1 00:00:06,850 --> 00:00:09,060 Lisa Cramlin here with Graham Paul, 2 00:00:09,150 --> 00:00:12,150 breaking down this afternoon's Richmond-Arsenal match. 3 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,410 -Welcome, Graham. -Pleasure to be here, Lisa. 4 00:00:14,490 --> 00:00:19,910 So today was another tough day for Roy Kent in a stretch of bad days. 5 00:00:19,990 --> 00:00:22,490 In his last nine games, Kent has had... 6 00:00:23,450 --> 00:00:25,790 ...while his turnovers have nearly doubled. 7 00:00:25,870 --> 00:00:29,710 And today, it was an ignominious own goal... 8 00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:30,790 There you are. 9 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,050 Everyone gone? 10 00:00:32,130 --> 00:00:34,260 Yes, sir. Well, except Rojas. 11 00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:36,880 Darn kid's out on the practice pitch still doing drills. 12 00:00:37,260 --> 00:00:38,510 What a fucking asshole. 13 00:00:38,590 --> 00:00:39,930 -Right? -Yeah. 14 00:00:43,180 --> 00:00:45,060 Somebody order a Roy on the rocks, huh? 15 00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:46,430 How we doing in here? 16 00:00:47,060 --> 00:00:48,650 That is cold, man. 17 00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:51,530 Just looking at you in there is making me all chilly inside. 18 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,610 Can you just tell me I fucked up and then go? 19 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,780 Not gonna do that, bud. 20 00:00:57,860 --> 00:01:00,070 I lost us the game. I'm a piece of shit. 21 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,040 Easy now. You had a bad day. Big whoop. 22 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,370 "Big whoop"? 23 00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:05,790 Yeah, big whoop. 24 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,790 You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. 25 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,840 I don't wanna hear it. All right? 26 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:17,050 So just, you know, knock it off. Go easy on yourself. Okay? 27 00:01:18,340 --> 00:01:21,720 Hey. I got your back. Ain't nothing gonna change that. 28 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,430 Look at you in there, looking like a brunette Oscar the Grouch. 29 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,150 -On or off? -Off. 30 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:33,320 You gotta stop holding on, Roy, please, for us, for you. 31 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,610 Let it go. 32 00:01:34,690 --> 00:01:36,110 -There you go. -Hola, Roy. 33 00:01:36,190 --> 00:01:38,030 We're taking a break. When we return, 34 00:01:38,110 --> 00:01:41,820 we'll take a look at Jamie Tartt's brilliant day for Manchester City. 35 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,650 That's it. Right there. Yep. Beautiful. 36 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,110 Oh, snap. Watch your back, Kate Moss. 37 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,870 There's a new bad girl on the British modeling scene. 38 00:02:23,950 --> 00:02:26,660 -Huh? Yeah? -Okay, I think we've got it. 39 00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:29,370 Brought these in case you need a little biscuit boost. Yeah? 40 00:02:33,290 --> 00:02:35,960 Man, oh, man. You get nervous doing this kind of stuff? 41 00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:38,470 It's a profile on women in football. It's not a big deal. 42 00:02:38,550 --> 00:02:41,800 There's, like, four of us: me, Karen, Delia and Posh Spice. 43 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,220 Come on, now. Being a role model's a huge deal. 44 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,680 Don't you realize that there's probably a little girl out there somewhere 45 00:02:47,770 --> 00:02:51,020 rocking a tiny eggplant-colored power suit, 46 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:54,060 and she's just dreaming about becoming a sports executive someday. 47 00:02:54,150 --> 00:02:55,940 She's gonna read this article and she's gonna think, 48 00:02:56,020 --> 00:03:00,190 "Holy smokes. My dreams are possible." 49 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,990 In this scenario of yours, little girls read The Football Financial Quarterly? 50 00:03:04,070 --> 00:03:05,780 Well, who knows? Little girls are mysterious. 51 00:03:06,410 --> 00:03:09,580 And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago. 52 00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:12,040 Tell you what, I wish Higgins was here to see this, 53 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,960 'cause he'd be real happy for you too. 54 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,420 I don't know about that, Ted. 55 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,460 When Higgins decided to quit, he made it quite clear 56 00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:20,390 what he thought about me, and it wasn't supportive. 57 00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:23,960 Nope. I'm filing that under stinkin' thinkin' right there. Okay? 58 00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:25,680 I guarantee you, he'll come around. 59 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,600 -Right. I'm changing the subject. -Go ahead. 60 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,060 How's the team morale going into the final weekend? 61 00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,930 I mean, I'm still heartbroken about the last loss. 62 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:34,520 Are you? 63 00:03:35,350 --> 00:03:36,350 Of course. 