1 00:00:29,274 --> 00:00:31,516 [ clapping in rhythm] 2 00:00:31,585 --> 00:00:33,171 Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! 3 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,171 Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! 4 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,103 There's no denying it-- the future's crazy. 5 00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:39,862 Oh, well, don't want to stand out. 6 00:00:39,930 --> 00:00:41,930 BOTH: Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! 7 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,758 Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! 8 00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,619 There's nothing crazy about it. 9 00:00:45,689 --> 00:00:47,792 It's just Freedom Day. 10 00:00:47,862 --> 00:00:49,826 [ trilling] 11 00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:56,689 So, what isFreedom Day? 12 00:00:56,758 --> 00:00:59,310 Sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. 13 00:00:59,378 --> 00:01:02,517 No. It's a fabulous, crabulous day! 14 00:01:02,585 --> 00:01:04,516 If you want to do something, you do it-- 15 00:01:04,585 --> 00:01:06,067 and to spleck with the consequences! 16 00:01:06,137 --> 00:01:07,275 [ seagull squawks] 17 00:01:07,343 --> 00:01:09,379 You know, like how I live every day. 18 00:01:10,516 --> 00:01:11,688 [ groans] 19 00:01:11,757 --> 00:01:13,861 [ all chuckling] 20 00:01:13,930 --> 00:01:15,379 Happy Freedom Day! 21 00:01:15,448 --> 00:01:17,965 Oh, I think my wrist is broken. 22 00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:20,240 Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day 23 00:01:20,310 --> 00:01:22,206 without the traditional freedom tub. 24 00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:23,206 [ beep] 25 00:01:23,275 --> 00:01:26,379 Ooh.Wow, baby. 26 00:01:26,448 --> 00:01:30,310 Mmm, that'll feel nice on my shattered bones. 27 00:01:33,481 --> 00:01:35,275 Wow, nude hot-tubbing? 28 00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:38,067 That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. 29 00:01:38,137 --> 00:01:40,861 Then consider the following lecture a bonus. 30 00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:42,723 On Earth, freedom is a given. 31 00:01:42,793 --> 00:01:45,481 But on myplanet, we have to suffer for it. 32 00:01:46,896 --> 00:01:48,758 Sure, you can be a comedian 33 00:01:48,826 --> 00:01:50,448 instead of a doctor-- 34 00:01:50,516 --> 00:01:52,171 if you want your parents 35 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,343 to roll over in their graves! 36 00:01:55,965 --> 00:01:58,896 Sure, you can vote for Shknadel-- 37 00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:02,620 if you want there should be a recession! 38 00:02:02,688 --> 00:02:04,688 Sure, you can go to medical school-- 39 00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:05,793 if you've given up 40 00:02:05,861 --> 00:02:07,826 on your dream of being a comedian! 41 00:02:10,378 --> 00:02:13,481 That's why I love Earth-- you can do what you want 42 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:17,000 and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. 43 00:02:17,068 --> 00:02:18,378 We're not listening! 44 00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:20,620 That'swhat I'm talking about. 45 00:02:25,655 --> 00:02:27,620 [ engine roaring] 46 00:02:35,550 --> 00:02:38,137 [ applause and cheers] 47 00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:44,550 Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! 48 00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:46,413 Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! 49 00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:49,067 [ engines rumbling] 50 00:02:52,481 --> 00:02:54,000 BENDER: Excuse me, coming through! 51 00:02:54,067 --> 00:02:55,758 Freedom Train arriving on track one. 52 00:02:55,826 --> 00:02:56,758 [ two toots] 53 00:02:56,826 --> 00:02:58,896 Ow, you broke my foot! 54 00:02:58,965 --> 00:02:59,965 Freedom! 55 00:03:00,033 --> 00:03:02,103 What's this next float, Linda? 56 00:03:02,171 --> 00:03:05,723 Representing our men, women and children in uniform 57 00:03:05,793 --> 00:03:09,171 it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Brannigan. 58 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,516 Happy Freedom Day, ladies. 59 00:03:11,586 --> 00:03:14,240 Come on, let loose and show me something. 60 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:17,000 Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. 