1 00:00:01,290 --> 00:00:02,290 Bye. 2 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,220 You wouldn't find a better fit if you had it custom built. 3 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:03,580 I'm not a bit off the price. 4 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:05,319 No, thank you. 5 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,000 No, thank you. 6 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,160 Another blank. 7 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,540 I'm going to have to reduce that car. 8 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:21,620 Reduce it by how much? Two owners and at least 10 ,000 miles. 9 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:22,900 Hey, get out my chair. 10 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,580 Things are getting desperate. 11 00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:28,840 Don't worry, Arthur. I've just done it with Turner. You better hope it does. 12 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:31,980 If things stay the way they are, I'm going to have to exercise a certain 13 00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:32,980 of wage restraint. 14 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,520 I don't remember a time when you weren't restraining me wages. 15 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,100 I resent that remark. 16 00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:40,320 I've made all sorts of sacrifices to keep your wages up to par. 17 00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:42,160 Even cut down on me lardies. 18 00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:44,020 All right, all right. It was only a joke, Arthur. 19 00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,220 In very poor taste. 20 00:01:45,460 --> 00:01:48,920 If you're short of the folding, stop chasing after every skirt in Metropolis. 21 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,240 Pull your horns in. 22 00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:51,420 Right, Arthur. 23 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,340 Oh, come on. I need a pick -me -up. Let's go down to Winchester. 24 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,970 And if anybody asks, we're doing better than outage in the sale. 25 00:01:59,350 --> 00:02:01,650 Confidence is paramount with Joe Public in this business. 26 00:02:01,970 --> 00:02:02,970 Yes, sir. 27 00:02:03,230 --> 00:02:04,230 Do you hear me? 28 00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:05,710 Yes, Arthur. 29 00:02:05,730 --> 00:02:06,730 Oh, come on. 30 00:02:06,850 --> 00:02:07,850 Lock the door. 31 00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:16,890 Arthur. Dave. Ray. 32 00:02:17,090 --> 00:02:18,570 Dave. Yeah, how's business? 33 00:02:18,850 --> 00:02:20,990 We've had a blinding week, Dave. Oh, great, great. 34 00:02:21,610 --> 00:02:23,070 Arthur can settle his slate, then. 35 00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:24,910 Thank you very much. 36 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,270 Ignore the boy, Dave. 37 00:02:26,790 --> 00:02:29,750 Lad's always been prone to exaggeration. Give him a fizzy water to calm him 38 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:30,750 down. I'll have the usual. 39 00:02:32,490 --> 00:02:33,490 All right, Arthur? 40 00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:34,690 Vic. 41 00:02:35,870 --> 00:02:36,870 What are you up to? 42 00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:39,130 This and that. How's the pub going, Vic? 43 00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:42,430 Getting there. When you take over a boozer, it takes a while to knock it 44 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:45,890 shape. The Atman Feathers was a popular house when old Ernie had it. 45 00:02:46,170 --> 00:02:47,670 Oh, yeah. Don't get me wrong, Dave. 46 00:02:48,130 --> 00:02:50,590 I'm just after something more, er... Flash? 47 00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:52,870 High profile. 48 00:02:58,140 --> 00:02:59,140 Yo, Vic. 49 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,880 Yeah, all right, babe, don't worry. 50 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:03,980 I'm on my way. I'll be there in five. 51 00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:07,240 Sorry, chaps, I'm going to have to love you and leave you. 52 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,340 Bloody barmaids don't know their Heineken from their elbows. 53 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,200 Catch you later, boys. 54 00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:15,860 See you, Vic. 55 00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:19,900 Think about what I said, Dave. 56 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:22,520 Right, yeah, right. 57 00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,740 All right. Cagney, how are they hanging? 58 00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:32,720 He's much too familiar for a bloke who's only been on the manor for five 59 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:34,620 minutes. And he's nosy and all. 60 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:38,020 What do you mean, think about what I said? 61 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:42,220 Aye, just that we were at a licensed fictionalist's do and someone reminded 62 00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:45,380 that next month is 25 years since I took over to Winchester. 63 00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:47,560 Yeah, that's brilliant, Dave. Do you have any do? 64 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,960 Well, that's a bit great, Dennis, but I don't want to make a fuss. 65 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:52,640 Right, Danny. 66 00:03:53,130 --> 00:03:55,850 He does indeed work in mysterious ways. 67 00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:57,170 Oh, Dave. 68 00:03:57,350 --> 00:04:01,210 Of course you'll have your due, Dave. If you was in China, you'd be a public 69 00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:02,790 hero and they'd stick your boat on a stamp. 70 00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:04,450 Thanks very much. 71 00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:07,890 You have created a rare retreat from the ravages of life here. 72 00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:12,990 Hundreds of your punters, past and present, would feel cheated if they were 73 00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:16,209 allowed to celebrate your achievement by buying the odd lager or four. 74 00:04:16,610 --> 00:04:19,209 And perhaps the odd commemorative mug. 75 00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:21,550 You had me fooled there for a moment, Arthur. 76 00:04:21,980 --> 00:04:23,220 I thought you was being sentimental. 77 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,180 When opportunity knocks, Dave, you've got to grab it with both hands. We can 78 00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:29,000 knock out all sorts of memorabilia. T -shirts, key rings. 79 00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:32,860 I can't believe it. This is the happiest I've seen you in weeks. Raymond, I am 80 00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:33,699 an entrepreneur. 81 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:37,060 When I'm starved of business opportunities, I'm like a young royal 82 00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:40,740 holiday to go to. Well, I'm off. I want you at the lock -up, 9am sharp tomorrow 83 00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:41,740 morning. 84 00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:42,940 Dave, don't fret. 85 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,760 As your partner, I will organise the entire party. 86 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,820 I'm definitely going to have one, then. You most certainly are. I'll have a look 87 00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:51,480 in the diary and I'll tell you what date it'll be. 88 00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:53,220 Thanks very much. 89 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,120 That'll be nice. 90 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,880 Look, Arthur, are you sure this is a good idea? 91 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,620 Have a bit of respect, Ray. The man's done his time. 92 00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:09,300 Anyway, I'm told he's fully qualified now. Yeah, and breaking an entry. 