1 00:00:00,958 --> 00:00:04,374 You put everything you've got into your children. 2 00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:06,624 You teach them, you nurture them, 3 00:00:06,625 --> 00:00:08,874 you shepherd them along life's winding path. 4 00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:12,041 But what if, after all that, 5 00:00:12,042 --> 00:00:14,041 they grow up to be morons? 6 00:00:18,042 --> 00:00:19,999 {\an8}Okay, everyone, if we have any hope 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,249 {\an8}of selling the minivan, 8 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,541 we got to clean it up. 9 00:00:22,542 --> 00:00:25,291 That means getting rid of all the stains and smells. 10 00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:26,916 Ooof! 11 00:00:26,917 --> 00:00:30,374 That is 10 years of old milk and farts right there. 12 00:00:30,375 --> 00:00:31,999 Why do we have to sell it? 13 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,041 Because it's a rite of passage. 14 00:00:34,042 --> 00:00:35,999 Minivans are for families with little kids. 15 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,707 The Ottos are entering a new era. 16 00:00:38,708 --> 00:00:41,499 Taylor can drive, Oliver gets his permit this year... 17 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,249 And you're old enough to squeeze in between these two 18 00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:45,041 if we ever go on that camping trip 19 00:00:45,042 --> 00:00:47,083 that I'm never, ever going to sign off on. 20 00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:51,582 I'm gonna miss this thing. 21 00:00:51,583 --> 00:00:52,582 You're going to miss it? 22 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:54,916 Yeah. It means a lot to me. 23 00:00:54,917 --> 00:00:56,499 The day you guys brought it home was the day 24 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,249 I decided to go to Harvard so I could become rich 25 00:00:58,250 --> 00:00:59,707 and never have to drive this symbol 26 00:00:59,708 --> 00:01:00,916 of middle-class mediocrity. 27 00:01:00,917 --> 00:01:02,124 I love and I hate it, 28 00:01:02,125 --> 00:01:04,124 so thank you and also how dare you. 29 00:01:04,125 --> 00:01:05,874 I'm gonna miss this thing, too. 30 00:01:05,875 --> 00:01:09,292 Every spill and stain has a memory. 31 00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:12,666 Here is where Oliver threw up his Cheerios 32 00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:13,874 when he was 5. 33 00:01:13,875 --> 00:01:15,374 They were actually Toasted O's, 34 00:01:15,375 --> 00:01:16,666 the generic ones. 35 00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:17,749 That's when we realized 36 00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:19,499 he was allergic to off-brand foods. 37 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,749 I used to love looking in the back seat 38 00:01:21,750 --> 00:01:24,375 and seeing those three little heads bobbing around. 39 00:01:25,958 --> 00:01:28,541 I spy with my little eye... 40 00:01:28,542 --> 00:01:29,875 something red. 41 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:33,207 I'll give you a hint. 42 00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:36,207 A fire truck! 43 00:01:36,208 --> 00:01:37,250 A red noise! 44 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:41,999 Every time you talk about the past, you make a point 45 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,666 of saying you look exactly like Alessandra Ambrosio. 46 00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:46,625 I like to tell the story accurately, Greg. 47 00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:53,082 I miss when you were such cute, squishy, little babies. 48 00:01:53,083 --> 00:01:55,499 But now I look at you, I just see free labor. 49 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:57,667 Get to work. 50 00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:05,916 I have great news for you guys. 51 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,041 Hmm? 52 00:02:07,042 --> 00:02:08,832 {\an8}Anna-Kat has been officially sprung 53 00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:10,042 {\an8}from the looney bin. 54 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:11,832 Excuse me? 55 00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:12,916 The looney bin. 56 00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:14,291 The quacky factory. 57 00:02:14,292 --> 00:02:16,457 {\an8}Anna-Kat no longer has to attend 58 00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:18,374 {\an8}Dr. Ellie's Special Ed class. 59 00:02:18,375 --> 00:02:20,166 {\an8}That is good news. 60 00:02:20,167 --> 00:02:22,874 {\an8}Is there a less offensive way to say that? 61 00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:24,416 I don't think so, no. 62 00:02:24,417 --> 00:02:26,916 {\an8}Anna-Kat's OCD has really improved. 63 00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,624 {\an8}She's ready to be with everyone all day. 64 00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,707 {\an8}We're happy to hear that, 65 00:02:30,708 --> 00:02:34,249 {\an8}but we're also concerned it might be a tad premature. 66 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:35,374 We are? 67 00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:37,374 {\an8}Yes, we are. 68 00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:39,249 {\an8}Principal Ablin, are you sure that she's ready? 69 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:40,624 This summer, 70 00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:43,291 {\an8}she watched that John Goodman bomb shelter movie 71 00:02:43,292 --> 00:02:46,207 {\an8}and turned her entire closet into a doomsday bunker. 