61 00:03:17,068 --> 00:03:18,171 [ sighs] 62 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,413 Oh, yeah. Thank you, Linda. 63 00:03:20,481 --> 00:03:23,205 You're welcome! 64 00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:24,758 Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. 65 00:03:24,826 --> 00:03:27,965 If that is your Freedom Day wish... 66 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,000 [ horrified screaming] 67 00:03:32,343 --> 00:03:35,481 [ Techno version of "Hail to the Chief"] 68 00:03:39,206 --> 00:03:40,861 [ techno music fades] 69 00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,655 Thank you, Secretary of Transportation. 70 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,240 My fellow Earthicans: 71 00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:48,758 We enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. 72 00:03:48,826 --> 00:03:50,620 We're free to choose which hand 73 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,965 our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. 74 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,171 And if we don't want to pay our taxes 75 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,896 why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. 76 00:03:58,965 --> 00:04:01,068 [ cheerily]: See you April 15, folks! 77 00:04:01,137 --> 00:04:03,688 Cue the fireworks guy. 78 00:04:03,758 --> 00:04:05,000 [ rocket whistling] 79 00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:09,516 [ fireworks exploding] 80 00:04:09,586 --> 00:04:12,205 Ooh...Ah... 81 00:04:12,275 --> 00:04:15,205 Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration 82 00:04:15,275 --> 00:04:16,723 is brought to you by... 83 00:04:16,793 --> 00:04:19,033 Shankman's Rubbing Compound. 84 00:04:19,103 --> 00:04:22,586 When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. 85 00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:24,516 [ excited cheering]Yeah, Shankman! 86 00:04:24,586 --> 00:04:26,793 It costs a little more, but it's worth it. 87 00:04:26,862 --> 00:04:30,516 Our planet has been through so much this past year-- 88 00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:32,689 wars, droughts, impeachments-- 89 00:04:32,757 --> 00:04:36,896 but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important: 90 00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:39,516 the great taste of Charleston Chew. 91 00:04:39,586 --> 00:04:42,172 [ fireworks exploding] 92 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,033 And now, let us salute 93 00:04:44,103 --> 00:04:47,620 that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag... 94 00:04:47,689 --> 00:04:49,620 Ol' Freebie. 95 00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:52,550 [ Earth National Anthem plays] 96 00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,965 [ all cheering] 97 00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,826 I'm swelling with patriotic mucus. 98 00:04:57,896 --> 00:05:00,654 In our darkest hour 99 00:05:00,723 --> 00:05:04,550 we can stand erect with proud, upthrust bosoms.... 100 00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:06,310 Anyone who laughs is a Communist. 101 00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:10,137 ...knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward 102 00:05:10,206 --> 00:05:13,310 we will see by the rocket's red glare 103 00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:15,862 that our flag is still there. 104 00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:17,343 It's gone! 105 00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:21,103 [ slurping] 106 00:05:21,172 --> 00:05:22,206 [ burps] 107 00:05:22,274 --> 00:05:23,274 [ gasping] 108 00:05:23,343 --> 00:05:26,240 Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag! 109 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:28,274 And I did it with pride. 110 00:05:28,343 --> 00:05:31,206 For to express oneself by doing a thing 111 00:05:31,274 --> 00:05:33,896 is the very essence of Freedom Day. 112 00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:37,620 Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. 113 00:05:37,689 --> 00:05:40,172 [ crickets chirping] 114 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,447 Kill him! 115 00:05:41,516 --> 00:05:43,137 Kill the traitor! 