93 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,660 Don't go on, Ray. You sound like Erling Daws. 94 00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:17,610 Good morning, my dear. Is Art Attack in? 95 00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:19,270 Hold on. 96 00:05:21,790 --> 00:05:23,810 There's two blokes at the door for you. 97 00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:25,290 Who are they? 98 00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:26,510 I don't know. 99 00:05:27,090 --> 00:05:28,710 One of them looks like a chipping dough. 100 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,190 Hello, Art Attack. 101 00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:41,450 Arthur! 102 00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:43,490 It's Arthur Daly, you silly tart! 103 00:05:44,580 --> 00:05:45,660 Sorry about that, Arthur. 104 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,280 Here, come in, mate. 105 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,880 Yeah, you better wait outside. Keep an eye on the motor. 106 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,420 Let's talk through here, Arthur. 107 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:57,439 Oh, right. 108 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,580 Thanks for the cup of tea, Angie. 109 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,500 Um, not me, thank you. 110 00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:09,020 Oh, what a nice view. 111 00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:13,910 I, um... Are you putting it about that you're a painter and decorator? Yeah, 112 00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:14,970 me full city and guild. 113 00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:16,970 Part one building and all. 114 00:06:17,350 --> 00:06:18,350 Want to see me certificate? 115 00:06:18,830 --> 00:06:20,130 No, no, that won't be necessary. 116 00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:22,070 Mind you, he ain't got a job yet. 117 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,990 Who'd trust a bloke with his record on their premises? 118 00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:27,070 I'm straight now, I'll be honest. 119 00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:29,190 Never going to do over another gas. 120 00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:31,130 Unless it's with me rag roller. 121 00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:35,050 Well, knowing your propensity for collapsing at the sound of a burger 122 00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:38,530 think that's very wise. Now, the thing is, I've come here to put your foot on 123 00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:39,359 the ladder. 124 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:43,160 It's Dave's 25th anniversary at the Winchester, and we're laying on a do, 125 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,160 want to have the place done up. 126 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,140 Decorate the Winchester? 127 00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:47,860 Would be an honour. 128 00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:52,060 Well, seeing as I'm doing you a right favour by putting this prestigious job 129 00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:55,720 your way, I hope that will be reflected in your fee. Oh, yeah. 130 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,360 You'll get full discount when I give you my quote. 131 00:06:58,580 --> 00:06:59,680 No, no, no, Art Attack. 132 00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:01,060 Shakespeare Dave quote. 133 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:03,440 I want from you a firm, fixed price. 134 00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:06,460 250, plus materials, and I want all receipts. 135 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:07,720 250? 136 00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:10,320 It's a lot of work there, Arthur. 137 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,560 All right, 275. Take it or leave it. 138 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,500 Yeah, all right. 139 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,260 Well, look, I've got to do some business. 140 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,920 I'll see you at the Winchester in about an hour to discuss colour schemes. 141 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,200 All right? 142 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:24,540 Oh, one other thing, Art Attack. 143 00:07:24,780 --> 00:07:26,060 You are fully fit, aren't you? 144 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,220 I mean, I can't afford medical insurance. 145 00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:31,860 Oh, yeah. Since the bypass, the doctor says I'm A1. 146 00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:53,670 Come on, I've got to get Operation Winter to phase two off the ground. 147 00:07:59,570 --> 00:08:03,950 I think you'll find this is just the wine you want for Dave's 25th. I didn't 148 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:05,230 know the Ugandans made wine. 149 00:08:05,490 --> 00:08:06,690 Are you not joining us, Harry? 150 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:09,290 A bit too early for me, Arthur. 151 00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:11,970 Ooh. 152 00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:14,410 Interesting bouquet, isn't it? 153 00:08:15,650 --> 00:08:18,670 You're not going to taste it? No, no, but it's just what I'm looking for. 154 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,880 Shall we say eight quid, including delivery? 155 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,160 Eight quid a bottle. 156 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,200 Eight quid a case. 157 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:27,520 And you'll change the labels to read, um, uh, Chateau Winchester. 158 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,000 No, no, no, that's silly. 159 00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:30,960 Souvenir wine from the Winchester Club. 160 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,620 Arthur, you can't expect people to drink this rubbish. 161 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:34,960 Oh, who's talking? 162 00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:37,799 Him whose mates can't drink a bottle of beer without banging a lump of lemon up 163 00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:41,200 his neck. It's for commemorative purposes. People will probably buy it to 164 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:46,170 down. Arthur, I won't be able to fit souvenir wine from the Winchester Club 165 00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:49,150 the labels. Oh, we'll use some abbreviation. Instead of Winchester 166 00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:50,830 use initials. All right? Come on. 167 00:08:55,790 --> 00:08:56,790 Right, Ray? 168 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:03,450 Here I... I hope he knows what he's doing. The man assures me he's fully 169 00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:04,450 qualified. 170 00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:08,890 I don't think this place needs doing up. Oh, come on, Dave. Think of the 171 00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:11,330 punters. It's had less decoration than the Italian army. 172 00:09:13,079 --> 00:09:16,740 Your 25th should be the dawn of a new age for Winchester. We've got to aim to 173 00:09:16,740 --> 00:09:20,240 attract the upmarket like, you know, the Roller and Camellia Coat Brigade. 174 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,720 Yeah, but what about the cost? 175 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,040 Oh, that's all down to me, Dave. 176 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:28,540 I'll take the grand and materials that Art Attack's charging me out of the 177 00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:29,880 I owe you for my share in the business. 178 00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:31,320 How you doing, Art Attack? 179 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,500 When you expect him to surprise you, he don't. 180 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:42,300 I think I can work wonders here, Arthur. 181 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,960 I want to give the place to Paul Monty. 182 00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:47,740 I was thinking of an oriental theme. 