1
00:00:02,125 --> 00:00:04,705
Come on, Gracie and Freddy,
say, "Da-Da."

2
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:07,040
Say "Avery."

3
00:00:07,625 --> 00:00:10,745
Say...(British accent)
"Now is the winter of our discontent,

4
00:00:10,834 --> 00:00:13,544
made glorious summer
by this son of York."

5
00:00:14,875 --> 00:00:18,035
Now say, "I'd like to dedicate
this Tony award to my father

6
00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:22,205
who instilled in me a love of theater
from a very young age."

7
00:00:23,667 --> 00:00:25,417
Stan, you've been trying
to get the puppies

8
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:26,710
to talk for weeks now.

9
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,710
Are you going to be disappointed
if they never do?

10
00:00:28,792 --> 00:00:30,962
Avery,
these are my children.

11
00:00:31,125 --> 00:00:33,325
I will love them
unconditionally.

12
00:00:33,417 --> 00:00:35,917
If they don't talk,
they'll win the Tony for lighting design.

13
00:00:37,917 --> 00:00:39,167
Do I want to know?

14
00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:40,750
Wait a minute,
are you just assuming

15
00:00:40,834 --> 00:00:42,174
we came from doing
something ridiculous?

16
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,250
-Yes.
-Then you'd be correct.

17
00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:46,999
I discovered that Chloe's
a mastermind at coming up

18
00:00:47,083 --> 00:00:49,133
with crazy fun things to do.

19
00:00:49,208 --> 00:00:51,628
Like just now at the park
playing Tic-Tac-Tourist.

20
00:00:54,875 --> 00:00:57,325
Just stand here.
After we're done,

21
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,128
the winning team
gets to buy lunch

22
00:00:59,208 --> 00:01:02,038
for Hollywood's
latest teen heart-throb.

23
00:01:03,834 --> 00:01:05,964
Yeah, I'm better-looking
in person.

24
00:01:08,166 --> 00:01:11,576
Tyler, if you want a sister
with ideas for fun things to do,

25
00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:13,497
there's a walking tour
of the Botanical Gardens that--

26
00:01:13,583 --> 00:01:14,753
Okay, never mind.

27
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,879
There's an Ernst Lubitsch
marathon at the--

28
00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:18,959
Moving on.

29
00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:22,253
Oh! The Getty Museum
has a new tapestry exhibit.

30
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:23,883
Why am I still talking?

31
00:01:25,458 --> 00:01:27,918
If you want fun things to do,
you can play with the puppies.

32
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,580
True, they're not
very interesting yet.

33
00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:31,457
All they do right now
is eat, sleep, and--

34
00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:32,382
Da-Da.

35
00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:34,038
--sometimes like to bounce on a pillow.

36
00:01:34,125 --> 00:01:35,455
Ahhh! Gracie talked!

37
00:01:35,542 --> 00:01:36,962
Gracie talked!

38
00:01:37,041 --> 00:01:38,381
Oh, my goodness!

39
00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:40,498
This is amazing!
I can't believe it.

40
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:41,713
Da-Da.

41
00:01:41,792 --> 00:01:43,422
How do you guys deal
with this?

42
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:46,290
It's a little freaky seeing words
come out of a dog's mouth.

43
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:07,420
There's finally another
talking dog in the world--

44
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:09,290
and it's my own daughter!

45
00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:11,420
Although
when she becomes a teenager

46
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,920
and starts to talk back to me,
I might not be so excited.

47
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,540
Listen, young lady,

48
00:02:16,625 --> 00:02:18,375
I don't care
if it is a full moon,

49
00:02:18,458 --> 00:02:20,498
11 o'clock means 11 o'clock.

50
00:02:20,583 --> 00:02:21,793
If you wanted to be nocturnal,

51
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,705
you should've been
born a possum.

52
00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:27,126
You're dating one?!
Oh, where did I go wrong?

53
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:31,377
But even before
that challenge arises,

54
00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:34,628
there was one other little
problem we had to deal with...

