0
00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:46,547
You're incredible.

1
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:49,342
My heart is still racing.

2
00:00:50,927 --> 00:00:52,887
I felt it too.

3
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,931
All thanks to your brute strength, dash,

4
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,184
and your knowledge
of ancient aramaic mathematics.

5
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:01,187
Please. This has nothing to do
with my two doctorates

6
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,105
and my master's in gender studies

7
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:06,943
and everything to do with you,
Dr. Lovemore.

8
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,736
The truth is,

9
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:12,031
I never thought
I would find the lost city of d.

10
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,116
I would choose your words carefully.

11
00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:16,911
They will be your last.

12
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:20,748
You led me right to king kalaman's tomb

13
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:24,377
and his queen's legendary crown of fire.

14
00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:26,837
And now I will be very rich,

15
00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:30,091
and you will be very dead.

16
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:34,553
Hold up. Are these your snakes?

17
00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:36,430
No, they were just here.

18
00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:38,891
There were just hundreds of snakes
in this temple

19
00:01:38,975 --> 00:01:40,851
just waiting for us to show up?

20
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,135
- Who feeds them? You feed them?
- No, what do they eat?

21
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,507
Why is that one not biting that guy?
Why is that happening?

22
00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:47,417
Are they trained not to bite henchmen
or something?

23
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,442
Yeah, well...

24
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:50,695
I mean, the snake-to-temple ratio alone...

25
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,072
This is ridiculous. Delete.

26
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:56,284
I think my character can still work.

27
00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:57,368
Delete.

28
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,246
Loretta, you still have a story to write.

29
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,123
Delete.

30
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,585
Hey, it"s me, bet/7.

31
00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:09,380
I Don 7 want to pull the whole
”/ 'm your publisher” card, bull am.

32
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,775
And /'/77 really looking forward
to seeing this last chapter

33
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,093
but no pressure.
No, there actually is pressure.

34
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:18,014
The exact amount of pressure that
motivates you but doesn't paralyze you.

35
00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:19,307
You got this.

36
00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:22,184
Thank you.

37
00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:24,395
Lille again.

38
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,355
Okay, so everything
is set for the book tour,

39
00:02:26,439 --> 00:02:29,275
but the only thing we need
is a book to tour with.

40
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:31,628
I can't help but get the feeling
that you're not finishing

41
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:34,280
because you don't want
to leave your house.

42
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:39,410
Listen, lknow these last five years
have been hard after John is passing,

43
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,788
and it feels easier
to live in your bathtub,

44
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:44,832
drinking chardonnay on ice.

45
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:48,586
But, girl, there is a great big world
waiting for you

46
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,505
and a book tour that / can't cancel,
so just make it happen, all right?

47
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:52,631
Love you, byel

48
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,235
We have to keep going.

49
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,322
Let's see what's on the other side
of that door.

50
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:18,908
But what if there isn't anything?

51
00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:21,702
There's only one way to find out.

52
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,789
Then lovemore realized

53
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,249
the treasure she wanted was lost forever

54
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,627
and her adventures were coming to an end.

55
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,920
That doesn't feel right.

56
00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:32,797
Yeah, but that's it.

57
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,173
That's the end.

58
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,725
Well, John,

59
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:46,644
here I go.

60
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,729
Dulcius ex asperis.

61
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,113
Okay, honey, it's showtime.

62
00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,364
Are you sure about this?

63
00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:02,076
Because I have a wedgie in the back
and in the front in this thing.

64
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,412
I feel like a nerdy figure skater.

65
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:07,164
- Sexy. Stunner. I'm all about it.
- No, it's not. It's not.

66
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:08,999
- How do I move in this?
- Don't touch it.

67
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,686
- I'm not touching it. I'm holding it out.
- Stop it. Will you stop?

68
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,754
Get it out now
'cause you can't do that onstage.

69
00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:16,507
And we're done. And we're done.
Okay, good.

70
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,136
- Do I need to be wearing a glitter onesie?
- You only have to wear this for two hours.

71
00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:22,299
Do not mess this up, do you hear me?
This is on loan.

72
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,348
Everyone's wearing sequins right now.

73
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,893
- Why is she taking my photo?
- This is Allison.

74
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,396
She is our new social media manager.

75
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,315
And she's gonna be helping us target
that younger demographic.

76
00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:35,818
Meaning women in their 303
who wish they were in their 20s.

77
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:36,902
Hey, what's up?

78
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:40,948
I took over your socials,
so this morning you tweeted,

79
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:46,078
"where are my ladies at?
Meet me at ballroom g at 5:00 pm.

80
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:47,746


81
00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:50,166


82
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,502
Okay, we are having fun. Let's go.

83
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,297
We need to remind people
that you are still alive.

84
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,923
People know I'm alive.

85
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:01,218
And to remind them why this used to be
the best selling franchise.

86
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,303
In romance.

87
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:05,097
Yes, which is the top
revenue-generating literary category.

88
00:05:05,181 --> 00:05:07,901
Revenue-generating isn't how
I would describe our presales right now.

89
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:10,144
Just think of this as a way
that uses word of mouth.

90
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,038
You want word of mouth?
Here we go. How's this?

91
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,732
"The only thing more lost than the city
is the author herself."

92
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,484
"Loveless." "passionless."

93
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:20,571
"Way past her prime."
And, "this is fake history at its worst."

94
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,907
A book tour could change everything, okay?

95
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,409
We have to remind the fans
why they love you so much.

96
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:29,038
Real history. I merely season it
with a smidge more nudity.

97
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,123
History had a ton of nudity.

98
00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:34,126
Deep exploration.

99
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,128
Steamy wonden'ng.

100
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:41,342
I/I/il/ lovemore and dash find
queen taha is priceless cro wn of fire?

101
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,928
Join them on their search.

102
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,138
So, listen, I wanted
to talk to you about something.

103
00:05:46,222 --> 00:05:47,264
There's so many people.

104
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,683
I know how much you hate
doing these things,

105
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:52,478
so I've invited Alan
to do the q and a with you today.

106
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,396
- What?
- And the rest of the book tour.

107
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,608
Beth, I expressly asked not to do
any more events with dash... Alan, Alan!

108
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,528
- He's gonna humiliate me.
- He's not gonna humiliate you.

109
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:03,489
Thank you. You're very good at your job.
Thank you so much. Thank you.

110
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:04,823
Let me help you with that.

111
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:08,869
He's a body wash commercial.
He's always glistening all over the place.

112
00:06:08,953 --> 00:06:11,830
There hasn't been an event
where his shirt didn't come flying off.

113
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,541
- You wish.
- Well, he's already here,

114
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,918
so put on your big-girl panties
and let's get out there.

115
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:19,046
Remember, no grumpy face,
big words or boring academic talk.

116
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:24,426
Yes! Yes! Come on, rtp!

117
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,472
Yes, my lovemore-heads!

118
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,809
I am so excited to introduce to you

119
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:36,063
the award-winning author, Loretta sage!

120
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,649
- Beth, I can't do this. I'm not ready.
- Are you kidding me?

121
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,986
Listen, I've got your back. You got this.
Go give the people what they want.

122
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,946
- It's not me they want.
- Get out there now!

123
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:50,160
Hi. How are you?
Nice to see you. Thank you.

124
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,251
Yep. Mount it.

125
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,673
Mount it. Mount it. Okay.

126
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,633
Find your center.

127
00:07:04,717 --> 00:07:07,511
And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for.

128
00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:10,014
- The sexiest...
- All right!

129
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:14,310
Most influential hero of a generation.

130
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:15,394
That's a bit strong.

131
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:18,022
His 20th cover
of an Angela lovemore novel.

132
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,899
Dash McMahon!

133
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,907
Oh, my god! Dash!

134
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,974
- Take a bow.
- I already did mine. I did mine.

135
00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:56,685
Okay, come on. One more. I got you.

136
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,744
Did you guys rehearse that? Oh, my god.

137
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:17,498
I'm loving this chemistry between you two,
and I got to say,

138
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,792
I love this book.

139
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,001
- Thank you, ray.
- Thank...

140
00:08:21,085 --> 00:08:22,378
Spoiler alert.

141
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:26,006
A really bold choice to not have them
go into the tomb at the end.

142
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,490
Talk about what went into this one.

143
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:31,220
This one's such a special book
for me personally.

144
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:34,139
I don't know how to say
how much it means to me

145
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:36,392
that Loretta, word writer extraordinaire,

146
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:39,353
has named the book after me.

147
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,271
The lost city of dash.

148
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,564
The lost city of d.

149
00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,942
But that's not what the d stands for.

150
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,778
- It's d for "dick," right?
- No dick, no.

151
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:51,031
It's based on the name of an ancient
tribe, dapocagihou-dysphem-ica.

152
00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:55,661
It was too difficult
for the European colonizers to pronounce,

153
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,806
- so, in true colonial fashion...
- No one cares about this.

154
00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:58,831
They abbreviated it.

155
00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:00,082
That's so interesting.

156
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:03,127
Okay. How about we take some questions
from the audience?

157
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,212
- Right here, handsome!
- Yes.

158
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:08,632
Dash, what's your favorite
romantic moment?

159
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:13,846
What I would really like to know is what
is Loretta's favorite romantic moment?

160
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,889
Ooh, spicy.

161
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,060
Well, being a sapiosexual...

162
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:23,063
Is that when they do the snakes
around the...

163
00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:26,567
No. That's someone who finds intellect

164
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:31,113
or intelligence very sexy, you know.

165
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,281
Same.

166
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:33,991
Really?

167
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,285
Dash! Rip off your shirt!

168
00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:40,664
No, no, no. We're not gonna do that today.
We're here for Loretta's book.

169
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,583
Do we have questions for Loretta?

170
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:47,755
Yes, studious-looking young lady?
What would you like to ask me?

171
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:49,923
Can you rip off dash's shirt?

172
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,386
No, we're not gonna do this again. Sorry.

173
00:09:54,470 --> 00:09:56,930
Rip it off! Rip it off!

174
00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:02,978
Of course. Of course, yes. Can do.

175
00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:05,397
Is this happening?

176
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:07,357
- You don't have to do this.
- We have to.

177
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,568
We have to give the people what they want.
Yes, yes.

178
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,362
We have to give the people
what they want, yes.

179
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,823
Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy.

180
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:20,496
Because the lost city of d
is dash's final adventure.

181
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:22,706
If there even is a next book,

182
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:25,751
it will open with lovemore
receiving the tragic news

183
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,128
of his untimely death.

184
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:29,505
What?

185
00:10:29,588 --> 00:10:31,441
- Shit. I'm sorry. My smartwatch is stuck.
- Hold on.

186
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:32,591
I know. Don't pull it.

187
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:34,051
It's okay. Just be real still.

188
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,820
- No. That's pulling it.
- You're pulling it.

189
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,138
You're gonna rip my wig off.
No, you can't...

190
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,644
Oh, my!

191
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,270
- Oh, my god.
- Is he okay?

192
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:46,939
God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

193
00:10:47,523 --> 00:10:48,690
I'm so sorry.

194
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:49,775
You're a bad person.

195
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:53,779
Stick around for the costume contest
at 6:00 pm.

196
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:57,324
"If there is another book"?

197
00:10:57,407 --> 00:11:02,371
I'm investing everything we've got
into this tour, okay?

198
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:05,624
I just don't think I have another
dash and lovemore adventure in me.

199
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,209
How does dash die?

200
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,503
- Was it the snakes?
- No.

201
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,047
Okay, so I have something
that I have to take care of.

202
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,508
You guys have an interview
in the next suite in ten minutes.

203
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,927
So can you please do me a favor
and be grown-ups

204
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,490
and get yourselves there on your own?

205
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:19,763
Okay. Thank you so much.

206
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,474
Does he die from a staph infection?

207
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,562
It is a staph infection. I knew it.

208
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,189
|... all right.

209
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:32,609
Look, lgetfl
if you need a break or something,

210
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,778
- but you can't just kill me, okay?
- Okay.

211
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:39,157
I hate that I have to ask this,
but you do know you're not dash, right?

212
00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:41,285
Dash is a character I made up.

213
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,619
Dash?

214
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,749
- Thanks.
- Thank you.

215
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:53,088
- Loretta, it's this way.
- No, I think it's this way.

216
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,424
Can't you see that
dash means so much to people?

217
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:57,301
- Means so much to you.
- Not to me.

218
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,219
Well, yeah, to me,
but to other people too.

219
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:02,306
- What about Beth?
- You know what? Beth is gonna be fine.

220
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:06,059
She's gonna find plenty
fresh, young writers full of great ideas.

221
00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:08,186
You can transition gracefully

222
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,522
into the shirt-on phase
of your modeling career,

223
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:12,065
and I can be left alone.

224
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,859
Everybody is happy.

225
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,277
No, it's this way.

226
00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:17,922
Beth says you don't even
leave the house anymore.

227
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,907
I don't feel like that's very happy.

228
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:23,035
You should be going out in the world,
filling yourself up on new experiences.

229
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,454
I'm already filled up.
I'm full. I'm fully satiated.

230
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,790
Why would you want to be stuck at home
alone when you could see the world?

231
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:30,354
You could be visiting ancient Greece.

232
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,337
How could I visit ancient Greece?

233
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,505
I get it. Because you're afraid of flying.

234
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:38,967
No. Because ancient Greece is in the past.

235
00:12:39,051 --> 00:12:40,552
Just like dash.

236
00:12:40,636 --> 00:12:44,139
Okay. You want to know who else
is stuck in the past? You are.

237
00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,826
You're so afraid of life hurting you again
that you've stopped living.

238
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,977
You're like a human mummy.

239
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,606
I didn't...

240
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,152
Mummies are human.

241
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,538
Stupid... oh, crap.

242
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:14,544
I'm so sorry. I will clean this up.
I am not a litterer, I assure you that.

243
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:17,839
Do you think you could
call a car for me, please?

244
00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:19,299
Thank you. Thank you.

245
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,512
Bring the car around.

246
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,180
God, is that someone's retainer?

247
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,516
I've never said the right thing
one time around her.

248
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,768
I get nervous because she opens her mouth,

249
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:34,022
and just an encyclopedia of beautifulness
comes out, and I just never say...

250
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,524
You know she's trying to kill me?

251
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,859
I just need those tomatoes.

252
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:40,195
You're right. No, you're right.

253
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,947
I should apologize. Thank you, man.

254
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,150
- I appreciate that very, very much.
- You're welcome.

255
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,294
Loretta sage. Yeah.

256
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,387
Hiya.

257
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,055
I did not order an uberpool.

258
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:10,183
Someone wants to meet you.
We'll have you right back.

259
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,064
Loretta!

260
00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:17,524
Loretta! Loretta?

261
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:21,653
Loretta?

262
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,448
- Did you say "Loretta"?
- Yeah.

263
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,533
- Follow that SUV, man.
- No.

264
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:27,844
- Come on, please!
- No, no, no.

265
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:30,704
I'm not helping any more
handsome strangers. Fool me once.

266
00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:34,875
What is this, taken? Am I "tooken"?

267
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,501
Am I sold already?

268
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:39,629
Am I sold to him?

269
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,632
- Stop.
- Oh, no. Did this feel creepy?

270
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:46,053
I said don't make it creepy, guys.

271
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,180
I'm so sorry about the setting.

272
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:50,807
I just flew in.
I was in a real panic to meet you.

273
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,018
I didn't have time
to dress the place up much.

274
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,896
I read you love cheese,
so I just got them all.

275
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:59,816
Are you the one who's been emailing me
for photos of my feet?

276
00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:06,031
And I promise what I'm about to show you
is gonna make you very happy.

277
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:11,328
But first, a little bit about
the mysterious rogue you see before you.

278
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,081
My name is Abigail Fairfax.

279
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,165
Abigail?

280
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,226
It's a gender-neutral name,
like Leslie or Beverly.

281
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,629
Yes, but you're Abigail Fairfax
of the media-mogul fairfaxes?

282
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:25,092
Didn't you just take
over your company or...

283
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:29,137
No, that was my brother, actually.
That was Leslie. We're all very proud.

