1 00:00:01,801 --> 00:00:06,039 [SILENCE] 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 3 00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:11,077 4 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 5 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,403 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 6 00:00:53,153 --> 00:01:02,028 [SCREAMING] [SCREAMING CONTINUES] 7 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:04,230 [SCREAMING] 8 00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:32,092 [EVIL LAUGHTER] NICE TITS, BITCH. 9 00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:36,329 [SCREAMING] 10 00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:26,272 COME RUN WITH ME TO THE END OF THE WORLD 11 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,275 COME RUN WITH ME 12 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:33,479 I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SAVE ME 13 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:43,056 SHE HAS A... Billy: YAH! 14 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,724 THANKSGIVING BREAK! 15 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:48,161 YES! YES! Johnny: DAMN, BILLY, COVER 16 00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,429 THOSE PUPPIES UP. 17 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:50,530 NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOUR NASTY TITTIES. 18 00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:52,198 Billy: SHH, I'M TRYING TO GET 19 00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:55,101 ALI TO SHOW HER BIG OL' TIGGOS. Johnny: OH, ALL RIGHT. 20 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:57,570 Ali: YEAH! SPRING BREAK, 21 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,940 GUYS! LET'S GET WASTED. 22 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,008 Kristen: PULL YOUR SHIRT 23 00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,543 DOWN, HONEY. IT'S THANKSGIVING, NOT 24 00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:04,777 TITS-GIVING. 25 00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:06,980 Ali: WHAT? I THOUGHT JOHNNY WOULD BE 26 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,214 THANKFUL FOR MY GLORIOUS 27 00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:10,316 BOOBIES. I KNOW I AM. 28 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,151 YOU KNOW YOU LIKE THEM. 29 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:19,325 TO THE END OF THE WORLD COME RUN WITH ME 30 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,561 Darren: BILLY! HEY, GUYS! 31 00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,529 HEY! Johnny: YO, WHAT'S THE DEAL 32 00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:24,897 WITH HIM, ANYWAY? 33 00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:26,432 Billy: OH, IT'S COOL, MAN. HE'S WITH ME. 34 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,301 A LITTLE WEIRD, BUT YOU GET USED 35 00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:29,535 TO IT. Johnny: COOL. 36 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,237 Ali: HEY, JOHNNY, WE'RE GONNA 37 00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:33,306 WAIT FOR YOU IN THE CAR, OKAY? Johnny: ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE, 38 00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:34,607 WE'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT. 39 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,075 Ali: YEAH, GUYS, WE'LL SEE YOU THERE. 40 00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,310 Billy: WHAT'S UP, DARREN? 41 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:38,344 Darren: HOW'S IT GOING, BILLY? 42 00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,712 Johnny: YO, WHAT'S UP, MAN? 43 00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:43,583 MY NAME IS JOHNNY. Darren: HEY, JOHNNY. 44 00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,285 YEAH, I KNOW YOU. 45 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,587 YOU'RE THE BACKUP QUARTERBACK FOR THE TRITONS, AREN'T YOU? 46 00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:48,955 Johnny: THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I 47 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,823 BROKE MY LEG LAST SEASON. YOU KNOW TRENT? 48 00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:52,558 THE FIRST-STRING QUARTERBACK? 49 00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,560 Darren: OH, OH, YEAH, NO, YOU'RE BETTER THAN HIM. 50 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,062 HE'S GOT NOTHING ON YOU, MAN. 51 00:04:56,062 --> 00:05:01,367 Johnny: HE'S GOT NOTHING. Darren: NO! NOTHING. 52 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,935 SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN 53 00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:06,639 THESE BLUE EYES LIKE THEY WERE MADE FOR ME 54 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,474 Johnny: TRENT IS TRENT. 55 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:16,582 BUT JOHNNY, HE'S JOHNNY. YO, BILLY. 56 00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:18,284 Darren: WHOA. 57 00:05:18,284 --> 00:05:23,356 Johnny: HERE, CHECK THIS OUT. WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION. 58 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:27,393 GO AHEAD, TOUCH IT. 59 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:31,397 NICE, RIGHT? Darren: YEAH, WOW, THAT'S 60 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:32,965 HUGE. 61 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:35,601 Billy: HEY, DARREN. I GOT A MUSCLE YOU CAN TOUCH. 62 00:05:35,601 --> 00:05:37,403 [LAUGHTER] 63 00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:43,876 COME RUN WITH ME I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SAVE ME 64 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:47,246 I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SAVE ME 65 00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:54,954 I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SAVE ME I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA SAVE ME 66 00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:02,862 Billy: YEAH! THANKSGIVING BREAK! WHOO-HOO! 67 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:17,343 [CAT YOWLS] Oscar: DON'T GO RUNNING TOO 68 00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:19,979 FAR OFF, FLASHY. 