1 00:02:21,727 --> 00:02:23,683 Mrs Ross, good morning! 2 00:02:57,328 --> 00:03:00,525 Students, parents and beloved faculty, 3 00:03:00,728 --> 00:03:06,678 it is time to introduce a young man who we are proud to know 4 00:03:06,888 --> 00:03:11,837 as the valedictorian of this class, Herbert H Heebert. 5 00:03:16,928 --> 00:03:19,886 l am very glad that you choose me. 6 00:03:21,888 --> 00:03:25,847 That, ladies and gentlemen, concludes our graduation exercises. 7 00:03:33,529 --> 00:03:36,965 Ma! Ma! Ma! 8 00:03:41,249 --> 00:03:43,205 Herbert! 9 00:03:45,489 --> 00:03:49,448 Ma! Oh, Ma! Ma! 10 00:03:49,649 --> 00:03:51,605 Herbert! 11 00:03:55,089 --> 00:03:58,445 - Ma! - Oh, Herbert. 12 00:03:59,529 --> 00:04:01,485 - Herbert! - You scared me. 13 00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:04,840 l had to get my coat. Today is the day! 14 00:04:05,049 --> 00:04:08,325 l can't wait to see Faith and discuss our wedding. 15 00:04:08,529 --> 00:04:13,284 Tomorrow, my childhood sweetheart will be my ageing wife. l'll be back. 16 00:04:13,489 --> 00:04:18,085 Faith! Faith! Faith! 17 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,079 Oh, Faith. 18 00:04:54,930 --> 00:04:56,886 Ma! 19 00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:22,960 My life is shattered. 20 00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:28,119 The girl l waited for all my life didn't wait for me. l'm going away. 21 00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:34,599 l hate girls. l'm going to be a bachelor and be alone all my life. 22 00:05:34,810 --> 00:05:39,520 - Pa! - Why did this happen to my Herbert? 23 00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:44,168 - P-Pa! M-Ma! - l'll never hum again. 24 00:05:44,371 --> 00:05:48,250 Oh, Philip, look what happened to that child. 25 00:05:50,131 --> 00:05:52,087 Oh, my baby. 26 00:05:54,411 --> 00:05:56,367 Oh, my child. 27 00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:33,207 What can l do for you? 28 00:06:33,411 --> 00:06:35,845 l'm answering the ad about the job... 29 00:06:36,051 --> 00:06:39,327 - Oh, goody! - Keep your hands off me! 30 00:06:57,132 --> 00:07:00,920 You are zee American for zee job! l love you, cheri. 31 00:07:01,132 --> 00:07:03,088 Are you crazy, lady? 32 00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:56,482 l'm safe! Oh, l'm safe! 33 00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:58,649 l'm so glad l'm safe! 34 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:02,163 l'm safe! You don't know what l've gone through! 35 00:08:02,373 --> 00:08:05,922 We might as well start with your name. Mine's Katie. 36 00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:10,570 Sometimes people call me Kay or Kathy. My real name is Katharine. 37 00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:15,210 Sometimes they call me Katharine and l forget to answer! 38 00:08:15,413 --> 00:08:18,849 Sometimes they call me Katie the Cook, because l cook here, 39 00:08:19,053 --> 00:08:21,283 besides a lot of other things. 40 00:08:21,493 --> 00:08:24,849 When they call me Katharine, l don't answer. 41 00:08:25,053 --> 00:08:29,012 But Katie l answer to. Kay, Kathy, it doesn't make any difference. 42 00:08:29,213 --> 00:08:34,446 Nicknames are funny. You can't tell what a person's going to call you. 43 00:08:34,653 --> 00:08:36,883 - But then... - Herbert! 44 00:08:37,093 --> 00:08:41,052 - Herbert H Heebert is my name. - Herbert H Heebert. 45 00:08:41,253 --> 00:08:43,687 - What's the H stand for? - Herbert. 46 00:08:43,893 --> 00:08:46,851 - l mean the other H. - That's the same. 47 00:08:47,053 --> 00:08:50,125 - Your name is Herbert Herbert? - Heebert. 48 00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:52,801 How in the world did that happen? 49 00:08:53,013 --> 00:08:56,131 lt started many years ago. l was very stubborn. 50 00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:59,292 My mother used to yell, ''Herbert! Herbert!'' 51 00:08:59,494 --> 00:09:05,444 l never answered the first time, so it stuck, Herbert Herbert Heebert. 52 00:09:05,654 --> 00:09:09,090 l've got a pair of Herberts in front of my Heebert. 53 00:09:09,294 --> 00:09:12,684 That's a very interesting name you have there. 54 00:09:12,894 --> 00:09:16,284 - Do you have any references? - Oh, yeah. 55 00:09:31,094 --> 00:09:34,848 lt was there all the time in the first pocket. 56 00:09:35,934 --> 00:09:40,212 You want to read this? ''This is to introduce Herbert H Heebert, 57 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:44,692 ''a very bright and cute young man, who is witty, kind and honest 58 00:09:44,894 --> 00:09:48,045 ''and works like a son of a gun if he gets paid. 59 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:52,611 ''He is willing, able and does all the things that are expected of him. 60 00:09:52,814 --> 00:09:56,170 ''He's also very smart and works like a son of a gun. 61 00:09:56,374 --> 00:09:58,330 ''He will do all he can to help. 62 00:09:58,534 --> 00:10:02,892 ''He has respect, he's cuter than anybody and smart as a whip. 63 00:10:03,095 --> 00:10:07,691 ''Besides being bright, he's a swell chap and works like a son of a gun.'' 64 00:10:07,895 --> 00:10:12,446 - When did you write that? - Last night. l didn't have any. 65 00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:18,605 - Now, did you go to school? - Yes. Yes, l did. 66 00:10:20,535 --> 00:10:23,572 Milltown Junior College. l just graduated. 67 00:10:23,775 --> 00:10:27,006 You don't seem very thrilled about that. 68 00:10:27,215 --> 00:10:30,446 That was one of the saddest days of my life. 69 00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:34,125 That's supposed to be one of the happiest days! 70 00:10:34,335 --> 00:10:37,293 l know, l know, l know. 71 00:10:37,495 --> 00:10:41,454 lt's a pretty long story, but if you'd like to hear it... 72 00:10:41,655 --> 00:10:44,123 Yes, l want very much to hear it. 73 00:10:44,335 --> 00:10:50,888 As you probably guessed by now, l come from a comparatively small town. 74 00:10:56,135 --> 00:10:58,091 Milltown, New Jersey. 75 00:10:58,295 --> 00:11:04,245 Graduation day was beautiful until l went to find Faith. 76 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:08,734 Faith was my girl. Faith Templeton. 77 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:14,454 When l saw what l saw, that was the moment l knew l hated girls. 78 00:11:14,656 --> 00:11:18,012 There, right before my very baby-blue eyes 79 00:11:18,216 --> 00:11:21,731 was a girl with another person. 80 00:11:21,936 --> 00:11:26,248 l decided that my life was over and a bachelor l shall be. 81 00:11:26,456 --> 00:11:29,971 Woe is me! Faith, Faith, why? 82 00:11:33,256 --> 00:11:37,215 That's the saddest thing l ever heard. 