1
00:00:08,239 --> 00:00:11,077
[soft orchestral music playing]

2
00:00:50,512 --> 00:00:51,478
[lively chatter]

3
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:54,415
-[Ingrid] Hi. How are you?
-[Bobbi] I'm good. Thanks.

4
00:00:54,417 --> 00:00:56,010
[Ingrid] Who do I
make this out to?

5
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,223
[Bobbi] Uh, Bobbi with an "I".

6
00:01:01,358 --> 00:01:03,721
In the prologue,
you say you wrote this book

7
00:01:03,723 --> 00:01:06,693
in order to better understand
and accept death.

8
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:07,923
Um...

9
00:01:07,925 --> 00:01:09,760
Yeah. It feels unnatural to me.

10
00:01:09,762 --> 00:01:13,170
I can't accept that something
alive has to die.

11
00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:14,701
Thank you.

12
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,140
-Ingrid...
-Mm.

13
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,537
We've fulfilled the hour.

14
00:01:17,539 --> 00:01:18,769
I mean, in fact,
we've gone over.

15
00:01:18,771 --> 00:01:21,244
Well, there's still
a lot of people waiting.

16
00:01:21,246 --> 00:01:23,345
Yes. We'll do what you want.

17
00:01:23,347 --> 00:01:24,445
Could you sign mine?

18
00:01:24,447 --> 00:01:26,645
Stella! I didn't see you.

19
00:01:26,647 --> 00:01:28,680
Why didn't you
come straight up?

20
00:01:28,682 --> 00:01:30,154
I was embarrassed.

21
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,188
You draw a crowd!

22
00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:32,684
-A lot of young people.
-Thank you.

23
00:01:32,686 --> 00:01:33,916
-Not just women.
-[laughs]

24
00:01:33,918 --> 00:01:36,017
Stella, this is Anne.
Anne, my friend Stella.

25
00:01:36,019 --> 00:01:37,491
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

26
00:01:37,493 --> 00:01:39,130
I'm gonna stay until
I've signed for everybody.

27
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:42,232
Yes. I'll just make sure
no one else joins the line.

28
00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:43,596
Okay. [chuckles]

29
00:01:43,598 --> 00:01:45,961
Oh, I haven't seen you
in forever.

30
00:01:45,963 --> 00:01:47,534
I'm living in Boston now.

31
00:01:47,536 --> 00:01:48,700
I came to see my son,

32
00:01:48,702 --> 00:01:51,342
and to visit Martha
in the hospital.

33
00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:54,673
You know she has cancer, right?

34
00:01:54,675 --> 00:01:55,872
It's a bad one.

35
00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:57,038
Martha?

36
00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,215
Martha Hunt?

37
00:01:58,217 --> 00:01:59,007
Yes.

38
00:01:59,009 --> 00:02:00,844
She's at Manhattan Memorial
Cancer Center.

39
00:02:00,846 --> 00:02:02,186
I thought you would've heard.

40
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,254
No. To be honest,
I haven't seen her in years.

41
00:02:04,256 --> 00:02:06,355
Martha is sick?
I can't imagine it.

42
00:02:06,357 --> 00:02:09,490
If you go see her,
it'll make her very happy.

43
00:02:09,492 --> 00:02:11,052
Yeah. Of course.

44
00:02:11,054 --> 00:02:12,196
Of course I will.

45
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:16,200
Um, thank you
so much for coming.
I really appreciate it.

46
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,135
Congratulations.

47
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,169
-Thank you.
-Mm!

48
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:19,434
-I'll see you soon.
-Thanks.

49
00:02:19,436 --> 00:02:21,097
-Bye.
-Bye.

50
00:02:23,572 --> 00:02:24,969
Hi.

51
00:02:26,003 --> 00:02:29,314
-Who do I make this out to?
-Frances.

52
00:02:29,644 --> 00:02:32,645
-Is that you?
-No, it's my girlfriend.

53
00:02:32,647 --> 00:02:34,284
She really admires you.

54
00:02:34,286 --> 00:02:36,684
-So do I.
-Thank you.

55
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:43,020
Could you write
"It won't happen again"?

56
00:02:45,022 --> 00:02:46,791
Of course I can.

57
00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:50,203
Yes. Thank you.
It won't happen again.

58
00:02:52,062 --> 00:02:53,536
I hope not.

59
00:03:08,782 --> 00:03:11,420
Hi. I'm here
to see Martha Hunt.

60
00:03:11,422 --> 00:03:13,554
I think she's
on the 16th floor.

61
00:03:13,556 --> 00:03:15,360
Okay. One sec.

62
00:03:15,789 --> 00:03:17,393
[keyboard clacks]

63
00:03:17,395 --> 00:03:19,054
Yes. Room 1614.

64
00:03:19,056 --> 00:03:21,826
The elevator is at the end
of the hall, on the left.

65
00:03:21,828 --> 00:03:22,992
-Thanks.
-No problem.

66
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,436
[people speaking indistinctly]

67
00:03:38,977 --> 00:03:40,715
[knock at door]

68
00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:43,179
[door opens]

69
00:03:45,588 --> 00:03:46,985
Martha?

70
00:03:47,788 --> 00:03:49,394
[Martha] Ingrid!

71
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,054
What a surprise!

72
00:03:52,056 --> 00:03:54,496
-How did you hear?
-I ran into Stella.

73
00:03:54,498 --> 00:03:56,894
-She told me. [kisses]
-Oh.

74
00:03:56,896 --> 00:03:59,897
I'm so sorry, I didn't
even know you were sick.

75
00:03:59,899 --> 00:04:02,867
Oh, well, you with your work
and me with mine.

76
00:04:02,869 --> 00:04:05,672
I mean, time's gotten away
from us.

77
00:04:05,674 --> 00:04:07,069
Yes, and I was living in Paris.

78
00:04:07,071 --> 00:04:10,039
Yeah, I heard.
I've been reading about you.

79
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,481
I know you have published
another book

80
00:04:12,483 --> 00:04:14,450
and it's doing very well.

81
00:04:14,452 --> 00:04:16,619
Thank you. [sighs]

82
00:04:16,817 --> 00:04:18,258
So...

83
00:04:18,852 --> 00:04:20,456
How are you?

84
00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:23,624
I'm sure you're sick
of telling everybody.

85
00:04:23,626 --> 00:04:26,924
Well, it's cervical cancer.
Stage three.

86
00:04:26,926 --> 00:04:29,960
It isn't operable,
but they're treating me, so...

87
00:04:29,962 --> 00:04:33,029
looks like I'm not gonna die
quite yet.

88
00:04:33,031 --> 00:04:38,375
Um, I've become a guinea pig
for an experimental treatment

89
00:04:38,377 --> 00:04:41,510
and the results are better
than the doctors expected.

90
00:04:41,512 --> 00:04:42,511
-Great!
-Yeah.

91
00:04:42,513 --> 00:04:45,239
That's great! Well, you seem
like you're in good spirits.

92
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:48,781
Well, I swing between
euphoria and depression.

93
00:04:48,783 --> 00:04:50,585
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
-[laughs]

94
00:04:50,587 --> 00:04:51,487
No, it's normal,

95
00:04:51,489 --> 00:04:54,215
and the doctors warned me,
you know.

96
00:04:54,217 --> 00:04:56,296
-Highs and lows.
-Mm-hmm.

97
00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:58,221
Mm-hmm.

98
00:04:58,529 --> 00:04:59,627
It'll sound absurd,

99
00:04:59,629 --> 00:05:05,534
but after all the accepting
and preparing to face the end,

100
00:05:05,536 --> 00:05:08,603
survival feels
almost disappointing.

101
00:05:08,605 --> 00:05:09,769
Oh, don't say that.

102
00:05:09,771 --> 00:05:12,312
No, I was prepared to leave.

103
00:05:13,973 --> 00:05:18,613
In fact, when they gave me
the initial diagnosis,

104
00:05:18,615 --> 00:05:19,746
I didn't want any treatment.

105
00:05:19,748 --> 00:05:22,146
Well, I'm glad
you changed your mind.

106
00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:25,785
'Cause, you know,
just the thought...

107
00:05:25,787 --> 00:05:27,325
And that I wouldn't know...

108
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,053
Anyway, I realized
that I really...

109
00:05:30,055 --> 00:05:34,365
I'm not ready to abandon
the party just yet.

110
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:38,369
But I had truly gotten
used to the idea.

111
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:41,636
Well, I suppose that it's good
to get used to the idea,

112
00:05:41,638 --> 00:05:43,968
but without giving up, right?

113
00:05:43,970 --> 00:05:46,478
You've been through
a lot of wars, remember?

114
00:05:46,742 --> 00:05:49,272
I live with them every day.

115
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:54,385
Oh, Ingrid,
I'm so happy to see you.

116
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,981
I almost called you
a thousand times.

117
00:05:56,983 --> 00:05:58,213
-I'm sorry.
-Me, too!

118
00:05:58,215 --> 00:05:59,918
It's ridiculous that
we haven't seen each other.

119
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:03,152
I promise I'm gonna visit
until you get sick of me.

120
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,560
Will you?

121
00:06:04,562 --> 00:06:05,759
You promise?

122
00:06:05,761 --> 00:06:07,365
I'm gonna hold you to that.

123
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,666
Your daughter knows, I guess.

124
00:06:10,469 --> 00:06:11,866
Yes.

125
00:06:12,262 --> 00:06:16,968
When I first made up my mind
to forgo any treatment,

126
00:06:16,970 --> 00:06:18,609
I told her...

127
00:06:19,302 --> 00:06:21,381
and she just said...

128
00:06:21,645 --> 00:06:23,449
"It's your choice."

129
00:06:24,274 --> 00:06:25,273
Period.

130
00:06:25,275 --> 00:06:28,078
As if it was something trivial,

131
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,017
something that had
nothing to do with her.

132
00:06:31,853 --> 00:06:33,688
How are you two getting along?

133
00:06:33,690 --> 00:06:35,756
Um, same as ever.

134
00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:37,285
We're barely in touch.

135
00:06:37,287 --> 00:06:38,759
What does she do?

136
00:06:38,761 --> 00:06:39,760
She's doing well.

137
00:06:39,762 --> 00:06:43,997
She's, uh, an agent
for classical musicians.

138
00:06:46,538 --> 00:06:48,606
It might sound horrible,

139
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:53,204
but I don't feel like
she's my daughter.

140
00:06:53,941 --> 00:06:58,273
I fantasize frequently about
her being swapped at birth.

141
00:06:58,275 --> 00:06:59,142
What?

142
00:06:59,144 --> 00:07:02,211
What are you talking about?
She looks just like you.

143
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,050
She has your face.

144
00:07:04,688 --> 00:07:08,593
I never interested her
as a mother.

145
00:07:09,286 --> 00:07:09,988
Why not?

146
00:07:09,990 --> 00:07:12,927
I was a teenager
when I had her.

147
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,258
I didn't know what to do
with a baby.

148
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:20,394
And when we started working at
Paper Magazine, you remember?

149
00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:22,473
We practically lived at night.

150
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:25,168
You remember New York
in the '80s?

151
00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:25,971
Yeah.

152
00:07:25,973 --> 00:07:28,811
Anything important
happened at night.

153
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:35,376
And then I went to work
as a war correspondent,

154
00:07:35,378 --> 00:07:37,180
traveling constantly.

155
00:07:37,182 --> 00:07:39,457
And that didn't help.

156
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,759
My work just completely
took over.

157
00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:49,898
I was never what a mother
is supposed to be.

158
00:07:51,295 --> 00:07:54,901
But Michelle started to hate me

159
00:07:54,903 --> 00:07:57,576
long before I was away so much.

160
00:07:58,907 --> 00:08:00,841
I remember feeling
her resentment

161
00:08:00,843 --> 00:08:03,208
even when she was
a little girl.

162
00:08:05,815 --> 00:08:08,554
She made herself very clear.

163
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:17,827
She couldn't bear...
not having a father.

164
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:21,664
She saw other girls
with their fathers

165
00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:24,999
and she wanted to know
about hers.

166
00:08:26,396 --> 00:08:30,466
At first, I told her I didn't
know who he was, but...

167
00:08:30,906 --> 00:08:32,004
[sighs]

168
00:08:32,006 --> 00:08:34,470
...it kind of
made things worse.

169
00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:37,306
I was lying to her.

170
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,648
-[laughs]
-[lively chatter]

171
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:41,521
[Martha] Of course I knew
who her father was.

172
00:08:41,785 --> 00:08:43,886
His name was Fred.

173
00:08:48,286 --> 00:08:49,054
[shouts]

174
00:08:49,056 --> 00:08:50,990
[Martha] We dated
for a few months

175
00:08:50,992 --> 00:08:52,156
before he was drafted.

176
00:08:52,158 --> 00:08:57,064
And then went away to fight,
towards the end of Vietnam.

177
00:08:57,493 --> 00:09:01,902
When he came back,
a year later, he was...

178
00:09:01,904 --> 00:09:03,497
somebody different.

179
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:05,840
Fred! What happened?

180
00:09:05,842 --> 00:09:08,372
He was a broken toy.

181
00:09:09,373 --> 00:09:11,549
Hey. Hey, it's okay.

182
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,782
I'm here.
It's all over now, Fred.

183
00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:15,047
You're back home.

184
00:09:15,049 --> 00:09:17,183
But it's not over for me.

185
00:09:19,053 --> 00:09:22,089
I still got the war
inside my head.

186
00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:25,763
I can't get free of it.

187
00:09:27,193 --> 00:09:30,130
I hallucinate every single day.

188
00:09:32,066 --> 00:09:35,707
And I was high
practically all the time.

189
00:09:39,106 --> 00:09:42,175
I don't know what I'm doing
with my life,

190
00:09:42,879 --> 00:09:45,112
but I'm not staying here.

191
00:09:49,314 --> 00:09:50,887
It's all right.

192
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,086
Feel free to do what you like.

193
00:09:54,088 --> 00:09:57,025
Think about
what's best for you.

194
00:10:00,864 --> 00:10:02,294
Okay.

195
00:10:04,098 --> 00:10:05,561
Thanks.

196
00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:12,073
Can I kiss you?

197
00:10:40,464 --> 00:10:43,335
-Does Michelle know this?
-Oh.

198
00:10:44,468 --> 00:10:46,974
She started asking
about her father

199
00:10:46,976 --> 00:10:49,506
as soon as she could talk.

200
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:56,117
But it's not something you can
explain to a child, right?

201
00:10:56,447 --> 00:11:00,284
By puberty, she carved out
quite an abyss between us.

202
00:11:00,286 --> 00:11:03,289
It came to define
her adolescence.

203
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:07,357
But, by then,
I was no longer there.

204
00:11:07,359 --> 00:11:11,836
I was in New York, with you,
living my life.

205
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,497
I arranged to meet Fred
one evening

206
00:11:15,499 --> 00:11:17,807
to tell him about
the situation.

207
00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:20,139
So, I took a first aid course

208
00:11:20,141 --> 00:11:23,945
and, because I'm a war veteran,
they've hired me at a hospital,

209
00:11:23,947 --> 00:11:25,608
down in San Diego.

210
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,513
It's good news, right?

211
00:11:30,316 --> 00:11:32,824
I have some news for you too.

212
00:11:34,122 --> 00:11:35,695
I'm pregnant.

213
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:40,392
-You're pregnant?
-Yes.

214
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:45,001
But I was planning on moving
to San Diego next week.

215
00:11:46,596 --> 00:11:47,771
Then what are we gonna do?

216
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:51,777
Whatever I do, my parents
will support me, so...

217
00:11:51,942 --> 00:11:53,504
I'm not alone.

218
00:11:55,374 --> 00:11:56,749
Mm.

219
00:11:58,014 --> 00:11:59,640
I don't think
working in a hospital

220
00:11:59,642 --> 00:12:03,017
was the best thing
for such a damaged person.

221
00:12:03,019 --> 00:12:05,219
It's the closest thing to war.

222
00:12:05,582 --> 00:12:07,384
He needed therapy and rehab.

223
00:12:07,386 --> 00:12:10,686
Yeah, that would have been
more sensible,

224
00:12:11,357 --> 00:12:13,799
but he wanted to be useful,

225
00:12:14,558 --> 00:12:15,931
to ease his conscience.

226
00:12:15,933 --> 00:12:20,331
He believed that helping people
between life and death...

227
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:25,503
was his best chance
of getting back any peace.

228
00:12:26,009 --> 00:12:30,077
I could only free him
of any responsibility.

229
00:12:30,079 --> 00:12:33,278
He left before
Michelle was born.

230
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,378
He never knew her.

231
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:36,580
[breathing heavily]

232
00:12:36,987 --> 00:12:41,552
He didn't call once
to ask about her.

233
00:12:42,685 --> 00:12:44,652
When did you tell her?

234
00:12:44,654 --> 00:12:46,964
She was about 12.

235
00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:51,428
She wanted to know
where he was living...

236
00:12:51,430 --> 00:12:53,663
and I didn't know anymore.

237
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,697
She was so insistent...

238
00:12:56,699 --> 00:12:59,975
that I tracked down
an old friend of his

239
00:12:59,977 --> 00:13:01,506
from high school,

240
00:13:01,946 --> 00:13:07,081
who told me that Fred
had gotten married

241
00:13:07,083 --> 00:13:09,646
and had recently died.

