1
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[
2
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‐Did you decide what we’re
watching for Movie Night?
3
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‐No.
4
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It’s like there’s nothing good
on Netflix anymore.
5
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‐Hi.
I’m from the census.
6
00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:20,318
‐Mom,
why did you do that?
7
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,364
‐A guy wanting a list of Latinos
in my house?
8
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,519
No thanks.
9
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‐The census is important
for communities of color.
10
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We have to participate.
11
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It determines congressional
seats and federal funding,
12
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and Latinos are always ‐‐
13
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‐Oh, at this point,
14
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Open the door.
15
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‐Hi.
16
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Sorry about the whole
door‐in‐your‐face thing.
17
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‐It’s okay. Okay.
I’ve had worse.
18
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I’ve been bit by a toddler,
tased by a grandma.
19
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2010, I was insulted
by a racist parrot.
20
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Yeah.
21
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Anyway, uh,
my name’s Bria
22
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and, uh, this is only gonna
take a few minutes.
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So, you’re ‐‐
you’re Penelope Alvarez?
24
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‐Yes, I am. And I am the mother
of Elena and Alex.
25
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‐Oh. Okay.
That’s good.
26
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And this is your husband?
27
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‐Oh, God, no.
[ Laughs ] No.
28
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‐No.
29
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So you’re single.
30
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No husband,
no same‐sex partner,
31
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no unmarried partner,
no same‐sex unmarried partner.
32
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‐And now we know all
the different ways I’m single.
33
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Thank you. Um, I’m very happy ‐‐
check that off.
34
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‐Well,
there’s no box for happy.
35
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‐Okay, I’m 42,
Cuban‐American,
36
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and I’m
a nurse practitioner.
37
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‐Alrighty. And you’re
the head of the household.
38
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‐No.
39
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:39,565
I
40
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‐[ Laughs ] No. I am.
41
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This is my mother, Lydia.
She lives here, too.
42
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‐Oh.
‐Hello.
43
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‐Lydia. Yes.
44
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And, uh,
what is your age?
45
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‐I am ageless.
46
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I was born in Cuba,
47
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but now I am
an American citizen.
48
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‐Okay. I don’t need to know
if you’re a citizen.
49
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,849
That’s a common misconception.
I just ‐‐
50
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I need to know if you’re of
51
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Hispanic, Latino,
or Spanish origin.
52
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‐I’m all three.
53
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Do I win something?
54
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‐No ‐‐ No, you don’t.
55
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Uh...
56
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Okay, so then
this must be your husband.
57
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‐[ Laughing ]
Oh, God, no!
58
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Berto is my husband.
59
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‐Okay.
And where is he?
60
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‐Uh, he passed away
10 years ago.
61
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‐And he is here.
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‐Oh. Oh.
63
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:31,224
Well, where do you...
keep him?
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‐Berto is in here
and in here and in ‐‐
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‐Okay, we get it, we get it,
we get it.
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‐Let me just
clear up some things.
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I am, uh, Dr. Leslie Berkowitz,
Penelope’s boss.
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And, also,
I’m Lydia’s exclusive
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non‐sexual
platonic companion.
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‐What does t
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‐I don’t know.
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‐Hi. I’m gay.
73
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‐Oh, well,
that’s not a box.
74
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‐Well, it should be.
75
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,017
I’m
76
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No, wait.
That didn’t sound right.
77
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‐That’s okay.
78
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Look, I just really
need to know
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the relationships
within the household.
80
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‐Oh, oh, oh!
Great, great, great!
81
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:18,105
Because this is Syd,
my Syd‐nificant other.
82
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‐Ah.
‐And they are non‐binary.
83
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‐My pronounces
are "they" and "them."
84
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,966
‐Oh. Yes.
They ‐‐ They taught us this.
85
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:29,385
It’s nice to meet...
you?
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‐Anyway, we’re together now,
87
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I’ll be at Yale,
if I get in.
88
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[ Whispering ]
I’ll get in.
89
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:41,155
‐And I’ll get in at one of
her safety sch
90
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‐[ Normal voice ] But we decided
to break up
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before we go to college
92
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so we’re not one of those
couples that thinks
93
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their first relationship
is gonna be their last
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‐We don’t want to be
those people.
95
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‐I get it, I get it.
96
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,202
Right
97
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Okay.
98
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,765
Um, so, just who else
lives here?
99
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‐Sadly, me.
100
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,269
‐Ah.
101
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,307
‐I’m Alex.
I’m 15.
102
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‐And Papito is single.
103
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‐Right, right.
Because he’s...a child.