83 00:11:46,696 --> 00:11:52,453 Oh, Herbert, there's just one thing l have to tell you. 84 00:11:52,656 --> 00:11:57,935 - Yes? - You've just got to have faith. 85 00:12:07,736 --> 00:12:11,207 All l said was you have to have a little faith! 86 00:12:14,937 --> 00:12:18,896 - All l meant was... - l'm all right now. 87 00:12:19,097 --> 00:12:23,056 - What's happening? - Miss Welenmelon, this is Herbert. 88 00:12:23,257 --> 00:12:26,806 He wants to work here. l think that's wonderful. 89 00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:31,454 He's very good and so nice, and he can start tomorrow. 90 00:12:31,657 --> 00:12:34,615 You certainly have convinced Katie. 91 00:12:34,817 --> 00:12:39,254 That's good enough for me. You know the kind of a place l have here? 92 00:12:39,457 --> 00:12:42,733 - We can tell him in the morning. - Oh, yes. 93 00:12:42,937 --> 00:12:46,896 That would be all right. l just want to work hard and forget. 94 00:12:47,097 --> 00:12:49,053 That's a very good idea. 95 00:12:49,257 --> 00:12:53,535 You're going to just love him. l'll take him up to his room. 96 00:12:53,737 --> 00:12:57,173 - lt's late. l'm sure he's tired. - l was just yawning. 97 00:12:57,377 --> 00:13:00,813 lf he's all right with you, he's all right with me. 98 00:13:01,017 --> 00:13:05,772 - Thank you. l'll get my suitcase. - Just wait for me in the hall. 99 00:13:05,977 --> 00:13:10,732 l'll take him up the back way. We got one! 100 00:13:15,938 --> 00:13:18,168 We've got one all right. 101 00:13:18,378 --> 00:13:22,132 - This is your room, Herbert. - lt's very nice. 102 00:13:22,338 --> 00:13:24,294 Thank you. 103 00:13:24,498 --> 00:13:28,730 lt was Miss and Mr Welenmelon's home before he passed on. 104 00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:33,693 Rather than sell it, she decided to rent out the rooms. 105 00:13:33,898 --> 00:13:36,856 That way, she wouldn't be alone. 106 00:13:37,058 --> 00:13:39,014 lt's a very good idea. 107 00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:45,491 Being alone can be very lonely. 108 00:13:45,698 --> 00:13:48,849 With people around, you can be lonely with noise. 109 00:13:49,058 --> 00:13:51,014 Lonely with noise... 110 00:13:51,218 --> 00:13:54,688 Well, you'd better get to bed. lt is very late. 111 00:13:54,898 --> 00:13:58,686 l'll see you in the morning to discuss your chores. 112 00:14:00,098 --> 00:14:04,569 Katie, thank you very much. l think l'll be very happy here. 113 00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:10,375 lf nothing else, it will prove to be very interesting. Nighty night. 114 00:15:54,940 --> 00:15:56,896 lt's a soft bed! 115 00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:31,051 Time, early. 116 00:16:31,261 --> 00:16:34,810 The weather, cool. 117 00:16:35,021 --> 00:16:38,457 This evening, nutty. 118 00:16:38,661 --> 00:16:41,778 Tomorrow, nice. 119 00:21:59,346 --> 00:22:09,301 Good morning, Herbert 120 00:22:09,506 --> 00:22:19,461 Good morning, Herbert 121 00:22:23,746 --> 00:22:28,536 Herbert, don't just stand there. Haven't you anything to say? 122 00:22:30,946 --> 00:22:34,700 Ma... Ma! 123 00:22:35,746 --> 00:22:38,499 Ma! 124 00:23:03,347 --> 00:23:08,785 Who's there? Don't answer that, l don't care. Go away. l'm scared. 125 00:23:08,987 --> 00:23:14,141 - lt's me, Herbert. Miss Welenmelon. - Go away! You misled me. 126 00:23:14,347 --> 00:23:18,499 l don't want to live in no harem, particularly in my condition. 127 00:23:18,707 --> 00:23:21,665 Now, Herbert, please don't be concerned. 128 00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:26,418 There's plenty to be concerned about. l ran down there and... 129 00:23:34,587 --> 00:23:37,147 l didn't have enough stuff to bolt me. 130 00:23:37,347 --> 00:23:42,341 l'm surprised at you. Your actions weren't those of a gentleman. 131 00:23:42,547 --> 00:23:46,506 How do you expect me to act? l walk smack into a ladies' room. 132 00:23:46,707 --> 00:23:50,461 l know how you feel. Katie told me about your problem. 133 00:23:50,667 --> 00:23:53,227 You've got to take hold of yourself. 134 00:23:53,427 --> 00:23:55,418 You're right, or they will. 135 00:23:55,627 --> 00:24:01,099 Come along and meet the ladies. You'll see how ridiculous this is. 136 00:24:01,307 --> 00:24:06,222 Lay one hand on me and l'll report you. l'm leaving and that's final. 137 00:24:06,428 --> 00:24:09,147 l'll not try to stop you. 138 00:24:09,348 --> 00:24:10,781 OK. 139 00:24:22,948 --> 00:24:27,385 l don't want you should cry. Let me think a minute. 140 00:24:33,268 --> 00:24:35,224 l got to think harder. 141 00:24:39,948 --> 00:24:45,102 All right, l'll stay here as long as it takes you to get another boy. 142 00:24:45,308 --> 00:24:50,257 l knew you wouldn't let me down. The girls will be happy too. 143 00:24:50,468 --> 00:24:55,747 - They can look but they can't touch. - All right. Don't you worry. 144 00:24:55,948 --> 00:24:58,098 Come and get some breakfast. 145 00:24:58,308 --> 00:25:01,425 There's plenty to worry about with a lot of girls. 146 00:25:19,949 --> 00:25:25,501 - l never saw so many girls. - Herbert! Now you listen to me. 147 00:25:25,709 --> 00:25:27,665 Go into that dining room. 148 00:25:27,869 --> 00:25:32,420 The door will take you upstairs to the kitchen. Have some breakfast. 149 00:25:32,629 --> 00:25:36,907 l don't have to work up an appetite. l don't eat breakfast. 150 00:25:37,109 --> 00:25:40,704 Ah! You know what they say about breakfast. 151 00:25:40,909 --> 00:25:44,219 lt's the most important morning meal, but l don't eat it. 152 00:25:44,429 --> 00:25:46,385 - What?! - l didn't mean nothing! 153 00:25:46,589 --> 00:25:50,343 Remember, Miss Welenmelon knows best. 154 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:53,700 Yes, so l'll go and have just half a welen. 155 00:25:53,909 --> 00:25:55,865 - You do that. - OK, l'll go. 156 00:25:56,069 --> 00:25:59,823 Now listen. Go along! Go along! 157 00:26:00,029 --> 00:26:02,987 OK! 158 00:26:05,949 --> 00:26:09,464 Girls, come, come, come. Come on. 159 00:26:11,789 --> 00:26:15,020 Look and listen carefully. 160 00:26:15,229 --> 00:26:17,903 This is a very nice boy. 161 00:26:18,110 --> 00:26:22,820 He's had a couple of heart tugs and is set against women at this time. 162 00:26:23,030 --> 00:26:27,546 There is one way we can keep him. lt's simple. 163 00:26:27,750 --> 00:26:33,700 He likes to help. He doesn't know at this moment how to say no. 164 00:26:33,910 --> 00:26:37,061 l believe that he likes to be needed. 165 00:26:37,270 --> 00:26:40,342 Miss Melonwelen told me to have breakfast. 166 00:26:40,550 --> 00:26:42,506 l said l don't... 167 00:26:44,270 --> 00:26:46,226 You see where my hand is? 168 00:26:46,430 --> 00:26:50,946 - lt's on the toaster. - Yeah. lt's hot! 169 00:26:51,150 --> 00:26:55,109 - Take it off. - lt's stuck. That's pain. 170 00:26:55,310 --> 00:27:01,067 Whoa! Hurt! There's hurt in pain. Would you just lift my hand off? 171 00:27:01,270 --> 00:27:03,226 Just lift it up! 172 00:27:04,270 --> 00:27:07,228 Katharine? Oh, Katharine. 