1
00:00:07,642 --> 00:00:09,975
Hey, Mom, look what I made you
at school yesterday.

2
00:00:10,817 --> 00:00:13,192
Oh, it's beautiful.

3
00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:15,566
Give me a minute
to figure out what it is

4
00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:17,566
and I'll tell you
how much I love it.

5
00:00:17,567 --> 00:00:19,274
It's a plastic-bag
dryer.

6
00:00:19,275 --> 00:00:22,024
It's so you can wash
and reuse plastic baggies.

7
00:00:22,025 --> 00:00:24,524
What prissy mom
came up with that idea?

8
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,941
Dad.

9
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,482
We had fun
making them.

10
00:00:27,483 --> 00:00:28,899
You know
what else would be fun?

11
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:30,232
If you stopped
coming up with stuff

12
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:31,482
that makes
more work for me.

13
00:00:31,483 --> 00:00:33,941
Katie, I'm head of the school's
green committee.

14
00:00:33,942 --> 00:00:35,941
It's important that we up
our recycling game.

15
00:00:35,942 --> 00:00:37,732
Am I still supposed to
pretend recycling is real

16
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,107
in front of Anna-Kat?

17
00:00:39,108 --> 00:00:40,149
She's 10, Greg.

18
00:00:40,150 --> 00:00:41,941
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. A.
Hey.

19
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,524
I'm here to pick up Taylor
for school.

20
00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:45,149
Now that
it's my second senior year,

21
00:00:45,150 --> 00:00:46,649
Taylor and I
are in the same class.

22
00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:48,566
Fingers crossed I don't end up
with Anna-Kat.

23
00:00:48,567 --> 00:00:49,691
I love your hair today,
Mom.

24
00:00:49,692 --> 00:00:51,191
Thanks, Taylor!

25
00:00:51,192 --> 00:00:52,774
Look at that.

26
00:00:52,775 --> 00:00:54,732
She gave you a compliment
and didn't ask for money.

27
00:00:54,733 --> 00:00:56,441
I know.

28
00:00:56,442 --> 00:00:57,982
We might finally
be entering

29
00:00:57,983 --> 00:00:59,857
the mother-daughter
friend phase.

30
00:00:59,858 --> 00:01:01,899
We could go
to Mardi Gras together.

31
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:03,441
But she's not gonna get
more beads than me.

32
00:01:03,442 --> 00:01:05,524
I have great news.

33
00:01:05,525 --> 00:01:07,066
I got an interview
at Teen Help Line.

34
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,357
What's Teen Help Line?

35
00:01:08,358 --> 00:01:09,941
Oh, it's this
volunteer organization

36
00:01:09,942 --> 00:01:12,441
where teens call to talk
to peers about their problems.

37
00:01:12,442 --> 00:01:13,899
It's a great way
to impress Harvard

38
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,441
now that
I can't do ballet.
Huh.

39
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,316
Don't you need empathy
for that?

40
00:01:17,317 --> 00:01:19,232
I've gotten this far without it.

41
00:01:19,233 --> 00:01:20,732
Plus,
they give you a script,

42
00:01:20,733 --> 00:01:23,149
and if anyone starts to cry
or something gross like that,

43
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,649
I'll just pretend
I got disconnected.

44
00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:27,191
They'll be lucky
to have you.

45
00:01:29,108 --> 00:01:31,649
She wants me to wash out
plastic bags.

46
00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:32,982
What the hell for?

47
00:01:32,983 --> 00:01:35,399
I barely have time
to wash my own damn self.

48
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,399
Ugh. Marigold wants me
to wash out those bags, too.

49
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,649
It's really caused a rift
between me and the housekeeper.

50
00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:40,899
She just thinks

51
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,232
the rich lady has found
another way to torture her.

52
00:01:42,233 --> 00:01:44,191
Just give the woman
her passport back.

53
00:01:44,192 --> 00:01:45,566
No.

54
00:01:45,567 --> 00:01:47,149
The only kid not bugging me
is Taylor.

55
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:49,357
She even complimented me
for no reason this morning.

56
00:01:49,358 --> 00:01:51,024
Mm.
Uh-oh.

57
00:01:51,025 --> 00:01:52,274
What?

58
00:01:52,275 --> 00:01:53,941
No kid is nice
for no reason, Katie.

59
00:01:53,942 --> 00:01:55,816
She's clearly
hiding something from you.

60
00:01:55,817 --> 00:01:57,274
You think?

61
00:01:57,275 --> 00:01:58,982
Marigold told me
I smelled nice the other day,

62
00:01:58,983 --> 00:02:00,274
so I flipped her
upside down

63
00:02:00,275 --> 00:02:02,482
and shook five Pixie Stix
out of her pockets.

