lonely women.
(singsongy) hello.
186
00:07:49,283 --> 00:07:51,501
Ahh. He's gonna be here
any minute.
187
00:07:51,501 --> 00:07:52,999
Oh, hey, relax.
188
00:07:52,999 --> 00:07:54,967
You wearing
those lucky boxers I got you?
189
00:07:55,001 --> 00:07:56,969
Wiener dogs and balloons!
190
00:07:57,003 --> 00:07:59,037
Yeah, baby! (laughs)
(laughs)
191
00:07:59,072 --> 00:08:01,040
(intercom beeps)
(man) mr. Frank is here.
192
00:08:01,074 --> 00:08:01,545
Uh, all right.
193
00:08:01,545 --> 00:08:04,179
Uh, wait 12 seconds
and then send him in. Thank you.
194
00:08:04,893 --> 00:08:06,389
All right.
195
00:08:06,389 --> 00:08:08,890
Confidence dance.
196
00:08:11,693 --> 00:08:13,661
Boom! Go get 'em, champ.
197
00:08:15,497 --> 00:08:17,565
Ah, mr. Frank.
Pleaseome on in.
198
00:08:17,599 --> 00:08:20,568
Robert "bobby" cobb. Another one
of andrew's clients here.
199
00:08:20,602 --> 00:08:22,570
Tell henderson
I think that
200
00:08:22,604 --> 00:08:24,705
A zero-down commercial re-fi
in a cratering economy
201
00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:28,141
Is a slam dunk idea.
But assuminge debt
prohibits a positive cash flow,
202
00:08:28,176 --> 00:08:30,143
Wouldn't you say?
203
00:08:30,178 --> 00:08:32,379
I gotta pee.
204
00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:34,047
You know, um,
205
00:08:34,082 --> 00:08:36,750
Having christmas lights up
six weeks after christmas
206
00:08:36,785 --> 00:08:38,887
Is actually dangerous.
How so?
207
00:08:38,921 --> 00:08:41,890
Because if you don't take them
down, I'm gonna feed them to you
208
00:08:41,924 --> 00:08:42,706
And then yank them
out the other end
209
00:08:42,706 --> 00:08:46,248
Like I'm starting
a lawn mower.
I love our little talks.
210
00:08:46,248 --> 00:08:48,188
When I'm in the treadmill
looking out the window,
211
00:08:48,188 --> 00:08:51,785
They're driving me insane.
I don't even turn 'em on.
How can you see 'em?
212
00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:55,239
I know they're there.
I'll take 'em down.
Okay. It's no biggie.
213
00:08:55,239 --> 00:08:58,690
It is a huge biggie.
You're in our coffee circle now,
214
00:08:58,690 --> 00:09:00,970
And ellie considers herself
alpha dog.
215
00:09:00,970 --> 00:09:03,418
If you give in, she's gonna
dominate you forever.
216
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:06,286
You just make all the rules
217
00:09:06,286 --> 00:09:08,617
About parties and drinking
without talkin' to me?
218
00:09:08,617 --> 00:09:10,078
What happened to parenting
as team coleslaw?
219
00:09:10,678 --> 00:09:13,031
Have fun with that.
Now we're even.
220
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:15,839
Travis, we'll never be even.
221
00:09:15,839 --> 00:09:18,553
Do I need to show you
my scar from my c-section?
222
00:09:18,553 --> 00:09:20,337
It's got a hair
growing in it now.
223
00:09:20,337 --> 00:09:22,795
Come on,
it's not that gross.
Yeah, it is.
224
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:25,873
(strained voice) knocked
the wind out of me. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
There's two of them.
225
00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:28,924
I like your club.
226
00:09:29,166 --> 00:09:29,855
Thank you.
227
00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:32,097
Tell me, am I the, uh,
228
00:09:32,097 --> 00:09:35,960
First hispanic person
ever to set foot in here?
Is the rock hispanic?
229
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,410
No, but he can pass
for anything.
