1
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,820
Michael designs the new neighborhood.
2
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,924
The Bad Place gets to
choose the four new humans.
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,926
The other residents will be Janet Babies.
4
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,886
You know, if we pooled our resources,
5
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,138
we could be done in two
shakes of a lamb's Derek.
6
00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:15,307
Thanks, Derek.
7
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:16,557
When you fail, the four humans
8
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,059
will be tortured for all eternity.
9
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,144
But guess who's going
to be doing the torturing?
10
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:21,521
We built a Michael suit.
11
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,857
I can't do it. It's too scary.
12
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,110
- Hi, John, I'm the Architect.
Come on in.
13
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,477
The Bad Place didn't
pick the worst people.
14
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,407
They picked the people
who would be the worst for us.
15
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,619
You need to erase my
memory and reboot me.
16
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:38,538
Hi, Chidi, I'm Eleanor. Come on in.
17
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,169
Wow! Just... wow!
18
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:47,130
It's perfect. Everything is just perfect.
19
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,549
I am so, so happy.
20
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,134
I'm glad you like it.
21
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It's so quaint... it feels cozy,
22
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,515
but also vibrant and limitless.
23
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I can't believe how...
How utterly, completely,
24
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,393
100% perfect everything is...
25
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:01,727
You know, let's keep this moving.
26
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,355
Oh, yeah, sure.
27
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,649
Here is your new home,
28
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,316
complete with two
of your favorite things:
29
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,943
Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and...
30
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,112
Reading lights! I love reading lights.
31
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They are great for reading.
32
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,324
Your magic philosophy library
33
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,618
contains every text ever written,
34
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,537
from Aristotle to Zeno.
35
00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:21,623
And, oh, check this out.
Um, hold out your hand.
36
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,042
And think about a book.
37
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,422
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
38
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I can summon philosophy
books like Thor's hammer.
39
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,051
This is literally my number one dream.
40
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Also... ow!
41
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,305
That hurt.
42
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,266
Well, I have a lot to attend to.
43
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,309
Um... welcome to the Good Place, Chidi.
44
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:44,396
Thank you so much.
Ah... and I'm... I'm sorry.
45
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:47,482
This has been so overwhelming,
I-I forgot your name.
46
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,361
- Eleanor.
- Eleanor, right.
47
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,070
Sorry. Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor.
48
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:55,254
- Now I'll never forget.
- Well, you might!
49
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,663
Okay, can we not...
50
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,582
Oh, Eleanor, you did a brave thing
51
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,918
and I am embracing you
and I shall not let you go.
52
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,587
And I'm also embracing you
53
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:11,381
because this feels warm
and my hands are cold.
54
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,466
Guys, I'm good. Honestly.
55
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,385
Wasn't even as bad as I thought.
56
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,637
I mean,
who cares if he doesn't remember my name?
57
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,557
Oof... I mean, cool.
58
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,601
Good save, bud.
59
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,103
Let's just concentrate
on the next resident,
60
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:28,148
who gets here in... six minutes.
61
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,108
Wait. I need to say something.
62
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I know this seems bleak
63
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,820
and it feels like we're all doomed
64
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,114
and therefore humanity is doomed.
65
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,074
You needed to say that?
66
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:41,286
The point is,
I believe that we're destined to succeed.
67
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,953
There is nothing that the
Bad Place can throw at us
68
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:46,666
that we can't handle,
because we are an incredible,
69
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,877
inspiring, brilliant group of...
70
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,879
Supercharged, d-bag, ass-wiping maniacs.
71
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,465
I mean, look at you.
72
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,759
I am so proud
73
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,637
of how disgusting and cruel you all are.
74
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:01,473
You suck.
75
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,559
You all suck donkey butts.
76
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:08,563
Tahani...
so, so smart, and sophisticated.
77
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:09,855
She was the only one
who was able to talk me
78
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,358
out of that goatee.
79
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,359
Well,
I lost that battle with Robert Downey Jr.,
80
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,403
and I'll be damned if I lose it with you.
81
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,614
Bambadjan... such an unbelievable dingus.
82
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,741
- Aww, thanks, boss.
- And Val.