183 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:51,460 We could have this wall down and put in a mock pagoda. 184 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:58,740 Then, over here, I could build an alcove and 185 00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:01,460 put up hanging lanterns. 186 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,600 Then I'll cover everything with Japanese grass paper. 187 00:10:05,130 --> 00:10:06,130 You look like a takeaway. 188 00:10:06,390 --> 00:10:08,710 Here, hang about. I'm talking now as senior partner. 189 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,450 Redecoration, you said. I don't want the place rebuilt. 190 00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:12,689 I mean it, Arthur. 191 00:10:12,690 --> 00:10:14,190 All right, Dave. All right. All right. 192 00:10:14,970 --> 00:10:15,889 Art attack. 193 00:10:15,890 --> 00:10:18,830 Perhaps the creative juices are flowing a little too freely. 194 00:10:19,150 --> 00:10:22,630 Bug a bit of anaglypter up and stick some paint on it. And look, knock that 195 00:10:22,630 --> 00:10:25,670 down for Dave in the storeroom. That'll give him more storage space. 196 00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:28,030 All right, you're the governor. If that's what you want. 197 00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:31,870 I never agreed to no wall coming down. It makes sense, Dave. 198 00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:35,640 If we're going to increase our clientele base, we're going to need more room. 199 00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:36,980 Trust me. 200 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:38,140 Dave! 201 00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:41,720 Sorry, it'd be a pain. Right out of tonics. Couldn't lend us a crate, could 202 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,380 Yeah, of course. No problem. 203 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:46,480 Come along, Raymond. I've suddenly remembered an important engagement. 204 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,480 All right, boys. 205 00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:50,320 Vic. Vic. 206 00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:58,260 How long's he been coming in here? 207 00:10:58,620 --> 00:10:59,519 Oh, Vic. 208 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,520 Oh, he's taken over the outing feathers around the corner. 209 00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:10,200 I thought it a nice touch, putting vintage on the label. Oh, that is a 210 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,179 job, Harry. 211 00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:14,540 Hey, Ray, this memorabilia lot may be bigger than I anticipated. 212 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,100 I may have to take on extra staff. 213 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,880 Oh, that's good to hear, Arthur. When's he arriving? 214 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:22,660 Here, look, when you finish that, get some of that old car paint and slap 25 215 00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:23,660 years on these. 216 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,300 So much for the extra staff. 217 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:26,780 What do you think of that, Harry? 218 00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:29,490 Thin, Arthur. 219 00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:32,190 Yeah, the stitching falls apart when you put it over your head. Got one for me 220 00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:33,190 birthday last year. 221 00:11:33,330 --> 00:11:34,630 They are meant to be souvenirs. 222 00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:35,910 They're not supposed to be worn. 223 00:11:36,510 --> 00:11:39,190 Arthur, the T -shirts can't be worn, the wine can't be drunk. 224 00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:42,930 You're going to end up getting lynched. Here is the piece of resistance, Harry. 225 00:11:43,330 --> 00:11:44,690 The Winchester club tie. 226 00:11:45,470 --> 00:11:49,110 No, no, no, it's a great tradition. British club ties are meant to look like 227 00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:49,889 road accident. 228 00:11:49,890 --> 00:11:51,710 I mean, look at that thing the MCC lot wear. 229 00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:53,710 Oh, that is lovely. 230 00:11:54,790 --> 00:11:55,950 See you, Ken. Bye. 231 00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:02,620 Genius, that's the only word for it. You couldn't get better if you had 232 00:12:02,620 --> 00:12:04,020 Michelangelo on the end of the brush. 233 00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:07,540 Well, I must admit, it is going down well with the regulars. Of course it is, 234 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,060 Dave. It gives the old place a bit of style. 235 00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:12,520 Oh, if I was right, Dave, that's the trouble with most publicans. They've got 236 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:13,820 absolutely no style. 237 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,320 Oh, true that is, Vic. 238 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:17,960 Let's have a look at the storeroom, shall we? 239 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,020 Oh, yes. There's much more space now that wall's gone. 240 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,600 That's what you think of turning it into a pool room, Dave. What do you suggest 241 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,600 I do with my stock? 242 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:33,720 Details, Dave, details. You've got to start looking at the bigger picture. 243 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:35,280 Where's Art Attack? 244 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:36,500 I don't know. 245 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,600 He must have just shot off. 246 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,720 Modesty. Quality shared by all the very best interior decorators. 247 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,660 Why is he painted this bit white? 248 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,200 That is what we call tonal modulation. 249 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,640 Let me know if I get too technical for you. 250 00:12:52,979 --> 00:12:54,020 What are all these cracks? 251 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,660 Looks a bit effing to me. 252 00:12:56,540 --> 00:13:00,340 Don't you have a pub to run? Well, I asked Art Attack about that and he 253 00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,340 it was shrinkage. 254 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:02,520 Well, there you are then. 255 00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:11,140 Arthur. 256 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,039 Where's Alan? 257 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,740 As far as I knew, he's doing up your pub. 258 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,780 And he packed his bag and done a runner. 259 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,040 And you don't know where he's gone? 260 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:22,899 No idea. 261 00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:25,380 Well, if he turns up, tell him Arthur Daly wants a word. 262 00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:27,460 You don't mind risking his heart working? 263 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,040 Any other sort of exertion if you don't want to know? 264 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,020 Who'd fancy a cup of tea, do you? 265 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:35,980 Nothing. 266 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,820 Well, Vic reckons that all that is subsidence. 267 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:46,800 What does he know? Quite a bit, I'd say. 268 00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:49,970 Who knocked down that wall in the storeroom? Our interior designer. 269 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,250 He's fully qualified. 