1 00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:43,830 No, no, no, no, no! 2 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:56,070 Pat, I swear, your voice just seems to get better and better. 3 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,740 You sure you didn't go to Juilliard or something? 4 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,950 I did use to have a friend named Julie 5 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,950 when I was a kid, and we did play in her yard. 6 00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:07,870 Sometimes we would sing. 7 00:04:07,870 --> 00:04:10,330 Oh, my God! Patrick Montgomery, I swear, 8 00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:12,670 if there was an Olympic competition for dorky jokes, 9 00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:14,340 I'd be married to a gold medalist. 10 00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:16,670 Your voice has gotten better. 11 00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:18,590 Well, how about me? I sing like a swallow. 12 00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:21,050 No need to get competitive. 13 00:04:22,050 --> 00:04:24,720 Life is a competition, don't they say? 14 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,140 Don't you like to say that, Pastor Jackie? 15 00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:29,810 Never. I don't believe I ever even thought it. 16 00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:32,310 We should all be thinking about it 17 00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:34,440 if we're serious about winning the church volleyball league. 18 00:04:35,230 --> 00:04:39,700 And maybe we should consider opening our doors to the Congregationalists. 19 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:42,870 Don Awrey is 6'5" and spikes like a madman. 20 00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:44,030 He is great. 21 00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:46,160 Well, you know, I dated a Congregationalist once, 22 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,540 and he insisted on prayin' before goin' car parking. 23 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:50,830 No, wait! No, he's Episcopalian! 24 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:53,960 What about you, Don? 25 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,800 Are you ever gonna join the team? 26 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,590 - Volleyball's not my thing. - Not enough mayhem. 27 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:01,050 He gravitates towards viciousness. That's why he went into law. 28 00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:04,100 Didn't you play professional football? 29 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,220 - For the Washington Redskins. - Yes! 30 00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:08,600 Nah, I tried out, I didn't make the team. 31 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,810 And it kills him to this day. 32 00:05:12,150 --> 00:05:14,060 I'm gonna go get some potato salad. 33 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:15,190 I'll race you. 34 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,990 We should really get going soon because the chart says 35 00:05:18,990 --> 00:05:22,240 that I'm going to reach peak fertility around 1:00 PM 36 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,120 today, so. 37 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,240 Oh, right. 38 00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:28,870 Little bit slower. 39 00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,330 Little bit slower! 40 00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:37,590 And be sure to emit as you propulse forward. 41 00:05:37,590 --> 00:05:40,300 - Evidently, that's helpful. - Really? 42 00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:44,180 - Here. Try to go deeper. - I'm going as deep as I can, Betty. 43 00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:45,640 No, you have been deeper before. 44 00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:50,680 If you can squirt rather than drip, that helps, too. 45 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,270 But, slower. 46 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,480 Deeper! 47 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:57,480 And squirt! 48 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,040 - Keep going, honey. You're doing great. - Do I have to sing it? 49 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,170 Yes. 50 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,550 If you wanna keep filling that sweet little heart of yours up with joy! 51 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,140 - Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, hey, hey! 52 00:06:33,690 --> 00:06:35,440 - Come in! - All right. 53 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,940 And why do I have the pleasure 54 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:41,940 of a house call from my favorite pastor? 55 00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:43,820 Well. 56 00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,410 It's not exactly pleasure, I'm afraid. And... 57 00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:50,330 I might stop being your favorite pastor. 58 00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:55,500 What's goin' on? 59 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,330 Bill's gone. 60 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,000 He wants a divorce. 61 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,680 It's been comin' for a long time. 62 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,680 I know that you've been struggling some. 63 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:09,930 Sweetie, sing louder. 64 00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:14,810 That's good. 65 00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:20,320 You will get through this. I will drag you through this. 66 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,190 - I'm scared. I'll admit it. - What about? 