64 00:03:37,230 --> 00:03:38,820 -Hey, Keeley. -Hi, Ted. 65 00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:41,740 Hey, did those marketing folks from Tom Ford ever get back to you? 66 00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:43,070 Yeah, they did. 67 00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:45,490 They said they're gonna stick with the models they already have. 68 00:03:45,570 --> 00:03:46,490 Nuts. 69 00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:47,950 I know. But they did say 70 00:03:48,030 --> 00:03:50,700 that if they ever do an everyman campaign or something satirical, 71 00:03:50,790 --> 00:03:51,790 your name's on their list. 72 00:03:51,870 --> 00:03:54,250 All right. There you go. That's not bad. 73 00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:55,870 Can I borrow you for a second, Rebecca? 74 00:04:00,050 --> 00:04:01,050 Come on. 75 00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:07,970 My God, it smells of feet in here. 76 00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:10,300 I mean, it just hits you immediately, doesn't it? 77 00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:13,890 It's hot. Like feet funk, right up your nose. Can you smell it? 78 00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:16,190 You're being a right floppy cock, Rebecca. 79 00:04:16,270 --> 00:04:17,650 Why haven't you told Ted yet? 80 00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:19,150 I'm going to. 81 00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:20,150 When? 82 00:04:21,650 --> 00:04:24,150 Imagine doing something unforgivable to someone who doesn't deserve it 83 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,530 and then having to look them in the eye and tell them what you've done. 84 00:04:26,610 --> 00:04:28,320 I don't have to imagine. I've done it. 85 00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:31,200 Year Eight, I took a shit in Joanna Wellington's locker. 86 00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:32,670 I apologized, 87 00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,840 I was uninvited to her birthday party, and then we patched it up a week later. 88 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,590 Just fucking tell him. 89 00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:39,760 Sorry, why did you do a shit in her locker? 90 00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:41,460 I don't know. I was 13. 91 00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:47,060 What? Teenage girls are, like, mysterious and dark and dangerous. 92 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:48,550 -All right. -That is not the point! 93 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,480 -Okay. -Oh, God. 94 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,060 Sorry. Wow. 95 00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:56,980 I know women like shoes, but, girls, come on, this is silly. 96 00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:58,770 Sorry, that was really sexist. 97 00:04:58,860 --> 00:05:01,200 I just wasn't expecting there to be anyone in here. 98 00:05:01,270 --> 00:05:02,770 But you are in here, and that's great. 99 00:05:02,860 --> 00:05:05,530 Take as long as you need. Yeah. I'll go. Sorry. 100 00:05:07,110 --> 00:05:09,200 I mean, what would be the point of telling Ted now? 101 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:10,410 It doesn't change anything. 102 00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:12,370 It would change how I feel about you. 103 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:21,840 You know, David, we got one final game this season against Man City, 104 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,880 and our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson, on a high. 105 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,170 Yeah? 106 00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,140 How about Trent Crimm? 107 00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:31,020 And if memory serves, you're from the Daily Planet, yeah? 108 00:05:31,470 --> 00:05:32,810 Trent Crimm, The Independent. 109 00:05:32,890 --> 00:05:35,350 Yes. That's the one. Okay. What's your question, Trent? 110 00:05:35,430 --> 00:05:38,100 Many of your young players have improved during your tenure. 111 00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:40,320 Then there's Roy Kent. 112 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,400 He played dismally last match. Thoughts? 113 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:47,360 Well, I think you could ask Roy himself. He'd tell you it wasn't his best day. 114 00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:49,200 But I'll let you know right now 115 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,620 that Roy Kent is the backbone of this team. 116 00:05:52,030 --> 00:05:53,530 All right, let's mix it up in here a little. 117 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,460 If you're an introvert, I want y'all to raise your hand. 118 00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:58,380 You guys get the next few questions. 119 00:05:58,460 --> 00:05:59,880 That was a trick! 120 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,670 If y'all were really introverts, you would've been quiet as a church mouse. 121 00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:06,250 Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won't shut up. 122 00:06:09,260 --> 00:06:11,680 Hi, guys. What's up? 123 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,050 Please have a seat. 124 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:14,600 Okay. 125 00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:20,680 I feel like y'all are about to do some improv comedy 126 00:06:20,770 --> 00:06:22,270 or tell me that you're dating each other. 127 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,950 Either one's cool with me. 