242
00:13:10,383 --> 00:13:14,750
I asked him
for his wife's number...

243
00:13:15,124 --> 00:13:17,289
and then I called her.

244
00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:19,832
I wanted to know
what had happened.

245
00:13:20,195 --> 00:13:26,036
She told me they were
coming home after a trip.

246
00:13:28,566 --> 00:13:30,304
Is that smoke?

247
00:13:31,074 --> 00:13:32,603
[wife] Yes.

248
00:13:33,109 --> 00:13:35,406
Something's on fire.

249
00:13:35,408 --> 00:13:37,146
There's a house on fire.

250
00:13:38,983 --> 00:13:41,280
We should call
the fire department.

251
00:13:41,282 --> 00:13:43,084
-[tinnitus ringing]
-[gunfire echoing]

252
00:13:43,086 --> 00:13:46,023
[screaming
and explosion echoing]

253
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,654
-Stop the car.
-Fred...

254
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,998
[tires screech]

255
00:13:56,726 --> 00:13:58,231
[wife] What are you doing?

256
00:13:58,233 --> 00:14:00,134
-I'm gonna take a look.
-No!

257
00:14:00,136 --> 00:14:01,630
That's crazy! Fred!

258
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:04,072
-There might be someone inside.
-Fred, stop! Stop!

259
00:14:04,074 --> 00:14:08,142
Don't go in. It's dangerous!
Look at me, I'm here.

260
00:14:08,144 --> 00:14:09,440
Let's find a gas station

261
00:14:09,442 --> 00:14:10,914
and call
the fire department, please.

262
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,476
Don't you hear the screams?

263
00:14:12,478 --> 00:14:14,676
No, I don't hear anything.

264
00:14:14,678 --> 00:14:16,447
[panting]

265
00:14:16,449 --> 00:14:19,892
Fred, please! Fred! Fred!

266
00:14:20,354 --> 00:14:22,090
Fred, don't go in there!

267
00:14:22,092 --> 00:14:23,522
[groans]

268
00:14:24,589 --> 00:14:25,929
Don't you hear the screams?

269
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:28,868
There's someone inside
crying for help!

270
00:14:30,529 --> 00:14:32,003
Fred!

271
00:14:39,307 --> 00:14:40,669
[panting]

272
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,342
[firetruck horn blaring]

273
00:14:43,344 --> 00:14:45,608
Sir! Sir!

274
00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:47,247
Please, help me!

275
00:14:47,249 --> 00:14:49,381
-Sir! Sir, please!
-Let's go!

276
00:14:49,383 --> 00:14:52,087
-Please, my husband's inside!
-Ladder up!

277
00:14:52,089 --> 00:14:53,847
Sir! My husband's inside!

278
00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:54,925
My husband's inside!

279
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:56,454
He thought he heard
voices crying for help.

280
00:14:56,456 --> 00:14:57,818
Put two lines
on the back side, guys!

281
00:14:57,820 --> 00:14:59,622
He went into the house
trying to save

282
00:14:59,624 --> 00:15:01,030
whoever was trapped
by the fire.

283
00:15:01,032 --> 00:15:02,691
Okay, get back in your car.
Do not go over there.

284
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:03,692
I will stay here. Okay.

285
00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:05,166
Please, ma'am.
Is there someone else?

286
00:15:05,168 --> 00:15:06,761
-No, I don't know!
-Ladder up, guys! Ladder!

287
00:15:06,763 --> 00:15:07,905
There's a civilian inside!

288
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,566
Get back in your car,
ma'am, please.

289
00:15:09,568 --> 00:15:10,831
[busy chatter]

290
00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:12,437
[chief] All right,
get in there!

291
00:15:12,439 --> 00:15:14,406
Get in that top window.

292
00:15:14,408 --> 00:15:18,247
There you go.
It's gonna blow out.

293
00:15:20,348 --> 00:15:21,877
Good boys.

294
00:15:23,516 --> 00:15:26,552
[indistinct police
radio chatter]

295
00:15:30,457 --> 00:15:32,820
I'm sorry, there was nothing
we could do.

296
00:15:32,822 --> 00:15:34,461
[panting]

297
00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:37,935
He didn't get
to the second floor.

298
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,894
He must have passed out
from the smoke and the flames.

299
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:42,236
And the other bodies?

300
00:15:42,238 --> 00:15:43,336
There was nobody else.

301
00:15:43,338 --> 00:15:45,734
This house has been abandoned
for a long time.

302
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,208
There was only your husband.

303
00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:49,111
But he...

304
00:15:49,113 --> 00:15:52,147
he told me he heard
screams for help...

305
00:15:52,149 --> 00:15:54,118
Impossible, ma'am.

306
00:15:54,547 --> 00:15:56,285
There was no one else.

307
00:15:56,846 --> 00:15:58,386
It's true.

308
00:15:59,387 --> 00:16:02,654
I didn't hear
the screams either.

309
00:16:03,226 --> 00:16:06,887
I tried to stop him
from going in, but...

310
00:16:06,889 --> 00:16:08,130
[sobbing]

311
00:16:08,132 --> 00:16:09,131
I didn't.

312
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:10,858
He was very brave.

313
00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:12,860
Did you tell
Michelle all of this?

314
00:16:12,862 --> 00:16:15,302
I had to give her every detail.

315
00:16:15,304 --> 00:16:19,009
I even gave her her father's
wife's phone number.

316
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:19,933
You know what?

317
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,869
Let's get you back to bed.
You're tired.

318
00:16:21,871 --> 00:16:23,376
Yeah, but I have
to tell you this.

319
00:16:23,378 --> 00:16:26,513
We can...
We can talk more later.

320
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:29,516
So, one day...

321
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:34,288
-I got a call from Fred's wife.
-Okay.

322
00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:35,586
And she told me

323
00:16:35,588 --> 00:16:37,819
-that she wanted an address.
-Mm-hmm.

324
00:16:37,821 --> 00:16:39,953
She wanted to
send me something.

325
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:41,163
[Ingrid] Mm-hm.

326
00:16:41,165 --> 00:16:43,033
And, shortly after,

327
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:47,336
I received a note
in the mail and a letter...

328
00:16:47,930 --> 00:16:51,142
that the wife received
from Michelle,

329
00:16:51,736 --> 00:16:53,505
introducing herself

330
00:16:53,507 --> 00:16:56,180
and saying that it was her,

331
00:16:56,444 --> 00:16:57,641
Fred's daughter,

332
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,976
who had been
in the burning house.

333
00:17:01,449 --> 00:17:04,714
"It was me he tried to save."

334
00:17:04,716 --> 00:17:08,883
"It was me for whom he died..."

335
00:17:08,885 --> 00:17:12,062
that's what Michelle
said to the wife.

336
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,723
That's insane!

337
00:17:13,725 --> 00:17:15,100
Yes.

338
00:17:18,334 --> 00:17:21,172
[cell phone ringtone playing]

339
00:17:22,701 --> 00:17:23,502
Hi!

340
00:17:23,504 --> 00:17:25,306
[Martha over phone]
It's Martha, the nuisance.

341
00:17:25,308 --> 00:17:27,638
[chuckles] You're not
a nuisance.

342
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,145
How're you feeling?

343
00:17:29,147 --> 00:17:30,542
Fine. I'm at home.

344
00:17:30,544 --> 00:17:32,874
The hospital's given me
a few days off

345
00:17:32,876 --> 00:17:34,876
between treatments,
so I'm at home.

346
00:17:34,878 --> 00:17:36,614
I'd love for you to come over.

347
00:17:36,616 --> 00:17:39,683
Ooh, you've caught me
in the middle of moving.

348
00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:42,389
Oh, then you're
really busy, right?

349
00:17:42,391 --> 00:17:45,326
Um, well, you know
what moving's like.

350
00:17:45,328 --> 00:17:49,825
But, um, if you're feeling
lonely, I could stop by,

351
00:17:49,827 --> 00:17:51,497
we could take a walk
in the park.

352
00:17:51,499 --> 00:17:53,994
I might not be quite up
for a walk.

353
00:17:53,996 --> 00:17:56,931
Um, okay, you know what?
Let me, um...

354
00:17:56,933 --> 00:18:00,737
Let me finish what I'm doing
and I'll be right over.

355
00:18:00,739 --> 00:18:05,084
Thanks, sweetheart,
but don't feel obliged.

356
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:25,731
[doorbell dings]

357
00:18:28,404 --> 00:18:31,801
-These are for you.
-You are a darling.

358
00:18:31,803 --> 00:18:33,869
And I've brought you
a couple of books.

359
00:18:33,871 --> 00:18:35,475
Oh! Thank you.

360
00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:36,872
You want something to drink?

361
00:18:36,874 --> 00:18:38,874
Oh. I'd love some tea.

362
00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:41,118
-Herbal tea if you have it.
-Sure.

363
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,123
-I'll put these in a vase.
-Okay.

364
00:18:44,618 --> 00:18:47,157
And all of this is for you.

365
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:48,719
You have to finish all of it.

366
00:18:48,721 --> 00:18:51,326
Wow! Well, I will do my best.

367
00:18:51,328 --> 00:18:52,756
I love fruit.

368
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:55,266
[Martha and Ingrid laugh]

369
00:18:56,564 --> 00:18:58,465
Are you working
on something new?

370
00:18:58,467 --> 00:18:59,829
Um, yeah, actually I am.

371
00:18:59,831 --> 00:19:03,833
I'm doing research
on the painter Dora Carrington

372
00:19:03,835 --> 00:19:05,373
and her, um... Mm...

373
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:08,838
...intense relationship with
the writer Lytton Strachey.

374
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,005
-Mm-hm.
-Here he is.

375
00:19:11,007 --> 00:19:12,182
Uh, Strachey was gay,

376
00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:17,550
so she married the straight man
that he was infatuated with.

377
00:19:17,552 --> 00:19:19,816
It's gonna be
the story of the trio.

378
00:19:19,818 --> 00:19:21,323
It isn't groundbreaking,

379
00:19:21,325 --> 00:19:23,292
but I want to see
where it takes me.

380
00:19:23,294 --> 00:19:24,689
Here, um, look.

381
00:19:24,691 --> 00:19:25,822
Um, unfortunately for her,

382
00:19:25,824 --> 00:19:28,429
there was another
more famous painter...

383
00:19:28,431 --> 00:19:29,958
-Leonora Carrington. Yeah.
-Yes,

384
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,498
the surrealist
Leonora Carrington,

385
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,668
whose name was obviously
very similar to hers.

386
00:19:35,306 --> 00:19:36,967
[Ingrid] Um...

387
00:19:37,275 --> 00:19:38,771
Dora...

388
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:40,771
was better known for this

389
00:19:40,773 --> 00:19:44,040
bizarre love story
with Strachey.

390
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,713
She devoted 17 years
of her life to him.

391
00:19:48,715 --> 00:19:49,681
-Wow.
-Mm.

392
00:19:49,683 --> 00:19:52,354
It'll be a fictionalized
biography, so...

393
00:19:52,356 --> 00:19:55,082
I'll make some stuff up, too.

394
00:19:55,084 --> 00:19:59,526
I've never been able
to allow myself that.

395
00:19:59,528 --> 00:20:02,496
Mm. Well, I hope not.

396
00:20:02,498 --> 00:20:04,399
You're a war reporter.

397
00:20:04,401 --> 00:20:06,060
Yeah, you have to...

398
00:20:06,062 --> 00:20:07,600
You know,
you can't show your emotions.

399
00:20:07,602 --> 00:20:11,571
You have to block them out
so you can do your job

400
00:20:11,573 --> 00:20:14,244
and stay in the present
in the middle of whatever hell.

401
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:17,313
Maybe I should write about you
and not Carrington.

402
00:20:17,315 --> 00:20:18,446
I don't think you'd enjoy

403
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:20,316
writing about
illnesses and treatments.

404
00:20:20,318 --> 00:20:23,418
-Mm. You're wrong.
-I'm just a journalist,

405
00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:26,421
addicted to wars
and adrenaline.

406
00:20:26,423 --> 00:20:28,260
You think that's nothing?

407
00:20:29,921 --> 00:20:31,657
It wasn't all tragedy.

408
00:20:31,659 --> 00:20:33,694
You know, life went on.

409
00:20:34,464 --> 00:20:39,095
There was one report
when I added a bit of fiction.

410
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:39,995
Really?

411
00:20:39,997 --> 00:20:43,000
Actually, I never published it.

412
00:20:44,166 --> 00:20:45,836
It was during the war in Iraq.

413
00:20:45,838 --> 00:20:49,477
On the last day,
before we left Baghdad.

414
00:20:49,479 --> 00:20:51,138
Are you sure
this is the right way?

415
00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:55,045
Yeah, just make a left here
in this alley.

416
00:20:55,683 --> 00:20:57,619
Let's make this brief.

417
00:21:00,622 --> 00:21:01,753
Here. Stop here.

418
00:21:01,755 --> 00:21:03,559
[brakes screech]

419
00:21:09,125 --> 00:21:10,698
[speaking Spanish]

420
00:21:11,402 --> 00:21:15,131
Martin, what are you doing
here in Baghdad?

421
00:21:16,539 --> 00:21:18,407
You look great. You really do.

422
00:21:18,409 --> 00:21:19,199
Thank you.

423
00:21:19,201 --> 00:21:21,201
Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin.

424
00:21:21,203 --> 00:21:22,345
He's a Carmelite, like me.

425
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:23,973
Pleasure. Let me introduce you
to Martha.

426
00:21:23,975 --> 00:21:27,141
She is a brilliant journalist
from The New York Times.

427
00:21:27,143 --> 00:21:28,384
[speaking Spanish]

428
00:21:28,386 --> 00:21:29,583
They are the Carmelites

429
00:21:29,585 --> 00:21:30,584
I was telling you about.

430
00:21:30,586 --> 00:21:31,915
It's a pleasure
to meet you both.

431
00:21:31,917 --> 00:21:34,324
Are you intending
to stay in Baghdad?

432
00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:35,688
Yes, here we are.

433
00:21:35,690 --> 00:21:36,722
But you're alone.

434
00:21:36,724 --> 00:21:40,299
All the NGOs and the Red Cross
have left already.

435
00:21:40,530 --> 00:21:41,364
I know.

436
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:43,531
The situation is
out of control.

437
00:21:43,533 --> 00:21:44,928
It's very dangerous.

438
00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:45,995
You're here as well.

439
00:21:45,997 --> 00:21:47,436
Yeah, but we're
just passing through.

440
00:21:47,438 --> 00:21:49,801
We're leaving as soon as
we finish talking to you.

441
00:21:49,803 --> 00:21:51,407
We can't let them down now,

442
00:21:51,409 --> 00:21:52,837
this is when the people
need us most.

443
00:21:52,839 --> 00:21:57,778
That's true, but it's still
extremely dangerous.

444
00:21:58,779 --> 00:22:00,207
But then you know that.

445
00:22:00,209 --> 00:22:03,355
We can't
let them down now, señora.

446
00:22:03,718 --> 00:22:05,487
Do you mind
if we take a photo of you

447
00:22:05,489 --> 00:22:07,720
and how the mission
has been left?

448
00:22:07,722 --> 00:22:09,326
[speaking Spanish]

449
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,085
Okay.

450
00:22:10,087 --> 00:22:12,054
You can photograph
the mission and me,

451
00:22:12,056 --> 00:22:15,959
but he doesn't want to risk
his family in Spain seeing him.

452
00:22:15,961 --> 00:22:17,334
-They'd worry.
-Yeah, of course.

453
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,501
Totally understand,
but if we could get one of you,

454
00:22:19,503 --> 00:22:20,700
that would be great.

455
00:22:20,702 --> 00:22:21,998
-[Bernardo] Okay.
-Sure.

456
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,340
[mechanical whirring
in distance]

457
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,671
-[Bernardo] Here?
-[Martin] Yeah.

458
00:22:24,673 --> 00:22:27,300
Just perhaps
a little tiny step closer...

459
00:22:27,302 --> 00:22:29,643
Yeah, that's fine,
so that I can see the impacts.

460
00:22:29,645 --> 00:22:31,350
[camera shutter clicking]

461
00:22:32,846 --> 00:22:34,210
[laughs]

462
00:22:35,519 --> 00:22:37,213
I think you have it.

463
00:22:39,149 --> 00:22:40,984
How long has it been...

464
00:22:40,986 --> 00:22:42,689
since we last saw each other?

465
00:22:42,691 --> 00:22:46,156
Five years.

466
00:22:46,893 --> 00:22:48,323
Wow.

467
00:22:49,027 --> 00:22:50,798
Do you remember Liberia?

468
00:22:51,029 --> 00:22:52,833
How could I forget?

469
00:22:53,702 --> 00:22:57,572
Look, I have some photos of you
that we didn't publish.

470
00:22:57,574 --> 00:23:00,135
If you give me an address,
I can send them to you.

471
00:23:00,137 --> 00:23:01,301
Maybe to the Embassy.

472
00:23:01,303 --> 00:23:02,907
No, you keep them.

473
00:23:02,909 --> 00:23:05,516
That way I'll keep you company.

474
00:23:06,209 --> 00:23:07,584
Okay.

475
00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:11,423
It was really great seeing you.

476
00:23:11,819 --> 00:23:12,587
Take care.

