1 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:02,217 Cheers. 2 00:01:06,517 --> 00:01:09,517 Bitterman? 3 00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:12,917 Why are you shaving? 4 00:01:12,917 --> 00:01:14,817 Because Robin doesn't have a beard. 5 00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:17,617 Bitterman, we're only doing this for a bit of a laugh. 6 00:01:17,617 --> 00:01:20,317 We're not genuine crime fighters, are we? 7 00:01:20,317 --> 00:01:23,417 And if we were, you would not be my first choice of sidekick. 8 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,817 Look at your shoes. They're your chauffeur shoes, aren't they? 9 00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:28,717 I can see your tummy. 10 00:01:28,717 --> 00:01:32,317 Mr. Bach, are you sure you wanna go to your mother's fundraiser like this? 11 00:01:32,317 --> 00:01:35,017 I think it's black-tie. 12 00:01:35,017 --> 00:01:36,617 This is black. 13 00:01:36,617 --> 00:01:39,017 Just that Hobson said not to get into any trouble. 14 00:01:39,017 --> 00:01:42,417 What trouble could possibly come from a harmless game of dress-up? 15 00:01:42,417 --> 00:01:44,217 Hmm? 16 00:01:44,217 --> 00:01:48,517 Already bought the car. 17 00:01:53,317 --> 00:01:54,817 You think they're chasing us? 18 00:01:54,817 --> 00:01:58,117 Don't be ridiculous, this is the Batmobile. We're their friends. 19 00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:00,217 Driver, pull the car over. 20 00:02:00,217 --> 00:02:04,317 How do you slow down? 21 00:02:04,817 --> 00:02:13,817 - Where are the brakes on this thing? - What do you suppose this does? 22 00:02:15,817 --> 00:02:18,917 - Oh! - Ow! 23 00:02:27,917 --> 00:02:30,917 Ask the police for directions to your mother's fundraiser. 24 00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:33,317 I think that problem has been recently superseded. 25 00:02:33,317 --> 00:02:36,617 - Tell them it's at a museum. - We destroyed a beloved landmark. 26 00:02:36,617 --> 00:02:38,317 It's around here somewhere. 27 00:02:38,317 --> 00:02:40,617 I need you to not to talk for a little while. 28 00:02:40,617 --> 00:02:43,817 Good evening, officers. What seems to be the problem? 29 00:02:43,817 --> 00:02:46,717 You're drunk again, Arthur. 30 00:02:46,717 --> 00:02:51,017 No. I have remained drunk since our last encounter. 31 00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:55,617 Let's go. Batman and Robin, out of the car. Come on. 32 00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:59,217 Could I just point out the elephant in the room? 33 00:02:59,217 --> 00:03:02,717 Are these testicles strictly necessary? They're an accident waiting to happen. 34 00:03:02,717 --> 00:03:04,317 Okay, let's go. Come on. 35 00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:08,017 See, I don't like being this close to these balls. 36 00:03:08,017 --> 00:03:12,317 I'll be right with you. 37 00:03:16,017 --> 00:03:17,217 Gotham is safe. 38 00:03:17,217 --> 00:03:18,517 Oh, man. 39 00:03:18,517 --> 00:03:22,117 If I could just write you a check for the damage to your golden cow... 40 00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:24,517 ...we can all be about our business. Say no more. 41 00:03:24,517 --> 00:03:27,517 - Or not. Turn around. Come on. - What's it...? 42 00:03:27,517 --> 00:03:29,217 - Are we going to prison? - Yes. 43 00:03:29,217 --> 00:03:31,817 We're going to prison. We're going to prison, Bitterman. 44 00:03:31,817 --> 00:03:34,917 - Yes. - I knew this day would come and it's today. 45 00:03:34,917 --> 00:03:36,617 That's all well and good... 46 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:40,017 ...but it's not a market crash we're concerned about. 47 00:03:40,017 --> 00:03:43,317 Your concerns are legitimate, chancellor. 48 00:03:43,317 --> 00:03:46,317 I do assure you that Arthur's a bit more serious these days. 49 00:03:46,317 --> 00:03:50,717 - He's begun to take an interest in finance. - Wonderful. 50 00:03:50,717 --> 00:03:55,717 - Could you excuse us? - Sure. 51 00:04:00,317 --> 00:04:04,217 I'm sorry, Vivienne. The university cannot wager its endowment... 52 00:04:04,217 --> 00:04:10,517 ...on a fund with such an uncertain future. 53 00:04:16,417 --> 00:04:20,317 He's like a ship without an anchor. 54 00:04:20,317 --> 00:04:26,717 Maybe it's time we tied him to another ship. 55 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:32,817 Tito! Tito, I'll see you at the cockfight. Better be what I think it is. 56 00:04:32,817 --> 00:04:34,917 Wow, you paid for everyone's release? 57 00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:37,617 It seemed unfair that we'd leave and that they'd remain. 58 00:04:37,617 --> 00:04:41,817 How do you explain this frivolous spending during a recession? 59 00:04:41,817 --> 00:04:42,917 Fair point. 60 00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:46,117 Uh, recession... 61 00:04:46,117 --> 00:04:48,817 Free money! 62 00:04:48,817 --> 00:04:50,117 This is yours. 63 00:04:50,117 --> 00:04:56,117 Okay, recession's over! We're in a boom! 64 00:05:44,017 --> 00:05:47,517 That was brave. What incredible flexibility. 65 00:05:47,517 --> 00:05:50,317 - Hello, Hobson. - Morning, Arthur. And friend. 66 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,517 Tiffany. 67 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,817 Oh, points for knowing her name and saying it with confidence. 68 00:05:54,817 --> 00:05:57,517 I made a mental association with my lamp. 69 00:05:57,517 --> 00:06:01,617 Tiffany, this is my nanny, Hobson, my best friend in the whole world. 70 00:06:01,617 --> 00:06:05,017 - Your nanny? - He's merely shaped like an adult. 71 00:06:05,017 --> 00:06:07,317 So how are you feeling on the other side of... 72 00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:09,917 ...that vast moat of champagne called "last night"? 73 00:06:09,917 --> 00:06:11,017 Splendid. 74 00:06:11,017 --> 00:06:15,117 Your mother called. She wants to see you this morning. 75 00:06:15,117 --> 00:06:18,617 Vivienne? Why do you think Vivienne wants to see me today? 76 00:06:18,617 --> 00:06:20,117 It doesn't make sense. 77 00:06:20,117 --> 00:06:22,517 After destroying a world-famous landmark... 78 00:06:22,517 --> 00:06:27,217 ...and giving away $78,000 from an ATM, I can't imagine. 79 00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:29,717 - Is she gonna stay here? - Um... 80 00:06:29,717 --> 00:06:32,817 ...I wouldn't recommend letting him get used to your breasts, dear. 81 00:06:32,817 --> 00:06:36,617 He's got an addictive personality, you know. He was at mine till he was 6. 82 00:06:36,617 --> 00:06:38,017 Hobson. 83 00:06:38,017 --> 00:06:40,817 I had to dab Tabasco on the nipples to see him off. 84 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:44,317 - That lady has never once breast-fed me. - Despite his best efforts. 85 00:06:44,317 --> 00:06:45,917 Hey, that's my purse. 86 00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:47,117 Oh. 87 00:06:47,117 --> 00:06:50,217 Look, I don't know how that got in there. I don't know, Arthur. 88 00:06:50,217 --> 00:06:54,417 It's probably just one of those mysteries that will never be discovered. 89 00:06:54,417 --> 00:06:57,017 JFK, who nicked my watch. 90 00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,117 - Oh, that's actually mine. - Bravo, well done. 91 00:07:00,117 --> 00:07:02,217 Something of yours in your handbag. 92 00:07:02,217 --> 00:07:04,817 No, you don't have to go through the pictures, actually. 93 00:07:04,817 --> 00:07:07,117 - Arthur. - Oh, don't worry about all that. 94 00:07:07,117 --> 00:07:11,217 That's very rude. Invasion of privacy. 95 00:07:11,217 --> 00:07:14,617 Oh, you're leaving? I support your decision 100 percent. 96 00:07:14,617 --> 00:07:18,817 Will you be requiring a taxi or just getting into a random passing car? 97 00:07:18,817 --> 00:07:22,417 You guys are weird and racist. 98 00:07:22,417 --> 00:07:23,617 Bye-bye, Tiffany. 99 00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,817 I'll call you, if you've not stolen my phone. 100 00:07:26,817 --> 00:07:31,917 Help yourself to that priceless sculpture on your way out the door. 101 00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:35,117 Put it down. 102 00:07:36,217 --> 00:07:38,517 Say goodbye to your other new friends now, Arthur. 103 00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:40,617 They have to go back to the real world. 104 00:07:40,617 --> 00:07:46,417 Oh, I hate the real world, Hobson. I'll work from bed today if you don't mind. 105 00:07:46,417 --> 00:07:48,117 Hobson. 106 00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:51,617 Breakfast, now. 107 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,517 Here. 108 00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:14,217 Hobson! 109 00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:16,517 Hobson? 110 00:08:16,517 --> 00:08:20,117 Hobson! Hobson! Hobson! 111 00:08:20,117 --> 00:08:23,917 - Hobson! Hobson! - What? 112 00:08:23,917 --> 00:08:27,317 Lesbian Simon and Garfunkel, 61st and Park. 113 00:08:27,317 --> 00:08:29,817 Look. 114 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:42,817 Hmm. Well spotted. Another of your wasted talents. 115 00:08:42,817 --> 00:08:44,917 Wash your winkie. Thoroughly. 116 00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:50,117 Heaven knows what exotic wildlife that girl was harboring between her thighs. 117 00:08:50,117 --> 00:08:55,717 Whoa, Hobson. You're missing Asian you. 118 00:08:55,717 --> 00:08:58,517 Ah! You're going too quickly. You're pushing it too hard. 119 00:08:58,517 --> 00:09:01,717 - I don't like it here, Hobson. - Course you don't. People work here. 120 00:09:01,717 --> 00:09:04,417 But there's an elevator. You get to press the buttons. 121 00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:07,817 Silver lining. 122 00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:18,517 Mr. Bach? 123 00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:22,017 Your mother will see you now. 124 00:09:22,017 --> 00:09:30,717 Don't worry, Arthur, it won't take long. Then we'll watch cartoons. 125 00:09:38,817 --> 00:09:41,117 Hello, Arthur. 126 00:09:41,117 --> 00:09:42,917 Oh, hello, Susan. 127 00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:47,917 I didn't see you there coming down this long, brightly-lit, unobstructed corridor... 128 00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:50,917 ...walking straight towards me. 129 00:09:50,917 --> 00:09:53,017 I owe you a call, don't I? 130 00:09:53,017 --> 00:09:55,717 From January. 131 00:09:55,717 --> 00:09:57,917 We dated three months. You just disappeared. 132 00:09:57,917 --> 00:09:59,717 When Houdini did it, it was fun. 133 00:09:59,717 --> 00:10:01,217 Hmm. 134 00:10:01,217 --> 00:10:03,917 Houdini was a conjurer. He used to disappear. 135 00:10:03,917 --> 00:10:09,217 - I understood the reference. - I just thought it deserved more. 136 00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:13,517 You know, you're the only man I ever slept with who broke up with me. 137 00:10:13,517 --> 00:10:15,117 - Really? - Really. 138 00:10:15,117 --> 00:10:16,517 Well, call me a romantic... 139 00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:20,917 ...but I believe that dating should involve crazy things... 140 00:10:20,917 --> 00:10:23,517 ...like talking. Oh, ha, ha. 141 00:10:23,517 --> 00:10:26,717 - What are we gonna do with you, Arthur? - Release me into the wild. 142 00:10:26,717 --> 00:10:29,617 Hunt me down with dogs. 143 00:10:29,617 --> 00:10:34,317 Good luck with your mother. 144 00:10:37,317 --> 00:10:39,517 Come in, Arthur. 145 00:10:39,517 --> 00:10:42,817 Oh, hello. The future's now. 146 00:10:42,817 --> 00:10:50,017 Hello, Vivienne. I remember you from when I used to live in your womb. 147 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,217 Arthur. 148 00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:54,817 Well, today, Arthur, we're gonna have a friendly chat. 149 00:10:54,817 --> 00:10:56,617 Then a serious talk. 150 00:10:56,617 --> 00:10:59,317 And finally, I'm going to offer you an ultimatum. 151 00:10:59,317 --> 00:11:00,817 How does all that sound? 152 00:11:00,817 --> 00:11:03,017 Like it would be improved by vodka. 153 00:11:03,017 --> 00:11:05,117 So I hear you've been having fun. 154 00:11:05,117 --> 00:11:08,017 Quite the contrary, actually. I've been rather busy. 155 00:11:08,017 --> 00:11:12,617 I've got a riding boot shoot and, uh, I had a bit of a scare with Bitterman. 156 00:11:12,617 --> 00:11:16,417 Thought he'd found a lump. Turned out it was just his phone in his back pocket. 157 00:11:16,417 --> 00:11:19,217 But worrying time nonetheless. 158 00:11:19,217 --> 00:11:22,417 Well, that went very well. Surprisingly warm. Our best chat yet. 159 00:11:22,417 --> 00:11:25,517 I'm aware that our relationship has never been ideal. 160 00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:27,317 Mm... 161 00:11:27,317 --> 00:11:29,617 No, please. Don't reproach yourself. 162 00:11:29,617 --> 00:11:32,317 Yes, motherhood wasn't your forte... 163 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:36,317 ...but you did provide me with that lovable cloth monkey as a surrogate. 164 00:11:36,317 --> 00:11:38,317 You know, sometimes I'm glad he's gone. 165 00:11:38,317 --> 00:11:41,417 I'm gonna assume you mean Father and not Mr. Tickles. 166 00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:45,417 So that he never had to see this. 167 00:11:45,417 --> 00:11:48,717 In fairness, those two told me they were over 18. 168 00:11:48,717 --> 00:11:52,117 And that they weren't men. It's terrible the way you find out. 169 00:11:52,117 --> 00:11:56,617 Who is this lovable rogue who's rough around the edges, but with stars in his eyes? 170 00:11:56,617 --> 00:11:58,617 What forgivable antics. 171 00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:03,117 Who could be anything other than charmed by this delightful individual? 172 00:12:03,117 --> 00:12:05,217 - Congratulations. - How can you squander... 173 00:12:05,217 --> 00:12:09,117 ...your considerable intelligence on idiocy like this? 174 00:12:09,117 --> 00:12:12,517 It's quite easy. I don't consider it to be idiocy... 175 00:12:12,517 --> 00:12:16,617 ...rather a savantish gift for defying death with fun. 176 00:12:16,617 --> 00:12:19,717 That's your justification? That's why you crashed a Batmobile? 177 00:12:19,717 --> 00:12:23,117 Yes, it is. Are we done? 178 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:26,017 Sit down. 179 00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:34,117 When the sole heir of a corporation as big as ours gets arrested, it frightens investors. 180 00:12:34,117 --> 00:12:36,617 The nonsense has to stop. 181 00:12:36,617 --> 00:12:40,017 As the charming, coffee-colored gentleman who runs this country said... 182 00:12:40,017 --> 00:12:43,017 ...the time has come to set aside childish things. 183 00:12:43,017 --> 00:12:45,717 I don't think you can say "coffee-colored." 184 00:12:45,717 --> 00:12:48,417 So I've arrived at a solution. 185 00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,517 - Susan Johnson. - Interesting. 186 00:12:50,517 --> 00:12:54,217 Dresses well. Borderline personality disorder. 187 00:12:54,217 --> 00:12:55,817 How is that a solution? 188 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,717 You're going to marry her, Arthur. 189 00:12:58,717 --> 00:13:04,217 - Why? - Susan is a very impressive woman. 190 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:07,717 Lovely, yes. She's certainly in control of that beast. 191 00:13:07,717 --> 00:13:11,917 Capable woman, and quite willing to help poor people if there's a camera nearby. 