1 00:03:01,149 --> 00:03:02,482 Come on. 2 00:03:51,566 --> 00:03:53,735 Hello, this is Beth. 3 00:03:56,104 --> 00:03:58,271 Oh, hey. 4 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:01,175 How are you doing tonight? 5 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,911 Um, I'm okay. 6 00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:06,948 I just wanted to talk, if that's okay. 7 00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:09,951 No sleep? 8 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,319 Yeah... 9 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:13,855 I'm a bit off. 10 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,022 I don't know. 11 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,158 Just haven't found my rhythm yet. 12 00:04:17,225 --> 00:04:18,926 What do you mean? 13 00:04:20,194 --> 00:04:21,562 Well... 14 00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:24,364 uh, you know, 15 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,067 I got out of prison last year. 16 00:04:26,134 --> 00:04:27,267 Oh. 17 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,569 Congratulations. 18 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,972 Yeah. Yeah, thanks. 19 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,206 Thank you. 20 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,975 So... 21 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,543 big adjustment. 22 00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:37,178 Yeah! 23 00:04:37,245 --> 00:04:38,746 Yes, ma'am. 24 00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:42,750 First, I was sleeping all of the time, 25 00:04:42,817 --> 00:04:46,854 like too much stimulation, you know? 26 00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:49,957 I was like a puppy at the dog park. 27 00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:54,128 Like, as soon as I got home, I just... I needed sleep. 28 00:04:54,195 --> 00:04:55,663 I can imagine. 29 00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:58,566 But it's all good. I'm blessed. 30 00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:00,168 I'm so happy for you. 31 00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:02,469 Yeah, thank you. 32 00:05:02,537 --> 00:05:03,905 You're welcome. 33 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,241 Wait, am I saying thanks too much? 34 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,876 Don't worry about it. 35 00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:11,646 You don't need to thank me, but it's fine. 36 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,815 You're doing great. 37 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,083 So, uh... 38 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,253 You-- You work-- You work nights? 39 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,788 Sometimes I'll do a day shift, 40 00:05:20,855 --> 00:05:24,192 but nights is when most people call. 41 00:05:24,258 --> 00:05:25,593 Hmm. 42 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,831 You been doing it a long time? 43 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,032 A few years. 44 00:05:32,233 --> 00:05:34,802 This is my last month, actually. 45 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,505 At least for a while. 46 00:05:37,572 --> 00:05:39,273 You gotta recharge the batteries, or...? 47 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,908 You could say that. 48 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:46,280 The last year has been pretty intense. 49 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,016 Yeah, I can imagine. 50 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:51,085 You know, it's-- It's funny. 51 00:05:51,152 --> 00:05:55,656 I-I-I've been out six weeks when the 'rona went off. 52 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,124 Everybody was bitching about 53 00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,392 having to stay home and I was like, 54 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,029 "Bro, you're telling me I can eat what I want 55 00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:05,666 "and sleep when I want and wear what I want? 56 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,735 That's supposed to be hard?" 57 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,337 That's funny. 58 00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:10,771 I mean, I don't... 59 00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,640 Sorry, I don't mean funny, I just mean... 60 00:06:12,707 --> 00:06:14,108 Oh, it's okay. 61 00:06:14,175 --> 00:06:16,210 I'm the one who said it was funny. 62 00:06:16,277 --> 00:06:18,179 Right. 63 00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:21,816 You know, to tell you the truth, it... 64 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,417 It was good for me. 65 00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,419 Was it? Yeah. 66 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,688 In prison, you know, 67 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,724 they got these transition units. 68 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,193 They give you a little bit more freedom, 69 00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:34,795 a little bit of time, you know, so you don't... 70 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,731 You start getting used to it. 71 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,699 I-I-I didn't go through that. 72 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:41,168 I went straight from the shoe to the street. 73 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,372 You know, it's probably good that I got-- 74 00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:47,375 I got some time to adjust, right? 75 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,343 Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I was-- 76 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:54,447 I was sitting with my grandma one night and she said, uh... 77 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,617 "Michael, it's so weird. 78 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,986 "The day is so slow, but then at the end, 79 00:06:59,053 --> 00:07:01,789 it feels like it lasted a minute." 80 00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:03,724 I know, right? 81 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,595 You know, I told her, "That's prison time." 82 00:07:07,662 --> 00:07:09,797 The day is slow because nothing happens. 83 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,099 And when it's gone, 84 00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:14,201 it feels like it never even started, you know? 85 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:18,306 You don't even remember nothing because nothing happened. 86 00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,141 Wow. 87 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,410 That's deep, Michael. 88 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,945 You know what was weird, though? 89 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,213 What's that? 90 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,449 Wearing a mask in a store. 91 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,720 I-I couldn't even get a mask. 92 00:07:32,787 --> 00:07:34,288 I mean, first time, 93 00:07:34,355 --> 00:07:37,291 I had to use this bandanna my sister gave me. 94 00:07:37,358 --> 00:07:39,994 And I was like, "I don't know about this." 95 00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:42,563 I mean, because last time I entered a store 96 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,532 with a bandanna on, I got shot. 97 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:47,467 I mean, shot and arrested. 98 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,704 She was like, "Never mind that 99 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:52,506 because now they won't even let you in without a mask." 100 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:56,077 So I go shopping with this bandanna on. 101 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,878 I mean, I always had this feeling 102 00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,947 that people check me out. 103 00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:03,250 I mean, I know they can tell I've been inside, so... 104 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:06,754 I think that's probably just in your head though, no? 105 00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:08,656 Mm, no, it isn't. 106 00:08:08,723 --> 00:08:10,324 Trust me. 107 00:08:10,391 --> 00:08:13,461 I mean, even if they don't know what it is exactly, 108 00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:16,263 they can tell there's something different about me. 109 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,200 It's like they can smell it. 110 00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:22,503 I don't mean literally. 111 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:27,641 I smell real nice these days, believe that. 112 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,176 I believe it. 113 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:36,851 Anyways, I'm already stressing out 114 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,586 about being around people, 115 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:39,954 and now I got to wear a bandanna 116 00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:43,858 like I'm robbing the place. 117 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,160 The guy at the cash register, 118 00:08:46,227 --> 00:08:48,996 I'm thinking he's gonna pull a shotgun any second. 119 00:08:49,063 --> 00:08:51,899 So I start sweating, you know, and my heartbeat's up. 120 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:57,304 And he rings me up and he goes, 121 00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:00,007 "Did you find everything you were looking for?" 122 00:09:00,074 --> 00:09:01,809 And I'm like, "What?" 123 00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:03,444 I don't understand the question, 124 00:09:03,512 --> 00:09:05,179 which I actually didn't because I'm spaced out 125 00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:07,148 and I got a fucking bandanna on, 126 00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:09,750 and I'm not even used to hearing this kind of question. 127 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,919 So he repeats the question. 128 00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:15,356 And I'm like, "Uh, yes, sir." 129 00:09:15,423 --> 00:09:19,160 And then I skip a beat, and then I go, "Thanks." 130 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,265 And then what happened? 131 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,467 Nothing. Nothing. 132 00:09:26,535 --> 00:09:27,668 You know what he said? 133 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,970 "Have a good night." 134 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:33,107 And then I walk out, and then I realize... 135 00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:35,976 Damn. 136 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:39,647 No, I-I didn't find everything I was looking for. 137 00:09:41,550 --> 00:09:43,784 I was in such a rush to get out of there 138 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:46,287 that I forgot like half of it. 139 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,723 That happens to me all the time. 140 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,226 Yeah? 141 00:09:52,293 --> 00:09:53,260 Oh, yeah. 142 00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:54,862 Unless I have a written-down list, 143 00:09:54,929 --> 00:09:56,297 I'm always gonna forget something. 144 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:59,033 I can't retain that kind of information. 145 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,970 Yeah, I got used to it, though. 146 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,807 You know, the, uh... 147 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,676 The mask, I mean. 148 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,611 That's good. 149 00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:14,181 People can think whatever they want. 150 00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:16,150 You know, they can't see me. 151 00:10:16,217 --> 00:10:17,952 You know, I don't care what they think. 152 00:10:20,321 --> 00:10:21,655 Right. 153 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,096 I'm not a bad person. 154 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,366 I know. 155 00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:35,803 How-- How do you know? 156 00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:37,371 Well, I guess I just mean 157 00:10:37,438 --> 00:10:40,074 that I don't have any reason to think otherwise. 158 00:10:43,144 --> 00:10:46,647 My father, he went to the pen when I was 6. 159 00:10:54,889 --> 00:10:57,626 You know, he just died like three years ago. 160 00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:00,127 Hmm. Sorry to hear that. 161 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,098 We never had a relationship. 