1 00:00:00,669 --> 00:00:04,266 [♪ Marvel Studios fanfare playing] 2 00:00:22,482 --> 00:00:25,023 [Deadpool scatting along] ♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪ 3 00:00:25,023 --> 00:00:27,729 ♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪ 4 00:00:27,729 --> 00:00:29,456 ♪ Tan tan ta ♪ 5 00:00:29,456 --> 00:00:30,864 ♪ Tan tan tan tan ♪ 6 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:31,865 ♪ Tan tan ta tan ♪ 7 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,493 - ♪ Tan tan tan tan! ♪ - [♪ fanfare concludes] 8 00:00:33,493 --> 00:00:36,969 [laughs] That logo music just gets you pumped. 9 00:00:36,969 --> 00:00:38,168 - [♪ gentle music playing] - Right? 10 00:00:38,168 --> 00:00:42,007 I’m sorry. I just, I’m excited to be here. It’s been a while. 11 00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:42,909 You know, for a long time, 12 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:45,142 I wasn’t sure I’d ever be back. 13 00:00:45,142 --> 00:00:45,912 Disney bought Fox, 14 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:47,980 there was a whole boring rights issue, 15 00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:48,783 blabbity-blabbity-blah. 16 00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:51,346 But then, it turned out, they wanted me. 17 00:00:51,346 --> 00:00:54,756 The one guy who shouldn’t even have his own movie, 18 00:00:54,756 --> 00:00:56,120 much less a franchise. 19 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,156 [laughs] Marvel’s so stupid. 20 00:00:59,156 --> 00:01:01,125 Look, we know the title of this thing. 21 00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:03,193 So, I know what you’re wondering. 22 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:04,062 How are we gonna do this 23 00:01:04,062 --> 00:01:07,868 without dishonoring Logan’s memory? 24 00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,936 And I’ll tell you how. 25 00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:10,772 We’re not. 26 00:01:10,772 --> 00:01:12,433 [♪ romantic music plays, The Platters "Only You"] 27 00:01:12,433 --> 00:01:15,139 I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. 28 00:01:15,139 --> 00:01:16,635 Wolverine is not dead. 29 00:01:16,635 --> 00:01:20,749 Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story. 30 00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:21,508 But that’s not how 31 00:01:21,508 --> 00:01:23,609 regenerative healing factors work. 32 00:01:23,609 --> 00:01:24,819 You think I wanna be out here 33 00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:26,645 in beautiful downtown North Dakota, 34 00:01:26,645 --> 00:01:30,055 digging up the one and only Wolverine? No, thank you. 35 00:01:30,055 --> 00:01:32,827 But the fate of my entire world is at stake. 36 00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:34,653 He may not be living his best life, 37 00:01:34,653 --> 00:01:37,062 but he sure as hell ain’t 38 00:01:37,062 --> 00:01:39,427 - dead. - [metal clanks] 39 00:01:41,561 --> 00:01:43,838 [crow cawing in distance] 40 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,367 Bingo. 41 00:01:45,807 --> 00:01:47,204 Yahtzee. 42 00:01:48,106 --> 00:01:49,701 [sighs] 43 00:01:49,701 --> 00:01:53,342 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 44 00:01:56,609 --> 00:01:57,918 Damn it! 45 00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:01,746 - Son of a bitch! - [metal clangs] 46 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,089 You... 47 00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,124 - [shovel snaps] - [yelling] 48 00:02:06,124 --> 00:02:09,061 Christ. Motherfucker! 49 00:02:09,061 --> 00:02:10,898 - My world is fuck... - [♪ song stops] 50 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:14,099 [laughs, snorts] That was weird. 51 00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:14,836 I’m much calmer now. 52 00:02:14,836 --> 00:02:16,530 [♪ The Platter "Only You" resumes playing] 53 00:02:16,530 --> 00:02:19,467 Look, I’m not a man of science. 54 00:02:19,467 --> 00:02:22,976 But you seem incredibly passed away. 55 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,011 [flies buzzing] 56 00:02:25,242 --> 00:02:26,144 [sighs] 57 00:02:26,144 --> 00:02:26,881 But it’s good to see ya. 58 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:30,819 I gotta be honest, I’ve always wanted to ride with you, Log. 59 00:02:30,819 --> 00:02:31,743 You and me getting into it. 60 00:02:31,743 --> 00:02:35,714 Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin’ shit up. 61 00:02:35,714 --> 00:02:39,619 Can you imagine the fun, the chaos... 62 00:02:39,619 --> 00:02:41,060 the residuals? 63 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,193 [in Australian accent] "G’day, mate. 64 00:02:42,193 --> 00:02:44,459 "There’s nothing that’ll bring me back to life faster 65 00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:47,099 "than a big bag of Marvel cash." 66 00:02:47,099 --> 00:02:50,729 [chuckles, in normal tone] Me too, Hugh. 67 00:02:50,729 --> 00:02:53,105 But, no. No, no, no. 68 00:02:53,105 --> 00:02:57,736 [groans] You had to get all noble and die for real. 69 00:02:57,736 --> 00:03:00,046 Goddamn it! 70 00:03:00,508 --> 00:03:03,885 I could really use your help right now. 71 00:03:03,885 --> 00:03:06,151 [electrical whirring] 72 00:03:10,485 --> 00:03:13,290 [♪ tense music playing] 73 00:03:14,225 --> 00:03:15,864 Wait! 74 00:03:15,864 --> 00:03:17,965 I’m warning you, I’m not alone. 75 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,560 Wade Winston Wilson, 76 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,662 you are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority... 77 00:03:22,662 --> 00:03:23,531 [Deadpool sniffs] Oof. 78 00:03:23,531 --> 00:03:24,796 ...for too many crimes to list. 79 00:03:24,796 --> 00:03:26,006 - Come out... - [Deadpool groans] 80 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,073 ...and we’ll extend you the courtesy 81 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:30,043 - of taking you in one piece. - Death by day-player. 82 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,143 Last chance. 83 00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:31,913 Throw out your weapons 84 00:03:31,913 --> 00:03:33,981 - and come out peacefully. - [Deadpool sighs] 85 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:36,181 [Deadpool] I’m not gonna give you my weapons, 86 00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:38,777 but I promise not to use them. 87 00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:41,615 There are two hundred and six bones in the human body. 88 00:03:41,615 --> 00:03:43,749 Two hundred and seven if I’m watching Gossip Girl. 89 00:03:43,749 --> 00:03:45,223 [♪ pop music playing, *NSYNC "Bye Bye Bye"] 90 00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:47,654 - Here we go. Maximum effort. - ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 91 00:03:47,654 --> 00:03:49,359 [♪ song stops] 92 00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:54,969 - ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 93 00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:55,596 Okay, peanut. 94 00:03:55,596 --> 00:03:58,335 Guess we’re getting that team-up after all. 95 00:03:58,632 --> 00:04:02,075 - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 96 00:04:05,837 --> 00:04:06,310 [grunts] 97 00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:08,147 ♪ I’m doing this tonight ♪ 98 00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:10,985 ♪ You’re probably gonna start a fight ♪ 99 00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:11,579 [screaming] 100 00:04:11,579 --> 00:04:13,988 ♪ I know this can’t be right ♪ 101 00:04:13,988 --> 00:04:16,848 ♪ Hey, baby, come on ♪ 102 00:04:16,848 --> 00:04:19,290 ♪ I loved you endlessly ♪ 103 00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:21,688 ♪ When you weren’t there for me ♪ 104 00:04:21,688 --> 00:04:27,727 ♪ So now it’s time to leave and make it alone ♪ 105 00:04:27,727 --> 00:04:30,697 ♪ I know that I can’t take no more ♪ 106 00:04:30,697 --> 00:04:32,204 [smooches] 107 00:04:32,633 --> 00:04:33,205 [exhales] 108 00:04:33,205 --> 00:04:35,669 ♪ I wanna see you out that door ♪ 109 00:04:35,669 --> 00:04:38,309 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 110 00:04:38,309 --> 00:04:40,377 ♪ Don’t wanna be a fool for you ♪ 111 00:04:40,377 --> 00:04:43,908 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 112 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:47,120 ♪ You may hate me, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 113 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,551 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 114 00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:51,619 ♪ Don’t really wanna make it tough ♪ 115 00:04:51,619 --> 00:04:54,820 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I’ve had enough ♪ 116 00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:58,791 ♪ It might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 117 00:04:58,791 --> 00:05:02,762 ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ 118 00:05:02,762 --> 00:05:04,863 ♪ Just hit me with the truth ♪ 119 00:05:04,863 --> 00:05:07,503 ♪ Now, girl, you’re more than welcome to ♪ 120 00:05:07,503 --> 00:05:10,143 Maradona from outside the box! 121 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,574 Goal! 122 00:05:12,574 --> 00:05:13,575 ♪ Baby, come on ♪ 123 00:05:13,575 --> 00:05:16,776 ♪ I know that I can’t take no more ♪ 124 00:05:16,776 --> 00:05:18,844 - ♪ It ain’t no lie ♪ - [both yelling] 125 00:05:18,844 --> 00:05:21,649 ♪ I wanna see you out that door ♪ 126 00:05:21,649 --> 00:05:24,355 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 127 00:05:24,355 --> 00:05:26,489 ♪ Don’t wanna be a fool for you ♪ 128 00:05:26,489 --> 00:05:29,921 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 129 00:05:29,921 --> 00:05:32,792 ♪ You may hate me, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 130 00:05:32,792 --> 00:05:35,498 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 131 00:05:35,498 --> 00:05:37,665 ♪ Don’t really wanna make it tough ♪ 132 00:05:37,665 --> 00:05:40,899 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪ 133 00:05:40,899 --> 00:05:44,738 ♪ Might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 134 00:05:44,738 --> 00:05:48,313 ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ 135 00:05:50,678 --> 00:05:54,022 ♪ I don’t wanna be your fool ♪ 136 00:05:54,022 --> 00:05:56,684 ♪ In this game for two ♪ 137 00:05:56,684 --> 00:05:59,654 ♪ So I’m leavin’ you behind ♪ 138 00:05:59,654 --> 00:06:01,062 Come on, big fella. 139 00:06:01,062 --> 00:06:02,591 ♪ Bye, bye, bye, yeah ♪ 140 00:06:02,591 --> 00:06:05,429 ♪ I don’t wanna make it tough ♪ 141 00:06:05,429 --> 00:06:07,299 ♪ But I’ve had enough ♪ 142 00:06:07,299 --> 00:06:11,468 - ♪ And it ain’t no lie ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 143 00:06:11,468 --> 00:06:12,271 ♪ Baby ♪ 144 00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:13,734 ♪ Don’t wanna be a fool for you ♪ 145 00:06:13,734 --> 00:06:15,505 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 146 00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:20,345 ♪ I don’t wanna be your fool, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 147 00:06:20,345 --> 00:06:22,842 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 148 00:06:22,842 --> 00:06:24,646 ♪ Don’t really wanna make it tough ♪ 149 00:06:24,646 --> 00:06:28,353 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪ 150 00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:31,620 ♪ Might sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie ♪ 151 00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:34,458 - ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 152 00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:36,559 - [♪ song ends] - [gasps dramatically] 153 00:06:36,559 --> 00:06:39,793 [♪ operatic music playing] 154 00:06:39,793 --> 00:06:43,137 I am soaking wet right now. 155 00:06:44,105 --> 00:06:44,864 [roars] 156 00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:46,899 To be clear, I’m not proud of any of this. 157 00:06:46,899 --> 00:06:50,705 The wanton violence, the whiff of necrophilia. 158 00:06:50,705 --> 00:06:51,739 It isn’t who I am. 159 00:06:51,739 --> 00:06:53,543 It isn’t who I wanna be. 160 00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:54,214 Who I wanna be? 161 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,447 Well, to help you understand that, 162 00:06:56,447 --> 00:06:57,349 I’ve gotta take you back. 163 00:06:57,349 --> 00:06:59,846 A little joyride I took through space and time, 164 00:06:59,846 --> 00:07:03,091 to the day that changed everything. 165 00:07:03,091 --> 00:07:06,094 [♪ uptempo music building] 166 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,762 [♪ music fades out] 167 00:07:14,762 --> 00:07:16,467 I can’t believe I’m finally here. 168 00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:20,306 I’ve waited for this moment for so long. 169 00:07:20,669 --> 00:07:23,870 Thank you, sir, for seeing me. 170 00:07:23,870 --> 00:07:25,905 I... I firmly believe 171 00:07:25,905 --> 00:07:27,071 that my services could be of 172 00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:29,546 great use to your organization. 173 00:07:29,546 --> 00:07:30,151 Now, I know 174 00:07:30,151 --> 00:07:32,417 I was caught smashturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower, 175 00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:33,847 - but I can assure you that-- - Smashturbating? 176 00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:34,914 I’m sorry, what... what was that? 177 00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:39,050 No, I’m sorry. That... That’s when you get those toy, 178 00:07:39,050 --> 00:07:39,754 Hulk hands, right? 179 00:07:39,754 --> 00:07:42,394 And then you just, you look down, and you just... 180 00:07:42,394 --> 00:07:44,924 you brace yourself, and you ravage the midsection. 181 00:07:44,924 --> 00:07:46,926 - Pinch the... Yeah. Okay. - I get it. Okay, thank you. 182 00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:48,928 - The picture’s painted. - You get the gist. 183 00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:51,634 Uh, what exactly brings you here today? 184 00:07:51,634 --> 00:07:55,099 Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh... 185 00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:56,001 I... I care. 186 00:07:56,001 --> 00:08:00,104 I know I turn everything into a joke, but I... 187 00:08:00,973 --> 00:08:04,845 I care, and I wanna use that feeling... 188 00:08:05,010 --> 00:08:07,452 for something important. 189 00:08:07,452 --> 00:08:08,585 I... I wanna matter. 190 00:08:08,585 --> 00:08:11,049 [♪ solemn music playing] 191 00:08:11,049 --> 00:08:14,085 I need to show my girl that I matter. 192 00:08:14,954 --> 00:08:15,955 And... 193 00:08:15,955 --> 00:08:17,561 You know, I feel like I’m wasting 194 00:08:17,561 --> 00:08:18,298 the good stuff here. 195 00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:19,992 Is the man not gonna be joining us? 196 00:08:19,992 --> 00:08:20,762 - The man? - Yeah. 197 00:08:20,762 --> 00:08:22,599 I should save this if he’s gonna... 198 00:08:22,599 --> 00:08:25,206 Uh, as far as you’re concerned right now, I’m the man. 199 00:08:25,206 --> 00:08:26,570 - No. - The man is me. 200 00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:29,837 I am the man in this circumstance. 201 00:08:29,837 --> 00:08:31,036 - Mm. - He doesn’t do 202 00:08:31,036 --> 00:08:32,741 this kind of thing anymore. 203 00:08:32,741 --> 00:08:33,511 - Cameos? - Meetings. 204 00:08:33,511 --> 00:08:35,645 - Meetings. - Entry-level meetings. 205 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:36,250 Entry-level? 206 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,010 Aren’t you the chauffeur... 207 00:08:38,010 --> 00:08:40,419 - maybe? - I... Common misconception. 208 00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:42,014 - Okay. - I did begin my career 209 00:08:42,014 --> 00:08:43,587 as Mr. Stark’s driver. 210 00:08:43,587 --> 00:08:44,588 - Okay. - Quickly pivoted to... 211 00:08:44,588 --> 00:08:46,051 - Chauffeur. - ...the Head of Security. 212 00:08:46,051 --> 00:08:48,119 The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes. 213 00:08:48,119 --> 00:08:50,957 And why I am vetting your resume. 214 00:08:50,957 --> 00:08:53,498 You seem to have left out whether or not you had 215 00:08:53,498 --> 00:08:55,632 any experience as a member of a team. 216 00:08:55,632 --> 00:08:56,369 Could you maybe add 217 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,469 a little bit of perspective there? 218 00:08:57,469 --> 00:09:00,098 Oh. No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces... 219 00:09:00,098 --> 00:09:01,132 - Okay. - ...but I was... 220 00:09:01,132 --> 00:09:02,804 Mainly, I was team leader... 221 00:09:02,804 --> 00:09:03,673 founder, really, of X-Force. 222 00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,939 Sadly, they... they all perished in action though. 223 00:09:05,939 --> 00:09:07,105 Oh. How exactly did that happen? 224 00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:09,382 Well, the police say gravity, but if... 225 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,043 Just between us, they didn’t test well 226 00:09:11,043 --> 00:09:12,484 - in the focus group. - I see. 227 00:09:12,484 --> 00:09:14,552 - Particularly Cable. - X-Force. 228 00:09:14,552 --> 00:09:15,256 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 229 00:09:15,256 --> 00:09:16,356 Look, I can see this isn’t going well. 230 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,621 Please stop writing. Look, I... I... 231 00:09:17,621 --> 00:09:20,723 I’m just... I wanna be an Avenger. 232 00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:24,122 I wanna be an Avenger. 233 00:09:24,859 --> 00:09:26,762 Why do you wanna be an Avenger? 234 00:09:26,762 --> 00:09:28,533 Look around you. I mean, they’re the... 235 00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:29,864 they’re the best of the best. 236 00:09:29,864 --> 00:09:32,196 And... And what they do matters. 237 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,099 I need to be an Avenger. 238 00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:36,937 Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick, 239 00:09:36,937 --> 00:09:37,839 and I... if I don’t, you know, 240 00:09:37,839 --> 00:09:40,743 turn things around and do something with my "gifts," 241 00:09:40,743 --> 00:09:42,943 I don’t think it’s gonna really work out for me, 242 00:09:42,943 --> 00:09:44,978 and I wouldn’t blame her. 243 00:09:44,978 --> 00:09:49,884 Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes 244 00:09:49,884 --> 00:09:50,621 that stand for something 245 00:09:50,621 --> 00:09:53,151 more than just fighting and wearing costumes. 246 00:09:53,151 --> 00:09:56,891 I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us. 247 00:09:56,891 --> 00:09:57,892 - They-- - I’m sorry. "Us"? 248 00:09:57,892 --> 00:10:00,697 I wasn’t aware that you were an Avenger. 249 00:10:00,697 --> 00:10:01,797 Avengers-adjacent, technically. 250 00:10:01,797 --> 00:10:03,161 Oh, wow. What’s your superpower? 251 00:10:03,161 --> 00:10:06,274 Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry. 252 00:10:06,274 --> 00:10:06,868 That was cruel. 253 00:10:06,868 --> 00:10:09,706 I lash out when I’m nervous. Won’t happen again. 254 00:10:09,706 --> 00:10:11,169 - Let’s cut to the chase. - Please. 255 00:10:11,169 --> 00:10:12,412 You just said moments ago 256 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:15,877 that you wanted to be an Avenger because 257 00:10:15,877 --> 00:10:17,516 you need it. 258 00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:18,209 Yes, sir, I do. 259 00:10:18,209 --> 00:10:20,013 But the Avengers don’t do the job 260 00:10:20,013 --> 00:10:21,080 because they need it. 261 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,325 They do the job because people need them. 262 00:10:24,688 --> 00:10:27,020 Do you see the distinction? 263 00:10:28,153 --> 00:10:30,221 Yes, sir. 264 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,530 Please, Mr. Hogan. 265 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:32,927 I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life 266 00:10:32,927 --> 00:10:36,062 like an annoying one-trick pony. 267 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,967 All right. 268 00:10:39,967 --> 00:10:41,573 Oh, my God, you’re standing. 269 00:10:41,573 --> 00:10:43,740 Yeah, now’s the time that we stand. 270 00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,202 Damn it. 271 00:10:44,202 --> 00:10:45,610 Now, the problem might be that you’re 272 00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:47,876 reaching a little... little too high. 273 00:10:47,876 --> 00:10:50,615 Aim for the middle, and you’ll never miss. 274 00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:51,979 Right? I think you got a good heart. 275 00:10:51,979 --> 00:10:53,585 I believe what you’re saying. 276 00:10:53,585 --> 00:10:55,719 But not everybody’s the world-saving type. 277 00:10:55,719 --> 00:10:57,952 I’m not, and I’m happy. 278 00:10:57,952 --> 00:11:00,394 Right? I found my place. 279 00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:02,660 Find your place. 280 00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:04,695 All right? Get back out there. 281 00:11:04,695 --> 00:11:06,796 - We’ll keep an eye on you. - Okay. 282 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,292 Good luck. 283 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,998 - [Wade Wilson] Mm. Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 284 00:11:10,998 --> 00:11:13,902 Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack. 285 00:11:13,902 --> 00:11:16,201 Rejection makes me hungy. 286 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:17,906 - No, no. Please. - No? 287 00:11:17,906 --> 00:11:19,875 - Yeah, no, no, no. - Okay. 288 00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:21,679 Okay, thank you. 289 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,550 [Deadpool] You know what they say. 290 00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,816 When one door closes, 291 00:11:27,014 --> 00:11:28,752 your locker at work opens. 292 00:11:28,752 --> 00:11:31,986 [♪ rousing music playing] 293 00:11:32,217 --> 00:11:34,153 [stapling] 294 00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:39,763 Now let’s go sell some certified 295 00:11:39,763 --> 00:11:41,831 pre-owned vehicles, motherfu... 296 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,536 [♪ music stops] 297 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:48,002 Technically, the... the Carnival’s not a minivan. 298 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:49,234 It’s an MPV. 299 00:11:49,234 --> 00:11:51,841 So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey? 300 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:53,172 The Odyssey? That’s a great question. 301 00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,174 - Um, it doesn’t fucking suck. - [boy snickers] 302 00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:57,715 You know, you can answer the question without swearing. 303 00:11:57,715 --> 00:12:00,685 I’m sorry, Tammy, I don’t... I don’t have kids. 304 00:12:00,685 --> 00:12:02,346 Not that I haven’t dreamt of that, 305 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:05,690 but I don’t have a lot of vaginal sex. 306 00:12:07,824 --> 00:12:09,089 [Peter] You’ll get ’em next time, pal. 307 00:12:09,089 --> 00:12:10,156 - [Wade] Yeah. - [Peter] And look, 308 00:12:10,156 --> 00:12:11,663 you can always go back to superhero-ing. 309 00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:14,402 I mean, I know I’d like to see you back in the suit. 310 00:12:14,402 --> 00:12:16,932 I don’t keep it in my locker so that I can wear it. 311 00:12:16,932 --> 00:12:19,869 I keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again. 312 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:23,741 Hey, hey, hey. What is that doing in there? 313 00:12:23,741 --> 00:12:25,336 I’m done. 314 00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:28,075 I’m done. 315 00:12:28,075 --> 00:12:30,110 And I’m fine with being done. 316 00:12:30,110 --> 00:12:32,178 Look, is sales the best match? 