1 00:00:02,333 --> 00:00:05,213 STAN: 'Twas Christmas at last, the best time of year. 2 00:00:05,291 --> 00:00:07,751 So here is a story of good family cheer. 3 00:00:07,834 --> 00:00:10,254 It's a wonderful tale and I'm not over-hyping. 4 00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:12,923 Hey! Who is that breathing on me while I'm typing? 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,250 ( exclaims ) Aah! 6 00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:18,630 Are you telling the story of how you stole Christmas this year? 7 00:00:18,709 --> 00:00:22,039 I call it the story of how I saved Christmas this year. 8 00:00:22,125 --> 00:00:25,415 Hey, I can call you Jose, but that doesn't make it your name. 9 00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,997 If I let you call me Jose, can I tell my story? 10 00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:31,003 No way, Jose. 11 00:00:31,083 --> 00:00:33,883 Sorry, I couldn't help it. Proceed, Jose. 12 00:00:35,542 --> 00:00:38,082 ( theme music playing ) 13 00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:56,173 STAN: On Christmas Eve day, the kids scurried around, 14 00:00:56,250 --> 00:00:59,000 inspecting their gifts that sat wrapped on the ground. 15 00:00:59,083 --> 00:01:02,043 They prodded and poked them and hoped they weren't junky. 16 00:01:02,125 --> 00:01:04,995 Tyler shook his around like a less clever monkey. 17 00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:11,706 Guys, Christmas isn't about presents. It's about being together. 18 00:01:11,792 --> 00:01:14,792 This one looks exactly like the right size to be my game system. 19 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,705 Oh, man, when I play it, my eyes burn, my fingers bleed, 20 00:01:17,792 --> 00:01:19,922 and my whole body twitches involuntarily. 21 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,420 I can't wait. 22 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,249 Come on. Let's do something as a family. 23 00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:30,003 ( gasps ) I bet this is the new tablet I've been dropping hints about. 24 00:01:30,083 --> 00:01:34,213 Wouldn't it be funny if Mom thought you wanted a tablet of paper 25 00:01:34,291 --> 00:01:37,041 instead of a tablet computer? 26 00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:41,208 No. No, Tyler, it would not be funny. 27 00:01:43,291 --> 00:01:46,131 You guys are missing the meaning of Christmas. 28 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:49,248 This better be the cell phone I asked Mommy and Daddy for, 29 00:01:49,333 --> 00:01:51,423 'cause I'm tired of having nothing in my phone case 30 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,080 except a can of sardines. 31 00:01:55,834 --> 00:01:57,384 Stop that. 32 00:01:57,458 --> 00:02:00,578 Stop shaking your presents to find out what's in there, huh? 33 00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:02,747 What is wrong with you kids? 34 00:02:02,834 --> 00:02:04,634 You got to hold them up to the light. 35 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,883 Bennett, what are you teaching the kids? 36 00:02:08,959 --> 00:02:10,579 You need to steam the tape off. 37 00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:12,077 ( exhaling through mouth ) 38 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:17,174 What are we doing? You know what? We're not gonna find out until tonight 39 00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:19,330 when we each open one family gift. 40 00:02:19,417 --> 00:02:23,417 In the meantime, you all promised to help me make Christmas Eve dinner, 41 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,130 which does not count as a gift, 42 00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:26,878 even if you give it to me in the form of a coupon. 43 00:02:30,875 --> 00:02:34,955 As long as your present to me is the multi-tool I asked for. 44 00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:38,921 It has a hundred different functions, and none of them are necktie. 45 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,290 I work at home. Why do people keep getting me neckties? 46 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,916 ( glass breaks ) 47 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,880 I may have picked up the wrong box. 48 00:02:53,959 --> 00:02:56,959 Guys, come on already. Put down the presents. 49 00:02:57,041 --> 00:02:58,791 I don't like where this is going. 50 00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:02,035 When you open them, you're gonna disappear just like last year. 51 00:03:02,125 --> 00:03:03,625 You remember last year. 52 00:03:03,709 --> 00:03:05,669 At least, you didn't just run off 53 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,170 to play with your new virtual reality helmet. 54 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,130 Right, Robert? 55 00:03:11,375 --> 00:03:14,955 Robert, will you take that off so we can enjoy some Christmas cheer? 56 00:03:15,041 --> 00:03:18,791 No, you are not too busy battling orcs with your elfin army. 57 00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:21,245 Yes, I know it's immersive, 58 00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:24,583 but you have to be able to distinguish reality from fantasy, 59 00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,537 my stuffed orange friend! 60 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,665 There's other Christmas things to do besides presents. 