55
00:02:34,709 --> 00:02:35,709
( cheering )

56
00:02:35,792 --> 00:02:37,752
I can't believe
Gracie can talk.

57
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:38,884
I knew she could do it!

58
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,459
Figures it's the girl.

59
00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:44,082
Wait. What if someone else
hears Gracie talking?

60
00:02:44,166 --> 00:02:45,036
( scratching )

61
00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:47,205
Freddy!
Get off that turntable.

62
00:02:49,792 --> 00:02:52,962
Stan, what's my DJ equipment
doing in the kitchen?

63
00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:54,711
It's not in the kitchen.

64
00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:58,422
It's in Pasadena's hottest
new club -- Kitchen.

65
00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:00,380
( dance music playing )

66
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:05,380
Hollywood's latest teen
heart-throb's at my club!

67
00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:08,128
This is gonna be great
for business.

68
00:03:09,709 --> 00:03:10,669
Guys.

69
00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:13,290
Guys!
( music stops )

70
00:03:13,917 --> 00:03:16,247
As much as I want to know
how you did all this,

71
00:03:16,333 --> 00:03:18,753
and ask why you didn't do it
for my birthday party...

72
00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:21,791
we have a bigger problem.

73
00:03:21,875 --> 00:03:23,415
Gracie is talking.

74
00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:24,747
If anyone sees her,

75
00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:26,754
she'll be taken away
and experimented on.

76
00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:28,075
Just like with me.

77
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,126
Great. Now we have another
secret to keep.

78
00:03:30,208 --> 00:03:31,578
And it'll be
even harder this time

79
00:03:31,667 --> 00:03:33,627
since Gracie
isn't old enough to realize

80
00:03:33,709 --> 00:03:35,829
she can't talk in front
of anyone but us.

81
00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:36,997
Well, until she learns,

82
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,253
I will not take
my eyes off my puppies.

83
00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:43,213
I will be diligent,
I will be vigilant, I will be--

84
00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,331
( snoring )

85
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,496
I like talking to you.

86
00:03:53,583 --> 00:03:55,963
You always listen.
Plus, it helps you grow.

87
00:03:58,208 --> 00:03:59,538
And I like playing
with you because

88
00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:00,995
I'm tired of the kids
always beating me.

89
00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:04,915
Oh, come on!

90
00:04:06,041 --> 00:04:07,251
Da-Da.

91
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:08,923
No, no, sweetie,
it's "Ma-Ma."

92
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,423
Wait, what?!

93
00:04:11,208 --> 00:04:12,628
Did you hear that?

94
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:20,130
Bennett, you'll never guess
what happened.

95
00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:22,038
A husband working
from home

96
00:04:22,125 --> 00:04:23,705
unsuccessfully
tried to get coffee

97
00:04:23,792 --> 00:04:25,582
without being ambushed
by his wife?

98
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,290
No, that's what's happening.

99
00:04:28,375 --> 00:04:30,125
I'm talking about
what happened.

100
00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:32,878
A minute ago on the patio,

101
00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:36,169
Gracie made a sound that
sounded exactly like "Da-Da."

102
00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:38,170
Ellen, that's not
that strange.

103
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:40,710
The Internet is full
of videos of dogs barking

104
00:04:40,792 --> 00:04:42,672
in ways that
sound like words.

105
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,380
There's a corgi in Texas

106
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:47,748
whose bark sounds like
"Howdy, y'all!"

107
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,330
Sure, it's a regional
stereotype,

108
00:04:50,417 --> 00:04:51,997
but it's still adorable.

109
00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:55,291
No, you have to hear this.

110
00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,455
Come on,
do it again, Gracie.

111
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,330
Yeah.

112
00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:03,500
Look, I have
to get back to work.

113
00:05:03,583 --> 00:05:05,173
But tonight after dinner,

114
00:05:05,250 --> 00:05:07,630
let's talk about
a hobby for you, hmm?

115
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:11,961
Ugh. And maybe talk about
getting a new coffee pot.