173 00:27:07,430 --> 00:27:12,185 Miss Welenmelon wanted me to tell you that Herby... 174 00:27:12,390 --> 00:27:14,824 Herbert! Herbert! 175 00:27:15,030 --> 00:27:21,185 H- e-r-b-e-r-t, it's Herbert. Not Y, Herby. lt's Herbert. Bert. 176 00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:24,747 Call me Bert. Just not Herby. Herbert. 177 00:27:24,951 --> 00:27:29,706 - Herbert is to have his breakfast. - l'll see to it. 178 00:27:29,911 --> 00:27:34,302 l was telling Miss...the lady, l don't need no breakfast. 179 00:27:34,511 --> 00:27:40,268 lf you don't do what Miss Welenmelon tells you to do, she'll have a fit. 180 00:27:40,471 --> 00:27:43,907 - A fit? - A fit like you wouldn't believe. 181 00:27:44,111 --> 00:27:47,865 - l'd better be careful. - Be very careful. 182 00:27:48,071 --> 00:27:50,187 - Should l watch it? - A lot. 183 00:27:50,391 --> 00:27:57,945 Don't overdo it, but if you see he's weakening in any way at all, 184 00:27:58,151 --> 00:28:02,542 ask for something, make him feel wanted and important. 185 00:28:02,751 --> 00:28:07,586 ln this way, l think we'll have one fine houseboy 186 00:28:07,791 --> 00:28:11,750 a little longer than the normal three days. 187 00:28:11,951 --> 00:28:15,500 That's all. See you tonight. 188 00:28:25,551 --> 00:28:30,307 This is just the best thing in the world for a growing boy. 189 00:28:30,512 --> 00:28:33,231 Forget it, lady. Will you forget it? 190 00:28:33,432 --> 00:28:38,381 l let you talk me into this chair because l felt sorry for you. 191 00:28:38,592 --> 00:28:43,541 l don't need no breakfast. l'm getting out of here. 192 00:28:43,752 --> 00:28:47,188 Oh, you got one in. That's it. There's no more. 193 00:28:47,392 --> 00:28:50,145 This is ridiculous. lf anyone walked in... 194 00:28:50,352 --> 00:28:55,301 - What animal is the biggest? - An ox. l thought l got away. 195 00:28:55,512 --> 00:28:58,948 - That's wonderful. - You took good care of my sweater. 196 00:28:59,152 --> 00:29:03,304 - l don't need this. You missed! - No, you missed, Herbert. 197 00:29:03,512 --> 00:29:06,788 - You missed my mouth! - Say ''ah''. 198 00:29:06,992 --> 00:29:12,146 No! Would you aim? This woman is out of her mind. 199 00:29:12,352 --> 00:29:15,901 - lf you didn't move around... - l'm not moving! 200 00:29:16,112 --> 00:29:20,071 At least you got a double that time. That's a two-bagger. 201 00:29:20,272 --> 00:29:24,231 Would you check the beard on this side? l don't want that! 202 00:29:24,432 --> 00:29:28,391 l'm getting out of the chair! Give me one more for good luck. 203 00:29:30,312 --> 00:29:34,272 Come with me. Miss Welenmelon wanted me to show you your duties. 204 00:29:34,473 --> 00:29:36,907 - Here's the phone. - That's one of them. 205 00:29:37,113 --> 00:29:39,866 - That's the only phone. - ln such a big mansion? 206 00:29:40,073 --> 00:29:42,667 - Yes, for a good reason. - lt's cheaper? 207 00:29:42,873 --> 00:29:45,990 - No! - Then it's less expensive. 208 00:29:46,193 --> 00:29:50,152 Yeah. Oh, Herbert, you're so cute. 209 00:29:50,353 --> 00:29:54,312 When a call comes in, get the girl as quickly as you can. 210 00:29:54,513 --> 00:29:58,267 She can answer it, hang up, and it's available for others. 211 00:29:58,473 --> 00:30:02,261 - So l can run upstairs a lot more. - Come on. 212 00:30:02,473 --> 00:30:06,022 - Wonderful. - Keep the gaming table very clean. 213 00:30:10,753 --> 00:30:14,507 - l love solitaire. - There is no time. Come on. 214 00:30:14,713 --> 00:30:19,150 l just like to play that a lot whenever l get a chance. 215 00:30:19,353 --> 00:30:22,902 Oh, this is terrific. This is a dizzy staircase. 216 00:30:27,433 --> 00:30:32,223 Here is the butterfly collection that belonged to Mr Welenmelon. 217 00:30:32,433 --> 00:30:37,872 Oh, that's lovely. l like birds and bees and bugs that fly. 218 00:30:38,074 --> 00:30:40,542 That's a blue-toothed merkdekker. 219 00:30:40,754 --> 00:30:43,348 - You know about butterflies? - l was once a botany. 220 00:30:43,554 --> 00:30:46,990 This belongs to the yellow-bellied sapsucker family. 221 00:30:47,194 --> 00:30:50,186 This blue one is a grey-tailed blue. 222 00:30:50,394 --> 00:30:53,466 ln the centre, you have a green fly worst. 223 00:30:53,674 --> 00:30:57,349 lt's a worsted wang. The wang is on the end. 224 00:30:57,554 --> 00:31:00,432 The wang gives the sound when it flies. 225 00:31:00,634 --> 00:31:03,592 - lt makes that sound? - When it's sick. 226 00:31:03,794 --> 00:31:07,343 - But ''prrrr'' when it's flying good. - That's wonderful. 227 00:31:07,554 --> 00:31:10,273 This lovely species was once a frog. 228 00:31:10,474 --> 00:31:14,911 - A frog turned into a butterfly? - lt forced itself. l don't know. 229 00:31:15,114 --> 00:31:17,503 Amazing. Wonderful. 230 00:31:17,714 --> 00:31:23,471 Once or twice a week, this case must be very carefully dusted. 231 00:31:23,674 --> 00:31:26,142 - l'll touch it very... - Be very careful. 232 00:31:26,354 --> 00:31:29,027 - l'll do it from a distance. - That's good. 233 00:31:29,234 --> 00:31:33,512 Wait here for me. l have to go see if Baby's all right. 234 00:31:35,954 --> 00:31:37,910 She has a baby? 235 00:32:06,555 --> 00:32:08,989 That's a good Baby! 236 00:32:15,755 --> 00:32:19,111 Very good Baby. What a darling. 237 00:32:21,115 --> 00:32:26,394 Never touch this gorgeous antique collection of Mr Welenmelon's! 238 00:32:26,595 --> 00:32:30,907 lt's been in the family for 50 years. Put it back. Gentle! 239 00:32:36,595 --> 00:32:41,225 You got glue? Here, this is good. 240 00:32:41,435 --> 00:32:47,386 Oh, don't feel bad. Don't feel bad. Don't, please! We'll fix it. 241 00:32:50,756 --> 00:32:57,025 Herbert, l told Miss Welenmelon that that glass collection was so dusty 242 00:32:57,236 --> 00:33:00,785 l just had to have it sent out to be cleaned. 243 00:33:00,996 --> 00:33:05,751 Thank you very much, Kathy. l was scared that she'd be mad at me. 244 00:33:05,956 --> 00:33:10,393 Don't worry about her being angry, as long as you do your work well. 245 00:33:10,596 --> 00:33:15,067 lf you'd just go and feed Baby, l'd appreciate it very much. 246 00:33:15,276 --> 00:33:19,588 Baby? Oh, yeah. But afterwards, will you be available? 247 00:33:19,796 --> 00:33:21,752 l don't know about burping. 248 00:33:21,956 --> 00:33:26,313 For heaven's sakes, no. Baby is not a baby. 249 00:33:26,516 --> 00:33:30,475 - No? - Baby is Miss Welenmelon's pet. 250 00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:35,113 Oh, l was wondering how... Yeah, oh, that's good. 251 00:33:35,316 --> 00:33:40,913 A baby! You're such a dear, young, naive Herby. 252 00:33:41,116 --> 00:33:45,075 - Herbert. - Herbert. Baby is a darling. 