1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,236 - It's headed right for the pin. 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,238 - Oh, man. 3 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,107 - Why can't I hit a ball like that? 4 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,308 - I could answer that, 5 00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:12,378 Or you could just look in the mirror. 6 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,781 - All right, what did I miss? 7 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:19,685 - The swedish guy is starting to choke. 8 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,153 - Swedish guy? 9 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:26,158 Who taught him how to swing, heidi? 10 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,061 - Actually, heidi was swiss. 11 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,735 - Get out of my chair. 12 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,304 - Hey, robert, can you move over a little bit, please? 13 00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:40,773 - No. Take the middle. - I don't want the middle. 14 00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:42,174 Gianni, you move over to the middle. 15 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,509 I'll go on the end. - Just sit down. 16 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,744 - All right, you're gonna feel a little man thigh. 17 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,147 How does that feel? You like that? 18 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,748 - Come on! Cool it already. 19 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,483 - People, shut up, all of you guys. 20 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,118 - What? What's wrong? 21 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,554 - Nothing. It's... 22 00:00:55,556 --> 00:01:00,192 Debra's not feeling well bio...Hormonally. 23 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:03,695 - Oh...Got it. 24 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:08,367 The enemy within. 25 00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:17,709 - So...Do me a favor. 26 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,478 Just don't do-- don't give her a reason-- 27 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,813 Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. 28 00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:24,850 - Hey, ray. 29 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:26,385 These were on top of the hamper. 30 00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:27,820 Are they dirty, or are they clean? 31 00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:29,321 - Uh, yeah, those are dirty. 32 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:30,856 - Oh, they're dir-- okay, well, then, ray, 33 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:34,593 Let me enlighten you as to how a hamper works, okay? 34 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,629 There's a lid on it, and that lid lifts up. 35 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,199 Now, you take your clothes-- not your clean clothes, 36 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:43,268 Not the clothes you're wearing right now, 37 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,204 But your dirty clothes-- 38 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,239 You lift that lid, you insert the clothes, 39 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,408 And you shut that lid. 40 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:55,447 - Yeah. Got it. Got it. 41 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,615 - This is very nice, ray. 42 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,150 Yeah. This is very nice. 43 00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,485 Pretzel crumbs all over the place. 44 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:00,552 - Yeah, I'm gonna clean those up. 45 00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,862 - Okay, see what I'm talking about? 46 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:13,132 Frickin' mood swings. 47 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,700 They find me chopped up in the freezer, 48 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:17,169 Don't believe the suicide note. 49 00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,643 - That's a beautiful shot. 50 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,312 - Boy, it's a rough time of the month. 51 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,281 You know a lot of criminals turn themselves in 52 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:33,152 When their wives are like this? 53 00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,786 - Look, just do me a favor. 54 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,155 Don't be, like, animals, all right? 55 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:38,824 I don't need-- - iceberg dead ahead. 56 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,429 - Coaster. 57 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:45,797 Robert, coaster. 58 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,800 - What? 59 00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:56,909 - Need help? Need any help? 60 00:02:56,911 --> 00:02:58,777 - No. I'm going to the bank, all right? 61 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,812 Listen, when the buzzer goes off, 62 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,514 Could you maybe take the clothes out of the dryer? 63 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,883 - Yeah. No problem. How long you gonna be? 64 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,252 - Why? 65 00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:08,320 - Oh, nothing. 66 00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,689 No. Take your time. 67 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,292 Or hurry back if you want to. It's your choice. 68 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:28,574 ah... 69 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:32,578 I thought she'd never leave. 70 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:37,216 - Is debra aware of how she's coming off to others? 71 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:40,786 - No, she--she doesn't hear herself. 72 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:44,356 And if I bring it up to her, she gets all nuts and denies it. 73 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,792 That's the sickness. 74 00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:50,295 - You should get her on tape and make her listen to it. 75 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,396 - You want to wear a wire? 76 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:55,234 I'll shave you down and hook you up. 77 00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:59,471 - Why doesn't she just take something for this? 78 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:00,839 - What's she gonna take? 79 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:05,844 - Raymond, have you ever been in a drugstore, huh? 80 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:10,315 There's a whole wing dedicated to this problem. 81 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,617 - Yeah, all right, what am I gonna do? 82 00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,318 What am I gonna do, buy her something? 83 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,853 Besides, I wouldn't even know what to get. 84 00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:18,423 - Get 'em all. 85 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:19,825 - Yeah, all right. 86 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,493 Just don't worry about me, all right? 87 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,961 I'll just ride it out. 88 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:27,266 - You dumb bastard. 