230
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,017
That's why his career
is on fire.
(chuckles)
231
00:09:40,879 --> 00:09:41,728
Dad.
232
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,212
Smith.
Laurie.
233
00:09:43,212 --> 00:09:45,550
Andy?
Roger.
234
00:09:46,071 --> 00:09:47,835
Yeah, I know
I just said my own name.
235
00:09:47,869 --> 00:09:48,797
I like the sound of it.
236
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:51,405
Plus, we haven't m.
Roger frank.
237
00:09:51,405 --> 00:09:54,001
Oh. (chuckles)
laurie keller.
238
00:09:57,288 --> 00:10:00,493
239
00:10:00,982 --> 00:10:03,150
Yes, the one
for needy families.
240
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:08,655
That explains why my gift said
"for girl age 6 to 10."
241
00:10:11,813 --> 00:10:13,026
Who wants a giant drink?
242
00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:15,595
I do!
Yeah, that'd be great.
Thank you.
243
00:10:15,629 --> 00:10:18,397
Yes, I decided that
our underage son can't drink.
244
00:10:18,465 --> 00:10:20,928
But to be fair, I didn't me up
that rule. America did.
245
00:10:20,928 --> 00:10:23,038
You think by just telling him
"no," he's not gonna do it?
246
00:10:23,038 --> 00:10:26,768
Hell, jules, your parents
told you not to sleep with me.
Yeah, even after
we were married.
247
00:10:26,768 --> 00:10:30,104
You're just creating a--
really?
Yeah.
248
00:10:30,722 --> 00:10:32,476
Look, you're juscreating
a situation
249
00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:33,921
Where travis will be
so afraid to g caught
250
00:10:33,921 --> 00:10:36,693
He won't call for a ride home
if he's been drinkin'.
Do you have a better idea?
251
00:10:36,693 --> 00:10:39,709
Maybe I do, but you might not
like it. So first...
252
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:41,579
Confidence dance!
253
00:10:44,753 --> 00:10:45,890
Jules?
254
00:10:45,924 --> 00:10:49,193
(groans) I hate that
I have to do it with you.
Me on.
255
00:10:51,923 --> 00:10:54,058
So you never answered me
about valentine's day.
256
00:10:54,092 --> 00:10:55,598
Come on, we could hang out
like two guys
257
00:10:55,598 --> 00:10:58,236
And drink beer
and have a farting contest.
258
00:10:58,887 --> 00:11:01,612
That's what guys do
when they're alone, right?
That's what I do
with my friends.
259
00:11:01,612 --> 00:11:04,621
So what else can we do
on our un-valentine's day?
260
00:11:04,621 --> 00:11:07,773
Why don't we just skip it?
Okay, well, that's one idea.
261
00:11:07,807 --> 00:11:09,156
But, you know,
let's keep spitballing.
262
00:11:09,156 --> 00:11:14,180
Any other day but today.
Is that okay?
Sure. It's no big deal.
263
00:11:15,983 --> 00:11:18,284
Oh!
Oh, god.
264
00:11:18,318 --> 00:11:19,205
What are you doing?!
265
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:22,626
Mrs. Ellie tell me
take them down the lights.
266
00:11:25,076 --> 00:11:25,725
Alpha dog.
267
00:11:27,828 --> 00:11:31,830
Hey. Let's eat quick so we can
go home and knock one out.
268
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:34,299
I like that I never wonder
what y're thinking.
269
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:36,601
(laurie) I know. Hmm.
270
00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:39,037
I guess a quarter-
of-a-million-dollar education
271
00:11:39,071 --> 00:11:41,939
Doesn't teach you not to
bed down trailer trash, right?
272
00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:43,941
Well...
273
00:11:43,976 --> 00:11:45,147
Uh, a quarter-million dollars.
274
00:11:45,147 --> 00:11:49,313
Oh, think of how many of those
watches you could've bought.
One.
275
00:11:49,347 --> 00:11:50,914
Stunning, really.