104
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,052
‐No.
Because it is impossible
105
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,924
to find a woman
who is good enough for him
106
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who is not me.
107
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‐Put down that my grandmother
and I are ju
108
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‐Okay, so,
th
109
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I hope, please.
110
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‐H
111
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Hey, Dr. B.
Hey,
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Wait.
New guy?
113
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It’s Movie Night.
Am I being replaced?
114
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By an older model?
115
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‐No, I’m ‐‐
I’m from the census.
116
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,076
‐Oh. Great.
117
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So important for our Latinx
community to be counted.
118
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‐Oh, okay.
So you’re Latino.
119
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‐No.
120
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,219
Schneider.
121
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Cis white male ally.
122
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Privileged,
but super‐woke.
123
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‐Ugh!
124
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‐Does he live here?
125
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‐All: No!
126
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‐Pretty much.
127
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‐I got to go.
I got to go.
128
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So, I’ll see you all
again in 10 years.
129
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Who am I kidding?
In 10 years,
130
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President Kardashian is gonna
do away with all of this.
131
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‐Oh.
132
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,611
Been a rough day,
Brian?
133
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‐Sorry. I just ‐‐ I have
a lot of apartments to hit,
134
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and, uh, nobody likes
the census guy.
135
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‐Do not worry.
136
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You are doing
a great job.
137
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And I promise you
they will all be saying,
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"Everybody loves Brian."
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‐Yeah, doesn’t sou
140
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‐♪ This is it
141
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♪ Oh, oh, oh, whoa
142
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♪ One day at a time
143
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‐I got to say,
I’m surprised you
144
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are gonna break up
the day you leave for college.
145
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‐Well, we’re mature.
146
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‐Supe‐dy dupe‐dy mature.
147
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‐Actually, can we talk about
how this is going to work?
148
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‐Same page ‐‐
I have no idea.
149
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,545
‐You didn’t
talk about this?
150
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,657
[ Chuckles ]
Isn’t talking all you do?
151
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,989
‐That is
a lesbian stereotype...
152
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,664
which would have been
really useful in this case.
153
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‐Why don’t you do
a trial run?
154
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Like, you go to
the bathroom,
155
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,835
and, Syd, you try not to
file a missing‐persons report.
156
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‐Ha ha.
157
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We can be apart,
Alex.
158
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‐And they make you wait
24 hours.
159
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,448
But maybe he’s right.
160
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‐Do you think you can even
spend a day apart?
161
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‐We can spend a day apart.
162
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‐How about two days?
163
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‐Make it a week.
‐Two days it is!
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‐Ba!
165
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‐What are
166
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‐A Lifetime movie.
167
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I just love watching
rich people in trouble.
168
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‐A‐scootch.
169
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:44,067
I came in
to tell you something.
170
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‐That I need an eyebrow wax?
’Cause I already know.
171
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‐That is not what
I came in to tell you.
172
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But qué barbaridad.
173
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I just wanted to tell you
that doing
174
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made me realize
I was wrong about something.
175
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,821
‐Really?
That’s new.
176
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,687
‐When Victor left,
I said you needed a man.
177
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You
178
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:11,728
You have done so much
without one.
179
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,635
‐Thank you, Mami.
I really appreciate
180
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‐Ah!
‐Thank you.
181
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:15,901
‐Honey, I want to
tell you a story.
182
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,036
‐Oh, there’s more.
Okay.
183
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:22,211
‐You remind me
of my tía Chuchi.
184
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A beautiful woman.
185
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She was engaged,
186
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but then the man left her,
and she was broken‐hearted.
187
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And after that,
she found joy in ‐‐ in books
188
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:40,195
and ‐‐ and in painting and
long walks along the Malecón.
189
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,056
By herself, of course,
because she had no one.
190
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:48,026
But she ‐‐
she took joy in family.
191
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:52,568
Not her family.
There was no one.
192
00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:56,335
But she was
everyone’s favorite tía.
193
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She didn’t give a ‐‐
¿cómo se dice? ‐‐ a F.
194
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She stopped wearing makeup,
she stopped dyeing her hairs,
195
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,820
because what was the point?
196
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:15,805
Oh, she made us laugh
with her
197
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:20,099
and her crazy white hair
blowing in the wind.
198
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,273
She used to have a joke.
199
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,442
"You want to see
an invisible woman?
200
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,911
Watch me
go into this bar."
201
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:31,640
[ Laughs
202
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,208
And after she drank herself
to death,
203
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:37,947
her funeral
was so beautiful
204
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:42,094
and not at all crowded.