64
00:02:02,483 --> 00:02:03,649
A mother knows,
Katie.

65
00:02:03,650 --> 00:02:04,941
You're right.

66
00:02:04,942 --> 00:02:06,732
I'm going to
search Taylor's room.

67
00:02:06,733 --> 00:02:09,066
Okay, you're going
about this the wrong way.

68
00:02:09,067 --> 00:02:11,607
You should be the kind of mom
she'd want to come to.

69
00:02:11,608 --> 00:02:13,566
The last thing you should
be doing is snooping.

70
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:14,899
It's a complete
breach of trust.

71
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:16,774
No,
you're right.

72
00:02:16,775 --> 00:02:18,149
It's the wrong thing
to do.

73
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,357
Angela's wrong.

74
00:02:19,358 --> 00:02:21,899
Snooping feels
absolutely right.

75
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,482
It's a good thing
her room is so messy.

76
00:02:23,483 --> 00:02:24,857
We don't have to
put anything back.

77
00:02:24,858 --> 00:02:27,149
This is suspicious.

78
00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:28,857
What?
A book.

79
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:31,274
In Taylor's room.

80
00:02:31,275 --> 00:02:33,232
Oh.

81
00:02:33,233 --> 00:02:35,441
Oh, my.
What "oh, my"?

82
00:02:35,442 --> 00:02:37,150
Well, it's a prescription
for birth-control pills.

83
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,607
In her name.

84
00:02:39,608 --> 00:02:41,691
Oh.

85
00:02:41,692 --> 00:02:43,775
I feel sick.

86
00:02:45,150 --> 00:02:46,566
What are you doing?

87
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,066
If there are drugs in here,
I'm gonna find them,

88
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,399
'cause you could really
use some right now.

89
00:03:01,233 --> 00:03:02,649
{\an8}What are you
in the mood for today, Franklin?

90
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:04,316
{\an8}The mac-n-cheese
looks good.

91
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,482
{\an8}Well, I'm allergic to dairy,
cheese, and pasta.

92
00:03:06,483 --> 00:03:07,899
{\an8}Is there any of that
in there?

93
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,066
{\an8}Hey!

94
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:13,107
{\an8}The lunch lady's
using disposable plates.

95
00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:14,107
Excuse me--

96
00:03:14,108 --> 00:03:15,524
Mac-n-cheese
or fish sticks?

97
00:03:15,525 --> 00:03:16,691
{\an8}Mac-n-cheese, please.

98
00:03:16,692 --> 00:03:18,192
{\an8}He'll have
the fish sticks.

99
00:03:19,358 --> 00:03:21,899
{\an8}And also, why aren't you using
washable plates?

100
00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,191
{\an8}The plastic ones are just gonna
end up in a landfill.

101
00:03:24,192 --> 00:03:26,232
{\an8}Tell somebody
who gives a dink.

102
00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:28,191
You can't talk that way.
There's a lady present.

103
00:03:28,192 --> 00:03:29,732
What are you
gonna do about it?

104
00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:31,274
{\an8}Eat mac-n-cheese,
break out in hives,

105
00:03:31,275 --> 00:03:32,650
{\an8}and throw up
all over your floor.

106
00:03:34,442 --> 00:03:35,857
Knock yourself out.

107
00:03:37,108 --> 00:03:38,232
Dad!

108
00:03:38,233 --> 00:03:39,649
{\an8}Yeah.

109
00:03:40,817 --> 00:03:43,274
{\an8}The lunch lady won't use
real plates.

110
00:03:43,275 --> 00:03:45,441
She uses
plastic ones

111
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:46,857
and then just
throws them away.

112
00:03:46,858 --> 00:03:47,941
What?

113
00:03:47,942 --> 00:03:50,149
Not in my school.

114
00:03:50,150 --> 00:03:52,732
{\an8}I tried talking to her,
but she won't listen.

115
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,524
{\an8}This is a job
for the recycling committee.

116
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,482
{\an8}Bill Doty and I
will take it from here.

117
00:03:56,483 --> 00:03:58,524
{\an8}Sounds like the lunch lady
just needs to be educated.

118
00:03:58,525 --> 00:04:00,649
{\an8}Yeah,
and if that doesn't work,

119
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:02,066
{\an8}we'll recycle her face!

120
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,899
You get more like your mother
every day.

121
00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:12,274
{\an8}Hi, Mom.
I like your shirt today.

122
00:04:12,275 --> 00:04:15,857
Liar! You don't like
anything about me!

123
00:04:15,858 --> 00:04:17,941
I found this.

124
00:04:17,942 --> 00:04:19,566
{\an8}Where did you
get this?!

125
00:04:19,567 --> 00:04:21,274
{\an8}You went in my room?!

