1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:11,234 --> 00:00:14,434 Get on the ground! Get on the ground now! 2 00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:16,367 [ Bleep ] 3 00:00:16,467 --> 00:00:18,067 Sheriff's department! 4 00:00:18,167 --> 00:00:19,834 Get down! Get down now! 5 00:00:19,934 --> 00:00:22,734 God damn it! 6 00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:24,767 I don't see him! 7 00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:27,367 Those guys can run. How you doin'? 8 00:00:27,467 --> 00:00:30,501 Give me that camera. Give me that camera. 9 00:00:31,734 --> 00:00:33,567 [ Siren wailing ] 10 00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:36,767 [ Tires squeal ] 11 00:00:36,868 --> 00:00:39,968 Oh-ho! Ohh-h-h! 12 00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:47,567 Aah! Aah! Aah! 13 00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:49,701 Hey, dog. Yeah. 14 00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:58,033 Ho! Ho! Ho! 15 00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:10,067 [ Siren wailing ] 16 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:14,634 Break up a fight With those ugly twins. 17 00:01:14,734 --> 00:01:16,300 Did somebody send me this? 18 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,501 They spelled "sheriff" wrong On this letter, 19 00:01:18,601 --> 00:01:20,100 And it has No return address. 20 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,801 Bunch of crap in it. 21 00:01:22,901 --> 00:01:24,968 What is that? 22 00:01:25,067 --> 00:01:27,133 I don't know. 23 00:01:27,234 --> 00:01:30,033 Some kind of free detergent Sample? 24 00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:33,634 Don't put it in your mouth If it's detergent. 25 00:01:33,734 --> 00:01:36,734 It does taste a little bit Detergenty. 26 00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:38,334 But usually they say -- 27 00:01:38,434 --> 00:01:41,300 "Here's a coupon." Is there a coupon with it? 28 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,467 Well, maybe. 29 00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:44,033 Bathroom caulking. 30 00:01:44,133 --> 00:01:45,801 It is bathroom caulk. 31 00:01:45,901 --> 00:01:47,601 It says, "praise allah!" 32 00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:48,968 Oh, man. 33 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,434 [ Bleep ] 34 00:01:50,534 --> 00:01:53,000 Praise allah. 35 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,601 Good morning! 36 00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:58,667 We are from the department Of homeland security. 37 00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:01,000 My name is captain Duane hernandez. 38 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:04,567 This is my assistant, Lieutenant susie kim. 39 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:07,200 This white powder 40 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:10,801 That you have all been stuffing Into your orifices 41 00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:14,300 Like so much confectionery Is, in fact, anthrax. 42 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,567 [ Gasps ] 43 00:02:15,667 --> 00:02:18,000 Oh, my god! What the hell? 44 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,200 [ Coughing ] 45 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,367 Thanks for telling us now! 46 00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:24,834 It symbolizes -- It symbolizes anthrax. 47 00:02:24,934 --> 00:02:28,601 It could have been anthrax... Is the point. 48 00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:30,701 Do you know What i would like? 49 00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:33,033 I would like tickets For the show. 50 00:02:33,133 --> 00:02:36,133 What is it, barbra streisand -- Her final tour -- 51 00:02:36,234 --> 00:02:37,901 Maybe neil diamond? 52 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,667 I want tickets for the show, The show that's up your asses, 53 00:02:40,767 --> 00:02:43,367 Because that's where your heads Are, up your asses! 54 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:46,133 You must be doing a fantastic Show up your own asses! 55 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:49,300 Take your heads Out of your asses! 56 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:53,267 Lieutenant and i will show you How to deal with terrorism, 57 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:55,968 With biological and chemical Attacks. 58 00:02:56,067 --> 00:03:00,300 In one week, you will be given An exam on homeland security, 59 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,901 And you will all pass. 60 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,067 The lieutenant and i Are here to help you. 61 00:03:05,167 --> 00:03:06,968 Nothing to be afraid of... 62 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:10,801 Except terrorism and biological And chemical weapons. 63 00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,934 We will see you shortly. 64 00:03:13,033 --> 00:03:15,734 Have a nice day. 65 00:03:15,834 --> 00:03:16,767 Ten-hut. 66 00:03:16,868 --> 00:03:19,234 As you were. 67 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,300 Oh, man, we are screwed. 68 00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:33,367 That's An important question -- 69 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:36,400 "Do i feel like reno is prepared For a terrorist attack?" 