61 00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:35,000 We can sing carols, string popcorn. 62 00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:37,833 I'm standing under this mistletoe... 63 00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:40,827 ( sing-songy ) All alone. 64 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,080 That stuff is so lame, Stan. 65 00:03:45,166 --> 00:03:48,456 Christmas is all about the presents. Don't be such a Grinch. 66 00:03:48,542 --> 00:03:51,382 STAN: To make them love Christmas, I'd have to get rough. 67 00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:54,458 If they wanted a Grinch, then I'd steal all their stuff. 68 00:03:54,542 --> 00:03:57,712 I'd hide all their presents in some secret place, 69 00:03:57,792 --> 00:04:00,632 just like the Grinch with a much cuter face. 70 00:04:04,542 --> 00:04:05,542 Ellen, look. 71 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,825 I picked up the trampoline we're giving the kids tomorrow. 72 00:04:07,917 --> 00:04:10,457 I pictured it being more trampoline shaped. 73 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,329 Well, I have to put it together. 74 00:04:13,417 --> 00:04:15,497 You didn't pay to have it assembled? 75 00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:17,793 You mean pay the laziness tax? 76 00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:19,625 Uh-uh. I don't think so. 77 00:04:19,709 --> 00:04:23,919 I'm not giving someone 50 bucks to snap a couple of springs together. 78 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:27,964 Doesn't matter. 79 00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:29,961 They're not gonna get me. No, no, no, no! 80 00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:33,251 Oh! And here is the nut bag. 81 00:04:33,333 --> 00:04:36,043 Yeah, that's the nut bag. 82 00:04:37,291 --> 00:04:40,921 You're always doing that joke on me, but I finally got you. 83 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,080 Boom! I got you! I got you! 84 00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,126 I got you with your own joke! 85 00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:47,288 ( hisses ) Burn you. 86 00:04:47,375 --> 00:04:48,375 ( hisses ) Burn you. 87 00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:50,208 ( hissing ) You. 88 00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:55,245 Yeah, I'm the nut bag. 89 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,040 Dang it! 90 00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:08,075 ( screaming ) No! 91 00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:10,496 Avery! Tyler! 92 00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:13,463 -Chloe, are you okay? -No! 93 00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:15,882 The presents are gone. Nothing's okay. 94 00:05:15,959 --> 00:05:17,459 Nothing will ever be okay again. 95 00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:19,882 I've lost my childhood! 96 00:05:21,875 --> 00:05:23,705 The presents are gone. 97 00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:28,212 ALL: ( screaming ) No! 98 00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:31,541 I heard your cries of joy. 99 00:05:31,625 --> 00:05:33,535 I gave you the best gift of all. 100 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:37,665 I stole all your presents. Merry Christmas! 101 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,040 ALL: What? 102 00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:42,705 Oh, you're right. Happy Holidays. 103 00:05:44,375 --> 00:05:47,325 Stan, why would you take our presents? 104 00:05:47,417 --> 00:05:50,287 Christmas is about being together as a family 105 00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:52,665 and the presents were just getting in the way of that. 106 00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:54,380 So I hid them. 107 00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:58,248 Look at you, feeling the warmth of the season. 108 00:05:58,333 --> 00:05:59,963 Coming in for a hug. 109 00:06:00,041 --> 00:06:04,461 Your eyes are so shiny and kind of scary. 110 00:06:06,417 --> 00:06:09,877 Stan, where did you put the presents? 111 00:06:09,959 --> 00:06:11,379 Ah! Funny story. 112 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:13,878 I buried them and forgot where. 113 00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:16,039 ( laughs ) 114 00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:17,575 It's not funny now, 115 00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:19,247 but this is going to be one of those stories 116 00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:22,673 that we will look back on and laugh. 117 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,630 ( laughing ) 118 00:06:25,709 --> 00:06:29,169 See? We are laughing. 119 00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:32,707 -I'm not laughing. -How about now? 120 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,043 Are you made of stone? 121 00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:45,325 Stan, you lost our presents? 122 00:06:45,417 --> 00:06:47,287 When Mom and Dad see that the presents are gone, 123 00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:48,415 they're going to freak. 124 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:49,960 It'll totally ruin Christmas. 