1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,080
(Eerie music plays on TV)

2
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,160
(Mobile phone rings)

3
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,740
It's a private number.

4
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:19,180
Wait! Don't answer it!
You don't know who it could be.

5
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,940
Who could it have been?

6
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,040
The bank?

7
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,380
Debt collectors?

8
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,480
No.

9
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:33,060
Something far, far more evil.

10
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,520
Like who?

11
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,240
Centrelink.

12
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,160
OK. I've turned it off.

13
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,240
It's not that easy.

14
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,340
My Uncle Roy, he had
a private number call him once.

15
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,440
Thought he could ignore it.

16
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:58,500
All day and all night,
it just kept ringing.

17
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,980
Didn't stop.

18
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,100
What happened?

19
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,440
One day he answered it...

20
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,920
..and we never saw him again.

21
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,640
(Mobile phone rings)

22
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,680
Julie...

23
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,040
..I thought you said
your phone was off.

24
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,760
Yeah.

25
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,000
I'm gonna answer it.
Don't.

26
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,480
Don't you ever answer
a private number!

27
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,240
I have to answer it!
It just keeps ringing!

28
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:34,700
Arggh!

29
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,800
(Mobile phone rings)

30
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,520
(Dramatic music builds)

31
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:56,620
Hello.

32
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,720
WOMAN, ON PHONE:
This is Janice from Centrelink.

33
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,120
Arggh!

34
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,600
(Phone rings)
Bastard!

35
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,820
Welcome to Blackfella Superstitious
Solutions. How can I help you?

36
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,500
WOMAN, ON PHONE: Yeah, hi.

37
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,600
I cut my hair last night

38
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,080
and apparently
you're not supposed to do that,

39
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,040
so I'm just calling
for confirmation.

40
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:56,060
What do you mean 'at night'?
You didn't actually cut it at night?

41
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,040
Well, it was dark, so, yeah,
I guess you would say night.

42
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,120
Uh, excuse me for a moment.

43
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,120
Hair! Oh!

44
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,820
Are you frigging kidding me?!

45
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,840
What was going through
that newly trimmed head of yours?

46
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,920
I got confused.
What do you mean 'confused'?

47
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,140
Are you black?
Yeah, I am.

48
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,800
But I thought it was whistling -
that you couldn't whistle at night.

49
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,260
Well, of course you can't!

50
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,460
There's a whole heap of shit
you can't do at night.

51
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,560
You can't whistle,
you can't use a broom,

52
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,240
and you most certainly
can't cut your friggin' hair!

53
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,900
What do I do? How do I fix it?

54
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,420
You can't fix it! You're fucked!

55
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,580
Did you clean up your hair? Please
tell me you cleaned up your hair.

56
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,680
Yeah, of course I did.
I knew that part.

57
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,560
Never leave your hair
laying around.

58
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,240
Oh, God, what am I gonna do?

59
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,760
Why the shit did I have to buy
those clippers?

60
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,940
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there,
Nelly, and back it up a bit!

61
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,260
Did you just say 'clippers'?

62
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,060
Yeah, I bought them yesterday.

63
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,560
They were on sale.
I used them to clipper my hair.

64
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,540
Oh, you silly bastard!
Then you got nothing to worry about.

65
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,940
It's only if you use scissors.
Clippers don't count.

66
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,160
So, I don't have anything
to worry about?

67
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,140
Not a thing. Now, get the fuck out
of here and stop wasting my time.

68
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,380
Oh! Thank you, brother.
You've saved my life!

69
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,120
Humph! Don't thank me,
thank your clippers.

70
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,200
MAN, VOICEOVER:
In the Aboriginal community,

71
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,540
coconut-based offences
are considered especially heinous.

72
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,660
The dedicated detectives who
investigate these vicious atrocities

73
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,320
are members of an elite squad
known as the Special Coconut Unit.

74
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,060
The people are real,
the cases are real.

75
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,540
The blacks are not.

76
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,640
These are their stories.

77
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,860
WOMAN: Wise up now, bruz.