317 00:12:32,178 --> 00:12:32,816 Probably not. 318 00:12:32,816 --> 00:12:36,754 Is this the life that I always imagined for myself? Fuck no. 319 00:12:36,754 --> 00:12:40,527 But this is the right fit for me, Sugar Bear, it is. 320 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:41,891 Okay, Mr. Wilson. 321 00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:43,530 I’m just saying, once a month, 322 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,532 we could go on a little mission. 323 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,700 We’re human beings. We crave purpose. 324 00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:49,998 After all, we’re Deadpool. 325 00:12:49,998 --> 00:12:52,935 Please stop saying that. We’re not Deadpool. 326 00:12:52,935 --> 00:12:54,805 I’m not even Deadpool anymore. 327 00:12:54,805 --> 00:12:58,105 Well, if you’re gonna have a midlife crisis, go big. 328 00:12:58,105 --> 00:12:59,777 A few years ago, a friend of mine 329 00:12:59,777 --> 00:13:01,977 got his nipples pierced with a titanium chain 330 00:13:01,977 --> 00:13:05,882 that goes down and attaches to his Van Johnson. 331 00:13:05,882 --> 00:13:07,752 [camera clicking] 332 00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:11,789 Are... Are you feeling grumplestiltskin 333 00:13:11,789 --> 00:13:13,989 ’cause it’s your birthday? 334 00:13:15,122 --> 00:13:16,761 What? 335 00:13:17,025 --> 00:13:18,422 No. 336 00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:20,666 No. 337 00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,934 - Surprise! - [♪ hip-hop music plays] 338 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:28,399 Hey, you guys are lucky I’m not armed. 339 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:29,202 Get in here. 340 00:13:29,202 --> 00:13:31,710 If this were six years ago, you’d all be dead. 341 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,646 So then, he gets out of the cab, 342 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,647 and you will not believe it. 343 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,550 I turn around, and what do I find? 344 00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:38,409 - AirPods. His AirPods. - His AirPods! 345 00:13:38,409 --> 00:13:39,344 - Come on. - Crazy story. 346 00:13:39,344 --> 00:13:43,216 - Every time. Come on. - [laughing] Every single time. 347 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,591 [Wade sighs] 348 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,120 Make any sales today? 349 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,088 You know I didn’t. 350 00:13:47,088 --> 00:13:48,991 Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy 351 00:13:48,991 --> 00:13:50,597 or whatever it is that you do? 352 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,566 Our rent’s due in three days, Wade. 353 00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:53,996 I can’t keep carrying you. 354 00:13:53,996 --> 00:13:55,195 Relax. I have the money. 355 00:13:55,195 --> 00:13:58,132 I sold some old blood pressure medication 356 00:13:58,132 --> 00:13:59,067 I found lying around. 357 00:13:59,067 --> 00:14:00,673 You tryin’ to kill me, motherfucker? 358 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,576 I’m not the one dousing everything in salt, 359 00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:05,205 - motherfucker. - I pray every day 360 00:14:05,205 --> 00:14:07,009 that fire finds your body 361 00:14:07,009 --> 00:14:09,649 and finishes the job God didn’t have 362 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,046 - the nuts to do. - That’s hurtful. 363 00:14:11,046 --> 00:14:12,916 If you could hear the look on my face, 364 00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:14,478 you’d smell how sad I am. 365 00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,853 You watched anything good? 366 00:14:15,853 --> 00:14:17,855 Great British Bake Off. 367 00:14:17,855 --> 00:14:18,482 Oh, goddamn. 368 00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:20,825 That show stood between me and suicide for 10 years. 369 00:14:20,825 --> 00:14:23,729 Those are my feelings on abortion, religious freedom, 370 00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,896 animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines, 371 00:14:25,896 --> 00:14:27,997 free-market capitalism, global climate change. 372 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:31,462 Yeah, duh-duh-duh. No, no speaking lines, Buck. 373 00:14:31,462 --> 00:14:33,673 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade. 374 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,906 Nice fake o’clock shadow. 375 00:14:35,906 --> 00:14:38,744 It’s a summer balayage. From the French. 376 00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:42,814 It’s meant to mimic the natural highlights of the sun. 377 00:14:42,814 --> 00:14:44,849 - It’s a toupee. - It’s a hair system. 378 00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:47,555 I love your hair system, Wade. 379 00:14:47,555 --> 00:14:48,721 Thank you. Heh. 380 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:49,480 Wanna do some cocaine? 381 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,956 Hey, cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits. 382 00:14:52,956 --> 00:14:54,595 What about Bolivian marching powder? 383 00:14:54,595 --> 00:14:56,894 They know all the slang terms. They have a list. 384 00:14:56,894 --> 00:14:59,193 - Even snowboarding? - Even disco dust. 385 00:14:59,193 --> 00:14:59,963 White girl interrupted? 386 00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:01,459 - Even Forrest Bump. - Booger sugar? 387 00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:02,603 I wouldn’t even try powdered gonuts. 388 00:15:02,603 --> 00:15:07,366 - Do you wanna build a snowman? - Yes. But I can’t. 389 00:15:08,466 --> 00:15:09,610 Pull here. 390 00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:10,644 - Here? - Yeah. [gasps] 391 00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:11,612 - [Yukio yelps] - [laughter] 392 00:15:11,612 --> 00:15:14,307 - [Dopinder] What happened? - That’s the fun part. 393 00:15:15,011 --> 00:15:16,584 Thanks for coming. 394 00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:17,618 Yeah. 395 00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:18,652 How’s work? 396 00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:20,720 Oh, I got a promotion. 397 00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:21,545 No way. 398 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:25,450 Yeah. It’s mind-numbing middle management, but I’m happy. 399 00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:27,089 That’s great. 400 00:15:27,859 --> 00:15:30,323 - You, uh, seeing anyone? - How about you? 401 00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:32,666 Um... Yeah. 402 00:15:32,666 --> 00:15:35,603 A guy from work. Dermot. 403 00:15:35,603 --> 00:15:36,527 Dermot. 404 00:15:36,527 --> 00:15:38,001 - He’s kind. - Good. 405 00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:39,607 Likes to go hiking. 406 00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:41,070 Hasn’t gotten me shot yet. 407 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:43,567 Well, it’s the early days. 408 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,679 [Vanessa chuckles] 409 00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,573 What about you? You seeing anyone? 410 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:50,178 [Wade] Mm... 411 00:15:50,178 --> 00:15:51,982 No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment. 412 00:15:51,982 --> 00:15:54,314 I share a bed with Blind Al. 413 00:15:55,051 --> 00:15:56,954 - Okay. - [laughs] 414 00:15:56,954 --> 00:15:59,253 - All right. - All right. 415 00:15:59,550 --> 00:16:03,422 [all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 416 00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:04,929 - Speech! Speech! - [Yukio] Yes! 417 00:16:04,929 --> 00:16:07,932 All right. Okay, okay, okay. Uh... 418 00:16:08,196 --> 00:16:08,966 Birthdays. 419 00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:10,836 Boy, every spin around the moon 420 00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:11,705 is a new adventure indeed. 421 00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:14,939 - Sun, dumbass. - Okay, round-earther. 422 00:16:15,236 --> 00:16:17,909 - Where was I? - The adventure of life. 423 00:16:17,909 --> 00:16:18,602 Right. Um... 424 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,813 It’s been a challenging few years. 425 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,078 Haven’t seen you guys in a while. 426 00:16:22,078 --> 00:16:24,443 Been through a lot, uh, change of life. 427 00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:27,050 - Menopause? - Bitch, are you improv-ing? 428 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:28,821 - Mm-mm. - Sorry. 429 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,724 [softly] I’m sorry that you had to see that, Yukio. 430 00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:33,694 - [softly] It’s okay. - Yeah. 431 00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:35,762 [sighs] But I’m happy. 432 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:36,895 You know, and that’s... that’s 433 00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:40,030 because of each and every one of you. 434 00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,801 I guess, what I’m trying to say is 435 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,737 how proud I am, how grateful I am 436 00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:44,804 to be standing in a room 437 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:48,236 with every single person I love. 438 00:16:48,236 --> 00:16:51,140 [♪ soft music playing] 439 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,683 I’m the luckiest man alive. 440 00:16:55,683 --> 00:16:57,179 [chuckles] 441 00:16:57,575 --> 00:16:58,312 Make a wish, buddy. 442 00:16:58,312 --> 00:17:01,513 Ten-four, good buddy. [chuckles] 443 00:17:01,513 --> 00:17:03,152 Going down. 444 00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:07,695 [knock at door] 445 00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:09,862 Wade Wilson? 446 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:10,962 Oh, yeah. Dancers. 447 00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:12,733 Dopinder must have ordered you. 448 00:17:12,733 --> 00:17:15,032 Are those supposed to be cop costumes? 449 00:17:15,032 --> 00:17:15,901 Never mind. 450 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,596 Take your clothes off but leave the helmets. 451 00:17:18,596 --> 00:17:20,774 And this isn’t Pretty Woman. 452 00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:21,775 We’re kissing. All right? 453 00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:24,811 What song do you guys normally dance to? 454 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:28,210 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 455 00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:29,376 Is that supposed to be scary? 456 00:17:29,376 --> 00:17:31,675 Pegging isn’t new for me, friendo. 457 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:33,853 But it is for Disney. 458 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:34,579 Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta! 459 00:17:34,579 --> 00:17:36,515 Okay, I’ve never been a natural bottom, 460 00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:38,616 so we’re gonna take things real slow. 461 00:17:38,616 --> 00:17:40,959 And I want some crazy eye contact. 462 00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:41,619 Not you. You. 463 00:17:41,619 --> 00:17:43,962 Can’t see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them. 464 00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:45,524 We’re gonna move on down the hallway 465 00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:47,658 so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole. 466 00:17:47,658 --> 00:17:49,561 How’s everyone feel about this plan? 467 00:17:49,561 --> 00:17:50,265 I don’t like you. 468 00:17:50,265 --> 00:17:52,597 Yes. Let’s hold on to that attitude. 469 00:17:52,597 --> 00:17:54,808 And we’re gonna do it angry. 470 00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:56,370 [grunts] 471 00:17:57,272 --> 00:17:58,878 [grunts] 472 00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:04,576 [♪ suspenseful music playing] 473 00:18:04,576 --> 00:18:06,710 [Wade moans softly] 474 00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,646 [Wade grunts] 475 00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:14,388 [Voice] Mr. Wilson... 476 00:18:14,762 --> 00:18:18,128 you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious. 477 00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:21,032 I wasn’t unconscious. Who are you? 478 00:18:21,032 --> 00:18:22,594 I go by the name of Paradox. 479 00:18:22,594 --> 00:18:26,664 Mr. Paradox. And you’re sitting here at the TVA. 480 00:18:26,664 --> 00:18:28,600 The Time Variance Authority. 481 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,635 We’re really a watchdog organization, 482 00:18:30,635 --> 00:18:33,572 except we’re more lighthearted than that sounds, 483 00:18:33,572 --> 00:18:37,048 with a sort of throwback, ironic twist. 484 00:18:37,048 --> 00:18:38,643 And we’re in charge of defending 485 00:18:38,643 --> 00:18:40,854 what’s known as the Sacred Timeline. 486 00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:44,583 Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition for a threequel. 487 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:46,585 Is this because I used Cable’s time machine? 488 00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:48,895 Brought a couple of people back to life, 489 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:49,654 then I destroyed it. 490 00:18:49,654 --> 00:18:50,897 - That was a long time ago. - Yes, 491 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,757 we’re aware of your abuse of your timeline. 492 00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:56,595 [chuckles] And you were so abusive of it. 493 00:18:56,595 --> 00:18:59,565 Uh, no, it has nothing to do with that. 494 00:18:59,565 --> 00:19:01,204 Walk with me. 495 00:19:02,436 --> 00:19:05,373 [♪ mysterious music playing] 496 00:19:05,846 --> 00:19:09,080 I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell you 497 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,576 that you’re special. 498 00:19:10,576 --> 00:19:13,986 In fact, you’ve been chosen for a higher purpose, 499 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,549 a purpose unclear even to me. 500 00:19:16,549 --> 00:19:18,287 But one that could 501 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,960 save the entire Sacred Timeline 502 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,930 from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future, 503 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:27,230 which may very well need to be... 504 00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,792 avenged. 505 00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:31,201 This Sacred Timeline, 506 00:19:31,465 --> 00:19:34,171 I assume I’m going to marvel 507 00:19:34,171 --> 00:19:35,700 at how 508 00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:37,603 cinematic it feels? 509 00:19:37,603 --> 00:19:38,846 Gratuitous cameos, 510 00:19:38,846 --> 00:19:41,706 indiscriminate use of Variants, the whole package? 511 00:19:41,706 --> 00:19:43,807 Well, you tell me. 512 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,380 [device beeps] 513 00:19:47,118 --> 00:19:50,187 [♪ heroic music playing] 514 00:19:50,924 --> 00:19:52,321 Cap! 515 00:19:58,591 --> 00:20:00,967 You are no longer lost, Wade. 516 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,761 You can be a hero among heroes. 517 00:20:03,761 --> 00:20:06,170 We’ve been surveilling you for quite a while. 518 00:20:06,170 --> 00:20:10,240 - Subway station. - A TVA outpost, yes. 519 00:20:10,537 --> 00:20:12,704 - And what is that? - Hmm? 520 00:20:14,772 --> 00:20:17,049 Is that me? Is that Thor? 521 00:20:17,511 --> 00:20:19,447 - Is he crying? - Uh, let’s not 522 00:20:19,447 --> 00:20:20,646 - get ahead of ourselves. - [gasps] 523 00:20:20,646 --> 00:20:21,988 That happens in the distant future. 524 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,715 Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me. 525 00:20:23,715 --> 00:20:25,156 Do not speak to her. Stop that. Eyes on me. 526 00:20:25,156 --> 00:20:27,785 I brought you here to offer you an opportunity. 527 00:20:27,785 --> 00:20:29,787 The opportunity you sought years ago, 528 00:20:29,787 --> 00:20:31,624 but for which you were not ready. 529 00:20:31,624 --> 00:20:32,856 We believe you’re ready now. 530 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,001 Ready for a chance to leave your timeline 531 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,937 and join the greatest universe of all. 532 00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:39,467 I am about to give you the thing you’ve always wanted. 533 00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:41,040 Oh, I smell what you’re steppin’ in. 534 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,734 The power in the Marvel Universe 535 00:20:42,734 --> 00:20:44,769 is about to change forever. 536 00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:47,706 I am the Messiah... 537 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,049 [♪ heavenly music building] 538 00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:52,744 I am... 539 00:20:52,744 --> 00:20:55,417 - [♪ music stops] - ...Marvel Jesus. 540 00:20:55,747 --> 00:20:57,584 Can you excuse me for just a moment? 541 00:20:57,584 --> 00:20:59,883 I’m just gonna go over here. 542 00:21:02,490 --> 00:21:03,821 Suck it, Fox! 543 00:21:03,821 --> 00:21:05,130 I’m going to Disneyland. 544 00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:07,264 [grunts] Get fucked! 545 00:21:10,234 --> 00:21:10,861 Where do I sign? 546 00:21:10,861 --> 00:21:11,895 Oh, there’s no need for paperwork. 547 00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:14,799 Good. Not to brag, but I do not read. 548 00:21:14,799 --> 00:21:15,437 [chuckles] Oh. 549 00:21:15,437 --> 00:21:18,407 There is one thing I will need, though. 550 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,872 [♪ rousing music playing] 551 00:21:21,872 --> 00:21:24,578 [laughs] Oh, fuck off! 552 00:21:24,578 --> 00:21:27,152 Adorn me, Beardo. 553 00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:43,828 - [squeaks] - [elevator dings] 554 00:21:43,828 --> 00:21:47,139 [♪ hip-hop music plays, Fergie ft. Ludacris "Glamorous"] 555 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,536 Fuckin’ A! 556 00:21:48,536 --> 00:21:50,142 Uhh! It’s perfect! FYI, 557 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:54,113 your tailor is a predator, but I love it. Snug. 558 00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:54,806 No camel toe. 559 00:21:54,806 --> 00:21:58,777 New car smell and adamantium katanas? 560 00:21:58,777 --> 00:22:00,581 You shouldn’t have. 561 00:22:00,581 --> 00:22:02,088 Go ahead. Take it in. 562 00:22:02,088 --> 00:22:05,025 And yes, your underwear is getting tighter. 563 00:22:05,025 --> 00:22:06,818 That guy knows what I’m talking about. 564 00:22:06,818 --> 00:22:08,622 His clothes says middle management, 565 00:22:08,622 --> 00:22:11,559 but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y. 566 00:22:11,559 --> 00:22:13,561 Yes. You look very nice. 567 00:22:13,561 --> 00:22:14,265 [Deadpool] "Nice"? 568 00:22:14,265 --> 00:22:16,498 Your buddy here is ready to throw it all away for me. 569 00:22:16,498 --> 00:22:17,565 - You callin’ your wife? - HR. 570 00:22:17,565 --> 00:22:18,731 [Deadpool] Does your wife work in HR? 571 00:22:18,731 --> 00:22:21,536 [Mr. Paradox] I’m really glad you’re taking this so well. 572 00:22:21,536 --> 00:22:23,010 [Deadpool] Oh, I’m taking it well. 573 00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:25,672 I have never had a problem traveling for work. 574 00:22:25,672 --> 00:22:27,707 That said, we should talk vacation days. 575 00:22:27,707 --> 00:22:30,512 I’m more of a one-week-on- one-week-off kind of guy. 576 00:22:30,512 --> 00:22:31,678 I think it’s what they do in Denmark. 577 00:22:31,678 --> 00:22:33,713 You know, you’ll never see a Danish flag on the moon, 578 00:22:33,713 --> 00:22:35,517 but [chuckles] goddamn it, they’re happy. 579 00:22:35,517 --> 00:22:38,883 Now, let’s power up your little Amazon Fire phone there 580 00:22:38,883 --> 00:22:39,686 and zip me back home 581 00:22:39,686 --> 00:22:42,491 so I can let my friends know that they’ve been upgraded 582 00:22:42,491 --> 00:22:43,129 to disciples. 583 00:22:43,129 --> 00:22:46,033 Yeah. I don’t think you... quite understand. 584 00:22:46,033 --> 00:22:48,728 Um, you will not be returning to your home 585 00:22:48,728 --> 00:22:51,896 because there will be no home to return to. 586 00:22:51,896 --> 00:22:52,798 Come again? 587 00:22:52,798 --> 00:22:54,734 This time in my ears. 588 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:57,803 [device beeps] 589 00:22:57,803 --> 00:23:01,972 This is your universe, Mr. Wilson. 590 00:23:02,082 --> 00:23:02,940 That 591 00:23:02,940 --> 00:23:04,975 is what happens when a universe 592 00:23:04,975 --> 00:23:06,944 loses their Anchor Being. 593 00:23:06,944 --> 00:23:08,913 See how it decays from the inside? 594 00:23:08,913 --> 00:23:11,784 - This is how a reality dies. - What’s an Anchor Being? 595 00:23:11,784 --> 00:23:14,820 An Anchor Being is an entity of such vital importance 596 00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:15,557 that when they die, 597 00:23:15,557 --> 00:23:18,791 their whole world slowly withers out of existence. 598 00:23:18,791 --> 00:23:21,695 You’ve just won the lottery because I didn’t die. 599 00:23:21,695 --> 00:23:24,071 It was just a little midlife crisis. I’m better now. 600 00:23:24,071 --> 00:23:27,206 Oh, no, no, no. [laughing] 601 00:23:28,702 --> 00:23:30,000 [Deadpool laughs along] 602 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,706 - Oh, my God. - Oh, I love to laugh. 603 00:23:32,706 --> 00:23:35,577 Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being? 604 00:23:35,577 --> 00:23:37,645 - [Deadpool, dully] Yeah. - [laughs] Oh! 605 00:23:37,645 --> 00:23:41,220 - Yeah. - No, it isn’t you, Mr. Wilson. 606 00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:42,353 Your Anchor Being died 607 00:23:42,353 --> 00:23:45,587 in an act of self-sacrifice so epic 608 00:23:45,587 --> 00:23:48,161 that it sent shivers down the Timeline. 609 00:23:48,161 --> 00:23:52,165 I am referring, of course, to... 610 00:23:52,792 --> 00:23:57,269 Logan. The Wolverine. 611 00:23:59,502 --> 00:24:02,901 [weakly] Don’t be what they made you. 612 00:24:02,901 --> 00:24:06,839 [♪ sentimental slow rock music playing] 613 00:24:11,074 --> 00:24:11,910 [crying] 614 00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:15,782 Ah, so this is what it feels like... 615 00:24:16,816 --> 00:24:18,653 [Deadpool] Logan. 616 00:24:18,884 --> 00:24:20,391 Of course. 617 00:24:20,622 --> 00:24:22,052 Logan. 618 00:24:23,053 --> 00:24:24,263 [Deadpool groans] 619 00:24:24,263 --> 00:24:25,528 [yelling] Logan? 620 00:24:25,528 --> 00:24:27,431 The guy with forks for hands? 621 00:24:27,431 --> 00:24:29,994 - That Wolverine? - [device beeps] 622 00:24:29,994 --> 00:24:31,699 Yeah, I got it. You can turn your 623 00:24:31,699 --> 00:24:34,141 retro graphics of death off now. Make it stop. 624 00:24:34,141 --> 00:24:35,868 We’re not doing it, Mr. Wilson. 625 00:24:35,868 --> 00:24:37,903 We certainly can’t stop it. 626 00:24:38,970 --> 00:24:40,037 [Deadpool] How long have we got? 627 00:24:40,037 --> 00:24:42,743 In most cases, couple thousand years. 628 00:24:42,743 --> 00:24:44,008 - Well, sweet. - Well, most cases 629 00:24:44,008 --> 00:24:46,516 aren’t fast enough. Not for me. 630 00:24:46,516 --> 00:24:47,682 [Deadpool] What does that mean? 631 00:24:47,682 --> 00:24:49,717 It means that I have been tasked 632 00:24:49,717 --> 00:24:52,588 with overseeing the end of your universe. 633 00:24:52,588 --> 00:24:53,358 And regardless of what 634 00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:55,690 the pencil pushers upstairs would prefer, 635 00:24:55,690 --> 00:24:56,262 I will not 636 00:24:56,262 --> 00:24:59,826 waste my life watching it die slowly of natural causes. 