477
00:23:12,589 --> 00:23:14,624
-Goodbye.
-Be safe.

478
00:23:18,628 --> 00:23:20,762
How do you know the Carmelite?

479
00:23:23,358 --> 00:23:25,063
We met in Sierra Leone.

480
00:23:26,702 --> 00:23:28,570
We became lovers there.

481
00:23:28,572 --> 00:23:30,937
-Oh, really?
-Yeah.

482
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,366
After that, we met more times.

483
00:23:33,368 --> 00:23:36,336
Always in places
that were at war.

484
00:23:36,338 --> 00:23:37,513
And you had sex?

485
00:23:37,515 --> 00:23:39,614
Well, of course, yeah.

486
00:23:39,616 --> 00:23:42,784
Bernardo never renounced
physical pleasure.

487
00:23:43,147 --> 00:23:46,049
He was always in
the most conflictive places.

488
00:23:46,051 --> 00:23:49,428
And I think that sex
was his best shield.

489
00:23:50,726 --> 00:23:53,793
I'm pretty sure
the Carmelite is his partner.

490
00:23:53,795 --> 00:23:55,025
You think so?

491
00:23:55,027 --> 00:23:56,664
Definitely.

492
00:23:56,666 --> 00:23:58,600
That is the only way
you can stay in Baghdad

493
00:23:58,602 --> 00:24:00,439
and not be afraid of the war.

494
00:24:00,934 --> 00:24:04,036
-What a wonderful story.
-Yup.

495
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,399
Don't you dare write it.

496
00:24:06,401 --> 00:24:09,206
No, no, no, of course not.

497
00:24:11,307 --> 00:24:14,209
But how about sin for him?

498
00:24:14,211 --> 00:24:15,551
I mean, don't they feel guilty?

499
00:24:15,553 --> 00:24:16,981
After all, they are Catholic.

500
00:24:16,983 --> 00:24:20,217
Yeah, I don't know.
He never talked about that.

501
00:24:21,383 --> 00:24:24,219
With all the horrors
you see in war,

502
00:24:24,221 --> 00:24:25,825
feeling guilty about having sex

503
00:24:25,827 --> 00:24:27,994
doesn't really
carry much weight,

504
00:24:28,390 --> 00:24:30,194
you simply get used to it.

505
00:24:30,865 --> 00:24:32,471
I know that.

506
00:24:35,232 --> 00:24:36,572
I wrote their story,

507
00:24:36,574 --> 00:24:39,973
their love story,
as I imagined it,

508
00:24:40,402 --> 00:24:42,811
but it stayed in my computer.

509
00:24:43,581 --> 00:24:48,881
So, you're gonna write about
Dora Carrington's insane love.

510
00:24:48,883 --> 00:24:49,750
[Ingrid] Mm-hm.

511
00:24:49,752 --> 00:24:51,180
And her connection
to Virginia Woolf,

512
00:24:51,182 --> 00:24:54,722
who Strachey
also pursued romantically.

513
00:24:54,724 --> 00:24:56,152
[Martha] What a group!

514
00:24:56,154 --> 00:24:58,286
I so admire their freedom.

515
00:24:58,288 --> 00:25:00,354
[Ingrid] Strachey died
of stomach cancer

516
00:25:00,356 --> 00:25:02,290
18 years after meeting Dora

517
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:05,326
and Dora survived him
by barely two months

518
00:25:05,328 --> 00:25:08,098
before she shot herself
in the stomach.

519
00:25:08,100 --> 00:25:10,067
She was only 38.

520
00:25:10,069 --> 00:25:13,807
I'm struck by the symmetry
of that kind of gesture,

521
00:25:13,809 --> 00:25:14,808
his stomach cancer

522
00:25:14,810 --> 00:25:17,107
and her shooting herself
in the stomach.

523
00:25:17,109 --> 00:25:18,878
I know, it struck me, too.

524
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:23,982
I wonder what Virginia Woolf
thought of Carrington's death?

525
00:25:23,984 --> 00:25:26,655
Maybe Virginia saw...

526
00:25:26,657 --> 00:25:27,722
a kind of warning,

527
00:25:27,724 --> 00:25:30,483
a mirror that reflected her?

528
00:25:30,485 --> 00:25:32,388
As if they were fated?

529
00:25:34,192 --> 00:25:36,390
Do you think I'm fated, too?

530
00:25:36,392 --> 00:25:38,733
No! Of course not.

531
00:25:38,735 --> 00:25:41,329
I've never known anyone
more alive than you.

532
00:25:41,331 --> 00:25:44,101
This week I'm starting
a new experimental

533
00:25:44,103 --> 00:25:46,741
-immunotherapy treatment.
-Uh-huh.

534
00:25:46,743 --> 00:25:47,841
They've already tried it

535
00:25:47,843 --> 00:25:50,404
and it seems to work well
with cases of cervical cancer.

536
00:25:50,406 --> 00:25:52,978
-Well, that's great news!
-Yeah.

537
00:25:52,980 --> 00:25:54,881
Let me know
when I can come and visit you,

538
00:25:54,883 --> 00:25:56,687
-okay?
-I will.

539
00:25:58,084 --> 00:26:00,887
-Talking of symmetry...
-Mm-hmm?

540
00:26:00,889 --> 00:26:02,561
Do you remember...

541
00:26:02,957 --> 00:26:04,794
Damian Cunningham?

542
00:26:05,190 --> 00:26:06,827
How could I forget?

543
00:26:06,829 --> 00:26:09,764
I inherited him
from you. [laughs]

544
00:26:09,766 --> 00:26:11,293
The shared lover.

545
00:26:11,295 --> 00:26:12,701
-Well, I...
-I have to say

546
00:26:12,703 --> 00:26:14,868
I felt terrible
when you got together

547
00:26:14,870 --> 00:26:15,935
after I'd been with him.

548
00:26:15,937 --> 00:26:17,640
Okay, we didn't
share him exactly

549
00:26:17,642 --> 00:26:18,839
because you'd already broken up

550
00:26:18,841 --> 00:26:20,104
and you were
out of the country.

551
00:26:20,106 --> 00:26:21,336
I would never go back with him

552
00:26:21,338 --> 00:26:24,306
and, to tell the truth,
I was never faithful.

553
00:26:24,308 --> 00:26:29,410
But he was a passionate
and enthusiastic lover

554
00:26:29,412 --> 00:26:31,753
and I hope he was for you, too.

555
00:26:31,755 --> 00:26:33,051
I had no complaints.

556
00:26:33,053 --> 00:26:35,594
[both laughing]

557
00:26:36,452 --> 00:26:38,795
[people speaking indistinctly]

558
00:26:48,838 --> 00:26:50,235
Hi.

559
00:26:52,369 --> 00:26:53,909
What is it?

560
00:26:55,306 --> 00:26:56,945
It hasn't worked.

561
00:26:57,341 --> 00:26:59,374
I've got metastases in my liver

562
00:26:59,376 --> 00:27:01,145
-and in my bones.
-Oh, Martha.

563
00:27:01,147 --> 00:27:02,982
I should have followed
my first instinct.

564
00:27:02,984 --> 00:27:05,919
Should never have put myself
through this torture.

565
00:27:05,921 --> 00:27:08,856
This diarrhea,
vomiting, fatigue...

566
00:27:08,858 --> 00:27:10,583
to end up like this.

567
00:27:10,585 --> 00:27:13,421
I should never have given in
to false hope.

568
00:27:13,423 --> 00:27:14,323
Okay. Okay.

569
00:27:14,325 --> 00:27:16,897
All right,
what does the doctor say?

570
00:27:16,899 --> 00:27:17,733
Tell me.

571
00:27:17,735 --> 00:27:20,560
Oh, that I could
live for months,

572
00:27:20,562 --> 00:27:22,001
maybe a year.

573
00:27:22,003 --> 00:27:24,531
He wants me to continue
with the treatment,

574
00:27:24,533 --> 00:27:26,104
even though it looks hopeless.

575
00:27:26,106 --> 00:27:27,402
Maybe it will work this time.

576
00:27:27,404 --> 00:27:30,440
I don't wanna wallow
in self-pity.

577
00:27:35,654 --> 00:27:38,248
But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry.

578
00:27:38,250 --> 00:27:42,318
I don't wanna go through
excruciating pain.

579
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,994
You can't be self-possessed
if you're in agony.

580
00:27:46,192 --> 00:27:48,126
You can't think straight.

581
00:27:48,128 --> 00:27:50,194
You can only think
of one thing...

582
00:27:50,196 --> 00:27:52,231
the fucking cancer.

583
00:27:52,462 --> 00:27:54,066
[sighs]

584
00:27:54,068 --> 00:27:56,708
I've always taken care
of my health,

585
00:27:57,203 --> 00:27:58,708
now I regret it.

586
00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:00,809
The doctor says
I have a strong heart.

587
00:28:00,811 --> 00:28:01,942
What does that mean?

588
00:28:01,944 --> 00:28:03,845
My body is just
gonna go on fighting...

589
00:28:03,847 --> 00:28:07,717
while I suffer and suffer
until my last breath?

590
00:28:07,719 --> 00:28:08,718
[sobs]

591
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,348
I don't know.

592
00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:13,857
I don't know how to help you.

593
00:28:14,726 --> 00:28:16,354
I'm so sorry.

594
00:28:20,259 --> 00:28:23,559
I think I deserve a good death.

595
00:28:24,934 --> 00:28:28,837
At least one without
convulsions in my last moments.

596
00:28:28,839 --> 00:28:31,301
Going out with
a little bit of dignity,

597
00:28:31,303 --> 00:28:33,470
clean and dry.

598
00:28:35,208 --> 00:28:37,780
But I know
I'm asking too much...

599
00:28:37,782 --> 00:28:38,638
[door opens]

600
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,013
[nurse] What are you
doing up, Martha?

601
00:28:40,015 --> 00:28:41,344
I'm fucking over this.

602
00:28:41,346 --> 00:28:43,610
-Can you help her, please?
-Of course.

603
00:28:43,612 --> 00:28:44,754
Let's get you back in bed.

604
00:28:44,756 --> 00:28:47,726
[Ingrid] Come on.
Let me help you.

605
00:28:48,584 --> 00:28:50,188
Bring it on.

606
00:28:50,190 --> 00:28:51,763
Here we go.

607
00:28:53,655 --> 00:28:56,359
I'll end up
turning into a junkie.

608
00:28:56,361 --> 00:28:57,294
[sighs]

609
00:28:57,296 --> 00:28:59,494
I am one already, I guess.

610
00:28:59,496 --> 00:29:02,134
It's okay. Really.

611
00:29:02,136 --> 00:29:04,941
[nurse] Here, this will help.

612
00:29:42,605 --> 00:29:44,310
Are you still here?

613
00:29:45,443 --> 00:29:46,818
Yes.

614
00:29:49,150 --> 00:29:52,186
Should I ask them
to bring your dinner?

615
00:29:53,088 --> 00:29:54,617
Are you hungry?

616
00:29:54,991 --> 00:29:56,355
No.

617
00:29:58,962 --> 00:30:00,458
Ingrid...

618
00:30:01,866 --> 00:30:04,394
Do you think
I need to say goodbye

619
00:30:04,396 --> 00:30:05,901
to my closest friends?

620
00:30:05,903 --> 00:30:09,335
I think you should do
whatever you wanna do.

621
00:30:09,665 --> 00:30:12,976
I just want peace and quiet.

622
00:30:13,471 --> 00:30:18,080
Have you thought about
how you wanna spend your time?

623
00:30:19,609 --> 00:30:20,850
And where?

624
00:30:20,852 --> 00:30:23,613
Is there some place
you'd like to go?

625
00:30:24,383 --> 00:30:25,824
Look.

626
00:30:30,862 --> 00:30:32,963
Pink snowflakes.

627
00:30:34,096 --> 00:30:38,529
There had to be something good
about climate change.

628
00:30:40,366 --> 00:30:41,796
Well...

629
00:30:42,764 --> 00:30:45,041
I've lived to see that.

630
00:30:48,913 --> 00:30:52,277
You remember the end
of Joyce's The Dead?

631
00:30:52,279 --> 00:30:54,853
[sniffles, voice breaks]
Vaguely.

632
00:30:55,612 --> 00:30:58,054
"The snow was falling,

633
00:30:58,780 --> 00:31:02,419
falling on
the lonely churchyard,

634
00:31:02,421 --> 00:31:06,392
falling faintly
through the universe.

635
00:31:07,998 --> 00:31:10,394
And faintly falling,

636
00:31:10,396 --> 00:31:14,499
like the descent
of their last end,

637
00:31:15,698 --> 00:31:21,374
on all
the living and the dead."

638
00:31:24,410 --> 00:31:25,079
[gulps]

639
00:31:25,081 --> 00:31:27,413
It's getting late and, uh...

640
00:31:28,084 --> 00:31:29,712
I should be going.

641
00:31:31,956 --> 00:31:33,584
[Ingrid sniffles]

642
00:31:37,291 --> 00:31:38,754
Thank you.

643
00:31:39,656 --> 00:31:41,900
I'll see you tomorrow.

644
00:31:42,593 --> 00:31:43,935
[kisses]

645
00:32:27,704 --> 00:32:30,540
There's still a half an hour
before the movie starts.

646
00:32:30,542 --> 00:32:32,982
Should we go in and get
our seats before the rush?

647
00:32:32,984 --> 00:32:36,086
No. I wanna talk to you
about something.

648
00:32:36,416 --> 00:32:37,217
Okay.

649
00:32:37,219 --> 00:32:39,813
I will not go out
in mortifying anguish.

650
00:32:39,815 --> 00:32:42,653
I've gotten hold
of a euthanasia pill.

651
00:32:42,917 --> 00:32:43,916
Don't ask me how,

652
00:32:43,918 --> 00:32:46,622
on the dark web
you can find almost anything.

653
00:32:46,624 --> 00:32:49,130
I also have
an abundance of opioids

654
00:32:49,132 --> 00:32:50,296
for the moments of pain.

655
00:32:50,298 --> 00:32:51,561
And don't look at me like that,

656
00:32:51,563 --> 00:32:54,731
I'm not asking you
to convince me otherwise.

657
00:32:54,929 --> 00:32:57,039
I don't know what to say.

658
00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,142
I'm hoping you'll say yes.

659
00:32:59,637 --> 00:33:01,010
Yes to what?

660
00:33:01,012 --> 00:33:03,509
To my asking you to help me.

661
00:33:03,674 --> 00:33:05,610
Help you what?

662
00:33:06,050 --> 00:33:08,644
I've faced death several times,

663
00:33:08,646 --> 00:33:10,745
but I've always
been accompanied.

664
00:33:10,747 --> 00:33:15,191
We reporters formed
a kind of mobile family.

665
00:33:16,456 --> 00:33:18,689
This is another war,

666
00:33:19,063 --> 00:33:21,032
I'm not afraid of it.

667
00:33:21,164 --> 00:33:21,921
But...

668
00:33:21,923 --> 00:33:24,959
like the other times
I faced death...

669
00:33:26,037 --> 00:33:28,864
I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid.

670
00:33:30,734 --> 00:33:32,736
I'm asking you...

671
00:33:33,011 --> 00:33:35,706
to be in the next room.

672
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:37,772
I think we should
go get our seats.

673
00:33:37,774 --> 00:33:41,116
Yeah, sure, but I prefer
to go on talking to you,

674
00:33:41,118 --> 00:33:42,878
if you don't mind.

675
00:33:44,946 --> 00:33:46,915
Okay. Um...

676
00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:50,490
Do you know when
you wanna do this?

677
00:33:50,919 --> 00:33:52,426
Not exactly.

678
00:33:52,954 --> 00:33:54,494
Within a month?

679
00:33:55,165 --> 00:33:59,563
Before I start to deteriorate
and you don't recognize me.

680
00:33:59,565 --> 00:34:03,996
These next weeks
I should be reasonably well,

681
00:34:03,998 --> 00:34:05,371
but I wanna do it soon.

682
00:34:05,373 --> 00:34:07,934
My doctors think that
I'm gonna return

683
00:34:07,936 --> 00:34:09,705
to complete the treatment.

684
00:34:09,707 --> 00:34:13,150
It's best they don't
suspect anything.

685
00:34:13,348 --> 00:34:15,249
Where do you wanna do it?

686
00:34:15,251 --> 00:34:17,286
I don't wanna be at home.

687
00:34:18,386 --> 00:34:22,720
And I don't wanna go back
to anywhere I've been happy.

688
00:34:24,095 --> 00:34:26,887
It's always a mistake
to return to some place

689
00:34:26,889 --> 00:34:27,987
you've been truly happy.

690
00:34:27,989 --> 00:34:30,957
You just ruin the good memories
of the first time.

691
00:34:30,959 --> 00:34:32,167
No, I understand that.

692
00:34:32,169 --> 00:34:35,533
I think it will be easier
for me to let myself go

693
00:34:35,535 --> 00:34:40,373
if I'm not surrounded
by familiar things,

694
00:34:40,375 --> 00:34:41,869
intimate things.

695
00:34:41,871 --> 00:34:44,907
I think that would
hold me back.

696
00:34:46,678 --> 00:34:50,451
I prefer some unknown place,

697
00:34:50,814 --> 00:34:53,388
comfortable and safe,

698
00:34:53,652 --> 00:34:55,850
and not too far away.