69 00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:26,786 DINNER WILL BE DONE SOON. HE'S JUST A DOG, OSCAR. 70 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,889 AND I'M JUST A LONELY OLD HAG. 71 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:41,434 [ZIPPING] [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 72 00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:53,479 Johnny: JESUS, MAN, YOU REEK. 73 00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:56,182 GOD. 74 00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,818 Darren: SO, GUYS, I WAS THINKING, YOU KNOW, SINCE IT'S 75 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,386 THANKSGIVING AND ALL, THAT WE 76 00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:02,388 SHOULD GO AROUND AND SAY WHAT WE'RE THANKFUL FOR. 77 00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:03,823 Billy: I'M THANKFUL THAT YOUR 78 00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,591 MOM HAS THE JUICIEST POON IN TOWN. 79 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,959 Johnny: OH, NICE! 80 00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:09,695 BURN, BABY, GOOD ONE. YEAH. 81 00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:11,964 Billy: YEAH. 82 00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:16,035 Ali: WHAT'S POON? Kristen: YOU GUYS ARE SO 83 00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:17,503 RUDE. 84 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,405 DARREN, I'M THANKFUL TO BE SPENDING TIME WITH ALL OF YOU 85 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,773 GUYS. 86 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:23,176 AND I'M GLAD WE'RE ALL IN GOOD HEALTH. 87 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,477 Billy: GAY. 88 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,413 Johnny: NO. NOT GAY AT ALL, BILLY. 89 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,982 ACTUALLY, I THINK SPENDING TIME 90 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:32,552 WITH YOUR FAMILY IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE. 91 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,520 RIGHT, KRISTEN? 92 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:39,292 I JUST WISH ME AND MY OLD MAN HAD A LITTLE MORE TIME TO BOND. 93 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,760 HE WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME HOW 94 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,897 TO THROW THE PIGSKIN AROUND ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. 95 00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:46,999 UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVEN'T BEEN 96 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:54,173 GETTING ALONG LATELY. Kristen: BILLY, WHAT ARE YOU 97 00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,675 THANKFUL FOR? 98 00:07:55,675 --> 00:08:00,546 Billy: WELL, I GUESS SINCE MY PAPA DIED LAST YEAR, I GUESS I'M 99 00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,248 JUST GRATEFUL THAT I STILL GOT 100 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,884 MY LITTLE MAMA. I'M GOING TO SHOW HER A GOOD 101 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,152 TIME THIS THANKSGIVING. 102 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,087 Kristen: AW, BILLY, THAT IS SO SWEET. 103 00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,455 Darren: HEY. HEY. 104 00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:15,561 I'M GONNA GO WILD... I'M GONNA GO BUCK WILD ON THIS 105 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,163 TRIP. 106 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,999 I'M GONNA GO SKINNY DIPPING WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES ON. 107 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,301 I'M GONNA GHOST RIDE THE WHIP, 108 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:26,572 MAN. WHOO! 109 00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:29,141 I'M GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH 110 00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:32,945 SOMEONE IN THIS CAR. YEAH, AND FOR ONCE, YOU KNOW, 111 00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:35,147 IT'S NOT GONNA BE JUST ME BY 112 00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:39,352 MYSELF. I'M GONNA BE THE ONE DOING THE 113 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,953 SEXING. 114 00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:44,257 YEAH, TO ONE OF YOU. Ali: WELL, IT ISN'T GONNA BE 115 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,591 ME. 116 00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:48,361 I'M A PRUDE. Johnny: [SNICKERING] 117 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,929 Ali: WHAT? 118 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,864 Kristen: NOTHING. Johnny: YEAH, NOTHING. 119 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,299 Darren: NOTHING AT ALL, ALI. 120 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:57,870 Billy: ALI... YOU'RE KIND OF A HO. 121 00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,171 I'M NOT GONNA LIE -- YOU'RE 122 00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:02,074 PRETTY SKANKY. Ali: I AM NOT A HO. 123 00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:04,510 THERE IS ONLY ONE MAN IN MY 124 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:07,947 LIFE. RIGHT, JOHNNY? 