1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:07,600 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,480 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Agh!Agh! 3 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:35,440 {\an2}Hello. Hello. 4 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,840 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES 5 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,920 {\an2}Thank you. Welcome. 6 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,760 {\an2}My name is Greg Davies. 7 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,960 {\an2}Who doesn't like to see things doing things that they shouldn't be doing? 8 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,960 {\an2}A penguin on a bike, hilarious. 9 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,680 {\an2}A dog surfing on a big wave, so funny. 10 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,120 {\an2}A child hammered on ten pints of Stella... 11 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,160 {\an2}LAUGHTER ..what a laugh. What about 12 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,200 {\an2}non-comedians coming on a show designed 13 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,160 {\an2}for comedians, though? Is that funny? 14 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,560 {\an2}Is it? Look at me. Will that be funny? 15 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,120 {\an2}What do you know, sitting there on your sofa? 16 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,120 {\an2}LAUGHTER It's New Year's Treat time 17 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:06,520 {\an2}and we're about to find out. 18 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,440 {\an2}So, now, for the first of not one, 19 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,280 {\an2}but two New Year's Treats, 20 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,600 {\an2}please welcome Big Zuu... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 21 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,040 {\an2}..Jill Scott, 22 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,240 {\an2}Sam Ryder, 23 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,400 {\an2}Susie Dent, 24 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,280 {\an2}Rose Ayling-Ellis. 25 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,400 {\an2}And next to me, a man who tells me that 26 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,520 {\an2}when his band is on tour, he doesn't like going up to 27 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,920 {\an2}the northern cities because the people don't eat vegetables, 28 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,520 {\an2}so their teeth are loose. It's... LAUGHTER 29 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,160 {\an2}HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Horne! 30 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,200 {\an2}They just wobble. They just wobble when they talk. 31 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,320 {\an2}Not just little Alex Horne any more, little Alex Horne has got an OBE. 32 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,800 {\an2}ALL: Ooh. 33 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,160 {\an2}You haven't, though, have you? 34 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,240 {\an2}O-B... No, no, I've got an O-B-O-E. 35 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,200 {\an2}I've got an oboe.Got an oboe. LAUGHTER 36 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,000 {\an2}Would you like me to play you a tune? Yeah. Yes. OK. 37 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,080 {\an2}You might want to hold that thing on the bot... 38 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,480 {\an2}Just... You want me to hold this? 39 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:05,880 {\an2}But sh... 40 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,600 {\an2}Don't let them see. LAUGHTER 41 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:09,680 {\an2}Here we go. 42 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,040 {\an1}OBOE MELODY PLAYS 43 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,840 {\an2}Pull, pull. Pull. 44 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,520 {\an2}Harder. Ooh! 45 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 46 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,400 {\an2}It's a snake. 47 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,360 {\an2}Right, prize task time. What's the category, Alex? 48 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,960 {\an2}Yes. Well, Greg, it involves alliteration and violence 49 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,160 {\an2}because you've asked them to bring in 50 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,640 {\an2}the most wonderful thing to whack. 51 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,960 {\an2}Five points for the most wonderful thing to whack 52 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,760 {\an2}and five wacky prizes for the wonderful winner of episode one. 53 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,720 {\an2}Thank you, Greg, and thank you to the fans at home. 54 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,800 {\an2}OK? 55 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:52,880 {\an2}Welcome, Big Zuu. 56 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:55,000 {\an2}Have you brought a good thing to whack? 57 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,280 {\an2}I've been doing a bit of boxing. Ah. 58 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,080 {\an2}So I've got a dummy 59 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,520 {\an2}that's got the face of Alex on it. Yes, he has. 60 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,240 {\an2}Oh, this is strong. 61 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:04,640 {\an2}There it is, Greg. Let's have a look at it. 62 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 63 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,040 {\an2}APPLAUSE You want to whack that! 64 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,800 {\an2}That is a strong start. Who's next? 65 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,280 {\an2}Hello, Jill, you all right? What have you brought to whack? 66 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,840 {\an2}So it's something that you would really whack with. 67 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,760 {\an2}So this is my pillow, basically. 68 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,640 {\an2}This is Jill's pillow, "The Jillow." 69 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,280 {\an2}LAUGHTER It's Roy Keane. 70 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,240 {\an2}Obviously, if he was going to whack you, you'd be really scared. 71 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,600 {\an2}I'd be frightened. Yeah. 72 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,680 {\an2}I'd be frightened just to be in the same room as the man, yeah. 73 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:37,200 {\an2}I tried to kind of be like him when I played football in midfield, 74 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,040 {\an2}hence why I got a lot of red cards. 75 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,120 {\an2}You've taken the edge off him 76 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,960 {\an2}with his Santa outfit there, haven't you? 77 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,360 {\an2}Yeah. It's good. Yeah. 78 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,880 {\an2}Yeah, it's strong. Lovely stuff. 79 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,040 {\an2}OK. All right, Sam? Hello, mate. 80 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,040 {\an2}What have you brought? It's a drum kit. Oh. 81 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,160 {\an2}ALL: Ooh. ALEX: It's a nice drum kit. 82 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,640 {\an2}Someone will win that. 83 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,200 {\an2}Really? That's just a nice prize. 84 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,920 {\an2}Well, now I realise it's quite... 85 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,040 {\an2}I should've done better, I think. 86 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,760 {\an2}I did find a dildo in the kick drum, actually, 87 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,800 {\an2}when we were putting it together. LAUGHTER 88 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,080 {\an2}It's a true story. We used to stick the dildo right where 89 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,480 {\an2}the beater would hit at the front. 90 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,080 {\an2}And obviously, the drummer can't see it but the crowd can, 91 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,320 {\an2}through that hole. 92 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,640 {\an2}And every time you'd hit it, it would wag. 93 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,960 {\an2}I haven't included the dildo today. 94 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,200 {\an2}Ah, no. Should've. Should've. 95 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,320 {\an2}Oh, suddenly the prize is worthless. 96 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:32,760 {\an2}Susie? So I have brought a pinata 97 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,760 {\an2}of Alex's head. 98 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,160 {\an2}Oh. Good. 99 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,840 {\an2}Because it's a wonderful thing to whack, 100 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,440 {\an2}and also, you have such an amazing brain, Alex, 101 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,120 {\an2}we all want to know what's in it. 102 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,000 {\an2}Ah, thank you. Here is a pinata of... 103 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,360 {\an2}Ah. SHOCKED CHEERING 104 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,320 {\an2}JILL: That is good. Oh, my God, it's so good. 105 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,960 {\an2}So, this one is filled with chocolate coins, 106 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,720 {\an2}cos, Greg, I know if there's, anything you like more than money, 107 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:56,880 {\an2}it's money you can eat. 108 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 109 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,560 {\an2}My God, I feel seen. 110 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,200 {\an2}Now I realise I should've filled it with dildos 111 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,320 {\an2}and then we would've come full circle. 112 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,880 {\an2}It's strong, Susie. It's strong. 113 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,320 {\an2}Hello, Rose. What have you brought in, please? 114 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,960 {\an2}Basically, I've brought in a slice of cheese. 115 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,240 {\an2}Yes, she has, a slice of cheese. 116 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,960 {\an2}I know that this looks like I'm not putting in a lot of effort. 117 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,000 {\an2}It does.Yeah. LAUGHTER 118 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,160 {\an2}But I've created a video especially for you 119 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,640 {\an2}to explain why I think it's so wonderful to whack with. 120 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,840 {\an2}Yes, this is Rose whacking the cheese. 