126
00:04:21,275 --> 00:04:23,274
{\an8}If we're talking about
who's going in where,

127
00:04:23,275 --> 00:04:25,691
{\an8}I think there's a bigger
conversation to be had.

128
00:04:25,692 --> 00:04:27,982
{\an8}Okay, Mom, calm down.
We haven't done it yet.

129
00:04:27,983 --> 00:04:29,275
{\an8}But at some point, we will.
Right, Trip?

130
00:04:31,983 --> 00:04:34,107
I just came in
for apple juice.

131
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,149
{\an8}You promised me you were
going to come to me first

132
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,482
{\an8}when you were
thinking of having sex.

133
00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:40,316
I never
was really gonna do that.
Double liar!

134
00:04:40,317 --> 00:04:42,107
Well, you're a snoop!
I don't trust you anymore!

135
00:04:42,108 --> 00:04:44,733
{\an8}I don't know
if I can trust <i>you</i> anymore!

136
00:04:46,025 --> 00:04:48,774
I'm smelling
some tension.

137
00:04:48,775 --> 00:04:50,900
Maybe Teen Help Line
can offer some support.

138
00:04:52,442 --> 00:04:54,316
"Hi.
I'm glad you called.

139
00:04:54,317 --> 00:04:55,316
This is a safe place
for you to express"--

140
00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:56,692
Let me see that.

141
00:05:00,983 --> 00:05:02,774
If you're ever wondering

142
00:05:02,775 --> 00:05:04,816
where my lack of empathy
comes from...

143
00:05:04,817 --> 00:05:06,774
Give me back
my prescription

144
00:05:06,775 --> 00:05:08,357
that you stole
from my room!

145
00:05:08,358 --> 00:05:10,566
Well,
your room is in my house,

146
00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:13,941
so I get to do this.

147
00:05:13,942 --> 00:05:15,191
Well,
it doesn't matter.

148
00:05:15,192 --> 00:05:16,858
I'll just get Angela
to take me to the doctor again.

149
00:05:18,525 --> 00:05:19,566
What?!

150
00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:21,108
Angela took you?!

151
00:05:29,692 --> 00:05:31,691
I played laser tag
last night.

152
00:05:31,692 --> 00:05:32,817
You ever been?

153
00:05:35,108 --> 00:05:36,900
There was a 12-year-old
who covered his target.

154
00:05:38,608 --> 00:05:39,899
It's against the rules.

155
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:41,691
Get out.

156
00:05:41,692 --> 00:05:43,191
Thank you.

157
00:05:50,025 --> 00:05:52,107
I cannot believe
you took my daughter

158
00:05:52,108 --> 00:05:54,482
to get birth control
without asking me.

159
00:05:54,483 --> 00:05:56,982
Okay.
You have to understand.

160
00:05:56,983 --> 00:05:58,524
When Taylor came to me

161
00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,941
and asked me
to take her to the doctor,

162
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,941
I was afraid
that if I said no,

163
00:06:01,942 --> 00:06:03,607
she would start having
unprotected sex,

164
00:06:03,608 --> 00:06:04,857
and I knew
you wouldn't want that.

165
00:06:04,858 --> 00:06:07,482
But I should have been the one
to take her.

166
00:06:07,483 --> 00:06:09,482
I'm her mother.
But would you
have taken her?

167
00:06:09,483 --> 00:06:11,941
No!
I am her mother!
See?

168
00:06:11,942 --> 00:06:14,191
This is why Taylor didn't
go to you, because you
always shut her down.

169
00:06:14,192 --> 00:06:17,566
But when Taylor came to you,
you should have come to me.
She asked me not to.

170
00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:20,191
She asked me not to go to school
in my pajama bottoms!

171
00:06:20,192 --> 00:06:22,066
You don't have to listen
to a teenager!

172
00:06:22,067 --> 00:06:23,899
Doris?
You want to weigh in here?

173
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,024
Yeah, Doris, weigh in.
Tell her I'm right.

174
00:06:26,025 --> 00:06:27,566
I'll do
what I always do, okay?

175
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:29,649
I'll side with each of you
behind the other's back.

176
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,607
That way,
I stay the favorite.

177
00:06:32,858 --> 00:06:34,232
I've got to
get to court,

178
00:06:34,233 --> 00:06:36,482
where people argue
and make sense.

179
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:37,524
This conversation
is not over.

180
00:06:37,525 --> 00:06:39,566
Angela, this conversation
is not--

181
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,066
She can't hear me, but this
conversation is not over.

182
00:06:44,317 --> 00:06:46,899
Now, before we start the show,
I'd like to introduce my friend

183
00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:49,566
and the sunshine
on my compost pile,

184
00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:52,232
Mr. Bill Doty!

185
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,232
Let's get on
with this.