116
00:05:15,917 --> 00:05:17,877
Gracie,
you're making me look bad.

117
00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:19,669
-Da-Da.
-Dang it!

118
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:22,750
She did it again.

119
00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:24,424
She barked "Da-Da."
Listen.

120
00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:29,289
I swear, the bark sounded
like someone talking.

121
00:05:29,375 --> 00:05:31,825
Have you ever heard of something
that sounds like a person

122
00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:34,077
but with no human
intelligence behind it?

123
00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:44,580
Come on, Gracie,
work with me.

124
00:05:44,667 --> 00:05:46,667
-Da-Da.
-Seriously?!

125
00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:52,632
The dog talks.
The dog talks!

126
00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:59,710
I also see adult patients
from time to time.

127
00:06:03,458 --> 00:06:06,248
Since you'll only sound like
a person in front of me,

128
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,463
I'm gonna get you on video
to show Bennett

129
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,132
I'm not imagining things.

130
00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:13,329
Okay, tour group
that was Kitchen,

131
00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:15,707
the hottest
new club in Pasadena.

132
00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:17,788
Now who wants to
clean the room

133
00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:19,495
of Hollywood's latest
teen heart-throb?

134
00:06:23,041 --> 00:06:25,171
Well, at least his room
is getting cleaned.

135
00:06:26,625 --> 00:06:28,955
I got you a treat,
yes, I did,

136
00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:31,541
but you gotta earn it.
Say, "Da-Da."

137
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:35,539
Like this: "Da-Da."
"Ooh, good job, Ellen!"

138
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:39,790
This is surprisingly tasty.

139
00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:42,753
Chicken and salmon together.
I would not have thought.

140
00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:46,039
And it cleans my teeth?

141
00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:50,039
Ahh, you're not gonna do it,
are you?

142
00:06:50,458 --> 00:06:52,538
That's it. I give up.

143
00:06:54,291 --> 00:06:56,541
-Da-Da.
-Yes!

144
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,665
I knew if I hung in there
long enough, you'd do it!

145
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:01,790
The puppy talks!
The puppy talks!

146
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:03,627
Mama's not crazy.

147
00:07:03,709 --> 00:07:04,879
Mama's not crazy.

148
00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:06,329
Ooh! Get outta my shot.

149
00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:10,707
( beatboxing )

150
00:07:10,792 --> 00:07:11,832
( "scratching" )

151
00:07:11,917 --> 00:07:13,707
( beatboxing )

152
00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:19,285
Well, Stan,
did you manage

153
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,075
to keep the puppies away
from Mom and Dad?

154
00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,746
Relax, Avery.
Everything went great.

155
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:25,384
Gracie got away at one point,

156
00:07:25,458 --> 00:07:27,458
but I'm pretty sure
no damage was done.

157
00:07:27,542 --> 00:07:30,082
Hey, Avery,
your mom heard Gracie speak.

158
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,076
Ahhhh!

159
00:07:32,166 --> 00:07:34,746
No, no, no, sweetie.
Dogs can't really talk.

160
00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,544
It's just a weird bark
that makes it

161
00:07:36,625 --> 00:07:38,205
sound like
the dog is talking.

162
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,961
-Whew!
-Ahhhh!

163
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,380
See?
Stan has a weird bark, too.

164
00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:44,288
Whew!

165
00:07:45,542 --> 00:07:47,712
The funny part is,
your mom made a video

166
00:07:47,792 --> 00:07:50,672
of Gracie barking "Da-Da"
and put it on the Internet.

167
00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:51,630
Ahhh!

168
00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:53,578
I know, right?

169
00:07:53,667 --> 00:07:55,577
I was pretty shocked
that your mom knew

170
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:57,787
how to post anything
to the Internet, too.

171
00:07:58,917 --> 00:08:02,327
STAN: Tell me about it.
My wife can't even set the DVR.

172
00:08:05,875 --> 00:08:07,245
( Ellen beatboxing
on video )

173
00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:14,827
Wow! Your mother really knows
how to kick it old school.

