1 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:18,935 Hey, I'm really sorry that I didn't come to your art show. 2 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,187 Okay. 3 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,232 Is that all you've heard? 'Cause I said some other stuff. 4 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:28,153 Really? I don't--I-- 5 00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:30,488 You know what's interesting? 6 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:35,076 I don't feel embarrassed at all. 7 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,287 I just feel good. 8 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,332 Good. 9 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,466 If you don't have anything to say, 10 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:52,093 you don't have to say anything. 11 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,223 Or no-- I take that back. 12 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,810 You have to say something. 13 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:07,233 (Michael) Hey, you guys! I'm doing it! 14 00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:09,527 I'm walking on boiling steam! 15 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,237 [laughs] 16 00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:15,784 How can you even think about leaving that? 17 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:17,952 Hey, can anybody see this? 18 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,454 [laughs] 19 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,042 David. 20 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,251 Oh, Michael. 21 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,587 Are we all set? 22 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,840 Isn't...our interview tomorrow? 23 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:34,886 Yes. 24 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,346 I just happened to be in the neighborhood, 25 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:38,223 thought I'd drop in, say hello. 26 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,934 Just happened to be in Midtown Manhattan? 27 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,602 Thought I'd catch a show. 28 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,062 Middle of a work day? 29 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,564 No. 30 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,108 You know what? 31 00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:49,484 Since I'm here, let me ask you 32 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:52,445 a few questions about the job. 33 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,738 Okay. 34 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,490 Um, how many people are you interviewing? 35 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,242 We're only interviewing branch managers 36 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,077 and some lower level company people. 37 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,287 Ah, well. Good. 38 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,540 Out of curiosity, are you interviewing anyone 39 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,083 who's been here longer than I have, 40 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,543 or manages more people? 41 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:08,670 I don't think so. Great. 42 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,213 One more question. 43 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:13,341 When you merged those branches, who did you put in charge? 44 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,219 I believe we put you in charge. 45 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,096 Ah, great. No further questions. 46 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,431 Okay, Michael. Okay. 47 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,307 I'm really looking forward to our interview. 48 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:24,477 And I'm really looking forward to working with you. 49 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:31,192 I have got it made in the shade. 50 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,527 I know this company. 51 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,779 The other branch managers are total morons. 52 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,864 Hey, Pam, yeah. 53 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,198 I forgot what day the interview was, 54 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,491 and I drove to New York accidentally. 55 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,243 Be, like, three hours late. 56 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:44,539 [cheerful music] 57 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:51,421 * * 58 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,184 (Pam) See, I have 600. 59 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,227 Yeah, I don't have-- 60 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,562 (Kevin) Hey. 61 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,646 Hey, Kev. 62 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,191 What's different about you? 63 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,609 You look worse. 64 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:13,401 Thank you. 65 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:14,694 He got a haircut. 66 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:15,987 It's sexy. Hot. 67 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,197 Oh. 68 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,281 (Meredith) Turn around. 69 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,824 No. Come on. 70 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,035 No, thanks. Do it! 71 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,828 (Andy) Lull-up do! 72 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,622 What's up, Big Haircut? 73 00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,415 You are no longer Big Tuna. 74 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,793 From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut. 75 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:30,794 Andy, just-- 76 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,462 What, just Big Haircut? Nothing. 77 00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:33,838 Sorry, can't hear you, Big Haircut. 78 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:34,923 Yup. What? 79 00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,634 Karen suggested that I get a haircut 80 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:40,136 for the interview tomorrow. 81 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,180 So that I could look presentable. 82 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,141 And not, as she so lovingly puts it, 83 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,768 homeless. 84 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,311 Hey. 85 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,354 I think it looks great. 86 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,481 Thanks, Pam. 87 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,487 After I had my little outburst at the beach, 88 00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,364 Jim was really nice about it. 89 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,490 He just basically said 90 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:03,326 that he missed my friendship too, 91 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,703 and I would always mean a lot to him. 92 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,830 And I understand where he's coming from. 93 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:10,250 For the record, I am not embarrassed at all. 94 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,794 It needed to be said, and I said it. 95 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,796 And it only took me three years 96 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,132 to summon the courage, so... 97 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,134 [whispering] thank you. 98 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,885 [knocking] Yeah? 99 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,095 You wanted to see me? 100 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,555 Yes. 101 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,807 The time has come to name my own replacement. 102 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:29,936 So please hand this letter of congratulations 103 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,022 to Dwight K. Schrute. 104 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,609 But that's my name. 105 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:44,951 "Dwight, congratulations, a-wipe. 106 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,412 Don't screw the pooch." 107 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,750 [crying] 108 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,668 [sighing] Oh. 109 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,836 [whispering] Thank you. 110 00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,921 Okay. 111 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,674 [sobbing] 112 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:00,592 All right. 113 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,718 Thank you, Michael. 114 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,470 Okay. 115 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,476 Thank you so much. Please. 116 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,269 Please stop crying. [sobbing] 117 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,980 Seriously, Dwight. 118 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,815 Stop crying. Thank you. 119 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,234 [groans] 120 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,944 You know, Dwight, stop crying, 121 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,988 or I'm gonna take it away from you. 122 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,116 You'll take it away from me? 123 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,744 Please, no. No. 124 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,954 I'm not gonna take it away from you. 125 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,039 You're not? No. 126 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,540 You're not gonna take it away from me? 127 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,959 Just try to act normal, please. 128 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,379 Don't--don't-- don't come around the desk-- 129 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,839 [groans] 130 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,268 Hey. 131 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,603 Hey. 132 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,731 Um, about the beach. 133 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:59,234 It's okay, we all say things without thinking. 134 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,735 Oh, no, it's not that. 135 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:03,071 I've actually been thinking that for a long time. 136 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,781 And I'm glad I said it. 137 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,534 I just--I'm sorry if it made you feel weird. 138 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,662 Oh. 139 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,163 Okay. 140 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,792 Pam is kind of a bitch. 141 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,253 Hey. 142 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,713 What if we leave tonight? 143 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:22,215 Grab a bite, get a hotel room. 144 00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,134 Enjoy the city a little bit. 145 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,428 Uh... 146 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:30,015 I just have so much paperwork to do. 147 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,684 [sighs] 148 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:36,271 Wow, done. Okay, let's do it. 149 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,023 So I was wondering if Karen and I could get off 150 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,441 a few hours early, 'cause we wanted to 151 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,400 spend the night in the city. 152 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,527 Why, so you can do it? 153 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,654 Whoops. No, um... 154 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:45,947 Well, I was thinking that, uh, 155 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,116 actually, we could all leave tomorrow. 156 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,534 And do a convoy. 157 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,077 You know? Oh. 158 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,121 Convoys are really fun. 159 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,789 Pull up next to each other. 160 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,124 Give each other the finger. 