116 00:05:43,206 --> 00:05:44,550 [ crowd mutters angrily] 117 00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:47,206 [ high-pitched shriek] 118 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,172 [ crowd yelling angrily] 119 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,447 W-w-wooo, w-w-woo! 120 00:05:55,516 --> 00:05:59,172 Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! 121 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,689 NIXON: Stop that Red menace! 122 00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:11,550 W-w-wooo, w-w-woo! 123 00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:12,862 [ panting] 124 00:06:12,930 --> 00:06:14,481 [ breathlessly]: W-w-wooo, w-w-woo! 125 00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:15,826 [ panting] 126 00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:17,481 Oh, I'm all scuttled out. 127 00:06:17,550 --> 00:06:18,516 What? 128 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,896 My planet's embassy? 129 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,862 They're paid to notkill me. 130 00:06:28,723 --> 00:06:29,620 [ yelling angrily] 131 00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:30,862 [ beep] 132 00:06:31,896 --> 00:06:34,240 I thought I understood this world. 133 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,930 I thought I was fitting in. 134 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,033 But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do 135 00:06:39,103 --> 00:06:40,447 on our crappy home planet. 136 00:06:40,516 --> 00:06:41,516 Ooh, sorry. 137 00:06:41,586 --> 00:06:43,413 What, sorry? Our planet stinks. 138 00:06:43,481 --> 00:06:44,826 We all know it. 139 00:06:44,896 --> 00:06:46,862 Enough with the persecution, I'm saying. 140 00:06:46,930 --> 00:06:48,343 Zoidberg, as Ambassador 141 00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:50,206 I promise you the full support 142 00:06:50,274 --> 00:06:51,965 of our government, already. 143 00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:55,757 Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? 144 00:06:57,793 --> 00:07:02,067 Ambassador Moivin, you and your staff are so kind. 145 00:07:02,137 --> 00:07:04,516 I am truly humbled. 146 00:07:04,586 --> 00:07:06,447 What, no marshmallows? 147 00:07:06,516 --> 00:07:08,067 [ crowd yelling angrily] 148 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,033 Let's storm the place! 149 00:07:10,103 --> 00:07:11,586 Without my prior knowledge. 150 00:07:11,654 --> 00:07:14,240 BENDER: Coming through, Freedom Train, step aside. 151 00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,620 You, too, Fatso-- freedom! 152 00:07:15,689 --> 00:07:17,172 Cool your jowls, Nixon. 153 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,343 You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. 154 00:07:20,413 --> 00:07:23,620 You may even find the image of it festering in his bowels 155 00:07:23,689 --> 00:07:24,896 somehow offensive 156 00:07:24,964 --> 00:07:26,757 but the right to freedom of expression 157 00:07:26,826 --> 00:07:29,000 is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. 158 00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:30,516 [ growls]: Maybe so. 159 00:07:30,586 --> 00:07:34,516 But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat. 160 00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:41,067 The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth v. Zoidberg. 161 00:07:41,137 --> 00:07:42,862 Sock it to 'em! 162 00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:51,274 [ chanting]; Two, four, six, eight, eating the flag is bad. 163 00:07:51,343 --> 00:07:54,793 Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. 164 00:07:54,862 --> 00:07:56,586 ♪ You can eat my dog ♪ 165 00:07:56,654 --> 00:07:58,033 ♪ You can eat my truck ♪ 166 00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,689 ♪ But you eat my flag, and you're out of luck ♪ 167 00:08:00,757 --> 00:08:03,172 ♪ She's a-waving proud, around the world ♪ 168 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,516 ♪ From Dallas to Fort Worth ♪ 169 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,620 ♪ Let me say it again... ♪ 170 00:08:07,689 --> 00:08:08,862 [ horn blows] 171 00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:10,172 ALL: ♪ Don't mess with Earth! ♪ 172 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,757 They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. 173 00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:15,413 Posers. I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool. 174 00:08:15,481 --> 00:08:17,033 Where are we ever going to find 175 00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:18,413 a lawyer to take his case? 176 00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:20,000 I'll ask the head of the ACLU-- 177 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,274 once he's done singing. 