284
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:32,182
Yes, I should say so,
at such a young age to...

285
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,226
Some might even say too young.

286
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:37,020
But that world never really interested me.

287
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:39,856
My passions, as you may know,

288
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,901
lie in the hidden things in the world,

289
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,612
things which defy possession.

290
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,990
Some might call me a collector.

291
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:52,744
But there is one obsession in particular

292
00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,704
that has held me captive.

293
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,499
The crown of fire

294
00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,085
and its cascading red diamonds.

295
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:03,797
Is this a... hidden-camera thing?

296
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,425
So imagine my surprise when,
in your new book,

297
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:10,679
amidst the pages of coital reverie,

298
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:11,763
was something...

299
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,932
- Oh, god.
- Quite magnificent.

300
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,853
I get it. I get it. I so get it right now.

301
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:19,813
Oh, my gosh.

302
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:22,190
I literally thought you guys kidnapped me.

303
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:24,693
I mean, this is marketing, right?
Beth set this up?

304
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:27,696
This was so good, you guys.
This was amazing.

305
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:31,116
You, with your gun and your mustache

306
00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:33,994
and your, "you'd better get in there"
and you know...

307
00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:36,872
Oh, my god.

308
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:39,958
You, with the gi. Joe
tone-on-tone outfit.

309
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:45,839
Your fictional archaeologist was making
real translations of a dead language.

310
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:48,842
Something nobody else has been able to do.

311
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,261
Well, nobody else had ever tried.

312
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,221
Is that right?
Am I saying the right thing?

313
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:54,931
Except you, right?

314
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,933
Except me!

315
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,935
Yes. See, it turns out

316
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:02,439
Loretta sage was once a young college girl
doing her dissertation

317
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,400
on the dead language of the d
with her future husband,

318
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,653
dreaming of finding kalaman's tomb
and the crown of fire.

319
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:11,698
I was sorry to read
you gave up your search after he died.

320
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,074
But what that means is,

321
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,578
you're all I have left.

322
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,664
All you have left for... what?

323
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:25,253
Here we go.

324
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:40,852
What is this?

325
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:45,315
I believe it is describing
the exact location of kalaman's tomb,

326
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:48,777
in which taha
and her priceless headdress are buried.

327
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,071
Well, if this were authentic,

328
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:56,368
you would still have to uncover
an entire city

329
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:59,537
that nobody has been able to find.

330
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,872
I found it.

331
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:04,751
On a tiny, forgotten island
in the Atlantic called Isla hundida.

332
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:08,338
What I have not been able to find
is kalaman's final resting place.

333
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:12,008
This piece of parchment is the only clue
we found among the ruins.

334
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,595
I need someone
who can decipher these symbols.

335
00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:17,806
I need you.

336
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,600
- Well...
- Miss sage,

337
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:24,187
surely this isn't how
you want your story to end.

338
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:26,815
We both had our dreams crushed
by bad luck,

339
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:29,276
or in my case,
an arse-kissing little brother,

340
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,736
but this is our chance to show them all.

341
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,155
Come with me... to the island.

342
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:39,244
Translate these symbols
and help me find the crown of fire.

343
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,830
You can name your price.

344
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,127
I must respectfully decline.

345
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:53,258
Well...

346
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,928
I can't say I'm not disappointed.

347
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,181
But I understand how you feel.

348
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,812
Will you at least let us give you a ride?

349
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:09,024
No, thank you.
I'll call for my own car, and I'll just...

350
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:34,924
I don't feel like you're listening to me.
This is urgent, and we...

351
00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:38,345
Okay, so the police are saying
that they put out an apb...

352
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,263
- Apb.
- On an SUV,

353
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,682
- and there's this 24-hour rule...
- Why is there a rule?

354
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:45,161
- And they won't do anything until...
- What about the FBI or the CIA?

355
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,246
- They said to call the police.
- I'm sure Loretta's fine.

356
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,814
When I was in college,
my friend Nicki went missing.

357
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,483
Everyone was freaking out.

358
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,027
But then she was just in her car.

359
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:57,364
She was dead, but we found her.
She wasn't gone.

360
00:19:57,447 --> 00:20:01,701
What about... maybe we could get a pi

361
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,496
or, like, you know, private security or...

362
00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:06,498
What about an extraction team,
like the movie?

363
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:09,000
But who does that? The ex-military, right?

364
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:11,628
Oh, yeah. I think I actually
have somebody that could help us.

365
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:16,341
I did this meditation retreat,
and there was this trainer guy there.

366
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,468
You should see this guy meditate.

367
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:19,886
But he's ex-Navy seal.

368
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:23,681
He's a special ops trainer.
What was his name?

369
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:25,517
Yeah. Jack trainer.

370
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,227
So he's a trainer named Jack trainer?

371
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,771
That's how I have everybody in my phone.
See, "Janice mom."

372
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,439
"Larry doorknob." "Stacy butt stuff."

373
00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:34,234
Look, this is what this guy does.
He finds people.

374
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:36,528
If there's anybody that can help us,
it's him.

375
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,037
- Jack trainer.
- So his name is actually Jack trainer.

376
00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:49,749
Hi, this is Alan
from "touching your inner self."

377
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:53,211
The meditation retreat?

378
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:58,091
Anyway, okay.
Our friend Loretta has been kidnapped,

379
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,551
and no one's helping us.

380
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:01,052
How long she been missing?

381
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,554
Maybe two hours now.

382
00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:03,763
Who is that?

383
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:07,600
This is Beth. I'm Beth.

384
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:10,603
And Allison is on too, sir.

385
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,981
Did she have any I/I/i-fi-enabled devices?

386
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,984
- She's got her phone, right?
- No, I have her phone.

387
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,862
She has a smartwatch.
It ripped my wig off.

388
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,698
What was that scenario?
Never mind. Open the phone.

389
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,341
- Go to the smartwatch app.
- All right.

390
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:25,785
Then hit ”find m y sman'watch. ”

391
00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:28,830
Oh, my... that is so good.
That's why we called.

392
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:31,499
64 nticioate the dihicult
by managing the easy."

393
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:35,044
- Is that Oprah or deepak?
- Laozi from tao-te ching.

394
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:36,421
Oh, my god.

395
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,381
It's in the Atlantic.

396
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:40,758
- She's on a plane?
- How can you tell that?

397
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,094
'Cause she can't swim that fast.

398
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:44,721
Doesn't sound like a ransom scenario.

399
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:47,432
My guess is blood sport,
hunger games -type situation.

400
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:50,351
Poss/bly some coke-fueled
dark web scavenger hunt.

401
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,520
Real clown shit. We 'i/ have to move fast.

402
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:55,565
- How do we pay you?
- Cryptocurrenc y. Cash app.

403
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,902
Ill have her back within 48 hours
or your next rescue is free.

404
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:00,487
How many people need a next rescue?

405
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:01,905
More than you'd think.

406
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:04,157
- I'm gonna need that phone.
- I'll bring it to you.

407
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,743
Let me know where she lands.
/'ll meet you there, Alan.

408
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:22,800
Hello.

409
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:28,765
Where am I?

410
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,892
You're on my plane.

411
00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,268
It's nice, isn't it?

412
00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:34,187
The seats are made of mama llama leather.

413
00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:37,232
Well, I'm getting off your plane.

414
00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:38,816
Unchain me!

415
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:40,318
That's your seat belt.

416
00:22:40,985 --> 00:22:45,031
Did you chloroform me?
People actually do that?

417
00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:50,119
Well, you know,
it's a classic for a reason.

418
00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:52,330
My body feels drunk.

419
00:22:52,413 --> 00:22:54,332
It'll wear off in a bit. I am sorry.

420
00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:56,668
I just couldn't wait around
for you to change your mind.

421
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:59,337
- Stop playing jelly.
- Time is not on our side.

422
00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:04,217
The volcano we're excavating around
has developed a bad case of indigestion.

423
00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:06,237
I'm rather worried that when it blows,

424
00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:08,447
everything that's left of the lost city
will be destroyed.

425
00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:10,390
Oh, my god. My legs don't work.

426
00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:15,853
So, this is our last chance
to find both the tomb and the crown.

427
00:23:15,937 --> 00:23:17,063
Oh, god.

428
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,483
Don't worry.
That's just our final descent.

429
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:26,322
But it is the beginning
of the greatest adventure of your life.

430
00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:36,934
Welcome to the lost city.

431
00:24:46,736 --> 00:24:48,279
How did you find it?

432
00:24:48,363 --> 00:24:50,615
So, the city was built on a lava dome.

433
00:24:50,698 --> 00:24:53,368
As the volcano became active,
the dome filled with lava,

434
00:24:53,451 --> 00:24:55,953
and sunken things Rose to the surface.

435
00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:57,955
The d exposed itself.

436
00:24:58,539 --> 00:25:01,334
- The entire city?
- No, no. Just the tip.

437
00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:04,504
As soon as I heard rumors of the ruins,
I flew over and bought the place.

438
00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:07,298
- The site?
- No. The island.

439
00:25:07,382 --> 00:25:10,301
The southern half. I got a good deal
'cause this is where the lava flows.

440
00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:12,553
We've been excavating for a year now.

441
00:25:13,638 --> 00:25:16,265
One doesn't kidnap a romance novelist
on day one.

442
00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:18,434
Yes, as the saying goes.

443
00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:21,604
Rafi doesn't like it. Do you, rafi?

444
00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:24,941
He says we're disrespecting his heritage.

445
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:28,152
But not a lot of otherjob options
on the island, are there, rafi?

446
00:25:28,236 --> 00:25:30,071
Beggars can't be choosers.

447
00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:42,125
No more charcuterie, I take it.

448
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,210
Please. I'm not a monster.

449
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:45,837
Whatever you need, just shout.

450
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:52,343
Leave one hand free.
She has some translating to do.

451
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:54,721
And then what?

452
00:25:55,304 --> 00:25:57,640
Loretta, I really wish
you would try and see

453
00:25:57,724 --> 00:25:59,934
what an exciting opportunity
this is for us.

454
00:26:00,017 --> 00:26:03,730
I believe this text describes
the exact location of the tomb.

455
00:26:04,313 --> 00:26:06,190
It's a logographic system.

456
00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:09,902
Like cuneiform or hieroglyphics.

457
00:26:10,486 --> 00:26:13,740
Now, if you have other documents
that possibly I can compare...

458
00:26:13,823 --> 00:26:14,907
Yeah, no luck there.

459
00:26:14,991 --> 00:26:17,910
We found some scratching
at a nearby waterfall,

460
00:26:17,994 --> 00:26:18,995
but it was useless.

461
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,413
Just pictures of women.

462
00:26:20,496 --> 00:26:25,376
Look, I, too, wish your dear old
dead archaeologist husband

463
00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:28,171
was here to help, but he's not, so,

464
00:26:28,254 --> 00:26:31,132
time to shine, Loretta, sex-book writer.

465
00:26:32,675 --> 00:26:34,302
They will come for me.

466
00:26:34,969 --> 00:26:36,763
Who, exactly?

467
00:26:36,846 --> 00:26:38,556
Your many cats?

468
00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:40,349
I don't have cats.

469
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:42,935
Somehow even more sad.

470
00:26:43,019 --> 00:26:46,022
I have a hamster, asshole!

471
00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:47,940
You have a hamster's asshole?

472
00:26:48,024 --> 00:26:51,778
No, there was a comma between... forget it.

473
00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:54,864
I bet your brother never had
to kidnap anyone!

474
00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:47,375
Good to see you, man.

475
00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:48,960
- Phone.
- Right.

476
00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:02,139
What?

477
00:28:02,223 --> 00:28:06,602
Yeah, I was thinking that I could maybe
just sort of come with you.

478
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:08,646
- Why?
- To help.

479
00:28:08,729 --> 00:28:12,733
I know cpr. I know some light karate.
Crossfit certified.

480
00:28:12,817 --> 00:28:14,068
Okay, listen, listen!

481
00:28:15,278 --> 00:28:16,946
I just... it's my fault.

482
00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:19,407
Not the kidnapping and stuff,

483
00:28:19,991 --> 00:28:22,410
but I said some really mean stuff to her,
and I regret it,

484
00:28:22,493 --> 00:28:23,953
and I just need to take it back.

485
00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:25,371
I called her a human mummy.

486
00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:28,082
Mummies are human.

487
00:28:28,791 --> 00:28:31,460
I'm aware of that now, yes.

488
00:28:31,544 --> 00:28:32,837
That is true.

489
00:28:34,547 --> 00:28:35,548
Please.

490
00:28:37,091 --> 00:28:39,468
All right, Alan,
I can't be responsible for you.

491
00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:41,554
Okay. Yeah.

492
00:28:41,637 --> 00:28:43,890
- I need you to stay in the car.
- Yeah.

493
00:28:44,682 --> 00:28:46,851
- In the car.
- In the car.

494
00:28:46,934 --> 00:28:49,312
- The whole time.
- The whole time?

495
00:28:49,395 --> 00:28:50,396
Whole time.

496
00:28:53,816 --> 00:28:54,817
Yes!

497
00:29:01,991 --> 00:29:03,200
This is me.

498
00:29:04,327 --> 00:29:06,704
Really? Is this what the seal teams use?

499
00:29:06,787 --> 00:29:09,415
"Only a fool chooses a horse
by its color."

500
00:29:09,999 --> 00:29:12,293
Right, right. The tao-te ching?

501
00:29:12,877 --> 00:29:15,296
No, it was on the sign back there
at the rental place.

502
00:29:24,138 --> 00:29:25,138
Thank you.

503
00:29:58,047 --> 00:29:59,340
What? What?

504
00:30:01,884 --> 00:30:03,928
I was hoping to invite you to breakfast,

505
00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:06,347
but it looks like
you still have work to do.

506
00:30:07,598 --> 00:30:08,766
Wait, wait, wait.

507
00:30:09,350 --> 00:30:10,893
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

508
00:30:10,977 --> 00:30:13,020
I believe this says

509
00:30:13,104 --> 00:30:15,147
"rest" or "resting."

510
00:30:15,731 --> 00:30:18,359
So it would be,
"kalaman and his treasure..."

511
00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:22,863
And then there are some missing pieces,
and then "rest," "resting,"

512
00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:25,950
and something about "tears," so...

513
00:30:27,994 --> 00:30:29,036
Resting where?

514
00:30:30,454 --> 00:30:33,249
Didn't say. It doesn't say.

515
00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:37,253
Miss sage, I need you to do better.

516
00:30:37,753 --> 00:30:41,173
Then next time maybe don't kidnap
a romance novelist, hmm?

517
00:30:41,757 --> 00:30:43,551
My god, this shouldn't be this hard!

518
00:30:43,634 --> 00:30:45,594
It is not some pauper's grave
we're looking for.

519
00:30:45,678 --> 00:30:48,055
It is a monument to a great man!

520
00:30:48,139 --> 00:30:50,099
King kalaman was ambitious,
he was powerful,

521
00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:52,560
he was the first man to build a city
in the Atlantic.

522
00:30:52,643 --> 00:30:55,271
The eyes of his subjects
would have turned to him.

523
00:30:55,354 --> 00:31:00,693
He would have had a pyramid, a ziggurat,
a tower to hold his crown of fire.

524
00:31:00,776 --> 00:31:02,695
All I need to know is where it is.

525
00:31:03,863 --> 00:31:06,907
I don't know if you recall,
but you only said translate it.

526
00:31:06,991 --> 00:31:08,868
I translated it.

527
00:31:09,910 --> 00:31:11,412
Translate it again.

528
00:31:17,418 --> 00:31:19,253
One day, we're gonna laugh about this.

529
00:31:20,379 --> 00:31:22,298
Such an adventure we're having.

530
00:31:25,676 --> 00:31:29,847
I should go with you,
just for backup and awesomeness.

531
00:31:30,848 --> 00:31:32,683
This is pretty awesome.

532
00:31:32,767 --> 00:31:35,311
You got nature, the radio.

533
00:31:36,562 --> 00:31:39,899
Yeah, you're right,
but it's very, very important to me

534
00:31:39,982 --> 00:31:42,068
that she knows that I came to rescue her.

