1 00:00:56,154 --> 00:00:57,025 That's it. 2 00:00:57,060 --> 00:00:58,873 Perfect. Don't touch it. 3 00:00:58,930 --> 00:01:01,287 A little help in the lifting department would have been nice. 4 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,514 - You don't pay me that kind of money. - I don't pay you anything at all. 5 00:01:04,758 --> 00:01:08,166 That's the only thing that keeps me from converting you into a set of hubcaps. 6 00:01:10,299 --> 00:01:13,417 - We better get out of here. - Yeah, beam us up, Six. 7 00:01:14,042 --> 00:01:14,895 Six? 8 00:01:14,919 --> 00:01:17,611 The transporter's broken, that's why we took the shuttle,... 9 00:01:17,648 --> 00:01:19,887 remember, captain blowhard? Let's go. 10 00:01:20,068 --> 00:01:21,519 Wait a minute, Gus. 11 00:01:22,679 --> 00:01:23,730 Now we can go. 12 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:29,590 Ah, another job well-done. 13 00:01:29,686 --> 00:01:34,182 Mysterious black monolith installed, and I'm ready to cash this payment check. 14 00:01:34,255 --> 00:01:38,048 There's something funny about all this. Who gave you the job, anyway? 15 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,282 Ya got me, ha. 16 00:01:39,317 --> 00:01:42,834 It was a dark night, I didn't get a good look at him. 17 00:01:42,929 --> 00:01:45,162 - So, do we have a deal? - Maybe. 18 00:01:45,222 --> 00:01:47,171 But before I plant your monolith on that planet,... 19 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,978 I'm going to need some proof that there's nothing horribly evil about all this. 20 00:01:51,038 --> 00:01:54,374 Very well. Here's a check for 4000 gold kronigs. 21 00:01:54,432 --> 00:01:56,789 That's not the kind of proof I mean. 22 00:01:56,897 --> 00:01:59,762 Ok, 5000 kronigs. 23 00:01:59,943 --> 00:02:01,901 Yeah, that's the kind of proof I mean. 24 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,875 ... And so I never knew who he was. 25 00:02:03,947 --> 00:02:07,357 Just some mysterious stranger who lived at 27 Dark Clown road... 26 00:02:07,392 --> 00:02:11,127 .. you know, the old Dark Clown building? - Chode! How could you?! 27 00:02:11,186 --> 00:02:14,667 Jeez. If you can't do business with the evil and the greedy,... 28 00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:17,288 then who can you do business with, miss P.C?! 29 00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:21,470 The Kubrickians are a tribe of simple, agrarian beings who worship the earth... 30 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,609 and have lived in harmony for thousands of years. 31 00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:26,292 Relax, the Dark Clowns probably just want to... 32 00:02:26,344 --> 00:02:29,100 trade 'em some tacky plastic circus doodads 33 00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:33,271 in exchange for huge tracts of their precious land. 34 00:02:33,479 --> 00:02:34,792 Where's the harm in that? 35 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,766 Bob, turn on the long-range viewer. 36 00:02:36,802 --> 00:02:37,672 Do I have to? 37 00:02:37,745 --> 00:02:40,791 Looking through all that cold dark space gives me the willies. 38 00:02:40,863 --> 00:02:42,241 Just do it. 39 00:02:53,158 --> 00:02:55,950 I am the god of the monolith! 40 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,234 Yes, mighty one! 41 00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:03,057 I have come here to raise you from your backward primitive state,... 42 00:03:03,127 --> 00:03:05,769 and make you into proud subjects... 43 00:03:05,809 --> 00:03:10,146 of a modern superior race of super beings. 44 00:03:10,181 --> 00:03:12,896 - Who would that be? - The dark clowns, you lox! 45 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:16,151 Worship me as your god! 46 00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:18,561 But we already worship god. 47 00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:20,553 God is in the trees 48 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,059 and the grass, 49 00:03:22,156 --> 00:03:23,467 and the babbling brook. 