67 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,780 For starters, how will I lead the congregation? 68 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,990 You're gonna lead us the same as you always have. 69 00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:34,450 And being single, after 23 years of marriage. 70 00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:39,210 I'm not sure I even know how to put one foot in front of the other. 71 00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:44,050 So you just need to look at this as a new beginning. 72 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,930 A new destiny. 73 00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:53,310 - It's not fair. - It's my job, Betty. 74 00:07:53,310 --> 00:07:56,680 The whole point of that new job was that you wouldn't have to travel. 75 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,730 As much. And I don't. 76 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:02,070 Well, it's not normal for a husband and wife to be apart. 77 00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:03,110 That's all I'm saying. 78 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,280 Right, but we're talking about four days here. 79 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:10,450 Four critical days during peak fertility. 80 00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:16,790 Didn't the doctors say that you might get pregnant easier if you stress less? 81 00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:21,420 - So it's my fault. - I didn't say that. 82 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:23,590 - Of course, you did. You did. - No, I didn't. 83 00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:27,130 And you might consider that it's your traveling that's causing my stress. 84 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:49,320 Okay. 85 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:55,030 So, the thing is, Jackie, our minister, 86 00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:57,790 she's not just out of town on church business. 87 00:08:57,790 --> 00:09:00,750 She chose not to be here today. 88 00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,750 Because I'm on the church council, 89 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:06,750 she felt it better that I break the news first. 90 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,720 Jackie and her husband Bill are getting a divorce. 91 00:09:13,430 --> 00:09:14,470 It happens. 92 00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:18,810 Get over it. Pastors are people like everybody else. 93 00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:22,730 I see some of you squirming in your seats, 94 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,820 like you suddenly got pine cones up your butts. 95 00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:28,740 Well, I tell you, if you ever did get a pine cone up your keister, 96 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:31,070 you'd be squealing like a pig. 97 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:35,030 And Jackie Ponder would be the first one runnin' to your aid. 98 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,910 So let's run to hers. 99 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,710 Not the time to be high-horse, moral dopes. 100 00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:48,460 Let's just get on with being good Methodists. 101 00:09:48,460 --> 00:09:50,260 We can start tonight 102 00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:52,800 by kicking some Lutheran butts at volleyball. 103 00:09:57,220 --> 00:09:58,560 I got it! 104 00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:06,360 Betty, hey. Hi. 105 00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:09,980 Thought you'd be playing tonight. 106 00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:11,610 Sitting this one out. 107 00:10:15,450 --> 00:10:17,030 Understood. 108 00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:19,290 Yeah. Makes sense. 109 00:10:19,290 --> 00:10:20,160 I got it! 110 00:10:21,950 --> 00:10:24,370 - What makes sense? - What? 111 00:10:24,370 --> 00:10:26,380 My sitting this game out makes sense. 112 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:29,340 - Why does it make sense? - Well, if you are expecting, 113 00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:32,090 it makes sense that you'd steer clear of any 114 00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:35,220 intense physical activity. 115 00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,010 What makes you think I'm expecting? 116 00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:43,140 No, no, I'm sorry. 117 00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:45,100 I just heard you and Allan were trying. 118 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,730 I... 119 00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:50,270 I apologize. I overstepped. 120 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,610 - Betty, I'm really sorry. - It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 121 00:10:58,660 --> 00:11:00,490 You really do have a wonderful singing voice. 122 00:11:00,990 --> 00:11:03,330 Thank you. Thank you. 123 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,210 Got it, got it, got it! 124 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:11,840 Are you okay? 125 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,460 I'm fine. I'm fine. 126 00:11:14,220 --> 00:11:16,880 - Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah. 127 00:11:17,430 --> 00:11:19,600 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 128 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,970 - Good. Okay. - You don't wanna sit for a bit? 129 00:11:22,970 --> 00:11:25,770 No, I'm fine, Allan. I'm fine, thank you. 130 00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,480 - Alright. - Thanks. 