83
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,202
Who's a bigger skid mark than Val?
84
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,453
Maybe your mom.
85
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,207
Classic.
86
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,583
We have Janet,
87
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,461
who can do literally anything.
88
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,923
She made all the other
people in the neighborhood.
89
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,800
- Not people.
- We have me,
90
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:40,136
who had a momentary setback,
but I'm feeling great now.
91
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,512
And that was a while ago.
92
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,796
Most of you don't even remember it,
probably.
93
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,810
We have Jason,
94
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,186
who can...
95
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,400
And marching us into battle,
96
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:57,445
our fearless leader,
the pride of Phoenix, Arizona,
97
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,406
Eleanor Shellstrop!
98
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:00,865
- Yay, Eleanor!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
99
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,241
Technically, the pride of Phoenix
100
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,175
is a life-size statue of Alice Cooper
101
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:05,745
made from cigarette butts.
102
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,414
It's outside City Hall.
103
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,374
But thank you for the kind words.
104
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,209
With this team,
105
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,545
there's no problem we can't solve.
106
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,797
There is no problem we can't create.
107
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:19,551
And believe me,
we are gonna create some a-problems.
108
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,679
So let's kick things off with
our official Bad Place song.
109
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:26,015
♪ 1-877-KARS for Kids ♪
110
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:29,519
♪ K-A-R-S, Kars for Kids ♪
111
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,896
- Ooh, are we singing?
- Shut up, Glenn.
112
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:39,820
I think you look great.
113
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,406
Professional, serious.
114
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:42,991
A proper team leader.
115
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,283
It does make me feel authoritative,
116
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,244
like that chick from "Law and Order."
117
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,121
Well, boys,
118
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,583
looks like we got ourselves an SVU.
119
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,626
I've never seen the show.
120
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,713
Okay, who we got next?
121
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,968
Linda? Come on in.
122
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,138
So you, Linda Johannsen,
123
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,724
are in the Good Place.
124
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,477
That's nice.
125
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,561
I know this can be a little overwhelming,
126
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,814
but you'll get used to it.
127
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,899
Do you have any questions?
128
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,443
Is there a fitness center?
129
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:19,778
There can be,
130
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:22,781
plus literally anything else
131
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,741
you could possibly wish for.
132
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,785
Just in case we weren't clear,
133
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,703
this is the Good Place.
134
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,705
A state of eternal happiness.
135
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,625
Paradise.
136
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:34,751
That's nice.
137
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:37,545
I like that.
138
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,425
So the Bad Place sent
Simone to mess with Chidi,
139
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,677
John to mess with Tahani...
Do you think they sent Linda
140
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,846
to mess with Jason? She's from Norway...
141
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,432
Is Norway, like, the opposite of Florida?
142
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,049
All I know is she's boring.
143
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,334
She makes Neutral Janet
144
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:55,104
look like Disco Janet.
145
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,607
Disco Janet was around for a while,
years ago.
146
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,025
She was great.
147
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,025
I mean, she was a lot,
148
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,653
but she was fun.
149
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,279
Actually, that's a good idea.
150
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,530
Let's unload this dead weight.
151
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,740
Janet?
152
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,243
- Hi, there.
- Linda, this is Janet.
153
00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:11,078
If you want anything at all,
Janet can bring it to you.
154
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,246
Watch.
155
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,499
Janet, can I have a baby elephant
156
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,042
made of pure light
157
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,337
that tells you true secrets
about the universe?
158
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,589
Shirley Temple killed JFK.
159
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,384
See? Anything you want from Janet?
160
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,511
Can I have
161
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:27,762
a peppermint?
162
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,472
Sure.
163
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,685
I'm gonna go over there now.
164
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,356
Stonehenge was a sex thing.
165
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,784
Brent? Come on in.
166
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:54,372
So you, Brent Norwalk, are dead.
167
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,749
Dead? Really?
168
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,251
Well, that blows.
169
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,085
Ah, you know what,
maybe it's a good thing, actually.
170
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,587
Some journalist was poking around,
171
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,047
calling all these ladies
who used to work for me.
172
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,298
You can't even make a joke these days!
173
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,925
Everything is so PC.