699
00:34:55,852 --> 00:34:58,325
Do you need my help
finding a place

700
00:34:58,327 --> 00:35:00,855
or getting you settled in?

701
00:35:00,857 --> 00:35:02,626
No, no, no.

702
00:35:02,628 --> 00:35:05,103
No, I can
take care of that part.

703
00:35:05,730 --> 00:35:09,734
What I need is somebody
to be there with me,

704
00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:12,407
in the room next door.

705
00:35:13,705 --> 00:35:16,310
Wouldn't you prefer
someone you're closer to?

706
00:35:16,312 --> 00:35:17,311
We're very close.

707
00:35:17,313 --> 00:35:19,247
No, yes, of course,
of course we are.

708
00:35:19,249 --> 00:35:21,711
[stammers] Oh, my God,
we're very close. I just...

709
00:35:21,713 --> 00:35:24,483
There were years where
we didn't see each other.

710
00:35:24,485 --> 00:35:25,484
[sharp inhale]

711
00:35:25,486 --> 00:35:27,046
What about Stella?

712
00:35:27,048 --> 00:35:28,553
[stammering] Or Maggie?

713
00:35:28,555 --> 00:35:29,488
Or Vanessa?

714
00:35:29,490 --> 00:35:31,391
You've all been friends
since you were kids.

715
00:35:31,393 --> 00:35:34,660
I admit I thought
of them first.

716
00:35:34,957 --> 00:35:36,363
I asked all three of them.

717
00:35:36,365 --> 00:35:40,798
They all were horrified
and they all said no.

718
00:35:41,469 --> 00:35:42,501
They understood it,

719
00:35:42,503 --> 00:35:44,734
but they said
they could never be a part

720
00:35:44,736 --> 00:35:47,033
of helping me take my own life.

721
00:35:47,035 --> 00:35:48,001
Absolutely not.

722
00:35:48,003 --> 00:35:51,314
-What about your daughter?
-It wouldn't be fair to her.

723
00:35:52,007 --> 00:35:53,941
I've been an absent mother.

724
00:35:53,943 --> 00:35:55,382
I don't wanna impose
my dying on her.

725
00:35:55,384 --> 00:36:00,321
You could at least consult her
and let her be a part of it.

726
00:36:00,323 --> 00:36:02,820
We're two strangers, Ingrid.

727
00:36:03,524 --> 00:36:05,392
She made that clear
when I told her

728
00:36:05,394 --> 00:36:08,122
about my doubts
about the treatment.

729
00:36:08,628 --> 00:36:11,169
"It's your choice" she said.

730
00:36:12,302 --> 00:36:13,963
And she's right.

731
00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:15,536
Right.

732
00:36:25,942 --> 00:36:28,582
-[horns blaring]
-[wind whooshing]

733
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:36,194
[breathing heavily]

734
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,562
No matter what,

735
00:36:43,564 --> 00:36:46,699
people want you
to keep fighting.

736
00:36:47,161 --> 00:36:51,130
This is the way we've
been taught to see cancer.

737
00:36:51,132 --> 00:36:56,476
As a fight...
between patient and disease,

738
00:36:56,478 --> 00:37:00,007
which is to say
between good and evil.

739
00:37:00,009 --> 00:37:02,946
If you survive, you're a hero.

740
00:37:03,452 --> 00:37:05,916
If you lose, well,

741
00:37:06,488 --> 00:37:09,359
perhaps you didn't
fight hard enough.

742
00:37:10,921 --> 00:37:13,086
People don't like
using words like

743
00:37:13,088 --> 00:37:16,298
"terminal" or "incurable."

744
00:37:16,300 --> 00:37:18,828
They call that defeatist talk.

745
00:37:18,830 --> 00:37:20,731
Some of the worst stuff
comes from

746
00:37:20,733 --> 00:37:22,997
the cancer support community.

747
00:37:22,999 --> 00:37:26,198
Some of them think
of your cancer as a gift,

748
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:29,509
an opportunity
for spiritual growth.

749
00:37:29,511 --> 00:37:30,642
Bullshit!

750
00:37:30,644 --> 00:37:34,945
People should see
this is my way of fighting.

751
00:37:36,012 --> 00:37:40,258
Cancer can't get me
if I get me first.

752
00:37:41,985 --> 00:37:45,527
And what's the point
in waiting...

753
00:37:46,088 --> 00:37:48,090
when I'm so ready to go?

754
00:37:48,827 --> 00:37:51,795
Are you completely sure
you're ready?

755
00:37:51,797 --> 00:37:53,335
Totally.

756
00:37:53,337 --> 00:37:56,065
Since the first diagnosis.

757
00:37:57,099 --> 00:38:00,309
You know I have
a terrible fear of death.

758
00:38:00,311 --> 00:38:01,200
I know.

759
00:38:01,202 --> 00:38:02,311
I've read your book.

760
00:38:02,313 --> 00:38:05,316
That's why
I didn't ask you first.

761
00:38:06,449 --> 00:38:08,449
But you understand me,
don't you?

762
00:38:08,451 --> 00:38:10,044
I do, I do. I envy you.

763
00:38:10,046 --> 00:38:11,452
You're in control of your life.

764
00:38:11,454 --> 00:38:15,324
I only need you to accompany me
the days leading to it,

765
00:38:15,326 --> 00:38:17,722
as if we were on vacation.

766
00:38:17,724 --> 00:38:20,329
I just wanna know that,
when it happens,

767
00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:22,925
there'll be someone
in the next room.

768
00:38:22,927 --> 00:38:24,630
It terrifies me, Martha.

769
00:38:24,632 --> 00:38:25,565
I understand.

770
00:38:25,567 --> 00:38:27,501
I think that you have
every right to do this

771
00:38:27,503 --> 00:38:28,601
and I admire you for it,

772
00:38:28,603 --> 00:38:31,131
but I don't know that I can be
the one to find you dead.

773
00:38:31,133 --> 00:38:32,198
I'm not that strong.

774
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,840
You're much stronger
than you think you are.

775
00:38:36,776 --> 00:38:39,944
Anyway, I had to try.

776
00:38:41,814 --> 00:38:43,110
[Ingrid sighs]

777
00:38:43,112 --> 00:38:44,617
I can't answer you now, Martha,

778
00:38:44,619 --> 00:38:46,080
but I promise you
I'll think about it.

779
00:38:46,082 --> 00:38:49,391
Right now I'm too confused
and too terrified.

780
00:38:49,393 --> 00:38:50,788
I understand.

781
00:38:50,790 --> 00:38:53,331
I understand it's sudden...

782
00:38:54,761 --> 00:38:57,093
and it's disconcerting.

783
00:39:00,965 --> 00:39:03,000
I'll think of someone.

784
00:39:12,548 --> 00:39:15,848
-I wasn't too much?
-No, no.

785
00:39:50,817 --> 00:39:53,215
[line ringing]

786
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:57,349
-Martha?
-[Martha] Hello, Ingrid.

787
00:39:57,351 --> 00:39:59,397
I've made up my mind.

788
00:40:02,290 --> 00:40:03,764
Come on in.

789
00:40:04,094 --> 00:40:06,160
The owner is
a jewelry designer.

790
00:40:06,162 --> 00:40:09,702
She's a friend of mine,
so I don't pay much rent.

791
00:40:09,704 --> 00:40:10,769
[Damian] Mmm.

792
00:40:10,771 --> 00:40:13,134
You get the impression
it's been furnished

793
00:40:13,136 --> 00:40:15,444
with stuff from the garbage.

794
00:40:15,446 --> 00:40:16,874
Not everything.

795
00:40:16,876 --> 00:40:20,713
And it takes talent
to pick stuff
out of the garbage.

796
00:40:20,715 --> 00:40:23,144
You haven't finished moving in.

797
00:40:23,146 --> 00:40:26,182
-Do you want a hand?
-Uh...

798
00:40:26,380 --> 00:40:28,118
No. [sighs]

799
00:40:30,054 --> 00:40:32,087
I'll do it after.

800
00:40:32,089 --> 00:40:35,662
And even so,
you're going with Martha.

801
00:40:35,664 --> 00:40:39,358
[sighs] She is totally
alone, Damian.

802
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,866
None of her friends
are helping her with this.

803
00:40:41,868 --> 00:40:45,034
She even told me
I wasn't her first choice.

804
00:40:45,036 --> 00:40:47,641
It's like her daughter
doesn't even exist.

805
00:40:47,643 --> 00:40:48,807
In the years I was with her,

806
00:40:48,809 --> 00:40:50,941
she never told me
she had a daughter.

807
00:40:50,943 --> 00:40:52,745
I know, it's a...

808
00:40:52,747 --> 00:40:53,746
It's a sad story.

809
00:40:53,748 --> 00:40:58,049
It's a terrible,
terrible misunderstanding.

810
00:41:00,249 --> 00:41:02,821
Have you told her
that we're in touch?

811
00:41:02,823 --> 00:41:04,823
Uh... No.

812
00:41:04,825 --> 00:41:07,496
Um, we talked about you
in a... in a general way.

813
00:41:07,498 --> 00:41:10,763
-She has nice memories of you.
-Oh. Really?

814
00:41:10,765 --> 00:41:13,029
Our relationship
was mostly physical.

815
00:41:13,031 --> 00:41:15,801
She was always about
to go off somewhere else,

816
00:41:15,803 --> 00:41:20,366
that's why our lovemaking
had that sense of urgency.

817
00:41:20,368 --> 00:41:22,940
It was like having sex
with a terrorist...

818
00:41:22,942 --> 00:41:24,304
it always felt
like the last time.

819
00:41:24,306 --> 00:41:26,911
Well, she rates you
pretty highly as a lover.

820
00:41:26,913 --> 00:41:28,308
I'd like to know
what rating you give me.

821
00:41:28,310 --> 00:41:30,750
Oh, I can't believe
you're still flirting with me.

822
00:41:30,752 --> 00:41:33,522
-I'm serious.
-No, no, you're not serious.

823
00:41:33,524 --> 00:41:36,283
What's serious
is Martha's situation.

824
00:41:36,285 --> 00:41:38,692
And your being terrified
of death?

825
00:41:38,694 --> 00:41:40,661
You just published
a book about that.

826
00:41:40,663 --> 00:41:43,026
Have you overcome that,
thanks to the book?

827
00:41:43,028 --> 00:41:45,866
-No.
-[cell phone ringing]

828
00:41:54,237 --> 00:41:56,646
Hi. How are you?

829
00:41:56,877 --> 00:41:57,711
Better.

830
00:41:57,713 --> 00:42:00,472
Much better since you said yes.

831
00:42:00,474 --> 00:42:02,617
Where are you? Are you at home?

832
00:42:02,619 --> 00:42:03,684
Yeah.

833
00:42:03,686 --> 00:42:04,784
I'm watering the plants.

834
00:42:04,786 --> 00:42:08,183
Oh, I thought you had someone
who did that for you.

835
00:42:08,185 --> 00:42:09,118
I do.

836
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:12,286
But today I felt like doing it
and I am enjoying it.

837
00:42:12,288 --> 00:42:14,123
[chuckles] Okay. Good.

838
00:42:14,125 --> 00:42:18,897
Um, have you... Have you
decided where we're going?

839
00:42:18,899 --> 00:42:21,097
That's why I called.

840
00:42:21,099 --> 00:42:22,395
It's, uh, near Woodstock,

841
00:42:22,397 --> 00:42:24,870
it's about two hours
from the city.

842
00:42:24,872 --> 00:42:26,069
It looks fantastic.

843
00:42:26,071 --> 00:42:28,907
Uh, it's a bit expensive,
but, hey,

844
00:42:28,909 --> 00:42:32,308
the occasion
calls for it. [laughs]

845
00:42:32,814 --> 00:42:35,111
So, do you know how long...

846
00:42:35,113 --> 00:42:36,409
I've rented it for a month.

847
00:42:36,411 --> 00:42:39,786
That should give me
more than enough time.

848
00:42:39,788 --> 00:42:40,479
A month?

849
00:42:40,481 --> 00:42:42,921
Yeah. My blood count's low

850
00:42:42,923 --> 00:42:44,351
and I have to take a break

851
00:42:44,353 --> 00:42:45,957
before I start
the new treatment,

852
00:42:45,959 --> 00:42:47,255
and you're the only one
who knows

853
00:42:47,257 --> 00:42:49,488
I'm not going back
to the hospital.

854
00:42:49,490 --> 00:42:51,996
It's not like
I've picked a date.

855
00:42:51,998 --> 00:42:55,903
I mean, you'll never
know it anyway.

856
00:42:56,332 --> 00:42:59,269
But... I'm ready to go.

857
00:43:00,138 --> 00:43:02,875
I would even say I'm impatient.

858
00:43:02,877 --> 00:43:04,470
I'm gonna be giving a lecture

859
00:43:04,472 --> 00:43:06,846
near Woodstock at Bard
in two weeks,

860
00:43:06,848 --> 00:43:07,979
so we can see each other.

861
00:43:07,981 --> 00:43:09,915
Mmm, I don't think
that's a good idea,

862
00:43:09,917 --> 00:43:12,280
I'll be with Martha
all the time.

863
00:43:12,282 --> 00:43:14,381
I'll call you if I can.

864
00:43:14,383 --> 00:43:16,119
You're going to need a lawyer.

865
00:43:16,121 --> 00:43:17,626
Yes, I should look for one.

866
00:43:17,628 --> 00:43:21,421
Let me help you with that,
but I'll have to fill them in.

867
00:43:21,423 --> 00:43:23,929
No, no, in that case, no.

868
00:43:23,931 --> 00:43:25,128
This is an absolute secret.

869
00:43:25,130 --> 00:43:26,668
Martha doesn't even know
I've told you.

870
00:43:26,670 --> 00:43:30,806
Okay. But if you need anything,
you should let me know.

871
00:43:32,038 --> 00:43:33,974
I worry about you.

872
00:43:34,436 --> 00:43:35,910
Thank you.

873
00:44:18,612 --> 00:44:20,724
[birds chirping]

874
00:44:33,429 --> 00:44:34,934
According to this map,

875
00:44:34,936 --> 00:44:38,069
we go up these stairs
to enter the house.

876
00:44:38,071 --> 00:44:39,600
Okay.

877
00:45:04,625 --> 00:45:06,198
[beeps]

878
00:45:06,495 --> 00:45:08,332
[whirring]

879
00:45:08,563 --> 00:45:10,235
Look at this.

880
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:26,513
[Martha] Wow,
it's so beautiful.

881
00:45:26,515 --> 00:45:31,091
It's so much more beautiful
than in the photographs.

882
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:35,687
Is that a real Hopper?

883
00:45:35,689 --> 00:45:38,560
I don't think they would
have left it here.

884
00:45:38,769 --> 00:45:40,802
It's a very good copy.

885
00:45:40,804 --> 00:45:42,463
It looks real.

886
00:45:42,465 --> 00:45:44,808
[birds chirping]

887
00:45:52,915 --> 00:45:55,786
[birds continue chirping]

888
00:46:04,927 --> 00:46:06,960
-Do you hear them?
-Mm-hmm.

889
00:46:06,962 --> 00:46:08,865
Isn't that wonderful?

890
00:46:12,330 --> 00:46:16,631
And we can lie in the sun,
like in the Hopper,

891
00:46:17,302 --> 00:46:20,470
and catch the evening breeze.

892
00:46:21,042 --> 00:46:23,242
[breathing heavily]

893
00:46:25,541 --> 00:46:27,246
Are you okay?

894
00:46:29,182 --> 00:46:30,711
Very happy.

895
00:46:47,728 --> 00:46:49,728
Do you mind if I take this one?

896
00:46:49,730 --> 00:46:52,370
Of course not. It's your house.

897
00:46:55,109 --> 00:46:57,472
Mmm. This one
is a little small,

898
00:46:57,474 --> 00:46:58,913
I'm gonna look downstairs.

899
00:46:58,915 --> 00:47:00,477
[Martha] All right.

900
00:47:17,527 --> 00:47:20,464
I'm gonna take this one, okay?

901
00:47:20,794 --> 00:47:22,871
Very good!

902
00:47:22,873 --> 00:47:26,941
You don't mind that
I'm not in the room next door?

903
00:47:26,943 --> 00:47:29,572
I can hear you breathe!

904
00:47:30,012 --> 00:47:32,078
And yell!

905
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,676
[chuckles] Okay!

906
00:47:42,486 --> 00:47:44,961
Here we go.

907
00:47:48,228 --> 00:47:50,327
Let's get you unpacked.

908
00:47:50,329 --> 00:47:51,825
Thank you.

909
00:47:52,001 --> 00:47:53,627
I'll unpack it later.

910
00:47:53,629 --> 00:47:56,366
You're not
my caretaker, Ingrid.

911
00:47:56,368 --> 00:47:58,073
You're my guest.

912
00:47:58,403 --> 00:47:59,204
Okay.

913
00:47:59,206 --> 00:48:02,770
Um... I'll go unpack my things.

914
00:48:16,355 --> 00:48:19,290
-[objects clattering]
-[Martha shouts]

915
00:48:19,292 --> 00:48:21,591
-Martha?
-[Martha shouts]

916
00:48:24,594 --> 00:48:26,198
[shouts]

917
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,167
What is it, honey?

918
00:48:28,169 --> 00:48:30,070
-You won't believe it.
-What?