161 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,208 Mm. Hmm. 162 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,752 Moon each other. 163 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,170 Uh, we're gonna go tonight. 164 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,546 But we're gonna see you there tomorrow morning, right? 165 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:02,714 All right. All right. 166 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:03,965 Your loss. Wait. 167 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:06,009 Um, how would you moon us if you were driving? 168 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,052 Cruise control. 169 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,595 Oh. 170 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,890 Mine. 171 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,643 [humming softly] 172 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,480 Just make sure that after I leave 173 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,898 you don't move in for at least a month. 174 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,941 Good idea. Give it a chance to air out. 175 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,818 No, dummy. 176 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,737 You have to leave it exactly as is 177 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,031 out of respect for those who wish to mourn me. 178 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,577 Of course. 179 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,498 And give us a chance to identify 180 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:37,707 the source of that smell. 181 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,959 Just get out of here, okay? 182 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:43,046 So Jim, who do you think is hotter, 183 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,756 Pam or Karen? 184 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,633 Yeah, I'm not gonna talk about this now. 185 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:47,842 Pam is taller. 186 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,095 You sure? 187 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,596 Yes. 188 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,431 She has bigger breasts too. 189 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,641 Wow. 190 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,267 But I think Karen has a prettier face. 191 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,938 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 192 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,773 What else? 193 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,610 Well, I mean, Pam's face is really pretty too. 194 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:06,820 It's a very tough call. 195 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,364 Mm. Really tough call. 196 00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,573 Yeah. 197 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,325 You know what? Why don't you take 198 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,661 the rest of the day, figure it out, 199 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,705 and then come back and tell me what you got? 200 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,917 Will do. All right. 201 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,420 (Kevin) Yes. 202 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,422 Cool. 203 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:28,591 I have a project. 204 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,928 There's Jim. My buddy Jim. 205 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:35,223 Oh, man. So many memories. 206 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,685 So, there's Phyllis and Stanley hard at work. 207 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:42,522 Toby, you ruined the picture, man. 208 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:45,316 I'm sorry. You want me to get you a-- 209 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,152 No, no, no, you know what? 210 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,820 There's something I wanna say to you 211 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,155 that I've never said to you before. 212 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:55,326 Pam has actually inspired me to just say the truth. 213 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,995 I hate your guts. 214 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,121 I know. 215 00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,874 Wow, that felt so good to say. 216 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:04,586 Oh, what a relief. [laughs] 217 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,671 I feel invigorated. 218 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,797 Well, good luck on the interview tomorrow. 219 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:10,800 Oh, hey. Thanks for jinxing me, jerk. 220 00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:13,053 And it's not just me. everybody here hates you. 221 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,055 Uh, okay. 222 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,517 Hey, Pam. 223 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,852 I've been meaning to say something to you. 224 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,687 I really miss our friendship. 225 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,189 [laughter] 226 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,857 Ha ha, that's very funny. 227 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,901 I've never heard you talk that much. 228 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,569 I thought it was Kelly. 229 00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,237 Are you kidding? I would never have done that. 230 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,238 It was Patheticville. 231 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,198 No offense, Pam. 232 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,407 (Meredith) You know what? 233 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:35,700 Don't even worry about it. 234 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:36,826 Everyone was so drunk, 235 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,536 I bet no one even remembers what you said. 236 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,704 I remember. 237 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,039 I blogged the whole thing. 238 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:47,504 www.creedthoughts.gov. www/creedthoughts. 239 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,880 Check it out. 240 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,884 Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. 241 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,262 Wanting to protect the world from being exposed 242 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,724 to Creed's brain, I opened up a Word document 243 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:03,228 on his computer, and put an address at the top. 244 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,854 I've read some of it. 245 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,356 Even for the Internet, 246 00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:10,110 it's...pretty shocking. 247 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,319 There they are. 248 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,445 The accounting department. 249 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,114 I shall miss your humility 250 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,491 and your promptly-printed checks. 251 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:19,411 You know, the three of you have always worked together 252 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,455 like a three-wheeled unicycle. 253 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,499 Thank you. Like a string quartet. 254 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,376 Like a fork. 255 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,920 Like... 256 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:32,549 three finely tuned engines in the same car. 257 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,218 Or a tri-tip steak. 258 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,803 Or... 259 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,597 a "Three Amigos" fan club with a lot of members in it. 260 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,266 Thanks, Michael. Hey. 261 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,767 Do you think it's gonna be weird? 262 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,061 Working with Jan in New York? 263 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,187 No, not at all. 264 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,648 I haven't talked to Jan since we broke up. 265 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,608 And I think if she had something to say, 266 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,776 she would've called me. 267 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,194 Maybe you should talk to her-- 268 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,237 No, no, no, no. 269 00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,447 You know what? 270 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,573 It's a done deal. 271 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,283 I basically have the job already. 272 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,452 There's nothing she can do to stop it now. 273 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,578 I already sold my condo. 274 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,746 Michael. 275 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,080 What? Why? 276 00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,623 I'm sorry, that just doesn't make sense. 277 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,791 Yes. W-why? 278 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,251 Who gave you that advice? 279 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,919 Yeah, Michael, you should never sell your condo-- 280 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,463 I have to buy another place. 281 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,756 But you said you were in debt. 282 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,174 You're not sure that you have the job. 283 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,301 I sold it on eBay. 284 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,845 The buyer was very motivated, as was I. 285 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,765 It went for 80% of what I paid. 286 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,017 Sold in record time. 287 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,105 [laughs] 288 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,732 Something funny? 289 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,318 Um... 290 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,779 I'll tell you, but you have to promise me 291 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,155 that you won't make a big speech about it 292 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,698 two years from now. Can you do that? 293 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,909 Forget it. All right. 294 00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:43,912 (Kevin) Hey, Pam. 295 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,663 Do you do yoga? 296 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,374 No. 297 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:51,169 Ooh, that's gonna hurt you. 298 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,464 That's gonna hurt real bad. 299 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,341 New York real estate. 300 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,594 I started by looking for a brownstone, 301 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,763 like the Huxtables had. 302 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,849 But instead I found this very, very nice place 303 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:08,019 in Jamaica, Queens, man. 304 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,939 It is on the last stop of the subway, 305 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,858 which is wonderful, because if I fall asleep, 306 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,568 I still end up at home. 307 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:18,863 It is a sweet one bedroom. 308 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,658 I've a roommate, Vijay Chokalingham. 309 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,827 He's a sophomore in Queens College. 310 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,954 He actually works in the Indian restaurant 311 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,956 right below the apartment. 312 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:32,502 So free food, and the place always smells like curry. 313 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:35,046 So, win-win. 314 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,464 How would you like to spend the night 315 00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:40,051 with the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton? 316 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,303 No, Dwight, I don't care if that's how 317 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,597 they consolidated power in ancient Rome. 318 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,558 No, no. Not--not Michael. 