70 00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:41,234 No. 71 00:03:41,334 --> 00:03:43,567 No, my answer was gonna be, "What kind?" 72 00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:46,200 But then my response, No matter what you said, 73 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,734 Was gonna be no, so i really Don't think so. 74 00:03:48,834 --> 00:03:51,467 I don't think terrorism's Gonna come to reno. 75 00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:54,267 I don't think there's Anything here they want. 76 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,367 No, especially During the winter 77 00:03:56,467 --> 00:03:59,567 Because we got snow, and they'd Have to put chains on. 78 00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:01,767 Putting snow chains On your camel -- 79 00:04:01,868 --> 00:04:03,701 They don't know How to do that. 80 00:04:03,801 --> 00:04:07,434 Did anyone notice the garbage Can we just passed 81 00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:09,467 About 30 meters behind us? 82 00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,901 No. There was a garbage can? 83 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,334 It's not garbage day, Is it? 84 00:04:14,434 --> 00:04:15,467 No, it's -- 85 00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,734 You should have Noted that. 86 00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:19,033 It's not tuesday. 87 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,601 Remember, gentlemen -- 88 00:04:20,701 --> 00:04:23,234 Eyes and ears peeled... At all times. 89 00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:25,400 Just make it A part of your -- 90 00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:28,834 Your everyday...Being. 91 00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:32,000 But, if i can ask you, Mr. Hernandez -- 92 00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,000 Of course. Captain -- 93 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,601 There are No stupid questions. 94 00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:39,167 Uh, are we In charge of trash? 95 00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:42,167 That truck's pretty Suspicious looking. 96 00:04:42,267 --> 00:04:43,667 "United we stand." 97 00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,801 Don't fool nobody with that Bumper sticker. 98 00:04:45,901 --> 00:04:48,734 See, i feel like some of these People are trying too hard. 99 00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:51,033 I feel like when the truck Of anthrax comes, 100 00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:53,634 It's gonna have a "united We stand" bumper sticker 101 00:04:53,734 --> 00:04:55,434 And a "bush/cheney" On the back. 102 00:04:55,534 --> 00:04:57,367 And a toby keith damn tape Playing. 103 00:04:57,467 --> 00:05:00,067 Exactly right, and it's gonna Be the trojan horse -- 104 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,834 Except it's not gonna be A horse. 105 00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:04,200 It's probably gonna be an f-150 Or something. 106 00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:07,100 911 call Of a suspicious person. 107 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,834 Yeah, here we go. 108 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,767 Sheriff's department! 109 00:05:11,868 --> 00:05:13,467 [ Knocks on door ] 110 00:05:13,567 --> 00:05:15,501 This is the right address. 111 00:05:15,601 --> 00:05:17,267 Sheriff's department! 112 00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:19,300 Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait. 113 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,300 This is one of the tests. 114 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,200 This is gonna be a test. 115 00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,868 Suspicious person. 116 00:05:24,968 --> 00:05:28,834 Right. It's gonna be, uh, Some sort of bomb or a gas. 117 00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:34,067 There's smoke coming out from Underneath this, uh, kid pool. 118 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,634 See it? Right over there. 119 00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:40,267 Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! 120 00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:42,634 Right there! Right there! Right there! 121 00:05:42,734 --> 00:05:44,367 What you doin' down there? 122 00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:45,734 Just hangin' out. 123 00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:48,534 Just hangin' out Under the kid pool, huh? 124 00:05:48,634 --> 00:05:50,734 Why you got Your boot off, sir? 125 00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:52,501 Why you got your boot off? 126 00:05:52,601 --> 00:05:54,167 I didn't do [bleep] 127 00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:56,834 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! 128 00:05:56,934 --> 00:05:58,400 Jesus christ! 129 00:05:58,501 --> 00:06:00,567 No, no, no, no, no! Freeze! Freeze! 130 00:06:00,667 --> 00:06:02,667 Put the boot down. Put the boot down. 131 00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:05,734 I'm gonna shoot your boot if you Do not put it down right now. 132 00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,133 Don't shoot the boot, man! 133 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,767 3...2... 134 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,934 All right. 