78
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,580
You knew when you joined the unit

79
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,680
that you'd see some things
that would upset you.

80
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,740
This is the only way you'll adapt.

81
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,780
Thanks, brother boys.
We'll take it from here.

82
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,880
Bullshit, Graham.
We were here first.

83
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,900
This is ours.
You think you're King Dick around...

84
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,460
Listen here, right?

85
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:14,220
I was cracking coconuts while you
were still a snot-nosed chico baby.

86
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,620
This is SCU jurisdiction -
you know it and I know it.

87
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,300
So, you and your girlfriend here
get out of my crime scene,

88
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,940
get back out on the street,

89
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,020
or I'll have you back at the co-op

90
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,120
mixing cordial
for the Elders' next luncheon!

91
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,260
Cordial?!
It's not worth it, bruz.

92
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,380
Yeah, that's right -
I'm not worth it.

93
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,720
I AM it!

94
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,280
You little shit-kickers
have been living off the rep

95
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,200
we built in the '80s.

96
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,820
Eh? We did real Blakforce work!

97
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,420
We put the 'black' and 'force'
in Blakforce

98
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,860
with capital 'B', 'K', 'F'.

99
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,360
Buh-la-K-FOR-ce!

100
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,960
Now, get out of here. Go on, get!

101
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,840
Later, bruz.

102
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,340
Well, well, well.
Look what we got here.

103
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:05,300
Got a Code 42, 57, and a 93B.

104
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,220
Yeah. What's that?

105
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,100
Gentrification
with intent to assimilate,

106
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,020
profiting from coconut activities,

107
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,440
and thinking he's deadly
when he's not.

108
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:17,340
Dog!

109
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,680
Why did you join SCU?

110
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:23,340
I wanted to make a difference,
and I joined...

111
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,740
I know who you are
and I know what you do.

112
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,860
You wouldn't be here
if I didn't want you here.

113
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,580
I asked you why.

114
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,000
'Cause I'm sick of these coconuts
making us look like dickheads!

115
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,740
(Laughs) Is that right?

116
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:39,240
Shit! I didn't think they made
blackfellas like you anymore.

117
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:44,160
So, something like this
wouldn't bother you?

118
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,340
What's this?
It's a cheese knife.

119
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,440
It only cuts cheese.

120
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,140
(Aerosol hisses)
Arggh!

121
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:05,440
(Laughs) It's sandalwood.
It's his calling card.

122
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,380
So, what we're looking at here
is the work of the Renovator.

123
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,220
The Renovator?
Mmm.

124
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,060
Look at this place!

125
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,500
Fully furnished
and ready to go on the market.

126
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,100
What's sick is that
he's paid for everything.

127
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,900
None of this is on finance.
What?!

128
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,940
Look, bruz, this is
the third residence in two months.

129
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,040
The cooling-off period
is getting shorter.

130
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,100
He's got the taste for it,

131
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,840
and he's not gonna stop making things
better for himself until we stop him.

132
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,120
Right, bruz?
Let's go crack this coconut.

133
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,220
Oooh! Ah!

134
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,320
(Mobile phone rings)

135
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,460
(Sighs)

136
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,260
Eyah, slut!
What, slut?

137
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,100
I'm ringing to... apologise.

138
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,940
(Huffs) Who's this?
Oh, you know who this is!

139
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,940
Oh, Big Budhoo Troy.
Nothing even happened!

140
00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,540
Oh, what's that?

141
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,620
I can't even hear you over all the
sloppy noises your hole is making!

142
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,720
Nothing even happened!

143
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,800
Oh! What is it you want, anyway?
I'm trying to work.

144
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,820
I have a... a surprise for you.

145
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,460
Oh! What surprise?

146
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,420
(Doorbell rings)

147
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:18,120
That better not be you at the door!
I hate sluts coming to my house!

148
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,780
Where's Big Budhoo Troy?

149
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:31,180
Oh! Well, probably playing
with his big budhoo.

150
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,100
Oh, so, you didn't poke, then?
That's what I was trying to say.

151
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,320
Well, you want to try harder.
You wouldn't let me.