192 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:15,417 Actually, if you want videos of Susan, you should come to my apartment. 193 00:13:15,417 --> 00:13:19,017 - I've got one that'll knock your socks off. - Bach Worldwide has been run... 194 00:13:19,017 --> 00:13:20,717 ...by a Bach for generations. 195 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,217 With Susan as one of us... 196 00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:27,017 ...investors will be comforted to know the line of succession doesn't end in a bottle. 197 00:13:27,017 --> 00:13:28,617 When did you become so cynical? 198 00:13:28,617 --> 00:13:32,917 Marriage isn't a tool to protect a corporate image. 199 00:13:32,917 --> 00:13:35,517 It's to validate unwanted pregnancy. 200 00:13:35,517 --> 00:13:38,217 If that's how you feel, Arthur, you give me no choice. 201 00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:41,717 As of this moment, you are cut off. 202 00:13:41,717 --> 00:13:47,217 What do you mean "cut off"? Cut off from you and the? 203 00:13:47,217 --> 00:13:51,417 You don't mean cut off from the? 204 00:13:51,417 --> 00:13:55,217 The money, Arthur. 205 00:13:58,517 --> 00:14:02,717 No. I'm not gonna allow you to manipulate me, Vivienne. 206 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:05,517 I shall get married when I fall in love. 207 00:14:05,517 --> 00:14:13,017 I respect your integrity. You've just lost $950 million. 208 00:14:13,017 --> 00:14:16,017 Actually, Susan is a very special girl, isn't she? 209 00:14:16,017 --> 00:14:19,317 With that mouth, that velvety, beautiful mouth... 210 00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:21,017 ...like a clown's mouth. 211 00:14:21,017 --> 00:14:24,817 But not in a bad way. Like a sexy clown. 212 00:14:24,817 --> 00:14:26,917 And she'll make a wonderful wife. 213 00:14:26,917 --> 00:14:31,717 Yeah. I mean, who wouldn't wanna marry a sexy clown? 214 00:14:31,717 --> 00:14:34,617 Congratulations, Vivienne. You win. 215 00:14:34,617 --> 00:14:36,717 I don't respect you, Arthur... 216 00:14:36,717 --> 00:14:41,017 ...but I do applaud your talent for self-preservation. 217 00:14:41,017 --> 00:14:45,117 Congratulations. You're gonna be a wealthy man for the rest of your life. 218 00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:50,517 That's all I've ever wanted to be. 219 00:14:51,817 --> 00:14:58,417 The ring your father gave your mother, I believe. 220 00:14:58,417 --> 00:15:01,617 It's like an ice rink for a mouse. 221 00:15:01,617 --> 00:15:02,917 I don't like Susan. 222 00:15:02,917 --> 00:15:07,117 Well, I don't like you very much and we've been happily stuck together for 30 years. 223 00:15:07,117 --> 00:15:10,617 I know it's not perfect, but Susan is smart and capable... 224 00:15:10,617 --> 00:15:13,217 ...and you need a woman like that to look after you. 225 00:15:13,217 --> 00:15:19,317 I think I already have one of those. In fact, do you want it? 226 00:15:19,317 --> 00:15:25,217 Hobson, will you carry on being my nanny? 227 00:15:25,217 --> 00:15:28,217 This is just my mother trying to control me. 228 00:15:28,217 --> 00:15:30,417 Hey, Hobson, do you have the checkbook? 229 00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:32,417 I wanna squander some wealth. 230 00:15:32,417 --> 00:15:35,517 Ten thousand dollars for this item from the czar's collection. 231 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:41,217 Are we all done at 10,000? Ten thousand dollars going once, going twice. 232 00:15:41,217 --> 00:15:43,717 Twenty thousand dollars of money! 233 00:15:43,717 --> 00:15:45,817 Twenty thousand dollars is the bid. 234 00:15:45,817 --> 00:15:47,817 Thank you, sir. Do I hear 30? Do I hear 30,000? 235 00:15:47,817 --> 00:15:49,817 Thirty thousand dollars, please. 236 00:15:49,817 --> 00:15:51,117 Thirty thousand. 237 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,717 Thirty-five thousand. 238 00:15:52,717 --> 00:15:55,617 How dare you. It's a challenge you want, is it? 239 00:15:55,617 --> 00:15:57,917 Yeah, I want a challenge, plus I bid first. 240 00:15:57,917 --> 00:16:01,317 That is irrelevant. The highest number has supremacy. 241 00:16:01,317 --> 00:16:03,117 You've clearly never been to an auction. 242 00:16:03,117 --> 00:16:04,417 That's tit for tat. 243 00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:06,917 That's exactly how the situation in the Middle East began. 244 00:16:06,917 --> 00:16:09,117 You leave me no choice. 245 00:16:09,117 --> 00:16:12,117 One hundred thousand dollars and one penny... 246 00:16:12,117 --> 00:16:16,117 ...because you, sir, are a vile spendthrift. 247 00:16:16,117 --> 00:16:20,217 Well, that's the first sensible thing you've said all day. 248 00:16:20,217 --> 00:16:24,917 Sold to one of the Mr. Bachs for $100,000 and one penny. 249 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,417 - Thank you, sirs. - Congratulations. 250 00:16:27,417 --> 00:16:28,817 Hey, come on, Hobson. 251 00:16:28,817 --> 00:16:31,817 You know I've always coveted the cutlery of Czar Nicholas II. 252 00:16:31,817 --> 00:16:34,117 - Me too. - Oh. 253 00:16:34,117 --> 00:16:36,317 Our last item up for bid today: 254 00:16:36,317 --> 00:16:40,817 The suit in which Abraham Lincoln delivered his second inaugural address. 255 00:16:40,817 --> 00:16:43,817 Let's start the bidding at 50,000. Do I hear 50,000? 256 00:16:43,817 --> 00:16:45,817 I'll take it. 257 00:16:45,817 --> 00:16:49,817 And the teleportation device in which it stands. 258 00:16:49,817 --> 00:16:53,517 If you think this represents a victory over your mother's financial tyranny... 259 00:16:53,517 --> 00:16:56,217 ...you're deluded. Thanks for the spoon, Arthur. 260 00:16:56,217 --> 00:16:59,817 - Anytime. Buy me a fork one day. - Where's Bitterman with the car? 261 00:16:59,817 --> 00:17:02,217 He said he was gonna be by the big gray thing. 262 00:17:02,217 --> 00:17:03,717 - Where? - He said... 263 00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:06,717 ...the big gray sculpture thing with things on it. 264 00:17:06,717 --> 00:17:09,317 It was like a riddle. He can be very vague. 265 00:17:09,317 --> 00:17:11,717 It's the blind leading the drunk. 266 00:17:11,717 --> 00:17:18,317 Hobson, you find Bitterman while I wander off. 267 00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,417 Wow. 268 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,917 What is this for? 269 00:17:24,917 --> 00:17:27,117 Where's everyone going? 270 00:17:27,117 --> 00:17:31,017 This is actually not Grand Central Station, it's Grand Central Terminal. 271 00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,317 - Oh. - Oh! 272 00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:36,617 - Sorry. - No, no, I was static in a thoroughfare. 273 00:17:36,617 --> 00:17:40,217 Uh, I'm lost. Do you know where I can get a drink, please? 274 00:17:40,217 --> 00:17:42,717 Um... 275 00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:45,517 This is really all I have. 276 00:17:45,517 --> 00:17:47,117 Good luck. 277 00:17:47,117 --> 00:17:48,317 - Come on. - Coins. 278 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:52,417 - I played with these when I was a boy. - Let's keep going. Time's a wasting. 279 00:17:52,417 --> 00:17:53,917 Speaking of time... 280 00:17:53,917 --> 00:18:03,117 ...the clock behind me is one of the most expensive clocks in the world. 281 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,617 Thousands of people pass through here every day... 282 00:18:07,617 --> 00:18:10,117 ...and no one ever bothers to look up. 283 00:18:10,117 --> 00:18:14,017 It's magical. It's the only place in Manhattan where you can see the stars. 284 00:18:14,017 --> 00:18:18,717 But it wasn't always that way... Oh, you again. 285 00:18:18,717 --> 00:18:22,817 If you look in the corner you can see one dirty brick... 286 00:18:22,817 --> 00:18:27,717 ...and the whole ceiling used to be like that until it was renovated in 1998. 287 00:18:27,717 --> 00:18:33,417 Wow, this is brilliant. If you like ceilings, I've got a beautiful one above my bed. 288 00:18:33,417 --> 00:18:35,817 That sounded cheeky. I didn't mean that. It lights up. 289 00:18:35,817 --> 00:18:37,317 Thanks for that. 290 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:41,217 If you direct your attention to the opposite corner, you'll see a... 291 00:18:41,217 --> 00:18:44,217 ...police officer. Miss, I warned you about this. 292 00:18:44,217 --> 00:18:47,117 You don't have a tour license and now you're impeding foot traffic. 293 00:18:47,117 --> 00:18:48,717 Come on, up, up, everybody up. 294 00:18:48,717 --> 00:18:52,717 Officer, which law prevents this radiant stranger... 295 00:18:52,717 --> 00:18:55,517 ...from finding the magical in the mundane? 296 00:18:55,517 --> 00:19:01,817 - MTA Code 1085.1, Section 5. - Could you be more specific? 297 00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:04,817 - Hey. Hey! - Oh, there's a chase. We're in a chase. 298 00:19:04,817 --> 00:19:06,517 Sir, grab my Lincoln stick. 299 00:19:06,517 --> 00:19:08,517 Chase! 300 00:19:08,517 --> 00:19:11,317 My mind is racing. My heart is pounding. 301 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,317 This is my first chase, and I love it. 302 00:19:14,317 --> 00:19:18,217 - Let me through, I'm a free spirit! - West on 42nd. 303 00:19:18,217 --> 00:19:20,117 This is what I live for! 304 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,517 We've got a runner. 305 00:19:21,517 --> 00:19:24,017 A chase is happening! This is a genuine chase! 306 00:19:24,017 --> 00:19:25,917 Oh! I'm... I... 307 00:19:25,917 --> 00:19:30,617 - No, no, no. - I was gonna go get my license. 308 00:19:30,617 --> 00:19:33,417 You ran from me, Naomi. Now I gotta take you in. 309 00:19:33,417 --> 00:19:36,617 Besides, you've had three warnings for operating an illegal tour. 310 00:19:36,617 --> 00:19:39,217 Except this isn't an illegal tour... 311 00:19:39,217 --> 00:19:43,517 ...because these people aren't tourists, they're our family. 312 00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:46,017 Yes. They are, they're my family. 313 00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:48,317 That's my family. We're having a family reunion. 314 00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:51,817 Reunion. Uh, that, for example, is Uncle Stuart waving there. 315 00:19:51,817 --> 00:19:54,117 Yes. Oh, hey, Uncle Stuart. 316 00:19:54,117 --> 00:19:57,317 Under that sun hat, that's Caribbean Diane Keaton. 317 00:19:57,317 --> 00:20:00,017 - Yes, exactly. - And also we have... 318 00:20:00,017 --> 00:20:02,717 Uncle Korean John Lennon. 319 00:20:02,717 --> 00:20:05,217 And this is, uh, Abe Lincoln, I presume. 320 00:20:05,217 --> 00:20:06,917 - Oh, no. - No. 321 00:20:06,917 --> 00:20:11,917 - He is my admittedly eccentric... - Fiancée. I'm her fiancée. 322 00:20:11,917 --> 00:20:15,717 He is my fiancée. 323 00:20:16,417 --> 00:20:19,417 Oh. Mm-hm. 324 00:20:20,817 --> 00:20:23,217 Darling, you don't want these people to think... 325 00:20:23,217 --> 00:20:26,117 ...that you're some kind of random British pervert. 326 00:20:26,117 --> 00:20:30,517 No, I'm a very specific British pervert, which is why you fell in love with me... 327 00:20:30,517 --> 00:20:34,817 ...from our first date. Which was where, exactly? 328 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,017 Grand Central. 329 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:38,917 You had your first date at Grand Central Station. 330 00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:43,617 It wasn't a shabby affair. I'd hired out the entire place. It was deserted. 331 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,617 Acrobats were in the place, put on quite a show for us. 332 00:20:46,617 --> 00:20:48,217 - Didn't they, Naomi? - No, no. 333 00:20:48,217 --> 00:20:50,617 The floor was strewn with a million petals. 334 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:53,417 Their scent hung in the air like the sweet breath of angels. 335 00:20:53,417 --> 00:20:56,017 And we forgot ourselves entirely. Didn't we? 336 00:20:56,017 --> 00:20:58,117 And ran nude through that concourse. 337 00:20:58,117 --> 00:21:00,717 No, no, we just... We had clothes on and we ate. 338 00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:02,717 - What'd you eat? - Oh. 339 00:21:02,717 --> 00:21:04,217 Oh, what was that? 340 00:21:04,217 --> 00:21:05,917 - Pe... - Pe... Pe... Pe... 341 00:21:05,917 --> 00:21:07,117 PEZ. 342 00:21:07,117 --> 00:21:09,317 Have any identification, Mr. Lincoln? 343 00:21:09,317 --> 00:21:10,817 Actually, I do. 344 00:21:10,817 --> 00:21:14,417 Um, here you go. I think you'll find that should do the trick. 345 00:21:14,417 --> 00:21:17,317 There's plenty more where that came from, if you catch my drift, hmm? 346 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:21,417 Ah. You keep it, Arthur, and thank you for the show. 347 00:21:21,417 --> 00:21:25,417 - Naomi, get a license. Good luck. - Okay. 348 00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:27,917 What was that? Who are you? 349 00:21:27,917 --> 00:21:31,917 I'm just a ragged-trousered stranger with a crazy hat. 350 00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:35,017 Oh, my God. 351 00:21:35,217 --> 00:21:39,517 Arthur, your safari into the pointless ends now. Get in the car. 352 00:21:39,517 --> 00:21:43,017 No. It's okay. Uh, Hobson can't tell me what to do. 353 00:21:43,017 --> 00:21:47,717 Yes, I can. I work for his mother. Get in the car. Bitterman, open the door. 354 00:21:47,717 --> 00:21:50,817 - Bitterman, close that door. - Get in the car. 355 00:21:50,817 --> 00:21:52,917 - Not you, Bitterman. - Yes, you, Bitterman. 356 00:21:52,917 --> 00:21:56,117 I'm sorry. Who are you people? 357 00:21:56,117 --> 00:21:58,617 I'm his nanny. 358 00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:00,117 I'm not, I'm Bitterman. 359 00:22:00,117 --> 00:22:04,617 Well, I have to get back to our confused family over there, so have a nice day. 360 00:22:04,617 --> 00:22:06,817 Oh, hang... Uh, excuse me. 361 00:22:06,817 --> 00:22:10,117 Naomi Quinn, I'd like to see you again. 362 00:22:10,117 --> 00:22:13,717 - I don't date boys who have nannies. - Very wise choice. 363 00:22:13,717 --> 00:22:16,817 You're not the first woman who walks the streets for a living... 364 00:22:16,817 --> 00:22:19,917 ...that he's taken a liking to. 365 00:22:19,917 --> 00:22:23,817 Is she always with you? 366 00:22:23,817 --> 00:22:27,717 Okay. 917-176-2030. 367 00:22:28,317 --> 00:22:33,917 - Uh... Did you remember that? - No. 368 00:22:37,517 --> 00:22:40,117 Arthur, get in the car. 369 00:22:40,117 --> 00:22:45,317 I'm gonna get in the car now, but because I want to, not because you have told me to. 370 00:22:45,317 --> 00:22:46,917 Distinction. 371 00:22:46,917 --> 00:22:48,817 Bitterman. 372 00:22:48,817 --> 00:22:53,017 It was magical. We ran from the police, then we lied to them. 373 00:22:53,017 --> 00:22:57,417 - Have you ever had days like that, Evander? - I believe I have. 374 00:22:57,417 --> 00:23:01,817 Me and this girl are two perfectly matched opponents, like you and Mike Tyson. 375 00:23:01,817 --> 00:23:03,617 - She could be the one. - Yes. 376 00:23:03,617 --> 00:23:06,517 Oh. I'm so sorry. That went right through your guard. 377 00:23:06,517 --> 00:23:08,917 - Are you okay? - I'll make it. 378 00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:10,517 What I like about her, Naomi... 379 00:23:10,517 --> 00:23:13,317 ...is she's got a very unique way of seeing the world. 380 00:23:13,317 --> 00:23:14,717 So do flies. 381 00:23:14,717 --> 00:23:18,717 This is a repeat of when you were certain you needed a pet giraffe to be happy. 382 00:23:18,717 --> 00:23:22,417 - Well, you were bored after a week. - Because he ate his monocle. 