135 00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:11,801 Oh [bleep] get down! 136 00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:14,133 I'm pointing a gun at you. 137 00:06:14,234 --> 00:06:15,834 Sir, you got, in the house, 138 00:06:15,934 --> 00:06:18,133 Do you have any serin gas Or anthrax? 139 00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:19,734 I got a carton of smokes. 140 00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:22,567 What do you guys want to stop [Bleep] me up? 141 00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:25,267 There's nothing in my boot. It's just a regular boot. 142 00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:27,234 Powder -- there's powder In the boot. 143 00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:28,834 There's powder in the boot? 144 00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:30,634 That could be gold bond Or johnson's -- 145 00:06:30,734 --> 00:06:33,133 That's dr. Scholl's powder Because i got a thing. 146 00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:34,601 Don't taste it. 147 00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:36,934 I wouldn't taste the Dr. Scholl's powder, man. 148 00:06:37,033 --> 00:06:38,400 It's dr. Scholl's powder. 149 00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:42,467 You're at the park With your family. 150 00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:45,801 No biggie. Having a picnic. 151 00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:50,100 Your little girl Is playing hopscotch. 152 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:55,167 Your little boy comes back With a frankfurter. 153 00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:57,167 He looks at you and says, 154 00:06:57,267 --> 00:07:01,100 "Daddy, why is the hot-dog man Wearing a turban?" 155 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,901 Too late. Boom! Explosion. 156 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,400 You get up, You look at your hands. 157 00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:10,734 They're covered With green slime. 158 00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,133 What do you do? 159 00:07:12,234 --> 00:07:14,033 Hazmat chemical shower. 160 00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,200 Ridiculously simple to use. 161 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:18,234 Lieutenant and i Will show you how. 162 00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:21,133 Volunteer! 163 00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:22,534 Wiegel? 164 00:07:22,634 --> 00:07:26,501 The first thing you must do Is disrobe. 165 00:07:29,801 --> 00:07:32,133 [ Gasps ] 166 00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:33,467 Into the shower! 167 00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:36,334 Commence hose-down. 168 00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:39,934 This is a granule emollient Solution. 169 00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:45,434 Gently. Good. Good. 170 00:07:45,534 --> 00:07:47,968 It's a very gentle, Soft process. 171 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,467 The earlobes. 172 00:07:49,567 --> 00:07:53,067 Especially the earlobes. They are very sensitive... 173 00:07:53,167 --> 00:07:55,934 To biological and chemical Solutions. 174 00:07:56,033 --> 00:07:58,634 Scrubbing a downward motion. 175 00:07:58,734 --> 00:08:03,033 Sometimes it takes more Than one washing 176 00:08:03,133 --> 00:08:07,767 Let the chemicals wash down Away from the vital organs. 177 00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:09,100 Focus, people. 178 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,901 This is about fighting The terrorists. 179 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,801 This is america. 180 00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:13,834 We are free. 181 00:08:13,934 --> 00:08:15,801 This is the face of freedom! 182 00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:17,801 This is the face of freedom! 183 00:08:17,901 --> 00:08:20,367 Johnson: i have to be next. I have to be next. 184 00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:26,000 There is a man. 185 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:29,534 He is, perhaps, turkish. 186 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,601 He is attacking you. 187 00:08:32,701 --> 00:08:33,834 Mm-hmm. 188 00:08:33,934 --> 00:08:37,100 In his left hand, he holds A switchblade. 189 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,834 In his right hand, he's holding A plastic comb. 190 00:08:40,934 --> 00:08:43,868 You have one bullet In your revolver, 191 00:08:43,968 --> 00:08:46,601 And you do not want To kill him. 192 00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,167 Where do you shoot? 193 00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:49,801 Right in the nuts. 194 00:08:58,067 --> 00:09:00,033 Maybe you should do The talking. 195 00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:01,467 Yeah, i'll do the talking. 196 00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:03,801 Ho! Ho! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. 197 00:09:03,901 --> 00:09:04,934 Hey, hey. 198 00:09:05,033 --> 00:09:06,100 Oh, hell no. 199 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,234 Oh, gary, lyle. What's going on? 200 00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:11,100 How you doin', jimmy-jam? I'm doin' all right. 201 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,901 What's up tonight, fellas? 