131 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,020 Sorry. I gotta communicate. 132 00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:49,750 What do you mean he smelled like sex? 133 00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:52,380 I mean he smelled like sex. 134 00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:57,550 - Are we talkin' about the same Allan Gore? - Oh yeah. I know. 135 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:02,680 I know, but how a man looks and smells can be two totally different things. 136 00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:05,520 And plus. 137 00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:07,390 Plus what? 138 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,100 Well, I was kind of 139 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,480 gettin' the sense that he was likin' the smell of me, too. 140 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,940 Like it could maybe go in that direction. 141 00:12:15,990 --> 00:12:16,940 What direction? 142 00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,200 - I'm not sayin' that I would ever-- - Candy! 143 00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:28,710 It's just this whole thing with Jackie. 144 00:12:30,170 --> 00:12:33,710 Maybe it's just kind of opened up a can. 145 00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,840 What can? 146 00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:41,680 The "content is not all it's cracked up to be" can. 147 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,350 You know, my father, he used to say to me, 148 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:48,730 "Candy, if you ain't growing, you're dying." 149 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,270 And he would also say, 150 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,270 "If you ain't searching 151 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,940 you're lost." 152 00:12:59,450 --> 00:13:01,070 Allan Gore? 153 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,410 I mean, he'd be "fall-in-love-proof," anyway. 154 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,000 Just take a look at him. 155 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,290 Who could be more "fall-in-love-proof" than that? 156 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:28,030 Gary, would you like to share your poem? 157 00:14:28,830 --> 00:14:31,330 Okay. It's short. 158 00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:34,710 That's fine. Some of my favorite poems are short. 159 00:14:34,710 --> 00:14:36,670 Haikus are quite wonderful, in fact. 160 00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:41,050 "On my brand new toilet 161 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,180 I did the same thing." 162 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,230 It's about the folly of materialism. 163 00:14:57,150 --> 00:14:59,070 God, I totally get it. 164 00:15:00,270 --> 00:15:03,690 We all think that we can change our lives with stuff, you know? 165 00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:06,360 I do it all the time with shoes or whatever. 166 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,570 If I could just have that or just get this things will be different. 167 00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:11,830 Mine's actually got a similar theme about "wanting." 168 00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:12,910 - Yeah? - Yeah. 169 00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:14,660 - Let's hear it, Candy. - Okay. 170 00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:18,920 - It's called, "My Heart Asked." - What a lovely title. 171 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:25,720 "My heart asked, 'What's the answer?' 172 00:15:27,470 --> 00:15:30,720 "I said, 'What answer?' It said, 'You know.' 173 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,600 "I said, 'I don't know. I give up. What's the answer?' 174 00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:37,560 "And the heart said, 175 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:41,480 'The answer is don't give up.'" 176 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,670 - Good night, Sherry. - See you at home. 177 00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:47,470 - Bye, Candy! - See ya. 178 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,010 Allan! Hi! 179 00:17:36,470 --> 00:17:38,890 - Hey, Candy. - Hey. 180 00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,270 I want to talk to you sometime about 181 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,100 something that's been bothering me a little. 182 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,030 How about right now? 183 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:51,650 Sure. 184 00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,960 I've been thinking about you a lot, 185 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,960 and it's really been bothering me, and I'm not 186 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:10,170 sure whether I want you to do anything about it or not. 187 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,810 I'm very attracted to you. 188 00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:26,770 And I'm just tired of thinkin' about it, so I wanted to tell you that. 189 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,440 You seriously got in his car? 190 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,190 I did. 191 00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:15,490 - And told him you were thinking about him? - I did. 192 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,240 And what did he say? 193 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,490 He said, "Oh. Okay." 194 00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:22,330 - That's it? - Pretty much. 195 00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:25,660 Are you sure this is really about Allan Gore 196 00:19:25,660 --> 00:19:28,380 and not about you wantin' to be reckless? 