162 00:11:04,165 --> 00:11:07,368 I-I was raised by my grandma. 163 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:11,939 My mom, after he got arrested, you know, she said to me, 164 00:11:12,006 --> 00:11:14,975 "Look, I can handle your sisters, but you? 165 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,810 You got to move in with your grandma." 166 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,748 She, like, shipped me off like baggage. 167 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,518 That's rough. You were only 6? 168 00:11:23,585 --> 00:11:26,287 Yeah, I was, like, just about to start school. 169 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,122 I didn't have any friends. 170 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,292 I walked back alone every day. 171 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,028 And then like after a month, 172 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,729 I started taking a different way. 173 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:39,033 I cut through this alley where these homeboys hung out. 174 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,035 And they started joking with me. 175 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,803 And that's actually-- 176 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:45,339 Yeah, that's actually when I started noticing stuff. 177 00:11:45,406 --> 00:11:47,708 What-- What do you mean? What stuff? 178 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,844 Like, uh, the tattoos. 179 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,447 The graffiti. 180 00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:56,283 Like, I've been seeing them my whole life, 181 00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:58,219 but I never... 182 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,721 Never really paid attention. 183 00:12:02,256 --> 00:12:03,857 And now... 184 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:07,795 Now they were speaking to me. 185 00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:12,466 Like, I finally understood the language. 186 00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,105 Wow. 187 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,508 You know, that was it for me. 188 00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:23,377 Yeah, I just-- I just saw the whole picture. 189 00:12:25,079 --> 00:12:27,147 Thank you for that. 190 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,217 Yeah, you're welcome. 191 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,289 So... 192 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,960 is there anything that you need from me? 193 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,497 Anything that I can help you with? 194 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,834 I don't know. 195 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,336 I'm a little bit worried, I guess. 196 00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:51,138 Hmm. What about? 197 00:12:52,106 --> 00:12:54,074 Just-- Just stuff out there. 198 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,110 I don't have a lot of skills. 199 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:59,079 I had this job at this auto glass repair, 200 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,750 but it went out of business. 201 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:05,119 It wasn't the greatest job in the world, but, you know... 202 00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:09,624 Well, I can give you a number for financial assistance 203 00:13:09,691 --> 00:13:11,325 if you need that. 204 00:13:11,392 --> 00:13:14,461 No, no, I'm-- I'm already doing all that. 205 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,197 Okay. 206 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,003 Hey, look, worse comes to worse, 207 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,306 I got the bandanna, right? 208 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,107 Uh, that-- That was a joke. 209 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,576 I know. 210 00:13:28,643 --> 00:13:32,346 Wait, you're not tracing these calls, are you? 211 00:13:33,715 --> 00:13:35,215 Not tracing, not recording. 212 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,851 I'm just sitting here at home talking to you. 213 00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,587 Oh, okay. Sorry. 214 00:13:39,654 --> 00:13:41,756 So listen, I think that you should check out 215 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,024 this group HandUp. 216 00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,927 It's like as opposed to Handout. 217 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,362 Anyways, it's an organization 218 00:13:48,429 --> 00:13:50,064 run by formerly incarcerated folks 219 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,333 that can help with jobs, housing... 220 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,202 Yeah, yeah. Is one of the guys named Jackson? 221 00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,338 Well, that I don't know, 222 00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:00,107 but let me just give you the number. 223 00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,375 No, it's all right. 224 00:14:01,442 --> 00:14:03,611 It's all right, I'll find it. 225 00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:05,346 It's okay. 226 00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,448 Okay. You know, I just... 227 00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:11,885 I just-- I just needed to talk, that's it. 228 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,723 Of course. Anytime. 229 00:14:14,789 --> 00:14:17,958 That was a joke about the bandanna, you know. 230 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,360 I'm... 231 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,763 I'm not gonna rob nobody. I know. 232 00:14:49,657 --> 00:14:52,393 Hello. This is Beth. 233 00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:53,661 Hi. 234 00:14:53,728 --> 00:14:55,830 Hey, listen, um... 235 00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,532 could you come out? 236 00:14:57,599 --> 00:14:59,266 What do you mean? 237 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:03,036 I mean, can you come out here and talk to my wife? 238 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,271 Oh, sorry. 239 00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,039 I can't come there. 240 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,409 But if you put her on the phone, I can talk to her. 241 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,444 No, she's not gonna do that. 242 00:15:11,713 --> 00:15:14,783 I can talk to you both together or separately, 243 00:15:14,849 --> 00:15:15,983 whatever works for you. 244 00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,585 I just can't do it in person. 245 00:15:17,652 --> 00:15:20,254 But if this is an emergency, I can give you-- 246 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,524 It's not that kind of emergency. 247 00:15:24,692 --> 00:15:26,393 Okay. 248 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,998 What's going on? 249 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,702 I just told her that, um... 250 00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:36,437 That I don't love her anymore. 251 00:15:37,672 --> 00:15:39,006 I see. 252 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,008 Now I'm not sure what to do. 253 00:15:42,644 --> 00:15:44,011 What did she say? 254 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,447 Well, she just went and locked herself in the bedroom. 255 00:15:47,849 --> 00:15:49,183 Is she okay? 256 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,788 Are you worried she might do something? 257 00:15:53,855 --> 00:15:56,290 Oh, no, no. I told you, it's not... 258 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,125 She would never do... 259 00:15:58,192 --> 00:15:59,727 You know, we have kids. 260 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,530 Okay. 261 00:16:04,198 --> 00:16:05,900 I didn't even want this, you know? 262 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,367 I mean, I didn't even-- 263 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,203 I don't even understand it. 264 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:11,305 What the fuck happened? 265 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,637 Hello. This is Beth. 266 00:16:42,704 --> 00:16:44,338 Oh, hi. 267 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,540 Hi. 268 00:16:45,607 --> 00:16:46,941 How are you tonight? 269 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,943 Like always, I guess. 270 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,044 Is that good? 271 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,047 You know when someone says something 272 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,918 annoying or even hurtful, 273 00:16:56,985 --> 00:16:59,052 and you just suck it up, 274 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:02,857 and you go home and replay the moment in your head 275 00:17:02,924 --> 00:17:05,760 and come up with a perfect comeback. 276 00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:07,862 The exact thing you should have said. 277 00:17:07,929 --> 00:17:09,096 Mm-hmm. 278 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,198 Oh, yeah. 279 00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:13,133 Well, that's my life. 280 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,737 A day late and a dollar short. 281 00:17:15,803 --> 00:17:18,907 Hey, I think we all feel like that sometimes. 282 00:17:18,973 --> 00:17:20,140 Yeah. 283 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,043 I feel like that all the time. 284 00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:26,446 Besides, I don't think Oprah feels like that. 285 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,283 Or Jeff Zuckerberg. 286 00:17:31,819 --> 00:17:33,487 Right? 287 00:17:33,555 --> 00:17:34,889 Maybe not. 288 00:17:34,956 --> 00:17:37,959 Not the "dollar short" part. 289 00:17:38,026 --> 00:17:40,528 What do you even do with all that money? 290 00:17:40,595 --> 00:17:42,296 Hmm. 291 00:17:43,665 --> 00:17:46,300 Meanwhile, my husband got his hours cut. 292 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,902 That's rough. 293 00:17:47,969 --> 00:17:49,637 Our daughter has special needs. 294 00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:52,941 I'm a full-time support system. 295 00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:56,844 I can't even take a break, ever. 296 00:17:56,911 --> 00:17:59,179 If I got sick, I... 297 00:18:00,748 --> 00:18:02,917 What's gonna happen to her when I'm gone? 298 00:18:02,984 --> 00:18:04,953 I just... 299 00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:06,486 Just... 300 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,424 I'm sorry. 301 00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,660 It's absolutely fine. 302 00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,431 I don't usually do this. 303 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,601 It's okay. Don't worry about it. 304 00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:22,604 Please let it all out. That's what I'm here for. 305 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,107 Hello? 306 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,576 Hello? 307 00:18:28,643 --> 00:18:29,811 Hi there. 308 00:18:29,877 --> 00:18:32,013 You sound old. 309 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,349 Oh, I'm not so young, I guess. 310 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,351 You sound young, though. 311 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,987 I just turned 19. 312 00:18:39,053 --> 00:18:40,955 Happy birthday. Thank you. 313 00:18:41,022 --> 00:18:42,389 I hate birthdays. 314 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,291 Wait till you get to my age. 315 00:18:44,358 --> 00:18:46,393 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 316 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,128 Why do you say that? 317 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,329 I... It's-- 318 00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:50,832 Whatever. I just-- 319 00:18:50,898 --> 00:18:53,133 I've never really had a good birthday, 320 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,837 except maybe three years ago, I guess, when I ran away. 321 00:18:55,903 --> 00:18:58,806 That was like my birthday present to myself. 322 00:18:59,907 --> 00:19:01,375 Where do you live now? 323 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:04,779 In a very cozy two-person tent. 324 00:19:04,846 --> 00:19:06,246 I see. 325 00:19:07,849 --> 00:19:09,182 Do you have a caseworker? 326 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,818 No, not anymore. 327 00:19:10,885 --> 00:19:14,254 My, uh, boyfriend sort of had a falling out with him. 328 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:16,390 He's kind of an asshole. 329 00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,726 How long have you two been together? 330 00:19:18,793 --> 00:19:19,994 Since I left home. 331 00:19:20,061 --> 00:19:21,763 Did you meet on the street? 