125 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:10,650 Kristen: OH, PLEASE, ALI, 126 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,853 YOUR LEGS ARE HARDER TO SHUT THAN THE JONBENET RAMSEY CASE. 127 00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:17,256 Billy: OH, SNAP! BURN. 128 00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,158 Johnny: THAT'S GOOD. 129 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:34,640 Oscar: FLASHY! DINNER'S DONE, BOY. 130 00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:50,756 FLASHY, WHERE ARE YOU? 131 00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:59,999 FLASHY? [RUMBLING] 132 00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:04,003 WHERE ARE YOU, BOY? 133 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:13,379 [GOBBLING] OH, FUCK, I'M PISSED. 134 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,615 [DOG YELPING] 135 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:37,937 Roud: THANK YOU, BABY. [SPITTING] 136 00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:40,673 GOD DAMN, SHERYL, THAT COFFEE 137 00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,042 TASTES LIKE SHIT. WHAT DID YOU DO? 138 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,377 TAKE A DUMP IN IT? 139 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:49,815 HA. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I SURE DID. 140 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:54,420 I WANT A FUCKING DIVORCE. 141 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:58,524 Roud: ALL RIGHT, THEN. [TELEPHONE RINGS] 142 00:10:58,524 --> 00:10:59,825 SHERIFF ROUD HERE. 143 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,394 Kristen: HEY, DADDY, HOW ARE YOU? 144 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,928 Roud: HI, BABY. 145 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:04,964 ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY YET? Kristen: YEP, WE'VE BEEN ON 146 00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:06,198 THE ROAD FOR ABOUT... 147 00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:07,767 Johnny: KRISTEN, TOSS ME A BEER. 148 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,969 Roud: HEY, WHAT DID HE SAY? 149 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,838 DID HE JUST SAY TOSS? Kristen: UH, NO, DAD... 150 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,507 Roud: TOSSING IS ILLEGAL. 151 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,777 YOU CAN'T DO NO TOSSING IN A CAR, GIRL, DO YOU UNDERSTAND 152 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,412 THAT? 153 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,646 Kristen: I KNOW, DADDY. ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU 154 00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:21,981 KNOW I'LL BE HOME IN A COUPLE OF 155 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:23,215 HOURS. Roud: ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART. 156 00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,217 HEY, BY THE WAY, ARE YOU GOING 157 00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:27,286 TO BE ABLE TO GO WITH ME TO THE ANNUAL POLICEMAN'S THANKSGIVING 158 00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:28,354 BALL TONIGHT? 159 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,790 Kristen: UH, SURE, YEAH. Roud: GREAT. 160 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,658 OH, BY THE WAY, YOUR STEPMAMA 161 00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:36,562 LEFT ME. LOVE YOU, BYE. 162 00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:39,765 [HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING] 163 00:11:55,848 --> 00:12:01,554 Johnny: WHAT THE HELL? AW, DAMN IT. 164 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,755 I'M GONNA HAVE TO PULL OVER, 165 00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:10,896 GUYS. Darren: WHOA, BILLY. 166 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,164 Billy: ARGH! 167 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:17,770 Darren: BILLY! GOD, DUDE. DAMN IT. 168 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,339 Johnny: GOD DAMN! 169 00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:31,951 Kristen: HOW BAD IS IT? Johnny: I DON'T KNOW. 170 00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,385 LOOKS LIKE WE DEFINITELY 171 00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:35,387 OVERHEATED. Ali: OH, I KNOW! 172 00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:38,090 MAYBE IT'S A FLAT TIRE, JOHNNY. 173 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:46,365 Johnny: YEAH, MAYBE, ALI. Billy: HEY, WE GOT TENTS AND 174 00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:47,633 BEER. 175 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:50,870 LET'S PARTY HERE TONIGHT. Darren: YEAH, THAT SOUNDS 176 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,605 AWESOME! 177 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,507 Ali: YEAH, MAYBE IF YOU GET DRUNK ENOUGH, JOHNNY, YOU CAN 178 00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,275 LOOK UNDER MY HOOD. 179 00:12:56,275 --> 00:13:02,515 Johnny: WELL, THE CAR DOES NEED TO COOL OFF. 180 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,749 LET'S DO IT. 181 00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:06,051 All: YEAH! Darren: RIGHT HERE! 182 00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:08,954 Ali: CAMPING. 183 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:15,961 LET'S GO GET DRUNK. Darren: YEAH! DRUNK! 184 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:20,199 WHO WANTS TO GET LAID? 185 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:24,236 WHERE'S MY... THIS IS MINE. 186 00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:26,105 PARTY, WE'RE GOING TO PARTY ALL 187 00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:28,407 NIGHT. WE'RE GONNA GET SO DRUNK AND 188 00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:29,809 WASTED. 189 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:34,980 I'M SO EXCITED! I'M SO EXCITED! Billy: FUCKING FAGGOT. 190 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,449 Darren: OUCH! 191 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:51,363 CRAWBERG. WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT NAME 192 00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:53,365 BEFORE? 