197 00:19:29,290 --> 00:19:30,710 Maybe a little of both. 198 00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:35,510 But also men, they get to go to their jobs 199 00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,340 and live in their careers and 200 00:19:38,390 --> 00:19:40,680 we just stay home and 201 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,350 God, that's supposed to be enough. 202 00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:49,810 Look at our kids right now on that jungle gym. 203 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:54,360 It is human nature to take risks. 204 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:58,780 To go for somethin' with a little thrill at the risk of falling. 205 00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,030 I mean, look at their faces. 206 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,040 They are more alive than we are. 207 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,170 It's not appropriate. 208 00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:14,340 - Why? - Because it's not. 209 00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:18,720 Where did you even get all of this stuff? 210 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:19,760 Jenny's mom. 211 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,260 You're gonna have to pick another costume. 212 00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:23,220 - Why? - I told you, it's not appropriate, 213 00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:25,600 - especially for a girl your age. - Dad! 214 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,140 No, no! Never mind. 215 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:29,400 I will not have you out on the streets trick or treating as a trollop. 216 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,850 We will find something better. 217 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,820 This is why I did not want her seeing that movie! 218 00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:37,320 -"Grease"? That's a family picture, honey. - No, no. 219 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,200 It's a bunch of talk of girls putting out. 220 00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:53,090 - You're judging me. - I am not judging you. 221 00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:55,920 Allan, you do some of your best commentary with silence. 222 00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,390 One of the reasons 223 00:21:02,850 --> 00:21:05,390 why I go silent is because when you get like this, 224 00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,930 I don't know what to say. 225 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:09,980 I don't know what you want me to say. 226 00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:19,070 The first time I took my wife out, I knew she wasn't smart. 227 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:20,030 Why's that. 228 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,530 I took her to a drive-in movie, you know, 229 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,570 and I asked if she wanted to go in the back seat, you know. 230 00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:24,950 She said she'd rather use the ladies' room! 231 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,250 But the day I got married, that was something. 232 00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:32,000 Everybody was crying. 233 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,250 During the ceremony, her mother cried, you know? 234 00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:36,380 All the way to the hotel, my wife cried. 235 00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,510 And when she got undressed, I cried, you know? 236 00:21:43,140 --> 00:21:44,890 Did you read my short? 237 00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:47,220 Sorry? 238 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,020 My short story from writing class. I asked if you would read it. 239 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:54,610 I did. Excellent. 240 00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,530 Yeah? What was it about? 241 00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:01,450 It was about swans. 242 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,530 What about swans? 243 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:08,700 Wow. If I knew there was gonna be a test, I would've studied harder. 244 00:22:09,540 --> 00:22:11,250 Then study harder, Pat. 245 00:22:11,910 --> 00:22:13,120 You have a Ph.D. 246 00:22:13,870 --> 00:22:15,790 Yep. Not in swans, though. 247 00:22:18,050 --> 00:22:19,800 Yep. 248 00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:26,800 - Let me read it again. -My car, I tell you, Johnny. 249 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,930 -Bad car? -I got the only car 250 00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:30,140 dogs chase it, they catch it. 251 00:22:35,650 --> 00:22:38,020 I told the graduating class... 252 00:23:53,310 --> 00:23:56,730 It's not about repainting or redoing. We need a new sanctuary. 253 00:23:56,730 --> 00:24:00,400 Well, a church is more about its parishioners than its hardscape, Jo Ann. 254 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,360 That may be well and true, but this church 255 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,400 isn't gonna be anything if we don't grow the congregation. 256 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:05,820 And for that, we need a new facility. 257 00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:08,320 It's not just that it's old, Jackie. It's crappy. 258 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,450 Nobody looking for a new house of worship wants crappy. 259 00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:13,540 It should make a statement. 260 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,210 Especially if we wanna draw the younger couples. 