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00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:09,630
Hold on to your helmets. Zip up your
gravity boots. Live from outer space in

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00:00:09,630 --> 00:00:11,230
Hollywood, it's time

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00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:16,930
for...

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Hi, kids! Hey!

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Zonk! Zonk! Waddle!

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Zonk! Zonk! Waddle!

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Whoa! I wonder who that could be!

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You say shit.

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00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:50,500
times do i have to tell you no more
orphans kids sit there with a chip on

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shoulder glaring at me like it's my
fault huh this is fun

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have you ever done live tv before yeah
you know something you were good out

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there really yeah nothing brings a smile
to a kid's face like a big loud ass hey

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want to have dinner oh i don't know milo
whenever i go out with living legends i

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always get my heart broken

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Took me three years to get over soupy
sales.

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Well, I'm the king, all right, you know.

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Yeah, I outlasted them all.

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Captain Kangaroo, Bozo.

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Sherry Lewis is still going strong.

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Nah, kids are stupid.

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Excuse me. Milo, there's a little kid
here from Make -A -Wish who'd love to

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you. Yeah?

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Well, tell him to make another wish.

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Sorry, back up.

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Hey, I know you.

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Henry, right?

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Ah, wait, Sybil?

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Hey, I haven't seen you since that fish
stick commercial.

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You were the one who ate too much
breading.

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You were the married man with the big
boom.

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I'm divorced now.

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My marriage failed, too.

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Isn't this great?

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And I'm still acting, and you're still
booming, and here we are in outer space,

35
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,000
and life's so funny, and I'm done now
you talk.

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So Sybil, uh... You know what they say
about a woman with big feet.

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Everything you've ever heard is true.

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No, Jeff. Zoe should come in first. Zoe,
go back out and start again.

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00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:56,950
Don't run away, Dad.

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00:03:57,770 --> 00:04:01,410
I was trying to tell you, my therapist
says that one of my problems is I don't

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take responsibility for things.

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I blame you for that.

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It wasn't my fault. I was never around.

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So, Sybil, now that you're left...
Daughter is graduating high school. What

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00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:16,750
you going to do to celebrate?

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With any luck, I'm going to nail the
boom operator down at work.

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One can't help but admire the
selfishness of that.

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Mary Ann, I have something to say to
you.

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00:04:29,630 --> 00:04:33,030
Ira, I have something to say to you.
Sybil, you have nothing to say to either

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00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:34,030
these people.

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I've been trying to find a moment alone
with you to say I'm sorry about what

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happened on the plane the other night.

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What do you say we try another date
Saturday?

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I'll make you dinner at my house.

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Your house?

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Dinner?

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00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:48,960
What can I bring?

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Oh, I know, Wolfgang Puck.

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No, no, I... I just want it to be the
two of us.

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Oh, Ira.

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00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:07,280
Mmm.

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Feels delicious.

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00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,960
You know, Daddy always promised to take
me to Major Milo, but he never did.

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00:05:17,260 --> 00:05:20,500
My therapist says I have low self
-esteem because you never took me

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00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,140
He took you to all his weddings.

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00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:24,220
Yeah, except for the one in Vegas.

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You should bring her to the show
tomorrow. It's Kooky Comet Day.

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00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:30,320
What do you say, Dad?

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00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:32,140
Zonk, zonk, waddle.

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Thanks, thanks, Sybil.

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00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,600
Oh, Mom, you went through the dumpster
behind the bakery.

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00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:42,810
I told you not to make a fuss.

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Marianne will be out as soon as she
picks a coconut out from under her

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fingernails. Coconut cream, my favorite.

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I'm going to miss you when I'm in
Europe, Mom.

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00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:52,430
Europe?

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00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,750
Oh, Nina and I decided to go this
summer.

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We got a really great deal. We're flying
standby on a courier flight. We're just

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00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:00,850
going to, you know, bum around for a
couple of months.

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00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:03,910
Then we're going to ride bikes,
hitchhike, sleep in barns.

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00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:05,910
I thought I told you about this.

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00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:09,970
Hey, if you and Nina want to ride bikes,
you can do it right here in the

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00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,320
neighborhood. And stay off Ventura
Boulevard.

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We can't let you run off to Europe with
some half -baked dangerous plan.

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You could get stranded.

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00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:22,420
You could get robbed. You could get...
Dutch elm disease.