125 00:06:50,041 --> 00:06:53,331 We need to find the presents before Mom and Dad notice they're missing. 126 00:06:53,417 --> 00:06:56,827 Stan, think. Where did you bury them? 127 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,747 STAN: We had to retrieve all the presents and fast 128 00:06:59,834 --> 00:07:02,384 or I worried this holiday might be my last. 129 00:07:02,458 --> 00:07:05,498 And if you think that sounds like an exaggeration, 130 00:07:05,583 --> 00:07:08,463 why don't you take a crack at this rhyming narration? 131 00:07:10,291 --> 00:07:12,251 Do you think he's thinking about it? 132 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,583 He's just staring off into space. 133 00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:23,463 It may not be too late to pay someone to assemble a trampoline. 134 00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:26,832 I don't need to pay someone. I know a thing or two about tools. 135 00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:32,503 For example, that is not a twirling wrench. 136 00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:36,457 Well, I can't help you. I'm gonna be busy all day with dinner. 137 00:07:36,542 --> 00:07:39,422 -You're gonna be completely on your own. -Please, Ellen. 138 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:43,130 Stupid people all over the world build trampolines every day. 139 00:07:43,208 --> 00:07:44,748 I think I can do this. 140 00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:49,790 Whoa! Ohh! 141 00:07:49,875 --> 00:07:54,205 Oh! I owe a lot of stupid people an apology. 142 00:07:56,500 --> 00:08:00,330 STAN: I remember I buried the presents somewhere at the park... 143 00:08:01,208 --> 00:08:03,128 It says the park is closed for a private event. 144 00:08:03,208 --> 00:08:05,288 Why would all these people be at the park for Christmas? 145 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:07,745 Different cultures have different customs, I guess. 146 00:08:07,834 --> 00:08:10,294 Oh, you mean like the way my people spend so much time on their hair? 147 00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:13,125 They're not your people, they're girls. 148 00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:17,001 Look, Stan, we need to get the presents. 149 00:08:17,083 --> 00:08:18,963 While Chloe's home cooking with Mom, 150 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:21,631 we're going to have to dig as inconspicuously as possible 151 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,039 with all these people here. 152 00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:24,495 So where did you bury them? 153 00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:27,793 I'm not sure, but I remember a snowman. 154 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,375 Over there. 155 00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:32,287 Hold it right there. 156 00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:35,665 You can't just show up at a McCorkin family Christmas party 157 00:08:35,750 --> 00:08:38,500 without getting a hug from Big Ivan. 158 00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:42,543 Oh, come over here, Big Ivan. ( laughing ) 159 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,669 They think we're part of the family. 160 00:08:46,750 --> 00:08:48,960 We are part of the family or we'll get kicked out of the park 161 00:08:49,041 --> 00:08:50,501 before we have a chance to find the presents. 162 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,250 Well, it was great to see you. 163 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,753 We're gonna go mingle and catch up with the rest of the McKirkles. 164 00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:57,834 -McCorkins. -Ohh! McAnkles. 165 00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:02,003 You know, I don't remember you from last Christmas. 166 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:05,963 We didn't make it last year. We're actually from out of town. 167 00:09:06,041 --> 00:09:08,751 You look like cousin Ruth from Nova Scotia. 168 00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:10,714 Oh, I haven't seen her in years. 169 00:09:10,792 --> 00:09:12,752 That's right. 170 00:09:12,834 --> 00:09:14,634 Here all the way from Nova Scotia. 171 00:09:14,709 --> 00:09:16,999 -I am Ruth. -She's 80. 172 00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:19,173 Not that Ruth. I'm her granddaughter Ruth. 173 00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,670 We're all named Ruth. Right, Ruth? 174 00:09:20,750 --> 00:09:23,790 Don't ask me. I'm still rubbing McAnkles. You McKicked me hard. 175 00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:26,794 What are you guys talking about? 176 00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:29,125 Ah! ( scoffs ) We're just kiddin' around. 177 00:09:29,208 --> 00:09:31,168 Yeah, it's just the old McCrackle sense of humor. 178 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,290 -McCorkin. -Right, the McCrackle sense of McCorkin. 179 00:09:33,375 --> 00:09:35,575 You know what I mean. Can someone give me an ice pack or something? 180 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:39,291 STAN: How much they lied, there's really no telling. 181 00:09:39,375 --> 00:09:41,995 Chloe, meanwhile, mashed taters with Ellen. 182 00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:44,133 Mmm, those potatoes look great. 