178 00:08:21,343 --> 00:08:25,206 ♪ Don't mess with Earth ♪ 179 00:08:25,274 --> 00:08:27,413 Kill Zoidberg! Good night! 180 00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:28,896 MAN: Howdy there. 181 00:08:28,964 --> 00:08:30,137 I'm a lawyer, and I'd like 182 00:08:30,206 --> 00:08:32,172 to help your friend out of this pickle. 183 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,309 Who are you, old man? 184 00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:34,965 Name's Old Man Waterfall 185 00:08:35,033 --> 00:08:37,688 but most folks just call me "Old Man." 186 00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:39,206 I'll never remember that. 187 00:08:39,274 --> 00:08:41,206 I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. 188 00:08:41,274 --> 00:08:43,000 Name a body part and a planet 189 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:45,274 and I've taken a bullet in it, on it 190 00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:48,274 all to keep our flag flyin' free. 191 00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:50,172 And youwant to defend Zoidberg? 192 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,758 Are you familiar with the old robot saying 193 00:08:52,826 --> 00:08:54,861 [ monotone]: "Does not compute"? 194 00:08:54,931 --> 00:08:57,344 Son, to me, a robot's just a garbage can 195 00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,136 with sparks coming out of it. 196 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,206 The sparks keep me warm. 197 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,413 I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did 198 00:09:03,481 --> 00:09:06,724 but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it. 199 00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:09,586 Or, I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails 200 00:09:09,654 --> 00:09:11,551 on Mars and Saturn, respectively. 201 00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:14,724 Wait, y-you're a lawyer? You're hired! 202 00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:22,413 You okay there in the Embassy, Zoidberg? 203 00:09:22,481 --> 00:09:24,861 No. There's no cocoa marshmallows. 204 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:28,240 And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. 205 00:09:28,309 --> 00:09:29,654 Oyez, oyez, oyez. 206 00:09:29,724 --> 00:09:32,136 All rise for the Honorable Chief Justice Myrtle Fu 207 00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:33,620 and the Associate Justices. 208 00:09:33,688 --> 00:09:35,861 [ metallic squeaks] 209 00:09:45,309 --> 00:09:47,517 Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth 210 00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:48,586 if you're ready. 211 00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,517 I was hatched ready. 212 00:09:50,586 --> 00:09:56,274 Honorable Judgeheads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. 213 00:09:56,344 --> 00:10:00,033 I was doing freedom of speech: Earth's most sacred right. 214 00:10:00,102 --> 00:10:01,931 Your Honor, freedom of speech 215 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,274 applies to what comes out of a mouth 216 00:10:04,344 --> 00:10:05,758 not what goes in. 217 00:10:05,826 --> 00:10:07,274 Can Counsel cite precedent? 218 00:10:07,344 --> 00:10:08,826 Uh, yes, darlin', I can. 219 00:10:08,895 --> 00:10:11,826 In State of Alabama vs. Giant Space Iguana 220 00:10:11,895 --> 00:10:14,481 chewing the corners off the Constitution 221 00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:16,793 was deemed nonprotected speech. 222 00:10:16,861 --> 00:10:18,586 He shut you up, O'Connor. 223 00:10:18,654 --> 00:10:19,688 [ chuckles] 224 00:10:19,758 --> 00:10:21,344 CHIEF JUSTICE FU: Mr. Waterfall 225 00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:24,551 you may now present arguments on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. 226 00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:25,861 Oh, God, I'm nervous. 227 00:10:25,931 --> 00:10:28,067 Two of my three hearts are having attacks. 228 00:10:28,136 --> 00:10:29,413 [ laughs] 229 00:10:29,481 --> 00:10:31,931 Court's kind of fun when it's not my ass on the line. 230 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,033 Nachos? 