174
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:19,714
Well, the video has only
received 37 hits,

175
00:08:19,792 --> 00:08:21,422
so it hasn't gone viral.

176
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:24,672
And the good news is
all the comments say "fake."

177
00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,710
Except for this one comment by

178
00:08:26,792 --> 00:08:30,212
DrBennettJamesPhD1234,

179
00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:32,001
which says "first."

180
00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:39,878
Oh, you're checking out
that video Mom posted?

181
00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:41,539
I can't believe
Dad wrote "first."

182
00:08:41,625 --> 00:08:43,205
He was, like, tenth.

183
00:08:43,291 --> 00:08:45,381
I don't think
he knows what that means.

184
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,170
Do I want to know?

185
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:48,630
Wait a minute.
Are you just assuming

186
00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:50,629
we came back from doing
something ridiculous?

187
00:08:50,709 --> 00:08:53,169
This time you're wearing
gorilla costumes!

188
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,290
You are observant.

189
00:08:58,083 --> 00:09:00,213
Chloe came up with
another crazy fun thing to do.

190
00:09:00,291 --> 00:09:02,581
We ran through the zoo
like we just escaped.

191
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,827
And next time we're gonna
try it in these costumes.

192
00:09:06,834 --> 00:09:08,634
Well, while you guys
were buying bananas

193
00:09:08,709 --> 00:09:10,209
at the grocery store
in those costumes--

194
00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:11,331
How'd you know?

195
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,127
Well, that's what
I would've done.

196
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:15,128
So while you guys
were doing that

197
00:09:15,208 --> 00:09:18,168
I was very effectively teaching
Gracie how to be quiet.

198
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,040
-Quiet.
-Oh, my gosh,

199
00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:21,631
I just taught her
another word!

200
00:09:21,709 --> 00:09:23,079
I'm such a fool!

201
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:24,416
Quiet, fool.

202
00:09:26,375 --> 00:09:27,575
This is bad.

203
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,577
Now people can't
write off "Da-Da"

204
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:32,037
as a weird bark if they
hear her say other stuff.

205
00:09:32,125 --> 00:09:33,995
Can you get Gracie
to stop talking, Stan?

206
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:36,333
I've tried,
but she doesn't understand.

207
00:09:36,417 --> 00:09:37,417
Quiet, fool.

208
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,380
She understands
how to be sassy.

209
00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:43,877
Now we really to have
to keep Gracie away from people.

210
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:45,669
Kids, I have big news.

211
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,000
News so big
I'm going to ignore the fact

212
00:09:48,083 --> 00:09:50,003
that you are apparently
monkeying around without me.

213
00:09:50,083 --> 00:09:51,833
Ha ha! Good one, Ell--
No! No time.

214
00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:55,253
Graham Cavanaugh,

215
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,133
host of Night Night
with Graham Cavanaugh,

216
00:09:57,208 --> 00:10:00,078
saw my video with Gracie
and wants us on his show.

217
00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:02,165
Graham's producer said that

218
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:03,540
even though
there are lots of videos

219
00:10:03,625 --> 00:10:05,665
where it sounds like
dogs are talking,

220
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:07,500
what really drew
them to mine

221
00:10:07,583 --> 00:10:09,213
was that they also thought
I was funny.

222
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:10,830
Isn't that great, guys?

223
00:10:10,917 --> 00:10:12,997
Millions of people
watch Graham's show!

224
00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:15,747
Millions of people
are gonna see Gracie?

225
00:10:15,834 --> 00:10:17,214
Yeah, yeah.
Her, too.

226
00:10:22,959 --> 00:10:24,999
Guys, your mom and Gracie
are gonna be on

227
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,583
Night Night
with Graham Cavanaugh.

228
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,127
This is terrible.

229
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:31,170
Since it's about my puppies,
I'm gonna take over here.

230
00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:32,540
We need a plan!

231
00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:35,415
We need a plan so crazy
it just might work.

232
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,000
This plan should be very smart.

233
00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:38,883
Come on, Avery.
Everyone else is contributing.