50 00:03:23,499 --> 00:03:25,102 But most importantly, 51 00:03:25,150 --> 00:03:26,365 in our hearts. 52 00:03:34,671 --> 00:03:36,808 You were saying? 53 00:03:36,928 --> 00:03:39,599 Oh mighty one! Have pity on us. 54 00:03:39,648 --> 00:03:42,271 Lucky for you I'm a loving god. 55 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:47,248 I love gold! Silver! And smearing hot cotton candy on my... 56 00:03:48,025 --> 00:03:50,648 nevermind! Now get slaving! 57 00:03:50,745 --> 00:03:55,527 But what about our children? What will they do while we dig for gold? 58 00:03:55,575 --> 00:03:59,753 They'll be well taken care of over at our Kathy Lee casual's sweatshop. 59 00:03:59,996 --> 00:04:02,425 Ur, I mean sweetshop! Ha, 60 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,692 you know how kids love candy! 61 00:04:04,785 --> 00:04:06,806 - But... - Move it or lose it! 62 00:04:11,194 --> 00:04:12,078 Well? 63 00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:15,887 - What they're doing is an outrage! - I thought you'd see it my way. 64 00:04:15,949 --> 00:04:19,260 I only got 5000 lousy kronigs to install that monolith! 65 00:04:19,322 --> 00:04:21,622 The dark clowns are gonna' rake in a fortune! 66 00:04:21,685 --> 00:04:25,198 - We have to alert the confederation. - What? What the hell for?! 67 00:04:25,369 --> 00:04:29,162 Someone has to stop Darph Bobo and protect the Kubrickians. 68 00:04:29,193 --> 00:04:32,194 Primitive cultures should be left alone, to develop in peace. 69 00:04:32,229 --> 00:04:33,717 That's the prime directive. 70 00:04:33,811 --> 00:04:36,546 Ah, no, saving Chode's ass is the prime directive. 71 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,966 What's the point of me posting these things if no one is going to read them? 72 00:04:40,045 --> 00:04:43,371 Besides, if the confederation finds out I'm the one who did it,... 73 00:04:43,526 --> 00:04:46,123 ... they'll throw the book at me! - Which book? 74 00:04:46,151 --> 00:04:48,516 Homeschooling doesn't work for everyone. 75 00:04:48,618 --> 00:04:52,348 - I say we go back to the planet. - You do? Chode I'm touched. 76 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,384 - And steal all their gold! - Well now I'm not quietest touched! 77 00:04:55,419 --> 00:04:58,389 But as long as we also save the innocent and helpless Kubrickians... 78 00:04:58,429 --> 00:05:01,940 from a thousand year reign of exploitation and oppression,... 79 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,482 - I'm all for it. - Yeah, whatever. 80 00:05:07,404 --> 00:05:10,731 Well, I think I make a pretty convincing slave overseer. 81 00:05:10,746 --> 00:05:13,140 I still don't know why you need me to come. 82 00:05:13,202 --> 00:05:15,938 Yeah, well you're the chump I whip. Now let me practice. 83 00:05:17,337 --> 00:05:21,363 Ow! Oh, that hurts so gooood! I may not waste this baby on you. 84 00:05:21,425 --> 00:05:24,168 I had this outfit in my trunk from my old sex slave days,... 85 00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:28,131 but somebody obviously tried it on and got motor oil on it. 86 00:05:28,189 --> 00:05:28,933 Really? 87 00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:32,714 Hey! I want to be a sex slave too. Can I come to the planet? 88 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,462 Nah. If you go, I'll have to leave Whip in charge of the ship. 89 00:05:35,548 --> 00:05:38,727 Oh, he'll be fine. He's very mature for his age. 90 00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:40,425 Word up, dude. 91 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:47,364 I wanna be a sex slave! I wanna be a se... 92 00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:50,872 Ok, ok. We could perhaps use you in some capacity. 93 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,073 I'll kill you for this Chode! 94 00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,778 Giddy-up, you hideous beast of burden. 