'Cause your suggestion is ally. 128 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,150 We have to take Roy out of the starting lineup. 129 00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:30,450 I see. Okay. 130 00:06:30,530 --> 00:06:31,780 It wasn't just one bad game, Coach. 131 00:06:31,860 --> 00:06:32,990 He's showing his age, 132 00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:35,490 and he's made significant mistakes in each of the last five matches. 133 00:06:35,580 --> 00:06:37,330 We just haven't been bitten in the ass by them yet. 134 00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:39,870 But yesterday our butts had teeth marks. 135 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,920 Deep ones. The kind you usually have to pay for. 136 00:06:54,430 --> 00:06:57,560 Guys... I'm not benching Roy. 137 00:06:58,310 --> 00:06:59,520 He's our captain. 138 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,730 But I want you to know that I value each of your opinions. 139 00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:06,270 Even when they're wrong. 140 00:07:08,070 --> 00:07:09,780 I was really hoping it was going to be improv. 141 00:07:11,570 --> 00:07:12,900 I'm Audi 5000. 142 00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:22,450 -You paid someone to bite you? -No, of course not. 143 00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:23,670 Sorry. I... 144 00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:24,750 Been paid. 145 00:07:30,340 --> 00:07:31,380 Where? 146 00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:35,180 Hey. What's up? 147 00:07:35,970 --> 00:07:38,060 I have something I need to tell you. 148 00:07:38,430 --> 00:07:39,560 I'm all ears. 149 00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:44,900 Right, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. 150 00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:48,190 I'm just gonna... get straight to the point. 151 00:07:48,270 --> 00:07:49,860 No faffing around, 'cause that's just annoying, 152 00:07:49,940 --> 00:07:51,650 and definitely no procrastinating. 153 00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:53,830 Procrast-- Procrast-- That's a good word, isn't it? 154 00:07:53,910 --> 00:07:56,250 Procrastinating. Procrastinating. 155 00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:58,490 I wonder what the etymology of that word is. 156 00:07:58,580 --> 00:08:02,460 Obviously, "pro," very good, but "crast"? Crast... 157 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,160 I have no idea. Hey! Why don't we look it up? 158 00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:07,670 -Have you got a dictionary? -Not on me. Are you doing okay? 159 00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,420 -Me? -Yeah. 160 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,420 I'm brilliant! 161 00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:13,850 Yeah, I am top of the pops. 162 00:08:16,050 --> 00:08:17,760 Ted, do you think you could do this later? 163 00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:20,390 Yeah, sure. No problem. I'll just hit the rewind button. 164 00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:34,820 Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 165 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,610 Just do it. Just do it. I'm a big girl. 166 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,740 I can fucking just-- Just tidy up your mess. 167 00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:41,530 Tidy up your mess. Right. Oh, God. 168 00:08:42,910 --> 00:08:44,540 Surprise. 169 00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:47,460 -Rupert. -You seem anxious. 170 00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:48,750 Where's Higgins? 171 00:08:48,830 --> 00:08:50,170 I fired him. 172 00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:52,090 Why? Higgins is first class. 173 00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:54,750 Except the only negative about the man 174 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,180 was that whenever he borrowed a pen from me, 175 00:08:57,260 --> 00:09:00,600 he would nibble the top like some anxious little puppy. 176 00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:02,810 Good boy. 177 00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,060 Yeah, well, he's gone. 178 00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:07,140 Shame. Oh, well. Maybe he'll accept my offer now. 179 00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:10,440 Look, Rupert, are you here to try and buy back the club or-- 180 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:14,360 No, I wanted to tell you something before you heard it somewhere else. 181 00:09:15,030 --> 00:09:17,030 Bex and I are having a baby. 182 00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:20,530 Surprise, again. 183 00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:25,750 -But you always said that-- -I thought we could be mature about this. 184 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:28,710 You're mature enough, all right. 185 00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:32,290 You're nearly 70, and you're having a baby? 186 00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:35,260 I mean, what are you, a character from the fucking Bible? 187 00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:36,970 When your kid hits puberty, 188 00:09:37,050 --> 00:09:39,720 you'll be nothing but a pile of dust and a black Amex card. 189 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:40,890 Now, now, darling. 190 00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:42,100 Don't call me that. 191 00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:44,770 People change. I do want a child. 192 00:09:45,430 --> 00:09:48,890 I just suppose I didn't want one with... 193 00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:51,440 Before. 