72 00:02:49,208 --> 00:02:50,666 Privet? 73 00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:52,874 Anna-Kat? Privet? 74 00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:54,124 {\an8}On the plus side, 75 00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:55,707 {\an8}Mikhail said we have a place to stay 76 00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:57,708 {\an8}if we ever make it to St. Petersburg. Yeah. 77 00:02:59,042 --> 00:03:01,832 {\an8}Anna-Kat might not be ready for this. 78 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,957 {\an8}You said it was a new era, and that's exactly what she started. 79 00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:06,207 {\an8}But what if she's not ready for the new era? 80 00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:07,499 {\an8}Like the dinosaurs and the Ice Age. 81 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:08,624 {\an8}A meteor killed the dinosaurs. 82 00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:10,041 Don't science me, Greg. 83 00:03:10,042 --> 00:03:12,124 {\an8}Katie, we moved to this town so she could get 84 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,874 {\an8}the special help she needed, and it worked. 85 00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:15,082 {\an8}This is a good thing. 86 00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:16,416 {\an8}But I liked that Dr. Ellie 87 00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:18,041 {\an8}was an extra pair of eyes on her, 88 00:03:18,042 --> 00:03:19,499 and if she slipped off the rails, 89 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,957 she was right there to put her back on. 90 00:03:21,958 --> 00:03:24,249 When you start a new era, things are bound to change. 91 00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:26,041 So you're saying I should calm down? 92 00:03:26,042 --> 00:03:28,082 {\an8}No, I've learned to avoid your trigger phrases-- 93 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,541 {\an8}"Calm down," "You're overreacting," 94 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,874 "Really? I thought she was nice." 95 00:03:30,875 --> 00:03:32,249 {\an8}Aww. 96 00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:33,874 {\an8}You've just about got the hang of me. 97 00:03:42,542 --> 00:03:44,707 Anna-Kat? 98 00:03:44,708 --> 00:03:46,874 We have some good news for you. 99 00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:50,416 You have officially graduated from Dr. Ellie's class. 100 00:03:50,417 --> 00:03:51,624 Really?! 101 00:03:51,625 --> 00:03:52,917 Wow! 102 00:03:55,292 --> 00:03:57,082 We're pretty sure you're ready for this. 103 00:03:57,083 --> 00:03:59,499 I mean, there's no way for us to really know 104 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,916 if you're ready. 105 00:04:00,917 --> 00:04:01,957 Unless you're not ready. 106 00:04:01,958 --> 00:04:03,291 But you're ready. 107 00:04:03,292 --> 00:04:04,999 Maybe. Rutabaga. 108 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,207 What does that mean? 109 00:04:06,208 --> 00:04:07,499 It's a code your mom and I have 110 00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:08,707 for when I think she's being a bad parent. Ugh! 111 00:04:08,708 --> 00:04:10,166 You hear that, Franklin? 112 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,291 I got sprung from Dr. Ellie's class. 113 00:04:12,292 --> 00:04:13,791 Why? 114 00:04:13,792 --> 00:04:16,124 Well, Dr. Ellie's class is for Special Education, 115 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,957 and I guess they think I'm better. 116 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,457 Special Education? I thought it was Home Ec. 117 00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:21,582 Why did you think it was Home Ec? 118 00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:23,166 It's a long story. 119 00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,499 My mom told me it was Home Ec. 120 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,250 I guess it wasn't a long story. 121 00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:31,166 Is Taylor helping you guys clean? 122 00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:32,499 Yeah, I'm out here washing the back. 123 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,458 Oh. 124 00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:37,207 Taylor! Stop! 125 00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:40,416 You can't use scouring powder on a car! 126 00:04:40,417 --> 00:04:42,417 Why? Everything's coming off. 127 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,332 Including the paint! 128 00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:48,416 Taylor, I swear-- 129 00:04:48,417 --> 00:04:50,541 No, you know what? Katie, this one is on us. 130 00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:51,707 She's 18 years old, 131 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,124 and apparently, we've taught her no common sense. 132 00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:54,374 You're right. 133 00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:55,916 When your child is a year away from leaving home 134 00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:57,166 and is this clueless, 135 00:04:57,167 --> 00:04:59,041 the only ones to blame are the parents. 136 00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:00,291 Oh, good. So I'm not in trouble. 137 00:05:00,292 --> 00:05:01,499 Should I keep going? 