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00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:25,900
Dutch elm disease?

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00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,180
That happens to be a big problem over
there, Missy.

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I knew you'd go crazy like this. You
know what?

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00:06:32,780 --> 00:06:35,720
I'm going to Europe. I'm 18 and you
can't stop me.

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You're not 18.

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00:06:39,409 --> 00:06:40,470
I hate you.

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00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:52,290
Hi, Henry.

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00:06:52,730 --> 00:06:53,810
How's that boom hanging?

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00:06:55,510 --> 00:06:56,510
Fine, thanks.

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00:06:57,290 --> 00:07:00,270
So, I was wondering if you'd like to go
out sometime.

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00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:02,250
I could even take off this makeup.

98
00:07:02,710 --> 00:07:04,130
Unless you're into that sort of thing.

99
00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:06,870
I make it a rule never to date the
boss's girlfriend.

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00:07:07,630 --> 00:07:09,570
What are you talking about? Who's the
boss's girlfriend?

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00:07:10,110 --> 00:07:11,510
Well, Milo says you are.

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00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:13,290
What?

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I am not.

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I'm serious.

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00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,510
Why won't anybody take me seriously?

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Hey! Cut that out!

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Hold on to your helmets.

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Zip up your...

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Live from outer space in Hollywood, it's
time for... Oh,

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boy!

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Hi, kids!

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Hey! Zomp, zomp, waddle!

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Zomp, zomp, waddle!

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See,

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Dad, isn't it therapeutic to act really,
really childish?

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Today, I have a big surprise for my
special friend, Booty.

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I suppose some of you kids out there
wonder what Major Milo does in his free

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time. Well, the truth is, he's a lonely,
lonely man.

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I take that back.

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Lootie hates surprises.

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Yes, Major Milo is tired of the single
scene, kids. But now there'll be no more

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blind dates, no more personal laughs, no
more volleyball for Christian

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unmarrieds. No.

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has found his mate.

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Sybil, will you marry me?

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00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:54,080
Gosh, I'd love to answer your question,
Major Milo, but it's time for a

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00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:55,080
commercial.

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Now. Well, we're clear.

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I can hardly wait for my mother to meet
you.

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What, is she nuts too?

131
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Don't you understand?

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I love you.

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00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:04,940
What's more...

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He's keeping me from getting it on with
Boom Boom.

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00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:45,000
It's been two years, Marianne. Two long
years, and I can't tell you how many D

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fell.

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00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:50,740
You know, I got one you can plug into
the cigarette lighter in your car.

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00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:56,420
So that explains all the static on your
car phone.

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00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:01,940
Oh, look at what I bought for my date
with Ira.

140
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:03,260
Tell me what you think.

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00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:06,940
Classy.

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00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:14,450
elegant, understated, crotchless.

143
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No fair.

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00:10:17,370 --> 00:10:20,870
You get to wear that when I have to wear
a strap -on musical butt.

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00:10:22,170 --> 00:10:27,710
La, la, la, la, la. Here I am
backpacking around my own home.

146
00:10:27,930 --> 00:10:30,810
It's so much more stimulating than, say,

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she's trying to make a point, but for
the life of me, I can't figure out what

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00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:38,050
is.

149
00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:39,250
Oh, look.

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00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:40,410
Native peasants.

151
00:10:43,830 --> 00:10:46,050
Now it's off to the laundry room.

152
00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:48,510
Don't want to miss the changing of the
lint.

153
00:10:50,310 --> 00:10:54,470
Lily, I know you're angry, but we can't
let you go to Europe with no plan.

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00:10:54,710 --> 00:10:58,170
Fine. I don't need to see the cradle of
democracy or the city of lights or the

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00:10:58,170 --> 00:10:59,170
birthplace of Shakespeare.

156
00:10:59,470 --> 00:11:02,250
I'll just stay here in L .A. where
everything reminds me of Sean.

157
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,030
I thought the City of Lights was Vegas.

158
00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:10,010
You also thought that you could serve
hot Bloody Marys as soup.

159
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:17,410
Sybil!

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00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:20,530
I can't find Milo.

161
00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:23,010
I'm just going to have to wing it until
he gets here.

162
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,650
Wing the show?

163
00:11:24,790 --> 00:11:26,770
All right, fellas, let's bring in the
audience.

164
00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:29,350
Wing the show?

165
00:11:30,030 --> 00:11:31,410
This could be my big break.