383 00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:24,817 The brute had no regard for fashion, Evander. 384 00:23:24,817 --> 00:23:28,117 No, because you were from two different worlds, the same as this girl. 385 00:23:28,117 --> 00:23:33,017 Listen, could you just let me focus on my jab and refresh me, please? 386 00:23:33,017 --> 00:23:36,717 - Aah! That's vodka in there. - Refreshed? 387 00:23:36,717 --> 00:23:41,117 No, but I think some of it probably went in my bloodstream so it's not all bad news. 388 00:23:41,117 --> 00:23:43,317 - Get dressed. - Why? 389 00:23:43,317 --> 00:23:45,817 Because at 3:00 you're going to ask Burt Johnson... 390 00:23:45,817 --> 00:23:47,917 ...for his daughter's hand in marriage. 391 00:23:47,917 --> 00:23:51,417 I will do no such thing. I'm going to remain here and box with Evander. 392 00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:54,917 And then I shall have my music lesson with Kanye West as planned. 393 00:23:54,917 --> 00:23:57,817 Out, now. 394 00:23:59,017 --> 00:24:01,817 Make me. 395 00:24:04,117 --> 00:24:05,917 I'll just have a bit of fun with her. 396 00:24:05,917 --> 00:24:08,117 Use the old rope-a-dope, I should think. 397 00:24:08,117 --> 00:24:11,417 - Stick and move, like you taught me. - Arthur, after you're married... 398 00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:14,617 ...you're going to have to stop this obsession with random women. 399 00:24:14,617 --> 00:24:17,317 She is not a random woman, she understands me. 400 00:24:17,317 --> 00:24:24,117 She laughs at my jokes. She's like you, but with a more appropriate potential for sex. 401 00:24:24,117 --> 00:24:28,817 Ow! That really hurt. Evander, you assured me I was indestructible. 402 00:24:28,817 --> 00:24:31,517 Burt Johnson, 3:00. 403 00:24:31,517 --> 00:24:41,717 Evander, if he's not out of this ring in one minute, I'll bite your other ear off. 404 00:24:54,917 --> 00:24:57,617 What am I doing here, Bitterman? 405 00:24:57,617 --> 00:25:03,017 Uh, you asked me to drive you to the Burt Johnson Tower. 406 00:25:03,017 --> 00:25:06,117 - But if you were me... - I would like that very much. 407 00:25:06,117 --> 00:25:08,117 That's very flattering. 408 00:25:08,117 --> 00:25:12,117 But if you were me and you were in this situation... 409 00:25:12,117 --> 00:25:14,517 ...what would you do? What should I say? 410 00:25:14,517 --> 00:25:21,317 Uh, I'd go in there and say, um, "Mr. Johnson, I like your tower. 411 00:25:21,317 --> 00:25:23,217 But I love your daughter. " 412 00:25:23,217 --> 00:25:27,617 - But I don't love his daughter. - Don't say that, because then he'll say no. 413 00:25:27,617 --> 00:25:30,917 You've been very helpful. 414 00:25:30,917 --> 00:25:33,417 Put this on. Wait here. 415 00:25:33,417 --> 00:25:35,617 It's the same as your one. 416 00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:41,117 "BJ," I'll never get tired of that. 417 00:25:46,417 --> 00:25:50,317 Woo-hoo, Bitterman! 418 00:25:59,417 --> 00:26:02,017 Bloody hell. 419 00:26:02,017 --> 00:26:04,017 It's an apocalyptic future. 420 00:26:04,017 --> 00:26:07,617 The Upper East Side lay in absolute ruin. 421 00:26:07,617 --> 00:26:09,917 The machines have taken over, as usual. 422 00:26:09,917 --> 00:26:11,917 Ah, malevolent toaster. 423 00:26:11,917 --> 00:26:15,017 Only one man can save civilization. 424 00:26:15,017 --> 00:26:18,017 And that man is Arthur Bach. 425 00:26:18,017 --> 00:26:20,817 Justice! 426 00:26:33,217 --> 00:26:34,417 Hello, Arthur. 427 00:26:34,417 --> 00:26:38,917 - Uh, sorry, I've never used... - Never used what, Arthur? 428 00:26:38,917 --> 00:26:42,017 One of these guns what makes nails come out of it. 429 00:26:42,017 --> 00:26:46,517 Oh, the Grip-Rite GR 350. 430 00:26:46,817 --> 00:26:48,617 It's a good gun. 431 00:26:48,617 --> 00:26:53,217 It's lovely, isn't it? It's also one of my favorites. 432 00:26:53,217 --> 00:26:55,617 Do you know you've got nails sticking in you? 433 00:26:55,617 --> 00:26:58,417 Framing nails. 434 00:26:58,417 --> 00:27:01,317 Standard. 435 00:27:01,817 --> 00:27:04,717 Well, I love what you've done with the place, Burt. 436 00:27:04,717 --> 00:27:07,917 It reminds me of a gay club I went to once in Copenhagen. 437 00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:10,617 This is gonna be my new office. 438 00:27:10,617 --> 00:27:14,217 Oh, my God. I live right over there. 439 00:27:14,217 --> 00:27:18,317 I can see my living room, Burt. That's interesting. 440 00:27:18,317 --> 00:27:19,617 And frightening. 441 00:27:19,617 --> 00:27:23,817 Did you put this building here just so you can spy on me? 442 00:27:23,817 --> 00:27:26,417 Mm-hm. 443 00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:28,917 Shouldn't you be getting to the hospital? 444 00:27:28,917 --> 00:27:34,317 If I ran off to the hospital every time I got a little boo-boo... 445 00:27:34,317 --> 00:27:36,317 Yeah. What's a nail through the body? 446 00:27:36,317 --> 00:27:38,117 Made a hero out of Jesus. 447 00:27:38,117 --> 00:27:41,417 Uh, Burt, I'm starting to feel a bit queasy. 448 00:27:41,417 --> 00:27:44,517 Let's cut the bullshit, Arthur. I'm from Pittsburgh... 449 00:27:44,517 --> 00:27:46,817 ...and now I own skyscrapers. 450 00:27:46,817 --> 00:27:49,517 Unlike you, I wasn't given my billions. 451 00:27:49,517 --> 00:27:52,317 I took them. 452 00:27:52,317 --> 00:27:54,817 But you know... 453 00:27:54,817 --> 00:28:01,017 ...I'm actually fine with my little girl marrying you. 454 00:28:01,017 --> 00:28:02,517 Do you know why? 455 00:28:02,517 --> 00:28:05,117 Because you've lost a lot of blood and you're disoriented? 456 00:28:05,117 --> 00:28:08,617 My little Susan can turn you around. 457 00:28:08,617 --> 00:28:13,417 You know, she once bought a crack house and turned it into a condo. 458 00:28:13,417 --> 00:28:16,117 That's funny, I once did the exact opposite. 459 00:28:16,117 --> 00:28:21,417 Now, you listen to me carefully. I need to trust that you'll do what she says. 460 00:28:21,417 --> 00:28:23,917 - Yes. - Table saw. 461 00:28:23,917 --> 00:28:26,717 Most dangerous piece of equipment on a job site. 462 00:28:26,717 --> 00:28:29,917 Hands five inches on either side of the blade and you'll be fine. 463 00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:33,417 - No, I don't like things like this. - Come on. You can do it. 464 00:28:33,417 --> 00:28:39,317 No... Just, uh... Just push it through. 465 00:28:39,817 --> 00:28:43,217 I did it, Burt! I did a man thing! That was incredible. 466 00:28:43,217 --> 00:28:46,517 - Let's saw something else in half. - How about your finger? 467 00:28:46,517 --> 00:28:47,817 My finger? 468 00:28:47,817 --> 00:28:52,217 It's okay, the saw has a safety device. It detects moisture. 469 00:28:52,217 --> 00:28:56,917 Anything containing moisture touches that blade, and bam, it'll stop. 470 00:28:56,917 --> 00:28:59,517 That sounds a little bit risky to me, Burt. 471 00:28:59,517 --> 00:29:01,617 Use your tongue. 472 00:29:01,617 --> 00:29:04,417 - My tongue? - Plenty of moisture in your tongue. 473 00:29:04,417 --> 00:29:06,917 Oh, no. I don't think I should do that, Burt. 474 00:29:06,917 --> 00:29:10,417 I think I'd like to go back over there now to house. 475 00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:12,917 - No, Burt! What are you doing? - Lick the saw! 476 00:29:12,917 --> 00:29:15,717 No, Burt. You've taken leave of your senses. 477 00:29:15,717 --> 00:29:19,617 You need to stick out your tongue or it won't sense the moisture. 478 00:29:19,617 --> 00:29:23,217 I want my nanny. 479 00:29:43,817 --> 00:29:47,917 Mr. Johnson, a very wise man once said: 480 00:29:47,917 --> 00:29:52,517 "I like your tower, but I love your daughter." 481 00:29:52,517 --> 00:29:54,417 Can I marry her, please? 482 00:29:54,417 --> 00:29:56,917 Sure. 483 00:29:59,617 --> 00:30:02,517 - Pascal, I'm gonna have the veal. - Excellent choice. 484 00:30:02,517 --> 00:30:05,917 Could you tell Jerome, please, that it was a little dry last time? 485 00:30:05,917 --> 00:30:07,517 - I will see to it. - Thank you. 486 00:30:07,517 --> 00:30:13,717 - For you, sir? - Just a caldron of tequila and a spoon. 487 00:30:13,717 --> 00:30:15,917 I hear you have something to ask me. 488 00:30:15,917 --> 00:30:17,917 Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact, Susan. 489 00:30:17,917 --> 00:30:20,917 Would you mind telling me what the bloody hell's been going on? 490 00:30:20,917 --> 00:30:23,917 We're having a magical night. I don't understand. 491 00:30:23,917 --> 00:30:26,717 You don't understand that there's a macabre conspiracy... 492 00:30:26,717 --> 00:30:29,517 ...to inveigle me into a loveless marriage. Susan, we... 493 00:30:29,517 --> 00:30:31,917 - "Loveless marriage." - We should not get married. 494 00:30:31,917 --> 00:30:34,317 We don't have anything in common, do we? 495 00:30:34,317 --> 00:30:39,017 I mean, we don't like the same food. Veal? I think that's really cruel. 496 00:30:39,017 --> 00:30:41,517 Do you like it because it's cruel? 497 00:30:41,517 --> 00:30:44,317 We don't like the same people, music. 498 00:30:44,317 --> 00:30:46,217 You love horses. 499 00:30:46,217 --> 00:30:48,017 - I do. - I don't trust them. 500 00:30:48,017 --> 00:30:50,317 - Think about this. - Their eyes, their sneaky feet. 501 00:30:50,317 --> 00:30:54,017 - This is a business... Stay with me. - Their shoes are permanent. 502 00:30:54,017 --> 00:30:57,017 - All you have to do... - Who makes that commitment to a shoe? 503 00:30:57,017 --> 00:31:02,317 - Most marriages devolve eventually. - Mean faces. 504 00:31:02,317 --> 00:31:04,317 This is all it is, it's a business partnership. 505 00:31:04,317 --> 00:31:08,217 With the added benefit of attraction. 506 00:31:08,217 --> 00:31:12,617 Undeniably, you have got something dark and twisted in you. 507 00:31:12,617 --> 00:31:16,317 And for awhile, I thought I might be able to bugger it out. 508 00:31:16,317 --> 00:31:19,217 But I tried really hard and I think it's still in there. 509 00:31:19,217 --> 00:31:22,417 Reach into your pocket, pull out the ring, and say four little words. 510 00:31:22,417 --> 00:31:25,217 Okay. Uh, I don't love you. 511 00:31:25,217 --> 00:31:27,017 Try again. 512 00:31:27,017 --> 00:31:28,517 I like other girls. 513 00:31:28,517 --> 00:31:33,017 - Oh, well, me too. Let's invite one over. - I'll embarrass you. Daily. 514 00:31:33,017 --> 00:31:36,817 For example, look, I'm quite capable of this kind of conduct. 515 00:31:36,817 --> 00:31:39,217 I've seen it before. 516 00:31:39,217 --> 00:31:41,617 All right. Yes. 517 00:31:41,617 --> 00:31:48,917 That's just part of my repertoire. By thunder, here's a pretty dame. 518 00:31:48,917 --> 00:31:53,117 There. Hmm? What do you think about that? She's probably pregnant. 519 00:31:53,117 --> 00:31:56,117 - Well done. Go on. - Okay. 520 00:31:56,117 --> 00:31:58,117 Where's the kitchen? I'm going to the kitchen. 521 00:31:58,117 --> 00:32:01,117 - Coming in the kitchen. - Isn't he mad? 522 00:32:01,117 --> 00:32:02,617 I'm a naughty robot. 523 00:32:02,617 --> 00:32:04,917 - But I just love him. - I've got tin titties. 524 00:32:04,917 --> 00:32:10,117 This is what you're doing to me. This is how I feel. 525 00:32:10,117 --> 00:32:13,017 - I think this sausage is cooked. - Pascal, drinks, for everyone. 526 00:32:13,017 --> 00:32:17,017 I'll tell you what, it's a lot more fun in that bloody kitchen. 527 00:32:17,017 --> 00:32:24,517 Daddy did, uh, show you his little table saw, didn't he? 528 00:32:24,517 --> 00:32:29,017 Turn around and tell everyone you're crazy when you're in love. Ready? Go. 529 00:32:29,017 --> 00:32:36,617 I don't know why I did all of those things just then. I go crazy when I'm in love. 530 00:32:36,617 --> 00:32:37,917 Sit down. Great. 531 00:32:37,917 --> 00:32:41,617 Help me. Help me. 532 00:32:42,017 --> 00:32:46,517 Embarrassing me or your family is the one thing that will not be tolerated. 533 00:32:46,517 --> 00:32:48,517 - Is that clear? - Yes, please. 534 00:32:48,517 --> 00:32:55,917 Sweet boy, this can all be a ton of fun if you let it. 535 00:32:58,817 --> 00:33:02,317 Shall we try again? 536 00:33:02,317 --> 00:33:08,217 On one knee. I'm just an old-fashioned girl. Just go ahead. 537 00:33:08,217 --> 00:33:10,817 Susan. Pfft. 538 00:33:10,817 --> 00:33:14,317 - Are you sure about this? - You're running from yourself, Arthur. 539 00:33:14,317 --> 00:33:16,717 I wish I was, because I'd let me get away. 540 00:33:16,717 --> 00:33:19,417 Ask me. Ask me. 541 00:33:19,417 --> 00:33:21,317 Have it. Go on. 542 00:33:21,317 --> 00:33:24,317 Yes, Arthur. 543 00:33:24,317 --> 00:33:30,217 Madames et monsieurs, the happy couple. 544 00:33:32,717 --> 00:33:35,017 Ah! 545 00:33:57,917 --> 00:34:00,717 Aspirin. 546 00:34:01,117 --> 00:34:03,217 Give me the whole bottle. My life's over. 547 00:34:03,217 --> 00:34:06,517 You're gonna be looked after and you're gonna stay fabulously rich. 548 00:34:06,517 --> 00:34:11,517 Maybe I'd rather be fabulously poor. Some poor people I see look really happy. 549 00:34:11,517 --> 00:34:15,517 That's because they're far away or you've given them money. 550 00:34:15,517 --> 00:34:18,217 What do you know, Alfred? 551 00:34:18,217 --> 00:34:21,617 Arthur, poor people have to work. 552 00:34:21,617 --> 00:34:25,917 They have to stand in the rain waiting for buses to take them to things called jobs... 553 00:34:25,917 --> 00:34:29,217 ...which they have to do all year round for holidays away from those jobs. 554 00:34:29,217 --> 00:34:34,217 Don't patronize me, Snobson. I know what a jobs are. 555 00:34:34,217 --> 00:34:36,417 I model riding boots, don't I? 556 00:34:36,417 --> 00:34:47,017 Posing in riding boots for another pampered prick is not a job. Now take your vitamin. 557 00:34:49,717 --> 00:34:52,317 - I erased her number. - Hobson, I have to see her. 558 00:34:52,317 --> 00:34:54,617 We'll unravel this engagement bollocks later. 559 00:34:54,617 --> 00:34:59,617 Arthur, you made the choice. An engagement is a promise. 560 00:34:59,617 --> 00:35:02,517 Be a man. 561 00:35:11,617 --> 00:35:14,417 Continuing on, this is Grand Central Terminal... 562 00:35:14,417 --> 00:35:18,717 ...and it is home to more than 750,000 commuters a day. 563 00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:22,117 Boring. What a tiresome fact that was. 564 00:35:22,117 --> 00:35:26,717 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, this is a classic New York architectural feature: 565 00:35:26,717 --> 00:35:29,217 The man who takes your number and then never calls you. 566 00:35:29,217 --> 00:35:30,417 Ooh. 567 00:35:30,417 --> 00:35:33,117 - I'm bored too. - Yeah, he's bored, I'm bored... 568 00:35:33,117 --> 00:35:37,617 ...the whole tour is really bored. Come on, liven it up, lady. 569 00:35:37,617 --> 00:35:39,317 Okay, well, what about this: 570 00:35:39,317 --> 00:35:41,517 See that clock up there? See those statues? 571 00:35:41,517 --> 00:35:44,817 That's Jupiter and Minerva and Hercules. 572 00:35:44,817 --> 00:35:47,817 When the clock strikes 12, they reach down and they stop time. 573 00:35:47,817 --> 00:35:51,817 And then they go out on the town. They go swim in the Hudson and cavort at the zoo. 574 00:35:51,817 --> 00:35:55,317 - Sometimes they even go to a strip club. - Oh, okay. 575 00:35:55,317 --> 00:35:57,317 Okay, guys, that's the end of your tour. Um... 576 00:35:57,317 --> 00:36:02,817 Your complimentary pretzel awaits. It's only $5. 577 00:36:02,817 --> 00:36:05,117 - Wow, you look really, really amazing. - Okay. 578 00:36:05,117 --> 00:36:07,217 - I've got something to show you. - I don't... 579 00:36:07,217 --> 00:36:09,017 We're on a tight schedule. Come. 580 00:36:09,017 --> 00:36:13,417 - Okay. - Stop thinking. 581 00:36:16,417 --> 00:36:19,817 Um, Arthur, there are no people. Where are the people? 