270 00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:52,850 I'd like you to give me his name. 271 00:13:53,170 --> 00:13:54,550 Why? Do you want to use him? No. 272 00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:58,550 I want to warn our other clients to avoid him. That wall he's demolished was 273 00:13:58,550 --> 00:14:01,290 part of a load -bearing wall. He should have replaced it with an RSJ. 274 00:14:01,630 --> 00:14:03,310 I knew it was a mistake listening to you. 275 00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:05,830 Well, put an RS whatever it is in now. 276 00:14:06,070 --> 00:14:07,070 It's too late, I'm afraid. 277 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:10,370 I'll have to do a detailed survey to confirm it, but I'm more or less certain 278 00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:13,710 that these cracks have been caused by undue pressure on the foundations, 279 00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:14,710 them to shift. 280 00:14:14,830 --> 00:14:16,170 It's all going to need underpinning. 281 00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:18,030 How much is that lot going to cost? 282 00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:19,630 Give or take a couple of hundred. 283 00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:21,210 £30 ,000, I'd say. 284 00:14:22,370 --> 00:14:23,370 That'd be great. 285 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:27,010 Well, don't just stand there making a crisis out of a crisis. Get the 286 00:14:27,010 --> 00:14:30,990 check. I'm sorry, but you knocking that wall down violated the terms of your 287 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,490 policy. Your insurance is invalid. 288 00:14:32,930 --> 00:14:35,550 And until the work's done, this is a dangerous structure. 289 00:14:35,990 --> 00:14:38,530 I'm going to have to recommend to the council that the Winchester's shut. 290 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,340 This is a poignant moment. 291 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:52,480 We've weathered recessions, winter of discontent, three -day week, but never 292 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,360 all that time have the welcoming portals of the Winchester been closed. 293 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:59,000 I tell you what, Art Attack better stay in Iden if he knows what's good for him. 294 00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:02,360 Right now he's the second most hated man on the manor. Who's the first? 295 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:03,760 Well, who do you think, Arthur? 296 00:15:04,180 --> 00:15:05,180 Me? 297 00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:07,320 I engage that man in all good faith. 298 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,610 Well, the land... Lord has given us a week. If we ain't come up with 30 grand, 299 00:15:13,670 --> 00:15:16,930 he's going to sue us for the cost of repairs, plus the loss of revenue for 300 00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:19,970 being able to rent out a place. Oh, my God. Well, just remember, I'm a minor 301 00:15:19,970 --> 00:15:21,950 shareholder. But major blameholder. 302 00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:25,970 Now, listen, Arthur. If you don't come out with that money within a week, the 303 00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:28,810 Winchester Club's going to be shut for good, and that'll be my living down a 304 00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:32,430 pan. All right, Dave, all right. Rest assured, I will do everything in my 305 00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:33,430 to get this sorted. 306 00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:38,350 Now, let's just go and sit down and talk about it calmly and quietly over a 307 00:15:38,350 --> 00:15:39,350 drink. All right. 308 00:15:42,060 --> 00:15:43,580 Where do you suggest we go then, Arthur? 309 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,560 Vic? 310 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,060 I reckon that a pint shot will come up with about seven grand. 311 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:54,680 Well, Arthur? 312 00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:58,720 Well, at a stretch, I suppose I could probably match that. 313 00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:02,180 You must be able to do better than that, Arthur. That hardly covers what you owe 314 00:16:02,180 --> 00:16:05,720 me. Times are hard. This anniversary was supposed to be my salvation, remember? 315 00:16:06,270 --> 00:16:07,730 He could liquidise some of your assets. 316 00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:10,210 Well, Frankie Miller said he'd give you five grand for those two motors. 317 00:16:10,450 --> 00:16:12,110 That's a grand less than what I paid for them. 318 00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,950 Remember what Mr. McCorber said. 319 00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:17,590 Frog something for less than you paid for it, and you'll soon be up a swanny 320 00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:18,590 without a paddle. 321 00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:19,870 Thanks a bunch, Arthur. 322 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,770 fair everyone having a pop at me. You just promised to move heaven and earth, 323 00:16:33,810 --> 00:16:35,250 and now you want to move a couple of capris. 324 00:16:35,510 --> 00:16:38,230 All right, all right, I'll unload the cars, I'll let you have the five grand, 325 00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,070 but that's a lot. 326 00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:42,850 I'm cleaned up. Yeah, so leave us 11 grand, sure. 327 00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:45,210 Yeah, right. What about your secret offshore account? 328 00:16:52,170 --> 00:16:53,550 Excuse me, excuse me, miss. 329 00:16:55,630 --> 00:16:57,210 Why do they keep ignoring me? 330 00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:59,970 Well, I don't think they know how important you are here, are they? 331 00:17:00,370 --> 00:17:02,550 These bits of gold have got no business behind the bar. 332 00:17:03,010 --> 00:17:05,650 They lack your maturity, Dave. What can I get you, Ray? 333 00:17:05,869 --> 00:17:07,069 Oh, a large VAT, please. 334 00:17:07,349 --> 00:17:08,329 I beg your pardon? 335 00:17:08,329 --> 00:17:10,930 A large VAT. No, it's all right, Sandra, it's with me. I'll have a large rock 336 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,490 and tonic and a couple of bars of lager. 337 00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:14,369 Can you do something about this music? 338 00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:18,670 Well, ban all music in pubs. Yeah, we don't want people starting to join 339 00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:19,670 themselves, do we? 340 00:17:20,969 --> 00:17:26,410 Chaps, what can I say? You must be double gutted. I know I am. Well, hey, 341 00:17:26,829 --> 00:17:30,350 Listen, you're not comfortable here. There's a function room upstairs you can 342 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:32,190 use. Some of your regulars there already. 343 00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:38,170 I'll show you. All right. I'll get these, shall I? Yeah, good lad. 344 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,390 We'll see you upstairs. 345 00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:42,310 Yeah, find yourself some. 346 00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:43,590 Oh, thanks. 347 00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:46,550 Is that who I thought it was? 348 00:17:46,870 --> 00:17:48,530 Unless you're from the Inland River and you're here. 349 00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:50,810 Told my dad I'd tell you a couple of months back. 350 00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:52,209 Sorry about that. 351 00:17:52,210 --> 00:17:53,390 No, it works fine. 352 00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:54,970 Dad reckoned it was a bargain. 353 00:17:55,810 --> 00:17:57,490 Satisfied customer. We all know him and his stuff. 354 00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:00,210 Cheers. 355 00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:03,910 Yeah, looks like we might be using this as our local for a little while. 356 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,129 That's nice. 357 00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:06,770 So we'll be seeing a lot more of each other. 358 00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:08,250 You and your dog. 359 00:18:09,550 --> 00:18:10,670 I think I just might. 360 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,530 Mightn't there up to be anything, am I? 361 00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:16,410 No, Gloria, I was just telling... 