276
00:11:50,949 --> 00:11:54,085
She looks like she belongs
on a truck's mud flap.
277
00:11:55,587 --> 00:11:57,755
You know, when I was a kid, you
know, whenever I saw a truck,
278
00:11:57,756 --> 00:12:00,959
I'd always, you know...
(imitates horn hon
279
00:12:00,993 --> 00:12:02,861
(laughs) I was--
I like trucks.
280
00:12:02,895 --> 00:12:06,131
You don't agree that smith
is way out of her league?
281
00:12:06,165 --> 00:12:08,801
No. No, no, no.
I-I-I--I'm--I'm with you.
282
00:12:08,835 --> 00:12:10,102
I-I agree.
283
00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:11,871
Uh. That...
284
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:14,173
That girl is not classy.
285
00:12:21,214 --> 00:12:22,808
Do you know
hoold I was
286
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,625
The first time
I got really drunk?
287
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:26,953
I don't know. 9?
288
00:12:26,987 --> 00:12:28,622
Ha! Trick question.
289
00:12:28,656 --> 00:12:30,824
Never been really drunk.
I have a monster tolerance.
290
00:12:30,858 --> 00:12:33,793
The point is--
nod, there is no point
to that story.
291
00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:35,795
All right,
the completely new thought is,
292
00:12:35,829 --> 00:12:39,313
Your mom doesn't want
you drinking. Neither do I.
293
00:12:39,313 --> 00:12:41,265
But you're gonna do what you do,
so here's the deal.
294
00:12:41,265 --> 00:12:43,882
If you drink, do not drive.
295
00:12:43,882 --> 00:12:46,237
Call me, and I'll drive you
home. No questions asked.
296
00:12:46,272 --> 00:12:49,408
Does mom know about this?
Our secret.
You cool with that?
297
00:12:49,442 --> 00:12:51,644
Totally cool.
What's totally cool?
298
00:12:51,678 --> 00:12:52,662
Jazz.
Sharks.
299
00:12:52,853 --> 00:12:56,549
Jazz sharks?
Yeah, you know, the, uh,
the basketball team.
300
00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:58,351
Yeah, the miami jazz sharks.
301
00:12:58,385 --> 00:13:00,019
I guess that's cool.
302
00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:01,520
Jazz sharks!
303
00:13:01,555 --> 00:13:03,890
Ooh. Yeah, I do like it.
304
00:13:03,924 --> 00:13:07,226
She could look that up.
She's not going to.
305
00:13:10,843 --> 00:13:12,440
Oh, hey.
Happy valentine's day, trav.
306
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,888
Okay, for my present,
I want you to give me
307
00:13:13,888 --> 00:13:15,548
The same thing you gave me
when you were 5.
308
00:13:15,548 --> 00:13:18,470
I want a kiss on the lips.
Raise your hand
if you find that disturbing.
309
00:13:20,039 --> 00:13:21,608
Only you, my friend.
310
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,278
Oh, man, I can't believe
311
00:13:24,278 --> 00:13:26,652
All the stupid stuff we did
when I was a kid.
312
00:13:26,652 --> 00:13:28,328
I mean, it's amazing
that we didn't die.
313
00:13:28,328 --> 00:13:31,953
I alst drowned when I was 12,
bodysurfing under the pier.
314
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:34,266
I was technically dead
for, like, two minutes.
315
00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:36,923
Luckily, no brain damage.
316
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:38,845
Too easy.
317
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,309
I know that travis thinks
I'm overprotective.
318
00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:43,077
But that's all
that parenting really is,
319
00:13:43,077 --> 00:13:44,662
Is just trying
to keep your kid from dying.
320
00:13:44,662 --> 00:13:47,390
When he was a baby, it was
soft spots and swimming pools.
321
00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:48,032
And when he's 50,
322
00:13:48,032 --> 00:13:50,123
It'll be heart attacks
and russian prostitutes.