186
00:06:56,233 --> 00:06:58,816
I only get a 48-minute lunch
at Foot Locker.
Hmm.

187
00:06:58,817 --> 00:07:01,316
Did somebody hire the two
worst strippers in Westport?

188
00:07:01,317 --> 00:07:03,274
'Cause I didn't.

189
00:07:03,275 --> 00:07:05,149
Well, we're gonna do
a little show for you

190
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:07,566
that will not only
rock your world...

191
00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:09,441
But save it!
...but save it!

192
00:07:09,442 --> 00:07:11,982
We're gonna lay some knowledge
on you about recycling

193
00:07:11,983 --> 00:07:14,024
and have a little bit of fun
along the way.

194
00:07:14,025 --> 00:07:17,274
Join us now, somewhere on
an American coastline.

195
00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:23,107
The beach is a perfect place
to have my lunch.

196
00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:27,149
Well, I don't need
this plastic wrapper anymore.

197
00:07:27,150 --> 00:07:28,941
Guess I'll throw it
in the ocean.

198
00:07:28,942 --> 00:07:31,232
What harm
could it possibly do?

199
00:07:32,858 --> 00:07:35,482
I hope
you enjoyed your lunch.

200
00:07:35,483 --> 00:07:37,482
It cost me my life.

201
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,441
We promise
to all dolphins,

202
00:07:45,442 --> 00:07:46,566
we'll make sure

203
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,524
no one throws plastic
in their home again.

204
00:07:48,525 --> 00:07:50,732
Go on, go on.

205
00:07:51,942 --> 00:07:54,357
And... scene.

206
00:08:00,858 --> 00:08:02,316
I'm gonna tell you
the same thing

207
00:08:02,317 --> 00:08:05,316
I told the touring company
of "The Sound of Music"--

208
00:08:05,317 --> 00:08:07,399
this sucks, and I'm outta here.

209
00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:13,774
She doesn't seem moved.

210
00:08:13,775 --> 00:08:14,899
Mm.
Maybe she's in pain.

211
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,399
I mean,
look at those feet.

212
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,732
She's wearing
a size 9,

213
00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:18,942
and she's clearly
a 9 1/2.

214
00:08:20,692 --> 00:08:23,441
Sorry, it's hard to leave work
at the office sometimes.
Sure.

215
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,482
Whoa.

216
00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:33,232
It looks like you could use
someone to talk to.

217
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:34,649
Yeah,
that would be nice.

218
00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:35,982
Oh, great.

219
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,607
Uh, first,
I'd have to ask you

220
00:08:38,608 --> 00:08:41,149
if you're thinking about
harming yourself or others,

221
00:08:41,150 --> 00:08:42,732
because if so,
I'd have to refer you

222
00:08:42,733 --> 00:08:44,399
to someone
more qualified.

223
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,525
Very natural,
Oliver.

224
00:08:47,192 --> 00:08:49,399
Okay, Dad's home.
Everybody, dinner.

225
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,399
Can we just eat
in front of the TV for once?

226
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,732
No.

227
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,107
I want us all
to eat at the table.

228
00:08:55,108 --> 00:08:57,316
Family dinners
are important

229
00:08:57,317 --> 00:09:00,066
so we can keep track
of each other's lives.

230
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:04,274
Because family is
where you should turn to first.

231
00:09:04,275 --> 00:09:06,191
Or you could turn
to a peer

232
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,982
who's practicing
for an interview next week

233
00:09:07,983 --> 00:09:09,566
and has a script
that tells him what to say.

234
00:09:09,567 --> 00:09:11,107
Or a mother.

235
00:09:11,108 --> 00:09:14,858
A very cool, hip mother
who's easy to talk to.

236
00:09:15,858 --> 00:09:17,566
Who is
she talking about?

237
00:09:17,567 --> 00:09:18,649
Herself.

238
00:09:18,650 --> 00:09:20,149
But it's
completely untrue.

239
00:09:21,358 --> 00:09:24,649
I am a cool mother
who is easy to talk to.

240
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:25,524
Everybody knows that.

241
00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:27,107
Hang on.

242
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:28,524
Is this the result
of something you told me to do

243
00:09:28,525 --> 00:09:30,066
that I didn't handle?
No.

244
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:32,399
That's all
I need to know.
But if
you need to know more,

245
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,941
you should
go to Angela.

246
00:09:33,942 --> 00:09:35,524
I knew that's what
this was about!

247
00:09:35,525 --> 00:09:36,816
I'm going upstairs.

248
00:09:36,817 --> 00:09:38,357
Come on,
Trip.
No way.

249
00:09:38,358 --> 00:09:41,399
You two are not allowed
to be alone upstairs anymore.

250
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,816
What?!
That's crazy!

251
00:09:42,817 --> 00:09:45,066
You are 17,
and you're gonna do as I say!