637 00:24:59,826 --> 00:25:02,059 We used to just prune these things. Simple. 638 00:25:02,059 --> 00:25:04,061 Elegant. Efficient. But I’m told the TVA 639 00:25:04,061 --> 00:25:06,503 doesn’t like to do that anymore. Well, I do. 640 00:25:06,503 --> 00:25:08,472 And no matter what my so-called superiors say, 641 00:25:08,472 --> 00:25:11,541 the multiverse does not need a babysitter. 642 00:25:11,541 --> 00:25:13,213 We need a mercy killer. 643 00:25:13,213 --> 00:25:14,874 And in this instance, 644 00:25:14,874 --> 00:25:18,878 I am the mercy killer. Ha! 645 00:25:19,681 --> 00:25:21,188 [chuckles] 646 00:25:21,683 --> 00:25:22,321 [device beeps] 647 00:25:22,321 --> 00:25:23,850 [Deadpool] What in the MacGuffin is that? 648 00:25:23,850 --> 00:25:26,886 [Mr. Paradox] That’s a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson. 649 00:25:26,886 --> 00:25:27,986 An accelerant. 650 00:25:27,986 --> 00:25:30,758 Once completed, it will allow me to destroy 651 00:25:30,758 --> 00:25:32,760 the spacetime matrix of your universe. 652 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,565 You see, I don’t want to work for the TVA. 653 00:25:35,565 --> 00:25:36,797 I want to be the TVA. 654 00:25:36,797 --> 00:25:39,965 And the first step involves showing this organization 655 00:25:39,965 --> 00:25:41,736 how much more efficient it can become. 656 00:25:41,736 --> 00:25:43,870 To wit, I will be giving your universe 657 00:25:43,870 --> 00:25:45,971 a swift and compassionate end. 658 00:25:45,971 --> 00:25:47,478 And don’t worry, your friends won’t feel a thing. 659 00:25:47,478 --> 00:25:51,680 It’ll be over just like this. "Oh, what’s that?" [groans] 660 00:25:51,779 --> 00:25:53,319 Trust me. 661 00:26:04,759 --> 00:26:07,564 You’re gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe? 662 00:26:07,564 --> 00:26:09,566 Mm... In your parlance, yes. 663 00:26:09,566 --> 00:26:10,897 Two in the heart, one in the head. 664 00:26:10,897 --> 00:26:13,097 Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices. 665 00:26:13,097 --> 00:26:14,637 You can either rejoin your loved ones 666 00:26:14,637 --> 00:26:16,903 and collectively cease to exist in, 667 00:26:16,903 --> 00:26:19,807 I’d say, 72 hours. Or... 668 00:26:19,807 --> 00:26:22,073 you join the Sacred Timeline. 669 00:26:22,073 --> 00:26:25,076 And you end your days of insignificance 670 00:26:25,076 --> 00:26:27,452 and mediocrity. 671 00:26:27,452 --> 00:26:28,783 Wade. 672 00:26:28,783 --> 00:26:30,851 Wade, you can finally, 673 00:26:30,851 --> 00:26:33,920 finally matter. 674 00:26:36,824 --> 00:26:40,927 - [Hulk roars] - [♪ sentimental music playing] 675 00:26:42,566 --> 00:26:45,305 That’s all I’ve ever really wanted. 676 00:26:45,305 --> 00:26:47,098 I know. 677 00:26:47,197 --> 00:26:48,473 I know. 678 00:26:48,473 --> 00:26:50,970 And you know I’m... I’m nothing if not 679 00:26:50,970 --> 00:26:53,104 morally flexible. [chuckles] 680 00:26:53,104 --> 00:26:54,809 [chuckles] 681 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:56,745 Yep, yep. 682 00:26:58,208 --> 00:26:59,484 I’ll do it. 683 00:26:59,484 --> 00:27:00,078 Wise choice. 684 00:27:00,078 --> 00:27:01,552 The Sacred Timeline’s happy to have you. 685 00:27:01,552 --> 00:27:02,883 [Deadpool] I was actually talking about finding 686 00:27:02,883 --> 00:27:05,853 the Wolverine and breaking your fucking nose. 687 00:27:06,216 --> 00:27:07,822 [groans] 688 00:27:07,822 --> 00:27:09,296 [♪ soft rock music plays, Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"] 689 00:27:09,296 --> 00:27:11,925 ♪ And I’d give up forever to touch you ♪ 690 00:27:11,925 --> 00:27:16,897 ♪ ’Cause I know that you feel me somehow ♪ 691 00:27:16,897 --> 00:27:18,734 [♪ song stops] 692 00:27:18,866 --> 00:27:20,868 Find him. Find him! 693 00:27:20,868 --> 00:27:23,475 [Deadpool] And boy, did he ever. 694 00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,740 [grunting] 695 00:27:24,740 --> 00:27:27,171 Which brings us back to this. 696 00:27:27,941 --> 00:27:30,075 The desecration of the sacred corpse. 697 00:27:30,075 --> 00:27:34,244 - [♪ dramatic music playing] - [yelling and grunting] 698 00:27:34,783 --> 00:27:37,214 - Oh, my God! - [yells] 699 00:27:37,555 --> 00:27:40,657 Oh! My own fucking arm! 700 00:27:40,657 --> 00:27:41,493 [soldier 1 yells] 701 00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:43,121 - [soldier 1 screams] - [grunting] 702 00:27:43,121 --> 00:27:45,156 - [soldier 1 screaming] - Now we’re talkin’! 703 00:27:45,156 --> 00:27:46,828 [soldier 1] Not like this! 704 00:27:46,828 --> 00:27:48,467 No, dear God! No! 705 00:27:48,467 --> 00:27:51,063 [Deadpool] I’m sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard! 706 00:27:51,063 --> 00:27:52,504 [soldier 2] Make it stop! 707 00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:53,835 [Deadpool] Mangold tried. 708 00:27:53,835 --> 00:27:56,376 [soldiers screaming] 709 00:27:56,706 --> 00:27:58,741 You sick fuck! 710 00:27:58,741 --> 00:27:59,808 Logan was a hero. 711 00:27:59,808 --> 00:28:01,579 And the only thing worth a shit 712 00:28:01,579 --> 00:28:03,614 to ever come out of Canada. 713 00:28:03,614 --> 00:28:05,209 [soldier 1 cries out] 714 00:28:05,209 --> 00:28:07,079 [soldier 2 screams] 715 00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:12,986 [Deadpool] Get my country’s name 716 00:28:12,986 --> 00:28:15,956 out of your fuckin’ mouth. 717 00:28:16,055 --> 00:28:18,728 And my sword. Give me that. 718 00:28:20,499 --> 00:28:21,060 [exhales] 719 00:28:21,060 --> 00:28:24,195 Oh, I gotta find me another Logan. 720 00:28:24,195 --> 00:28:24,998 An alive one. 721 00:28:24,998 --> 00:28:27,737 Don’t get up, guys. I’ll see myself out. 722 00:28:27,737 --> 00:28:31,873 [♪ synth rock music playing, "The Power of Love"] 723 00:28:35,646 --> 00:28:37,076 Logan! 724 00:28:39,617 --> 00:28:42,389 I’m gonna need you to come with me. 725 00:28:42,950 --> 00:28:44,721 Who’s asking? 726 00:28:44,853 --> 00:28:45,590 [♪ music stops] 727 00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:47,724 [Deadpool] Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton. 728 00:28:47,724 --> 00:28:50,661 Did you stick the landing, little guy? 729 00:28:50,661 --> 00:28:51,530 Yes, you did! 730 00:28:51,530 --> 00:28:53,224 Comic-accurate short king. 731 00:28:53,224 --> 00:28:55,600 Such a cute wittle Wolvie. 732 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:56,931 Cue the fuckin’ montage, baby. 733 00:28:56,931 --> 00:28:58,933 - [♪ synth rock music resumes] - Ahoy! 734 00:28:58,933 --> 00:29:01,507 Everything seems to be on fire. 735 00:29:01,507 --> 00:29:02,607 You have a dragon? 736 00:29:02,607 --> 00:29:05,907 Ooh, you have Anchor Being written all over-- 737 00:29:05,907 --> 00:29:08,140 [grunting] 738 00:29:08,712 --> 00:29:09,273 [growling] 739 00:29:09,273 --> 00:29:13,585 ♪ Make a one man weep, make another man sing ♪ 740 00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:15,752 ♪ Change a hawk...♪ 741 00:29:15,752 --> 00:29:16,247 Patch! 742 00:29:16,247 --> 00:29:20,427 - [engine revving] - Oh, now we’re talkin’. 743 00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:21,725 Oh, yeah. 744 00:29:21,725 --> 00:29:24,992 That’s the whole goddamn package right there. 745 00:29:25,564 --> 00:29:26,059 Howdy! 746 00:29:26,059 --> 00:29:28,501 I’m just... I’m auditioning Anchor Beings. 747 00:29:28,501 --> 00:29:32,362 Oh. Yeah, that’s gonna need some coconut oil. 748 00:29:33,770 --> 00:29:34,771 [grunts] 749 00:29:34,771 --> 00:29:36,036 [crow cawing] 750 00:29:36,036 --> 00:29:38,170 What in the fuck? 751 00:29:38,170 --> 00:29:40,513 [laughs] Are you okay? 752 00:29:40,513 --> 00:29:41,140 Oh, yes, yes. 753 00:29:41,140 --> 00:29:42,911 Classic John Byrne brown and tan. 754 00:29:42,911 --> 00:29:45,012 Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No? 755 00:29:45,012 --> 00:29:47,883 - [deep growl] - [♪ song stops] 756 00:29:47,883 --> 00:29:50,017 I’m Marvel Jesus, you dull creature, 757 00:29:50,017 --> 00:29:50,754 and I will not-- [yells] 758 00:29:50,754 --> 00:29:53,350 - [Deadpool groans] - [♪ song resumes playing] 759 00:29:53,757 --> 00:29:55,726 [grunting] 760 00:29:57,695 --> 00:29:59,961 - [thunder rumbles] - [groaning] 761 00:29:59,961 --> 00:30:04,196 It’s not you. We’re just going in a different direction. 762 00:30:05,670 --> 00:30:06,737 [engine revving] 763 00:30:06,737 --> 00:30:07,507 You know, from behind, 764 00:30:07,507 --> 00:30:08,673 you look a little bit like Henry-- 765 00:30:08,673 --> 00:30:10,070 - Oh, my fuck! - [♪ song stops] 766 00:30:10,070 --> 00:30:13,172 The Cavillrine. The legends are true. 767 00:30:13,172 --> 00:30:16,747 And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity, 768 00:30:16,747 --> 00:30:18,485 this just feels right. 769 00:30:18,485 --> 00:30:19,882 We will treat you so much better 770 00:30:19,882 --> 00:30:21,180 than those shit fucks down the street. 771 00:30:21,180 --> 00:30:23,490 - You were just leavin’. - [Deadpool] No, sir. 772 00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:26,119 Not while the fate of my universe is at-- 773 00:30:27,857 --> 00:30:29,386 [man grunts] 774 00:30:29,386 --> 00:30:30,057 [choking] 775 00:30:30,057 --> 00:30:31,861 This one looks promising. 776 00:30:31,861 --> 00:30:33,698 Down you go. 777 00:30:34,567 --> 00:30:35,964 [Logan] Again. 778 00:30:35,964 --> 00:30:38,461 I told you. You’re not welcome here. 779 00:30:38,461 --> 00:30:39,836 You’re not welcome anywhere. 780 00:30:39,836 --> 00:30:40,804 Now get the fuck out of my bar. 781 00:30:40,804 --> 00:30:43,675 Just give me one more drink and then I’ll leave. 782 00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:45,468 [bartender] That’s not how it works. 783 00:30:45,468 --> 00:30:48,273 [Deadpool] It does now. Leave the bottle. 784 00:30:48,273 --> 00:30:49,208 I know you, bub? 785 00:30:49,208 --> 00:30:51,848 Nope. But I know you. 786 00:30:51,848 --> 00:30:53,982 Everybody knows me. 787 00:30:54,818 --> 00:30:56,050 I’m the Wolverine. 788 00:30:56,050 --> 00:30:57,755 Yes, you are. 789 00:30:57,755 --> 00:31:01,121 And I’m gonna need you to come with me right now. 790 00:31:01,451 --> 00:31:02,859 Look, lady, I’m not interested. 791 00:31:02,859 --> 00:31:04,663 Really gettin’ into your cups here. 792 00:31:04,663 --> 00:31:06,863 Why would I go with you? 793 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,195 Because, unfortunately, 794 00:31:09,195 --> 00:31:09,800 I need you, 795 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:15,036 and even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you. 796 00:31:15,036 --> 00:31:17,401 You two gonna fuck or fight? 797 00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:22,109 You gonna take that from him? 798 00:31:22,109 --> 00:31:23,176 - Yep. - [scoffs] 799 00:31:23,176 --> 00:31:25,475 I can tell you have a sort of don’t-get-too-close- 800 00:31:25,475 --> 00:31:27,620 I’ll-only-break-your-heart vibe going here, 801 00:31:27,620 --> 00:31:28,588 but every other Wolverine 802 00:31:28,588 --> 00:31:29,820 would’ve really hurt me by now. 803 00:31:29,820 --> 00:31:30,887 And I’m sort of on the tick-tick. 804 00:31:30,887 --> 00:31:32,691 - So, upsy-daisy. Here we go. - Whoa, whoa. 805 00:31:32,691 --> 00:31:33,923 - Up you go. - Hey, hey! 806 00:31:33,923 --> 00:31:35,793 I got you, big guy. 807 00:31:36,695 --> 00:31:38,092 Oh. 808 00:31:38,763 --> 00:31:39,632 Whiskey dick of the claws. 809 00:31:39,632 --> 00:31:41,667 It’s quite common in Wolverines over 40. 810 00:31:41,667 --> 00:31:42,393 You don’t want this. 811 00:31:42,393 --> 00:31:45,066 You’re right. I don’t. And you don’t want this. 812 00:31:45,066 --> 00:31:46,804 Unless you wanna take a deep breath 813 00:31:46,804 --> 00:31:48,102 through your fuckin’ forehead, 814 00:31:48,102 --> 00:31:50,467 I suggest you reconsider. 815 00:31:50,467 --> 00:31:52,172 Let’s go, peanut. 816 00:31:53,943 --> 00:31:55,846 [laughing] 817 00:31:55,846 --> 00:31:58,651 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 818 00:31:58,651 --> 00:32:00,180 Watch this. 819 00:32:00,510 --> 00:32:03,183 All right. That-- Whoa. 820 00:32:03,183 --> 00:32:04,822 Easy. 821 00:32:07,858 --> 00:32:08,826 Good God. 822 00:32:08,826 --> 00:32:11,928 Thirsty little honey badger, aren’t ya? 823 00:32:12,159 --> 00:32:13,523 It’s okay. Keep goin’. 824 00:32:13,523 --> 00:32:16,702 Audiences are accustomed to long run times. 825 00:32:17,065 --> 00:32:20,002 [grunts, groans] 826 00:32:20,002 --> 00:32:21,201 [body thuds] 827 00:32:21,201 --> 00:32:23,940 [sighs] Guess you’ll have to do. 828 00:32:23,940 --> 00:32:25,678 Okay, here we-- 829 00:32:25,876 --> 00:32:28,681 Oh! Look at those jammies. 830 00:32:28,681 --> 00:32:32,080 That only took 20 fucking years. 831 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,577 One Anchor Being coming right up! 832 00:32:34,577 --> 00:32:36,887 On your left, baby girl. 833 00:32:36,887 --> 00:32:37,624 This Logan has the same 834 00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:39,857 he-can-do-anything- even-musicals look. 835 00:32:39,857 --> 00:32:42,057 And bonus, he’s actually wearing a costume 836 00:32:42,057 --> 00:32:43,487 like he’s not embarrassed to be 837 00:32:43,487 --> 00:32:45,060 in a superhero movie for once. 838 00:32:45,060 --> 00:32:46,556 I don’t understand. 839 00:32:46,556 --> 00:32:47,458 You said my universe is dying 840 00:32:47,458 --> 00:32:49,966 because this sack of nuts got himself killed. 841 00:32:49,966 --> 00:32:52,529 - Well, problem solved. - My God. 842 00:32:52,529 --> 00:32:57,710 You actually think you can replace an Anchor Being 843 00:32:57,710 --> 00:32:58,843 with this? 844 00:32:58,843 --> 00:33:01,978 I wouldn’t have accepted any other Wolverine, BT dubs. 845 00:33:01,978 --> 00:33:03,815 But you have outdone yourself 846 00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:06,081 and brought me the worst Wolverine! 847 00:33:06,081 --> 00:33:07,786 What do you mean, the worst one? 848 00:33:07,786 --> 00:33:08,721 Mr. Wilson. 849 00:33:08,721 --> 00:33:12,615 This Wolverine let down his entire world. 850 00:33:12,615 --> 00:33:15,695 He’s the stuff of legend, but not in a good way. 851 00:33:15,695 --> 00:33:17,059 And what he did, 852 00:33:17,059 --> 00:33:17,763 well, 853 00:33:17,763 --> 00:33:21,195 some things are just beyond forgiveness. 854 00:33:23,065 --> 00:33:23,560 Okay. 855 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,805 How do I... How do I make this right? I’ll do anything. 856 00:33:26,805 --> 00:33:29,632 I gave you a chance at greatness. 857 00:33:29,632 --> 00:33:32,470 Because my superiors deemed you "special." 858 00:33:32,470 --> 00:33:34,274 Clearly not special in a good way. 859 00:33:34,274 --> 00:33:35,044 Apparently you have some 860 00:33:35,044 --> 00:33:37,541 important future purpose to serve. 861 00:33:37,541 --> 00:33:38,685 With Thor. He holds me. 862 00:33:38,685 --> 00:33:40,049 But I did my duty. 863 00:33:40,049 --> 00:33:42,216 I gave you the opportunity to be somebody. 864 00:33:42,216 --> 00:33:43,987 And instead of accepting my offering 865 00:33:43,987 --> 00:33:47,056 with humility and gratitude, you broke my nose. 866 00:33:47,056 --> 00:33:47,793 [sighs] It looks great. 867 00:33:47,793 --> 00:33:49,795 And you decimated dozens of my men 868 00:33:49,795 --> 00:33:51,126 with the exhumed corpse of a hero. 869 00:33:51,126 --> 00:33:53,964 Dishonoring not only his remains but his memory. 870 00:33:53,964 --> 00:33:55,460 What are you, the Internet? 871 00:33:55,460 --> 00:33:57,737 Your world is dying! 872 00:33:57,737 --> 00:33:59,002 Thank you very much. 873 00:33:59,002 --> 00:34:01,103 And there’s no stopping it. 874 00:34:02,137 --> 00:34:04,205 [muffled] The humane thing to do 875 00:34:04,205 --> 00:34:04,942 is to make it quick. 876 00:34:04,942 --> 00:34:07,241 Is the thought of vaporizing my universe 877 00:34:07,241 --> 00:34:08,539 making you peckish? 878 00:34:08,539 --> 00:34:09,276 I’m eating my feelings. 879 00:34:09,276 --> 00:34:10,717 I’m about to lose everything that I’ve ever cared about 880 00:34:10,717 --> 00:34:14,611 because that hairy thundercunt from down undercunt 881 00:34:14,611 --> 00:34:15,249 finally dies, 882 00:34:15,249 --> 00:34:17,790 and he’s standing right behind me, isn’t he? 883 00:34:17,790 --> 00:34:19,792 Welcome to the MCU, by the way. 884 00:34:19,792 --> 00:34:21,893 You’re joining at a bit of a low point. 885 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:24,027 As for you, I wanna talk to your boss. 886 00:34:24,027 --> 00:34:25,490 I want you to get him on the phone 887 00:34:25,490 --> 00:34:27,525 and you tell him, her, or them, 888 00:34:27,525 --> 00:34:30,836 that Marvel H. Christ isn’t playing. 889 00:34:35,632 --> 00:34:37,139 Holy shit. 890 00:34:37,139 --> 00:34:38,745 I just heard a symphony 891 00:34:38,745 --> 00:34:41,209 of buttholes clenching all at once. 892 00:34:41,209 --> 00:34:41,814 You’re off grid. 893 00:34:41,814 --> 00:34:43,673 Your bosses don’t know what you sick fucks 894 00:34:43,673 --> 00:34:44,641 are doing down here. 895 00:34:44,641 --> 00:34:45,576 Well, I’ll tell you what. 896 00:34:45,576 --> 00:34:47,787 I have a black belt in Karen... 897 00:34:47,787 --> 00:34:48,711 And I’m gonna go upstairs 898 00:34:48,711 --> 00:34:52,154 and I’m gonna tell ’em all about you and your-- 899 00:34:52,154 --> 00:34:54,057 Oh, silence is nice, isn’t it? 900 00:34:54,057 --> 00:34:54,893 Where the fuck did he go? 901 00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:57,555 To the trash heap. You’ll fit right in. 902 00:34:57,555 --> 00:34:59,161 [growls] 903 00:34:59,161 --> 00:35:00,162 Whew. 904 00:35:00,162 --> 00:35:02,395 That was close. [chuckles] 905 00:35:04,804 --> 00:35:08,038 [muffled rhythmic thumping] 906 00:35:10,843 --> 00:35:13,846 [muffled footsteps thumping] 907 00:35:17,476 --> 00:35:19,214 [groaning] 908 00:35:21,986 --> 00:35:25,154 [Deadpool] Don’t just stand there, you ape. 909 00:35:25,154 --> 00:35:26,793 Give me a hand up. 910 00:35:26,793 --> 00:35:28,454 - [claws clang] - Nope. I’m actually okay. 911 00:35:28,454 --> 00:35:31,963 - Thank you very much. [groans] - [Wolverine grunting] 912 00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:33,063 [Wolverine] Where the hell are we? 913 00:35:33,063 --> 00:35:35,560 [Deadpool] I don’t know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y. 914 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,134 But that would be IP infringement, right? 915 00:35:38,134 --> 00:35:39,036 Fucking jokes. 916 00:35:39,036 --> 00:35:41,170 - [grunts] - [Deadpool yelps] 917 00:35:41,170 --> 00:35:42,732 [bones crack] 918 00:35:42,732 --> 00:35:43,876 [Deadpool] Fuck! Fuck. 919 00:35:43,876 --> 00:35:45,108 Were you even listening back there? 920 00:35:45,108 --> 00:35:48,540 If we don’t make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole, 921 00:35:48,540 --> 00:35:50,080 everyone I know is gonna die. 922 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:51,950 Not my fuckin’ problem. 923 00:35:51,950 --> 00:35:53,446 Oh, is that all you got? 924 00:35:53,446 --> 00:35:56,823 Is that what you said when your world went to shit? 925 00:35:56,823 --> 00:35:59,452 [breathing heavily] Come again? 926 00:35:59,452 --> 00:36:01,454 Yeah, I heard all about you. 927 00:36:01,454 --> 00:36:03,621 How you screwed up everything. 928 00:36:03,621 --> 00:36:04,457 You should be thankin’ me 929 00:36:04,457 --> 00:36:06,162 for pulling you out of that bed you shit in. 930 00:36:06,162 --> 00:36:09,165 [groans] You back-stabbing son of a bitch! 931 00:36:09,165 --> 00:36:10,870 [yells] 932 00:36:13,499 --> 00:36:14,731 [shouts, groans] 933 00:36:14,731 --> 00:36:16,007 Are you ready to be calm now? 934 00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:18,878 - [grunts] - [Deadpool yelps] 935 00:36:21,243 --> 00:36:22,849 [groans] 936 00:36:23,212 --> 00:36:25,016 Rest in pieces, Fox. [grunts] 937 00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:28,646 [♪ tense song intro playing, AC/DC "Hells Bells"] 938 00:36:28,646 --> 00:36:30,989 [bird screeching] 939 00:36:40,229 --> 00:36:43,001 I don’t want to fight you, peanut. 940 00:36:43,166 --> 00:36:44,794 Doesn’t matter what you did. 941 00:36:44,794 --> 00:36:47,434 - I just need your help. - [grunts] 942 00:36:48,006 --> 00:36:50,371 I don’t fuckin’ care. 943 00:36:51,075 --> 00:36:52,978 Uh... Uh-oh. 944 00:36:52,978 --> 00:36:55,046 [breathes heavily] 945 00:36:58,214 --> 00:37:01,646 Fuck. This is gonna hurt. 946 00:37:05,089 --> 00:37:06,926 All right. 947 00:37:06,926 --> 00:37:07,751 Fuck it. 948 00:37:07,751 --> 00:37:09,720 Let’s give the people what they came for. 949 00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:13,592 - [♪ song stops] - Let’s fuckin’ go. 950 00:37:13,592 --> 00:37:16,067 Get your special sock out, nerds. 951 00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:18,795 It’s gonna get good. 952 00:37:18,971 --> 00:37:20,698 [grunts] 953 00:37:24,636 --> 00:37:27,210 [♪ hard rock music playing, AC/DC "Hells Bells"] 954 00:37:27,210 --> 00:37:28,871 [growls] 955 00:37:29,575 --> 00:37:31,379 [gunshots] 956 00:37:39,222 --> 00:37:41,356 [both grunting] 957 00:37:43,556 --> 00:37:44,964 [groans] 958 00:37:51,036 --> 00:37:51,696 [screams] 959 00:37:51,696 --> 00:37:54,303 ♪ Hell’s bells ♪ 960 00:37:54,941 --> 00:37:58,043 ♪ I’ll give you black sensations ♪ 961 00:37:58,043 --> 00:38:00,474 ♪ Up and down your spine ♪ 962 00:38:00,474 --> 00:38:03,983 ♪ If you’re into evil, you’re a friend of mine ♪ 963 00:38:03,983 --> 00:38:07,745 ♪ See my white light flashing as I split the night ♪ 964 00:38:07,745 --> 00:38:10,748 - [grunts, growls] - [Deadpool chuckles] Ew. 965 00:38:11,188 --> 00:38:11,650 Gotcha! 966 00:38:11,650 --> 00:38:15,423 ♪ I got my bell, I’m gonna take you to hell ♪ 967 00:38:15,423 --> 00:38:18,426 ♪ I’m gonna get you, Satan get you ♪ 968 00:38:18,426 --> 00:38:20,824 - Baby Knife! - [groans] 969 00:38:23,629 --> 00:38:25,103 - [screams] - Let’s see you grow 970 00:38:25,103 --> 00:38:25,829 your fuckin’ head back. 971 00:38:25,829 --> 00:38:27,765 Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it. 972 00:38:27,765 --> 00:38:31,010 - Fix what? - Whatever it is that you did. 973 00:38:31,010 --> 00:38:33,111 Whatever made you so bad. 974 00:38:33,111 --> 00:38:34,112 Those... Those 975 00:38:34,112 --> 00:38:37,544 pricks in the TVA. You heard him. 976 00:38:37,544 --> 00:38:38,743 They have the power to end my universe, 977 00:38:38,743 --> 00:38:43,286 but they also have the power to change yours. 978 00:38:43,649 --> 00:38:47,620 We get back there, and we can fix your world. 979 00:38:47,620 --> 00:38:49,292 Together. 980 00:38:50,062 --> 00:38:51,822 I promise. 981 00:38:52,691 --> 00:38:54,429 They can fix it. 982 00:38:55,034 --> 00:38:56,035 [man] Hey! 983 00:38:56,035 --> 00:38:58,169 We fight each other, we lose. 984 00:38:58,169 --> 00:38:59,533 [Deadpool] Dear God, it’s him. 985 00:38:59,533 --> 00:39:01,601 - Who? - [Deadpool] The one. 986 00:39:01,601 --> 00:39:04,538 The superhero equivalent to comfort food, or Molly. 987 00:39:04,538 --> 00:39:07,739 White guys’ answer to all the disappointments. 988 00:39:07,739 --> 00:39:09,114 And another A-lister. 989 00:39:09,114 --> 00:39:09,873 Fair warning, gorgeous. 990 00:39:09,873 --> 00:39:12,018 You’re going to encounter some indelicate language, 991 00:39:12,018 --> 00:39:15,021 a smidge of ass play, but we’ve been prohibited 992 00:39:15,021 --> 00:39:16,550 from using cocaine. On camera. 993 00:39:16,550 --> 00:39:18,684 - [man] They’re coming. - [Deadpool] Who’s "they"? 994 00:39:18,684 --> 00:39:22,391 - [engines revving] - [♪ menacing music playing] 995 00:39:25,889 --> 00:39:28,199 Oh, they’re driving angry. 996 00:39:32,764 --> 00:39:33,237 [grunts] 997 00:39:33,237 --> 00:39:34,997 Now that’s a superhero landing. 998 00:39:34,997 --> 00:39:38,143 [♪ menacing music continues] 999 00:39:40,970 --> 00:39:42,543 [♪ music stops] 1000 00:39:42,543 --> 00:39:43,412 I got this. 1001 00:39:43,412 --> 00:39:46,316 [♪ menacing music resumes] 1002 00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:51,816 [sniffs] 1003 00:39:55,919 --> 00:39:57,987 [engines revving] 1004 00:40:07,469 --> 00:40:08,470 Stay close. 1005 00:40:08,470 --> 00:40:10,406 [Deadpool] Aye, aye, Cap’n. 1006 00:40:11,143 --> 00:40:12,903 You got this. 1007 00:40:13,541 --> 00:40:18,711 Cassandra is gonna be giddy when she sees what we caught. 1008 00:40:18,975 --> 00:40:19,943 You can’t run. 1009 00:40:19,943 --> 00:40:20,878 Everybody knows that. 1010 00:40:20,878 --> 00:40:24,013 You see anyone runnin’, dick for brains? 