362 00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:19,210 Well, you know Founder, don't you? Hello, Founder. Yeah, I was just telling 363 00:18:19,210 --> 00:18:21,830 that, well, a good job that Vic was doing with the Poe. 364 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,310 The club's dead. 365 00:18:25,910 --> 00:18:29,310 I swore I'd never drink in your company again, Arthur. Me neither. 366 00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:33,410 As far as I'm concerned, you're responsible for me being booted out of a 367 00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:34,710 that I regard as my second home. 368 00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:38,890 Winchester's more like my first home. Look, for the last time, it's Arthur 369 00:18:38,890 --> 00:18:40,570 who got the blame for this debacle, not me. 370 00:18:41,169 --> 00:18:44,270 Besides, I've already pledged a considerable cash sum towards repairs. 371 00:18:44,810 --> 00:18:46,870 Look, all these recriminations are getting us nowhere. 372 00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:48,310 At last, the voice of reason. 373 00:18:48,550 --> 00:18:51,270 What we should be doing is thinking of ways to raise the necessary to get the 374 00:18:51,270 --> 00:18:52,270 Winchester open again. 375 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:53,450 Oh, we're bunging your whip, man. 376 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:54,389 Listen to that. 377 00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:57,110 Must do your art good to hear you're held in such esteem, Dave. 378 00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:58,450 Very kind of you, Barry. 379 00:18:58,650 --> 00:19:01,870 Bunging fibres into a hat is not going to solve our problem. We've got to think 380 00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:02,990 on a much bigger scale. 381 00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:05,930 Why don't you arrange some sort of fundraising event? 382 00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:07,690 Oh, yeah. What about a marathon? 383 00:19:09,030 --> 00:19:10,030 All right. 384 00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:11,860 Parachute jump. Will you be sensible? 385 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:15,380 They had a charity bash down at the football club a couple of weeks ago. 386 00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:17,340 My old man won a fondue. 387 00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:18,719 That's it, Pete. 388 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,260 We're going to organise a Winchester at 11 and have a football match. 389 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,760 Look, maybe I'm short -sighted, Raymond, but how are we going to raise money by 390 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,000 chucking four coats on the ground and kicking a ball about? 391 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,360 It'll be a benefit match like the testimonials they have at the Arsenal, 392 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,640 we can charge the punters an entrance fee, all the proceeds go to Winchester. 393 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,680 Yeah, but who are we going to play? 394 00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:37,180 How about West Ham? 395 00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:38,460 Leave it, Ed. 396 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,760 Yeah. How about the old bill? Are you mad? 397 00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:43,220 Oh, it's brilliant. 398 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:46,320 Well, think about it. There's a load of people to pay to see a team from the 399 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,380 Winchester meet their coppers head on. That's right. You can count me in. 400 00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:52,240 There's a couple of uniforms I wouldn't mind meeting in the tackle, eh? 401 00:19:52,460 --> 00:19:54,020 Hey, and there's no need to worry about kit. 402 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,700 I turned over a sports wear -out last week. 403 00:19:56,940 --> 00:20:00,020 My kitchen's carrying more Scotland lily whites in a minute. It's a bit louder, 404 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,300 George. I don't think Scotland Yard heard that. Yeah, I do think you'll be a 405 00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:06,660 dodgy, you know, playing the law dressed in knocked -off clobber. You can have a 406 00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:10,120 charity auction after the game. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I saw one of them at 407 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:10,979 boxing do. 408 00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:12,040 Raised a pile of bread. 409 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,440 Mind you, they did have Samantha Fox as the auctioneer. Well, that's no problem. 410 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:19,380 We can get a celebrity in to do ours. Yeah, Monty Fish is the man you want for 411 00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:22,480 that. He got an East Ender, Ronnie Dyson, to open one of his dress shops. 412 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:23,920 Right, we'll leave that to you then, Arthur, yeah? 413 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,980 All I can say is thanks very much, everyone. 414 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,320 Let's have another drink. 415 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:33,080 I reckon under the circumstances, it's Arthur's round. 416 00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:34,660 Period. 417 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,300 All right, bang it on my slate. 418 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,240 Arthur, you ain't got a slate here. 419 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,080 Arthur Daly getting in around for cash. 420 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,420 It's almost worth having the winches to close just to see that. 421 00:21:21,390 --> 00:21:22,390 Good night, Sid. 422 00:21:26,670 --> 00:21:28,470 Putting in a bit of overtime, are we, Thor? 423 00:21:29,010 --> 00:21:30,010 Somebody's got to do it. 424 00:21:30,430 --> 00:21:33,510 If it was left to you, the only place you'd find a villain would be in a pub. 425 00:21:33,930 --> 00:21:36,350 I've put away more villains than you'll ever meet. 426 00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:38,330 Bone. 427 00:21:40,750 --> 00:21:42,690 There's a trouble with these flyers from Endham. 428 00:21:43,830 --> 00:21:44,830 They're out of touch. 429 00:21:54,190 --> 00:21:56,030 I've got something you might be interested in. 430 00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:10,310 Look, I'm gonna go. 431 00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:11,850 No, not yet, Glor. 432 00:22:13,950 --> 00:22:14,950 Hey, Rafa. 433 00:22:15,050 --> 00:22:16,310 Ain't it about time you were off? 434 00:22:18,390 --> 00:22:19,690 No, it's only 11 o 'clock. 435 00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:23,070 Much too early. I'll go home now. We're indoors. They'll think I'm ill. 436 00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:24,810 Doesn't she worry where you are? 437 00:22:26,190 --> 00:22:28,070 We got over all that nonsense years ago. 438 00:22:31,290 --> 00:22:32,850 You know, it's true what they say. 439 00:22:33,610 --> 00:22:35,850 You never miss your water till the well runs dry. 440 00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:39,330 I was completely at a loss tonight without the Winchester. 441 00:22:40,490 --> 00:22:43,730 And Vic's place is no substitute. I mean, I've got enough money worries 442 00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:44,730 having to pay for the drinks. 443 00:22:45,090 --> 00:22:46,290 It's much cheaper here, eh? 444 00:22:47,130 --> 00:22:50,470 Look, Arthur, I don't want to be rude, but I'd like a little bit of time to 445 00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:51,470 myself. 446 00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:53,620 With... Gloria, that is. 447 00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:56,280 Well, don't worry about me, Ray. 448 00:22:57,060 --> 00:22:58,060 I won't get in the way. 449 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,900 Good afternoon, my dear. Is Monty about? 