332 00:19:21,829 --> 00:19:23,330 Yeah, I, uh... 333 00:19:23,397 --> 00:19:25,232 I left my hometown with another friend, 334 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,869 but they chickened out after like two nights. 335 00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:31,471 So I ended up hooking up with these guys. 336 00:19:31,539 --> 00:19:36,176 Uh, they had guitars and weed and a dog. 337 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,780 I loved that dog. 338 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,917 He, uh died a month ago. 339 00:19:42,984 --> 00:19:44,619 Sorry. 340 00:19:44,686 --> 00:19:46,319 Yeah. 341 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,524 Uh, Justin's not doing too great either. 342 00:19:49,590 --> 00:19:51,559 Justin's your boyfriend? 343 00:19:51,626 --> 00:19:53,427 For lack of a better word. 344 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,096 What's wrong with him? 345 00:19:55,163 --> 00:19:57,330 I don't know. I... 346 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,933 Like, it's not COVID, 347 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,002 because he got that and it wasn't that bad. 348 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:04,204 But I... I think he might have hep or something. 349 00:20:05,106 --> 00:20:06,339 Did he go to a doctor? 350 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:07,742 Yeah, no. 351 00:20:07,809 --> 00:20:09,510 No. He, uh... 352 00:20:09,577 --> 00:20:11,713 He gets really paranoid around doctors. 353 00:20:11,779 --> 00:20:16,084 So I'm not even gonna ask. He, like, flips out. 354 00:20:16,150 --> 00:20:18,853 He's got major anger issues. 355 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,387 That's no good. 356 00:20:20,454 --> 00:20:23,423 Yeah, I told you, he's-- He's a fucking asshole. 357 00:20:24,759 --> 00:20:27,795 He thinks that I should make him money now. 358 00:20:27,862 --> 00:20:29,764 What do you mean? 359 00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:32,934 Like, he wants to be my fucking pimp. 360 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,771 Like, fuck that shit. 361 00:20:36,838 --> 00:20:39,272 Where's Justin right now? I don't know. 362 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:42,543 He's probably out with his buddies somewhere. 363 00:20:44,178 --> 00:20:47,081 Sounds like maybe you shouldn't be seeing this guy. 364 00:20:47,148 --> 00:20:48,983 Yeah, no shit. 365 00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:50,383 So? 366 00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:54,254 So it's not that simple. 367 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,657 Why not? 368 00:20:57,525 --> 00:20:59,127 It's just not. 369 00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:03,231 Like, do you think that I want to be out here alone, 370 00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:07,235 or that I can just get on some fucking homeless Tinder 371 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,669 and find myself a better dude? 372 00:21:08,736 --> 00:21:10,705 Like, it's not like 373 00:21:10,772 --> 00:21:12,874 I don't have my own issues too. 374 00:21:16,177 --> 00:21:20,413 Okay, I'm gonna give you a number for social services, 375 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,250 but I want to give you this guy's direct line. 376 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:23,985 He's the best. 377 00:21:24,051 --> 00:21:25,219 Shit! What? 378 00:21:27,789 --> 00:21:29,891 I think he's back. 379 00:21:29,957 --> 00:21:31,859 Yup, that's-- That's him. He's coming up the street. 380 00:21:31,926 --> 00:21:33,628 I got to go. If he hears I'm talking to you-- 381 00:21:33,694 --> 00:21:35,163 Can you write this number down first? 382 00:21:35,229 --> 00:21:37,297 Fuck, he looks fucking wasted. 383 00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:38,733 Here's the number. 384 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,201 Look, I'm gonna call you back, okay? 385 00:21:40,268 --> 00:21:41,936 Are you gonna be okay? 386 00:21:42,003 --> 00:21:43,604 Fucking test me! 387 00:22:41,329 --> 00:22:43,430 Hello, this is Beth. 388 00:22:43,496 --> 00:22:45,099 Beth! 389 00:22:45,166 --> 00:22:48,002 That your real name? 390 00:22:48,069 --> 00:22:50,872 Actually, we aren't allowed to use real names. 391 00:22:50,938 --> 00:22:52,540 Yeah, that's what I thought. 392 00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:56,077 Call me Kratos then. 393 00:22:57,278 --> 00:22:59,847 Call me fucking Solid Snake. 394 00:22:59,914 --> 00:23:02,550 That might be a little awkward, don't you think? 395 00:23:02,617 --> 00:23:03,818 Whatever. 396 00:23:03,885 --> 00:23:05,753 Call me whatever you want. 397 00:23:05,820 --> 00:23:08,656 You can call me Ellis. That's my real name. 398 00:23:08,723 --> 00:23:10,691 How are you tonight, Ellis? 399 00:23:10,758 --> 00:23:13,728 Great. Fantastic. 400 00:23:13,794 --> 00:23:16,597 That's obviously why I'm calling, right? 401 00:23:17,899 --> 00:23:20,134 I suppose not. 402 00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:21,702 Want to talk about it? 403 00:23:25,773 --> 00:23:27,575 You don't have to. 404 00:23:27,642 --> 00:23:30,745 I've just fucking had it. 405 00:23:30,811 --> 00:23:33,915 I'm so done with it. 406 00:23:33,981 --> 00:23:35,116 With what? 407 00:23:35,182 --> 00:23:38,519 Just the rejection. 408 00:23:38,586 --> 00:23:41,322 The contempt. 409 00:23:41,389 --> 00:23:43,456 From whom? Take a guess. 410 00:23:43,524 --> 00:23:44,926 Women? 411 00:23:44,992 --> 00:23:46,294 You think I'm a freak, don't you? 412 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:47,695 I don't. 413 00:23:47,762 --> 00:23:49,563 I wouldn't. Just met you. 414 00:23:49,630 --> 00:23:51,866 I've been dealing with this shit my whole life. 415 00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:54,302 I understand. No. No, you don't. 416 00:23:54,368 --> 00:23:55,970 You don't understand. 417 00:23:56,037 --> 00:23:58,105 You can't because you're not wired that way. 418 00:23:58,172 --> 00:24:02,176 Genetically programmed to need something you can't have. 419 00:24:02,243 --> 00:24:06,280 It's like, I don't even know how to explain it. 420 00:24:06,347 --> 00:24:08,182 It's fucked up. 421 00:24:08,249 --> 00:24:10,618 You can't not need it. 422 00:24:10,685 --> 00:24:12,787 Nature makes you need it. 423 00:24:12,853 --> 00:24:17,490 Society, it tells you you must have it. 424 00:24:17,558 --> 00:24:21,162 And then you're denied, rejected. 425 00:24:21,228 --> 00:24:22,663 The only choice you have 426 00:24:22,730 --> 00:24:26,801 is whether to hate yourself or hate them. 427 00:24:26,867 --> 00:24:28,302 All the fucking guys, 428 00:24:28,369 --> 00:24:30,771 whoever made you feel like a piece of shit, 429 00:24:30,838 --> 00:24:34,041 all the girls who mocked you, avoided you, 430 00:24:34,108 --> 00:24:37,111 looked right through you like you were nothing, 431 00:24:37,178 --> 00:24:40,014 and threw themselves at those idiots 432 00:24:40,081 --> 00:24:41,949 who just happened to have the right look, 433 00:24:42,016 --> 00:24:44,484 the fucking jacket, the fucking car, 434 00:24:44,552 --> 00:24:46,988 the fucking hair. 435 00:24:47,054 --> 00:24:50,524 Of course, you always end up hating both, 436 00:24:50,591 --> 00:24:52,927 yourself and them. 437 00:24:52,994 --> 00:24:55,730 Well, maybe hate isn't the way. 438 00:24:55,796 --> 00:24:57,365 Maybe-- You don't... 439 00:24:57,431 --> 00:24:59,499 You don't think I've tried the other way? 440 00:24:59,567 --> 00:25:02,403 Samantha fucking Robinson. I would have bled for her. 441 00:25:02,470 --> 00:25:04,572 I would have taken a bullet. 442 00:25:04,638 --> 00:25:06,140 She made me watch. 443 00:25:06,207 --> 00:25:08,376 She kissed that asshole right in front of me 444 00:25:08,442 --> 00:25:11,212 knowing I was watching, knowing how I felt. 445 00:25:14,415 --> 00:25:16,017 I had my revenge, though. 446 00:25:17,485 --> 00:25:18,886 I found this porno. 447 00:25:18,953 --> 00:25:22,189 The girl had the same exact body as her. 448 00:25:22,256 --> 00:25:24,892 I deep-faked Samantha's face on it... 449 00:25:26,327 --> 00:25:28,896 and I sent it to everyone. 450 00:25:28,963 --> 00:25:31,399 She had to move to a different school. 451 00:25:35,903 --> 00:25:37,705 You judge me yet? 452 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:40,975 Go ahead. 453 00:25:42,109 --> 00:25:43,210 Tell me. 454 00:25:43,277 --> 00:25:46,515 I don't like the action you described. 455 00:25:46,580 --> 00:25:51,285 Yeah, well, it's not even the worst thing I've done. 456 00:25:52,486 --> 00:25:55,022 I made another film. 457 00:25:55,089 --> 00:25:58,359 Pulled two hours worth of footage from CCTV cameras 458 00:25:58,426 --> 00:25:59,827 all around the world. 459 00:25:59,894 --> 00:26:02,296 Only the goriest shit. 460 00:26:02,363 --> 00:26:03,631 Sick as fuck. 461 00:26:03,697 --> 00:26:05,966 Splattered children. 462 00:26:06,033 --> 00:26:09,070 I cut it together to Disney music. 463 00:26:09,136 --> 00:26:11,639 I put it on 300 school websites. 464 00:26:13,908 --> 00:26:16,477 People went nuts. 465 00:26:16,545 --> 00:26:17,711 Oh, man! 466 00:26:20,781 --> 00:26:23,084 I don't expect you to understand. 467 00:26:24,652 --> 00:26:27,855 Maybe if you had to endure all the rejection I have, 468 00:26:27,922 --> 00:26:29,356 you would get it. 469 00:26:30,491 --> 00:26:31,959 If you were a man 470 00:26:32,026 --> 00:26:34,195 who's not allowed to feel like a man, 471 00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:37,598 you're too short, too soft, too chubby... 472 00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:41,469 whatever society has deemed inadequate about you... 473 00:26:43,270 --> 00:26:44,738 ...too little hair on your head, 474 00:26:44,805 --> 00:26:48,209 too broke to buy nice clothes. 475 00:26:48,275 --> 00:26:51,312 But you can't even imagine, can you? 476 00:26:53,447 --> 00:26:55,149 What do you even look like? 477 00:26:56,283 --> 00:26:57,552 What do I look like? 478 00:26:57,618 --> 00:26:59,053 That's what I asked. 479 00:27:01,422 --> 00:27:02,857 Just average. 480 00:27:02,923 --> 00:27:05,292 That's not very informative. 481 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,028 What, are you shy? 482 00:27:09,564 --> 00:27:11,332 I don't care if you're chubby. 483 00:27:11,398 --> 00:27:12,700 I mean... 484 00:27:12,766 --> 00:27:15,169 I'm hideous. 485 00:27:16,505 --> 00:27:18,105 I bet you're not. 486 00:27:18,172 --> 00:27:20,174 I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about that. 487 00:27:20,241 --> 00:27:21,976 I thought the whole point of this line 488 00:27:22,042 --> 00:27:24,145 was to talk to real people. 489 00:27:24,211 --> 00:27:25,547 That's right. 490 00:27:25,614 --> 00:27:27,715 So be real. 491 00:27:29,316 --> 00:27:32,286 Can you even relate to anything that I'm saying? 492 00:27:32,353 --> 00:27:33,854 Sure. 493 00:27:33,921 --> 00:27:35,756 I was a misfit. 494 00:27:37,491 --> 00:27:38,692 I didn't have nice clothes. 495 00:27:38,759 --> 00:27:40,961 Your family was broke? 496 00:27:41,028 --> 00:27:44,098 Well, I wouldn't say broke, but struggling. 497 00:27:45,099 --> 00:27:46,967 You had your assets, though. 498 00:27:48,469 --> 00:27:50,004 You could trade on looks. 499 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,643 You were good-looking. I can tell from your voice. 500 00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,477 You probably still are. 501 00:27:56,545 --> 00:27:58,179 Am I right? 502 00:27:58,245 --> 00:28:00,649 I'm not comfortable talking about that. 503 00:28:00,714 --> 00:28:01,949 Why? 504 00:28:02,016 --> 00:28:03,518 Did I freak you out with the porn? 505 00:28:03,585 --> 00:28:05,052 I... 506 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,021 I don't even watch porn anymore. 507 00:28:07,087 --> 00:28:09,223 It's too freaking painful. 508 00:28:11,058 --> 00:28:13,160 Oh, I'll-- I'll get them. 509 00:28:13,227 --> 00:28:14,461 Sorry? 510 00:28:16,463 --> 00:28:18,899 I'm just tired. 511 00:28:20,602 --> 00:28:24,539 I'm going through life like this, and it's... 512 00:28:24,606 --> 00:28:25,906 I'm an evolutionary failure. 513 00:28:25,973 --> 00:28:30,010 This unloved, unwanted piece of shit. 514 00:28:31,879 --> 00:28:33,914 Okay, listen. 515 00:28:33,981 --> 00:28:36,050 You can't think like that. 516 00:28:36,116 --> 00:28:37,251 Okay? 517 00:28:37,318 --> 00:28:38,385 I promise you, 518 00:28:38,452 --> 00:28:40,988 you will feel differently at some point. 519 00:28:43,057 --> 00:28:45,192 Can I ask you what you do for a living? 520 00:28:47,394 --> 00:28:48,762 I work in IT. 521 00:28:50,030 --> 00:28:52,433 I used to be a community analyst. 522 00:28:52,499 --> 00:28:53,635 You know what that is? 523 00:28:53,702 --> 00:28:55,169 I don't think so. 524 00:28:55,236 --> 00:28:56,770 Basically, you sit at a computer 525 00:28:56,837 --> 00:29:00,508 and you screen out all the sick shit people post. 526 00:29:00,575 --> 00:29:02,409 I did it for about a year, 527 00:29:02,476 --> 00:29:06,548 then they accused me of posting sick shit myself. 528 00:29:06,615 --> 00:29:08,782 I guess they didn't get the joke. 529 00:29:09,850 --> 00:29:12,820 So now I just fix network shit. 530 00:29:12,886 --> 00:29:14,488 Okay. 531 00:29:14,556 --> 00:29:17,157 Well, so... you're smart. 532 00:29:17,224 --> 00:29:18,560 What's your point? 533 00:29:18,627 --> 00:29:21,395 My point is, 534 00:29:21,462 --> 00:29:23,497 that's a very big asset. 