174
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,927
And I was an equal-opportunity offender,
okay?
175
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,513
I made jokes about everybody,
and by the way,
176
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,056
I'm the furthest thing from racist.
177
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,183
My dentist was a black woman.
178
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,250
I just think people need to loosen up.
179
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,729
So, where am I, exactly?
180
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,525
- The Good Place.
- Oh, cool.
181
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,026
Good.
182
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,154
So, Brent, I see from your file
183
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,071
you were in the materials business.
184
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:29,741
Oh, yeah, big time.
185
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:33,286
Strings, chords, vinyl,
synthetics, rubber...
186
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,371
We do vulcanized now, so that's huge.
187
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,458
Plus metals...
aluminum, brass, copper... what else...
188
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,501
- Steel?
- No, not steel.
189
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,003
Steel's a sucker's game.
190
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,754
Polymers, coatings, internals...
191
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,423
You crack open an HVAC?
192
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,258
That is all us.
193
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,134
Is there golf here?
There freaking better be.
194
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,971
Okay, well,
why don't you explore around a bit
195
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,181
while I go far away
and if you need anything,
196
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,474
you can always ask Janet.
197
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:56,476
Janet?
198
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:57,810
Hi, there. How can I help you?
199
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,646
Oh, a secretary. Great.
200
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:01,272
- Not a secretary.
- Fine, fine.
201
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,982
Executive assistant.
202
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,359
Here we go with all the
terms we gotta learn, right?
203
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:08,488
Vice-president of helping.
Captain Marvel.
204
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,115
- You know what I'm saying.
- Oh, I'm not part of this.
205
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,449
Let me show you around.
206
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,352
Well,
Linda must be here for Jason because
207
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:20,083
Brent is definitely here to
annoy the fork out of me.
208
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:23,127
Everyone,
you may remember Matt from accounting.
209
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:27,256
Used to be in charge of the
Weird Sex Things Department.
210
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,385
Now the Judge has
assigned him to our project.
211
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,136
And I am thrilled to be here.
212
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,305
I mean, the things I had to read about...
213
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:38,059
The things people put in other things...
214
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,770
So I'll be monitoring
the four new humans.
215
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,398
A modified point system
will be applied to their actions
216
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:45,816
for the next year,
and then we'll know how much
217
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,443
better or worse their behavior is
218
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,827
than when they were alive.
219
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,404
But no one will be able
to see what's happening
220
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,364
in real time.
221
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,448
Good luck saving humanity
222
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,117
from eternal doom.
223
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,165
Okay, forget about all that stuff.
224
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:04,293
For this first week,
all we need to do is figure out
225
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,295
what the fork is up with these benches.
226
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,464
So, I made this.
227
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,675
We start 'em out on this side,
228
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:12,927
because we're like, "What's her deal?"
229
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,847
And when we feel we have
a handle on who they are,
230
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:19,058
what makes them tick,
we move them to this side...
231
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,476
Party time.
232
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,436
We already know a lot about Simone
233
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,397
so
234
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,690
Boom, see?
235
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,150
One down, three to go.
236
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,651
Let's go figure out the others.
237
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,486
We can do this. On three.
238
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:33,239
Dead eyes, eat hearts, can't lose.
239
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:37,076
Ah, sorry. Old Bad Place rally cry.
240
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,579
Aww, aww.
241
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,373
Janet! He's walking around again.
242
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,209
Yeah, I see that.
Derek, what are you doing here?
243
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:46,585
You're supposed to stay at Mindy's.
244
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,920
I can't help it.
245
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,048
I'm just such a proud daddy Derek.
246
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:51,883
I mean, will you look at
247
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,759
all these beautiful babies that we made?
248
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,721
She made them, dude.
You barely did anything.
249
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,515
Probably just, like, made all the butts.
250
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,266
I did make all the butts.
I made that butt...
251
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:02,601
- I made that butt...
- Right.
252
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,520
I made both those butts.
253
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,772
Derek, you have to stay at Mindy's house.
254
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,899
What if one of our new
humans sees you and starts
255
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,734
asking questions about
the weirdo in the tux?
256
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:11,861
Say no more.