166
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:36,120
There'll be booty lunchboxes, booty
board games, booty on ice.

167
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,720
I wonder if Lloyd's of London would
ensure a hiney.

168
00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:46,820
Hey, Rakes, what do you say we watch
Major Milo? It's robots are people

169
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,020
Too little and too late.

170
00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:54,000
You know, when I was a kid, Dad, you
missed everything.

171
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:59,860
My dance recitals, the spelling bee, the
Hanukkah festival the year I would

172
00:11:59,860 --> 00:12:00,860
maybe go to Hebrew school.

173
00:12:02,830 --> 00:12:06,170
You never paid attention. You didn't
know anything about me.

174
00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:10,950
Gee, Rach, I think you're being a little
hard on the old man.

175
00:12:12,090 --> 00:12:14,590
Operation? This is my favorite game!

176
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:16,190
How did you know?

177
00:12:16,790 --> 00:12:17,830
Hey, I was there.

178
00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:20,850
You drove me crazy playing my Sharona.

179
00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:24,830
You practically lived on Count Chocula,
and you loved this game because you

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00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:25,830
wanted to be a doctor.

181
00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:30,010
Gee, Dad, I guess you paid more
attention than I thought.

182
00:12:30,390 --> 00:12:31,390
I guess so.

183
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,030
Does this mean we get to be grown -ups
again?

184
00:12:35,930 --> 00:12:37,010
Sure. All right.

185
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:39,710
But only after we play one game of
Operation.

186
00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:45,230
Hey, this doesn't work. It's supposed to
make a noise.

187
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:48,950
Well, that's funny.

188
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,150
I put two details in there this morning.

189
00:12:53,750 --> 00:12:54,750
Hold for now, sir.

190
00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:56,070
Read kids.

191
00:12:56,170 --> 00:12:57,170
Official salute.

192
00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:58,749
Oh, no.

193
00:12:58,750 --> 00:12:59,669
What is it?

194
00:12:59,670 --> 00:13:00,670
Hong Kong yettle.

195
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:01,910
Ting -tong -tuttle.

196
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,120
Zonk, zonk, waddle.

197
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,420
Oh, it's you.

198
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,500
I don't care if I jeopardize my job. I'd
love to go out with you sometime.

199
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:14,080
Oh, so now Mr. Boom Boom wants to go out
with a clown chick.

200
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,620
She's a little busy getting ready to
wing it on live TV. Thank you very much,

201
00:13:17,620 --> 00:13:18,620
Mr. Too -Damn -Late.

202
00:13:22,140 --> 00:13:23,780
Hold on to your helmet.

203
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,720
Zip up your gravity boots.

204
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,960
Live from outer space.

205
00:13:28,580 --> 00:13:30,340
Hollywood, it's time for...

206
00:14:29,930 --> 00:14:34,930
All of this could have been yours, you
know. Yeah, the council, the hatch.

207
00:14:35,970 --> 00:14:37,210
I'm incorporated, you know.

208
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:43,990
Hey, what are all these kids doing in my
living room? Get out of here, you fly.

209
00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:47,430
Houston,

210
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,690
we have a problem.

211
00:14:54,590 --> 00:14:57,810
This would be a lot easier if I didn't
have to be doing this big butt, which is

212
00:14:57,810 --> 00:14:59,670
all padding, by the way. Well, must I?

213
00:15:01,470 --> 00:15:05,830
I suppose this is another bad time to
ask you out. Why? Because I'm in bed

214
00:15:05,830 --> 00:15:06,830
another man?

215
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,250
I'd love to go out with you.

216
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:13,450
How about Saturday?

217
00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:14,309
Busy. Tomorrow?

218
00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:15,490
Can't. How about now?

219
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:16,529
I'll check my book.

220
00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:18,110
Oh, excuse me.

221
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:33,910
I hope it brought your appetite.

222
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,550
Oh, yes.

223
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:41,190
I haven't eaten since last spring.

224
00:15:43,430 --> 00:15:47,890
I hope you enjoy a nice sizzling pork.

225
00:15:58,570 --> 00:15:59,570
Who doesn't?

226
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,750
But an hour later, I always want more.

227
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:13,310
Maybe I should heat up your dumplings.

228
00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:15,990
Ira,

229
00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:18,530
you already have.

230
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:22,250
Oh, Henry.

231
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:23,690
Oh, Sybil.