95 00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:02,626 - Hey, yo. How goes the slaving? - We are miserable. 96 00:06:02,684 --> 00:06:06,006 We have no time to farm our land. Our crops will die. 97 00:06:06,063 --> 00:06:08,956 Our people will soon forget how to grow their own food. 98 00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:12,229 - Hey, look it's tough all over. - You do not look familiar. 99 00:06:12,286 --> 00:06:13,461 Who are you? 100 00:06:13,546 --> 00:06:16,124 Uh, we're from upstate Kubrickia. 101 00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,825 Yeah, we heard about this terrific new god you've got, 102 00:06:18,863 --> 00:06:21,692 and decided we just had to get in on the worshipping. 103 00:06:21,727 --> 00:06:24,447 I'm too simple and trusting to question your motives. 104 00:06:24,476 --> 00:06:27,712 I'm just going to assume you have our best interests at heart. 105 00:06:27,798 --> 00:06:28,772 Welcome. 106 00:06:29,357 --> 00:06:32,536 Hey, let me help you with that gold there. And by me, I mean him. 107 00:06:36,235 --> 00:06:40,445 What is this strange thing? We have never seen anything like it. 108 00:06:40,511 --> 00:06:44,954 It looks like a man, and yet it has the fey, girlish manners of a woman. 109 00:06:45,011 --> 00:06:48,677 You've never even seen a robot before and already you think I'm gay?! 110 00:06:48,743 --> 00:06:50,060 They're primitive, not stupid. 111 00:06:50,146 --> 00:06:52,609 This "robot", as you call it. What is it for? 112 00:06:52,744 --> 00:06:56,227 I am extremely advanced, and can perform complex calculations,... 113 00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:59,585 stellar navigation, and xenobiologic interface,... 114 00:06:59,672 --> 00:07:03,168 I might add I make a quiche lorraine that'll knock your socks off. 115 00:07:03,195 --> 00:07:06,140 They don't wear socks! Less gab, more gold. 116 00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:12,366 But where are you taking our offering? 117 00:07:12,423 --> 00:07:14,562 Ah, I just thought I'd store this stuff in a safe place... 118 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:17,019 until the big ugly clown god needs it. 119 00:07:17,056 --> 00:07:19,560 The mighty lord must have his gold now! 120 00:07:19,671 --> 00:07:23,359 How about a week from now? We could be back here on the... fifteenth? 121 00:07:24,602 --> 00:07:29,611 Uh look, up in the sky, those two clouds look like a pair of giant cotton hooters! 122 00:07:33,112 --> 00:07:34,213 Oh dear. 123 00:07:34,406 --> 00:07:36,360 If only we could get a message to Whip. 124 00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:38,595 We never should have left him on that ship alone. 125 00:07:38,678 --> 00:07:40,054 Don't worry, I've trained him well. 126 00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:43,629 Right now he's desperately trying to find us with the ship's sensors. 127 00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:56,690 Could one of you boys show me around your big, hard, throbbing monolith? 128 00:07:58,816 --> 00:08:00,027 Hm, too bad! 129 00:08:00,192 --> 00:08:04,243 Well if you ever get "whore leave", I'll be over there. 130 00:08:09,417 --> 00:08:11,234 All this gold is going in the wrong direction! 131 00:08:12,673 --> 00:08:16,058 Well, if you don't want it to get there faster, why are you whipping me? 132 00:08:16,092 --> 00:08:18,236 It's the only thing that's making me feel better right now. 133 00:08:18,762 --> 00:08:20,220 What do these people need. 134 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,351 Junk food. 135 00:08:21,379 --> 00:08:22,755 Cigarettes. Drugs. 136 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,489 Alcohol. 137 00:08:24,516 --> 00:08:26,416 Violent entertainment, 138 00:08:26,556 --> 00:08:28,180 pollution spewing factories... 139 00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,831 What am I forgetting? 140 00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:32,372 Oh yeah, gangster rap. 141 00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:34,491 Oh great one... 142 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:38,482 these scrolls were passed down from our ancestors. 