582 00:36:19,817 --> 00:36:25,217 The people have been rerouted for 45 minutes by me for you. 583 00:36:25,217 --> 00:36:32,017 It's sort of romantic, but in another way, it's incredibly selfish of you. 584 00:36:32,017 --> 00:36:35,117 Grand Central. 585 00:36:35,117 --> 00:36:37,517 Rose petals. 586 00:36:37,517 --> 00:36:41,417 Dinner. Oh, my God. 587 00:36:43,017 --> 00:36:44,817 This is our first date. 588 00:36:44,817 --> 00:36:49,117 Oh, is that what we said to the police officer? I'd quite forgotten. 589 00:36:49,117 --> 00:36:51,817 Wait, I'm not getting naked. 590 00:36:51,817 --> 00:36:55,717 Don't rule it out at this stage, it takes some of the pizzazz out of the evening. 591 00:36:55,717 --> 00:36:58,517 It's like we're the last people on the planet. 592 00:36:58,517 --> 00:37:03,717 Wow, this is amazing. Thank you. 593 00:37:09,617 --> 00:37:13,117 - There's a waiter on that escalator. - Shh. 594 00:37:13,117 --> 00:37:15,717 He's in formal attire. 595 00:37:15,717 --> 00:37:21,817 - He's carrying a platter. - Wait for it. 596 00:37:25,617 --> 00:37:28,617 Excellent. 597 00:37:29,117 --> 00:37:32,717 - Your dinner, madam. - Thank you. 598 00:37:32,717 --> 00:37:35,117 PEZ. 599 00:37:35,717 --> 00:37:40,717 These are us as PEZ heads? Ha, ha. 600 00:37:40,717 --> 00:37:43,217 You're the cute one. Well, the cuter one. 601 00:37:43,217 --> 00:37:44,617 Do you want me? 602 00:37:44,617 --> 00:37:47,817 - Thank you. - Ha, ha. 603 00:37:47,817 --> 00:37:49,717 Hey, you know, as soon as I saw you... 604 00:37:49,717 --> 00:37:52,817 ...I knew I wanted to eat candy bricks out of your neck hole. 605 00:37:52,817 --> 00:37:55,417 You're not the first. 606 00:37:55,417 --> 00:37:58,217 What do you think? Do you like it? 607 00:37:58,217 --> 00:38:01,317 Well, on my last date... 608 00:38:01,317 --> 00:38:05,617 ...the guy told me that I could only eat salad and then he said he was gay. 609 00:38:05,617 --> 00:38:06,917 - This is better. - Yeah. 610 00:38:06,917 --> 00:38:08,817 I mean, I'm heterosexual, so... 611 00:38:08,817 --> 00:38:11,217 Oh, already winning. 612 00:38:11,217 --> 00:38:13,917 Did you know that the zodiac is painted on backwards? 613 00:38:13,917 --> 00:38:18,117 It was a goof by the artist, but then the Vanderbilts, who commissioned the place... 614 00:38:18,117 --> 00:38:20,717 ...said that it was God's view of the heavens. 615 00:38:20,717 --> 00:38:25,217 Trust the Vanderbilts to see the world from God's perspective. 616 00:38:25,217 --> 00:38:27,217 There's a woman jumping behind you. 617 00:38:27,217 --> 00:38:32,617 Oh, yeah. I promised you acrobats. 618 00:38:33,817 --> 00:38:36,917 Arthur, this is... This is insane. 619 00:38:36,917 --> 00:38:39,517 Yeah, this is what money is for. 620 00:38:39,517 --> 00:38:46,317 Creating excitement and joy and acrobats and PEZ heads and... 621 00:38:46,317 --> 00:38:47,617 Italy. 622 00:38:47,617 --> 00:38:49,617 - What? - Let's go to Italy. 623 00:38:49,617 --> 00:38:52,217 Okay, let's go. When do you wanna go to Italy? 624 00:38:52,217 --> 00:38:58,817 - Tonight. I'll charter a jet. Giuseppe, hi. - I can't go to Italy with you tonight. 625 00:38:58,817 --> 00:39:00,717 Excuse me. 626 00:39:00,717 --> 00:39:02,017 - Naomi... - Mm-hm? 627 00:39:02,017 --> 00:39:04,017 ...I'm talking about Tuscany. 628 00:39:04,017 --> 00:39:08,017 White truffle gelato. Have you ever tasted white truffle gelato? 629 00:39:08,017 --> 00:39:10,317 It makes all other gelato taste like shit. 630 00:39:10,317 --> 00:39:16,517 Arthur, you emptied out Grand Central Station. 631 00:39:16,517 --> 00:39:20,817 Can't you just be here? 632 00:39:22,517 --> 00:39:26,217 Can I show you something? 633 00:39:26,217 --> 00:39:28,417 After we moved to New York when I was 11... 634 00:39:28,417 --> 00:39:30,917 ...my mom used to bring me down here all the time. 635 00:39:30,917 --> 00:39:34,017 We'd take the train in from Queens. 636 00:39:34,017 --> 00:39:37,917 This is the Whisper Wall. It's a really special place. 637 00:39:37,917 --> 00:39:41,617 Okay, you have to go in that corner, and I'll be over here. 638 00:39:41,617 --> 00:39:43,917 And say something. 639 00:39:43,917 --> 00:39:45,417 What? 640 00:39:45,417 --> 00:39:46,917 I don't know, anything. 641 00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:52,717 Oh, you could call me up and ask me out, like you failed to do. 642 00:39:52,717 --> 00:39:55,717 Good idea. 643 00:39:57,717 --> 00:40:01,217 Hello, this is Arthur. Is Naomi there, please? 644 00:40:01,217 --> 00:40:03,617 Yes, this is Naomi. 645 00:40:03,617 --> 00:40:07,617 My God, that's amazing. You're over there, but I can hear you perfectly over here. 646 00:40:07,617 --> 00:40:10,417 - It's acoustics. - Wow. 647 00:40:10,417 --> 00:40:12,217 I'm gonna buy one of these. 648 00:40:12,217 --> 00:40:15,117 You don't have to buy it, it's free. 649 00:40:15,117 --> 00:40:17,817 Incredible. 650 00:40:17,817 --> 00:40:20,217 I was just having a phone call, so I've gotta go back. 651 00:40:20,217 --> 00:40:22,517 Oh. 652 00:40:22,717 --> 00:40:30,617 If you're, um, not too busy, would you like to maybe go on a date with me? 653 00:40:30,617 --> 00:40:35,317 Actually, I'm free right now if you'd like to do something simple. 654 00:40:35,317 --> 00:40:38,817 Food, my house? 655 00:40:47,617 --> 00:40:49,817 What is this, please? 656 00:40:49,817 --> 00:40:54,217 - Oh, this is, um, generic brand Saucy-Os. - Saucy-Os. 657 00:40:54,217 --> 00:40:59,717 Yeah. It's one of the few times the generic brand's actually better than the real thing. 658 00:40:59,717 --> 00:41:03,917 Something happens in the factory. 659 00:41:03,917 --> 00:41:05,317 It's delicious. 660 00:41:05,317 --> 00:41:07,117 Welcome to the life of humans. 661 00:41:07,117 --> 00:41:11,217 It is the culinary success of the season. 662 00:41:11,217 --> 00:41:12,917 - Mademoiselle, you are... - Shh. Shh. Shh. 663 00:41:12,917 --> 00:41:15,217 - What? - My dad is asleep. 664 00:41:15,217 --> 00:41:18,017 But your mum wears earplugs, so we don't need to worry about her. 665 00:41:18,017 --> 00:41:21,117 My mom doesn't wear anything anymore. 666 00:41:21,117 --> 00:41:23,817 Naked. Sleeping au naturel. 667 00:41:23,817 --> 00:41:26,917 She's dead. 668 00:41:26,917 --> 00:41:28,517 I'm so sorry. 669 00:41:28,517 --> 00:41:31,317 She died, um, last year. 670 00:41:31,317 --> 00:41:35,617 It's really recent, and I made a joke about your dead nude mum. I'm so sorry, Naomi. 671 00:41:35,617 --> 00:41:39,817 - No, no, no, really, it's okay. - I'm always doing things like that. 672 00:41:39,817 --> 00:41:44,217 If it's any consolation, my dad is similarly deceased. 673 00:41:44,217 --> 00:41:46,117 I'm so sorry. Was that recent? 674 00:41:46,117 --> 00:41:50,217 No, it was when I was a child, so you've won that round, but, uh... 675 00:41:50,217 --> 00:41:52,217 - Point, Naomi. - Right, well done. 676 00:41:52,217 --> 00:41:55,217 You're winning, but it's not too late for me to run home... 677 00:41:55,217 --> 00:41:57,917 ...and butcher my mother just to edge into the lead. 678 00:41:57,917 --> 00:42:00,317 Uh, no. My dad died when I was a kid. 679 00:42:00,317 --> 00:42:04,517 He was by all accounts a very sensible, uh, frugal man... 680 00:42:04,517 --> 00:42:07,017 ...who didn't drink, didn't smoke, walked everywhere. 681 00:42:07,017 --> 00:42:08,217 Hmm. 682 00:42:08,217 --> 00:42:11,517 Dropped dead of a heart attack when he was 44. 683 00:42:11,517 --> 00:42:14,417 Lesson being, why bother taking care of yourself? 684 00:42:14,417 --> 00:42:16,517 - Cheers. - I don't think that's the lesson. 685 00:42:16,517 --> 00:42:18,317 - It's the lesson I learned. - Cheers. 686 00:42:18,317 --> 00:42:20,617 Mm. 687 00:42:21,517 --> 00:42:23,017 Ah. 688 00:42:23,017 --> 00:42:25,417 No, thanks. 689 00:42:25,417 --> 00:42:27,017 What were you like as a kid? 690 00:42:27,017 --> 00:42:30,517 Well, ha, ha, aside from being grief-stricken... 691 00:42:30,517 --> 00:42:33,517 - Ha, ha, yes. - I was kind of little... 692 00:42:33,517 --> 00:42:35,517 ...and I didn't drink so much then. 693 00:42:35,517 --> 00:42:38,917 What about you? Did you drink much as a child? 694 00:42:38,917 --> 00:42:40,317 Strictly juice boxes. 695 00:42:40,317 --> 00:42:42,517 - What a weirdo. - I was a weirdo. 696 00:42:42,517 --> 00:42:44,817 I thought that the moon followed me everywhere. 697 00:42:44,817 --> 00:42:47,217 I thought it meant something special was gonna happen. 698 00:42:47,217 --> 00:42:50,217 Well, that's a pretty ridiculous hypotheses, Naomi... 699 00:42:50,217 --> 00:42:54,917 ...because by that notion, the moon would be out there right n... 700 00:42:54,917 --> 00:42:58,617 Naomi, the moon is literally out there right now spying on us... 701 00:42:58,617 --> 00:43:02,517 ...his light shining down on your face and clutter. 702 00:43:02,517 --> 00:43:06,417 What is all these things? 703 00:43:06,417 --> 00:43:08,217 - My dad's pills. - Hmm. 704 00:43:08,217 --> 00:43:12,517 Got a lot of incriminating stuff lying around in here young la... What's this for? 705 00:43:12,517 --> 00:43:14,417 - That's nothing. That's... - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 706 00:43:14,417 --> 00:43:18,617 This is not nothing. This is something. 707 00:43:18,617 --> 00:43:22,117 I used to write stories and draw pictures for kids. 708 00:43:22,117 --> 00:43:23,917 Ah. 709 00:43:23,917 --> 00:43:25,117 Wow. 710 00:43:25,117 --> 00:43:28,417 "The Statue of Liberty had traveled all the way from France. 711 00:43:28,417 --> 00:43:32,617 She missed her friend, the Eiffel Tower, and her arm hurt. " 712 00:43:32,617 --> 00:43:35,317 - Naomi, that's wonderful. - Thank you. 713 00:43:35,317 --> 00:43:39,117 In this, the Statue of Liberty is a lonely French giant. 714 00:43:39,117 --> 00:43:44,617 Yeah. And she stays lonely until she meets her friend, the Chrysler Building. 715 00:43:44,617 --> 00:43:47,317 That's brilliant, Naomi. 716 00:43:47,317 --> 00:43:51,117 You should quit your job and focus all your energy on this. 717 00:43:51,117 --> 00:43:53,217 - I can't. - Why? What have you got to lose? 718 00:43:53,217 --> 00:43:55,117 The house and electricity and... 719 00:43:55,117 --> 00:43:58,817 You can pay for all those things when this is published. 720 00:43:58,817 --> 00:44:04,017 Arthur, things like that don't happen to people like me. 721 00:44:04,017 --> 00:44:10,117 Then why is the moon still following you? 722 00:44:11,117 --> 00:44:13,817 But this doesn't wake your father? 723 00:44:13,817 --> 00:44:18,017 - He's used to this. - This could wake my father. 724 00:44:18,017 --> 00:44:21,517 From his grave. 725 00:44:21,617 --> 00:44:24,017 Okay, lovely, but a little closer together. 726 00:44:24,017 --> 00:44:26,917 All right. Smile, Daddy, smile. 727 00:44:26,917 --> 00:44:31,817 Okay, and now, I'd love to see some more love. 728 00:44:31,817 --> 00:44:33,517 What is this? 729 00:44:33,517 --> 00:44:35,717 Your engagement photo for Town and Country. 730 00:44:35,717 --> 00:44:37,817 How about a couple of you and your mum? 731 00:44:37,817 --> 00:44:39,517 Oh, all right, yeah. Okay. 732 00:44:39,517 --> 00:44:41,517 All right. 733 00:44:41,517 --> 00:44:43,717 - Vivienne? - Yes, Arthur? 734 00:44:43,717 --> 00:44:45,217 If hypothetically... 735 00:44:45,217 --> 00:44:49,717 ...uh, I was to develop feelings for a woman who isn't exactly Susan... 736 00:44:49,717 --> 00:44:53,017 ...kind of an un-Susan, an anti-Susan, as it were... 737 00:44:53,017 --> 00:44:56,817 ...um, how would that make you feel, hypothetically? 738 00:44:56,817 --> 00:44:59,717 Hypothetically, I'd say congratulations. 739 00:44:59,717 --> 00:45:02,317 But unfortunately, the most magical relationships... 740 00:45:02,317 --> 00:45:04,717 ...will wilt in the midst of grinding poverty. 741 00:45:04,717 --> 00:45:07,217 Wonderful. Arthur, how about a few of you... 742 00:45:07,217 --> 00:45:09,417 ...and your future father-in-law? - What? No, no. 743 00:45:09,417 --> 00:45:13,217 - Ha, ha. Hello, Burt. - Hello. 744 00:45:13,217 --> 00:45:15,917 I'll never get used to that handshake. 745 00:45:15,917 --> 00:45:18,017 Where were you last night, Arthur? 746 00:45:18,017 --> 00:45:19,517 What? Just at home. Home. 747 00:45:19,517 --> 00:45:21,417 You sure about that? 748 00:45:21,417 --> 00:45:23,317 - Yes. - My turn, Daddy. 749 00:45:23,317 --> 00:45:25,217 - Oh, Jesus. - Oh, great. 750 00:45:25,217 --> 00:45:28,717 This is for the cover shot. I need the bride and the groom, please. 751 00:45:28,717 --> 00:45:30,217 Get on the horse, Arthur. 752 00:45:30,217 --> 00:45:33,417 I love animals, but I don't trust you. 753 00:45:33,417 --> 00:45:35,217 Get on the horse. 754 00:45:35,217 --> 00:45:37,617 You will not make me cry today. 755 00:45:37,617 --> 00:45:41,717 For the riding boot shoots, we use a stuffed horse or sometimes a girl. 756 00:45:41,717 --> 00:45:43,717 - Maybe Daddy could help? - Yeah, let me help. 757 00:45:43,717 --> 00:45:45,817 - No, it's all right, Burt. - Help him up. 758 00:45:45,817 --> 00:45:48,917 You're a weak man, Burt. Burt. No, Burt, you're... That doesn't help. 759 00:45:48,917 --> 00:45:52,017 Ow! Oh, my God. Burt, you're not qualified. 760 00:45:52,017 --> 00:45:53,817 Aah! Ha, ha. 761 00:45:53,817 --> 00:45:55,917 That was no trouble. That was no tr... 762 00:45:55,917 --> 00:45:59,217 What a lot of fuss. What a lot of fuss about nothing. 763 00:45:59,217 --> 00:46:01,117 Okay, lovely. 764 00:46:01,117 --> 00:46:03,417 Who is she, Arthur? 765 00:46:03,417 --> 00:46:06,817 I don't know, I imagine she's called Trixy or Rocket. Something like that. 766 00:46:06,817 --> 00:46:08,917 Not the horse. The girl. 767 00:46:08,917 --> 00:46:11,017 I don't know what you mean. 768 00:46:11,017 --> 00:46:14,317 We'll be right back. Excuse us. 769 00:46:14,317 --> 00:46:16,417 Wha...? Aah! I didn't agree to this. 770 00:46:16,417 --> 00:46:19,117 First your father, now the horse. 771 00:46:19,117 --> 00:46:22,117 When will my testicles get some rest? 772 00:46:22,117 --> 00:46:26,817 Delaying a hundred commuter trains for a secret date wasn't the smartest move. 773 00:46:26,817 --> 00:46:28,717 It was in The Times and the Post. 774 00:46:28,717 --> 00:46:32,317 I must've hurt you with that. I understand if you wanna cancel the wedding. 775 00:46:32,317 --> 00:46:36,317 We're not gonna cancel the wedding. It's happening as scheduled. End of story. 776 00:46:36,317 --> 00:46:40,517 Are those gonna be your vows? "To death do us part, as scheduled"? 777 00:46:40,517 --> 00:46:44,717 Listen, Susan, is this about money? I've got news for you, you're already rich. 778 00:46:44,717 --> 00:46:48,617 I'm not you rich, Arthur. My family doesn't have a coat of arms. 779 00:46:48,617 --> 00:46:51,317 I'll draw you one. It's quite simple. It's usually just a sword. 780 00:46:51,317 --> 00:46:53,117 I hear them whisper at functions. 781 00:46:53,117 --> 00:46:56,517 In their eyes, I'm just the daughter of a contractor from Pittsburgh. 782 00:46:56,517 --> 00:46:57,817 They sneer when I walk past. 783 00:46:57,817 --> 00:47:05,417 That's probably just because of who you are as a person. 784 00:47:06,317 --> 00:47:09,417 Bach Worldwide has been run by a Bach for generations. 785 00:47:09,417 --> 00:47:13,017 Susan Johnson-Bach will be in control of one of the largest trusts in the world. 786 00:47:13,017 --> 00:47:16,317 You're not gonna get in my way. Say goodbye to your little girlfriend. 787 00:47:16,317 --> 00:47:20,417 But Vivienne. Susienne. Satan. Susan. I like this girl. 788 00:47:20,417 --> 00:47:24,217 We connect, she and I. She's spontaneous and... 789 00:47:24,217 --> 00:47:26,017 I'm spontaneous. 790 00:47:26,017 --> 00:47:29,117 Really? You planned to confront me during a contrived photo shoot... 791 00:47:29,117 --> 00:47:31,517 ...wearing an outfit you selected when you were a child. 792 00:47:31,517 --> 00:47:32,817 Ow! 793 00:47:32,817 --> 00:47:35,317 Okay, lovebirds, are you ready? 