257
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,322
I shall remove myself forthwith,
258
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,783
with my pickled potable.
259
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:18,451
But before I leave,
260
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,330
can I have a hug in celebration
of everything that we created?
261
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,207
- Okay.
- Aww.
262
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:28,544
That feels so... Derek.
263
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,004
Oh.
264
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:33,466
You are all, simply put, good people.
265
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,051
The point of the video is
to make them all confront
266
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,137
what kind of people they were on earth.
267
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,099
Keep a close eye on our four subjects.
268
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,684
Try to gauge their reactions, you know?
269
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:48,064
The subtlest glances,
the tiniest flinches.
270
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,233
What about shaking someone by the head?
271
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:53,820
- What does that mean?
- Oh, boy.
272
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,155
Hey, Simone,
273
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,573
everything okay?
274
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:01,119
Yeah, well, no...
well, actually, it doesn't matter.
275
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,370
None of this is real.
276
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:03,704
Sorry?
277
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:04,788
I'm a neuroscientist,
278
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,666
so I get what's going on here.
279
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,251
You know, clearly,
I was in some kind of horrible accident,
280
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,211
I'm on my deathbed, and this entire thing
281
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:13,422
is just a hallucination
constructed by my damaged brain
282
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,757
as it slowly shuts down.
283
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,260
It's not real,
so I'm just gonna wander around
284
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,971
until I wake up or die.
285
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,188
See you later,
figments of my imagination!
286
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,103
She's just gonna go get some popcorn
287
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,772
from the... river.
288
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,139
There's a popcorn river.
289
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,817
I'll show you guys later.
290
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,402
Uh, she said keep going without her,
so let's roll it.
291
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,113
Janet, make a popcorn river.
292
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,824
Everyone else,
meet at Mindy's in ten minutes.
293
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:43,536
Well... we're off to a fantastic start.
294
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,330
I told the other humans
that adjusting to the afterlife
295
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,915
was tricky, blah, blah, blah.
296
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,124
Seemed like they bought it.
297
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,460
What if Simone is right, though?
298
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,796
What if we are just Thin
Mints of her imagination?
299
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,965
Jason, remember you're a monk.
300
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,633
Even here where no one can see?
301
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,842
Mm-hmm, sometimes, yeah.
302
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,094
I wish I could stay and help,
303
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,721
but this system is so complex
304
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,348
that if I lose concentration
for even one billionth
305
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,100
of a second, the entire neighborhood
306
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:08,895
could collapse in on
itself like a dying star.
307
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,480
Also, Brent wants a BLT.
308
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,774
Simone's reaction is fairly common.
309
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:16,401
When I worked in the Bad Place,
some people just wouldn't
310
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,195
believe it when they
heard they were dead.
311
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,363
How did you convince them?
312
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:20,697
They'd usually come around
313
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,574
by the third or fourth
day of mouth fleas.
314
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,869
Obviously not an option here.
315
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,037
But,
if Simone doesn't think this is real,
316
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,206
she definitely won't
become a better person.
317
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,917
Who can convince her that
this actually is the afterlife?
318
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:34,586
We need someone
authoritative and reassuring,
319
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,048
like...
Nelson Mandela or Sir Patrick Stewart
320
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,008
or Arianna Huffington.
321
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,260
Really any of my old
racquetball partners would do.
322
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,636
Oh, I know who it should be.
323
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,637
If you say Blake Bortles,
324
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:44,763
I'm gonna slap you a lot.
325
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:45,973
Chidi!
326
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,766
I believe everything Chidi ever tells me
327
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,434
because of his brain and how he looks
328
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,895
like one of those owls
that graduated from college.
329
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,147
Of course.
330
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,566
Time to activate our
ethical sleeper agent
331
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,652
and introduce him to Simone.
332
00:12:57,818 --> 00:12:59,403
Eh, I don't know, Simone isn't struggling
333
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,821
with a philosophy problem.
334
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:04,742
She's just, you know, like...
being silly.
335
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:07,620
I'll talk to her.
336
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,623
Tahani, I need your advice.
337
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,750
Derek is trying to move in on Janet.
338
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,794
I can just feel it.