138 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,832 I had one glass of wine in my third trimester, 139 00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:05,874 and here we are. 140 00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:13,582 We took our eyes off of our oldest 141 00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:16,041 for half an hour, and this is what happens. 142 00:05:16,042 --> 00:05:18,291 Who knows what trouble Anna-Kat will get into 143 00:05:18,292 --> 00:05:19,499 without someone looking after her. 144 00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:22,374 Anna-Kat is gonna be fine. 145 00:05:22,375 --> 00:05:24,791 The more pressing matter is Taylor. 146 00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,749 She just knocked $1,200 off the value of a $1,500 car. 147 00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:29,041 You're right. 148 00:05:29,042 --> 00:05:30,874 If we are gonna move into a new era, 149 00:05:30,875 --> 00:05:32,832 then we need to make sure she does, too. 150 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,582 We should make a list of the things she needs to know 151 00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:36,457 to be a fully functioning person in the world. Yeah. 152 00:05:36,458 --> 00:05:38,916 Just off the top of my head... Mm-hmm. 153 00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:41,499 ...I would say do laundry. Mm-hmm. 154 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,541 Unclog a toilet. Mm-hmm. 155 00:05:43,542 --> 00:05:44,957 Sew on a button... 156 00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:45,957 How to shake out your hair 157 00:05:45,958 --> 00:05:47,125 after taking off a motorcycle helmet. 158 00:05:48,833 --> 00:05:51,707 What? It's important. 159 00:05:51,708 --> 00:05:54,457 Shake, shake, turn, wink. 160 00:05:55,958 --> 00:05:57,332 We might have failed Taylor until now, 161 00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:59,082 but it's not too late to get her on track. 162 00:05:59,083 --> 00:06:01,457 We blew this assignment off for way too many years. 163 00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:02,666 It's time to cram. 164 00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:03,832 Follow my lead, Greg. 165 00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:05,332 This is where people 166 00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,707 who half-assed their way through college shine. 167 00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:13,124 Anna-Kat, I am so proud of you 168 00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:14,749 for graduating Dr. Ellie's class. 169 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,749 And to honor the occasion, I got you a present. 170 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,666 I love it. 171 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:22,374 Now whenever you check the time, you'll think of me. 172 00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:24,125 I will always be with you. 173 00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:28,082 Does it do anything else, like text or go on the Internet? 174 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,082 No. 175 00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:31,249 Just a watch to remind you of Mommy. 176 00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:33,499 So it's a watch that only tells time? 177 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:37,332 And a fond reminder of Mommy. 178 00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:39,249 Alright. 179 00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:41,374 See you guys at my ballet recital. 180 00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:43,332 Where are you going? We're all driving together. 181 00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:45,166 I'm never riding in that thing again. 182 00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:46,957 Before, it was embarrassing, but now we're no better 183 00:06:46,958 --> 00:06:48,749 than that guy who sells empanadas out of his trunk. 184 00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:50,832 Oh, they're so good. His abuela makes them. 185 00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:52,291 Let's go. We're gonna be late. 186 00:06:52,292 --> 00:06:54,624 Uh, where are my bravo flowers? 187 00:06:54,625 --> 00:06:55,624 Your what? 188 00:06:55,625 --> 00:06:57,457 My bravo flowers. 189 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,707 The flowers you throw on stage to me when you shout "Bravo." 190 00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:01,166 It was in the e-mail I sent you 191 00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:03,041 about what to do at my performance. 192 00:07:03,042 --> 00:07:04,791 It was right under "Don't wear pajamas." 193 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,541 Yeah, well, I have you set up to go straight to junk mail. 194 00:07:07,542 --> 00:07:08,999 Mom, the Fairfield Gazette is gonna be there. 195 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,541 A real review is important for my college portfolio. 196 00:07:11,542 --> 00:07:14,124 So I'm riding my bike and I'm picking up my own bouquet 197 00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:16,458 with a high rose-to-baby's-breath ratio. 198 00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:21,749 We are not bringing snotty Oliver into the new era. 199 00:07:21,750 --> 00:07:23,707 I thought he'd grow out of it, but he's only getting worse. 