535
00:31:42,151 --> 00:31:43,778
Why? Do you like this woman?

536
00:31:44,987 --> 00:31:47,323
No, I just brought snacks and stuff.

537
00:31:47,406 --> 00:31:49,658
She gets a little grumpy
when she's hungry.

538
00:31:49,742 --> 00:31:53,079
Blood pressure drops. And I get that
because I'm a five-meal-a-day kind of guy.

539
00:31:53,162 --> 00:31:55,581
Do you keto, by the way?
You look like you keto.

540
00:31:55,664 --> 00:31:57,792
-No. Yeah.

541
00:31:58,501 --> 00:32:01,003
- You don't need it.
- What is it?

542
00:32:01,087 --> 00:32:04,757
I just want her to think of me
as more than a cover model.

543
00:32:05,341 --> 00:32:09,178
But, Alan, you are so much more.
You're my lookout.

544
00:32:09,261 --> 00:32:12,515
Okay, can I at least do the part
where I put her in the car

545
00:32:12,598 --> 00:32:16,018
and I just go, "shh. You're safe now"?

546
00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,438
Sure, champ. She'll love that.

547
00:32:19,522 --> 00:32:23,734
Oh, you're just going? Going to start?
You're starting the mission now? Okay.

548
00:32:59,270 --> 00:33:00,688
Go to sleep.

549
00:33:29,675 --> 00:33:30,885
- Alan.
- What?

550
00:33:30,968 --> 00:33:32,720
This is a breach of trust, Alan.

551
00:33:32,803 --> 00:33:34,430
I can help. Let me help.

552
00:33:37,725 --> 00:33:40,019
Stay close. Stay alive.

553
00:33:45,316 --> 00:33:46,316
Hey.

554
00:33:51,405 --> 00:33:52,698
Go to sleep.

555
00:33:55,492 --> 00:33:56,577
I got his head.

556
00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:59,038
What do I do with his head?
I'm just gonna set him down.

557
00:34:07,087 --> 00:34:08,505
Hey, hey, no!

558
00:34:08,589 --> 00:34:09,673
No, no, no!

559
00:34:17,306 --> 00:34:18,390
Ooh, yeah!

560
00:34:20,309 --> 00:34:22,019
Teamwork, yeah!

561
00:34:22,102 --> 00:34:25,314
Great effort, Alan,
but that man was already unconscious.

562
00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:26,982
I was already wound up.

563
00:34:28,150 --> 00:34:29,860
Just don't do it when I'm...

564
00:34:40,371 --> 00:34:41,872
On your seven!

565
00:34:52,883 --> 00:34:54,885
Trainer, he's not asleep!

566
00:34:54,969 --> 00:34:56,845
Stay down. Stay down.

567
00:34:59,682 --> 00:35:02,142
- You're doing great.
- Thanks.

568
00:35:02,226 --> 00:35:03,519
Where you going?

569
00:35:08,274 --> 00:35:09,275
What?

570
00:35:11,819 --> 00:35:13,112
Loretta sage?

571
00:35:13,779 --> 00:35:14,780
Yes.

572
00:35:15,406 --> 00:35:16,526
I'm getting you out of here.

573
00:35:17,491 --> 00:35:20,536
- Why are you so handsome?
- My dad was a weatherman.

574
00:35:22,788 --> 00:35:23,789
Alan?

575
00:35:23,872 --> 00:35:25,666
- Yeah.
- What are you doing here?

576
00:35:26,959 --> 00:35:29,020
- Irregardless, I'm here to save you.
- That's not...

577
00:35:29,044 --> 00:35:31,088
- I think he meant "regardless."
- Yes.

578
00:35:33,382 --> 00:35:36,260
Does she need saving in there, trainer?
I think she's fine there.

579
00:35:36,844 --> 00:35:39,204
No, leave it. Don't take their stuff.
They'll come after us.

580
00:35:42,516 --> 00:35:44,226
Alan, why do you keep doing that?

581
00:35:44,310 --> 00:35:46,228
Why do you keep doing that?
I had that one.

582
00:35:46,312 --> 00:35:48,856
It's just getting mean now.
It's unnecessary.

583
00:35:48,939 --> 00:35:50,649
I'm sorry. I just wanted to get one in.

584
00:35:50,733 --> 00:35:53,093
Excuse me. Would it be possible
to remove me from the chair?

585
00:35:53,152 --> 00:35:54,903
- No time.
- No time?

586
00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:56,238
There's been so much chitchat.

587
00:35:56,322 --> 00:35:57,740
We should definitely go.

588
00:35:57,823 --> 00:35:58,907
Let's go! Let's go!

589
00:36:25,142 --> 00:36:26,643
Why are things exploding?

590
00:36:34,026 --> 00:36:35,027
I got...

591
00:36:36,862 --> 00:36:37,863
Okay.

592
00:36:39,323 --> 00:36:40,157
Shh...

593
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,159
Shh. You're safe now.

594
00:36:42,242 --> 00:36:43,452
You're...

595
00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:45,746
How are you so calm?

596
00:36:45,829 --> 00:36:48,165
- That was my line.
- Here.

597
00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:52,252
- What?
- Is that reiki?

598
00:36:52,336 --> 00:36:54,963
- Are you healing me?
- I think so.

599
00:36:56,131 --> 00:36:58,258
As laozi says,
"to the mind that is still..."

600
00:36:58,342 --> 00:37:00,094
The whole universe surrenders."

601
00:37:00,177 --> 00:37:03,972
Yeah, I know some quotes
that could be good for this moment.

602
00:37:04,056 --> 00:37:05,682
In omnia paratus.

603
00:37:06,809 --> 00:37:08,227
"Ready for anything."

604
00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:11,605
Maybe we shouldn't be just
staring lovingly into each other's eyes

605
00:37:11,688 --> 00:37:14,817
like you're gonna fall in love
like I'm not here.

606
00:37:15,401 --> 00:37:16,443
Who are you?

607
00:37:16,527 --> 00:37:18,654
Just a guy trying to do his job.

608
00:37:19,488 --> 00:37:22,074
Right now, that job
is to get this lovely lady...

609
00:37:24,660 --> 00:37:26,245
Oh, god. Okay.

610
00:37:28,372 --> 00:37:29,748
What is happening?

611
00:37:33,335 --> 00:37:35,379
Okay. What do we do?

612
00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:37,631
We need to do... I can't see.

613
00:37:37,714 --> 00:37:39,049
I don't like it!

614
00:37:39,133 --> 00:37:40,342
Here. Here!

615
00:37:40,843 --> 00:37:43,137
- Why would you throw a gun?
- Seriously?

616
00:37:44,847 --> 00:37:47,182
- Get me out of the chair.
- I can't. We don't have time.

617
00:37:51,270 --> 00:37:53,230
Gotta squeeze!
You got to do a kegel or something!

618
00:37:53,313 --> 00:37:55,607
- Kegel it!
- What do you think a kegel is?

619
00:37:56,191 --> 00:37:58,110
I'm not in it, not in! Still not in!

620
00:37:58,193 --> 00:38:00,487
- You got to go in more.
- Stop. Stop. Stop it!

621
00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:06,160
Oh, god. Get in the car, get in the car!
Start the car! Start the car!

622
00:38:06,243 --> 00:38:07,494
- Go, go.
- Move your leg.

623
00:38:07,578 --> 00:38:09,872
- Which one?
- Both of them! Move them!

624
00:38:13,834 --> 00:38:15,836
- Fonnard, fonnard!
- Okay. Okay.

625
00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:20,048
- I'm going! I'm going! Okay!
- Drive!

626
00:38:21,467 --> 00:38:24,136
Shh. You're safe now. Shh.

627
00:38:27,764 --> 00:38:30,184
- Shh. You're safe now.
- No, I'm not. Not safe.

628
00:38:30,267 --> 00:38:32,186
Oh, no, am I bleeding?

629
00:38:32,269 --> 00:38:35,147
- I don't think that's yours.
- That's a lot of blood.

630
00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:38,358
Cheese and rice!

631
00:38:38,442 --> 00:38:40,068
- Are those his brains?
- What?

632
00:38:40,152 --> 00:38:42,154
I think his brains are on my face!

633
00:38:42,237 --> 00:38:45,824
Definitely his brains are in my mouth.
I can taste his thoughts!

634
00:38:45,908 --> 00:38:47,201
Focus on the road.

635
00:38:47,284 --> 00:38:49,495
He just liked training people. Trainer.

636
00:38:49,578 --> 00:38:52,456
- What are you talking about?
- He loved me.

637
00:38:52,539 --> 00:38:55,083
Can you just scooch the car
over to the left?

638
00:38:55,167 --> 00:38:58,795
- Get it off. Get it off.
- Oh, god.

639
00:38:58,879 --> 00:38:59,963
Watch out!

640
00:39:09,473 --> 00:39:10,807
Did you see...

641
00:39:23,403 --> 00:39:25,531
Oh, no. Oh, no.

642
00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:27,574
Oh, no.

643
00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:37,501
Oh, no.

644
00:39:38,210 --> 00:39:39,211
Alan?

645
00:39:40,504 --> 00:39:44,091
Oh, holy Christmas.
Are you okay? Are you okay?

646
00:39:44,174 --> 00:39:46,093
Do you think you could get me out of here?

647
00:39:46,176 --> 00:39:47,886
Yeah. Okay.

648
00:39:47,970 --> 00:39:50,889
- You just flew out of the car.
- I did. I did, indeed.

649
00:39:50,973 --> 00:39:52,516
Okay. I got you. I got you.

650
00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:55,018
Can you get me out of the chair?
Get me out of the chair.

651
00:39:55,102 --> 00:39:56,742
You're right. You're right. You're right.

652
00:39:58,313 --> 00:40:00,148
- Is that a nail filer?
- Yeah.

653
00:40:00,232 --> 00:40:01,709
- Can you just rip it?
- It's working.

654
00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:05,737
And maybe next time I toss a gun at you,
you can catch it instead of ducking.

655
00:40:05,821 --> 00:40:08,907
How about the next time you toss a gun
at me, you say, "hey, Alan, catch"?

656
00:40:08,991 --> 00:40:10,867
Then maybe do that before you throw it?

657
00:40:10,951 --> 00:40:13,161
Well, "here" is a synonym for "catch."

658
00:40:13,245 --> 00:40:16,915
- No, "here" is not a cinnamon for "catch."
- In a colloquial kind of way, yes, it is.

659
00:40:16,999 --> 00:40:21,295
You say, "here," I toss you a sweatshirt.
You say, "here," I toss you a pen.

660
00:40:21,378 --> 00:40:23,964
How 'boutjust, "hey! Catch! Gun!"

661
00:40:24,548 --> 00:40:27,634
Anything that you want to throw,
I'll catch it because you said, "catch."

662
00:40:27,718 --> 00:40:29,344
And I'll catch it because you said it.

663
00:40:29,428 --> 00:40:31,888
That is also an option,
and then we would have a gun with us.

664
00:40:31,972 --> 00:40:33,140
That's a thing.

665
00:40:33,849 --> 00:40:35,434
- Be careful.
- Okay, we need to call...

666
00:40:35,517 --> 00:40:36,852
Be careful.

667
00:40:36,935 --> 00:40:39,855
We need to call for help,
get to the airport and get out of here.

668
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:41,732
- And I am driving.
- Okay.

669
00:40:56,663 --> 00:40:58,290
Okay, call for help.

670
00:40:59,249 --> 00:41:00,751
Where's your phone?

671
00:41:04,254 --> 00:41:05,255
Okay.

672
00:41:09,051 --> 00:41:11,345
- Tell me you caught them.
- I tagged the blond one.

673
00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:16,266
Loretta.

674
00:41:16,350 --> 00:41:18,727
What are you thinking?

675
00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:21,730
You might've killed one of them,
but his partner's still with her.

676
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:25,400
And he is clearly skilled, highly trained

677
00:41:26,443 --> 00:41:27,986
and very dangerous.

678
00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:42,125
So, miss sage said
she was gonna leave the event,

679
00:41:42,209 --> 00:41:46,505
then got in a car and left the event?

680
00:41:47,130 --> 00:41:49,633
- Did you try calling her?
- She doesn't have her phone.

681
00:41:49,716 --> 00:41:51,259
- Stolen phone.
- Didn't say that.

682
00:41:51,843 --> 00:41:53,303
Where's my magnifier?

683
00:41:53,387 --> 00:41:54,864
Listen, can you please help with Nana?

684
00:41:54,888 --> 00:41:57,200
I don't want her hearing about Loretta
'cause it's going to upset her.

685
00:41:57,224 --> 00:42:00,727
- What about Loretta?
- Nothing, Nana. She just went on a trip.

686
00:42:00,811 --> 00:42:02,187
- Good.
- Yeah.

687
00:42:02,771 --> 00:42:04,940
That girl needed to get out of the house.

688
00:42:05,023 --> 00:42:09,194
So, this is the thing.
Loretta's phone is not stolen. I took it.

689
00:42:09,277 --> 00:42:13,657
I gave it to Alan. Alan then gave it
to the trainer, Jack trainer.

690
00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:15,909
And that is how we found her wearable.

691
00:42:15,992 --> 00:42:17,869
- And who's Alan?
- Dash.

692
00:42:17,953 --> 00:42:20,622
- What's that?
- He's the hero in all of her books.

693
00:42:20,706 --> 00:42:21,706
Nana.

694
00:42:21,748 --> 00:42:24,000
- Hey, slut.
- Mm-mmm.

695
00:42:24,084 --> 00:42:27,045
Let's go in the other room and talk about
whichever war you lived through.

696
00:42:27,129 --> 00:42:30,132
Okay. Come on, it'll be fun.
I'm sorry. It'll be fun.

697
00:42:30,215 --> 00:42:32,134
Listen, Loretta sage is missing.

698
00:42:32,217 --> 00:42:34,553
When I looked at her smartwatch,
it said that she had flown

699
00:42:34,636 --> 00:42:36,316
to some island
I've never even heard about.

700
00:42:36,346 --> 00:42:38,074
That means y'all need
to do something about this.

701
00:42:38,098 --> 00:42:40,642
And if you can't, I will,
and that won't look good for you.

702
00:42:41,226 --> 00:42:43,437
Pretty sure
that's outside our jurisdiction.

703
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,439
You'd have to call the feds.

704
00:42:45,522 --> 00:42:46,606
Okay.

705
00:42:46,690 --> 00:42:48,984
And if you do go to the feds,
put in a good word for me.

706
00:42:49,067 --> 00:42:51,319
- For me.
- For us.

707
00:43:05,709 --> 00:43:07,836
What are you gonna do,
put the car back together?

708
00:43:07,919 --> 00:43:09,921
Well... we could...

709
00:43:26,062 --> 00:43:27,731
Where did you say the phone was?

710
00:43:27,814 --> 00:43:28,814
Passenger glove.

711
00:43:28,857 --> 00:43:30,609
- What?
- Passenger glove compartment.

712
00:43:30,692 --> 00:43:31,693
Goodness.

713
00:43:33,111 --> 00:43:34,529
Oh, my god.

714
00:43:34,613 --> 00:43:36,990
Oh, my god. No phone, no car.
We're so gonna die out...

715
00:43:37,073 --> 00:43:38,784
- Here.
- What is this?

716
00:43:38,867 --> 00:43:40,452
Boots for the jungle.

717
00:43:41,411 --> 00:43:43,330
It's not exactly hiking boots, but...

718
00:43:43,413 --> 00:43:46,309
I figured your feet would be killing you
after wearing heels for this long.

719
00:43:46,333 --> 00:43:48,453
It was the best we could do.
They're Allison's. Sorry.

720
00:43:49,836 --> 00:43:51,421
Okay, well, thank you.

721
00:43:51,505 --> 00:43:53,298
Here, I got you cheese.

722
00:43:53,381 --> 00:43:55,217
- Oh, my god.
- You got to stay hydrated.

723
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:57,278
- Thank you so much.
- They didn't have glass bottles,

724
00:43:57,302 --> 00:43:59,062
so we'll definitely hold onto it
and recycle.