193 00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:59,939 GUYS, GUYS! GUYS, GUYS, WAIT UP. 194 00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,607 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT... 195 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:04,476 Billy: WHOA THERE, JUNIOR. Darren: THERE'S A SIGN BACK 196 00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:09,615 THERE THAT SAID CRAWBERG ON IT. 197 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:12,284 Ali: SO WHAT, DARREN? LIKE, WHAT'S YOUR POINT? 198 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:13,719 Darren: YOU, YOU'RE TRYING TO 199 00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:18,057 TELL ME THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CRAWBERG IS? 200 00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:20,392 OKAY, GUYS, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO 201 00:14:20,392 --> 00:14:25,598 FILL YOU IN ON ONE OF THE MOST NOTORIOUS MOMENTS IN PILGRIM 202 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:28,300 HISTORY. 203 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:32,271 BACK IN THE 1500s, IN THE SETTLEMENT OF CRAWBERG, AN OLD 204 00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,006 INDIAN BY THE NAME OF 205 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:37,276 FEATHER CLOUD, WHO SOME PEOPLE THOUGHT HAD BLACK MAGIC POWERS, 206 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:39,511 WAS DISHONORED BY A PILGRIM. 207 00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:45,150 Ali: OH, MY EX-BOYFRIEND WAS A PILGRIM. 208 00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:46,652 Darren: THE PILGRIM'S NAME 209 00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:49,922 WAS CHUCK LANGSTON. Billy: WELL, THAT'S MY LAST 210 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,490 NAME. 211 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:52,992 Darren: I KNOW, BILLY. I'VE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT 212 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,960 BEFORE, BUT HE'S PROBABLY ONE OF 213 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,162 YOUR ANCESTORS. WELL, ANYWAYS. 214 00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:59,565 THE OLD INDIAN WAS SO OUTRAGED, 215 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:02,735 HE VOWED HE WOULD CURSE ALL WHITE MEN. 216 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,303 THIS WAS NO ORDINARY CURSE, 217 00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:07,106 HOWEVER. FEATHER CLOUD NECROMANCED A... 218 00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,675 TURKEY THAT WOULD ROAM THE EARTH 219 00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:14,413 EVERY 505 YEARS, KILLING THE FIRST HUMANS HE MADE CONTACT 220 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,881 WITH. 221 00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:19,318 HE WAS MORE EVIL THAN ANYTHING YOU'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE -- A 222 00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:21,186 TURKEY THAT WOULD STOP AT 223 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:24,757 NOTHING TO GET WHAT HE WANTED -- TO KILL. 224 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,960 Billy: ARE YOU SHITTING ME? 225 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,030 A KILLER TURKEY? Johnny: BULLSHIT, DARREN. 226 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,464 YOU'RE STARTING TO SCARE KRISTEN 227 00:15:32,464 --> 00:15:34,133 NOW. Kristen: I'M NOT SCARED. 228 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,567 Ali: I'M SCARED. 229 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,803 Darren: WELL, IT'S KIND OF A LEGEND, GUYS. 230 00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:39,438 THERE ARE TONS OF BOOKS WRITTEN 231 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:42,241 ABOUT IT. IT'S A PRETTY FAMOUS STORY. 232 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:45,110 TURKEYOLOGISTS ALL OVER THE 233 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,345 WORLD... Johnny: OH, BROTHER. 234 00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:47,780 Darren: ...KNOW IT AS 235 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,215 THANKSKILLING. Johnny: LET ME GUESS, IT'S 236 00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:53,052 BEEN 505 YEARS LATER, RIGHT? 237 00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:59,358 Darren: NO. IT WILL BE IN 45 MINUTES. 238 00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:02,594 Ali: COME ON, I MEAN, IT'S 239 00:16:02,594 --> 00:16:06,799 TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR A TURKEY TO KILL A HUMAN... 240 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,233 RIGHT? 241 00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:09,802 Johnny: YEAH, YEAH IT IS. Darren: [CHUCKLES] 242 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,738 OH, THERE ARE WAYS. 243 00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:14,940 I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND FIND OUT. 244 00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,308 Johnny: DAMN IT, YOU LITTLE 245 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,243 WEASEL. I TOLD YOU, THIS IS NOT COOL FOR 246 00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,379 YOU TO SCARE US LIKE THIS. 247 00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:25,017 I MEAN THERE ARE GIRLS HERE. Billy: THERE SURE ARE. 248 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:27,086 Darren: I'M GETTING WASTED. 249 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:30,823 BECAUSE KRISTEN TOLD ME THAT I COULD HAVE A GOOD TIME. 250 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,257 Billy: NO, YOU'RE NOT. 251 00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:35,394 DID YOU PAY FOR THAT BEER? I DON'T THINK SO. 252 00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:37,062 Kristen: WELL, UH, SINCE 253 00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:40,165 THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY TENTS, DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH 254 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:41,300 ME, JOHNNY? 