450 00:23:44,180 --> 00:23:45,820 Yeah, did you have an appointment with Mr Fish? 451 00:23:46,140 --> 00:23:47,780 Tell him it's Arthur Daly. He'll fit me in. 452 00:23:58,020 --> 00:24:03,700 Isn't that the, um, you know, the geezer in the bleach advert? 453 00:24:04,140 --> 00:24:05,140 Yeah. 454 00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:08,040 He looks taller on the telly. 455 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,280 So what do you reckon? Any chance of your mob putting out a team? 456 00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:26,900 Come on. 457 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,800 Yeah, I wouldn't mind. It'd be a bit of a laugh. 458 00:24:30,060 --> 00:24:32,000 But I can't see you -know -who being too keen. 459 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,320 He gets a bit irrational when it comes to anything to do with Uncle Arthur. 460 00:24:36,700 --> 00:24:39,360 Young Daly, what have you been arrested for? 461 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,540 Nothing. I've just come to ask a favour. A favour? I'm a police officer, 462 00:24:43,660 --> 00:24:44,780 Raymond, not a social worker. 463 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,000 They're having a football match in aid of the Winchester. 464 00:24:47,550 --> 00:24:50,950 And they wanted us to put up a team to play them. You seriously expect us to 465 00:24:50,950 --> 00:24:53,010 play soccer with the people you associate with? 466 00:24:54,010 --> 00:24:55,010 I'll get the message. 467 00:24:55,850 --> 00:24:58,370 Forget it. No, no, we'll do that. 468 00:25:00,070 --> 00:25:01,070 Are you serious? 469 00:25:02,010 --> 00:25:03,010 Certainly. 470 00:25:03,530 --> 00:25:04,530 A nice one. 471 00:25:05,730 --> 00:25:06,730 See you on the pitch. 472 00:25:09,590 --> 00:25:11,130 Community relations talk. 473 00:25:31,420 --> 00:25:32,840 Arthur. Monty. Come in. 474 00:25:33,820 --> 00:25:34,820 Take the weight off. 475 00:25:36,260 --> 00:25:37,440 Now, what do you think of this, Arthur? 476 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:38,920 Isn't she something? 477 00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:43,140 How are you, Monty? 478 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,020 Oh, making a crust. 479 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,280 Yourself? Much the same. 480 00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:49,720 Oh, isn't she a little darling? 481 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:58,000 Drink? Oh, no, no. It's a bit too early for me. I wouldn't say no to one of your 482 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,100 lardies. Oh, certainly. 483 00:26:11,150 --> 00:26:16,410 Well, what can I do you for? Well, I don't know whether you are aware of the 484 00:26:16,410 --> 00:26:19,550 plight of the Winchester Club at present. Yes, I am. It's a tragedy. 485 00:26:19,790 --> 00:26:23,790 Yeah. I hope that little Herbert that knocked that wall down is going to get 486 00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:24,749 just desserts. 487 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:28,050 Oh, he will. He will. The moment his boat is sighted, he will get a copious 488 00:26:28,050 --> 00:26:30,770 slapping. Whatever made Dave employ such a prat? 489 00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:32,570 Who knows? Who knows? 490 00:26:32,910 --> 00:26:37,070 Anyway, in order to raise some money, we are going to hold a benefit football 491 00:26:37,070 --> 00:26:38,730 match and a charity auction. 492 00:26:39,210 --> 00:26:43,730 And we thought if we got a well -known face to do the kick -off, play the 493 00:26:43,730 --> 00:26:47,590 auctioneer, and make himself generally available to Joe Public for autographs 494 00:26:47,590 --> 00:26:49,290 and so forth, it would boost the crowds. 495 00:26:49,610 --> 00:26:50,610 Good idea. 496 00:26:51,090 --> 00:26:53,230 Did you have a particular celebrity in mind? 497 00:26:53,490 --> 00:26:56,910 Well, we want someone who's a draw, you know, someone with a certain amount of 498 00:26:56,910 --> 00:27:01,290 gravity. I was thinking in terms of Brucie or Tarby, that area. 499 00:27:01,650 --> 00:27:05,710 Well, it's possible I could get you someone like that, but mind you, their 500 00:27:05,710 --> 00:27:06,710 are a bit steep. 501 00:27:07,020 --> 00:27:10,900 Ah, I don't think I've made myself clear, Monty. You see, being a 502 00:27:10,900 --> 00:27:13,760 event, we were wondering if they'd be prepared to, um, 503 00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,800 waive their fee and do the whole thing for gratis. 504 00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:19,120 Well, I mean, it does have showbiz connections. 505 00:27:19,580 --> 00:27:23,120 I can remember dear old Dickie Valentine doing a turn there in the 60s, and they 506 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:27,760 get a very big splash from a local rag and gratitude from the local community. 507 00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:30,360 Yes, but we're the best one in the world, Arthur. 508 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,740 You can hardly call the Winchester Drinking Club a worthy cause. 509 00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:35,500 Look. 510 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,180 I can do you a minor soap star for 200. 511 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,120 An ex -soap star comes even cheaper. 512 00:27:41,620 --> 00:27:45,100 Hey, what about your lad who does the bleach advert? 513 00:27:45,380 --> 00:27:46,380 Would he be interested? 514 00:27:56,820 --> 00:27:57,820 What's up with everyone? 515 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,120 There's been a bit of a problem on the manor. 516 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:03,340 George has been nicked. 517 00:28:04,730 --> 00:28:05,569 You're joking. 518 00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:08,010 Well, that's his worry. We're up to here with problems of our own. 519 00:28:08,390 --> 00:28:11,850 Did you get hold of the celebrity, Arthur? No, I didn't. But did you try? 520 00:28:12,290 --> 00:28:15,170 Even Lionel didn't want to know any turnout for the opening of an envelope. 521 00:28:15,590 --> 00:28:18,690 And I thank you not to give me aggravation at a time like this. You're 522 00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:19,990 Never mind. 523 00:28:20,130 --> 00:28:22,670 Morley's agreed to put a team up, so we should still get a decent turnout. 524 00:28:22,950 --> 00:28:26,470 Yeah, but without a celebrity, we can't charge much more than a fiver. I mean, 525 00:28:26,490 --> 00:28:27,930 at best, we're only going to make a couple of grand. 526 00:28:28,290 --> 00:28:31,290 It's a bit short of 11 ,000, isn't it? Well, what about the charity auction? 527 00:28:32,490 --> 00:28:34,570 The nations are coming in very slowly, Ray. 528 00:28:34,970 --> 00:28:36,170 It's because Arthur's involved. 529 00:28:36,430 --> 00:28:38,230 Everyone thinks it's some sort of fiddle. 530 00:28:38,510 --> 00:28:41,470 I'm very wounded at everyone's attitude towards me in this matter. 531 00:28:42,790 --> 00:28:43,990 Charles, any change? 532 00:28:48,290 --> 00:28:50,630 Do you know what that round cost? 533 00:28:51,310 --> 00:28:52,790 Vic's charging what he likes. 534 00:28:53,230 --> 00:28:57,430 It grieves me to see the profits from all our regulars going into Vic's 535 00:28:57,430 --> 00:28:58,490 instead of the Winchester's. 536 00:28:59,810 --> 00:29:01,290 Well, they're not, are they, Arthur? 537 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,240 And that is why I am looking for a job. 538 00:29:04,580 --> 00:29:07,020 Don't you worry, Dave. I'll find something for you. 539 00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:08,820 No, thanks, Arthur. 540 00:29:18,140 --> 00:29:20,020 Here, Dave. You know what's happened now? 541 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,020 Yeah? Sammy Boo's been nicked. 542 00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:23,300 What for? 543 00:29:23,940 --> 00:29:24,859 Nobody knows. 544 00:29:24,860 --> 00:29:26,200 He reckons he was fitted up. 545 00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:28,720 Well, that's the fourth this week. 546 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:30,440 We'll be lucky if we have a team. 547 00:29:30,990 --> 00:29:33,670 Even Morley wouldn't be nicking people just to nub all the Winchester, would 548 00:29:34,430 --> 00:29:35,430 Why don't you ask him? 549 00:29:36,830 --> 00:29:37,830 Right. 550 00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:41,550 Your governor's been a bit free with the charges this week, hasn't he? 551 00:29:41,750 --> 00:29:42,790 That's nothing to do with us. 552 00:29:43,250 --> 00:29:45,710 I just hope you're putting up some sort of opposition daily. 