200 00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:26,166 I guess the dangers of eating sushi in your second trimester 201 00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:27,791 wasn't just an old wives' tale. 202 00:07:27,792 --> 00:07:30,624 You never read any of those pregnancy books I gave you. 203 00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:31,999 Of course not, Greg. 204 00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,582 Oliver's recital starts in 10 minutes, 205 00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:41,999 and he's still not here yet. 206 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,291 Do you have those empanadas with the raisins today? 207 00:07:44,292 --> 00:07:45,375 We're not that guy. 208 00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:49,874 So, Oliver is going to miss his own recital 209 00:07:49,875 --> 00:07:51,332 because he's a snob. 210 00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:53,042 He better be lying in a ditch somewhere. 211 00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:55,582 It's a saying. 212 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,833 You okay? 213 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:07,832 Yeah, I just lost my balance. I'm a little banged up. 214 00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:08,916 Can I give you a ride somewhere? 215 00:08:08,917 --> 00:08:10,374 No, thanks. 216 00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:12,000 I'll wait for a Mercedes or better to drive by. 217 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,041 This is no big deal. 218 00:08:25,042 --> 00:08:27,457 I'm gonna walk this thing off and get back to ballet ASAP. 219 00:08:27,458 --> 00:08:29,916 Honey, the doctor said you tore your ACL. 220 00:08:29,917 --> 00:08:32,082 You can't dance for six to eight months. 221 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,749 If I miss ballet recruitment season, 222 00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:34,999 I'll never get into Harvard. 223 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,457 I'll just pop my knee back into place. 224 00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:38,332 Dad, give me your wallet to bite down on. 225 00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:40,666 Never mind. It's probably pleather. I'll just gut it out. 226 00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:42,749 Honey, I'm so sorry, 227 00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,124 but you're going to have to put ballet 228 00:08:44,125 --> 00:08:45,749 on the back burner for a while. 229 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:48,207 There are other extracurricular activities you can do 230 00:08:48,208 --> 00:08:49,791 that'll help you get into Harvard. 231 00:08:49,792 --> 00:08:51,166 All you need is a plan B. 232 00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:53,874 But I put so much time into ballet. 233 00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:55,458 What am I gonna do now? 234 00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:58,582 You'll figure it out. 235 00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:00,457 You can do this. You're an Otto! 236 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,166 You're right. I am an Otto. 237 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:05,041 There you go. 238 00:09:05,042 --> 00:09:06,916 Look at you, leaving the old Oliver behind 239 00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:08,666 and coming into the new era. 240 00:09:08,667 --> 00:09:10,916 My whole life, I've been living with the deficit 241 00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:12,374 of being born into this family, 242 00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,207 and yet I thrive. 243 00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:15,624 I'm like one of those Brazilian orphans 244 00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:18,166 who was raised in a landfill and starts his own shoe company. 245 00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:19,666 You're about to be one of those kids in a coma 246 00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:20,875 with a mother in jail. 247 00:09:23,542 --> 00:09:26,416 Maybe we can add "Fixing Oliver" to Taylor's list. 248 00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:27,707 No, we have to do it ourselves. 249 00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:29,374 But we suck at it. 250 00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:31,291 It's like when we tried to sleep-train Anna-Kat 251 00:09:31,292 --> 00:09:33,332 and you ended up crashing in her crib every night. 252 00:09:33,333 --> 00:09:35,166 That "Wonder Pets" mobile was hypnotic, 253 00:09:35,167 --> 00:09:37,124 and I can't believe you're bringing that up right now! 254 00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:39,332 You're right. We can't turn on each other. 255 00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:40,750 United front. 256 00:09:47,417 --> 00:09:48,999 What's this? 257 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,249 It's a list of all the things you need to learn how to do 258 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:52,791 before you move out of the house. 259 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,582 Is this a joke?! 260 00:09:54,583 --> 00:09:57,291 "How to light a pilot light. How to reset a fuse box." 261 00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,916 How to defrost a freezer"?! 262 00:09:58,917 --> 00:10:00,999 You will learn to become self-sufficient. 263 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,374 I am not doing this. 264 00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:04,291 That is your choice. 