1011 00:40:24,013 --> 00:40:25,520 You’re not gonna love what happens next. 1012 00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,885 - [Deadpool] Oh. Oh, my God. - [♪ rousing music playing] 1013 00:40:27,885 --> 00:40:30,558 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, he’s gonna say it. 1014 00:40:30,558 --> 00:40:31,625 - Ah! Fuck. - [Deadpool] Ha! 1015 00:40:31,625 --> 00:40:33,022 Oh, my God! He’s gonna say it! 1016 00:40:33,022 --> 00:40:34,793 - Say what? - Avengers, assemble... 1017 00:40:34,793 --> 00:40:37,235 - Flame on! - I’m sorry, what now? 1018 00:40:38,863 --> 00:40:41,833 [♪ epic music playing] 1019 00:40:52,712 --> 00:40:55,154 [groans, panting] 1020 00:40:56,155 --> 00:40:58,520 [screaming in distance] 1021 00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:00,126 - [clang] - Ohh! 1022 00:41:00,126 --> 00:41:01,490 Fuck! 1023 00:41:01,490 --> 00:41:02,920 Ahhh! 1024 00:41:03,085 --> 00:41:04,559 [grunts] 1025 00:41:04,559 --> 00:41:07,661 - We don’t know that guy. - [Deadpool] We thought we did. 1026 00:41:07,661 --> 00:41:09,135 I know you. 1027 00:41:09,135 --> 00:41:12,336 - [Deadpool] Holy sh-- - [Sabretooth snarls] 1028 00:41:12,567 --> 00:41:13,502 [growls] 1029 00:41:13,502 --> 00:41:14,899 Sabretooth. 1030 00:41:14,899 --> 00:41:16,670 Your brother. 1031 00:41:16,835 --> 00:41:17,935 Ready to die? 1032 00:41:17,935 --> 00:41:21,807 [Deadpool] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Time! 1033 00:41:21,807 --> 00:41:23,006 You look ridiculous. 1034 00:41:23,006 --> 00:41:25,778 People have waited decades for this fight. 1035 00:41:25,778 --> 00:41:27,681 It’s not gonna be easy. Baby Knife. 1036 00:41:27,681 --> 00:41:29,782 Shoot the double, you take him down. 1037 00:41:29,782 --> 00:41:32,081 Side control, then full mount, 1038 00:41:32,081 --> 00:41:33,016 and you ground and pound 1039 00:41:33,016 --> 00:41:34,754 till he makes no sound because he’s dead. 1040 00:41:34,754 --> 00:41:36,921 - Shut the fuck up! - [Deadpool] Oh, my God! 1041 00:41:36,921 --> 00:41:39,660 Okay. Good luck. I’m a huge fan. 1042 00:41:39,660 --> 00:41:41,827 [breathing heavily] 1043 00:41:42,927 --> 00:41:44,368 [laughs] 1044 00:41:45,061 --> 00:41:48,339 [roars] 1045 00:41:51,177 --> 00:41:52,607 - [gurgling] - [Deadpool] What is it, girl? 1046 00:41:52,607 --> 00:41:55,808 - Is there trouble at the well? - [flesh squelching] 1047 00:41:59,911 --> 00:42:01,913 [laughs] Big trouble. 1048 00:42:01,913 --> 00:42:03,079 Behold! 1049 00:42:03,079 --> 00:42:06,852 The head of your precious queen, 1050 00:42:06,852 --> 00:42:08,260 Furiosa! 1051 00:42:08,689 --> 00:42:10,592 I have the Wolverine! 1052 00:42:10,592 --> 00:42:13,925 I alone control her! 1053 00:42:13,925 --> 00:42:16,158 You come for me, 1054 00:42:16,158 --> 00:42:19,304 you come for her. 1055 00:42:19,766 --> 00:42:21,702 So sorry. I know it’s pronounced "him." 1056 00:42:21,702 --> 00:42:24,210 I’m gender blind. It’s my cross to bear. 1057 00:42:24,210 --> 00:42:25,541 Who’s next? 1058 00:42:25,541 --> 00:42:26,872 - Toad! - [snarls] 1059 00:42:26,872 --> 00:42:28,676 You’re up. 1060 00:42:30,876 --> 00:42:32,042 [yells] 1061 00:42:32,042 --> 00:42:33,747 [both grunt] 1062 00:42:35,012 --> 00:42:35,914 [Deadpool] Uh-oh. 1063 00:42:35,914 --> 00:42:37,685 - Oh, holy sh-- - Fuck. 1064 00:42:37,685 --> 00:42:39,115 [thud] 1065 00:42:39,819 --> 00:42:42,426 [creatures squeaking] 1066 00:42:46,056 --> 00:42:48,663 [Deadpool groans, mumbles] 1067 00:42:48,663 --> 00:42:50,929 [Deadpool] God of Thunder. 1068 00:42:51,831 --> 00:42:53,668 [Deadpool grunts] 1069 00:42:54,031 --> 00:42:55,538 How long was I asleep? 1070 00:42:55,538 --> 00:42:56,968 Not all of you was asleep. 1071 00:42:56,968 --> 00:42:58,904 - [Deadpool grunts] - Don’t bother. 1072 00:42:58,904 --> 00:43:00,840 They’re very thorough. 1073 00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:04,074 If you know where we are, start talking. 1074 00:43:04,074 --> 00:43:05,680 You’re in The Void. 1075 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:07,517 Think of it as purgatory. 1076 00:43:07,517 --> 00:43:10,113 Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard. 1077 00:43:10,113 --> 00:43:11,488 Where anything useless goes 1078 00:43:11,488 --> 00:43:13,490 before it gets annihilated forever. 1079 00:43:13,490 --> 00:43:16,625 And where the TVA sends people that don’t play nice 1080 00:43:16,625 --> 00:43:18,055 with the rest of the multiverse. 1081 00:43:18,055 --> 00:43:19,463 - Like you? - And you. 1082 00:43:19,463 --> 00:43:22,059 [Deadpool] What does the annihilating? 1083 00:43:22,059 --> 00:43:22,631 Alioth. 1084 00:43:22,631 --> 00:43:24,028 [Deadpool] Alioth is in this thing? 1085 00:43:24,028 --> 00:43:26,030 From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5? 1086 00:43:26,030 --> 00:43:29,198 Everyone here is on the run from Alioth. 1087 00:43:29,198 --> 00:43:30,738 Most don’t make it. 1088 00:43:30,738 --> 00:43:32,509 There’s a resistance, though. 1089 00:43:32,509 --> 00:43:35,611 Other people like us that managed to survive. 1090 00:43:35,611 --> 00:43:36,975 They’re hidin’ out in the borderlands, 1091 00:43:36,975 --> 00:43:39,912 trying to find a way the fuck outta here. 1092 00:43:39,912 --> 00:43:41,177 Then that’s where we go. 1093 00:43:41,177 --> 00:43:43,014 [Deadpool] "We"? Us? A team? 1094 00:43:43,014 --> 00:43:45,951 The answer is yes. Shake on it. 1095 00:43:45,951 --> 00:43:46,721 Fuck! You nicked it. 1096 00:43:46,721 --> 00:43:48,723 Just got the tip with your little steak knife. 1097 00:43:48,723 --> 00:43:51,495 These "others" can help us get back to the TVA. 1098 00:43:51,495 --> 00:43:52,529 Make ’em fix things. 1099 00:43:52,529 --> 00:43:54,729 [laughs sardonically] 1100 00:43:54,729 --> 00:43:55,829 Something funny, bub? 1101 00:43:55,829 --> 00:43:58,194 She might have somethin’ to say about that. 1102 00:43:58,194 --> 00:43:59,998 Who’s "she"? 1103 00:44:00,735 --> 00:44:01,670 In The Void, 1104 00:44:01,670 --> 00:44:04,200 you’re either food for Alioth 1105 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,037 or you work for her. 1106 00:44:06,037 --> 00:44:09,139 [♪ stirring music playing] 1107 00:44:18,456 --> 00:44:20,084 [engine roars] 1108 00:44:27,993 --> 00:44:29,896 [metal creaking] 1109 00:44:29,995 --> 00:44:32,129 [heavy metallic thud] 1110 00:44:39,037 --> 00:44:41,237 [engine roaring] 1111 00:44:51,555 --> 00:44:54,690 [♪ tense music playing] 1112 00:45:03,259 --> 00:45:04,634 [grunts] 1113 00:45:04,634 --> 00:45:06,328 [growls quietly] 1114 00:45:06,735 --> 00:45:08,132 [grunts] 1115 00:45:18,175 --> 00:45:21,211 [Deadpool] Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged. 1116 00:45:21,211 --> 00:45:22,883 Oh, you must be this year’s Juggernaut. 1117 00:45:22,883 --> 00:45:24,984 - Thank you. - I’d keep your voices down. 1118 00:45:24,984 --> 00:45:26,524 She don’t like the chatter. 1119 00:45:26,524 --> 00:45:28,427 She’s gonna love you. 1120 00:45:28,757 --> 00:45:32,024 [♪ slow dramatic music building] 1121 00:45:43,475 --> 00:45:45,510 [Deadpool] Is it... Is that Charles? 1122 00:45:45,510 --> 00:45:47,941 Hey... Hey, Chuck! It’s us! 1123 00:45:47,941 --> 00:45:49,448 That’s not Chuck. 1124 00:45:49,448 --> 00:45:51,142 Ah, shit. 1125 00:45:51,681 --> 00:45:52,715 [Deadpool] Oh, ableism. Great. 1126 00:45:52,715 --> 00:45:56,015 That’s not gonna go over well with the woke mob. 1127 00:45:56,015 --> 00:45:57,621 A Wolverine. 1128 00:45:57,621 --> 00:46:00,987 I wondered when I’d get one of you. 1129 00:46:00,987 --> 00:46:01,790 You’re one of Xavier’s. 1130 00:46:01,790 --> 00:46:04,089 [Deadpool] You-You know him? You know Chuck? 1131 00:46:04,089 --> 00:46:05,497 Oh, I knew him. 1132 00:46:05,497 --> 00:46:06,432 We shared a womb. 1133 00:46:06,432 --> 00:46:09,094 Tried to strangle the sly little fellow 1134 00:46:09,094 --> 00:46:09,831 with my umbilical cord. 1135 00:46:09,831 --> 00:46:13,901 [Deadpool] Amen. I’ve never loved roommates. Mine’s blind. 1136 00:46:13,901 --> 00:46:15,738 Except she can see cocaine. 1137 00:46:15,738 --> 00:46:16,541 For some... reason. 1138 00:46:16,541 --> 00:46:20,512 You want to chime in, Your Majesty? I’m dying here. 1139 00:46:20,512 --> 00:46:21,106 Who are you? 1140 00:46:21,106 --> 00:46:24,109 Charles Xavier’s twin, Cassandra Nova. 1141 00:46:24,109 --> 00:46:26,045 - Bullshit! - I was an anal birth. 1142 00:46:26,045 --> 00:46:28,487 Hmm. You two are cute. 1143 00:46:28,487 --> 00:46:31,050 I have a good feeling about this. 1144 00:46:33,052 --> 00:46:34,185 And I’ve been trying to catch 1145 00:46:34,185 --> 00:46:37,089 this little firefly for years. 1146 00:46:37,089 --> 00:46:38,156 Haven’t I, Johnny? 1147 00:46:38,156 --> 00:46:41,698 Aw... You picked the wrong time to make new friends. 1148 00:46:41,698 --> 00:46:44,096 [Deadpool] Oh, Johnny told us all about you. 1149 00:46:44,096 --> 00:46:45,834 - Maybe shut up now. - Yeah, maybe don’t-- 1150 00:46:45,834 --> 00:46:47,231 [Deadpool] We’re just talkin’ here. 1151 00:46:47,231 --> 00:46:47,968 Yeah, Johnny told us 1152 00:46:47,968 --> 00:46:49,805 you’re a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole. 1153 00:46:49,805 --> 00:46:54,909 His words, not mine. Hellbent on domination and pain. 1154 00:46:55,074 --> 00:46:56,845 You said all that about me? 1155 00:46:56,845 --> 00:46:57,846 No! No! I don’t... 1156 00:46:57,846 --> 00:47:01,410 - I didn’t say any of that! - Sticks and stones, Johnny! 1157 00:47:02,081 --> 00:47:03,951 Don’t let her intimidate you. 1158 00:47:03,951 --> 00:47:05,854 It’s like you said in the convoy. 1159 00:47:05,854 --> 00:47:07,691 This finger-lickin’ dead-inside 1160 00:47:07,691 --> 00:47:10,694 pixie slab of third rate dime-store nut-milk 1161 00:47:10,694 --> 00:47:12,564 can eat your delicious cinnamon ring 1162 00:47:12,564 --> 00:47:14,665 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 1163 00:47:14,665 --> 00:47:16,601 Okay. I have never said any of those words 1164 00:47:16,601 --> 00:47:19,065 - in my entire life! - [Deadpool] Ha! The modesty. 1165 00:47:19,065 --> 00:47:21,540 People think I’m a shit talker. 1166 00:47:21,540 --> 00:47:22,508 But this guy... 1167 00:47:22,508 --> 00:47:23,674 [smooches] Next level. 1168 00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:25,401 What? This... I... We... 1169 00:47:25,401 --> 00:47:26,743 I don’t even know what half of that means! 1170 00:47:26,743 --> 00:47:28,877 - This... I... - My hat’s off to you, sir. 1171 00:47:28,877 --> 00:47:29,746 - Truly. - What? This... 1172 00:47:29,746 --> 00:47:32,144 I didn’t... He’s... That’s... I... 1173 00:47:32,144 --> 00:47:33,409 I... I don’t-- 1174 00:47:33,409 --> 00:47:36,247 - [Deadpool gasps] - [heart beats] 1175 00:47:38,381 --> 00:47:39,756 [Deadpool] Not my favorite Chris. 1176 00:47:39,756 --> 00:47:40,988 You stupid piece of shit. 1177 00:47:40,988 --> 00:47:42,022 You just got him fucking killed! 1178 00:47:42,022 --> 00:47:43,661 [Deadpool] Hey! We’re all grieving! 1179 00:47:43,661 --> 00:47:46,730 PS, do you know what he was doing to the budget? 1180 00:47:46,730 --> 00:47:48,424 [shushing] 1181 00:47:49,095 --> 00:47:51,163 Alioth is hungry. 1182 00:47:51,163 --> 00:47:53,000 [Deadpool] There’s been some kind of mistake. 1183 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:54,870 Big yellow is a back-up Anchor Being, 1184 00:47:54,870 --> 00:47:57,939 and I’m Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you’re nasty. 1185 00:47:57,939 --> 00:47:58,775 This may be hard to hear, 1186 00:47:58,775 --> 00:48:00,502 but there’s another British villain 1187 00:48:00,502 --> 00:48:01,976 who’s gonna destroy my universe, 1188 00:48:01,976 --> 00:48:02,746 and I’m gonna stop him. 1189 00:48:02,746 --> 00:48:04,583 Oh, honey, you don’t really strike me 1190 00:48:04,583 --> 00:48:06,948 as the world-saving type. 1191 00:48:06,948 --> 00:48:08,719 [thunder rumbling in distance] 1192 00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,017 Did I hit a nerve? 1193 00:48:10,017 --> 00:48:12,921 [Deadpool] I didn’t want it to come to this. 1194 00:48:12,921 --> 00:48:13,625 Either you help us 1195 00:48:13,625 --> 00:48:14,890 or my friend here is gonna sing 1196 00:48:14,890 --> 00:48:17,189 the entire second act of Music Man 1197 00:48:17,189 --> 00:48:18,993 with zero warm-up. 1198 00:48:18,993 --> 00:48:20,027 Where’d you get the chair? 1199 00:48:20,027 --> 00:48:21,127 [Cassandra Nova] Well, once in a while, 1200 00:48:21,127 --> 00:48:23,525 I do get a Charles through here. 1201 00:48:23,525 --> 00:48:24,801 Never mine, though. 1202 00:48:24,801 --> 00:48:27,606 No. He didn’t care to find me. 1203 00:48:27,606 --> 00:48:31,005 [Deadpool groans] Gen Z and their trauma-bragging! 1204 00:48:31,005 --> 00:48:34,580 Can’t you just stuff it down, turn it into accomplishment 1205 00:48:34,580 --> 00:48:36,175 or cancer like the rest of us? 1206 00:48:36,175 --> 00:48:38,111 But I’m not like the rest of you. 1207 00:48:38,111 --> 00:48:39,717 Except maybe the Wolverine. 1208 00:48:39,717 --> 00:48:42,852 Now, we could be truly terrifying together. 1209 00:48:42,852 --> 00:48:44,018 You’re that scary, huh? 1210 00:48:44,018 --> 00:48:46,086 The TVA certainly thought so. 1211 00:48:46,086 --> 00:48:48,825 They sent me here before I could walk. 1212 00:48:48,825 --> 00:48:50,596 And you know, it’s the best thing 1213 00:48:50,596 --> 00:48:52,631 that ever happened to me. 1214 00:48:52,631 --> 00:48:53,225 I love it here. 1215 00:48:53,225 --> 00:48:54,391 [Deadpool] You live in a garbage dump. 1216 00:48:54,391 --> 00:48:58,164 I think we both know who lives in the garbage dump. 1217 00:48:58,164 --> 00:48:59,638 The Void is a paradise. 1218 00:48:59,638 --> 00:49:03,741 I can wield my power here without shame. 1219 00:49:03,741 --> 00:49:06,172 Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier 1220 00:49:06,172 --> 00:49:08,174 to teach me temperance. 1221 00:49:08,174 --> 00:49:10,176 What about your Charles? 1222 00:49:10,176 --> 00:49:12,013 Did he protect you? 1223 00:49:12,013 --> 00:49:14,015 Did he make you feel safe? 1224 00:49:14,015 --> 00:49:15,984 We’re mutants. We’re never safe. 1225 00:49:15,984 --> 00:49:19,152 - [roars] - [Cassandra whoops] 1226 00:49:19,152 --> 00:49:20,824 [chuckles] 1227 00:49:20,824 --> 00:49:22,287 [whoops] 1228 00:49:23,860 --> 00:49:25,092 [Deadpool] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1229 00:49:25,092 --> 00:49:26,896 I don’t... I don’t want the smoke. 1230 00:49:26,896 --> 00:49:28,062 I don’t have any beef with you. 1231 00:49:28,062 --> 00:49:29,899 I just want to save my friends. 1232 00:49:29,899 --> 00:49:30,834 I just... I want to go home. 1233 00:49:30,834 --> 00:49:33,001 Well, the thing is, I could get you home. 1234 00:49:33,001 --> 00:49:34,706 - Good. - But I don’t want to. 1235 00:49:34,706 --> 00:49:37,940 [Deadpool] Not good. [groaning] 1236 00:49:39,502 --> 00:49:41,603 What do you want, Wade Wilson? 1237 00:49:41,603 --> 00:49:44,749 [Deadpool straining] Your... fingers are inside me, 1238 00:49:44,749 --> 00:49:45,508 but not in a good way. 1239 00:49:45,508 --> 00:49:48,852 My brother could enter one’s mind with a thought. 1240 00:49:48,852 --> 00:49:51,019 I have to get my hands dirty. 1241 00:49:51,019 --> 00:49:54,319 - [Deadpool groaning] - [shushing] 1242 00:49:54,484 --> 00:49:56,321 I’ve got you. 1243 00:49:57,828 --> 00:50:00,061 [whispers] I’ve got you... 1244 00:50:01,425 --> 00:50:03,702 [Wade, muffled] What do you mean? 1245 00:50:04,098 --> 00:50:07,673 I can’t... I can’t reach you. You’re not here. 1246 00:50:07,673 --> 00:50:08,707 I’m right here. 1247 00:50:08,707 --> 00:50:11,875 - No, you’re not. I can’t... - I’m right here. 1248 00:50:11,875 --> 00:50:15,109 Then show me. You got to do something. 1249 00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:16,539 Show you what? 1250 00:50:16,539 --> 00:50:20,345 Show me you care about something bigger than you. 1251 00:50:20,345 --> 00:50:25,581 Ever since they turned you down, you took a knee. 1252 00:50:25,581 --> 00:50:28,353 Baby, you never got back up. 1253 00:50:29,486 --> 00:50:31,587 I know you’re going through something. 1254 00:50:31,587 --> 00:50:33,864 Let me go through it with you. 1255 00:50:33,864 --> 00:50:37,736 - Your crazy matches my crazy. - Your crazy matches my crazy. 1256 00:50:40,299 --> 00:50:42,103 Where’d you go? 1257 00:50:42,103 --> 00:50:44,204 [Wade] Oh, my God. 1258 00:50:44,633 --> 00:50:46,503 [♪ melancholy music playing] 1259 00:50:46,503 --> 00:50:48,879 You just say it. Okay? 1260 00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:49,913 Say, "I don’t want you. 1261 00:50:49,913 --> 00:50:51,849 "I don’t want to be with you." 1262 00:50:51,849 --> 00:50:53,609 Go ahead. Say it. Say... Say, "I don’t..." 1263 00:50:53,609 --> 00:50:54,951 Say it. You don’t wanna be with me. 1264 00:50:54,951 --> 00:50:56,788 Tell me that and I’ll walk away. 1265 00:50:56,788 --> 00:50:57,679 Say, "I don’t want you." 1266 00:50:57,679 --> 00:51:00,957 [♪ melancholy music continues] 1267 00:51:04,257 --> 00:51:05,687 [sighs] Fuck... 1268 00:51:05,687 --> 00:51:09,130 You’ll never fucking matter. 1269 00:51:12,595 --> 00:51:13,662 What? 1270 00:51:13,662 --> 00:51:16,775 - You’ll never fucking matter. - Fucking matter. 1271 00:51:16,775 --> 00:51:20,075 [♪ melancholy music continues] 1272 00:51:22,341 --> 00:51:25,509 - [Vanessa] You’ll... - [Cassandra] You’ll... 1273 00:51:25,509 --> 00:51:27,379 - never... - never... 1274 00:51:27,379 --> 00:51:28,677 - fucking... - fucking... 1275 00:51:28,677 --> 00:51:32,351 - matter. - matter... 1276 00:51:33,418 --> 00:51:34,925 [Deadpool] She never said that. 1277 00:51:34,925 --> 00:51:35,827 - [Cassandra] No. - [groans] 1278 00:51:35,827 --> 00:51:38,192 [in mocking tone] But I bet she thought it. 1279 00:51:38,192 --> 00:51:38,929 [Deadpool splutters] 1280 00:51:38,929 --> 00:51:41,657 [Deadpool groans] You are so mean! 1281 00:51:41,657 --> 00:51:43,098 My brain could taste your fingers, 1282 00:51:43,098 --> 00:51:44,770 and they tasted like hate! 1283 00:51:44,770 --> 00:51:47,971 And where in God’s name is the intimacy coordinator? 1284 00:51:47,971 --> 00:51:50,776 You’re so lost, Mr. Wilson. 1285 00:51:50,776 --> 00:51:54,010 And long before you came here. 1286 00:51:54,736 --> 00:51:55,473 This is Baby Knife. 1287 00:51:55,473 --> 00:51:57,112 She’s gonna fuck you in the face now. 1288 00:51:57,112 --> 00:51:57,882 If you want to kill me, 1289 00:51:57,882 --> 00:52:00,148 it’s going to take more than a little blade. 1290 00:52:00,148 --> 00:52:01,677 [Deadpool] How about six? 1291 00:52:01,677 --> 00:52:05,857 [laughs mockingly] My boy’s wicked strong. 1292 00:52:05,857 --> 00:52:07,584 That’s my big boy. 1293 00:52:07,584 --> 00:52:09,256 Yes, you are. 1294 00:52:09,256 --> 00:52:10,928 [groans] 1295 00:52:11,192 --> 00:52:12,798 [laughs] 1296 00:52:14,690 --> 00:52:15,999 [Cassandra] Well, this has been fun. 1297 00:52:15,999 --> 00:52:18,595 But the big guy needs to eat, and the rent is due. 1298 00:52:18,595 --> 00:52:21,334 - [eerie roar] - [thunder roaring] 1299 00:52:22,467 --> 00:52:23,534 By the way, 1300 00:52:23,534 --> 00:52:25,041 you’re the rent. 1301 00:52:25,041 --> 00:52:27,736 [rumbling] 1302 00:52:35,051 --> 00:52:36,778 [roars] 1303 00:52:39,451 --> 00:52:41,156 [henchmen screaming] 1304 00:52:43,653 --> 00:52:46,524 - [electrical whine] - Come on! Fuck! 1305 00:52:46,524 --> 00:52:48,097 - [engine starts] - You comin’ or what? 1306 00:52:48,097 --> 00:52:49,934 [Deadpool] Coming! 1307 00:52:59,174 --> 00:53:02,342 [engine sputtering in distance] 1308 00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:06,676 - [distant scream] - [engine bursts] 1309 00:53:06,676 --> 00:53:08,018 [grunting] 1310 00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:09,217 [both groan] 1311 00:53:09,217 --> 00:53:09,987 What you thinkin’ ’bout? 1312 00:53:09,987 --> 00:53:11,582 - Get the fuck off of me! - Shh, shh, shh. 1313 00:53:11,582 --> 00:53:13,716 - [strains] Almost done. - Almost done what? 1314 00:53:13,716 --> 00:53:15,927 Getting my knife out of your buttocks, 1315 00:53:15,927 --> 00:53:17,687 - pervert! - Aah! Fuck! 1316 00:53:17,687 --> 00:53:19,425 Get your mind out of my pants! 1317 00:53:19,425 --> 00:53:22,593 - I’m telling Blake. - New rules. 1318 00:53:22,593 --> 00:53:23,198 I talk now. 1319 00:53:23,198 --> 00:53:24,969 That’s gonna be very hard on the audience. 1320 00:53:24,969 --> 00:53:27,532 Shut the fuck up! 1321 00:53:27,532 --> 00:53:28,302 Let me fuckin’ think. 1322 00:53:28,302 --> 00:53:31,338 Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right? 1323 00:53:32,834 --> 00:53:33,604 Right? 1324 00:53:33,604 --> 00:53:36,508 Je m’excuse. Am I allowed to speak now or-- 1325 00:53:36,508 --> 00:53:39,412 Just nod, asshole. 1326 00:53:40,644 --> 00:53:41,150 Right. 1327 00:53:41,150 --> 00:53:42,481 Then we find the others that poor kid, Johnny, 1328 00:53:42,481 --> 00:53:43,922 was talking about before you got him killed! 1329 00:53:43,922 --> 00:53:45,814 [Deadpool] "Poor kid." He’s, like, 50! 1330 00:53:45,814 --> 00:53:46,848 Yeah, if there’s a chance they know 1331 00:53:46,848 --> 00:53:48,421 how to get out of here, we find ’em. 1332 00:53:48,421 --> 00:53:50,753 And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit 1333 00:53:50,753 --> 00:53:52,095 like you fucking promised! 1334 00:53:52,095 --> 00:53:53,855 [Deadpool] I smell quest. 1335 00:53:53,855 --> 00:53:55,857 [sniffing] 1336 00:53:56,561 --> 00:53:58,134 I smell food. 1337 00:53:59,861 --> 00:54:04,943 So what made you finally wear an honest-to-God costume? 1338 00:54:05,405 --> 00:54:07,440 Mine’s red so they can’t see me bleed. 1339 00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:10,575 But I could see how yellow would be useful too. 1340 00:54:10,575 --> 00:54:12,808 Have you been checked for ADHD? 1341 00:54:12,808 --> 00:54:13,776 Mm-mm. 1342 00:54:13,776 --> 00:54:15,712 But I’ve had several STDs, 1343 00:54:15,712 --> 00:54:18,451 which were probably caused by ADHD. 1344 00:54:18,451 --> 00:54:19,958 Fuck! 1345 00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,026 What are you looking for? 1346 00:54:22,026 --> 00:54:23,995 Oh. Thank fuck. 1347 00:54:23,995 --> 00:54:25,964 No, no, no, no, no. That’s rubbing alcohol. 1348 00:54:25,964 --> 00:54:27,724 You don’t want to drink-- Oh, yeah. 1349 00:54:27,724 --> 00:54:29,858 There you go. Fuck that liver. 1350 00:54:29,858 --> 00:54:30,694 [exhales] 1351 00:54:30,694 --> 00:54:33,301 - Good. Okay. - [sighs] 1352 00:54:33,664 --> 00:54:35,435 What the fuck are those? 1353 00:54:35,666 --> 00:54:36,139 Oh. 1354 00:54:36,139 --> 00:54:38,141 Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee, 1355 00:54:38,141 --> 00:54:40,176 but nobody knows. [chuckles] 1356 00:54:40,176 --> 00:54:41,947 [laughing] 1357 00:54:42,541 --> 00:54:44,675 Everybody knows. 1358 00:54:46,116 --> 00:54:47,480 Wanna talk about what’s haunting you, 1359 00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:50,285 or should we wait for a third act flashback? 1360 00:54:50,285 --> 00:54:53,057 Ah... Go fuck yourself. 1361 00:54:55,785 --> 00:54:57,325 You know... 1362 00:54:57,853 --> 00:55:01,230 in my world, you’re... [clears throat] 1363 00:55:01,758 --> 00:55:03,034 You’re well regarded. 1364 00:55:03,034 --> 00:55:05,300 Yeah, well, not in mine. 1365 00:55:05,300 --> 00:55:07,698 They don’t like me much in mine either. 1366 00:55:07,698 --> 00:55:08,633 You don’t say. 1367 00:55:08,633 --> 00:55:11,702 I wanted to be something, you know. I... 1368 00:55:11,702 --> 00:55:13,572 Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger. 1369 00:55:13,572 --> 00:55:15,508 - Fuck the Avengers. - Yeah. 1370 00:55:15,508 --> 00:55:19,116 I didn’t make the cut, though. Same with the X-Men... 1371 00:55:20,183 --> 00:55:21,052 When my girlfriend left me, 1372 00:55:21,052 --> 00:55:23,615 - and I just-- - You had a girlfriend? 1373 00:55:23,615 --> 00:55:25,089 Yeah. 1374 00:55:25,089 --> 00:55:26,057 Vanessa. 1375 00:55:26,057 --> 00:55:28,422 When we met, she was a dancer. 1376 00:55:28,917 --> 00:55:30,787 We had a whole life. 1377 00:55:31,491 --> 00:55:32,822 It was good. 1378 00:55:32,822 --> 00:55:35,858 But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah. 1379 00:55:36,232 --> 00:55:38,729 Fucked that right up. 1380 00:55:39,037 --> 00:55:39,961 But you, 1381 00:55:39,961 --> 00:55:40,896 you were an X-Man. 1382 00:55:40,896 --> 00:55:44,042 Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You... 1383 00:55:45,208 --> 00:55:47,111 The Wolverine. 1384 00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:51,049 He was a hero in my world. 1385 00:55:52,248 --> 00:55:53,975 Yeah, well... 1386 00:55:54,448 --> 00:55:56,285 he ain’t shit in mine. 1387 00:56:00,586 --> 00:56:04,326 You said, "Logan was a hero." What happened? 