253 00:33:45,276 --> 00:33:50,031 We love that funny little thing. l hope you like animals. Do you? 254 00:33:50,236 --> 00:33:55,436 l like pets. l had a pet once. A goldfish, Marvin. 255 00:33:56,557 --> 00:34:00,311 l was very attached to it, and it was attached to me. 256 00:34:00,517 --> 00:34:03,668 l never thought l'd get over losing Marvin. 257 00:34:03,877 --> 00:34:07,472 That's a shame. What happened? 258 00:34:07,677 --> 00:34:13,274 Oh, well. As l said, we were very attached. 259 00:34:14,757 --> 00:34:18,113 One night, l didn't want Marvin to be lonesome, 260 00:34:18,317 --> 00:34:20,751 sloshing around in the water, 261 00:34:20,957 --> 00:34:24,472 so l took Marvin to bed with me to spend the night. 262 00:34:24,677 --> 00:34:29,671 ln the morning, he just lay there. Oh, Marvin, Marvin, Marvin. 263 00:34:29,877 --> 00:34:34,428 - Herbert, Herbert, Herbert. - l'm all right now. 264 00:34:37,597 --> 00:34:39,553 You mustn't cry, Herbert. 265 00:34:39,757 --> 00:34:42,715 l get choked up when l think about Marvin. 266 00:34:42,917 --> 00:34:47,866 You mustn't. This is your chance to make a brand-new friend. 267 00:34:48,077 --> 00:34:50,033 Baby is such a darling. 268 00:34:50,237 --> 00:34:53,513 All right. l'll feed it and make friends with it. 269 00:34:53,717 --> 00:34:56,072 lf you'll just get his milk. 270 00:34:56,277 --> 00:34:59,270 - l have to dust. - l'll take care of it. 271 00:34:59,478 --> 00:35:03,437 ln an hour, he gets his meat. l'll see you when you're through. 272 00:35:03,638 --> 00:35:07,597 He gets his meat in an hour. First, his milk. Thank you, Katie. 273 00:35:07,798 --> 00:35:12,235 Right. lmagine that. A goldfish! 274 00:35:14,158 --> 00:35:17,628 Marvin? But he's sweet. 275 00:35:38,958 --> 00:35:42,917 Why am l knocking? A pet can't answer the door. 276 00:35:49,678 --> 00:35:51,634 That's Baby? 277 00:36:32,279 --> 00:36:36,238 That's a baby, boy! 278 00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:54,678 That's some baby, boy! Got to feed him his meat. 279 00:36:58,759 --> 00:37:02,434 Get on the milk and slide! That's good, meat. 280 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,918 Some tidbit, boy. 281 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:18,916 l don't believe it. 282 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,076 That's some baby! 283 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:22,872 Well, Baby! 284 00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:38,679 They told me to deliver... 285 00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:42,555 She's glad that you took the time to bring the mail. 286 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,355 lf she can show her appreciation, please call on her. 287 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:51,429 She doesn't think enough people nowadays do things for each other. 288 00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:55,394 Besides, she likes you very much. Come along, dear. 289 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,556 l don't know that. 290 00:38:13,961 --> 00:38:20,309 lt's from him! You don't understand. He wrote. He sat down and wrote. 291 00:38:32,441 --> 00:38:34,397 ln a second. 292 00:38:36,361 --> 00:38:41,640 Come on in. Come on. Mail for me? Aren't you sweet? And swell, too. 293 00:38:41,841 --> 00:38:46,357 l think you're so sweet. Honest. l so rarely get any mail. 294 00:38:46,561 --> 00:38:51,032 l'm so happy. l repeat, you are a sweet, swell, sweety-face. 295 00:38:51,241 --> 00:38:54,790 Thanks very much. There's three of them for you. 296 00:38:55,001 --> 00:38:56,957 Thank you. 297 00:38:58,961 --> 00:39:01,714 What a nut! 298 00:39:13,121 --> 00:39:16,272 Thanks for the mail, now, baby, let's wail! 299 00:39:29,962 --> 00:39:33,921 Ah, ah, ah! Herby, come over here. 300 00:39:35,202 --> 00:39:39,195 Herby, we never knock on that door. 301 00:39:39,402 --> 00:39:43,475 - We never bother Miss Cartilage. - We don't? 302 00:39:43,682 --> 00:39:48,676 Go along and deliver the mail to the next room. Thank you, Herbert. 303 00:40:04,762 --> 00:40:09,199 Yes? To what do l owe the honour of this visit? 304 00:40:09,402 --> 00:40:13,998 Could it be that you are torn inside out since our last meeting? 305 00:40:14,202 --> 00:40:17,274 No, l just came to deliver the mail. 306 00:40:17,482 --> 00:40:21,760 Oh, excuse me, kid. l got carried away a little. 307 00:40:21,962 --> 00:40:25,353 - l'm rehearsing for a part. - What part? 308 00:40:25,563 --> 00:40:28,316 Any old part. Nothing definite. 309 00:40:28,523 --> 00:40:32,311 - l just want to be prepared. - Oh. 310 00:40:32,523 --> 00:40:36,482 Would you mind helping me rehearse a little? 311 00:40:36,683 --> 00:40:38,878 What do you want l should do? 312 00:40:39,083 --> 00:40:42,837 l'll close the door, you knock on it, l'll answer it 313 00:40:43,043 --> 00:40:45,796 and you tell me if it's effective. 314 00:40:46,003 --> 00:40:49,075 That sounds like fun. l'll try that out. 315 00:40:58,443 --> 00:41:02,880 You! You dare come back after leaving me and the baby! 316 00:41:05,603 --> 00:41:09,960 - l don't believe it. - How was that? Pretty good, huh? 317 00:41:10,163 --> 00:41:12,119 Yeah, that was very good. 318 00:41:12,323 --> 00:41:15,440 Let's do another one. This time, don't knock. 319 00:41:15,643 --> 00:41:17,599 l'll just feel you there. 320 00:41:17,803 --> 00:41:20,954 - Feel it a little easier this time. - OK. 321 00:41:21,163 --> 00:41:22,915 Thank you. 322 00:41:27,443 --> 00:41:32,234 Hi, honey. lt's good to see you again. 323 00:41:33,964 --> 00:41:36,717 - l missed you. - l like this scene. 324 00:41:36,924 --> 00:41:38,880 lt's been a long time. 325 00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:46,521 Am l crazy even talking to you after not hearing from you for so long? 326 00:41:46,724 --> 00:41:50,000 You stay out of my life once and for all! 327 00:41:52,284 --> 00:41:54,275 l got it again. 328 00:41:56,284 --> 00:42:00,277 You're wonderful. You really bring out the best in me. 329 00:42:00,484 --> 00:42:04,238 l'd hate to see the worst in you. l don't want to act no more. 330 00:42:04,444 --> 00:42:08,596 l wish you luck. You'll make a terrific lion tamer. 331 00:42:08,804 --> 00:42:12,683 Whatever l make, l want to thank you. You're a doll. 332 00:42:12,884 --> 00:42:19,357 l lost a cheek! The skin of my back is caught in the crack of the door. 333 00:42:19,564 --> 00:42:21,600 Lady, open! 334 00:42:35,165 --> 00:42:43,118 Hello, you great big, beautiful, blond male specimen of sheer delight. 335 00:42:43,325 --> 00:42:44,599 Blond? 336 00:42:44,805 --> 00:42:48,957 What's on your mind, except wanting to press your lips to mine 337 00:42:49,165 --> 00:42:52,396 and wandering off into ecstasy land with me? 338 00:42:52,605 --> 00:42:53,879 Blond? 