339
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,504
Jason, Janet might not have
340
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,297
as much time for you as she used to,
341
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,591
but your relationship's on solid ground.
342
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,302
What do Janet and Derek
have in common anyway?
343
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:28,349
I mean, she did create him
out of the essence of herself.
344
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:31,477
Okay, fine, they share one thing.
345
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,978
Everything.
346
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,314
But if Derek is trying
to get under your skin,
347
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,400
you just have to rise above it.
348
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,444
All my favorite things
rise above other things,
349
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,405
like private airships
350
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,365
or my own head.
351
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,203
Look, I know this can be disorienting.
352
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,373
Okay, one moment, you're on Earth, alive,
353
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,125
eating queso like it's soup
354
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,501
and trying to guess your
neighbor's Wi-Fi password,
355
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:59,380
and the next, you're here...
356
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,216
Your face feels so much like a face.
357
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,800
I'll take that as a compliment.
358
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,284
Look,
I wasn't a particularly religious person,
359
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:09,598
but...
this just doesn't feel like heaven.
360
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:12,852
It's much more likely that I'm in a coma,
361
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,728
and my brain has invented all this.
362
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,105
Like the flowers.
363
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,439
Those are probably
just the "get well" flowers
364
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,440
in my hospital room.
365
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,651
Man, I was popular.
366
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:24,780
Well,
I can promise you the Good Place is real.
367
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,282
Think about what I said.
368
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,242
And in the meantime,
there's a fun welcome party tonight.
369
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:29,660
Dress up.
370
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:32,413
Have Janet make you
whatever outfit you'd like.
371
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,539
Eleanor!
372
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,083
Look what my brain did!
373
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,169
It's not real and neither are you.
374
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:41,047
♪ I'm in a coma and
none of this is real ♪
375
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,883
Okay, I know this is bad
and we need a new approach,
376
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:47,678
but... she is wearing the
hell out of those foam fingers.
377
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,392
Roo-da-toot-toot
378
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,686
Dude! Janet told you to stay at Mindy's.
379
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,731
I know,
I just came to mix myself a Derek,
380
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:01,692
and then I'll be on my way.
381
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,737
Before you leave, I want to call a truce.
382
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:06,489
Derek?
383
00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,747
Feel like you're trying to get
under my skin, but it's okay.
384
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,536
I've decided to rise above it.
385
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,497
Well spoken, Mr. Mendoza.
386
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:17,166
Let me say in response...
387
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,460
I will
388
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,337
destroy you.
389
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:25,091
Janet is, and always will be,
390
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,927
my mommy-girlfriend.
391
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:31,430
You have crossed the Rubicon now, pal.
392
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,019
Mmm...
393
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,437
Okay, status report.
394
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,063
What have we learned about Linda?
395
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,316
Little, I'm afraid...
I tried talking to her,
396
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,735
but it was the dullest
conversation I have ever had,
397
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,611
and this is coming from
someone who once split a Xanax
398
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:48,114
with Peter Sarsgaard.
399
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,880
Frankly, I'm glad she's boring.
400
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,867
We have enough to worry about.
How is Brent doing?
401
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,703
- About the same, I'd say.
- Princeton.
402
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,456
Graduated in the top half of
the bottom half of my class.
403
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,875
Rowing team, sailing team,
class president.
404
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,418
I hung out with all those guys.
405
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:04,463
Okay, and John,
our favorite gossip columnist?
406
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,673
Luckily, before I died, I pumped my face
407
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:07,924
with six vials of Juvederm.
408
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:08,925
I'm hoping that my corpse
409
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,594
looks like a waxed tile floor.
410
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:13,431
My ex-boyf is going to be supes jel.
411
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:14,973
Okay, well, I'm gonna do a loop.
412
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,392
Trying to see who gets me.
413
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,019
Our biggest liability
right now is Simone.
414
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:21,981
Let's try to keep the three
of them away from her.
415
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,317
We can't wait any longer.
416
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,611
We have to introduce Simone to Chidi.
417
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,197
Why? I-I think she's doing great.
418
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,492
See, she's getting all the cake-pushing
419
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,077
out of her system.