232
00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:26,390
Oh, Milo.

233
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,600
But hurry. No, I meant him.

234
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,250
Fortune cookie.

235
00:17:17,510 --> 00:17:21,970
I can't believe how you're...

236
00:17:21,970 --> 00:17:25,369
Water

237
00:17:25,369 --> 00:17:31,630
chestnuts. Stay so firm.

238
00:17:34,450 --> 00:17:39,950
You really know your way around a

239
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:41,690
chopstick.

240
00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:48,640
And you make me feel so...

241
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:53,900
egg -foo young.

242
00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,120
I quit.

243
00:17:56,540 --> 00:18:01,140
Take me now, or I'm going home. Oh,
thank you, Mary. I've been waiting all

244
00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:02,140
for some kind of sign.

245
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,840
You know, you were my first clown.

246
00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:17,730
Technically, I was your first, second
and third clown.

247
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:52,760
I think you broke it.

248
00:18:58,060 --> 00:18:59,540
Ira, what happened to your nose?

249
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,000
Don't ask.

250
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,660
That's okay. I don't want to know. Well,
I do want to know, but Marianne will

251
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:05,660
tell it better.

252
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:07,900
So we could.

253
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,820
Your mother and I have been talking some
more about Europe.

254
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,300
Something's different, Dad.

255
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,280
Haircut?

256
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,320
What would you say if we decided to let
you go on your trip?

257
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:21,920
I'd say...

258
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:26,540
And then I'd think a minute and say, who
cares?

259
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:34,920
Eight cities, three weeks, reservations
in nice, safe hotels, and Nina's parents

260
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:35,960
are doing the same for her.

261
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,200
Is this a trick?

262
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:41,280
Yes, Zoe. We're tricking you into
exploring Europe on our dime.

263
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:46,760
Well, thank you, whoever you people are.

264
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,080
Oh, my God, this flight leaves in three
weeks. I better start packing.

265
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:09,900
Marianne, I haven't stopped thinking
about you.

266
00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:12,740
Every dull throb reminds me of last
night.

267
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:17,340
Listen, Ira, we never really did get to
talk, what with the screaming and

268
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:18,340
hemorrhaging.

269
00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:20,380
Not to mention the passing out.

270
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,240
You look pretty healthy now.

271
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,400
I don't know.

272
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,600
I'm feeling kind of feverish.

273
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,840
Would you like me to take your
temperature?

274
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,700
Wait, wait. Let's stop this before
someone gets hurt again.

275
00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:37,380
And, Ira, can I ask you a question?

276
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:39,740
Sure.

277
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,180
Are you my boyfriend now?

278
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:46,860
Yeah.

279
00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:48,140
I guess I am.

280
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,660
What was I thinking? The attic's not
down here.

281
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,060
It's okay. I was just leaving.

282
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:57,440
Bye, Sid.

283
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:01,940
Bye, Marianne.

284
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:03,320
Bye, Ira.

285
00:21:06,250 --> 00:21:08,350
What exactly did happen between you and
Ira's nose?

286
00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:11,830
Well, let's just say I broke it before
the lingerie became relevant.

287
00:21:14,450 --> 00:21:19,110
So I guess I'm the only clown who worked
the big top last night.

288
00:21:21,070 --> 00:21:22,530
You didn't.

289
00:21:23,230 --> 00:21:25,470
It was a three -ring circus.

290
00:21:27,510 --> 00:21:32,830
Yes! So you went for the hunky crew guy
when you could have married a TV star?

291
00:21:33,410 --> 00:21:34,970
Former TV star.

292
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:40,300
canceled milo's show after he got drunk
rumor has it he's on his way to vegas to

293
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:46,760
open for sherry lewis lamb chop works
topless there you know if you sit close

294
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:53,520
enough you can see bare knuckle you know
marianne once i think we both got what

295
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:59,600
we wanted true i got ira and you got
lucky so he's graduated

296
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,500
i see good times ahead

297
00:22:03,630 --> 00:22:06,450
Finally give our lives some structure,
focus, and real meaning.

298
00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:08,850
Hear, hear.

299
00:22:09,450 --> 00:22:11,430
So how should we usher in this new
phase?

300
00:22:12,310 --> 00:22:13,149
I know.

301
00:22:13,150 --> 00:22:15,890
Let's go down to Kinko's and fax our
breaths to Al Gore.