255 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,403 Johnny: GEE, KRISTEN, I'D LOVE TO. 256 00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:46,638 I MEAN, I COULD PROTECT YOU, 257 00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:48,974 JUST IN CASE YOU GOT SCARED OR SOMETHING. 258 00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:50,976 Ali: I HAVE A FREE SPOT IN MY 259 00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:53,078 TENT, TOO, JOHNNY. 260 00:16:58,450 --> 00:17:03,756 Oscar: FLASHY? [DOG YELPING] 261 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:09,461 FLASHY? 262 00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:13,999 FLASHY! YOUR DOG HAD AN ACCIDENT. 263 00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:15,467 Oscar: WHAT THE HELL? 264 00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:19,104 WHAT KIND OF ACCIDENT? WELL, I TOOK THIS HERE AX 265 00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,573 AND I AX-IDENTALLY CUT HIM. 266 00:17:21,573 --> 00:17:24,443 GET IT? AX-IDENT. [LAUGHS] 267 00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:26,311 Oscar: DIE, TURKEY, YOU 268 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:30,883 DEMON! SO LONG, SUCKER. 269 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,317 Oscar: I WILL GET YOU, 270 00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:33,986 TURKEY! I WILL GET YOU IF IT'S THE LAST 271 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,320 THING I EVER DO, YOU SON OF A 272 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:40,459 BITCH! WHY, WHY?! 273 00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:44,229 FIRST MY WIFE, NOW YOU, FLASHY! 274 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:49,401 DAMN YOU, TURKEY, DAMN YOU!! Ali: [YAWNS] 275 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,070 IT'S GETTING LATE. 276 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:54,106 Kristen: THIS WAS FUN, GUYS, BUT I THINK IT'S TIME TO HIT THE 277 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,374 SACK. 278 00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:56,175 Billy: THEN GO TO BED AFTER THAT. 279 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,409 RIGHT, GUYS? 280 00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,510 Darren: YEAH! I GOT IT, BILLY. 281 00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,480 THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. 282 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,782 Kristen: SHIT! I FORGOT TO CALL MY DAD. 283 00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:05,217 SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. 284 00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:08,053 HE'S PROBABLY WORRIED SICK. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I DON'T HAVE 285 00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:11,623 SERVICE RIGHT HERE. 286 00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:14,359 Johnny: BE CAREFUL. Billy: YEAH, AND DON'T WANDER 287 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:15,727 OFF TOO FAR. 288 00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:18,831 THERE MIGHT BE AN EVIL TURKEY ON THE LOOSE. 289 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,945 Roud: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, KRISTEN? 290 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,313 I'VE BEEN WAITING AROUND TWO 291 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:35,647 HOURS! Kristen: SORRY, DADDY, OUR 292 00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,249 CAR BROKE DOWN AND WE DECIDED TO 293 00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:39,384 CAMP OUT FOR THE NIGHT. I'LL BE BACK ON THE ROAD FIRST 294 00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:40,986 THING TOMORROW THOUGH, AND I'M 295 00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:45,724 TOTALLY FINE, SO DON'T WORRY. Roud: PROMISE, PUNKIN? 296 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:46,892 PUNKIN? 297 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,294 Kristen: YES, YES, I PROMISE, DADDY. 298 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,662 I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 299 00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,831 WE'LL GO TO THAT BANQUET TOGETHER. 300 00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:54,099 Roud: BE CAREFUL. 301 00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:56,401 Kristen: LOVE YOU, BYE. Roud: LOVE YOU, BYE. 302 00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:57,903 Kristen: OKAY, GIRL, GET A 303 00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,972 GRIP. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN 304 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,406 EVIL TURKEY. 305 00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:04,743 THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN EVIL TURKEY. 306 00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:05,744 THERE'S... 307 00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:08,180 NO SUCH THING AS AN EVIL TURKEY. 308 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,782 OH, WAIT, I LIED. 309 00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:20,125 Kristen: [SCREAMING] SHUT THE FUCK UP! 310 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:22,027 YOU STUPID BITCH! 311 00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:26,665 I'M GONNA DRINK YOUR BLOOD LIKE CRANBERRY SAUCE, MEANIE. 312 00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:33,038 Johnny: JESUS, KRISTEN, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! 313 00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:34,239 Kristen: YOU WERE RIGHT, 314 00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:36,241 DARREN! YOUR STORY WAS TRUE. 315 00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,342 THERE 316 00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,243 THERE IS AN EVIL TURKEY ON THE 317 00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:39,711 LOOSE! 318 00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:44,483 Billy: [LAUGHS] Ali: WOW, KRISTEN. 