919
00:48:30,072 --> 00:48:30,972
I forgot it!

920
00:48:30,974 --> 00:48:32,501
[stammers] You forgot what?

921
00:48:32,503 --> 00:48:33,733
The pill, the euthanasia pill!

922
00:48:33,735 --> 00:48:35,834
I brought all the others!
We have to go back.

923
00:48:35,836 --> 00:48:38,210
Oh, it's okay, we'll go back
first thing in the morning.

924
00:48:38,212 --> 00:48:40,047
-No, not tomorrow!
-Don't worry about it.

925
00:48:40,049 --> 00:48:41,444
We have to go now!

926
00:48:41,446 --> 00:48:42,511
I just need to be sure

927
00:48:42,513 --> 00:48:45,151
that I didn't lose it
or misplace it,

928
00:48:45,153 --> 00:48:47,958
that I didn't just dream it up.

929
00:48:48,387 --> 00:48:49,685
Okay.

930
00:48:54,294 --> 00:48:58,397
Buying another pill would be
extremely complicated.

931
00:48:59,002 --> 00:48:59,935
[sighs softly]

932
00:48:59,937 --> 00:49:03,631
I have a friend
who knows a mathematician

933
00:49:03,633 --> 00:49:06,405
who found it on the dark web.

934
00:49:07,043 --> 00:49:09,043
It's all very sordid,

935
00:49:09,045 --> 00:49:12,147
not to mention totally illegal.

936
00:49:14,809 --> 00:49:16,545
It's scary...

937
00:49:16,547 --> 00:49:18,382
knowing that all that exists

938
00:49:18,384 --> 00:49:21,618
just behind
our computer screens.

939
00:49:23,422 --> 00:49:25,523
I feel like a criminal.

940
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:32,297
I never thought
I'd be back here again.

941
00:49:32,299 --> 00:49:34,563
With that wonderful skyline.

942
00:49:34,565 --> 00:49:36,862
Life always surprises you.

943
00:49:36,864 --> 00:49:38,798
All right, let's get to work.

944
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:40,437
-Okay.
-I'll start in the kitchen.

945
00:49:40,439 --> 00:49:41,636
Don't worry, we'll find it.

946
00:49:41,638 --> 00:49:43,572
Just, um... Just try to think
of all the places

947
00:49:43,574 --> 00:49:44,639
you usually hide things.

948
00:49:44,641 --> 00:49:47,048
This is the first thing
I have ever hidden.

949
00:49:47,050 --> 00:49:47,873
Really?

950
00:49:47,875 --> 00:49:51,118
The only thing I can remember
is I put it in an envelope.

951
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:52,284
Okay. Uh...

952
00:49:52,286 --> 00:49:53,989
Why don't I start
in your office?

953
00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:55,617
-Is that okay? Okay.
-Yeah, yeah.

954
00:49:55,619 --> 00:49:58,886
Where did I put it?
Where did I put it?

955
00:50:16,541 --> 00:50:20,149
Oh, my God. [sighs]
We're never gonna find it.

956
00:51:34,014 --> 00:51:35,785
I found an envelope.

957
00:51:36,192 --> 00:51:37,622
That's it!

958
00:51:37,820 --> 00:51:39,050
Where did you find it?

959
00:51:39,052 --> 00:51:40,018
In your desk.

960
00:51:40,020 --> 00:51:43,296
There was key in a drawer
and I opened it.

961
00:51:43,298 --> 00:51:45,397
How could I have forgotten?

962
00:51:45,399 --> 00:51:46,629
I even left the key in it?

963
00:51:46,631 --> 00:51:49,302
Well, you meant to take it,
at the last minute, you forgot.

964
00:51:49,304 --> 00:51:51,141
It's not so weird.

965
00:51:52,934 --> 00:51:54,639
Thank you.

966
00:51:54,936 --> 00:51:57,675
Such a strange sensation.

967
00:51:58,071 --> 00:52:00,379
It's like being here
after I'm dead.

968
00:52:00,381 --> 00:52:02,007
Oh, God, don't say that.

969
00:52:02,009 --> 00:52:05,848
It's too soon for you to
refer to yourself as a ghost.

970
00:52:06,453 --> 00:52:09,223
Let me straighten up
before we leave.

971
00:52:09,225 --> 00:52:10,820
Thank you.

972
00:53:02,069 --> 00:53:03,873
[door closes]

973
00:53:04,742 --> 00:53:07,314
Forgive me for all this hassle.

974
00:53:07,316 --> 00:53:08,645
I'm sorry, really.

975
00:53:08,647 --> 00:53:10,944
[sighs] It's okay.

976
00:53:10,946 --> 00:53:14,323
What a great place
to return to.

977
00:53:15,390 --> 00:53:17,324
Stupid fridge.

978
00:53:17,326 --> 00:53:19,295
You need some help?

979
00:53:21,627 --> 00:53:22,958
I got it.

980
00:53:29,569 --> 00:53:31,030
You know, maybe...

981
00:53:31,032 --> 00:53:34,772
leaving the pill behind
was a kind of a sign?

982
00:53:35,344 --> 00:53:38,380
Maybe you're not as ready
as you think.

983
00:53:39,909 --> 00:53:43,176
I told you never to say
that to me.

984
00:53:44,045 --> 00:53:46,652
I don't remember
you telling me that.

985
00:53:48,522 --> 00:53:51,591
I think I've said
so many things to you.

986
00:53:52,152 --> 00:53:55,527
That's the problem
with chemo brain.

987
00:53:55,529 --> 00:54:00,435
My memory keeps failing me
and I get distracted so easily.

988
00:54:01,436 --> 00:54:05,438
It can continue even
after the treatment stops

989
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:07,904
and it can go on for years.

990
00:54:08,201 --> 00:54:10,808
I'll be spared that, at least.

991
00:54:13,140 --> 00:54:14,911
When I write...

992
00:54:15,582 --> 00:54:17,111
When I wrote...

993
00:54:18,079 --> 00:54:20,849
I had to proofread
a thousand times.

994
00:54:20,851 --> 00:54:24,116
I can't trust my judgement
about anything anymore.

995
00:54:24,118 --> 00:54:25,359
Well...

996
00:54:25,361 --> 00:54:28,725
Then why do you trust
this decision?

997
00:54:28,727 --> 00:54:32,027
How do you know
it's not chemo brain, too?

998
00:54:32,863 --> 00:54:35,193
I've left the pill
in the top drawer

999
00:54:35,195 --> 00:54:36,931
of the bedside table.

1000
00:54:36,933 --> 00:54:40,473
If I forget,
which I don't think I will,

1001
00:54:40,475 --> 00:54:42,233
you will remind me.

1002
00:54:42,235 --> 00:54:45,577
And I prefer not to talk
about this anymore.

1003
00:54:45,579 --> 00:54:49,484
Well, it's my business, too,
don't you think?

1004
00:54:52,553 --> 00:54:54,489
Sure. Of course.

1005
00:54:55,820 --> 00:54:58,084
I'll leave a signed letter
for the police

1006
00:54:58,086 --> 00:55:02,055
telling them everything,
including the name of the pill

1007
00:55:02,057 --> 00:55:03,364
and where I got it.

1008
00:55:03,366 --> 00:55:07,258
Your name will not
appear anywhere.

1009
00:55:07,260 --> 00:55:11,702
All you have to do is to say
that you know nothing.

1010
00:55:11,704 --> 00:55:13,968
Don't budge from that.

1011
00:55:13,970 --> 00:55:16,443
I don't wanna give you
any more information.

1012
00:55:16,445 --> 00:55:18,777
The less you know, the better.

1013
00:55:20,075 --> 00:55:22,583
And this is important.

1014
00:55:27,390 --> 00:55:29,489
I'll sleep with my door open,

1015
00:55:29,491 --> 00:55:32,624
and the day
that you find it closed...

1016
00:55:32,626 --> 00:55:35,363
is the day
it's already happened.

1017
00:55:35,365 --> 00:55:38,291
That's the sign, door closed.

1018
00:55:43,571 --> 00:55:45,969
I know it's difficult.

1019
00:55:47,806 --> 00:55:50,644
But just think
we're on vacation.

1020
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:55,240
You can write,
we can come and go...

1021
00:55:55,242 --> 00:55:58,113
I don't think I'll
be able to concentrate.

1022
00:55:59,917 --> 00:56:00,850
And if I write,

1023
00:56:00,852 --> 00:56:02,313
you might show up
in it somewhere

1024
00:56:02,315 --> 00:56:03,523
and I don't wanna do that.

1025
00:56:03,525 --> 00:56:06,625
Yeah. That could
complicate your life

1026
00:56:06,627 --> 00:56:08,528
if the police investigate.

1027
00:56:08,530 --> 00:56:09,958
Well, I'm not gonna do it.

1028
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:11,597
Wait till I'm dead.

1029
00:56:11,599 --> 00:56:13,060
Oh, God!

1030
00:56:13,062 --> 00:56:17,737
Can you not say,
"Wait until I'm dead," please?

1031
00:56:19,871 --> 00:56:21,444
I promise.

1032
00:56:22,907 --> 00:56:24,676
I'd like to find a gym
somewhere around here

1033
00:56:24,678 --> 00:56:27,241
that I can go to
a couple of days a week.

1034
00:56:28,847 --> 00:56:29,912
I'm the only one who eats

1035
00:56:29,914 --> 00:56:31,342
and I don't want
to gain ten pounds

1036
00:56:31,344 --> 00:56:32,420
while you waste away.

1037
00:56:32,422 --> 00:56:34,015
Oh, give me a chance.

1038
00:56:34,017 --> 00:56:35,854
I'll catch up with you.

1039
00:56:38,956 --> 00:56:40,892
Look, I'm eating.

1040
00:56:41,794 --> 00:56:45,765
[Ingrid] I have practically
held death in my hands.

1041
00:56:46,326 --> 00:56:50,704
I never imagined it would be
something so light.

1042
00:57:26,476 --> 00:57:27,873
Martha?

1043
00:57:28,808 --> 00:57:30,876
[water running]

1044
00:57:31,646 --> 00:57:32,843
[Martha] Good morning.

1045
00:57:32,845 --> 00:57:34,482
Good morning.

1046
00:57:34,484 --> 00:57:36,310
I'm making breakfast.

1047
00:57:36,948 --> 00:57:38,079
You want some toast?

1048
00:57:38,081 --> 00:57:39,718
No, just some coffee.

1049
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:41,456
Help yourself.
It's already made.

1050
00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:43,920
There's juice, fruit...

1051
00:57:43,922 --> 00:57:45,792
whatever you want.

1052
00:57:50,258 --> 00:57:53,567
My behavior yesterday
was unacceptable.

1053
00:57:53,569 --> 00:57:57,670
I completely understand
that it drove you crazy.

1054
00:57:57,672 --> 00:58:02,237
But in my current state,
I can't make any promises.

1055
00:58:02,578 --> 00:58:04,404
So, just in case...

1056
00:58:06,142 --> 00:58:09,913
I put a medium-range sedative
in this drawer.

1057
00:58:09,915 --> 00:58:11,442
And if you find me unbearable,

1058
00:58:11,444 --> 00:58:14,951
you just have one
and you can relax.

1059
00:58:14,953 --> 00:58:16,920
I could have
used that last night.

1060
00:58:16,922 --> 00:58:17,888
[laughs] You...

1061
00:58:17,890 --> 00:58:21,760
You're one of a kind, Martha.
You really... You really are.

1062
00:58:21,762 --> 00:58:23,091
[birds chirping]

1063
00:58:23,093 --> 00:58:25,258
I've made a list
of stuff to buy.

1064
00:58:25,260 --> 00:58:27,262
We need a few things.

1065
00:58:27,702 --> 00:58:30,265
Is there anything
you want me to get?

1066
00:58:31,035 --> 00:58:32,674
Don't think so.

1067
00:58:32,971 --> 00:58:35,644
Do you wanna come
to the store with me?

1068
00:58:37,008 --> 00:58:38,810
Maybe another day.

1069
00:58:38,812 --> 00:58:41,076
It's so nice here.

1070
00:58:41,078 --> 00:58:43,716
I'd like to stay
if you don't mind.

1071
00:58:43,718 --> 00:58:45,687
No, of course not.

1072
00:58:47,183 --> 00:58:50,481
I found a gym nearby, too.

1073
00:58:50,483 --> 00:58:51,592
That's great.

1074
00:58:51,594 --> 00:58:54,223
I think that's
a very good idea.

1075
00:58:56,962 --> 00:58:59,028
Okay, well...

1076
00:58:59,030 --> 00:59:02,396
I have my phone with me
if you need anything.

1077
00:59:02,704 --> 00:59:04,464
Thanks, love.

1078
00:59:10,580 --> 00:59:12,208
[sighs]

1079
00:59:19,952 --> 00:59:20,687
Hi.

1080
00:59:20,689 --> 00:59:22,414
I was hoping I could use
the gym today.

1081
00:59:22,416 --> 00:59:23,415
Are you a member?

1082
00:59:23,417 --> 00:59:24,889
Uh, no. I'm just in town
for a little bit.

1083
00:59:24,891 --> 00:59:26,759
If you use one of our
personal trainers,

1084
00:59:26,761 --> 00:59:27,991
you don't need to be a member.

1085
00:59:27,993 --> 00:59:30,796
Um, okay. I'll use
one of your trainers then.

1086
00:59:30,798 --> 00:59:33,229
You'll like Jonah, you'll see.

1087
00:59:33,768 --> 00:59:34,602
Thanks.

1088
00:59:34,604 --> 00:59:37,462
So, would you like to start
a warm up doing steps?

1089
00:59:37,464 --> 00:59:38,771
-Okay.
-Is okay?

1090
00:59:38,773 --> 00:59:41,741
Do you think you can do this
for 30 seconds?

1091
00:59:41,743 --> 00:59:45,714
-Um, sure. All right.
-Okay, go for it. Have a try.

1092
00:59:46,011 --> 00:59:48,407
And we are on. Okay, nice.

1093
00:59:48,409 --> 00:59:49,881
-Keep focus on your leg.
-Mmm-hmm.

1094
00:59:49,883 --> 00:59:51,443
And, if you can,
move your arm...

1095
00:59:51,445 --> 00:59:53,722
-Okay.
-Okay, with each step.

1096
00:59:54,415 --> 00:59:55,656
And we are done.

1097
00:59:55,658 --> 00:59:58,923
Nice. You're pretty strong,
you young lady.

1098
00:59:58,925 --> 01:00:00,188
[panting] What I am is winded.

1099
01:00:00,190 --> 01:00:03,862
Well, if you want, there are
other variations we can do.

1100
01:00:03,864 --> 01:00:04,665
[pants]

1101
01:00:04,667 --> 01:00:06,733
I mean, you can go try
like this.

1102
01:00:06,735 --> 01:00:08,196
You can go back and forth.

1103
01:00:08,198 --> 01:00:11,265
Or you can jump on it
and go left

1104
01:00:11,267 --> 01:00:14,004
and right or back
and on the box.

1105
01:00:14,006 --> 01:00:16,072
-Okay. Okay.
-Have a try one more.

1106
01:00:16,074 --> 01:00:19,009
-[panting]
-Nice.

1107
01:00:19,011 --> 01:00:20,571
-Focus on your core here.
-Uh-huh.

1108
01:00:20,573 --> 01:00:23,618
And breathe. [breathing deeply]

1109
01:00:23,620 --> 01:00:25,147
Inhale and exhale.

1110
01:00:25,149 --> 01:00:28,084
-[panting]
-[Jonah breathing deeply]

1111
01:00:28,086 --> 01:00:29,382
Perfect. One more.

1112
01:00:29,384 --> 01:00:31,386
[panting]

1113
01:00:33,289 --> 01:00:34,994
Is everything okay?

1114
01:00:35,225 --> 01:00:37,392
[panting]

1115
01:00:39,097 --> 01:00:43,101
When the body's in great shape,
it takes longer to die.

1116
01:00:45,004 --> 01:00:46,102
When death comes,

1117
01:00:46,104 --> 01:00:49,644
the mind wants to go,
but the body keeps fighting.

1118
01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:53,342
Heart beating "no"
with every beat.

1119
01:00:53,716 --> 01:00:54,539
Well...

1120
01:00:54,541 --> 01:00:57,817
all the more reason
to look after yourself.

1121
01:00:57,819 --> 01:00:59,753
I live with a friend
who's dying.

1122
01:00:59,755 --> 01:01:01,284
I'm sorry.

1123
01:01:01,790 --> 01:01:04,320
Come. Let's have a seat.

1124
01:01:04,551 --> 01:01:05,926
Come here.

1125
01:01:07,521 --> 01:01:09,356
[sighs, sniffles]

1126
01:01:09,358 --> 01:01:12,196
Is there anything
that I can do?

1127
01:01:14,737 --> 01:01:16,673
[sighs]

1128
01:01:17,674 --> 01:01:19,872
I wish I could give you a hug,

1129
01:01:19,874 --> 01:01:22,105
but we're not allowed
to touch clients anymore

1130
01:01:22,107 --> 01:01:25,374
because of the lawsuits
and whatever.

1131
01:01:28,014 --> 01:01:29,915
And it's a problem,

1132
01:01:29,917 --> 01:01:32,478
because it can be hard
to correct people's posture

1133
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:34,084
with just words,

1134
01:01:34,086 --> 01:01:36,726
and touching is so important.