420
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:38,705
I know it's painful to
think of the two of them
421
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:42,543
connecting,
but Chidi made an incredible sacrifice.
422
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:46,130
He had his memories erased
so he could help people.
423
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:47,714
And if we don't let him help Simone,
424
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,050
it'll be all for nothing.
425
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,178
Fine.
426
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,221
Stupid... ethical
427
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,848
reasonable argument.
428
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,309
I wish you were a cake. Push you over.
429
00:16:58,476 --> 00:16:59,768
Are you still muttering?
430
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,896
No! I stopped.
431
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:05,191
Stupid, good-hearing, reformed demon...
432
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,819
Wow.
433
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,696
Oh!
434
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,656
Hey there, Simone.
435
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,116
Shoving people in the pool, huh?
436
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,909
Yeah, just testing the laws of physics
437
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,543
here in my nonsense brain jail.
438
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,662
Who's this?
439
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,582
Uh, this is Chidi Anagonye.
440
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,376
He was a professor of
ethics and moral philosophy,
441
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,460
so I figured he might be able to help...
442
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,131
Chidi Anagonye, that sounds so familiar.
443
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,424
Where did you teach?
444
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,176
St. John's University in Sydney.
445
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,260
Of course!
446
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:34,678
I used to teach there.
447
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:35,887
I must've seen his name
448
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,848
on the faculty list and
now my dying brain
449
00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:40,017
is just leaking out random information.
450
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:44,104
Oh, the human mind is truly incredible!
451
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:47,149
♪ I want something else ♪
452
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,401
♪ To get me through this ♪
453
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,779
♪ Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby ♪
454
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,532
Look, sorry, uh, what...
What's happening now?
455
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,575
When I was a kid, my CD alarm clock broke
456
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,493
and it used to wake me
up to that song every day,
457
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,288
so now I'm singing it to
try and wake myself up.
458
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,207
Okay, well, nice meeting you.
459
00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:05,333
Nice to meet you too, cute guy generated
460
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,419
by my rapidly decaying temporal lobe.
461
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,380
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo-do-do-doo ♪
462
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,548
♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪
463
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,925
Hey...
464
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,642
You know,
it's bad enough you guys have taken over
465
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,803
my house for a year and I've had to move
466
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,938
into the attic, but now I have to walk in
467
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,684
to find Darth Vader's turd
468
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,268
in the middle of my living room.
469
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,687
I mean, what is this?
470
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:27,773
No time to explain.
Also, I kind of forgot.
471
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,609
Where is Derek's plunger?
The one that kills him.
472
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,319
Yeah, I used to do this whenever I needed
473
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:33,612
some alone time.
474
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,197
Once, I rebooted him
475
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,491
just because he was breathing super loud.
476
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,308
Then, when he woke up,
he was like, "I don't breathe."
477
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,663
So I don't know what I heard.
That was on me.
478
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,330
Well, I'm doing this because
479
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:45,457
he's trying to steal my girlfriend.
480
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,209
Yeah, you don't need to justify it.
481
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,420
Again, I do it all the time.
482
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,589
No, no, no, Mindy,
please wait, don't kill me!
483
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:55,217
Oh... it's you?
484
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:58,178
Okay, well,
you certainly don't have the Dereks to...
485
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,858
Yeah!
486
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:13,068
Oh, it's always good.
487
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,444
♪ Doo-do-do-doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
488
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,238
You know what, Simone?
Think of it this way.
489
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,989
If this is really all a hallucination,
490
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,159
doesn't it seem kind of basic?
491
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,452
I mean, surely,
your brain would imagine something
492
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,747
weirder than just a nice cocktail party?
493
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,165
Oh, you mean like that?
494
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,833
Attention, I have been Dereked.
495
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,879
That's probably my doctor.
I must be flat lining.
496
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,006
Oh, this is all in my head.
497
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:35,549
I'm gonna go eat a knife.
498
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:38,093
Attention. Murder has been me.
499
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,610
Let me get this straight:
500
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:42,431
Derek "made mean eyes at you,"
501
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:45,225
so you went to Mindy's
house and murdered him?
502
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,519
Yeah, dog, but his eyes were really mean.