231 00:10:33,102 --> 00:10:35,172 Oh, Land O' Goshen. 232 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,172 Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer 233 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,826 like my opponent here... 234 00:10:39,895 --> 00:10:41,309 [ clucking] 235 00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:44,000 ...but I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. 236 00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:45,586 You see this hand of mine? 237 00:10:45,654 --> 00:10:46,826 Yes, I do. 238 00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:49,551 No, you don't, 'cause I lost me real hand 239 00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:52,344 planting the flag when we took back Haley's Comet. 240 00:10:52,413 --> 00:10:56,447 Yet it was worth it-- so much do I love that flag. 241 00:10:56,517 --> 00:10:58,517 Aw...[ sniffling] 242 00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:01,447 I love it even more than I love my seven wives. 243 00:11:01,517 --> 00:11:03,586 That's right, I'm a polygamist. 244 00:11:03,654 --> 00:11:05,413 [ all booing] 245 00:11:05,481 --> 00:11:07,965 Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself-- 246 00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:10,551 had I not used my intestine as a rope 247 00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:13,240 to hoist a flag made of my own skin-- 248 00:11:13,309 --> 00:11:16,758 if it would protect the freedoms of the proud people 249 00:11:16,826 --> 00:11:18,379 who salute that flag. 250 00:11:18,447 --> 00:11:20,481 [ cheering] 251 00:11:20,551 --> 00:11:22,240 Freedoms such as polygamy. 252 00:11:22,309 --> 00:11:23,895 [ booing] 253 00:11:23,965 --> 00:11:25,447 I rest my case. 254 00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:26,758 [ clunking] 255 00:11:26,826 --> 00:11:28,067 Whoa, geez. 256 00:11:28,136 --> 00:11:30,931 The Justices and I will now confer 257 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,481 using high-speed telepathy. 258 00:11:36,965 --> 00:11:38,895 [ electrical buzzing] 259 00:11:42,826 --> 00:11:45,206 [ electrical buzzing continues] 260 00:11:47,309 --> 00:11:49,033 [ electrical buzzing stops] 261 00:11:50,447 --> 00:11:54,379 By a vote of six to three, we find that flag-eating 262 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,240 is notprotected by the Constitution. 263 00:11:57,309 --> 00:11:58,517 [ all gasping] 264 00:11:58,586 --> 00:12:01,586 Six to three? I beat the spread. 265 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,793 The court orders an immediate public apology. 266 00:12:04,861 --> 00:12:06,000 Apology accepted. 267 00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:08,447 Just don't let it happen again. 268 00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:10,586 She means you, you turkey of the sea. 269 00:12:10,654 --> 00:12:13,067 Me, apologize? Never! 270 00:12:13,136 --> 00:12:16,240 I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! 271 00:12:16,309 --> 00:12:19,206 But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! 272 00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:22,620 So, do your worst, because no punishment could be bigger 273 00:12:22,688 --> 00:12:24,447 than denying me my freedom! 274 00:12:24,517 --> 00:12:27,551 You are hereby sentenced to death. 275 00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:28,826 Wait, let me finish! 276 00:12:28,895 --> 00:12:30,793 [ shocked murmuring] 277 00:12:30,861 --> 00:12:33,517 Also, in a rare double-whammy decision 278 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,654 the court finds polygamy constitutional. 279 00:12:36,724 --> 00:12:38,344 [ booing] 280 00:12:38,413 --> 00:12:40,447 I can't wait to tell my husband. 281 00:12:40,517 --> 00:12:42,793 [ louder booing] 282 00:12:42,861 --> 00:12:44,447 ZAPP BRANNIGAN: Remember, men 283 00:12:44,517 --> 00:12:47,447 take him alive, so there's something left to kill. 284 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,481 [ pounding] 285 00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,413 Stay back! 286 00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:55,931 This Embassy is sovereign mud of the mud planet Decapod 10. 287 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,274 Invading these mud premises is an act of war! 288 00:12:59,344 --> 00:13:02,481 Yeah? Well, what are you going to do about it, shrimpy? 289 00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:05,654 You want to see, Mr. Bigshot? 