89 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,567 - What? 90 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,035 - Ride it out? 91 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,803 You put a stop to this now. 92 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,405 - All right, dad. All right. 93 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,607 - Let me ask you, she's in a bad mood what, 94 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,976 Two, three days tops? 95 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,379 Not so tough now, right? 96 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:45,450 She's gonna get a mood that lasts five days... 97 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,452 Then it's a week. 98 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,054 And before you know it, 99 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,356 What used to be a bad mood now takes over 100 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:55,527 And becomes her only mood. 101 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:56,895 And then... 102 00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,766 Well, then you become like me... 103 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,501 Where not a day goes by 104 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,870 That I don't wish there was a comet 105 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:09,875 Screaming towards earth to bring me sweet relief. 106 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,382 - What's so funny? 107 00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,017 - Dumb bastard. He's a dumb bastard. 108 00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:27,359 - Hey, banjopants. 109 00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:35,667 Hope you're in the mood for some delicious italian, 110 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,969 And I don't mean just me. 111 00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:41,707 Big bag of nemo's takeout. 112 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,375 - Oh... 113 00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:44,976 - What? I--I went by, 114 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,611 And I stopped, and I picked up some dinner. 115 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:49,014 I also picked up some after-dinner mints... 116 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:52,017 Which for your sake, I've already dipped into. 117 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,685 - But I have already started dinner, ray. 118 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,854 Why didn't you call me ahead of time? 119 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,756 - Who knows? But look, surprise. 120 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,624 Garlic bread. 121 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,527 - Well, I've made a salad, and I've cooked the rice, 122 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,364 But... Forget it. 123 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:08,800 We'll eat your food. 124 00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:17,809 - You all right? 125 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,044 - Yeah...Fine. 126 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,146 I'm sorry. Thanks for the dinner. 127 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,048 - Don't worry about it. 128 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,617 Look, I know a lot of stuff's going on... 129 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:28,620 Feminine-ally... 130 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:34,926 You know. 131 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,762 I know it's-- it's not your fault. 132 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:39,398 I understand that. It's, uh... 133 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,435 You know, it's like a jekyll-and-hyde thing... 134 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:47,439 Only more...Hyde... 135 00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:48,774 If he's the bad one. 136 00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:49,775 It was hyde, right? 137 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:50,876 Whatever. Whatever. 138 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:53,979 That's yelling at my friends for making a mess 139 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:56,515 Or getting all crazy about clothes on the hamper. 140 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,916 I know that that's not you. 141 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,685 That's hyde... 142 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:04,156 If he was the bad one. 143 00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:05,891 But you know what? 144 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:08,193 While--while I was out today, I got you something. 145 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,628 I--I really... 146 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,996 I want to help you feel better, you know, 147 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:14,166 And...And--and this should take care of all your... 148 00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:16,635 Symptoms. 149 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:26,511 - Except for bitchy, right, ray? 150 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:33,752 - I mean, there's nothing in here for bitchy. 151 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:43,195 - Probably need a prescription for bitchy. 152 00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,536 - Boy, this is just like you, ray. 153 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:54,539 Just when I think that you can't be any more insensitive, 154 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,675 You rise to the occasion. 155 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:59,077 - Hi, are the kids home yet? I've got cookies. 156 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,713 - Oh, mama, mom--mom, please, just go home. 157 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:02,848 It's not a good time-- 158 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,182 - It's okay. She can stay if she wants. 159 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,951 I'm not afraid if she hears this. 160 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,854 - Jekyll would be. 161 00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,722 - Tell you what, I cannot... 162 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,858 Take this anymore, okay? 163 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,926 You make a huge mess, you don't help me at all, 164 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,261 You invite your friends over 165 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:18,096 To drive me crazy all day, 166 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,765 And all you can think of is, "oh, she must have pms. 167 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,167 Let's just load her up with drugs." 168 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:25,837 - No. It's got st. John's warts in it. 169 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,239 - I can't believe you. 170 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:30,509 If there's ever anything wrong, it's pms, huh? 171 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,244 Sometimes--I just-- I don't know what to do. 172 00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:34,713 Sometimes I just want to smack you. 173 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:43,555 - Debra's right, raymond. 174 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:48,727 - You smacked me. - I know I did. I'm sorry. 175 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,629 - Well, what--uh-- what you do that for? 176 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,731 - It's just that it sounds like you're becoming 177 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,734 Just like your father. 