183 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,458 I'll go get Tyler so he can start his green bean casserole. 184 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,882 No! It's too soon. 185 00:09:48,959 --> 00:09:50,879 It's never too soon for green beans. 186 00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,174 Oh, no! 187 00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:57,540 Now I have to start all over again. 188 00:09:58,291 --> 00:10:00,791 Well, one good thing about having a dog in the family 189 00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:02,325 is he eats the food off the floor. 190 00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:03,457 -Stan! -No! 191 00:10:04,417 --> 00:10:06,787 You don't need Stan for that. 192 00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:09,125 Not when you have a little girl. 193 00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:15,711 Not off the-- 194 00:10:16,542 --> 00:10:19,042 All right, just eat the top layer that didn't touch the floor. 195 00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,077 And use a spoon like a lady. 196 00:10:23,542 --> 00:10:25,582 Hey. I, uh... 197 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:29,747 I just came in because I need a tool for that thing I'm working on out back. 198 00:10:29,834 --> 00:10:32,254 Uhh! If only I had a multi-tool... 199 00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:34,423 Bennett, you're not opening your present early. 200 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,290 But it has a trampoline wrench! 201 00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:38,325 I mean, how many trampolines am I going to build in a lifetime? 202 00:10:38,417 --> 00:10:39,747 This could be it for me! 203 00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:43,251 No, you can't open your present early, 204 00:10:43,375 --> 00:10:45,245 just like I can't open my foot spa, 205 00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:46,963 if that's what you got me, and it better be, 206 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:48,251 some stores are still open. 207 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,753 All right, fine. 208 00:10:50,834 --> 00:10:54,294 I'll just use my boring, separate pliers that only do one thing-- 209 00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:56,535 Plying. Woo-hoo! 210 00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:59,631 Bennett, don't be a plier hater. 211 00:10:59,709 --> 00:11:01,419 -Wow. -Yeah, that's what it's come to. 212 00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:04,918 I think I might have left them by the Christmas tree. 213 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,830 The Christmas tree? 214 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,127 ( screaming ) Wait! 215 00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:14,787 -Let's play a game! -Chloe, I can't see. 216 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,285 This is the game. I'll guide you to your pliers. 217 00:11:18,375 --> 00:11:20,125 Go straight. 218 00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:21,828 Oh! Ow! 219 00:11:22,709 --> 00:11:24,459 Chloe, this game isn't fun. 220 00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:26,462 I'm having fun. 221 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:29,165 I'm growing up 222 00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,540 and I won't always want to play these games. 223 00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,575 We have to cherish these moments. 224 00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:38,167 You're right. My baby girl is growing up. 225 00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:40,170 Yeah, whatever. Now go straight. 226 00:11:41,583 --> 00:11:42,673 Bend down. 227 00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:46,081 -I got them! ( scoffs ) -You sure did. 228 00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:49,076 Game over. Now get out of here, you crazy so-and-so. 229 00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,326 Go! Go! Go! 230 00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:55,037 ( sighs ) 231 00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:01,170 STAN: The presents were hidden somewhere in the ground. 232 00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:03,830 Before dinner started, they had to be found. 233 00:12:03,917 --> 00:12:07,077 So we dug, and we dug, and we dug-dug-dug-dug. 234 00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,916 But all we could find was a ten-legged bug. 235 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,630 With a man's face! 236 00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:13,419 No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 237 00:12:15,041 --> 00:12:17,461 Where are the presents? I thought you said they were near the reindeer. 238 00:12:17,542 --> 00:12:20,132 Maybe it was near the gingerbread man, 239 00:12:20,208 --> 00:12:22,998 'cause I was thinking, "Oh, man, I wish I was eating you." 240 00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:26,543 Then I thought, "No, Stan, focus. You need to bury the presents. 241 00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:29,705 Oh, but you'd be so delicious. No, Stan, no!" 242 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,132 So that was my morning. 243 00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:34,790 There's a gingerbread decoration over there. 