290 00:13:05,724 --> 00:13:06,931 Attack Earth! 291 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,309 Yes, I know it's a shlep-- just do it! 292 00:13:16,758 --> 00:13:18,724 [ engines roaring] 293 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,551 Haha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw! 294 00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,274 [ terrified screaming] 295 00:13:27,344 --> 00:13:30,274 Ready? Retreat! 296 00:13:39,481 --> 00:13:41,413 [ people screaming] 297 00:13:41,481 --> 00:13:43,758 [ claws snipping] 298 00:13:49,136 --> 00:13:50,447 [ screaming] 299 00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:53,309 [ screaming and yelling] 300 00:13:53,379 --> 00:13:54,826 WOMAN: Shh! 301 00:13:54,895 --> 00:13:57,654 [ people screaming softly and whimpering] 302 00:13:57,724 --> 00:14:00,826 DR. ZOIDBERG: Deny my freedom, will you? 303 00:14:00,895 --> 00:14:02,309 Well, we'll do to you 304 00:14:02,379 --> 00:14:05,172 what we did to the Squash Men of the Squash Planet-- 305 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:06,344 squish them! 306 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:07,620 [ chuckling] 307 00:14:07,688 --> 00:14:08,620 Charleston Chew? 308 00:14:08,688 --> 00:14:09,620 You bet. 309 00:14:13,309 --> 00:14:15,517 [ heroic music plays] 310 00:14:15,586 --> 00:14:17,517 ZAPP: All right, Kif 311 00:14:17,586 --> 00:14:19,309 let's show these freaks 312 00:14:19,379 --> 00:14:22,965 what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. 313 00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:25,931 Bring me the activation codes for our global defense network. 314 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,481 Aye, aye, sir. 315 00:14:27,551 --> 00:14:29,136 [ grunting] 316 00:14:33,447 --> 00:14:34,413 [ electronic beeps] 317 00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:37,172 Commence lip identification scan. 318 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,136 Mmm, mmm, mm. 319 00:14:39,206 --> 00:14:40,826 No tongue. 320 00:14:40,895 --> 00:14:41,861 [ electronic beeps] 321 00:14:41,931 --> 00:14:42,895 [ bell tone] 322 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:43,965 [ hissing] 323 00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:46,067 [ kissing]: Mmm... 324 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,379 We can't be too careful with these codes. 325 00:14:48,447 --> 00:14:50,136 Rumor has it, a double agent 326 00:14:50,206 --> 00:14:51,895 may be aboard this very ship. 327 00:14:51,965 --> 00:14:54,309 I'm watching you. 328 00:14:54,379 --> 00:14:56,172 You, Ensign, what's your name? 329 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:57,586 Hugh Mann, sir. 330 00:14:57,654 --> 00:14:58,861 Hugh Mann. 331 00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,586 Now, that's a name I can trust. 332 00:15:00,654 --> 00:15:02,517 Run down to the central battle computer 333 00:15:02,586 --> 00:15:04,172 and enter these codes, chop-chop. 334 00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,724 KIF: Uh, sir, there's something about that Ensign... 335 00:15:09,793 --> 00:15:11,000 ZAPP: You're damn right there is. 336 00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:14,033 That strapping young lad's gunning for your job 337 00:15:14,102 --> 00:15:16,344 and he just might get it. 338 00:15:16,413 --> 00:15:17,620 [ sighs] 339 00:15:17,688 --> 00:15:19,724 [ rumbling] 340 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,724 The enemy approacheth. 341 00:15:22,793 --> 00:15:24,136 Lieutenant, fire missile one 342 00:15:24,206 --> 00:15:26,033 and recommend me for another medal. 343 00:15:26,102 --> 00:15:28,206 Make it gaudy-- I'm going clubbing later. 344 00:15:28,274 --> 00:15:30,688 [ beeping] 345 00:15:30,758 --> 00:15:32,136 Ticktock. 346 00:15:32,206 --> 00:15:35,067 Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled. 347 00:15:35,136 --> 00:15:38,067 Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes. 348 00:15:38,136 --> 00:15:39,481 Somehow. 349 00:15:39,551 --> 00:15:42,102 Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame. 350 00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:44,000 Steady... steady... 351 00:15:44,895 --> 00:15:45,758 Now! 352 00:15:47,654 --> 00:15:50,344 [ Zapp and Kif screaming] 353 00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:52,033 [ explosion] 354 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,517 Dr. Zoidberg 355 00:16:05,586 --> 00:16:07,344 how can you claim to love freedom 356 00:16:07,413 --> 00:16:09,033 and then enslave all of Earth? 