178 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,802 - What are you doing? - I don't know. 179 00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,171 I don't know. It's just that... 180 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,908 He was so awful during my... 181 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:05,243 Ladies' days. 182 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,812 Anytime I happened to make a comment 183 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:09,648 About his usual disgusting behavior, 184 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:10,982 He would just blame it on that. 185 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:14,219 - That's what ray does. - That's what they all do. 186 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,287 - What are you talking about? 187 00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:16,588 Look, I'm just trying to help. 188 00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,756 - You should be quiet. - Yes. 189 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:18,924 Yes. Oh, no. 190 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:19,925 He is trying to help. 191 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:24,095 Look what he bought me. Magic pills, huh? 192 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,597 Maybe I should try some. 193 00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:28,066 mmm. Oh, look. 194 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,901 Ray's clothes just flew off the bed 195 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:30,936 And into the hamper. 196 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,337 These really work. 197 00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:35,607 - Oh. Let me have one. 198 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,943 Ohh...Frank's toenails 199 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:41,079 Just crawled right into the garbage can. 200 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:52,157 - What are you doing, mom? It's me. Raymie. 201 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,225 - Raymond, you know that I always let you two 202 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,361 Fight your own battles, but I can't let you go on 203 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:59,030 With this cycle of your father's imbecility. 204 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,031 - I'm out of here. 205 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,132 - Oh, come on. Where you going? 206 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:06,037 - I'm leaving too. I'm gonna talk to your father. 207 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,906 - Oh, please, come on. Debra, debra, please. 208 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,207 - Raymond, don't you say one more word, 209 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,675 Or I'm gonna send your mother right back in here 210 00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:14,312 To smack the crap out of you. 211 00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:26,658 - The three-game series is even at one apiece. 212 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:27,726 - Hi. 213 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,928 - Oh, you're home. 214 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,029 Did you have a good time? 215 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,063 - Yeah. 216 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,264 - What'd you do? 217 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,734 - I told you. I went shopping with amy. 218 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:39,137 - Shopping? For 5 hours? 219 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,774 Where are your shopping bags? 220 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:43,975 - I didn't buy anything. 221 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:47,412 Then we went back to amy's and, you know, just sat around, 222 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,114 Talking, relaxing. 223 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,316 - Oh, sitting around, talking, relaxing, yeah. 224 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,917 You want to hear my evening? 225 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:55,887 Peanut butter and jelly. 226 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,822 Then I gave 'em a bath, 'cause they were covered 227 00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,091 In peanut butter and jelly. 228 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,694 Then I'm mean, because I won't let them sleep in a tree house, 229 00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,729 And then they went to bed yelling and screaming. 230 00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:08,233 So that was my evening. 231 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,301 Thank you very much. 232 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,203 - Well, that's my evening every night, so-- 233 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,371 - Oh, don't even. 234 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,445 You just wanted me to suffer tonight. 235 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,014 - What? - Yes. It's not fair. 236 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,683 You get to walk out and do whatever you want, 237 00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,217 And--and-- let's just say it-- 238 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,186 Use your "ladies' days" as an excuse 239 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,990 To treat me rotten every month. 240 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:38,163 - My needing to get out of here once in a while 241 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:43,168 Has nothing to do with my "ladies' days." 242 00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:48,173 - Bull-loney. 243 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,379 - What? 244 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,847 - Baloney. 245 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,849 You want to see? 'cause I don't care, okay? 246 00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,719 I tried to be nice, and that doesn't work. 247 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,187 Here. Look at this. You see this date? 248 00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:05,123 That's today. Now, this is last month. 249 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,258 What a coincidence that on the same day last month, 250 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,128 I found my golf clubs upside down in the garbage can. 251 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,363 I'm telling you, I'm sick of this, all right? 252 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,199 Every month the-- the same wacko screaming at me 253 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,835 For no reason, having meltdowns and crying, 254 00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,069 Crying over nothing. 255 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:22,807 And god forbid I should mention what might be the problem. 256 00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:23,942 You know what I think? 257 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,310 I think that you enjoy your ladies' days, 258 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,112 Because you think I deserve to be treated like this. 259 00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:28,279 "oh, look what day it is. 260 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,280 Oh, come here, ray." 261 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,917 Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. 