152
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,780
Oh, I'm letting you!
Well, let me take you out, then.

153
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,300
Oh! Take me where?
Where do you want to go?

154
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,980
Somewhere that cost a lot of money.

155
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,540
How much money?

156
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,940
Biggest mob money! Can you afford me?

157
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:52,220
What's this, then, slut?
(Gasps) What's this, then, slut?

158
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,260
I thought I was paying for it, slut.
I know, slut.

159
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,080
Well, let's just go, then, slut.
OK, slut!

160
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,700
Move, sluts!

161
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,240
My man taking me out!

162
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:19,660
Oh! (Sighs) This is so confusing.

163
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,380
What?

164
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,300
This... this question 2.

165
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,040
Let's take a rest for a little bit.

166
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,360
So, do... do you like stuff?

167
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:40,300
What was that?

168
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,680
Uh, I have to go!
I'll see you tomorrow.

169
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,000
OK! I'm going!

170
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,860
GRAHAM: Listen, just make it happen.

171
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,460
Yeah, make it happen!

172
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,540
What was that about?
Squad car.

173
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,580
Here's your long black.

174
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,740
But what did you want me to buy
the soy decaf latte for?

175
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,420
You're gonna drink it.
(Laughs)

176
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,640
Yeah, that was a good one,
that was a good one.

177
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,620
To catch a coconut, you gotta live
like a coconut, think like a coconut.

178
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,460
Now, drink it.
Nah!

179
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:22,240
I joined the division to stop
this shit. I'm not drinking this!

180
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,420
This is not an option,
Detective Nathan! Now, drink.

181
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,940
You're fucking serious, aren't you?
Yeah.

182
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,040
Drink it.

183
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,800
That's it. Knock it back, bruz.

184
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,340
You feel that?
That's the soy in your system.

185
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,380
Whoo! (Laughs)

186
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,460
(Gags)
My brother! Hey!

187
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,940
Let's have some tunes.

188
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,820
RADIO:  SOFT ROCK

189
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,060
Oh! What's... what's this?!
Turn it off!

190
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,620
Oh, this is... Oh, no!

191
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,700
(Coughs)

192
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,500
You gotta desensitise.
Oh, I feel sick!

193
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,980
This is wrong! (Coughs)

194
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:11,020
(Two-way radio chatter)

195
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,340
Car 173. We're on it.

196
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,780
(Coughs) What was that?

197
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,880
Another house.

198
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,480
Dad?

199
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,020
Yes, son?

200
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,680
Do you know how we saw we're black?

201
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,360
Yes, son?

202
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,480
Why do we say we're black
when we're actually brown?

203
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,260
And why do we call white people
'white'

204
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,440
if they're actually pink?

205
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,280
They're more of a peach,
don't you reckon?

206
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:07,760
Yeah. Yeah.

207
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,700
So, guys, the new brief
has come through,

208
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,180
and... it's a tricky one.

209
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,660
We've been asked to rebrand...

210
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,140
..Aboriginal.

211
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,660
Come again?

212
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,900
Aboriginality apparently needs
an overhaul because it's dated.

213
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,540
It's old. It's trying to sell,
but nobody's buying it.

214
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:33,000
Selling Aboriginal - I mean,
that's like advertising suicide.

215
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,780
If we can sell Aboriginals,
we can sell anything.

216
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,100
True.

217
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,660
So, ideas. Come at me.

218
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,940
Consumer-created content's
really big right now.

219
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,580
What if we could get people
to, like, upload a video

220
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:52,580
with hashtag 'favourite Aboriginal'
for their chance to win...

221
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,220
Win what?
(Sighs) No idea.

222
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,960
Fake viral video. Yeah, spreads
through social media like wildfire.

223
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,040
Maximum growth. Bam, easy.

224
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,580
Yeah, so, we did a search on most
commonly used Aboriginal terms.

225
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:05,980
We got a lot of Abo memes

226
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,660
and videos of people fighting
Aboriginal people on trains.

227
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,080
Alright, alright, so, steer clear
of anything linked to reality.