319 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,309 Me. 320 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:51,187 I'm taking his job. 321 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,398 Not now. 322 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,401 [deep breath] 323 00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:02,240 Goodbye, Kelly Kapoor. 324 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,997 Jim, Jim, Jim. 325 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:13,376 Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. 326 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:15,837 Oh. Hey, Dwight. 327 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,590 I'm going to be your new boss. 328 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,091 [laughs] 329 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,218 It's my greatest dream come true. 330 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,095 Welcome to the Hotel Hell. 331 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,474 Check-in time is now, checkout time is never. 332 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,641 Does my room have cable? 333 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:29,768 No. 334 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,978 And the sheets are made of fire. 335 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,605 Can I change rooms? 336 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,106 Sorry, we're all booked up. 337 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,192 Hell convention in town. 338 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,860 Can I have a late checkout? 339 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,487 I'll have to talk to the manager. 340 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:43,573 You're not the manager? Even in your own fantasy? 341 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,576 I'm the owner. 342 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:47,869 The co-owner. 343 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,371 With Satan. 344 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:52,165 Okay, just so I understand it. 345 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:56,044 In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell. 346 00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:58,088 And you are co-running 347 00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,423 a bed and breakfast with the devil. 348 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,759 Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet. 349 00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:03,968 Go. 350 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:07,514 $80,000 a year. 351 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,224 Once I am officially regional manager, 352 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:13,186 my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. 353 00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,522 So I will need a new number two. 354 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:18,024 My ideal choice? 355 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,901 Jack Bauer. 356 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,362 But he is unavailable. 357 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:23,738 Fictional. 358 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,490 And overqualified. 359 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,200 "Position open. 360 00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:31,746 "Assistant to the regional manager. 361 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:34,457 Apply within." 362 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,585 Where do I sign up? 363 00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,380 Within. [scoffs] 364 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:43,883 You're not making a very good first impression. 365 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:46,720 You know me, Dwight. Dwight? 366 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,555 Dwight is my father's name. 367 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,932 You can call me Mr. Schrute. 368 00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:55,061 All right, Mr. Schrute. 369 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:58,898 I will see you... 370 00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,985 at the interview. 371 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:05,071 Yes, you will. 372 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,073 Who is D. Abramson? 373 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,575 Um, he's from that company in Pittsburgh. 374 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:09,534 Michael. 375 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,870 Why... 376 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,039 are you here? 377 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,001 Uh, how are you? 378 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,003 I'm good. How are you, Janet? 379 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,046 It's good to see you. 380 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,131 I'm great. 381 00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,511 Uh, can we-- 382 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,681 can we talk privately for a minute? 383 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,475 Why privately? 384 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:38,104 Uh, I just-- I, uh, I don't, uh... 385 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,940 I-I don't like the way that we left things. 386 00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,275 Okay, sure. Fine. 387 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,860 Um, why don't you wait in my office? 388 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,695 I have some important business matters 389 00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,655 to take care of. 390 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,326 Okay. Okay. 391 00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:58,041 Pam, DEFCON 10. Houston, we have a problem. 392 00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,459 What do you want me to do? 393 00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:02,837 Uh, I may need some immediate assistance. 394 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,173 If you would slowly and quietly 395 00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:06,966 gather the ladies in the conference room. 396 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,593 Phyllis, Angela, Karen. 397 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,678 What about Meredith? 398 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:10,970 No. 399 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:13,056 She's an alternate. 400 00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:14,849 So how you been? 401 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:15,975 I've been good. Good. 402 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,727 Good. Yeah. 403 00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:18,853 Oh. 404 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,313 Sorry to drop by unexpectedly. 405 00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:23,483 I, uh, tried calling, but I kept getting voicemail. 406 00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:24,943 Weird, yeah. 407 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,028 I didn't get both of your messages. 408 00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:30,031 Ah. 409 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,702 So, uh, Michael needs us in the conference room. 410 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,370 Oh, is it Jan again? 411 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,330 Hey, uh, before I leave tonight, 412 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,374 would you mind making a half a dozen copies 413 00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:40,709 of Jim's and my sales reports 414 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:41,835 for our interviews tomorrow? 415 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:44,212 Uh, sure. Thanks. 416 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,506 I really hope you get the job. 417 00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:49,175 Thanks. 418 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,680 After you ended everything with us, 419 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,056 I went on a vacation. 420 00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:56,850 Mm. 421 00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:57,851 To kind of clear my mind. 422 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,352 Sounds good, sounds fun. 423 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:02,188 It was, yeah, it was good. 424 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,232 [laughing] I think I should just... 425 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,900 get right to the point, you know? Okay. 426 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:10,113 Um, I-I feel good about myself 427 00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:13,491 for the first time in a really long time. 428 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,910 And I've made some big changes 429 00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,705 in my life, and... 430 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,124 I miss you. 431 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,253 I want us to get back together. 432 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,176 Would you excuse me for a second? 433 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,054 Oh, okay. 434 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:37,891 DEFCON 20. 435 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:38,933 She wants to get back together. 436 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,143 What are you gonna do? 437 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:41,770 I don't know. That's why you're here. 438 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,021 Help me, please. 439 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,064 Would you wanna get back together with her? 440 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,732 No! No. 441 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:46,858 What do I do? 442 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,818 Just don't get back together with her. 443 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,070 What if she makes me? 444 00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,780 How can she make you get back together with her? 445 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,324 She made me do a lot of things I didn't wanna do. 446 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:56,659 This was a terrible relationship. 447 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,161 You were not happy when you were with her. 448 00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,412 I wasn't. 449 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,289 You're so much happier now. 450 00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:03,249 Just go in there and be strong. 451 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,834 You're right. 452 00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,503 You are absolutely right, I need to go in there 453 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,463 and tell her that we can't be together. 454 00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,131 (Pam) Right. 455 00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:11,591 Wow. (Karen) You can do it. 456 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,927 I'm in a very good place right now. 457 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,095 Thank you. 458 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,888 [Pam whispering] Go. Go, go. 459 00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,431 [all sigh] 460 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,392 Okay. [clears throat] 461 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,685 Jan... 462 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,772 We need to talk. 463 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,446 (Michael) Jan is in a different place right now. 464 00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:35,573 And it is a sign of maturity 465 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,326 to give people second chances. 466 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:41,204 So I'm going to hear her out. 467 00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:49,254 Oh, my God. 468 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,258 [mouthing] 469 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,843 Yeah, bigger actually. 470 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,011 [whispering] That's crazy. 471 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,303 (Jim) Mm-hmm. 472 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:58,722 [mouthing] Wow! 473 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,393 Oh, my God, can you believe that? 474 00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:04,686 Unbelievable. 