121 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 122 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:43,800 {\an2}That's good. That's so good! 123 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:46,760 {\an2}You're back in the game. 124 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,200 {\an2}Thank you. Thank you. 125 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,120 {\an2}Right, shall I score it? Go for it. 126 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,360 {\an2}I think, 127 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,640 {\an2}and the drum kit's a wonderful thing to whack, 128 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,120 {\an2}but I think it's a bit route one whack-y. 129 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,760 {\an2}But I also think it's a lovely drum kit, 130 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,120 {\an2}so I'm not going to give it one point. 131 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,720 {\an2}I'm going to give Sam two points. 132 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,480 {\an2}I want to see Roy Keane whack someone, 133 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,680 {\an2}I want to see Big Zuu punch you in the face. 134 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,040 {\an2}I'm giving them three points. OK. 135 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,520 {\an2}Four points goes to Susie, 136 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:11,760 {\an2}but I'm going to give five points, 137 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,240 {\an2}because no-one can beat cheese being slapped all over the place, 138 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,080 {\an2}I'm going to give five points to Rose. Well done, Rose. Five points. 139 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,080 {\an2}Thank you. Thank you. 140 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:22,640 {\an2}Let's see them in action properly, shall we? 141 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,480 {\an2}What's for starters, little Alex Horne? 142 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,840 {\an2}Well, this task might make you think it was inspired 143 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,920 {\an2}by the popular dating app Grindr, 144 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,800 {\an2}because it involves prodding a bear. 145 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,600 {\an2}Oh! 146 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,640 {\an2}Come in, Sam Ryder. Hello, mate. 147 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,040 {\an2}Buzzing for this one. 148 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,400 {\an2}This room's mad. 149 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,200 {\an2}It's his room. 150 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,600 {\an2}Hello. 151 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,040 {\an2}Enjoying the chair? 152 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,320 {\an2}This one? Yeah, I do like this one. Yeah. 153 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,280 {\an2}It's quite low. It's making me feel a bit inferior 154 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,640 {\an2}cos you're on a very high stool. 155 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,040 {\an2}Ooh, that looks pretty. 156 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,960 {\an2}It's pretty and practical. 157 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,720 {\an2}Practical? Mm-hm. 158 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,960 {\an2}Another day, another letter. 159 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,240 {\an2}Oh, gosh. "Prod the bear." 160 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,960 {\an2}Does that mean just stabbing them? 161 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,280 {\an2}Well, gently. 162 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,520 {\an2}"Fastest wins. Your t..." 163 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,040 {\an2}Pardon? I don't want to finish it 164 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,080 {\an2}because every time I say, "Your time starts now," you... 165 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,080 {\an2}Oh, you've just said it. LAUGHTER 166 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,680 {\an2}Is the bear in multiple locations? 167 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:34,120 {\an2}But you can't tell me. Is the bear in here? 168 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,600 {\an2}I don't... I just don't know, Big Zuu. 169 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:36,680 {\an2}Oh, come on. 170 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,480 {\an2}Amazing. I mean Sam thinks it's safe to use the phrase, 171 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:45,800 {\an2}"Your time starts now..." 172 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,600 {\an2}..when trying to avoid saying, "Your time starts now." 173 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,760 {\an2}Great start. This bodes badly. 174 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:55,960 {\an2}Let's go? Let's go. 175 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,480 {\an2}All right. Well, we begin with two 176 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,720 {\an2}consummate professionals who, up to this point in their careers, 177 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:01,960 {\an2}have been widely admired. 178 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,680 {\an2}It is Sam Ryder and Jill Scott, MBE. Oh, God. 179 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:06,920 {\an2}Prod a bear. 180 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,600 {\an2}Well, if the table was bare, 181 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,080 {\an2}could I just prod the table being bare? 182 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,320 {\an2}You think...? I don't feel like that's telly. 183 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:20,680 {\an2}I'm looking for a bear. 184 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,480 {\an2}Looking for a bear. 185 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,600 {\an2}Bear in the loo. Looking for a bear. 186 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,200 {\an2}Any bears in here? 187 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,600 {\an2}Anybody seen a bear? 188 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,280 {\an2}Prod... That's it. 189 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,320 {\an2}LAUGHTER ..the... 190 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:34,640 {\an2}..bear. 191 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,680 {\an2}To be fair, Greg's like a big bear. 192 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:39,920 {\an2}He won't like that. 193 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,600 {\an2}I'll write it down, but I don't think you're finished. 194 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,960 {\an2}Oh. I'll keep looking. 195 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,200 {\an2}Yeah, you'd think there might be some clues. 196 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:53,160 {\an2}Bear. Not a bear in there. Not a bear in there. 197 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,120 {\an8}You know, the thing is, there's so much shit in this house. Pardon? 198 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,560 {\an2}Where's the bear? Yeah, we've tried to help you. 199 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,720 {\an2}Is this you helping? 200 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:04,800 {\an2}Is this a bear? 201 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,560 {\an2}It's a cat, but does it...? Doesn't count, does it? 202 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,040 {\an2}I shouldn't have to tell you... 203 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,560 {\an2}Yeah. ..what a bear is. 204 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,760 {\an2}I see flags. Ah. 205 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,600 {\an2}What would the flags mean? 206 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,080 {\an2}Am I hot or cold? 207 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,440 {\an2}That's a very good question. 208 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,400 {\an2}Rabbits. 209 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,600 {\an2}I'm seeing every single animal apart from a bear. 210 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,120 {\an2}Have you ever been to Sweden? 211 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,320 {\an2}Yeah. What was it like? It was OK. 212 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,720 {\an2}What was Norway like? 213 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,720 {\an2}It was nice. 214 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,360 {\an2}Do you know anything about Greenland? 215 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,400 {\an2}It's green. 216 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,680 {\an2}Flags, they're new. Oh, yeah. 217 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,280 {\an2}They're nothing to do with this, are they? 218 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,360 {\an2}Quite often we put things around... 219 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,760 {\an2}For a reason. ..that are relevant, yeah. Yeah. 220 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,120 {\an2}LAUGHTER Well... Oh! 221 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,800 {\an2}Brazil. The World Cup. 222 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,880 {\an2}It's not all about football, Jill. Hmm. 223 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,880 {\an2}Salamanders, ducks, hens. 224 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,040 {\an2}Ever been to the Seychelles? 225 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,080 {\an2}No, I've heard it's nice, though. 226 00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,600 {\an2}I haven't been in the lab. 227 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,960 {\an2}Should've gone to the lab, shouldn't I? 228 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,080 {\an2}Oh, fuck off. LAUGHTER 229 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,480 {\an2}"Be brave." 230 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,360 {\an2}It's something up above. Right. 231 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,320 {\an2}But there's nothing here. 232 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,680 {\an2}"You must always hold your stick aloft." 233 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,440 {\an2}"Tick." "Loft." 234 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,160 {\an2}Those two were in italics. 235 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,040 {\an2}You don't have a loft in here. 236 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,360 {\an2}"You're never more than 15 steps from a bear." 237 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,880 {\an2}One, two, three... 238 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,240 {\an8}So that would be up there. 239 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,840 {\an2}I mean, it's got a little flag on it, and there's other 240 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:39,880 {\an2}flags around the house. 241 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,240 {\an8}Ooh, you bastard! 242 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,280 {\an2}LAUGHTER Ooh, you bastard! 243 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,920 {\an2}Ooh, you bastard! 244 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,760 {\an2}Ooh, you bastard! ECHOES OFF 245 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,120 {\an1}SAM LAUGHS 246 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,680 {\an2}I've stopped the clock. Just shit myself! 247 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 248 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,280 {\an2}Ah! 249 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,000 {\an2}Ah! Ah! Ah! LAUGHTER 250 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,200 {\an2}Prod the bear. Have you prodded the bear? I've prodded it! 251 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:15,240 {\an2}OK, I thought Sam seemed very close to breaking this early on 252 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,440 {\an2}throughout that. I wrote down some of his quotes. 