503
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:50,773
You're probably thinking this,
504
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:53,858
but they were more like this...
505
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:55,694
Jason, why did you kill Derek?
506
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,821
I had to get his giant
head out of the sky
507
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,198
before any of the humans could see,
and it was not easy.
508
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,075
You have to push his plunger and his nose
509
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:03,744
at exactly the same time.
510
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,037
I was scared Derek was
trying to slide into your DMs.
511
00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:07,914
I hate being scared. It's... it's scary.
512
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,165
I don't have time for this.
513
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,917
I am running a neighborhood
and its residents,
514
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,751
and Eleanor just casually orders me
515
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:14,046
to make popcorn rivers,
516
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,257
and Brent won't stop
calling me for stuff.
517
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,759
Ugh!
518
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,552
Are we still boyfriend-not-a-girlfriend?
519
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,096
We'll talk about it later.
520
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,723
Okay,
executive decision: Forget about Simone.
521
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,641
Janet,
make sure she doesn't come in contact
522
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:27,642
with the other humans.
523
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,144
Let's focus on Linda.
524
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,854
We ought to be able to figure her out
525
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,272
if we can just liven her up a bit.
526
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,607
We'll just, like, sprinkle some cocaine
527
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:34,816
on her peppermints or something.
528
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,860
Does anyone else find it suspicious
529
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:40,072
that the Bad Place sent someone so dull?
530
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,615
No, it makes perfect sense to me.
531
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:43,659
They are trying to drive us insane
532
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:46,704
by giving us a big boring
glob of plain yogurt.
533
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:49,331
Tomorrow morning,
we start Operation Linda.
534
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,208
Okay, you heard the lady.
535
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,460
We'll meet in the town
square bright and early.
536
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,963
- Janet, set up for Flying Day.
- Cool.
537
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,632
I'm not busy or anything,
so that'll be easy.
538
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,384
Off you go.
539
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:03,220
Whoo-hoo!
540
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:06,849
Ugh, being a parent is exhausting.
541
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,309
Never conjure 300 children
from the essence of your being.
542
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:12,020
You will have, like, zero free time.
543
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:15,607
Linda,
how are you enjoying the Good Place?
544
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:18,318
It's good.
545
00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:19,903
Everyone's flying.
546
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,020
You don't want to go flying any higher?
547
00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,990
No, thanks.
548
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:25,325
Oh, well, okay.
549
00:21:25,492 --> 00:21:27,327
Says in your file that you like knitting.
550
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:29,537
Would you like to do
some knitting right now?
551
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:31,331
No, thanks.
552
00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:33,416
Is there another activity
you'd like to do now?
553
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:37,463
You also enjoyed listening to birds.
554
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:41,008
Man, Linda, you don't even look at them?
555
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:44,261
Let's go hear some birds.
What do you say?
556
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:45,929
I'm gonna go get another peppermint.
557
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,347
Come on, Lins.
558
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:51,143
You can have literally
anything you could poss...
559
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,644
What the...
560
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:05,115
Okay, so...
561
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:07,232
Maybe she's less boring than I thought.
562
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,955
So let me get this straight, Shawn:
563
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:16,001
You sent a demon in
disguise as one of the subjects?
564
00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:18,045
Yes, he did, Your Honor.
565
00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:25,593
Luckily,
none of the other test subjects saw
566
00:22:25,677 --> 00:22:26,845
the mess he made,
567
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,722
but he put the experiment at risk
568
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:31,058
and he attacked me and Eleanor.
569
00:22:31,225 --> 00:22:33,519
And I'm sorry, where's your shirt?
570
00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:35,353
I think it got stuck in the skin suit.
571
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:37,022
Well, keep it there.
572
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:38,565
Damn it, Chris,
573
00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:40,275
you were supposed to
slowly undermine them
574
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,259
and gradually sabotage the experiment,
575
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,461
not just go ham on day two,
you fart plume.
576
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:46,573
I told you, I'm not an actor.
577
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:48,491
And when you get back here,
you won't be anything.
578
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:50,035
Okay, fine, yes, busted.
579
00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:51,161
I'm a rascal.