323
00:13:50,971 --> 00:13:52,690
No, I'm not joking.
One got my uncle.
324
00:13:56,432 --> 00:13:57,433
What happened?
325
00:13:57,433 --> 00:13:59,714
Why are you in
the ball of dness?
326
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,537
To suck up to roger frank,
327
00:14:01,537 --> 00:14:04,050
I said some really mean things
abt a nice person.
328
00:14:04,637 --> 00:14:06,754
But you don't do
stuff like that. I do.
329
00:14:06,754 --> 00:14:09,225
That's why we're known as
the nice guy and the other one.
330
00:14:09,225 --> 00:14:11,472
You don't have to change
who you are to get ahead, andy.
331
00:14:11,472 --> 00:14:14,040
Who'd you trash?
Laurie.
332
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,265
Laurie?! You tricked me!
333
00:14:16,265 --> 00:14:19,369
Ball back up and think about
what you just did! Oh!
334
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,643
Are you mad because we're not
hanging out tonight?
335
00:14:23,643 --> 00:14:25,762
No, I'm good.
All good in the hood.
336
00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:28,581
337
00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:31,403
I'm glad you're not mad.
I know valentine's dayt doing it
withis goofy.
338
00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:34,106
It's just that I haven't
spent one alone since I was 11.
339
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:35,793
That's when the girls
showed up.
340
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:39,009
I've had 30 straight years of
being a valentine's day winner,
341
00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:42,141
And, well,
now I'm not, and...
342
00:14:42,726 --> 00:14:44,733
That's why this one's
gonna suck.
343
00:14:45,274 --> 00:14:47,556
All right, let's see
if this thing works.
344
00:14:48,811 --> 00:14:51,058
Hello, ellie!
345
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,588
Son of a bitch!
346
00:14:53,952 --> 00:14:54,603
Did you ow in french,
347
00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:57,117
"valentine" means
"to gebuck naked"?
348
00:14:57,616 --> 00:15:00,190
(chuckles) would you like
to see me valentine, doris?
349
00:15:01,079 --> 00:15:02,421
You said there was
free chicken.
350
00:15:06,613 --> 00:15:07,780
Hello?
351
00:15:08,761 --> 00:15:11,277
I only had, like, three beers.
I wasn't even gonna drink,
352
00:15:11,526 --> 00:15:15,055
But dave schoenburger went
to robotics camp, and--
this some kind of nerd party?
353
00:15:15,055 --> 00:15:15,944
No.
(chuckles)
354
00:15:16,621 --> 00:15:18,489
Anyway, dave brought out
his beer-serving robot--
355
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:19,952
Hey, we've all been there,
buddy.
356
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:21,709
All right, we'll get
your mom's car tomorrow.
357
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:22,551
Now I want you
to sneak in the back
358
00:15:22,551 --> 00:15:26,119
While I create a distraction
doing trash raccoons.
Trash raccoons?
359
00:15:26,119 --> 00:15:27,502
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
360
00:15:27,763 --> 00:15:29,791
Go! Go! Go!
361
00:15:37,932 --> 00:15:39,445
I was married to your dad
for 20 years.
362
00:15:39,445 --> 00:15:41,118
You think I don't know
trash raccoons?
363
00:15:41,986 --> 00:15:44,533
Let me smell your breath.
Mnh-mnh.
364
00:15:46,973 --> 00:15:49,475
Have you ever gone against
everything you stand for
365
00:15:49,509 --> 00:15:51,977
Just for money?
Many, many times.
366
00:15:53,313 --> 00:15:56,415
Smith's dad told me
what you said about me.
367
00:15:56,449 --> 00:15:58,050
"not classy," huh?
368
00:15:58,084 --> 00:16:00,085
I thought
we were friends, andy.
369
00:16:00,119 --> 00:16:02,688
I am so sorry. You know what?
Hit me. I deserve it.
370
00:16:02,722 --> 00:16:05,057
Just not in the crotch
'cause I wanna have another kid.