234
00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:40,959
What's wrong with you?

235
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,291
I'm trying to think
of an actual plan

236
00:10:43,375 --> 00:10:44,825
instead of just saying stuff.

237
00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:47,827
Some people help.
Some people just make excuses.

238
00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:51,963
Some people just make excuses.

239
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:54,383
Boy, that could get
really annoying

240
00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:58,578
if she starts repeating
everything we say.

241
00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:03,037
You're right, Gracie,
that was a hacky set-up.

242
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:06,461
Hacky? That's it.

243
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,495
What if Mom does her comedy?

244
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,920
We'll encourage
her to steal the show

245
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,210
and take all the attention
away from Gracie

246
00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:16,791
so Gracie will never have
a chance to say anything on camera.

247
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:20,165
The producers did tell Mom
she was funny for some reason.

248
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:23,500
Good plan, Tyler.

249
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:24,463
I came up with the plan.

250
00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:26,082
Hmm, I don't remember it
that way.

251
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:31,956
Starts repeating
everything we say.

252
00:11:32,041 --> 00:11:33,381
Timing.

253
00:11:37,875 --> 00:11:40,495
This is pretty
exciting, hon.

254
00:11:40,583 --> 00:11:41,963
The only time
I've been on TV is

255
00:11:42,041 --> 00:11:44,881
when I was on the Kiss Cam
at a baseball game.

256
00:11:45,208 --> 00:11:48,538
Unfortunately, I was right
next to the San Diego Chicken.

257
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:51,253
I was spitting feathers
till the fifth inning.

258
00:11:53,291 --> 00:11:54,711
Ellen Jennings?

259
00:11:54,792 --> 00:11:57,042
I'm Leslie Lindemulder,
producer.

260
00:11:57,125 --> 00:11:59,875
Welcome to Night Night.
I see you brought your family.

261
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:02,079
All of them.
Including an additional dog.

262
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:03,206
Wonderful.

263
00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:05,922
You know, I've always
wanted to be on TV,

264
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:06,960
because as a child,

265
00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:10,381
I was denied watching it
in favor of marionette shows.

266
00:12:10,458 --> 00:12:11,458
Little known fact about me,

267
00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:13,712
I was raised
by bitter puppeteers.

268
00:12:15,792 --> 00:12:16,962
I'll be right back.

269
00:12:17,041 --> 00:12:19,171
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
brought their kids.

270
00:12:19,458 --> 00:12:21,248
They ate all the candy
in the green room,

271
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,003
and now they're somewhere
in the duct work.

272
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:29,380
Did you say "duct work"
or "duck work?"

273
00:12:29,709 --> 00:12:31,539
Because I'm known
for my duck work.

274
00:12:32,041 --> 00:12:35,831
( quacking )

275
00:12:35,917 --> 00:12:38,537
They're so adorable
at this age, aren't they?

276
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:43,955
You know, this could be
a big night for you, Mom.

277
00:12:44,041 --> 00:12:45,881
A lot of famous careers
have started out

278
00:12:45,959 --> 00:12:47,329
on late night television.

279
00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:49,377
Remember,
you do all the talking.

280
00:12:49,458 --> 00:12:50,918
No one wants to hear
a dog talk.

281
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,460
They want to hear you.

282
00:12:52,542 --> 00:12:55,792
Look at her being all cute,
trying to steal your thunder.

283
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,625
She is, isn't she?

284
00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:01,035
It is time
for the world to discover

285
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:02,995
what we've always known--

286
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,923
you are smart,
funny, talented--

287
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,460
Why does your breath
smell like chicken and salmon?

288
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:11,997
You know, maybe I could
talk to Graham

289
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,543
about all the viral videos
I've starred in.

290
00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:16,745
My Donkey Laugh Lady commercial,

291
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,384
that Halloween I got so scared
I fear puked,

292
00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:20,918
"Linguini Limbs."

293
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,670
Linguini Limbs?

294
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:30,418
I'm a star.

295
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,959
A big, hot,
gassy ball of wonderful.