261 00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:19,000 Well, aren't we supposed to be the younger couples? 262 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,500 Where's your head, Allan? 263 00:24:23,090 --> 00:24:24,300 I'm sorry? What? 264 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,720 Where's your head? You think we need a new sanctuary? 265 00:24:31,550 --> 00:24:33,680 - Well-- - You know, the thing about 266 00:24:34,430 --> 00:24:36,680 religion and life and love 267 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,310 is that there's renewal in it. 268 00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:43,480 And, to me, nothing sells renewal better than 269 00:24:44,730 --> 00:24:46,190 you know, something new. 270 00:24:48,110 --> 00:24:51,200 I agree. We need a major building. 271 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,330 So if we look at our finances 272 00:24:54,490 --> 00:24:57,200 year-to-date, and we see 273 00:24:57,870 --> 00:24:59,960 that we are already... 274 00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:25,020 Well, you would think the teams themselves would have to clean up, not the referees, 275 00:25:25,020 --> 00:25:27,860 but I suppose that would just make too much sense, wouldn't it? 276 00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:30,030 Well, are we still on for coffee tomorrow? 277 00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:31,700 Is the sun still planning to rise? 278 00:25:32,700 --> 00:25:34,030 Well, I'll call you! 279 00:25:37,790 --> 00:25:40,500 So is Betty not feeling too good again? 280 00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:45,710 Some headaches and so forth. Probably stress-related. 281 00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:50,340 You haven't got any tricks up your sleeve to relax your bride, Allan? 282 00:25:51,590 --> 00:25:53,720 Betty's seen all my tricks. 283 00:25:56,220 --> 00:25:58,350 Well, this is me. 284 00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:01,640 You tell her that I hope she's feeling better and 285 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,270 she can always drop Alisa off if she wants to rest. 286 00:26:05,270 --> 00:26:07,270 - I'll tell her that. Thank you. - Yeah. 287 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,150 You sure I can trust you two alone? 288 00:26:16,490 --> 00:26:17,990 Well, good night. 289 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:21,910 Candy. 290 00:26:27,380 --> 00:26:30,840 Before, in the car. 291 00:26:32,420 --> 00:26:35,680 What exactly was it that you had in mind? 292 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:42,520 Get in. 293 00:26:55,110 --> 00:26:57,700 Would you be interested in having an affair? 294 00:27:04,210 --> 00:27:05,710 It's just something I've been thinkin' about 295 00:27:05,710 --> 00:27:09,040 and so I wanted to say it, so I don't have to think about it anymore. 296 00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:16,640 Okay. Well, I got my answer. 297 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,300 No, no, it's just. 298 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:22,350 I don't think I could. 299 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:24,850 You know, I love Betty. 300 00:27:28,650 --> 00:27:31,530 And when we were living in New Mexico, she had an affair. 301 00:27:31,530 --> 00:27:33,030 Betty did? 302 00:27:33,780 --> 00:27:35,400 Well, I can't believe that. 303 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,360 I know. I couldn't believe it either. 304 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:39,660 It hurt me a lot and I wouldn't want to do that to her. 305 00:27:39,660 --> 00:27:41,790 That's fine, Allan. 306 00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:43,950 I love Pat, too, and I wouldn't wanna do anything 307 00:27:43,950 --> 00:27:46,040 to hurt him either. 308 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,040 - I like Pat. - Yeah. 309 00:27:51,340 --> 00:27:52,960 He has the best voice in the choir. 310 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,590 - Also, Betty just got pregnant again. - Really? 311 00:28:00,850 --> 00:28:03,140 Just recently. 312 00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:06,940 So that would really be unfair to her. 313 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,310 Especially since I don't feel the same way about you 314 00:28:11,310 --> 00:28:13,020 that I do about her. 315 00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,610 So, I probably couldn't do something like that. 316 00:28:17,610 --> 00:28:19,200 Okay. 317 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,950 I was just putting the option out there because of how I felt. 318 00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:25,000 But I certainly don't want to hurt you or your marriage. 319 00:28:26,620 --> 00:28:28,540 All I wanted to do was 320 00:28:30,170 --> 00:28:31,500 go to bed. 321 00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:35,090 But I won't mention it again. 322 00:28:43,050 --> 00:28:43,930 Good night. 323 00:28:58,950 --> 00:29:00,910 I feel so humiliated. 324 00:29:00,910 --> 00:29:03,160 It's probably for the best, sweetheart. 325 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:07,580 Well, I wasn't looking for what's best. I was out for something more transcendent. 326 00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:11,120 And he broached it! He invited the conversation. 327 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:13,670 What exactly did he say? 328 00:29:13,670 --> 00:29:19,840 He asked me what I had in mind when he knew very well what I had in mind. 329 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,840 And then he climbed into my car. I mean, come on. 330 00:29:24,140 --> 00:29:26,850 And why did he kiss me? 331 00:29:28,020 --> 00:29:28,980 Right on the lips. 332 00:29:29,390 --> 00:29:32,150 It wasn't exactly passionate. 333 00:29:33,060 --> 00:29:35,270 But it wasn't a brotherly kiss either. 