1135
01:01:37,122 --> 01:01:39,650
This world
is absurd and inhumane.

1136
01:01:39,652 --> 01:01:42,996
I don't see it improving
any time soon.

1137
01:01:44,525 --> 01:01:47,196
But thank you, I feel hugged.

1138
01:01:47,198 --> 01:01:48,870
[chuckles]

1139
01:01:53,435 --> 01:01:56,601
Oh, I've been meaning
to read this book.

1140
01:01:56,603 --> 01:02:00,077
Isn't it a wonderful title?
Erotic Vagrancy.

1141
01:02:00,079 --> 01:02:01,850
Do you wanna buy it?

1142
01:02:03,181 --> 01:02:05,755
I won't have time to finish it.

1143
01:02:11,684 --> 01:02:14,124
I like the way
it's laid out here.

1144
01:02:14,126 --> 01:02:15,290
[Ingrid] Mmm.

1145
01:02:15,292 --> 01:02:16,863
Oh, look.

1146
01:02:16,865 --> 01:02:18,658
Martha Gellhorn.

1147
01:02:18,867 --> 01:02:21,199
The View from the Ground.

1148
01:02:22,431 --> 01:02:27,005
She wrote that you only ever
truly love one war,

1149
01:02:27,007 --> 01:02:29,977
after that you're just
doing your duty.

1150
01:02:31,572 --> 01:02:33,607
Which one was yours?

1151
01:02:34,608 --> 01:02:37,215
Bosnia, without a doubt.

1152
01:02:41,824 --> 01:02:44,792
The fight to survive
by the Bosnian people

1153
01:02:44,794 --> 01:02:48,059
against a perfectly
equipped army...

1154
01:02:48,061 --> 01:02:49,522
stole the hearts of all of us

1155
01:02:49,524 --> 01:02:51,931
who witnessed
the extermination.

1156
01:02:51,933 --> 01:02:55,970
There are very few women
war correspondents.

1157
01:02:56,498 --> 01:02:58,663
War is a man's thing.

1158
01:02:58,665 --> 01:03:00,940
You have to sort of become
one of the guys

1159
01:03:00,942 --> 01:03:03,107
and it was never
a problem for me,

1160
01:03:03,109 --> 01:03:04,977
I've always lived like a man.

1161
01:03:04,979 --> 01:03:10,081
Actually, I think
what Michelle really missed...

1162
01:03:10,083 --> 01:03:13,746
was having a maternal figure
in her life.

1163
01:03:13,955 --> 01:03:17,319
And in this, I must admit

1164
01:03:17,321 --> 01:03:19,222
she... she was right.

1165
01:03:19,224 --> 01:03:21,589
Don't be so hard on yourself.

1166
01:03:25,593 --> 01:03:28,693
Hey, look who's coming to town!

1167
01:03:28,695 --> 01:03:30,662
The life of the party!

1168
01:03:30,664 --> 01:03:32,169
"How bad can it get?

1169
01:03:32,171 --> 01:03:34,633
Navigating urban life
with integrity."

1170
01:03:34,635 --> 01:03:35,667
You feel like going?

1171
01:03:35,669 --> 01:03:37,174
No, you know what?
I've heard it already

1172
01:03:37,176 --> 01:03:39,044
and it's not an evening
I'd like to repeat.

1173
01:03:39,046 --> 01:03:41,541
We all have our own
personal apocalypses.

1174
01:03:41,543 --> 01:03:43,444
Are you having
an awful time with me?

1175
01:03:43,446 --> 01:03:46,315
No, no, I meant him,
his lecture.

1176
01:03:46,317 --> 01:03:48,614
Global crisis, climate change.

1177
01:03:48,616 --> 01:03:49,925
Yeah.

1178
01:03:50,024 --> 01:03:51,023
Hi.

1179
01:03:51,025 --> 01:03:52,686
I love your hair.

1180
01:03:52,961 --> 01:03:54,358
Nice.

1181
01:04:04,401 --> 01:04:07,567
When the nightmares
come rushing in,

1182
01:04:07,569 --> 01:04:10,405
I think about
all the men I've loved.

1183
01:04:10,407 --> 01:04:12,110
[chuckles] Sounds like a song.

1184
01:04:12,112 --> 01:04:14,178
[chuckles] A good one.

1185
01:04:14,180 --> 01:04:15,775
[both chuckle]

1186
01:04:16,182 --> 01:04:19,119
Even if it was
just for one night.

1187
01:04:19,383 --> 01:04:23,321
[sighs] Sometimes I think
about Damian.

1188
01:04:27,358 --> 01:04:29,622
I still think
sex is the best way

1189
01:04:29,624 --> 01:04:32,825
to fend off looming thoughts
of death.

1190
01:04:33,562 --> 01:04:36,499
Like those Spanish Carmelites.

1191
01:04:37,269 --> 01:04:40,908
Wars turned me into
a promiscuous woman, Ingrid.

1192
01:04:40,910 --> 01:04:42,835
Good. [laughs]

1193
01:04:43,836 --> 01:04:45,605
Are you still
in touch with him?

1194
01:04:45,607 --> 01:04:48,412
-With who?
-Damian.

1195
01:04:49,116 --> 01:04:50,247
Um...

1196
01:04:50,249 --> 01:04:52,680
You know...
Um, from time to time.

1197
01:04:54,451 --> 01:04:57,850
"How bad can it get?" [scoffs]

1198
01:04:59,159 --> 01:05:00,422
Well... [sighs]

1199
01:05:00,424 --> 01:05:04,758
much worse than you imagine,
Damian, honey.

1200
01:05:08,102 --> 01:05:09,466
Hey.

1201
01:05:10,005 --> 01:05:11,567
You all right?

1202
01:05:11,974 --> 01:05:13,943
I was trying to write.

1203
01:05:15,010 --> 01:05:16,407
I can't.

1204
01:05:18,310 --> 01:05:23,181
In this war, I'm incapable
of writing anything.

1205
01:05:23,183 --> 01:05:24,877
What about reading?

1206
01:05:25,548 --> 01:05:27,187
You love to read.

1207
01:05:27,385 --> 01:05:29,090
I've tried.

1208
01:05:29,783 --> 01:05:33,292
I've tried with some
of my favorite writers.

1209
01:05:34,491 --> 01:05:37,967
The spell just isn't
there anymore.

1210
01:05:39,936 --> 01:05:42,499
I'm talking about Faulkner,

1211
01:05:43,401 --> 01:05:45,040
Hemingway...

1212
01:05:46,272 --> 01:05:48,373
I can't concentrate.

1213
01:05:48,868 --> 01:05:53,279
My mind just flies off
into the void.

1214
01:05:53,906 --> 01:05:56,117
If you're too tired,

1215
01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:58,647
I could read to you.

1216
01:06:01,122 --> 01:06:02,915
Not just reading,

1217
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:06,292
all pleasure's been reduced.

1218
01:06:08,261 --> 01:06:09,227
It's hard to know

1219
01:06:09,229 --> 01:06:12,463
what to pay attention
to anymore.

1220
01:06:14,927 --> 01:06:16,929
I have very little time

1221
01:06:17,237 --> 01:06:19,404
and I don't want to waste it.

1222
01:06:21,043 --> 01:06:23,012
Okay. Um...

1223
01:06:25,806 --> 01:06:29,876
What about music?

1224
01:06:31,185 --> 01:06:34,450
I can only listen
to the birds singing.

1225
01:06:34,452 --> 01:06:38,322
Well, luckily, they give us
a serenade every day.

1226
01:06:38,324 --> 01:06:40,852
Music decenters me.

1227
01:06:40,854 --> 01:06:44,295
It comes between me
and whatever it is I'm doing,

1228
01:06:44,297 --> 01:06:46,629
even if it's just thinking.

1229
01:06:47,267 --> 01:06:50,829
Maybe the chemo
is affecting my hearing.

1230
01:06:50,831 --> 01:06:52,567
Oh, honey.

1231
01:06:52,569 --> 01:06:56,672
I've been reduced
to very little of myself.

1232
01:07:04,020 --> 01:07:08,222
I long for some peace
of body and mind.

1233
01:07:09,817 --> 01:07:14,162
And to just talk whenever
I'm invaded by memory.

1234
01:07:14,690 --> 01:07:15,788
Am I talking too much?

1235
01:07:15,790 --> 01:07:18,197
No, no, no, no.
Talk all you want,

1236
01:07:18,199 --> 01:07:19,792
I love listening to you.

1237
01:07:19,794 --> 01:07:22,170
[crickets chirping]

1238
01:07:25,470 --> 01:07:27,406
[birds chirping]

1239
01:08:18,127 --> 01:08:19,887
[sniffling]

1240
01:08:37,905 --> 01:08:40,149
[breathing heavily]

1241
01:08:41,876 --> 01:08:43,515
[sniffles]

1242
01:08:47,354 --> 01:08:49,422
[birds chirping]

1243
01:09:17,450 --> 01:09:19,287
[birds chirping]

1244
01:09:31,266 --> 01:09:33,169
[sobbing]

1245
01:09:39,274 --> 01:09:41,639
[continues sobbing]

1246
01:09:54,718 --> 01:09:58,392
[continues sobbing]

1247
01:10:04,662 --> 01:10:06,365
What's going on?

1248
01:10:06,367 --> 01:10:08,699
-What's wrong?
-[gasps]

1249
01:10:10,162 --> 01:10:13,638
Your door was closed,
so I thought you...

1250
01:10:14,540 --> 01:10:17,035
Oh, I'm so sorry.

1251
01:10:17,037 --> 01:10:18,003
I opened a window

1252
01:10:18,005 --> 01:10:21,347
and the breeze
must have closed it.

1253
01:10:21,349 --> 01:10:23,010
Oh, my God!

1254
01:10:24,253 --> 01:10:25,749
[sniffling]

1255
01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:31,489
Do you think it's fair
to be mad at me

1256
01:10:31,491 --> 01:10:33,757
because I'm still alive?

1257
01:10:36,331 --> 01:10:39,092
Think of it as a rehearsal.

1258
01:10:39,829 --> 01:10:42,436
Now you know how it's gonna be.

1259
01:10:42,865 --> 01:10:45,472
You know how you're gonna feel.

1260
01:10:46,198 --> 01:10:48,440
You're gonna have
to make some calls

1261
01:10:48,442 --> 01:10:52,279
and act out all the things
we talked about.

1262
01:10:52,281 --> 01:10:54,943
And you never knew anything...

1263
01:10:55,251 --> 01:10:56,745
and we were on vacation...

1264
01:10:56,747 --> 01:10:59,079
Please, just stop!

1265
01:11:00,454 --> 01:11:01,420
Okay.

1266
01:11:01,422 --> 01:11:03,589
[bugle call playing on TV]

1267
01:11:08,154 --> 01:11:11,025
[whimsical music playing on TV]

1268
01:11:30,319 --> 01:11:31,417
[laughs]

1269
01:11:31,419 --> 01:11:33,718
[tense music playing on TV]

1270
01:11:46,863 --> 01:11:48,469
[laughs]

1271
01:12:03,583 --> 01:12:05,178
[whirs]

1272
01:12:11,019 --> 01:12:13,153
Should we call it a night?

1273
01:12:13,758 --> 01:12:14,592
Oh!

1274
01:12:14,594 --> 01:12:18,092
Or does the young lady
wanna keep watching movies?

1275
01:12:18,697 --> 01:12:22,668
Did you tell me
that they have The Dead?

1276
01:12:23,229 --> 01:12:24,470
Or did I dream that?

1277
01:12:24,472 --> 01:12:26,571
Yeah, they have it.

1278
01:12:26,573 --> 01:12:29,202
Um, you wanna watch it?

1279
01:12:29,477 --> 01:12:30,575
Yes, please.

1280
01:12:30,577 --> 01:12:32,645
[Ingrid] Here we go.

1281
01:12:34,779 --> 01:12:36,352
Here we go.

1282
01:12:42,655 --> 01:12:45,689
[somber music playing on TV]

1283
01:12:45,691 --> 01:12:48,923
[Gabriel on TV]
Yes, the newspapers are right.

1284
01:12:48,925 --> 01:12:52,630
Snow is general
all over Ireland.

1285
01:12:52,632 --> 01:12:57,129
Falling on every part
of the dark central plain,

1286
01:12:57,131 --> 01:12:59,738
on the treeless hills.

1287
01:13:00,101 --> 01:13:03,069
Softly upon the Bog of Allen

1288
01:13:03,071 --> 01:13:07,007
and farther westward,
softly falling

1289
01:13:07,009 --> 01:13:11,946
into the dark mutinous
Shannon waves.

1290
01:13:11,948 --> 01:13:16,216
One by one,
we're all becoming shades.

1291
01:13:17,492 --> 01:13:20,955
-[softly repeating]
-Snow is falling,

1292
01:13:20,957 --> 01:13:23,254
falling in
that lonely churchyard

1293
01:13:23,256 --> 01:13:26,259
where Michael Furey
lies buried.

1294
01:13:26,930 --> 01:13:29,733
Falling faintly
through the universe

1295
01:13:29,735 --> 01:13:32,505
and faintly falling,

1296
01:13:32,507 --> 01:13:36,170
like the descent
of their last end,

1297
01:13:36,478 --> 01:13:41,208
upon all the living
and the dead.

1298
01:13:51,086 --> 01:13:53,726
[birds chirping]

1299
01:14:00,095 --> 01:14:01,602
Do you hear them?

1300
01:14:01,899 --> 01:14:03,329
Mmm-hmm.

1301
01:14:05,133 --> 01:14:06,508
[beeps]

1302
01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:08,741
[whirring]

1303
01:14:11,337 --> 01:14:12,910
It's daytime.

1304
01:14:16,947 --> 01:14:18,817
And you're alive.

1305
01:14:21,017 --> 01:14:22,953
[birds chirping]

1306
01:14:28,728 --> 01:14:30,387
Oh, this is too much.

1307
01:14:30,389 --> 01:14:31,498
-Yeah?
-This is harder

1308
01:14:31,500 --> 01:14:33,832
-than I thought it'd be.
-Okay.

1309
01:14:35,702 --> 01:14:36,734
I think I need to sit.

1310
01:14:36,736 --> 01:14:39,869
All right. Yeah, let's go
sit over here.

1311
01:14:39,871 --> 01:14:42,071
Here, let me help you.

1312
01:14:45,404 --> 01:14:48,715
Hey, I've got you. Here we go.

1313
01:14:48,979 --> 01:14:50,552
Here you go.

1314
01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:53,049
Okay.

1315
01:14:54,050 --> 01:14:55,720
[Martha] Oh!

1316
01:14:55,722 --> 01:14:58,791
-Oh, that's much better.
-Oh, good.

1317
01:15:01,761 --> 01:15:04,993
Before coming here,
I made a new will.

1318
01:15:04,995 --> 01:15:08,669
Aw, let's not talk
about this now, please.

1319
01:15:09,065 --> 01:15:11,868
I'm leaving the apartment
and everything in it

1320
01:15:11,870 --> 01:15:14,169
to Michelle and you.

1321
01:15:18,811 --> 01:15:22,175
I found your war journals
in your desk.

1322
01:15:22,177 --> 01:15:24,980
What do you want us
to do with them?

1323
01:15:24,982 --> 01:15:26,817
Is it okay if I read them?

1324
01:15:26,819 --> 01:15:29,019
Of course you can read them.

1325
01:15:31,791 --> 01:15:33,527
Can I tell your story?

1326
01:15:33,529 --> 01:15:35,564
You can do what you want.

1327
01:15:36,092 --> 01:15:37,896
I won't be here.

1328
01:15:39,458 --> 01:15:41,031
Can I say that?

1329
01:15:41,262 --> 01:15:42,670
No.

1330
01:15:43,429 --> 01:15:44,870
Okay.

1331
01:15:47,136 --> 01:15:49,677
[birds chirping]

1332
01:15:51,503 --> 01:15:54,176
[crickets chirping]

1333
01:16:08,520 --> 01:16:09,961
[sighs]

1334
01:16:38,055 --> 01:16:40,794
Let's not talk
about this now, okay?

1335
01:16:41,124 --> 01:16:44,600
All right,
I'll see you there. Bye.

1336
01:16:51,101 --> 01:16:52,265
[Martha] Dear Ingrid,

1337
01:16:52,267 --> 01:16:57,844
Today is such a beautiful day
that it seemed to me it...

1338
01:16:59,472 --> 01:17:00,748
Hey.

1339
01:17:00,979 --> 01:17:01,681
Hi.

1340
01:17:01,683 --> 01:17:03,716
-Everything okay?
-Yeah.

1341
01:17:03,718 --> 01:17:05,542
This breeze is delicious.

1342
01:17:05,544 --> 01:17:08,756
Be careful,
it's a little chilly.

1343
01:17:09,856 --> 01:17:10,657
Um...

1344
01:17:10,659 --> 01:17:12,956
If you don't need me,
I'm gonna go to the gym.

1345
01:17:12,958 --> 01:17:14,155
But I can stay if you want.

1346
01:17:14,157 --> 01:17:16,927
No. Please, go.
I don't want to be a downer.

1347
01:17:16,929 --> 01:17:17,994
You're not a downer.