475 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,187 Wow. 476 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,230 (Jim) She could put the cup right there. 477 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,273 (Karen) I know. 478 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,691 No, it's fine. 479 00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,693 I'm sure it must've been weird for Jim 480 00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,738 when Roy and I were joking around. 481 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,573 That one time. 482 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,035 (Meredith) I would never do that. 483 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,911 Waste of money. 484 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,706 In my experience, guys are way more attracted 485 00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:27,334 to the back of you than to the front. 486 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,294 I love fake boobs. 487 00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:32,172 Oftentimes you find them on strippers. 488 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:33,465 I find it offensive. 489 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,050 Au naturel, baby. 490 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,509 That's how I like 'em. 491 00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:39,137 Swing low, sweet chariots. 492 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,638 Jan looks hot. 493 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,975 Yeah, Jan looks so hot. 494 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,730 So... 495 00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,357 There are a lot of things I would like to do differently. 496 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:51,566 Yeah. 497 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,485 I feel like when we first got together, 498 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,403 that I had a problem with my priorities. 499 00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:56,863 First got priorities. 500 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:59,616 And if we could talk about a way to approach 501 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,076 a possible reconciliation-- 502 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,745 Let's get back together. 503 00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,163 [laughs] 504 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,247 No. No, no, no, no. 505 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:07,415 I'll tell you this, 506 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,292 it is not because of the boob job. 507 00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,419 Excuse me, boob enhancement. 508 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,671 That would be shallow. 509 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,714 And this is the opposite of shallow. 510 00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:18,259 This is emotionally magnificent. 511 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:19,636 Okay, everyone, listen up! 512 00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:22,764 Time to begin the interview process! 513 00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:26,601 Andrew Bernard. 514 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,436 Saved the best for first. 515 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,105 All right, you guys, see you later. 516 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:31,439 Wish us luck. 517 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,649 No--hey, hey, hey, do not wish them luck. 518 00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:33,900 Do not wish them luck. 519 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,777 All luck must be wished unto Michael. 520 00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:37,570 (everyone) Good luck, you guys. 521 00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:38,988 What did I say? 522 00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:39,989 Good luck. 523 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,825 Thanks. 524 00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,621 (Pam) I'm happy for him. 525 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,415 I hope he gets the job. 526 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,458 I really just want him to be happy. 527 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,168 And I know that sounds cliché. 528 00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:56,923 And I know saying it sounds cliché sounds cliché. 529 00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:59,384 Maybe I'm being cliché, I don't care. 530 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,845 'Cause I am what I am. 531 00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:05,515 That's Popeye. 532 00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:07,308 I am going to begin this process 533 00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,102 with a simple test of intelligence 534 00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:11,980 and mental dexterity. 535 00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:13,148 What is the best color? 536 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:16,901 White, because it contains all other colors. 537 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:19,154 Wrong, black. It is the most dominant. 538 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,572 How do you make a table? 539 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,742 You make a chair, but you don't sit on it. 540 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:24,993 What is the capital of Maine? 541 00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:27,787 The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont. 542 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:29,914 Which is near Ithaca, New York, 543 00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,332 where I went to Cornell. 544 00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:34,336 Okay, also, moratorium on Cornell talk. 545 00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:35,462 Don't wanna hear about it. 546 00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:36,796 Forget your personal history, 547 00:21:36,838 --> 00:21:38,298 and learn the history of this company. 548 00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:39,341 Should not be a problem. 549 00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:40,508 I minored in history 550 00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:42,385 in the Ivy League school which I attended. 551 00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:44,721 You're not off to a very good start, Bernard. 552 00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:46,681 I agree. 553 00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:49,017 But in another way, 554 00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:52,437 I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say? 555 00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:55,857 I am a great interviewee. Why? 556 00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:58,193 Because I have something no one else has. 557 00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,278 My brain. 558 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:04,657 Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous. 559 00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:09,204 What is 879 times 413.7? 560 00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:16,086 2,401.647, repeating. 561 00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:17,212 Inventor of the cotton gin? 562 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:18,505 Eli Edison. 563 00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:20,173 When is the Paleolithic Age? 564 00:22:20,215 --> 00:22:21,675 17 B.C. 565 00:22:21,716 --> 00:22:23,218 Who was the second man on the moon? 566 00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,969 Trick question. 567 00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:27,889 There was no second man on the moon. 568 00:22:27,931 --> 00:22:34,562 My brain makes me charming, witty, intelligent. 569 00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:40,318 And quick on my feet. 570 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,070 Talk me through an appendectomy. 571 00:22:42,112 --> 00:22:43,655 Step one, disinfection. 572 00:22:43,697 --> 00:22:45,407 Step two, incision. 573 00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:48,243 Step three, remove the appendix tenderly 574 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:51,830 so it doesn't burst and spread toxicity everywhere. 575 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:55,041 Step four, the "ectomy" procedure. 576 00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:56,376 Step five? 577 00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:57,502 [indistinct] 578 00:22:57,544 --> 00:22:59,504 Suture the wounds. Sutures, yes. 579 00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:03,466 Interviewing is about setting traps, 580 00:23:03,508 --> 00:23:05,969 waiting, and springing them. 581 00:23:06,011 --> 00:23:09,014 What is the origin of species? How far away is Venus? 582 00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:11,599 Define scorched earth policy. How do you please a woman? 583 00:23:11,641 --> 00:23:13,101 What is a scented candle? 584 00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:16,604 It is about mentally twisting your opponent's thoughts 585 00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:18,273 out of their heads, 586 00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:22,569 and when they least suspect it, strangling them with it. 587 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:23,987 What is the Dharma Initiative? 588 00:23:24,029 --> 00:23:27,574 It is the source of all energy on this planet-- 589 00:23:27,615 --> 00:23:30,076 Wrong, it is a corporation formed by aliens. 590 00:23:30,118 --> 00:23:31,286 It is chess. 591 00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:33,246 Check. No. 592 00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:34,914 Checkmate. 593 00:23:34,956 --> 00:23:36,624 [grunts] 594 00:23:36,666 --> 00:23:39,461 Your hands are so soft. [pants] 595 00:23:39,502 --> 00:23:41,212 Thank you. 596 00:23:41,254 --> 00:23:42,297 You didn't let me finish. 597 00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:44,049 They're soft, like a woman's. 598 00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:45,133 Trash talk! 599 00:23:45,175 --> 00:23:48,219 Ooh, good one. I wonder if I'll recover. 600 00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:51,264 Oh--oh! Looks like I did. 601 00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:52,974 Time! Nope, you failed. 602 00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:54,267 Damn it! 603 00:23:54,309 --> 00:23:56,978 This interview is over. I'll let you know. 604 00:23:58,271 --> 00:23:59,981 Hey, thank you so much 605 00:24:00,023 --> 00:24:01,483 for driving me down for my interview. 606 00:24:01,524 --> 00:24:02,984 Totally. No problem. 607 00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:05,403 What are you interviewing for, by the way? 608 00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:06,654 My assistant, or... 609 00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:07,989 Oh, you know, I'm gonna have 610 00:24:08,031 --> 00:24:10,033 a "Congratulations, Karen" party, 611 00:24:10,075 --> 00:24:11,993 um, tomorrow night at my friend's house. 612 00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:14,412 Oh, wow, that sounds fun. Yeah. 613 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:16,414 Is your friend named Karen too? 614 00:24:16,456 --> 00:24:17,582 What did she accomplish? 615 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,668 No, I'm sorry. I should've been clearer. 616 00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:20,919 Uh-huh. It's for me. 617 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,796 Oh. 'Cause I'm gonna get the job. 618 00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:26,966 How remarkable. 619 00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:28,677 Thanks. 620 00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:31,012 [both exhale loudly] 621 00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:32,472 Wait, let me just check one more thing. 622 00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:34,724 Oh, okay. 623 00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:37,977 Very good. 624 00:24:42,607 --> 00:24:45,777 All right, well, I have to get back. 625 00:24:45,819 --> 00:24:47,612 But I will see you in New York tomorrow, right? 626 00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:48,863 Yes, indeed. 627 00:24:48,905 --> 00:24:50,240 Good luck with your interview. 628 00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:52,867 Thank you. 629 00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:55,078 [Jan whispering] Bye. 630 00:25:00,166 --> 00:25:03,169 So I guess we're getting back together. 631 00:25:03,211 --> 00:25:04,379 What happened? 632 00:25:04,421 --> 00:25:06,256 Your advice was good, 633 00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:08,675 but Jan's was bigger. 634 00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:10,260 (Michael) Here's the sitch. 