334 00:29:35,770 --> 00:29:39,240 Well, men kiss all the time when they don't mean it. 335 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,660 No, I think he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 336 00:29:41,660 --> 00:29:43,990 He doesn't wanna hate himself for being unfaithful to Betty. 337 00:29:44,570 --> 00:29:46,990 So he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 338 00:29:48,700 --> 00:29:50,620 Well, he can forget about that. 339 00:29:51,620 --> 00:29:54,130 I played my cards, and that will be that. 340 00:29:54,130 --> 00:29:55,210 Mornin'. 341 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,390 Well, my word in Heaven, are you a bird? 342 00:30:10,390 --> 00:30:12,230 No, wait. You're a plane, aren't you? 343 00:30:12,230 --> 00:30:13,900 I'm Superman! 344 00:30:13,900 --> 00:30:16,110 You're Superman! You're a man of steel! 345 00:30:16,110 --> 00:30:17,940 And you might be the super-est one I have ever seen. 346 00:30:18,730 --> 00:30:21,320 - Well, thank you. - Well, you're welcome. Hey, honey! 347 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,280 - Hey, Mom. - You're back already, huh? 348 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,320 - Just to drop off. I filled my pumpkin. - Yes, you did. 349 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,990 I'm just gonna go dump it and come back out. 350 00:30:29,540 --> 00:30:32,040 Well, what do you expect to do with all that candy, young lady? 351 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,040 - I'll trade with Ian. - Okay. 352 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,550 - Thanks for walking with them. - Sure, sure. 353 00:30:38,550 --> 00:30:40,090 Did you see Pat and Ian on your travels? 354 00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:43,010 I did see a pretty scary Elvis. 355 00:30:43,010 --> 00:30:45,340 Yep, that would be Pat. 356 00:30:46,180 --> 00:30:48,050 Him and Elvis, it's kinda hard to tell them apart. 357 00:30:49,810 --> 00:30:51,270 Come on, Dad. Let's go. 358 00:30:51,270 --> 00:30:52,980 - Okay. Bye. - Trick or treat! 359 00:30:52,980 --> 00:30:56,060 Oh, my goodness, look at you! Buzz, buzz, buzz! 360 00:30:57,310 --> 00:30:59,230 If I could only have a brain! 361 00:30:59,230 --> 00:31:02,240 Look how cute you guys look. And look at you. 362 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,530 Don't sting me! The Wicked Witch of the West! 363 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,830 Happy birthday to you 364 00:31:17,830 --> 00:31:20,460 - Oh, my God. - I brought you a confection. 365 00:31:20,460 --> 00:31:21,460 Yes. 366 00:31:21,460 --> 00:31:23,630 And at the bakery, they said if we ate it before 10:00 AM, 367 00:31:23,630 --> 00:31:25,050 it won't make our asses fat. 368 00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:27,430 At least, not completely. 369 00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:30,930 - Then, shall we? Hurry up! - Yes, we shall! 370 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:36,270 This is why your people follow you. 371 00:31:36,270 --> 00:31:37,810 Yeah. I let them eat cake. 372 00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:40,820 So, listen. 373 00:31:40,820 --> 00:31:42,610 I don't like the sound of that. 374 00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:45,450 Remember I told you about that other job offer 375 00:31:45,450 --> 00:31:47,610 I had at Midwestern University? 376 00:31:47,610 --> 00:31:50,120 - Which you turned down. - Yeah, well. 377 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,500 - It turns out I reconsidered. - What do you mean? 378 00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:57,750 It was pointed out that the bishop doesn't make offers like this every day. 379 00:31:59,290 --> 00:32:03,210 - But it's in Wichita Falls. - I'll come back and forth. 380 00:32:03,210 --> 00:32:05,010 What do you mean you'll come back and forth? 381 00:32:05,010 --> 00:32:07,590 It's, like, 200 miles away. 382 00:32:07,590 --> 00:32:09,680 Candy, this is my next calling. 383 00:32:11,260 --> 00:32:12,640 What am I gonna do? 384 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,100 - You're my best friend. - Our friendship won't change. 385 00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:16,430 No, but you won't be here. 386 00:32:16,430 --> 00:32:19,230 - And who's gonna replace you? - We'll find somebody great. 387 00:32:19,230 --> 00:32:22,020 Somebody who can get the new sanctuary built. 388 00:32:22,020 --> 00:32:24,110 Oh, my God. 389 00:32:24,900 --> 00:32:28,280 You are the only one I have to talk to here, Jackie. 390 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,570 That is not true. You have Sherry. 391 00:32:30,570 --> 00:32:33,540 And you're the belle of the ball at church. 392 00:32:33,540 --> 00:32:36,290 I mean Sherry is Sherry but 393 00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:39,540 honey, you're my heart. 394 00:32:51,180 --> 00:32:52,930 Hello? 395 00:32:52,930 --> 00:32:55,850 Candy. Hi, it's Allan. Allan Gore. 396 00:32:56,930 --> 00:32:59,980 - Hey. -Hey. Hi. 397 00:33:03,690 --> 00:33:07,990 I have to go to McKinney tomorrow to get my tires checked and rotated, 398 00:33:07,990 --> 00:33:10,200 and I know it's a drive, 399 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,990 but I was wondering if you might like to have some lunch with me. 400 00:33:15,950 --> 00:33:22,250 You know, to talk a little more about what we were talking about before. 401 00:33:22,830 --> 00:33:23,790 Okay. 402 00:33:25,170 --> 00:33:26,590 Okay, fine. 403 00:33:27,460 --> 00:33:29,050 Well, how's 12:00? 404 00:33:30,090 --> 00:33:32,010 - I'll meet you there. -Okay. 405 00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:34,720 - Meet you there. Bye-bye. -Okay. 406 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,230 - Where were we? - Who was that? 407 00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:49,280 - It's just somebody. - Somebody? 408 00:33:51,820 --> 00:33:54,200 Somebody I'm thinkin' about having an affair with. 409 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,370 You told me that 'cause you want me to talk you out of it. 410 00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:03,250 Pat and I, we... 411 00:34:05,590 --> 00:34:07,340 Well, we kind of hit a plateau. 