1388 00:56:04,821 --> 00:56:06,229 He died. 1389 00:56:06,493 --> 00:56:06,955 How? 1390 00:56:06,955 --> 00:56:09,892 Well, technically, you were chest-fucked by a tree, but, 1391 00:56:09,892 --> 00:56:11,795 really, you just ran out of batteries 1392 00:56:11,795 --> 00:56:13,896 - trying to save someone. - Who? 1393 00:56:13,896 --> 00:56:16,107 The shitheels that grew her in a lab 1394 00:56:16,107 --> 00:56:18,406 called her "X-23." But... 1395 00:56:18,538 --> 00:56:19,638 she was just a kid. 1396 00:56:19,638 --> 00:56:23,807 A younger, daintier, somehow meaner version of you. 1397 00:56:23,807 --> 00:56:25,776 You died trying to save her. 1398 00:56:25,776 --> 00:56:26,744 It was beautiful. 1399 00:56:26,744 --> 00:56:29,681 Look, mijo, I know you’re hurtin’. 1400 00:56:29,681 --> 00:56:31,947 My blind, elderly, African-American roommate, 1401 00:56:31,947 --> 00:56:35,456 Blind Al, always says that pain teaches us who we are. 1402 00:56:35,456 --> 00:56:37,491 Sometimes we need to listen to that pain 1403 00:56:37,491 --> 00:56:38,393 instead of running from it. 1404 00:56:38,393 --> 00:56:39,757 - Holy shit. - Yeah, she’s wise. 1405 00:56:39,757 --> 00:56:43,024 No, no, no. That’s her name? You call her "Blind Al"? 1406 00:56:43,024 --> 00:56:44,729 Well, she’s blind. 1407 00:56:44,729 --> 00:56:45,367 [dog barking] 1408 00:56:45,367 --> 00:56:49,668 [♪ ballad music plays, Chris de Burgh "The Lady in Red"] 1409 00:56:54,937 --> 00:56:59,579 ♪ I’ve never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight ♪ 1410 00:56:59,579 --> 00:57:06,817 ♪ I’ve never seen you shine so bright, mm-hmm, hmm ♪ 1411 00:57:06,817 --> 00:57:11,426 ♪ The lady in red ♪ 1412 00:57:12,757 --> 00:57:16,662 ♪ Is dancing with me ♪ 1413 00:57:16,959 --> 00:57:18,928 ♪ Cheek to cheek ♪ 1414 00:57:18,928 --> 00:57:21,832 ♪ There’s nobody here...♪ 1415 00:57:21,832 --> 00:57:22,998 Look at you! 1416 00:57:22,998 --> 00:57:23,768 She’s coming with us. 1417 00:57:23,768 --> 00:57:25,902 - No, she’s not. Fuck no! - Oh, yes, she is. 1418 00:57:25,902 --> 00:57:27,068 - Oh, yes-- - [man] Sorry! 1419 00:57:27,068 --> 00:57:30,148 - [♪ song stops] - Sorry about that! 1420 00:57:30,148 --> 00:57:32,678 Come here, girl! [chuckles] 1421 00:57:32,678 --> 00:57:33,844 Who are you? 1422 00:57:33,844 --> 00:57:34,845 Oh, I’m Deadpool. 1423 00:57:34,845 --> 00:57:36,484 And I guess you’re Deadpool too. 1424 00:57:36,484 --> 00:57:38,552 But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool." 1425 00:57:38,552 --> 00:57:40,917 Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool. 1426 00:57:40,917 --> 00:57:41,687 She is gorgeous. 1427 00:57:41,687 --> 00:57:44,492 She just had a baby too. And... [blows sharply] 1428 00:57:44,492 --> 00:57:45,086 Can’t even tell. 1429 00:57:45,086 --> 00:57:46,956 I don’t think you’re supposed to say that. 1430 00:57:46,956 --> 00:57:48,199 That’s okay. 1431 00:57:48,199 --> 00:57:50,168 I identify as a feminist. 1432 00:57:50,168 --> 00:57:51,796 Right. 1433 00:57:52,731 --> 00:57:53,765 Are those gold-plated, 1434 00:57:53,765 --> 00:57:56,537 ...50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros? 1435 00:57:56,537 --> 00:57:57,307 ’Course. 1436 00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:58,803 To match my ear huggie. 1437 00:57:58,803 --> 00:57:59,870 Can I have ’em? 1438 00:57:59,870 --> 00:58:01,905 [laughs] Over my dead body. 1439 00:58:01,905 --> 00:58:02,675 [chuckles] You’re fun. 1440 00:58:02,675 --> 00:58:05,843 And I guess you’ve already met Mary Puppins. 1441 00:58:05,843 --> 00:58:07,075 AKA Dogpool. 1442 00:58:07,075 --> 00:58:08,186 Careful where you put your hands. 1443 00:58:08,186 --> 00:58:10,848 She’s ninety percent g-spot, and she’ll let you know it. 1444 00:58:10,848 --> 00:58:14,984 You let this little flirt out of your sight for one second 1445 00:58:14,984 --> 00:58:17,162 and she starts shopping for a new papa. 1446 00:58:17,162 --> 00:58:19,054 If you can’t be a responsible pet owner, 1447 00:58:19,054 --> 00:58:22,090 then maybe you don’t deserve this little unicorn. 1448 00:58:22,090 --> 00:58:24,730 Guilty on all charges, Your Honor. 1449 00:58:24,730 --> 00:58:25,797 Shan’t happen again. 1450 00:58:25,797 --> 00:58:26,963 Why are you so nice? 1451 00:58:26,963 --> 00:58:28,569 Oh, it costs nothing to be kind. 1452 00:58:28,569 --> 00:58:30,538 Shutting the fuck up is also free. 1453 00:58:30,538 --> 00:58:32,243 - Caliente. - This is Logan. 1454 00:58:32,243 --> 00:58:32,969 He’s usually shirtless, 1455 00:58:32,969 --> 00:58:35,972 but he’s let himself go since the divorce. 1456 00:58:36,610 --> 00:58:38,876 Where’s your mask? 1457 00:58:40,845 --> 00:58:41,681 Come on, guys. 1458 00:58:41,681 --> 00:58:43,452 [bird screeches in distance] 1459 00:58:43,452 --> 00:58:44,079 Ugh, this guy. 1460 00:58:44,079 --> 00:58:45,883 We’re looking for a group of survivors. 1461 00:58:45,883 --> 00:58:46,719 Oh, they’re out there. 1462 00:58:46,719 --> 00:58:48,424 Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope 1463 00:58:48,424 --> 00:58:50,657 that you don’t run into the Deadpool corps. 1464 00:58:50,657 --> 00:58:51,394 Yeah, they’re crazy. 1465 00:58:51,394 --> 00:58:53,055 They will chop you up into a thousand pieces 1466 00:58:53,055 --> 00:58:54,089 and hide you all over The Void. 1467 00:58:54,089 --> 00:58:56,124 If they could only process their childhood trauma, 1468 00:58:56,124 --> 00:58:58,093 they’d go on one heck of a healing journey. 1469 00:58:58,093 --> 00:58:59,798 Look, we’re headed for the borderlands. 1470 00:58:59,798 --> 00:59:00,667 You know where it is? 1471 00:59:00,667 --> 00:59:03,604 Yeah, that... that’s 12 klicks due west. 1472 00:59:03,604 --> 00:59:05,243 I can lend you my ride, if you like. 1473 00:59:05,243 --> 00:59:08,004 It would be my honor. 1474 00:59:09,841 --> 00:59:10,446 [birds chirping] 1475 00:59:10,446 --> 00:59:12,778 [Deadpool] Oh, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. 1476 00:59:12,778 --> 00:59:15,044 Uh-uh. What the... No! No! 1477 00:59:15,044 --> 00:59:16,144 Just get in the car. 1478 00:59:16,144 --> 00:59:17,112 This isn’t a car. 1479 00:59:17,112 --> 00:59:19,488 This is a Honda fuckin’ Odyssey. 1480 00:59:19,488 --> 00:59:21,754 Throttle response sucks a cock. 1481 00:59:21,754 --> 00:59:22,722 Dated infotainment system. 1482 00:59:22,722 --> 00:59:24,823 When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia 1483 00:59:24,823 --> 00:59:25,593 was makin’ a comeback, 1484 00:59:25,593 --> 00:59:28,794 they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete. 1485 00:59:28,794 --> 00:59:31,599 Get in the fucking car. 1486 00:59:31,599 --> 00:59:33,865 She’ll get you there safe and sound. 1487 00:59:33,865 --> 00:59:35,570 Old Betsy always does. 1488 00:59:35,570 --> 00:59:38,507 You’re gonna have to give me my dog back, though. 1489 00:59:38,507 --> 00:59:39,640 [Deadpool] I know. Listen. 1490 00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:40,740 - [Dogpool whimpers] - Yes, child. 1491 00:59:40,740 --> 00:59:43,479 If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home, 1492 00:59:43,479 --> 00:59:45,877 or if something should happen to you, 1493 00:59:45,877 --> 00:59:46,614 I’d love to be her papa. 1494 00:59:46,614 --> 00:59:49,419 [laughs] What would ever happen to me? 1495 00:59:49,419 --> 00:59:51,322 [Deadpool] Lots of stuff. 1496 00:59:54,149 --> 00:59:55,491 - Jesus. - [Deadpool] No! 1497 00:59:55,491 --> 00:59:56,723 We’re running away. [grunts] 1498 00:59:56,723 --> 00:59:58,923 - [Wolverine] Give me that. - The corn was too dense, girl! 1499 00:59:58,923 --> 00:59:59,990 - [Wolverine] There. - Come here! 1500 00:59:59,990 --> 01:00:02,432 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - [Nicepool] Hello! 1501 01:00:03,532 --> 01:00:04,368 - [engine starts] - Bye. 1502 01:00:04,368 --> 01:00:07,701 [♪ Avril Lavigne "I’m With You" plays on car stereo] 1503 01:00:07,701 --> 01:00:08,163 [sighs] 1504 01:00:08,163 --> 01:00:12,002 ♪ It’s a damn cold night ♪ 1505 01:00:12,002 --> 01:00:16,809 ♪ Trying to figure out this life ♪ 1506 01:00:16,809 --> 01:00:19,779 ♪ Won’t you take me by the hand?♪ 1507 01:00:19,779 --> 01:00:21,814 ♪ Take me somewhere new ♪ 1508 01:00:21,814 --> 01:00:26,918 ♪ I don’t know who you are But I ♪ 1509 01:00:26,918 --> 01:00:30,119 ♪ I’m with you...♪ 1510 01:00:30,119 --> 01:00:32,088 [Deadpool] Okay, I’m just gonna ask... 1511 01:00:32,088 --> 01:00:32,957 What’s with the suit? 1512 01:00:32,957 --> 01:00:34,761 First thing I did when I flamed out, 1513 01:00:34,761 --> 01:00:35,960 - I took mine off. - Drop it. 1514 01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:36,862 [Deadpool] It’s not that ugly. 1515 01:00:36,862 --> 01:00:38,930 - Stop talking about my suit. - Did you make it yourself? 1516 01:00:38,930 --> 01:00:39,865 - Been there. - Quit. Now. 1517 01:00:39,865 --> 01:00:43,132 The X-Men make you wear it? Those sons of fuckin’ bitches. 1518 01:00:43,132 --> 01:00:44,738 They are not your friends, I’ll tell you that. 1519 01:00:44,738 --> 01:00:47,477 Friends don’t let friends leave the house lookin’ like 1520 01:00:47,477 --> 01:00:49,644 they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams. 1521 01:00:49,644 --> 01:00:50,579 Shut the fuck up about this, or-- 1522 01:00:50,579 --> 01:00:52,944 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch your frown lines, angel baby. 1523 01:00:52,944 --> 01:00:54,044 I’m just trying to bond a little bit. 1524 01:00:54,044 --> 01:00:56,453 Yeah, well, then talk about somethin’ else. 1525 01:00:56,453 --> 01:00:57,883 Fine. 1526 01:01:00,655 --> 01:01:02,954 Pshew. Pshew, pshew. 1527 01:01:02,954 --> 01:01:03,889 Pshew! 1528 01:01:03,889 --> 01:01:05,957 - Stop it. - Pshew. 1529 01:01:05,957 --> 01:01:07,761 If they can fix your world, what’s the first thing 1530 01:01:07,761 --> 01:01:09,092 you’re gonna do when you get out of here? 1531 01:01:09,092 --> 01:01:10,698 Get some rubbing alcohol shots, 1532 01:01:10,698 --> 01:01:11,996 maybe a wiper fluid chaser? 1533 01:01:11,996 --> 01:01:13,965 - What did you say? - I said when you get back, 1534 01:01:13,965 --> 01:01:15,604 what’s the first thing you’re gonna do? 1535 01:01:15,604 --> 01:01:17,837 No, no, no. Before that. 1536 01:01:18,002 --> 01:01:20,774 If... they can fix your world? 1537 01:01:21,038 --> 01:01:22,446 [grunts] 1538 01:01:24,008 --> 01:01:26,010 What do you mean, "if"? 1539 01:01:26,010 --> 01:01:27,044 - I mean-- - You lied to me. 1540 01:01:27,044 --> 01:01:27,946 You don’t have a fucking clue 1541 01:01:27,946 --> 01:01:30,245 if they can help me fix things, do you? 1542 01:01:30,245 --> 01:01:31,686 No. I mean-- Ow! 1543 01:01:31,686 --> 01:01:33,985 Fuck! Fuck! I didn’t lie! 1544 01:01:33,985 --> 01:01:38,154 - You lied! - No! I made an educated wish! 1545 01:01:39,188 --> 01:01:41,322 Because I need you. 1546 01:01:41,465 --> 01:01:44,963 This. This is why. Right here. 1547 01:01:44,963 --> 01:01:46,899 ’Cause if we don’t do something, they die. 1548 01:01:46,899 --> 01:01:49,572 I don’t know anything about saving worlds. 1549 01:01:49,572 --> 01:01:50,606 And why would I even care? 1550 01:01:50,606 --> 01:01:54,709 Because my entire world is right here in this picture. 1551 01:01:54,709 --> 01:01:56,106 It’s only nine people, 1552 01:01:56,106 --> 01:01:59,384 and I have no idea how to save it alone. 1553 01:01:59,384 --> 01:02:02,079 I know how to fuck people up for money. But you, 1554 01:02:02,079 --> 01:02:04,719 you know how to save ’em! 1555 01:02:04,851 --> 01:02:05,951 At least the other Wolverine did. 1556 01:02:05,951 --> 01:02:07,018 - [flesh squelching] - [groans] 1557 01:02:07,018 --> 01:02:10,461 Fuck! I guess I’m stuck with the worst one. 1558 01:02:10,461 --> 01:02:12,529 Did you say you made 1559 01:02:12,529 --> 01:02:15,565 an educated fucking wish? 1560 01:02:15,565 --> 01:02:17,930 They call me "The Merc with the Mouth." 1561 01:02:17,930 --> 01:02:19,998 They don’t call me "Truthful Timmy, 1562 01:02:19,998 --> 01:02:23,001 "the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon." 1563 01:02:23,001 --> 01:02:24,937 [grunts in pain] 1564 01:02:26,136 --> 01:02:27,742 One more word. 1565 01:02:27,742 --> 01:02:31,779 Please give me one. [breathing heavily] 1566 01:02:33,550 --> 01:02:34,650 Gubernatorial. 1567 01:02:34,650 --> 01:02:37,048 [yelps] Oh, fuck! 1568 01:02:37,488 --> 01:02:40,084 You know what? You’re a fucking joke. 1569 01:02:40,689 --> 01:02:42,020 No wonder the Avengers didn’t take you. 1570 01:02:42,020 --> 01:02:45,562 Or the X-Men. And they’ll take fucking anyone. 1571 01:02:45,562 --> 01:02:46,530 I mean, you are 1572 01:02:46,530 --> 01:02:51,128 a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. 1573 01:02:51,128 --> 01:02:53,064 I have never met 1574 01:02:53,064 --> 01:02:53,768 a sadder, 1575 01:02:53,768 --> 01:02:56,870 more attention-starved, jabbering little prick 1576 01:02:56,870 --> 01:02:57,706 in my entire life. 1577 01:02:57,706 --> 01:02:59,972 And that says a lot, ’cause I’ve been alive 1578 01:02:59,972 --> 01:03:03,041 for more than 200 fuckin’ years, 1579 01:03:03,041 --> 01:03:03,877 and I’ll tell ya, 1580 01:03:03,877 --> 01:03:05,945 that bald chick was right about one thing. 1581 01:03:05,945 --> 01:03:08,376 You will never save the world! 1582 01:03:08,376 --> 01:03:11,522 You couldn’t even save a relationship 1583 01:03:11,522 --> 01:03:12,754 with a goddamn stripper! 1584 01:03:12,754 --> 01:03:15,383 And motherfucker, I wish I could say you’d die alone, 1585 01:03:15,383 --> 01:03:18,991 but it’s one of God’s best jokes that you can’t die, 1586 01:03:18,991 --> 01:03:21,389 except that’s on all of us! 1587 01:03:24,502 --> 01:03:27,230 Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth? 1588 01:03:27,230 --> 01:03:29,199 [breathing heavily] 1589 01:03:35,612 --> 01:03:37,944 [Deadpool] I’m gonna fight you now. 1590 01:03:37,944 --> 01:03:39,550 [laughs] 1591 01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:41,849 [snorts] Oh, are you? 1592 01:03:44,555 --> 01:03:46,491 [song plays on radio, song changing] 1593 01:03:46,491 --> 01:03:50,121 [♪ upbeat pop music plays, "You’re the One That I Want"] 1594 01:03:50,121 --> 01:03:50,759 [grunting] 1595 01:03:50,759 --> 01:03:53,388 - [groaning] - Mm. Not talkin’ now, are ya? 1596 01:03:53,388 --> 01:03:55,632 ♪ And I’m losing control ♪ 1597 01:03:55,632 --> 01:03:59,999 ♪ ’Cause the power you’re supplying ♪ 1598 01:03:59,999 --> 01:04:02,199 [Deadpool] Oh, you dirty bitch. 1599 01:04:04,135 --> 01:04:04,773 [growls] 1600 01:04:04,773 --> 01:04:07,468 - [yelling] - ♪ You better shape up ♪ 1601 01:04:07,468 --> 01:04:09,613 ♪ ’Cause I need a man ♪ 1602 01:04:09,613 --> 01:04:10,779 [both grunting] 1603 01:04:10,779 --> 01:04:14,013 ♪ And my heart is set on you ♪ 1604 01:04:14,013 --> 01:04:16,411 ♪ You better shape up ♪ 1605 01:04:16,411 --> 01:04:18,787 - [laughs] - [Deadpool] Whoo! 1606 01:04:18,985 --> 01:04:19,447 [grunts] 1607 01:04:19,447 --> 01:04:21,625 ♪ To my heart, I must be true ♪ 1608 01:04:21,625 --> 01:04:25,761 ♪ Nothing left, nothing left for me to do ♪ 1609 01:04:25,761 --> 01:04:28,533 ♪ You’re the one that I want ♪ 1610 01:04:28,533 --> 01:04:30,491 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1611 01:04:30,491 --> 01:04:32,966 ♪ The one that I want ♪ 1612 01:04:32,966 --> 01:04:34,099 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1613 01:04:34,099 --> 01:04:36,134 - [straining] - No, no, no! [screams] 1614 01:04:36,134 --> 01:04:37,069 [screams in high pitch] 1615 01:04:37,069 --> 01:04:38,543 - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ - [bones crack] 1616 01:04:38,543 --> 01:04:44,010 ♪ The one I need Oh, yes, indeed...♪ 1617 01:04:46,177 --> 01:04:48,014 [choking] 1618 01:04:51,215 --> 01:04:53,052 [yells] 1619 01:04:54,482 --> 01:04:56,891 - Baby Knife! - [screams] 1620 01:04:58,090 --> 01:04:58,794 [♪ song stops] 1621 01:04:58,794 --> 01:05:02,424 I take it all back. The Honda Odyssey fucks hard. 1622 01:05:02,424 --> 01:05:03,799 Too bad you don’t, needle dick. 1623 01:05:03,799 --> 01:05:05,031 Oh, we’re just gettin’ started, bub. 1624 01:05:05,031 --> 01:05:07,869 - [yells] - [♪ song resumes playing] 1625 01:05:07,869 --> 01:05:09,904 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1626 01:05:09,904 --> 01:05:11,840 [Deadpool] Oh, you... Fuck! 1627 01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:13,611 - [Deadpool groaning loudly] - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1628 01:05:13,611 --> 01:05:15,976 - ♪ The one I need ♪ - [groaning stops] 1629 01:05:15,976 --> 01:05:18,748 ♪ Oh, yes, indeed ♪ 1630 01:05:18,748 --> 01:05:20,585 ♪ You’re the one that I want ♪ 1631 01:05:20,585 --> 01:05:21,883 [♪ song fades out] 1632 01:05:21,883 --> 01:05:23,852 [birds chirping] 1633 01:05:25,623 --> 01:05:27,823 [leaves rustling] 1634 01:05:30,122 --> 01:05:33,224 [♪ ominous music playing] 1635 01:05:34,698 --> 01:05:36,634 [car door opens and closes] 1636 01:05:36,634 --> 01:05:38,295 [engine starts] 1637 01:05:49,570 --> 01:05:52,749 [♪ cryptic music playing] 1638 01:05:52,749 --> 01:05:54,817 [water dripping] 1639 01:06:04,057 --> 01:06:05,894 [Deadpool] Thor! 1640 01:06:08,127 --> 01:06:08,897 Where are we? 1641 01:06:08,897 --> 01:06:11,966 No clue, but... I like it here. 1642 01:06:11,966 --> 01:06:15,904 - [door opens] - [♪ cryptic music intensifies] 1643 01:06:18,137 --> 01:06:19,567 [grunting] 1644 01:06:19,567 --> 01:06:21,943 [Deadpool] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1645 01:06:21,943 --> 01:06:25,111 [♪ sentimental music playing] 1646 01:06:30,754 --> 01:06:32,657 - [♪ music pauses] - [low growl] 1647 01:06:32,657 --> 01:06:36,188 [♪ dramatic electronic music playing] 1648 01:06:45,098 --> 01:06:47,738 [electrical humming] 1649 01:06:52,567 --> 01:06:54,107 [cat meows] 1650 01:07:09,485 --> 01:07:10,926 [♪ music fades out] 1651 01:07:10,926 --> 01:07:12,125 Okay. 1652 01:07:12,125 --> 01:07:16,327 Look at you... all. You must be the others. 1653 01:07:16,459 --> 01:07:17,229 Terrific. 1654 01:07:17,229 --> 01:07:20,529 So just to refresh, you are 1655 01:07:20,529 --> 01:07:21,398 - Wonder-- - Elektra. 1656 01:07:21,398 --> 01:07:23,664 [Deadpool] Elektra? Yes. Who could forget? 1657 01:07:23,664 --> 01:07:27,140 And you. I was not expecting to see you here. 1658 01:07:27,140 --> 01:07:29,043 I thought you were, you know, 1659 01:07:29,043 --> 01:07:31,243 retired. [chuckles] 1660 01:07:31,441 --> 01:07:32,948 Retarded? 1661 01:07:33,641 --> 01:07:34,719 [Deadpool] "Retired." 1662 01:07:34,719 --> 01:07:35,445 I’m already in The Void. 1663 01:07:35,445 --> 01:07:36,578 I’m not trying to get canceled again. 1664 01:07:36,578 --> 01:07:39,724 - I don’t like you. - [Deadpool] You never did. 1665 01:07:40,087 --> 01:07:42,925 And who’s this succulent reminder 1666 01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:44,652 of my own inadequacies? 1667 01:07:44,652 --> 01:07:45,521 Look at you. 1668 01:07:45,521 --> 01:07:48,425 You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye. 1669 01:07:48,425 --> 01:07:51,967 The name’s Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc. 1670 01:07:51,967 --> 01:07:53,034 But you can call me the Gambit. 1671 01:07:53,034 --> 01:07:55,663 [Deadpool] It’s been a while since I’ve seen Sling Blade. 1672 01:07:55,663 --> 01:07:57,236 Hit me again. 1673 01:07:57,236 --> 01:07:58,039 They call me the Gambit. 1674 01:07:58,039 --> 01:07:59,502 [Deadpool] Do they? Are you sure you didn’t 1675 01:07:59,502 --> 01:08:00,910 just really, really want them to, 1676 01:08:00,910 --> 01:08:03,110 but it never quite worked out? 1677 01:08:03,539 --> 01:08:04,639 [speaks indistinctly] 1678 01:08:04,639 --> 01:08:08,115 You know, we never had a Wolverine up in here. 1679 01:08:08,115 --> 01:08:08,885 But I can tell you now, 1680 01:08:08,885 --> 01:08:10,788 it’s just a common courtesy to ask 1681 01:08:10,788 --> 01:08:12,515 before you drink up all of my liquor. 1682 01:08:12,515 --> 01:08:15,089 Well, it’s a good thing I don’t give a fuck. 1683 01:08:15,089 --> 01:08:18,158 [laughs, speaks indistinctly] 1684 01:08:18,796 --> 01:08:20,226 Fuck. 1685 01:08:21,458 --> 01:08:24,329 - [bottle smashes] - [Deadpool] So embarrassing. 1686 01:08:24,835 --> 01:08:25,495 Boo, boo, boo. 1687 01:08:25,495 --> 01:08:26,562 Well, now that that’s settled, look, 1688 01:08:26,562 --> 01:08:27,805 we came a long way to find you three. 1689 01:08:27,805 --> 01:08:30,071 - There’s four of us. - [Deadpool] There’s four... 1690 01:08:30,071 --> 01:08:31,699 Hey, wait. Is it Magneto? 1691 01:08:31,699 --> 01:08:34,009 Dear sweet God in heaven, let it be Magneto, 1692 01:08:34,009 --> 01:08:35,076 - because with him-- - He’s dead. 1693 01:08:35,076 --> 01:08:36,946 [Deadpool] Fuck! Now Disney gets cheap? 1694 01:08:36,946 --> 01:08:39,047 It’s like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass 1695 01:08:39,047 --> 01:08:41,049 - and started lying like crazy. - Ooh, you nasty! 1696 01:08:41,049 --> 01:08:43,678 Mon petit rouge. Laissez les bons temps rouler, huh? 1697 01:08:43,678 --> 01:08:46,714 [Deadpool] Not a single word. What do you do exactly? 1698 01:08:46,714 --> 01:08:49,222 Charge the playing cards and make ’em go boom! 1699 01:08:49,222 --> 01:08:51,862 [Deadpool] Your power’s close-up magic. That’s good. 1700 01:08:51,862 --> 01:08:53,798 We’re not totally fucked at all. 1701 01:08:53,798 --> 01:08:55,096 So who brought us here? 1702 01:08:55,096 --> 01:08:57,131 [Voice] That would be me. 1703 01:08:58,660 --> 01:09:01,971 [♪ pensive music playing] 1704 01:09:06,734 --> 01:09:08,670 Don’t make me regret it. 1705 01:09:09,011 --> 01:09:12,817 [Deadpool] Holy shit. Logan. That’s her. That’s X-23. 1706 01:09:12,817 --> 01:09:15,380 She’s the one I told you about. 1707 01:09:18,647 --> 01:09:21,188 Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void? 1708 01:09:21,188 --> 01:09:22,717 There was a knock at the door. 1709 01:09:22,717 --> 01:09:24,928 - TVA sent me here. - Me, too. 1710 01:09:24,928 --> 01:09:25,786 Well, maybe I was born here. 1711 01:09:25,786 --> 01:09:27,128 It’s... It’s hard to know for sure. 1712 01:09:27,128 --> 01:09:30,494 TVA decided our universe was dying. 1713 01:09:30,494 --> 01:09:33,838 And I never even got a chance to fight for it. 1714 01:09:35,400 --> 01:09:37,699 [Elektra] People like us don’t go quietly. 1715 01:09:37,699 --> 01:09:39,877 TVA knows that, so they took us out. 1716 01:09:39,877 --> 01:09:42,407 [smooches] The answer is yes. I’m in. 1717 01:09:42,407 --> 01:09:44,178 - In what? - [Deadpool] A team. 1718 01:09:44,178 --> 01:09:46,510 Me, you, you, and me. All of us together. 1719 01:09:46,510 --> 01:09:47,808 Let’s get the fuck out of this place. 1720 01:09:47,808 --> 01:09:49,777 Don’t listen to him. He’s a fucking liar! 1721 01:09:49,777 --> 01:09:51,746 [Deadpool] It was an educated wish! 1722 01:09:51,746 --> 01:09:54,188 - Ha! - [Deadpool] Look. 1723 01:09:54,551 --> 01:09:56,487 We’ve been inside Cassandra’s lair. 1724 01:09:56,487 --> 01:09:59,094 The only way out of The Void is through her. 1725 01:09:59,094 --> 01:10:01,063 She can get us home. She told us. 1726 01:10:01,063 --> 01:10:03,494 Wait a minute, you’ve been inside? 1727 01:10:03,494 --> 01:10:05,133 - And you made it out alive? - Bullshit. 1728 01:10:05,133 --> 01:10:07,036 - Nobody’s ever done that. - [Deadpool] We did. 1729 01:10:07,036 --> 01:10:10,600 Every time one of us has gone up against her, 1730 01:10:10,600 --> 01:10:11,172 they die. 1731 01:10:11,172 --> 01:10:13,878 The Punisher, the Quicksilver, the Daredevil. 1732 01:10:13,878 --> 01:10:15,671 [Deadpool] Daredevil? I’m so sorry. 1733 01:10:15,671 --> 01:10:18,047 - It’s fine. - [Deadpool] Okay. 1734 01:10:18,839 --> 01:10:22,546 Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm. 1735 01:10:22,546 --> 01:10:24,152 He up and gone missing like, 1736 01:10:24,152 --> 01:10:25,956 what, two days ago? 1737 01:10:25,956 --> 01:10:27,815 [Deadpool] Ugh. That’s so sad. 1738 01:10:27,815 --> 01:10:31,225 Wherever this Johnny fella is, I’m sure he’s thriving. 1739 01:10:31,225 --> 01:10:31,962 [Wolverine chuckles] 1740 01:10:31,962 --> 01:10:34,789 Look, there’s... there’s strength in numbers. 1741 01:10:34,789 --> 01:10:35,460 All right? Us... 1742 01:10:35,460 --> 01:10:36,527 plus, you guys. We can put Cassandra 1743 01:10:36,527 --> 01:10:39,002 over our knee and force her to let us out of The Void. 1744 01:10:39,002 --> 01:10:40,762 I know what it means to feel self-doubt. 1745 01:10:40,762 --> 01:10:42,005 - I don’t feel that at all. - I’m good. 1746 01:10:42,005 --> 01:10:44,403 [Deadpool] Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm. 1747 01:10:44,403 --> 01:10:46,075 It’s like you’re holding up a mirror to my soul. 1748 01:10:46,075 --> 01:10:47,945 [Deadpool] You guys may not have been able 1749 01:10:47,945 --> 01:10:49,705 to save your universes. 1750 01:10:49,705 --> 01:10:51,608 But you can avenge them. 1751 01:10:51,608 --> 01:10:53,214 It’s what Johnny would have wanted. 1752 01:10:53,214 --> 01:10:56,921 Wait. You knew Johnny? 