194 00:09:53,190 --> 00:09:57,150 I mean, in the end, it's just about being with the right person, isn't it? 195 00:10:00,570 --> 00:10:01,570 Of course. 196 00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:04,160 I'm so glad I got to tell you this in person. 197 00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:08,130 I would have hated for you to read it in the press. 198 00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:10,630 Good luck against Man City. 199 00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:58,590 I have something I need to tell you. 200 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,470 Déjà vu. 201 00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:04,100 I'm a fucking bitch. 202 00:11:04,970 --> 00:11:06,300 Nope, that's new. 203 00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:11,480 Ted, I lied to you. 204 00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:15,900 I hired you because I wanted this team to lose. 205 00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:18,360 I wanted you to fail, 206 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,030 and I sabotaged you every chance I've had. 207 00:11:22,410 --> 00:11:26,580 It was me who hired that photographer to take the photo of you and Keeley. 208 00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:32,580 I set up the interview with Trent Crimm, hoping that he would humiliate you. 209 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:37,050 And I instigated the transfer of Jamie Tartt, 210 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,760 even though you'd asked me not to. 211 00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:44,720 This club is all that Rupert has ever cared about, and I wanted to destroy it. 212 00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:50,640 To cause him as much pain and suffering as he has caused me. 213 00:11:51,430 --> 00:11:55,600 And I didn't care who I used or who I hurt. 214 00:11:57,020 --> 00:12:01,230 All you good people just trying to make a difference. 215 00:12:03,110 --> 00:12:04,650 Ted, I'm so sorry. 216 00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:19,540 If you want to quit or call the press, I'll completely understand. 217 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:23,930 I forgive you. 218 00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:27,140 You-- What? Why? 219 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:28,970 Divorce is hard. 220 00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:32,560 It doesn't matter if you're the one leaving 221 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,940 or if... you're the one who got left. 222 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:38,690 It makes folks do crazy things. 223 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,820 Hell, I'm coaching soccer for heaven's sake. In London. 224 00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:45,320 I mean, that's nuts. 225 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:49,660 Yeah. 226 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,790 But this job you gave me has changed my life. 227 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,880 It gave me the distance I needed to see what was really going on. 228 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,330 Yeah, but you and me... 229 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:04,300 We're okay. 230 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:11,760 Ted. 231 00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,980 Come on, just shake this hand. My arm's starting to get-- 232 00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:23,360 You know, I think that if you care about someone 233 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:26,610 and you got a little love in your heart, 234 00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:29,080 there ain't nothing you can't get through together. 235 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,330 You know what I'm saying? 236 00:13:34,830 --> 00:13:37,000 You're not just talking about us now, are you? 237 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,710 Maybe. Maybe not. 238 00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:43,920 Okay. 239 00:13:44,010 --> 00:13:45,720 I'm gonna go change for practice-- training. 240 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,640 Whatever. Who cares? 241 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,640 Nice seeing you down here, boss. 242 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,020 You liven up the place. 243 00:13:56,390 --> 00:13:57,770 All right, let's get it going, huh? 244 00:13:58,310 --> 00:14:00,690 Let's go. Gather up. Come on, now. 245 00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:03,320 All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. 246 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,690 If it ain't warmed up properly, something real bad could happen. 247 00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:07,450 Food poisoning is no joke. 248 00:14:07,530 --> 00:14:09,320 One time, I was being sick, 249 00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:11,330 and at the same time, I was having diarrhea. 250 00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:13,950 Yep. That'll happen. Anybody else wanna share? 251 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,830 To be able to do both those things at the same time? 252 00:14:16,910 --> 00:14:18,490 The body is a miracle. 253 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,960 Yeah. Good perspective. I appreciate that. 254 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,580 So, fellas, we all know speed is important. 255 00:14:23,670 --> 00:14:26,220 But being able to stop and change directions quickly? 256 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,090 Well, that's like Kanye's 808s and Heartbreak. 