1348
01:17:17,996 --> 01:17:20,359
You've been
pretty well-behaved.

1349
01:17:20,361 --> 01:17:23,804
Have you talked
to your trainer about me?

1350
01:17:24,596 --> 01:17:25,672
Um...

1351
01:17:25,674 --> 01:17:28,268
Well... I mean, it came up.

1352
01:17:28,270 --> 01:17:30,776
I was talking about
being in good shape

1353
01:17:30,778 --> 01:17:33,372
and the heart beating
to survive.

1354
01:17:33,374 --> 01:17:36,782
You know, everything that you
talked about in the hospital

1355
01:17:36,784 --> 01:17:39,081
and he looked at me
like I was a lunatic,

1356
01:17:39,083 --> 01:17:42,216
so I told him I had
a friend that was sick.

1357
01:17:42,218 --> 01:17:43,756
That's all.

1358
01:17:43,758 --> 01:17:49,355
Just remember,
you know nothing
about anything.

1359
01:17:49,357 --> 01:17:50,930
[Ingrid] Mm.

1360
01:17:54,494 --> 01:17:56,969
Come here, give me a kiss.

1361
01:17:58,905 --> 01:18:00,907
-You okay?
-Yes.

1362
01:18:13,018 --> 01:18:15,548
[lively chatter]

1363
01:18:23,292 --> 01:18:25,162
-Hi.
-Hi.

1364
01:18:29,496 --> 01:18:32,002
I lied to her, I don't like it.

1365
01:18:32,004 --> 01:18:33,773
Well, you'll have to practice.

1366
01:18:33,775 --> 01:18:34,664
Lying?

1367
01:18:34,666 --> 01:18:39,075
Yes. Officially,
you aren't aware
of Martha's intentions.

1368
01:18:39,077 --> 01:18:39,911
Yeah.

1369
01:18:39,913 --> 01:18:42,012
And I found a lawyer,
in case you need one.

1370
01:18:42,014 --> 01:18:44,410
Thank you. Let's not
talk about this now.

1371
01:18:44,412 --> 01:18:46,918
-Mm.
-How'd your lecture go?

1372
01:18:46,920 --> 01:18:51,892
Well, they weren't too happy
about my not taking questions.

1373
01:18:52,860 --> 01:18:54,519
In the end,

1374
01:18:54,521 --> 01:18:58,292
people started muttering
and someone called me a coward.

1375
01:18:58,294 --> 01:18:59,997
It doesn't bother me.

1376
01:18:59,999 --> 01:19:01,735
I spent way too much time

1377
01:19:01,737 --> 01:19:04,133
caring about my reputation,
and for what?

1378
01:19:04,135 --> 01:19:07,103
So, what are you doing
with all that time
you've gotten back?

1379
01:19:07,105 --> 01:19:10,777
Are you doing more
of what you love?

1380
01:19:10,779 --> 01:19:13,439
I have to admit
that my interest in things

1381
01:19:13,441 --> 01:19:16,785
has been shrinking
as I get older.

1382
01:19:17,313 --> 01:19:19,412
Martha said the same thing
a couple days ago.

1383
01:19:19,414 --> 01:19:22,613
There are so few things left
that she can really enjoy.

1384
01:19:22,615 --> 01:19:25,156
-I understand.
-Mm.

1385
01:19:25,717 --> 01:19:26,826
But you're not sick.

1386
01:19:26,828 --> 01:19:29,125
No, but I feel the same way,
especially after the pandemic.

1387
01:19:29,127 --> 01:19:32,559
I don't go to the cinema
or listen to music.

1388
01:19:32,801 --> 01:19:34,097
I... I read a lot,

1389
01:19:34,099 --> 01:19:35,868
but only subjects
to do with my lectures.

1390
01:19:35,870 --> 01:19:38,530
Mm. You still go to galleries?
You used to love that.

1391
01:19:38,532 --> 01:19:40,235
When we were together,
we'd go all the time

1392
01:19:40,237 --> 01:19:42,842
and talk about
how powerful the art is.

1393
01:19:42,844 --> 01:19:44,371
You still like that?

1394
01:19:44,373 --> 01:19:47,176
Even if every poet in the world
sat down to write a poem

1395
01:19:47,178 --> 01:19:49,783
about the climate crisis,
it wouldn't save one tree.

1396
01:19:49,785 --> 01:19:52,313
At least you're still
interested in trees.

1397
01:19:52,315 --> 01:19:53,985
I'm interested in sex, too.

1398
01:19:53,987 --> 01:19:55,954
Well, then you're not that bad.

1399
01:19:55,956 --> 01:19:57,648
When I was young,

1400
01:19:57,650 --> 01:20:02,554
if a day went by without sex,
I thought it was incomplete.

1401
01:20:02,556 --> 01:20:03,555
I remember that.

1402
01:20:03,557 --> 01:20:09,332
I'm not nostalgic,
but I miss the nights
when we'd drink...

1403
01:20:09,662 --> 01:20:11,464
and take drugs, have sex,

1404
01:20:11,466 --> 01:20:15,303
all that didn't distract us
from what we really
wanted to do.

1405
01:20:15,305 --> 01:20:17,767
You drank and you took drugs.

1406
01:20:17,769 --> 01:20:19,571
I mean, more than I did anyway.

1407
01:20:19,573 --> 01:20:21,045
I don't know
how much you drank,

1408
01:20:21,047 --> 01:20:24,950
but you always acted
as you were as blitzed
as the rest of us.

1409
01:20:24,952 --> 01:20:28,481
But you were an essential part
of the party.

1410
01:20:28,483 --> 01:20:30,087
That is, until you got bored

1411
01:20:30,089 --> 01:20:32,784
and went off
to discover Europe.

1412
01:20:33,455 --> 01:20:35,490
You want to talk about that?

1413
01:20:35,996 --> 01:20:37,523
Tell me about your lecture.

1414
01:20:37,525 --> 01:20:38,326
[sighs]

1415
01:20:38,328 --> 01:20:42,792
I admit that I've become
something of a monomaniac.

1416
01:20:42,794 --> 01:20:44,629
My own son is no longer
speaking to me

1417
01:20:44,631 --> 01:20:46,972
because I didn't hide
how appalled I was

1418
01:20:46,974 --> 01:20:49,799
that his wife
is expecting another child.

1419
01:20:49,801 --> 01:20:51,141
He doesn't want me
anywhere near her

1420
01:20:51,143 --> 01:20:52,571
for fear
she'll have a miscarriage.

1421
01:20:52,573 --> 01:20:55,178
What? How could you tell him
that he can't have
another child?

1422
01:20:55,180 --> 01:20:57,609
-It's their third!
-[stammering] What...

1423
01:20:57,611 --> 01:20:59,809
So, what's the next
logical alternative?

1424
01:20:59,811 --> 01:21:01,250
For people
to start killing themselves?

1425
01:21:01,252 --> 01:21:03,285
People should be aware,
once and for all,

1426
01:21:03,287 --> 01:21:06,818
of the state of the fucking
planet they're living on.

1427
01:21:07,522 --> 01:21:10,787
Well, perhaps this isn't
the best subject for you.

1428
01:21:10,789 --> 01:21:14,901
You're living with
a dying woman in a world

1429
01:21:14,903 --> 01:21:17,873
also in its death throes.

1430
01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:21,402
Do you really think
the situation
is that desperate?

1431
01:21:21,404 --> 01:21:26,176
Yes. Read the science
and see what the world
is doing with it.

1432
01:21:26,178 --> 01:21:31,148
They're releasing more CO2
into the air than ever before.

1433
01:21:31,150 --> 01:21:32,149
Sooner or later,

1434
01:21:32,151 --> 01:21:37,253
and I fear it will be sooner,
all this will be shot to hell.

1435
01:21:37,255 --> 01:21:41,026
Nothing is going to hasten
the end of the planet

1436
01:21:41,028 --> 01:21:44,359
more than the survival
of neo-liberalism

1437
01:21:44,361 --> 01:21:45,624
and the rise of the far right.

1438
01:21:45,626 --> 01:21:50,730
And we have both of them here,
marching side by side.

1439
01:21:52,831 --> 01:21:57,209
Sorry, I didn't want
to bring you down, but...

1440
01:21:57,737 --> 01:21:59,176
I get riled up with this.

1441
01:21:59,178 --> 01:22:03,609
You cannot go around
telling people that
there's no hope.

1442
01:22:03,611 --> 01:22:04,544
It's tragic.

1443
01:22:04,546 --> 01:22:07,679
And maybe it's really
unpleasant of me to say so,

1444
01:22:07,681 --> 01:22:09,923
but I've completely lost faith

1445
01:22:09,925 --> 01:22:11,353
in people doing
the right thing.

1446
01:22:11,355 --> 01:22:14,059
I'm living every day
expecting to find
Martha's body in her bed,

1447
01:22:14,061 --> 01:22:18,965
but that doesn't stop me
from enjoying every minute
with her,

1448
01:22:18,967 --> 01:22:20,527
just the opposite.

1449
01:22:20,529 --> 01:22:23,695
I'm learning from her
and you should, too,

1450
01:22:23,697 --> 01:22:28,009
because there are lots of ways
to live inside a tragedy.

1451
01:22:29,241 --> 01:22:31,945
Of course it's painful,

1452
01:22:31,947 --> 01:22:34,609
but I can take it.

1453
01:22:35,016 --> 01:22:37,148
And I'm trying to live

1454
01:22:37,150 --> 01:22:39,612
with the same joy that she has,

1455
01:22:39,614 --> 01:22:42,516
and with the same
appreciation, so...

1456
01:22:42,518 --> 01:22:45,552
the last thing I need
is a speech like yours.

1457
01:22:45,554 --> 01:22:47,996
I've always admired you
for that.

1458
01:22:48,920 --> 01:22:49,787
What?

1459
01:22:49,789 --> 01:22:52,229
You're one of the only people
who knows how to suffer

1460
01:22:52,231 --> 01:22:56,004
without making others
feel guilty about it.

1461
01:23:23,592 --> 01:23:25,000
[sighs]

1462
01:23:37,309 --> 01:23:39,804
Do you think
it will be much longer?

1463
01:23:39,806 --> 01:23:43,942
No, it'll be soon. Any day now.

1464
01:23:44,580 --> 01:23:46,547
You have to be prepared.

1465
01:23:46,549 --> 01:23:47,647
I know the police.

1466
01:23:47,649 --> 01:23:49,088
They'll ask you
all sorts of questions,

1467
01:23:49,090 --> 01:23:52,553
they'll dig into
your relationship
like scavengers.

1468
01:23:52,555 --> 01:23:54,225
You need
a kind of mental script.

1469
01:23:54,227 --> 01:23:57,030
No, I thought about it,
I do have it.

1470
01:23:57,032 --> 01:24:00,462
Good. Stay strong
and stick to your story.

1471
01:24:00,464 --> 01:24:01,529
And when it happens,

1472
01:24:01,531 --> 01:24:04,334
you should call the police
before you call me.

1473
01:24:04,336 --> 01:24:05,665
No, I need to call
her daughter.

1474
01:24:05,667 --> 01:24:07,139
I should call her
before I call you.

1475
01:24:07,141 --> 01:24:09,603
Okay, but be careful
what you say to her.

1476
01:24:09,605 --> 01:24:11,869
I had to tell the lawyer
about the situation.

1477
01:24:11,871 --> 01:24:15,807
Why do we have to
go through all this,
like we're criminals?

1478
01:24:15,809 --> 01:24:17,479
Shouldn't dying people
have the right

1479
01:24:17,481 --> 01:24:18,876
to end their lives
with dignity?

1480
01:24:18,878 --> 01:24:21,714
They will, once
our teetering health system

1481
01:24:21,716 --> 01:24:23,883
completely collapses.

1482
01:24:24,224 --> 01:24:26,721
[birds chirping]

1483
01:25:00,656 --> 01:25:02,097
Martha?

1484
01:25:21,908 --> 01:25:23,710
[Martha] Dear Ingrid,

1485
01:25:23,712 --> 01:25:26,042
today is such a beautiful day

1486
01:25:26,044 --> 01:25:29,518
that it seemed to me
it was the moment to leave.

1487
01:25:29,520 --> 01:25:33,885
It consoled me that you weren't
in the room downstairs,

1488
01:25:33,887 --> 01:25:36,195
even though that was the idea.

1489
01:25:36,197 --> 01:25:39,792
But you know I always improvise

1490
01:25:39,794 --> 01:25:41,398
and I'm almost happy that,

1491
01:25:41,400 --> 01:25:44,896
while I fade away
on the lounger,

1492
01:25:44,898 --> 01:25:46,370
you're out in the world,

1493
01:25:46,372 --> 01:25:50,242
experiencing something
different to my death.

1494
01:25:50,244 --> 01:25:54,842
No one will be able
to accuse you of complicity.

1495
01:25:55,414 --> 01:25:56,578
You have accompanied me

1496
01:25:56,580 --> 01:26:01,418
as much as any human being
can accompany another.

1497
01:26:01,420 --> 01:26:05,589
Call my daughter
and tell her I'm sorry.

1498
01:26:06,161 --> 01:26:09,296
And thank you, love.

1499
01:26:34,552 --> 01:26:35,982
Martha.

1500
01:26:38,886 --> 01:26:41,229
I'll do whatever you want.

1501
01:26:45,893 --> 01:26:47,532
[sniffling]

1502
01:27:00,413 --> 01:27:02,976
[birds cawing]

1503
01:27:07,288 --> 01:27:10,883
We had dinner
and then we watched
a Buster Keaton movie.

1504
01:27:10,885 --> 01:27:11,917
I told you this already.

1505
01:27:11,919 --> 01:27:14,227
And you didn't notice
anything strange,

1506
01:27:14,229 --> 01:27:17,364
anything that made
you suspect...

1507
01:27:19,399 --> 01:27:20,299
Try to remember.

1508
01:27:20,301 --> 01:27:22,961
I remember it perfectly,
it was a fun night.

1509
01:27:22,963 --> 01:27:25,733
There were no gestures?
Nothing she said?

1510
01:27:25,735 --> 01:27:28,703
We said goodnight
and then I went upstairs

1511
01:27:28,705 --> 01:27:31,035
and I stayed up late
reading a book

1512
01:27:31,037 --> 01:27:33,774
that Martha had recommended
called Erotic Vagrancy.

1513
01:27:33,776 --> 01:27:37,140
It's about Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton.

1514
01:27:37,142 --> 01:27:38,284
-Do you know it?
-No.

1515
01:27:38,286 --> 01:27:40,880
Martha and I both thought
that it was really fun.

1516
01:27:40,882 --> 01:27:44,325
Try to answer
only the questions I ask you.

1517
01:27:47,328 --> 01:27:49,759
What'd you do
the following morning?

1518
01:27:51,431 --> 01:27:53,222
I had lunch with a friend.

1519
01:27:53,224 --> 01:27:55,796
And when I came back,
I called out for her

1520
01:27:55,798 --> 01:27:57,699
and when she didn't answer,

1521
01:27:57,701 --> 01:27:59,569
I went to her bedroom.

1522
01:27:59,571 --> 01:28:00,966
But she wasn't there.

1523
01:28:00,968 --> 01:28:04,904
So I went into the backyard
and that's when I saw her.

1524
01:28:04,906 --> 01:28:08,072
And, at first, I thought
that she was asleep
on the lounge chair

1525
01:28:08,074 --> 01:28:11,482
and I got really nervous
and I called the ambulance.

1526
01:28:11,484 --> 01:28:13,077
And they got there very quickly

1527
01:28:13,079 --> 01:28:14,320
and then the EMTs saw her

1528
01:28:14,322 --> 01:28:17,554
and then they said
there was nothing
that they could do.

1529
01:28:17,556 --> 01:28:19,050
Nobody buys this pill
by accident

1530
01:28:19,052 --> 01:28:21,690
if they're
not thinking of suicide
or killing someone,

1531
01:28:21,692 --> 01:28:24,022
so, you didn't know
anything about this?

1532
01:28:24,024 --> 01:28:24,990
About what?

1533
01:28:24,992 --> 01:28:26,959
About her being in possession
of this illegal compound.

1534
01:28:26,961 --> 01:28:30,666
No. She was taking medication
for the pain,

1535
01:28:30,668 --> 01:28:32,701
you know, patches and pills,
but she...

1536
01:28:32,703 --> 01:28:35,838
she never shared
the specifics with me.

1537
01:28:36,267 --> 01:28:37,805
It is strange that,

1538
01:28:37,807 --> 01:28:39,202
if you two
were such good friends,

1539
01:28:39,204 --> 01:28:42,073
that she didn't say
anything to you.

1540
01:28:42,075 --> 01:28:48,015
You can't just
walk into a drugstore
and buy this pill.

1541
01:28:48,323 --> 01:28:50,622
It's very difficult to come by.

1542
01:28:51,084 --> 01:28:54,019
I think when she rented
the house,

1543
01:28:54,021 --> 01:28:57,396
she already knew what she was
gonna do, right?

1544
01:28:57,398 --> 01:28:58,958
It's possible,

1545
01:28:58,960 --> 01:29:01,334
but she didn't
tell me anything.

1546
01:29:01,336 --> 01:29:03,127
She was exhausted
from the last treatment

1547
01:29:03,129 --> 01:29:05,294
and she wanted to take a break
before going back

1548
01:29:05,296 --> 01:29:07,065
for the next round of chemo.