1753 01:10:57,053 --> 01:10:57,988 [chuckles] Oh, yeah. 1754 01:10:57,988 --> 01:10:59,616 Dickhead here talked him into a team-up, 1755 01:10:59,616 --> 01:11:02,454 and Johnny came down with a little case of the deads. 1756 01:11:02,454 --> 01:11:03,686 [Deadpool] No, no, no. We don’t know that. 1757 01:11:03,686 --> 01:11:06,062 It was just a flesh wound. He may have survived. 1758 01:11:06,062 --> 01:11:08,856 If he survived that, he is prayin’ for death. 1759 01:11:08,856 --> 01:11:10,528 [Deadpool] Thank you, Doctor Wolverine! 1760 01:11:10,528 --> 01:11:12,937 - Spill it! - What’d you do to Johnny, huh? 1761 01:11:12,937 --> 01:11:14,004 Talk or I’m gonna start dealin’. 1762 01:11:14,004 --> 01:11:16,732 [Deadpool] Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 1763 01:11:16,732 --> 01:11:17,304 Look. 1764 01:11:17,304 --> 01:11:19,702 He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra. 1765 01:11:19,702 --> 01:11:21,077 Then she zip-zapped his skin, 1766 01:11:21,077 --> 01:11:23,046 leaving his organs to splash crudely onto the ground 1767 01:11:23,046 --> 01:11:26,676 while the soil greedily drank his blood. It was horrible. 1768 01:11:26,676 --> 01:11:27,809 He was like a brother to me. 1769 01:11:27,809 --> 01:11:31,351 Look, he died before he could make a difference. But... 1770 01:11:31,351 --> 01:11:32,814 - [laughs] - Look, maybe you couldn’t 1771 01:11:32,814 --> 01:11:33,958 save your worlds, but... 1772 01:11:33,958 --> 01:11:36,554 but Jesus Christ, you can save mine! 1773 01:11:36,554 --> 01:11:38,820 I don’t give a shit about your world, but 1774 01:11:38,820 --> 01:11:42,131 if these two made it out of there alive, maybe together, 1775 01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:43,825 we can get back in and take her down. 1776 01:11:43,825 --> 01:11:46,894 Where I come from, we call that suicide, Chere. 1777 01:11:46,894 --> 01:11:49,171 [Deadpool] If we can block her psychic powers, 1778 01:11:49,171 --> 01:11:51,239 we can get a leg up. I know it. 1779 01:11:51,239 --> 01:11:52,977 Now, I know Magneto’s dead. 1780 01:11:52,977 --> 01:11:55,375 But I’d venture to guess that his helmet is lying 1781 01:11:55,375 --> 01:11:57,674 - around here somewhere-- - Cassandra melted the helmet. 1782 01:11:57,674 --> 01:11:58,983 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - After she killed him. 1783 01:11:58,983 --> 01:12:00,842 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - She don’t play. 1784 01:12:00,842 --> 01:12:02,415 She knows that helmet was the only way 1785 01:12:02,415 --> 01:12:03,878 to protect anyone from her powers. 1786 01:12:03,878 --> 01:12:06,221 The only other helmet that strong is Juggernaut’s, 1787 01:12:06,221 --> 01:12:07,090 but he works for Cassandra. 1788 01:12:07,090 --> 01:12:08,454 [Deadpool] Juggernaut’s helmet. That’s it. 1789 01:12:08,454 --> 01:12:10,390 Yeah, and we done be knowing that lid ain’t comin’ off 1790 01:12:10,390 --> 01:12:11,996 without that dome gonna come off wit’it. 1791 01:12:11,996 --> 01:12:13,492 [Deadpool] I’m so sorry, beautiful. 1792 01:12:13,492 --> 01:12:14,328 I want this to be gentle. 1793 01:12:14,328 --> 01:12:16,198 Who is your dialect coach? The Minions? 1794 01:12:16,198 --> 01:12:20,730 I feel like we are missing critical exposition here. 1795 01:12:20,730 --> 01:12:24,833 I’m sick of this shit. I’m sick of hiding. 1796 01:12:24,833 --> 01:12:27,242 Let’s face it, our worlds forgot about us. 1797 01:12:27,242 --> 01:12:29,178 Or never learned about us. 1798 01:12:29,178 --> 01:12:30,773 The heroes we were. 1799 01:12:30,773 --> 01:12:32,016 Lives we saved. 1800 01:12:32,016 --> 01:12:33,182 Or wanted to save. 1801 01:12:33,182 --> 01:12:35,580 Maybe these two are our chance. 1802 01:12:35,580 --> 01:12:36,779 [gurgling] 1803 01:12:36,779 --> 01:12:38,517 To be remembered. 1804 01:12:38,517 --> 01:12:40,255 The way we deserve. 1805 01:12:40,849 --> 01:12:41,982 [Deadpool] Yes. 1806 01:12:41,982 --> 01:12:43,588 An ending. 1807 01:12:43,588 --> 01:12:44,886 - Legacy. - [Deadpool] Yes! 1808 01:12:44,886 --> 01:12:46,096 Yes! Let this man cook. 1809 01:12:46,096 --> 01:12:47,625 This is what I’m talking about. 1810 01:12:47,625 --> 01:12:49,792 Big slow-motion fights, sad music. 1811 01:12:49,792 --> 01:12:50,661 Everybody working together. 1812 01:12:50,661 --> 01:12:52,696 Who knows if you live or die? That sorta thing. 1813 01:12:52,696 --> 01:12:55,138 - Who’s ready? - I was born ready. 1814 01:12:55,138 --> 01:12:56,469 [Deadpool] Yes! Gambit? 1815 01:12:56,469 --> 01:12:57,239 I ain’t know my daddy, 1816 01:12:57,239 --> 01:12:59,142 but I’m sure I shot out of his dick ready. 1817 01:12:59,142 --> 01:13:00,770 [Deadpool] Jesus Christ, that is graphic. 1818 01:13:00,770 --> 01:13:02,739 Yeah. He was layin’ them buttery nuts all up in my mama 1819 01:13:02,739 --> 01:13:04,840 and I shot out there and I said, "What’s up, Doc?" 1820 01:13:04,840 --> 01:13:07,744 [Deadpool laughs] Johnny must have loved you. 1821 01:13:07,744 --> 01:13:10,186 X-23, what’s it gonna be? 1822 01:13:10,186 --> 01:13:10,879 The name’s Laura. 1823 01:13:10,879 --> 01:13:14,091 - Let’s fucking go. - [Deadpool] Let’s fucking go! 1824 01:13:14,091 --> 01:13:15,191 It’s on like chicken and corn. 1825 01:13:15,191 --> 01:13:17,061 - [Deadpool] Yeah! - We’re doing this. 1826 01:13:17,061 --> 01:13:17,820 You’re all fuckin’ dead. 1827 01:13:17,820 --> 01:13:21,164 [Deadpool] My God! Read the room. 1828 01:13:23,892 --> 01:13:26,301 [crickets chirping] 1829 01:13:29,766 --> 01:13:30,602 [exhales] 1830 01:13:30,602 --> 01:13:35,145 Hey, hey. I’m not lookin’ for company. Get out of here. 1831 01:13:36,608 --> 01:13:38,148 You remind me of him. 1832 01:13:38,148 --> 01:13:39,512 Angry. Drunk. Mean... 1833 01:13:39,512 --> 01:13:42,845 - Sounds like a great guy-- - Wasn’t finished. 1834 01:13:43,648 --> 01:13:46,255 Showed up when it mattered the most. 1835 01:13:47,850 --> 01:13:50,160 Couldn’t help it. 1836 01:13:51,227 --> 01:13:52,657 [sighs] 1837 01:13:52,657 --> 01:13:54,824 You might not know it, but... 1838 01:13:54,956 --> 01:13:56,694 you’re a good man, Logan. 1839 01:13:56,694 --> 01:13:58,168 [chuckles] 1840 01:13:58,168 --> 01:14:00,236 You might not know it, but apparently, 1841 01:14:00,236 --> 01:14:02,304 I’m the worst Logan. 1842 01:14:03,140 --> 01:14:06,033 I got to have a life because of you. 1843 01:14:08,002 --> 01:14:10,675 I got to grow up because of you. 1844 01:14:12,039 --> 01:14:13,117 A lot of kids did. 1845 01:14:13,117 --> 01:14:16,384 A lot of kids didn’t grow up because of me. 1846 01:14:17,781 --> 01:14:20,190 Trust me, kid, I’m no hero. 1847 01:14:20,751 --> 01:14:22,720 That suit says different. 1848 01:14:22,720 --> 01:14:25,756 - Yeah. Do you like it? - Mm. 1849 01:14:26,625 --> 01:14:29,331 Scott used to beg me to wear it. 1850 01:14:30,827 --> 01:14:34,204 So did Jean, Storm, Beast. 1851 01:14:35,733 --> 01:14:36,965 All of them. 1852 01:14:36,965 --> 01:14:40,837 They wanted me to be part of the team, but I wouldn’t. 1853 01:14:40,837 --> 01:14:45,413 Told ’em they all look fucking ridiculous. I mean... 1854 01:14:45,941 --> 01:14:49,978 I couldn’t have ’em thinkin’ I wanted to be there. 1855 01:14:54,455 --> 01:14:57,084 And then one day, while I was off on my own, 1856 01:14:57,084 --> 01:14:58,888 the humans came... 1857 01:14:58,888 --> 01:15:00,989 and went mutant hunting. 1858 01:15:01,561 --> 01:15:02,826 I can guess the rest. 1859 01:15:02,826 --> 01:15:04,663 No, no, let me... 1860 01:15:05,235 --> 01:15:07,094 Let me say it. I... 1861 01:15:09,063 --> 01:15:10,900 I need to say it. 1862 01:15:12,099 --> 01:15:15,542 By the time I stumbled home shitfaced from the bar, 1863 01:15:15,542 --> 01:15:17,379 it was too late. 1864 01:15:20,140 --> 01:15:22,846 They were dead. Every... [stifling sob] 1865 01:15:24,419 --> 01:15:27,323 [♪ mournful music playing] 1866 01:15:27,587 --> 01:15:32,086 This suit’s all I got to remind me of who they were. 1867 01:15:33,560 --> 01:15:35,122 And what I did. 1868 01:15:42,470 --> 01:15:43,966 [sniffles] 1869 01:15:47,002 --> 01:15:49,906 We’re headed to Cassandra’s at sunup. 1870 01:15:50,038 --> 01:15:52,744 Have fun. Not my fight. 1871 01:15:54,878 --> 01:15:57,683 We won’t pull this off without you. 1872 01:16:03,150 --> 01:16:07,957 Hey. Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1873 01:16:09,893 --> 01:16:12,401 You were always the wrong guy. 1874 01:16:17,868 --> 01:16:21,069 [♪ mournful music continues] 1875 01:16:35,457 --> 01:16:37,690 [cell phone ringing] 1876 01:16:37,690 --> 01:16:38,185 What? 1877 01:16:38,185 --> 01:16:40,022 Alioth didn’t get them. [sniffs] 1878 01:16:40,022 --> 01:16:43,465 Cassandra wanted to play with them herself first. 1879 01:16:43,465 --> 01:16:44,092 They got away. 1880 01:16:44,092 --> 01:16:45,863 - Did they find the others? - No. 1881 01:16:45,863 --> 01:16:46,897 Good. All right. Phew. 1882 01:16:46,897 --> 01:16:49,064 - The others found them. - Oh, very cute. 1883 01:16:49,064 --> 01:16:50,736 Well done, Pyro. Classic bait and switch. 1884 01:16:50,736 --> 01:16:53,409 - You really got me there. - Relax. 1885 01:16:53,409 --> 01:16:55,873 If they come after Nova, she’ll handle it. 1886 01:16:55,873 --> 01:16:57,677 Cassandra is a lunatic wild card. 1887 01:16:57,677 --> 01:16:59,943 Why do you think we put her there in the first place? 1888 01:16:59,943 --> 01:17:02,044 Thank God she’s never chosen to leave The Void. 1889 01:17:02,044 --> 01:17:05,487 The Time Ripper is hours away from completion. 1890 01:17:05,487 --> 01:17:06,851 I cannot take any chances. 1891 01:17:06,851 --> 01:17:07,984 Well, maybe not. 1892 01:17:07,984 --> 01:17:09,491 But I can. 1893 01:17:09,491 --> 01:17:10,085 For a price. 1894 01:17:10,085 --> 01:17:11,988 Why do you have to say it in that silly voice? 1895 01:17:11,988 --> 01:17:12,626 It’s so icky. 1896 01:17:12,626 --> 01:17:15,123 - You want it done or not? - All right. Your price. 1897 01:17:15,123 --> 01:17:17,224 Take her out. 1898 01:17:17,224 --> 01:17:18,665 Ugh. Mutants. 1899 01:17:18,665 --> 01:17:20,029 [♪ hip-hop music plays, T.I. "Bring ’Em Out"] 1900 01:17:20,029 --> 01:17:22,768 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1901 01:17:22,768 --> 01:17:24,572 ♪ It’s hard to yell when the bar-rel’s in your mouth ♪ 1902 01:17:24,572 --> 01:17:26,035 - ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ Swizzy! ♪ 1903 01:17:26,035 --> 01:17:29,841 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1904 01:17:29,841 --> 01:17:31,678 ♪ T-I-P, coming live from the V.I.P.♪ 1905 01:17:31,678 --> 01:17:33,878 ♪ Heard the nightlife lost life without me ♪ 1906 01:17:33,878 --> 01:17:36,551 ♪ Both the feds and the state wanna see ’bout me ♪ 1907 01:17:36,551 --> 01:17:40,951 ♪ The whole city got biz-zerk, he got three...♪ 1908 01:17:40,951 --> 01:17:41,688 Ooh! Look at that there! 1909 01:17:41,688 --> 01:17:42,887 You see them biggum hands come closed. 1910 01:17:42,887 --> 01:17:44,427 Ain’t not a wonna gettin’ up inside there. 1911 01:17:44,427 --> 01:17:45,725 [Deadpool] I think what Gambit’s trying to say is 1912 01:17:45,725 --> 01:17:48,860 getting Juggernaut’s helmet ain’t gonna be easy. 1913 01:17:48,860 --> 01:17:50,631 I’m just making stuff up at this... 1914 01:17:50,631 --> 01:17:51,665 - Yeah. Tilt up to Blade. - Gun! 1915 01:17:51,665 --> 01:17:53,865 ♪ Mississippi to Philly, Albuquerque to Chatt-Town ♪ 1916 01:17:53,865 --> 01:17:56,901 ♪ If I hit you in the face, you gon’ be suing and shit ♪ 1917 01:17:56,901 --> 01:17:59,167 [Deadpool] Where’d he get that little beauty? 1918 01:17:59,167 --> 01:18:00,674 That’s Punisher’s AT4. 1919 01:18:00,674 --> 01:18:03,611 Which Punisher? There’s been, like, five of them. 1920 01:18:03,611 --> 01:18:04,942 There’s only been one Blade, 1921 01:18:04,942 --> 01:18:06,383 and there’s only ever gonna be one Blade. 1922 01:18:06,383 --> 01:18:08,583 ♪ Who got a flow and a live show better than mine? ♪ 1923 01:18:08,583 --> 01:18:11,751 ♪ I got a packed house yellin’♪ 1924 01:18:11,751 --> 01:18:12,983 Incoming! 1925 01:18:12,983 --> 01:18:14,754 Ahhh! 1926 01:18:14,754 --> 01:18:16,118 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1927 01:18:16,118 --> 01:18:17,493 ♪ Ayy, from the back, they yellin ♪ 1928 01:18:17,493 --> 01:18:18,857 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1929 01:18:18,857 --> 01:18:20,320 ♪ Ayy, all the dope boys yellin’ ♪ 1930 01:18:20,320 --> 01:18:21,695 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1931 01:18:21,695 --> 01:18:23,026 ♪ Ayy, from the back, they yellin ♪ 1932 01:18:23,026 --> 01:18:25,094 - [♪ song stops] - [fire roaring] 1933 01:18:27,536 --> 01:18:29,670 [tires screeching] 1934 01:18:30,605 --> 01:18:32,266 ♪ Mic check, one-two, one-two ♪ 1935 01:18:32,266 --> 01:18:33,806 ♪ You wanna beef with the King?♪ 1936 01:18:33,806 --> 01:18:34,873 ♪ What is you gon’ do?♪ 1937 01:18:34,873 --> 01:18:36,743 ♪ Will you show up on the scene with two guns drew?♪ 1938 01:18:36,743 --> 01:18:39,680 ♪ Or you and your friend and play a little two-on-two?♪ 1939 01:18:39,680 --> 01:18:41,143 ♪ If you knew half of what I knew ♪ 1940 01:18:41,143 --> 01:18:42,617 ♪ Then you’d be hitting the deck ♪ 1941 01:18:42,617 --> 01:18:43,915 ♪ I got a tool and a vest ♪ 1942 01:18:43,915 --> 01:18:45,015 ♪ I can get some respect ♪ 1943 01:18:45,015 --> 01:18:46,819 ♪ Yeah, what other Southern rapper hood-er than this? ♪ 1944 01:18:46,819 --> 01:18:49,217 ♪ I got rich, and I’m still on some hooligan shit ♪ 1945 01:18:49,217 --> 01:18:50,823 ♪ Standing in your front yard yellin’♪ 1946 01:18:50,823 --> 01:18:52,187 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1947 01:18:52,187 --> 01:18:53,595 ♪ Ayy, all my hot girls yellin’ ♪ 1948 01:18:53,595 --> 01:18:54,959 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1949 01:18:54,959 --> 01:18:56,433 ♪ Ayy, all the dope boys yellin’ ♪ 1950 01:18:56,433 --> 01:18:58,127 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1951 01:18:58,127 --> 01:19:00,063 [♪ song stops] 1952 01:19:02,736 --> 01:19:03,671 [♪ song resumes] 1953 01:19:03,671 --> 01:19:07,367 ♪ Hands in the air now! ♪ 1954 01:19:07,367 --> 01:19:10,447 ♪ Hands-hands in the- in the air-air now! ♪ 1955 01:19:10,447 --> 01:19:11,448 ♪ I can’t hear you! ♪ 1956 01:19:11,448 --> 01:19:16,453 ♪ Bring ’em out, bring ’em out ♪ 1957 01:19:16,453 --> 01:19:18,147 [♪ song ends] 1958 01:19:19,148 --> 01:19:20,985 Ooh, this is gonna be good. 1959 01:19:20,985 --> 01:19:23,625 You know how long I’ve been waiting for this? 1960 01:19:23,625 --> 01:19:25,858 Whoo! I’m about to make a name for myself here. 1961 01:19:25,858 --> 01:19:27,629 I don’t think you guys walk away from this. 1962 01:19:27,629 --> 01:19:29,598 You just make sure people know what happened here today. 1963 01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:32,260 And when you get out of here, you have a drink for me, yeah? 1964 01:19:32,260 --> 01:19:34,768 You just stay on our six and get inside. 1965 01:19:34,768 --> 01:19:37,639 We’ll make sure you get the package. 1966 01:19:37,639 --> 01:19:38,739 And we’ll get our ending. 1967 01:19:38,739 --> 01:19:42,171 [♪ thrilling music playing] 1968 01:19:55,052 --> 01:19:57,153 [♪ music fades out] 1969 01:19:59,628 --> 01:20:01,663 [all yelling] 1970 01:20:05,898 --> 01:20:09,198 [♪ epic music playing] 1971 01:20:10,606 --> 01:20:12,333 [all grunting] 1972 01:20:34,696 --> 01:20:35,565 [groans] 1973 01:20:35,565 --> 01:20:37,600 [electrical roar and hum] 1974 01:20:37,600 --> 01:20:39,360 [crackling] 1975 01:20:49,436 --> 01:20:50,239 And boom! 1976 01:20:50,239 --> 01:20:52,340 [all grunting] 1977 01:20:52,549 --> 01:20:54,375 [laughs, grunts] 1978 01:21:19,774 --> 01:21:20,742 [♪ music stops] 1979 01:21:20,742 --> 01:21:24,042 Heh. Some motherfuckers still trying to ice skate uphill. 1980 01:21:24,042 --> 01:21:26,044 [henchmen yelling] 1981 01:21:28,277 --> 01:21:29,850 [slurps] 1982 01:21:29,850 --> 01:21:30,653 [footsteps] 1983 01:21:30,653 --> 01:21:33,084 You two escaping, I could live with. 1984 01:21:33,084 --> 01:21:36,824 But coming back? Willingly? 1985 01:21:37,693 --> 01:21:39,090 Boys are so silly. 1986 01:21:39,090 --> 01:21:40,124 [Deadpool] I just need to get home. 1987 01:21:40,124 --> 01:21:42,599 Well, that’s not on the menu, I’m afraid. 1988 01:21:42,599 --> 01:21:46,526 It’s death or enslavement. A la carte, of course. 1989 01:21:46,526 --> 01:21:48,935 - Upsy-daisy. - [grunting] 1990 01:21:53,742 --> 01:21:54,204 Finally, 1991 01:21:54,204 --> 01:21:56,679 it’s nice to give someone else a chance to talk. 1992 01:21:56,679 --> 01:21:58,538 Not my strong suit. 1993 01:21:58,538 --> 01:22:00,980 [groaning and grunting] 1994 01:22:02,619 --> 01:22:04,654 [straining] 1995 01:22:12,926 --> 01:22:14,389 [yells] 1996 01:22:15,522 --> 01:22:16,094 [exhales] 1997 01:22:16,094 --> 01:22:18,261 You shouldn’t have done that. 1998 01:22:19,636 --> 01:22:20,604 [grunts] 1999 01:22:20,604 --> 01:22:22,903 [groaning] 2000 01:22:24,135 --> 01:22:26,038 [grunting] 2001 01:22:30,647 --> 01:22:32,242 [yells] 2002 01:22:32,616 --> 01:22:34,079 [growls] 2003 01:22:36,180 --> 01:22:37,445 [screams] 2004 01:22:37,445 --> 01:22:39,282 Adios, pendejo. 2005 01:22:39,920 --> 01:22:40,580 [yells] 2006 01:22:40,580 --> 01:22:43,451 You are an interesting one, aren’t you? 2007 01:22:43,451 --> 01:22:47,224 I do feel like you get lost behind all of his... 2008 01:22:47,224 --> 01:22:49,732 [imitates yapping] 2009 01:22:49,732 --> 01:22:53,769 Deadpools are a dime a dozen here in The Void. 2010 01:22:54,033 --> 01:22:55,771 But you... 2011 01:22:55,771 --> 01:22:59,434 What’s going on in here? 2012 01:22:59,775 --> 01:23:01,843 [groaning] 2013 01:23:02,602 --> 01:23:04,879 [screaming] 2014 01:23:05,814 --> 01:23:08,080 - [screaming stops] - [leaves rustling] 2015 01:23:08,080 --> 01:23:10,346 [distant female voice] Logan! 2016 01:23:12,084 --> 01:23:14,152 [Cassandra] Interesting... 2017 01:23:14,449 --> 01:23:17,188 Not what I expected back here. 2018 01:23:17,661 --> 01:23:19,663 Behind the anger. 2019 01:23:22,930 --> 01:23:24,030 You’re hiding. 2020 01:23:24,030 --> 01:23:25,801 - From them. - [sighs] 2021 01:23:25,801 --> 01:23:28,738 From all the ones you let down. 2022 01:23:30,707 --> 01:23:32,434 So much pain. 2023 01:23:34,535 --> 01:23:36,504 I walked away. 2024 01:23:36,504 --> 01:23:38,539 They called after me and I... 2025 01:23:38,539 --> 01:23:40,244 I walked away. 2026 01:23:40,816 --> 01:23:41,608 I always do. 2027 01:23:41,608 --> 01:23:43,720 - [child] Logan! - I know. 2028 01:23:45,117 --> 01:23:47,284 That’s not all you did. 2029 01:23:47,614 --> 01:23:48,120 Is it? 2030 01:23:48,120 --> 01:23:50,760 - [groans] - [flesh squelches] 2031 01:23:51,794 --> 01:23:53,829 You found them. 2032 01:23:54,126 --> 01:23:55,831 The X-Men. 2033 01:23:58,999 --> 01:24:00,737 [distant screaming] 2034 01:24:00,737 --> 01:24:01,232 Dead. 2035 01:24:01,232 --> 01:24:04,235 [♪ mournful music playing] 2036 01:24:04,235 --> 01:24:06,138 Piled like wood. 2037 01:24:06,842 --> 01:24:09,108 [Cassandra] What did you do? 2038 01:24:10,978 --> 01:24:12,474 I started killing. 2039 01:24:12,474 --> 01:24:16,181 And I couldn’t stop. I didn’t wanna stop. 2040 01:24:16,511 --> 01:24:19,789 [Cassandra] All those bad men. 2041 01:24:19,789 --> 01:24:21,252 [groans] 2042 01:24:23,089 --> 01:24:25,762 It’s not just the bad ones. 2043 01:24:26,653 --> 01:24:28,424 My little animal. 2044 01:24:29,898 --> 01:24:34,034 And I turned the whole world against the X-Men. 2045 01:24:34,034 --> 01:24:35,662 Blade! 2046 01:24:40,601 --> 01:24:42,306 Just once... 2047 01:24:42,845 --> 01:24:46,915 I wanna be the man that Charles thought I was. 2048 01:24:47,674 --> 01:24:49,148 Logan... 2049 01:24:49,610 --> 01:24:54,351 in The Void, you can be what you are. 2050 01:24:55,990 --> 01:24:58,223 I just wanna be free. 2051 01:24:58,223 --> 01:25:00,555 I can set you free. 2052 01:25:00,555 --> 01:25:02,359 [panting] 2053 01:25:05,164 --> 01:25:06,935 [yelps] 2054 01:25:10,972 --> 01:25:16,780 I can silence all those voices. 2055 01:25:16,780 --> 01:25:18,738 [silence falls] 2056 01:25:20,817 --> 01:25:22,379 [exhales] 2057 01:25:23,545 --> 01:25:25,118 I’ve got you. 2058 01:25:27,054 --> 01:25:28,825 I’ve got you. 2059 01:25:28,990 --> 01:25:30,387 No. 2060 01:25:31,157 --> 01:25:32,895 I got you. 2061 01:25:33,192 --> 01:25:34,655 [indistinct whining] 2062 01:25:34,655 --> 01:25:36,624 [grunting in pain] 2063 01:25:36,624 --> 01:25:37,757 [gasps] 2064 01:25:37,757 --> 01:25:39,836 [yelling] 2065 01:25:39,836 --> 01:25:42,003 [Cassandra grunts] Get it off! 2066 01:25:42,003 --> 01:25:43,433 [Deadpool] You’re gonna send us home, 2067 01:25:43,433 --> 01:25:45,138 or I’m gonna twist your fucking head off. 2068 01:25:45,138 --> 01:25:47,602 - [laughs] - Why are you laughing? 2069 01:25:47,602 --> 01:25:48,504 I can’t send you home 2070 01:25:48,504 --> 01:25:51,815 unless you get this thing off my head. 2071 01:25:51,815 --> 01:25:52,673 And as soon as you do that, 2072 01:25:52,673 --> 01:25:55,445 I’m going to boil your brains on an atomic level 2073 01:25:55,445 --> 01:25:58,646 whilst flicking my bean to the Enya box set. 2074 01:25:58,646 --> 01:26:00,186 [Deadpool] There’s an Enya box set? 2075 01:26:00,186 --> 01:26:01,781 Either you kill me 2076 01:26:01,781 --> 01:26:03,651 or I kill you. 2077 01:26:03,860 --> 01:26:05,554 Both wonderful options. 2078 01:26:05,554 --> 01:26:07,259 [Deadpool] You want me to do it? 2079 01:26:07,259 --> 01:26:07,864 No, I’ll do it. 2080 01:26:07,864 --> 01:26:09,096 [Deadpool] I have her neck right here. 2081 01:26:09,096 --> 01:26:10,966 - It’s really no problem. - You’ll screw it up. 2082 01:26:10,966 --> 01:26:12,869 [Deadpool] Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13, 2083 01:26:12,869 --> 01:26:13,727 except the last one! 2084 01:26:13,727 --> 01:26:16,730 - [gunshots] - What the fuck? 2085 01:26:16,840 --> 01:26:19,700 - [gasping] - [chuckles] You have no idea 2086 01:26:19,700 --> 01:26:20,437 what it’s like! 2087 01:26:20,437 --> 01:26:23,770 Day after day. Shovel the shit. 2088 01:26:23,770 --> 01:26:25,178 Fetch the meats. 2089 01:26:25,178 --> 01:26:28,984 I have spent my entire exis-- 2090 01:26:29,952 --> 01:26:31,415 Not everyone gets a speech. 2091 01:26:31,415 --> 01:26:33,923 - [groaning] - She’s gonna die. 2092 01:26:33,923 --> 01:26:35,859 [Deadpool] Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off, 2093 01:26:35,859 --> 01:26:37,718 do you promise you won’t kill us? 2094 01:26:37,718 --> 01:26:39,027 - Fuck! - [Cassandra] I promise... 2095 01:26:39,027 --> 01:26:40,457 I will kill you first thing. 2096 01:26:40,457 --> 01:26:42,866 [Deadpool] Oh! Why are you like this? 2097 01:26:42,866 --> 01:26:43,757 I wish I knew. 2098 01:26:43,757 --> 01:26:45,099 - Take it off. - [Deadpool] What? 2099 01:26:45,099 --> 01:26:46,133 - Take it off. - [Deadpool] Why? 2100 01:26:46,133 --> 01:26:47,695 - Just take it off. - This is our only chance 2101 01:26:47,695 --> 01:26:50,830 - to fix our shit! - Take it off! 2102 01:26:51,908 --> 01:26:53,602 I am wearing this suit. 2103 01:26:53,602 --> 01:26:57,243 And that means a lot of things, but most of all... 2104 01:26:57,947 --> 01:26:59,949 it means I’m an X-Man. 2105 01:27:00,180 --> 01:27:02,347 And I know your brother. 2106 01:27:03,513 --> 01:27:04,778 As much as I want to fucking kill you, 2107 01:27:04,778 --> 01:27:07,616 every bone in my body wants to fucking kill you, 2108 01:27:07,616 --> 01:27:12,093 he would not let me stand here and watch you die! 2109 01:27:13,787 --> 01:27:15,822 Take your hands off. 2110 01:27:16,823 --> 01:27:18,759 This is for him. 2111 01:27:19,826 --> 01:27:21,905 This is for Charles. 2112 01:27:23,632 --> 01:27:25,832 [Cassandra panting] 2113 01:27:28,802 --> 01:27:30,540 [exhales deeply] 2114 01:27:30,540 --> 01:27:32,443 - [grunts] - [Deadpool] Hey, no, no, no! 2115 01:27:32,443 --> 01:27:35,050 Don’t you dare do me like Johnny! 2116 01:27:40,649 --> 01:27:42,420 My brother loved you. 2117 01:27:43,652 --> 01:27:45,390 He loved all of us. 2118 01:27:45,687 --> 01:27:47,095 Hmm. 2119 01:27:47,887 --> 01:27:49,724 Must be nice. 2120 01:27:49,823 --> 01:27:52,067 He would’ve loved you, too. 2121 01:27:54,102 --> 01:27:56,104 If he knew about you... 2122 01:27:56,973 --> 01:27:58,040 if he knew where you were, 2123 01:27:58,040 --> 01:28:00,834 he would’ve torn a hole in the fucking universe 2124 01:28:00,834 --> 01:28:02,704 to bring you home. 2125 01:28:05,839 --> 01:28:07,445 This is my home. 2126 01:28:07,445 --> 01:28:10,877 Well, then at least let us save his. 2127 01:28:13,957 --> 01:28:16,421 You want to hear something crazy? 2128 01:28:16,850 --> 01:28:21,294 An amateur magician rolled through here a while back. 2129 01:28:21,558 --> 01:28:23,131 I killed him, of course. 2130 01:28:23,131 --> 01:28:26,761 Wore his skin around for four days. 2131 01:28:27,036 --> 01:28:27,971 But 2132 01:28:27,971 --> 01:28:29,698 I found this 2133 01:28:29,698 --> 01:28:31,568 little trinket 2134 01:28:31,568 --> 01:28:33,834 on his lovely fingers. 