253 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,960 {\an2}"There's just so much shit in this place!" 254 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,320 {\an2}You, Jill, different demeanour. 255 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,320 {\an2}Have you been offered a travel show yet, Jill? No. 256 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:30,000 {\an2}Some of the reviews that Jill did of countries there. 257 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,080 {\an2}Sweden. "OK." Norway. "Nice." 258 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,160 {\an2}Greenland. "Green." 259 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:39,200 {\an2}"Have you been to the Seychelles?" "No. I've heard it's nice." Done! 260 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,760 {\an2}That's it. Jill's world. 261 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,400 {\an2}Let's see two more. 262 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,040 {\an2}Well, now it's time for two more people with an MBE. 263 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,480 {\an2}One loves the OED, the other studied at DYT and UCA. 264 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:54,000 {\an2}Also I have IBS. TMI? I don't know. It's Susie and Rose. 265 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,400 {\an2}OK, I'm going out. OK. 266 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,320 {\an2}Nice to see you. Yeah, lovely to see you. 267 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,440 {\an2}Oh, flags. 268 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,840 {\an2}Where bear? 269 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,120 {\an2}It might be outside. Outside? OK. 270 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,800 {\an2}That's Barbados. 271 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,120 {\an2}Seychelles? 272 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,840 {\an2}Don't know that one. 273 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,680 {\an2}"Prod the bear." 274 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,120 {\an2}It's not an anagram, is it? 275 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,560 {\an2}Not everything's an anagram, Susie. That's such a shame. 276 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,920 {\an2}Iceland. Different country flag. 277 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,240 {\an2}Greenland. 278 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,840 {\an2}Paraguay. Japan. 279 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,000 {\an2}Have you been to Iceland? Yeah. What was it like? 280 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,960 {\an2}Very cold. Cold, interesting. 281 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,240 {\an2}Are we talking about polar bears? 282 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:42,720 {\an2}Ah! It's getting warmer or colder. 283 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,920 {\an2}Cold. 284 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,680 {\an2}Cold. Interesting. 285 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:48,960 {\an2}Yeah. 286 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,560 {\an2}So are they telling me that's very cold and now I'm getting warmer? 287 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,400 {\an2}It's all to do with climate. Could be. 288 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,360 {\an2}Do I have to look in an oven? 289 00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,680 {\an2}Hmm. 290 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,400 {\an2}And then here was hotter. Wait a minute. Oh, what's that? 291 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,240 {\an2}Oh, that's maybe the hottest country. 292 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,280 {\an2}Ah! 293 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,640 {\an2}I've stopped the clock. 294 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 295 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,000 {\an2}"Look up." 296 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,320 {\an2}Up here? 297 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,160 {\an2}Have you got a loft at home? 298 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,920 {\an2}I do. And I have, like, a hooky thing. Right. 299 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,840 {\an2}But this is not really a hooky thing. 300 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,120 {\an2}Ah... 301 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,760 {\an2}Yay! 302 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,240 {\an2}OK, I've stopped the clock. 303 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 304 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,640 {\an2}Well done. 305 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,120 {\an2}It seemed to me Rose was fast. I don't know. 306 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,760 {\an2}You were fast and pleased with yourself when you solved the riddle. 307 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,240 {\an2}I was so satisfied. 308 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,840 {\an2}Susie, you seemed to pretty much lose interest 309 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,600 {\an2}when you realised this wasn't anagram-based. 310 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 311 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,280 {\an2}That is the story of my life. Yeah. 312 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:53,560 {\an2}OK, time for our first break and, Alex - Happy New Year, mate. 313 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,680 {\an2}Are you excited? 314 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 315 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,400 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 316 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:12,080 {\an2}Hello! Welcome back to our New Year's Treat. 317 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,600 {\an2}It's 2026 and the robots haven't taken over yet. 318 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,480 {\an2}Hmm, and that's a joke which could age very badly. 319 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,400 {\an2}The current task has seen our cast try to find the bear 320 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,960 {\an2}as quickly as possible and then prod it. Only one person to go. 321 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,040 {\an2}And very much like Twycross, the large wildlife attraction 322 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,200 {\an2}in Leicestershire, it's Big Zuu. 323 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,200 {\an2}Whoo! Yeah! 324 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,200 {\an2}Where are you, bear? 325 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,640 {\an2}You're probably not in the lab. 326 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,520 {\an2}He's not here. What did you find in there? 327 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,720 {\an2}He's not in there. Nothing in the lab? No, there's a couple... 328 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,440 {\an2}There's things in there but not a bear. There are things. 329 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:48,960 {\an2}The kitchen. 330 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,720 {\an2}I'm seeing... Why are there so many countries? 331 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,200 {\an2}What is it, like a ethnic bear? 332 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,360 {\an2}There's multiple flags. Yes. 333 00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,640 {\an2}You recognise any of them? Yeah. America. Yeah. 334 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,640 {\an2}That one. Greenland. Bear's on holiday? 335 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,480 {\an2}Where is the bear? Where's the bear, yeah. 336 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,480 {\an2}I don't get it. 337 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,760 {\an2}Where is the bear? 338 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,640 {\an2}You're not helping. No, no. I see that. 339 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,880 {\an2}Supposed to be friends. 340 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,200 {\an2}"Think like a bear, reach for the stars." 341 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:18,920 {\an2}The bear must be on the roof. 342 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,560 {\an2}AUDIENCE LAUGHS The roof. 343 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,040 {\an2}Don't know, man. 344 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,240 {\an2}I've looked up, I've looked around. 345 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,640 {\an2}Your clues don't help, man. No, I see that. Yeah. 346 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,960 {\an2}I can see a bear head right there. 347 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,600 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 348 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,160 {\an2}I declare myself prodded! 349 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,520 {\an2}I've stopped the clock! 350 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,720 {\an1}CHEERING 351 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,000 {\an2}For a young man, you looked, for most of it, 352 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,280 {\an2}like an irritated grandad. 353 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,280 {\an2}Just wandering around! 354 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,920 {\an2}When you're in there, things change, bro. Yeah. 355 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,640 {\an2}It's mad pressure in that yard. 356 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,840 {\an2}You didn't appear stressed. LAUGHTER 357 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,080 {\an2}He was very close to giving up 358 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,240 {\an2}and we didn't know there was that bear head in the garage. 359 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,360 {\an2}Yeah, that was just by chance! That's an old task. 360 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,320 {\an2}Well, thank God you happened upon it. 361 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:20,640 {\an2}He did take nearly half an hour, 362 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,960 {\an2}a good ten minutes more than anyone else, so it is one point to Big Zuu. 363 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,760 {\an2}One point, Big Zuu, unlucky. One point to Big Zuu. 364 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,800 {\an2}The rest were very close. Susie, you were fourth, 16 minutes 30. 365 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,040 {\an2}Just behind Sam, 15 minutes and 3 seconds. 366 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,280 {\an2}You were 15 seconds slower than Jill. You would've been quicker 367 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,280 {\an2}if you'd left the living room quicker but, Jill, you come second 368 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,080 {\an2}with 14 minutes 48. But Rose was the fastest with 13 minutes 40. 369 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,480 {\an2}Wow! 370 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,600 {\an1}DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE 371 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,440 {\an2}Now is it score time? It is and there is one person in the lead 372 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,440 {\an2}with a perfect ten so far. It is Rose Ayling-Ellis. 