635 00:25:10,301 --> 00:25:12,053 Two weeks ago, 636 00:25:12,095 --> 00:25:14,556 I was in the worst relationship of my life. 637 00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:16,641 She treated me poorly. 638 00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:19,269 We didn't connect. I was miserable. 639 00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:23,481 Now I'm in the best relationship of my life 640 00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:26,860 with the same woman. 641 00:25:26,901 --> 00:25:29,738 Love is a mystery. 642 00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:32,282 So, we have all night. Where do you wanna go first? 643 00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:34,826 I don't know. How 'bout the U.N.? 644 00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:36,911 How often do you come here? 645 00:25:36,953 --> 00:25:38,747 Mm, every time my sixth grade class 646 00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:40,248 goes on a field trip. 647 00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:43,251 Well, I think you're really gonna enjoy this, Adult Jim. 648 00:25:49,174 --> 00:25:51,718 Hey, everybody. 649 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,094 The next time you see me, 650 00:25:53,136 --> 00:25:55,972 I will be working for corporate. 651 00:25:56,014 --> 00:25:57,640 Starting tomorrow, Dwight Schrute 652 00:25:57,682 --> 00:25:59,934 will be running the branch. 653 00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:03,688 So without further ado... 654 00:26:03,730 --> 00:26:05,273 [Natalie Merchant's Kind and Generouson recorder] 655 00:26:05,315 --> 00:26:07,942 I would like to start saying my goodbyes. 656 00:26:07,984 --> 00:26:12,739 * For everything you've done * 657 00:26:12,781 --> 00:26:16,659 * You know I'm bound * 658 00:26:16,701 --> 00:26:19,412 * I'm bound to thank you for it * 659 00:26:19,454 --> 00:26:21,498 * Na na na na na na na * 660 00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:23,500 (Pam) Michael? 661 00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:29,130 Um, maybe we should wait for the official goodbye party. 662 00:26:29,172 --> 00:26:32,842 Um...okay, fine. 663 00:26:32,884 --> 00:26:35,261 But regarding the official goodbye party, 664 00:26:35,303 --> 00:26:36,930 open up the purse strings on this one. 665 00:26:36,971 --> 00:26:40,475 Pam, let's really, really go to town. 666 00:26:40,517 --> 00:26:41,810 No expense spared. 667 00:26:41,851 --> 00:26:43,311 What do you say? Real blowout? 668 00:26:43,353 --> 00:26:45,105 Okay. 669 00:26:45,146 --> 00:26:49,818 * I want to thank you * 670 00:26:49,859 --> 00:26:52,487 Good night. 671 00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:54,614 And good luck. 672 00:26:54,656 --> 00:27:00,370 * The love and the honesty that you gave me * 673 00:27:00,412 --> 00:27:02,038 [music stops] 674 00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:08,712 Who's ready to work? 675 00:27:10,922 --> 00:27:14,134 You win or lose military battles on the first day. 676 00:27:14,175 --> 00:27:16,636 Vietnam, lost on the first day. 677 00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:18,513 World War II, first day. 678 00:27:18,555 --> 00:27:22,392 World War I, two days. Special circumstances. 679 00:27:22,434 --> 00:27:25,437 And that is what is at stake for me. 680 00:27:25,478 --> 00:27:28,231 On this first day, 681 00:27:28,273 --> 00:27:33,319 I need to get the respect, take control, establish myself. 682 00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:36,948 The Battle of Dunder-Mifflin has begun. 683 00:27:38,575 --> 00:27:40,201 [car horn honks] 684 00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:41,536 (Jim) You know, every time I come into New York, 685 00:27:41,578 --> 00:27:43,121 I never have a good time. 686 00:27:43,163 --> 00:27:45,331 It's too crowded, it's too expensive. 687 00:27:45,373 --> 00:27:47,917 But tonight was awesome. 688 00:27:47,959 --> 00:27:49,878 Guess it's just who you're with. 689 00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:51,963 Yeah, we went to The Spotted Pig 690 00:27:52,005 --> 00:27:53,548 for dinner, it's in the Village. 691 00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:54,966 Uh, Karen knew it. 692 00:27:55,008 --> 00:27:57,385 And then we second-acted Spamalot. 693 00:27:57,427 --> 00:27:59,387 That's when you sneak in at intermission 694 00:27:59,429 --> 00:28:00,722 with all the smokers. 695 00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:04,142 And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. 696 00:28:04,184 --> 00:28:07,228 Oh, and at this one bar, I swear I saw Lorne Michaels. 697 00:28:07,270 --> 00:28:09,606 That wasn't him. 698 00:28:09,647 --> 00:28:11,024 [mouthing] Yes, it was. 699 00:28:11,066 --> 00:28:12,317 So what's gonna happen with us 700 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:13,485 when I get this job? 701 00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:15,862 Oh, do you mean when I get the job? 702 00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:18,656 Well, ifyou get the job... 703 00:28:18,698 --> 00:28:21,659 then I'd move here with you. 704 00:28:21,701 --> 00:28:23,912 Would you move with me? 705 00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:25,705 I'm not stupid, okay? 706 00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:27,916 I was at the beach. 707 00:28:27,957 --> 00:28:30,293 We don't have a future in Scranton. 708 00:28:30,335 --> 00:28:33,755 There's one too many people there. 709 00:28:33,797 --> 00:28:35,715 You mean Kevin? 710 00:28:35,757 --> 00:28:36,841 Exactly. 711 00:28:36,883 --> 00:28:38,760 [laughs] 712 00:28:38,802 --> 00:28:41,596 No, but you get it, right? 713 00:28:41,638 --> 00:28:43,598 We can't stay there. 714 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,600 Yeah. 715 00:28:45,642 --> 00:28:47,852 I do. 716 00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:50,313 Come on. 717 00:29:02,701 --> 00:29:04,327 [exhales loudly] 718 00:29:04,369 --> 00:29:06,913 How are you guys doing? Need anything? 719 00:29:06,955 --> 00:29:08,331 Uh, no, we're good. Thanks. 720 00:29:08,373 --> 00:29:10,125 I have been here a bunch of times, 721 00:29:10,166 --> 00:29:11,668 so I know where everything is. 722 00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,128 Know everybody's names. 723 00:29:13,169 --> 00:29:14,963 If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me. 724 00:29:17,841 --> 00:29:19,801 Who's that? 725 00:29:19,843 --> 00:29:21,636 That is Beardy. 726 00:29:21,678 --> 00:29:23,596 Beardy? Mm-hmm. 727 00:29:23,638 --> 00:29:25,015 I'm gonna introduce myself. No, no. 728 00:29:25,056 --> 00:29:26,141 Just--that's not his real name. 729 00:29:26,182 --> 00:29:28,852 That's just what I call him, so... 730 00:29:28,893 --> 00:29:30,645 I am by far the most qualified person 731 00:29:30,687 --> 00:29:32,022 they're interviewing. 732 00:29:32,063 --> 00:29:33,440 Jim and Karen are here. 733 00:29:33,481 --> 00:29:34,733 Which is cute. 734 00:29:34,774 --> 00:29:38,153 They're like kid actors tagging along with Daddy 735 00:29:38,194 --> 00:29:39,654 on the big audition. 736 00:29:39,696 --> 00:29:41,364 Hoping to be discovered. 737 00:29:41,406 --> 00:29:44,993 Except Daddy is the best actor around. 738 00:29:45,035 --> 00:29:48,580 Daddy is Meryl Streep. 739 00:29:48,621 --> 00:29:50,749 Michael is gone. 740 00:29:50,790 --> 00:29:54,127 Hail to the chief! 741 00:29:55,337 --> 00:29:57,213 My first order of business, 742 00:29:57,255 --> 00:29:59,841 make Andrew Bernard my number two. 743 00:29:59,883 --> 00:30:02,802 My first order of business, accept. 744 00:30:02,844 --> 00:30:04,512 As if you had a choice. 745 00:30:04,554 --> 00:30:06,181 [scoffs] Duh. 746 00:30:06,222 --> 00:30:08,475 Opportunity of a lifetime. 747 00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:10,060 [spits] 748 00:30:10,101 --> 00:30:13,021 Three months ago, I was nowhere. 749 00:30:13,063 --> 00:30:16,524 I was just a Cornell grad in anger management. 750 00:30:16,566 --> 00:30:18,902 Look where I am now. 751 00:30:18,943 --> 00:30:20,612 Not bad. 752 00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:23,239 [laughs] 753 00:30:24,532 --> 00:30:26,076 Hey, Hunter! 754 00:30:26,117 --> 00:30:27,744 [accented] What's up, my brother? 755 00:30:27,786 --> 00:30:30,413 This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire. 756 00:30:30,455 --> 00:30:32,415 Uh, administrative assistant. 757 00:30:32,457 --> 00:30:34,417 Jan in yet? I think she's coming in later. 758 00:30:34,459 --> 00:30:35,669 Could you give her a message for me 759 00:30:35,710 --> 00:30:36,878 when she gets in? 760 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,963 Sure. 761 00:30:39,005 --> 00:30:43,093 Just say, "I want to squeeze them." 762 00:30:43,134 --> 00:30:45,595 It's code. She'll know what it means. 763 00:30:45,637 --> 00:30:47,055 Okay. 764 00:30:47,097 --> 00:30:48,264 Oh, and Hunter? 765 00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:50,517 Could you tell her, "Brr," also? 766 00:30:54,312 --> 00:30:55,939 You showed great leadership potential 767 00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:57,065 at the coal walk. 768 00:30:57,107 --> 00:30:58,400 Even if you did follow it 769 00:30:58,441 --> 00:31:01,444 with that embarrassing personal confession. 770 00:31:01,486 --> 00:31:02,529 Thank you. 771 00:31:02,570 --> 00:31:04,406 I had to make Andy my number two. 772 00:31:04,447 --> 00:31:06,032 It's political, complicated. 773 00:31:06,074 --> 00:31:07,283 You wouldn't understand. 774 00:31:07,325 --> 00:31:12,497 I want you to be assistant regional manager. 775 00:31:12,539 --> 00:31:13,581 Really? 776 00:31:13,623 --> 00:31:15,625 Well, in a sense. 777 00:31:15,667 --> 00:31:17,794 Although publicly, I am going to retain 778 00:31:17,836 --> 00:31:20,046 the assistant regional manager position. 779 00:31:20,088 --> 00:31:21,423 You will be your own assistant. 780 00:31:21,464 --> 00:31:23,425 Correct, I need someone I can trust. 781 00:31:23,466 --> 00:31:25,802 But I would also like the title 782 00:31:25,844 --> 00:31:28,346 to be secretly applied to you. 783 00:31:29,097 --> 00:31:31,975 Just stripped of its pomp and frills. 784 00:31:32,017 --> 00:31:34,602 Okay. 785 00:31:34,644 --> 00:31:38,606 So you would be the regional manager 786 00:31:38,648 --> 00:31:41,317 and the assistant regional manager. 787 00:31:41,359 --> 00:31:43,820 Andy is your number two. 788 00:31:43,862 --> 00:31:47,240 I would be the secret assistant regional manager. 789 00:31:47,282 --> 00:31:48,658 Mm, let's call it secret assistant 790 00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:49,909 to the regional manager. 791 00:31:49,951 --> 00:31:51,119 Mm-hmm. 792 00:31:51,161 --> 00:31:53,705 Do you accept? 793 00:31:53,747 --> 00:31:55,331 Absolutely, I do. 794 00:31:55,373 --> 00:31:56,833 I learned from Jim, 795 00:31:56,875 --> 00:31:59,919 if Dwight ever asks you if you accept something secret, 796 00:31:59,961 --> 00:32:03,715 you reply, "Absolutely, I do." 797 00:32:17,354 --> 00:32:19,189 [phone beeps] 798 00:32:19,230 --> 00:32:20,523 (Angela) Hello? 799 00:32:20,565 --> 00:32:21,733 [whispering] Keep an eye on Pam. 800 00:32:21,775 --> 00:32:23,276 Done. 801 00:32:29,741 --> 00:32:31,034 Hello, hello! 802 00:32:31,076 --> 00:32:32,494 Michael, good to see you. 803 00:32:32,535 --> 00:32:34,204 Good to see you. Have a seat. 804 00:32:34,245 --> 00:32:35,955 Here are the post-merger performance stats 805 00:32:35,997 --> 00:32:37,707 that you asked for. Great. 806 00:32:37,749 --> 00:32:39,626 I've been meaning to thank you, by the way. 807 00:32:39,668 --> 00:32:41,544 You didn't lose a single customer in the merger, 808 00:32:41,586 --> 00:32:42,921 and you still managed to trim the budget. 809 00:32:42,962 --> 00:32:46,216 That is nice work. 810 00:32:46,257 --> 00:32:49,719 So let me ask you a question right off the bat. 811 00:32:49,761 --> 00:32:51,012 What do you think are your greatest strengths 812 00:32:51,054 --> 00:32:52,472 as a manager? 813 00:32:52,514 --> 00:32:55,141 Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? 814 00:32:55,183 --> 00:32:56,893 I work too hard. 815 00:32:56,935 --> 00:32:58,478 I care too much. 816 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:02,190 And sometimes I can be too invested in my job. 817 00:33:03,650 --> 00:33:05,110 Okay. 818 00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:06,569 And your strengths? 819 00:33:06,611 --> 00:33:09,989 Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths. 820 00:33:10,031 --> 00:33:13,243 Oh! Yes, very good. 821 00:33:13,284 --> 00:33:14,285 Thank you. 822 00:33:14,327 --> 00:33:15,620 Very good. 823 00:33:15,662 --> 00:33:18,623 Well, if Michael gets the job, I will be so upset, 824 00:33:18,665 --> 00:33:20,583 because Dwight used to have a crush on me, 825 00:33:20,625 --> 00:33:22,585 so if he's boss, it'll be really awkward. 826 00:33:22,627 --> 00:33:23,920 Mm-hmm. But if Jim gets it, 827 00:33:23,962 --> 00:33:25,630 you should be happy because you have a crush on him, 828 00:33:25,672 --> 00:33:27,424 and he totally doesn't feel the same way, 829 00:33:27,465 --> 00:33:28,758 and then he'll be gone. 830 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,761 Yeah, well, you know, whatever happens... 831 00:33:31,803 --> 00:33:33,638 Oh. 832 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,766 Pam, he's just not that into you. 833 00:33:36,808 --> 00:33:38,435 Oh, I know. 834 00:33:38,476 --> 00:33:39,978 We talked about it, and he told me. 835 00:33:40,020 --> 00:33:42,188 No, seriously, Pam, wake up. 836 00:33:42,230 --> 00:33:44,107 Okay. 837 00:33:44,149 --> 00:33:46,484 Kelly made me realize something. 838 00:33:46,526 --> 00:33:50,822 She and I have nothing in common. 839 00:33:50,864 --> 00:33:53,199 And I need more friends. 