244 00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,995 Oh, he does look delicious-- No, Tyler, no! 245 00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:43,962 Stan, you keep remembering decorations near where you buried the presents-- 246 00:12:44,041 --> 00:12:46,171 Snowman, ribbons, reindeer. 247 00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:49,210 We've dug holes all over this park and we still haven't found them. 248 00:12:49,291 --> 00:12:52,501 I have an idea. But it might be too late. 249 00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:54,883 I shouldn't bury the presents. 250 00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:58,745 I have to go back and switch out with Chloe 251 00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,584 or Mom and Dad will get suspicious. 252 00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:03,747 Hey, why are you guys digging all these holes? 253 00:13:03,834 --> 00:13:05,754 It's a Christmas tradition where we're from. 254 00:13:05,834 --> 00:13:06,834 In Nova Scotia. 255 00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:10,077 Yeah, that's actually what Nova Scotia means. 256 00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:12,036 It means "dig holes." 257 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,955 It means "New Scotland." 258 00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:16,631 So your need to correct me overtook your need to explain this? 259 00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:18,831 Yes, it did. 260 00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:23,461 Digging holes? That's a weird thing to do. 261 00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:26,422 Now it's time to pile into a giant pair of pants. 262 00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:28,630 It is? 263 00:13:28,709 --> 00:13:32,289 Surely you remember the McCorkin Family Christmas Pants Pile-In. 264 00:13:32,375 --> 00:13:34,495 I mean, every McCorkin knows this. 265 00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:38,883 Uh... uh-- ( stutters ) Of course, it's where... 266 00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:42,709 ( repeating ) We all climb into a giant pair of pants to commemorate 267 00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:45,382 the Christmas blizzard of 1913 268 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:49,128 where the family survived by sewing all their pants together 269 00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:51,418 and then climbing in to share the warmth. 270 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,501 Share the warmth. 271 00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:58,789 You do remember. 272 00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:00,995 Last one in the pants is a rotten leg. 273 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:06,625 -Yes! -( forced laughter ) 274 00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:08,039 Good luck with the crazy pants. 275 00:14:08,125 --> 00:14:09,455 -Yeah, you too. -You mean Mom? 276 00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:10,542 Yeah. 277 00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:15,541 Thanks, Joe. 278 00:14:15,625 --> 00:14:17,325 If you weren't charging me three times 279 00:14:17,417 --> 00:14:19,497 what it would cost to have had the store assemble it, 280 00:14:19,583 --> 00:14:22,003 I would say you have the Christmas spirit. 281 00:14:22,959 --> 00:14:24,789 -ELLEN: Bennett? -Shh! 282 00:14:24,875 --> 00:14:27,415 My wife cannot know that anyone is helping me. 283 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,536 Thanks, Joe. You're the best. 284 00:14:29,625 --> 00:14:30,915 Who's Joe? 285 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,040 Joe? 286 00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:35,375 Uh... is... Joe the light? 287 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,918 Joe the fox? Joe the elf? 288 00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:39,713 Joe the elf! 289 00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:44,829 He's my little helper passing along his workshop know-how 290 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:46,787 and spreading his elfin magic. 291 00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:51,077 I came out to see how you're doing, and it's not well. 292 00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:54,827 But the trampoline's coming along, so keep it up. 293 00:14:54,917 --> 00:14:56,917 Nice work, Joe. 294 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,630 Oh, what's that, Joe? 295 00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:02,249 Oh. ( chuckles ) You scoundrel. She's taken. 296 00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:03,633 ( laughs ) Joe. 297 00:15:08,417 --> 00:15:09,877 Thanks, buddy. 298 00:15:09,959 --> 00:15:11,789 I bet this happens all the time. 299 00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,415 You probably have a lot of stories. 300 00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:17,792 It's okay. We don't have to be friends. 301 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,285 I was just hoping. 302 00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:23,880 Oh. Have you seen Chloe? 303 00:15:23,959 --> 00:15:26,879 Oh, she finished her potatoes, so it's my turn to do the green beans. 