357 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,136 Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom 358 00:16:11,206 --> 00:16:13,620 until it learns what it is to not have freedom. 359 00:16:13,688 --> 00:16:15,172 It's a lesson, I say. 360 00:16:16,102 --> 00:16:17,447 Ow! 361 00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:19,861 What the hell is this dirt pile we're building, anyhow? 362 00:16:19,931 --> 00:16:21,826 None of your beeswax, slave. 363 00:16:21,895 --> 00:16:23,758 You'll find out soon enough. 364 00:16:23,826 --> 00:16:26,000 Just focus on globbing that mud. 365 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,000 Glob! 366 00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:29,861 [ grunting and panting] 367 00:16:35,274 --> 00:16:36,826 I'm not good at being a slave. 368 00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:38,517 I'm thinking about graduate school. 369 00:16:38,586 --> 00:16:40,033 You know, to become a barber. 370 00:16:40,102 --> 00:16:41,274 This can't go on. 371 00:16:41,344 --> 00:16:43,481 Today is the day we fight back! 372 00:16:43,551 --> 00:16:45,172 It's already 10:00. 373 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,654 Oh, you're right. 374 00:16:46,724 --> 00:16:47,931 Tomorrow is the day 375 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:48,895 we fight back. 376 00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:50,826 Yeah? Well, good luck, sister. 377 00:16:50,895 --> 00:16:53,309 All our modern technology is useless. 378 00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,551 I know Iam. 379 00:16:54,620 --> 00:16:58,517 [ snoring] 380 00:16:58,586 --> 00:16:59,620 Hey, wait. 381 00:16:59,688 --> 00:17:01,067 I'm having one of those things. 382 00:17:01,136 --> 00:17:03,206 You know, a headache with pictures. 383 00:17:03,274 --> 00:17:04,275 An idea? 384 00:17:04,344 --> 00:17:05,240 [ grunts] 385 00:17:10,481 --> 00:17:11,826 Back in my day 386 00:17:11,895 --> 00:17:14,172 we didn't have your fancy all-digital weapons 387 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,758 but we still managed to kill each other just fine. 388 00:17:16,826 --> 00:17:18,619 Ah, the crossbow. 389 00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:20,862 A pitiless, elegant killing machine. 390 00:17:20,931 --> 00:17:23,000 The Bender of the 15th century. 391 00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:24,309 Not big enough. 392 00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:26,240 We need something that can take out an entire army. 393 00:17:26,309 --> 00:17:28,205 Something you could commit a war crime with... 394 00:17:28,275 --> 00:17:29,448 [ gasps] 395 00:17:29,517 --> 00:17:31,448 [ oohing and ahhing] 396 00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:32,517 [ clonk] 397 00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:33,826 Ow. 398 00:17:33,895 --> 00:17:37,172 [ warships whooshing] 399 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:41,378 Earth's slaves, behold the fruit of your labors: 400 00:17:41,448 --> 00:17:43,205 The Mobile Oppression Palace! 401 00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:45,344 [ crowd gasping] 402 00:17:45,413 --> 00:17:47,378 Neat. 403 00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:51,000 I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. 404 00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:53,619 But with the Mobile Oppression Palace 405 00:17:53,689 --> 00:17:56,689 a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet 406 00:17:56,758 --> 00:17:58,275 for pennies a day. 407 00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,344 [ chuckling] 408 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,344 Warships dismissed! 409 00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:04,378 [ rumbling] 410 00:18:26,344 --> 00:18:27,448 [ glass shattering] 411 00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:30,034 Do your worst 412 00:18:30,103 --> 00:18:31,413 you sea devils! 413 00:18:31,481 --> 00:18:34,136 I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! 414 00:18:34,205 --> 00:18:37,689 You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! 415 00:18:38,862 --> 00:18:40,792 Ah! My spirit! 416 00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:43,172 [ groaning] 417 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,413 Great-Grandpa, no! 418 00:18:45,481 --> 00:18:49,619 Another victim of the manocentric male-ocracy. 