205
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,362
That was Tía Chuchi.
206
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,031
Sweet dreams.
207
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,697
‐I’m gonna die alone.
208
00:08:55,702 --> 00:09:03,612
‐P
209
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:06,113
‐Tía Chuchi did.
210
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:09,176
‐So you’re just
making up names now?
211
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,845
‐Look, the census guy
came to my house,
212
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,025
and I realized, in 10 years,
when he comes back,
213
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,494
that it will just...
be me.
214
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,434
‐I see. So this is about
the fact that you’re single.
215
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,700
‐No, Pam!
216
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,869
I am very happy without
a man in my life, thank you.
217
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:30,469
‐Is that why you texted
all of us "911"?
218
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,973
‐It’s true, though.
219
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,275
I don’t need a man.
220
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,866
The problem is ‐‐
I still like men.
221
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,078
‐We all have flaws.
222
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,250
‐[ Sighs ] What I want
is to not want a man.
223
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,748
Discuss.
224
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:46,893
‐Step 1 ‐‐
start liking women.
225
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,260
Start 2 ‐‐
turn to your right.
226
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,032
‐You should
start dating again,
227
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,030
and not just because
when you have a boyfriend,
228
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,302
the rest of us
get to talk.
229
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,271
‐Dating is exactly
what I don’t want to do.
230
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,941
You know, all that
stupid small talk.
231
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:05,839
"Where’d you go to high school?
How many siblings do you have?"
232
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:09,782
‐I went to Roosevelt,
and I have two brothers.
233
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:14,109
‐I wish there was an app
called Six Dates In,
234
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,577
where you fast‐forward
235
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,445
to knowing everything
about each other
236
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:20,154
and then just watch "The Great
British Bake Off" together
237
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,116
and then ‐‐
238
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,024
‐Have the great American
pant
239
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:26,386
‐Exactly.
[ Laughs ]
240
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,986
I can’t believe
I’m 42 years old
241
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,497
and I’m still worried
about this stuff.
242
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,429
In the olden days,
I’d be dead by now.
243
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:36,944
‐You could start smoking.
‐Or stop using sunscreen.
244
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,340
‐Or be like
my dumb‐ass cousin
245
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,912
and try to take a selfie
with a tiger.
246
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:45,441
‐Okay, I’m not actually looking
for advice on how to die young.
247
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,078
It’s been so long
since I dated,
248
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,954
and the last great relationship
I had was Max.
249
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,487
W‐W‐What?
250
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,790
You all think I should
get back together with Max?
251
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,126
‐No.
252
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:04,331
We’rr his phone number.
253
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,674
‐You do talk about him a lot,
Pen.
254
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:09,199
‐Yeah, Max was great,
but he wants kids, and I don’t.
255
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:12,035
‐Well, so start dating again.
What else are you gonna do?
256
00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:16,141
Shack up with a sex robot
who likes English cooking shows?
257
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,746
‐I hear they’re close
on that technology.
258
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:22,449
‐[ Robotically ] I like
Yorkshire pudding
259
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,652
and your vagina.
260
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:28,488
[ Timer beeps ]
261
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,691
‐It’s been 24 hours
since I talked to Syd.
262
00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:33,033
Are you proud of me?
‐Actually ‐‐
263
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:36,159
‐Okay, you caught me!
I’m a disaster!
264
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,656
I miss them so much,
265
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,967
and this has been the worst
experience of my life.
266
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:43,969
‐This is the most predictable
thing I’ve ever been a part of.
267
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:45,103
‐Mom.
‐What?
268
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,308
‐How do you do it?
‐Do what, honey?
269
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,439
‐Be alone,
go through life
270
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:50,783
without a partner
who cares about you.
271
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:53,150
‐Okay, well,
that’s one way of putting it.
272
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,749
Actually, I’ve been
talking about this in therapy,
273
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:58,282
and I love being alone.
It’s the best.
274
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:01,018
And we’re strong women who don’t
need a partner to define us.
275
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,624
Anyway, I have a date.
276
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,886
‐What?! You said
you love being alone.
277
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,225
‐I know.
278
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,990
But Ra
279
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:10,458
and I don’t really want to go,
280
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,156
but it’s good for me
to get out there.
281
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,928
Plus, I am having
the greatest hair day.
282
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,998
I can’t
keep this to myself.
283
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:19,306
I mean, my babies.
Come on.
284
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,039
Look, look.
Look at the bounce.
285
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,584
Look, look.
Look at this bounce.
286
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,179
Look, look.
287
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:27,250
Look at it!
288
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,550
‐Your hair’s great.