202 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,133 We're just having ourselves An expression of free speech. 203 00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:17,501 Well, you know what? 204 00:09:17,601 --> 00:09:19,167 You can't do that, And you know that. 205 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,234 Okay, but last time, It was a cornfield. 206 00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:23,367 This is now my yard. This is my property. 207 00:09:23,467 --> 00:09:25,133 Well, i respect that, 208 00:09:25,234 --> 00:09:27,434 But we can't have this kind Of public display going on. 209 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,734 You're lighting a damn cross In your own yard? 210 00:09:29,834 --> 00:09:32,534 Oh, see, That's not a cross. 211 00:09:32,634 --> 00:09:34,968 That's a "t" for tolerance. 212 00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:36,367 It's a "t" for truth. 213 00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:38,434 It's a "t" For turning the corner. 214 00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,067 Fire it up. No! Ho! Ho! 215 00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:42,167 No, you are not lighting That up. 216 00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:43,501 Don't light that up! 217 00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:45,667 I'm losing my tolerance Right now. 218 00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,200 Flame on. Here we go. 219 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:48,601 Do not flame on. 220 00:09:48,701 --> 00:09:50,934 Do not [bleep] light that thing, All right? 221 00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:53,400 I'm getting a lot of hostility Off of you. 222 00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:55,133 All right, well -- 223 00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:58,234 That's a "t" for team because I understand it now. 224 00:09:58,334 --> 00:10:01,000 Now we're all on a team. You're my teammate. 225 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,501 Hey, hey, you know what? D-t-a-m-f-s -- 226 00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:05,634 Don't take another [Bleep] step, 227 00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:08,734 And don't you light that [Bleep] cross, all right? 228 00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,801 You see? No, no. 229 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,567 Give us a hug. No, no, no. 230 00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:16,667 Flame on! Do not flame on. No! 231 00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:19,234 Oh! Oh [bleep] Son of a bitch. 232 00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:20,901 Oh, [bleep] [bleep] 233 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,901 Somebody should get a hose. 234 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,701 You know, He's accident prone. 235 00:10:25,801 --> 00:10:27,567 This is not A complete surprise. 236 00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:29,334 Well, lieutenant here 237 00:10:29,434 --> 00:10:33,434 Has studied at cambridge, Oxford, the university of seoul. 238 00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:35,133 Am i missing anything? 239 00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:38,133 The university of new delhi. I'm sorry. 240 00:10:38,234 --> 00:10:41,334 You have that master's degree There, also. 241 00:10:41,434 --> 00:10:42,934 She breeds koi fish, 242 00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:46,667 She's a kickboxing champion In her weight division. 243 00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:48,334 And the class above. 244 00:10:48,434 --> 00:10:50,100 And the class above. 245 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,067 As for myself, i studied at the Bloomfield community college 246 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,033 Through affirmative action. 247 00:10:57,801 --> 00:11:00,167 There are five dwarfs. 248 00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:02,834 One of them speaks french. 249 00:11:02,934 --> 00:11:03,834 Okay. 250 00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:06,234 One speaks portuguese. 251 00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:08,400 The others are mute. 252 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,100 You have only one bullet. 253 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,567 Which one do you shoot? 254 00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:16,901 Tick tock, tick tock. Which one do you shoot? 255 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,234 [ Sighs ] Um...The black one. 256 00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:24,868 I never said There was a black one. 257 00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:26,367 But you are correct. 258 00:11:26,467 --> 00:11:27,501 I am? 259 00:11:27,601 --> 00:11:29,868 Yes, you are thinking Outside the box. 260 00:11:29,968 --> 00:11:31,400 I am? Excellent. Yes. 261 00:11:31,501 --> 00:11:32,567 [ Sighs ] 262 00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:34,901 You know, no one has ever, 263 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,100 Ever made me feel smart Like you. 264 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,567 You've got to be kidding me. 265 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,834 No. I mean, they treat me 266 00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:46,400 Like i'm some kind of Retarded monkey. 