319 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,451 YOU'RE, LIKE, ALMOST AS DUMB AS 320 00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:48,453 I AM. Darren: YEAH, IT WAS JUST A 321 00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,022 STORY, KRISTEN. 322 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,024 I DOUBT IT'S EVEN TRUE. Johnny: SHUT UP, YOU GUYS! 323 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,859 I THINK SHE MIGHT BE SERIOUS. 324 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:58,730 Billy: [LAUGHING] Darren: [LAUGHING] 325 00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:00,465 Johnny: WHERE'S THE TURKEY? 326 00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:02,501 Kristen: I DON'T KNOW. HE WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME. 327 00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:04,503 HE WAS CHASING ME. 328 00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:09,074 I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE WENT. Johnny: WELL, I DON'T SEE 329 00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:10,642 ANYTHING. 330 00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,277 LET'S JUST GO TO BED. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY. 331 00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:13,612 Kristen: YOU DON'T BELIEVE 332 00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:14,713 ME, DO YOU? Johnny: I DO BELIEVE YOU. 333 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:15,948 Kristen: LOOK ME IN THE EYES. 334 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,382 DO YOU BELIEVE ME? Johnny: I... 335 00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:18,650 Kristen: OUT OF EVERYBODY 336 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:19,952 HERE, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BELIEVE ME! 337 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,486 SCREW YOU, JOHNNY! 338 00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:24,356 Billy: [LAUGHING] 339 00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:34,299 Ali: YOU CAN SCREW ME, JOHNNY. 340 00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,868 EEEEE! 341 00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:40,339 Darren: WHOA! Ali: OH, LOOK, IT'S A BABY 342 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:42,007 BUNNY. 343 00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:45,310 DO YOU THINK HE'S OKAY? I MEAN, HE LOOKS KIND OF FUNNY, 344 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,912 DOESN'T HE? 345 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,848 Darren: YEAH! THAT'S BECAUSE HIS STOMACH GOT 346 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,583 GNAWED OPEN. 347 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,186 LOOK AT ALL OF HIS GUTS HANGING OUT. 348 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,021 THIS LITTLE BABY BUNNY GOT ITS 349 00:20:56,021 --> 00:21:02,094 STOMACH GNAWED OPEN BY A BEAK. NOT JUST ANY BEAK... 350 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,528 A TURKEY BEAK. 351 00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:08,000 Billy: FUCKBALLS! MAYBE KRISTEN WAS RIGHT. 352 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,568 Johnny: LOOK, GUYS. 353 00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:12,104 JUST CALM THE "F" DOWN. JESUS, WE'RE IN THE WOODS. 354 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,805 THIS TYPE OF SHIT HAPPENS ALL 355 00:21:13,805 --> 00:21:18,343 THE TIME. LET'S JUST GO TO BED. 356 00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:22,581 Billy: YEAH, DEMONIC TURKEYS. 357 00:21:22,581 --> 00:21:24,916 GUTTED ANIMALS. YEAH, LET'S SLEEP ON IT. 358 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,285 GREAT IDEA. 359 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:31,990 Darren: WELL, I'M TIRED. I'M PRETTY WASTED ANYWAY, SO, 360 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:38,830 UH, GOODNIGHT, ALL. 361 00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:45,837 Billy: SO, LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST THE TWO OF US. 362 00:21:45,837 --> 00:21:47,606 Ali: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT 363 00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:50,042 IT, BILLY. YOU CAN FEEL UP YOUR OWN BOOBS 364 00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,610 TONIGHT. 365 00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:55,113 Billy: WELL, WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW? 366 00:21:55,113 --> 00:21:57,482 Ali: I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 367 00:21:57,482 --> 00:22:00,052 GOOD NIGHT. 368 00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:21,139 Billy: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? Oscar: YOU CAN JUST CALL ME 369 00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:22,774 YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL, KID. 370 00:22:22,774 --> 00:22:25,310 THAT DAMN TURKEY COME ALONG LAST NIGHT AND WAS READY TO PECK YOUR 371 00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:26,611 HEART OUT. 372 00:22:26,611 --> 00:22:28,413 Oscar: YOU'RE CRAZY! Oscar: AM I? 373 00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:29,748 THEN WHAT'S THEM TURKEY 374 00:22:29,748 --> 00:22:31,683 DROPPINGS DOING ON YOUR CHEST, SON? 375 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:33,885 Billy: OH, GROSS. 376 00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:36,655 OH, GOD. Oscar: SEE, I TOLD YOU. 377 00:22:36,655 --> 00:22:39,024 THAT GODDAMN TURKEY WAS OUT HERE 378 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:41,626 LAST NIGHT, KILLED MY PRECIOUS DOG, FLASHY. 379 00:22:41,626 --> 00:22:43,628 I THINK HE'S OUT TO GET ALL OF 380 00:22:43,628 --> 00:22:45,964 US. Johnny: WHO THE HELL IS THIS 381 00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:47,132 CREEPSTER? 382 00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:49,334 BUZZ OFF, OLD MAN. Oscar: TRUST ME, KID. 383 00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:50,969 LEAVE THIS CURSED PLACE NOW. 384 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:53,972 I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT GODDAMN TURKEY. 