289
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,551
‐Thank you.
290
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,822
‐But your brows...
291
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,889
Qué barbaridad.
292
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:39,689
‐And after Carrie,
it’s me, so I’m the youngest.
293
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,256
But I had sisters,
so lucky you.
294
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:45,905
‐Oh, I just love
hearing about siblings.
295
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,202
‐Really?
296
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:48,733
‐Usually,
I hate this part.
297
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,668
I wish we could just
download our histories,
298
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:52,173
and then
the date could begin.
299
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:55,275
‐Totally. I agree.
This is the worst.
300
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:58,038
No, that’s ‐‐
I didn’t mean that.
301
00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,647
‐Yes, you did,
and it’s okay.
302
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:06,191
‐At our age, we just want to
cut through all the B. S.
303
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,889
‐Oh, my God.
304
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:11,621
Yes, Max.
Thank you.
305
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,058
‐M
306
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:15,262
W‐Who’s Max?
307
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,705
‐♪ Max...imum fun
308
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:23,041
♪ Is what
we’re about to have ♪
309
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:26,109
♪ Now that all the family stuff
is out the way ♪
310
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:29,709
‐Cool.
‐To the max!
311
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,212
Where’d you go
to high school?
312
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,354
‐Oh, um, I went to ‐‐
313
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:36,679
‐You don’t care where
I went to high school.
314
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:42,446
‐That is true.
315
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,858
‐Are you okay?
316
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:46,631
‐Huh?
317
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,559
‐Are you okay?
318
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:51,864
‐Oh...
yeah, I’m fine.
319
00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:04,536
‐’Sup, girl?
320
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,347
‐Do you want me to
dress that?
321
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,879
‐No.
322
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:26,298
I always assumed I would be
the dumper, not the dumpee.
323
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:27,732
[ Scoffs ]
324
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,337
Should I break up with them
before they break up with me?
325
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,670
Should I go straight into
a rebound relationship?
326
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,765
There is a really hot barista
at the coffee shop downstairs.
327
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:39,946
Do you think Syd is
dating the barista?!
328
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,379
If they leave me,
it will just be you and me!
329
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,255
‐Dear God,
you’ve got to get them back!
330
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:48,094
[ Knock on door ]
331
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,221
‐Syd.
332
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,756
What are you doing here?
333
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:52,991
‐You called me.
334
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:54,185
‐No, I didn’t.
335
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,927
‐I did.
336
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:58,603
You were being stupid,
337
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,571
so I called them
and pretended to be you.
338
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,430
‐And that worked?
339
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,938
‐Of course.
340
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:06,670
[ High‐pitched voice ]
"Hello. This is Elena.
341
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:10,884
I’m just sitting here,
not brushing my hair.
342
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,410
You want to come over?"
343
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:17,417
‐I wanted to be convinced.
344
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,222
‐Well, this is a disaster.
345
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,894
‐Nah, it’s like four hairs.
I got tweezers.
346
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,822
We can take care of it
right now.
347
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,427
‐What?
What are you talking about?
348
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,300
‐Your jazz‐brows situation.
349
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:32,669
Obviously,
that’s why you’re so upset.
350
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:34,768
‐No! I just went out on a date.
351
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,201
‐Looking like that?!
‐Focus!
352
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,514
I went on a date
with a perfectly nice guy,
353
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,270
and he kept
turning into Max.
354
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,838
‐Yeah, happens to me, too.
‐What?
355
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,377
‐Look, Max is awesome,
356
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,053
and the fact that
he appears to you as a date
357
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,751
or to me as
an imaginary shirtless buddy
358
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,893
who gives great advice
is totally normal.
359
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,760
‐Okay, let me say words,
and you just shh‐shh‐shh‐shh!
360
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,690
I have to move on from him,
and, clearly,
361
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:03,896
I can’t because I miss him,
and that freakin’ sucks.
362
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:07,900
‐Pen, you are a strong,
independent woman.
363
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,404
‐You don’t need a man to de‐‐
‐I know all that.
364
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:11,996
I do.
365
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:15,268
But Max is still in here.
366
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,978
And in here.
367
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,309
And in here.
‐I get it.
368
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,805
‐I blame
that stupid census guy,
369
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,948
coming in and reminding me
that I’m single?
370
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,853
I have to check a box so the
government knows that I’m alone?
371
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:29,216
That’s aggressive.
372
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:32,525
‐Actually, the census kind of
messed with my head a bit, too.
373
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:33,658
‐Really?
374
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:37,463
‐Yep.
And that’s why I got news.
375
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,897
I asked Avery to move in
with me, and she said "yes"!