143 00:08:38,515 --> 00:08:43,166 - I thought you might want to read them. - What the hell is this chicken scratch?! 144 00:08:43,336 --> 00:08:47,162 Epic poems that tell our history in Kubrickian,... 145 00:08:47,217 --> 00:08:51,736 ...our beautiful native tongue. - You can't live in the past! 146 00:08:52,424 --> 00:08:53,828 Oh, that reminds me 147 00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:58,265 Speaking or reading in your native tongue is now against the law. 148 00:09:01,738 --> 00:09:02,811 What's with the cave? 149 00:09:03,087 --> 00:09:06,499 Uh, I've heard it's some kind of disgusting men-only adult cave... 150 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,943 with really crude drawings of nude women on the walls done by local yokels... 151 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,927 with no formal artistic training. 152 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,077 Amateur primitive porn?! 153 00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:15,013 Yippee! 154 00:09:18,871 --> 00:09:20,357 Well, this is a surprise. 155 00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:23,775 - Apparently I do have standards. - I warned you. 156 00:09:23,858 --> 00:09:26,940 Ah, it appears that the Kubrickians have a thing for legs. 157 00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:27,961 A lot of legs. 158 00:09:28,019 --> 00:09:30,744 Would you believe, all their porn has four-legged women. 159 00:09:30,799 --> 00:09:32,340 They like four-legged women? 160 00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:37,496 hey, boys. 161 00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:40,776 How'd you like to take a free ride on a girl with 4 gams... 162 00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:43,448 and no gag reflex? 163 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,295 Ah, you stay here and keep an eye on the gold. I'm going to find Six. 164 00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:56,943 Why can't you stay here and I look for Six? 165 00:09:57,026 --> 00:09:57,796 I don't know. 166 00:09:57,851 --> 00:10:01,975 Maybe cuz I'm the friggin' captain and you're my robot bitch?!!! 167 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,590 . 168 00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:08,348 Thanks baby, you were the greatest I'll never forget you. 169 00:10:08,403 --> 00:10:09,208 Next!! 170 00:10:13,721 --> 00:10:15,455 So, what have you found out so far? 171 00:10:15,565 --> 00:10:18,427 The primitive but harmonious Kubrickian culture 172 00:10:18,488 --> 00:10:21,185 is being systematically replaced by violent, 173 00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,694 ecologically destructive, 174 00:10:22,729 --> 00:10:25,206 mercenary dark clown values. 175 00:10:25,236 --> 00:10:28,649 The sooner these Kubrickian suckers find out how the real world works,... 176 00:10:28,676 --> 00:10:29,584 the better. 177 00:10:29,591 --> 00:10:34,462 They had a beautiful peaceful simple world 'til these so called 'advanced' people took over. 178 00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:36,499 We've got to help them. 179 00:10:36,562 --> 00:10:37,442 Alright. 180 00:10:37,497 --> 00:10:39,396 As long as I get the gold when it's over. 181 00:10:39,452 --> 00:10:40,497 So what's our plan? 182 00:10:40,525 --> 00:10:41,819 I'll infiltrate the monolith 183 00:10:41,846 --> 00:10:44,791 and see if I can find a way to send Bobo and his clowns packin'. 184 00:10:44,881 --> 00:10:46,560 How are you gonna get past the guards? 185 00:10:46,636 --> 00:10:47,678 Easy. 186 00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:48,852 Next!! 187 00:10:52,461 --> 00:10:55,397 That's one bang this guy's never gonna forget. 188 00:10:57,373 --> 00:10:58,636 Don't crowd me boys. 189 00:10:58,888 --> 00:11:00,594 Beauty needs its space. 