580
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:52,579
We'll come pick him up and replace him
581
00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:53,580
with an actual human.
582
00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:54,706
Oh, you will do
583
00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,750
nothing of the sort, mon ami.
584
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:59,753
This outrageous act must be punished.
585
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,255
Chidi will be the fourth
subject in this experiment.
586
00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:03,966
No, no, no, no, no, no.
587
00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:05,508
He's perfect because he's already had
588
00:23:05,592 --> 00:23:06,718
his memories erased.
589
00:23:06,885 --> 00:23:07,886
Although you can't erase that booty,
590
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:09,429
know what I'm saying, blondie?
591
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:11,931
All due respect, Your Honor,
keep it in your robe.
592
00:23:12,015 --> 00:23:14,935
What she means is thank you,
Your Honor, we accept.
593
00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:16,811
Chidi's gonna be our fourth subject.
594
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:18,354
Chidi can't be part of the experiment.
595
00:23:18,438 --> 00:23:19,814
They already know that he can improve.
596
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,357
That's like studying for a test,
597
00:23:21,441 --> 00:23:22,358
then acing the test.
598
00:23:22,442 --> 00:23:23,318
It's cheating.
599
00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:24,820
How is that cheating?
600
00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:28,031
You're just falsely accusing
us of what you actually did.
601
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:29,407
No, that's what you're doing.
602
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,201
Shawn, I don't have time for this.
603
00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:33,287
I just started "Deadwood"... finally...
604
00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:36,373
And I need my daily
dose of Timothy Olyphant,
605
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,375
so I'm gonna make this short.
606
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:42,546
If you so much as breathe
on this experiment again,
607
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:46,008
I will restart the entire
thing from scratch,
608
00:23:46,174 --> 00:23:49,803
and then I will personally
rip off your eyelids
609
00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:51,930
and make you watch heartwarming videos
610
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,641
of soldiers coming home to their dogs.
611
00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:57,936
Good news: The other four humans
612
00:23:58,103 --> 00:23:59,521
were having so much fun flying,
613
00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:00,855
they didn't see people
being punched out of the sky.
614
00:24:00,939 --> 00:24:02,316
Come on.
615
00:24:02,482 --> 00:24:05,319
Getting Chidi to be one
of the four test subjects,
616
00:24:05,485 --> 00:24:06,862
that's a huge win.
617
00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:09,239
But it doesn't feel like it.
It feels like we got lucky.
618
00:24:09,323 --> 00:24:10,616
And punched in the face.
619
00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:13,118
We also got punched in the face.
620
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,287
Whoa, slow down.
621
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:19,791
Did you put those trash cans there
622
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:21,209
just so you could crash into them?
623
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,503
That wasn't my fault, I was texting.
624
00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:25,088
Okay, let him go, dung buckets.
625
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,632
Nice try.
626
00:24:26,798 --> 00:24:30,635
We'll put him on the train
and handcuff him to a bench.
627
00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:32,303
Yeah, forgive us if we don't trust you
628
00:24:32,387 --> 00:24:34,556
not to cheat again.
629
00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:36,349
Surprised you figured
out that Linda was a fake,
630
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:39,311
because we all thought
you were too stupid.
631
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:42,313
Well,
it was actually Tahani who got suspicious.
632
00:24:42,397 --> 00:24:45,776
Aww... that is so embarrassing for you.
633
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,070
Seems like you're
royally forking this up,
634
00:24:48,236 --> 00:24:49,612
just like we knew you would.
635
00:24:49,696 --> 00:24:51,698
Okay, take off,
636
00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:53,449
and give Shawn a message for me.
637
00:24:53,533 --> 00:24:56,995
Tell him that we said, "Boo-yah!"
638
00:24:57,162 --> 00:24:58,329
Make sure you do the hand motion.
639
00:24:58,413 --> 00:25:00,666
Like, "Boo-yah!" Are you listening to me?
640
00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:02,417
- Okay, Michael, that's fine.
- No, show me...
641
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:03,710
- Show me how you're gonna do it.
- That's fine.
642
00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:05,420
No, it's important that
she does the hand thing,
643
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,454
'cause it really drives the point home.