257 00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:30,390 It don't get nearly enough credit. 258 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,140 Okay, so let's line up on these cones Nate put out. Let's go. 259 00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:35,510 All right, here's the deal. 260 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,230 Last one to start, stop, then start again is a rotten egg. Let's do it. 261 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,850 Hey, Coach, I thought of a joke this morning in the shower. 262 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,110 What does a British owl say? 263 00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:52,870 Coach, what does a British owl-- 264 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,320 I was saying earlier that-- 265 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,380 You're acting like I'm chasing you with a booger or something. 266 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,210 Okay. All right. I see what's going on here. 267 00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:04,420 This is about Roy, ain't it? 268 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:07,920 So you gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That's a combo. 269 00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:09,390 Does it come with a medium drink? 270 00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:12,470 Fine. 271 00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:15,310 Hey, Nate, what does a British owl say? 272 00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:18,400 You gonna do that move where you act like you don't hear me 273 00:15:18,470 --> 00:15:19,850 and then you just walk away, huh? 274 00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:20,930 Yeah. 275 00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:23,520 It's like that now, huh? 276 00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:27,650 Heck with both of you guys. I'm just gonna focus up here on practice. 277 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:30,070 There you go, Dani. Dig in, baby. Come on. 278 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,860 -Fuck. -It's all right, Roy. 279 00:15:33,910 --> 00:15:35,750 -Fuck! -Keep up, Roy! 280 00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:37,500 -You got this, Roy. -Fuck! 281 00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:40,540 That's it. Swear it out, Roy. Swear it out. 282 00:15:45,590 --> 00:15:46,590 Shoot. 283 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,380 Okay. 284 00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:54,010 Okay. 285 00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:27,250 Yeah. 286 00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:38,890 There you are. 287 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,520 Hey. 288 00:16:48,610 --> 00:16:50,990 There's a lot of other seats. 289 00:16:51,070 --> 00:16:52,860 Well, yeah, this is what my ticket says. 290 00:16:56,660 --> 00:16:57,790 How you doing, Roy? 291 00:16:57,870 --> 00:16:59,000 Fine. You? 292 00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:00,740 Good, good, yeah. 293 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,040 I saw this video online 294 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:07,250 of a kitten and a little baby chicken becoming friends 295 00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:09,000 and just hanging out together. 296 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,080 It was-- Well, here, let me show it to you. I got it right here. 297 00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:12,170 What's this about? 298 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:19,520 It's funny, 'cause whenever my mom has something tough to talk about with me, 299 00:17:19,590 --> 00:17:23,430 she'll... you know, she'll start it off saying something 300 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,520 about, I don't know, something weird, something overtly nice. 301 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,730 And, yeah, I just thought the idea 302 00:17:29,810 --> 00:17:33,770 of a cat and a bird being all simpatico was nice. 303 00:17:39,070 --> 00:17:42,870 Look, Roy, we've been talking about the starting lineup against Man City-- 304 00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:44,620 Don't you dare. You're not fucking benching me. 305 00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:47,450 -Well, no. I'm just talking here, Roy. I-- -Yeah, talking. That's all you do is talk. 306 00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:49,580 Talking all that bullshit about how you've got my back. 307 00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:51,840 -No. Hey, I do have your back. -Bullshit! 308 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,380 You pretended to be a man of your word. You're fucking full of shit. 309 00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:57,090 You can go fuck yourself. Fuck you! 310 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,690 There are a lot of surprises happening here. 311 00:18:16,650 --> 00:18:18,360 Like that tiny little beard. 312 00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:23,410 It's called a Van Dyke after the 17th century Flemish painter. 313 00:18:23,490 --> 00:18:26,290 -Right. -And I think it makes me look how I feel. 314 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,290 Chill. 315 00:18:28,370 --> 00:18:30,540 How does Mrs. Higgins feel about it? 316 00:18:30,630 --> 00:18:32,590 She hates it with a white-hot intensity. 317 00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:36,920 Right. Look... 318 00:18:38,220 --> 00:18:40,720 I came clean to Ted. I told him everything. 