228
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,180
Correct! That's right.
What about black?

229
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,700
It's the new black!

230
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,780
Yeah, look,
I wanna be blunt with you there.

231
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,620
The market research has come back

232
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,580
and it just seems that the most
common issue with the feedback,

233
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,700
it's, um... it is the colour.

234
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,420
Yeah, black. It's just... it's not
selling. People don't like it.

235
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,000
Nothing good ever came
in a black package, let's be honest.

236
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,780
Yep. So, no more black.

237
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,620
If we're gonna sell Aboriginality,

238
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,820
we need to steer clear
of the whole colour thing.

239
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,300
So, we've got to stick
with the concept of Aboriginality.

240
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,700
Yeah, exactly, exactly - the concept.
So, let's think Aboriginal!

241
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,800
What do you think of
when you think Aboriginal?

242
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,500
Well, they like the outdoors.

243
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,560
Eugh! (Clicks tongue)
Makes people think of parks.

244
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,160
They're friendly.
Yeah, when they're asking for money.

245
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,340
Oldest living civilisation!
Boring!

246
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,980
(Groans)
Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

247
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,080
We get a spokesperson, yeah?

248
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,560
Someone to speak on behalf
of the Aboriginal people.

249
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,360
Cathy Freeman?
Dated.

250
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,640
That's, like, 15 years ago. What
have you done for us lately, Cath?

251
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,260
Adam Goodes!
Too threatening with the...

252
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:09,940
Mmm, yeah, look, these are all good,

253
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:14,100
but I think at the end of the day,
they're just not white enough.

254
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,280
Well, the only reason
Aboriginal people are black

255
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,220
is because other people are white.

256
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,980
It's instantly separating.
That's true.

257
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,500
Yeah, so, perhaps what we need to do

258
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,980
is combine Aboriginality and white
as one.

259
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,800
So, when you think Aboriginal,
you think white.

260
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,300
Yes!
Yes, exactly, but not just white.

261
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,780
They think... they think cool!

262
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,820
They think sexy, fun, fresh, new.

263
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,300
Aspirational!

264
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,400
White - it's the new black.

265
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,880
I like that! Oh, I like it.

266
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,200
Aboriginal.
(All laugh)

267
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,200
 DANCE MUSIC

268
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,360
Aboriginal.

269
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,040
Aboriginal.

270
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,480
Aboriginal.

271
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,320
So... what do you think?

272
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,800
Look at this place. Immaculate!

273
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,660
He's taunting us.

274
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,760
I'll be fucked.

275
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,740
(Sniffs)

276
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,840
What's that smell?

277
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,600
It's new paint and sawdust.

278
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,620
This place is fresh.

279
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,340
(Sniffs)

280
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,460
Here - Vicks.

281
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,940
Put some under your nose
and rub some on your chest.

282
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,040
You sound like
you're coming down with a cold.

283
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,900
Nah, I know sawdust and paint,

284
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,400
but this... this is something else.

285
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,900
(Sniffs)

286
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,900
No Lucozade, no Mylanta.

287
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,240
Nothing but soy milk
and this green shit.

288
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,420
(Spits) That's kale.

289
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:26,200
I've only heard about this.
That is one sick coconut.

290
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,180
(Sniffs)

291
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,280
(Power tools whirr)

292
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,820
Arggh!
Who do you work for?!

293
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:54,980
I... I...

294
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,700
Who... do... you... work... for?

295
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,300
Oh, uh...

296
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,460
Don't... go... play-ing... games...
with... me!

297
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,860
I... am... not...
to... be... toyed... with.

298
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,540
Now... who... do... you... work...

299
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,980
OK, OK!
Stop slapping the shit out of me!

300
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,540
He calls himself Ron - Ron Vader!

301
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,340
He only calls me for jobs.
I've never met him!

302
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,440
All I can tell you is he sounds...

303
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,640
Detective Nathan,
you've proven your point.

304
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,700
We can't pinch him for doing his job.

305
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,740
He sounds kind of like...

306
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,840
Shut up, scumbag!

307
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,120
He's not the king coconut.
He's just the husk.