296
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:38,083
Wait, you put
Linguine Limbs online?

297
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:39,326
-Yeah.
-Oh!

298
00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:42,455
-"First."
-You are not first!

299
00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:45,665
All righty.

300
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,170
I got those Jolie-Pitt
kids get out of the ducts.

301
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:50,000
I promised them they
could braid my hair.

302
00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:51,918
Now my Saturday's all set.

303
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,997
Speaking of kids,

304
00:13:56,083 --> 00:13:59,713
I'm a renowned
child psychologist and author.

305
00:13:59,792 --> 00:14:01,212
If you need
an additional guest,

306
00:14:01,291 --> 00:14:03,211
I brought a copy
of my book to plug.

307
00:14:03,291 --> 00:14:04,671
That won't be necessary.

308
00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:07,080
Don't you think this would
look good in Graham's hands

309
00:14:07,166 --> 00:14:10,626
as he points it towards,
I believe, camera two?

310
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,423
We definitely have
a spot for this.

311
00:14:16,458 --> 00:14:17,878
Now let's go get you ready.

312
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:19,039
Okay.

313
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:23,915
If your mom becomes
a famous comedienne after this

314
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,790
and gets her own
sitcom about a talking dog,

315
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:27,745
I better get to audition--

316
00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:30,035
as the wacky neighbor.

317
00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:33,713
"Whoa, Ellen!
You have a talking dog?"

318
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:41,500
My next guests
are a homemaker and a puppy

319
00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:43,383
who have captured the hearts
of at least...

320
00:14:43,458 --> 00:14:45,958
200 people on the Internet.

321
00:14:46,041 --> 00:14:47,461
But tonight,
they'll be introduced

322
00:14:47,583 --> 00:14:49,883
to two million people.

323
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:51,915
Wait, who does
Jon Stewart have on?

324
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:54,666
Someone from the U.N.?

325
00:14:54,917 --> 00:14:58,037
Four million people!

326
00:14:58,125 --> 00:15:00,915
All right, please welcome
Ellen Jennings and Gracie!

327
00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:03,709
( cheers and applause )

328
00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:05,285
Hey! Right over here.

329
00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:09,749
That puppy
has the cutest little face.

330
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:10,924
Oh, really?

331
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,920
Yeah. Hmm.
Okay, then.

332
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:19,537
Anyway, I've prepared a routine
I'd like to do right now.

333
00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:21,705
I was kind of hoping
to hear the puppy talk,

334
00:15:21,792 --> 00:15:23,252
and not from that end.

335
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:26,833
Great, thanks.
Cameraman, follow me.

336
00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:28,672
It's working.

337
00:15:28,750 --> 00:15:31,000
Mom is taking all the
attention away from Gracie.

338
00:15:32,083 --> 00:15:33,043
Chloe!

339
00:15:34,208 --> 00:15:36,788
What? We hear Mommy's jokes
all the time.

340
00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:39,174
Fine.

341
00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:42,832
Can't believe
I'm on national TV.

342
00:15:42,917 --> 00:15:46,247
I always thought
it was a remote possibility.

343
00:15:46,333 --> 00:15:47,583
Ha ha! Good one, Ell--

344
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:50,881
El-- Oh, no!

345
00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:55,001
Her own stomach
is heckling her.

346
00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:58,665
Mom, are you about
to fear puke?

347
00:15:58,750 --> 00:15:59,670
Of course not.

348
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,250
Fear puke is for
when you see scary things

349
00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,793
like ghosts, monsters,
carnival folk.

350
00:16:04,917 --> 00:16:06,127
I'm about to stage puke.

351
00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:08,578
Stage puke? I thought
you did community theater.

352
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:11,327
Yes, and the first four rows
were considered a splash zone.

353
00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:12,457
Now out of my way!

354
00:16:14,166 --> 00:16:15,536
( Ellen retching )

355
00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:17,880
ELLEN: Oh, is that
seafood platter for everyone?

356
00:16:19,625 --> 00:16:21,245
Well, I'm glad
we kept her mic on.