339 00:42:54,085 --> 00:42:59,034 ls the sight of me throwing you so badly that you cannot speak? 340 00:42:59,245 --> 00:43:03,204 Oh, l can speak. l just brought your mail. 341 00:43:03,405 --> 00:43:07,364 Ma! Oh, Ma! 342 00:43:16,725 --> 00:43:19,159 Girls, Herbert's leaving. Stop him! 343 00:43:36,965 --> 00:43:38,922 - ls it a book? - A movie? 344 00:43:39,126 --> 00:43:41,082 Quotation! 345 00:43:41,286 --> 00:43:45,325 - How many words? - 10, 20... 23. 346 00:43:50,766 --> 00:43:53,200 Good evening. 347 00:43:55,446 --> 00:43:57,402 Won't you come in, sir? 348 00:44:03,766 --> 00:44:09,159 - ls there anything l can do, sir? - Yeah, kid. Get out of my way. 349 00:44:17,166 --> 00:44:21,125 Mister, is there anything l can get for you? 350 00:44:21,326 --> 00:44:25,080 Look, skinny, l come to see my girl. She's... 351 00:44:26,286 --> 00:44:30,040 l forgot to find out which one, and l ran out. 352 00:44:30,246 --> 00:44:32,202 - Look, stupid... - Herbert. 353 00:44:32,406 --> 00:44:36,035 - Stupid. - Herbert. Stupid Herbert, that's me. 354 00:44:37,766 --> 00:44:39,518 That's better. 355 00:44:39,726 --> 00:44:44,164 You shouldn't get upset, man...mister. l don't know the girl, see? 356 00:44:44,367 --> 00:44:49,805 lt's a good thing you don't know her. l don't want you to even look at her. 357 00:44:50,007 --> 00:44:53,682 - l won't look at her. - She's not good enough for you? 358 00:44:53,887 --> 00:44:58,358 She's good enough for anybody. What do you want from my arm? 359 00:44:58,567 --> 00:45:02,321 l don't want to know her. l won't do none of those things. 360 00:45:02,527 --> 00:45:07,078 - Tell me who it is and l'll get her. - Her name is Gwendolyn Pearce. 361 00:45:07,287 --> 00:45:10,438 l'll tell her. Who should l say is calling? 362 00:45:10,647 --> 00:45:15,596 Willard C Gainsborough. The C is for killer. 363 00:45:15,807 --> 00:45:18,605 - l was afraid of that. - Now beat it. 364 00:45:18,807 --> 00:45:21,241 - Yeah. - And don't look at her. 365 00:45:21,447 --> 00:45:23,597 - l won't look at her. - Don't talk to her. 366 00:45:23,807 --> 00:45:26,082 - l won't. - Don't get close to her. 367 00:45:26,287 --> 00:45:28,847 - l won't. - Don't get near her! 368 00:45:29,047 --> 00:45:33,598 l'll wave to her from another girl. l'll write a note that he's here. 369 00:45:33,807 --> 00:45:37,766 lf you get close to her, it's over for you. Do you hear me? 370 00:45:37,967 --> 00:45:41,118 - Over? - Over. O-v-u-r. 371 00:45:41,327 --> 00:45:45,479 That's over. l was never so scared of anything. lt'll be over. 372 00:45:45,687 --> 00:45:48,441 l'll never touch nothing. 373 00:45:50,768 --> 00:45:55,125 Herbert, l just spoke with Miss Welenmelon. 374 00:45:55,328 --> 00:45:58,957 - l am so proud of you! - l should call the girl. 375 00:45:59,168 --> 00:46:03,127 - She's pleased with your work. - l said, ''What's the name?'' 376 00:46:03,328 --> 00:46:07,287 - Miss Gwendolyn Pearce. - You are proof of the old saying: 377 00:46:07,488 --> 00:46:10,446 ''Good people are good things to be.'' 378 00:46:10,648 --> 00:46:15,642 l'll tell one of the other girls. His middle name is C for killer. 379 00:46:15,848 --> 00:46:20,683 lf l do like he says, maybe l won't get in trouble. She kissed me! 380 00:46:21,968 --> 00:46:25,244 - Hey! - May l help you, sir? 381 00:46:25,448 --> 00:46:29,885 You sure can. Where's that skinny young cat that went after my date? 382 00:46:30,088 --> 00:46:33,364 You mean Herby. l mean Herbert. 383 00:46:33,568 --> 00:46:37,197 He is probably looking for her and will be right down. 384 00:46:46,448 --> 00:46:51,203 - Your date is taking you out. - Thank you. l'll be right down. 385 00:47:01,289 --> 00:47:04,247 - Where's my girl? - l wanted to tell you... 386 00:47:04,449 --> 00:47:06,405 Wait a minute. 387 00:47:06,609 --> 00:47:09,362 - You went up to get my girl? - Yeah. 388 00:47:09,569 --> 00:47:11,844 - You didn't get close to her? - No. 389 00:47:12,049 --> 00:47:15,325 - You didn't get near her? - That's right. 390 00:47:15,529 --> 00:47:19,238 - You've got lipstick on your face. - That's not... 391 00:47:19,449 --> 00:47:22,600 Hold it. l don't believe it. 392 00:47:23,889 --> 00:47:25,845 You're sitting on my hat. 393 00:47:27,969 --> 00:47:30,881 That's my brand-new hat. 394 00:47:31,089 --> 00:47:35,446 You'd better get up and give me my hat! 395 00:47:39,969 --> 00:47:44,121 - Maybe we could get it weaved. - Fix the hat. 396 00:47:46,969 --> 00:47:49,403 Put it on my head. 397 00:47:55,169 --> 00:47:57,923 l don't like it that way. 398 00:48:05,690 --> 00:48:09,126 - ls that all right? - No. 399 00:48:14,170 --> 00:48:16,161 Would you like it that way? 400 00:48:16,370 --> 00:48:19,806 l think it would be good like that. 401 00:48:21,450 --> 00:48:25,204 - Should l start it over? - Do something. 402 00:48:34,730 --> 00:48:36,686 l don't like it that way. 403 00:48:38,450 --> 00:48:41,999 Oh, my hair. Comb my hair. 404 00:48:47,130 --> 00:48:50,281 That's better. Put the hat on my head. 405 00:48:51,770 --> 00:48:54,204 What did you do with the lining? 406 00:48:57,450 --> 00:48:59,406 l like the brim down. 407 00:49:00,970 --> 00:49:02,926 Not all the way down. 408 00:49:07,971 --> 00:49:10,929 - l'll get that off. - You'd better. 409 00:49:11,131 --> 00:49:14,806 - ls that good? - l can't see out of my left eye. 410 00:49:16,371 --> 00:49:18,327 Get the hat off! 411 00:49:18,531 --> 00:49:21,807 - Yeah, l know. - Comb it again. 412 00:49:22,011 --> 00:49:25,526 - How's that? - Fix it right. 413 00:49:30,531 --> 00:49:33,489 - That's better. - Thank you. 414 00:49:33,691 --> 00:49:36,410 Can l get that strand hanging? 415 00:49:36,611 --> 00:49:38,567 Please do. 416 00:49:38,771 --> 00:49:40,727 That's my eyebrow. 417 00:49:44,651 --> 00:49:47,529 Oh, what happened to my hat? 418 00:49:55,971 --> 00:50:02,240 - Darling, l see you've met Herby. - Yeah. Yeah, l've met Herby. 419 00:50:02,451 --> 00:50:04,407 l'll fix... 420 00:50:10,452 --> 00:50:13,728 Look at me. Look at how l look! 421 00:50:18,972 --> 00:50:20,928 Look at this! 422 00:50:59,972 --> 00:51:03,248 Ah, ah, ah, Herbert! Not that room! 423 00:51:34,973 --> 00:51:36,725 Katie! 424 00:51:46,133 --> 00:51:48,089 - Hi. - Oh, no. 425 00:51:49,573 --> 00:51:51,370 - Oh, no! - But... 426 00:51:51,573 --> 00:51:55,532 - No! No! - Oh, but l wouldn't. 427 00:52:01,613 --> 00:52:03,763 Was it something l said? 428 00:53:27,295 --> 00:53:30,253 Kid, why do you look so strange? 429 00:53:30,455 --> 00:53:34,414 l looked like that from the first day l was born. 430 00:53:35,575 --> 00:53:40,603 Did you ever see someone that you thought you met before? 431 00:53:42,375 --> 00:53:46,334 That's what l was thinking that very minute that you said that. 432 00:53:46,535 --> 00:53:48,491 - You're kidding. - No. 433 00:53:48,695 --> 00:53:54,645 l said to myself, ''Did you ever see someone you thought you saw before?'' 