412 00:34:07,340 --> 00:34:09,210 Every marriage hits one of them. 413 00:34:09,210 --> 00:34:11,420 Well, I suppose yours did and you did nothing about it. 414 00:34:11,420 --> 00:34:15,220 Meaning what? If I'd had an affair, Bill would still be taking out my garbage? 415 00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:21,980 I'm talking about my garbage right now, and not wanting to settle for it. 416 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,310 Sorry, that came out wrong. Pat is not garbage. 417 00:34:26,310 --> 00:34:29,690 Candy, I got front-door friends and back-door friends. 418 00:34:29,690 --> 00:34:32,030 Front-door friends show up when they have a reason. 419 00:34:32,030 --> 00:34:34,780 They knock. They say the right thing. 420 00:34:35,490 --> 00:34:38,160 Back-door friends, they just bang in through the kitchen door 421 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:40,160 and drop whatever's on their mind. 422 00:34:41,450 --> 00:34:42,830 You are my best back-door friend 423 00:34:42,830 --> 00:34:46,040 so I am gonna drop my mind on your table here. 424 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,130 This will come to no good. 425 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,880 Jackie, I have done all the things a wife is supposed to do. 426 00:34:55,340 --> 00:34:58,430 The house, the kids, the meals. 427 00:35:01,470 --> 00:35:03,940 Where is the payback? 428 00:35:04,810 --> 00:35:05,770 Honey. 429 00:35:06,940 --> 00:35:09,400 This is the payback. 430 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,280 Take it from me. Somebody who lost it. 431 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,160 I can see your mind's made up. 432 00:35:37,050 --> 00:35:38,890 - Thanks again, Ronnie. - You're welcome. 433 00:35:38,890 --> 00:35:41,810 - Don't work too hard. - All right. 434 00:35:43,770 --> 00:35:46,270 Hi! You're here. 435 00:35:46,270 --> 00:35:47,900 - Hi. - Hey. 436 00:35:48,730 --> 00:35:50,480 Brought you this little card. 437 00:35:59,410 --> 00:36:01,160 That is so sweet. 438 00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:05,200 There you are. 439 00:36:06,330 --> 00:36:07,500 Thank you. 440 00:36:08,670 --> 00:36:10,670 I just worry, you know? 441 00:36:10,670 --> 00:36:13,880 Jackie is the church, when you think about it. 442 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,470 I just hope she doesn't become a stranger. 443 00:36:16,470 --> 00:36:19,510 Well, how can she not? At least a little. 444 00:36:20,010 --> 00:36:22,430 Wichita Falls is a three-hour drive last I checked. 445 00:36:23,140 --> 00:36:25,640 And, frankly, I don't know how we're gonna go about replacing her. 446 00:36:27,390 --> 00:36:29,810 And I don't wanna belong to some stodgy-podgy church. 447 00:36:31,060 --> 00:36:33,270 - No, that would be awful. - Awful. 448 00:36:38,910 --> 00:36:41,280 Well, should we talk about our kids now? 449 00:36:41,910 --> 00:36:43,790 Or maybe more Pat. 450 00:36:43,790 --> 00:36:47,290 He was a champion trumpeter in high school. Did I cover that? 451 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,260 I'm sorry. I've never done anything like this before. 452 00:36:57,260 --> 00:36:59,260 I haven't either. 453 00:37:05,060 --> 00:37:08,980 I would never be able to forgive myself if Betty ever found out. 454 00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:14,020 That would just be devastating to her. 455 00:37:14,020 --> 00:37:15,860 I feel the same. 456 00:37:15,860 --> 00:37:20,660 We would have to be so careful that no one would ever know except us. 457 00:37:21,990 --> 00:37:23,280 That's right. 458 00:37:24,620 --> 00:37:26,740 I've been thinking a lot about what you said about 459 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:29,540 just wanting to go to bed, 460 00:37:29,540 --> 00:37:35,130 not getting too emotionally involved and so forth. 461 00:37:35,130 --> 00:37:37,260 That would be very important to me. 462 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,260 Me, too, Allan. 463 00:37:41,220 --> 00:37:43,640 God, I just wanna enjoy myself. 464 00:37:46,010 --> 00:37:50,690 Without hurting myself or anyone else. 465 00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:57,980 Well, 466 00:37:57,980 --> 00:38:00,990 I think we should think about it some more. 467 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:04,950 Think about the hazards and decide 468 00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:07,700 whether or not we're willing to take the risk. 469 00:38:10,660 --> 00:38:13,250 Fine. Yeah, I think we should. 470 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,630 So, that's the plan then? Think about it some more? 471 00:38:21,420 --> 00:38:22,380 I think so. 472 00:39:46,380 --> 00:39:49,890 I'm not sure how many more of these strategy session I can take. 473 00:39:49,890 --> 00:39:51,760 Yeah, I know. 474 00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,640 - We just can't be too careful. -You know, 475 00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:57,650 if you don't go to bed with me pretty soon, 476 00:39:59,020 --> 00:40:01,400 you'll never be able to live up 477 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,990 to the expectations I have of you in bed. 478 00:40:04,990 --> 00:40:08,780 Yeah, don't think I haven't thought about that. 479 00:40:12,700 --> 00:40:15,410 Maybe just one more planning session. 480 00:40:16,870 --> 00:40:19,330 - We can have it here. -At your house? 481 00:40:19,330 --> 00:40:22,550 Yeah, we can meet for lunch. People need to eat, right? 482 00:40:33,010 --> 00:40:34,390 How was work today? 483 00:40:36,850 --> 00:40:38,600 It's pretty good. Kind of the same. 484 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,950 Have you been going over your list, Allan? 485 00:40:50,870 --> 00:40:52,530 - I'm sorry, what? - The list. 486 00:40:53,910 --> 00:40:55,870 The list of potential baby names. 487 00:40:58,660 --> 00:41:00,080 - I will. - You will? 488 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:01,580 Yeah. 489 00:41:03,090 --> 00:41:04,000 Okay. 490 00:41:09,340 --> 00:41:13,140 If either of us wants it to end for whatever reason, then it ends. 491 00:41:13,140 --> 00:41:14,220 Agreed. 