357
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:26,463
So, Gracie, your turn.

358
00:16:26,542 --> 00:16:28,422
I mean to talk, not to hork

359
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:31,170
like my ex-girlfriend
after I proposed to her.

360
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:34,540
It wasn't me, it was
the undercooked tenderloin.

361
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:36,535
But yes, she left me
and I'm lonely.

362
00:16:38,375 --> 00:16:40,705
Oh, no.
Gracie is gonna speak.

363
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,672
We have to get out there
and distract Graham.

364
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,790
-Doing what?
-I don't know.

365
00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:48,706
Come on, pup, say "Da-Da"

366
00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:50,132
like in the video.

367
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:54,790
Or say, "This segment seemed
like a good idea at the time."

368
00:16:56,333 --> 00:16:57,543
Graham, over here!

369
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:59,745
Hey! Who are you?

370
00:16:59,834 --> 00:17:01,134
I'm the horker's daughter.

371
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:02,418
Sorry about
your ex-girlfriend.

372
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,130
You're a great guy,
you're gonna find somebody.

373
00:17:04,208 --> 00:17:05,458
I have my own talent.

374
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,130
( joints crack )

375
00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:10,881
Ohhh! That's unnatural.

376
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,290
I'm her brother.
I have a talent, too.

377
00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:15,625
Is it being a security guard?

378
00:17:15,709 --> 00:17:18,379
'Cause apparently
we don't have any of those.

379
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:22,462
Nope, I'm a professional
BMX rider.

380
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,962
But I don't have my bike here,

381
00:17:24,041 --> 00:17:25,831
so you'll have to use
your imagination.

382
00:17:25,917 --> 00:17:28,377
Wheelie!

383
00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:30,128
Bell: "Bling-bling!"

384
00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:32,128
Whooo!

385
00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:34,748
If you're just tuning in
from another show, go back.

386
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:36,884
Go back.

387
00:17:36,959 --> 00:17:38,629
Who are you?!

388
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,039
Dr. Bennett James,

389
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:42,915
world renowned child
psychologist and author.

390
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,420
If you need to get a handle on

391
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,330
-out of control kids--
-Dad, watch out!!!

392
00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:49,875
Hi! I believe...

393
00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:51,630
camera two?

394
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,745
Okay, everyone
get off the stage.

395
00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,424
Let's give Mr. Cavanaugh
his show back.

396
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,750
Kids, we need to go.

397
00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:01,424
Parenting expert.

398
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,830
Yeah, you're doing
a bang-up job.

399
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:06,787
Okay, I'm back.

400
00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:08,785
As I was saying before,
my name is El--

401
00:18:09,041 --> 00:18:12,291
Oh, boy, still a little
left in the basement.

402
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:18,205
Okay, let's hear this
puppy say one word.

403
00:18:18,583 --> 00:18:20,753
This is it, Tyler.
I can't watch.

404
00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:23,421
I wonder if my online
sales have spiked yet.

405
00:18:27,834 --> 00:18:29,964
CHLOE: And we finish
your week-long

406
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:34,881
celebrity tour at the set of
Night Night with Graham Cavanaugh.

407
00:18:34,959 --> 00:18:39,169
( repeating in Spanish )

408
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:41,210
...Night Night
with Graham Cavanaugh.

409
00:18:42,583 --> 00:18:44,423
Before we run out
of time, Gracie,

410
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,670
this is your last chance
to say something.

411
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:50,210
There's Graham Cavanaugh!
Go get an autograph!

412
00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:54,917
STAN: Oh. Guess I didn't have
to do a high dive

413
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,460
into a glass of water
after all.

414
00:18:57,792 --> 00:18:59,502
Well, that's all the time
we have, folks.

415
00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:01,463
Everyone's fired, including me.

416
00:19:01,542 --> 00:19:02,712
Goodnight!

417
00:19:04,417 --> 00:19:06,247
And we're clear.

418
00:19:06,542 --> 00:19:09,212
And now that we're both fired,
we can finally be together.