434 00:53:54,855 --> 00:53:59,849 - Did l meet you here sometime? - You saw one of my pictures. 435 00:54:00,055 --> 00:54:05,083 - On one of the girls' dressers? - No, one of my films on the screen. 436 00:54:05,295 --> 00:54:08,173 ln a newsreel? You were in an accident? 437 00:54:08,375 --> 00:54:11,685 No, kid. Look, don't you ever go to movies? 438 00:54:11,895 --> 00:54:15,251 l love movies, especially the cops and robbers. 439 00:54:15,455 --> 00:54:17,411 l want to see the robbers win once. 440 00:54:17,615 --> 00:54:20,368 You must have seen one of my movies. 441 00:54:20,575 --> 00:54:24,932 l've always played the robber who's been trying to win for years. 442 00:54:25,135 --> 00:54:27,569 But crime doesn't pay. 443 00:54:27,775 --> 00:54:31,815 But, really, are you in the movies? Are you a movie star? 444 00:54:32,016 --> 00:54:37,932 That's what l've been trying to tell you. l'm George Raft. 445 00:54:39,376 --> 00:54:43,164 Yeah? You are, huh? 446 00:54:43,376 --> 00:54:47,733 Prove it by telling me the name of the movie where you flipped a coin. 447 00:54:47,936 --> 00:54:51,372 - Scarface. Satisfied? - Anybody would know that. 448 00:54:51,576 --> 00:54:55,251 Show it to me by proving that you can flip the coin. 449 00:54:55,456 --> 00:54:58,448 - This is getting ridiculous. - Chicken! 450 00:54:58,656 --> 00:55:02,205 No, l'm not chicken. l'll prove it. 451 00:55:05,576 --> 00:55:09,285 George Raft? So good you aren't with the coin. 452 00:55:11,176 --> 00:55:15,328 What's the matter? Anybody can miss. l'm not infallible. 453 00:55:15,536 --> 00:55:21,247 - You're not George Raft, either. - l'm George Raft. Believe me! 454 00:55:21,456 --> 00:55:26,894 Look, aside from playing robbers, l used to dance in my pictures. 455 00:55:27,096 --> 00:55:31,851 - l saw him do some dancing. - Give me your hand. Be the girl. 456 00:55:32,056 --> 00:55:36,175 Forget it. There's no being no girl. Plus l can't follow. 457 00:55:36,377 --> 00:55:39,767 - Please dance with me. - All right, just once. 458 00:55:39,977 --> 00:55:44,334 - l'll put on the phonograph. - l'll put it on. You stay here. 459 00:55:49,777 --> 00:55:51,847 l've never done this before. 460 00:57:17,178 --> 00:57:22,935 - Hello, Fay. Are you all right? - l'm sorry. l didn't see you. 461 00:57:23,138 --> 00:57:25,094 Yes, l'm fine. 462 00:57:25,298 --> 00:57:29,849 Yeah, you're fine all right. You're a fine fibber. 463 00:57:32,178 --> 00:57:36,410 Well, to be perfectly honest, l'm not so fine. 464 00:57:36,618 --> 00:57:42,295 l had an audition. l'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind. 465 00:57:43,779 --> 00:57:47,328 l don't mind if you don't want to talk about it. 466 00:57:50,979 --> 00:57:56,258 - You didn't get it, huh? - No, l didn't. 467 00:57:56,459 --> 00:57:58,654 l guess l never will. 468 00:57:59,979 --> 00:58:04,973 You won't if you say you won't. You have to think negative. 469 00:58:05,179 --> 00:58:08,615 - You mean positive? - Yeah, positively. 470 00:58:08,819 --> 00:58:11,777 That's what l meant. Think that way. 471 00:58:11,979 --> 00:58:18,248 You can't expect a stranger that meets you to think any more of you 472 00:58:18,459 --> 00:58:24,056 than you think of yourself after knowing you for so long, right? 473 00:58:24,259 --> 00:58:29,811 l guess you're right, Herbert. l get so depressed sometimes. 474 00:58:31,379 --> 00:58:34,337 l don't know if l can explain it, 475 00:58:34,539 --> 00:58:40,375 but l always feel that there isn't anyone in the world but me. 476 00:58:41,579 --> 00:58:47,017 Everyone else has gone to a happier place, 477 00:58:47,219 --> 00:58:50,656 and it just isn't my turn yet. 478 00:58:50,860 --> 00:58:53,135 Does that sound silly? 479 00:58:53,340 --> 00:58:57,492 No, it doesn't sound silly, except...it sounds silly. 480 00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:02,455 What l mean to say is that the only time you should feel that way 481 00:59:02,660 --> 00:59:05,094 is when no one cares for you. 482 00:59:05,300 --> 00:59:10,055 As long as there are those that care for you, you shouldn't feel that way. 483 00:59:10,260 --> 00:59:14,219 l don't know of anyone who really cares for me. 484 00:59:14,420 --> 00:59:18,379 Well, l care for you, Fay, and l'm an anyone. 485 00:59:18,580 --> 00:59:24,018 That is nice, Herbert, and you're nice. 486 00:59:31,460 --> 00:59:34,975 - l hope we're not imposing. - Of course not. 487 00:59:35,180 --> 00:59:40,129 lt didn't take you people long to pay me that visit we discussed. 488 00:59:40,340 --> 00:59:44,299 We do things quickly. This is my associate, Miss Reed. 489 00:59:44,500 --> 00:59:47,617 She's in charge of research and information. 490 00:59:47,820 --> 00:59:51,779 - l'm very happy to know you. - Thank you, Miss Welenmelon. 491 00:59:51,980 --> 00:59:53,937 lt's a delight to meet you. 492 00:59:54,141 --> 00:59:58,896 l loved watching you years ago when l went to the opera with my dad. 493 00:59:59,101 --> 01:00:04,016 - He was one of your biggest fans. - Yes, and there are many more. 494 01:00:04,221 --> 01:00:08,499 Our telecast plays to over 50 million people in one night. 495 01:00:08,701 --> 01:00:11,056 - 50 million? - lsn't that right? 496 01:00:11,261 --> 01:00:13,217 Yes, 50 million people. 497 01:00:13,421 --> 01:00:18,370 My heavens! How does your programme work? ls it done in your studio? 498 01:00:18,581 --> 01:00:20,537 No, not actually. 499 01:00:20,741 --> 01:00:25,496 What we do is bring the cameras and the crew to you, in your home. 500 01:00:25,701 --> 01:00:29,137 That's why the show is called Up Your Street. 501 01:00:29,341 --> 01:00:34,495 Well, it certainly sounds exciting, and l would love doing it. 502 01:00:34,701 --> 01:00:38,660 - lsn't that just divine? - That's just wonderful. 503 01:00:38,861 --> 01:00:42,854 Miss Reed will fill you in. We'll be ready in no time. 504 01:01:42,982 --> 01:01:45,542 Coffee break's over. Back to work. 505 01:02:35,383 --> 01:02:37,499 Magneto head. 506 01:02:40,983 --> 01:02:45,818 Hey, you up there. l want to see if my panel's working yet. 507 01:02:46,023 --> 01:02:49,299 - Say something into the microphone. - Now? 508 01:02:49,503 --> 01:02:51,459 Just a second. 509 01:02:53,783 --> 01:02:56,058 OK. 510 01:02:56,263 --> 01:02:59,539 Come in, Tracy. Pear shape. Over. 511 01:03:00,783 --> 01:03:02,739 Geronimo! 512 01:03:07,783 --> 01:03:11,220 Are you all right, man? Was that too...loud? 513 01:03:12,584 --> 01:03:14,540 Wait. 514 01:03:25,584 --> 01:03:27,734 Mister? Mister? 515 01:03:29,624 --> 01:03:31,580 Mister? 516 01:03:33,784 --> 01:03:35,740 Mister? 517 01:03:36,984 --> 01:03:41,739 l'm sorry. l'm awfully sorry. Let me get you up. 518 01:03:43,984 --> 01:03:48,933 You really fell into that thing. Are you all right? Are you OK? 519 01:03:49,144 --> 01:03:51,294 l'm sorry. Are you all right? 520 01:03:54,984 --> 01:03:57,418 But are you all right? 