373 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,160 {\an2}What have we got next, Alex? 374 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:02,360 {\an2}With a nod, a wink, a cough and a clap. we have dice. 375 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,160 {\an2}Hello, Alex. Hello, Rose. Hi. 376 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,600 {\an2}Yeah, I feel like I'm in a butchers. You've got a briefcase, 377 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,640 {\an2}a baize and a metronome. Yeah. 378 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,760 {\an2}What did you call this? I went for baize. Baize? Baize. 379 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:29,520 {\an2}Baize. All right, cool, baize. All right, go on. And a briefc-aize. 380 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,680 {\an2}Briefc-aize. 381 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,720 {\an2}I'm a bit scared. 382 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,560 {\an2}You're trying to make a TM out of the dice. 383 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,920 {\an2}Why is everything so branded, bruv? 384 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,760 {\an2}OK. "Throw one or more dice to get a number." 385 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,000 {\an2}"Then clap." "Cough." "Nod." ALL: "And blink." 386 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:48,000 {\an2}"That number of times before the next flash." 387 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,960 {\an2}"If you do not complete the sequence before the next flash, 388 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,040 {\an2}"the task is over." 389 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,680 {\an8}"At the end of the task your total number of completed sequences 390 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:56,880 {\an8}"will be multiplied..." 391 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,560 {\an8}"..by your number of dice to give you a score." 392 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,600 {\an8}"Highest score wins." 393 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,840 {\an8}You "must choose your number of dice in the next minute 394 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,640 {\an2}"and you must berate yourself throughout the task." 395 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,360 {\an2}"And you must berate yourself throughout the task. 396 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:13,200 {\an2}"Your time will start on the first flash." 397 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,600 {\an2}OK, I can't do a practice, can I? Yeah, you've got... 398 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,160 {\an1}ZUU COUGHS 399 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,640 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 400 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,480 {\an1}ZUU LAUGHS 401 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,840 {\an2}Good. Well, I think we all understand the task this time, 402 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,920 {\an2}do we? Hmm, it's complicated but it'll make sense when we do it. 403 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,320 {\an2}It will. One sits in Dictionary Corner, one takes corners 404 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:38,600 {\an2}and the other one is... is Big Zuu. Here we go. 405 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 406 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,560 {\an2}I'm going to go for two. Two? Yeah. OK, perfect. Which is brave. Right. 407 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,360 {\an2}I'm just going to go for two dice. I know my limits. 408 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,640 {\an2}I was a safe midfielder. 409 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,240 {\an2}Shall I go for five dice? No! I don't know, 410 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,480 {\an2}I don't want to get influenced by you, man. I'm going to go for four. 411 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:58,840 {\an2}OK. Four dice. Your time starts now. 412 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,440 {\an2}I'm terrible at this kind of thing. 413 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,480 {\an2}Eight. 414 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,240 {\an2}So I get 30 seconds Yeah. 415 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,080 {\an2}Six. 416 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,080 {\an1}BOTH COUGH 417 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,520 {\an2}Cool. 418 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,440 {\an2}OK. Now I'll wait for the next flash. Yeah. 419 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,400 {\an2}Quite an awkward gap now before the next one. OK. 420 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,440 {\an2}Maybe I should've had more dice. 421 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,600 {\an2}Oh, did it go? It went. Nine. 422 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:30,720 {\an2}6, 9, 11, uh...17. 423 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,200 {\an1}ZUU COUGHS, AUDIENCE LAUGHS 424 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,120 {\an2}So, I'm going to six claps. 425 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,840 {\an1}COUGHS 426 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,840 {\an2}I think I'm blinking throughout, anyway. Hmm. 427 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,000 {\an2}Seven. 428 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,040 {\an2}Oh, nine! 429 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,280 {\an1}COUGHS 430 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,320 {\an2}14. 431 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,840 {\an2}COUGHS 14. 432 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,520 {\an1}SPLUTTERS AND COUGHS 433 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:58,560 {\an2}I've got a 12. 434 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,920 {\an1}ZUU COUGHS, AUDIENCE LAUGHS 435 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,440 {\an2}So were you counting them at all? No. No. Right, OK. 436 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,800 {\an1}COUGHS 437 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,800 {\an2}Oh, I did them all. I've just realised! 438 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,160 {\an2}I could've definitely had more dice. 439 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,200 {\an2}I'm going to cough and blink at the same time. Great. 440 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:16,320 {\an2}Seven. 441 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:19,520 {\an1}COUGHS 442 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,640 {\an2}Easy. Why didn't I think about this at the beginning? 443 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,160 {\an1}COUGHS 444 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,840 {\an2}Oh, bro. What kind of game? 445 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,560 {\an1}COUGHS 446 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,640 {\an2}And go again. Oh, my God. 447 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:34,720 {\an2}Oh. 448 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,120 {\an1}COUGHS 449 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,400 {\an2}Oh, it's torture, man! 450 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,880 {\an2}Still in! Come on! 451 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,040 {\an1}COUGHS 452 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,480 {\an2}CLOCK BUZZES Oh. 453 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:45,520 {\an1}COUGHS 454 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:46,720 {\an1}CLOCK BUZZES 455 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,600 {\an2}I'm out. I didn't complete it, Alex. 456 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,080 {\an2}That's just classic me, I'm afraid. I did warn you before I came on 457 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,840 {\an2}and you said, "You'll be fine." And I told you I wouldn't 458 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,880 {\an2}and I just proved myself right. You don't have to berate yourself. 459 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,000 {\an2}Oh, do I not? It's fine. Feel like I'm going to vomit, bro. 460 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,440 {\an2}OK, do you want to go? You can't make someone cough that many times. 461 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,080 {\an2}No. OK. You should go. 462 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,640 {\an2}I don't know why I was so broken. 463 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,160 {\an2}The thing that fascinated me about you, Susie, really, 464 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,680 {\an2}is your cough. I... It... 465 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,480 {\an2}I started to think you might be AI during that. 466 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,160 {\an2}The great thing about you, Big Zuu, is you're a one-man argument. 467 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,960 {\an2}"Shall I go for five dice? No, I'm going to go for four dice. 468 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,800 {\an2}"I feel like I'm going to vomit, bro! 469 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,920 {\an2}"You can't make people cough that many times!" 470 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,400 {\an2}Alex was silent throughout all of this. 471 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:26,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 472 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,360 {\an2}Oh, man. I do, unfortunately, have to tell one of them 473 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,520 {\an2}that something bad happened. GREG GASPS 474 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:33,560 {\an2}Oh... 475 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,200 {\an2}Have you having fun? I am. OK. 476 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,440 {\an2}So, I'm going to do six claps. 477 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 478 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,120 {\an2}I'm so sorry. 479 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,600 {\an2}You could've told us that then so I just stopped 480 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,040 {\an2}but you let us go all the way to the end. Yeah. 481 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,240 {\an2}I mean, I've said it 1,000 times, the guy's a prick. 482 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,040 {\an2}LAUGHTER I'll agree. 483 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,720 {\an2}Time to tick off part two of this treat. Be gone! 484 00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,400 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Bye! 485 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,360 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 486 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,160 {\an2}Hello! We're part way through a task 487 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,520 {\an2}which has seen the cast coughing and clapping. 488 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,960 {\an2}Yes, and nodding and blinking and rolling dice. Two people left to go 489 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,720 {\an2}and the task is set in the confined space of the lab. 490 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,520 {\an2}Which was fine for Rose 491 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,480 {\an2}but I was slightly worried about Sam 492 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:29,360 {\an2}as I'd heard he's more of a Space Man. Here's how they did. 493 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 494 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:34,240 {\an2}Oh, OK, I'm just going to pick one. One, OK. 495 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,520 {\an2}Imagine having 12 and then you have to cough 12 times, 496 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:40,280 {\an2}clap 12 times, nod 12 times and blink 12 times in 30 seconds. 