535 00:29:23,565 --> 00:29:25,933 Now I think that the anger works against you, 536 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,334 but you can change that. 537 00:29:27,401 --> 00:29:30,070 Backtrack. Say that first part again. 538 00:29:30,137 --> 00:29:31,506 What do you mean? After "you're smart." 539 00:29:31,573 --> 00:29:33,642 What-- What-- What was that you said? 540 00:29:33,708 --> 00:29:35,610 I said that's very good. No, no, no. 541 00:29:35,677 --> 00:29:37,011 That's not what you said. 542 00:29:37,077 --> 00:29:38,647 Just say it like you said it before. 543 00:29:38,713 --> 00:29:39,847 I don't understand. 544 00:29:39,913 --> 00:29:41,415 Will you please just repeat 545 00:29:41,482 --> 00:29:42,983 exactly what you said? 546 00:29:43,050 --> 00:29:46,688 I think I said that's a very big asset. 547 00:29:46,755 --> 00:29:48,523 Okay. Yeah, yes. 548 00:29:49,890 --> 00:29:51,325 That was it. 549 00:29:51,392 --> 00:29:53,994 Okay. Keep talking. 550 00:29:54,061 --> 00:29:56,497 Well, I think that you're in a cloud right now, 551 00:29:56,564 --> 00:29:58,533 but that cloud will pass. 552 00:30:01,770 --> 00:30:02,970 Okay? 553 00:30:03,037 --> 00:30:05,172 You have a nice voice. Thank you. 554 00:30:05,239 --> 00:30:07,676 Can you keep talking? 555 00:30:07,742 --> 00:30:09,977 What else can I tell you? 556 00:30:10,044 --> 00:30:11,879 Well, what-- What... 557 00:30:14,848 --> 00:30:16,317 What are you wearing right now? 558 00:30:16,383 --> 00:30:18,852 Oh, sorry. I'm not playing that game. 559 00:30:18,919 --> 00:30:21,656 Just say that thing again. 560 00:30:21,723 --> 00:30:23,090 I don't think so. 561 00:30:23,157 --> 00:30:25,192 Okay, just... Just breathe then. 562 00:30:25,259 --> 00:30:27,696 Please just breathe into the receiver for me-- 563 00:30:27,762 --> 00:30:29,296 Have a good night. 564 00:30:29,363 --> 00:30:30,831 Yeah, you know what? Fuck you too-- 565 00:30:47,981 --> 00:30:49,116 Hello? 566 00:30:49,183 --> 00:30:50,984 Hello there. I'm Beth. 567 00:30:51,051 --> 00:30:53,722 I'm mentally ill. Let's get that out of the way. 568 00:30:53,788 --> 00:30:55,889 All right? I'm mental. 569 00:30:55,956 --> 00:30:57,958 So there you go. 570 00:30:58,025 --> 00:31:00,227 I used to hate that word. Now I'm like, "Fuck it." 571 00:31:00,294 --> 00:31:02,096 Like, it's a cool word, you know? 572 00:31:02,162 --> 00:31:05,032 "Mental." It's like, it's cool. It's like cigarettes. 573 00:31:05,899 --> 00:31:07,267 When you say mental... 574 00:31:07,334 --> 00:31:09,269 Borderline and bipolar psychotic episodes. 575 00:31:09,336 --> 00:31:12,439 Mainly, I'm just on edge, kind of like... 576 00:31:12,507 --> 00:31:14,509 if you're alone in a dark parking structure 577 00:31:14,576 --> 00:31:17,177 and you just have this feeling that you shouldn't be there. 578 00:31:17,244 --> 00:31:18,912 Like, that something bad's about to happen? 579 00:31:18,979 --> 00:31:20,214 It's like that. 580 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,216 I see. I have it right now. 581 00:31:22,282 --> 00:31:24,184 I'm at home, and I have a feeling 582 00:31:24,251 --> 00:31:26,387 like I shouldn't be here. 583 00:31:26,453 --> 00:31:29,591 I'm probably talking too fast, right? 584 00:31:29,657 --> 00:31:31,693 That's the other thing. 585 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,360 Words, they just roll out. 586 00:31:35,362 --> 00:31:36,930 Are you taking medication? 587 00:31:36,997 --> 00:31:38,633 Do you know anything about magnetrons? 588 00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:39,834 What? 589 00:31:39,900 --> 00:31:41,435 The thingies inside microwaves? 590 00:31:41,503 --> 00:31:44,739 I just warmed up a plate and I left the spoon in, 591 00:31:44,806 --> 00:31:47,241 and then the microwave, it got all sparky. 592 00:31:47,307 --> 00:31:49,611 And I think I might have damaged the magnetron 593 00:31:49,677 --> 00:31:51,613 because they have beryllium inside, 594 00:31:51,679 --> 00:31:53,681 which if you inhale even a tiny spec, 595 00:31:53,748 --> 00:31:54,883 like, you're done. 596 00:31:54,948 --> 00:31:56,283 It's like weapon-grade shit. 597 00:31:58,185 --> 00:32:00,254 I'm afraid I don't know much about it. 598 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,423 I don't use the microwave very often. 599 00:32:02,489 --> 00:32:04,091 Gas can be dangerous too, you know. 600 00:32:04,158 --> 00:32:06,026 Slow leak, you won't even smell it. 601 00:32:06,093 --> 00:32:07,695 That's true. 602 00:32:07,762 --> 00:32:09,531 I'm not taking anything. 603 00:32:09,597 --> 00:32:11,064 Oh. 604 00:32:11,131 --> 00:32:12,767 How come? 605 00:32:12,834 --> 00:32:14,168 I lost my health insurance. 606 00:32:14,234 --> 00:32:16,871 It's with the socks now. 607 00:32:16,937 --> 00:32:18,439 I'm sorry? 608 00:32:19,674 --> 00:32:21,810 You know, when you lose a sock, 609 00:32:21,876 --> 00:32:24,411 just one sock. 610 00:32:24,478 --> 00:32:26,714 The other's still there, but one sock, 611 00:32:26,781 --> 00:32:28,716 every six pairs or so it's just like 612 00:32:28,783 --> 00:32:30,083 it always disappears, right? 613 00:32:30,150 --> 00:32:31,786 It doesn't matter where you live. 614 00:32:31,853 --> 00:32:33,655 Doesn't matter where you do your laundry. 615 00:32:33,721 --> 00:32:37,525 There is a place socks just like to go. 616 00:32:37,592 --> 00:32:40,628 I liked this guy once. 617 00:32:40,695 --> 00:32:42,296 He was a comedian. 618 00:32:42,362 --> 00:32:45,600 I thought he was funny, but then one day he bombed 619 00:32:45,667 --> 00:32:48,202 and then he just never went on stage again. 620 00:32:49,637 --> 00:32:51,706 How long ago--? He said he lost his mojo. 621 00:32:51,773 --> 00:32:53,307 He became depressed 622 00:32:53,373 --> 00:32:55,142 and he couldn't deal with my shit anymore. 623 00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:57,177 And that was it. So he lost his mojo, 624 00:32:57,244 --> 00:32:58,713 and I lost him. 625 00:32:58,780 --> 00:33:02,316 I bet he's wearing my socks right now. 626 00:33:02,382 --> 00:33:04,051 I bet he got fat. 627 00:33:04,117 --> 00:33:06,320 I lost 10 pounds. I bet he found them. 628 00:33:07,956 --> 00:33:09,490 When did you lose your insurance? 629 00:33:09,557 --> 00:33:12,527 Six months ago. I don't know, maybe seven. 630 00:33:14,328 --> 00:33:16,831 So are you not seeing a doctor? 631 00:33:16,898 --> 00:33:18,867 Oh, yeah. I am, sure. 632 00:33:18,933 --> 00:33:20,300 Whenever I go out, 633 00:33:20,367 --> 00:33:23,303 there is probably a doctor somewhere. 634 00:33:23,370 --> 00:33:25,005 I meant-- I'm kidding! 635 00:33:25,072 --> 00:33:26,641 No! 636 00:33:27,775 --> 00:33:29,176 I was for a while, 637 00:33:29,243 --> 00:33:31,245 but he moved out of state. 638 00:33:31,311 --> 00:33:34,081 So no meds, no doctor, 639 00:33:34,147 --> 00:33:35,817 no insurance. 640 00:33:35,884 --> 00:33:38,520 Welcome to America, right? 641 00:33:38,586 --> 00:33:40,187 I hear you. 642 00:33:40,254 --> 00:33:43,190 I didn't much like him, to tell you the truth. 643 00:33:43,257 --> 00:33:44,893 I can put you in touch with someone-- 644 00:33:44,959 --> 00:33:47,361 Uh-uh. Don't even, okay? 645 00:33:47,427 --> 00:33:49,964 I'm not in the fucking mood for that shit. 646 00:33:50,030 --> 00:33:54,501 The last thing I need is to be sent to some shitty hospital 647 00:33:54,569 --> 00:33:57,104 with shitty nurses who just look down on you. 648 00:33:57,170 --> 00:33:58,806 You know, they don't help you. 649 00:33:58,873 --> 00:34:01,776 All they do is fill forms and talk shit behind your back. 650 00:34:01,843 --> 00:34:03,878 And then they bill you for it. 651 00:34:03,945 --> 00:34:05,780 Yeah, I understand. 652 00:34:05,847 --> 00:34:07,114 Well, maybe we can-- 653 00:34:07,180 --> 00:34:09,316 I feel weird. How so? 654 00:34:09,383 --> 00:34:13,021 I feel like my bones have turned to snakes. 655 00:34:13,086 --> 00:34:14,488 What do you mean? 656 00:34:14,556 --> 00:34:18,325 I mean, I have snakes for bones. 657 00:34:18,392 --> 00:34:20,929 Okay? They make my body, like, move funny. 658 00:34:20,995 --> 00:34:22,329 I think I'm just-- 659 00:34:22,396 --> 00:34:24,498 Uh, I think I'm having an episode. 660 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:27,769 Knock, knock. 661 00:34:30,304 --> 00:34:33,073 Who's there? I have no fucking idea. 662 00:34:33,140 --> 00:34:34,542 Okay. 663 00:34:36,109 --> 00:34:38,046 Listen, I'll stay on the phone. 664 00:34:38,111 --> 00:34:39,246 Okay? 665 00:34:39,313 --> 00:34:40,582 I'll be right here with you, 666 00:34:40,648 --> 00:34:42,349 but I think that maybe we should call-- 667 00:34:42,416 --> 00:34:45,587 You know, I don't hear voices. 668 00:34:46,921 --> 00:34:48,957 Everybody always asks that, you know? 669 00:34:49,023 --> 00:34:50,792 No, I don't! 670 00:34:51,993 --> 00:34:53,460 I see them. 671 00:34:55,228 --> 00:34:56,798 You see them? 672 00:34:56,864 --> 00:34:58,298 Like, your voice. 673 00:34:58,365 --> 00:35:00,568 I can see it right now. 674 00:35:00,635 --> 00:35:03,571 It's blue. It's got a little green in it. 675 00:35:04,539 --> 00:35:06,774 And I can smell it too. 676 00:35:06,841 --> 00:35:10,678 I can smell you through the phone. 677 00:35:12,379 --> 00:35:14,214 You smell nice, like... 678 00:35:14,281 --> 00:35:17,150 You smell like a fluffy cloud. 679 00:35:20,688 --> 00:35:22,456 I mean, I got you there, didn't I? 680 00:35:22,523 --> 00:35:25,158 Yeah, you sure did. 681 00:35:25,225 --> 00:35:28,630 Seriously, though, I can. 682 00:35:30,497 --> 00:35:31,833 Do you believe me? 683 00:35:31,899 --> 00:35:33,034 I... 684 00:35:33,101 --> 00:35:34,234 I'm confused now. 685 00:35:34,301 --> 00:35:35,903 There you go! Do you get it? 686 00:35:35,970 --> 00:35:38,372 Get what? That's how it works. 687 00:35:38,438 --> 00:35:39,941 You don't know what to believe, 688 00:35:40,008 --> 00:35:42,242 except that it's all in your own head. 689 00:35:42,309 --> 00:35:47,548 Like you don't know when you can believe yourself. 690 00:35:47,615 --> 00:35:49,249 But they do have medication for that. 691 00:35:49,316 --> 00:35:50,785 I don't do well with meds, okay? 692 00:35:50,852 --> 00:35:52,352 Okay. I can't moderate. 693 00:35:52,419 --> 00:35:54,187 Either I don't take them, 694 00:35:54,254 --> 00:35:55,723 or I just take the whole bottle. 695 00:35:55,790 --> 00:35:57,091 So they're all shit anyways. 696 00:35:57,157 --> 00:35:58,526 I mean, they don't work. 697 00:35:58,593 --> 00:36:00,061 If they work, they make you lethargic. 698 00:36:00,128 --> 00:36:01,796 You don't ever want to have sex again. 699 00:36:01,863 --> 00:36:03,397 Drugs are a lie. 700 00:36:03,463 --> 00:36:05,667 They just want you on drugs so you don't know anything. 701 00:36:05,733 --> 00:36:07,334 You don't care about anything. 702 00:36:07,401 --> 00:36:08,903 All the shit happening in the world. 703 00:36:08,970 --> 00:36:12,305 COVID-19, killer hornets, computer viruses. 704 00:36:12,372 --> 00:36:14,274 They spy on you and no one cares. 705 00:36:14,341 --> 00:36:17,277 Secret prisons, child porn, killer clowns, 706 00:36:17,344 --> 00:36:18,913 fucking ISIS, dioxins, 707 00:36:18,980 --> 00:36:21,314 Epstein, ethnic cleansing, leaking implants, 708 00:36:21,381 --> 00:36:25,086 honor killings, overbilling, toxic sludge, man on ledge. 709 00:36:25,153 --> 00:36:26,888 No one cares! 710 00:36:29,222 --> 00:36:30,825 No one cares. 711 00:36:35,129 --> 00:36:37,098 Wow. 712 00:36:37,165 --> 00:36:38,800 I'm sorry. 713 00:36:38,866 --> 00:36:40,668 Brian goes off like that sometimes. 714 00:36:40,735 --> 00:36:41,669 Brian? 715 00:36:41,736 --> 00:36:43,071 That's what I call my brain: 716 00:36:43,137 --> 00:36:44,271 Brian. 717 00:36:44,337 --> 00:36:46,206 Because it's scrambled. 718 00:36:47,407 --> 00:36:48,609 I'm not even talking right now. 719 00:36:48,676 --> 00:36:50,178 Like, I'm not the one talking. 720 00:36:50,243 --> 00:36:52,312 Like, the thoughts, they have their own mind. 721 00:36:52,379 --> 00:36:53,581 Like, they talk right through me. 722 00:36:53,648 --> 00:36:55,049 I can read your thoughts. 723 00:36:55,116 --> 00:36:56,651 I can read the fine print. 724 00:36:56,718 --> 00:36:59,687 But the thoughts that come out of my mouth? 725 00:36:59,754 --> 00:37:01,689 I don't know them until they're out. 726 00:37:01,756 --> 00:37:04,025 Hmm. That must be really tough. 727 00:37:04,092 --> 00:37:06,994 Yeah, well, I can't play society's game, 728 00:37:07,061 --> 00:37:08,696 that's for sure. 729 00:37:08,763 --> 00:37:11,199 I mean, whenever someone tries that shit on me, 730 00:37:11,264 --> 00:37:13,634 Brian's just like, "Fuck you." 731 00:37:13,701 --> 00:37:15,770 I will look into the horse's mouth, okay? 732 00:37:15,837 --> 00:37:17,471 I will make mountains out of molehills, 733 00:37:17,538 --> 00:37:19,607 and I will put all my eggs in one basket, 734 00:37:19,674 --> 00:37:21,509 and I will teach grandmothers how to suck them. 735 00:37:21,576 --> 00:37:22,877 I will catch a falling knife, 736 00:37:22,944 --> 00:37:24,645 I will take that knife to the gunfight, 737 00:37:24,712 --> 00:37:26,413 and I will cut my nose to spite my face. 738 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:27,815 How about that? 739 00:37:27,882 --> 00:37:29,751 And I will cross that fucking bridge 740 00:37:29,817 --> 00:37:32,754 before I get to it because that's how I roll, baby. 741 00:37:36,356 --> 00:37:37,491 What? 742 00:37:37,558 --> 00:37:38,893 I didn't say anything. 743 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,327 I can smell it. 744 00:37:42,462 --> 00:37:44,364 Oh, I was just thinking. 