252
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:45,817
I'm 18!

253
00:09:47,233 --> 00:09:48,483
Yeah.

254
00:09:50,108 --> 00:09:51,566
Well, I don't care
how old you are!

255
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:54,357
My house, my rules!
Now sit down and eat!

256
00:09:54,358 --> 00:09:56,941
We are gonna have
a damn family dinner,

257
00:09:56,942 --> 00:09:59,982
and that's
the end of that!

258
00:09:59,983 --> 00:10:03,316
Do you know
what's going on?
I do...

259
00:10:03,317 --> 00:10:05,107
but I'd rather
talk about laser tag.

260
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,774
Well, we tried to reason
with the lunch lady...

261
00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:12,899
But that
didn't work.

262
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,274
So, unfortunately,

263
00:10:14,275 --> 00:10:16,066
we have to use public shaming
to get our point across.

264
00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:17,607
Thank you, guys,
for bagging up

265
00:10:17,608 --> 00:10:19,232
all the plastic waste
from lunch.

266
00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:20,316
Shoot.

267
00:10:20,317 --> 00:10:21,982
I think my retainer's
in one of these bags.

268
00:10:21,983 --> 00:10:24,607
Ugh.
Not you guys again.

269
00:10:24,608 --> 00:10:27,649
We wanted to show you how much
waste you create every day

270
00:10:27,650 --> 00:10:29,524
by using
disposable plates.

271
00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:31,775
All of this
from just one day?

272
00:10:33,025 --> 00:10:34,732
I was hoping
it would be a lot more.

273
00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:37,441
Ha-ha!
Bite me, Nature.

274
00:10:39,275 --> 00:10:41,482
Ha-ha-ha!

275
00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:52,191
I was hoping we wouldn't
have to resort to this.

276
00:10:52,192 --> 00:10:54,482
We're gonna have to
call in the big guns.

277
00:10:54,483 --> 00:10:55,732
"The Closer."

278
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:57,524
"The Environmental
Assassin."

279
00:10:57,525 --> 00:11:00,066
Code name--
Mr. Green.

280
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:01,650
My retainer!

281
00:11:05,692 --> 00:11:07,857
That's not mine.

282
00:11:19,358 --> 00:11:21,732
"Hey, Snoop, I moved out.

283
00:11:21,733 --> 00:11:23,816
Since I'm not living
under your roof anymore,

284
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,482
I guess I don't have to
follow your rules"?

285
00:11:25,483 --> 00:11:27,482
Oliver!

286
00:11:31,025 --> 00:11:32,399
Do you know
where Taylor went?

287
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,191
I do, but I don't think
I should tell you

288
00:11:34,192 --> 00:11:36,066
because she came to me
in confidence,

289
00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:37,649
and confidentiality
is a bedrock principle

290
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:38,692
at Teen Help Line.

291
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,649
Where...

292
00:11:41,650 --> 00:11:42,899
is...

293
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,357
your...

294
00:11:44,358 --> 00:11:46,316
sister?

295
00:11:46,317 --> 00:11:47,982
I feel like you're about to harm
yourself or someone else--

296
00:11:47,983 --> 00:11:49,941
Where is she?!
Angela's.
She went to Angela's.

297
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,941
Gah.

298
00:11:51,942 --> 00:11:53,107
When you tell Taylor
I folded,

299
00:11:53,108 --> 00:11:55,483
make it sound like
I put up a good fight.

300
00:11:58,733 --> 00:12:01,982
First Taylor went behind my back
to get birth control,

301
00:12:01,983 --> 00:12:03,607
and now she moves in
with Angela.

302
00:12:03,608 --> 00:12:05,399
I don't understand why
you didn't tell me about this.

303
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,107
Because I thought
I could handle it.

304
00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:09,316
Usually when I yell at Taylor,
she backs down.

305
00:12:09,317 --> 00:12:11,107
She didn't back down,
Greg,

306
00:12:11,108 --> 00:12:13,316
and I don't have
any other parenting tools.

307
00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:14,899
That's not true, honey.

308
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,524
You have public embarrassment,
sarcasm,

309
00:12:16,525 --> 00:12:17,691
and that thing

310
00:12:17,692 --> 00:12:19,274
where you sit on them
until they tell the truth.

311
00:12:19,275 --> 00:12:20,482
I thought
it was supposed to get easier

312
00:12:20,483 --> 00:12:21,566
as the kids got older.

313
00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:22,899
Me, too,
but now it's just

314
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,566
bigger kids,
bigger problems.
Yeah.

315
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:26,524
It used to be
choosing the right night light,

316
00:12:26,525 --> 00:12:28,732
and now I have
a 17-year-old daughter

317
00:12:28,733 --> 00:12:30,732
getting birth control
behind my back.