304 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,629 Okay, well, you get started on those green beans. 305 00:15:28,709 --> 00:15:30,829 I'm going to get started on my "mistle-tofu" 306 00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:33,457 and my "crispy duck the halls." 307 00:15:33,542 --> 00:15:35,422 ( mock laughs ) Good tidings one, Ellen. 308 00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:41,463 Why are you washing the green beans one at a time? 309 00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:46,961 Certainly not to stall for any reason, you crazy pants. 310 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,250 Thank you. You know, when you take a fashion risk, 311 00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:52,383 you want it to be noticed. Thanks. 312 00:15:53,583 --> 00:15:55,963 So why are you washing them one at a time? 313 00:15:56,041 --> 00:15:58,921 Oh, it's called micro-cooking. It's much healthier. 314 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,420 -I've never heard of it. -I'll send you a web page about it. 315 00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:06,004 Note to self-- Make a web page about micro-cooking. 316 00:16:06,083 --> 00:16:08,963 Other note to self-- Get a voice recorder. 317 00:16:11,125 --> 00:16:13,745 Has anyone seen a small bag of washers? 318 00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:16,334 -What, Joe couldn't find them for you? -Who's Joe? 319 00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:20,707 Uh-- He's a friendly Christmas elf on loan from Santa's workshop. 320 00:16:20,792 --> 00:16:23,542 Just slid down a candy cane from the clouds 321 00:16:23,625 --> 00:16:25,165 to help your dad with a project. 322 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,540 Oh, okay. 323 00:16:28,542 --> 00:16:31,792 I love you, son. I'm gonna go check the family room. 324 00:16:31,875 --> 00:16:33,745 The family room? Wait! 325 00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:39,878 Let's play a game. 326 00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:42,289 What is it with you and your sister? 327 00:16:42,375 --> 00:16:46,125 Shh! Cherish these moments. 328 00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:51,077 STAN: With the presents still missing, we shouldn't delay, 329 00:16:51,166 --> 00:16:53,876 but the Christmas Pants Pile-in was well underway. 330 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:58,459 ♪ ...ride in a one horse open sleigh ♪ 331 00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:01,380 ( loudly ) Avery! 332 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:07,538 We're cousin Ruth's grandkids, we're from Nova Scotia 333 00:17:07,625 --> 00:17:09,285 and we dig holes for Christmas. 334 00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:12,535 That all makes sense. Where's Stan? 335 00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:14,875 ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪ 336 00:17:14,959 --> 00:17:17,039 ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪ 337 00:17:17,125 --> 00:17:19,165 ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪ 338 00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:22,420 ♪ And a happy new year ♪ 339 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,577 ( cell phone beeps ) 340 00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:28,577 Tyler says he's almost done with his green bean casserole 341 00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:30,167 and he's running out of ways to stall. 342 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,790 We need to find those presents. 343 00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:34,375 Stan, we've dug by the gingerbread man, 344 00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:37,878 the snowman, the reindeer, the candy cane and nothing. 345 00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:40,249 I'm sorry, guys. I'm racking my brain here, 346 00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:43,665 but remember, my brain's the size of a baby's fist. 347 00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:45,790 -No, it's not. -How am I supposed to know that? 348 00:17:45,875 --> 00:17:48,455 My brain's the size of a baby's fist. 349 00:17:48,542 --> 00:17:50,002 Guys, look at this. 350 00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:55,334 Snowman, reindeer, candy cane-- It's all on this wrapping paper. 351 00:17:55,417 --> 00:17:58,167 Stan, could you have buried our gifts in this pile of presents? 352 00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,960 Chloe, do you actually think I'd be that-- 353 00:18:01,041 --> 00:18:03,001 Yeah, that's exactly what I did. 354 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,633 This is great. 355 00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,789 We'll go grab our gifts and sneak out of here 356 00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:08,705 before anyone even notices. 357 00:18:08,792 --> 00:18:11,462 Uh-uh-uh, it's not time yet. 358 00:18:11,542 --> 00:18:13,292 But I do have something for you. 359 00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:17,245 Cousin Ruth is here and she's so excited to see you. 360 00:18:18,083 --> 00:18:23,883 -What? -Oh, wow, our grandma is here. 361 00:18:23,959 --> 00:18:25,959 And she's coming over. 362 00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:28,081 -What are we gonna do? -I don't know. 363 00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:30,246 Ivan stopped us from going through the gifts 364 00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,333 and now we have an old lady to dodge. 