262 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,920 "oh, oh, I've been saving that up." 263 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,922 And then after a couple days of that, 264 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,124 You're like, "oh, sorry, ray. 265 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:43,094 I was just a little bit, heh, you know." 266 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,963 And by the way, the next time I used those clubs, 267 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,865 I shot a 110, so don't think I don't know 268 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:49,901 You didn't put a curse on them. 269 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,303 - You are out of your mind. 270 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:57,041 - No, you are... Once a month. 271 00:12:57,043 --> 00:13:00,512 How come you don't treat me like this on all the other days? 272 00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:01,880 - I treat you just fine, ray. 273 00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,214 You're just mad, 'cause you had to spend 274 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,816 One lousy night with the kids. 275 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,351 - Oh, so you don't get crazy this time of month? 276 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,019 - No. - You remain perfectly calm, 277 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,388 Don't overreact, don't treat me meanly, 278 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,891 Or yell at me like a screaming, raving maniac. 279 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,392 - No, I do not. 280 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:19,864 4:38 today... 281 00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:24,269 Right when the guys went home. 282 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:27,806 - I've told you 8 million times when you empty the dryer, 283 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,908 You clean the lint screen. 284 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,042 Look at all this lint. 285 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,210 What, do you like lint, ray? 286 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,545 Maybe I'll get you some for your birthday. 287 00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:36,881 Happy birthday, ray. Here's your lint. 288 00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:49,093 - I just thought you'd, you know, 289 00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:50,528 Want to hear what you sound like 290 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:54,299 When you're like this. 291 00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,935 Okay? 292 00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:01,506 - You are a gigantic ass. 293 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:08,246 10:32, "gigantic ass." 294 00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:20,158 Listen, I'm sorry. 295 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:24,896 I know what it's like to hear yourself on tape. 296 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:29,367 I remember when I heard my first radio interview. 297 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,971 First of all, I sounded like snuffleupagus. 298 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,944 I said, "do I really sound like that?" and andy said-- 299 00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,412 - Oh, would you stop it. 300 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,350 I'm not crying because of what I sound like. 301 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:48,887 I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive durfwad 302 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:51,356 Who instead of trying to make life better for his wife, 303 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:54,626 Tape-records her so he has proof that she's a terrible person. 304 00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:59,163 - What's a durfwad? 305 00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:00,665 - What, was that tape for the guys, huh? 306 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,133 You gonna play it for the guys? 307 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,135 "hey, come on, fellas, step right up 308 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,537 And listen to the witch who killed my good time." 309 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,006 - No. No. It's just for us. 310 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,241 - Yeah. Yeah. 311 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,509 Where's my tape recorder, ray? 312 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:15,079 When I was in labor with the twins for 36 hours, 313 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,548 And you were asking the nurse if the tv gets espn? 314 00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:22,520 - Well, I mean, 36 hours, that's not a short time. 315 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,188 - Yeah. Guess what. 316 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,990 It's even longer when you're trying to push 317 00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,091 Two human beings out of your body 318 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:30,995 "does this hospital have fudgesicles?" 319 00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:33,031 Yeah, where's my tape recorder, huh? 320 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,365 Or when you ask me why I get so upset 321 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,334 Because I find your underpants in the kitchen, huh? 322 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:40,538 Or when you started snoring at my grandmother's funeral? 323 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:43,074 Or when you taped a football game 324 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:47,478 Over our wedding video? 325 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,681 - Do you--do you really need a tape recorder? 326 00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:51,015 You seem to remember everything. 327 00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,551 - Yeah. 328 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,586 That's right, ray. I remember everything. 329 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,255 And I'm not gonna forget, either. 330 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,656 - Honey, I think you make some excellent points here, 331 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,259 But I can't help wondering that, you know, 332 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,428 Maybe part of the reason you're so upset right now 333 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,096 Might possibly be pms-related. 334 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,498 - Would somebody get me a tape recorder, 335 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,668 - Look, I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do. 336 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,603 - Yeah. Yeah. No kidding. 337 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,139 Listen, if I had pms-- and I'm not saying that I have-- 338 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,507 Is that how you help me? 339 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,077 By taping me, by telling me I have pms? 340 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,580 That doesn't help me, ray. That doesn't help me. 341 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,215 - Well, what do you want me to do? 342 00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,017 I don't know what to do. 343 00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:28,086 Show me what to do. Just draw it out for me. 344 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,188 - Have you ever thought about giving me a hug? 345 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:33,124 - A hug. 346 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:36,260 Did you ever think of hugging me, you jerk? 347 00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,495 - Well, it's pretty hard to hug someone 348 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,464 Who's trying to kill you. 349 00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:40,531 - Yeah, well, it never occurred to you. 350 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,100 You've never even tried it before. 