497 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:41,640 {\an2}No. One dice. 498 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,160 {\an2}Sam, how many dice have you chosen? Ten. Ten. Right, OK. 499 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:46,720 {\an2}Here we go. 500 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,320 {\an2}Throw the dice. 501 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,800 {\an1}COUGHS 502 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,080 {\an2}Idiot. 503 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,840 {\an1}MOUTHS 504 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,960 {\an1}COUGHS 505 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,040 {\an1}COUNTS TO 12 506 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,280 {\an1}COUNTS TO 12 AGAIN 507 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,000 {\an2}Rose? Why did you do that 12 times? 508 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,680 {\an2}Because I've... 509 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:13,880 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 510 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,800 {\an2}As long as you do more, it's OK. OK. 511 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,400 {\an2}That's a bad start. 512 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,720 {\an2}Oh! 513 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:21,920 {\an1}COUGHS 514 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,040 {\an2}35 is your total. 515 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,080 {\an2}27. 516 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,680 {\an2}Four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. 517 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,240 {\an1}COUGHS 518 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:33,720 {\an2}What did I do? 519 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:37,040 {\an2}Did I clap, I coughed, I nod, didn't I? And I blinked. 520 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,760 {\an2}One, two, three, four... I'm getting hot and sweaty. 521 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,880 {\an2}Mm. I think it's good you chose one dice. 522 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,040 {\an1}COUGHS 523 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,800 {\an2}31. Low number. 524 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,560 {\an2}49 you need to get to. 525 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,200 {\an2}Shocking number, that. 526 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:56,480 {\an2}Three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. 527 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,760 {\an1}COUGHS 528 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,760 {\an2}I'm getting into a routine of it but I'm still rubbish at it. 529 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,760 {\an2}Yes, I think you are. Yeah. 530 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,400 {\an2}COUGHS It becomes normal quick. 531 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:06,920 {\an1}COUGHS 532 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,200 {\an2}One. OK, this should be OK. 533 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:15,080 {\an1}COUGHS 534 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,040 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 535 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,680 {\an2}COUGHS Blinking. 536 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,040 {\an2}Clap. 537 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,320 {\an1}COUGHS 538 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:26,800 {\an2}Clap. 539 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:27,920 {\an2}Flash. 540 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:30,800 {\an1}COUGHS 541 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,440 {\an2}Clap. Claps are getting really quite small now. 542 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:37,760 {\an1}MOUTHS 543 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:38,800 {\an1}COUGHS 544 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,400 {\an2}CLOCK BUZZES You've stopped. 545 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,720 {\an2}Flash. Flash. Flash. 546 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:46,800 {\an2}How did you think that went? 547 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,000 {\an2}Um, I need a honey drink. 548 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,120 {\an2}Mmm. 549 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,760 {\an2}I felt ashamed. Absolutely insanely hot. 550 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,840 {\an2}I'll see you in a bit. See you, Sam. 551 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,840 {\an1}CHEERING 552 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,200 {\an2}How did you feel you did on that? 553 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,240 {\an2}I feel like maybe I need to go to a doctor 554 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:12,840 {\an2}and check my short-term memory. Yeah. You go to the doctor. 555 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,720 {\an2}But compared to this madness, 556 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,480 {\an2}you were like a professional dice player. 557 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,360 {\an2}Thank you. Thank you. 558 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,280 {\an2}At what point did you regret picking that many dice, Sam? 559 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,680 {\an2}Oh, mate, quite quick, actually. We did allow, 560 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:27,800 {\an2}if you went over the number, it was fine, because there was no way 561 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,000 {\an2}you could do the maths on the dice quick enough. Mm-hm. 562 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:31,440 {\an2}Unfortunately... 563 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,120 {\an1}LAUGHS 564 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:34,960 {\an2}..in the first round... 565 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,800 {\an2}LAUGHTER Oh, no! 566 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,600 {\an2}..he needed 35 of each and he blinked 16 times 567 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,600 {\an2}and coughed 12 times. 568 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,960 {\an2}Ten times zero, unfortunately, is zero. 569 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,120 {\an2}Aw! So Sam scores zero 570 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,640 {\an2}but you do get one point for coming last. Really? Yeah. 571 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,760 {\an2}Rose chose one dice. 572 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,400 {\an2}Unfortunately, on the ninth time, she was meant to nod six times 573 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,360 {\an2}and only nodded four times cos she was muddled. 574 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,320 {\an2}So you get a total of eight, and you're in fourth place. Oh. 575 00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:03,600 {\an2}Jill, obviously, you couldn't count to six, unfortunately, 576 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:07,320 {\an2}so you stopped at 6. But X 2 that's 12. You're in third place. 577 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:10,160 {\an2}Zuu, you got to, uh, 11. 578 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,480 {\an2}11 throws x 4 which is 44. 579 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:16,600 {\an2}But, Susie, with her two dice, didn't make a mistake for 27 times. 580 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,600 {\an2}27 X 2 is 54. Susie gets 5 points! 581 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:19,760 {\an2}Oh! 582 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,640 {\an1}DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE 583 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,640 {\an2}I'd really love to see another task, please, Alex. 584 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,960 {\an2}Oh, he would cos he's keen, he's mean, 585 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,960 {\an2}he's goddam lean. Yes, he's Greg, 586 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:33,120 {\an2}and like Greg the next task really goes the distance. 587 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:51,920 {\an2}Hello? Hello. 588 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,320 {\an2}Come in. Thank you. 589 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,800 {\an2}You're very welcome to the caravan. 590 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:58,200 {\an2}Welcome. Um, hello. Oh, I did it wrong. 591 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,280 {\an2}Welcome to the caravan. No, that's not right. 592 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,760 {\an2}What was this? Yeah, yeah. Welcome, welcome. What did I say? 593 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,120 {\an2}Uh, I think you were just stroking your face. 594 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,520 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 595 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,600 {\an2}Nice cup of tea? Oh, lovely. 596 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,360 {\an2}Nice to have a biscuit or some chocolate with that. I know. Oh. 597 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,480 {\an2}Are you going to give us one? Ah! 598 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,800 {\an2}I'm intrigued by that chocolate bar. 599 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,040 {\an2}Do you know what it is? Is it a Mars bar? No. 600 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,760 {\an2}Is it a Snickers? 601 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,400 {\an2}What's that? Marathon. 602 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,800 {\an2}Oh, maybe. Does this mean that this task is going to be a marathon? 603 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,720 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 604 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,160 {\an2}Yes! 605 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:36,400 {\an2}"Do a something-athon for a full 20 minutes." 606 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:41,600 {\an2}"Most inspiring something-athon successfully accomplished wins." 607 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,960 {\an2}"You have five minutes to choose your something." 608 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,400 {\an2}"Your time starts now." 609 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,920 {\an2}What, this? Yeah. What's in it, though? 610 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,360 {\an2}Knowing you it's probably some beans or something. 611 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,080 {\an2}Mm. Do you want it? 612 00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:59,760 {\an2}Not now. No. Um... 613 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,320 {\an2}So...what do you mean? 614 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:03,640 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 615 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,960 {\an2}A something-athon? A something-athon. 616 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,400 {\an2}Something inspiring. For the kids. 617 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,680 {\an2}Yeah. 618 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:17,120 {\an2}I'm thinking motivational speech. 619 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,680 {\an2}What about I learn how to speak French or something 620 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,280 {\an2}because I'm sure it's very inspiring for a deaf person 621 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,480 {\an2}to learn a new language. You think that's inspiring? Mm. 622 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,560 {\an2}Do you think you'll change people? 