267 00:11:46,501 --> 00:11:50,300 What i'm trying to tell you, My flower, 268 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,734 Is to let yourself bloom. 269 00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:55,567 Can you feel my hand Touching your face? 270 00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:57,634 I can feel. I can feel it. 271 00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:58,934 Okay? Okay. 272 00:11:59,033 --> 00:12:00,868 That is energy. Yeah. 273 00:12:00,968 --> 00:12:04,300 That is love coming to you From the universe, 274 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,367 Telling you, "hey, woman. Hey, lady. 275 00:12:08,467 --> 00:12:10,534 "Maybe unbutton The top of your shirt. 276 00:12:10,634 --> 00:12:12,400 Is that going To hurt anybody?" 277 00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:13,567 No. 278 00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:14,567 No. 279 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,367 "Maybe look a little bit hot. 280 00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,300 Is that going to hurt anybody?" 281 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,634 No. 282 00:12:19,734 --> 00:12:23,701 And by helping yourself, You're helping your country. 283 00:12:23,801 --> 00:12:25,634 By helping your country, 284 00:12:25,734 --> 00:12:30,367 You are defeating those dirty, Dirty, dirty, bad bastards... 285 00:12:30,467 --> 00:12:32,234 Who want to defeat us. 286 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,067 So bloom. 287 00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:37,701 Bloom, damn you, bloom. 288 00:12:37,801 --> 00:12:41,334 Bloom, damn you, bloom. 289 00:12:41,434 --> 00:12:43,868 [ Humming ] 290 00:12:59,567 --> 00:13:03,033 Captain duane hernandez Is like -- 291 00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,400 [ Sighs ] 292 00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:06,801 He's not just An amazing captain. 293 00:13:06,901 --> 00:13:12,334 Duane has -- duane has shown me That i can be... 294 00:13:12,434 --> 00:13:16,901 The trudy wiegel that no one Ever knew that i could be. 295 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,534 Um...I -- My voice has dropped, 296 00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:23,067 My shoulders have opened, My scoliosis, i feel like, 297 00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,067 Has almost completely Corrected itself, 298 00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:26,834 I'm no longer Lactose intolerant. 299 00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:28,234 It's amazing. 300 00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:31,234 Je ne sais quoi. [ Chuckles ] 301 00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:32,868 Je ne sais quoi. 302 00:13:32,968 --> 00:13:35,601 Oh, my lord. 303 00:13:35,701 --> 00:13:39,133 Hey, y'all need to arrest That man right there. 304 00:13:39,234 --> 00:13:42,200 You need to arrest that man Right there. 305 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:44,868 He was trespassing On my property. 306 00:13:44,968 --> 00:13:47,968 I hit him tonight, last night, I hit him the night before. 307 00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:50,501 'Cause he come right across My property line. 308 00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:52,901 Where's your property line? I don't see it. 309 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,334 Right there. I got it marked off. 310 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,734 I got two cigarette butts There. 311 00:13:57,834 --> 00:14:01,000 It extends out this way, It comes back this way. 312 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,367 I'm sitting there last night, All right? 313 00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:06,133 I'm getting a little high, And i said, "jackass, 314 00:14:06,234 --> 00:14:08,734 "Why don't you come over And keep me company? 315 00:14:08,834 --> 00:14:11,167 I got enough doobies For the both of us." 316 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,634 So he comes over. 317 00:14:12,734 --> 00:14:14,968 The next thing i know... He's out like a light. 318 00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:17,067 So y'all are doing drugs In there? 319 00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:19,167 You have possession Of drugs here? 320 00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:21,267 I don't have anything In there now 321 00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:23,901 'Cause that jackass smoked Everything i had. 322 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,334 So you were smoking Marijuana cigarettes? 323 00:14:26,434 --> 00:14:28,334 I was smoking, We were drinking, 324 00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:31,501 We had some pills in there. Y'all are missing the point. 325 00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:32,934 Well, give us the point. 326 00:14:33,033 --> 00:14:35,067 I'll show you the point Right here. 327 00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,901 This right here Is the point. 328 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,200 That's the point. 329 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,067 That's not a point, That's a line. 330 00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:41,734 Hold on one second. 331 00:14:41,834 --> 00:14:44,300 She's doing all these things That obviously is illegal. 332 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,133 We can't take her in Because... 