308
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,740
So, Ginny...

309
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,380
..I hear there was a bit of
an incident at bingo the other day.

310
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,060
Oh, you mean
with Jane Arsehole Bitch Kerrigan?

311
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,860
Ooh-ah! Why, what happened?

312
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,420
Hang on,
who Jane Arsehole Bitch Kerrigan?

313
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:54,980
Oh, you know.

314
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,700
That arsehole bitch who slept with my
dear Pete three years before he died.

315
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,660
Oh, that was 25 years ago!
27.

316
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,140
Well, that makes 30!

317
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,020
And she's as much of an arsehole
bitch now as she was back then.

318
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,660
Well, what happened?

319
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,980
Well, you know I go to bingo
every day except Monday.

320
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,260
Why not Monday?
Oh, come on! I'm not greedy!

321
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,100
Oh, I love your self-control, Ginny.
Oh, I know.

322
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,180
Anyway, I go to bingo on Saturday,
and who should be there?

323
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,340
Arsehole bitch?
Yeah!

324
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,140
Decides to turn up
with a group of slut friends.

325
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,240
I think they're from a church group,

326
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,260
so they shouldn't even be gambling
in the first place.

327
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,360
Well, don't you go to church?

328
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,300
Do you wanna hear the story or not?
Yes. Sorry, Ginny. Go on.

329
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,460
Well, here I am,
a devout bingo player,

330
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,900
and up turns Jane Arsehole Bitch
Kerrigan and her slut friends -

331
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,940
all of whom, I might add,
never come to bingo - ever!

332
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,780
Gigglin' and carryin' on about how
they don't know what they're doing,

333
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,220
distracting us serious players.

334
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,860
Anyway, listening to their shit
for three hours,

335
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,340
what should happen?

336
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,020
That novice mole,
she wins the major jackpot!

337
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:58,980
(Dramatic music)

338
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:03,260
On one sheet! I was not happy,
Marcia! I was not happy.

339
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,780
I can see why, Ginny.
So what happened?

340
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,100
Well, after she collected
her winnings,

341
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,500
I went up to her and I told her.

342
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:14,180
I said, 'If you were truly sorry
for sleeping with my dear Pete

343
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,660
all those years ago,'
she'd go halves in her winnings.

344
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,940
And what'd she say to that?
Nah!

345
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,860
Said she'd paid her dues

346
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,460
after she helped pay
for Pete's funeral as an apology!

347
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,560
Oooh, I forgot about that.

348
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,420
But youse were right after that, eh?

349
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,380
Oh, we were, until that bitch
won my jackpot!

350
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,140
Jeez, you're deadly, Ginny.

351
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,320
More people should
have morals like you.

352
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,000
(Both tut)

353
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,500
I don't think I'm cut out for this,
Aunty.

354
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,740
I may as well go kill myself.

355
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,620
Here, knock off!
Don't go talking like that.

356
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:55,660
Nah.

357
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,760
This is next level.

358
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,340
I don't think I'm cut out for it.

359
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,740
What you need is a two-piece feed,
bruz.

360
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,040
You got that soy in your system.
You're not thinkin' straight.

361
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,760
You know that coconuts
kill more people than pit bulls?

362
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,860
It's in the nature of the coconut
to fall

363
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,820
and it's our job
to protect the people.

364
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,860
We're like the helmet
of the community.

365
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,620
Now, you think about that.

366
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,820
I'm gonna go back here
and get us a feed

367
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,040
and you think about
whether you want to be a helmet

368
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,200
or you want someone dead on a beach.

369
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:35,320
(Car door slams, mobile phone chimes)
Graham, your phone!

370
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,640
'Perkies Hardware, two-day
renovation sale this weekend.'

371
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,960
Sandalwood?

372
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,040
It's Graham!

373
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,880
Graham's the coconut!

374
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,180
Oh! I've just been hit by a car.

375
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:13,480
Well, now you know
how Aboriginal people feel!

376
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,240
Oh!

377
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,240
Dad?

378
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,520
Yes, son?

379
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,840
Would I look funny
if I had short hair?