553 00:29:45,910 --> 00:29:47,350 Remember, you talked me into this. 554 00:29:48,490 --> 00:29:49,490 Come on. 555 00:29:50,670 --> 00:29:54,270 Are you sure I can't persuade you to stay and watch the Mac, Padre? No, 556 00:29:54,350 --> 00:29:55,530 I really ought to be going, can't you? 557 00:29:55,850 --> 00:29:57,750 Sunday's my rush day, you know. Yeah, of course. 558 00:29:57,950 --> 00:29:58,950 Oh, and... 559 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:00,300 Thanks again for the eye on the ground. 560 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,040 Are you sure you won't accept a fee? 561 00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:03,940 Certainly not. It's a pleasure to help. 562 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,560 Winchester's always been one of my favourite cathedrals. Goodbye. 563 00:30:07,860 --> 00:30:08,860 Goodbye, Vicar. 564 00:30:08,980 --> 00:30:09,980 Thanks, Vicar. 565 00:30:10,780 --> 00:30:12,300 Don't seem right somehow, Arthur. 566 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:13,880 Calling the clergy? 567 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,440 He's the one who married me and her indoors. 568 00:30:17,100 --> 00:30:19,560 I prefer to think of it as settling an old score. 569 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,200 Right, time for the team talk. Give the boys a bit of encouragement. Right. 570 00:30:30,900 --> 00:30:34,480 Yeah, now listen, it's all down to us now, lads. So no clowning about and keep 571 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:37,380 the ball in the move, yeah? Now, look, if we could just put the brake on the 572 00:30:37,380 --> 00:30:40,280 banter for a minute or two, I'd like to say a few words. Now, settle down, boys, 573 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:41,079 settle down. 574 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:42,520 Now, first off, tactics. 575 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:46,820 I've examined all the options, kick and run, sweep them up and under, and the 576 00:30:46,820 --> 00:30:51,040 long balls, and I've come down in favour of total football. I want us to echo 577 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:54,580 the great Brazilian teams of the past with our flowing thoughts and our 578 00:30:54,580 --> 00:30:56,640 legwork. Right, we'll let that check out. Is that clear? 579 00:30:57,540 --> 00:31:00,280 Crystal, come on, let's get you. And I also want you to consider... 580 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,720 Why we are here? To work one up Morley and his mob, right? 581 00:31:04,020 --> 00:31:07,760 No, Barry, something far more important than that. The fate of the Winchester 582 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:08,860 Club is in your hands. 583 00:31:09,100 --> 00:31:12,780 I want you to go out there and inspire them fans to put their hands deep in 584 00:31:12,780 --> 00:31:16,960 their pockets and buy them charity souvenirs. And remember the words of 585 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:18,120 England's greatest leader. 586 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:19,379 Gary Lineker? 587 00:31:19,380 --> 00:31:20,400 Winston Churchill. 588 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:27,840 I have nothing to give but blood, toil, sweat... and sweat. 589 00:31:28,540 --> 00:31:31,740 Never... On the football field of human conflict. 590 00:31:32,300 --> 00:31:34,800 Who is that? I'm trying to motivate people here. 591 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,680 What are you... All right, Arthur. 592 00:31:38,420 --> 00:31:42,080 I am not a violent man, but I'm quite happy to make an exception. Calm down, 593 00:31:42,220 --> 00:31:43,400 Arthur. Just calm down. 594 00:31:44,220 --> 00:31:48,820 Arthur, Dave, I'm sick about what happened on this, but I can make it up 595 00:31:49,060 --> 00:31:50,060 Impossible. 596 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:51,400 This is yours. 597 00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:53,620 What is it? 598 00:31:54,540 --> 00:31:56,160 Money. What money? 599 00:31:56,420 --> 00:31:57,620 I ain't got time to count it. 600 00:31:58,030 --> 00:32:00,070 I come straight here after I've done Vic's place over. 601 00:32:00,550 --> 00:32:01,890 Are you completely mental? 602 00:32:02,230 --> 00:32:05,750 There's a little old bill out there to sing the Alleluia Chorus, and you turn 603 00:32:05,750 --> 00:32:07,210 with a bag full of stolen reddies? 604 00:32:07,450 --> 00:32:08,450 I'm sorry, Arthur. 605 00:32:08,630 --> 00:32:11,750 I thought I'd get my own back on Vic and pay you back at the same time, see? 606 00:32:12,350 --> 00:32:13,530 It's only his grass money. 607 00:32:13,810 --> 00:32:15,210 Ray, tell me this is a nightmare. 608 00:32:17,710 --> 00:32:22,570 Arnott, did you say that this was Vic's grass money? I haven't seen him for 609 00:32:22,570 --> 00:32:23,950 years till he come in your drinker. 610 00:32:24,550 --> 00:32:25,990 Slick Vic, the policeman's pal. 611 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:30,160 It was him that got me set down last time. He must have put a finger on 612 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:30,859 and the others. 613 00:32:30,860 --> 00:32:34,000 Well, in no circumstances, I don't mind accepting a few extra fibres for the 614 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,000 Winchester fund. 615 00:32:35,300 --> 00:32:36,500 How much was there in the till? 616 00:32:36,740 --> 00:32:37,740 Not a lot, Arthur. 617 00:32:38,300 --> 00:32:40,400 But it was ten grand in the safe. Oh, God! 618 00:32:41,740 --> 00:32:43,380 How do you think we're going to hang on to this? 619 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,600 What will you do about laundering, Arthur? 620 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:49,300 Laundering? You need to know about conjuring to make this disappear. 621 00:32:49,660 --> 00:32:51,960 Arthur, this will be the answer to our prayers. 622 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,280 I mean, I don't suppose that auction's going to be worth a lot. 623 00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:55,970 It's worth more than you think, Dave. 624 00:32:56,210 --> 00:33:03,030 If I could get Gloria to tell the boys to work... Am I 625 00:33:03,030 --> 00:33:04,030 interrupting something? 626 00:33:04,090 --> 00:33:07,130 No, just discussing tactics in privacy. 627 00:33:07,470 --> 00:33:09,670 Can't be too careful. You know what policemen are like. 628 00:33:10,190 --> 00:33:11,190 Oh, don't mind me. 629 00:33:11,510 --> 00:33:13,250 I'm completely impartial, of course. 630 00:33:15,250 --> 00:33:17,050 I didn't realise you were actually playing. 631 00:33:17,310 --> 00:33:18,310 Me? 632 00:33:18,500 --> 00:33:21,820 Oh, no, no, no. I'm just here in executive capacity. 633 00:33:22,060 --> 00:33:22,679 Oh, good. 634 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,260 Only one of the linesmen needs some kit. 635 00:33:24,540 --> 00:33:25,540 Oh, attack! 636 00:33:26,300 --> 00:33:27,219 Get changed. 637 00:33:27,220 --> 00:33:28,220 Move. 638 00:33:30,340 --> 00:33:31,560 Our midfield dynamo. 639 00:33:36,380 --> 00:33:37,380 Thorpe. 640 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,100 How very unfortunate. 641 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:46,500 No, you're right. You can't go to the police in the normal way, can you? 642 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,140 Let me explain something to you, Vic. 643 00:33:50,620 --> 00:33:53,880 To me, you're just a useful furbit. Like a plumber. 644 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,600 You mend the pipes, I pay the bills. 645 00:33:57,220 --> 00:33:58,920 You drop the money down a drain. 646 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:00,500 Not my problem. 647 00:34:02,940 --> 00:34:05,200 Well, I suggest you do what you always do. 648 00:34:05,540 --> 00:34:07,440 Keep your ear to the keyhole. 649 00:34:16,060 --> 00:34:17,060 Thank you for coming. 650 00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,640 For your sake, that bulge in your sock is nothing more dangerous than a shin 651 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,100 pad. That's all there are, Mr. Morley. 652 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:12,840 Phil? Edson. 653 00:35:14,220 --> 00:35:15,800 Yeah, we'll have a kick -off. 654 00:35:16,220 --> 00:35:17,220 We'll stay as we are. 655 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:18,600 Uh, Phil? 656 00:35:19,460 --> 00:35:20,740 Can I have my coin back? 657 00:35:21,180 --> 00:35:23,060 Oh, sorry about that, Sarge. 