265 00:10:04,292 --> 00:10:06,957 But if this list isn't done 266 00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:08,374 by the night of your senior prom, 267 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,957 then you're staying home with me 268 00:10:09,958 --> 00:10:11,207 and watching "Dirty Dancing." 269 00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:13,416 I told you before, I refuse to watch that. 270 00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:14,707 I don't like movies from the 1880s. 271 00:10:14,708 --> 00:10:15,749 1980s. 272 00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:17,124 Same thing! 273 00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:20,041 This is so unfair! This list is huge! 274 00:10:20,042 --> 00:10:21,582 I'll never be able to get it done in a year! 275 00:10:21,583 --> 00:10:24,082 It's too much! I'm totally screwed! 276 00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:26,374 Oh, honey. It's okay. 277 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,499 Yeah, we can... take some things off. 278 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,916 Ha! 279 00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:33,082 Number 12-- "How to cry to get out of stuff." 280 00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:34,874 I don't need this list, dudes. I'm good. 281 00:10:37,292 --> 00:10:39,166 That's 1 of 78, Taylor! 282 00:10:39,167 --> 00:10:42,207 That may fly on your math test, but not here! 283 00:10:44,667 --> 00:10:47,332 We're struggling a bit with Taylor and Oliver, 284 00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:50,082 so I am not going to take my eye off Anna-Kat. 285 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,541 Angela, thank you for the watch. 286 00:10:51,542 --> 00:10:52,541 My pleasure. 287 00:10:52,542 --> 00:10:54,041 What watch? 288 00:10:54,042 --> 00:10:56,041 How come this is the first I'm hearing about a watch? 289 00:10:56,042 --> 00:10:57,874 You were there when we discussed it. 290 00:10:57,875 --> 00:10:59,374 You said it was a great idea. 291 00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:01,666 Oh, I have got to stop taking Ambien. 292 00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:03,291 I'm losing half of my life! 293 00:11:03,292 --> 00:11:04,499 Once again, 294 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,791 I lent Katie a spy watch that listens in on you 295 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:07,832 that an ex gave me. 296 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,374 Why would an ex give you that? 297 00:11:09,375 --> 00:11:10,457 We went over that, too. 298 00:11:10,458 --> 00:11:11,624 Oh, wait, I remember. 299 00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:12,832 Mm. Ah! 300 00:11:12,833 --> 00:11:14,207 You were cheating with that woman 301 00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:15,457 who stole your identity, then bought 302 00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:17,457 that bed-and-breakfast in Belize with your credit card. 303 00:11:17,458 --> 00:11:19,374 Barb. 304 00:11:19,375 --> 00:11:21,541 I'm happy Anna-Kat moved on from Dr. Ellie's, 305 00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:23,666 but if I can't have an extra pair of eyes on her, 306 00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,874 at least I can have an extra pair of ears. 307 00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:29,041 Anna-Kat: Okay, Franklin, 308 00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:31,082 would you rather eat monkey brains or a cow's heart? 309 00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,832 I'd rather eat a worm. 310 00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,457 That wasn't one of the choices. 311 00:11:34,458 --> 00:11:36,541 I know, but I've been trying to find 312 00:11:36,542 --> 00:11:38,916 a good time to tell you that I sometimes eat worms. 313 00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:41,250 Okay. Nothing to worry about yet. 314 00:11:42,458 --> 00:11:44,957 Two nights ago, I woke up at a poker table at the Mohegan Sun, 315 00:11:44,958 --> 00:11:46,125 and I have no idea how I got there. 316 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,457 I might have a problem. 317 00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:51,416 Yeah. 318 00:11:57,167 --> 00:11:59,207 Hey, where'd you get that watch? 319 00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:00,249 My mom gave it to me 320 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,458 when I graduated from Dr. Ellie's class. 321 00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:05,999 It's a spy watch. She can hear everything we're saying. 322 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,499 How do you know? 323 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:09,332 My mom put one on me last year when she found out 324 00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:10,916 I was crawling through our neighbor's doggie door 325 00:12:10,917 --> 00:12:12,791 to use their steam shower. 326 00:12:12,792 --> 00:12:15,749 It's a small detail that can really add value to a house. 327 00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:18,166 I can't believe it. 328 00:12:18,167 --> 00:12:20,582 She doesn't think I'm okay on my own. 329 00:12:20,583 --> 00:12:22,166 Well, I'll show her. 330 00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:23,541 So, what are we thinking? 331 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:25,874 Catfish her, trick her to flying to Indiana? 332 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,999 No. I'm just gonna mess with her head. 333 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,332 Look at you, being all normal. 