623 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,520 {\an2}I do that often. 624 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,160 {\an2}How often do you inspire people? 625 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,120 {\an2}I didn't mean to. Right. It's just happened. 626 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:37,280 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 627 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,080 {\an2}I might just sit and drink cups of tea. 628 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,400 {\an2}Have you ever done a sponsored something before? 629 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:45,760 {\an2}Just walks. Can I sleep? That's not very inspiring, either. 630 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,040 {\an2}Walking and sleeping so far. Walking and sleeping. 631 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,480 {\an2}20 minutes of me... 632 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:51,760 {\an2}..frying eggs? 633 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:58,520 {\an2}Maybe I could just walk around with a tie around my neck or something. 634 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,720 {\an2}I'm writing it down. Is that a thing? 635 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:01,880 {\an2}Don't... Hmm. 636 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,400 {\an2}Mm. 637 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:09,160 {\an2}These are really good tasks. I can see how you're the Taskmaster. 638 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:10,880 {\an2}..'s assistant. Oh, assistant. 639 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,160 {\an2}Yeah, Greg's the Taskmaster, the tall guy. Yeah, but he's not here 640 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,560 {\an2}so we'll just pretend it's you. 641 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,360 {\an2}Really? Yeah. It's like when I was vice captain. 642 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,240 {\an2}When Steph Houghton wasn't there, I used to tell people I was captain. 643 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:22,880 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 644 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:24,760 {\an1}APPLAUSE 645 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,920 {\an2}You wouldn't be telling people you're the Taskmaster, would you? 646 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:34,320 {\an2}No. No, cos Daddy'd be very cross. 647 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,440 {\an2}Good. Let's get inspired. Well, one knows words 648 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:38,920 {\an2}and the other woes nerds. 649 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,360 {\an2}That's right, it's Susie Dent and Big Zuu. 650 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:46,560 {\an2}I'm Susie Dent and I am going to try a maxim-athon 651 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:50,640 {\an2}cos I'm going to do as many English maxims or sayings as I can do 652 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,120 {\an2}in 20 minutes. So here goes. 653 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,520 {\an2}Hello, Big Zuu. What are you going to do? 654 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:13,280 {\an2}I'm going to do a rap-athon. Full 20 minutes? 20 minutos. 655 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,120 {\an2}Your time starts now. 656 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,000 {\an2} 657 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:18,400 {\an2} 658 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,600 {\an2}Wait. Let's go back. Oh. Sorry... 659 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:35,720 {\an2} 660 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,800 {\an2} I will spell it for you 661 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:39,640 {\an2} 662 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,880 {\an2} the entire crew 663 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,920 {\an2} 664 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:45,880 {\an2} this isn't cool 665 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,360 {\an2} one day you could pick up a tool 666 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,760 {\an2} 667 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,040 {\an2} 668 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:57,480 {\an2} 669 00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:58,840 {\an2} 670 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,840 {\an2} sits on my brain 671 00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:02,720 {\an2} and I don't slack... 672 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:03,800 {\an2}You're halfway. 673 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,160 {\an2} 674 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,520 {\an2} 675 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,720 {\an2} I like cake and I like a slice 676 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,600 {\an2} then you are lost 677 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,480 {\an2} 678 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:16,960 {\an2}Five minutes left, Big Zuu. 679 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,560 {\an2} Yes, in a field. 680 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,600 {\an2} like Ian Beale 681 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,680 {\an2} nothing for man 682 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,880 {\an2} 683 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,600 {\an8} tell me what it is 684 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:35,680 {\an2} 685 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,360 {\an2} that are required 686 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,160 {\an2} 687 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,040 {\an2} ..two, one. 688 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,480 {\an1}WHISTLE PEEPS 689 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:44,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 690 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,560 {\an2}YEAH! 691 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,000 {\an2}Surprisingly good. And playing to type, Susie, 692 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,480 {\an2}but I was fairly engaged throughout. Well done. 693 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:59,040 {\an2}Oh, thank you. "Fairly engaged throughout." I was. 694 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,880 {\an2}Big Zuu, I'm no rapper. 695 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,920 {\an2}Sh...should they rhyme? 696 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:05,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 697 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:09,360 {\an2}Depending on the time. Yeah. 698 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,200 {\an2}There were over 50 references to food in the rap. 699 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,360 {\an2}How long did...? I mean, you didn't have to do that to me. 700 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 701 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,320 {\an2}He rapped for ages, you told me. Well, 20 minutes. Yeah? 702 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:22,600 {\an2}Yeah, that's what they had to do. 703 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,640 {\an2}And it was all from the top of my mind. Freestyle. 704 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,040 {\an2}None of it was written before. No way. 705 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 706 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:34,320 {\an2}They were both enjoyable. Yeah. Now for that which we call a rose. 707 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,080 {\an2}Hello, Rose. Hello. 708 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,520 {\an2}What is going to be your something-athon? 709 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,920 {\an2}I'm going to do a music-athon. 710 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:44,400 {\an2}Hmm. In Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. 711 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,200 {\an2}For 20 minutes? But I'm going to play 712 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:49,520 {\an2}a different music instrument. Oh, God. 713 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,840 {\an2}You ready? I'm ready to be inspired. 714 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,080 {\an2}Thank you. Your 20 minutes starts now. 715 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:03,400 {\an1}BELLS CHIME TO TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR 716 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:18,280 {\an2}25 seconds gone. 717 00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:22,200 {\an2}The next one, what's it called? 718 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,120 {\an2}It's a glockenspiel. There you go. 719 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:32,000 {\an1}DISCORDANT RENDERING OF TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR 720 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:33,040 {\an2}No. 721 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:44,280 {\an1}VARIOUS RENDERINGS OF TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR 722 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:50,960 {\an1}WARBLING ALONG TO TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR 723 00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:04,680 {\an2}Wow. 724 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,760 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 725 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,600 {\an2}Ah... 726 00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:18,440 {\an2} 727 00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:24,080 {\an2}I feel like one of those knobheads that's around a fire. 728 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:25,560 {\an2}Sorry, what were you saying? 729 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:26,840 {\an2}Oh, hello! 730 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,720 {\an2}You've got 30 seconds left. 731 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,600 {\an2}So there's one more instrument. 732 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,200 {\an2}This one, I love this one. What's this one called? 733 00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:34,320 {\an2}No idea. 734 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:41,680 {\an1}DISCORDANT RENDERING OF TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR 735 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:45,880 {\an1}WHISTLE PEEPS 736 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:47,360 {\an2}Wow! 737 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:48,840 {\an2}Is that inspirational enough? 738 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,720 {\an1}APPLAUSE 739 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:54,080 {\an1}CHEERING 740 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,680 {\an2}It was fairly inspirational. There was a lot going on there. 741 00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:58,520 {\an2}What was the problem with the pipe thing? 742 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:00,840 {\an2}It just made me laugh. I think it's funny. 743 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,960 {\an2}It looks funny and what the problem is, 744 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,760 {\an2}Tobi, my interpreter, and Alex, 745 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,400 {\an2}they both were laughing, 746 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,240 {\an2}they were in tears of trying so hard 747 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,040 {\an2}so it made me laugh... So what you're saying is 748 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,200 {\an2}your interpreter let you down on this task? 749 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:19,760 {\an2}Well, I almost had to send her out of the room 750 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,120 {\an2}because she kept laughing. 