794 00:47:35,317 --> 00:47:38,217 Don't forget, it's all about the eyes. Those happy eyes. 795 00:47:38,217 --> 00:47:39,517 You embarrassed me. 796 00:47:39,517 --> 00:47:41,517 Embarrass me again and my father will cut off... 797 00:47:41,517 --> 00:47:42,717 I know, my tongue. 798 00:47:42,717 --> 00:47:44,717 No, your balls. 799 00:47:44,717 --> 00:47:49,217 Not if I keep them moist. 800 00:47:52,917 --> 00:47:54,817 Thoughts, Hobnobs? 801 00:47:54,817 --> 00:47:58,417 I think you're engaged, and going out with Naomi is a really bad idea. 802 00:47:58,417 --> 00:48:00,917 Exactly. 803 00:48:00,917 --> 00:48:06,217 Which is why I've invited her here. 804 00:48:06,217 --> 00:48:07,817 Arthur, think. 805 00:48:07,817 --> 00:48:11,617 I have thinked. And that is why we're all gonna hang out together. 806 00:48:11,617 --> 00:48:14,717 I've never hung out in my life. I'm not gonna start tonight. 807 00:48:14,717 --> 00:48:17,717 Hobson, if you get to know this girl, you're gonna love her. 808 00:48:17,717 --> 00:48:20,217 Arthur, you must tell Naomi you're getting married. 809 00:48:20,217 --> 00:48:23,817 You don't think that might rather mar the romance of the evening? 810 00:48:23,817 --> 00:48:26,417 Hello, Arthur. 811 00:48:26,417 --> 00:48:30,417 - Hi, Hobson. - Hello, Susan. How nice to see you. 812 00:48:30,417 --> 00:48:33,917 Can you just give us one little minute? 813 00:48:33,917 --> 00:48:36,217 Yes, of course. 814 00:48:36,217 --> 00:48:39,217 Thank you. 815 00:48:40,917 --> 00:48:43,517 Mm-mm. 816 00:48:43,917 --> 00:48:46,417 - What was that? - A French kiss. 817 00:48:46,417 --> 00:48:48,517 Really? Because the French always surrender. 818 00:48:48,517 --> 00:48:50,217 That was decidedly German. 819 00:48:50,217 --> 00:48:52,717 I was just at home feeling spontaneous. 820 00:48:52,717 --> 00:48:55,417 I decided to put on a little something spontaneous... 821 00:48:55,417 --> 00:48:58,517 ...and come over here spontaneously. 822 00:48:58,517 --> 00:49:05,817 Susan, mentally ill people are spontaneous. It's all about context. 823 00:49:05,817 --> 00:49:11,717 Oh, good, this is happening now. Shall we go to the bedroom? 824 00:49:11,717 --> 00:49:13,217 - You're a bit drunk. - Okay. 825 00:49:13,217 --> 00:49:16,917 So you just, uh... You wait here. Oh, no. 826 00:49:16,917 --> 00:49:19,117 Oh-ho. Lovely. That's come off. 827 00:49:19,117 --> 00:49:22,317 - Um, I'm gonna get ice. - What do you have in mind? 828 00:49:22,317 --> 00:49:25,217 Uh, I imagine there'll be some injuries. It'll reduce the swelling. 829 00:49:25,217 --> 00:49:27,817 Hurry. 830 00:49:29,517 --> 00:49:31,617 Naomi, I'm very happy to see you. 831 00:49:31,617 --> 00:49:34,417 - You are? - Um... 832 00:49:34,417 --> 00:49:36,317 Naomi, I'm so glad you're here. 833 00:49:36,317 --> 00:49:40,417 Um, did you kill Minnie Mouse or did she surrender her dress willingly? 834 00:49:40,417 --> 00:49:43,017 If it makes you feel better, she didn't suffer. 835 00:49:43,017 --> 00:49:46,117 Well, this is all very nice. Come in, Naomi. Come in. 836 00:49:46,117 --> 00:49:48,317 Now, I know we were gonna have a night in... 837 00:49:48,317 --> 00:49:51,317 - I can see why. - But, actually, why don't we...? 838 00:49:51,317 --> 00:49:53,817 - This is amazing. - Uh, no. Um... 839 00:49:53,817 --> 00:49:56,617 - That fish looks like a cat. - Naomi. No, it doesn't. 840 00:49:56,617 --> 00:49:59,017 - Wow, bubblegum rocket. - Don't look at that. 841 00:49:59,017 --> 00:50:01,817 Now, tell me where the room filled with buckets of gold is. 842 00:50:01,817 --> 00:50:04,317 It's over here, away from the bedroom, actually. 843 00:50:04,317 --> 00:50:06,917 You have a glittery camel. Why? 844 00:50:06,917 --> 00:50:08,817 They're 10 a penny in England. Ignore that. 845 00:50:08,817 --> 00:50:13,817 Naomi, let me give you a full tour of the apartment while Arthur primps himself. 846 00:50:13,817 --> 00:50:16,217 I'll be primping. I've gotta primp. 847 00:50:16,217 --> 00:50:20,217 - Oh, that's you. - Yes, thank you. 848 00:50:20,217 --> 00:50:23,217 Ah, Susan. 849 00:50:24,817 --> 00:50:26,817 You're posing suggestively. 850 00:50:26,817 --> 00:50:30,517 Do you like it, my fiancé? 851 00:50:30,517 --> 00:50:31,717 Buckets of gold? 852 00:50:31,717 --> 00:50:34,417 Broken lunar module. Silly bugger drove it down the stairs. 853 00:50:34,417 --> 00:50:39,517 Come through here. This should keep your eyes off the valuables for a few minutes. 854 00:50:39,517 --> 00:50:41,917 Get out. 855 00:50:41,917 --> 00:50:45,617 Oh, I love Looney Tunes. 856 00:50:45,617 --> 00:50:47,217 Are these always playing? 857 00:50:47,217 --> 00:50:51,217 No, it, uh, alternates between this and historical documentaries. 858 00:50:51,217 --> 00:50:54,617 - Really? - No. Just this. 859 00:50:54,617 --> 00:51:00,817 Okay, I just have to get the perfect place. 860 00:51:00,817 --> 00:51:02,217 Yes. 861 00:51:02,217 --> 00:51:04,617 Your friend will be with you shortly. 862 00:51:04,617 --> 00:51:08,117 Thank you. Oh, wait, don't you wanna stay? This is a really good one. 863 00:51:08,117 --> 00:51:11,817 Pepé tries to kiss Penelope Pussycat, but then he falls off the boat. 864 00:51:11,817 --> 00:51:14,017 You forgot to say "spoiler alert." 865 00:51:14,017 --> 00:51:20,017 You are my peanut and I am your brittle. 866 00:51:20,417 --> 00:51:24,717 - Ooh. - I'm Susan Johnson, your fiancée. 867 00:51:24,717 --> 00:51:26,717 - That's the problem, actually. - Come on. 868 00:51:26,717 --> 00:51:29,317 No. I'm getting up here, but this is not complicité. 869 00:51:29,317 --> 00:51:32,417 - I'm just helping you to get dressed. - Saving yourself for marriage? 870 00:51:32,417 --> 00:51:35,217 More the divorce, to be honest. 871 00:51:35,217 --> 00:51:37,517 Susan, my buttons. 872 00:51:37,517 --> 00:51:40,517 How much have you had to drink? 873 00:51:40,517 --> 00:51:44,517 - Glasses? Bottles. Okay. - Ha, ha. 874 00:51:44,517 --> 00:51:47,217 We are now in an area of my expertise. 875 00:51:47,217 --> 00:51:50,817 You are very drunk. You need to sleep it off. 876 00:51:50,817 --> 00:51:54,317 - Close that. That's good. Good. Don't... - Oh, that's... That's nice. 877 00:51:54,317 --> 00:51:57,617 - Try not to speak any words. - Mm-hm. 878 00:51:57,617 --> 00:52:00,017 Shh. Shut up. 879 00:52:00,017 --> 00:52:04,617 No, you're not a sexy cat. You're not a sexy cat. Stop that. 880 00:52:04,617 --> 00:52:06,617 I'm a bad kitty. 881 00:52:06,617 --> 00:52:09,217 You're not a bad kitty, you're a sleepy lunatic. 882 00:52:09,217 --> 00:52:13,717 I'm a bad kitty. I need to have my whiskers licked. 883 00:52:13,717 --> 00:52:17,417 There are no circumstances under which I'd do that to a cat. 884 00:52:17,417 --> 00:52:21,217 Go to sleep. That's enough of that. Stop it. Get... Ow! 885 00:52:21,217 --> 00:52:24,417 No! Unh. Ow! 886 00:52:27,517 --> 00:52:30,217 So this must be a fun job. 887 00:52:30,217 --> 00:52:32,617 Yes, it has its moments. 888 00:52:32,617 --> 00:52:36,617 Like trying to protect Arthur from people with dubious intentions. 889 00:52:36,617 --> 00:52:39,017 Hmm. 890 00:52:40,717 --> 00:52:43,317 Oh, you mean me. 891 00:52:43,317 --> 00:52:46,717 Because I'm totally after the money, if that's what you're thinking. 892 00:52:46,717 --> 00:52:50,017 How is the illegal tour guide business going? 893 00:52:50,017 --> 00:52:52,317 Feeds my dad. 894 00:52:52,317 --> 00:52:55,917 But I'm actually writing a book. A children's book. 895 00:52:55,917 --> 00:52:57,517 It was Arthur's idea. 896 00:52:57,517 --> 00:53:01,617 Well, make sure there are lots of pictures, otherwise he won't understand it. 897 00:53:01,617 --> 00:53:08,517 I think Arthur understands more than you realize. 898 00:53:11,217 --> 00:53:15,417 So, Hobson, are there any men in your life? 899 00:53:15,417 --> 00:53:18,117 Are you attempting to make small talk with me? 900 00:53:18,117 --> 00:53:21,517 I am attempting it. Is it working? 901 00:53:21,517 --> 00:53:25,117 - No, not really. - Darn it. 902 00:53:25,117 --> 00:53:27,417 So? 903 00:53:27,617 --> 00:53:29,217 Any man I've ever met... 904 00:53:29,217 --> 00:53:38,417 ...pales in comparison to the dazzling floor show that is Arthur's company. 905 00:53:38,417 --> 00:53:41,917 I know you were being sarcastic just then... 906 00:53:41,917 --> 00:53:45,317 ...but it really is quite dazzling. 907 00:53:45,317 --> 00:53:48,817 All is fair in love and war, eh, darling? 908 00:53:48,817 --> 00:53:51,117 Do you think he's okay? 909 00:53:51,117 --> 00:53:52,317 Ow! Ow! 910 00:53:52,317 --> 00:53:55,517 - Bad horse. - Ow! That's not erotic. It just hurts. 911 00:53:55,517 --> 00:53:57,617 No. Susan. Stop it. You can't do that. 912 00:53:57,617 --> 00:54:05,417 Horses and cats can't mate. Our children will be monsters. 913 00:54:06,117 --> 00:54:13,817 Hobson, it's not what it looks like. Unless it looks like a cat raping a horse. 914 00:54:13,817 --> 00:54:15,317 Arthur. 915 00:54:15,317 --> 00:54:16,917 - What's happening? - Oh. 916 00:54:16,917 --> 00:54:18,517 What has happened to me? 917 00:54:18,517 --> 00:54:21,517 I think the problem is your clothes are made of metal... 918 00:54:21,517 --> 00:54:24,317 ...and my bed is made of magnets. 919 00:54:24,317 --> 00:54:27,017 - Oh, you think so? - Right. Okay. Uh, stay calm, kitty. 920 00:54:27,017 --> 00:54:29,217 I'm not a cat anymore. I am a businesswoman. 921 00:54:29,217 --> 00:54:31,417 I think I have a remote control. Excuse me. 922 00:54:31,417 --> 00:54:34,617 - Uh... Ah, right. I've got the remote. - Get me off of here! 923 00:54:34,617 --> 00:54:36,717 Okay, I'm coming. I'm gonna... Ah, got it. 924 00:54:36,717 --> 00:54:39,517 - What are you doing? - Okay, it's not that, obviously. 925 00:54:39,517 --> 00:54:43,117 Uh, on the bright side, at least something in this room is attracted to you. 926 00:54:43,117 --> 00:54:44,617 For the love of God. 927 00:54:44,617 --> 00:54:47,317 Maybe this. 928 00:54:47,317 --> 00:54:50,017 - Oh, are you all right? - Not that. 929 00:54:50,017 --> 00:54:51,817 I'm not gonna press this anymore... 930 00:54:51,817 --> 00:54:55,817 ...because if I press the wrong button, the bed could fall and kill you. 931 00:54:55,817 --> 00:54:58,517 Which none of us would want. None of us. 932 00:54:58,517 --> 00:55:00,817 I've gotta go and get Hobson. She knows how this works. 933 00:55:00,817 --> 00:55:09,517 Oh, you are a useless man. You can't do anything without that miserable old woman. 934 00:55:09,517 --> 00:55:11,417 There you are. 935 00:55:11,417 --> 00:55:13,317 That was a lot of primping. 936 00:55:13,317 --> 00:55:16,017 Oh, ha, yeah, yeah. Primping. Yeah, primping. 937 00:55:16,017 --> 00:55:18,817 Yeah, it's primpalicious, though, isn't it? The results. 938 00:55:18,817 --> 00:55:20,417 He's a primpanzee. 939 00:55:20,417 --> 00:55:24,717 Sorry about this noise. I think it's, um... It's the bloody neighbors. 940 00:55:24,717 --> 00:55:27,317 - Neighbors? - Well, I think I'll retire now. 941 00:55:27,317 --> 00:55:28,817 Good night, Hobson. 942 00:55:28,817 --> 00:55:32,517 Ahem. Hobson. Um, thank you for everything. 943 00:55:32,517 --> 00:55:33,717 I did it for her. 944 00:55:33,717 --> 00:55:35,417 I don't want that poor girl humiliated. 945 00:55:35,417 --> 00:55:40,217 - You like her, don't you? She's lovely. - Just be a grown-up for once, Arthur. 946 00:55:40,217 --> 00:55:42,717 Okay. 947 00:55:43,117 --> 00:55:48,817 Oh, um, could you detach the half-naked businesswoman from under my bed? 948 00:55:48,817 --> 00:55:51,417 Sorry. 949 00:55:52,017 --> 00:55:53,317 Good night, Hobson. 950 00:55:53,317 --> 00:55:56,817 Goodbye, Naomi. 951 00:55:58,917 --> 00:56:00,617 Not a bad back yard. 952 00:56:00,617 --> 00:56:03,817 Yes, except whenever I sunbathe nude, I get the strangest looks. 953 00:56:03,817 --> 00:56:05,317 Oh, you're that guy. 954 00:56:05,317 --> 00:56:07,917 - Are you a bit chilly? - Oh, yes. 955 00:56:07,917 --> 00:56:10,917 - Would you like...? - Thank you. 956 00:56:10,917 --> 00:56:13,117 Ahem, here. 957 00:56:13,117 --> 00:56:16,317 - Is this your father's? "Gerald Bach." - It is. 958 00:56:16,317 --> 00:56:20,717 Well, it was. I had some of his suits re-tailored to fit me. 959 00:56:20,717 --> 00:56:24,717 It seemed silly to throw them away. 960 00:56:24,717 --> 00:56:27,217 - Mm. - Oh. 961 00:56:27,217 --> 00:56:29,217 "Why bother taking care of yourself?" 962 00:56:29,217 --> 00:56:31,917 Ha, ha. Yeah. Just have fun. 963 00:56:31,917 --> 00:56:35,417 - Well, you seem to have a lot of fun. - It's my calling. 964 00:56:35,417 --> 00:56:38,217 I found a free thing to show you. It's this way. 965 00:56:38,217 --> 00:56:41,417 - Come with me. Come on. - Okay. 966 00:56:41,417 --> 00:56:46,417 In my mind, this is the pond from a book I had when I was a kid... 967 00:56:46,417 --> 00:56:48,417 ...called Frog and Toad Together. 968 00:56:48,417 --> 00:56:51,717 I love Frog and Toad. My mom used to read them to me all the time. 969 00:56:51,717 --> 00:56:53,017 - Really? - Yeah. 970 00:56:53,017 --> 00:56:55,517 My mom subcontracted that job to Hobson. 971 00:56:55,517 --> 00:57:01,117 There's a really sad one where Toad freaks out... 972 00:57:01,117 --> 00:57:04,917 ...because he sees Frog sitting alone on a rock. 973 00:57:04,917 --> 00:57:09,417 So he swims out to him with a picnic, but then it falls in the water. 974 00:57:09,417 --> 00:57:11,017 "Our lunch is spoiled. 975 00:57:11,017 --> 00:57:13,817 I made it for you, Frog, so you'd be happy. " 976 00:57:13,817 --> 00:57:16,617 But Frog wasn't sad. 977 00:57:16,617 --> 00:57:18,617 "When I woke up, I felt good... 978 00:57:18,617 --> 00:57:23,317 ...because the sun was shining. I felt good because I was a frog. " 979 00:57:23,317 --> 00:57:29,017 And I felt good because I have you for a friend. 980 00:57:29,017 --> 00:57:33,417 If you were sitting alone, I'd bring you a sandwich. 981 00:57:33,417 --> 00:57:37,517 I'll sit alone, then. 982 00:57:52,617 --> 00:57:56,717 "And Frog and Toad stayed on the island all afternoon." 983 00:57:56,717 --> 00:58:01,617 They ate wet sandwiches without iced tea. 984 00:58:01,617 --> 00:58:08,917 "They were two close friends sitting alone together." 985 00:58:09,317 --> 00:58:11,617 I couldn't tell her, Hobson. 986 00:58:11,617 --> 00:58:13,417 She's my Toad. 987 00:58:13,417 --> 00:58:16,717 Oh, bollocks. 988 00:58:16,717 --> 00:58:20,517 Listen, Arthur, I'm sure Naomi is a very nice girl... 989 00:58:20,517 --> 00:58:23,617 ...but you can't live without the money. 990 00:58:23,617 --> 00:58:25,217 How do you know? 991 00:58:25,217 --> 00:58:30,517 Please. You can't go half an hour without buying another sports car. 992 00:58:30,517 --> 00:58:32,617 When I was little you used to say: 993 00:58:32,617 --> 00:58:35,517 "Arthur, you can do anything under the sun." 994 00:58:35,517 --> 00:58:37,017 I never spoke like that. 995 00:58:37,017 --> 00:58:38,317 It was a bit like that. 996 00:58:38,317 --> 00:58:40,817 That was before you paid Elton John $2 million... 997 00:58:40,817 --> 00:58:43,717 ...to sing over the PA in a grocery store. 998 00:58:43,717 --> 00:58:46,217 Yeah, well, it was Easter. 999 00:58:46,217 --> 00:58:51,117 - I think I could live without the money. - Oh, yes? How? 1000 00:58:51,117 --> 00:58:52,317 I'd get a job. 1001 00:58:52,317 --> 00:58:55,517 - Ha! - What? 1002 00:58:55,517 --> 00:59:00,717 Fine. Fine. Go ahead. Get a job. 1003 00:59:00,817 --> 00:59:02,517 I am a grown man... 1004 00:59:02,517 --> 00:59:10,217 ...and I shall join the mature world of gainful employment to prove it. 1005 00:59:10,217 --> 00:59:16,417 Don't let that undermine what I just said. 1006 00:59:24,817 --> 00:59:27,517 - Do you know how to use Excel? - No. 1007 00:59:27,517 --> 00:59:30,517 - PowerPoint? - No. 1008 00:59:30,517 --> 00:59:33,217 - Outlook. - Generally positive. You know, I mean... 1009 00:59:33,217 --> 00:59:36,117 - ... I have down days like anyone, but... - It's a program. 