521 01:04:17,625 --> 01:04:21,379 l'm OK! 522 01:05:05,585 --> 01:05:10,534 Five minutes, everybody. Look sharp. Five minutes to airtime. 523 01:05:53,466 --> 01:05:56,822 Someone up there give me a test on this. 524 01:05:58,386 --> 01:05:59,660 Geronimo! 525 01:06:50,787 --> 01:06:55,338 - Let me see. - Herby, you look fabulous! 526 01:06:55,547 --> 01:07:01,656 Yeah, l'm very dressed up. When are we going to be on television? 527 01:07:01,867 --> 01:07:05,257 Hello, New York. This is a test. 528 01:07:06,467 --> 01:07:08,219 Eight seconds. 529 01:07:08,427 --> 01:07:10,383 This is five. 530 01:07:14,427 --> 01:07:16,622 Good evening, this is Del Moore. 531 01:07:16,827 --> 01:07:20,502 Welcome to the show that doesn't come from a studio, 532 01:07:20,707 --> 01:07:23,141 that wasn't made in a far-off land, 533 01:07:23,347 --> 01:07:27,306 a show that can and does come from Up Your Street. 534 01:07:27,507 --> 01:07:33,026 Here's your host for Up Your Street, Mr Westbrook Van Voorhis. 535 01:07:33,228 --> 01:07:35,105 Good evening. 536 01:07:36,988 --> 01:07:40,537 Tonight, we visit two outstanding personalities, 537 01:07:40,748 --> 01:07:44,787 one from show business and one from the world of sports. 538 01:07:44,988 --> 01:07:48,424 Our sports figure is Audrey Whitefish, 539 01:07:48,628 --> 01:07:52,587 the little 123 lb red-haired lass from Dublin, 540 01:07:52,788 --> 01:07:57,464 who is the first lady ever to swim the Mississippi River lengthwise. 541 01:07:57,668 --> 01:08:02,696 The other personality, a favourite of mine and, l'm sure, of yours, 542 01:08:02,908 --> 01:08:05,376 Miss Helen N Welenmelon. 543 01:08:05,588 --> 01:08:10,184 Yes, it's been a long time since Miss Welenmelon retired. 544 01:08:10,388 --> 01:08:14,859 l'm sure you will be as thrilled to see her again as l will. 545 01:08:15,068 --> 01:08:19,459 We can then tell the story of what she has been doing and why. 546 01:08:19,668 --> 01:08:21,624 All right, 30 seconds. 547 01:08:28,988 --> 01:08:33,937 Excuse me. l'm terribly sorry. Watch out for the lamp there! 548 01:08:34,148 --> 01:08:35,707 l'm sorry. 549 01:08:36,989 --> 01:08:38,741 Ten seconds. 550 01:08:41,469 --> 01:08:44,427 Get ready, we're coming out of commercial. 551 01:08:44,629 --> 01:08:49,305 You're going to be on television! Mention my name, Herbert H Heebert. 552 01:08:49,509 --> 01:08:53,468 lt's Milltown Junior College, and l'm much taller in person. 553 01:08:53,669 --> 01:08:56,024 You're going to be a famous person! 554 01:08:56,229 --> 01:09:00,188 Here she is, Miss Helen N Welenmelon. 555 01:09:00,389 --> 01:09:03,142 l think they said your name. 556 01:09:04,989 --> 01:09:11,428 And a good evening to you, Mr Van...Van Voorhis. 557 01:09:12,789 --> 01:09:16,418 l am most happy to have you on Up Your Street. 558 01:09:16,629 --> 01:09:22,067 - l don't know where he came from! - Opera star, Helen N Welenmelon. 559 01:09:22,269 --> 01:09:28,708 lt certainly has been an exciting and most delightful experience 560 01:09:28,909 --> 01:09:32,504 preparing for this electronic meeting... 561 01:09:32,709 --> 01:09:36,668 - My button is stuck. - ...with you, Mr Van Voorhis. 562 01:09:36,869 --> 01:09:41,625 We, too, have been excited about seeing you again, as l said. 563 01:09:41,830 --> 01:09:44,105 My button is stuck on her flower. 564 01:09:44,310 --> 01:09:47,268 Tell me, Miss Welenmelon, 565 01:09:47,470 --> 01:09:50,940 being as curious as l know the viewers are... 566 01:09:51,150 --> 01:09:52,424 l got free. 567 01:09:52,630 --> 01:09:57,067 ...what about the size of the big house you occupy? 568 01:09:57,270 --> 01:10:00,706 - Would you tell us about that? - Tell 'em. 569 01:10:00,910 --> 01:10:05,859 - Not at all, Mr Van Voorhis. - They're calling me. 570 01:10:06,070 --> 01:10:11,019 When Mr Welenmelon and l married, we wanted to have a lot of children. 571 01:10:11,230 --> 01:10:16,179 That is, a large family is what l really meant to say. 572 01:10:16,390 --> 01:10:22,340 But, unfortunately, Mr Welenmelon was taken from me 573 01:10:22,550 --> 01:10:27,988 shortly after we were married, so we didn't have a chance, you see. 574 01:10:28,190 --> 01:10:30,146 Yes, indeed l do. 575 01:10:30,350 --> 01:10:35,470 But we happen to know that you do have many children, do you not? 576 01:10:35,670 --> 01:10:38,309 Yes, l do, Mr Van Voorhis. 577 01:10:38,510 --> 01:10:43,061 l'm quite sure, due to modesty, ladies and gentlemen, 578 01:10:43,270 --> 01:10:46,024 Miss Welenmelon hesitates to tell us 579 01:10:46,231 --> 01:10:50,349 something we found out in our sneaky little way. 580 01:10:50,551 --> 01:10:54,908 She went through a rough time of it when she started out 581 01:10:55,111 --> 01:10:57,671 and therefore gives room and board 582 01:10:57,871 --> 01:11:04,310 to ladies trying to do what she succeeded in doing many years ago. 583 01:11:04,511 --> 01:11:09,710 Well, thank you for the kind words, Mr Van...Voorhis. 584 01:11:09,911 --> 01:11:16,464 But you know the old saying, ''The...giver gets... 585 01:11:16,671 --> 01:11:21,620 ''and the taker has and the receiver wants.'' 586 01:11:23,391 --> 01:11:28,784 Yes, indeed l do. But we have a little surprise for you. 587 01:11:28,991 --> 01:11:32,745 Your helper, Herbert Heebert, and some of the girls 588 01:11:32,951 --> 01:11:37,467 put on a little performance before our cameras this morning. 589 01:14:57,114 --> 01:15:00,231 We really hate to cut the kids' show. 590 01:15:00,434 --> 01:15:05,384 Unfortunately, there is still a great deal for us to do. 591 01:15:05,595 --> 01:15:11,431 So, may we take a quick look at the rest of your lovely home? 592 01:15:11,635 --> 01:15:15,150 Yes, indeed, Mr Van Voorhis. Come this way. 593 01:15:33,475 --> 01:15:39,914 We're still on television! l'm glad! l didn't know that you were busy. 594 01:15:40,115 --> 01:15:44,393 - This is... Oh, excuse me. - This is my glasses! 595 01:15:44,595 --> 01:15:47,746 - This is the elevator. - Yeah, the elevator. 596 01:15:47,955 --> 01:15:52,710 lt takes us from floor to floor. ln a house this size... 597 01:15:52,915 --> 01:15:54,871 You have to have a... 598 01:16:07,635 --> 01:16:11,595 And good night from Up Your Street. 599 01:16:34,156 --> 01:16:36,750 l can't do it. Show me again. 600 01:16:38,996 --> 01:16:43,433 - All that lipstick makes it bad. - There's not much. l'm sorry. 601 01:16:46,476 --> 01:16:48,432 All right, listen. 602 01:16:48,636 --> 01:16:55,075 ''Red roses ruin regular reasons rightly read reading.'' 603 01:16:55,276 --> 01:16:58,552 - Now say that. - Red roses ruin regular reasons. 604 01:16:58,756 --> 01:17:04,194 - Red roses ruin regular reasons. - Red roses ruin regular reasons. 605 01:17:04,396 --> 01:17:08,071 Please practise playing pool politely, poorly, proudly. 606 01:18:58,998 --> 01:19:00,954 Hi, honey. 607 01:19:12,478 --> 01:19:14,912 What is that? lt's moving! 