751 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,440 {\an2}And then I realised I won't understand what Alex was saying 752 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:29,600 {\an2}so I had to keep her. So let you down on. Yeah, get rid. Get rid. 753 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,200 {\an2}Well, she's not here, is she? 754 00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:35,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 755 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,000 {\an2}Oh, my God. 756 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:38,720 {\an2}All right, just one part to go. 757 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,840 {\an2}In it, a hugely successful professional 758 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:45,560 {\an2}will win and take home a slice of processed cheese. 759 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,800 {\an2}It'll be embarrassing for them, embarrassing for the show 760 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,200 {\an2}and will make us all question 761 00:35:50,240 --> 00:35:53,560 {\an2}if it's really that bad that humans are on their way out. 762 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,040 {\an2}We'll see you soon. 763 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:57,920 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 764 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:05,160 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 765 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,160 {\an2}Hello! Welcome back to part four 766 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:12,880 {\an2}of part one of this two-part festive special. Before the break, 767 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,440 {\an2}the task involved trying to achieve the most inspiring-athon. 768 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:20,120 {\an2}Yes, that's right, Greg, and, coincidentally, I'm wearing a thong. 769 00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:23,560 {\an2}Finally, one won the Euros and one nearly won Eurovision, 770 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,680 {\an2}which is wonderful but which one won which one, one wonders? 771 00:36:26,720 --> 00:36:29,800 {\an2}It's Jill and Sam. Good! 772 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:31,200 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 773 00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:33,200 {\an2}OK, your 20 minutes starts now. 774 00:36:34,240 --> 00:36:39,120 {\an2}I came to Taskmaster and met a random man 775 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,320 {\an2}He told me to meet him in his caravan 776 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,440 {\an2}He offered me a chocolate bar 777 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,040 {\an2}He said I'd feel better 778 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:47,960 {\an2}Then he handed me an envelope 779 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,040 {\an2}With a crisp white letter 780 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,040 {\an2}I said to him 781 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,840 {\an2}Where's that guy that's tall? 782 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:58,160 {\an2}I've heard that he really loves football 783 00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:01,520 {\an2}I reckon he would have a decent right peg 784 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:05,520 {\an2}He goes by the name of Mr Greg 785 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,360 {\an2}I went to Taskmaster 786 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,280 {\an2}I met a random man 787 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,800 {\an2}He told us to meet him in his caravan... 788 00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,560 {\an2}Welcome to my pump-athon. 789 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:17,240 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 790 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,480 {\an2}Are you ready? Yeah. 791 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,520 {\an2}He offered me a chocolate bar 792 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:29,400 {\an2}He said I'd feel better... 793 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,440 {\an2}I went to Taskmaster 794 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:37,200 {\an2}And met a weird man... Two and a half minutes, Jill. 795 00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:38,680 {\an2}He said to me 796 00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:40,840 {\an2}Follow me into my caravan... 797 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,040 {\an2}Don't know why it's getting dirtier. 798 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:44,520 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 799 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:48,400 {\an2}You're halfway. 800 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:51,040 {\an2}Guess what, guys? 801 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:52,960 {\an2}I went to Taskmaster 802 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,960 {\an2}And met a weird man... 803 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:56,920 {\an2}I've got sweat in my eyeball. 804 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:58,480 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 805 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,400 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 806 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,120 {\an2}Let's speed it up, everybody. 807 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,480 {\an2}You're in the final minute, Jill. 808 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,200 {\an2}This is hard work. 809 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:22,280 {\an2}Urgh! 810 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:26,040 {\an2}I'm going to do it. 811 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:27,720 {\an2}I said to him 812 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,000 {\an2}Where's that guy that's tall? 813 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:31,560 {\an2}I've heard that he 814 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,400 {\an2}Really loves football... 815 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:39,600 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 816 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:44,760 {\an2}I reckon he'd have a decent right peg 817 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,720 {\an2}He goes by the name of Mr 818 00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:49,920 {\an2}GREG! 819 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,880 {\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE That was 20 minutes. 820 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,480 {\an2}WHISTLE PEEPS Oh!That was amazing. 821 00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:57,800 {\an1}WHISTLE PEEPS That's your 20 minutes up, Sam. 822 00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:01,280 {\an1}SAM PANTS 823 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:06,440 {\an2}Thank you. See you later. Thanks mate, I'll see you... I'll see you. 824 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,080 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 825 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,440 {\an2}Genuinely inspirational football skills. 826 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,840 {\an2}Thank you. Lovely to watch. And I don't care what anyone says, 827 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,600 {\an2}I think the northeast accent's well suited to poetry. 828 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:20,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 829 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,120 {\an2}So, well done is how I'd like to start my feedback. Thank you. 830 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,520 {\an2}And then I'd like to continue it with this - 831 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,560 {\an2}is everything all right, Sam? 832 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,000 {\an2}LAUGHTER No. I'm in bed. 833 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:34,000 {\an2}I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but you blew up an air bed 834 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,240 {\an2}and then you humped it, right? No! 835 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:37,640 {\an1}LAUGHTER 836 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:41,320 {\an2}I just... I inflated and deflated it four times in a row. Three times. 837 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:42,800 {\an2}Three times. Yeah. 838 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,360 {\an2}I'm annoyed cos I've been telling all my mates I did it four times 839 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:46,920 {\an2}in 20 minutes. 840 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:50,920 {\an2}All right, going to give two points to Sam Ryder and to Susie. 841 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:52,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 842 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:56,040 {\an2}Because I felt similarly inspired by both of them! 843 00:39:56,080 --> 00:40:00,480 {\an2}I'm giving three to the multiple musical instruments. 844 00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:04,600 {\an2}So what is it, is it the incredible international football skills 845 00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:08,120 {\an2}or is it you just rapping nonsense for 20 minutes? 846 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,120 {\an2}Nonsense?! Yeah. 847 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,640 {\an2}No. Come on. Inspirational quotes were in there. 848 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,520 {\an2}Give me one inspirational quote and that'll make the decision for me. 849 00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,880 {\an2} B-I-G Z-U-U... 850 00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:22,240 {\an2}Uh, Big Zuu. 851 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 852 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,520 {\an2}Four points to Big Zuu, five points to Jill! 853 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,400 {\an2}A peek at the scores, perhaps? Of course. 854 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:38,760 {\an2}Well, Sam is way out in the back with eight. 855 00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:42,920 {\an2}At the front we've got Jill on 15 and Rose on 15. Wow. All right. 856 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,760 {\an2}All to play for. OK, everyone, just one more thing to do. 857 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:54,640 {\an2}Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show! 858 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,720 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 859 00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:02,360 {\an2}Who's going to read the task out? 860 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,120 {\an2}I think Rose is going to read the task out. 861 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,200 {\an2}"Put your items in Greg's special order." 