419
00:19:10,291 --> 00:19:12,131
I was joking
about being fired.

420
00:19:16,917 --> 00:19:18,457
So, how'd I do?

421
00:19:23,917 --> 00:19:25,497
GRAHAM: That's all the time
we have, folks.

422
00:19:25,583 --> 00:19:27,963
Everyone's fired, including me.
Goodnight!

423
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:30,581
Well, that turned out
as well as I remembered it.

424
00:19:32,208 --> 00:19:34,328
Too bad they never got
to see Gracie talk.

425
00:19:34,417 --> 00:19:35,577
Oh, what a shame.
Big loss.

426
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:37,167
Our plan worked.

427
00:19:38,917 --> 00:19:40,627
Honey,
it has been a long day.

428
00:19:40,709 --> 00:19:44,209
Let's get you into bed
for some much needed rest.

429
00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:46,751
Well, since they ran out of time
before I got to do my thing,

430
00:19:46,834 --> 00:19:48,044
do you think they want to
have me back tomorrow?

431
00:19:48,125 --> 00:19:49,705
Your picture is up
at the security desk.

432
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:51,132
Oh, should I go sign it?

433
00:19:53,291 --> 00:19:55,631
I can't believe we managed
to take over the show

434
00:19:55,709 --> 00:19:57,329
enough to keep
Gracie's secret safe.

435
00:19:57,417 --> 00:19:59,287
I can't believe any
of what happened, happened.

436
00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:01,535
I can't believe
I speak Spanish.

437
00:20:02,875 --> 00:20:04,455
You study it at school.

438
00:20:04,792 --> 00:20:05,962
Not very hard.

439
00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:10,333
Gracie, you can't talk
in front of anyone except us.

440
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,882
It means so much to me that I'm gonna
be able to talk to my daughter.

441
00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:17,129
It's just, I love you and I don't want
anything to happen to you.

442
00:20:17,208 --> 00:20:18,788
Okay, Da-Da.

443
00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:21,496
I think she gets it.

444
00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:23,423
Dogs develop faster
than people.

445
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:24,460
Maybe she's at a point

446
00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:26,002
where she's finally
able to understand.

447
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:27,463
All our worries are over.

448
00:20:31,583 --> 00:20:34,883
He's gonna be a handful.
At least he can't talk.

449
00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:36,709
There's the sugar.

450
00:20:38,542 --> 00:20:39,792
Quiet, fool.

451
00:20:41,667 --> 00:20:44,327
STAN: Avery was right--
Gracie did get it.

452
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,667
And soon, Freddy will too.

453
00:20:46,750 --> 00:20:50,290
Not that it's gonna be easy.
Sometimes even I slip up.

454
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:53,375
So keeping the secret's always
gonna be a challenge.

455
00:20:53,458 --> 00:20:55,958
Although someday
everyone's gonna know,

456
00:20:56,083 --> 00:21:00,043
when Ellen gets her sitcom
and I play the wacky neighbor.

457
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:02,665
♪ Good one, Ellen! ♪
( TV theme music plays )

458
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:06,630
( studio audience cheering )

459
00:21:06,709 --> 00:21:08,629
I'm ho-o-ome!

460
00:21:10,667 --> 00:21:12,127
It's about time!

461
00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:14,208
Where's my kibble?!

462
00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:19,752
So, Ellen, I need to go to
my high school reunion.

463
00:21:19,834 --> 00:21:21,964
Will you pretend
to be my wife?

464
00:21:22,041 --> 00:21:23,581
AUDIENCE: Whoooo!

465
00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:26,207
I don't think
you should do that, Ellen.

466
00:21:26,291 --> 00:21:29,961
Whoa, Ellen!
You have a talking dog?

467
00:21:31,834 --> 00:21:34,584
You could say
he's my "pet project."

468
00:21:34,667 --> 00:21:36,377
Ha ha! Good one, Ellen!

469
00:21:38,709 --> 00:21:42,959
People will watch anything...
if it's well cast.