840 00:33:53,241 --> 00:33:54,951 Plus, I think we should also employ 841 00:33:54,993 --> 00:33:57,162 a team-based sales strategy. 842 00:33:57,203 --> 00:33:58,413 That's what we're doing in Scranton, 843 00:33:58,455 --> 00:33:59,456 and that's why our sales are up. 844 00:33:59,497 --> 00:34:00,874 Tell me more about that. 845 00:34:00,915 --> 00:34:03,126 Well, maybe you should give me the job first. 846 00:34:03,168 --> 00:34:04,627 That was just a taste. [laughs] 847 00:34:04,669 --> 00:34:06,880 I'm like a drug dealer that way. 848 00:34:06,921 --> 00:34:09,090 Where do you see yourself in ten years? 849 00:34:09,132 --> 00:34:10,383 Well... [clears throat] 850 00:34:10,425 --> 00:34:13,970 I've actually done a lot of thinking about that. 851 00:34:14,012 --> 00:34:15,805 And in ten years, 852 00:34:15,847 --> 00:34:19,934 I am living in a big house with my kids. 853 00:34:19,976 --> 00:34:26,149 And in this house, we have screens on the walls 854 00:34:26,191 --> 00:34:29,819 that have famous art on them. 855 00:34:29,861 --> 00:34:32,947 And I have a remote that works everything, 856 00:34:32,989 --> 00:34:36,284 that has, like, a belt loop attachment. 857 00:34:36,326 --> 00:34:38,453 Or in my ear, like a Bluetooth. 858 00:34:38,495 --> 00:34:40,372 And because it's the future, 859 00:34:40,413 --> 00:34:43,333 I can take just a little tiny pill 860 00:34:43,375 --> 00:34:45,335 and get all my vitamins for the whole day. 861 00:34:45,377 --> 00:34:47,796 A multivitamin? 862 00:34:47,837 --> 00:34:50,006 I don't know what it's gonna be called, 863 00:34:50,048 --> 00:34:55,512 but my point is the future of this company is now. 864 00:34:55,553 --> 00:34:59,265 And the future is me. 865 00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:10,026 How do you feel? 866 00:35:10,068 --> 00:35:12,028 Tingly. 867 00:35:12,070 --> 00:35:13,738 You're gonna do great. 868 00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:16,408 How do I look? 869 00:35:16,449 --> 00:35:18,368 Like Antonin Scalia. 870 00:35:18,410 --> 00:35:21,705 [both breathe heavily] 871 00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:25,000 [sighs] 872 00:35:30,505 --> 00:35:32,173 Dwight is our new boss. 873 00:35:32,215 --> 00:35:34,300 Oh, Michael's not going anywhere. 874 00:35:34,342 --> 00:35:36,052 Then who do you think will get the job? 875 00:35:36,094 --> 00:35:37,470 Karen. 876 00:35:37,512 --> 00:35:39,889 She looks corporate. 877 00:35:39,931 --> 00:35:41,433 Those little pantsuits. 878 00:35:41,474 --> 00:35:42,851 I think it's gonna be Michael. 879 00:35:42,892 --> 00:35:45,103 Do you really think he's qualified for that job? 880 00:35:45,145 --> 00:35:47,814 No, but he wasn't qualified for the job he has now, 881 00:35:47,856 --> 00:35:49,065 and he got that one. 882 00:35:49,107 --> 00:35:50,358 [laughing] Yeah. 883 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,027 Maybe Jim will get the job. 884 00:35:52,068 --> 00:35:54,821 No, it's going to be Karen. 885 00:35:54,863 --> 00:35:57,574 Why don't you guys listen to me? 886 00:35:57,615 --> 00:35:59,617 I bet my friend at the Albany branch 887 00:35:59,659 --> 00:36:02,287 that Karen would get the job. 888 00:36:02,328 --> 00:36:05,665 I bet him a whole month's salary. 889 00:36:05,707 --> 00:36:07,876 Oh, God. 890 00:36:09,627 --> 00:36:12,422 I might have a gambling problem. 891 00:36:12,464 --> 00:36:13,631 Listen up! 892 00:36:13,673 --> 00:36:15,925 Come to the center of the room, please. 893 00:36:17,177 --> 00:36:21,389 This is a Schrute buck. 894 00:36:21,431 --> 00:36:22,807 When you have done something good, 895 00:36:22,849 --> 00:36:26,311 you will receive one Schrute buck. 896 00:36:26,353 --> 00:36:28,021 1,000 Schrute bucks 897 00:36:28,063 --> 00:36:31,649 equals an extra five minutes for lunch. 898 00:36:31,691 --> 00:36:33,902 What is the cash value of a Schrute buck? 899 00:36:33,943 --> 00:36:35,445 Excellent question, Pam. 900 00:36:35,487 --> 00:36:37,113 1/100th of a cent. 901 00:36:37,155 --> 00:36:40,909 So 10,000 of your dollars is worth one real dollar? 902 00:36:40,950 --> 00:36:43,411 Just zip your lid. 903 00:36:43,453 --> 00:36:47,165 Schrute bucks are legal tender anywhere in this office park. 904 00:36:47,207 --> 00:36:49,918 They're fully backed by the confidence our employees 905 00:36:49,959 --> 00:36:53,296 have in this company and in me, their leader. 906 00:36:53,338 --> 00:36:54,923 I got the idea from our farm. 907 00:36:54,964 --> 00:36:57,092 We had a small roadside family store 908 00:36:57,133 --> 00:37:00,136 which sold slightly irregular beets and clothing. 909 00:37:00,178 --> 00:37:03,640 The Schrute children were paid an allowance in store credit. 910 00:37:03,682 --> 00:37:07,352 We used it to buy clothing and sundries. 911 00:37:07,394 --> 00:37:09,312 The prices were terrible. 912 00:37:09,354 --> 00:37:10,647 I still owe my great-aunt 913 00:37:10,689 --> 00:37:12,857 thousands of Schrute deutsche marks. 914 00:37:12,899 --> 00:37:15,944 Ugh, she charged enormous interest on the debt. 915 00:37:15,985 --> 00:37:18,822 It was very hard to dig ourselves out of that hole. 916 00:37:18,863 --> 00:37:21,658 My cousin Heindl could've been a great athlete. 917 00:37:21,700 --> 00:37:23,952 But he bought a pair of irregular footie pajamas 918 00:37:23,993 --> 00:37:27,080 from the family store, and his legs grew unevenly. 919 00:37:27,122 --> 00:37:30,583 Now he can only run in broad elliptical patterns. 920 00:37:30,625 --> 00:37:32,419 When he would run for the bus, 921 00:37:32,460 --> 00:37:35,463 he would have to aim 45 degrees to the right, 922 00:37:35,505 --> 00:37:38,842 and the natural curve of his warped leg path 923 00:37:38,883 --> 00:37:42,512 would eventually guide him to the door. 924 00:37:42,554 --> 00:37:44,180 But no one needs to know the history 925 00:37:44,222 --> 00:37:47,517 to enjoy the motivational aspects of the Schrute buck. 926 00:37:47,559 --> 00:37:49,019 Another announcement. 927 00:37:49,060 --> 00:37:50,979 Michael wasted an enormous amount 928 00:37:51,021 --> 00:37:52,522 of the group's time and patience 929 00:37:52,564 --> 00:37:54,858 with non-work-related ethnic celebrations 930 00:37:54,899 --> 00:37:57,861 and parades of soft-minded do-good-edness. 931 00:37:57,902 --> 00:37:59,571 No longer. 932 00:37:59,612 --> 00:38:01,740 No more meetings. 933 00:38:01,781 --> 00:38:02,949 Amen. 934 00:38:02,991 --> 00:38:05,785 Instead, today I will begin my first lecture 935 00:38:05,827 --> 00:38:07,746 in a long series of lectures designed to increase 936 00:38:07,787 --> 00:38:09,581 your knowledge on the world of paper. 937 00:38:09,622 --> 00:38:10,957 Do we have to? 938 00:38:10,999 --> 00:38:12,500 Yes. Michael is gone. 939 00:38:12,542 --> 00:38:15,295 There's a new sheriff here in these offices. 940 00:38:15,337 --> 00:38:16,880 And his name is me. 941 00:38:16,921 --> 00:38:19,466 Conference room, ten seconds. 942 00:38:19,507 --> 00:38:20,717 All of you! 943 00:38:20,759 --> 00:38:22,469 I literally cannot wait until I see 944 00:38:22,510 --> 00:38:24,763 what Dwight has planned. 945 00:38:24,804 --> 00:38:26,598 And I wish Jim were here. 946 00:38:30,935 --> 00:38:32,270 What do you think we could be doing better? 947 00:38:32,312 --> 00:38:34,773 I've never been a big fan of the name Dunder-Mifflin. 948 00:38:34,814 --> 00:38:36,232 I was thinking we could name the company 949 00:38:36,274 --> 00:38:38,860 something like Paper Great, 950 00:38:38,902 --> 00:38:41,029 where great paper's our passion. 951 00:38:41,071 --> 00:38:43,615 [as Tony the Tiger] We're grrreat! 952 00:38:43,656 --> 00:38:45,325 I don't know, could be good. 953 00:38:45,367 --> 00:38:47,660 Or, uh, Super Duper Paper. 954 00:38:47,702 --> 00:38:49,621 It's super-duper. 955 00:38:49,662 --> 00:38:51,498 I don't know, something like that. 956 00:38:52,415 --> 00:38:53,750 Okay. Okay. 957 00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:55,168 Thanks for coming in, Michael. Thank you. 958 00:38:55,210 --> 00:38:57,671 It is always a treat when our paths cross. 959 00:38:57,712 --> 00:39:00,507 It is always a treat when ourpaths cross. 960 00:39:00,548 --> 00:39:02,258 So--oh, before I forget, 961 00:39:02,300 --> 00:39:05,428 I wanted to let you know-- if you hadn't already heard-- 962 00:39:05,470 --> 00:39:07,639 uh, Jan and I are back together. 963 00:39:07,681 --> 00:39:09,307 So I may need to fill out 964 00:39:09,349 --> 00:39:11,309 one of those love documents again. 965 00:39:11,351 --> 00:39:12,519 You're back together. 966 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,646 Yes, and I am very excited about the prospect 967 00:39:14,688 --> 00:39:17,232 of working under her. Or on top of her. 968 00:39:17,273 --> 00:39:20,276 Mm, that's not sexual, just--we're all professionals. 969 00:39:20,318 --> 00:39:21,945 Okay, well. 970 00:39:21,986 --> 00:39:23,446 Uh, I thought it was clear 971 00:39:23,488 --> 00:39:26,074 in the description of the position. 972 00:39:26,116 --> 00:39:28,868 The job you're applying for is Jan's job. 973 00:39:28,910 --> 00:39:32,539 I don't understand. So we're gonna tag team it? 974 00:39:32,580 --> 00:39:34,666 No, we're letting Jan go. 975 00:39:37,043 --> 00:39:42,257 Listen up. Let's start from the ground up. 976 00:39:42,298 --> 00:39:44,634 Where does paper come from? 977 00:39:44,676 --> 00:39:46,177 (Dwight) Trees. 978 00:39:46,219 --> 00:39:49,514 And where do trees grow? 979 00:39:49,556 --> 00:39:51,057 Forest. Soil. 980 00:39:51,099 --> 00:39:52,559 Right. 981 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,145 We have in front of you here, 982 00:39:55,186 --> 00:40:00,025 seven different types of Pennsylvania topsoil. 983 00:40:00,066 --> 00:40:04,738 Now, what would you say is the most important element 984 00:40:04,779 --> 00:40:08,074 in the production of aboveground leafy growth? 985 00:40:09,451 --> 00:40:11,161 Probably phosphorus, right? 986 00:40:11,202 --> 00:40:12,620 Wrong. 987 00:40:12,662 --> 00:40:14,164 It's nitrogen. 988 00:40:14,205 --> 00:40:16,624 Absorb this information. 989 00:40:18,418 --> 00:40:19,753 Good. 990 00:40:19,794 --> 00:40:21,588 Now, let us discuss precipitation. 991 00:40:21,629 --> 00:40:22,672 Stanley. 992 00:40:22,714 --> 00:40:24,174 When rainfall occurs, 993 00:40:24,215 --> 00:40:26,801 does it usually fall in a liquid, 994 00:40:26,843 --> 00:40:29,679 solid, or gaseous state? 995 00:40:29,721 --> 00:40:31,139 Liquid. 996 00:40:31,181 --> 00:40:32,182 Very good. 997 00:40:32,223 --> 00:40:35,143 You have earned one Schrute buck. 998 00:40:35,185 --> 00:40:36,895 I don't want it. 999 00:40:36,936 --> 00:40:39,272 Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute bucks. 1000 00:40:39,314 --> 00:40:40,273 Make it 100. 1001 00:40:40,315 --> 00:40:42,650 Well... 1002 00:40:42,692 --> 00:40:44,569 Don't you wanna earn Schrute bucks? 1003 00:40:44,611 --> 00:40:47,614 No--in fact, I'll give you a billion 1004 00:40:47,655 --> 00:40:50,075 Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again. 1005 00:40:50,116 --> 00:40:52,327 What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks? 1006 00:40:52,369 --> 00:40:54,746 The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. 1007 00:40:54,788 --> 00:40:56,039 Okay. That's it! 1008 00:40:56,081 --> 00:40:57,624 Class is cancelled. Everybody out. 1009 00:40:57,665 --> 00:40:58,792 No, wait! What are you doing? 1010 00:40:58,833 --> 00:40:59,959 I'm punishing them. No, no, no! 1011 00:41:00,001 --> 00:41:01,044 Class is not cancelled! 1012 00:41:01,086 --> 00:41:02,295 [everybody talking at once] 1013 00:41:02,337 --> 00:41:03,922 Hey! Come on! 1014 00:41:03,963 --> 00:41:07,342 Let's listen to Dwight's presentation. 1015 00:41:09,219 --> 00:41:11,471 What--what are you winking for? Zip your lid! 1016 00:41:11,513 --> 00:41:14,099 How is the new boss? Tough. 1017 00:41:14,140 --> 00:41:17,018 Do people respect him? They have to. 1018 00:41:17,060 --> 00:41:19,604 Do they like him? Irrelevant. 1019 00:41:19,646 --> 00:41:22,607 They do not. And I hate them back. 1020 00:41:22,649 --> 00:41:24,734 Hey, Prent. 1021 00:41:24,776 --> 00:41:27,570 Jim-o! How you doing, man? 1022 00:41:27,612 --> 00:41:28,988 I'm doing great. How you doing? 1023 00:41:29,030 --> 00:41:30,490 All right, all right. I haven't seen you since 1024 00:41:30,532 --> 00:41:32,659 you were at Stamford. Yeah. 1025 00:41:32,701 --> 00:41:33,868 How'd the transition go? 1026 00:41:33,910 --> 00:41:35,870 It was great. It went really well. 1027 00:41:35,912 --> 00:41:38,206 I actually might be working here if I get the job. 1028 00:41:38,248 --> 00:41:39,457 I heard. 1029 00:41:39,499 --> 00:41:40,583 I'll put in a good word for you. 1030 00:41:40,625 --> 00:41:41,751 Thank you. 1031 00:41:41,793 --> 00:41:43,294 Fantasy Football is insane here. 1032 00:41:43,336 --> 00:41:46,381 Last year, I smashed a lamp over a guy's head. 1033 00:41:46,423 --> 00:41:47,507 Wow. Really? 1034 00:41:47,549 --> 00:41:49,843 No, I didn't do that. I wouldn't do that. 1035 00:41:49,884 --> 00:41:52,637 But anyhow, it is intense. It is intense. 1036 00:41:52,679 --> 00:41:54,597 Winner gets $10,000. 1037 00:41:54,639 --> 00:41:56,182 No way. 1038 00:41:56,224 --> 00:41:57,642 No, like, $500. 1039 00:41:57,684 --> 00:41:58,977 And you get, like, a little crappy trophy, 1040 00:41:59,019 --> 00:42:00,603 but you're gonna have a great interview, I know it, 1041 00:42:00,645 --> 00:42:02,147 and good luck, really. Thank you. 1042 00:42:02,188 --> 00:42:03,606 I think I will have a great interview. 1043 00:42:03,648 --> 00:42:05,483 I'm going in for it too. 1044 00:42:05,525 --> 00:42:07,527 I know you, I do! Really? 1045 00:42:07,569 --> 00:42:09,320 Did we go to college together? 1046 00:42:09,362 --> 00:42:12,449 I kind of doubt it. I think I'm younger than you. 1047 00:42:12,490 --> 00:42:14,743 No, it took me, like, about 11 years to finish, 1048 00:42:14,784 --> 00:42:16,077 so it's still possible. 