334 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,499 They were right to spring you from Special Ed. 335 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,499 I'm proud of you, kid. 336 00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:38,707 What's for breakfast? 337 00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:39,957 Eggs. 338 00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:41,291 Yum! I'll have scrambled. 339 00:12:41,292 --> 00:12:43,916 Look at number 20 on your list. 340 00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:45,291 Mm. I lost the list. 341 00:12:45,292 --> 00:12:46,458 Mm. 342 00:12:47,708 --> 00:12:49,166 You made copies? 343 00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:50,541 Double-sided. 344 00:12:50,542 --> 00:12:52,041 And laminated. 345 00:12:52,042 --> 00:12:54,374 Oh, look! I'm dipping it in my coffee. 346 00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:55,832 Yes, you're really getting your money's worth 347 00:12:55,833 --> 00:12:57,041 out of your laminator. 348 00:12:57,042 --> 00:13:00,207 And if I ever need to return it... 349 00:13:00,208 --> 00:13:01,499 I have the receipt. 350 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,791 Laminated. 351 00:13:02,792 --> 00:13:04,207 Okay. 352 00:13:04,208 --> 00:13:06,291 Number 20-- how to cook an egg. 353 00:13:06,292 --> 00:13:07,957 Easy. 354 00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:17,125 Oh, there you go. 355 00:13:21,375 --> 00:13:22,416 Stop! Stop! 356 00:13:25,917 --> 00:13:27,083 Bon appetite. 357 00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:30,207 These aren't edible. 358 00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:32,541 It's an egg, it's cooked. It counts. 359 00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:33,666 Mark it off the list. 360 00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,749 Boom! 361 00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:37,332 When is she going to learn 362 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,916 that she can't be a screw-up her whole life? 363 00:13:39,917 --> 00:13:41,582 I'm going to edit the list. 364 00:13:41,583 --> 00:13:44,207 I'm going to make it "Cook an edible egg." 365 00:13:44,208 --> 00:13:45,208 Mm. 366 00:13:49,708 --> 00:13:52,416 Oh. This is Oliver's computer. 367 00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:54,166 While I'm here, I might as well take a look around. 368 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,583 How do you know his password? 369 00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:58,666 Stop it. 370 00:14:04,458 --> 00:14:05,666 Oh, no. 371 00:14:07,917 --> 00:14:09,832 Oh, my God. Okay. 372 00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:12,041 Really? 373 00:14:12,042 --> 00:14:13,666 Leave it to Oliver to create 374 00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:16,707 our very own Otto family college admissions scandal. 375 00:14:16,708 --> 00:14:18,749 I'd feel better about this new Otto era 376 00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:20,542 if we were going into it with different kids. 377 00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:33,416 Looking for this? 378 00:14:33,417 --> 00:14:34,624 Hey, gimme that! 379 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,916 We saw your little Photoshop project. 380 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,749 Oliver, you're not cheating your way into Harvard. 381 00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,082 You know, it's the parents 382 00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:41,957 who end up going to jail in these scandals. 383 00:14:41,958 --> 00:14:43,332 Yeah, but, Mom, think about it. 384 00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,207 In prison, no kids, you have your own sink, 385 00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:46,125 they do laundry for you. 386 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:48,749 And you still look pretty good. 387 00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:50,332 I bet you'd fetch quite the prison wife. 388 00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:51,374 He's not wrong. 389 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,666 Guys, I'm a sophomore. I'm out of time. 390 00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:54,957 I have to cut corners. 391 00:14:54,958 --> 00:14:56,374 We really believed you when you said 392 00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:57,999 you were picking yourself up off the mat 393 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,207 and finding another path. 394 00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:00,582 I was, but then I realized 395 00:15:00,583 --> 00:15:02,291 it's not possible to start over now. 396 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:04,457 You still have excellent grades. 397 00:15:04,458 --> 00:15:05,624 That's not enough anymore. 398 00:15:05,625 --> 00:15:06,916 God, you're so old! 399 00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:08,749 You have to have a 4.8 GPA, play six sports, 400 00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:10,332 and discover a new language 401 00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,207 to get into a decent college these days. 402 00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:15,124 We are not going to let you cheat your way into college! 