725
00:44:02,015 --> 00:44:06,686
So, what we need to do is find a phone,
we need to call the authorities,

726
00:44:06,770 --> 00:44:09,170
and we need to wait here
until somebody comes and rescues us.

727
00:44:10,774 --> 00:44:13,235
This... this is the rescue.

728
00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:14,694
No one else is coming.

729
00:44:14,778 --> 00:44:16,571
- I'm sorry?
- I'm the rescue.

730
00:44:16,655 --> 00:44:19,616
It was originallyjust gonna be me,
then I was like, trainer should come.

731
00:44:19,699 --> 00:44:21,326
Oh, trainer. Rest in peace.

732
00:44:21,910 --> 00:44:26,039
So, our best bet is to get to the airport.
See this road right here?

733
00:44:26,122 --> 00:44:28,834
From this area, just take a shortcut
through the jungle to the road.

734
00:44:28,917 --> 00:44:30,645
Did you just say
"shortcut through the jungle"?

735
00:44:30,669 --> 00:44:32,212
- Yeah.
- Okay, do you see us?

736
00:44:32,754 --> 00:44:34,923
You are not dash, and I'm not lovemore.
Okay?

737
00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:36,466
I'm Loretta, and you are Alan.

738
00:44:36,550 --> 00:44:38,677
- And jungles eat people like us, okay?
- Eat people.

739
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:42,347
And I don't want to mess up the jumpsuit.
It's on loan. So we're gonna stay put.

740
00:44:42,430 --> 00:44:44,391
We're not just gonna stand around here.

741
00:44:44,474 --> 00:44:45,934
We're gonna go through the jungle,

742
00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:48,228
we're gonna go to the airport
and find a phone,

743
00:44:48,311 --> 00:44:50,272
so you can have your cake
and get what you want.

744
00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:51,356
"And eat it too"?

745
00:44:51,439 --> 00:44:53,793
If that's what you want to do
with your cake, fine. Let's go.

746
00:44:53,817 --> 00:44:55,897
- That's the only thing you do with cake.
- Not mine.

747
00:44:55,944 --> 00:44:58,238
I don't know what your people do,
but my people eat it.

748
00:44:58,321 --> 00:45:00,657
You could give it to someone as a gift.

749
00:45:00,740 --> 00:45:02,826
Those people are still going
to eat the cake.

750
00:45:02,909 --> 00:45:04,703
Everybody eats cake.

751
00:45:04,786 --> 00:45:07,998
What about the kind people jump out of?
They don't eat it, when they're in it.

752
00:45:08,081 --> 00:45:09,291
Oh, my god.

753
00:45:36,109 --> 00:45:39,446
What did they kidnap you for anyhow?
Is it some weird sex stuff like taken?

754
00:45:39,529 --> 00:45:41,031
Oh, my god, thank you.

755
00:45:41,114 --> 00:45:43,825
I thought so too,
but the guy's one of the fairfaxes.

756
00:45:43,909 --> 00:45:45,702
- Beverly?
- No, the older one.

757
00:45:45,785 --> 00:45:49,664
The really odd one that had the vlog
on finding montezuma's treasure.

758
00:45:49,748 --> 00:45:52,101
The dude that was on the news
for trying to raise the Titanic?

759
00:45:52,125 --> 00:45:53,919
Yes, he's looking for the crown of fire.

760
00:45:54,002 --> 00:45:57,923
Wait a minute. Like the actual
crown of fire? Like the one...

761
00:45:58,006 --> 00:46:01,259
- So those ruins were...
- They were the lost city of d, yes.

762
00:46:01,343 --> 00:46:03,595
What? Are you kidding me right now?

763
00:46:03,678 --> 00:46:05,263
This is like your book.

764
00:46:05,347 --> 00:46:08,183
So we're basically on a lovemore
and dash adventure right now?

765
00:46:09,309 --> 00:46:10,310
What is that?

766
00:46:10,393 --> 00:46:12,812
What if Fairfax actually finds the crown?

767
00:46:12,896 --> 00:46:14,522
He won't. He won't.

768
00:46:16,566 --> 00:46:17,734
Where do we go?

769
00:46:22,864 --> 00:46:24,866
Okay, we need to get in the water.

770
00:46:24,950 --> 00:46:27,202
- What?
- We need to go by river.

771
00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:28,828
No, I don't really do water.

772
00:46:28,912 --> 00:46:31,641
What do you mean, "do water"?
I'm not asking you to procreate with it.

773
00:46:31,665 --> 00:46:34,250
My body and water
don't really go together.

774
00:46:34,334 --> 00:46:35,794
How do you feel about dying?

775
00:46:35,877 --> 00:46:36,878
Oh, god.

776
00:46:37,587 --> 00:46:39,427
You're okay. You're okay.
I got you. I got you.

777
00:46:39,464 --> 00:46:41,508
- I can swim. I can swim.
- Fine.

778
00:46:42,092 --> 00:46:43,885
- Where are you going?
- I'm crossing.

779
00:46:43,969 --> 00:46:45,512
No, we have to stay in the water.

780
00:46:45,595 --> 00:46:48,324
I researched aquatic counter-tracking
for my book, a year in the bush.

781
00:46:48,348 --> 00:46:49,828
They'll lose our tracks in the water.

782
00:46:50,350 --> 00:46:53,269
Why is it warm here? Wait, are you peeing?

783
00:46:53,353 --> 00:46:54,854
Just go around it.

784
00:47:24,050 --> 00:47:25,051
Okay, I think...

785
00:47:25,802 --> 00:47:27,721
I think we lost them, right?

786
00:47:27,804 --> 00:47:30,223
Yeah. That wasn't so bad. Yeah.

787
00:47:31,391 --> 00:47:32,559
Okay.

788
00:47:33,143 --> 00:47:34,983
- Don't panic.
- What do you mean, don't panic?

789
00:47:35,061 --> 00:47:36,354
- Just don't panic.
- No.

790
00:47:36,438 --> 00:47:38,231
Stop saying "panic." I'm panicking now.

791
00:47:38,314 --> 00:47:39,858
You have something on your back.

792
00:47:42,652 --> 00:47:44,070
- Stop screaming.
- What is that?

793
00:47:44,154 --> 00:47:45,488
- What is that?
- Stop screaming.

794
00:47:45,572 --> 00:47:46,948
- Do you have any on you?
- No.No.

795
00:47:47,032 --> 00:47:48,366
Why don't you have any on you?

796
00:47:48,450 --> 00:47:50,660
Maybe the jumpsuit scared them off.
I don't know.

797
00:47:50,744 --> 00:47:51,995
- Get them off.
- Oh, my god.

798
00:47:52,078 --> 00:47:54,789
Okay. No, I can't touch
those blood-gorged mucous sacks.

799
00:47:54,873 --> 00:47:56,166
- Can you fling it?
- Right now.

800
00:47:56,249 --> 00:47:57,685
- Get it.
- Just pick it and fling it.

801
00:47:57,709 --> 00:47:59,812
- Just pick it and fling it.
- You pick it and fling it!

802
00:47:59,836 --> 00:48:01,963
- Can you spin it off?
- Please, get it off.

803
00:48:02,047 --> 00:48:04,132
I don't like touching it.
I'm feeling faint.

804
00:48:04,215 --> 00:48:07,177
- They're sucking my soul out.
- Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop.

805
00:48:09,304 --> 00:48:10,930
Don't make that sound.

806
00:48:14,768 --> 00:48:16,186
How many of them are there?

807
00:48:16,770 --> 00:48:17,937
There's not many.

808
00:48:18,021 --> 00:48:19,856
It feels like there's so many.

809
00:48:19,939 --> 00:48:21,357
I feel so many.

810
00:48:21,441 --> 00:48:24,152
- Holy mother of god!
- Why are you praying?

811
00:48:24,235 --> 00:48:27,113
Is it that bad? It can't be that bad.
Is it that bad? How many?

812
00:48:27,197 --> 00:48:28,281
It's not great.

813
00:48:28,364 --> 00:48:30,450
They're gonna suck every bit of me out.

814
00:48:30,533 --> 00:48:33,995
Please stop speaking.
I just need to get low. Hold on a second.

815
00:48:34,704 --> 00:48:37,832
Oh, god!
I can feel them just sucking out so much.

816
00:48:37,916 --> 00:48:40,794
I'm gonna be a shriveled-up skin sack
when they're done.

817
00:48:40,877 --> 00:48:42,921
You cannot tell my dad I died this way.

818
00:48:43,004 --> 00:48:47,092
You gotta tell him I was wrestling
an anaconda with a sword or something.

819
00:48:47,175 --> 00:48:49,969
I'm like a blood jamba juice.
They're just sucking it all out.

820
00:48:50,053 --> 00:48:51,638
Why are they all on my butt though?

821
00:48:51,721 --> 00:48:54,307
Kind of like picking anchovies
off my Caesar salad.

822
00:48:54,390 --> 00:48:56,017
- It's actually not so bad.
- Anchovies?

823
00:48:56,101 --> 00:48:57,852
Why do you go to food right now?

824
00:48:57,936 --> 00:49:00,814
Just find the queen,
and let's be done with this.

825
00:49:00,897 --> 00:49:03,149
Think you're good.
I just need to check your front.

826
00:49:03,233 --> 00:49:05,276
Okay. I can't look.

827
00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:09,030
Is it bad?

828
00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,283
- Wow.
- What is it? Just say it.

829
00:49:12,367 --> 00:49:15,870
I mean, you expect it to, you know, not...

830
00:49:15,954 --> 00:49:18,665
Then suddenly there it is, and...

831
00:49:18,748 --> 00:49:21,084
- You know, you get excited for a person.
- What?

832
00:49:21,167 --> 00:49:23,753
- I mean, I'm excited for all people.
- Why are you excited?

833
00:49:23,837 --> 00:49:26,047
Well, you know, people wonder,
they wonder,

834
00:49:26,131 --> 00:49:27,924
but they don't know, right?

835
00:49:28,007 --> 00:49:30,635
They don't, until suddenly they do know,

836
00:49:30,718 --> 00:49:34,931
and then they know something
that wasn't known before.

837
00:49:35,014 --> 00:49:36,891
Just do I have any leeches or not?

838
00:49:36,975 --> 00:49:40,937
Your plucky warrior hangs
in tranquil solitude.

839
00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:42,105
What?

840
00:49:42,188 --> 00:49:44,232
No, you're good. You're good.

841
00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:49,112
We were so brave just then.
Why do they go for the butt so much?

842
00:50:11,092 --> 00:50:12,844
What's that song you're singing?

843
00:50:13,928 --> 00:50:16,681
A song my abbi used to sing to me
when I was a kid.

844
00:50:17,974 --> 00:50:20,185
- "If you suck life from the island...
- Yeah?

845
00:50:20,768 --> 00:50:22,604
The island will suck of you."

846
00:50:23,855 --> 00:50:27,609
Your grandma sang you songs
about getting sucked off by an island?

847
00:50:27,692 --> 00:50:29,777
It doesn't translate super well.

848
00:50:30,987 --> 00:50:33,823
Is phantom leech syndrome a thing?

849
00:50:33,907 --> 00:50:35,658
They don't lay eggs, do they?

850
00:51:24,832 --> 00:51:26,042
Queen taha?

851
00:51:39,806 --> 00:51:44,018
"King kalaman
and his treasure laid to rest...

852
00:51:45,186 --> 00:51:48,815
Laid to rest in the well of endless tears.

853
00:51:48,898 --> 00:51:50,858
Laid to rest in
the well of endless tears."

854
00:51:50,942 --> 00:51:52,360
- What does that mean?
- Loretta!

855
00:51:53,444 --> 00:51:54,988
You gave me a heart attack.

856
00:51:55,863 --> 00:51:57,156
Where'd you go?

857
00:52:01,536 --> 00:52:03,246
What is this?

858
00:52:03,329 --> 00:52:06,124
I'm not sure,
but maybe they gathered here?

859
00:52:09,085 --> 00:52:10,878
Can you imagine being right here,

860
00:52:11,796 --> 00:52:14,424
right in this very spot back then?

861
00:52:15,008 --> 00:52:16,426
The stories that they told?

862
00:52:16,509 --> 00:52:18,970
So much history
I'm sure happened right here.

863
00:52:24,434 --> 00:52:25,935
They've got us cornered.

864
00:52:26,019 --> 00:52:27,895
- Okay. We've got to go up. Come on.
- What?

865
00:52:28,479 --> 00:52:30,940
Have you seen what I'm wearing?
I'm in a glitter straitjacket.

866
00:52:31,024 --> 00:52:34,027
There's nowhere to go but up.
Come on. Let's go.

867
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,613
I should not be doing this.
I'm too old for this.

868
00:52:37,697 --> 00:52:38,924
No, you're not. You're beautiful.

869
00:52:38,948 --> 00:52:42,785
I didn't say I'm not beautiful.
I said I'm too old to be doing this.

870
00:52:42,869 --> 00:52:46,456
My skill is sitting and thinking
and eating when I can't think.

871
00:52:46,539 --> 00:52:48,899
Yeah, you definitely could be wearing
better shoes for this.

872
00:52:48,958 --> 00:52:50,877
You brought me these shoes.

873
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,463
I can't go any further.
I can't go any further.

874
00:52:53,546 --> 00:52:55,256
I'm not doing so great here.

875
00:52:55,340 --> 00:52:56,632
You got it. Come on.

876
00:52:56,716 --> 00:52:58,801
I know you think
that you're safer holding on,

877
00:52:58,885 --> 00:53:00,178
but you have to keep going.

878
00:53:00,261 --> 00:53:02,013
- I can't. I can't, I can't.
- Okay?

879
00:53:02,889 --> 00:53:04,557
- Do you smell that?
- Smell what?

880
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:06,452
- I smell something.
- Is it a predator? What is it?

881
00:53:06,476 --> 00:53:08,287
- A downward cascading fire?
- You got to smell deeper.

882
00:53:08,311 --> 00:53:09,520
I don't smell anything!

883
00:53:13,024 --> 00:53:14,650
Take a big, deep breath.

884
00:53:16,235 --> 00:53:17,653
All right.

885
00:53:17,737 --> 00:53:19,530
- Good job.
- Okay.

886
00:53:20,114 --> 00:53:22,533
- That was manipulative. Thank you.
- Yeah, it was.

887
00:53:23,284 --> 00:53:25,703
Here we go. I'm gonna
help you out a little bit, all right?

888
00:53:25,787 --> 00:53:27,955
- One, two, three... here we go!
- What are you doing?

889
00:53:28,039 --> 00:53:29,540
- Get out of there.
- Come on.

890
00:53:29,624 --> 00:53:31,751
- No, no, don't flex.
- That's my hoo-hoo.

891
00:53:31,834 --> 00:53:34,587
Just ride the head.
Keep the hands moving and ride the head.

892
00:53:34,670 --> 00:53:36,089
- Oh, god.
- You're doing great.

893
00:53:36,172 --> 00:53:38,508
Sorry about the scratchy haircut. Come on.

894
00:53:58,778 --> 00:54:00,863
Dulcius ex asperis.

895
00:54:01,531 --> 00:54:02,907
What was that?

896
00:54:02,990 --> 00:54:04,700
Oh, nothing.

897
00:54:04,784 --> 00:54:07,078
It was just something
that John and I would say

898
00:54:07,161 --> 00:54:10,373
after we finished something big, like a...

899
00:54:10,456 --> 00:54:12,458
Like an archaeological dig
or a manuscript.

900
00:54:12,542 --> 00:54:15,420
It's Latin.
It means "sweeter after difficulty."

901
00:54:16,879 --> 00:54:18,381
What's...

902
00:54:18,464 --> 00:54:20,925
What's Latin for "Loretta's a badass"?

903
00:54:21,509 --> 00:54:24,137
I am a badass. I climbed a mountain.

904
00:54:25,012 --> 00:54:28,015
Oh, my god.
I wish Beth could've seen us do this.

905
00:54:28,099 --> 00:54:30,935
- Oh, god. Beth.
- Don't worry about Beth.