351 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,369 - Well, look. This is not huggable. 352 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,404 This--this is not debra. 353 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,373 This is the woman who shows up once a month 354 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:52,143 To rip into me like a monkey on a cupcake. 355 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,344 All right, that's it. 356 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,479 That's the reason I taped you: 357 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:58,416 And maybe admit that there might be a problem 358 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:02,587 That isn't just me being a dorkwang or whatever. 359 00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,526 - Hello? 360 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,561 Hi, amy. 361 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:13,131 Yeah. Yeah. 362 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:16,534 You went back for that dress? 363 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,536 How much was it? 364 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,106 Oh. You are so bad. 365 00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:24,275 Yeah. Right. Right. Right. 366 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,811 Oh, god. I know. Me too. Me too. 367 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,680 Oh, my god. 368 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:33,217 Okay, well, listen. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? 369 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:38,189 Okay. All right. Bye-bye. 370 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,766 - Feeling better? 371 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,635 - She's so funny. 372 00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:52,570 - Yeah, she is. 373 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:56,340 Could we put her number on speed dial? 374 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:00,211 - Listen, ray. 375 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:04,782 Oh. I'm sorry. 376 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:09,253 I guess I am a little, you know. 377 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,790 - Well, I didn't want to say anything. 378 00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:22,467 - Listen, I... 379 00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:25,336 I--I don't mean to-- to lay into you like that. 380 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,605 - I know. I know. I know. 381 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:32,610 - Come on. Sit. - No. It's okay. 382 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,145 - Ray. 383 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:39,584 Honey, listen. 384 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:44,856 I need a little understanding, just a little caring. 385 00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:46,257 I need to know that, you know, 386 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,126 If I'm going through a rough time, 387 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,361 That--that you're there for me, 388 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,430 And that you want to, you know, 389 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,299 Just take care of me. 390 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:58,903 - I do want to. 391 00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:01,205 You're my girl. 392 00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,676 - I love you, ray. 393 00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:14,218 - Oh, god, you're a mess. 394 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:17,221 - I know. 395 00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,628 - Listen, you want to just try those pills that I got you? 396 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,631 'cause I really just want you to feel better. 397 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:29,500 - Yeah, I know, but I just want you to know that, 398 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,636 You know, no pill is gonna solve everything. 399 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:34,672 - I mean, do you have any idea what goes on in here? 400 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,240 - Yeah. Let me just get 'em. - I know, but-- 401 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:37,742 You know, yes, there's all these emotions-- 402 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,178 Believe me. Listen. I'm very into all of that. 403 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,245 Let me get the pills. 404 00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:21,219 - Here we go. Hmm? 405 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,553 Here we go. It's okay. It's okay. 406 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,988 Look, it's, "for bloating-- 407 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,990 For bloating, cramps," and, oh, right there, 408 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,825 "irritability associated with pms." 409 00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,728 We have a winner. 410 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,863 Goes great with ginger ale. 411 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,532 Okay, here we go. 412 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,972 Here we go. 413 00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,473 What? Hey. Come on. 414 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,908 - Why don't you just lock me in the attic 415 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,576 For a few days? 416 00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:58,356 - What? 417 00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:02,326 You, you're the one who said, "hug me." 418 00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:05,763 The hug was your idea. 419 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,737 Come on, comet. 420 00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:27,551 - So you think I'm just rude and insensitive, 421 00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:28,686 That I'm so tough to live with, 422 00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:32,290 And you're the queen of sheba? 423 00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:34,358 Did you ever hear yourself? 424 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:35,893 Well, in case you haven't, 425 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:39,297 Here's a little trick that my boy raymond taught me. 426 00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:43,634 I said, "where's my eggs?" 427 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,036 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 428 00:21:45,038 --> 00:21:46,937 Here, here. Wait a minute. Here, here it is. 429 00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:50,308 What?. It's just my feet. They're not dirty. 430 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,776 Aw, crap. 431 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:55,646 You scared you're gonna hear something you don't like? 432 00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,482 If I scratch it, it's because it itches.