492 00:41:15,220 --> 00:41:20,100 If either of us get too emotionally involved, then it ends. 493 00:41:20,850 --> 00:41:22,560 We should make that rule number one. 494 00:41:23,310 --> 00:41:25,020 Sure. Okay. 495 00:41:27,820 --> 00:41:31,160 Okay. And if we start taking risks 496 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,320 that shouldn't be taken, then the affair ends. 497 00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,580 - And we should always meet out of town. - Agree, agree, agree. 498 00:41:41,750 --> 00:41:48,050 All expenses, gas, motel, food, will be shared equally. 499 00:41:48,050 --> 00:41:51,840 We'll meet only on weekdays, and I'll be in charge 500 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,350 of fixing lunch on the days that we meet, 501 00:41:54,350 --> 00:41:55,810 so that we just have more time. 502 00:41:56,510 --> 00:41:59,140 And I'll also be in charge of getting the motel room. 503 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,100 Same reason. It just gives us more quality time. 504 00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:03,060 Shall we 505 00:42:04,690 --> 00:42:07,860 set a date for the affair to begin? 506 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:13,860 Let's go with December 12th. 507 00:42:14,530 --> 00:42:15,490 December 12th? 508 00:42:16,830 --> 00:42:17,990 This year. 509 00:42:19,450 --> 00:42:20,790 Great. 510 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,170 December 12th it is. 511 00:42:27,090 --> 00:42:29,340 Oh, Margaret, you don't know what it does to me, 512 00:42:29,340 --> 00:42:31,970 being near you all day in surgery, only able to touch... 513 00:42:42,180 --> 00:42:44,100 You alright? 514 00:42:44,100 --> 00:42:45,310 I'm good. 515 00:42:46,610 --> 00:42:50,110 This song gives me goosebumps. 516 00:42:50,110 --> 00:42:53,240 I'm the same way about "Pennsylvania 6-5000." 517 00:42:57,740 --> 00:42:59,160 What are you doin'? 518 00:43:01,700 --> 00:43:02,960 What am I doin'? 519 00:43:03,790 --> 00:43:07,630 You once told me that your favorite character was Snugglepuss. 520 00:43:08,590 --> 00:43:10,920 Did you not tell me that, Pat? 521 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:12,920 Snagglepuss. 522 00:43:55,550 --> 00:43:57,300 Hey, angel girl. 523 00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:00,550 Come out smarter than you go in. 524 00:44:00,550 --> 00:44:02,310 I will, Mom. 525 00:44:02,310 --> 00:44:03,680 - And no talking to boys. - You're so silly. 526 00:44:16,860 --> 00:44:19,740 Okay, buddy. Next stop, preschool. 527 00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:27,330 Hello? 528 00:46:27,330 --> 00:46:28,830 I'm at the Continental Inn 529 00:46:28,830 --> 00:46:31,870 on the Central Expressway towards Dallas, room 214. 530 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:35,880 I will be there in a few minutes. 531 00:47:53,830 --> 00:47:55,250 What am I doin'? 532 00:48:03,300 --> 00:48:05,970 ...and show our boys some red and blue pride. 533 00:48:08,470 --> 00:48:10,010 ...time for a couple of calls. 534 00:48:10,010 --> 00:48:12,180 Hello, Darcy. Welcome to The Dan Ram Show. 535 00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:15,060 Hey, Dan, thanks for taking my call. 536 00:48:59,850 --> 00:49:01,020 I made lunch. 537 00:49:03,570 --> 00:49:04,940 Well, you look beautiful. Really beautiful. 538 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:07,700 Thank you. 539 00:49:11,700 --> 00:49:13,870 - Well, we should eat. - Excellent. 540 00:49:16,250 --> 00:49:19,040 Wow. Looks delicious. 541 00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,130 Sorry. 542 00:49:27,050 --> 00:49:30,800 You know, I've probably driven past this motel a thousand times 543 00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:32,390 and hardly knew it was here. 544 00:49:32,390 --> 00:49:33,930 Yeah, it's funny that way. 545 00:49:34,850 --> 00:49:36,560 Life. You know, the 546 00:49:37,470 --> 00:49:39,440 bland and innocuous can 547 00:49:41,190 --> 00:49:43,900 suddenly take on vivid hues and colors. 548 00:49:49,110 --> 00:49:50,610 I take a creative writing class. 549 00:49:51,450 --> 00:49:54,160 - Well, that was really good. - Thank you. 550 00:49:55,490 --> 00:49:58,950 I would love to read some of your writing sometime. 551 00:49:59,660 --> 00:50:00,620 Really? 552 00:50:00,620 --> 00:50:02,960 Well, that would make one of you 553 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:04,710 'cause Pat has no interest, 554 00:50:04,710 --> 00:50:07,210 and I read all of his stuff on electromagnetics-- 555 00:50:07,210 --> 00:50:08,880 Are we talking about Pat now? 556 00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:13,390 No, sorry. We're definitely not. 557 00:50:43,830 --> 00:50:45,080 Are you just gonna stand there? 558 00:50:46,500 --> 00:50:47,670 Yes. 559 00:51:27,380 --> 00:51:28,670 Sorry. 560 00:51:28,670 --> 00:51:31,420 Allan, have you never been French kissed before? 561 00:51:35,180 --> 00:51:38,140 You've never had a woman's tongue in your mouth? 562 00:51:43,770 --> 00:51:45,890 Well, I think you're gonna quite like it. 563 00:53:16,230 --> 00:53:18,650 - Are you okay? - I am. 564 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:21,950 So okay. 565 00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:27,370 - You? - Oh, yeah. 566 00:53:29,370 --> 00:53:30,290 Yeah. 567 00:53:30,830 --> 00:53:32,710 That was wonderful, Candy. 568 00:53:35,630 --> 00:53:37,510 You're wonderful. 569 00:53:42,090 --> 00:53:43,970 We need to shower. 570 00:53:43,970 --> 00:53:45,810 I probably should have added that to the list. 571 00:53:45,810 --> 00:53:48,390 Always shower after 572 00:53:48,390 --> 00:53:51,810 and that way, we won't smell like each other. 573 00:53:51,810 --> 00:53:54,400 - Yeah. - Yeah. Oh, and Allan. 574 00:53:55,650 --> 00:53:56,730 Allan. 575 00:53:57,650 --> 00:53:59,530 That was 576 00:54:01,150 --> 00:54:02,570 wonderful. 577 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:10,910 Okay.