371
00:16:05,091 --> 00:16:07,192
Ellie doesn't know that
so please don't say anything.
372
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:09,261
All right, go ahead.
Wait. Go ahead.
373
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:15,533
We're totally kidding, dude.
Ah. That was not
a strong moment for you.
374
00:16:15,568 --> 00:16:19,470
No, for him, that was okay.
So we're--we're all good then?
375
00:16:19,505 --> 00:16:20,645
Andy,
I get that you're being
376
00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:22,656
All business chummy
with his dad.
377
00:16:22,656 --> 00:16:25,076
I am so not offended.
378
00:16:25,111 --> 00:16:27,678
Plus, honey, I have
been called way worse--
379
00:16:27,713 --> 00:16:30,248
Skank, tramp, white devil.
380
00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:32,983
I liked that one so much
I put it on my license plate.
381
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,221
Hey, grayson.
Here's your bush.
382
00:16:39,057 --> 00:16:42,726
Hey, honey! (blows kiss)
hi--hey, babe.
383
00:16:44,729 --> 00:16:47,263
You're grounded.
No car and a curfew.
384
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:51,100
And say good-bye to
your little swimsuit calendar.
385
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,202
Why?
386
00:16:52,236 --> 00:16:52,777
Well, it's not
part of the punishment.
387
00:16:52,777 --> 00:16:57,174
It's just obvious.
Dude, don't be that guy.
(exhales deeply) whatever.
388
00:16:57,208 --> 00:17:00,411
"whatever"?! Did you just
"whatever" me? Really?
389
00:17:00,446 --> 00:17:02,164
Hey, how did you get home
tonight?
390
00:17:02,164 --> 00:17:04,421
Tell me you didn't drive.
I dint.
391
00:17:04,421 --> 00:17:08,087
Well,
then how'd you get home?
393
00:17:13,089 --> 00:17:14,961
Have I looked at these
long enough
394
00:17:14,961 --> 00:17:16,853
For you to believe
that I checked them over?
395
00:17:16,853 --> 00:17:20,050
I didn't bring
my reading glasses.
Very convincing, sir.
396
00:17:20,050 --> 00:17:22,475
Excellent. Let's seal the deal
with a toast.
397
00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:25,800
Uh, mr. Frank, I need to
clear the air about something.
398
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,189
I said
some really mean things
399
00:17:27,189 --> 00:17:30,876
About the young woman your son
is seeing, and they aren't true.
400
00:17:30,876 --> 00:17:34,346
Laurie is actually a, uh,
a great girl with a big heart.
401
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:36,380
And you should be happy
smith is with her.
402
00:17:37,212 --> 00:17:39,065
I'm waiting
for the punch line.
403
00:17:39,065 --> 00:17:41,602
Yeah. Uh, there--
there is no punch line.
404
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:44,189
But I can only hope you'll
respect me a little bit more
405
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,462
For being truthful.
406
00:17:47,469 --> 00:17:50,166
You're not even gonna let me
finish my steak, are ya?
No.
407
00:17:50,995 --> 00:17:52,600
Come on!
408
00:17:52,635 --> 00:17:54,936
Sorry, dad.
Mom's gonna crush you.
409
00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:57,773
Don't woy about it, okay?
Our deal still stands.
410
00:17:57,807 --> 00:17:59,908
You always call
if you need me.
411
00:17:59,942 --> 00:18:02,444
Thank you.
(jules) travis.
412
00:18:02,479 --> 00:18:03,504
I need to talk to your dad.
413
00:18:04,012 --> 00:18:06,348
Bobby, I cannot believe...
414
00:18:06,383 --> 00:18:08,784
(lowered voice) we pulled
this off! Oh, my god!
415
00:18:08,818 --> 00:18:10,177
(normal voice)
your plan worked!
416
00:18:10,177 --> 00:18:13,823
I stick to my rule--drinking
equals massive punishment...