906
00:54:31,519 --> 00:54:33,896
She's probably got the whole Navy
after us right now.

907
00:54:34,772 --> 00:54:37,900
I get that you think you have to go
to the island authorities yourself

908
00:54:37,984 --> 00:54:41,320
but don't worry, I'm keeping
Loretta's socials super active.

909
00:54:41,404 --> 00:54:43,698
Just tweeted, "did I just get kidnapped?

910
00:54:47,535 --> 00:54:49,162
And you're traveling alone?

911
00:54:49,245 --> 00:54:51,789
Yes, I'm traveling alone. I'm single.

912
00:54:52,582 --> 00:54:53,624
Then this might work.

913
00:54:53,708 --> 00:54:55,960
- Okay! Talk to me.
- You'll hit New York.

914
00:54:56,043 --> 00:54:59,213
From there, you'll fly to Guinea,
where you can pick up a puddle jumper.

915
00:54:59,297 --> 00:55:00,339
A what?

916
00:55:01,466 --> 00:55:02,925
- Small plane.
- Yeah, no leg room.

917
00:55:03,009 --> 00:55:04,302
That's fine. I'll take it.

918
00:55:04,385 --> 00:55:06,179
- Or you could just come home.
- Thank you.

919
00:55:14,270 --> 00:55:16,731
We need something more flammable.
Everything is just so wet.

920
00:55:16,814 --> 00:55:18,232
What's in here? What's in your bag?

921
00:55:18,858 --> 00:55:21,861
- Oh, a lot. Okay.
- What are you doing?

922
00:55:21,944 --> 00:55:23,821
Okay. Face masks.

923
00:55:23,905 --> 00:55:25,505
Yeah, that was like a gift-basket thing.

924
00:55:25,531 --> 00:55:27,325
You brought a scented candle
into the jungle?

925
00:55:27,408 --> 00:55:28,659
My mom gave me that.

926
00:55:28,743 --> 00:55:30,578
It was like a weird gift for mother's day.

927
00:55:30,661 --> 00:55:32,538
Your mom gives you gifts for mother's day?

928
00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:36,792
Eucalyptus Rosemary oil.

929
00:55:37,376 --> 00:55:38,920
That smells good.

930
00:55:39,003 --> 00:55:41,214
Oh, okay. All right.

931
00:55:41,714 --> 00:55:42,924
Yes!

932
00:55:43,007 --> 00:55:44,967
Yes, I made fire!

933
00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:49,180
- That's pretty impressive. You have to...
- It is a beautiful fire.

934
00:55:49,263 --> 00:55:51,224
Who would have thought?

935
00:55:51,307 --> 00:55:53,392
Oh, you're just taking your shirt off?

936
00:55:54,810 --> 00:55:56,812
That looks really uncomfortable.

937
00:55:56,896 --> 00:55:58,814
Are you okay? The back?

938
00:55:58,898 --> 00:56:03,027
Yeah. That is why I don't do water.

939
00:56:03,110 --> 00:56:05,571
- Okay.
- My body becomes an eighth-grader's face.

940
00:56:05,655 --> 00:56:08,282
Do you have anything for it?
Like some ointment or something?

941
00:56:08,366 --> 00:56:10,493
Yeah, I do. Well, I did.

942
00:56:10,576 --> 00:56:12,495
It was in a little, tiny little bottle.

943
00:56:12,578 --> 00:56:14,580
It was this. I'm sorry.

944
00:56:14,664 --> 00:56:16,749
Oh, god, I'm sorry.

945
00:56:16,832 --> 00:56:18,292
It's okay.

946
00:56:18,376 --> 00:56:20,586
- Hold on. Yes. Come here. Come here.
- What?

947
00:56:20,670 --> 00:56:23,214
- Come here. Sit down.
- Let me see.

948
00:56:23,297 --> 00:56:24,840
- Just sit down.
- Right here?

949
00:56:24,924 --> 00:56:25,924
Yeah.

950
00:56:27,093 --> 00:56:28,094
Okay.

951
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:30,846
No, you don't have to touch it.
It's okay. It's fine.

952
00:56:30,930 --> 00:56:32,974
I touched your engorged sacks, so...

953
00:56:35,184 --> 00:56:36,894
- The leeches.
- Okay.

954
00:56:37,478 --> 00:56:39,480
Okay, this might be a little bit cold.

955
00:56:40,982 --> 00:56:42,692
- Sorry.
- Oh, yeah.

956
00:56:42,775 --> 00:56:44,151
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

957
00:56:44,235 --> 00:56:46,237
Maybe this is how dash should die.

958
00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:49,156
Horrible eczema outbreak. That's so sexy.

959
00:56:49,240 --> 00:56:50,658
I could make it work.

960
00:56:51,242 --> 00:56:52,243
Yeah?

961
00:56:53,077 --> 00:56:54,370
All right, then.

962
00:56:55,663 --> 00:56:57,373
How would you write this?

963
00:56:57,456 --> 00:56:58,791
Okay.

964
00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:04,088
"Warmed by the fragrant fire..

965
00:57:06,882 --> 00:57:08,175
Starting strong.

966
00:57:09,385 --> 00:57:11,804
"Lovemore's hands explored the...

967
00:57:13,764 --> 00:57:16,183
The contoured scenery

968
00:57:16,267 --> 00:57:17,727
of dash's body.

969
00:57:20,146 --> 00:57:22,064
Familiar terrain made

970
00:57:22,898 --> 00:57:25,067
new and exciting with every...

971
00:57:26,235 --> 00:57:28,404
With every Scarlet rim."

972
00:57:29,572 --> 00:57:31,157
And that didn't...

973
00:57:32,199 --> 00:57:33,659
Didn't turn her off?

974
00:57:35,536 --> 00:57:37,538
"Because with every cardinal Ridge,

975
00:57:38,706 --> 00:57:41,125
lovemore discovered
another letter in the language

976
00:57:41,208 --> 00:57:43,169
that only their bodies spoke."

977
00:57:44,295 --> 00:57:46,213
And what were their bodies saying?

978
00:57:48,215 --> 00:57:49,592
"Take me...

979
00:57:51,761 --> 00:57:53,262
Take me,

980
00:57:54,013 --> 00:57:55,598
take me."

981
00:57:55,681 --> 00:57:56,807
How's that?

982
00:57:57,850 --> 00:57:58,934
It was good.

983
00:57:59,018 --> 00:58:00,936
- Your back. I mean, how is your back?
- Good.

984
00:58:01,020 --> 00:58:02,647
- Okay. You sure?
- Yeah.

985
00:58:02,730 --> 00:58:06,942
- I also meant my back. Right there, yeah.
- Okay.

986
00:58:15,326 --> 00:58:16,327
Supplies.

987
00:58:18,746 --> 00:58:22,917
Okay, I'm chilly. I think I'm gonna
probably turn in in a little bit.

988
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:24,293
- Okay.
- You good?

989
00:58:24,377 --> 00:58:27,004
Yeah, I'm fire... fine. I'm fine.

990
00:58:27,088 --> 00:58:29,757
I'm not "fire." I'm fine by the fire.

991
00:58:30,633 --> 00:58:32,259
Okay. All right.

992
00:58:41,268 --> 00:58:43,813
It's up to you, but if you're cold,

993
00:58:43,896 --> 00:58:47,692
maybe we could probably both fit in here,
if you wanted to.

994
00:58:48,567 --> 00:58:50,111
Both of us?

995
00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:53,447
- Only if you want to. I mean, it's just...
- Yeah, no, that sounds...

996
00:58:55,241 --> 00:58:56,575
Okay. How do you...

997
00:58:56,659 --> 00:58:58,494
You can go first, then I'll figure it out.

998
00:58:58,577 --> 00:59:02,039
No, no, you go. It's definitely
a "ladies first" type of situation.

999
00:59:02,123 --> 00:59:04,810
- Keep hands out of the bag at all times.
- That's what I was gonna do.

1000
00:59:04,834 --> 00:59:06,520
- Butt to butt.
- Hands out and butt to butt.

1001
00:59:06,544 --> 00:59:09,755
- Yeah. What do I do?
- Just get in. Go ahead and sit.

1002
00:59:09,839 --> 00:59:12,425
I sit first? Okay. I'm in.

1003
00:59:14,260 --> 00:59:16,887
You're too heavy. You're gonna
flip this thing like a cruise ship.

1004
00:59:16,971 --> 00:59:19,640
You watch yourself. Hold on. I'm not in.

1005
00:59:19,724 --> 00:59:22,268
Why is this engaging my core so much?

1006
00:59:23,561 --> 00:59:24,687
How 'bout you shimmy?

1007
00:59:25,688 --> 00:59:27,708
- I can't breathe. I'm not breathing.
- Are you good?

1008
00:59:27,732 --> 00:59:28,858
My face.

1009
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:30,943
Yeah. Okay.

1010
00:59:34,029 --> 00:59:35,448
Hands are out. Butt to butt.

1011
00:59:35,531 --> 00:59:36,532
Okay.

1012
01:00:07,855 --> 01:00:09,398
Well!

1013
01:00:09,482 --> 01:00:10,691
Come on.

1014
01:00:10,775 --> 01:00:12,610
Come on! Let's hear it!

1015
01:00:12,693 --> 01:00:16,113
Let's give a nice round of applause
to Loretta!

1016
01:00:16,197 --> 01:00:17,782
She earned it.

1017
01:00:17,865 --> 01:00:21,786
A geriatric shut-in left you
holding your dicks in the jungle.

1018
01:00:22,369 --> 01:00:23,370
Good job, Loretta.

1019
01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:26,123
Boss, come on. People are dying now.

1020
01:00:26,707 --> 01:00:29,543
Don't you think that maybe
this has all gone too far?

1021
01:00:30,878 --> 01:00:32,171
Is it really worth it?

1022
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:36,175
I am on the cusp
of attaining the unattainable.

1023
01:00:36,258 --> 01:00:39,303
Something singular, something no nation,

1024
01:00:39,386 --> 01:00:42,932
no emperor,
no brownnosing brothers ever have.

1025
01:00:43,015 --> 01:00:45,851
The legendary crown of fire.

1026
01:00:46,435 --> 01:00:47,436
So, yes.

1027
01:00:47,937 --> 01:00:50,272
Yes, I would definitely say it's worth it.

1028
01:00:59,782 --> 01:01:01,242
Excuse me!

1029
01:01:01,951 --> 01:01:04,286
Excuse me, sir. I need to get
to my next connecting flight.

1030
01:01:04,370 --> 01:01:05,788
No flight.

1031
01:01:05,871 --> 01:01:08,624
The pilot is sick. Come tomorrow.

1032
01:01:08,707 --> 01:01:10,894
No, no, sir. I cannot come tomorrow.
I need to do this today.

1033
01:01:10,918 --> 01:01:14,046
I need to get to the island
Isla hundida tonight.

1034
01:01:14,129 --> 01:01:15,506
Lives are at stake.

1035
01:01:15,589 --> 01:01:16,924
Come tomorrow.

1036
01:01:20,970 --> 01:01:22,847
- Excuse me, miss?
- Yes?

1037
01:01:22,930 --> 01:01:26,016
I couldn't help but overhear you say
that you like steak.

1038
01:01:26,976 --> 01:01:29,770
Okay, this is a little bit crazy,

1039
01:01:30,437 --> 01:01:32,231
but I also like steak.

1040
01:01:32,314 --> 01:01:34,775
- What?
- I also like steak.

1041
01:01:34,859 --> 01:01:38,237
Would you like to, maybe, I don't know...

1042
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:41,156
- Maybe there's a...
- No. "Lives are at stake."

1043
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:43,242
I need to go to the island tonight.

1044
01:01:43,784 --> 01:01:44,618
Yes.

1045
01:01:44,702 --> 01:01:46,036
- Even more serious.
- Extremely.

1046
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:49,373
Well, I believe
that I may be able to assist you.

1047
01:01:49,456 --> 01:01:51,083
I have a cargo plane.

1048
01:01:52,334 --> 01:01:55,296
Maybe after I make my delivery,
we could swing by your island.

1049
01:01:56,547 --> 01:01:59,091
I'm gonna ask you something,
and you better tell me the truth.

1050
01:01:59,174 --> 01:02:01,051
Have you ever murdered anyone before?

1051
01:02:08,142 --> 01:02:10,853
I don't know if I really buy it,
but let me tell you something.

1052
01:02:10,936 --> 01:02:15,065
If you ever think about murdering me,
I promise, I will murder you first.

1053
01:02:15,149 --> 01:02:16,609
My pleasure.

1054
01:02:16,692 --> 01:02:18,444
You are weird. Let's go.

1055
01:03:14,333 --> 01:03:17,419
"King kalaman and his treasure
laid to rest in the well

1056
01:03:18,128 --> 01:03:19,463
of endless tears."

1057
01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:22,341
What is that?

1058
01:03:23,759 --> 01:03:26,428
Oh, it's a thing. I mean, it's not...

1059
01:03:27,221 --> 01:03:29,556
You know, it's not what you think it is.

1060
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:33,435
So it's not Fairfax's fragment
of an ancient parchment?

1061
01:03:33,519 --> 01:03:36,814
Okay. It's what you think it is.

1062
01:03:37,439 --> 01:03:39,084
Loretta, I thought
you were smarter than that.

1063
01:03:39,108 --> 01:03:41,652
Fairfax is never
gonna stop hunting us now.

1064
01:03:41,735 --> 01:03:42,903
What were you thinking?

1065
01:03:42,987 --> 01:03:46,740
We have a volcano that could Bury the tomb
before we get to it, before we see it,

1066
01:03:46,824 --> 01:03:48,701
before we preserve its memory.

1067
01:03:48,784 --> 01:03:50,784
- This is...
- I'm sorry. Is that what we're doing?

1068
01:03:50,828 --> 01:03:53,288
'Cause no one told me.
When were you gonna tell me?

1069
01:03:53,372 --> 01:03:54,665
Why would I tell you?

1070
01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:56,750
We're in this together.
I came here to rescue you.

1071
01:03:56,834 --> 01:03:58,502
You know you're not dash, right?

1072
01:03:58,585 --> 01:04:00,921
You don't ride in on a white horse
to rescue people.

1073
01:04:01,005 --> 01:04:05,300
You... spray yourself with bronzer
and you stand in front of wind machines,

1074
01:04:05,384 --> 01:04:06,885
which is great for you.

1075
01:04:06,969 --> 01:04:09,680
How would you have any idea
what I'm actually like?

1076
01:04:09,763 --> 01:04:12,725
I know you.
You're a pretty open book, Alan.

1077
01:04:12,808 --> 01:04:14,393
- Okay, then who am I?
- Really?

1078
01:04:14,476 --> 01:04:15,477
Yeah.

1079
01:04:18,105 --> 01:04:19,106
Okay.

1080
01:04:20,190 --> 01:04:23,360
You were a homecoming king
and you coasted on your good looks to la,

1081
01:04:23,444 --> 01:04:26,006
but then realized that being the most
handsome kid in the middle of nowhere

1082
01:04:26,030 --> 01:04:27,507
doesn't mean you're going to be a star.

1083
01:04:27,531 --> 01:04:29,718
Until one day, when a woman
who couldn't publish her book

1084
01:04:29,742 --> 01:04:33,245
on Spanish colonization in the Atlantic
decided to write a romance novel,

1085
01:04:33,328 --> 01:04:35,497
chose you at random to be on the cover.

1086
01:04:35,581 --> 01:04:38,959
Lucky for you and her,
the novels were a smashing success.

1087
01:04:39,043 --> 01:04:42,087
She kept writing her schlock,
you kept posing,

1088
01:04:43,213 --> 01:04:46,925
you know, neither one of us becoming
who we'd hoped we would be.

1089
01:04:48,010 --> 01:04:51,555
And then one day,
we both die in the jungle

1090
01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:55,517
on one of those Atlantic islands
I wrote about all those years ago.

1091
01:04:55,601 --> 01:04:56,602
Right?

1092
01:05:10,824 --> 01:05:12,242
It was sarasota, by the way.

1093
01:05:12,910 --> 01:05:13,911
It's not nowhere.