333 00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:47,667 We don't see anything. 334 00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:49,968 We gotta get a situation Here where we can, uh... 335 00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:51,567 Okay, cool. 336 00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:55,701 Okay, ma'am, so you're saying That this is your property. 337 00:14:55,801 --> 00:14:59,968 This right here -- that right There is my property line. 338 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,968 But when he comes -- Ho! Hey, hey, hey! 339 00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:05,801 I swear to god, I'll knock you out. 340 00:15:05,901 --> 00:15:07,734 There you go. You did it. 341 00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:09,300 You wait till i come back! 342 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,801 Watch your head, ma'am. 343 00:15:10,901 --> 00:15:13,167 That jackass is gonna get His nuts bit off. 344 00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:16,100 You're gonna get your nuts bit Off when i get back, 345 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,167 So get ready! Get ready for that! 346 00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:19,834 Get ready for some nut-bitin' 347 00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:22,067 Because that's What you're gonna get! 348 00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:24,634 Call the doctor. Get that looked at, okay? 349 00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:27,167 And just don't cross the line, Sir, okay? 350 00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:29,200 Don't cross that line, Jackass! 351 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,801 You'll get your nuts bit. 352 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,434 What do you do To work out? 353 00:15:36,534 --> 00:15:41,901 'Cause, my god, you're, uh, You're really, uh...Fit. 354 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,801 So every morning, about Two hours before sunrise, 355 00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:49,234 I strip down naked, I go out to the ocean, 356 00:15:49,334 --> 00:15:50,968 And i swim two miles. 357 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,067 Usually -- it's weird. 358 00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:57,400 Usually when i see A fun outfit like that, i... 359 00:15:57,501 --> 00:15:59,434 I think How it would look on me, 360 00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:01,734 And i don't feel that With you at all. 361 00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:04,133 I don't find myself looking And saying, 362 00:16:04,234 --> 00:16:07,234 "Oh, wouldn't it be fun to wear What susie's wearing?" 363 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,801 I didn't mean to touch Your hair like that. 364 00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:12,067 God, you're hot. Where is that coming from? 365 00:16:12,167 --> 00:16:14,667 I don't know what the hell is Wrong with me today. 366 00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:17,167 I'm sorry. I didn't just say, "God, you're hot." 367 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,434 I'm just all mixed up today, Susie. 368 00:16:19,534 --> 00:16:21,734 Did you have something Funny to eat? 369 00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:23,634 No, no, It's not my stomach. 370 00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:26,400 It's lower than that. 371 00:16:26,501 --> 00:16:27,567 I see. 372 00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:30,300 Is it a hernia or... 373 00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:34,934 I'll be all right. 374 00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:40,300 Now, now, now, look -- 375 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,434 I ordered this escort About 35 minutes ago. 376 00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:47,234 [ Knock on door ] Oh, all right. Here she is. 377 00:16:47,334 --> 00:16:49,434 Thank you. You have a good night. 378 00:16:49,534 --> 00:16:52,200 Yeah, come on in. How you doin'? It's open. 379 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,200 Mm-hmm. 380 00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:54,801 Well, well, how you doin'? 381 00:16:54,901 --> 00:16:56,234 I'm good. How are you? 382 00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:58,701 I'm not bad. I ain't bad. Look at you. 383 00:16:58,801 --> 00:16:59,934 Look at me. 384 00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:01,734 Yeah, now, in this picture, 385 00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:05,501 You look about 30 years younger Than you are right now. 386 00:17:05,601 --> 00:17:07,868 This is an old picture, Isn't it? 387 00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:08,868 Mom! 388 00:17:08,968 --> 00:17:10,400 Oh, baby. 389 00:17:10,501 --> 00:17:12,400 Uh, uh... 390 00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:15,667 What the hell, mom? 391 00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:18,400 I just... Honey... I... 392 00:17:18,501 --> 00:17:20,434 That's clementine's mother, Beulah. 393 00:17:20,534 --> 00:17:23,167 This is not the first time This has happened, actually. 394 00:17:23,267 --> 00:17:25,200 [ Sighs ] 395 00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:26,667 Hey, beulah. 