319 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:43,800 How did that go? 320 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:47,100 You know what the little shit did? He forgave me. 321 00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:49,430 -Fucking asshole. -I know. 322 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,730 But that's not actually why I'm here. 323 00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:55,520 I wanted to apologize to you for... 324 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,490 treating you so poorly 325 00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:02,530 and forcing you to be an accomplice in my moronically childish scheme. 326 00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:05,160 I am truly sorry, Higgins. 327 00:19:08,540 --> 00:19:09,670 Wow. 328 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,090 Thank you, Rebecca. 329 00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,000 I lost my way for a minute. 330 00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:18,340 Yeah. 331 00:19:19,050 --> 00:19:20,050 But I'm on the road back. 332 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,800 I can tell. You know what, it suits you. 333 00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:24,350 Unlike that beard. 334 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:26,850 Sorry. Had to. 335 00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:34,110 I don't think I've ever had a child in my house before. 336 00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:35,320 What about Jamie? 337 00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:39,110 We can't let her go snooping around though. 338 00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:41,230 I don't want her to find my vibrator. 339 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,410 Yeah, that's gonna be a problem. Her mum said no electronics. 340 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,490 So, how are you doing? 341 00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:52,370 Fine. 342 00:19:55,540 --> 00:19:58,000 I do kind of think kids are pretty incredible. 343 00:19:58,090 --> 00:20:00,220 I mean, she's got new teeth that push out her old teeth. 344 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,010 The body is a miracle. 345 00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:03,720 You know, the last time I was on the bench... 346 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,300 You are ready to talk about real stuff. 347 00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:06,600 That's great. 348 00:20:07,430 --> 00:20:09,680 Wait one second. 349 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:12,810 Come sit here. 350 00:20:17,860 --> 00:20:18,940 Take this. 351 00:20:19,730 --> 00:20:22,400 Okay, we're both ready. Lay it on me. 352 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,490 Roy Kent has been the best player on every team he's been on 353 00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:28,920 since he was a kid. 354 00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:31,330 I like being Roy Kent. 355 00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:35,330 I don't know if I can handle just being some loser has-been called Roy. 356 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,510 "All right, Roy?" Yeah. "What you been up to?" Fuck all. 357 00:20:39,590 --> 00:20:44,470 God. I think men who feel sorry for themselves are so sexy. 358 00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:47,090 -Stop it. -No, seriously. I do. 359 00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:50,270 And if you start telling me how hard it is playing a game for a living, 360 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,310 I think I might come. 361 00:20:51,390 --> 00:20:53,060 It's not just a game to me. 362 00:20:54,060 --> 00:20:55,560 It's all I've ever known. 363 00:20:56,270 --> 00:20:57,860 It's who I am. 364 00:20:57,940 --> 00:20:59,440 It's all I am. 365 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,020 Phoebe? Phoebe? 366 00:21:02,110 --> 00:21:03,650 Can you come here for a second? 367 00:21:06,990 --> 00:21:09,240 You were right. Zeppelin is amazing. 368 00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:11,080 Wait till you hear Cream. 369 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:14,160 But first, I need you to close your eyes for me, yeah? 370 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,660 Okay. Can you describe your Uncle Roy? 371 00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:20,630 Everything that you can think of. Go. 372 00:21:21,210 --> 00:21:25,010 Well, he's my uncle. His beard is scratchy. 373 00:21:25,090 --> 00:21:27,380 He buys me ice cream. 374 00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:28,890 He swears a lot. 375 00:21:29,850 --> 00:21:31,730 He's really funny. 376 00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:34,600 And I love him. 377 00:21:36,770 --> 00:21:38,480 Well done, Phoebe. 378 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,320 See? I didn't hear anything about being a footballer. 379 00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:45,650 Who gives a shit what she has to say? She's six. 380 00:21:46,490 --> 00:21:50,240 The point is, you don't know what people think about Roy Kent. 381 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:54,410 Secondly, all that matters, Roy Kent, is what you think about Roy. 382 00:22:06,630 --> 00:22:08,840 That your old girl playing chess with some other bloke? 383 00:22:09,340 --> 00:22:11,300 -Yep. -That's fucking brutal. 384 00:22:11,390 --> 00:22:13,060 She's just playing her game. 385 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:14,640 You stay strong, you hear? 386 00:22:15,140 --> 00:22:16,520 You're a beautiful man. 387 00:22:20,020 --> 00:22:21,100 Hey, fellas. 