1049 00:42:16,119 --> 00:42:17,829 I--no--I would've-- Ms. Filippelli? 1050 00:42:17,871 --> 00:42:19,330 Mr. Wallace is ready for you. 1051 00:42:19,372 --> 00:42:21,958 Okay. 1052 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,501 Good luck. Thanks. 1053 00:42:23,543 --> 00:42:25,378 Yeah. 1054 00:42:26,963 --> 00:42:31,760 Listen, um, I really did smash a lamp over a guy's head. 1055 00:42:31,801 --> 00:42:33,219 But it had nothing to do with Fantasy Football, 1056 00:42:33,261 --> 00:42:36,139 but I just thought you should know. 1057 00:42:37,807 --> 00:42:39,059 Pop quiz! 1058 00:42:39,100 --> 00:42:41,311 I'm gonna name a type of refuse, 1059 00:42:41,353 --> 00:42:44,481 and you will tell me whether it belongs in recycling 1060 00:42:44,522 --> 00:42:48,360 to be reused into newsprint, compost to enrich the soil, 1061 00:42:48,401 --> 00:42:49,861 or regular trash. 1062 00:42:49,903 --> 00:42:51,863 Oscar. Cardboard. 1063 00:42:51,905 --> 00:42:53,406 Recycling? Yes, very good. 1064 00:42:53,448 --> 00:42:55,533 One Schrute buck. 1065 00:42:55,575 --> 00:42:57,369 Creed. Bird's nest. 1066 00:42:57,410 --> 00:42:59,579 Why would you throw away a perfectly good bird's nest? 1067 00:42:59,621 --> 00:43:02,457 Okay, my answer was compost, 1068 00:43:02,499 --> 00:43:05,418 but you bring up a good point. 1069 00:43:05,460 --> 00:43:09,756 We each get a Schrute buck. 1070 00:43:09,798 --> 00:43:11,758 Number three, Meredith. Human skull. 1071 00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:13,051 Recycling. 1072 00:43:13,093 --> 00:43:14,511 Wrong, trick question. 1073 00:43:14,552 --> 00:43:16,971 Contact the authorities and obtain a burial license. 1074 00:43:17,013 --> 00:43:18,390 No one wants to bury a skull. 1075 00:43:18,431 --> 00:43:19,933 You guys, seriously. I got a lot of work to do-- 1076 00:43:19,974 --> 00:43:21,351 Listen--number four-- 1077 00:43:21,393 --> 00:43:22,769 For 20 minutes-- Guys! 1078 00:43:22,811 --> 00:43:24,354 Listen! Listen! 1079 00:43:24,396 --> 00:43:25,897 Zip your lid, Pam. 1080 00:43:25,939 --> 00:43:27,273 No one likes a kiss-up. 1081 00:43:30,276 --> 00:43:34,614 Number four. Okay, moving right along. 1082 00:43:34,656 --> 00:43:36,991 Phyllis. Yogurt container. 1083 00:43:38,785 --> 00:43:41,329 Phyllis, yogurt container. 1084 00:43:43,790 --> 00:43:46,126 I take my duties as secret assistant 1085 00:43:46,167 --> 00:43:49,921 to the regional manager very seriously. 1086 00:43:49,963 --> 00:43:53,091 [copier whirring] 1087 00:44:01,307 --> 00:44:03,977 Creed. 1088 00:44:11,151 --> 00:44:14,112 This is about 2.1 million Schrutey bucks. 1089 00:44:14,154 --> 00:44:15,989 I'll take the cash, please. 1090 00:44:16,031 --> 00:44:18,867 Where did you get these? I earned them. 1091 00:44:22,954 --> 00:44:24,289 These are counterfeit. 1092 00:44:24,330 --> 00:44:25,790 I found them. I'm turning them in. 1093 00:44:25,832 --> 00:44:26,833 What's the reward? 1094 00:44:26,875 --> 00:44:28,293 No reward. 1095 00:44:28,335 --> 00:44:30,045 Listen, Schrutey. 1096 00:44:30,086 --> 00:44:31,880 Either give me the 200 bucks 1097 00:44:31,921 --> 00:44:33,590 or I'll flood the market with these babies, 1098 00:44:33,631 --> 00:44:35,342 making them virtually worthless. 1099 00:44:36,885 --> 00:44:39,387 The thing I didn't realize about being the boss is that 1100 00:44:39,429 --> 00:44:42,974 it's harder to pal around with people the way I used to. 1101 00:44:43,016 --> 00:44:45,393 Quite honestly, I miss that. 1102 00:44:45,435 --> 00:44:48,104 And I think they must miss the old Dwight, 1103 00:44:48,146 --> 00:44:51,149 based on how stupid and awful they're being. 1104 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:56,738 Dwight? 1105 00:44:56,780 --> 00:45:00,241 I just wanted to say thank you. 1106 00:45:00,283 --> 00:45:03,787 You were very helpful earlier. 1107 00:45:03,828 --> 00:45:05,705 Here's a five-spot. 1108 00:45:05,747 --> 00:45:08,958 Wow, thanks. A 20th of a penny. 1109 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,960 Hey, it'll add up, you'll see. 1110 00:45:11,002 --> 00:45:14,089 Few years from now, you'll be a very wealthy woman. 1111 00:45:14,130 --> 00:45:18,051 Oh, I already am, Dwight. 1112 00:45:20,762 --> 00:45:23,932 I already am. 1113 00:45:27,435 --> 00:45:30,188 So that's my basic five-year plan. 1114 00:45:30,230 --> 00:45:32,315 And then after that, who knows? 1115 00:45:32,357 --> 00:45:33,692 Okay. 1116 00:45:33,733 --> 00:45:36,111 And now, this may seem like an odd question. 1117 00:45:36,152 --> 00:45:38,238 Yeah? But... 1118 00:45:38,279 --> 00:45:41,032 What do you think about Michael Scott? 1119 00:45:41,074 --> 00:45:43,118 He's a very nice man. Mm-hmm. 1120 00:45:43,159 --> 00:45:45,787 And he's very well-suited for the job he has now. 1121 00:45:45,829 --> 00:45:47,122 This is off the record. 1122 00:45:47,163 --> 00:45:49,249 He would be a disaster. 1123 00:45:54,713 --> 00:45:56,297 Hey, you! 1124 00:45:56,339 --> 00:45:57,757 Hey. 1125 00:45:57,799 --> 00:45:59,634 How was your interview? 1126 00:45:59,676 --> 00:46:01,052 Pretty good. Yeah? 1127 00:46:01,094 --> 00:46:02,262 Could've gone better, I guess. 1128 00:46:02,303 --> 00:46:05,390 Oh, well, I will put in a good word for you. 1129 00:46:05,432 --> 00:46:08,393 Cool, maybe you should do it sooner rather than later. 1130 00:46:08,435 --> 00:46:09,769 What? 1131 00:46:09,811 --> 00:46:10,770 Uh, let's just run away together. 1132 00:46:10,812 --> 00:46:11,896 Let's run away to Jamaica, 1133 00:46:11,938 --> 00:46:13,064 live in a bungalow. 1134 00:46:13,106 --> 00:46:14,065 You have some savings, right? 1135 00:46:14,107 --> 00:46:15,025 You can pay off my debts. 1136 00:46:15,066 --> 00:46:16,901 It would be fine. 1137 00:46:16,943 --> 00:46:18,069 We'd have fun. 1138 00:46:18,111 --> 00:46:20,447 What's-- what's the matter? 1139 00:46:20,488 --> 00:46:22,574 W-what happened in there? 1140 00:46:22,615 --> 00:46:24,617 I can't tell you. 1141 00:46:26,119 --> 00:46:28,288 Tell me what? 1142 00:46:34,210 --> 00:46:36,379 You son of a bitch. 1143 00:46:36,421 --> 00:46:37,672 Jan, this isn't the time-- 1144 00:46:37,714 --> 00:46:38,965 You're firing me? 1145 00:46:39,007 --> 00:46:40,759 Where the hell do you get off? 1146 00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:42,093 [sighs] 1147 00:46:42,135 --> 00:46:44,095 Frankly, it's overdue. 1148 00:46:44,137 --> 00:46:46,097 Your behavior in the last two years 1149 00:46:46,139 --> 00:46:47,515 has been completely erratic. 1150 00:46:47,557 --> 00:46:49,017 Erratic? 1151 00:46:49,059 --> 00:46:51,019 Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work! 1152 00:46:51,061 --> 00:46:52,771 You smoke constantly in your office. 1153 00:46:52,812 --> 00:46:54,856 You spend most of the day online shopping. 1154 00:46:54,898 --> 00:46:57,484 You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days, 1155 00:46:57,525 --> 00:46:59,861 always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. 1156 00:46:59,903 --> 00:47:01,946 You go to Scranton far more often than you need to-- 1157 00:47:01,988 --> 00:47:02,947 Is it because of these? 1158 00:47:02,989 --> 00:47:04,574 Whoa, hey, whoa, Jan-- 1159 00:47:04,616 --> 00:47:06,159 I wanna know-- I wanna know! 1160 00:47:06,201 --> 00:47:08,995 Because if it is, then-- then I will see you in court. 1161 00:47:09,037 --> 00:47:10,914 It's not, it's not. No. 1162 00:47:10,955 --> 00:47:12,582 'Cause he likes them. Okay? 1163 00:47:12,624 --> 00:47:15,293 He likes them, and that is-- that is all I care about. 1164 00:47:15,335 --> 00:47:16,753 The time has come for you to end 1165 00:47:16,795 --> 00:47:19,255 your professional relationship with this company. 1166 00:47:19,297 --> 00:47:20,965 You are clearly unstable. 1167 00:47:21,007 --> 00:47:22,133 Hey, you're unstable! 1168 00:47:22,175 --> 00:47:23,134 (Jan) Yeah. 1169 00:47:23,176 --> 00:47:26,346 No. We're all unstable. 1170 00:47:26,388 --> 00:47:27,931 Okay, you know what? I'm just not leaving! 1171 00:47:27,972 --> 00:47:29,808 I'm not leaving. 1172 00:47:29,849 --> 00:47:31,142 (Jan) Not leaving. 1173 00:47:31,184 --> 00:47:33,687 David, I did not tell her. 1174 00:47:38,817 --> 00:47:40,026 (Andy) It's like I'm staring into my soul 1175 00:47:40,068 --> 00:47:41,236 when I look at this wall. 1176 00:47:41,277 --> 00:47:43,238 It's like outer space without the stars. 1177 00:47:43,279 --> 00:47:44,531 It's so black. 1178 00:47:44,572 --> 00:47:47,158 This is gonna look so awesome! 1179 00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:48,660 It's so intimidating. 1180 00:47:48,702 --> 00:47:49,661 Anyone who comes in here 1181 00:47:49,703 --> 00:47:51,705 is gonna have to take me seriously. 1182 00:47:51,746 --> 00:47:54,416 Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. 1183 00:47:54,457 --> 00:47:56,418 [laughter] (Andy) Totally. 1184 00:47:56,459 --> 00:47:59,254 Plus, I'm gonna hang up some black light posters, 1185 00:47:59,295 --> 00:48:01,548 trick this place out. 1186 00:48:01,589 --> 00:48:04,092 A glow-in-the-dark constellation on the ceiling. 1187 00:48:04,134 --> 00:48:06,845 Mini fridge, hot pot. Oh, yeah. 1188 00:48:06,886 --> 00:48:08,388 You know what else? What? 1189 00:48:08,430 --> 00:48:10,765 You should loft the desk. 1190 00:48:11,933 --> 00:48:13,893 [sighs] 1191 00:48:13,935 --> 00:48:15,395 [whispering] Yes. 1192 00:48:15,437 --> 00:48:18,064 Now you're talking like an assistant regional manager. 1193 00:48:18,106 --> 00:48:19,232 Yeah. 1194 00:48:19,274 --> 00:48:21,109 [both imitate explosion] 1195 00:48:31,786 --> 00:48:32,912 Bye, Hunter. 1196 00:48:32,954 --> 00:48:33,997 Bye. 1197 00:48:34,039 --> 00:48:35,123 [Jan exhales loudly] 1198 00:48:35,165 --> 00:48:37,292 Good luck with your band. 1199 00:48:37,334 --> 00:48:39,711 Oh, thank-- Don't let them change you. 1200 00:48:39,753 --> 00:48:41,171 Okay? 1201 00:48:43,882 --> 00:48:46,593 [clattering] 1202 00:49:02,025 --> 00:49:04,819 So long, [bleep]. 1203 00:49:06,279 --> 00:49:09,824 So I am gonna give her a ride home. 1204 00:49:09,866 --> 00:49:11,117 Let me know about the job. 1205 00:49:11,159 --> 00:49:12,535 Actually, Michael, 1206 00:49:12,577 --> 00:49:14,079 I think we're gonna take it in another direction. 1207 00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:15,580 Good, I'm glad we're on the same page. 1208 00:49:15,622 --> 00:49:17,165 I have a lot of ideas for new directions. 1209 00:49:17,207 --> 00:49:20,210 No, we're not giving you the job. 1210 00:49:25,632 --> 00:49:28,968 You know what? That is actually good 1211 00:49:29,010 --> 00:49:31,346 because, um... 1212 00:49:31,388 --> 00:49:34,724 I don't think I could take my girlfriend's job. 1213 00:49:34,766 --> 00:49:37,477 That's not being a good boyfriend. 1214 00:49:37,519 --> 00:49:43,566 So I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. 1215 00:49:43,608 --> 00:49:45,443 Do you accept my withdrawal? 1216 00:49:45,485 --> 00:49:47,278 I do. Good, very good. 1217 00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:50,240 I am glad we are finally on the same page. 1218 00:49:50,281 --> 00:49:51,866 Still have my job in Scranton, though? 1219 00:49:51,908 --> 00:49:53,159 Yes. Good. 1220 00:49:53,201 --> 00:49:55,078 It's all I ever wanted. 1221 00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:57,288 These two... 1222 00:49:57,330 --> 00:49:59,124 either one of them... 1223 00:49:59,165 --> 00:50:02,335 excellent candidates. 1224 00:50:04,671 --> 00:50:06,673 Wow. [laughs] 1225 00:50:06,715 --> 00:50:10,969 That was some serious, hardcore self-destruction. 1226 00:50:11,011 --> 00:50:12,470 Yeah. 1227 00:50:12,512 --> 00:50:13,805 Kinda feel bad for her, though. 1228 00:50:13,847 --> 00:50:15,807 Don't. She's nuts. 1229 00:50:15,849 --> 00:50:18,143 [laughter] 1230 00:50:18,184 --> 00:50:19,686 Oh, man. 1231 00:50:21,229 --> 00:50:23,064 You know what? This might take a while. 1232 00:50:23,106 --> 00:50:24,858 You really don't have to stay, if you don't want. 1233 00:50:24,899 --> 00:50:27,360 Okay, good, because a bunch of my friends 1234 00:50:27,402 --> 00:50:29,029 are meeting downtown for lunch, 1235 00:50:29,070 --> 00:50:30,447 and I was gonna meet them. 1236 00:50:30,488 --> 00:50:31,698 Okay. So... 1237 00:50:31,740 --> 00:50:33,033 Just call me when you're done. 1238 00:50:33,074 --> 00:50:34,492 Sure. 1239 00:50:34,534 --> 00:50:36,578 Good luck, Halpert. Thank you. 1240 00:50:40,081 --> 00:50:41,958 [phone rings] 1241 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,711 Dunder-Mifflin, this is Grace. 1242 00:50:44,753 --> 00:50:47,380 Sure. 1243 00:50:49,090 --> 00:50:50,342 Oh, God! 1244 00:50:50,383 --> 00:50:51,885 I mean, I just don't understand. 1245 00:50:51,926 --> 00:50:53,762 It's just so rude, you know? I know. 1246 00:50:53,803 --> 00:50:55,388 I mean, the absolute nerve of that guy! 1247 00:50:55,430 --> 00:50:56,639 I am sorry about that. 1248 00:50:56,681 --> 00:50:58,099 Oh, just... That was terrible. 1249 00:50:58,141 --> 00:50:59,684 No, actually, I think it's good. 1250 00:50:59,726 --> 00:51:01,728 You know, it's fine, actually. I-I do. 1251 00:51:01,770 --> 00:51:03,271 I really think it's great that it happened, 1252 00:51:03,313 --> 00:51:05,732 because, you know, my work has always been 1253 00:51:05,774 --> 00:51:07,859 the thing that's gotten in the way of my happiness, so... 1254 00:51:07,901 --> 00:51:11,237 [laughs] Yeah. 1255 00:51:11,279 --> 00:51:12,739 Well, it's... 1256 00:51:12,781 --> 00:51:14,532 [crying] 1257 00:51:14,574 --> 00:51:18,078 [high-pitched whining] Oh... 1258 00:51:18,119 --> 00:51:19,996 No, don't cry. 1259 00:51:20,038 --> 00:51:22,957 It's gonna be okay. Oh, I know, I know. 1260 00:51:22,999 --> 00:51:24,292 It's just-- I'm sorry. 1261 00:51:24,334 --> 00:51:26,169 It's just these painkillers 1262 00:51:26,211 --> 00:51:28,755 that I started taking since the surgery. 1263 00:51:28,797 --> 00:51:32,801 Oh, they make my moods totally unpredictable. 