1549
01:29:07,067 --> 01:29:09,441
She wasn't the type
to throw in the towel.

1550
01:29:09,443 --> 01:29:11,069
She didn't complain?

1551
01:29:11,071 --> 01:29:14,646
She didn't say anything
that made you sense...

1552
01:29:15,779 --> 01:29:16,844
the end?

1553
01:29:16,846 --> 01:29:19,178
It was a great responsibility
for you.

1554
01:29:19,849 --> 01:29:22,181
She complained sometimes.

1555
01:29:23,457 --> 01:29:28,317
What did she complain about?
What did she say?

1556
01:29:28,319 --> 01:29:31,529
She'd lost the capacity
for attention.

1557
01:29:31,531 --> 01:29:36,668
She couldn't read or write,
for example.

1558
01:29:37,537 --> 01:29:39,163
Her life was reduced
to surviving.

1559
01:29:39,165 --> 01:29:42,265
You know, I find it
very hard to believe

1560
01:29:42,267 --> 01:29:44,971
that she didn't say anything
that made you suspect the end.

1561
01:29:44,973 --> 01:29:47,611
It was more than evident
that she was very sick,

1562
01:29:47,613 --> 01:29:49,140
but she wanted to
take a vacation

1563
01:29:49,142 --> 01:29:50,647
before going back
to the hospital.

1564
01:29:50,649 --> 01:29:52,583
I told you this already.

1565
01:29:52,585 --> 01:29:59,218
So, we also spoke to some
of Martha's close friends.

1566
01:29:59,658 --> 01:30:04,157
In general, they all coincide
with your testimony.

1567
01:30:05,356 --> 01:30:07,664
But one of them, Stella Byrne,

1568
01:30:07,666 --> 01:30:10,436
told us that, after Martha
finished her chemotherapy,

1569
01:30:10,438 --> 01:30:13,769
that she proposed
that she accompany her

1570
01:30:13,771 --> 01:30:15,936
to a house in the country

1571
01:30:15,938 --> 01:30:19,909
where she intended
to commit suicide.

1572
01:30:23,143 --> 01:30:26,080
Asked her to, and I quote...

1573
01:30:26,751 --> 01:30:28,753
"Be in the room next door."

1574
01:30:31,624 --> 01:30:33,283
And her friend refused.

1575
01:30:33,285 --> 01:30:36,957
I wasn't in the room next door,
I was in the room downstairs.

1576
01:30:36,959 --> 01:30:38,321
When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne

1577
01:30:38,323 --> 01:30:39,597
and informed her
of the suicide,

1578
01:30:39,599 --> 01:30:41,126
she told me
she wasn't surprised.

1579
01:30:41,128 --> 01:30:44,668
There's another word
for what Martha did,
it's called euthanasia.

1580
01:30:44,670 --> 01:30:45,966
Well, call it what you want,

1581
01:30:45,968 --> 01:30:49,706
but, for me, what your friend
did is a crime

1582
01:30:49,708 --> 01:30:53,336
and, as a policeman,
as a human being,

1583
01:30:53,338 --> 01:30:55,173
as a man of faith,

1584
01:30:55,175 --> 01:30:59,144
I'm radically opposed
to anyone committing a crime.

1585
01:30:59,146 --> 01:31:02,490
And, of course, anyone aiding
and abetting in one.

1586
01:31:08,892 --> 01:31:11,422
[cell phone clicking]

1587
01:31:12,357 --> 01:31:14,060
[line ringing]

1588
01:31:14,062 --> 01:31:17,769
Damian, can you come down
to the police station, please?

1589
01:31:18,000 --> 01:31:18,867
This is endless.

1590
01:31:18,869 --> 01:31:22,266
How do you explain
that your friend Martha

1591
01:31:22,268 --> 01:31:23,608
was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne

1592
01:31:23,610 --> 01:31:26,435
and yet she didn't tell you
anything about her intentions?

1593
01:31:26,437 --> 01:31:27,711
I'm not gonna say another word.

1594
01:31:27,713 --> 01:31:30,076
If I'm under arrest,
then tell me the charges.

1595
01:31:30,078 --> 01:31:32,683
Otherwise, I'll wait
in the hall for my lawyer.

1596
01:31:32,685 --> 01:31:33,717
Very foresighted of you.

1597
01:31:33,719 --> 01:31:35,312
What made you think
you'd need a lawyer?

1598
01:31:35,314 --> 01:31:39,250
Why don't you ask your friend,
he witnessed the interrogation.

1599
01:31:39,252 --> 01:31:42,858
[sighs] I think you're lying.

1600
01:31:42,860 --> 01:31:45,157
And that you're
the kind of person
who wouldn't say no

1601
01:31:45,159 --> 01:31:48,965
if a friend asked you
for help committing suicide.

1602
01:31:50,967 --> 01:31:52,296
Let her go.

1603
01:31:52,298 --> 01:31:53,541
[buzzes]

1604
01:32:01,274 --> 01:32:02,680
Hey.

1605
01:32:02,682 --> 01:32:03,945
-Hi.
-Hi.

1606
01:32:03,947 --> 01:32:06,585
-How are you?
-I'm okay.

1607
01:32:06,587 --> 01:32:08,213
This is my lawyer, Sarah.

1608
01:32:08,215 --> 01:32:10,116
-Hi. Pleasure.
-Thank you for coming.

1609
01:32:10,118 --> 01:32:11,524
Of course.
Damian's filled me in.

1610
01:32:11,526 --> 01:32:13,790
Is there anything I should know
about the interrogation?

1611
01:32:13,792 --> 01:32:15,726
Well, he treated me
like I was the killer.

1612
01:32:15,728 --> 01:32:17,827
-But you were with me.
-He doesn't care.

1613
01:32:17,829 --> 01:32:19,631
He insists that I'm implicated.

1614
01:32:19,633 --> 01:32:20,533
Okay, but...

1615
01:32:20,535 --> 01:32:22,667
He spoke to a friend
of Martha, Stella Byrne,

1616
01:32:22,669 --> 01:32:25,032
who said that Martha
had approached her first

1617
01:32:25,034 --> 01:32:26,198
and she refused to help her.

1618
01:32:26,200 --> 01:32:28,464
Okay, well, I'm sure
everything was recorded.

1619
01:32:28,466 --> 01:32:29,707
-Mm-hmm.
-[door opens]

1620
01:32:29,709 --> 01:32:33,205
Um, and this police officer
witnessed everything.

1621
01:32:33,207 --> 01:32:34,239
You can come in now.

1622
01:32:34,241 --> 01:32:36,782
I'll go in alone.
I'm her attorney.

1623
01:32:37,750 --> 01:32:40,412
Don't worry,
this is all very clear.

1624
01:32:42,051 --> 01:32:43,083
Thank you for coming.

1625
01:32:43,085 --> 01:32:45,151
-My pleasure.
-[door buzzes]

1626
01:32:45,153 --> 01:32:46,988
Jesus! What an asshole!

1627
01:32:46,990 --> 01:32:49,188
I've never been treated
like that before.

1628
01:32:49,190 --> 01:32:52,323
You were unlucky enough
to come up against
a religious fanatic,

1629
01:32:52,325 --> 01:32:53,929
but he's not gonna
bother you again.

1630
01:32:53,931 --> 01:32:55,062
I'm gonna file a complaint.

1631
01:32:55,064 --> 01:32:56,899
Thank you so much
for everything.

1632
01:32:56,901 --> 01:32:59,297
You still need to be available
for the next 48 hours

1633
01:32:59,299 --> 01:33:02,069
until forensic formalities
are done.

1634
01:33:02,071 --> 01:33:04,643
Um, I told them to call me
if necessary.

1635
01:33:04,645 --> 01:33:05,710
I'll be at the house.

1636
01:33:05,712 --> 01:33:07,140
Do you have
all the information you need?

1637
01:33:07,142 --> 01:33:08,614
Yes, Damian gave it to me.

1638
01:33:08,616 --> 01:33:11,111
Just give me a call
if anything comes up, okay?

1639
01:33:11,113 --> 01:33:12,882
I'm gonna head back
to the office.

1640
01:33:12,884 --> 01:33:14,180
I'm really sorry for your loss.

1641
01:33:14,182 --> 01:33:16,017
-Thank you.
-Thanks, Sarah.

1642
01:33:16,019 --> 01:33:17,315
Bye.

1643
01:33:17,317 --> 01:33:19,350
I can't believe
Stella told him that.

1644
01:33:19,352 --> 01:33:20,659
Well, he probably cornered her,

1645
01:33:20,661 --> 01:33:23,321
and they have Martha's computer
and her cell phone.

1646
01:33:23,323 --> 01:33:24,190
[Ingrid] Mm.

1647
01:33:24,192 --> 01:33:25,356
Do you know if they talked?

1648
01:33:25,358 --> 01:33:28,900
No, I don't know,
she didn't tell me anything.

1649
01:33:29,362 --> 01:33:30,493
What do you wanna do?

1650
01:33:30,495 --> 01:33:33,463
I need to go back to the house
and pack up Martha's things.

1651
01:33:33,465 --> 01:33:34,805
[cell phone ringing]

1652
01:33:34,807 --> 01:33:36,105
Sorry.

1653
01:33:37,172 --> 01:33:38,677
Hello?

1654
01:33:38,679 --> 01:33:40,472
Uh, speaking.

1655
01:33:41,814 --> 01:33:43,341
[whispers] It's Michelle.

1656
01:33:43,343 --> 01:33:45,147
Martha's daughter?

1657
01:33:45,444 --> 01:33:46,311
Yes, of course.

1658
01:33:46,313 --> 01:33:48,082
No, no, of course
you can come over.

1659
01:33:48,084 --> 01:33:52,693
I'm headed there right now.
I'll text you the address.

1660
01:33:53,254 --> 01:33:56,158
Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye.

1661
01:33:57,665 --> 01:34:00,160
Wow. Wow.

1662
01:34:00,162 --> 01:34:01,458
I'm headed back to the city,

1663
01:34:01,460 --> 01:34:05,838
so tell me when you're back
and I'll help you
with your move.

1664
01:34:06,267 --> 01:34:08,940
Thank you for everything.

1665
01:34:10,535 --> 01:34:14,011
And you can tell me
how it went with Michelle.

1666
01:34:14,242 --> 01:34:15,507
I will.

1667
01:34:16,277 --> 01:34:19,753
-Thanks. I'll call you, okay?
-Okay. Take care.

1668
01:34:21,282 --> 01:34:23,823
[birds chirping]

1669
01:34:52,786 --> 01:34:54,689
Hello, I'm Michelle.

1670
01:34:55,019 --> 01:34:56,548
I'm Ingrid.

1671
01:34:57,285 --> 01:34:58,517
Hi.

1672
01:35:01,289 --> 01:35:04,699
-Let's go inside, okay?
-Yeah.

1673
01:35:07,460 --> 01:35:09,000
Come on in.

1674
01:35:14,137 --> 01:35:16,467
Do you wanna see
your mother's room?

1675
01:35:16,469 --> 01:35:17,600
Yes, please.

1676
01:35:17,602 --> 01:35:20,638
It's right down there.
Right down the hall.

1677
01:35:48,072 --> 01:35:49,599
I made some coffee.

1678
01:35:49,601 --> 01:35:51,007
Would you like some?

1679
01:35:51,009 --> 01:35:52,569
Uh, I also have tea.

1680
01:35:52,571 --> 01:35:55,341
No, coffee's great. Thank you.

1681
01:35:55,343 --> 01:35:56,883
Here you go.

1682
01:36:00,678 --> 01:36:02,216
Did she tell you about me?

1683
01:36:02,218 --> 01:36:04,581
Of course she did.

1684
01:36:04,583 --> 01:36:09,586
And she told me
you were very upset
that you never met your father.

1685
01:36:09,588 --> 01:36:11,654
So she told you
about my father?

1686
01:36:11,656 --> 01:36:12,996
She did.

1687
01:36:12,998 --> 01:36:13,898
[coffee pouring]

1688
01:36:13,900 --> 01:36:15,801
Don't you think
she could have helped him

1689
01:36:15,803 --> 01:36:17,561
when he came back from the war?

1690
01:36:17,563 --> 01:36:20,036
She helped him
as best she could.

1691
01:36:20,038 --> 01:36:22,775
Your father came back
very badly damaged

1692
01:36:22,777 --> 01:36:25,976
and he wanted to
move to another city
and start a new life.

1693
01:36:25,978 --> 01:36:29,507
His plans never included you
or Martha.

1694
01:36:29,509 --> 01:36:34,646
And your mother
accepted the end
of the relationship and...

1695
01:36:35,086 --> 01:36:36,646
And she saw him
in such a bad way

1696
01:36:36,648 --> 01:36:38,923
that she gave him a kiss
to give him some peace

1697
01:36:38,925 --> 01:36:42,258
and that kiss turned
into something more.

1698
01:36:43,292 --> 01:36:46,196
And you are the fruit
of that moment.

1699
01:36:46,658 --> 01:36:49,461
My mother never told me
anything about that.

1700
01:36:49,463 --> 01:36:52,101
It's a difficult thing
to explain to a child.

1701
01:36:52,103 --> 01:36:54,534
She could have told me later.

1702
01:36:54,765 --> 01:36:55,973
By then you were so estranged

1703
01:36:55,975 --> 01:36:58,879
that she didn't feel
it was possible anymore.

1704
01:36:59,671 --> 01:37:01,946
She was a teenager,

1705
01:37:01,948 --> 01:37:02,980
she had a life to live,

1706
01:37:02,982 --> 01:37:05,543
and your father
moved to San Diego

1707
01:37:05,545 --> 01:37:08,020
and he made no effort
to know you.

1708
01:37:18,591 --> 01:37:20,362
So, Ingrid,

1709
01:37:20,934 --> 01:37:25,532
do you think
I was totally mistaken
about Martha?

1710
01:37:26,104 --> 01:37:27,972
You were unfair,

1711
01:37:27,974 --> 01:37:32,770
but no one can blame you
for wanting to know
who your father was.

1712
01:37:35,179 --> 01:37:36,211
It's a sad story,

1713
01:37:36,213 --> 01:37:39,150
it was very painful
for both of you.

1714
01:37:42,351 --> 01:37:43,922
Don't be so hard on yourself,

1715
01:37:43,924 --> 01:37:46,553
Martha wasn't
the perfect mother.

1716
01:37:47,653 --> 01:37:49,490
No, she wasn't.

1717
01:37:53,461 --> 01:37:54,691
Can I stay here tonight?

1718
01:37:54,693 --> 01:37:58,697
Yes, of course.
This is your mother's house!

1719
01:38:00,699 --> 01:38:01,764
[crickets chirping]

1720
01:38:01,766 --> 01:38:03,073
[Ingrid] Dear Martha,

1721
01:38:03,075 --> 01:38:06,879
I thought you'd like to know
I've come back to the house
in the woods

1722
01:38:06,881 --> 01:38:09,213
to gather up your things.

1723
01:38:10,610 --> 01:38:13,413
Your daughter came to see me.

1724
01:38:13,415 --> 01:38:15,648
I'm still shaking.

1725
01:38:15,989 --> 01:38:18,121
She looks so like you.

1726
01:38:18,123 --> 01:38:22,158
She asked me if she could stay
and sleep in your bed...

1727
01:38:22,160 --> 01:38:24,591
and, of course, I said yes.

1728
01:38:25,394 --> 01:38:29,035
I think your death
has brought her closer to you.

1729
01:38:32,071 --> 01:38:35,039
I never thought
I'd inherit her,

1730
01:38:35,041 --> 01:38:37,912
even if it's just for a day.

1731
01:38:38,242 --> 01:38:41,344
The house is filled with you.

1732
01:38:43,049 --> 01:38:46,842
When I came in,
after talking to the police,

1733
01:38:46,844 --> 01:38:50,551
the first thing I saw
was the door of your room,

1734
01:38:51,354 --> 01:38:53,552
and it was open.

1735
01:38:53,554 --> 01:38:57,391
And I said to myself,
"She's alive."

1736
01:38:57,393 --> 01:38:59,824
[birds chirping]

1737
01:39:30,756 --> 01:39:33,924
I came out here
to listen to the birds.

1738
01:39:35,596 --> 01:39:38,401
Your mother
would get up like this,

1739
01:39:39,138 --> 01:39:40,799
at dawn,

1740
01:39:41,371 --> 01:39:43,472
and lie right there.

1741
01:39:47,982 --> 01:39:51,348
Look, it's snowing.

1742
01:39:52,745 --> 01:39:54,384
[sighs]

1743
01:39:54,615 --> 01:39:56,947
[wind blowing]

1744
01:39:59,752 --> 01:40:01,721
The snow is falling.

1745
01:40:03,558 --> 01:40:05,294
It's falling on the lonely pool

1746
01:40:05,296 --> 01:40:07,166
we never used.

1747
01:40:08,761 --> 01:40:10,796
It's falling on the woods,

1748
01:40:11,071 --> 01:40:13,368
where we walked and you lay,

1749
01:40:13,370 --> 01:40:16,505
exhausted, on the ground.

1750
01:40:18,276 --> 01:40:21,444
Falling on your daughter
and on me.

1751
01:40:23,776 --> 01:40:26,944
Falling upon the living
and the dead.