417
00:18:13,857 --> 00:18:17,092
But if he does drink, I drive
him home, keep him alive.
418
00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:19,862
Wait, doesn't he know you're
always gonna rat him out to me
419
00:18:19,896 --> 00:18:24,133
Before you go pick him up?
Nope. He thinks I'm his buy.
Kid's a dope. (laughs)
420
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:26,002
Bobby cobb, you're a genius.
421
00:18:26,036 --> 00:18:27,601
Hey, that's the first time
you called me a genius
422
00:18:27,601 --> 00:18:31,541
Without being ke,
"way to go, nius."
423
00:18:31,575 --> 00:18:32,509
Well, I think
that this event--
424
00:18:32,509 --> 00:18:34,553
Like any event in life,
good or bad--
425
00:18:34,553 --> 00:18:36,704
Calls for a glass of wine.
Okay?
426
00:18:36,704 --> 00:18:39,101
Ooh, rain check, j-bird.
I got plans.
427
00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:42,054
It's valentine's day,
for god sake.
428
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,287
I forgot.
429
00:18:44,321 --> 00:18:47,424
"it's valentine's day." eh.
430
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,838
I felt so bad
that I got you this
431
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,574
It's gonna grow to be
exactly like your old bush.
432
00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:56,543
You know,
in a thousand years.
433
00:18:56,577 --> 00:18:59,279
Until then, just consider it
a friendly reminder
434
00:18:59,313 --> 00:19:02,482
That it's just much easier
to do what I want you to do.
435
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:03,750
Thank you.
436
00:19:03,784 --> 00:19:07,687
(gasps) oh!
I got you something, too.
437
00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:16,730
Oh. You're pretty proud
of yourself, aren't ya?
438
00:19:18,966 --> 00:19:20,534
It's beautiful!
439
00:19:28,773 --> 00:19:32,232
aaa bbb
441
00:19:37,249 --> 00:19:40,468
Merry valentine's day!
442
00:19:40,728 --> 00:19:43,954
Look what you did.
I figured
it wouldn't be so bad
443
00:19:43,989 --> 00:19:46,056
To spend tonight
with a few friends.
444
00:19:46,091 --> 00:19:47,558
Plus, ellie's here.
445
00:19:47,592 --> 00:19:50,662
You'll get yours, my friend.
And, you--
I am so sorry I blew it.
446
00:19:50,696 --> 00:19:53,865
I am so proud of you.
Don't tell anyone.
447
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,737
Now who wants champagne?
(travis) I do.
448
00:19:57,771 --> 00:20:00,039
Get back in your room,
travis.
449
00:20:00,963 --> 00:20:02,609
Thanks for doing this.
450
00:20:03,671 --> 00:20:06,079
No problem.
451
00:20:12,435 --> 00:20:14,236
Okay, time to get real.
452
00:20:14,271 --> 00:20:18,208
You don't like me,
and I don't like you. Correct?
Absolutely.
453
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:19,462
I don't like him either.
454
00:20:19,462 --> 00:20:23,382
Smith, don't disrespect
your father. It's not sexy.
455
00:20:23,382 --> 00:20:24,951
Well, is this sexy?
456
00:20:25,820 --> 00:20:26,848
What?
457
00:20:27,403 --> 00:20:29,137
(gasps)
it is valentine's day, right?
458
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,244
(gasps) smith! Oh, my god!
459
00:20:31,782 --> 00:20:33,459
No! You...
460
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:35,822
it's tight.
461
00:20:36,267 --> 00:20:37,987
Oh!
I... I... I can't...
462
00:20:38,243 --> 00:20:39,666
I... (grunts)
463
00:20:40,401 --> 00:20:42,784
Dad? It was--
it was just a joke!
464
00:20:43,026 --> 00:20:45,084
I know. She warned me.
465
00:20:47,974 --> 00:20:51,285
Why?
I thought
this would be funnier.
466
00:20:51,187 --> 00:20:55,731
Sync by YYeTs.net