318
00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:32,691
Once again, she's 18.

319
00:12:32,692 --> 00:12:35,567
We should have thrown her
a better party.

320
00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:40,357
Listen, we're in
uncharted territory here.

321
00:12:40,358 --> 00:12:42,316
We're parenting
an adult.

322
00:12:42,317 --> 00:12:43,524
We need to adjust.

323
00:12:43,525 --> 00:12:46,107
I don't know
how to do that.

324
00:12:46,108 --> 00:12:48,107
I think the best thing to do
is wait.

325
00:12:48,108 --> 00:12:48,983
Let her come to us.

326
00:12:51,358 --> 00:12:53,400
Okay.

327
00:12:58,192 --> 00:12:59,816
Screw this!
Let's go get her.

328
00:12:59,817 --> 00:13:01,858
You drive. I had half a glass
of port earlier.

329
00:13:02,358 --> 00:13:03,941
My baby girl.

330
00:13:07,983 --> 00:13:09,941
I had no idea
she was coming over.

331
00:13:09,942 --> 00:13:11,441
I told her
she couldn't stay,

332
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:12,607
and I brought her
right back.

333
00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:14,191
This whole thing
has gone too far.

334
00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:15,441
The two of you
need to work it out.

335
00:13:15,442 --> 00:13:16,941
Thank you.

336
00:13:16,942 --> 00:13:18,857
But I am still
not talking to you.

337
00:13:18,858 --> 00:13:21,400
Still not
talking to <i>you.</i>

338
00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:25,524
Please tell me
you're still pure.

339
00:13:25,525 --> 00:13:27,191
Oh, my God, Dad!

340
00:13:27,192 --> 00:13:29,649
I'm glad you're back.

341
00:13:29,650 --> 00:13:30,608
I'm not talking
to you, either!

342
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,316
I'm not sure what's happening
between you and Taylor,

343
00:13:40,317 --> 00:13:42,816
but I want you guys
to work this out.

344
00:13:42,817 --> 00:13:44,732
Reading all this stuff
about Teen Help Line

345
00:13:44,733 --> 00:13:46,942
makes me realize how many kids
<i>don't</i> have families to turn to.

346
00:13:49,025 --> 00:13:51,108
We're so lucky
to have each other.

347
00:13:52,858 --> 00:13:54,899
Oliver,
are you okay?
I don't know.

348
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,066
What's happening?

349
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:58,357
T-There's this tight feeling
in my chest.

350
00:13:58,358 --> 00:14:00,191
Honey...

351
00:14:00,192 --> 00:14:02,524
I think you're actually
feeling empathy.

352
00:14:03,650 --> 00:14:05,482
Oh.

353
00:14:05,483 --> 00:14:07,399
<i>That's</i> what that was.

354
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,566
Whew!

355
00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:10,316
Anyway,
if she moves out again,

356
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:12,107
I'm taking her room.

357
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,274
Do you think
this will work?

358
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,899
Hey, if anyone's a match
for the lunch lady,

359
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:22,232
it's Mr. Green.
Mm.

360
00:14:38,108 --> 00:14:39,357
Mr. Green:
Hello, boys.

361
00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:40,566
Oh.
Oh.

362
00:14:40,567 --> 00:14:42,191
Well, you've done
quite a good job here

363
00:14:42,192 --> 00:14:43,357
with your little posters
and everything.

364
00:14:43,358 --> 00:14:44,441
Thank you.

365
00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:45,774
Uh, but why don't you
sit back

366
00:14:45,775 --> 00:14:46,982
and let a professional
take over?

367
00:14:46,983 --> 00:14:48,482
We're so grateful
you're here.

368
00:14:48,483 --> 00:14:50,192
We've tried everything.
She just won't budge.

369
00:14:51,692 --> 00:14:53,399
Stand back.

370
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,691
This...

371
00:14:55,692 --> 00:14:59,024
could get ugly.

372
00:14:59,025 --> 00:15:00,899
If you're talking about
your suit,

373
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,066
you're right.

374
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,399
You're going down,
lunch lady.

375
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,482
Bring it, eco-nerd.

376
00:15:05,483 --> 00:15:07,482
I took the liberty

377
00:15:07,483 --> 00:15:09,732
of going through your trash
last night,

378
00:15:09,733 --> 00:15:12,191
and I found some stuff, alright.

379
00:15:12,192 --> 00:15:13,816
Enough to charge you
with murder.

380
00:15:13,817 --> 00:15:15,691
Of a little lady
called...

381
00:15:15,692 --> 00:15:17,232
Mother Earth!

382
00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,191
Oh, that's good.
That's here.

383
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:19,191
Yeah,
that's right.

384
00:15:19,192 --> 00:15:22,192
You got nothing on me, recycopath.