745 00:37:47,235 --> 00:37:49,269 You know you have a gift, right? 746 00:37:49,336 --> 00:37:51,038 A gift? 747 00:37:51,105 --> 00:37:52,774 I mean, you're... 748 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,776 You're kind of like a poet, 749 00:37:54,842 --> 00:37:58,345 the way that your mind makes connections. 750 00:37:58,411 --> 00:38:02,382 I don't know, I know you're maybe just imagining things, 751 00:38:02,449 --> 00:38:04,719 but isn't that what poetry does? 752 00:38:04,786 --> 00:38:09,023 Sort of looks at things sideways or differently? 753 00:38:09,090 --> 00:38:10,525 I don't know. 754 00:38:10,591 --> 00:38:13,561 I don't mean to romanticize it. I just, uh... 755 00:38:15,328 --> 00:38:17,532 I just think you're talented. 756 00:38:20,367 --> 00:38:21,836 I like rap. 757 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,675 You should write some lyrics. 758 00:38:29,043 --> 00:38:30,545 Like a-- Like a song? 759 00:38:30,611 --> 00:38:34,081 Like a song or a poem. 760 00:38:34,148 --> 00:38:36,316 Whatever comes out. 761 00:38:38,186 --> 00:38:40,353 Okay. I'm gonna go now. 762 00:39:17,457 --> 00:39:19,927 Hello. This is Beth. 763 00:39:19,994 --> 00:39:21,762 Yeah, hi. 764 00:39:23,164 --> 00:39:24,632 I'm Ray. 765 00:39:24,699 --> 00:39:26,968 Nice to meet you, Ray. 766 00:39:27,034 --> 00:39:28,501 How are you tonight? 767 00:39:28,569 --> 00:39:30,605 How am I? 768 00:39:30,671 --> 00:39:33,473 Well, let's see. 769 00:39:33,541 --> 00:39:36,443 Had a few drinks before I went to sleep. 770 00:39:36,510 --> 00:39:38,713 Then I had a fucking nightmare. 771 00:39:38,779 --> 00:39:42,717 So now, I'm having another drink. 772 00:39:44,518 --> 00:39:46,621 Want to talk about it? 773 00:39:46,687 --> 00:39:49,489 What? The drink or the nightmare? 774 00:39:49,557 --> 00:39:51,726 Either. Both. 775 00:39:51,792 --> 00:39:53,861 No. I'm drinking scotch 776 00:39:53,928 --> 00:39:58,332 and the nightmare is a boot. 777 00:39:58,398 --> 00:40:00,101 A boot? 778 00:40:00,167 --> 00:40:01,302 Yeah. 779 00:40:01,369 --> 00:40:03,436 Like a cowboy boot? 780 00:40:03,504 --> 00:40:05,039 Military. 781 00:40:05,106 --> 00:40:06,574 Are you in the Army? 782 00:40:06,641 --> 00:40:08,342 Nah, Marines. 783 00:40:08,408 --> 00:40:09,744 I was. 784 00:40:09,810 --> 00:40:11,312 I don't like to call the vet lines, 785 00:40:11,379 --> 00:40:14,081 if that's what you're about to suggest. 786 00:40:14,148 --> 00:40:15,283 That's fine. 787 00:40:15,349 --> 00:40:16,751 They just follow their scripts 788 00:40:16,817 --> 00:40:18,286 and make you feel like you're talking 789 00:40:18,352 --> 00:40:19,486 to what's her name? 790 00:40:19,553 --> 00:40:20,888 The robot lady? 791 00:40:20,955 --> 00:40:22,123 Siri? 792 00:40:22,189 --> 00:40:24,258 That's right. 793 00:40:24,325 --> 00:40:27,094 You're always welcome to call this line. 794 00:40:27,161 --> 00:40:29,864 You sound like this officer I know. 795 00:40:30,965 --> 00:40:32,867 She was tough. 796 00:40:32,934 --> 00:40:35,136 Once she overheard a dude call her a Marine 797 00:40:35,202 --> 00:40:38,873 and put him on latrine duty for a month. 798 00:40:38,940 --> 00:40:40,608 She was cool with me, though. 799 00:40:41,474 --> 00:40:43,144 Where was that? 800 00:40:43,210 --> 00:40:46,047 Afghanistan, Hindu Kush. 801 00:40:47,648 --> 00:40:50,284 Hmm, Hindu Kush. 802 00:40:50,351 --> 00:40:51,484 Hindu Kush. 803 00:40:51,552 --> 00:40:54,989 Baby, I dream of your... 804 00:40:55,056 --> 00:40:57,825 Do you know what they call an Afghan 805 00:40:57,892 --> 00:41:00,895 who owns a camel and a goat? 806 00:41:00,962 --> 00:41:02,196 What? 807 00:41:02,263 --> 00:41:03,431 Bisexual. 808 00:41:06,701 --> 00:41:08,970 I know. I know. That's racist. 809 00:41:09,036 --> 00:41:12,006 What can I say? War zones ain't safe zones. 810 00:41:15,409 --> 00:41:16,811 So... 811 00:41:18,312 --> 00:41:19,947 what's up with the boot? 812 00:41:21,148 --> 00:41:22,550 That was Iraq. 813 00:41:23,417 --> 00:41:25,386 Iraq. 814 00:41:25,453 --> 00:41:27,388 That's where I got messed up. 815 00:41:27,455 --> 00:41:31,325 I was about three months in the first time I got shot. 816 00:41:31,392 --> 00:41:32,860 What happened? 817 00:41:32,927 --> 00:41:35,029 I don't really remember it. 818 00:41:36,297 --> 00:41:38,432 I was in this house. Someone shot me. 819 00:41:38,498 --> 00:41:40,668 I fell down the stairwell. 820 00:41:40,735 --> 00:41:44,271 Ended up in the hospital, then back home. 821 00:41:45,639 --> 00:41:47,408 Didn't feel like home, though. 822 00:41:47,475 --> 00:41:49,510 How so? 823 00:41:50,711 --> 00:41:52,513 It's funny. 824 00:41:52,580 --> 00:41:54,548 You miss your bed so much... 825 00:41:56,384 --> 00:41:57,918 and then you're in your bed 826 00:41:57,985 --> 00:41:59,887 and it's dead quiet. 827 00:42:01,856 --> 00:42:03,724 And you can't sleep for shit. 828 00:42:04,925 --> 00:42:07,161 Try to explain that to the missus. 829 00:42:09,497 --> 00:42:10,698 How much you miss sleeping 830 00:42:10,765 --> 00:42:12,767 in a room full of dudes and guns. 831 00:42:16,270 --> 00:42:17,772 So... 832 00:42:19,140 --> 00:42:20,541 what about the boot? 833 00:42:22,143 --> 00:42:26,113 Well, after I recovered, I got redeployed. 834 00:42:27,748 --> 00:42:30,017 One night, we drove to this farm. 835 00:42:30,084 --> 00:42:32,853 We were supposed to arrest two guys. 836 00:42:34,755 --> 00:42:37,625 The whole place was booby-trapped. 837 00:42:37,691 --> 00:42:39,660 Rodriguez got blown up. 838 00:42:41,462 --> 00:42:44,465 Finally, we start clearing the buildings. 839 00:42:44,533 --> 00:42:47,301 I'm pretty jumpy. 840 00:42:47,368 --> 00:42:49,837 When I see this guy 841 00:42:49,904 --> 00:42:52,773 kind of come up to me out of nowhere, 842 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,109 I just squeezed the trigger. 843 00:42:58,012 --> 00:43:00,681 It was a 40-year-old woman. 844 00:43:03,784 --> 00:43:06,020 She had five children. 845 00:43:08,389 --> 00:43:11,258 All at once, it was to be a Jedi. 846 00:43:12,326 --> 00:43:14,895 I'm sorry? 847 00:43:14,962 --> 00:43:16,565 Sure, I mean, you know, have your country. 848 00:43:16,630 --> 00:43:18,032 You know, yadda, yadda. 849 00:43:19,834 --> 00:43:21,602 And you want the paycheck. 850 00:43:23,003 --> 00:43:25,906 But honestly, I just wanted to learn stuff. 851 00:43:27,509 --> 00:43:29,310 The secret stuff. 852 00:43:30,811 --> 00:43:33,347 I wanted to be that guy in the bar. 853 00:43:34,748 --> 00:43:36,450 The guy with the cool tattoos 854 00:43:36,518 --> 00:43:38,819 and the cool stories. 855 00:43:41,689 --> 00:43:43,224 Guess what I learned? 856 00:43:44,526 --> 00:43:46,260 What's that? 857 00:43:47,461 --> 00:43:49,296 I learned what bodies smell like 858 00:43:49,363 --> 00:43:52,066 after they've been in the sun three days. 859 00:43:55,369 --> 00:43:57,938 I can look at someone on the street, 860 00:43:58,005 --> 00:44:00,207 I know what they'd look like dead. 861 00:44:04,111 --> 00:44:06,413 What do you do with that knowledge? 862 00:44:10,619 --> 00:44:12,486 I killed four guys. 863 00:44:12,554 --> 00:44:14,021 One of them I can't... 864 00:44:14,088 --> 00:44:16,558 I can't be sure. 865 00:44:16,625 --> 00:44:19,860 So maybe just three. 866 00:44:21,662 --> 00:44:23,697 I'm sure they were combatants. 867 00:44:26,767 --> 00:44:28,335 But then there was her. 868 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,375 They don't teach you how to live with that. 869 00:44:36,545 --> 00:44:38,078 I'm sorry. 870 00:44:42,316 --> 00:44:44,018 I came back. 871 00:44:45,286 --> 00:44:47,721 They had this big welcome party. 872 00:44:49,089 --> 00:44:54,295 People buying me beers, calling me a hero. 873 00:44:54,361 --> 00:44:57,431 No one ever mentioned her again. 874 00:44:57,498 --> 00:44:59,934 The report cleared me. No further question. 875 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:04,338 Everything is forgiven except... 876 00:45:05,773 --> 00:45:07,875 You sit alone at night. 877 00:45:11,412 --> 00:45:13,914 Do you want to tell me about the boot? 878 00:45:15,650 --> 00:45:16,984 Right. 879 00:45:17,985 --> 00:45:19,220 Basically, 880 00:45:19,286 --> 00:45:22,323 10 minutes after I killed her, 881 00:45:22,389 --> 00:45:25,292 I stepped onto an IED. 882 00:45:25,359 --> 00:45:29,129 I was lucky, I mean-- I mean, compared to many, 883 00:45:29,196 --> 00:45:33,000 the bomb just took my foot clean off, boot and all. 884 00:45:34,001 --> 00:45:35,402 No one could find it. 885 00:45:35,469 --> 00:45:37,838 Jesus. 886 00:45:37,905 --> 00:45:39,440 Didn't see that coming. 887 00:45:39,507 --> 00:45:41,909 Yeah. Me neither. 888 00:45:45,479 --> 00:45:47,848 Anyway, in the dream... 889 00:45:49,618 --> 00:45:51,218 she brings me my boot. 890 00:45:54,355 --> 00:45:55,489 Um... 891 00:45:59,193 --> 00:46:01,529 I think I need some Advil. 892 00:46:01,596 --> 00:46:02,731 Thanks for your time. 893 00:46:02,796 --> 00:46:04,064 Wait. 894 00:46:04,131 --> 00:46:05,933 Can I ask you a question? 895 00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,135 Shoot. 896 00:46:08,202 --> 00:46:11,606 If she's just bringing you your boot, 897 00:46:11,673 --> 00:46:13,407 why is it a nightmare? 898 00:46:13,474 --> 00:46:16,977 Because up to that point, I have both feet. 899 00:46:18,613 --> 00:46:20,114 When she holds up the boot, 900 00:46:20,180 --> 00:46:22,783 that's when I realize my foot is gone. 901 00:46:24,118 --> 00:46:25,252 Oh. 902 00:46:26,688 --> 00:46:28,623 You know... 903 00:46:28,690 --> 00:46:33,762 modern people think that dreams are about things that happened. 904 00:46:33,827 --> 00:46:35,664 The ancients, they thought the dreams 905 00:46:35,730 --> 00:46:37,064 were about the future. 906 00:46:37,998 --> 00:46:42,903 Like prophecies or advice. 907 00:46:43,772 --> 00:46:45,172 What are you saying? 908 00:46:46,140 --> 00:46:47,676 Well, I'm no analyst, 909 00:46:47,742 --> 00:46:51,045 but... a boot? 910 00:46:52,012 --> 00:46:53,347 What about it? 911 00:46:55,015 --> 00:46:57,384 It's like you're stuck there. 912 00:46:57,451 --> 00:46:59,887 In your heart, you're still there. 913 00:47:01,055 --> 00:47:02,389 Oh, shit. 914 00:47:02,456 --> 00:47:05,326 Maybe she's telling you you can walk away. 915 00:47:09,129 --> 00:47:11,298 You think so? 916 00:47:11,365 --> 00:47:12,833 I do. 917 00:47:13,768 --> 00:47:15,235 Hmm. 918 00:47:20,441 --> 00:47:22,443 I'm gonna have to think about that. 919 00:47:23,511 --> 00:47:24,945 Good. 920 00:47:28,516 --> 00:47:31,251 Maybe you should try to get some sleep. 921 00:47:32,119 --> 00:47:34,622 Yeah. Good idea. 922 00:47:36,156 --> 00:47:37,625 Good night then. 923 00:47:37,692 --> 00:47:39,761 Good night. 924 00:48:12,761 --> 00:48:14,094 Here you go. 925 00:49:33,006 --> 00:49:35,008 Hello, this is Beth. 926 00:49:38,078 --> 00:49:41,215 Hello? This is Beth. 927 00:49:43,751 --> 00:49:45,620 How are you tonight? 928 00:49:51,158 --> 00:49:53,126 Take your time. 929 00:49:53,193 --> 00:49:55,028 Whenever you're ready. 930 00:49:56,263 --> 00:49:57,599 Okay. 931 00:50:07,341 --> 00:50:09,644 I know this can be difficult. 932 00:50:44,746 --> 00:50:47,882 And everybody just plays along. 933 00:50:47,949 --> 00:50:52,119 They all see everyone else for what they are. 934 00:50:52,185 --> 00:50:55,623 Wannabes, name-droppers, fucking... 935 00:50:56,758 --> 00:50:58,760 the crevice dwellers. 936 00:50:58,826 --> 00:51:02,296 But they all tell themselves they're different. 937 00:51:02,362 --> 00:51:04,498 Well, I am-- I am done. 938 00:51:04,566 --> 00:51:07,702 I had my last fucking humiliation. 939 00:51:08,770 --> 00:51:09,904 I'm sorry. 940 00:51:09,971 --> 00:51:11,371 Oh! So get this. 941 00:51:11,438 --> 00:51:14,441 So I audition for a student film. 942 00:51:14,509 --> 00:51:19,279 That's right, auditioned for a student film. 943 00:51:19,346 --> 00:51:21,348 And I didn't get it. 944 00:51:21,415 --> 00:51:23,985 I don't even know how I lasted this long. 945 00:51:24,052 --> 00:51:26,721 I hate them all so much. 946 00:51:26,788 --> 00:51:28,623 Like the sharks and the liars 947 00:51:28,690 --> 00:51:30,525 and the suckers who fall for them, 948 00:51:30,592 --> 00:51:32,326 taking selfies on the red carpet. 949 00:51:32,392 --> 00:51:33,962 It's so fucking desperate. 950 00:51:34,028 --> 00:51:35,495 It's so thirsty. 951 00:51:35,563 --> 00:51:37,966 To, like, sneak backstage into the VIP room, 952 00:51:38,032 --> 00:51:41,335 that secret party where it will all finally happen. 953 00:51:41,401 --> 00:51:43,571 Where some famous someone will discover them 954 00:51:43,638 --> 00:51:45,640 and everything will change. 955 00:51:45,707 --> 00:51:47,575 And the more the dream fades, 956 00:51:47,642 --> 00:51:50,912 the more desperate they get to maintain the illusion, 957 00:51:50,979 --> 00:51:53,548 to look good, to stay fit, to score the invitation, 958 00:51:53,615 --> 00:51:55,449 to get the fucking likes, 959 00:51:55,516 --> 00:51:58,285 and the whole town's in on it! 960 00:52:00,521 --> 00:52:02,657 Hello, this is Beth. 961 00:52:03,725 --> 00:52:05,425 Angela? 962 00:52:05,492 --> 00:52:06,861 Beth. 963 00:52:06,928 --> 00:52:08,428 Where's Angela? 964 00:52:08,495 --> 00:52:10,865 I don't know an Angela. 965 00:52:10,932 --> 00:52:13,467 Did you ask for her at the switchboard? 966 00:52:13,534 --> 00:52:15,302 Speak up, sweetie. I can't hear you. 967 00:52:15,369 --> 00:52:18,472 When you called, did you ask for Angela? 968 00:52:19,473 --> 00:52:20,808 Are you with Angela? 969 00:52:20,875 --> 00:52:22,677 No, I'm not with Angela. 970 00:52:22,744 --> 00:52:23,978 Jesus Christ. 