608 01:22:29,481 --> 01:22:32,439 What imagination can do for you! 609 01:22:36,481 --> 01:22:38,437 Ma! 610 01:23:04,002 --> 01:23:05,958 Early in the morning work, work, work 611 01:23:06,162 --> 01:23:09,074 Early in the morning, do not shirk 612 01:23:11,322 --> 01:23:16,476 Miss Welenmelon! Oh, Miss Welenmelon! Miss Welenmelon! 613 01:23:16,682 --> 01:23:18,354 Katie? 614 01:23:22,482 --> 01:23:24,677 Baby's loose! 615 01:23:24,882 --> 01:23:26,838 Baby's what? 616 01:23:28,122 --> 01:23:30,795 Baby's what? Say Baby ain't! 617 01:23:32,962 --> 01:23:37,114 - Come on, Baby, where are you? - Say that ain't true! 618 01:23:37,322 --> 01:23:42,271 Say it's a lie. Baby ain't. Baby... Oh, it's true! 619 01:23:43,322 --> 01:23:47,396 Where's Baby? l'm scared! 620 01:23:51,963 --> 01:23:55,922 Come here, Baby! Hurry up, Baby! Baby, where are you? 621 01:24:02,003 --> 01:24:07,555 Save me from that thing. lt's out there? Nice Baby! 622 01:24:07,763 --> 01:24:10,072 Oh, l'm scared to death. 623 01:24:12,203 --> 01:24:15,639 - Oh, Herby, Herby, Herby. - lt's Herbert, Herbert, Herbert. 624 01:24:15,843 --> 01:24:19,631 - What, may l ask, is so funny? - You are, Herbert. 625 01:24:19,843 --> 01:24:22,676 Just relax. Baby won't hurt you. 626 01:24:22,883 --> 01:24:28,435 - Yeah, but does Baby know that? - l'll show you how harmless he is. 627 01:24:29,803 --> 01:24:32,556 - There you are! - Where? 628 01:24:32,763 --> 01:24:36,802 - Right behind you. - l don't believe it. 629 01:24:39,003 --> 01:24:43,758 Baby, you come right on out here. Come on. 630 01:24:50,403 --> 01:24:54,363 Get it away! That's going to bite again! 631 01:24:54,564 --> 01:24:58,000 l was attacked! That thing bit me! 632 01:24:58,204 --> 01:25:02,117 lt attacked me. l wasn't even ready. 633 01:25:02,324 --> 01:25:04,280 And l'm a coward. 634 01:25:06,244 --> 01:25:09,953 l'm sorry l'm late. Have any of you seen Herby around? 635 01:25:10,164 --> 01:25:15,318 - Are you doing Macbeth tonight? - No, smart aleck. 636 01:25:15,524 --> 01:25:17,480 The heel broke on my shoe. 637 01:25:17,684 --> 01:25:23,634 l wanted him to go to the shoemaker and get it fixed before it closes. 638 01:25:23,844 --> 01:25:27,519 Tell him to pick up my TV set from the repair shop. 639 01:25:27,724 --> 01:25:32,752 l don't know what we did until Herby came along. He irons sheets for me. 640 01:25:32,964 --> 01:25:37,640 Whoever got the idea of making him feel needed ought to get a medal. 641 01:25:37,844 --> 01:25:40,517 lt works every time! 642 01:25:40,724 --> 01:25:45,673 Are you all finished? Does anybody need Herbert for anything else? 643 01:25:45,884 --> 01:25:51,561 l wonder if any of you have needed Herbert to sit down and talk to. 644 01:25:51,764 --> 01:25:56,520 Well, l did. He's really very...smart. 645 01:25:56,725 --> 01:25:59,159 And very nice, too. 646 01:25:59,365 --> 01:26:04,644 He'd make a wonderful guy for some girl, if she really needed him. 647 01:26:04,845 --> 01:26:08,155 We should be very ashamed of having deceived him. 648 01:26:09,805 --> 01:26:13,764 l'll admit, it's nice to be needed, really needed. 649 01:26:13,965 --> 01:26:18,720 But to tell somebody you need them so they'll run errands for you, 650 01:26:18,925 --> 01:26:21,075 that's not so nice. 651 01:26:21,285 --> 01:26:25,244 l don't think anyone really meant to be unkind. 652 01:26:27,805 --> 01:26:32,560 l'm sure they didn't. l'm sorry l made it sound that way. 653 01:26:34,605 --> 01:26:37,597 Listening to your conversation, 654 01:26:37,805 --> 01:26:41,957 l couldn't help thinking that we're all a little guilty 655 01:26:42,165 --> 01:26:45,123 of deceiving someone we care for 656 01:26:45,325 --> 01:26:49,523 and, more importantly, who cares for us. 657 01:26:49,725 --> 01:26:53,923 We know you're right, Fay, but how do we keep from losing him? 658 01:26:54,125 --> 01:26:58,482 You don't. lf he wants to go, let him go. 659 01:27:00,205 --> 01:27:05,758 Did you ever think that Herbert is tired of being needed all the time? 660 01:27:05,966 --> 01:27:12,405 lt's nice, but maybe he'd like to get out and do something for himself. 661 01:27:12,606 --> 01:27:17,555 Maybe he's tired of being a handyman for a bunch of girls. 662 01:27:17,766 --> 01:27:20,405 Let him go, if he wants to. 663 01:27:28,606 --> 01:27:30,278 So long! 664 01:27:37,726 --> 01:27:42,641 l'm not going out to shop. This is for a long time. 665 01:27:44,486 --> 01:27:49,435 Aloha! And further. l'm going when the door slams. 666 01:27:49,646 --> 01:27:52,001 My life is out of yours. 667 01:27:58,606 --> 01:28:03,885 l'm packed to go out, and l'm leaving. So long. 668 01:28:04,086 --> 01:28:07,841 As l start out, there's no stopping me now. 669 01:28:09,007 --> 01:28:12,079 My feet are going to really take me. 670 01:28:14,807 --> 01:28:17,560 That's it. 671 01:28:17,767 --> 01:28:19,723 Anybody... Goodbye. 672 01:28:21,807 --> 01:28:26,756 Well, all things have to come to an end. That's now, the end. 673 01:28:30,007 --> 01:28:31,963 So long. 674 01:28:33,647 --> 01:28:35,603 Farewell. 675 01:28:38,567 --> 01:28:43,004 - Are you sore about something? - Oh, Herbert. 676 01:28:58,207 --> 01:29:00,801 We really want you to stay. 677 01:29:01,007 --> 01:29:05,558 We'd be the happiest girls in the world if you'd never leave. 678 01:29:14,328 --> 01:29:19,004 We didn't want to tell you we needed you just to keep you here. 679 01:29:19,208 --> 01:29:25,647 Actually, we need you very much, but not just to run errands for us. 680 01:29:25,848 --> 01:29:28,999 We need you because you're a nice person. 681 01:29:29,208 --> 01:29:31,961 Nice persons are needed everywhere. 682 01:29:33,488 --> 01:29:38,926 We just figured that you were tired of working with a bunch of girls. 683 01:29:39,128 --> 01:29:44,077 Maybe you'd like to go someplace where you can think of yourself. 684 01:29:47,208 --> 01:29:49,927 That's all very nice, what you said. 685 01:29:50,128 --> 01:29:55,077 To tell you the truth, l don't really know why l was leaving. 686 01:29:55,288 --> 01:30:00,567 l mean, l like it here very much and l like everybody a lot. 687 01:30:00,768 --> 01:30:04,522 And l like to be needed, but honestly needed. 688 01:30:06,008 --> 01:30:11,958 After what you just said, l wouldn't leave here for anything or anyone. 689 01:30:13,808 --> 01:30:18,758 - Oh, Herbert. - lt's Herby, H-e-r-b-y. 690 01:30:18,969 --> 01:30:21,722 Herby. Yeah. 691 01:30:37,009 --> 01:30:40,684 lt's just Baby, the little one. 692 01:30:40,889 --> 01:30:44,484 That small dog. lt's got a big throat, that's all. 693 01:30:44,689 --> 01:30:48,125 Baby, where are you, sweetheart? 694 01:30:48,329 --> 01:30:50,445 Baby? Sweetheart? 695 01:30:51,809 --> 01:30:53,765 Little Baby? 696 01:31:05,649 --> 01:31:10,404 Ma! Ma! Did you see that pussycat? 697 01:31:22,970 --> 01:31:24,767 Subtitles: Julia Watts