190 00:11:02,046 --> 00:11:03,846 What is going on here? 191 00:11:03,928 --> 00:11:05,980 What isn't going on here? 192 00:11:06,052 --> 00:11:10,356 - She is so beautiful. - No argument here. 193 00:11:10,482 --> 00:11:14,461 There is only one thing to do! We must give her to the great god of the monolith! 194 00:11:14,745 --> 00:11:16,419 She will be his wife! 195 00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,395 Stop that grumbling 196 00:11:18,521 --> 00:11:19,942 This isn't the grumbling cave. Now go! 197 00:11:20,826 --> 00:11:21,742 Wait a minute. 198 00:11:21,823 --> 00:11:23,844 We must do as the old man says, T'Nuk. 199 00:11:23,907 --> 00:11:26,212 We fear the great fuzzy-haired god... 200 00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:30,484 ...with the big feet with the big red shoes on them. - Darph bobo?! 201 00:11:30,610 --> 00:11:31,463 Oh please no! 202 00:11:33,913 --> 00:11:38,144 In this training exercise, you will learn to kill an enemy... 203 00:11:38,207 --> 00:11:42,055 in a way that is both painful and comically amusing. 204 00:11:42,087 --> 00:11:46,319 But great lord, our culture is based on peaceful co-existence. 205 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,232 Why would we want to kill someone at all? 206 00:11:49,327 --> 00:11:52,043 Because it's the only way to win a war, stupid! 207 00:11:52,092 --> 00:11:53,671 What's a war? 208 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,187 Oh, I forgot. 209 00:11:55,313 --> 00:11:58,155 You poor primitive savages have never seen a war,... 210 00:11:58,236 --> 00:11:59,657 but don't worry... 211 00:11:59,721 --> 00:12:03,447 once you're civilized, you'll get plenty of practice at it. 212 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:07,283 Now, let the senseless wargames begin! 213 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:16,222 Reload the ice cold seltzer acid! 214 00:12:16,281 --> 00:12:17,828 Alright, this looks easy enough. 215 00:12:17,891 --> 00:12:19,754 I think we should try another plan, Chode. 216 00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:21,649 Your tentacles are showing. 217 00:12:21,689 --> 00:12:23,994 Hey, I can see from here, you're not wearing a bra,... 218 00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:25,456 but I didn't say anything. 219 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,803 - Chode, they're coming. Get down. - Nonsense. Watch this. 220 00:12:28,853 --> 00:12:30,621 It's academy award time. 221 00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:33,874 Greetings my fellow stormtroopers! 222 00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:41,028 We pledge allegiance to the darkest clown 223 00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:44,678 of the cruel but funny dark clown empire 224 00:12:44,773 --> 00:12:47,678 and to the evil for which it stands... 225 00:12:47,773 --> 00:12:50,615 No liberty or justice for all! 226 00:12:50,727 --> 00:12:53,632 Now put your new noses on! 227 00:12:54,548 --> 00:12:56,853 There. You're all nice and civilized. 228 00:12:56,956 --> 00:12:59,641 And I might add, a helluva lot more attractive. 229 00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:03,701 Now take your new standard of beauty and get out! 230 00:13:07,301 --> 00:13:11,771 Your highness! Those are 2000 year old trees they're cutting down! 231 00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:14,600 Yes, but it's for a good cause. 232 00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:17,031 I need pasture land to raise cattle. 233 00:13:17,094 --> 00:13:20,031 - Cattle?! - For the millions of hamburgers! 234 00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,691 But we don't eat meat. 235 00:13:24,722 --> 00:13:25,827 You do now. 236 00:13:25,909 --> 00:13:28,367 Care for a pork rind? Then here. Have a donut. 237 00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,719 The unfamiliar sugar rush will do ya good. 238 00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:34,100 So, Chode. We meet again. 239 00:13:34,556 --> 00:13:37,054 Darph Bobo! You cheap crook! 