971 00:52:24,045 --> 00:52:25,880 What the fuck are you wasting my time for? 972 00:52:27,649 --> 00:52:29,383 Nice. 973 00:52:36,156 --> 00:52:37,324 Hi. 974 00:52:37,391 --> 00:52:38,926 Hello. 975 00:52:40,094 --> 00:52:41,596 What do I call you? 976 00:52:41,663 --> 00:52:42,830 Oh, sorry. 977 00:52:42,897 --> 00:52:44,532 You can call me Beth. 978 00:52:46,067 --> 00:52:48,301 You can call me Chris. 979 00:52:50,170 --> 00:52:51,873 Nice to meet you, Chris. 980 00:52:53,074 --> 00:52:55,109 You lay cops? 981 00:52:55,175 --> 00:52:56,744 No. 982 00:52:56,811 --> 00:52:58,913 Because a lot of people do these days. 983 00:52:58,980 --> 00:53:00,615 Are you a cop? 984 00:53:01,816 --> 00:53:04,418 Yeah. Sheriff. 985 00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,655 It's what I'm calling about. 986 00:53:09,090 --> 00:53:10,725 We have psychologists. 987 00:53:10,792 --> 00:53:12,894 I just don't want to be seen anywhere near them. 988 00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:14,829 Word gets out you're seeing a psychologist, 989 00:53:14,896 --> 00:53:17,364 and suddenly everyone thinks you're a basket case. 990 00:53:17,431 --> 00:53:19,433 Hmm. I understand. 991 00:53:28,475 --> 00:53:30,210 Do you want to talk about it? 992 00:53:35,149 --> 00:53:36,751 Here's the deal. 993 00:53:36,818 --> 00:53:40,220 Last year, I was involved in an incident. 994 00:53:41,689 --> 00:53:44,025 I wasn't directly involved, 995 00:53:44,092 --> 00:53:46,393 but I saw the whole thing. 996 00:53:47,528 --> 00:53:49,630 I can't get into the details. 997 00:53:49,697 --> 00:53:52,900 Suffice it to say, there was a review. 998 00:53:52,967 --> 00:53:57,905 Final word was, the incident was in policy. 999 00:53:59,540 --> 00:54:01,109 Officer issued a command, 1000 00:54:01,175 --> 00:54:03,611 suspect didn't comply. 1001 00:54:03,678 --> 00:54:07,081 Officer attempted to arrest the suspect. 1002 00:54:07,148 --> 00:54:09,851 Suspect resisted arrest. 1003 00:54:09,917 --> 00:54:13,420 Officer applied reasonable force. 1004 00:54:13,487 --> 00:54:17,290 The suspect was unintentionally injured... 1005 00:54:18,559 --> 00:54:23,765 and acquired a permanent disability. 1006 00:54:26,701 --> 00:54:31,205 Thing is, and I can't get into the details, 1007 00:54:31,271 --> 00:54:35,342 but, well, put it this way. 1008 00:54:37,145 --> 00:54:38,679 When this stuff happens, 1009 00:54:38,746 --> 00:54:40,280 you're not supposed to work out the story 1010 00:54:40,347 --> 00:54:42,683 with your other officers. 1011 00:54:42,750 --> 00:54:45,153 But, of course, we do talk. 1012 00:54:45,219 --> 00:54:46,721 We talk among ourselves. 1013 00:54:46,788 --> 00:54:51,993 We talk with legal counsel, and the union rep. 1014 00:54:52,059 --> 00:54:54,629 And that's how you end up with certain, uh... 1015 00:54:55,730 --> 00:54:58,966 adjustments to a story. 1016 00:55:01,401 --> 00:55:03,805 But what if I told you 1017 00:55:03,871 --> 00:55:06,439 the officer used the N-word? 1018 00:55:08,375 --> 00:55:12,547 What if I told you he's been doing it for years? 1019 00:55:13,915 --> 00:55:17,952 What if I told you he's in a fucking gang? 1020 00:55:19,954 --> 00:55:21,722 Do you know what I'm talking about? 1021 00:55:22,790 --> 00:55:24,424 I think so. 1022 00:55:24,491 --> 00:55:25,960 What do you know? 1023 00:55:26,027 --> 00:55:30,631 Well, sheriffs have gangs, regulators, executioners, 1024 00:55:30,698 --> 00:55:33,400 grim reapers, a bunch more. 1025 00:55:35,169 --> 00:55:36,304 Whatever. 1026 00:55:36,369 --> 00:55:40,373 I mean, I'm no snowflake. 1027 00:55:41,408 --> 00:55:42,977 The truth is, 1028 00:55:43,044 --> 00:55:46,413 we deal with maniacs every fucking day. 1029 00:55:48,249 --> 00:55:50,551 And sometimes you have a split second to decide 1030 00:55:50,618 --> 00:55:52,186 whether to use force. 1031 00:55:52,253 --> 00:55:55,323 If you don't use it, the bad guy might. 1032 00:55:55,388 --> 00:55:57,658 So shit happens. 1033 00:55:57,725 --> 00:55:59,193 There's no one in the world 1034 00:55:59,260 --> 00:56:00,695 that's gonna make the right decision 1035 00:56:00,761 --> 00:56:02,395 100 percent of the time. 1036 00:56:02,462 --> 00:56:03,798 No genius, no saint, 1037 00:56:03,865 --> 00:56:06,067 and certainly no judge or lawyer. 1038 00:56:07,201 --> 00:56:08,836 Shit is going to happen. 1039 00:56:10,071 --> 00:56:11,404 Period. 1040 00:56:13,241 --> 00:56:19,547 Sometimes it really didn't need to happen. 1041 00:56:21,381 --> 00:56:24,417 Sometimes it's just fucked up. 1042 00:56:27,755 --> 00:56:30,091 And how are you feeling about that? 1043 00:56:32,660 --> 00:56:34,427 Not great. 1044 00:56:36,297 --> 00:56:37,865 Not great. 1045 00:56:39,767 --> 00:56:41,969 Pretty depressing. 1046 00:56:42,036 --> 00:56:44,772 It's an impossible situation. 1047 00:56:44,839 --> 00:56:46,240 How so? 1048 00:56:46,307 --> 00:56:47,875 I mean... 1049 00:56:47,942 --> 00:56:50,845 I can either say what I gotta say 1050 00:56:50,912 --> 00:56:54,348 and destroy another cop's life, 1051 00:56:54,414 --> 00:56:56,517 or I can keep my mouth shut 1052 00:56:56,584 --> 00:57:00,154 and let it eat away at me. 1053 00:57:01,389 --> 00:57:04,825 Either way, I'm kind of fucked. 1054 00:57:04,892 --> 00:57:08,396 Yeah, but one way seems like the right way, don't you think? 1055 00:57:08,461 --> 00:57:10,497 I'd be a snitch. 1056 00:57:11,966 --> 00:57:13,701 A traitor. 1057 00:57:13,768 --> 00:57:15,703 My family could be in danger. 1058 00:57:17,338 --> 00:57:19,373 No one! To myself. 1059 00:57:19,439 --> 00:57:20,775 Come to bed. 1060 00:57:20,841 --> 00:57:22,276 In a minute. 1061 00:57:25,980 --> 00:57:26,981 I gotta go. 1062 00:57:27,048 --> 00:57:28,683 Can I--? I don't think so. 1063 00:57:51,005 --> 00:57:52,139 Hello. 1064 00:57:52,206 --> 00:57:53,908 This is Beth. 1065 00:57:56,010 --> 00:57:57,545 Hello? 1066 00:58:00,781 --> 00:58:02,249 How are you? 1067 00:58:04,518 --> 00:58:06,921 I'm good. Thanks. 1068 00:58:08,356 --> 00:58:09,757 How are you? 1069 00:58:11,359 --> 00:58:13,127 Busy night? 1070 00:58:13,194 --> 00:58:14,996 They always are. 1071 00:58:16,364 --> 00:58:17,497 Is that right? 1072 00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:18,933 Pretty much. 1073 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:22,670 In fact, it's busier than ever. 1074 00:58:23,704 --> 00:58:26,374 Hmm. More calls? 1075 00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:27,875 Yes. 1076 00:58:29,110 --> 00:58:31,112 How long have you been doing this? 1077 00:58:31,178 --> 00:58:33,147 A few years. 1078 00:58:33,214 --> 00:58:34,648 Mm-hmm. 1079 00:58:36,350 --> 00:58:39,987 What's your deal, if you don't mind my asking? 1080 00:58:41,055 --> 00:58:43,791 My deal? 1081 00:58:43,858 --> 00:58:46,394 Yeah. This is supposed to be a peer baseline, right? 1082 00:58:46,460 --> 00:58:50,931 What do you call it? A peer mentorship? 1083 00:58:50,998 --> 00:58:52,199 Yes. 1084 00:58:54,769 --> 00:58:56,337 Kind of like A.A. 1085 00:58:57,905 --> 00:58:59,040 Right. 1086 00:59:00,441 --> 00:59:02,176 So you're supposed to have 1087 00:59:02,243 --> 00:59:04,311 lived experience. 1088 00:59:04,378 --> 00:59:05,846 Right. 1089 00:59:05,913 --> 00:59:07,415 That's what I thought. 1090 00:59:07,481 --> 00:59:09,917 So, what's the experience? 1091 00:59:11,352 --> 00:59:12,787 Oh, well... 1092 00:59:15,856 --> 00:59:17,258 You need more time? 1093 00:59:17,324 --> 00:59:18,959 No, it's just... 1094 00:59:19,026 --> 00:59:21,862 It's unusual for me to be asked. 1095 00:59:23,230 --> 00:59:25,833 It feels a little like a job interview. 1096 00:59:27,134 --> 00:59:28,402 Maybe it is. 1097 00:59:28,469 --> 00:59:30,104 What do you mean? 1098 00:59:32,006 --> 00:59:35,076 I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. 1099 00:59:35,142 --> 00:59:36,844 No. 1100 00:59:38,045 --> 00:59:39,647 I used to teach sociology. 1101 00:59:39,713 --> 00:59:41,715 We ask a lot of questions. 1102 00:59:43,451 --> 00:59:44,985 I see. 1103 00:59:48,557 --> 00:59:49,890 Well... 1104 00:59:51,892 --> 00:59:55,129 I'm not supposed to go into personal details. 1105 00:59:56,430 --> 00:59:58,599 It's against policy. 1106 00:59:58,666 --> 01:00:00,668 I will tell you this. 1107 01:00:01,570 --> 01:00:03,804 I've done my share of... 1108 01:00:03,871 --> 01:00:05,873 drinking and drugging. 1109 01:00:07,108 --> 01:00:08,976 And I've been to jail. 1110 01:00:10,344 --> 01:00:11,912 Have you? 1111 01:00:12,813 --> 01:00:14,915 Unfortunately, yeah. 1112 01:00:14,982 --> 01:00:20,821 Not for a long time, but I have a rap sheet... 1113 01:00:20,888 --> 01:00:22,890 that would probably scare off a few neighbors 1114 01:00:22,957 --> 01:00:24,658 if they knew about it. 1115 01:00:26,093 --> 01:00:28,829 So now you're trying to share the wisdom? 1116 01:00:28,896 --> 01:00:32,534 Well, I don't know that I have much wisdom, 1117 01:00:32,601 --> 01:00:36,137 but something like that. 1118 01:00:42,443 --> 01:00:43,844 Is it hard? 1119 01:00:43,911 --> 01:00:47,148 I don't mean difficult, I mean... 1120 01:00:47,214 --> 01:00:49,083 Oh, you know-- You know what I mean. 1121 01:00:50,151 --> 01:00:52,153 Yes. Sometimes. 1122 01:00:55,055 --> 01:00:57,491 What's the hardest thing about it? 1123 01:00:57,559 --> 01:00:59,660 When the caller hangs up. 1124 01:01:01,462 --> 01:01:04,198 Not always, but sometimes you just... 1125 01:01:05,366 --> 01:01:07,468 wanted to keep talking. 1126 01:01:07,536 --> 01:01:11,272 And you can't call them back, so you just wonder, 1127 01:01:11,338 --> 01:01:14,108 "Did I upset them? Did I fail them?" 1128 01:01:15,809 --> 01:01:17,978 That they were already hurting. 1129 01:01:18,045 --> 01:01:19,246 Yes. 1130 01:01:20,515 --> 01:01:22,183 So it was already hard. 1131 01:01:23,317 --> 01:01:24,451 Yes. 1132 01:01:26,387 --> 01:01:27,855 Does it make you cry? 1133 01:01:32,159 --> 01:01:33,394 Sometimes. 1134 01:01:35,530 --> 01:01:37,798 But the fact is, I'm just hearing their stories. 1135 01:01:37,865 --> 01:01:39,266 They're the ones living them. 1136 01:01:39,333 --> 01:01:43,837 So for me to cry, it feels like, I don't know, 1137 01:01:43,904 --> 01:01:46,740 a bit of a self-indulgence. 1138 01:01:48,209 --> 01:01:50,811 It isn't about me, I'm... 1139 01:01:51,745 --> 01:01:53,314 I'm just here to listen. 1140 01:01:56,784 --> 01:01:58,219 Does it work? 1141 01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:01,989 I hope so. 1142 01:02:02,056 --> 01:02:04,458 They either kill themselves or they don't. 1143 01:02:05,993 --> 01:02:08,462 That's not the only reason people call. 1144 01:02:10,331 --> 01:02:12,166 Oh. What else? 1145 01:02:15,704 --> 01:02:17,037 Anxiety. 1146 01:02:18,205 --> 01:02:19,674 Boredom. 1147 01:02:19,740 --> 01:02:21,710 Can't sleep. 1148 01:02:21,775 --> 01:02:24,812 Loneliness, of course. 1149 01:02:24,878 --> 01:02:26,514 Right. 1150 01:02:26,581 --> 01:02:28,115 It is amazing, isn't it, 1151 01:02:28,182 --> 01:02:32,886 how we crammed so many people into giant cities, 1152 01:02:32,953 --> 01:02:36,924 connected everyone to the entire planet, 1153 01:02:36,991 --> 01:02:39,793 and everyone is lonelier than ever? 1154 01:02:41,730 --> 01:02:43,931 What else? 1155 01:02:43,998 --> 01:02:45,833 Well, sometimes it's just to let me know 1156 01:02:45,899 --> 01:02:48,936 how they are if we spoke before. 1157 01:02:49,003 --> 01:02:51,706 And sometimes it's pranks. 1158 01:02:51,772 --> 01:02:55,042 Or we call them... 1159 01:02:55,909 --> 01:02:57,444 strokers. 1160 01:02:57,512 --> 01:02:58,879 Uh-oh, does that-- 1161 01:02:58,946 --> 01:03:00,814 Does that mean what I think it means? 1162 01:03:02,316 --> 01:03:03,284 Yup. 1163 01:03:03,350 --> 01:03:05,452 You're serious? 1164 01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:08,355 People call a helpline to masturbate? 1165 01:03:08,422 --> 01:03:11,225 I'm afraid so. Jesus! 1166 01:03:11,292 --> 01:03:13,894 It kind of makes you despair about the human race. 1167 01:03:15,195 --> 01:03:18,198 Well, that is not why I'm calling. 1168 01:03:18,265 --> 01:03:20,200 Well, good. 1169 01:03:22,136 --> 01:03:23,804 Don't be so sure. 1170 01:03:27,841 --> 01:03:29,511 Are you gonna ask me? 1171 01:03:29,577 --> 01:03:31,045 Why I'm calling? 1172 01:03:32,313 --> 01:03:33,548 I... 1173 01:03:35,049 --> 01:03:36,383 usually don't. 1174 01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:40,087 Why not? 1175 01:03:41,288 --> 01:03:43,490 It tends to come out on its own. 1176 01:03:44,892 --> 01:03:46,226 I may ask... 1177 01:03:47,394 --> 01:03:48,929 "How can I help?" 1178 01:03:48,996 --> 01:03:50,431 Uh-huh. 1179 01:03:51,498 --> 01:03:53,033 I was a professor. 1180 01:03:54,001 --> 01:03:55,436 They kicked me out. 1181 01:03:55,502 --> 01:03:57,037 What happened? 1182 01:03:57,104 --> 01:03:59,607 They said I was traumatizing the students. 1183 01:03:59,674 --> 01:04:01,875 Traumatizing them how? 1184 01:04:01,942 --> 01:04:03,645 By telling them the truth. 1185 01:04:03,712 --> 01:04:05,814 About? About their lives. 1186 01:04:05,879 --> 01:04:07,448 I'm not a good liar. 1187 01:04:07,515 --> 01:04:09,183 I'm not gonna tell them, "You'll be fine." 1188 01:04:09,249 --> 01:04:10,518 When the truth is, 1189 01:04:10,585 --> 01:04:12,386 the degree will not get them a job, 1190 01:04:12,453 --> 01:04:15,690 and they'll still be in debt 15 years from now, 1191 01:04:15,757 --> 01:04:19,493 and most of them won't be able to afford a house or a child. 1192 01:04:19,561 --> 01:04:22,797 And none of it matters anyway because the planet's fucked. 