403 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,416 I guess I'll just have a horrible life. 404 00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:21,291 Go to Cornell, make low six figures, 405 00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:22,499 and join a country club 406 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,082 where I'll only have a social membership 407 00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:25,875 because I can't afford golf and tennis privileges. 408 00:15:27,375 --> 00:15:30,041 If you think that's a horrible life, 409 00:15:30,042 --> 00:15:33,124 then you have no idea what a horrible life is. 410 00:15:33,125 --> 00:15:35,207 You should go to a homeless shelter someday 411 00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:36,749 and see how those people have to live. 412 00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:38,957 Not someday-- today. 413 00:15:38,958 --> 00:15:40,791 You are gonna get your snobby ass 414 00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:42,999 down to a homeless shelter and get some perspective. 415 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,625 And you're going in the minivan. 416 00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:51,042 What are you doing now? 417 00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:54,707 I'm having a nice moment with my mind family. 418 00:15:54,708 --> 00:15:56,374 We're all wearing clothes that fit 419 00:15:56,375 --> 00:15:57,791 and celebrating each other's ambitions. 420 00:15:57,792 --> 00:15:58,707 Ugh! 421 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,291 Anna-Kat: Hey, Franklin. Knock-knock. 422 00:16:02,292 --> 00:16:03,499 Who's there? 423 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:04,749 Your smelly butt. 424 00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:07,791 Never not funny. 425 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,874 I'm still not comfortable with you spying on Anna-Kat. 426 00:16:09,875 --> 00:16:12,666 Well, I'm not comfortable with your new black underpants. 427 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,624 I can wash them with my jeans! 428 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,249 Hey, did you bring that beer 429 00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:18,082 I told you to swipe from your house? 430 00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,541 Yeah, I got it. 431 00:16:19,542 --> 00:16:21,457 Did you steal that money from your mom for cigarettes? 432 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:22,957 Uh-huh. 433 00:16:22,958 --> 00:16:24,624 We can go out to the woods after school tomorrow 434 00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:26,457 and try them. 435 00:16:26,458 --> 00:16:29,124 And the janitor's gonna meet us there, right? 436 00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:30,624 Of course. 437 00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:33,457 He said we could take a ride in his van afterwards, too. 438 00:16:38,292 --> 00:16:40,374 We need to talk. 439 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,499 Yes, we do. 440 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,041 We have a few questions for you. 441 00:16:43,042 --> 00:16:44,166 What a coincidence. 442 00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:47,291 I have some questions for you, as well. 443 00:16:47,292 --> 00:16:49,041 I was sure we had the upper hand in this conversation, 444 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,624 but it really doesn't feel that way. 445 00:16:50,625 --> 00:16:54,207 So, do you guys want to continue this conversation face-to-face, 446 00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:56,207 or should I just talk into my watch?! 447 00:16:56,208 --> 00:16:57,041 Damn! 448 00:16:57,042 --> 00:16:58,666 Why would you guys do that? 449 00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:00,582 Don't you trust me? 450 00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:03,457 Oh, honey, it has nothing to do with trust. 451 00:17:03,458 --> 00:17:05,249 We're just worried there's less people 452 00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:06,457 to keep an eye on you now. 453 00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:09,666 Mom, Dad... 454 00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:13,291 I realize that me moving on from Dr. Ellie's class 455 00:17:13,292 --> 00:17:15,332 isn't just a big change for me. 456 00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:17,332 It's a big change for you, too. 457 00:17:17,333 --> 00:17:20,874 But I can't let your worries hold me back. 458 00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:21,833 Do you want that? 459 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,499 No. No. 460 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,457 If you ever feel these worries again, 461 00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:29,082 I want you both to come to me, and we can work it out. 462 00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:30,874 No more tricks, okay? 463 00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:33,457 Okay. Okay. 464 00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:35,582 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna have Google 465 00:17:35,583 --> 00:17:37,708 translate the word "booger" into several languages. 466 00:17:42,083 --> 00:17:43,457 Wow. 467 00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:46,000 She just brought us into her new era. 468 00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:48,791 You can cross two more things off your list. 469 00:17:48,792 --> 00:17:50,499 I drove Oliver to the homeless shelter, 470 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:53,041 so I learned how to put others before myself, 471 00:17:53,042 --> 00:17:54,583 and I let a hobo braid my hair. 472 00:17:55,792 --> 00:17:57,917 Write that on the list and then just cross it off. 473 00:18:00,292 --> 00:18:01,541 So... 474 00:18:01,542 --> 00:18:03,707 how did it go at the shelter? 