376
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:44,902
‐Really?!
‐Yeah.
377
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,867
‐That’s huge!
‐I know.
378
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:49,376
‐Oh, my God!
Seriously!
379
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,038
I am so happy for you.
380
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:52,237
‐Thank you.
381
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:53,978
Well, you know,
I found the perfect person,
382
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,753
and I didn’t
want to blow it.
383
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,347
‐Do you think
I blew it with
384
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,285
‐Oh, yeah, totally.
‐Schneider!
385
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,690
‐Sorry. I’m sorry.
386
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,692
But, hey,
maybe it’s not too late.
387
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:07,394
At Victor’s wedding, Max
wouldn’t stop talking about you.
388
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:10,756
Why don’t you, you know,
check in with him?
389
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,966
‐How?
390
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,629
I’m not just gonna text him,
"You up?"
391
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:18,138
‐Nah,
he doesn’t respond to that.
392
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:20,738
‐I got to admit,
393
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,413
when I drive past
the hospital he works at,
394
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:25,281
I’m always tempted to
pull in and say hi.
395
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:28,881
‐So pull in, say hi,
see what happens.
396
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:32,924
‐Thank you, Schneider.
397
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,522
‐Hey, my job,
as your best friend,
398
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,425
is to hold up a mirror...
399
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,287
and take care
of those eyebrows.
400
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,361
‐[ Scoffs ]
401
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,896
‐There’s your forehead.
402
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,531
‐Shut up!
403
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,567
Ooh, damn!
404
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,343
‐I missed you
as soon as you left.
405
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:55,943
The moment
I walked out the door,
406
00:17:55,975 --> 00:18:00,355
I felt an ache
in the bowels of my bowels.
407
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,879
‐Okay, let’s wrap up
the sexy talk.
408
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,016
‐What were we thinking?
409
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:07,222
‐I don’t kno
410
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:10,263
I guess we were trying to
do the mature thing.
411
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:12,959
‐Why?
412
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,662
You’re not mature.
413
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:17,204
You’re two teenagers who
spent last week discussing
414
00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:20,429
whether some "Star Trek" lady
is gay or not.
415
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,466
‐Seven of Nine is gay.
416
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,301
‐No, no, no.
417
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:27,167
All of the Borg
are non‐binary.
418
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:32,006
‐Except their programming,
which is binary code.
419
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:36,284
‐You will be
assimilated.
420
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,950
‐Can you boldly go
somewhere else?
421
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:46,825
‐But no high‐school couples
make it through college.
422
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,959
Are we just
fooling ourselves?
423
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:51,635
We don’t want to
be those people.
424
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,644
‐You know what
425
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:00,868
Let’s be those people.
426
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,375
‐And I’m gonna be
this person.
427
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:14,986
‐Ambulance pulling
428
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,521
‐Ooh, great!
429
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,465
[ Quietly ] Oh, my God.
Okay.
430
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,068
[ Normal voice ]
Excuse me.
431
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,999
Are yoedical emergencies?
432
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,745
I was hoping to see my ex.
433
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,241
‐I hear that, sister.
434
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,683
‐No, I’m sorry.
I’m ‐‐ I’m looking for an EMT.
435
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,750
‐Max?
436
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:40,809
‐Yes.
437
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,516
‐Yeah.
He doesn’t work here anymore.
438
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:45,479
‐Oh.
439
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,748
‐He took a job working for
440
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:50,086
some Doctors Without Borders
group in Indonesia.
441
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,727
Anyway, he left
a couple months ago.
442
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,102
Sorry.
443
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,800
‐Thank you.
444
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,172
‐One of the nurses made
a Max of the Month calendar
445
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,841
It was me.
446
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,352
‐Listen, Mom,
447
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,481
you’re a strong, independent
woman who doesn’t need a man ‐‐
448
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:18,846
‐Yep,
449
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,154
Yep.
450
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:21,816
But it’s okay for me to admit
that I c
451
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,424
a feminist badass
and want a boyfriend.
452
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,527
‐Yeah, that is okay.
453
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:27,959
‐And I hope
you do find someone,
454
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,933
’cause I’m so happy
and I want that for you.
455
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:32,803
‐Aww.
456
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:37,272
‐Mom, today made me appreciate
how hard relationships can be.
457
00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:39,743
And, more importantly,
how annoying.
458
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,272
But don’t
459
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:44,808
Nora and I are not
gonna be like that.
460
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,683
‐Who
461
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:51,075
‐Oh.
462
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,717
I have a girlfriend.
463
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,949
‐What?