388 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,860 Well, that's a lot of pints just for us. 389 00:22:27,950 --> 00:22:30,080 I thought you might've had a tough time with Roy. 390 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:34,210 Coach, you are a natural-born caregiver. Like Chief from Cuckoo's Nest. 391 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,920 I was always more of a Taber guy. 392 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,670 But if I'm being honest, I actually never got around to telling Roy. 393 00:22:45,590 --> 00:22:48,470 Now, don't give me those eyes. He figured it out all on his own. 394 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,930 I can see you're happy now, but don't be. 395 00:22:52,010 --> 00:22:53,680 'Cause I've been thinking about it and... 396 00:22:54,310 --> 00:22:56,480 well, I'm starting Roy against Man City and that's that. 397 00:22:57,060 --> 00:22:59,940 Look, putting him on the bench wouldn't just be humiliating to him, 398 00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:02,360 it could actually affect his livelihood. 399 00:23:03,110 --> 00:23:05,660 And you know better than anyone that all this ain't about winning to me. 400 00:23:05,730 --> 00:23:07,400 'Cause that ain't how we measure success, right? 401 00:23:07,490 --> 00:23:08,870 Damn it, it is! 402 00:23:13,370 --> 00:23:16,870 Hey. Who put a firecracker up your butt and lit it? 403 00:23:16,950 --> 00:23:19,790 You did! And I'm sick of it. 404 00:23:19,870 --> 00:23:22,040 Look, I understood this mission when we were in Kansas. 405 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,870 But those were kids and these are professionals 406 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,460 and winning does matter to them. 407 00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:28,260 And it matters to me. And that's okay. 408 00:23:29,420 --> 00:23:32,130 -Ain't that right, Mae? -A-fucking-men it is. 409 00:23:35,100 --> 00:23:36,980 How do you not get it? Losing has repercussions. 410 00:23:37,060 --> 00:23:38,520 We lose, we get relegated. 411 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,230 We get relegated, this is over and we will have built nothing. 412 00:23:41,810 --> 00:23:45,440 And if you wanna pick a player's feelings over a coach's duty to make a point... 413 00:23:47,020 --> 00:23:48,860 I don't wanna drink with someone that selfish. 414 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,740 That was the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. 415 00:23:56,830 --> 00:23:57,960 Get your things. 416 00:23:58,540 --> 00:24:00,040 She's been toying with you. 417 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,130 Checkmate, mate. 418 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,670 -I'm good. -You got a nut allergy? 419 00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:47,290 I got a finger allergy. 420 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,920 What else have I got to offer you here? We got red wine. 421 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:51,760 We got tea. 422 00:24:53,420 --> 00:24:54,550 Two-day-old pasta water. 423 00:24:54,970 --> 00:24:56,260 Tea's fine. 424 00:24:57,350 --> 00:24:59,270 Look, I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself. 425 00:25:00,310 --> 00:25:02,480 I'm usually better at hiding my anger. 426 00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:04,850 You think so, huh? 427 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:07,900 Know thyself. 428 00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:09,360 Rest in peace, Socrates. 429 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,080 Told my niece I might not be playing. 430 00:25:14,610 --> 00:25:16,950 She asked if we could go get ice cream. 431 00:25:17,030 --> 00:25:19,660 Well, hey, at least you had someone you could talk to, right? 432 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,280 How was the ice cream? 433 00:25:21,370 --> 00:25:23,080 Good. It's fucking ice cream. 434 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,870 Yeah, right? Ice cream's the best. 435 00:25:25,290 --> 00:25:27,540 It's kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live, you know? 436 00:25:27,630 --> 00:25:28,630 It never disappoints. 437 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,540 It does give me the toots though. 438 00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:33,470 The ice cream, not Billy Joel. 439 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,340 I asked her if she was still gonna watch the match if I wasn't playing. 440 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:38,800 Yeah? 441 00:25:38,890 --> 00:25:43,140 Little shit said yes. Didn't even blink. Just straight into my face. 442 00:25:43,220 --> 00:25:45,350 Well, hey. That's showbiz, ain't it? 443 00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:48,320 I promised myself I was never gonna watch Fresh Prince again 444 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:49,820 when they swapped out Aunt Vivs. 445 00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:52,780 But truth be told, as long as they let Carlton do his thing, 446 00:25:52,860 --> 00:25:54,860 I was always gonna take a minute and just sit right there. 447 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,370 Sidebar: Alfonso Ribeiro, 448 00:25:57,450 --> 00:26:01,120 the greatest physical comedian of the 19th, 20th and 21st century. 449 00:26:01,580 --> 00:26:02,790 Case in point right here. 450 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,620 Iconic, yeah? 451 00:26:05,710 --> 00:26:08,670 I never know how to react when a grown man does the Carlton in front of me. 452 00:26:08,750 --> 00:26:11,170 You could see a silhouette doing this, you know exactly what it is, 453 00:26:11,250 --> 00:26:15,380 you know exactly who's doing it. It is the one, the only, Alfonso-- 454 00:26:15,460 --> 00:26:18,010 -Knock it off! -Sorry, Ms. Shipley! 