475 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,291 You were right. Going down there really opened my eyes. 476 00:18:06,292 --> 00:18:08,124 To the fact that you're extremely fortunate 477 00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:09,499 and other people have harder lives than you? 478 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:12,666 You're funny. No. 479 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,207 I learned the way I'm gonna get into Harvard 480 00:18:14,208 --> 00:18:16,332 is by doing a ton of community service. 481 00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:18,416 I'm gonna trick them into thinking I'm a good person. 482 00:18:18,417 --> 00:18:20,166 I'm back on track, baby. 483 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,457 My dilemma is which one to choose. 484 00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:24,624 Big Brothers, Meals on Wheels, 485 00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:26,499 Habitat for Humanity. 486 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,332 I just have to pick the one with the most prestige 487 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,999 and takes the least effort. 488 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,499 Well, I guess, for the moment, 489 00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,832 you doing the right thing for the wrong reasons 490 00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:35,624 is the best we can hope for. 491 00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:37,792 It really is, guys. 492 00:18:40,792 --> 00:18:41,874 Okay. Alright. 493 00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:42,957 Hmm. 494 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,999 I decided to knock a bunch of things 495 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,749 off your dumb list all at once. 496 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:50,166 Number 40-- 497 00:18:50,167 --> 00:18:52,124 "Take responsibility for your own actions." 498 00:18:52,125 --> 00:18:54,416 I messed up the minivan, so I fixed it. 499 00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:56,332 That's great! 500 00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:57,582 How? 501 00:18:57,583 --> 00:18:59,082 I called a bunch of auto body shops, 502 00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:00,582 and I found the cheapest one. 503 00:19:00,583 --> 00:19:02,249 Number 17-- "Be frugal." 504 00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:03,624 And I also figured out 505 00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:05,166 how to get that gross smell out of there. 506 00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:07,291 Number 5-- "Take initiative." 507 00:19:07,292 --> 00:19:10,541 Wow, Taylor. We're very impressed. 508 00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:11,874 How did you get rid of the smell? 509 00:19:11,875 --> 00:19:13,874 That stank was in there, man. 510 00:19:13,875 --> 00:19:15,500 I lit those scented candles you got from work. 511 00:19:16,708 --> 00:19:18,582 You... put lit candles in the car? 512 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:19,999 Yeah. And they're still going. 513 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,457 It's been about three hours. 514 00:19:21,458 --> 00:19:23,707 Number 77-- "Learn to tell time." 515 00:19:25,042 --> 00:19:26,957 Oh, no, no, no! 516 00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,875 No! No! Taylor, what did you do?! 517 00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:31,416 Taylor! 518 00:19:40,292 --> 00:19:43,082 Some people charge into the new era. 519 00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:45,207 Some slowly limp forward. 520 00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:47,916 Some may never get there. 521 00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:50,082 This is so bad. 522 00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:52,124 I've got to make a real change. 523 00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,041 I have to stop being such a screw-up. 524 00:19:54,042 --> 00:19:57,207 Then again, maybe they will. 525 00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,250 I'm... here to check on the minivan for sale. 526 00:20:02,542 --> 00:20:04,666 There is some wiggle room on the price. 527 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,457 Well, I just finalized the minivan sale. 528 00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:18,874 250 bucks. 529 00:20:18,875 --> 00:20:20,541 That's all we got for it? 530 00:20:20,542 --> 00:20:24,166 "We"? That's what I paid the guy to haul away that piece of crap. 531 00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:26,832 I still remember the day we brought it home. 532 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,542 Mom! 533 00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:36,416 Mommy! 534 00:20:40,417 --> 00:20:42,499 That's... not how I remember it. 535 00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:47,042 {\an8}Mom! 536 00:20:48,375 --> 00:20:50,291 Mommy! 537 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,249 {\an8}Wait. 538 00:20:57,250 --> 00:21:00,457 {\an8}So, in your version, you look like Alex Landi? 539 00:21:00,458 --> 00:21:02,207 {\an8}I like to tell a story accurately. 540 00:21:06,417 --> 00:21:07,416 {\an8}I love you. 541 00:21:07,417 --> 00:21:08,541 {\an8}I love you, too, sweetie.