1010 00:59:36,117 --> 00:59:38,917 Oh, um, no. 1011 00:59:38,917 --> 00:59:40,117 Can you file? 1012 00:59:40,117 --> 00:59:41,417 - File? - Yes. 1013 00:59:41,417 --> 00:59:43,917 In a? 1014 00:59:43,917 --> 00:59:46,217 No. 1015 00:59:46,517 --> 00:59:51,517 There must be something I can do. 1016 00:59:51,517 --> 00:59:52,717 Hey! 1017 00:59:52,717 --> 00:59:55,017 And so, this is how you simply sign on... 1018 00:59:55,017 --> 00:59:56,717 ...and that unlocks the register. 1019 00:59:56,717 --> 01:00:02,317 Now, you clock in, employee number, password and the register's yours. 1020 01:00:02,317 --> 01:00:04,617 This, uh, might seem a bit much for my first day... 1021 01:00:04,617 --> 01:00:07,717 ...but could I inquire as to the possibility of a transfer... 1022 01:00:07,717 --> 01:00:09,717 ...to the costume-greeter department? 1023 01:00:09,717 --> 01:00:10,917 I think I'd thrive. 1024 01:00:10,917 --> 01:00:13,717 No. Let's just start with the register for you. 1025 01:00:13,717 --> 01:00:15,817 I've got my own costume, if that helps. 1026 01:00:15,817 --> 01:00:17,917 Nope, doesn't really make a difference. No. 1027 01:00:17,917 --> 01:00:19,417 Register. So I've cleared it. 1028 01:00:19,417 --> 01:00:23,117 Go ahead and enter your employee number and log in. 1029 01:00:23,117 --> 01:00:27,917 - Okay. You just hit a lot of random keys. - Well, that's what you did, in fairness. 1030 01:00:27,917 --> 01:00:30,417 - It says "invalid key." - Yes. Invalid key. 1031 01:00:30,417 --> 01:00:32,417 That means that I need to reset this. 1032 01:00:32,417 --> 01:00:35,517 This may take a moment. Would you mind just stepping right over...? 1033 01:00:35,517 --> 01:00:39,417 How did he get that job, exactly? What is he, the owner? The son of the owner? 1034 01:00:39,417 --> 01:00:42,817 - You can't do it, and you never will. - Never? 1035 01:00:42,817 --> 01:00:44,017 That's harsh. 1036 01:00:44,017 --> 01:00:46,517 I've entered your employee number and... Oh. 1037 01:00:46,517 --> 01:00:48,117 Want some? 1038 01:00:48,117 --> 01:00:51,717 - I think you should take the day off. - As a reward? 1039 01:00:51,717 --> 01:00:53,917 Tomorrow we'll find something more suitable for you. 1040 01:00:53,917 --> 01:00:59,717 I think what he's doing is derivative. 1041 01:01:03,717 --> 01:01:05,917 Oh, the moon really is following me. 1042 01:01:05,917 --> 01:01:10,217 Would you stop going on about the moon following you? 1043 01:01:10,217 --> 01:01:11,517 He's lunar. 1044 01:01:11,517 --> 01:01:15,817 He's clearly a pervert. 1045 01:01:25,017 --> 01:01:28,617 Arthur? There've been some reports of staff members eating on the floor. 1046 01:01:28,617 --> 01:01:30,117 Do you know anything about that? 1047 01:01:30,117 --> 01:01:31,817 Um, no. 1048 01:01:31,817 --> 01:01:34,117 No, I don't know anything about that, Peter. 1049 01:01:34,117 --> 01:01:37,017 You know, I think it's not appropriate for you to be on the floor. 1050 01:01:37,017 --> 01:01:43,317 We should find something for you in the stock room. 1051 01:01:43,317 --> 01:01:45,617 Excuse me. 1052 01:01:45,617 --> 01:01:49,117 If I gave you $10,000... 1053 01:01:49,117 --> 01:01:54,017 ...would you let me wear this costume for one hour? 1054 01:01:54,017 --> 01:01:58,817 Hello. Welcome to the store. May all your dreams come true. 1055 01:01:58,817 --> 01:02:02,117 Free candy! Here you go, kids! 1056 01:02:02,117 --> 01:02:05,417 I'm a lovely bear. Grr. 1057 01:02:05,417 --> 01:02:08,017 Sorry. Sorry. I'm not a genuine bear. 1058 01:02:08,017 --> 01:02:10,717 Here, listen, you take this with you. 1059 01:02:10,717 --> 01:02:15,017 If you leave very quickly, security won't have an opportunity to ascertain you. 1060 01:02:15,017 --> 01:02:17,117 - Go. Try not to look suspicious. - Arthur? 1061 01:02:17,117 --> 01:02:18,517 - Hello. - What are you doing? 1062 01:02:18,517 --> 01:02:22,117 Peter, I can explain everything. 1063 01:02:22,117 --> 01:02:26,417 I've got one. I'm okay. 1064 01:02:27,317 --> 01:02:29,917 Arthur. 1065 01:02:29,917 --> 01:02:34,617 - May I have a word with you? - Is that word "promotion"? 1066 01:02:34,617 --> 01:02:38,417 One apocalyptic hangover, no job. 1067 01:02:38,417 --> 01:02:42,817 Congratulations, Arthur. 1068 01:02:42,817 --> 01:02:45,917 The employment market is a vortex. 1069 01:02:45,917 --> 01:02:51,417 "Aquarium needs help cleaning tanks. Swim with the fishes." 1070 01:02:51,417 --> 01:02:52,917 That is a Mob threat. 1071 01:02:52,917 --> 01:02:55,417 None of these jobs make any sense at all. 1072 01:02:55,417 --> 01:02:58,417 "Systems integration professional." 1073 01:02:58,417 --> 01:03:00,217 Would anyone do it as an amateur? 1074 01:03:00,217 --> 01:03:02,317 Would anyone approach systems integration... 1075 01:03:02,317 --> 01:03:05,817 ...as a hobby for fun on a Saturday afternoon instead of flying a kite? 1076 01:03:05,817 --> 01:03:10,617 Who is integrating systems for their own amusement? 1077 01:03:10,617 --> 01:03:12,817 Hobson. 1078 01:03:12,817 --> 01:03:16,417 I think in order to do this... 1079 01:03:16,417 --> 01:03:22,417 ...I may have to be a little more sober. 1080 01:03:24,217 --> 01:03:25,817 What do you think? 1081 01:03:25,817 --> 01:03:29,717 To, you know, preserve my anonymity. 1082 01:03:29,717 --> 01:03:32,217 You're right, it would be a shame to jeopardize... 1083 01:03:32,217 --> 01:03:38,117 ...such a distinguished public profile. 1084 01:03:42,817 --> 01:03:46,317 I stole from my friends, my family. 1085 01:03:46,317 --> 01:03:49,717 I sold my son's tricycle so I could score some junk. 1086 01:03:49,717 --> 01:03:51,817 - Jesus. - I was so drunk once... 1087 01:03:51,817 --> 01:03:54,917 ...I backed my car over my mother outside Walgreens. 1088 01:03:54,917 --> 01:03:57,317 Thirty-seven days sober. 1089 01:03:57,317 --> 01:04:00,217 But sometimes, it's just so hard. 1090 01:04:00,217 --> 01:04:01,917 Like I'm in this grave... 1091 01:04:01,917 --> 01:04:05,917 Whoa, this is depressing. It's like unhappy hour. 1092 01:04:05,917 --> 01:04:07,817 - Shh. - It is. I don't like it in here. 1093 01:04:07,817 --> 01:04:09,517 This is making me want to drink more. 1094 01:04:09,517 --> 01:04:13,417 Sir, you need to wait till the end of the meeting. Go on, James. 1095 01:04:13,417 --> 01:04:16,117 It's okay. I'm done. 1096 01:04:16,117 --> 01:04:18,817 And you are? 1097 01:04:18,817 --> 01:04:21,817 My name is... 1098 01:04:21,817 --> 01:04:23,717 ...Gandalf. 1099 01:04:23,717 --> 01:04:25,917 Hi, Gandalf. 1100 01:04:25,917 --> 01:04:28,117 Hello. 1101 01:04:28,117 --> 01:04:33,617 And I came here because I'd like to drink a bit less. Not give it up altogether. 1102 01:04:33,617 --> 01:04:36,417 Maybe 5,10 percent cut down. Reasonable. 1103 01:04:36,417 --> 01:04:41,717 Look, I'm sorry. No one's gonna convince me that my life isn't fun, okay? 1104 01:04:41,717 --> 01:04:44,317 And forgive my crassness... 1105 01:04:44,317 --> 01:04:48,917 ...but if I ran my mother over, I'd be out celebrating with booze. 1106 01:04:48,917 --> 01:04:52,917 Which is what I plan to do right now. 1107 01:04:52,917 --> 01:04:54,517 Cheerio. 1108 01:04:54,517 --> 01:04:58,317 Excuse me. Hobson. 1109 01:04:58,817 --> 01:05:01,417 My name is Lillian and I'm an alcoholic. 1110 01:05:01,417 --> 01:05:02,917 Hi, Lillian. 1111 01:05:02,917 --> 01:05:04,617 Good afternoon. 1112 01:05:04,617 --> 01:05:07,717 I'm rich. I'm fabulously rich. 1113 01:05:07,717 --> 01:05:11,417 I'm also generous and kindhearted. 1114 01:05:11,417 --> 01:05:15,917 My father died when I was young and my mother was absent most of the time. 1115 01:05:15,917 --> 01:05:20,117 Is this an excuse for making a mockery of my life? 1116 01:05:20,117 --> 01:05:22,917 Oh, sure, it all looks very wild from the outside. 1117 01:05:22,917 --> 01:05:27,217 Do you know, I once went to bed with three European princesses at the same time. 1118 01:05:27,217 --> 01:05:29,217 But, A, I can't remember anything about it... 1119 01:05:29,217 --> 01:05:31,317 ...and, B, apparently, I vomited on two of them... 1120 01:05:31,317 --> 01:05:33,817 ...before losing control of my bladder on the third. 1121 01:05:33,817 --> 01:05:36,517 Oh, yes, all such fun. 1122 01:05:36,517 --> 01:05:40,017 Until the fog parts, and suddenly there's a hole so big... 1123 01:05:40,017 --> 01:05:45,417 ...that all the vintage champagne and the Batmobiles in the world won't fill it. 1124 01:05:45,417 --> 01:05:49,817 And then? Well, then, I'm all alone on my magnetic bed... 1125 01:05:49,817 --> 01:05:57,017 ...wondering what venereal disease I've just caught. 1126 01:06:00,917 --> 01:06:05,117 Always the quiet ones. 1127 01:06:07,817 --> 01:06:11,217 This is itchy. 1128 01:06:20,217 --> 01:06:25,517 That was really lovely what you said in there about me. 1129 01:06:25,517 --> 01:06:35,917 Now, if you could just do the drinking for me, I think we'd have this thing cracked. 1130 01:06:47,017 --> 01:06:50,817 - Vivienne. - Yes? 1131 01:06:50,817 --> 01:06:54,517 Don't make me do this, please. 1132 01:06:54,517 --> 01:06:56,617 I'm not the one with a choice. 1133 01:06:56,617 --> 01:06:58,817 You can walk away any time you like. 1134 01:06:58,817 --> 01:07:01,617 There's a simple solution to all of this, Arthur. 1135 01:07:01,617 --> 01:07:08,617 Marry Susan and cheat with the nobody from Queens. 1136 01:07:33,917 --> 01:07:36,817 Hello, Naomi's dad. Is your daughter here? 1137 01:07:36,817 --> 01:07:39,617 Her name is Naomi. Just clear up any confusion. 1138 01:07:39,617 --> 01:07:43,017 It's a little late, but I wasn't sleeping myself. Come in, come in. 1139 01:07:43,017 --> 01:07:44,717 Arthur? 1140 01:07:44,717 --> 01:07:48,417 Oh, hello, Naomi. 1141 01:07:50,917 --> 01:07:55,217 You may wanna sit down. 1142 01:07:55,917 --> 01:07:57,117 Or lay down. 1143 01:07:57,117 --> 01:08:00,117 Although I prefer you stayed awake, because this is important. 1144 01:08:00,117 --> 01:08:01,717 What is it? 1145 01:08:01,717 --> 01:08:04,217 I'm engaged to another Susan. 1146 01:08:04,217 --> 01:08:08,217 Woman. Another Susan woman. 1147 01:08:08,217 --> 01:08:09,917 You're engaged? 1148 01:08:09,917 --> 01:08:13,717 I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I meant to before. 1149 01:08:13,717 --> 01:08:16,717 You meant to tell me that you were engaged to another woman. 1150 01:08:16,717 --> 01:08:21,317 - I was gonna get Hobson to do it... - Oh, my God. Arthur. 1151 01:08:21,317 --> 01:08:23,617 - Who do you think you are? - Naomi. 1152 01:08:23,617 --> 01:08:26,117 I'm not saying I think I'm Naomi. You are. 1153 01:08:26,117 --> 01:08:28,417 Why else would you be wearing her pajamas. 1154 01:08:28,417 --> 01:08:32,017 I didn't mean for this to happen, but then I started falling for you. 1155 01:08:32,017 --> 01:08:34,517 And I thought, "Oh, no. I'm falling for Naomi... 1156 01:08:34,517 --> 01:08:37,917 ...and I have to marry Susan woman or I'll lose the money. " 1157 01:08:37,917 --> 01:08:41,017 Let me get this straight. You don't wanna marry this woman. 1158 01:08:41,017 --> 01:08:43,917 - Susan woman. - But you're going to... 1159 01:08:43,917 --> 01:08:46,417 ...because you're scared of losing the money? 1160 01:08:46,417 --> 01:08:50,717 - Yeah, see, I'm trapped by the money. - Oh, you're trapped by the money. 1161 01:08:50,717 --> 01:08:54,017 Oh, okay. Well, we should probably start a telethon. 1162 01:08:54,017 --> 01:08:57,417 And then people could call in and relieve you from this horrible money. 1163 01:08:57,417 --> 01:08:59,417 If you think it would help. 1164 01:08:59,417 --> 01:09:02,617 Naomi, Naomi, Naomi, please. 1165 01:09:02,617 --> 01:09:05,917 You're the most special person... 1166 01:09:05,917 --> 01:09:08,517 ...that I have ever... What, lied to? 1167 01:09:08,517 --> 01:09:10,817 I was gonna say "met." 1168 01:09:10,817 --> 01:09:14,317 Am I the most special person you ever made this for? 1169 01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:17,617 Who makes a PEZ dispenser of somebody's head... 1170 01:09:17,617 --> 01:09:19,617 ...when they're engaged to someone else? 1171 01:09:19,617 --> 01:09:21,917 Admittedly, we're a small demographic. 1172 01:09:21,917 --> 01:09:23,417 Stop joking. 1173 01:09:23,417 --> 01:09:26,617 Okay. Let me run this up the flag pole. 1174 01:09:26,617 --> 01:09:30,417 What if I were to install a secret door? 1175 01:09:30,417 --> 01:09:33,617 It leads to an apartment. And you live in that. 1176 01:09:33,617 --> 01:09:36,417 On the other side of that door, I'm married to Susan. 1177 01:09:36,417 --> 01:09:40,517 That's not ideal. But on the bright side, I assure you it's entirely sexless. 1178 01:09:40,517 --> 01:09:43,517 What...? Naomi, don't leave, Naomi. 1179 01:09:43,517 --> 01:09:50,317 This is my apartment, Arthur. You have to leave. 1180 01:09:53,117 --> 01:09:55,417 This is for you. 1181 01:09:55,417 --> 01:10:01,217 For your dad. For your writing career. 1182 01:10:02,817 --> 01:10:05,117 Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand dollars. 1183 01:10:05,117 --> 01:10:10,517 - I thought a million would be vulgar. - We don't want your money. 1184 01:10:10,517 --> 01:10:13,617 Could you leave? 1185 01:10:13,617 --> 01:10:15,817 Can I just stay here for a minute, please? 1186 01:10:15,817 --> 01:10:18,017 Why? 1187 01:10:18,017 --> 01:10:24,517 Because it will reduce the proportion of my life that I spend feeling utterly miserable. 1188 01:10:24,517 --> 01:10:28,117 Goodbye, Arthur. 1189 01:10:36,517 --> 01:10:39,217 Closet. 1190 01:10:47,617 --> 01:10:49,917 And back, two, three. Front, two, three. 1191 01:10:49,917 --> 01:10:52,017 Back. And here we turn. 1192 01:10:52,017 --> 01:10:54,717 This is gonna be our first dance as husband and wife. 1193 01:10:54,717 --> 01:10:57,217 At least you could just try to smile. 1194 01:10:57,217 --> 01:10:59,017 Sorry. 1195 01:10:59,017 --> 01:11:02,317 And I apologize for leaving you attached to that magnetic bed. 1196 01:11:02,317 --> 01:11:04,017 Oh. 1197 01:11:04,017 --> 01:11:07,017 Someone's coming to his senses. Finally. 1198 01:11:07,017 --> 01:11:11,517 Good. Now, under the arm. 1199 01:12:41,617 --> 01:12:43,317 Hobson. 1200 01:12:43,317 --> 01:12:45,517 Hobson! 1201 01:12:45,517 --> 01:12:49,217 Hobson. I've just spotted Orphan Annie as a man. 1202 01:12:49,217 --> 01:12:50,517 Orphan Mannie! 1203 01:12:50,517 --> 01:12:53,417 Bitterman. What are you doing in my bathroom? We discussed this. 1204 01:12:53,417 --> 01:12:56,917 Hobson left me in charge. She went back to bed. She had a headache. 1205 01:12:56,917 --> 01:12:58,917 - Hobson's got a headache? - Yes, sir. 1206 01:12:58,917 --> 01:13:01,317 How did she say it? What did she say? 1207 01:13:01,317 --> 01:13:04,517 "Bitterman, I'm going to bed. I have a headache." 1208 01:13:04,517 --> 01:13:07,917 She sort of said it like that, all broken up and staccato? 1209 01:13:07,917 --> 01:13:09,517 Pretty much, sir. 1210 01:13:09,517 --> 01:13:11,317 Solely on their mother... 1211 01:13:11,317 --> 01:13:16,117 ...for food, shelter and safety. This mother bear has no... 1212 01:13:16,117 --> 01:13:19,517 - What's the matter? Why are you in bed? - Arthur, put my bears back on. 1213 01:13:19,517 --> 01:13:24,817 There'll be no bears until you tell me what's the matter. 1214 01:13:24,817 --> 01:13:28,317 I'm traveling down this white tunnel. 1215 01:13:28,317 --> 01:13:30,417 There's a garden at the end. 1216 01:13:30,417 --> 01:13:34,417 Who's that red gentleman with a pitchfork? Why is it so hot in here? 1217 01:13:34,417 --> 01:13:36,517 Stop being childish. 1218 01:13:36,517 --> 01:13:38,917 Sorry. 1219 01:13:38,917 --> 01:13:47,317 Okay, Arthur, I've got something to tell you. Will you sit down? 1220 01:13:48,017 --> 01:13:50,917 Listen... 1221 01:13:51,117 --> 01:13:54,117 ...there are three books. 1222 01:13:54,117 --> 01:13:57,817 Take them back to the library. 