1193 01:04:22,863 --> 01:04:24,465 By the way, it's not like I said all that, 1194 01:04:24,532 --> 01:04:26,367 I just told them they will have problems, 1195 01:04:26,433 --> 01:04:28,102 problems that might not be solvable, 1196 01:04:28,168 --> 01:04:30,237 which is just a fact. 1197 01:04:30,304 --> 01:04:32,674 It's not like I want them to despair. 1198 01:04:32,741 --> 01:04:33,907 And then what happened? 1199 01:04:33,974 --> 01:04:35,744 Someone complains. 1200 01:04:35,810 --> 01:04:36,944 Dean calls me in, 1201 01:04:37,010 --> 01:04:38,312 he tells me it's wrong of me 1202 01:04:38,379 --> 01:04:40,381 to impose my politics on students. 1203 01:04:40,447 --> 01:04:43,752 My politics. You believe that shit? 1204 01:04:43,818 --> 01:04:45,252 He never liked me. 1205 01:04:45,319 --> 01:04:47,054 He had it for me from minute one. 1206 01:04:47,121 --> 01:04:49,423 So I told him to get the fuck off my back. 1207 01:04:49,490 --> 01:04:52,594 But he kept talking and I just... 1208 01:04:52,660 --> 01:04:54,596 I just snapped. 1209 01:04:56,865 --> 01:04:59,734 I punched him in the mouth 1210 01:04:59,801 --> 01:05:01,636 and ended up getting fired. 1211 01:05:01,703 --> 01:05:04,171 Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty bad timing. 1212 01:05:04,238 --> 01:05:06,841 My divorce had just been finalized. 1213 01:05:06,907 --> 01:05:10,344 Part of the reason I was at the end of my rope. 1214 01:05:10,411 --> 01:05:14,081 So here I am, twice discarded, unemployed and divorced. 1215 01:05:14,148 --> 01:05:17,084 No children, no savings. 1216 01:05:17,151 --> 01:05:19,554 No friends, really. 1217 01:05:21,388 --> 01:05:26,093 I don't have an urge to kill myself. 1218 01:05:26,160 --> 01:05:28,996 I'm just looking at it objectively. 1219 01:05:32,499 --> 01:05:33,635 I... 1220 01:05:35,202 --> 01:05:37,304 understand how you feel. 1221 01:05:37,371 --> 01:05:38,972 Yeah, but it's not about feelings. 1222 01:05:39,039 --> 01:05:41,408 It's about a rational outlook. 1223 01:05:41,475 --> 01:05:44,044 Are you a religious person? 1224 01:05:44,111 --> 01:05:46,413 Not in the conventional sense. 1225 01:05:46,480 --> 01:05:48,550 What does that mean? 1226 01:05:50,752 --> 01:05:52,486 Well... 1227 01:05:52,554 --> 01:05:55,155 I don't worship. 1228 01:05:55,222 --> 01:05:56,957 I don't take religion literally. 1229 01:05:57,024 --> 01:06:00,961 But I guess I embrace the mystery. 1230 01:06:01,028 --> 01:06:02,597 I find certitude boring. 1231 01:06:02,664 --> 01:06:06,400 That includes this certitude that God doesn't exist. 1232 01:06:06,467 --> 01:06:08,268 I used to believe in God. 1233 01:06:08,335 --> 01:06:13,407 Over the years, He just started to look so incompetent. 1234 01:06:13,474 --> 01:06:17,010 I mean, it's either incompetent or evil, right? 1235 01:06:17,077 --> 01:06:20,447 Allowing so much wrongness. 1236 01:06:20,515 --> 01:06:22,717 Except... Except what? 1237 01:06:22,784 --> 01:06:26,955 Well, isn't a universe in which wrong things can happen 1238 01:06:27,020 --> 01:06:29,490 the only possible moral universe? 1239 01:06:29,557 --> 01:06:32,760 Mm, you could reverse that. 1240 01:06:32,827 --> 01:06:36,163 Isn't a universe where wrong things are routine 1241 01:06:36,230 --> 01:06:38,700 fundamentally immoral? 1242 01:06:38,766 --> 01:06:40,167 Moral choice still exists. 1243 01:06:40,234 --> 01:06:41,870 No one chooses to suffer. 1244 01:06:41,936 --> 01:06:44,338 It's random and meaningless and fucking inevitable. 1245 01:06:44,404 --> 01:06:49,142 But isn't suffering just the other side of happiness? 1246 01:06:49,209 --> 01:06:52,045 Isn't loss just the other side of love? 1247 01:06:52,112 --> 01:06:55,449 You could say that loss 1248 01:06:55,517 --> 01:06:57,819 is the exact measure of love. 1249 01:06:57,886 --> 01:07:01,556 You could say that suffering makes happiness possible. 1250 01:07:02,857 --> 01:07:05,225 Or you could say it makes it a fraud. 1251 01:07:07,127 --> 01:07:10,264 Anyway, like I said, 1252 01:07:10,330 --> 01:07:13,300 I look at it as a practical question. 1253 01:07:14,602 --> 01:07:16,538 Sometimes, the energy required to live 1254 01:07:16,604 --> 01:07:18,773 simply exceeds the benefit. 1255 01:07:20,675 --> 01:07:23,110 The truth is, there is no rational argument 1256 01:07:23,176 --> 01:07:24,913 against ending your life. 1257 01:07:24,979 --> 01:07:26,280 I'm not sure about that. 1258 01:07:26,346 --> 01:07:28,148 Come on. Think. 1259 01:07:29,383 --> 01:07:31,953 Why do religious people object to it? 1260 01:07:32,020 --> 01:07:33,555 They consider it a sin. 1261 01:07:33,621 --> 01:07:36,891 And yet they worship martyrs 1262 01:07:36,958 --> 01:07:40,795 because they believed real life comes after. 1263 01:07:40,862 --> 01:07:43,631 So Christians would dare Romans to kill them, 1264 01:07:43,698 --> 01:07:47,067 like suicide by cop on a mass scale, 1265 01:07:48,302 --> 01:07:50,203 Then they became the dominant religion. 1266 01:07:50,270 --> 01:07:51,639 And the priests realized 1267 01:07:51,706 --> 01:07:53,875 they better start condemning suicide, 1268 01:07:53,942 --> 01:07:57,645 or Christianity would become a giant death cult. 1269 01:07:57,712 --> 01:07:59,781 And they would all be expected to die... 1270 01:07:59,847 --> 01:08:01,883 Religious people-- ...horribly. 1271 01:08:01,950 --> 01:08:03,283 I'm sorry, what? 1272 01:08:03,350 --> 01:08:05,385 Religious people aren't the only ones 1273 01:08:05,452 --> 01:08:07,120 who commit suicide. 1274 01:08:07,187 --> 01:08:10,123 Well, the secular argument just replaced sin with crime. 1275 01:08:10,190 --> 01:08:11,526 It's still a fallacy 1276 01:08:11,593 --> 01:08:13,260 because if you can be the victim 1277 01:08:13,327 --> 01:08:14,996 and the culprit at the same time, 1278 01:08:15,063 --> 01:08:18,231 the concept of crime doesn't make any sense. 1279 01:08:19,534 --> 01:08:21,002 The only way that taking your life 1280 01:08:21,069 --> 01:08:24,672 can be considered criminal or even unethical 1281 01:08:24,739 --> 01:08:28,275 is if one assumes that the life you're taking 1282 01:08:28,342 --> 01:08:30,845 is not actually yours. 1283 01:08:30,912 --> 01:08:35,315 It belongs to God, to the king, to society, 1284 01:08:35,382 --> 01:08:38,151 to your parents, your children, 1285 01:08:38,218 --> 01:08:42,523 the ones you're working for, responsible for. 1286 01:08:42,590 --> 01:08:45,927 But if I am not mine, 1287 01:08:45,994 --> 01:08:48,295 is there such a thing as I? 1288 01:08:49,631 --> 01:08:51,198 You know, in fact, that train of thought 1289 01:08:51,264 --> 01:08:52,967 just ends up validating suicide 1290 01:08:53,034 --> 01:08:55,937 because the only way to reclaim your life as yours 1291 01:08:56,004 --> 01:08:57,538 is to actually end it. 1292 01:08:59,107 --> 01:09:01,141 I don't necessarily want to reclaim anything. 1293 01:09:01,208 --> 01:09:04,545 I'm just-- Just suggesting there's no rational argument 1294 01:09:04,612 --> 01:09:06,380 against killing yourself. 1295 01:09:06,446 --> 01:09:08,583 That's not an argument for it. 1296 01:09:08,650 --> 01:09:10,785 Yeah, you don't need an argument for it. 1297 01:09:10,852 --> 01:09:12,820 Just the realization that you don't want 1298 01:09:12,887 --> 01:09:15,422 to do this anymore. 1299 01:09:15,489 --> 01:09:17,792 You don't even know how to do it. 1300 01:09:20,128 --> 01:09:23,263 It happened over a long time, day by day, 1301 01:09:23,330 --> 01:09:25,933 without drums and trumpets. 1302 01:09:27,501 --> 01:09:29,771 The unhappiness just grabbed up on you 1303 01:09:29,837 --> 01:09:32,439 like a shadow ever so slowly 1304 01:09:32,507 --> 01:09:35,409 until every corner of your life was in the dark 1305 01:09:35,475 --> 01:09:37,945 and your whole lifestyle feeling like a-- 1306 01:09:38,012 --> 01:09:40,313 Like a pantomime. 1307 01:09:40,380 --> 01:09:43,151 You play the part. Stick to the script. 1308 01:09:43,216 --> 01:09:45,252 You smile when you're smiled to. 1309 01:09:45,318 --> 01:09:47,955 But eventually, you can't help catching yourself. 1310 01:09:48,022 --> 01:09:49,389 This... 1311 01:09:49,456 --> 01:09:52,927 This person, this character, it's... 1312 01:09:54,095 --> 01:09:56,030 It's not you. 1313 01:09:56,097 --> 01:09:57,832 Never was. 1314 01:09:57,899 --> 01:09:59,199 Someone else wrote it. 1315 01:09:59,266 --> 01:10:00,434 You were just cast in the role 1316 01:10:00,500 --> 01:10:01,903 without even asking for it, 1317 01:10:01,969 --> 01:10:04,038 and the costume got stuck to your skin. 1318 01:10:04,105 --> 01:10:08,776 You just want to rip it off, the costume, the mask. 1319 01:10:08,843 --> 01:10:11,713 But underneath, there's just another mask 1320 01:10:11,779 --> 01:10:14,949 because the unhappiness is always ashamed of itself. 1321 01:10:16,349 --> 01:10:18,086 I understand. 1322 01:10:18,152 --> 01:10:19,554 Do you? 1323 01:10:20,722 --> 01:10:22,422 I think so. 1324 01:10:22,489 --> 01:10:24,357 So you agree? 1325 01:10:24,424 --> 01:10:26,527 I didn't say that. 1326 01:10:26,594 --> 01:10:28,495 Well, give me a reason. 1327 01:10:30,531 --> 01:10:32,332 Do you need one now? 1328 01:10:32,399 --> 01:10:34,301 What do you think? 1329 01:10:36,571 --> 01:10:39,941 I'm sorry, let me ask this more directly. 1330 01:10:40,007 --> 01:10:42,944 Have you made a plan to commit suicide? 1331 01:10:43,010 --> 01:10:45,113 Oh, boy, did I ever. 1332 01:10:45,179 --> 01:10:47,314 Today? Why not? 1333 01:10:49,784 --> 01:10:51,451 Did you take any steps? Stop. 1334 01:10:51,519 --> 01:10:53,621 I know the drill. Let me save you the time. 1335 01:10:53,688 --> 01:10:55,322 I'm not gonna call anyone else, 1336 01:10:55,388 --> 01:10:57,390 especially at a place that's gonna trace my call 1337 01:10:57,457 --> 01:10:58,826 and send someone here. 1338 01:10:58,893 --> 01:11:01,361 So let's just keep this hypothetical. 1339 01:11:01,428 --> 01:11:03,197 Maybe I did. 1340 01:11:03,263 --> 01:11:05,398 Maybe I didn't. 1341 01:11:05,465 --> 01:11:07,201 But if I did, 1342 01:11:07,267 --> 01:11:08,836 what would you tell me? 1343 01:11:10,571 --> 01:11:12,774 I would urge you to call-- I'm asking you. 1344 01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:15,943 What reason would you give me? 1345 01:11:22,884 --> 01:11:25,620 Tick, tock. 1346 01:11:30,258 --> 01:11:32,026 I guess I would just say that... 1347 01:11:34,562 --> 01:11:37,165 Just say that everything means something. 1348 01:11:39,667 --> 01:11:43,037 Oh, boy, everything means something. 1349 01:11:45,106 --> 01:11:46,774 No, that's a self-contradicting statement 1350 01:11:46,841 --> 01:11:49,442 because it doesn't actually mean anything. 1351 01:11:49,510 --> 01:11:53,514 I just mean whatever you care about, 1352 01:11:53,581 --> 01:11:56,316 a friend, a pet, that they-- 1353 01:11:56,383 --> 01:11:58,152 I have neither. 1354 01:11:58,219 --> 01:12:00,453 Well, then... 1355 01:12:00,521 --> 01:12:02,757 politics, art. 1356 01:12:03,891 --> 01:12:04,859 Yoga. Food. 1357 01:12:04,926 --> 01:12:07,094 Whatever it is, it means something. 1358 01:12:07,161 --> 01:12:08,896 It's worth something. 1359 01:12:08,963 --> 01:12:10,932 Whether it's inherently worthy 1360 01:12:10,998 --> 01:12:13,801 or made worthy by your investment. 1361 01:12:13,868 --> 01:12:15,970 Your active caring, that could be debated. 1362 01:12:16,037 --> 01:12:20,340 The point is, if that thing has value, life does. 1363 01:12:23,611 --> 01:12:26,113 The earth will burst into flames. 1364 01:12:26,180 --> 01:12:31,052 Cities will turn to ashes or be swept away by oceans. 1365 01:12:31,118 --> 01:12:34,421 Civilization will tumble into darkness. 1366 01:12:36,591 --> 01:12:39,694 It's when, not if. 1367 01:12:41,461 --> 01:12:43,463 Well, you obviously care about that, 1368 01:12:43,531 --> 01:12:45,666 so that's one thing. 1369 01:12:45,733 --> 01:12:48,536 Mm, yeah, one thing I can do nothing about. 1370 01:12:50,972 --> 01:12:55,209 The entire human race has already committed suicide. 1371 01:12:55,276 --> 01:12:58,546 The poison is working its way through the system. 1372 01:12:58,613 --> 01:13:01,381 Some people just don't know it yet. 1373 01:13:01,448 --> 01:13:03,017 Maybe. 1374 01:13:03,084 --> 01:13:06,687 Maybe it is when, not if. 1375 01:13:06,754 --> 01:13:09,924 But isn't 2000 years better than 100? 1376 01:13:09,991 --> 01:13:13,928 To be honest, I'm not sure. 1377 01:13:16,931 --> 01:13:18,866 You want to know a story? 1378 01:13:23,070 --> 01:13:24,404 Yeah. 1379 01:13:26,374 --> 01:13:28,175 There was this man. 1380 01:13:28,242 --> 01:13:29,476 Friend of a friend. 1381 01:13:29,543 --> 01:13:32,580 Um, his name was Tom. 1382 01:13:35,116 --> 01:13:37,018 He lived alone. 1383 01:13:37,084 --> 01:13:40,821 Apparently, he had developed a ritual. 1384 01:13:42,390 --> 01:13:45,293 When he felt down, he would fix himself a drink, 1385 01:13:45,359 --> 01:13:47,762 take out his revolver. 1386 01:13:47,828 --> 01:13:49,163 Then he would sip his drink 1387 01:13:49,230 --> 01:13:51,431 and think of all the reasons he had 1388 01:13:51,498 --> 01:13:53,801 to not kill himself. 1389 01:13:53,868 --> 01:13:56,304 For every reason he could think of, 1390 01:13:56,370 --> 01:13:59,941 he would take out a bullet until the drum was empty, 1391 01:14:00,007 --> 01:14:03,476 then go to bed and reload the gun in the morning. 1392 01:14:04,879 --> 01:14:06,647 And he did that for years... 1393 01:14:08,549 --> 01:14:10,952 until he ran out of reasons. 1394 01:14:14,789 --> 01:14:16,791 There is no free will. 1395 01:14:16,857 --> 01:14:18,559 It's just an illusion. 1396 01:14:19,961 --> 01:14:21,629 Every choice has already been made. 1397 01:14:21,696 --> 01:14:23,764 Everything we think, everything we feel, 1398 01:14:23,831 --> 01:14:26,801 everything we do is baked in. 1399 01:14:26,867 --> 01:14:29,804 We behave in the exact way we're meant to. 1400 01:14:31,005 --> 01:14:33,874 I know this sounds, um, dispiriting. 