2135 01:28:33,834 --> 01:28:35,836 [Deadpool] Strange! 2136 01:28:36,837 --> 01:28:37,475 [Deadpool gasps] 2137 01:28:37,475 --> 01:28:41,017 - Marvel sparkle circle. - [Wolverine] What is that? 2138 01:28:41,017 --> 01:28:42,777 This is your way home. 2139 01:28:42,777 --> 01:28:44,878 I do owe you for saving my life. 2140 01:28:44,878 --> 01:28:46,517 But let’s keep things interesting. 2141 01:28:46,517 --> 01:28:48,618 I’d say you have about four seconds 2142 01:28:48,618 --> 01:28:50,917 before you’re Alioth’s food. 2143 01:28:51,093 --> 01:28:53,293 [Alioth growling] 2144 01:28:54,162 --> 01:28:56,263 [Deadpool chuckles] Race ya. 2145 01:28:58,463 --> 01:29:00,630 [♪ slow jazz plays, Jimmy Durante "I’ll Be Seeing You"] 2146 01:29:00,630 --> 01:29:04,238 ♪ I’ll be seeing you ♪ 2147 01:29:04,238 --> 01:29:09,672 ♪ In all the old familiar places ♪ 2148 01:29:09,672 --> 01:29:15,348 ♪ That this heart of mine embraces ♪ 2149 01:29:15,348 --> 01:29:18,186 ♪ All day through ♪ 2150 01:29:20,650 --> 01:29:25,259 ♪ In that small cafe ♪ 2151 01:29:25,424 --> 01:29:30,066 - ♪ The park across the way ♪ - [screaming] 2152 01:29:30,891 --> 01:29:35,302 ♪ The children’s carousel ♪ 2153 01:29:35,302 --> 01:29:41,671 ♪ The chestnut trees, the wishing well ♪ 2154 01:29:42,573 --> 01:29:46,181 ♪ I’ll be seeing you ♪ 2155 01:29:46,181 --> 01:29:50,581 ♪ In every lovely summer’s day ♪ 2156 01:29:50,581 --> 01:29:51,153 [screams] 2157 01:29:51,153 --> 01:29:55,982 ♪ I’ll find you in the morning sun ♪ 2158 01:29:55,982 --> 01:30:01,295 ♪ And when the night is new ♪ 2159 01:30:02,758 --> 01:30:09,336 ♪ I’ll be looking at the moon ♪ 2160 01:30:09,798 --> 01:30:15,870 ♪ But I’ll be seeing you ♪ 2161 01:30:15,870 --> 01:30:17,872 [Alioth snarls] 2162 01:30:18,345 --> 01:30:21,040 [Peter] And as I said, we’ve got a standard three-year 2163 01:30:21,040 --> 01:30:22,448 bumper to bumper warranty. 2164 01:30:22,448 --> 01:30:24,010 Glad you gave us a second chance. 2165 01:30:24,010 --> 01:30:25,649 And don’t worry. Wade and I are a team, 2166 01:30:25,649 --> 01:30:28,322 so I’ll see he gets half the commission-- 2167 01:30:28,454 --> 01:30:29,158 [all gasp] 2168 01:30:29,158 --> 01:30:30,159 - [Deadpool groans] - Whoa. 2169 01:30:30,159 --> 01:30:32,161 [Deadpool] That feels like a Kia. 2170 01:30:32,161 --> 01:30:36,099 It’s a fucking Kia Carnival, isn’t it? [groans] 2171 01:30:36,462 --> 01:30:39,564 Holy shit. That’s Deadpool. 2172 01:30:39,564 --> 01:30:40,400 And that’s Wolverine. 2173 01:30:40,400 --> 01:30:42,061 [Deadpool] You’re damn straight it is. 2174 01:30:42,061 --> 01:30:42,996 Fox killed him. 2175 01:30:42,996 --> 01:30:43,733 Disney brought him back. 2176 01:30:43,733 --> 01:30:46,406 They’re going to make him do this till he’s 90. 2177 01:30:46,538 --> 01:30:47,836 Let’s go. 2178 01:30:47,836 --> 01:30:49,541 [Peter] I’ll clock you out! 2179 01:30:49,541 --> 01:30:51,378 [Deadpool] Forever! 2180 01:30:51,741 --> 01:30:53,248 Forever. 2181 01:30:59,914 --> 01:31:00,618 Wakey-wakey. 2182 01:31:00,618 --> 01:31:03,291 - [snorts] God? - [chuckles] 2183 01:31:03,390 --> 01:31:07,086 Now, you put all these bullets in my belly, 2184 01:31:07,086 --> 01:31:09,726 and I’m gonna find out why. 2185 01:31:09,726 --> 01:31:11,332 Whoa, whoa! 2186 01:31:11,431 --> 01:31:12,795 I’ll just say it. 2187 01:31:12,795 --> 01:31:15,028 You don’t have to stick your fingers in me. 2188 01:31:15,028 --> 01:31:18,174 Jesus, just ask sometimes. 2189 01:31:18,174 --> 01:31:19,835 Fine. 2190 01:31:20,605 --> 01:31:21,903 Really? 2191 01:31:21,903 --> 01:31:23,102 Hands in pockets. 2192 01:31:23,102 --> 01:31:24,741 [breathing heavily] 2193 01:31:24,741 --> 01:31:26,380 Guy named Paradox. 2194 01:31:26,380 --> 01:31:27,612 He said he’d get me out of The Void. 2195 01:31:27,612 --> 01:31:30,516 All I know is he works for the TVA. 2196 01:31:30,516 --> 01:31:31,187 The TVA. 2197 01:31:31,187 --> 01:31:32,485 We had an agreement. 2198 01:31:32,485 --> 01:31:34,685 I don’t think this guy cares. 2199 01:31:34,685 --> 01:31:37,083 Huh. He will. 2200 01:31:37,083 --> 01:31:37,688 Hey, people! 2201 01:31:37,688 --> 01:31:40,086 How much longer before the Time Ripper is active? 2202 01:31:40,086 --> 01:31:41,560 We’re running the final safety checks. 2203 01:31:41,560 --> 01:31:44,662 Oh, okay. All right. Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph. 2204 01:31:44,662 --> 01:31:46,202 - Take your time. - Really? 2205 01:31:46,202 --> 01:31:47,962 No, you drooling boob! 2206 01:31:47,962 --> 01:31:48,732 No! We have company. 2207 01:31:48,732 --> 01:31:52,670 Cancel the safety checks. We need to be live now! 2208 01:31:52,670 --> 01:31:54,969 Oh, I hate you so much. 2209 01:31:56,542 --> 01:31:57,136 No! Stop! 2210 01:31:57,136 --> 01:31:58,610 Piss off! You’re too late. 2211 01:31:58,610 --> 01:32:00,909 - You’re fuckin’ done. - Why was Thor crying? 2212 01:32:00,909 --> 01:32:01,811 [Mr. Paradox] How dare you! 2213 01:32:01,811 --> 01:32:04,517 No one comes back from The Void. 2214 01:32:04,517 --> 01:32:06,882 Tell that to Cassandra Nova. 2215 01:32:07,014 --> 01:32:10,083 [♪ choral music playing] 2216 01:32:14,758 --> 01:32:17,695 Paradox. We have a problem. 2217 01:32:17,926 --> 01:32:19,664 [bones snap] 2218 01:32:19,796 --> 01:32:21,831 [Cassandra] Paradox. 2219 01:32:22,634 --> 01:32:25,901 Well, you are doughier than you looked in Pyro’s head. 2220 01:32:25,901 --> 01:32:27,210 You tried to kill me. 2221 01:32:27,210 --> 01:32:28,805 I literally have no i-- 2222 01:32:28,805 --> 01:32:30,873 [Cassandra] You come for the king, 2223 01:32:30,873 --> 01:32:32,941 you better kill the king. 2224 01:32:32,941 --> 01:32:33,678 [Deadpool] Oh-ho-ho! 2225 01:32:33,678 --> 01:32:35,911 Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox. 2226 01:32:35,911 --> 01:32:38,650 You know she doesn’t wash that hand. 2227 01:32:38,650 --> 01:32:40,487 - Oh. - [grunting strainfully] 2228 01:32:40,487 --> 01:32:42,115 What’s this? 2229 01:32:42,819 --> 01:32:44,084 A Time Ripper? 2230 01:32:44,084 --> 01:32:44,722 Naughty boy. 2231 01:32:44,722 --> 01:32:45,756 [Deadpool] Oh, no. We’re on it. 2232 01:32:45,756 --> 01:32:47,230 We’re gonna head down and dismantle that thing now. 2233 01:32:47,230 --> 01:32:50,090 We got ya, boo. You just keep playing those keys. 2234 01:32:50,090 --> 01:32:52,598 I don’t want to destroy it. 2235 01:32:52,598 --> 01:32:53,599 I want to use it. 2236 01:32:53,599 --> 01:32:57,196 Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation. 2237 01:32:57,196 --> 01:32:59,308 [both yelling] 2238 01:33:02,740 --> 01:33:03,477 [groans] 2239 01:33:03,477 --> 01:33:05,611 You know, the funny thing is, 2240 01:33:05,611 --> 01:33:07,107 I was happy in The Void. 2241 01:33:07,107 --> 01:33:11,045 You sent your trash to me. Alioth and I cleaned it up. 2242 01:33:11,045 --> 01:33:12,915 Everyone was happy. 2243 01:33:12,915 --> 01:33:16,787 And then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. 2244 01:33:16,787 --> 01:33:19,691 And so now the fence must come down. 2245 01:33:19,691 --> 01:33:21,660 I’m going to use your little Time Ripper. 2246 01:33:21,660 --> 01:33:24,399 And I’m going to destroy this universe 2247 01:33:24,399 --> 01:33:27,160 and the next and the next and the next 2248 01:33:27,160 --> 01:33:31,197 until all that’s left is The Void. 2249 01:33:31,197 --> 01:33:33,507 And I get to play God. 2250 01:33:33,507 --> 01:33:35,069 - Come on. - [Mr. Paradox groans] 2251 01:33:35,069 --> 01:33:35,971 Now you’re going to show me 2252 01:33:35,971 --> 01:33:37,775 how to use this fancy gadget of yours. 2253 01:33:37,775 --> 01:33:39,777 And don’t worry, I’ve called some friends 2254 01:33:39,777 --> 01:33:42,384 to make sure we’re not disturbed. 2255 01:33:44,518 --> 01:33:45,717 - [knock at door] - Sorry to bother, madam, 2256 01:33:45,717 --> 01:33:47,488 but there’s something you need to see. 2257 01:33:47,488 --> 01:33:50,590 We’re getting indications of an unsanctioned Time Ripper 2258 01:33:50,590 --> 01:33:53,692 activating on Earth-10005. 2259 01:33:54,660 --> 01:33:56,695 Whose district is that? 2260 01:33:56,893 --> 01:33:58,301 Paradox. 2261 01:34:05,803 --> 01:34:08,641 [Mr. Paradox gasps, exhales] 2262 01:34:08,641 --> 01:34:11,039 Well, thank you so much for your help, darling. 2263 01:34:11,039 --> 01:34:13,679 God. Good to get out of that head. 2264 01:34:13,679 --> 01:34:16,352 Whew! What a mess! 2265 01:34:16,946 --> 01:34:19,047 [both groaning] 2266 01:34:23,249 --> 01:34:23,854 [Deadpool] Stop! 2267 01:34:23,854 --> 01:34:25,988 Let’s give it a beat for the extras to clear. 2268 01:34:25,988 --> 01:34:29,222 Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, my God! 2269 01:34:33,127 --> 01:34:36,636 - Oh. My. God. - Fuck. 2270 01:34:36,636 --> 01:34:40,904 [♪ classic rock music plays, "Make Me Lose Control"] 2271 01:34:43,742 --> 01:34:45,975 [Deadpool] It’s her! 2272 01:34:45,975 --> 01:34:48,978 - Come on, girl! - [Dogpool barks] 2273 01:34:49,682 --> 01:34:50,144 [barks] 2274 01:34:50,144 --> 01:34:51,816 ♪ Was love always this good ♪ 2275 01:34:51,816 --> 01:34:54,951 ♪ Or could this be just the start? ♪ 2276 01:34:54,951 --> 01:34:56,887 Come on, girl! 2277 01:34:56,887 --> 01:34:58,317 ♪ Baby, baby ♪ 2278 01:34:58,317 --> 01:35:03,465 ♪ Turn the radio up for that sweet sound ♪ 2279 01:35:03,465 --> 01:35:07,832 ♪ Hold me close, never let me go ♪ 2280 01:35:07,832 --> 01:35:10,736 ♪ Keep this feelin’ alive... ♪ 2281 01:35:10,736 --> 01:35:11,737 That’s my girl! 2282 01:35:11,737 --> 01:35:13,035 We don’t have to be apart 2283 01:35:13,035 --> 01:35:15,169 ever, ever again. Never, ever... 2284 01:35:15,169 --> 01:35:16,775 - Sorry! - [Deadpool] Fuck! 2285 01:35:16,775 --> 01:35:17,479 [♪ song stops] 2286 01:35:17,479 --> 01:35:19,107 What’s Cafe Gratitude doing here? 2287 01:35:19,107 --> 01:35:20,647 - Sorry about that. - [Dogpool whimpering] 2288 01:35:20,647 --> 01:35:23,078 [Deadpool] Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins. 2289 01:35:23,078 --> 01:35:24,849 [whispers] I’ll handle him. 2290 01:35:24,849 --> 01:35:25,784 Come here, girl. Papa’s here. 2291 01:35:25,784 --> 01:35:29,084 [Deadpool] Hey, do not insult this animal’s autonomy. 2292 01:35:29,084 --> 01:35:31,526 She can decide who her papa is. 2293 01:35:31,526 --> 01:35:32,527 What’s it gonna be, girl, huh? 2294 01:35:32,527 --> 01:35:34,661 Original recipe or Van Milder here? 2295 01:35:34,661 --> 01:35:39,501 Ah, that’s funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall too. 2296 01:35:39,501 --> 01:35:41,261 The Proposal. 2297 01:35:41,899 --> 01:35:42,867 [Deadpool] The fuck was that? 2298 01:35:42,867 --> 01:35:44,902 Bitch, you think that’s what I do? 2299 01:35:44,902 --> 01:35:45,870 Both of you shut up. 2300 01:35:45,870 --> 01:35:48,202 - [sniffs] - You smell somethin’? 2301 01:35:48,202 --> 01:35:48,906 Yeah, you. 2302 01:35:48,906 --> 01:35:51,073 - [sniffs] - A lot of you. 2303 01:35:51,073 --> 01:35:54,813 [♪ dramatic mysterious music playing] 2304 01:36:05,593 --> 01:36:06,088 [tink] 2305 01:36:06,088 --> 01:36:08,728 Told you there were a lot of Deadpools over there. 2306 01:36:08,728 --> 01:36:11,863 [♪ dramatic music continues] 2307 01:36:20,575 --> 01:36:22,401 [Deadpool] That’s bad. 2308 01:36:39,990 --> 01:36:41,893 [neck cracks] 2309 01:36:42,861 --> 01:36:43,796 [♪ music fades out] 2310 01:36:43,796 --> 01:36:45,567 I take it they’re not friendly. 2311 01:36:45,567 --> 01:36:46,293 [Nicepool] Goodness, no. 2312 01:36:46,293 --> 01:36:47,965 Sorry about this, boys. Mission over. 2313 01:36:47,965 --> 01:36:51,771 Cause of death, one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools. 2314 01:36:51,771 --> 01:36:52,398 They’re dumb. 2315 01:36:52,398 --> 01:36:53,641 But they can fight. Not me, though. 2316 01:36:53,641 --> 01:36:56,776 Would love to get in the mix, but I have low bone density 2317 01:36:56,776 --> 01:36:58,646 and I have to keep my face safe. 2318 01:36:58,646 --> 01:36:59,878 [Deadpool smooches] Hold, please. 2319 01:36:59,878 --> 01:37:02,848 - Oh, God. - [Deadpool] All right. Look. 2320 01:37:02,848 --> 01:37:04,344 Guys! 2321 01:37:04,850 --> 01:37:06,115 Deadpool Prime here. 2322 01:37:06,115 --> 01:37:08,084 - Our fight isn’t with you-- - [kid] Hey! 2323 01:37:08,084 --> 01:37:09,118 When I want your opinion, 2324 01:37:09,118 --> 01:37:11,692 I’ll take Wolverine’s dick out of your mouth. 2325 01:37:11,692 --> 01:37:13,529 That’s Kidpool. She’s the dirtiest. 2326 01:37:13,529 --> 01:37:14,563 [Deadpool] Can we just be done? 2327 01:37:14,563 --> 01:37:16,763 [Ladypool] Ooh, we’re just getting started. 2328 01:37:16,763 --> 01:37:17,731 [Deadpool] No, no, no, no, no. 2329 01:37:17,731 --> 01:37:21,130 With the whole multiverse thing. 2330 01:37:21,537 --> 01:37:22,769 It’s not great. 2331 01:37:22,769 --> 01:37:24,639 It’s just been miss 2332 01:37:24,639 --> 01:37:26,135 after miss 2333 01:37:26,135 --> 01:37:27,466 after miss. 2334 01:37:27,466 --> 01:37:29,941 Look, The Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first, 2335 01:37:29,941 --> 01:37:33,241 and they did it best. The gays knew it. 2336 01:37:33,241 --> 01:37:34,143 But we didn’t listen. 2337 01:37:34,143 --> 01:37:36,882 Let’s just take the L and move on. 2338 01:37:36,882 --> 01:37:39,687 I think it’s been steadily great since Endgame. 2339 01:37:39,687 --> 01:37:41,722 [Ladypool] What are you talking about? 2340 01:37:41,722 --> 01:37:42,954 The multiverse is over. 2341 01:37:42,954 --> 01:37:44,450 [Cowboypool] Cassandy gonna destroy 2342 01:37:44,450 --> 01:37:46,056 the fuck outta every timeline. 2343 01:37:46,056 --> 01:37:47,695 Heh. Y’all can’t do shit about it. 2344 01:37:47,695 --> 01:37:48,597 [Deadpool] Do you not get it? 2345 01:37:48,597 --> 01:37:49,961 If we don’t go down to the subway 2346 01:37:49,961 --> 01:37:50,830 and stop her, we all die. 2347 01:37:50,830 --> 01:37:52,128 [Cowboypool] Say, the boss lady 2348 01:37:52,128 --> 01:37:53,129 don’t want no disturbances. 2349 01:37:53,129 --> 01:37:55,263 You wanna get down to the subway, 2350 01:37:55,263 --> 01:37:56,704 you gotta go through us. 2351 01:37:56,704 --> 01:37:57,738 Uzi time, baby. 2352 01:37:57,738 --> 01:37:58,871 [Ladypool] Uzi time, baby. 2353 01:37:58,871 --> 01:38:00,873 [Deadpool] Look alive! 2354 01:38:00,972 --> 01:38:02,776 [Headpool yells] 2355 01:38:08,782 --> 01:38:09,244 [grunts] 2356 01:38:09,244 --> 01:38:11,213 - I think I’m hit. - [Wolverine] No shit. 2357 01:38:11,213 --> 01:38:11,983 You did that on purpose. 2358 01:38:11,983 --> 01:38:14,051 [Deadpool] I did no such thing! 2359 01:38:14,051 --> 01:38:14,788 Listen to me, gorgeous. 2360 01:38:14,788 --> 01:38:16,856 How long does it take for you to regenerate? 2361 01:38:16,856 --> 01:38:18,792 Regenerate? 2362 01:38:19,727 --> 01:38:22,829 - [crow caws] - [Dogpool grunts] 2363 01:38:22,829 --> 01:38:23,489 [retches] 2364 01:38:23,489 --> 01:38:25,667 You really are God’s perfect idiot, aren’t you? 2365 01:38:25,667 --> 01:38:27,295 - I’m okay. - [Deadpool] How dare you! 2366 01:38:27,295 --> 01:38:28,967 You insensitive son of a bitch! 2367 01:38:28,967 --> 01:38:31,673 How was I supposed to know he doesn’t regenerate? 2368 01:38:31,673 --> 01:38:32,674 I’m not a medicine woman. 2369 01:38:32,674 --> 01:38:35,468 Look. A donut cart. They’re practically hospitals. 2370 01:38:35,468 --> 01:38:36,403 - What? - [Deadpool] They sell 2371 01:38:36,403 --> 01:38:37,613 - portable triage units. - They don’t. 2372 01:38:37,613 --> 01:38:38,911 [Deadpool] I’m gonna get you to safety. 2373 01:38:38,911 --> 01:38:41,815 - He’s not. - [Deadpool] Deep breath. 2374 01:38:48,514 --> 01:38:49,119 [panting] 2375 01:38:49,119 --> 01:38:50,923 Hey, why are we stopping? 2376 01:38:50,923 --> 01:38:52,089 [Deadpool] I’m just catching my breath. 2377 01:38:52,089 --> 01:38:55,488 What, are your legs on vacation? You’re dead weight! 2378 01:38:55,488 --> 01:38:56,555 That’s because I’m paralyzed. 2379 01:38:56,555 --> 01:38:59,635 [Deadpool] We all have problems. Listen to me. 2380 01:38:59,635 --> 01:39:01,263 You’re gonna live. 2381 01:39:01,670 --> 01:39:02,935 Look at me, Nicepool. 2382 01:39:02,935 --> 01:39:05,168 [gunfire continues] 2383 01:39:06,906 --> 01:39:08,875 You’re gonna live. 2384 01:39:09,040 --> 01:39:10,745 Say it! 2385 01:39:10,745 --> 01:39:11,878 I’m gonna live. 2386 01:39:11,878 --> 01:39:14,177 Say it with me. You’re gonna live. 2387 01:39:14,177 --> 01:39:16,080 [fumbling] I’m gonna live! 2388 01:39:16,080 --> 01:39:20,150 [Deadpool] Ha-hah! Say it louder! 2389 01:39:20,150 --> 01:39:22,020 I’m gonna live-- 2390 01:39:24,627 --> 01:39:26,255 [gunfire] 2391 01:39:30,226 --> 01:39:32,294 Hold your fire! 2392 01:39:33,559 --> 01:39:35,671 Sweet little puppy. 2393 01:39:44,680 --> 01:39:46,176 [Deadpool grunting] God damn it! 2394 01:39:46,176 --> 01:39:48,684 I don’t think he’s gonna make it. 2395 01:39:48,684 --> 01:39:50,180 God, he loved his face. 2396 01:39:50,180 --> 01:39:53,018 I can taste his final thought. 2397 01:39:53,018 --> 01:39:54,657 He was so afraid. 2398 01:39:54,657 --> 01:39:55,482 But he died a hero. 2399 01:39:55,482 --> 01:39:57,385 He died from murder, you dumb fuck. 2400 01:39:57,385 --> 01:40:00,421 [Deadpool] And all I have to remember him by 2401 01:40:00,586 --> 01:40:02,126 are these two gold-plated, 2402 01:40:02,126 --> 01:40:04,898 ...50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros. 2403 01:40:04,898 --> 01:40:06,427 This is for him. 2404 01:40:06,559 --> 01:40:07,901 Are you ready? 2405 01:40:07,901 --> 01:40:09,969 I get to kill a hundred yous? 2406 01:40:09,969 --> 01:40:11,806 Fuck yeah, I’m ready. 2407 01:40:11,806 --> 01:40:13,632 Hey, you don’t want to see this, bub. 2408 01:40:13,632 --> 01:40:14,534 [Deadpool] That’s a good girl. 2409 01:40:14,534 --> 01:40:18,681 [♪ ’80s pop music plays, Madonna "Like a Prayer"] 2410 01:40:19,044 --> 01:40:23,378 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2411 01:40:23,378 --> 01:40:27,646 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2412 01:40:27,646 --> 01:40:32,651 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2413 01:40:32,651 --> 01:40:37,392 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2414 01:40:37,392 --> 01:40:40,197 ♪ Home... ♪ 2415 01:40:51,780 --> 01:40:52,979 [Deadpool] Holy shit. 2416 01:40:52,979 --> 01:40:55,916 You save the good stuff for special occasions? 2417 01:40:55,916 --> 01:40:56,719 Killing, mostly. 2418 01:40:56,719 --> 01:40:58,182 [Deadpool] What’s the wind resistance 2419 01:40:58,182 --> 01:40:59,117 on those blowjob handles? 2420 01:40:59,117 --> 01:41:01,020 - [grunts] - [laughs] I’m sorry. 2421 01:41:01,020 --> 01:41:04,056 I’m just a catty bitch when I’m jealous. 2422 01:41:04,056 --> 01:41:05,992 All right, let’s do this. 2423 01:41:05,992 --> 01:41:07,895 Maximum effort. 2424 01:41:09,864 --> 01:41:11,734 [♪ song pauses] 2425 01:41:14,627 --> 01:41:16,772 [Deadpools yelling] 2426 01:41:16,871 --> 01:41:18,136 - [♪ song resumes playing] - [all grunting] 2427 01:41:18,136 --> 01:41:21,568 ♪ When you call my name It’s like a little prayer ♪ 2428 01:41:21,568 --> 01:41:25,814 ♪ I’m down on my knees I want to take you there ♪ 2429 01:41:25,814 --> 01:41:29,950 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2430 01:41:29,950 --> 01:41:34,955 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I’ll take you there ♪ 2431 01:41:34,955 --> 01:41:38,827 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2432 01:41:38,827 --> 01:41:42,963 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2433 01:41:42,963 --> 01:41:46,901 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2434 01:41:46,901 --> 01:41:47,770 You’re dead. 2435 01:41:47,770 --> 01:41:52,698 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2436 01:41:53,776 --> 01:41:54,942 [Deadpools yelling] 2437 01:41:54,942 --> 01:41:56,735 ♪ Let the choir sing ♪ 2438 01:41:56,735 --> 01:42:00,849 ♪ When you call my name It’s like a little prayer ♪ 2439 01:42:00,849 --> 01:42:05,216 ♪ I’m down on my knees I wanna take you there ♪ 2440 01:42:05,216 --> 01:42:09,319 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2441 01:42:09,319 --> 01:42:13,829 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I’ll take you there ♪ 2442 01:42:13,829 --> 01:42:15,798 Motherfucker. 2443 01:42:15,798 --> 01:42:17,030 I wish I were deaf. 2444 01:42:17,030 --> 01:42:18,130 ♪ I’ll take you there ♪ 2445 01:42:18,130 --> 01:42:19,659 ♪ It’s like a dream to me ♪ 2446 01:42:19,659 --> 01:42:21,760 ♪ Oh oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ 2447 01:42:21,760 --> 01:42:24,873 ♪ Just like a prayer, I’ll take you there ♪ 2448 01:42:24,873 --> 01:42:26,369 ♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪ 2449 01:42:26,369 --> 01:42:28,976 ♪ It’s like a dream to me ♪ 2450 01:42:28,976 --> 01:42:31,847 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 2451 01:42:31,847 --> 01:42:36,313 ♪ It’s like a prayer... ♪ 2452 01:42:36,544 --> 01:42:39,481 [crying Deadpool] I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. 2453 01:42:39,481 --> 01:42:41,120 I don’t wanna... 2454 01:42:47,929 --> 01:42:50,932 [♪ outro music playing] 2455 01:42:52,065 --> 01:42:54,001 - [♪ song ends] - [Deadpool grunts] 2456 01:42:54,001 --> 01:42:55,530 [Deadpool] Come on. 2457 01:42:55,530 --> 01:42:56,168 Oh, I blew it. 2458 01:42:56,168 --> 01:42:58,566 After all that, the only thing they’re gonna remember 2459 01:42:58,566 --> 01:43:01,206 is that God-awful dismount! 2460 01:43:01,635 --> 01:43:03,670 [giggling] 2461 01:43:04,737 --> 01:43:06,981 What you laughing at, you little fucker? 2462 01:43:06,981 --> 01:43:08,213 [Babypool] Uh-oh. 2463 01:43:08,213 --> 01:43:09,511 [Deadpool] Uh-oh. 2464 01:43:09,511 --> 01:43:11,612 [Babypool cooing] 2465 01:43:11,612 --> 01:43:13,515 [Babypool giggling] 2466 01:43:13,515 --> 01:43:16,023 I guess these ones regenerate. 2467 01:43:16,925 --> 01:43:19,928 Come on. We don’t have time for this. 2468 01:43:19,928 --> 01:43:21,094 [Peter] Deadpools! 2469 01:43:21,094 --> 01:43:22,997 Stand down. 2470 01:43:23,129 --> 01:43:26,198 [♪ heroic music playing] 2471 01:43:32,732 --> 01:43:34,206 This Deadpool’s with me. 2472 01:43:34,206 --> 01:43:35,636 [Deadpool] Oh, no. 2473 01:43:35,636 --> 01:43:36,736 [Ladypool] Holy shit. 2474 01:43:36,736 --> 01:43:38,672 [Kidpool] That’s fuckin’ Peter! 2475 01:43:38,672 --> 01:43:40,916 [Deadpools cheering] 2476 01:43:41,081 --> 01:43:42,676 [Deadpool] Wait, you... You guys know Peter? 2477 01:43:42,676 --> 01:43:45,085 [Ladypool] You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter. 2478 01:43:45,085 --> 01:43:47,846 [Cowboypool] Shit. Peter’s a goddamn legend 2479 01:43:47,846 --> 01:43:49,584 in every Deadpool’s world. 2480 01:43:49,584 --> 01:43:51,894 Peter- san. Hai. 2481 01:43:51,894 --> 01:43:54,193 [Deadpools cheering] 2482 01:43:58,032 --> 01:43:58,659 [Peter laughs] 2483 01:43:58,659 --> 01:44:00,628 [Deadpools chanting] Peter. Peter. Peter. 2484 01:44:00,628 --> 01:44:03,939 Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. 2485 01:44:03,939 --> 01:44:07,008 - Peter. Peter. Peter. - [Peter laughing] 2486 01:44:07,008 --> 01:44:09,340 [Deadpool] Enjoy my Peter. 2487 01:44:09,340 --> 01:44:13,949 - [♪ tense music playing] - [Time Ripper thrumming] 2488 01:44:28,722 --> 01:44:30,999 [Time Ripper whirring] 2489 01:44:36,136 --> 01:44:36,862 Oh, now you’re here. 2490 01:44:36,862 --> 01:44:38,798 Oh, well, you’re too late. It’s all over. 2491 01:44:38,798 --> 01:44:39,502 Not yet, it’s not. 2492 01:44:39,502 --> 01:44:41,570 [Deadpool] Whoa. No, no, no. We’re very close. 2493 01:44:41,570 --> 01:44:42,978 Homestretch, folks. Promise. 2494 01:44:42,978 --> 01:44:44,375 Quick, let’s up the stakes. 2495 01:44:44,375 --> 01:44:45,574 If she steals the Time Ripper’s energy, 2496 01:44:45,574 --> 01:44:48,412 she has the power to shred the fabric of all realities 2497 01:44:48,412 --> 01:44:50,678 until there is nothing left but The Void. 2498 01:44:50,678 --> 01:44:52,053 How do we shut it down? 2499 01:44:52,053 --> 01:44:53,153 I don’t know. 2500 01:44:53,153 --> 01:44:54,682 [Mr. Paradox grunts] 2501 01:44:54,682 --> 01:44:55,518 [Wolverine] How about now? 2502 01:44:55,518 --> 01:44:56,849 [Deadpool] The mask is really intimidating, huh? 2503 01:44:56,849 --> 01:44:59,621 It’s like Batman, except he can move his neck. 2504 01:44:59,621 --> 01:45:01,755 Okay, look, look, look. 2505 01:45:01,755 --> 01:45:04,395 The Ripper is fed from a secure chamber below ground. 2506 01:45:04,395 --> 01:45:07,860 It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter feeds 2507 01:45:07,860 --> 01:45:09,499 converging inside the device. 2508 01:45:09,499 --> 01:45:10,302 Now, Cassandra Nova 2509 01:45:10,302 --> 01:45:11,501 is redirecting the Ripper’s power 2510 01:45:11,501 --> 01:45:13,800 to eliminate all timelines, starting with this one. 2511 01:45:13,800 --> 01:45:14,867 Theoretically, you could stop her 2512 01:45:14,867 --> 01:45:16,770 by short-circuiting the feeds in the chamber below. 