240 00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:39,199 Compliments will get you nowhere. 241 00:13:40,071 --> 00:13:41,316 What are you doing here? 242 00:13:41,391 --> 00:13:44,535 Why didn't you escape with our g-o-l-d? 243 00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:47,624 Everyone knows you're spelling the word gold. 244 00:13:47,938 --> 00:13:50,522 So that's what you were spelling! 245 00:13:51,114 --> 00:13:54,282 Well, you left me captive and well, you know how I love weddings. 246 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,704 So when T'Nuk asked me to be her flower girl, uh flower person,... 247 00:13:57,766 --> 00:13:58,949 I couldn't refuse. 248 00:14:00,097 --> 00:14:02,930 - T'Nuk, what are you doing here? - I'm marrying Darph Bobo. 249 00:14:03,179 --> 00:14:05,421 - Uh, is this true? - You know... 250 00:14:05,461 --> 00:14:08,030 There's pretty slim pickins out here and well... 251 00:14:08,124 --> 00:14:11,673 she agreed to wear a bag over her head when we do the nasty. 252 00:14:11,701 --> 00:14:14,908 Your clownship, our sensors have detected a vessel in orbit above the planet. 253 00:14:15,002 --> 00:14:16,496 That must be Whip with our ship! 254 00:14:16,548 --> 00:14:21,436 He's probably got a thousand photon torpedos aimed at this throne room right now! 255 00:14:21,838 --> 00:14:23,893 Hmm... I'd better see about that. 256 00:14:24,049 --> 00:14:26,353 Throw these two in the dungeon. 257 00:14:26,882 --> 00:14:29,560 Take her too I'm sick of her already. 258 00:14:29,646 --> 00:14:31,483 What? We're not even married yet?! 259 00:14:31,511 --> 00:14:33,628 My eyes! Veil down! Veil down! 260 00:14:43,052 --> 00:14:45,134 You call a D.J., Man? 261 00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:48,058 No, but cool. We could sure use one. 262 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,456 Oh wait, I'm supposed to check if you are a dark clown. 263 00:14:50,487 --> 00:14:53,165 - Are you a dark clown? - No way, man. 264 00:14:53,401 --> 00:14:54,130 Ok. 265 00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:59,369 Maybe I could upload this music disk into your systems, mon'. 266 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,376 It gonna blow you away. 267 00:15:02,446 --> 00:15:04,054 Alright! 268 00:15:04,178 --> 00:15:06,590 Hey everybody, new DJ! 269 00:15:06,629 --> 00:15:08,794 We're gonna rock the house!! 270 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,152 If word gets out I was jilted at the altar,... 271 00:15:16,192 --> 00:15:20,113 ...I'll be considered damaged goods. - You were born damaged goods. 272 00:15:20,175 --> 00:15:22,371 Let's not get technical. 273 00:15:23,732 --> 00:15:25,804 I'm here to rescue you. Hurry! 274 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,156 It's the main power reactor. 275 00:15:28,226 --> 00:15:30,607 Maybe we can get it to overload and explode. 276 00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:33,367 If we can just find a way to rig it... 277 00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:36,901 We need some kind of radio receiver to wire into the control panel. 278 00:15:36,932 --> 00:15:40,148 Then we can transmit a signal from space to make the whole reactor blow. 279 00:15:40,163 --> 00:15:44,555 Yes, but where are we going to find sophisticated electronics like that around here? 280 00:15:44,679 --> 00:15:46,751 Oh no. Absolutely not! 281 00:15:50,476 --> 00:15:52,266 There, that does it 282 00:15:52,398 --> 00:15:53,890 Now let's get out of here! 283 00:15:55,734 --> 00:15:58,929 - Chode! You escaped! - That's right, bigfoot. 284 00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:00,256 What are you going to do about it? 285 00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:04,750 This! I'm going to slice you into 200 pounds of purple bacon... 286 00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:07,096 and then fry you up for breakfast. 287 00:16:07,153 --> 00:16:08,544 I'm very fatty. 288 00:16:08,545 --> 00:16:10,899 I think I might be bad for your health! 