1094
01:05:14,745 --> 01:05:16,872
I grew up there with
my mom and two sisters.

1095
01:05:16,955 --> 01:05:17,956
And yeah.

1096
01:05:19,208 --> 01:05:21,877
I started modeling
'cause I wanted to get away.

1097
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:25,464
It was the only job that I could think of
that could take me to all of the places

1098
01:05:25,547 --> 01:05:27,132
that I always dreamed of going.

1099
01:05:27,216 --> 01:05:28,634
Then finally to Los Angeles,

1100
01:05:28,717 --> 01:05:31,678
where I posed on the cover
of your romance novel.

1101
01:05:31,762 --> 01:05:34,473
I was so embarrassed
that one of my friends might've seen me

1102
01:05:34,556 --> 01:05:36,767
in that wig on the cover of your book

1103
01:05:36,850 --> 01:05:39,186
that I avoided talking to them for months.

1104
01:05:40,437 --> 01:05:41,772
And then one day,

1105
01:05:42,648 --> 01:05:44,566
I'm walking home,

1106
01:05:44,650 --> 01:05:46,985
and I hear this lady yell, "dash!"

1107
01:05:48,070 --> 01:05:50,197
She runs up, and she is so happy.

1108
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:54,034
Then I thought,
"how could I be this embarrassed

1109
01:05:54,118 --> 01:05:56,411
about something
that makes people this happy?"

1110
01:06:00,082 --> 01:06:01,602
Loretta, you can do whatever you want.

1111
01:06:02,167 --> 01:06:04,047
If you don't want to write anymore,
don't write.

1112
01:06:04,086 --> 01:06:08,507
But don't minimize the people
that love your work by calling it schlock.

1113
01:06:09,091 --> 01:06:11,051
That's not fair to them.

1114
01:06:12,553 --> 01:06:13,887
You know what's ironic?

1115
01:06:13,971 --> 01:06:17,474
I thought you of all people would know
not to judge a book by its cover.

1116
01:06:21,979 --> 01:06:24,189
Judge a book by its cover model.

1117
01:06:55,804 --> 01:06:57,014
Alan?

1118
01:06:57,097 --> 01:06:58,182
Alan.

1119
01:07:10,444 --> 01:07:11,612
There's two of them.

1120
01:07:18,035 --> 01:07:20,412
- Loretta! I'm over here!
- Alan!

1121
01:07:21,747 --> 01:07:24,333
Alan! Motorcycles and guns,
motorcycles and guns!

1122
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:26,668
Come this way!

1123
01:07:27,544 --> 01:07:28,545
Stop shooting!

1124
01:07:34,092 --> 01:07:35,692
- Just give 'em the parchment!
- I can't.

1125
01:07:35,761 --> 01:07:38,805
Yes, you can, actually.
You just say, "here," and throw it at 'em.

1126
01:07:38,889 --> 01:07:41,308
Right. And then I'm sure
they'll happily let us go.

1127
01:07:41,391 --> 01:07:43,311
- Okay, keep down.
- How do they keep finding us?

1128
01:07:43,352 --> 01:07:45,830
- You're basically a walking disco ball.
- We need to come up with a plan.

1129
01:07:45,854 --> 01:07:46,855
I have an idea.

1130
01:07:46,939 --> 01:07:48,649
We're gonna dig a hole, throw our voices.

1131
01:07:48,732 --> 01:07:50,692
"We're over here."
Can you sound like a bird?

1132
01:07:50,776 --> 01:07:53,195
- No, I have a plan.
- Alan, please, I'm thinking.

1133
01:07:53,278 --> 01:07:56,490
- I know, but I have a plan.
- Please, just let me think about...

1134
01:07:57,699 --> 01:08:00,595
- Wait a minute. They're shooting at you.
- Yeah, that's why we're hiding.

1135
01:08:00,619 --> 01:08:02,621
No. They're shooting only at you.

1136
01:08:03,121 --> 01:08:05,791
They won't shoot me.
It's my brain that's valuable.

1137
01:08:06,959 --> 01:08:09,544
I don't think you actually hear
the things you say sometimes.

1138
01:08:09,628 --> 01:08:12,506
- Maybe I can shield you.
- You are not shielding me.

1139
01:08:12,589 --> 01:08:14,400
- I should be shielding you.
- Why? Because I'm a woman?

1140
01:08:14,424 --> 01:08:15,425
That's supremely sexist.

1141
01:08:15,509 --> 01:08:17,928
I don't think using women as human shields

1142
01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:20,764
is exactly the change
that Gloria Seinfeld had in mind, do you?

1143
01:08:20,847 --> 01:08:22,474
Gloria steinem?

1144
01:08:22,557 --> 01:08:25,536
Whatever. Her too. You know what? Fine.
Please mansplain sexism to me right now.

1145
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:29,147
Oh, my god. I am a woman.
I can't mansplain anything.

1146
01:08:29,231 --> 01:08:32,734
I'm a feminist, and I think a woman
can do anything a man can do.

1147
01:08:33,986 --> 01:08:35,826
We just need to stay here
until they get tired.

1148
01:08:35,904 --> 01:08:38,031
- I have an idea. Can I tell you my plan?
- Alan!

1149
01:08:38,115 --> 01:08:41,660
This is not a situation you can get out of
by ripping your shirt off.

1150
01:08:41,743 --> 01:08:43,412
Not my shirt.

1151
01:09:14,943 --> 01:09:16,361
Three!

1152
01:09:16,445 --> 01:09:17,445
Yes!

1153
01:09:24,286 --> 01:09:27,622
That was different than I had in my head.

1154
01:09:28,206 --> 01:09:29,666
I just wanted us to stop them.

1155
01:09:29,750 --> 01:09:31,670
Could it have been the wind
that made it do that?

1156
01:09:31,710 --> 01:09:33,879
No, I think it was
us. I think... we did it.

1157
01:09:33,962 --> 01:09:36,506
We did the one guy, right?
But that was, like...

1158
01:09:36,590 --> 01:09:39,843
We just wanted him to stop.
But the other guy could've moved, really.

1159
01:09:39,926 --> 01:09:42,137
So, that one was on him.

1160
01:09:42,220 --> 01:09:45,098
Even if we weren't here,
that could've happened.

1161
01:09:45,182 --> 01:09:46,892
Why are you gonna stop next to a cliff?

1162
01:09:46,975 --> 01:09:49,561
They were wearing helmets,
so maybe they're...

1163
01:09:49,644 --> 01:09:51,688
But the rest of their body
didn't have a helmet.

1164
01:09:51,772 --> 01:09:53,065
So there'd just be a head.

1165
01:09:53,148 --> 01:09:55,359
They were driving recklessly, right?

1166
01:09:55,442 --> 01:09:57,069
Don't be mean on a bike.

1167
01:09:57,944 --> 01:09:59,363
Don't do mean stuff on a bike.

1168
01:10:03,408 --> 01:10:05,077
I mean, perhaps they're fine.

1169
01:10:05,786 --> 01:10:08,372
Yeah, probably not. But that's okay.

1170
01:10:08,455 --> 01:10:12,292
That's all right.
You know, things happen. Let's go.

1171
01:10:14,836 --> 01:10:17,798
- You gonna put it back together?
- It's on loan.

1172
01:10:30,852 --> 01:10:33,063
- Look at me.
- Okay.

1173
01:10:33,980 --> 01:10:36,191
What more can I do, you know?

1174
01:10:36,274 --> 01:10:38,235
You've done so much already, Beth.

1175
01:10:38,318 --> 01:10:41,405
My poor, sweet, little Nana
has lost her sight.

1176
01:10:41,488 --> 01:10:45,909
The book release is a complete disaster,
which I've leveraged everything on,

1177
01:10:45,992 --> 01:10:48,453
so I'm probably,
most definitely broke right now.

1178
01:10:48,537 --> 01:10:51,665
And most importantly, I've lost a writer.

1179
01:10:51,748 --> 01:10:53,458
Who does that? Who loses a writer?

1180
01:10:53,542 --> 01:10:57,921
Okay, Beth, you remind me
of my best friend, Randy.

1181
01:10:58,004 --> 01:11:00,465
Always looking out for other people,

1182
01:11:00,549 --> 01:11:02,717
never taking care of herself.

1183
01:11:03,969 --> 01:11:05,387
Isn't that right, Randy?

1184
01:11:07,889 --> 01:11:09,766
She's like my therapist,
this one over here.

1185
01:11:09,850 --> 01:11:11,435
Lol. "Laughing out loud."

1186
01:11:12,102 --> 01:11:13,812
After you take care of your friend,

1187
01:11:14,938 --> 01:11:16,398
how about we go to a beach?

1188
01:11:16,481 --> 01:11:18,900
- What?
- Look, I have a pickup in Hawaii.

1189
01:11:19,484 --> 01:11:20,986
She doesn't have to come.

1190
01:11:21,862 --> 01:11:23,864
Okay! Okay, you can come!

1191
01:11:24,364 --> 01:11:25,699
She's hilarious.

1192
01:11:26,700 --> 01:11:28,201
Let me ask you something.

1193
01:11:28,285 --> 01:11:30,829
We're all sitting here chitchatting,
but who's flying the plane?

1194
01:11:30,912 --> 01:11:32,873
- Autopilot.
- What?

1195
01:11:32,956 --> 01:11:35,333
Sir, go to the cockpit, fly the plane.

1196
01:11:35,917 --> 01:11:36,918
Okay.

1197
01:11:37,836 --> 01:11:39,629
I'm going to go land the plane.

1198
01:11:39,713 --> 01:11:41,298
Okay.

1199
01:11:41,381 --> 01:11:43,301
No, no, no.
Take the goat. Please, take the goat.

1200
01:11:43,383 --> 01:11:45,719
She's on break. Enjoy the flight!

1201
01:12:27,177 --> 01:12:30,013
This English dude came in
and basically kidnapped her.

1202
01:12:31,765 --> 01:12:35,560
Hey, it's Beth. Please leave a message,
and I w get right back to you.

1203
01:12:36,686 --> 01:12:38,188
Hi, Beth.

1204
01:12:38,271 --> 01:12:39,356
It's me.

1205
01:12:39,856 --> 01:12:41,024
I'm alive!

1206
01:12:42,567 --> 01:12:43,568
Listen...

1207
01:12:47,864 --> 01:12:51,576
I'm sorry that I blew up the book tour.

1208
01:12:53,912 --> 01:12:56,039
I was just afraid

1209
01:12:57,207 --> 01:12:58,333
and selfish.

1210
01:12:59,167 --> 01:13:01,628
Here comes Alan. I'll call you back.

1211
01:13:05,048 --> 01:13:08,134
So, police are searching for Fairfax,

1212
01:13:08,218 --> 01:13:10,595
and they're gonna provide us protection
while we're here.

1213
01:13:10,679 --> 01:13:12,722
Did they say how long we'd be here?

1214
01:13:12,806 --> 01:13:15,433
They're gonna try to get us
on a puddle jumper later this evening.

1215
01:13:15,517 --> 01:13:17,811
But they said in the meantime,
the inn is really nice,

1216
01:13:17,894 --> 01:13:20,230
and we can get cleaned up
and maybe a change of clothes.

1217
01:13:20,313 --> 01:13:21,314
Okay.

1218
01:13:25,110 --> 01:13:26,528
Okay. Yeah.

1219
01:14:19,539 --> 01:14:20,832
Thank you.

1220
01:14:21,541 --> 01:14:22,542
Come on.

1221
01:14:25,003 --> 01:14:26,296
Dance with your husband.

1222
01:14:26,379 --> 01:14:28,214
- No, no, no.
- He's not my husband.

1223
01:14:28,298 --> 01:14:29,841
- It's okay.
- Dance with him.

1224
01:14:29,924 --> 01:14:32,719
No, no. She doesn't want to.
She doesn't have the right shoes.

1225
01:14:32,802 --> 01:14:35,263
Actually, it's the only thing
these shoes are right for.

1226
01:14:35,889 --> 01:14:37,474
You don't have to do this.

1227
01:14:37,557 --> 01:14:39,225
It's okay. It's okay.

1228
01:14:40,101 --> 01:14:41,102
Yeah?

1229
01:15:59,806 --> 01:16:01,474
I wonder what she's saying.

1230
01:16:03,893 --> 01:16:05,311
It's folklore.

1231
01:16:06,771 --> 01:16:09,065
Love song about a woman

1232
01:16:09,149 --> 01:16:12,068
whose lover died,
and she didn't want to leave his side.

1233
01:16:13,236 --> 01:16:16,114
So she laid down and refused to get up.

1234
01:16:16,698 --> 01:16:17,824
Must be scary.

1235
01:16:18,491 --> 01:16:22,370
Having to face your future without
the person that you planned it with.

1236
01:16:34,841 --> 01:16:36,259
What was that?

1237
01:16:38,678 --> 01:16:42,307
Excuse me. The last line that you sang.

1238
01:16:42,390 --> 01:16:44,726
G ouién llorara junto a mi?

1239
01:16:47,729 --> 01:16:50,565
"The island will weep for me
in the well of endless tears."

1240
01:16:50,648 --> 01:16:53,985
What is that, the well of endless tears?
Is that a real place, or...

1241
01:16:54,068 --> 01:16:55,361
Sinkhole place.

1242
01:16:57,489 --> 01:16:59,199
Thank you. Gracias, gracias.

1243
01:16:59,282 --> 01:17:01,117
- Come here, come here.
- What is it?

1244
01:17:02,911 --> 01:17:04,871
Hey, on the parchment, it said,

1245
01:17:04,954 --> 01:17:08,958
"king kalaman and his treasure laid
to rest in the well of endless tears."

1246
01:17:09,042 --> 01:17:10,919
I thought maybe it was a metaphor.

1247
01:17:11,503 --> 01:17:13,296
It's not.

1248
01:17:13,379 --> 01:17:16,257
The well of endless tears is a place.

1249
01:17:16,341 --> 01:17:18,384
It's a sinkhole.

1250
01:17:18,468 --> 01:17:20,470
There's a sinkhole on the map.

1251
01:17:21,930 --> 01:17:23,890
I think the tomb is there.

1252
01:17:23,973 --> 01:17:26,267
- This is so much better than your books.
- What?

1253
01:17:26,351 --> 01:17:28,037
There's like...
No, I don't mean any offense.

1254
01:17:28,061 --> 01:17:29,705
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
- It's, like, equal.

1255
01:17:29,729 --> 01:17:32,208
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
- Look at you. You want to go there.

1256
01:17:32,232 --> 01:17:34,317
- What? No.
- I can see. Yes, you do.

1257
01:17:34,400 --> 01:17:37,570
That would be insane.
That would be insane. I just...

1258
01:17:37,654 --> 01:17:41,741
It's just that we're so close to it,
but, you know, we can't...

1259
01:17:43,076 --> 01:17:45,912
This is your story.
How do you want to write it?

1260
01:17:46,871 --> 01:17:49,123
I'd like to know that it's there,

1261
01:17:49,207 --> 01:17:50,834
that all this meant something.

1262
01:17:50,917 --> 01:17:52,210
Okay. Then let's go.

1263
01:17:53,211 --> 01:17:55,131
We'll stay one more day.
As soon as the sun's up,

1264
01:17:55,171 --> 01:17:56,690
we're gonna go find
the well of endless tears.

1265
01:17:56,714 --> 01:17:59,509
- But what if it's nothing?
- So what? Then we say we tried.

1266
01:17:59,592 --> 01:18:00,844
And Fairfax?

1267
01:18:00,927 --> 01:18:03,263
The cops are after Fairfax.
Don't worry about him.

1268
01:18:04,389 --> 01:18:06,182
- This is crazy.
- Yeah, but look at you.

1269
01:18:06,266 --> 01:18:07,141
What?

1270
01:18:07,225 --> 01:18:09,978
It's the very first time
I've ever seen you totally unafraid.

1271
01:18:10,770 --> 01:18:12,397
And alive.

1272
01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:15,233
I'm gonna go tell them our plans
have changed and find us a ride.

1273
01:18:15,316 --> 01:18:16,609
Where are you going?