385 00:22:53,972 --> 00:22:56,007 [CHUCKLES] 386 00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:59,211 Johnny: YOU ALL RIGHT? Billy: YEAH, I'M FINE. 387 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,979 CAN WE JUST GET THE GIRLS UP AND 388 00:23:00,979 --> 00:23:04,549 GET GOING? THIS PLACE IS GIVING ME THE 389 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,118 HEEBIE-JEEBIES. 390 00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:10,555 Johnny: YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. LOOK WHO'S SCARED NOW. 391 00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:12,758 Darren: [LAUGHS] 392 00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:42,921 [ENGINE TURNS OVER] Johnny: BILLY! HURRY UP! 393 00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:51,263 SO, WHAT DID THAT OLD FART HAVE TO SAY TO YOU ANYWAY, BILLY? 394 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,964 Billy: OH, NOTHING. 395 00:23:52,964 --> 00:23:56,935 Johnny: RIGHT. WAS IT ABOUT A CERTAIN KILLER 396 00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:57,836 TURKEY? 397 00:23:57,836 --> 00:24:00,605 Billy: NO. OKAY, YEAH. 398 00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:03,074 SO I BELIEVE WHAT KRISTEN SAID. 399 00:24:03,074 --> 00:24:06,144 BIG FUCKING DEAL. CAN WE JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT? 400 00:24:06,144 --> 00:24:07,579 Johnny: OH, MY. 401 00:24:07,579 --> 00:24:11,416 WAIT, WAIT, SO YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A REAL 402 00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:12,984 KILLER TURKEY ON THE LOOSE? 403 00:24:12,984 --> 00:24:16,521 WHAT A LOSER, GOD! Billy: WELL, I KNOW IT SOUNDS 404 00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:17,856 CRAZY, BUT, YEAH. 405 00:24:17,856 --> 00:24:20,559 I WOKE UP WITH TURKEY DEUCE ALL OVER ME. 406 00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:22,527 I THINK HE WAS TRYING TO KILL 407 00:24:22,527 --> 00:24:25,397 ME, BUT THAT OLD HERMIT SAVED ME. 408 00:24:25,397 --> 00:24:27,999 Ali: YOU'RE A FREAK, BILLY. 409 00:24:27,999 --> 00:24:31,436 A FREAK! BUT I BELIEVE YOUR STORY. 410 00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:32,671 Kristen: I'M NOT GONNA SAY 411 00:24:32,671 --> 00:24:33,872 ANYTHING. Darren: WOW. 412 00:24:33,872 --> 00:24:35,340 I DIDN'T THINK THAT MY STORY 413 00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:37,576 WOULD HAVE THIS MUCH OF AN EFFECT ON YOU GUYS. 414 00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:39,578 I MEAN, YOU'RE THE COOL KIDS, 415 00:24:39,578 --> 00:24:41,413 RIGHT? Johnny: WHATEVER. 416 00:24:41,413 --> 00:24:43,081 CAN WE JUST GO BACK, ENJOY OUR 417 00:24:43,081 --> 00:24:45,750 FAMILIES AND HAVE A NICE THANKSGIVING BREAK? 418 00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:47,652 CAN WE JUST DO THAT? OKAY? 419 00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:49,554 Billy: SURE, SURE. Johnny: GOOD. 420 00:24:49,554 --> 00:24:50,889 GOD. 421 00:24:50,889 --> 00:24:53,325 YOU GUYS AND YOUR DAMN TURKEY STORIES. 422 00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:54,759 Kristen: JOHNNY, I'M SORRY 423 00:24:54,759 --> 00:24:56,595 ABOUT THE THINGS I SAID LAST NIGHT. 424 00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:58,096 I GUESS I WAS JUST A LITTLE 425 00:24:58,096 --> 00:25:00,365 BEAKED OUT -- I MEAN, FREAKED OUT, YOU KNOW? 426 00:25:00,365 --> 00:25:02,133 Johnny: NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE, 427 00:25:02,133 --> 00:25:04,102 GORGEOUS. 428 00:25:16,214 --> 00:25:19,784 YOUNG JOHNNY STEELE HAS AN OLDSMOBILE 429 00:25:19,784 --> 00:25:21,853 HE LOVES HIS DEAR LITTLE 430 00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:25,690 GIRL SHE IS THE QUEEN OF HIS GAS 431 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,592 MACHINE 432 00:25:27,592 --> 00:25:31,263 SHE HAS HIS HEART IN A WHIRL NOW WHEN THEY GO FOR A... 433 00:25:31,263 --> 00:25:34,933 ASS, GAS, OR GRASS? 434 00:25:34,933 --> 00:25:40,038 WELL, I'M OUT OF GAS. GUESS I'LL TAKE ASS. 435 00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:41,706 MM-HMM. 436 00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:45,010 NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A TIGHT ASS. 437 00:25:45,010 --> 00:25:46,378 YEAH. 438 00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:54,419 NO. IT'S NOT FOR YOU. OR ANYONE ELSE, FOR THAT MATTER. 439 00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:56,655 PLEASE MISTER, PLEASE. 440 00:25:56,655 --> 00:25:59,391 I HAVE A DAUGHTER. CALL HER. 441 00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:00,859 OKAY. 442 00:26:00,859 --> 00:26:04,396 TO THE CHURCH, WE'LL SWIFTLY STEAL 443 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:07,098 THEN OUR WEDDING BELLS WILL 444 00:26:07,098 --> 00:26:10,669 PEAL HI, HONEY. 445 00:26:10,669 --> 00:26:11,970 IT'S DADDY. 446 00:26:11,970 --> 00:26:14,272 HA! YEAH, SWEETIE, I'LL BE HOME 447 00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:15,640 REAL SOON. 448 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:22,080 SWEETIE, PLEASE GIVE MOMMY A KISS AND TELL HER THAT -- 449 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,882 THEY LOVE TO SPARK IN THE 450 00:26:23,882 --> 00:26:29,220 DARK OLD PARK AS THEY GO FLYING ALONG 451 00:26:29,220 --> 00:26:31,222 [LAUGHS] 452 00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:57,816 Ali: THANKS FOR DRIVING ME, JOHNNY. 453 00:26:57,816 --> 00:27:00,118 I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. 454 00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:02,220 YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CALL ME UP SOMETIME. 455 00:27:02,220 --> 00:27:04,623 I'D LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. 456 00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:12,330 Billy: [LAUGHS] LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE IS TRYING TO 457 00:27:12,330 --> 00:27:13,832 GET WITH YOU, JOHNNY. 