419 00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:52,413 Ambassador Moivin, you killed my lawyer. 420 00:18:52,481 --> 00:18:53,654 You're welcome. 421 00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:56,067 He defended my freedom when no one else would. 422 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,136 He was a good and honorable man. 423 00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:01,550 I request a satanic funeral. 424 00:19:01,619 --> 00:19:03,964 [ crowd booing] 425 00:19:04,034 --> 00:19:06,931 Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression 426 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000 is shmutzing up our freedom lesson? 427 00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:10,792 Oh, take a pill, Zoidberg. 428 00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:13,413 Begin again with the crushing! 429 00:19:13,481 --> 00:19:15,413 [ screaming] 430 00:19:15,481 --> 00:19:17,309 [ raucous clanging] 431 00:19:21,275 --> 00:19:22,964 You haven't won yet, Moivin. 432 00:19:23,034 --> 00:19:25,378 You didn't expect us to even go to a museum 433 00:19:25,448 --> 00:19:28,309 much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile. 434 00:19:28,378 --> 00:19:29,964 I don't even know you. 435 00:19:30,034 --> 00:19:31,034 [ electronic beep] 436 00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:38,550 [ horrified gasps] 437 00:19:38,619 --> 00:19:40,931 Oh, it's going to make such a mess. 438 00:19:47,931 --> 00:19:49,378 [ all sighing with relief] 439 00:19:49,448 --> 00:19:50,964 This is your secret plan? 440 00:19:51,034 --> 00:19:52,067 Meh! 441 00:19:52,136 --> 00:19:53,895 Heat-seeking missiles are useless 442 00:19:53,964 --> 00:19:56,067 against the Mobile Oppression Palace. 443 00:19:56,136 --> 00:19:59,723 All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us. 444 00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:01,448 [ claws clacking] 445 00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:04,000 [ crowd screaming] 446 00:20:05,792 --> 00:20:07,654 All eyes on Zoidberg! 447 00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:08,654 [ pop] 448 00:20:08,723 --> 00:20:09,826 Eww! 449 00:20:13,723 --> 00:20:15,413 Hey, I need that to smoke! 450 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,550 [ gasping] 451 00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:20,378 Zoidberg, how could you?! 452 00:20:20,448 --> 00:20:22,240 I used to think you were cool. 453 00:20:22,309 --> 00:20:24,550 Wait, people of Earth, listen. 454 00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:26,550 Yes, I'm desecrating a flag 455 00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:30,067 but to preserve the freedom it represents. 456 00:20:33,723 --> 00:20:34,826 [ beeping] 457 00:20:37,205 --> 00:20:39,826 [ screaming] 458 00:20:39,895 --> 00:20:40,895 [ explosion] 459 00:20:46,931 --> 00:20:50,240 [ ecstatic cheers] 460 00:20:50,309 --> 00:20:52,689 Zoidberg, you set us free! 461 00:20:52,758 --> 00:20:55,067 I feel like I could stand to hug you. 462 00:20:55,136 --> 00:20:58,275 I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. 463 00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:01,136 CROWD [ chanting]: Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! 464 00:21:01,205 --> 00:21:04,654 Ah, if only they appreciated freedom this much 465 00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:06,103 on my home planet. 466 00:21:06,172 --> 00:21:08,481 Wait a second-- they do! 467 00:21:08,550 --> 00:21:12,067 Because this ismy home planet. 468 00:21:13,723 --> 00:21:16,862 NIXON: And now, to raise this beautiful new flag 469 00:21:16,931 --> 00:21:20,067 a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner 470 00:21:20,136 --> 00:21:22,550 Dr. John Zoidberg! 471 00:21:25,723 --> 00:21:27,723 You're a nice man, Nixon. 472 00:21:29,136 --> 00:21:30,964 Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite 473 00:21:31,034 --> 00:21:32,723 of the flag for tomorrow's papers? 474 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:33,931 Oh, I couldn't. 475 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,378 No, no, go ahead. 476 00:21:35,448 --> 00:21:36,517 You've earned it. 477 00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:39,136 Well, maybe just a taste. 478 00:21:40,309 --> 00:21:41,862 Mmm... 479 00:21:41,931 --> 00:21:44,689 Now, that's a grand old flag! 480 00:21:44,758 --> 00:21:46,136 [ cheering wildly] 481 00:21:48,067 --> 00:21:52,034 I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like. 482 00:22:29,205 --> 00:22:30,103 Man: Freedom.