1274
01:18:21,114 --> 01:18:22,574
I see you met my friend here.

1275
01:18:23,491 --> 01:18:26,995
He told me you were just about
to jump on a plane,

1276
01:18:27,078 --> 01:18:29,080
without so much as saying goodbye.

1277
01:18:29,706 --> 01:18:33,293
I said, "no way. Not my Loretta.

1278
01:18:33,877 --> 01:18:37,463
Not when she's the only one
who can lead me to the tomb."

1279
01:18:41,009 --> 01:18:42,802
Stop squeezing so hard.

1280
01:18:44,888 --> 01:18:46,598
Get your hands off of me!

1281
01:18:48,391 --> 01:18:49,391
Let go!

1282
01:18:49,893 --> 01:18:52,896
I need a car. A car, an auto.
Does anybody have an auto?

1283
01:19:01,529 --> 01:19:02,572
No, no.No.

1284
01:19:03,489 --> 01:19:06,618
I need an auto. I'll trade you my watch.
It's a really expensive watch.

1285
01:19:06,701 --> 01:19:09,412
Do you have a car? It's a bulgari.
This thing glows in the dark.

1286
01:19:09,495 --> 01:19:11,015
- It's waterproof.
- I have motorcycle.

1287
01:19:24,761 --> 01:19:25,970
Cool, isn't it?

1288
01:19:26,512 --> 01:19:29,807
I always thought, why can't
your personal tank also have a minibar?

1289
01:19:29,891 --> 01:19:31,517
Have a drink.

1290
01:19:32,435 --> 01:19:33,937
- Do you mind?
- Yes.

1291
01:19:34,020 --> 01:19:37,023
He has a bit of a grudge against you,
I'm afraid.

1292
01:19:37,106 --> 01:19:39,651
Something about a motorbike accident
his friends had?

1293
01:19:39,734 --> 01:19:41,027
Why are you doing this?

1294
01:19:41,110 --> 01:19:42,820
I want something nobody else has.

1295
01:19:43,571 --> 01:19:45,448
When my father gifted...

1296
01:19:48,534 --> 01:19:50,244
As I was saying,

1297
01:19:50,328 --> 01:19:54,832
when my father gifted his empire
to my baby brother...

1298
01:20:02,799 --> 01:20:04,175
Who is that?

1299
01:20:13,101 --> 01:20:15,061
Is that a Ken doll on a moped?

1300
01:20:16,104 --> 01:20:17,772
I know him from somewhere.

1301
01:20:17,855 --> 01:20:19,482
Oh, I doubt that.

1302
01:20:19,565 --> 01:20:24,862
Because what you are looking at
is a highly trained combat specialist,

1303
01:20:24,946 --> 01:20:28,491
forged in the furnaces
of Afghanistan, Iraq,

1304
01:20:28,574 --> 01:20:31,119
Kuwait, sarasota...

1305
01:20:31,202 --> 01:20:33,371
Incredible skin. No eczema problems.

1306
01:20:33,454 --> 01:20:37,083
And he will not stop until I am safe!

1307
01:20:37,166 --> 01:20:39,460
So you pull this space tank over,

1308
01:20:39,544 --> 01:20:42,672
unless you would like to perish
like his friends did.

1309
01:20:42,755 --> 01:20:46,217
And he is responsible
for their perishment.

1310
01:20:46,300 --> 01:20:48,928
He might not have meant to,

1311
01:20:49,012 --> 01:20:52,098
but they... perished, so...

1312
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:10,366
Okay, who is this?
I have seen him somewhere before.

1313
01:21:12,952 --> 01:21:16,039
No, no, no.
That's your cover model, isn't it?

1314
01:21:16,122 --> 01:21:18,249
Yes. I knew I knew him from somewhere.

1315
01:21:19,375 --> 01:21:20,501
Get up there.

1316
01:21:20,585 --> 01:21:22,086
And kill him creatively.

1317
01:21:22,170 --> 01:21:24,130
I love watching hunks fail.

1318
01:21:26,215 --> 01:21:28,551
I guess I will have that drink.

1319
01:21:30,428 --> 01:21:31,804
Oh, shit.

1320
01:21:32,430 --> 01:21:34,474
Is it okay if I just top 'er off?

1321
01:21:34,557 --> 01:21:37,602
Yeah, that's fine, but...
Oh, my god, have you used a glass before?

1322
01:21:37,685 --> 01:21:39,187
Sorry.

1323
01:21:39,270 --> 01:21:40,605
What would Jack trainer do?

1324
01:21:42,857 --> 01:21:47,153
It's hot in here.
Anyone else feeling how hot it is?

1325
01:21:47,236 --> 01:21:50,239
Are you trying to be sexy?
This is very weird. Please, stop.

1326
01:21:50,323 --> 01:21:51,908
I could set your world on fire.

1327
01:22:02,919 --> 01:22:06,798
Go to sleep! Go to sleep!
Go to sleep! Sleep!

1328
01:22:11,260 --> 01:22:12,386
Time-out.

1329
01:22:12,470 --> 01:22:13,470
Time-in!

1330
01:22:19,435 --> 01:22:21,938
No! Don't shoot her! I need her!

1331
01:22:24,649 --> 01:22:25,650
Jesus!

1332
01:22:31,155 --> 01:22:33,449
Move your foot! Move your foot!

1333
01:22:37,411 --> 01:22:38,830
Go to sleep, asshole.

1334
01:22:38,913 --> 01:22:40,540
Get out there! Look!

1335
01:22:45,294 --> 01:22:46,462
A bigger guy?

1336
01:22:46,546 --> 01:22:47,797
Oh, no.

1337
01:22:49,382 --> 01:22:50,382
What?

1338
01:22:52,927 --> 01:22:53,927
Move it!

1339
01:22:55,847 --> 01:22:57,765
No, no, no. No, no, no.

1340
01:22:58,641 --> 01:23:00,560
Hey! Get in.

1341
01:23:01,102 --> 01:23:02,102
Him or me?

1342
01:23:06,649 --> 01:23:11,279
This is not one of your cheap,
vapid lady-fantasy books, Loretta.

1343
01:23:11,362 --> 01:23:13,030
This is real life.

1344
01:23:14,240 --> 01:23:16,117
And we will kill him.

1345
01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:17,827
Tell us where the tomb is.

1346
01:23:32,675 --> 01:23:36,512
Hi. So, whoever's in charge,
I need you to send officials to go here.

1347
01:23:36,596 --> 01:23:37,722
Here.

1348
01:23:38,931 --> 01:23:40,725
We are closed.

1349
01:23:40,808 --> 01:23:42,018
You're closed?

1350
01:23:44,437 --> 01:23:47,398
You know I've been trying to take a nap
for a year and a half?

1351
01:23:47,481 --> 01:23:48,900
A year and a half.

1352
01:23:50,026 --> 01:23:53,029
I have been burning the candle
at both ends,

1353
01:23:53,112 --> 01:23:54,572
the midnight oil,

1354
01:23:54,655 --> 01:23:57,575
since way before my friend got kidnapped.

1355
01:23:57,658 --> 01:23:59,202
And all I want to do

1356
01:23:59,911 --> 01:24:01,537
is kick my feet back

1357
01:24:02,246 --> 01:24:05,458
and drink some wine
that I'm probably too tired to drink.

1358
01:24:06,083 --> 01:24:08,211
And I want a massage.

1359
01:24:08,294 --> 01:24:12,924
I want someone to massage
my shoulders and my feet,

1360
01:24:13,007 --> 01:24:15,092
and I want it at the same time.

1361
01:24:15,176 --> 01:24:18,888
And I don't care if logistically
that doesn't make sense.

1362
01:24:18,971 --> 01:24:21,265
Because I have worked hard.

1363
01:24:22,266 --> 01:24:24,685
The same way that I know that you have.

1364
01:24:25,811 --> 01:24:28,105
So I hate to ask you

1365
01:24:28,189 --> 01:24:30,483
to leave this place open
a few more minutes,

1366
01:24:30,566 --> 01:24:32,485
because if we don't,

1367
01:24:32,568 --> 01:24:36,113
a very close friend of mine
and her cover model

1368
01:24:36,197 --> 01:24:37,865
are going to die.

1369
01:25:00,972 --> 01:25:02,390
No good way in, boss!

1370
01:25:02,974 --> 01:25:04,475
What about the caves?

1371
01:25:05,309 --> 01:25:06,894
That's too dangerous!

1372
01:25:06,978 --> 01:25:09,647
Well, we'll be very careful then.

1373
01:25:23,411 --> 01:25:24,537
Well, come on!

1374
01:25:29,375 --> 01:25:30,376
This way.

1375
01:25:30,459 --> 01:25:32,795
I have a rule about not going
into super creepy caves.

1376
01:25:44,390 --> 01:25:47,351
- Julian?
- His name is Julian?

1377
01:25:47,435 --> 01:25:50,146
He seems more like a buck or a Bruce.

1378
01:25:50,229 --> 01:25:51,564
Lead the way.

1379
01:25:55,443 --> 01:25:57,570
Go on. Don't be scared.

1380
01:26:27,558 --> 01:26:29,310
Watch your step there.

1381
01:26:30,436 --> 01:26:31,812
- Bruce! Julian!
- Julian. Oh, no!

1382
01:26:35,691 --> 01:26:37,109
Well...

1383
01:26:37,985 --> 01:26:39,862
Let's not have his death be in vain.

1384
01:26:40,613 --> 01:26:42,698
- Onward and upward.
- What do you mean onward?

1385
01:26:42,782 --> 01:26:45,159
We're not gonna go and get him now,
are we?

1386
01:26:45,242 --> 01:26:46,452
Oh, man.

1387
01:26:59,173 --> 01:27:00,800
- It's nothing.
- Okay.

1388
01:27:01,425 --> 01:27:05,513
Yeah, let's just go back to the boat.
This is over. Nobody else has to die.

1389
01:27:05,596 --> 01:27:07,848
No, no, no. It's a breeze.

1390
01:27:07,932 --> 01:27:10,518
There's a tunnel.
This could lead to the tomb.

1391
01:27:10,601 --> 01:27:12,481
- That's not person-sized.
- Speak for yourself.

1392
01:27:12,561 --> 01:27:14,688
Come on. It's practically a kiddie slide.

1393
01:27:14,772 --> 01:27:17,233
- More like a rock sphincter.
- Or a troll anus.

1394
01:27:17,316 --> 01:27:21,028
Well, you are going through the anus...
The hole... the tunnel!

1395
01:27:21,112 --> 01:27:23,239
- Why her?
- You are our canary in the coal mine.

1396
01:27:23,322 --> 01:27:24,698
No, that's impossible. I can't.

1397
01:27:24,782 --> 01:27:26,367
Please let us know if you get through.

1398
01:27:26,450 --> 01:27:28,661
If we don't hear from you,
fabio's got to die.

1399
01:27:28,744 --> 01:27:30,746
Wait, I'm the damsel in distress?

1400
01:27:31,414 --> 01:27:32,915
It's okay. I'm fine.

1401
01:28:08,784 --> 01:28:11,245
I can't. I'm so sorry. I can't.

1402
01:28:11,328 --> 01:28:12,955
- Hey.
- What?

1403
01:28:13,873 --> 01:28:15,082
You smell that?

1404
01:28:15,916 --> 01:28:19,420
You mean centuries worth of bat feces?
Yes, I definitely smell that.

1405
01:28:19,503 --> 01:28:21,005
You gotta take a big breath for me.

1406
01:28:26,177 --> 01:28:27,678
There you go.

1407
01:28:27,761 --> 01:28:29,346
You can do it, Loretta.

1408
01:28:42,568 --> 01:28:45,321
I think I see a way out.

1409
01:28:49,450 --> 01:28:50,951
Cheese and rice!

1410
01:28:55,748 --> 01:28:56,999
I made it!

1411
01:28:57,583 --> 01:28:58,709
I made it!

1412
01:28:59,960 --> 01:29:01,170
See? Totally safe.

1413
01:29:02,087 --> 01:29:03,255
Go on. Your turn.

1414
01:29:05,132 --> 01:29:07,551
I'm coming through! Be right there, okay?

1415
01:30:12,283 --> 01:30:14,201
Why would they build this here?

1416
01:30:15,578 --> 01:30:19,123
But how is anyone supposed to worship
or remember you if they can't even see it?

1417
01:30:19,206 --> 01:30:20,207
They aren't.

1418
01:30:21,083 --> 01:30:23,752
This isn't a monument to kalaman's power.

1419
01:30:25,170 --> 01:30:27,673
It's a hiding place for a grieving woman.

1420
01:30:28,507 --> 01:30:31,093
Taha came here
to be with her fallen lover.

1421
01:30:32,928 --> 01:30:34,972
She just wanted to be alone.

1422
01:30:36,056 --> 01:30:37,558
Taha doesn't want us here.

1423
01:30:37,641 --> 01:30:39,101
God, shut up, rafi.

1424
01:30:39,184 --> 01:30:40,728
It's just the volcano.

1425
01:30:42,605 --> 01:30:43,689
Come on.

1426
01:30:49,278 --> 01:30:50,446
We have to keep going.

1427
01:30:59,079 --> 01:31:00,414
All right. Let's go, muscles.

1428
01:31:01,332 --> 01:31:02,541
Open it up.

1429
01:31:03,334 --> 01:31:05,794
- Don't disturb them.
- She will be wearing the headdress.

1430
01:31:05,878 --> 01:31:08,380
Come on. We didn't come all this way
just to pay our respects.

1431
01:31:08,464 --> 01:31:09,590
I can't...

1432
01:31:13,844 --> 01:31:14,970
I'm sorry, abuela.

1433
01:31:36,742 --> 01:31:37,951
What is that?

1434
01:31:39,870 --> 01:31:42,164
Are those... seashells?

1435
01:31:42,915 --> 01:31:45,959
The crown is made of seashells?

1436
01:31:46,043 --> 01:31:47,461
Where's the treasure?

1437
01:31:48,462 --> 01:31:49,755
She's holding him.

1438
01:31:52,800 --> 01:31:54,468
You mean the dead guy?

1439
01:32:01,058 --> 01:32:02,059
Look.

1440
01:32:04,311 --> 01:32:06,021
It's their courtship.

1441
01:32:06,730 --> 01:32:09,692
Kalaman is searching the island
for something.

1442
01:32:12,820 --> 01:32:14,571
Rare red seashells.

1443
01:32:15,239 --> 01:32:19,451
To prove his love,
he gave her one shell every day for a year

1444
01:32:19,535 --> 01:32:21,286
and made them into a crown,

1445
01:32:21,370 --> 01:32:24,123
bright red like the flame of their love,

1446
01:32:24,206 --> 01:32:27,501
until the day came
where she accepted his proposal.

1447
01:32:27,584 --> 01:32:29,586
It was never about jewels.

1448
01:32:29,670 --> 01:32:33,090
Kalaman and taha's riches
weren't material.

1449
01:32:35,259 --> 01:32:37,219
It was their love.

1450
01:32:37,302 --> 01:32:39,513
That's what it meant. That was enough.

1451
01:32:39,596 --> 01:32:40,597
So that's it?

1452
01:32:41,557 --> 01:32:44,643
All of that time and money

1453
01:32:45,561 --> 01:32:49,231
spent on, what, just a cheap metaphor?

1454
01:32:49,815 --> 01:32:52,109
- It's a pretty rich metaphor.
- Oh, shut up!

1455
01:32:52,693 --> 01:32:54,236
We got to go. We got to go now.

1456
01:32:54,319 --> 01:32:57,531
- Come on. Let's go.
- No, no, no. You are staying here.

1457
01:32:57,614 --> 01:32:59,742
You think it's all so sweet and poetic.

1458
01:32:59,825 --> 01:33:02,244
Well, then you can stay here
and spend your last moments

1459
01:33:02,327 --> 01:33:04,955
pondering the richness of that metaphor.

1460
01:33:05,748 --> 01:33:07,583
- Get in.
- What? Come on, man.

1461
01:33:08,333 --> 01:33:10,919
- Oh, god. Just get in. Get in the tomb.
- Okay, okay.