385
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,066
Exhibit A--

386
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:32,399
you...
throw away batteries.

387
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,232
Do you know what could happen
to you for doing this?

388
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:37,524
Nothing?
Well, yeah... for now.

389
00:15:37,525 --> 00:15:38,941
But when
this becomes a law,

390
00:15:38,942 --> 00:15:40,899
you are in mild amounts
of trouble, lady.

391
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,941
Got anything else?
Back to your trash.

392
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:46,149
By the way,
the hair-removal industry

393
00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:47,982
thanks you
for your continued support.

394
00:15:47,983 --> 00:15:49,732
Exhibit B--

395
00:15:49,733 --> 00:15:54,274
you put cans
in the leaf bin.

396
00:15:54,275 --> 00:15:56,232
How do you live
with yourself?

397
00:15:56,233 --> 00:15:57,316
Quite well.

398
00:15:57,317 --> 00:15:59,566
And on Saturdays
and Sundays,

399
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:01,733
butt naked
and drunk all day.

400
00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:04,191
Exhibit D...

401
00:16:04,192 --> 00:16:05,941
Wait,
didn't he skip exhibit C?

402
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,816
Oh, for God's sake,
Greg, let the man work.

403
00:16:07,817 --> 00:16:08,899
Alright.

404
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,274
You...

405
00:16:10,275 --> 00:16:13,191
put your magazines in
with the regular trash.

406
00:16:13,192 --> 00:16:15,149
Hey,
wait a minute.

407
00:16:15,150 --> 00:16:17,607
You subscribe
to "Cats Weekly"?
Yeah.

408
00:16:17,608 --> 00:16:19,357
I have two cats. And if you got
a problem with that,

409
00:16:19,358 --> 00:16:20,941
you can walk right out--
No, no, no, no.

410
00:16:20,942 --> 00:16:22,482
I'm a-- I'm a cat guy.
I love cats.

411
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:24,107
What kinda--
What kinda cats you got?

412
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,357
Calicos.

413
00:16:25,358 --> 00:16:27,816
Got to be a strong person
to have a Calico.

414
00:16:27,817 --> 00:16:29,524
You have to act like
you don't need 'em.

415
00:16:29,525 --> 00:16:30,566
That's the key.

416
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:32,357
Yeah,
but you so do.

417
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:34,982
Oh, yes.
More than air.

418
00:16:34,983 --> 00:16:36,191
What's happening?

419
00:16:37,817 --> 00:16:40,024
You have
the most beautiful eyes.

420
00:16:40,025 --> 00:16:43,149
You should see 'em when
I have my blue eye-shadow on.

421
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:45,816
Hey, uh...

422
00:16:45,817 --> 00:16:47,024
can I take you
to lunch?

423
00:16:47,025 --> 00:16:49,274
Well, actually,
I'm a lunch lady,

424
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:50,732
so that's pretty much
the only meal

425
00:16:50,733 --> 00:16:52,149
I'm not available for.

426
00:16:52,150 --> 00:16:53,774
But I am free
for dinner.

427
00:16:53,775 --> 00:16:55,482
So am I!

428
00:16:55,483 --> 00:16:57,649
I-I-I was gonna make a big deal
out of checking my calendar,

429
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,149
but, uh, I'm a man
who likes cats, so...

430
00:17:00,150 --> 00:17:01,774
we both know
I'm free.

431
00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:04,482
Wait,
are you... done?

432
00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:05,982
Is she gonna
recycle now?

433
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:06,982
Who cares, man?!

434
00:17:06,983 --> 00:17:08,649
We both love cats!

435
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:10,274
The same breed of cats!

436
00:17:10,275 --> 00:17:12,441
He's looking at her

437
00:17:12,442 --> 00:17:14,567
the same way
the FedEx guy looks at my mom.

438
00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:17,857
Okay,
we need to step in here.

439
00:17:17,858 --> 00:17:19,607
Excuse me,
lunch lady.

440
00:17:19,608 --> 00:17:21,900
You know why my mom
doesn't like to recycle?

441
00:17:22,733 --> 00:17:24,857
It's because
it's annoying.

442
00:17:24,858 --> 00:17:27,982
She says that washing the dishes
takes too much time.

443
00:17:27,983 --> 00:17:29,857
Is that
what you think?

444
00:17:29,858 --> 00:17:32,607
I'm tired of staying here
late at night doing it,

445
00:17:32,608 --> 00:17:35,399
and the school can't afford
to hire a dishwasher.

446
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,482
How about this--

447
00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:37,982
if you stop
using plastic,

448
00:17:37,983 --> 00:17:39,775
I'll find someone
to help you.

449
00:17:42,275 --> 00:17:43,774
It's a deal.

450
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:48,316
We did it, buddy.
No.