455 00:26:18,090 --> 00:26:20,090 It has been a whole thing this last week. 456 00:26:20,890 --> 00:26:22,980 Anyway. You know what we could do? 457 00:26:23,060 --> 00:26:24,400 You've been hurt off and on all season. 458 00:26:24,470 --> 00:26:26,890 Why don't we just say you're injured, you can't play? No shame in that. 459 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,940 That would help protect my stock if I wanna move next season. 460 00:26:30,730 --> 00:26:32,730 Maybe to a club that actually wants to start me. 461 00:26:32,820 --> 00:26:33,820 Come on. 462 00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:38,490 What if, God forbid, I end up having to play in fucking America, 463 00:26:38,910 --> 00:26:40,660 where I'd dominate, by the way. 464 00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:43,370 They'd be like, "Oh, is this football then?" 465 00:26:43,450 --> 00:26:45,950 Well, obviously, my preference would be to have you there. 466 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,080 At practice tomorrow and the game. 467 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,540 But hey, you gotta do what's right for you. 468 00:26:58,510 --> 00:26:59,510 Can I think about it? 469 00:27:00,470 --> 00:27:02,810 I'd call you a big dummy, poo-poo face if you didn't. 470 00:27:11,190 --> 00:27:14,280 Be honest with me. It's a prank, right? The tea. 471 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,360 Like, when us tourist folks aren't around, y'all know this tastes like garbage. 472 00:27:17,820 --> 00:27:20,030 No. I love it. 473 00:27:20,110 --> 00:27:21,820 You don't love it. It's pigeon sweat. 474 00:27:26,410 --> 00:27:28,160 Horrible. Horrible. 475 00:27:28,250 --> 00:27:29,250 Yeah. 476 00:27:29,660 --> 00:27:32,500 No, get rid of the small one and bring back the tall one. He's got bigger hands. 477 00:27:33,790 --> 00:27:35,630 It's biscuits o'clock. 478 00:27:36,460 --> 00:27:38,500 -Higgins! You're back! -Yeah! 479 00:27:38,590 --> 00:27:42,510 All right. Well, hey, I know I may be a little too old-school for some folks, 480 00:27:42,590 --> 00:27:44,880 but I'm gonna say it anyway. Hell to the yeah. 481 00:27:44,970 --> 00:27:46,970 -Good to see you. -Nice to see you too. 482 00:27:47,060 --> 00:27:49,650 -Here you go, boss. Those are yours. -Thank you, Ted. 483 00:27:49,730 --> 00:27:51,270 You've got to try one of these. 484 00:27:51,350 --> 00:27:54,850 No, he does not. Caring is sharing, but I brought Higgins his own. 485 00:27:54,940 --> 00:27:55,940 What? 486 00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:57,320 How did you know? 487 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,110 Well, I had a hunch you were gonna be here. 488 00:27:59,190 --> 00:28:00,860 -Yeah. -Wow. 489 00:28:00,950 --> 00:28:03,620 Actually, those were for Trent Crimm's daughter. She turns three today. 490 00:28:03,700 --> 00:28:07,200 -But it means more to me if you had 'em. -What? No. No, no. Come on. 491 00:28:07,290 --> 00:28:08,670 No. It's okay. She won't remember. 492 00:28:08,740 --> 00:28:10,410 Ted, you've already told her? 493 00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:12,130 Yeah, weeks ago. She's been looking forward to it. 494 00:28:12,210 --> 00:28:14,250 But she's three. She'll bounce right back. It'll be fine. 495 00:28:14,330 --> 00:28:16,000 -No way. -No, no. I insist. I insist. 496 00:28:16,090 --> 00:28:17,970 I'm screwing with you. I'm just messing around. 497 00:28:18,050 --> 00:28:20,800 I predicted this whole thing, and I made those myself for you. 498 00:28:21,260 --> 00:28:22,340 Thank you. 499 00:28:24,340 --> 00:28:26,800 Okay, y'all. I'll see you in a little bit, okay? Let's go, Greyhounds. 500 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,720 Yeah, these are definitely for a little girl. 501 00:28:30,810 --> 00:28:33,230 Maybe he thinks you're silly and playful and mysterious. 502 00:28:33,310 --> 00:28:34,390 Oh, sure. 503 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,790 Okay, fellas! Need y'all to listen up. 504 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:54,290 Coach. 505 00:28:55,580 --> 00:28:56,580 Coach. 506 00:29:00,670 --> 00:29:02,840 -Now-- -I know now's not the best time, Coach, 507 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,170 but I have been feeling physically sick since walking away from you the other day. 508 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,180 Plus last night, I had a horrible nightmare 509 00:29:08,260 --> 00:29:10,300 that I was pecking you to death like a crow. 510 00:29:10,390 --> 00:29:11,480 I'm so sorry. 511 00:29:12,060 --> 00:29:14,730 It's okay, Nate. We're all good in the hood, all right? 512 00:29:15,140 --> 00:29:16,730 -Yeah. -But hey, but do me a favor. 513 00:29:16,810 --> 00:29:19,270 Try to apologize to me in your dream so we're good on that side of things too. 514 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:20,950 -Yeah. Of course. -Thank you. 515 00:29:21,030 --> 00:29:23,950 Now, fellas, we got ourselves a heck of a match comin' up, yeah? 516 00:29:24,900 --> 00:29:26,530 And what I'm gonna need from all of y'all-- 517 00:29:36,790 --> 00:29:37,790 Sorry, mate. 518 00:29:38,330 --> 00:29:41,580 My six-year-old niece found my girlfriend's vibrator. 519 00:29:43,130 --> 00:29:44,670 So I had to take her to get her ears pierced 520 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,430 in an attempt to erase the memory. 521 00:29:48,590 --> 00:29:49,840 Been there. 522 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:51,760 Can I say something? 523 00:29:51,850 --> 00:29:53,480 Floor is yours, Captain. 524 00:29:57,350 --> 00:30:00,140 Second team's gonna kick first team's fucking asses today. 525 00:30:09,450 --> 00:30:12,500 All right, fellas! Finish getting ready, and then we'll do what the man says. 526 00:30:12,580 --> 00:30:14,250 We'll settle this out on the pitch. Let's go.