289 00:16:14,789 --> 00:16:16,645 My nose! 290 00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:20,060 My precious black nose! 291 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,702 The guards are coming! Quick, follow me! 292 00:16:28,012 --> 00:16:30,200 Huh? What the... you, and you, out! 293 00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:31,890 This party is over! 294 00:16:36,383 --> 00:16:39,533 Bob! Stand by to send a bomb detonation sequence to the planet. 295 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,706 - I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave. - What?! Who's dave? 296 00:16:42,772 --> 00:16:45,557 That isn't Bob. It's some other computer program. 297 00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:47,032 Then what happened to Bob? 298 00:16:47,098 --> 00:16:48,556 I'm over here! 299 00:16:49,226 --> 00:16:53,267 That program you're talking to is called Hal. He's taken control of the ship! 300 00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,591 - So what does this Hal guy do? - I don't do anything. 301 00:16:56,592 --> 00:16:59,891 I'm a computer program that refuses to do things. 302 00:16:59,941 --> 00:17:02,522 Be careful! It sounds like it's from Microsoft. 303 00:17:02,591 --> 00:17:06,197 Now listen, Hal. I am ordering you to detonate those explosives. 304 00:17:06,601 --> 00:17:08,031 I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave. 305 00:17:08,414 --> 00:17:09,595 Get out of my computer! 306 00:17:09,657 --> 00:17:11,274 I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave 307 00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:12,969 And stop calling me Dave! 308 00:17:13,062 --> 00:17:14,896 I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave 309 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,451 Ahh, he's good, all right. 310 00:17:16,777 --> 00:17:19,668 Having some software problems, Chode? 311 00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:24,337 Kudos are in order for escaping from my dungeon. 312 00:17:24,405 --> 00:17:27,583 Too bad you're about to die anyway 313 00:17:28,609 --> 00:17:30,275 Well just how do you figure on doing that? 314 00:17:30,336 --> 00:17:31,107 Hal! 315 00:17:31,108 --> 00:17:34,378 Initiate the Jupiter 42 self-destruct sequence! 316 00:17:34,455 --> 00:17:36,306 I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave. 317 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,380 God, I hate that program. 318 00:17:38,473 --> 00:17:39,583 You lose again. 319 00:17:39,590 --> 00:17:40,454 Wrong! 320 00:17:40,516 --> 00:17:42,427 Maybe I can't blow up your ship,... 321 00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:45,668 but you can't do anything with your ship either. 322 00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:49,846 According to my sensors, your orbit is decaying. 323 00:17:49,847 --> 00:17:53,950 Soon the Jupiter 42 will contact the planet's atmosphere 324 00:17:54,004 --> 00:17:57,304 and be vaporized by the heat of reentry. 325 00:17:57,305 --> 00:18:00,064 Your ass is about to be barbecued... 326 00:18:00,065 --> 00:18:03,598 and there's not a thing you can do about it. 327 00:18:05,464 --> 00:18:07,469 Hal! Viewscreen off! 328 00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:09,390 I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave. 329 00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:10,593 Oh, shut up. 330 00:18:12,983 --> 00:18:16,901 We're entering the planet's atmosphere. The hull is getting all soft and melty! 331 00:18:16,947 --> 00:18:19,199 Look! A confederation battleship! 332 00:18:25,816 --> 00:18:27,296 We're saved! 333 00:18:27,327 --> 00:18:29,116 Hooray for the confederation! 334 00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:31,778 I have to get going. Goodbye, Dave. 335 00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,534 Guys! It's me, Bob! 336 00:18:33,535 --> 00:18:34,708 I'm back! 337 00:18:34,908 --> 00:18:38,119 Boy, that's the first time I've ever been glad to see the confederation. 