658 00:35:23,260 --> 00:35:27,380 Rhett! Rhett! All right, if I comes on, one of my players needs treatment. 659 00:35:27,980 --> 00:35:30,220 Why? What's wrong with him? Well, he says it's crap. 660 00:35:30,500 --> 00:35:32,580 How can he have? We haven't even kicked off yet. 661 00:35:33,290 --> 00:35:36,590 That's a run down the off -licence before the game. That's a fair step. 662 00:35:36,590 --> 00:35:37,590 treat him off the pitch. 663 00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:38,970 I want to get on. 664 00:35:39,070 --> 00:35:40,070 Come on, Winchester. 665 00:36:23,530 --> 00:36:24,530 I prefer football. 666 00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,740 told me you'd turned up again. I just want a little word, sweetheart. 667 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,160 You know what a little word you'll get. Come on, darling. 668 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:05,100 You'll always let a man in, won't you? Of course I will. 669 00:38:05,780 --> 00:38:06,860 Did you bring one with you? 670 00:38:07,500 --> 00:38:08,720 Listen, I've been done over. 671 00:38:09,380 --> 00:38:11,240 If it was him, I'll make him sorry. 672 00:38:11,540 --> 00:38:12,399 I'll tell him. 673 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:13,800 If I see him. 674 00:38:14,420 --> 00:38:15,420 Gonna move your foot? 675 00:38:15,700 --> 00:38:16,700 I'll find him, you know. 676 00:38:17,340 --> 00:38:18,339 Ah! God! 677 00:38:18,340 --> 00:38:19,340 Bitch! 678 00:40:38,570 --> 00:40:39,710 safe to leave it in the dressing room. 679 00:40:40,130 --> 00:40:41,210 It's safer out here. 680 00:40:41,550 --> 00:40:42,690 I'll have to get rid of it. 681 00:40:43,490 --> 00:40:44,670 Ain't it a lot of time yet? 682 00:40:48,830 --> 00:40:51,510 Come on, keep on your feet. 683 00:40:53,570 --> 00:40:56,070 Just keep playing your natural game and expressing yourself. 684 00:40:57,930 --> 00:40:58,930 Two on down. 685 00:40:59,410 --> 00:41:00,890 And they haven't even rubbed the sweat yet. 686 00:41:01,130 --> 00:41:03,510 You've got to start getting it tight in the back and hit them on the break. 687 00:41:03,830 --> 00:41:04,850 Yeah, that's right, Ray. 688 00:41:28,940 --> 00:41:29,940 What? 689 00:43:12,629 --> 00:43:13,629 Matchup end. 690 00:43:50,190 --> 00:43:51,190 No hard feelings, Phil? 691 00:43:52,010 --> 00:43:53,010 No, Sarge. 692 00:43:53,070 --> 00:43:55,890 I mean, what's the sending off compared with the coroner, eh? 693 00:43:56,650 --> 00:43:57,650 Pity about that. 694 00:43:57,850 --> 00:43:59,050 I want to enjoy myself. 695 00:44:01,310 --> 00:44:02,310 Ladies and gentlemen. 696 00:44:04,190 --> 00:44:09,190 Ladies and gentlemen, I'll bring good tidings. I have just come from Alan's 697 00:44:09,190 --> 00:44:12,430 bedside, where he's making a good recovery in the arms of his loving wife, 698 00:44:12,590 --> 00:44:13,590 Angie. 699 00:44:15,270 --> 00:44:18,890 He sends his best and says any contribution he has made to save the 700 00:44:18,890 --> 00:44:20,950 Fund... was well worth the effort. 701 00:44:22,750 --> 00:44:25,890 Charge your glasses and let the auction commence. 702 00:44:27,370 --> 00:44:28,370 Ladies, 703 00:44:33,390 --> 00:44:34,830 gentlemen, and me uncle Arthur. 704 00:44:35,690 --> 00:44:39,790 As you know, this auction's on behalf of an institution we all hold dear. The 705 00:44:39,790 --> 00:44:40,790 Winchester Club. 706 00:44:41,730 --> 00:44:45,970 And for a man we both like and admire, ladies and gentlemen, I'll give you 707 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:53,480 So I hope you're all in a very generous mood tonight. Now, lot number one has 708 00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:57,760 been donated by my very own mother and is an ornament in the shape of a Spanish 709 00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:58,760 dancer. 710 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:00,960 I think the middle will go for that. 711 00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,100 Yeah, looks quite attractive, Sergeant. 712 00:45:04,300 --> 00:45:05,660 So who'll start the bidding? 713 00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:10,680 £10. Seeing is believing, ladies and gentlemen. A £10 bid from Detective 714 00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:11,680 Sergeant Morley. 715 00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:15,340 £250. £250 from the back. I'll bid £300. 716 00:45:15,620 --> 00:45:17,260 £300 at the front. That's ridiculous. 717 00:45:17,900 --> 00:45:18,900 £450. 718 00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:22,440 £4 .50 at the back. £4 .50, £4 .50. 719 00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:23,920 Going. 720 00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,800 Knocked out a peewee for £450, ladies and gentlemen. 721 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:33,440 Now, lot number two has been donated by yet another member of my family. No 722 00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:34,460 prizes for guessing who. 723 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:39,280 And it's half a dozen cases of a lovely little wire, nice little tipple, the 724 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:40,280 Chateau Winchester. 725 00:45:40,900 --> 00:45:44,640 Now, I can guarantee you, ladies and gentlemen, this is a genuine daily 726 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,840 edition. He's only got another 50 cases back in the lock -up. 727 00:45:49,260 --> 00:45:51,440 That boy is seriously lacking in respect for me. 728 00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:53,040 So who'll start the bidding on this one? 729 00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:54,780 250 quid. 730 00:45:55,060 --> 00:45:56,520 250 quid a piece? 731 00:45:56,740 --> 00:45:59,560 300. 300 for the charming young lady in the middle there? 732 00:46:00,100 --> 00:46:04,420 400. 400. Thank you, sir. You know, Arthur, at this rate, I reckon we can 733 00:46:04,420 --> 00:46:05,420 10 grand. 734 00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:10,480 10 ,355 pounds at least, Dave. 800 pounds for a lady. 800. 735 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:12,780 Going once, twice. 736 00:46:14,100 --> 00:46:16,740 Sold to Lady Hawthorne for 800 subs, ladies and gentlemen. 737 00:46:22,060 --> 00:46:25,220 What's going on here? I don't know if it's a cynical Mr Morley. What you are 738 00:46:25,220 --> 00:46:28,620 witnessing is a genuine outpouring of affection for the Winchester Club. 739 00:46:28,900 --> 00:46:32,040 Right, ladies and gentlemen, Gloria, next item, please. 740 00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,860 Lot number three, and I'm sure you'll all be very pleased about this, is a 741 00:46:35,860 --> 00:46:36,859 copper's helmet. 742 00:46:36,860 --> 00:46:37,860 Too bold. 743 00:46:38,540 --> 00:46:43,620 This was the very copper's helmet found outside the Winchester in 1975 that was 744 00:46:43,620 --> 00:46:48,400 involved in the Wilsdon Market Traders' Punch -Up and donated today by Harry the 745 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:49,940 At -Hawkins. Nice one, Harold. 746 00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:00,150 Leaving so soon, Vic? 747 00:47:00,610 --> 00:47:03,830 Harper, I want to show you something before you go, yeah? 748 00:47:05,030 --> 00:47:06,030 Look. 749 00:47:08,830 --> 00:47:09,830 Amazing, isn't it? 750 00:47:10,950 --> 00:47:11,950 What is? 751 00:47:12,950 --> 00:47:14,230 Grass, Vic, grass. 752 00:47:14,930 --> 00:47:16,810 Springs up in the most unexpected places. 753 00:47:17,990 --> 00:47:19,570 See all them brown patches out there? 754 00:47:20,790 --> 00:47:23,090 That's where he got trodden on by Big Heavy Boots. 755 00:47:23,610 --> 00:47:25,310 Never seems to come back after that. 756 00:47:26,230 --> 00:47:27,230 It won't happen again. 757 00:47:27,970 --> 00:47:28,970 Trust me on it. 758 00:47:29,070 --> 00:47:30,070 I trust you, Vic. 759 00:47:30,150 --> 00:47:34,330 I trust you to get off this manor for good tonight before I put word around 760 00:47:34,330 --> 00:47:35,930 about you and your little sideline. 761 00:47:36,150 --> 00:47:37,150 For my pub? 762 00:47:37,590 --> 00:47:38,590 I'm scared. 763 00:47:38,670 --> 00:47:42,430 Dave will take over the Attenfeathers until the Winchester's repaired. 764 00:47:43,850 --> 00:47:45,790 You bloody planned this, didn't you? 765 00:47:46,270 --> 00:47:47,270 Me? 766 00:47:55,310 --> 00:47:58,590 Now the next lot, ladies and gentlemen, is the first of our novelty items. 767 00:47:58,870 --> 00:48:02,530 It's the throaty bit that Dave retrieved from Barbara Winters Cleavage when she 768 00:48:02,530 --> 00:48:04,110 visited the club in 1969. 769 00:48:06,650 --> 00:48:07,850 Do I hear 500?