1401 01:14:35,576 --> 01:14:38,646 But the irony is that we are programmed to hate the idea 1402 01:14:38,713 --> 01:14:40,414 that we're programmed, 1403 01:14:40,480 --> 01:14:44,318 to preserve the illusion that we master our destiny, 1404 01:14:44,385 --> 01:14:47,555 that we earn our fortune, 1405 01:14:47,621 --> 01:14:50,758 that we can deserve happiness. 1406 01:14:53,294 --> 01:14:54,729 We master nothing. 1407 01:14:54,795 --> 01:14:56,831 Fortune is random. 1408 01:14:56,897 --> 01:14:59,867 All souls are happy, good people are miserable. 1409 01:14:59,934 --> 01:15:01,969 There's no rhyme. There's no reason. 1410 01:15:02,036 --> 01:15:03,371 There's no God's plan. 1411 01:15:03,437 --> 01:15:04,772 And there's no fucking escape 1412 01:15:04,839 --> 01:15:07,108 other than... you know. 1413 01:15:09,410 --> 01:15:11,045 Escape. 1414 01:15:17,418 --> 01:15:19,020 Can I ask your name? 1415 01:15:20,554 --> 01:15:22,056 Yeah. 1416 01:15:23,524 --> 01:15:25,092 Well? 1417 01:15:26,627 --> 01:15:27,995 Laura. 1418 01:15:33,634 --> 01:15:35,770 Nice to meet you, Laura. 1419 01:15:40,307 --> 01:15:41,809 Yeah, you too. 1420 01:15:43,844 --> 01:15:46,080 You asked what my deal was. 1421 01:15:50,017 --> 01:15:51,585 I did. 1422 01:15:51,652 --> 01:15:54,555 My answer was evasive. 1423 01:15:56,123 --> 01:15:57,858 How so? 1424 01:15:58,793 --> 01:16:00,795 It's weird. 1425 01:16:00,861 --> 01:16:02,930 Keeping a secret is a burden. 1426 01:16:02,997 --> 01:16:05,132 Being forced to talk about it is just as bad. 1427 01:16:05,199 --> 01:16:08,569 So I find the only freedom I can enjoy in the matter 1428 01:16:08,636 --> 01:16:12,273 is to sometimes volunteer the information 1429 01:16:12,339 --> 01:16:15,843 and sometimes withhold it. 1430 01:16:17,812 --> 01:16:20,081 The suspense builds. 1431 01:16:23,217 --> 01:16:28,055 My stepbrother committed suicide five years ago. 1432 01:16:29,423 --> 01:16:31,058 He was 25. 1433 01:16:33,060 --> 01:16:34,495 I didn't call him back that night. 1434 01:16:34,563 --> 01:16:39,733 He tried me a few times, but I just turned the phone off. 1435 01:16:43,471 --> 01:16:45,272 Did he used to call a lot? 1436 01:16:45,339 --> 01:16:48,742 There were periods when he would call every day. 1437 01:16:50,344 --> 01:16:51,779 It was pretty hard. 1438 01:16:52,680 --> 01:16:55,216 We had a difficult relationship. 1439 01:16:58,185 --> 01:17:01,021 And he was chronically depressed. 1440 01:17:02,923 --> 01:17:08,129 We grew up in a bad family environment. 1441 01:17:10,764 --> 01:17:13,334 The thing is, 1442 01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:16,804 my stepfather... 1443 01:17:21,275 --> 01:17:22,877 He, uh... 1444 01:17:23,777 --> 01:17:25,045 I understand. 1445 01:17:25,112 --> 01:17:27,314 Oh, it's more complicated than that. 1446 01:17:27,381 --> 01:17:30,851 You see, my stepbrother looked just like him. 1447 01:17:30,918 --> 01:17:33,387 He even sounded like him. 1448 01:17:34,688 --> 01:17:35,923 So when he grew up, 1449 01:17:35,990 --> 01:17:38,792 dealing with him brought everything back, 1450 01:17:38,859 --> 01:17:42,863 and not dealing with him was a relief. 1451 01:17:43,998 --> 01:17:45,299 So now you talk to other people 1452 01:17:45,366 --> 01:17:47,434 because you didn't take that call. 1453 01:17:49,904 --> 01:17:51,405 That's part of it. 1454 01:17:53,107 --> 01:17:54,241 Go on. 1455 01:17:55,577 --> 01:17:57,678 Well... 1456 01:17:57,745 --> 01:18:00,047 I struggled with depression myself. 1457 01:18:03,184 --> 01:18:05,219 If your own... 1458 01:18:06,287 --> 01:18:07,421 parent... 1459 01:18:09,857 --> 01:18:12,860 Uh, anyways, I fell into drugs 1460 01:18:12,927 --> 01:18:17,698 and fucked-up relationships and... 1461 01:18:20,701 --> 01:18:22,303 Then the guilt. 1462 01:18:22,369 --> 01:18:25,873 What I'm trying to say is that I was there. 1463 01:18:25,940 --> 01:18:28,309 I had run out of reasons. 1464 01:18:29,176 --> 01:18:30,645 I didn't have a plan. 1465 01:18:30,711 --> 01:18:33,347 I was just gonna let it happen. 1466 01:18:33,414 --> 01:18:37,251 I don't know, I guess I thought I was bound to overdose, 1467 01:18:37,318 --> 01:18:40,522 or to drown, or to get run over by a truck. 1468 01:18:40,589 --> 01:18:42,256 I just didn't care. 1469 01:18:43,324 --> 01:18:44,526 And then one day, 1470 01:18:44,593 --> 01:18:47,261 I ran into this old man. 1471 01:18:48,530 --> 01:18:50,130 He was walking a dog. 1472 01:18:50,197 --> 01:18:52,967 He passed me by and I heard the dog barking, 1473 01:18:53,033 --> 01:18:56,770 and I realized the man had fallen. 1474 01:18:56,837 --> 01:18:59,106 So I helped him up and I walked him home. 1475 01:18:59,173 --> 01:19:03,244 He invited me inside and offered to make me a cup of tea, 1476 01:19:03,310 --> 01:19:06,747 and I said, "No, thanks," but he insisted. 1477 01:19:09,551 --> 01:19:11,586 His name was Jacob. 1478 01:19:11,653 --> 01:19:13,053 He's dead now. 1479 01:19:14,522 --> 01:19:19,393 He lived in this small house, and the house was stuffy. 1480 01:19:19,460 --> 01:19:24,398 I mean, typical old-man house, but it was extraordinary. 1481 01:19:26,668 --> 01:19:30,538 Books and paintings and strange objects from all over the world. 1482 01:19:30,605 --> 01:19:36,745 He had this framed emperor scorpion from Africa, 1483 01:19:36,810 --> 01:19:39,780 hand-blown glass from Venice, 1484 01:19:39,847 --> 01:19:42,783 an ancient chess set from Russia. 1485 01:19:43,884 --> 01:19:45,654 The man had been everywhere, 1486 01:19:45,720 --> 01:19:47,054 first with the Navy, 1487 01:19:47,121 --> 01:19:48,789 then with the Merchant Marine. 1488 01:19:48,856 --> 01:19:53,193 Anyways, he started telling me all of these amazing stories, 1489 01:19:53,260 --> 01:19:57,464 and the next day I came back to hear more stories. 1490 01:19:58,866 --> 01:20:00,000 And after a while, 1491 01:20:00,067 --> 01:20:04,204 I realized I had a reason. 1492 01:20:05,573 --> 01:20:07,007 And then... 1493 01:20:08,743 --> 01:20:10,811 I just kept finding more. 1494 01:20:12,714 --> 01:20:14,381 "Beth," you said. 1495 01:20:16,417 --> 01:20:17,552 Yes? 1496 01:20:18,787 --> 01:20:20,054 Yes. 1497 01:20:20,120 --> 01:20:23,658 Short for Elizabeth, I suppose. 1498 01:20:23,725 --> 01:20:26,026 Sure. 1499 01:20:26,093 --> 01:20:27,529 You don't sound sure. 1500 01:20:28,996 --> 01:20:30,864 It's actually not my real name. 1501 01:20:30,931 --> 01:20:32,299 Ah. 1502 01:20:32,366 --> 01:20:34,268 Why do you use a fake name? 1503 01:20:34,335 --> 01:20:37,071 It's mainly a privacy thing, 1504 01:20:37,137 --> 01:20:41,041 but also we're supposed to keep the job separate. 1505 01:20:41,108 --> 01:20:43,277 If I do this under a different name, 1506 01:20:43,344 --> 01:20:45,412 it's supposed to help. 1507 01:20:45,479 --> 01:20:46,614 Does it? 1508 01:20:48,550 --> 01:20:49,883 Not really. 1509 01:20:51,318 --> 01:20:53,454 So, what keeps you coming back? 1510 01:20:55,824 --> 01:20:57,291 I suppose... 1511 01:20:58,593 --> 01:21:01,563 when I'm on a shift, I'm focused. 1512 01:21:03,964 --> 01:21:05,265 I'm not multitasking. 1513 01:21:05,332 --> 01:21:08,570 I'm not going through my to-do list. 1514 01:21:08,636 --> 01:21:12,072 I am 100 percent focused 1515 01:21:12,139 --> 01:21:14,642 on the person that I'm speaking to. 1516 01:21:14,709 --> 01:21:16,745 And... 1517 01:21:16,811 --> 01:21:18,312 I don't know. 1518 01:21:20,948 --> 01:21:22,383 I care. 1519 01:21:23,651 --> 01:21:25,018 I can see that. 1520 01:21:26,086 --> 01:21:27,689 You know something? 1521 01:21:27,756 --> 01:21:29,189 What's that? 1522 01:21:29,256 --> 01:21:32,393 I have a feeling you would be very good at this. 1523 01:21:36,765 --> 01:21:40,033 That might be the funniest thing I ever heard. 1524 01:21:40,100 --> 01:21:42,202 I mean it. You're serious? 1525 01:21:42,269 --> 01:21:45,472 You think I should be hosting the Lonely Hearts Club? 1526 01:21:45,540 --> 01:21:50,645 Well, I don't call it that, but yeah. 1527 01:21:50,712 --> 01:21:53,180 It's a pretty interesting club. 1528 01:21:54,181 --> 01:21:55,916 All kinds of people. 1529 01:21:55,983 --> 01:21:59,386 Loneliness is a big slut. 1530 01:22:01,523 --> 01:22:02,923 Yes. 1531 01:22:04,258 --> 01:22:06,093 I think I'm gonna steal that. 1532 01:22:06,160 --> 01:22:07,595 Be my guest. 1533 01:22:13,066 --> 01:22:16,336 It's Maggie, by the way. 1534 01:22:16,403 --> 01:22:18,540 Oh. 1535 01:22:18,606 --> 01:22:21,074 I kind of liked "Beth." 1536 01:22:21,141 --> 01:22:23,177 I know. Me too, right? 1537 01:22:24,512 --> 01:22:27,414 Well, this has been an interesting talk. 1538 01:22:28,716 --> 01:22:30,384 Good night, Maggie. 1539 01:22:31,452 --> 01:22:32,587 Wait. 1540 01:22:33,788 --> 01:22:36,591 No. Not tonight. 1541 01:22:38,158 --> 01:22:40,027 Shit, I'd probably botch it now. 1542 01:22:40,093 --> 01:22:43,297 Nothing more pathetic than a failed suicide attempt. 1543 01:22:43,363 --> 01:22:44,866 And then having to tell yourself, 1544 01:22:44,933 --> 01:22:47,501 "Don't give up, try again." 1545 01:22:49,303 --> 01:22:50,839 I'm joking. 1546 01:22:50,905 --> 01:22:52,072 Yes. 1547 01:22:52,139 --> 01:22:54,374 Okay. Good. 1548 01:22:55,610 --> 01:22:56,744 Good. 1549 01:22:58,947 --> 01:23:02,282 Well, call back if... 1550 01:23:04,251 --> 01:23:07,622 Well, anytime, really. 1551 01:23:07,689 --> 01:23:09,256 For anything. 1552 01:23:11,158 --> 01:23:12,760 Ask for Beth. 1553 01:23:14,194 --> 01:23:15,630 I might do that. 1554 01:23:17,030 --> 01:23:19,299 Good night, Beth. 1555 01:23:21,803 --> 01:23:23,170 Good night. 1556 01:25:21,856 --> 01:25:23,558 Beth? 1557 01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:25,125 Yeah? 1558 01:25:25,192 --> 01:25:28,630 It's Sharon from earlier. 1559 01:25:29,697 --> 01:25:31,899 Yes. Hi, Sharon. 1560 01:25:33,300 --> 01:25:34,902 I wrote one. 1561 01:25:36,604 --> 01:25:39,707 A song, or a poem, or whatever. 1562 01:25:39,774 --> 01:25:40,975 Right. 1563 01:25:41,042 --> 01:25:43,011 It's not finished, but, um... 1564 01:25:43,077 --> 01:25:45,913 I just wanted to get to you before your shift ends. 1565 01:25:47,447 --> 01:25:49,517 Is that okay? 1566 01:25:49,584 --> 01:25:50,952 Sure. 1567 01:25:51,019 --> 01:25:52,687 You ready? 1568 01:25:54,154 --> 01:25:55,957 Hmm. 1569 01:25:56,024 --> 01:25:57,424 Here it is. 1570 01:25:59,560 --> 01:26:01,562 Illusion, delusion. 1571 01:26:05,499 --> 01:26:07,501 Illusion, delusion, confusion 1572 01:26:07,568 --> 01:26:09,771 Draw your freaking conclusion 1573 01:26:09,837 --> 01:26:12,974 They feed you conspiracies They prey on your miseries 1574 01:26:13,041 --> 01:26:16,343 They rewrite history Make their crimes mysteries 1575 01:26:16,410 --> 01:26:18,713 The secret keepers The promise breakers 1576 01:26:18,780 --> 01:26:21,115 The fake believers The silent takers 1577 01:26:21,181 --> 01:26:24,118 They call your fight treason They call their lives reason 1578 01:26:24,184 --> 01:26:26,721 It's all a mind prison Can't trust your own eyes 1579 01:26:26,788 --> 01:26:29,057 Can't tell truth from lies Chemtrails in the sky 1580 01:26:29,123 --> 01:26:31,959 Crisis actors on site Their smiles, more lies 1581 01:26:32,026 --> 01:26:33,561 Their knives in disguise 1582 01:26:33,628 --> 01:26:36,097 Another day dies Another night cries 1583 01:26:36,164 --> 01:26:38,800 All you got is your rage All you got is this song 1584 01:26:38,866 --> 01:26:41,636 All you got is a cage Because all you got is a bomb 1585 01:26:41,703 --> 01:26:44,005 All you are is alone Because your head is all wrong 1586 01:26:44,072 --> 01:26:46,641 But your heart is still strong And the light is still on 1587 01:26:46,708 --> 01:26:50,511 No one has very long So keep on writing this song. 1588 01:26:54,949 --> 01:26:57,752 So that's as far as I got. I don't know. 1589 01:26:57,819 --> 01:26:59,921 Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's finished. 1590 01:26:59,987 --> 01:27:01,321 It's... 1591 01:27:02,456 --> 01:27:03,958 It's amazing. 1592 01:27:07,394 --> 01:27:08,863 You think so? 1593 01:27:09,931 --> 01:27:11,264 I really do. 1594 01:27:15,469 --> 01:27:17,270 Thank you. 1595 01:27:19,006 --> 01:27:20,440 Thank you. 1596 01:27:24,377 --> 01:27:25,680 All right, I'll let you go now. 1597 01:27:25,747 --> 01:27:27,615 No, I can stay. It's no problem. 1598 01:27:27,682 --> 01:27:31,586 No, no, no, no. You got-- You got better things to do. 1599 01:27:33,487 --> 01:27:35,255 Have a great day. 1600 01:27:36,657 --> 01:27:38,291 You too. 1601 01:28:14,427 --> 01:28:16,429 I know, I know. 1602 01:28:30,645 --> 01:28:33,346 Hey, good morning. 1603 01:28:34,682 --> 01:28:36,483 I didn't wake you, did I? 1604 01:28:37,350 --> 01:28:38,719 Yeah, I know. 1605 01:28:38,786 --> 01:28:40,755 I know you wake up early. That's why I... 1606 01:28:42,990 --> 01:28:44,192 Nothing. 1607 01:28:44,258 --> 01:28:48,328 I was just wondering if you wanted to get breakfast, 1608 01:28:48,395 --> 01:28:50,231 maybe at that place that you mentioned? 1609 01:28:50,298 --> 01:28:52,300 What was it called? 1610 01:28:52,365 --> 01:28:54,669 Oh. No, no, no. No problem. 1611 01:28:54,735 --> 01:28:57,839 It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. 1612 01:28:59,472 --> 01:29:01,209 I understand. 1613 01:29:01,275 --> 01:29:03,277 No worries. 1614 01:29:03,343 --> 01:29:05,746 Yes, absolutely. 1615 01:29:05,813 --> 01:29:07,347 Some other time. 1616 01:29:09,150 --> 01:29:10,918 You too. 1617 01:29:10,985 --> 01:29:12,352 Bye-bye. 1618 01:29:46,020 --> 01:29:47,454 Okay.