1223 01:13:57,817 --> 01:14:02,017 Oh, Hobson, please don't die anymore. It's getting very boring. 1224 01:14:02,017 --> 01:14:06,917 What about you? You look a bit lost today. 1225 01:14:06,917 --> 01:14:10,617 Naomi won't talk to me. 1226 01:14:10,617 --> 01:14:15,117 Oh, I am sorry. It's a shame she wouldn't come to an agreement. 1227 01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:18,817 Little tart like that would've saved you a fortune in prostitutes. 1228 01:14:18,817 --> 01:14:23,217 How dare you talk about Naomi like that. She's one of the finest people I know. 1229 01:14:23,217 --> 01:14:25,017 I employ you to support me. 1230 01:14:25,017 --> 01:14:29,017 I don't pay you to make snide comments about my friends. Remember that. 1231 01:14:29,017 --> 01:14:35,017 You're just Mary Poppins with menopause. 1232 01:14:37,517 --> 01:14:41,317 Delightful to see you, Hobson. To what do I owe the pleasure? 1233 01:14:41,317 --> 01:14:44,817 Well, it's this marriage, Vivienne. 1234 01:14:44,817 --> 01:14:49,817 I'm very excited for Arthur. I'm worried for him too. 1235 01:14:49,817 --> 01:14:51,517 Are you, now? 1236 01:14:51,517 --> 01:14:55,517 Look, he has attempted gainful employment and he even went to AA. 1237 01:14:55,517 --> 01:14:59,917 - It didn't last very long, but I have hopes... - AA? 1238 01:14:59,917 --> 01:15:03,217 There's this girl. I think she's inspiring him to... 1239 01:15:03,217 --> 01:15:08,517 - He's getting married. - Yes, but is it right for him, Vivienne? 1240 01:15:08,517 --> 01:15:12,017 Arthur does have other issues. 1241 01:15:12,017 --> 01:15:16,417 And whose fault is that? 1242 01:15:17,917 --> 01:15:24,517 Well, I'm so sorry to have wasted your valuable time. 1243 01:15:24,517 --> 01:15:27,817 He needs this, Lillian, he's weak. 1244 01:15:27,817 --> 01:15:32,717 He's stronger than you think. 1245 01:15:40,017 --> 01:15:42,317 Who was that? 1246 01:15:42,317 --> 01:15:44,817 Um... 1247 01:15:45,017 --> 01:15:47,317 Hobson is in my house. 1248 01:15:47,317 --> 01:15:49,217 Surprisingly, I am. 1249 01:15:49,217 --> 01:15:57,717 Well, don't be intimidated by the space. We don't use all the rooms. 1250 01:15:57,717 --> 01:16:00,417 You got that, McKenzie? Thank you. 1251 01:16:00,417 --> 01:16:02,817 Why am I stuck here in this room? 1252 01:16:02,817 --> 01:16:08,617 I'm not the bride I'm the bloody groom 1253 01:16:08,617 --> 01:16:11,217 Isn't he charming? 1254 01:16:11,217 --> 01:16:12,617 It's the sweetest thing. 1255 01:16:12,617 --> 01:16:15,417 Oh. Oh, McKenzie, this is stunning. 1256 01:16:15,417 --> 01:16:17,817 Ooh. 1257 01:16:18,417 --> 01:16:20,817 - No metal. - Very nice. 1258 01:16:20,817 --> 01:16:23,217 Just don't leave me for a minute 1259 01:16:23,217 --> 01:16:27,117 Or you'll come home and find me in it 1260 01:16:27,117 --> 01:16:29,117 I just made that up. That just came to me. 1261 01:16:29,117 --> 01:16:31,017 Here. 1262 01:16:31,017 --> 01:16:35,417 Oh. Love these. The grape shears. Look, Arthur. 1263 01:16:35,417 --> 01:16:38,217 Grape shears, what an innovation 1264 01:16:38,217 --> 01:16:42,817 You can use them for my castration 1265 01:16:42,817 --> 01:16:50,917 Because she does that. I've been... I've been horribly emasculated. 1266 01:16:50,917 --> 01:16:53,117 Arthur misses you desperately. 1267 01:16:53,117 --> 01:16:56,517 Has he asked you to go on a tour of all of the girls that he misses? 1268 01:16:56,517 --> 01:16:59,917 No, he's far too decent to be involved in anything as tawdry as this. 1269 01:16:59,917 --> 01:17:01,217 As what? 1270 01:17:01,217 --> 01:17:06,517 As my plea not to give up on him. 1271 01:17:07,917 --> 01:17:09,917 You really look after him, don't you? 1272 01:17:09,917 --> 01:17:14,117 Yes, I do. And it's a job that I recommend highly. 1273 01:17:14,117 --> 01:17:16,317 A, um, taste of England. 1274 01:17:16,317 --> 01:17:19,817 Oh. Oh, lovely. 1275 01:17:19,817 --> 01:17:23,017 As, I believe, you look after this gentleman. 1276 01:17:23,017 --> 01:17:28,717 Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but Arthur is getting married. 1277 01:17:28,717 --> 01:17:38,717 Naomi, if there's one thing an old woman can recognize it's a young man in love. 1278 01:17:40,017 --> 01:17:42,017 How's that tea? 1279 01:17:42,017 --> 01:17:45,217 Like sewage. 1280 01:17:50,017 --> 01:17:52,717 - I'm so sorry. - Uh, are you okay? 1281 01:17:52,717 --> 01:17:57,517 Thank you. Thanks, ladies, for such a lovely afternoon. These are gorgeous. 1282 01:17:57,517 --> 01:17:59,817 - Arthur, hasn't it been...? - Cheers. Thank you. 1283 01:17:59,817 --> 01:18:01,917 Thank you, ladies. Thank you. 1284 01:18:01,917 --> 01:18:09,717 I'll be here all week. And for the rest of my bloody life. 1285 01:18:10,717 --> 01:18:13,717 Hey. Hello. 1286 01:18:13,717 --> 01:18:16,017 What? 1287 01:18:16,017 --> 01:18:17,817 It's just a headache. 1288 01:18:17,817 --> 01:18:22,017 Hold on. You've been having tests for months. The doctor told me on the phone. 1289 01:18:22,017 --> 01:18:24,217 Oh, bother snaps. 1290 01:18:24,217 --> 01:18:26,117 Well, what do doctors know anyway? 1291 01:18:26,117 --> 01:18:30,317 I think they're usually really well qualified, Hobson. Why didn't you mention this? 1292 01:18:30,317 --> 01:18:34,917 I'm sorry. It's just I didn't want to worry you. 1293 01:18:34,917 --> 01:18:39,217 Well, now I am worried. 1294 01:18:39,417 --> 01:18:43,317 But forget the worry and enjoy this extravagant gesture! 1295 01:18:43,317 --> 01:18:46,517 Look at those bears. I love them. 1296 01:18:46,517 --> 01:18:48,817 - The biggest ones in the shop. - Can I have one? 1297 01:18:48,817 --> 01:18:53,517 That's part of a display. They didn't wanna sell that one. 1298 01:18:53,517 --> 01:18:55,017 Put this on, please. 1299 01:18:55,017 --> 01:18:56,817 I'm not putting that on. 1300 01:18:56,817 --> 01:19:03,117 Put it on or the bears will be incinerated. 1301 01:19:08,217 --> 01:19:09,717 Humiliating. 1302 01:19:09,717 --> 01:19:15,117 - You look really dignified. - Mm. 1303 01:19:15,917 --> 01:19:18,517 How much did you waste on this? 1304 01:19:18,517 --> 01:19:20,917 They're very reasonable, actually. 1305 01:19:20,917 --> 01:19:26,417 - Uh, so say, "Wash your winkie." - Wash your winkie. 1306 01:19:26,417 --> 01:19:29,117 Say, "If you have to pay them, it's not love." 1307 01:19:29,117 --> 01:19:31,517 If you have to pay, it's not love. 1308 01:19:31,517 --> 01:19:33,617 Ha! You do one, you do one. 1309 01:19:33,617 --> 01:19:36,117 Could you do Sammy Davis, Jr? 1310 01:19:36,117 --> 01:19:38,517 Sammy Davis, Jr. Is not to do with that costume. 1311 01:19:38,517 --> 01:19:40,717 - I like Sammy. - What's the point in that? 1312 01:19:40,717 --> 01:19:43,417 I see you've decided not to grow up. 1313 01:19:43,417 --> 01:19:49,117 Yeah, I already decided not to bother. 1314 01:19:49,117 --> 01:19:52,617 - Where's Naomi? - Outside. Do you wanna see her? 1315 01:19:52,617 --> 01:19:57,517 You see her for me, will you? 1316 01:20:00,717 --> 01:20:02,517 How is she? 1317 01:20:02,517 --> 01:20:05,717 All she'll tell me is she's got a headache. No one else will tell me anything... 1318 01:20:05,717 --> 01:20:09,817 ...because we're not family. That's hospitals. 1319 01:20:09,817 --> 01:20:11,417 Why was she at your house? 1320 01:20:11,417 --> 01:20:16,017 Hobson and I hang out all the time. We go shoplifting every Wednesday. Bergdorf's. 1321 01:20:16,017 --> 01:20:19,317 That's a good time to do it. Hardly any security. 1322 01:20:19,317 --> 01:20:23,917 She was worried about you. 1323 01:20:25,917 --> 01:20:29,317 Hey, how's the writing going? 1324 01:20:29,317 --> 01:20:32,217 It's really good, actually. 1325 01:20:32,217 --> 01:20:34,217 I sold my book. 1326 01:20:34,217 --> 01:20:37,417 Congratulations, that's such fantastic news. You deserve that. 1327 01:20:37,417 --> 01:20:40,117 When you found out, did you do a scream? 1328 01:20:40,117 --> 01:20:43,517 I did. I went: 1329 01:20:45,817 --> 01:20:48,117 - Only louder. - Right. 1330 01:20:48,117 --> 01:20:54,517 Yeah. I mean, a scream is defined by its vocal quality to some degree. 1331 01:20:54,517 --> 01:20:57,817 I've been really angry at you. 1332 01:20:57,817 --> 01:21:03,017 And I've been rehearsing in my head what I was gonna say to you if I saw you again. 1333 01:21:03,017 --> 01:21:05,617 And it was gonna start with, "Hi, Arthur." 1334 01:21:05,617 --> 01:21:07,417 That's conventional. 1335 01:21:07,417 --> 01:21:12,217 And then I was gonna get into a lot of really mean stuff. 1336 01:21:12,217 --> 01:21:17,417 And it was gonna be directed at you in a very pointed way because you lied to me. 1337 01:21:17,417 --> 01:21:21,717 But then I would run out of steam eventually and I'd say, begrudgingly: 1338 01:21:21,717 --> 01:21:26,517 "Thank you for encouraging me with my writing." 1339 01:21:26,517 --> 01:21:31,517 And then I would get very serious and I'd look at you in the eyes and I would say: 1340 01:21:31,517 --> 01:21:33,717 "Arthur... 1341 01:21:33,717 --> 01:21:36,817 ...you have a problem. " 1342 01:21:36,817 --> 01:21:42,217 I'm glad that was hypothetical because that would be really hard to hear. 1343 01:21:42,217 --> 01:21:43,417 How is Hobson? 1344 01:21:43,417 --> 01:21:46,517 Ah. Well... 1345 01:21:46,817 --> 01:21:50,217 Naomi, this is Susan... 1346 01:21:50,217 --> 01:21:52,517 ...my fiancée. 1347 01:21:52,517 --> 01:21:55,317 And, uh, Susan, this is Naomi. 1348 01:21:55,317 --> 01:21:57,117 It's nice to finally meet you. 1349 01:21:57,117 --> 01:22:00,317 That is like a medium-size ice rink. 1350 01:22:00,317 --> 01:22:03,417 And ice rink. That's what I said, but I said for mice. Because it's small. 1351 01:22:03,417 --> 01:22:06,217 - You're a tour guide, right? - Yep. 1352 01:22:06,217 --> 01:22:09,317 Well, actually, Susan, Naomi's a writer. She's being published. 1353 01:22:09,317 --> 01:22:12,117 Oh, well, congratulations. Who's gonna publish your book? 1354 01:22:12,117 --> 01:22:14,817 - Doesn't matter, does it? - Uh, Painted Wagon Press. 1355 01:22:14,817 --> 01:22:17,017 - They're all the same. - Ha, ha, Painted Wagon Press. 1356 01:22:17,017 --> 01:22:19,817 That name sounds familiar. Sorry, I can't think of... 1357 01:22:19,817 --> 01:22:22,317 Why might that name sound so familiar to me? 1358 01:22:22,317 --> 01:22:25,417 Can you help me with that? Why I might know that name? 1359 01:22:25,417 --> 01:22:28,817 No, Susan, I can't. 1360 01:22:28,817 --> 01:22:30,017 Oh. 1361 01:22:30,017 --> 01:22:33,717 It's coming to me. Bach Worldwide just acquired them. 1362 01:22:33,717 --> 01:22:38,417 You should've come to me about that. I could've made you a better deal. 1363 01:22:38,417 --> 01:22:41,917 But why would you buy them? 1364 01:22:41,917 --> 01:22:48,117 So you could tell them to publish my book. 1365 01:22:51,017 --> 01:22:54,017 Thank you. 1366 01:22:55,017 --> 01:22:57,817 What'd you do that for? 1367 01:22:57,817 --> 01:23:01,317 I just did her a favor. 1368 01:23:01,317 --> 01:23:04,517 Naomi, wait. 1369 01:23:05,417 --> 01:23:07,917 Wait. 1370 01:23:08,717 --> 01:23:12,417 I didn't think I was ever gonna see you again, and I think you're talented... 1371 01:23:12,417 --> 01:23:14,917 I thought other people thought that I was talented. 1372 01:23:14,917 --> 01:23:18,517 I thought that I had earned it. I thought that I had earned it. 1373 01:23:18,517 --> 01:23:21,717 And that felt really good. I like that. I like earning something. 1374 01:23:21,717 --> 01:23:28,917 And I know that you don't know what that feels like, but it's great. 1375 01:23:28,917 --> 01:23:33,617 You should try it sometime. 1376 01:23:35,917 --> 01:23:37,817 Ow, ow, ow. 1377 01:23:37,817 --> 01:23:41,917 I cut my hand. There's blood in those. 1378 01:23:41,917 --> 01:23:48,917 Actually, um, don't eat them because of the blood. 1379 01:23:54,317 --> 01:23:56,317 Hobson, how does this bag of tea work? 1380 01:23:56,317 --> 01:24:00,017 Do you tear the top off or you use this to cut in? How? 1381 01:24:00,017 --> 01:24:02,317 No, you put the whole bag in the pot. 1382 01:24:02,317 --> 01:24:05,217 - Just put the whole bag in? - Mm. With water. Hot water. 1383 01:24:05,217 --> 01:24:07,117 - Brilliant. - But not out of the tap. 1384 01:24:07,117 --> 01:24:08,317 - From a...? - Kettle. 1385 01:24:08,317 --> 01:24:12,217 Brilliant. Perfect. 1386 01:24:15,517 --> 01:24:18,917 Be careful of that plate. It's gonna be very, very... 1387 01:24:18,917 --> 01:24:20,617 Oh, God, no! 1388 01:24:20,617 --> 01:24:22,617 Hot. 1389 01:24:22,617 --> 01:24:27,117 I think I was better off in the hospital. 1390 01:24:27,117 --> 01:24:30,417 Bon appétit. 1391 01:24:32,317 --> 01:24:35,817 Actually, my medication makes me sufficiently nauseous. 1392 01:24:35,817 --> 01:24:38,117 You're forever pestering me about change... 1393 01:24:38,117 --> 01:24:45,017 ...and you're afraid to eat a little bowl of spaghetti circles. Come along. 1394 01:24:45,017 --> 01:24:49,917 Please let me look after you. 1395 01:25:00,117 --> 01:25:01,417 Quite nice. 1396 01:25:01,417 --> 01:25:03,317 - Really? - Mm-hm. 1397 01:25:03,317 --> 01:25:06,317 - It's not unpleasant, is it? - Well, it is unpleasant... 1398 01:25:06,317 --> 01:25:08,117 Ha. ... but it's quite nice. 1399 01:25:08,117 --> 01:25:12,317 I'm a genius in there. 1400 01:25:21,117 --> 01:25:23,817 Mother bear will care for her cubs... 1401 01:25:23,817 --> 01:25:28,117 ...for up to two years. 1402 01:25:47,717 --> 01:25:50,417 Lovely. 1403 01:25:50,717 --> 01:25:53,217 Come on, come on, come on. 1404 01:25:53,217 --> 01:25:55,317 - No. Not like this. - Aah! Ha-ha-ha. 1405 01:25:55,317 --> 01:26:00,017 You've got so much to give. 1406 01:26:14,917 --> 01:26:16,917 Have you called her, Arthur? 1407 01:26:16,917 --> 01:26:19,217 No. 1408 01:26:23,017 --> 01:26:27,117 Have you ever been in love, Hobson? 1409 01:26:27,117 --> 01:26:29,317 Yes, I was once. 1410 01:26:29,317 --> 01:26:32,917 Yes, in London. He was from Spain. 1411 01:26:32,917 --> 01:26:34,917 He asked me to go there with him. 1412 01:26:34,917 --> 01:26:37,017 You were nearly 3. 1413 01:26:37,017 --> 01:26:40,317 What happened? 1414 01:26:40,317 --> 01:26:43,217 Two days before I was due to leave... 1415 01:26:43,217 --> 01:26:45,717 I had my bags all packed. 1416 01:26:45,717 --> 01:26:49,417 Your father died. 1417 01:26:59,517 --> 01:27:02,717 You should've gone. I would've understood. 1418 01:27:02,717 --> 01:27:05,217 It was too late. 1419 01:27:05,217 --> 01:27:08,417 I loved you. 1420 01:27:08,617 --> 01:27:10,817 Why have you never told me? 1421 01:27:10,817 --> 01:27:13,417 I didn't want you to feel bad. 1422 01:27:13,417 --> 01:27:20,917 - Why are you telling me now? - I want you to feel bad. 1423 01:27:25,017 --> 01:27:28,217 So this is what it's like to go to bed at 9:00. 1424 01:27:28,217 --> 01:27:30,217 Yes. 1425 01:27:30,217 --> 01:27:33,817 Isn't it wicked? 1426 01:27:41,717 --> 01:27:44,417 Hmm, Hobson. 1427 01:27:44,417 --> 01:27:46,517 I had a bad dream. 1428 01:27:46,517 --> 01:27:49,217 Hobson? 1429 01:27:49,817 --> 01:27:52,617 Hobson, stop mucking about. 1430 01:27:52,617 --> 01:27:56,117 You can't see a tunnel of light and red pitchfork. 1431 01:27:56,117 --> 01:28:02,617 I'm not gonna take those three books back to the library. 1432 01:28:02,617 --> 01:28:05,317 Hobson? 1433 01:28:10,017 --> 01:28:12,017 Nurse! 1434 01:28:12,017 --> 01:28:14,617 Nurse! 1435 01:29:17,017 --> 01:29:20,017 Bitterman? 1436 01:29:24,017 --> 01:29:26,317 We're gonna have a party. 1437 01:29:26,317 --> 01:29:31,017 I'm tired of being sad now. 1438 01:30:22,517 --> 01:30:24,917 Bitterman, what are you doing? 1439 01:30:24,917 --> 01:30:27,817 I'm trying to cheer you up, Mr. Bach. 1440 01:30:27,817 --> 01:30:30,217 Is it working? 1441 01:30:30,217 --> 01:30:33,017 Not yet. 1442 01:30:35,417 --> 01:30:37,217 How about now? 1443 01:30:37,217 --> 01:30:40,117 You have to do something funny. You can't just stand there. 