396 00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:29,601 She makes A fabulous apricot pie. 397 00:17:33,734 --> 00:17:37,434 Am i surprised of the level Of preparedness 398 00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,701 At the department of reno? 399 00:17:39,801 --> 00:17:44,534 I'm surprised at the lack of Preparedness that they have. 400 00:17:44,634 --> 00:17:46,534 And if i were surprised, 401 00:17:46,634 --> 00:17:49,968 I would have to probably hide My surpriseness from you 402 00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:53,267 Because it's my job not to be Surprised by anything. 403 00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:55,701 Even two years ago -- You were there -- 404 00:17:55,801 --> 00:17:58,868 They had a surprise birthday Party for me. "Surprise!" 405 00:17:58,968 --> 00:18:01,767 And i was surprised inside, But i couldn't react. 406 00:18:01,868 --> 00:18:04,234 And it's sad sometimes Because people -- 407 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,234 They went To a lot of trouble. 408 00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:09,000 My parents came, and they hid, And "surprise!" 409 00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,334 And still, I cannot show surpriseness 410 00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:13,801 Because that's not what We get paid for. 411 00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:16,367 You gotta admit, Susie kim's kind of hot. 412 00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:19,234 I'm gonna tell you like My grandmama told me -- 413 00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:21,767 Don't nothing like bones But a dog, huh? 414 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,033 All i'm saying is The girl is bony, 415 00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:26,067 And i won't play No word games, 416 00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:28,701 Like i say, "oh, she's bony, She's a bone. 417 00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:31,934 Oh, now you want to bone her." That's not funny to me. 418 00:18:32,033 --> 00:18:34,634 That is not funny. That's stupid. 419 00:18:34,734 --> 00:18:35,834 That's stupid. 420 00:18:35,934 --> 00:18:37,334 You don't even like -- 421 00:18:37,434 --> 00:18:39,934 You don't even like Shrimp fried rice. 422 00:18:40,033 --> 00:18:42,767 What does "d.D.E.O.D." Stand for? 423 00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:46,100 D.D.E.O.D.? 424 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:50,567 Dark...Dude...Eating... 425 00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:54,000 Oriental delights? 426 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,567 No. 427 00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:59,234 Well, you know, i'm thinking That you and i 428 00:18:59,334 --> 00:19:01,434 Could make, like, a tiger. 429 00:19:01,534 --> 00:19:03,067 Yeah, a "blasian." 430 00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:05,133 Tiger woods. [ Growls ] 431 00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:13,067 I love you. 432 00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:15,701 You are not getting none. That is not working. 433 00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:19,868 [ Both coughing ] 434 00:19:19,968 --> 00:19:21,300 Go! Go, go, go, go. 435 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,367 God damn! 436 00:19:22,467 --> 00:19:24,334 What do we got here, Ladies? 437 00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:26,934 Damn, girl, Thank youyou look good! 438 00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,767 We got a situation here. 439 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:32,334 We've been smelling this noxious Fume all day that you can smell, 440 00:19:32,434 --> 00:19:34,734 And got a lot of people Feeling sick. 441 00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:37,100 I think what we got Is bioterrorism. 442 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,901 We all in the same ball park On bioterrorism? 443 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,434 Evacuate your people Calmly and slowly. 444 00:19:42,534 --> 00:19:44,934 Take your people out Calmly and slowly. 445 00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:48,067 I need a visual check on the Perimeter and all the quadrants. 446 00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:49,601 Here's what we need to do -- 447 00:19:49,701 --> 00:19:51,567 We gotta get a sniper Up on the roof. 448 00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:53,734 We need a helicopter With a searchlight. 449 00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,801 We're gonna need The hazmat team stat. 450 00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:57,133 Call washington. 451 00:19:57,234 --> 00:19:58,901 Wiegel: oh, my god! 452 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,667 I trained in Survival and evasion 453 00:20:19,767 --> 00:20:23,501 In indonesia, with A native village 454 00:20:23,601 --> 00:20:26,901 With a tribe, A lifetime ago. 455 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,000 And i was symbolically Circumcised... 456 00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:33,667 And the village elders Took vines from a mango tree 457 00:20:33,767 --> 00:20:36,667 And strapped biscuits To my thing. 458 00:20:36,767 --> 00:20:42,501 And then, i had to do A ritual for manhood spirit. 459 00:20:42,601 --> 00:20:43,901 Have you ever Run 55 kilometers 460 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,100 With a hard biscuit strapped To your thing?