365 00:18:32,417 --> 00:18:33,787 We have to think fast. 366 00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,380 Okay, maybe not that fast. 367 00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:48,577 Ruth is almost here. Do you know what you're going to say? 368 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:50,497 I don't feel good about lying to our grandmother. 369 00:18:50,583 --> 00:18:52,253 She's not really our grandmother. 370 00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:55,043 Hey, if I'm going to lie, it has to be real to me. 371 00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:59,253 Ruth, look. It's Ruth. 372 00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:02,128 You're not Ruth. I'm Ruth. 373 00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,038 I'm Ruth, too. Ask Ruth. 374 00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:05,665 That's the truth, Ruth. 375 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:08,580 Now go get some eggnog, you crazy so and so. 376 00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:13,205 Mom took Dad to the chiropractor. 377 00:19:13,291 --> 00:19:15,211 His back went out when someone jumped on him. 378 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:16,671 I am getting big. 379 00:19:17,625 --> 00:19:19,535 ( scoffs ) The gifts are in here. 380 00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:23,495 Let's find them and get out of here before Ruth realizes what just happened. 381 00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:25,963 Oh, wow, Grandma made it. Hi, Grandma. 382 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,789 -Oh! I found my tablet! -I found my cell phone! 383 00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:34,075 I found my game system. They're all right here. 384 00:19:34,166 --> 00:19:37,206 All right, McCorkins, they're here. 385 00:19:37,291 --> 00:19:40,921 Time to give all the gifts to these deserving kids 386 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,040 from the Toyless Tots charity. 387 00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:48,745 I think we know what we should do. 388 00:19:52,166 --> 00:19:54,166 Merry Christmas! 389 00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,920 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 390 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,080 STAN: They gave out every toy, every dingle zog-zogger. 391 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:03,036 Dr. Seuss makes up words, why not a dog blogger? 392 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:12,667 ( gasps ) We've been robbed! The gifts are all gone! 393 00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,210 Well, it better not have been Joe. 394 00:20:14,291 --> 00:20:15,831 The Christmas elf? 395 00:20:16,709 --> 00:20:17,749 I'm calling the police. 396 00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:19,254 On the Christmas elf? 397 00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:23,043 Don't call the police. We took the gifts. 398 00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:26,205 We gave them away to kids who needed them more than we did. 399 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,381 We heard about a charity gift drive in the park 400 00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:29,788 and we realized 401 00:20:29,875 --> 00:20:32,455 we don't need presents to have a merry Christmas. 402 00:20:32,542 --> 00:20:35,422 -We just need to be together. -Oh. 403 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,040 Thanks, Stan. 404 00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:41,786 You are the best, most wonderful kids. 405 00:20:41,875 --> 00:20:43,915 You really understand what Christmas is all about. 406 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,630 -It's 'cause you're a great mom. -You're the parenting expert. 407 00:20:45,709 --> 00:20:48,579 -Well, I do most of the work. -'Course, I'm the primary parent. 408 00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:50,537 ( parents talking over each other ) 409 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:53,875 Should we tell them that we also gave away their gifts? 410 00:20:53,959 --> 00:20:56,539 Let's just ride this wave as long as it lasts. 411 00:20:58,041 --> 00:21:01,381 STAN: Without presents that night, there was singin' and huggin'. 412 00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:04,378 It all worked out fine, so why are ya buggin'? 413 00:21:06,792 --> 00:21:08,332 Well, why are ya? 414 00:21:08,417 --> 00:21:11,167 I'm not buggin'. You buggin'. 415 00:21:12,166 --> 00:21:14,166 Now finish this up so we can go to bed. 416 00:21:14,917 --> 00:21:17,577 Later that night, Santa came on his sleigh 417 00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:20,377 and left the same gifts the kids just gave away. 418 00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:23,208 He was no doubt impressed by their holiday chutzpah. 419 00:21:23,291 --> 00:21:26,751 ( reading ) 420 00:21:30,792 --> 00:21:34,002 And I'm glad to report Robert's family was stylin', 421 00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:37,003 'cause later they did their own Christmas Pants Pile-in. 422 00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,830 Merry Christmas, everyone.