451
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,232
No,
Mother Earth did it.
Hmm.

452
00:17:50,233 --> 00:17:51,982
i think it's pretty clear
that <i>I</i> did it.

453
00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,274
Oh, well...

454
00:17:53,275 --> 00:17:54,774
Oh, my God,
I am so late.

455
00:17:54,775 --> 00:17:55,982
I gotta get back
to Foot Locker.

456
00:17:55,983 --> 00:17:57,607
Robbie's gonna be
furious.

457
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:06,649
Hey.

458
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:07,649
Can I talk to you?

459
00:18:07,650 --> 00:18:08,982
Nope.

460
00:18:08,983 --> 00:18:10,941
I wasn't really asking.
I'm doing it anyway.

461
00:18:16,983 --> 00:18:21,107
I know that you are older
and doing...

462
00:18:21,108 --> 00:18:22,899
older things.

463
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:25,066
I'll just push down

464
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:28,691
all the feelings
I have about it and...

465
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:30,482
take them out
on your brother and sister.

466
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,149
It felt weird
not telling you about it,

467
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:39,982
but then it felt weird
telling you about it.

468
00:18:39,983 --> 00:18:41,732
Eh--

469
00:18:41,733 --> 00:18:43,482
I just didn't know
what to do.

470
00:18:43,483 --> 00:18:45,107
I know.

471
00:18:45,108 --> 00:18:48,024
I'm trying
to figure it out, too.

472
00:18:48,025 --> 00:18:51,524
I'm so used to trying
to catch you before you fall...

473
00:18:51,525 --> 00:18:53,108
but you're 18 now.

474
00:18:54,817 --> 00:18:58,441
Good God, you're 18.

475
00:18:58,442 --> 00:19:01,482
How did that happen?

476
00:19:04,525 --> 00:19:06,566
Is it okay if I call Trip
and tell him to come over?

477
00:19:06,567 --> 00:19:08,316
Of course.

478
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:13,774
Can I speak to him for a second
so I can apologize?

479
00:19:13,775 --> 00:19:14,857
You're so great,
Mom.

480
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:21,149
<i>Hi, Mrs. A.</i>

481
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:23,732
If you ever so much as touch
my daughter without clothes on,

482
00:19:23,733 --> 00:19:25,566
I will hang you
with your own

483
00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:27,316
<i>Copy that, Mrs. A.</i>

484
00:19:32,858 --> 00:19:34,232
Mm.

485
00:19:34,233 --> 00:19:36,024
And I shouldn't have
gotten mad at you.

486
00:19:36,025 --> 00:19:38,066
You were just
trying to help.

487
00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:39,482
I'm really sorry.

488
00:19:39,483 --> 00:19:41,107
Yeah.
Me, too.

489
00:19:41,108 --> 00:19:42,899
But this spoke to me
in a personal way.

490
00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:44,149
When I was
in high school,

491
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,524
I had to keep it a secret
that I was gay

492
00:19:45,525 --> 00:19:47,982
and I always wished
I had someone to go to.

493
00:19:47,983 --> 00:19:49,649
I would have been
that person for you.

494
00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:51,232
Oh.
Yeah,
I would've, too.

495
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:54,107
No.

496
00:19:54,108 --> 00:19:55,899
I would have told everybody,
and then I would have made up

497
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,774
a very funny,
but offensive nickname.

498
00:19:59,775 --> 00:20:02,274
It was
a different time!

499
00:20:02,275 --> 00:20:03,900
I miss it.
Ugh.

500
00:20:07,168 --> 00:20:10,607
I have a little bell
I want you to make me wear.

501
00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:12,107
You're wicked.

502
00:20:12,108 --> 00:20:15,691
I'm about to recycle
my breakfast.

503
00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:17,316
I just wish
Bill Doty was here

504
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,899
to share in
our eco-victory.

505
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:19,983
But he has his career.

506
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,274
Is this job
a hobby to you?

507
00:20:24,275 --> 00:20:25,941
No, sir.

508
00:20:25,942 --> 00:20:28,107
{\an8}Think you're so special,
you can take a 50-minute lunch?

509
00:20:28,108 --> 00:20:29,649
{\an8}It won't happen again.

510
00:20:29,650 --> 00:20:32,649
{\an8}Think this is fun for me,
riding you like this?

511
00:20:32,650 --> 00:20:34,524
{\an8}Alright, I got a geometry final
tomorrow, alright?

512
00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:36,232
{\an8}I don't need this,
Bill.

513
00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:38,816
{\an8}Now get back in there
and push the New Balance.

514
00:20:38,817 --> 00:20:41,399
{\an8}I could help you study
for your final. I have
a master's degree in--

515
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,149
{\an8}Why don't you sell
the damn shoes, Bill?!