380
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,100
I don't know, son.
Ask your Uncle Jimmy.

381
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,200
Uh...

382
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,640
..maybe later.

383
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,320
Yeah, good idea, son.

384
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,600
Yeah.

385
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,140
Oi!
Freezing my tits off up here, bruz.

386
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,240
They've shrivelled up
like an old jujube berry.

387
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,420
What you gonna drag me up here for?

388
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,580
It's you. You coconut!

389
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,340
Here, don't go talking like that,
now. You respect your elders!

390
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,780
Why?
Why what?

391
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,260
You're not right, cuz.
You're still feeling that soy.

392
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:32,740
Come down to the smoko room, eh?

393
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,880
I saw the photos on your phone
and the quotes from the tradies.

394
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,860
You had the fucking sandalwood in
the fucking car, Aunt! Why?! Why?!

395
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,220
'Cause I wanted more!
Haven't you wanted more?

396
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,320
Not when it comes to community,
Aunty.

397
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,280
You've gone too far.
You were the best.

398
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,960
Everyone talked about you.
We all wanted to be you!

399
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,460
I've been cracking coconuts
for ten years - ten frigging years -

400
00:22:58,560 --> 00:22:59,940
what have I got to show for it?

401
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,820
A bloody polo shirt
from an AGM conference.

402
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,780
You got too greedy.
How many houses are there?

403
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,340
Friggin' heaps!

404
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:12,200
I got a duplex townhouse on the go
right now! A duplex, bra!

405
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,800
This is first-degree gentrification.
This is serious.

406
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,520
Your proof of Aboriginality is gonna
be taken away for a long time

407
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,440
and they're gonna pull
your black card from you.

408
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,720
(Chuckles) Is that so... big shot?

409
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,580
Well, hero, who's gonna believe you?

410
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,060
It's your word against mine,

411
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,700
and you've got soy
in your system, rookie.

412
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:43,340
Yeah, well, actually,
it's your word against yours.

413
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:44,460
(Button clicks)

414
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:47,300
GRAHAM, ON RECORDING: I got a duplex
townhouse on the go right now!

415
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,400
A duplex, bra...
(Button clicks)

416
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,260
You dirty little so-and-so.

417
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,900
If it wasn't for me,

418
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,500
you black bastards would be selling
dot paintings at the market.

419
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,760
You'd be working at the co-op!
Yeah, that's right - youth program.

420
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:03,420
You'd be driving those friggin' kids
to the ice-skating rink

421
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,060
every school holiday!

422
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,620
Bugger that! Bridging the Gap
ain't got nothing on me.

423
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,260
Get your hands off me!

424
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,340
This ain't the end, Nathan.

425
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,060
There's a whole system dedicated
to letting me go!

426
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,660
I'll get a job network provider
and I'll get back on!

427
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,060
You'll see! You'll keep!
Take her away, boys.

428
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,820
Yeah, I'm not frightened! You bring
your mother and your sister!

429
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,940
I'll fight youse all!
Don't you know who I am?!

430
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,260
I'm Graham! Detective Graham!

431
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,760
(Graham shouts indistinctly)

432
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,100
And Graham - where is she?

433
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,180
She's still in interrogation.
She hasn't said a word.

434
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,660
Really?

435
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,080
She's a hard coconut to crack.

436
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,560
Alright, brother, thanks.

437
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,200
Graham.

438
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,240
Nathan.

439
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,880
You know that you can get
every episode of Scrubs inside?

440
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:35,800
Small victory, considering
Grey's Anatomy is contraband.

441
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,800
And I'm not imagining the sheets
are going to have

442
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,280
a three-figure thread count.

443
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,320
Got something to show you.

444
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,640
Two-piece feed, aunt.
Your favourite.

445
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,480
I'm on a paleo diet. (Laughs)

446
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,640
It's gonna take more than
a two-piece feed, bruz! (Laughs)

447
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,720
(Door slams)

448
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:33,340
(Sniffs)

449
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,960
Oooh! (Laughs)

450
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,280
Captions by CSI Australia