1444 01:30:40,117 --> 01:30:44,617 - Just say something incongruous or pithy. - Okay. 1445 01:30:44,617 --> 01:30:47,017 Today's your wedding day, Mr. Bach. 1446 01:30:47,017 --> 01:30:50,117 Well, that's it. I'm gonna drown myself. 1447 01:30:50,117 --> 01:30:51,817 Mr. Bach? 1448 01:30:51,817 --> 01:30:55,417 Mr. Bach? Where'd you go? 1449 01:30:55,417 --> 01:30:59,417 Lovely to see you. Hello. 1450 01:30:59,417 --> 01:31:01,017 Chancellor. 1451 01:31:01,017 --> 01:31:03,917 - I am so delighted you're here. - Oh, thank you. 1452 01:31:03,917 --> 01:31:07,217 I think you'll be very, very pleasantly surprised. Enjoy yourself. 1453 01:31:07,217 --> 01:31:08,517 The groom is here. 1454 01:31:08,517 --> 01:31:12,717 Ah. I gather the groom has arrived. 1455 01:31:12,717 --> 01:31:15,117 Bitterman. Bitterman. 1456 01:31:15,117 --> 01:31:17,817 Please. I'm getting married today. 1457 01:31:17,817 --> 01:31:20,417 But you were in there too long. 1458 01:31:20,417 --> 01:31:23,617 - Oh, God. She's here. - You're late. Was I not clear? 1459 01:31:23,617 --> 01:31:26,317 Don't... Don't... Don't blame Bitterman. 1460 01:31:26,317 --> 01:31:29,317 He had a hell of a struggle getting me out of the bath. 1461 01:31:29,317 --> 01:31:30,617 Coffee. Now. 1462 01:31:30,617 --> 01:31:32,617 Good idea. I'll have one too. 1463 01:31:32,617 --> 01:31:33,917 I'm a bit drunk. 1464 01:31:33,917 --> 01:31:35,517 Okay. 1465 01:31:35,517 --> 01:31:37,917 The good news is you're here and you're not wearing a cape. 1466 01:31:37,917 --> 01:31:41,617 Proud day for you, Viv? 1467 01:31:41,617 --> 01:31:46,917 I have guests to attend to. Stay. 1468 01:32:21,317 --> 01:32:23,217 Psst. 1469 01:32:23,217 --> 01:32:25,817 Small person. 1470 01:32:25,817 --> 01:32:28,017 Can you read? 1471 01:32:28,017 --> 01:32:30,417 For, like, four years. Can you? 1472 01:32:30,417 --> 01:32:32,517 Not at the moment, no. 1473 01:32:32,517 --> 01:32:36,117 Help. Come here. 1474 01:32:43,017 --> 01:32:45,517 I need you to read this for me. 1475 01:32:45,517 --> 01:32:48,017 Okay. 1476 01:32:51,617 --> 01:32:57,217 "My dearest Arthur. Listen up, you pampered prick." 1477 01:32:57,217 --> 01:32:59,117 Carry on. 1478 01:32:59,117 --> 01:33:01,417 "You now know where the tea bags are." 1479 01:33:01,417 --> 01:33:04,317 To operate kettle, press red button. 1480 01:33:04,317 --> 01:33:06,017 Milk in refrigerator. 1481 01:33:06,017 --> 01:33:10,317 That's the big box with the pretty light that comes on when you open the door. 1482 01:33:10,317 --> 01:33:14,717 It's not too late, Arthur. You can do anything under the sun. 1483 01:33:14,717 --> 01:33:17,517 All my deepest, fondest love. 1484 01:33:17,517 --> 01:33:19,617 I'm smiling down at you. 1485 01:33:19,617 --> 01:33:23,217 Or, more likely, up at you. 1486 01:33:23,217 --> 01:33:27,417 "Forever and ever, H." 1487 01:33:32,217 --> 01:33:34,917 Are you crying? 1488 01:33:34,917 --> 01:33:38,117 That's a bride's job, to cry. 1489 01:33:38,117 --> 01:33:42,917 It's time to man up, Arthur. 1490 01:34:21,217 --> 01:34:23,117 Dearly beloved... 1491 01:34:23,117 --> 01:34:29,217 ...we are gathered here today to join Arthur and Susan in matrimony. 1492 01:34:29,217 --> 01:34:33,217 Which is commended to be honorable among all men. 1493 01:34:33,217 --> 01:34:39,617 And therefore, is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly... 1494 01:34:39,617 --> 01:34:43,617 ...but reverently, discreetly and solemnly. 1495 01:34:43,617 --> 01:34:46,917 Seems like a lot of adverbs. That seem like a lot of adverbs to you? 1496 01:34:46,917 --> 01:34:48,417 Shh, Arthur. 1497 01:34:48,417 --> 01:34:52,117 If any person can show just cause... 1498 01:34:52,117 --> 01:34:55,417 ...why they may not be joined together... 1499 01:34:55,417 --> 01:35:02,117 ...let him speak now or forever hold his peace. 1500 01:35:05,817 --> 01:35:08,517 I object! 1501 01:35:08,517 --> 01:35:12,517 - To this wedding. - Arthur, you can't object. It's your wedding. 1502 01:35:12,517 --> 01:35:17,217 Is it my wedding? Because I think if it was, I'd know who all these people were. 1503 01:35:17,217 --> 01:35:18,917 I mean, who are you? 1504 01:35:18,917 --> 01:35:21,217 - I'm your best man. - I've never seen you befor... 1505 01:35:21,217 --> 01:35:24,917 - Actually, have I? I recognize you a bit. - I'm your mother's receptionist. 1506 01:35:24,917 --> 01:35:27,017 Oh, yeah, right. It's nice to see you. 1507 01:35:27,017 --> 01:35:29,917 But what about you two? Who's Abercrombie and who's Fitch? 1508 01:35:29,917 --> 01:35:32,617 And was there a bachelor party? I wasn't invited. 1509 01:35:32,617 --> 01:35:36,417 If there was, then I don't think I'd have enjoyed it. You look like squares. 1510 01:35:36,417 --> 01:35:38,717 And I've slept with three of them. 1511 01:35:38,717 --> 01:35:41,017 Not sure which three. I just... Statistically... 1512 01:35:41,017 --> 01:35:43,517 Susan, this isn't real. 1513 01:35:43,517 --> 01:35:47,017 This wedding is a sham. It's a wonderful sham wedding, but it's a sham. 1514 01:35:47,017 --> 01:35:48,817 We don't love each other. 1515 01:35:48,817 --> 01:35:54,217 Even you deserve better than this. 1516 01:35:55,317 --> 01:36:00,317 In fact, it was Abraham Lincoln who said, "Freedom..." 1517 01:36:00,317 --> 01:36:04,517 That's my little girl. 1518 01:36:04,917 --> 01:36:08,017 - You will marry me. - No, Susan. Abercrombie. Fitch. 1519 01:36:08,017 --> 01:36:15,417 I am the future of this company, and all I need is your goddamn last name. 1520 01:36:15,417 --> 01:36:17,117 - Hit him in the face. - No. 1521 01:36:17,117 --> 01:36:19,217 Stop. 1522 01:36:19,217 --> 01:36:23,117 Don't touch my son. 1523 01:36:24,017 --> 01:36:26,117 But Vivienne. 1524 01:36:26,117 --> 01:36:28,717 I think you've said enough. 1525 01:36:28,717 --> 01:36:32,517 Arthur, come here. 1526 01:36:40,317 --> 01:36:42,717 Are you certain about this? 1527 01:36:42,717 --> 01:36:44,717 Yes, I am. 1528 01:36:44,717 --> 01:36:47,517 It means giving up everything. 1529 01:36:47,517 --> 01:36:50,717 I'm happy to give up everything. 1530 01:36:50,717 --> 01:36:55,117 In fact, Vivienne, I can start giving up everything right now. 1531 01:36:55,117 --> 01:36:58,517 This, for example. Don't need that where I'm going. 1532 01:36:58,517 --> 01:37:01,117 Blue-collar district. This will look sarcastic. 1533 01:37:01,117 --> 01:37:04,717 I feel like I'm bound up like a little Japanese girl's foot. 1534 01:37:04,717 --> 01:37:08,717 I don't want that on anymore. Shackles, chaining me to wealth. 1535 01:37:08,717 --> 01:37:10,717 Bloody thing. Ugh. 1536 01:37:10,717 --> 01:37:13,117 This shirt, itchy. 1537 01:37:13,117 --> 01:37:14,917 I don't want it anymore. 1538 01:37:14,917 --> 01:37:18,017 I can assure all of you that after this... 1539 01:37:18,017 --> 01:37:21,417 ...I will be nowhere near the Bach fund. 1540 01:37:21,417 --> 01:37:27,217 So your investments are on solid footing. 1541 01:37:27,217 --> 01:37:31,017 Excuse me. Don't let that detract from what I just said. 1542 01:37:31,017 --> 01:37:34,317 And finally... 1543 01:37:34,317 --> 01:37:38,817 Actually, um, these were a Christmas present from Hobson. I... 1544 01:37:38,817 --> 01:37:40,617 I think I'll hang onto them. 1545 01:37:40,617 --> 01:37:43,917 - I'm keeping this ring. I'm keeping this ring. - Yes. 1546 01:37:43,917 --> 01:37:50,017 Okay, well, uh, I'm going to be poor now. 1547 01:37:54,417 --> 01:37:55,917 So how'd it go? 1548 01:37:55,917 --> 01:38:02,717 Well, um, I'm very sorry, Bitterman, but I'm afraid you're out of a job. 1549 01:38:02,717 --> 01:38:04,717 Congratulations. 1550 01:38:04,717 --> 01:38:08,117 - Is there anywhere I could take you, sir? - Well, that's very sweet... 1551 01:38:08,117 --> 01:38:11,017 ...but I've gotta get used to fending for myself now. 1552 01:38:11,017 --> 01:38:15,917 Could you hail me a cab, please? 1553 01:38:15,917 --> 01:38:18,617 Arthur. 1554 01:38:22,417 --> 01:38:24,917 - Once again, you've humiliated me. - Sorry. 1555 01:38:24,917 --> 01:38:29,117 But this time, I respect you for it. 1556 01:38:29,117 --> 01:38:30,917 You're stronger than I thought. 1557 01:38:30,917 --> 01:38:33,217 And you've shown me the truth about Susan. 1558 01:38:33,217 --> 01:38:35,117 Yeah, she's bloody evil, isn't she? 1559 01:38:35,117 --> 01:38:37,417 Oh. 1560 01:38:37,717 --> 01:38:40,117 - For the cab. - Oh. 1561 01:38:40,117 --> 01:38:44,417 Good luck in your life, Arthur. 1562 01:38:44,417 --> 01:38:47,317 A bit awkward. 1563 01:38:47,317 --> 01:38:48,817 We've got to get to Queens. 1564 01:38:48,817 --> 01:38:50,617 Do you know Queens? 1565 01:38:50,617 --> 01:38:55,717 It's full of traffic, isn't it? 1566 01:38:56,617 --> 01:38:58,117 Do you know Naomi? 1567 01:38:58,117 --> 01:38:59,917 Mazel tov, I'm looking for Naomi. 1568 01:38:59,917 --> 01:39:01,617 Naomi! 1569 01:39:01,617 --> 01:39:04,117 What? 1570 01:39:04,117 --> 01:39:09,417 Hello. I remembered. I remembered the bricks and the train. 1571 01:39:09,417 --> 01:39:11,317 I came in a taxi. 1572 01:39:11,317 --> 01:39:14,017 - You're wasted, Arthur. - No! 1573 01:39:14,017 --> 01:39:17,617 Well, yes. But that was only so I could get married. 1574 01:39:17,617 --> 01:39:22,617 - Oh, okay. - Naomi! I didn't go through with it. 1575 01:39:22,617 --> 01:39:28,117 Instead, I did the only rational thing, and I gave away all of my clothes. 1576 01:39:28,117 --> 01:39:32,017 Do you remember one word of the last conversation we had, Arthur? 1577 01:39:32,017 --> 01:39:37,817 - Yeah, we were going to build a secret door. - No. The other conversation. 1578 01:39:37,817 --> 01:39:41,517 I gave away billions of money for you. 1579 01:39:41,517 --> 01:39:45,617 You shouldn't have done that. 1580 01:39:45,617 --> 01:39:48,217 Naomi? 1581 01:39:50,317 --> 01:39:53,517 My mum's dead. 1582 01:39:53,517 --> 01:39:56,017 I know. 1583 01:39:56,017 --> 01:40:00,417 And I am so... I'm so, so sorry. 1584 01:40:00,417 --> 01:40:02,617 But... 1585 01:40:02,617 --> 01:40:06,817 ...I can't be her replacement. 1586 01:40:06,817 --> 01:40:09,317 Okay. 1587 01:40:45,617 --> 01:40:47,417 I used to have in my apartment... 1588 01:40:47,417 --> 01:40:52,017 ...a rather large, incredibly decadent magnetic bed. 1589 01:40:52,017 --> 01:40:54,517 Thought "This bed is gonna make me truly happy." 1590 01:40:54,517 --> 01:40:58,317 This is the one thing that my life requires, is a floating magnetic bed. 1591 01:40:58,317 --> 01:41:03,117 When I get that, I'll be happy. And my companion that evening was, um... 1592 01:41:03,117 --> 01:41:07,317 What's a euphemistic way to say it that doesn't sound unpleasant? Um... 1593 01:41:07,317 --> 01:41:09,717 A prostitute. And... 1594 01:41:09,717 --> 01:41:12,217 We tried to prize open the door of the fish tank... 1595 01:41:12,217 --> 01:41:14,417 ...because we thought we could make a phone call. 1596 01:41:14,417 --> 01:41:17,417 Broke the door off of the fish tank. 1597 01:41:17,417 --> 01:41:21,117 The fish came flooding out. I nearly drowned. 1598 01:41:21,117 --> 01:41:25,417 It wasn't without its amusing moments, but it took a spiritual toll on me... 1599 01:41:25,417 --> 01:41:30,517 ...and none of these phone boxes, nor magnetic beds could fill the hole within me. 1600 01:41:30,517 --> 01:41:34,717 I spent a lot of my life embarrassing my family and people that care about me. 1601 01:41:34,717 --> 01:41:38,717 But I've made amends with my mother now. As much as you can with a dragon. 1602 01:41:38,717 --> 01:41:42,417 I'm six months clean today. 1603 01:41:42,417 --> 01:41:44,617 Congratulations. 1604 01:41:44,617 --> 01:41:51,517 I think this is the most I've ever valued a coin. 1605 01:42:08,617 --> 01:42:10,317 Next. 1606 01:42:10,317 --> 01:42:14,417 Next in line, please. 1607 01:42:15,617 --> 01:42:18,917 That's 12.50. 1608 01:42:29,817 --> 01:42:33,217 Lady Liberty wrapped her giant green arms... 1609 01:42:33,217 --> 01:42:35,717 ...around the Chrysler Building one last time. 1610 01:42:35,717 --> 01:42:39,417 And then she carefully walked back to her own island. 1611 01:42:39,417 --> 01:42:41,817 Even though they'll always live apart... 1612 01:42:41,817 --> 01:42:46,217 ...they'll still stand a little taller and shine a little brighter... 1613 01:42:46,217 --> 01:42:48,917 ...because they shared an adventure. 1614 01:42:48,917 --> 01:42:51,717 The end. 1615 01:42:52,817 --> 01:42:55,817 It's question time. Does anybody have any questions? 1616 01:42:55,817 --> 01:42:58,817 I have a question. 1617 01:42:58,817 --> 01:43:03,717 Does anybody mind if I tell another story? 1618 01:43:03,717 --> 01:43:05,317 - I mind. - Me too. 1619 01:43:05,317 --> 01:43:07,417 You sound like Harry Potter. 1620 01:43:07,417 --> 01:43:10,317 Yeah, well, is that a bad thing? He's a great wizard. 1621 01:43:10,317 --> 01:43:14,217 Listen, it's quite a good story, and if no one here minds... 1622 01:43:14,217 --> 01:43:15,417 Uh, excuse me, sorry. 1623 01:43:15,417 --> 01:43:19,617 I'd really like the opportunity to tell it. 1624 01:43:19,617 --> 01:43:22,617 If that's okay, um... 1625 01:43:22,617 --> 01:43:27,517 Once upon a time, there was a prince. Handsome, he was. 1626 01:43:27,517 --> 01:43:30,017 He fell in love with a princess from Queens. 1627 01:43:30,017 --> 01:43:32,817 - Are you a girl or a boy? - Doesn't matter. 1628 01:43:32,817 --> 01:43:36,217 The fact is, he loved this princess so much... 1629 01:43:36,217 --> 01:43:39,217 ...that he was prepared to give up his kingdom for her... 1630 01:43:39,217 --> 01:43:41,517 ...but she turned him away. 1631 01:43:41,517 --> 01:43:44,517 - What a bitch. - She was not. Why would you say that? 1632 01:43:44,517 --> 01:43:46,517 She did the right thing, it turns out... 1633 01:43:46,517 --> 01:43:52,717 ...because this prince had a little bit of a problem with... 1634 01:43:52,717 --> 01:43:56,617 ...candy. He couldn't get enough candy. 1635 01:43:56,617 --> 01:43:59,117 - Do you mean drugs? - No. No. Where did you grow up? 1636 01:43:59,117 --> 01:44:00,417 - Meth? - No. 1637 01:44:00,417 --> 01:44:02,317 - Crack? - No. It was just booze. 1638 01:44:02,317 --> 01:44:07,417 Look, this isn't working. Okay. 1639 01:44:08,817 --> 01:44:14,717 What I came here to say to you, Naomi, is that I'm sorry. 1640 01:44:14,717 --> 01:44:17,017 I'm sorry that I lied to you. 1641 01:44:17,017 --> 01:44:19,617 I'm sorry that I hurt you. 1642 01:44:19,617 --> 01:44:22,617 And I'm sorry that I asked you to take care of me... 1643 01:44:22,617 --> 01:44:32,117 ...when what I want more than anything in the world is to take care of you. 1644 01:44:32,517 --> 01:44:38,517 And I think that's the end of the story. 1645 01:44:51,917 --> 01:44:54,217 Ew! 1646 01:44:55,317 --> 01:44:56,817 Hey, what's wrong with you? 1647 01:44:56,817 --> 01:45:04,617 This is just two adults kissing in a room full of children. 1648 01:45:04,617 --> 01:45:06,517 So how's the real world treating you? 1649 01:45:06,517 --> 01:45:09,817 Oh, I've learned mostly that I should just try and live simply now. 1650 01:45:09,817 --> 01:45:11,917 - It's better for me. - What is this? 1651 01:45:11,917 --> 01:45:13,617 Bitterman! Why? 1652 01:45:13,617 --> 01:45:18,117 You said, "This is the girl I can buy back with a fleet of movie cars." 1653 01:45:18,117 --> 01:45:22,917 I said this is a girl I can't buy back with a fleet of movie cars. 1654 01:45:22,917 --> 01:45:25,317 - Oh. - Specifically, I said "can't." 1655 01:45:25,317 --> 01:45:28,917 Get rid of... Just get rid of them. It's embarrassing. 1656 01:45:28,917 --> 01:45:31,817 - So I guess your mother forgave you. - Yeah, yeah, you know. 1657 01:45:31,817 --> 01:45:36,617 I got my inheritance in return for running the Bach charity discreetly. 1658 01:45:36,617 --> 01:45:40,017 Should we just take the subway? 1659 01:45:40,017 --> 01:45:44,417 Which one's the fastest? 1660 01:45:48,617 --> 01:45:54,217 Through the park, please, Bitterman. 1661 01:49:53,217 --> 01:49:56,717 Carrot was here