2513 01:45:16,770 --> 01:45:19,608 One of you were to create a circuit between the two feeds, 2514 01:45:19,608 --> 01:45:22,875 then the released power would destroy the machine. 2515 01:45:22,875 --> 01:45:24,844 - But, well... But-- - [Deadpool] Come on, man. 2516 01:45:24,844 --> 01:45:26,846 If you’re not gonna swallow, spit it out. 2517 01:45:26,846 --> 01:45:30,817 Whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated. 2518 01:45:30,817 --> 01:45:31,554 I could live with that. 2519 01:45:31,554 --> 01:45:33,028 [Deadpool] Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually. 2520 01:45:33,028 --> 01:45:34,425 You know, we survive anything. We’re like cockroaches. 2521 01:45:34,425 --> 01:45:35,789 - [Deadpool chuckles] - [Mr. Paradox] Not this time. 2522 01:45:35,789 --> 01:45:38,000 This is matter and anti-matter. 2523 01:45:38,000 --> 01:45:39,826 They do not play nicely with each other. 2524 01:45:39,826 --> 01:45:43,434 When they mix in your body, you will be atomized. 2525 01:45:43,434 --> 01:45:45,436 Trust the laws of physics if you don’t trust me. 2526 01:45:45,436 --> 01:45:48,241 Even if you lived long enough to make the circuit, 2527 01:45:48,241 --> 01:45:51,739 you will die down there. 2528 01:45:56,711 --> 01:45:58,383 [crackling] 2529 01:46:04,884 --> 01:46:07,887 [♪ dramatic choral music playing] 2530 01:46:07,887 --> 01:46:09,790 [moaning] 2531 01:46:16,038 --> 01:46:17,435 [Wolverine] Hold off. Hold. 2532 01:46:17,435 --> 01:46:18,667 You heard that asshole upstairs. 2533 01:46:18,667 --> 01:46:23,639 Even if we pull this off, we’re dead. Permanently. 2534 01:46:23,639 --> 01:46:26,939 - That’s why it’s got to be me. - What? 2535 01:46:29,942 --> 01:46:31,812 Look, man... [panting] 2536 01:46:31,812 --> 01:46:34,551 you didn’t ask for any of this. 2537 01:46:34,551 --> 01:46:36,058 You were right. 2538 01:46:36,058 --> 01:46:37,587 I lied. 2539 01:46:37,587 --> 01:46:38,918 I lied right to your face 2540 01:46:38,918 --> 01:46:42,163 just to get you to help me. And you did. 2541 01:46:42,559 --> 01:46:44,660 You didn’t lie. 2542 01:46:45,694 --> 01:46:47,960 You made an educated wish. 2543 01:46:50,633 --> 01:46:52,030 Come on. 2544 01:46:52,030 --> 01:46:55,033 You got a whole world to go back to. 2545 01:46:55,968 --> 01:46:57,739 I got nothin’. 2546 01:46:59,114 --> 01:47:00,874 I got nothin’. 2547 01:47:05,153 --> 01:47:06,913 Give me this. 2548 01:47:13,557 --> 01:47:15,130 Hey. 2549 01:47:18,430 --> 01:47:21,400 I waited a long time for this team-up. 2550 01:47:22,962 --> 01:47:24,898 You know something? 2551 01:47:25,833 --> 01:47:28,033 You were the best Wolverine. 2552 01:47:28,033 --> 01:47:31,212 [♪ sentimental music playing] 2553 01:47:36,074 --> 01:47:38,945 Say hi to your friends for me. 2554 01:47:46,986 --> 01:47:48,889 [Wolverine grunts] 2555 01:47:50,726 --> 01:47:51,628 No! 2556 01:47:51,628 --> 01:47:52,266 Open the door! 2557 01:47:52,266 --> 01:47:54,961 [Deadpool] I can’t hear you over all the noble sacrifice. 2558 01:47:54,961 --> 01:47:56,534 Why are you fucking doing this? 2559 01:47:56,534 --> 01:48:00,703 [Deadpool] Because I’m Marvel Jesus. 2560 01:48:01,770 --> 01:48:03,277 Or Spock. 2561 01:48:03,937 --> 01:48:05,004 Hard to say. 2562 01:48:05,004 --> 01:48:06,874 [glass squeaks] 2563 01:48:07,644 --> 01:48:09,250 [smooches] 2564 01:48:09,547 --> 01:48:10,977 [Wolverine] Wade! 2565 01:48:10,977 --> 01:48:13,782 You fucking idiot! 2566 01:48:16,455 --> 01:48:19,491 [Deadpool laughs] Sorry, I’m just stalling. 2567 01:48:19,491 --> 01:48:22,395 I think I’m nervous about dying. 2568 01:48:22,626 --> 01:48:23,693 This should be me. 2569 01:48:23,693 --> 01:48:26,124 [Deadpool] Say hi to my friends for me, peanut. 2570 01:48:26,124 --> 01:48:26,828 [Wolverine] Wade! 2571 01:48:26,828 --> 01:48:28,962 You want to be an annoying prick, do it this side! 2572 01:48:28,962 --> 01:48:31,701 You’re gonna die in there, you dumb fuck! 2573 01:48:31,701 --> 01:48:33,868 [breathing heavily] 2574 01:48:38,103 --> 01:48:39,973 Hey! You don’t need to do this. 2575 01:48:39,973 --> 01:48:43,042 [Deadpool] I’m not doing it ’cause I need it. 2576 01:48:43,042 --> 01:48:45,847 I’m doing it because they do. 2577 01:48:45,847 --> 01:48:47,387 [grunts] 2578 01:48:49,114 --> 01:48:51,424 [straining] 2579 01:48:56,693 --> 01:48:58,299 No! 2580 01:48:58,728 --> 01:49:00,367 [grunting] 2581 01:49:01,962 --> 01:49:04,063 [straining] 2582 01:49:11,576 --> 01:49:13,006 [grunts] 2583 01:49:14,139 --> 01:49:16,284 [straining] 2584 01:49:22,180 --> 01:49:24,050 [exhales] 2585 01:49:24,050 --> 01:49:26,085 [continues straining] 2586 01:49:26,888 --> 01:49:29,154 He’s not gonna make it. 2587 01:49:32,058 --> 01:49:33,928 [strains] 2588 01:49:37,239 --> 01:49:38,999 It’s over. 2589 01:49:40,275 --> 01:49:41,870 [grunts] 2590 01:49:42,035 --> 01:49:43,905 [straining] 2591 01:49:46,479 --> 01:49:48,745 [continues straining] 2592 01:49:51,044 --> 01:49:51,649 [screaming] 2593 01:49:51,649 --> 01:49:52,980 [choir] ♪ When you call my name ♪ 2594 01:49:52,980 --> 01:49:54,751 ♪ It’s like a little prayer ♪ 2595 01:49:54,751 --> 01:49:56,786 ♪ I’m down on my knees ♪ 2596 01:49:56,786 --> 01:49:58,557 ♪ I want to take you there ♪ 2597 01:49:58,557 --> 01:50:02,462 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2598 01:50:02,462 --> 01:50:06,862 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I’ll take you there ♪ 2599 01:50:06,862 --> 01:50:07,599 [grunting] 2600 01:50:07,599 --> 01:50:09,535 ♪ Take you there ♪ 2601 01:50:09,535 --> 01:50:13,506 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2602 01:50:13,506 --> 01:50:16,971 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2603 01:50:16,971 --> 01:50:17,873 [straining] 2604 01:50:17,873 --> 01:50:21,613 - ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ - [grunting] 2605 01:50:21,613 --> 01:50:24,946 - ♪ And it feels like ♪ - [straining] 2606 01:50:25,848 --> 01:50:30,820 - ♪ And it feels like home ♪ - [straining] 2607 01:50:30,820 --> 01:50:32,822 [rumbling] 2608 01:50:38,927 --> 01:50:40,929 [yelling] 2609 01:50:40,929 --> 01:50:43,063 [screaming] 2610 01:50:44,471 --> 01:50:45,571 [♪ music fades] 2611 01:50:45,571 --> 01:50:47,837 [Deadpool] The Wolverine. 2612 01:50:47,837 --> 01:50:50,741 He’s a hero in my world. 2613 01:50:51,577 --> 01:50:53,238 [Wolverine] Whoever you think I am, 2614 01:50:53,238 --> 01:50:55,383 you got the wrong guy. 2615 01:50:55,614 --> 01:50:58,782 [Laura] You were always the wrong guy... 2616 01:50:59,519 --> 01:51:00,355 till you weren’t. 2617 01:51:00,355 --> 01:51:03,017 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2618 01:51:03,017 --> 01:51:04,117 [Mr. Paradox] Wade. 2619 01:51:04,117 --> 01:51:06,053 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2620 01:51:06,053 --> 01:51:10,662 Wade. You can finally, finally matter. 2621 01:51:10,662 --> 01:51:12,994 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2622 01:51:12,994 --> 01:51:18,340 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2623 01:51:18,505 --> 01:51:22,608 ♪ Home ♪ 2624 01:51:22,608 --> 01:51:23,543 [straining] 2625 01:51:23,543 --> 01:51:27,140 ♪ I hear your voice ♪ 2626 01:51:27,140 --> 01:51:27,844 Vanessa. 2627 01:51:27,844 --> 01:51:30,616 ♪ It’s like an angel sighing ♪ 2628 01:51:30,616 --> 01:51:31,419 I wanna see Vanessa. 2629 01:51:31,419 --> 01:51:36,083 ♪ I have no choice I hear your voice ♪ 2630 01:51:36,083 --> 01:51:37,788 ♪ Feels like flying ♪ 2631 01:51:37,788 --> 01:51:43,827 For the first time in my life, I am proud to wear this suit. 2632 01:51:44,091 --> 01:51:46,731 It means I’m an X-Man. 2633 01:51:48,601 --> 01:51:49,569 I am the X-Man. 2634 01:51:49,569 --> 01:51:50,933 ♪ I can feel your power ♪ 2635 01:51:50,933 --> 01:51:55,773 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I’ll take you there ♪ 2636 01:51:55,773 --> 01:51:56,378 [screaming] 2637 01:51:56,378 --> 01:51:59,843 ♪ When you call my name It’s like a little prayer ♪ 2638 01:51:59,843 --> 01:52:02,879 ♪ I’m down on my knees ♪ 2639 01:52:02,879 --> 01:52:03,484 [screaming] 2640 01:52:03,484 --> 01:52:08,016 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2641 01:52:08,016 --> 01:52:09,017 ♪ Just like a prayer ♪ 2642 01:52:09,017 --> 01:52:14,429 ♪ You know I’ll take you, take you, take you ♪ 2643 01:52:15,991 --> 01:52:18,059 [♪ song fades out] 2644 01:52:24,439 --> 01:52:27,299 [♪ solemn music playing] 2645 01:52:34,108 --> 01:52:36,275 [woman] Paradox. 2646 01:52:37,485 --> 01:52:38,816 You’ve been busy. 2647 01:52:38,816 --> 01:52:39,652 Well, somebody had to be. 2648 01:52:39,652 --> 01:52:41,819 We had some strange readings from this location. 2649 01:52:41,819 --> 01:52:42,886 You wouldn’t know anything about 2650 01:52:42,886 --> 01:52:45,526 an unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you? 2651 01:52:45,526 --> 01:52:47,121 Uh, no. No. I wouldn’t know anything 2652 01:52:47,121 --> 01:52:48,859 about an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2653 01:52:48,859 --> 01:52:50,894 Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova. 2654 01:52:50,894 --> 01:52:51,664 Because I was assured 2655 01:52:51,664 --> 01:52:54,062 that she was safely held in The Void. But no, 2656 01:52:54,062 --> 01:52:55,998 she was here. And she fondled my brain. 2657 01:52:55,998 --> 01:52:58,737 - How did you let this happen? - You weren’t involved at all? 2658 01:52:58,737 --> 01:53:01,806 In stopping her, yes! Yes, I was. 2659 01:53:01,806 --> 01:53:02,741 But not nearly enough. 2660 01:53:02,741 --> 01:53:06,448 Not as much as the men who went down there after her. 2661 01:53:06,778 --> 01:53:08,241 My men. 2662 01:53:08,516 --> 01:53:10,045 My friends. 2663 01:53:10,782 --> 01:53:11,409 I warned them. 2664 01:53:11,409 --> 01:53:13,213 That they would be completely obliterated if they went. 2665 01:53:13,213 --> 01:53:15,787 But they went anyway. Like... 2666 01:53:16,887 --> 01:53:17,987 Like heroes. 2667 01:53:17,987 --> 01:53:19,758 [♪ somber music playing] 2668 01:53:19,758 --> 01:53:22,321 Because that’s who they were. 2669 01:53:23,993 --> 01:53:26,765 They just did what they had to do. 2670 01:53:26,864 --> 01:53:29,768 With no concern for their own safety. 2671 01:53:31,935 --> 01:53:35,708 The fact that we are all still standing here 2672 01:53:35,708 --> 01:53:39,437 is a testament to their heroism. 2673 01:53:42,011 --> 01:53:43,782 Anyway, there’s nothing you or I can do 2674 01:53:43,782 --> 01:53:45,685 to bring them back now. 2675 01:53:46,180 --> 01:53:48,853 [Deadpool] He has risen, baby girl. 2676 01:53:48,853 --> 01:53:49,348 Fuck! 2677 01:53:49,348 --> 01:53:53,319 ♪ And I don’t want the world to see me ♪ 2678 01:53:53,319 --> 01:53:58,324 ♪ ’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand ♪ 2679 01:53:58,324 --> 01:54:02,504 ♪ When everything’s made to be broken ♪ 2680 01:54:02,504 --> 01:54:08,642 ♪ I just want you to know who I am ♪ 2681 01:54:08,642 --> 01:54:09,808 [Deadpool] Found your new Anchor Being. 2682 01:54:09,808 --> 01:54:12,580 And we’re doing just fine, you piece of shit. 2683 01:54:12,580 --> 01:54:14,846 - [female TVA agent] Mm. - [male TVA agent] Mm-hmm. 2684 01:54:14,846 --> 01:54:15,616 Fine indeed. 2685 01:54:15,616 --> 01:54:19,147 [Deadpool] All right. Put your greasy tits away, 2686 01:54:19,147 --> 01:54:20,016 you preening slut. 2687 01:54:20,016 --> 01:54:22,590 - [sighs] - I don’t understand. 2688 01:54:22,590 --> 01:54:23,448 How are you two still alive? 2689 01:54:23,448 --> 01:54:25,824 [Deadpool] You were right. One of us would have been killed. 2690 01:54:25,824 --> 01:54:27,826 - [gasps] - But you put a Deadpool 2691 01:54:27,826 --> 01:54:28,662 and a Wolverine together, 2692 01:54:28,662 --> 01:54:31,533 make ’em hold hands while listening to Madonna... 2693 01:54:31,533 --> 01:54:33,601 indestructible, motherfucker. 2694 01:54:33,601 --> 01:54:35,933 Let’s get this Deadpool Variant back to The Void. 2695 01:54:35,933 --> 01:54:37,495 [Deadpool] Wait, hold on. What? 2696 01:54:37,495 --> 01:54:38,496 [Peter] Nope. Actually... 2697 01:54:38,496 --> 01:54:40,575 This one’s homegrown, like me. 2698 01:54:40,575 --> 01:54:41,906 He belongs here. 2699 01:54:41,906 --> 01:54:42,500 And you are? 2700 01:54:42,500 --> 01:54:46,240 Peterpool. But you can call me Peter. 2701 01:54:47,076 --> 01:54:49,045 And I hope that you do. 2702 01:54:54,149 --> 01:54:56,118 What the fuck is happening here? 2703 01:54:56,118 --> 01:54:57,515 You are under judgment 2704 01:54:57,515 --> 01:54:59,726 for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2705 01:54:59,726 --> 01:55:01,090 - Take him. - I was just doing what 2706 01:55:01,090 --> 01:55:02,894 you don’t have the guts to do. 2707 01:55:02,894 --> 01:55:03,631 [Deadpool smooches] 2708 01:55:03,631 --> 01:55:07,426 Get your insolent hands off me! Get off! 2709 01:55:07,965 --> 01:55:10,363 I’m grateful, gentlemen. 2710 01:55:10,572 --> 01:55:11,298 Let’s hold the bows. 2711 01:55:11,298 --> 01:55:13,839 You led an Omega-level mutant to this timeline. 2712 01:55:13,839 --> 01:55:15,500 - [Deadpool] You’re welcome. - And you 2713 01:55:15,500 --> 01:55:17,073 shouldn’t even be near this timeline. 2714 01:55:17,073 --> 01:55:19,614 - [Deadpool] He’s welcome. - And you 2715 01:55:19,614 --> 01:55:21,715 look damn good in that suit. 2716 01:55:21,715 --> 01:55:23,376 I’m so sorry. 2717 01:55:23,618 --> 01:55:25,246 [device beeping] 2718 01:55:26,951 --> 01:55:29,382 I wanna show you something. 2719 01:55:29,921 --> 01:55:30,515 Something huge. 2720 01:55:30,515 --> 01:55:33,727 [Deadpool] That’s what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say. 2721 01:55:34,695 --> 01:55:35,993 Do you see that? 2722 01:55:35,993 --> 01:55:38,699 Your universe is regenerating. 2723 01:55:38,864 --> 01:55:40,525 Whatever you did here, 2724 01:55:40,525 --> 01:55:42,703 you not only saved your world. 2725 01:55:42,703 --> 01:55:46,201 You spared your timeline from extinction. 2726 01:55:47,532 --> 01:55:48,137 I’d rest up. 2727 01:55:48,137 --> 01:55:50,744 I have a feeling your work is only just getting started. 2728 01:55:50,744 --> 01:55:53,571 [Deadpool whispers] Till you’re 90. 2729 01:55:53,571 --> 01:55:54,440 Wait! Um... 2730 01:55:54,440 --> 01:55:58,312 We couldn’t have made it out of The Void without some help 2731 01:55:58,312 --> 01:56:01,920 from some people that the world kind of... 2732 01:56:01,920 --> 01:56:02,514 kind of forgot. 2733 01:56:02,514 --> 01:56:05,759 Is there any way that you could maybe find a way 2734 01:56:05,759 --> 01:56:07,761 to bring them home? 2735 01:56:08,696 --> 01:56:09,488 I’ll see what I can do. 2736 01:56:09,488 --> 01:56:12,161 [Deadpool] And, um, I promised my friend here 2737 01:56:12,161 --> 01:56:15,527 that the TVA could undo some pretty awful shit 2738 01:56:15,527 --> 01:56:16,165 in his timeline. 2739 01:56:16,165 --> 01:56:17,936 What would you say to that? 2740 01:56:17,936 --> 01:56:18,871 Change the past? 2741 01:56:18,871 --> 01:56:21,137 [Deadpool] Well, he did help me save the world. 2742 01:56:21,137 --> 01:56:24,778 And his past made him the man who did it. 2743 01:56:24,778 --> 01:56:28,177 There’s nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson. 2744 01:56:29,112 --> 01:56:30,784 Logan. 2745 01:56:32,951 --> 01:56:35,987 - [Deadpool] Shawarma? Yeah. - I could eat. 2746 01:56:44,490 --> 01:56:48,098 You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma. 2747 01:56:48,098 --> 01:56:50,804 They’d be lucky to have you. 2748 01:56:53,840 --> 01:56:56,205 [dog barking] 2749 01:56:57,140 --> 01:56:59,747 - Oh. - Oh, come on. 2750 01:56:59,747 --> 01:57:01,276 Fuck off! 2751 01:57:01,573 --> 01:57:02,882 Come here, my little cunchkin. 2752 01:57:02,882 --> 01:57:04,752 - [Dogpool barks] - Yes, it’s you. 2753 01:57:04,752 --> 01:57:06,985 You’re a survivor. 2754 01:57:06,985 --> 01:57:07,645 Mwah. 2755 01:57:07,645 --> 01:57:10,318 Oh, all is right in the world. 2756 01:57:11,022 --> 01:57:12,760 Yes, it is. 2757 01:57:13,552 --> 01:57:15,730 So what are you gonna do next? 2758 01:57:16,027 --> 01:57:19,228 I’ll figure it out. I always do. 2759 01:57:19,525 --> 01:57:21,131 All right. 2760 01:57:21,131 --> 01:57:22,429 So I’ll probably see you around? 2761 01:57:22,429 --> 01:57:26,334 [♪ soul music playing, "You’re All I Need to Get By"] 2762 01:57:27,907 --> 01:57:29,667 Probably not. 2763 01:57:32,175 --> 01:57:33,946 See you, bub. 2764 01:57:42,856 --> 01:57:44,682 [Wade] Logan. 2765 01:57:50,523 --> 01:57:52,767 Al. I’m back. 2766 01:57:52,767 --> 01:57:53,592 About damn time. 2767 01:57:53,592 --> 01:57:56,628 You holdin’? I’m all outta devil’s dandruff, 2768 01:57:56,628 --> 01:57:58,938 and I’m shaking like an angry vibrator. 2769 01:57:58,938 --> 01:58:01,743 Thank you, Al. We have company. 2770 01:58:01,743 --> 01:58:04,042 Althea, this is... 2771 01:58:04,042 --> 01:58:04,746 This is Logan. 2772 01:58:04,746 --> 01:58:06,605 - Nice to meet you, Logan. - Nice to meet you, too. 2773 01:58:06,605 --> 01:58:10,576 And this little ancient anal shit-knot is Mary Puppins. 2774 01:58:10,576 --> 01:58:12,853 Or as I like to call her, Dogpool. 2775 01:58:12,853 --> 01:58:15,955 You want to treat yourself to a little stroke? 2776 01:58:15,955 --> 01:58:19,123 - Get the tongue. There it is. - Oh, my God! Motherfucker! 2777 01:58:19,123 --> 01:58:23,556 Right? It’s like an armadillo fucked a gremlin, angrily, 2778 01:58:23,556 --> 01:58:25,129 - in a bed of gonorrhea... - Wow. 2779 01:58:25,129 --> 01:58:28,693 ...and didn’t stop till the sun came up. [chuckles] 2780 01:58:28,902 --> 01:58:30,563 Everyone wants to matter. 2781 01:58:30,563 --> 01:58:34,171 Turns out that you don’t need to be Marvel Jesus to do it. 2782 01:58:34,171 --> 01:58:37,944 You just need to open your eyes and look around. 2783 01:58:37,944 --> 01:58:39,847 And if you’re lucky, 2784 01:58:39,847 --> 01:58:41,981 you’ll find a few friends. 2785 01:58:41,981 --> 01:58:43,884 Old friends, 2786 01:58:43,884 --> 01:58:46,414 and some new ones too. 2787 01:58:47,580 --> 01:58:49,219 [laughter] 2788 01:58:49,890 --> 01:58:53,157 Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl. 2789 01:58:57,161 --> 01:58:59,295 [indistinct chatter] 2790 01:59:03,134 --> 01:59:04,003 Oh, hi. 2791 01:59:04,003 --> 01:59:06,236 - Hi. - [both laugh] 2792 01:59:06,236 --> 01:59:07,875 [Wade clears throat] 2793 01:59:07,875 --> 01:59:09,701 You’ve been busy. 2794 01:59:11,945 --> 01:59:14,178 I did it for you. 2795 01:59:14,673 --> 01:59:18,644 And even if you don’t want me, I... I did it for you. 2796 01:59:27,191 --> 01:59:28,654 Turns out, 2797 01:59:28,654 --> 01:59:30,425 I am the world-saving type. 2798 01:59:30,425 --> 01:59:34,000 Just look around this table if you want proof. 2799 01:59:34,099 --> 01:59:35,837 And the best part? 2800 01:59:35,837 --> 01:59:38,730 Sometimes the people we save, 2801 01:59:38,730 --> 01:59:40,138 they save us right back. 2802 01:59:40,138 --> 01:59:41,700 [♪ "You’re All I Need to Get By" continues playing] 2803 01:59:41,700 --> 01:59:45,539 ♪ We’ve got the right foundation ♪ 2804 01:59:45,539 --> 01:59:50,412 ♪ And with the love and determination ♪ 2805 01:59:50,412 --> 02:00:00,412 ♪ You’re all, you’re all I need ♪ 2806 02:00:01,720 --> 02:00:03,260 ♪ You’re all ♪ 2807 02:00:03,260 --> 02:00:09,299 ♪ You’re all I need to get by ♪ 2808 02:00:11,829 --> 02:00:14,799 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 2809 02:00:14,799 --> 02:00:19,342 [♪ alt. rock music plays, Green Day "Time of Your Life"] 2810 02:00:19,947 --> 02:00:22,840 [Charles] You’re not the only one with gifts. 2811 02:00:22,840 --> 02:00:24,809 What is this place? 2812 02:00:33,224 --> 02:00:38,262 ♪ Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road ♪ 2813 02:00:38,262 --> 02:00:43,861 ♪ Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go ♪ 2814 02:00:43,861 --> 02:00:44,334 [groans] 2815 02:00:44,334 --> 02:00:47,975 ♪ So make the best of this test and don’t ask why ♪ 2816 02:00:47,975 --> 02:00:52,672 ♪ It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time ♪ 2817 02:00:52,672 --> 02:00:54,278 - Nice suit. - Zip it, Stan Lee. 2818 02:00:54,278 --> 02:00:55,741 ♪ It’s something unpredictable ♪ 2819 02:00:55,741 --> 02:00:57,842 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2820 02:00:57,842 --> 02:01:02,748 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life... ♪ 2821 02:01:02,748 --> 02:01:03,320 [laughter] 2822 02:01:03,320 --> 02:01:05,388 I really like the, uh... the art in the Deadpool comics. 2823 02:01:05,388 --> 02:01:07,753 You know, I just always felt a kind of a kinship to him. 2824 02:01:07,753 --> 02:01:10,459 And I just thought, I’d like to play that guy someday. 2825 02:01:10,459 --> 02:01:15,827 ♪ So take the photographs and still frames in your mind ♪ 2826 02:01:15,827 --> 02:01:20,832 ♪ Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time ♪ 2827 02:01:20,832 --> 02:01:25,980 ♪ Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial ♪ 2828 02:01:25,980 --> 02:01:28,950 ♪ For what it’s worth, it was worth ♪ 2829 02:01:28,950 --> 02:01:31,876 - ♪ All the while ♪ - [applause] 2830 02:01:31,876 --> 02:01:32,448 [cheering] 2831 02:01:32,448 --> 02:01:33,812 ♪ It’s something unpredictable ♪ 2832 02:01:33,812 --> 02:01:35,418 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2833 02:01:35,418 --> 02:01:39,158 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life... ♪ 2834 02:01:39,158 --> 02:01:43,063 I was there for three weeks before I shot a single thing. 2835 02:01:43,063 --> 02:01:45,461 At our first day of shooting, 2836 02:01:45,461 --> 02:01:46,792 I was so nervous, man. 2837 02:01:46,792 --> 02:01:49,003 Everyone was sort of going, "Who’s this guy?" 2838 02:01:49,003 --> 02:01:50,972 You know, there was a lot of that and, 2839 02:01:50,972 --> 02:01:52,732 you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?" 2840 02:01:52,732 --> 02:01:55,834 You can feel all that kind of pressure. 2841 02:01:55,834 --> 02:02:00,410 It’s always the suit’s fault. Never the actor. 2842 02:02:07,516 --> 02:02:08,121 [screaming] 2843 02:02:08,121 --> 02:02:09,320 - This is... - The only way. 2844 02:02:09,320 --> 02:02:12,026 ♪ It’s something unpredictable ♪ 2845 02:02:12,026 --> 02:02:13,753 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2846 02:02:13,753 --> 02:02:18,791 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life ♪ 2847 02:02:18,791 --> 02:02:22,069 Ah, so this is what it feels like. 2848 02:02:23,829 --> 02:02:25,633 And there’s the lights. 2849 02:02:25,633 --> 02:02:26,898 For medical research. 2850 02:02:26,898 --> 02:02:29,472 - Bye-bye, video. [smooches] - [man] Bye. 2851 02:02:29,472 --> 02:02:31,177 [♪ song ends] 2852 02:02:34,675 --> 02:02:37,810 [♪ instrumental music playing] 2853 02:06:42,527 --> 02:06:45,827 [Deadpool] I’m tired of these absolutely vile rumors 2854 02:06:45,827 --> 02:06:47,895 that I got Johnny killed. 2855 02:06:48,093 --> 02:06:49,996 Let’s look at the tape. 2856 02:06:50,601 --> 02:06:51,569 In The Void, 2857 02:06:51,569 --> 02:06:53,769 you’re either food for Alioth 2858 02:06:53,769 --> 02:06:55,738 or you work for her. 2859 02:06:57,905 --> 02:06:59,038 [Deadpool] Go on, Johnny. 2860 02:06:59,038 --> 02:07:01,172 And I’ll tell you who "her" is. 2861 02:07:01,172 --> 02:07:01,777 Cassandra Nova. 2862 02:07:01,777 --> 02:07:03,977 A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole. 2863 02:07:03,977 --> 02:07:05,616 A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab 2864 02:07:05,616 --> 02:07:08,014 of third rate dime-store nut-milk. And I’ll tell you 2865 02:07:08,014 --> 02:07:09,554 - what she can do. - [Deadpool] I’m listening. 2866 02:07:09,554 --> 02:07:11,523 She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean 2867 02:07:11,523 --> 02:07:12,887 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 2868 02:07:12,887 --> 02:07:15,494 In fact, I don’t give a shit if she removes all my skin 2869 02:07:15,494 --> 02:07:18,090 and pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. 2870 02:07:18,090 --> 02:07:18,860 If the last thing I do 2871 02:07:18,860 --> 02:07:20,994 in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence 2872 02:07:20,994 --> 02:07:22,930 is light that fuck-box on fire, 2873 02:07:22,930 --> 02:07:23,667 I still won’t die happy. 2874 02:07:23,667 --> 02:07:24,965 [Deadpool laughs] Holy shit, girl. You crazy. 2875 02:07:24,965 --> 02:07:28,199 That’s right, Wade. I won’t be happy until I’ve urinated 2876 02:07:28,199 --> 02:07:29,706 on her freshly barbecued corpse 2877 02:07:29,706 --> 02:07:31,510 and husk-fucked the charred remains 2878 02:07:31,510 --> 02:07:33,446 while gargling Juggernaut’s juggernuts. 2879 02:07:33,446 --> 02:07:35,580 - [Deadpool] Wow! - And you can quote me. 2880 02:07:35,580 --> 02:07:36,944 [Deadpool] ’Kay. 2881 02:07:36,944 --> 02:07:38,979 Got you, fuckface.