862 00:41:07,240 --> 00:41:09,320 {\an2}Reveal the items, Greg! 863 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,560 {\an2}Ooh! 864 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,560 {\an2}Ooh! Oh. 865 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,240 {\an2}"After each shuffle, Greg will tell you how many items 866 00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,600 {\an2}"are in the correct position, but not which one. 867 00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:26,120 {\an2}"The first to get the correct order wins. Your time starts now." 868 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:28,440 {\an2}What, now? No, no, your time does not start now. No, that's... 869 00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:31,440 {\an2}No, no, OK. So why did you write it down, then? 870 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:36,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 871 00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,040 {\an2}What I did was I made a mistake. 872 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,080 {\an2}There's only one winner. One person's going to get five points. 873 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,080 {\an2}If two people get it on the same go, they both get five points. 874 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:48,560 {\an2}It is time for the first shuffle. 875 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,600 {\an2}Ten seconds you've got. Not long. 876 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,200 {\an2}Don't have to shuffle, of course. 877 00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:56,400 {\an1}WHISTLE PEEPS 878 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,960 {\an2}Greg's going to go down the line and say how many you've got right. 879 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:03,720 {\an2}Big Zuu, you have got two right. 880 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,920 {\an2}So annoying. LAUGHTER 881 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:12,240 {\an2}Jill, you have got zero right. 882 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:19,400 {\an2}Rose, zero right. 883 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,840 {\an2}Sam, two right. Ooh. 884 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,400 {\an2}Susie, zero right. 885 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,680 {\an2}Second shuffle. 886 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:37,560 {\an2}WHISTLE PEEPS Stop shuffling. 887 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,520 {\an2}Big Zuu has got two right. 888 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,000 {\an2}Oh, fuck's sake! 889 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 890 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,840 {\an2}One, Jill. Oh! 891 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,080 {\an2}Are you sure? 892 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,160 {\an2}AUDIENCE: Two. Yeah, two, Jill. 893 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 894 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:51,120 {\an2}Two. 895 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,600 {\an2}One, Sam. Bastard. OK, yeah. 896 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:58,240 {\an2}Uh...on...two. 897 00:42:58,280 --> 00:42:59,880 {\an2}Two? Two. 898 00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:02,320 {\an2}So we have four twos and one one. 899 00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:04,880 {\an2}They're inching closer. Next shuffle. 900 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,800 {\an1}WHISTLE PEEPS 901 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,520 {\an2}Gosh, we really could be here for hours. 902 00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 903 00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:12,440 {\an2}Oh... Oh. 904 00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:14,160 {\an2}Zuu. 905 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:15,520 {\an2}Two. 906 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:16,560 {\an2}Consistent. 907 00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:20,280 {\an2}Jill, one. Oh... 908 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:22,440 {\an2}Rose, one. 909 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:23,520 {\an2}Sam... 910 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:29,200 {\an2}Uh-oh, this is putting the cat amongst the pigeons. Three. Oh! 911 00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:30,680 {\an2}Susie, one. 912 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,360 {\an2}Shuffle! Ah, shit. Ah... 913 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:35,560 {\an2}There we go. 914 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:37,280 {\an2}Oh, my rocket's broke. 915 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,120 {\an2}WHISTLE PEEPS Shuffle time is up. 916 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,000 {\an2}So some late shuffling, some very late shuffling. 917 00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,360 {\an2}Zuu. Three. 918 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:51,240 {\an2}Jill, one. Oh! 919 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:52,640 {\an2}Rose... 920 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,280 {\an2}..one. 921 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:55,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 922 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,720 {\an2}Sam was on three. He's now on...? 923 00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,120 {\an2}Two. Oh, sh...! 924 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,560 {\an2}Susie is on...one. 925 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,120 {\an2}Off we go. 926 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:08,400 {\an2}One. 927 00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 928 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:11,800 {\an1}WHISTLE PEEPS 929 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,480 {\an2}How is that possible? 930 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:14,560 {\an2}Zero. 931 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,320 {\an1}GREG LAUGHS 932 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:17,440 {\an1}WHISTLE PEEPS 933 00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:19,720 {\an2}One. 934 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,240 {\an2}Every time. 935 00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:24,600 {\an2}Three. 936 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,000 {\an2}This is bollocks. 937 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 938 00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:28,600 {\an2}None! Ah! 939 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,160 {\an2}I'm just about to fucking jump over! 940 00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:33,800 {\an1}LAUGHTER 941 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,280 {\an2}WHISTLE PEEPS Come on, Sam, 942 00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:36,720 {\an2}just swap the right... 943 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:40,360 {\an2}Swap the two that are right, please. 944 00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,360 {\an2}And stop shuffling. Do we have a winner? 945 00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:46,680 {\an2}Please have a winner. 946 00:44:46,720 --> 00:44:49,560 {\an2}One. One for Zuu. Oh, bro. 947 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,720 {\an2}One, Jill. Oh! 948 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,080 {\an2}Three, Rose. Three? 949 00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:55,960 {\an2}But it doesn't make sense! 950 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,600 {\an2}Cos when did I...? OK... 951 00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,720 {\an2}Two to Susie. And on this occasion, 952 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,760 {\an2}Sam has got...five! 953 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 954 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:13,000 {\an2}And the special order, of course, was the alphabetical order. 955 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,200 {\an2}Each one starts with the same letter as your own names, 956 00:45:15,240 --> 00:45:18,600 {\an2}you're in that order, too. We're finished. 957 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:21,960 {\an2}Let's add those scores to the final ones. Come down and join me! 958 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,520 {\an1}APPLAUSE 959 00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:27,400 {\an2}Wow, what a rush that was. 960 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:29,120 {\an2}Oh! 961 00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,640 {\an2}Great redemption for Sam. I needed that. I can't lie. You did. I did. 962 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,160 {\an2}And I can tell you he's not in last place any more. 963 00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:38,440 {\an2}He's in second... How?! Second-last place. 964 00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,280 {\an2}Wow! 965 00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,960 {\an2}Two people are drawing, though, Greg, because this 966 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:44,320 {\an2}is the final scoreboard. 967 00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,680 {\an2}Jill and Rose are joint winners! Oh! 968 00:45:47,720 --> 00:45:49,480 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 969 00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:50,800 {\an2}Very close. 970 00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,680 {\an2}You know what that means. We don't leave things there. 971 00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:56,560 {\an2}It's a tie-break! Oh! 972 00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:58,600 {\an2}All they have to do is answer this question. 973 00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,480 {\an2}What length is my pineapple? 974 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,040 {\an2}I have a tattoo of a pineapple. 975 00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,360 {\an2}Where? You know that bit between your balls and your asshole? 976 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:07,440 {\an2}No, no. 977 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:09,240 {\an1}LAUGHTER 978 00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:11,120 {\an2}Not personally! 979 00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:13,600 {\an2}I'm going to give you a card each. You're going to have ten seconds 980 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:17,000 {\an2}to write down your answer. It's closest number in millimetres wins. 981 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,440 {\an2}Going to be 3, 4... Maybe 40... 982 00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:20,880 {\an2}That's, like, 100... 983 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,280 {\an1}INDISTINCT CHAT 984 00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,240 {\an2}I've noted no-one's asking me for help. 985 00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:28,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 986 00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:31,640 {\an2}They've both written down numbers. Yeah. 987 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,920 {\an2}Who would you like to see first? Rose is first. 988 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:38,320 {\an2}40. Oh! 40mm or 4cm. 989 00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,520 {\an2}Correct. Jill? 990 00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:43,880 {\an2}50mm or 5cm. 991 00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:48,280 {\an2}And now for the most anti-climactic moment of all time... 992 00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,000 {\an2}It is... 993 00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:52,840 {\an2}..82! 994 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:54,880 {\an2}It's 82mm. 995 00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:55,920 {\an2}Ah! 996 00:46:55,960 --> 00:47:00,680 {\an2}Jill Scott wins the first of our New Year's Treats! 997 00:47:00,720 --> 00:47:04,600 {\an2}Please wander up to whack your wonderful winnings! 998 00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:08,200 {\an3}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 999 00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:11,240 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media