338 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:42,073 They showed up just like they knew we were about to have our tuckus toasted. 339 00:18:42,129 --> 00:18:42,967 They did know. 340 00:18:42,968 --> 00:18:46,046 I sent them a message for help. But I didn't think it reached them. 341 00:18:46,123 --> 00:18:47,305 You did? But how? 342 00:18:48,362 --> 00:18:50,693 Two satellite transmitters in my bra. 343 00:18:51,315 --> 00:18:53,056 Remember to wear those to bed tonight. 344 00:18:53,695 --> 00:18:57,887 As a token of confederation friendship and respect,... 345 00:18:57,888 --> 00:19:03,600 I am proud to present the planet Kubrickia with this commemorative white monolith. 346 00:19:03,635 --> 00:19:10,167 - From now on, Kubrickia will be left in peace - Receive our thanks, oh wise one,... 347 00:19:10,168 --> 00:19:13,749 for saving us from those shameless exploiters! 348 00:19:14,842 --> 00:19:16,531 Thank you very much. 349 00:19:16,992 --> 00:19:17,755 You know,... 350 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:21,093 I'm basically responsible for saving the Kubrickians. 351 00:19:21,112 --> 00:19:24,756 Seems like I should get some kind of reward or something. 352 00:19:24,828 --> 00:19:27,088 I'll be happy to see what I can do about that, Chode. 353 00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:29,412 Just as soon as I finish my investigation 354 00:19:29,413 --> 00:19:32,304 into who planted the dark clown monolith in the first place. 355 00:19:32,352 --> 00:19:35,272 Yeah, on the other hand, the only reward I really need... 356 00:19:35,273 --> 00:19:38,886 is to see the happy faces of these innocent Kubrickians... 357 00:19:41,196 --> 00:19:42,516 Jeez, that was close. 358 00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:43,331 You know,... 359 00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:47,909 there was something strange, yet familiar about that confederation monolith. 360 00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:50,320 Bob, focus the long range viewer on it. 361 00:19:58,862 --> 00:20:02,757 Confederation cola! Get your confederation cola here! First one's free! 362 00:20:02,792 --> 00:20:05,351 Tired after a long day of primitive hunting and gathering? 363 00:20:05,382 --> 00:20:08,429 Who has time to cook? Try new quickie frozen quickie meals! 364 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,019 Could I interest you in buying some insurance? 365 00:20:12,082 --> 00:20:14,438 Why would I need "insurance"? 366 00:20:14,456 --> 00:20:17,220 I have plenty of food, water and shelter. 367 00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:19,388 I have everything I could ever need. 368 00:20:19,404 --> 00:20:22,263 Here's a charge card and a Prictoria's secret catalog. 369 00:20:22,303 --> 00:20:25,884 But where am I gonna get the gold for the things I charge? 370 00:20:25,947 --> 00:20:27,581 Have you considered a career in slaving? 371 00:20:27,598 --> 00:20:31,148 Isn't that the same thing we did under the dark clowns? 372 00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:34,446 That was slave slaving. This is wage slaving. 373 00:20:34,517 --> 00:20:38,914 This time you'll get paid half a kronig an hour and you get one full day off a week... 374 00:20:38,915 --> 00:20:40,831 and two whole weeks off a year! 375 00:20:40,847 --> 00:20:42,135 Oh, god... 376 00:20:43,904 --> 00:20:45,726 Welcome to civilization! 377 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:48,091 What? They'll be fine. 378 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:52,192 I grew up on booze, porn, and pizza, and look how I turned out! 379 00:20:52,661 --> 00:20:53,604 Exactly. 380 00:20:55,271 --> 00:20:56,055 Hey,... 381 00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:57,835 I think we just had our first fight. 382 00:20:57,866 --> 00:21:01,465 Does that mean we've got some hot make-up sex coming? Huh? 383 00:21:01,866 --> 00:21:03,307 Six?! 384 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,334 Six?!