1462
01:33:11,003 --> 01:33:13,589
It's better to be buried alive
than buried dead, I guess.

1463
01:33:13,672 --> 01:33:16,884
- It's really not.
- You know, it is a shame, really.

1464
01:33:16,967 --> 01:33:18,635
This is a hell of a story.

1465
01:33:19,219 --> 01:33:21,388
Pity you won't be around to tell it.
Come on.

1466
01:33:21,472 --> 01:33:22,347
But they'll die.

1467
01:33:22,431 --> 01:33:24,558
So will you if you don't stop
being such a snowflake!

1468
01:33:24,641 --> 01:33:25,641
Get over here!

1469
01:33:35,277 --> 01:33:36,111
This is fine.

1470
01:33:36,195 --> 01:33:38,795
This is not an active nightmare I've had
since I was 14 years old.

1471
01:33:42,951 --> 01:33:45,829
Why are you going so fast?
It's not a race.

1472
01:33:51,126 --> 01:33:53,587
Wait, no! What are you doing?
Come back here!

1473
01:33:53,670 --> 01:33:57,966
You may have bought the island,
but now the island owns you!

1474
01:33:59,009 --> 01:34:00,385
You can't just leave me here!

1475
01:34:02,429 --> 01:34:04,640
Rafi! Come back!

1476
01:34:07,226 --> 01:34:08,393
I need a boat!

1477
01:34:17,945 --> 01:34:19,822
Hey, hey, stop! Stop!

1478
01:34:22,115 --> 01:34:23,951
Help! Help!

1479
01:34:24,034 --> 01:34:26,245
One of the locals just stole my boat!

1480
01:34:26,328 --> 01:34:31,333
Have you seen a woman?
She's a brunette in a sequined jumpsuit.

1481
01:34:31,416 --> 01:34:34,670
No. Is she in some sort of trouble?

1482
01:34:47,015 --> 01:34:48,642
It's kind of funny.

1483
01:34:50,185 --> 01:34:52,020
I used to think this...

1484
01:34:52,104 --> 01:34:54,231
This sort of thing was so romantic.

1485
01:34:54,314 --> 01:34:55,357
Yeah?

1486
01:34:55,858 --> 01:34:58,944
Being locked in a coffin
about to be buried by lava,

1487
01:34:59,027 --> 01:35:01,405
or... cuddling dead people?

1488
01:35:02,406 --> 01:35:04,825
Just laying down with a lost love.

1489
01:35:05,367 --> 01:35:06,869
Like taha did.

1490
01:35:09,329 --> 01:35:10,330
God.

1491
01:35:11,081 --> 01:35:12,332
Oh, god.

1492
01:35:12,416 --> 01:35:13,625
I'm sorry.

1493
01:35:15,043 --> 01:35:17,421
I'm sorry that I couldn't save you.

1494
01:35:17,504 --> 01:35:19,256
I'm sorry I couldn't be dash.

1495
01:35:19,882 --> 01:35:21,008
You're right.

1496
01:35:22,342 --> 01:35:24,094
You're nothing like dash.

1497
01:35:24,177 --> 01:35:27,264
You didn't ride in on a white horse
to save me.

1498
01:35:27,764 --> 01:35:32,394
You rode in on a... borrowed scooter
with a broken muffler.

1499
01:35:33,854 --> 01:35:35,397
Yeah.

1500
01:35:35,898 --> 01:35:38,066
I never could've written a dash like you.

1501
01:35:40,235 --> 01:35:41,862
'Cause I never knew

1502
01:35:42,779 --> 01:35:44,156
a dash like Alan.

1503
01:35:44,865 --> 01:35:47,242
I was so afraid
of being hurt by life again

1504
01:35:47,326 --> 01:35:48,827
that I just stopped living.

1505
01:35:48,911 --> 01:35:50,954
Couldn't see the good things
in front of me.

1506
01:35:51,580 --> 01:35:54,207
I'm just so sorry I didn't see you sooner.

1507
01:35:55,417 --> 01:35:57,002
I have a confession too.

1508
01:35:57,085 --> 01:36:01,256
See, I was really liking where
this new story of ours was headed.

1509
01:36:01,882 --> 01:36:04,718
I just wanted to see how
it was gonna turn out, I guess.

1510
01:36:05,636 --> 01:36:07,930
The a d ventures of I oretta and Alan.

1511
01:36:10,349 --> 01:36:12,309
No, it would need
a better title than that.

1512
01:36:12,392 --> 01:36:14,144
Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

1513
01:36:15,520 --> 01:36:18,982
Sorry. Just... taha's femur is poking me.

1514
01:36:22,903 --> 01:36:24,738
Rafi must have left that.

1515
01:36:24,821 --> 01:36:27,449
How do you forget your crowbar?
It's gonna help us escape.

1516
01:36:27,532 --> 01:36:29,117
No, he left it on purpose.

1517
01:36:29,201 --> 01:36:30,869
Cool. I always liked him.

1518
01:36:30,953 --> 01:36:32,496
- One...
- Okay.

1519
01:36:32,579 --> 01:36:33,872
- Two, three!
- Okay.

1520
01:36:35,123 --> 01:36:38,168
I would've preferred him to not
leave us here in the first place, but...

1521
01:36:39,044 --> 01:36:40,044
Okay.

1522
01:37:00,816 --> 01:37:02,818
Dulcius ex asperis.

1523
01:37:07,614 --> 01:37:09,116
Sweeter after difficulty.

1524
01:37:15,956 --> 01:37:17,249
Go up! Run for the trees!

1525
01:37:18,750 --> 01:37:21,378
Wait. Nope. Never mind. Trees are on fire.

1526
01:37:21,962 --> 01:37:23,547
Okay.

1527
01:37:25,298 --> 01:37:26,842
We can go back through the tunnel.

1528
01:37:28,093 --> 01:37:29,177
Nope. Tunnel's a no-go.

1529
01:37:35,100 --> 01:37:36,601
Okay. I'm open to other ideas.

1530
01:37:37,185 --> 01:37:40,147
There's a current.
We can follow it into the ocean.

1531
01:37:40,230 --> 01:37:41,830
How do we know what's on the other side?

1532
01:37:42,357 --> 01:37:43,357
We don't.

1533
01:37:45,318 --> 01:37:47,237
There's only one way to find out.

1534
01:37:48,905 --> 01:37:50,490
- Worth the rash.
- Yeah?

1535
01:38:11,428 --> 01:38:12,429
Alan?

1536
01:38:21,021 --> 01:38:22,022
Alan!

1537
01:38:59,601 --> 01:39:00,602
Alan?

1538
01:39:02,729 --> 01:39:03,730
Alan?

1539
01:39:04,606 --> 01:39:05,607
Alan!

1540
01:39:08,944 --> 01:39:10,904
Oh, my god! You're alive!

1541
01:39:10,987 --> 01:39:13,115
- I'm alive.
- Oh, my god. I thought I killed you.

1542
01:39:16,034 --> 01:39:17,035
Is that Beth?

1543
01:39:17,119 --> 01:39:18,120
Loretta!

1544
01:39:18,954 --> 01:39:20,205
Beth!

1545
01:39:20,288 --> 01:39:21,289
- Beth!
- Beth!

1546
01:39:21,998 --> 01:39:22,999
Beth!

1547
01:39:28,839 --> 01:39:30,048
Beth, you're here!

1548
01:39:30,882 --> 01:39:32,175
Why are you here?

1549
01:39:32,259 --> 01:39:35,053
I told you I got your back, girl!

1550
01:39:35,679 --> 01:39:37,597
I'm so sorry!

1551
01:39:37,681 --> 01:39:39,558
I destroyed the jumpsuit!

1552
01:39:40,142 --> 01:39:41,184
What?

1553
01:39:41,768 --> 01:39:43,937
Never mind! Later.

1554
01:39:44,020 --> 01:39:46,064
I found a British guy in a cave.

1555
01:39:46,148 --> 01:39:48,567
I thought he was a little boy,
but he has a full beard.

1556
01:39:48,650 --> 01:39:52,028
Beth, that's Fairfax! He kidnapped us!

1557
01:39:52,112 --> 01:39:54,614
He's a bad guy, Beth!
He killed my trainer!

1558
01:39:54,698 --> 01:39:55,699
Get him!

1559
01:39:56,283 --> 01:39:57,284
Stop him!

1560
01:40:05,375 --> 01:40:07,377
I got your back, girl.

1561
01:40:09,796 --> 01:40:11,840
Where were you running? It's a boat.

1562
01:40:11,923 --> 01:40:13,383
This guy's hilarious.

1563
01:40:13,466 --> 01:40:14,718
Got you.

1564
01:40:15,218 --> 01:40:16,386
Swim over to the rock!

1565
01:40:16,469 --> 01:40:18,847
- I don't got you. No, I got you.
- I got you.

1566
01:40:18,930 --> 01:40:20,849
We're gonna get you. It's gonna be okay.

1567
01:40:20,932 --> 01:40:23,476
”Finding refuge on a nearby rock,

1568
01:40:23,560 --> 01:40:25,729
he lifted her from the water,

1569
01:40:25,812 --> 01:40:28,815
his powerful arms pulling her body close.

1570
01:40:28,899 --> 01:40:30,150
Alan whispered..."

1571
01:40:30,233 --> 01:40:32,652
Shh. You're safe now.

1572
01:40:35,363 --> 01:40:39,743
”/n that moment, Loretta could feel
a new adventure was just beginning. ”

1573
01:40:41,244 --> 01:40:43,997
"The heart-pounding passion
of the narrow escape

1574
01:40:44,080 --> 01:40:47,000
only inflamed Loretta's desire for him.

1575
01:40:47,083 --> 01:40:51,421
She was thirsty for the hot lava
soon to be pulsing from his..."

1576
01:40:51,504 --> 01:40:55,133
Don't you go stopping
right at the good part.

1577
01:40:55,967 --> 01:40:57,969
It's nothing she hasn't read before.

1578
01:40:58,053 --> 01:40:59,554
Didn't I tell you?

1579
01:40:59,638 --> 01:41:02,641
The most beautiful beach in the world.

1580
01:41:02,724 --> 01:41:05,936
Maybe later, I'll show you
the cove of enchantment?

1581
01:41:06,019 --> 01:41:07,896
No, you can take Randy.

1582
01:41:07,979 --> 01:41:11,524
Remember, you are my platonic man friend.

1583
01:41:11,608 --> 01:41:14,110
Platonic? I like the sound of that.

1584
01:41:14,778 --> 01:41:17,447
Not sure what it means,
but I like the sound of it.

1585
01:41:17,530 --> 01:41:19,032
Here you go, Randy.

1586
01:41:21,451 --> 01:41:23,662
- My dear.
- You are an angel. Thank you.

1587
01:41:24,371 --> 01:41:25,705
How did you know?

1588
01:41:37,842 --> 01:41:39,886
Nice way to end a book tour, right?

1589
01:41:42,931 --> 01:41:47,519
You know, I have a phrase I like to use
in moments like these, actually.

1590
01:41:50,105 --> 01:41:51,356
Quid deinde?

1591
01:41:52,774 --> 01:41:55,652
It's Latin. It means, "what's next?"

1592
01:41:57,779 --> 01:41:59,239
Quid cogitas?

1593
01:42:01,449 --> 01:42:02,701
Buca di beppo.

1594
01:42:06,162 --> 01:42:07,872
- Yeah. I know zero other Latin.
- No. Yes.

1595
01:42:08,540 --> 01:42:10,542
I looked it up for this moment right now.

1596
01:42:12,252 --> 01:42:13,795
So, what does come next?

1597
01:42:13,878 --> 01:42:15,922
- How would you write this?
- I don't know.

1598
01:42:16,589 --> 01:42:19,134
- How would you write it?
- Do we really want me to write this?

1599
01:42:19,217 --> 01:42:21,469
- Just try. Take a stab at it.
- Okay. I'll write it.

1600
01:42:21,553 --> 01:42:22,804
Okay.

1601
01:42:22,887 --> 01:42:26,141
"We were...
They were... standing on a beach."

1602
01:42:26,224 --> 01:42:28,244
Sets the stage for the audience.
They know where we are.

1603
01:42:28,268 --> 01:42:30,121
You're already laughing.
Why are you laughing at me?

1604
01:42:30,145 --> 01:42:31,938
- I'm not laughing. I'm smiling.
- You are.

1605
01:42:32,022 --> 01:42:35,817
"There are palm trees above a brown

1606
01:42:36,818 --> 01:42:39,446
bark-like hair of the maiden.

1607
01:42:39,529 --> 01:42:40,715
There is a dead jellyfish..."

1608
01:42:40,739 --> 01:42:43,491
All you're doing is describing
what you're actually seeing right now.

1609
01:42:44,117 --> 01:42:46,703
"He's nervous
because he really likes her."

1610
01:42:47,787 --> 01:42:49,205
It's nice writing.

1611
01:42:49,998 --> 01:42:51,207
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

1612
01:42:51,291 --> 01:42:52,459
I'll keep going.

1613
01:42:52,542 --> 01:42:54,210
"He looked deep in her eyes.

1614
01:42:54,294 --> 01:42:57,380
The only thing that could compare
to the pulse of that ocean

1615
01:42:58,298 --> 01:42:59,466
was the throbbing in the..."

1616
01:42:59,549 --> 01:43:02,761
- Okay, no, you can't throb.
- Why not?

1617
01:43:02,844 --> 01:43:04,763
Can't come out of the gate with a throb.

1618
01:43:04,846 --> 01:43:07,074
- You throb all the time.
- I don't come out of the gate with it.

1619
01:43:07,098 --> 01:43:09,410
- You have to earn the throb.
- Who made you the queen of throb?

1620
01:43:09,434 --> 01:43:10,977
It's usually a chapter four thing.

1621
01:43:11,061 --> 01:43:12,821
You want it brought up
appropriately in four.

1622
01:43:12,854 --> 01:43:15,065
I think you throb in all the chapters.
"Pulsating."

1623
01:43:15,148 --> 01:43:17,025
It's a precursor to throb.

1624
01:43:17,108 --> 01:43:19,361
- "Undulating."
- you just jumped to five.

1625
01:43:19,944 --> 01:43:22,423
- How 'bout they just kiss? Why not?
- Just like a regular kiss?

1626
01:43:22,447 --> 01:43:24,127
Yeah.
Like a beginning-of—the-chapter kiss.

1627
01:43:24,157 --> 01:43:25,658
I'm good at starting...

1628
01:43:29,746 --> 01:43:31,081
How was that? Any notes?

1629
01:43:31,956 --> 01:43:35,251
Very good first chapter attempt.

1630
01:45:08,136 --> 01:45:09,137
Mother...

1631
01:45:09,721 --> 01:45:11,097
You were dead.

1632
01:45:11,181 --> 01:45:14,100
Your brains came out of your face
and hit the back of my throat.

1633
01:45:14,684 --> 01:45:16,745
- He was in my mouth.
- Don't say he was in your mouth.

1634
01:45:16,769 --> 01:45:18,372
- I could taste you.
- Don't ever say that.

1635
01:45:18,396 --> 01:45:23,026
We only use 10% of our brain,
so I just switched to another 10%.

1636
01:45:23,776 --> 01:45:26,613
So, you're okay?

1637
01:45:26,696 --> 01:45:28,406
One hundred percent.

1638
01:45:28,490 --> 01:45:30,116
Meaning 10%.

1639
01:45:30,700 --> 01:45:31,910
We thought you were dead.

1640
01:45:31,993 --> 01:45:34,704
Naturally, I have some anger issues
I need to let go of.

1641
01:45:34,787 --> 01:45:36,998
- Of course.
- And resentment.

1642
01:45:39,125 --> 01:45:40,502
So good to see you, man.

1643
01:45:40,585 --> 01:45:42,795
Okay, let's keep the chatter down.

1644
01:45:42,879 --> 01:45:46,883
We're closing our eyes
and reconnecting to our breath.

1645
01:45:47,967 --> 01:45:49,093
Great.

1646
01:45:49,886 --> 01:45:50,887
Great.