1264 00:51:32,842 --> 00:51:34,636 Wow. 1265 00:51:34,678 --> 00:51:36,846 [sighs] What am I gonna do? 1266 00:51:36,888 --> 00:51:38,682 I don't know. 1267 00:51:40,183 --> 00:51:44,604 Well, I guess you could come and stay at my condo. 1268 00:51:44,646 --> 00:51:46,773 I think I could back out of the sale. 1269 00:51:46,815 --> 00:51:48,441 Probably get some negative feedback 1270 00:51:48,483 --> 00:51:50,944 on my eBay profile. Live together... 1271 00:51:50,985 --> 00:51:52,278 Actually, wait a minute. 1272 00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:54,030 This could be great. This could be perfect. 1273 00:51:54,072 --> 00:51:55,990 You know, my full-time job could be our relationship. 1274 00:51:56,032 --> 00:51:57,283 I could wear stretch pants and wait for you 1275 00:51:57,325 --> 00:51:58,952 to come home at 5:15. [laughs] 1276 00:51:58,993 --> 00:52:01,496 It could work, this could work! Really. 1277 00:52:05,333 --> 00:52:08,378 [faint indistinct chatter] 1278 00:52:11,673 --> 00:52:14,801 [as The Terminator] I'll be back. 1279 00:52:14,843 --> 00:52:16,970 And I am back. 1280 00:52:17,012 --> 00:52:18,138 How'd it go? 1281 00:52:18,179 --> 00:52:19,848 No. No, Pam. 1282 00:52:19,889 --> 00:52:22,350 [as The Terminator] I'm back. 1283 00:52:22,392 --> 00:52:26,271 For good. Kevin Nealon. 1284 00:52:26,312 --> 00:52:29,524 Everybody, may I have your attention please? 1285 00:52:29,566 --> 00:52:33,570 It is with great honor and privilege 1286 00:52:33,611 --> 00:52:35,989 that I announce to you, I have officially withdrawn 1287 00:52:36,031 --> 00:52:39,576 my name for consideration from the corporate job. 1288 00:52:39,617 --> 00:52:41,244 I know, I know, I know. 1289 00:52:41,286 --> 00:52:42,704 "Michael, what are you thinking? 1290 00:52:42,746 --> 00:52:46,041 You were a shoo-in." Well, got down there. 1291 00:52:46,082 --> 00:52:47,667 I nailed the interview. 1292 00:52:47,709 --> 00:52:50,211 And the strangest thing happened. 1293 00:52:50,253 --> 00:52:52,130 Why is my office black? 1294 00:52:53,381 --> 00:52:55,258 To intimidate my subordinates. 1295 00:52:55,300 --> 00:52:57,010 That's stupid. 1296 00:52:57,052 --> 00:52:58,345 It was Andy's idea. 1297 00:52:58,386 --> 00:53:00,430 You shouldn't have taken it. 1298 00:53:00,472 --> 00:53:02,307 Bad management. 1299 00:53:02,349 --> 00:53:05,310 Good thing [accent] I'm back. 1300 00:53:05,352 --> 00:53:07,562 Ryan, coffee. 1301 00:53:07,604 --> 00:53:09,230 I don't do that stuff anymore. 1302 00:53:09,272 --> 00:53:11,441 No, it's for me, bimbo. 1303 00:53:11,483 --> 00:53:13,485 Kids. 1304 00:53:13,526 --> 00:53:16,071 Michael, what happened? 1305 00:53:16,112 --> 00:53:17,781 Jan got fired. 1306 00:53:17,822 --> 00:53:19,949 And I realized that I could not work for a company 1307 00:53:19,991 --> 00:53:21,576 that would fire my girlfriend. 1308 00:53:21,618 --> 00:53:23,953 But more than that, 1309 00:53:23,995 --> 00:53:27,999 I realized that... I couldn't take a job 1310 00:53:28,041 --> 00:53:31,419 that would take me away from this place. 1311 00:53:31,461 --> 00:53:34,881 This is where I belong. This is my home. 1312 00:53:34,923 --> 00:53:37,384 And home is where the hardest. 1313 00:53:37,425 --> 00:53:41,096 Home is where the heart is. 1314 00:53:41,137 --> 00:53:43,515 "Heart is." 1315 00:53:43,556 --> 00:53:45,433 That makes a lot more sense. 1316 00:53:45,475 --> 00:53:49,229 Do you think they'd help each other like that at corporate? 1317 00:53:49,270 --> 00:53:51,481 I think not. 1318 00:53:51,523 --> 00:53:53,566 So I'm back. 1319 00:53:53,608 --> 00:53:59,739 And I am never, ever going to leave. 1320 00:53:59,781 --> 00:54:03,243 I am going nowhere. 1321 00:54:03,284 --> 00:54:06,705 This place is like... 1322 00:54:06,746 --> 00:54:10,834 the hospital where I was born, 1323 00:54:10,875 --> 00:54:13,086 my house, 1324 00:54:13,128 --> 00:54:16,715 my old age home, 1325 00:54:16,756 --> 00:54:21,428 and my graveyard for my bones. 1326 00:54:21,469 --> 00:54:23,930 Did Karen get the job? 1327 00:54:26,307 --> 00:54:27,600 Back to work. 1328 00:54:27,642 --> 00:54:29,561 Still waiting on that coffee. 1329 00:54:31,062 --> 00:54:33,273 They say you should take two steps forward 1330 00:54:33,314 --> 00:54:36,192 and one step back. 1331 00:54:36,234 --> 00:54:38,945 Well, that's not what I did. 1332 00:54:38,987 --> 00:54:41,072 I took two steps forward, I took one step back. 1333 00:54:41,114 --> 00:54:43,783 I took a step to the left, I took a step to the right. 1334 00:54:43,825 --> 00:54:46,286 I took another step back. I do-si-doed. 1335 00:54:46,327 --> 00:54:47,912 I did a little allemande. 1336 00:54:47,954 --> 00:54:52,459 I waltzed right up, and I was standing right where I started. 1337 00:54:52,500 --> 00:54:55,086 Surprised? 1338 00:54:55,128 --> 00:54:58,590 I'm not. Exactly what I planned. 1339 00:54:58,631 --> 00:55:01,176 I only held the job for one day, 1340 00:55:01,217 --> 00:55:03,803 but I'm proud of what I accomplished. 1341 00:55:03,845 --> 00:55:06,306 These people will never forget 1342 00:55:06,348 --> 00:55:11,561 that nitrogen is essential for aboveground leafy growth. 1343 00:55:11,603 --> 00:55:14,022 [emotionally] I did that. 1344 00:55:26,618 --> 00:55:28,119 Pam, hello. 1345 00:55:28,161 --> 00:55:29,496 Dwight, hello. 1346 00:55:29,537 --> 00:55:31,748 I wanted to thank you. 1347 00:55:33,041 --> 00:55:36,086 For helping me when you held the title 1348 00:55:36,127 --> 00:55:39,714 of secret assistant to the regional manager. 1349 00:55:41,633 --> 00:55:45,553 You served the office with great dignity. 1350 00:55:53,144 --> 00:55:56,147 No, I don't know what the future holds, 1351 00:55:56,189 --> 00:55:59,150 but I'm optimistic. 1352 00:55:59,192 --> 00:56:04,072 And, uh, I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. 1353 00:56:04,114 --> 00:56:09,119 Jim and I are just too similar. 1354 00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:12,706 Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. 1355 00:56:12,747 --> 00:56:15,375 But--you--that is a, um... 1356 00:56:15,417 --> 00:56:16,960 You know, not-- 1357 00:56:17,002 --> 00:56:18,378 A man. 1358 00:56:18,420 --> 00:56:20,797 A man version. 1359 00:56:20,839 --> 00:56:23,717 But, uh, until then... 1360 00:56:23,758 --> 00:56:26,720 I can hold my head up. 1361 00:56:26,761 --> 00:56:28,847 I'm not gay. 1362 00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:34,144 Michael. Hmm? 1363 00:56:34,185 --> 00:56:38,356 I didn't think I'd ever say this, but I'm glad you're back. 1364 00:56:40,567 --> 00:56:43,737 [sighs deeply] Mm-hmm. 1365 00:56:43,778 --> 00:56:47,782 Thank you, Stanley the Manly. 1366 00:56:47,824 --> 00:56:51,119 You have no idea how much that means to me. 1367 00:56:52,537 --> 00:56:55,540 (Michael) They say that today is the first day 1368 00:56:55,582 --> 00:56:58,043 of the rest of your life. 1369 00:56:58,084 --> 00:57:00,045 But when you think about it, 1370 00:57:00,086 --> 00:57:03,381 every day is a first day of the rest of your life. 1371 00:57:03,423 --> 00:57:06,634 And that was never more true than today. 1372 00:57:06,676 --> 00:57:10,930 I turned down a huge promotion. Why? 1373 00:57:10,972 --> 00:57:15,018 For love. And for Scranton. 1374 00:57:16,186 --> 00:57:19,105 I love Scranton. 1375 00:57:19,147 --> 00:57:22,400 A wiser man than I, the great Sir William Joel, 1376 00:57:22,442 --> 00:57:25,362 once wrote something that I think sums up 1377 00:57:25,403 --> 00:57:28,782 what Scranton is all about. 1378 00:57:28,823 --> 00:57:31,284 "We're all living here in Allentown, 1379 00:57:31,326 --> 00:57:35,080 for the Pennsylvania we never found." 1380 00:57:35,121 --> 00:57:37,791 Well, I found my Pennsylvania. 1381 00:57:37,832 --> 00:57:42,087 And you know what? It's not in New York. 1382 00:57:42,128 --> 00:57:45,423 It's right here in Scranton. 1383 00:57:45,465 --> 00:57:47,300 [inhales deeply] 1384 00:57:47,342 --> 00:57:51,971 And as for me and Jan, well, we'll see. 1385 00:57:52,013 --> 00:57:56,309 We'll take it slow, one day at a time. 1386 00:57:56,351 --> 00:58:00,146 Actually, she's moving into my condo tomorrow, so... 1387 00:58:00,188 --> 00:58:02,982 [indistinct nagging] (Michael) That's gonna be a big day. 1388 00:58:03,024 --> 00:58:05,860 But after that, we'll take it slow. 1389 00:58:05,902 --> 00:58:09,739 Who knows what mysteries life has in store? 1390 00:58:09,781 --> 00:58:11,825 Mystery writers. 1391 00:58:11,866 --> 00:58:15,453 And even they don't know the endings. 1392 00:58:15,495 --> 00:58:18,665 I don't know how I feel about hiring a Sixers fan. 1393 00:58:18,707 --> 00:58:20,208 I should leave. 1394 00:58:20,250 --> 00:58:21,584 [laughter] 1395 00:58:21,626 --> 00:58:22,711 Now, let me ask you a question, Jim. 1396 00:58:22,752 --> 00:58:24,129 You're clearly a very bright guy. 1397 00:58:24,170 --> 00:58:25,296 Thanks. Always hit your numbers. 1398 00:58:25,338 --> 00:58:27,424 Personable, you make a great impression 1399 00:58:27,465 --> 00:58:28,925 on everyone you meet. I'm sorry, wait. 1400 00:58:28,967 --> 00:58:31,177 So is the question how'd I get to be so awesome? 1401 00:58:31,219 --> 00:58:32,762 [laughter] 1402 00:58:32,804 --> 00:58:34,389 I don't have an answer for you. 1403 00:58:34,431 --> 00:58:36,558 Oh, uh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers? 1404 00:58:36,599 --> 00:58:37,851 Yes, absolutely. 1405 00:58:37,892 --> 00:58:39,185 And that, uh, questionnaire? 1406 00:58:39,227 --> 00:58:40,395 Sorry to make you fill that thing out. 1407 00:58:40,437 --> 00:58:42,230 Oh, no, absolutely. Stupid HR formality. 1408 00:58:42,272 --> 00:58:45,150 We have this very irritating HR guy here. 1409 00:58:45,191 --> 00:58:47,694 He's probably the only person you're not gonna like. 1410 00:58:47,736 --> 00:58:50,321 Kendall. Ugh. 1411 00:58:50,363 --> 00:58:52,699 So first up. 1412 00:58:52,741 --> 00:58:53,908 There you go. 1413 00:58:53,950 --> 00:58:55,243 How do you think you'd function 1414 00:58:55,285 --> 00:58:57,912 here in New York? 1415 00:58:57,954 --> 00:59:00,206 What's that--oh, uh, great. You know? 1416 00:59:00,248 --> 00:59:02,834 I just, um, I really appreciate the buildings, 1417 00:59:02,876 --> 00:59:05,086 and, uh, the people. 1418 00:59:05,128 --> 00:59:08,882 And, um, there's just an energy that New York has. 1419 00:59:08,923 --> 00:59:10,383 Mm-hmm. Uh... 1420 00:59:10,425 --> 00:59:12,844 Not to mention, they have places that are open past 8:00. 1421 00:59:12,886 --> 00:59:14,554 [laughter] So that's a bonus. 1422 00:59:14,596 --> 00:59:15,555 You've been in the Scranton branch 1423 00:59:15,597 --> 00:59:17,974 a long time. 1424 00:59:18,016 --> 00:59:20,769 What have you liked most about that place? 1425 00:59:22,979 --> 00:59:24,564 The friendships. 1426 00:59:24,606 --> 00:59:26,066 Okay. 1427 00:59:26,107 --> 00:59:28,651 Well, we want the person who takes this position 1428 00:59:28,693 --> 00:59:30,945 to be here for the long haul. 1429 00:59:30,987 --> 00:59:33,323 So...long haul. 1430 00:59:33,365 --> 00:59:35,241 Where do you see yourself in ten years? 1431 00:59:45,418 --> 00:59:46,753 How are your feet? 1432 00:59:46,795 --> 00:59:48,338 Medium rare. 1433 00:59:48,380 --> 00:59:50,048 Thanks. 1434 00:59:52,425 --> 00:59:54,636 The real reason that I went to Stamford 1435 00:59:54,678 --> 00:59:59,599 was because I wanted to be... 1436 00:59:59,641 --> 01:00:02,560 not here. 1437 01:00:02,602 --> 01:00:05,105 I know. 1438 01:00:05,146 --> 01:00:09,526 And even though I came back... 1439 01:00:09,567 --> 01:00:15,407 I just feel like I've never really come back. 1440 01:00:23,123 --> 01:00:25,000 Well, I wish you would. 1441 01:00:29,838 --> 01:00:32,716 [phone rings] 1442 01:00:32,757 --> 01:00:35,301 Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. 1443 01:00:35,343 --> 01:00:37,846 Just one moment, I'll transfer you. 1444 01:00:37,887 --> 01:00:39,264 (Pam) I haven't heard anything. 1445 01:00:39,305 --> 01:00:41,558 But I bet Jim got the job. 1446 01:00:41,599 --> 01:00:42,976 I mean, why wouldn't he? 1447 01:00:43,018 --> 01:00:45,729 He's totally qualified and smart. 1448 01:00:45,770 --> 01:00:47,856 Everyone loves him. 1449 01:00:48,940 --> 01:00:52,694 And if he never comes back again, 1450 01:00:52,736 --> 01:00:54,904 that's okay. 1451 01:00:54,946 --> 01:00:56,239 We're friends. 1452 01:00:56,281 --> 01:00:59,034 And I'm sure we'll stay friends. 1453 01:00:59,075 --> 01:01:01,661 We just--we never got the timing right. 1454 01:01:01,703 --> 01:01:03,163 You know? 1455 01:01:03,204 --> 01:01:07,792 I shot him down, and then he did the same to me, and... 1456 01:01:07,834 --> 01:01:10,462 But you know what? It's okay. 1457 01:01:10,503 --> 01:01:12,380 I am totally fine. 1458 01:01:12,422 --> 01:01:13,965 Everything is gonna be totally-- 1459 01:01:14,007 --> 01:01:16,217 Pam. Sorry. 1460 01:01:16,259 --> 01:01:19,679 Um, are you free for dinner tonight? 1461 01:01:19,721 --> 01:01:21,014 Yes. 1462 01:01:21,056 --> 01:01:22,390 All right. 1463 01:01:22,432 --> 01:01:25,518 Then it's a date. 1464 01:01:32,192 --> 01:01:34,069 I'm sorry, what was the question? 1465 01:01:38,406 --> 01:01:40,075 So I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty, 1466 01:01:40,116 --> 01:01:42,327 but after some more thought, 1467 01:01:42,369 --> 01:01:45,121 I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. 1468 01:01:45,163 --> 01:01:46,915 [laughs] Great. 1469 01:01:46,956 --> 01:01:48,792 I'm so glad. 1470 01:01:48,833 --> 01:01:50,627 We're all very excited you're gonna be joining us. 1471 01:01:50,669 --> 01:01:52,879 It'll be nice to have another MBA around here. 1472 01:01:52,921 --> 01:01:55,548 I'm excited too. 1473 01:01:55,590 --> 01:01:57,425 Okay. 1474 01:01:57,467 --> 01:02:00,095 Bye. 1475 01:02:00,136 --> 01:02:02,931 Who was that? Nobody. 1476 01:02:02,972 --> 01:02:04,474 You and I are done. 1477 01:02:04,516 --> 01:02:06,351 What?!