458 00:27:13,832 --> 00:27:15,133 Kristen: HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED? SHE TRIES THAT WITH EVERYONE. 459 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:16,801 IT'S LIKE HER LEGS ARE HARDER TO 460 00:27:16,801 --> 00:27:19,137 SHUT THAN THE JONBENET RAMSEY CASE. 461 00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:21,906 Johnny: OH, SHIT! DANG! 462 00:27:21,906 --> 00:27:29,914 Billy: DAMN, THAT WAS GOOD. Ali: BYE, GUYS. 463 00:27:29,914 --> 00:27:32,183 Billy: SHIT, THAT WAS GOOD! 464 00:27:32,183 --> 00:27:34,252 Johnny: YEAH IT WAS, MAN. THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. 465 00:27:34,252 --> 00:27:35,754 OH, GOD. 466 00:27:35,754 --> 00:27:40,025 Billy: OH, FUCK. [LAUGHTER] 467 00:27:55,774 --> 00:28:02,013 Johnny: [SIGHS] OH, JOHNNY. 468 00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:03,214 I WAS WORRIED SICK! 469 00:28:03,214 --> 00:28:04,716 Johnny: MOM, MOM, I'M FINE. 470 00:28:04,716 --> 00:28:05,984 I'M OKAY. I'M HERE NOW. 471 00:28:05,984 --> 00:28:07,218 THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. NOW, COME ON. 472 00:28:07,218 --> 00:28:09,087 LET'S GO SAY HI TO YOUR FATHER. 473 00:28:09,087 --> 00:28:14,092 Johnny: MA, YOU KNOW ME AND PAPA DON'T TALK ANYMORE. 474 00:28:14,092 --> 00:28:15,827 EVER SINCE I GOT PUT AS 475 00:28:15,827 --> 00:28:18,296 SECOND-STRING QUARTERBACK, HE HASN'T EVEN WANTED TO TALK TO 476 00:28:18,296 --> 00:28:19,431 ME. 477 00:28:19,431 --> 00:28:21,032 JOHNNY, THAT WAS TWO WHOLE WEEKS AGO. 478 00:28:21,032 --> 00:28:22,467 I'M SURE HE'S OVER IT. 479 00:28:22,467 --> 00:28:28,673 Johnny: IF YOU SAY SO, MA. IF YOU SAY SO. 480 00:28:28,673 --> 00:28:30,475 HEY, POPS. 481 00:28:30,475 --> 00:28:35,447 HEY. LONG TIME NO SEE. HOW ARE YOU? 482 00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:36,548 Johnny: I'M GOOD. 483 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:40,085 UM, YOURSELF? [FARTING] 484 00:28:44,055 --> 00:28:50,929 PLEASE, BILL, HE'S OUR SON. Johnny: I'M GONNA JUST LIE 485 00:28:50,929 --> 00:28:51,930 TO HIM. 486 00:28:51,930 --> 00:28:53,998 NO, JOHNNY, NO. PLEASE. 487 00:29:20,358 --> 00:29:24,295 Johnny: POPS, I HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS. 488 00:29:24,295 --> 00:29:25,630 YEAH? 489 00:29:25,630 --> 00:29:29,467 Johnny: I-I DID IT. I'M THE STARTING QUARTERBACK FOR 490 00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:31,169 THE TRITONS. 491 00:29:31,169 --> 00:29:33,638 YOU ARE? Johnny: YEAH. 492 00:29:33,638 --> 00:29:35,173 GOOD GOING, SON. 493 00:29:35,173 --> 00:29:36,941 I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT. I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU. 494 00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:38,209 JUST LIKE YOUR OLD POPS. 495 00:29:38,209 --> 00:29:40,178 Johnny: I DID, TOO. I LOVE YOU, DAD. 496 00:29:40,178 --> 00:29:41,646 YOU'RE THE BEST SON ANYONE 497 00:29:41,646 --> 00:29:46,818 COULD ASK FOR. ENOUGH OF THIS BONDING CRAP! 498 00:29:46,818 --> 00:29:49,187 Johnny: DAD! 499 00:29:49,187 --> 00:29:53,324 DAD! GO DEEP, JOHNNY. 500 00:29:58,196 --> 00:30:00,198 [LAUGHS] 501 00:30:06,838 --> 00:30:13,545 WHY, GOD, WHY? NO MORE PUMPKIN PIE. 502 00:30:13,545 --> 00:30:16,447 NO MORE CRANBERRY SAUCE. 503 00:30:16,447 --> 00:30:22,654 JUST TURKEY. FUCKING TURKEY. 504 00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:23,988 I'M GONNA KILL THAT SON OF A 505 00:30:23,988 --> 00:30:27,926 BITCH. HE IS FUCKING DEAD! 506 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:29,327 Ali: COME ON, BABY. 507 00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:31,029 LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE. ARE YOU SURE? 508 00:30:31,029 --> 00:30:32,463 YOUR PARENTS ARE RIGHT IN THERE. 509 00:30:32,463 --> 00:30:37,135 Ali: IT'S OKAY, THEY'RE COOL WITH IT. 510 00:30:37,135 --> 00:30:38,469 Billy: AND WHY ARE WE ALL AT 511 00:30:38,469 --> 00:30:44,809 MY HOUSE AGAIN? Johnny: WELL, GUYS... 512 00:30:44,809 --> 00:30:47,779 I THINK YOU DESERVE TO KNOW. 513 00:30:47,779 --> 00:30:50,582 THAT TURKEY... HE... 514 00:30:50,582 --> 00:30:53,151 HE'S REAL. 515 00:30:53,151 --> 00:30:55,320 HE KILLED MY PARENTS. 516 00:31:05,063 --> 00:31:08,933 MMM, MMM. PINK PUMPKIN PIE. 517 00:31:08,933 --> 00:31:11,636 [SLURPS] 518 00:31:11,636 --> 00:31:14,472 Johnny: WHERE'S ALI? I CALLED HER AND LEFT A MESSAGE. 519 00:31:14,472 --> 00:31:15,840 WE NEED TO WARN HER ABOUT THAT 520 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:21,946 TURKEY. [CELLPHONE RINGS] 521 00:31:24,782 --> 00:31:34,792 YEAH. Ali: [MOANING] 522 00:31:35,059 --> 00:31:36,427 GOD DAMN IT, GRANT. 523 00:31:36,427 --> 00:31:40,698 YOU REALLY DON'T LAST THAT LONG, DO YOU? 524 00:31:40,698 --> 00:31:44,836 OH, YEAH. 525 00:31:44,836 --> 00:31:48,172 YEAH, YEAH! Ali: GRANT? 526 00:31:48,172 --> 00:31:49,540 YOU SOUND KIND OF FUNNY. 527 00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:52,010 YOU OKAY? I'M GONNA FUCK THE SHIT OUT 528 00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:52,944 OF YOU! 529 00:31:52,944 --> 00:31:59,250 [MOANING] OHH! 530 00:31:59,250 --> 00:32:02,220 DAMN, THAT WAS GOOD. 531 00:32:02,220 --> 00:32:05,990 YOU JUST GOT STUFFED! Ali: [SCREAMING] 532 00:32:05,990 --> 00:32:08,293 [LAUGHS] 533 00:32:24,475 --> 00:32:28,246 Johnny: WAIT HERE, GUYS. I'LL GO GET HER. 534 00:32:31,749 --> 00:32:33,484 Billy: DO YOU THINK WE MADE IT IN TIME? 535 00:32:33,484 --> 00:32:35,019 Kristen: DON'T EVEN TALK LIKE 536 00:32:35,019 --> 00:32:37,755 THAT, BILLY. Darren: AT LEAST HER LEGS 537 00:32:37,755 --> 00:32:39,791 WERE HARDER TO CLOSE THAN 538 00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:42,460 JONBENET RAMSEY'S LEGS. 539 00:32:45,430 --> 00:32:48,800 Billy: IS SHE? IS SHE? Johnny: YES, GUYS, SHE'S 540 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,735 DEAD. 541 00:32:50,735 --> 00:32:55,139 I FOUND THIS IN THERE, TOO. AND THIS. 542 00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:58,376 AN EXTRA SMALL GRAVY-FLAVORED 543 00:32:58,376 --> 00:33:02,947 CONDOM. Billy: SON OF A BITCH. 544 00:33:02,947 --> 00:33:05,149 SHE WAS FINALLY WARMING UP TO 545 00:33:05,149 --> 00:33:10,521 ME, TOO. WE'VE GOT TO FIND A WAY TO KILL 546 00:33:10,521 --> 00:33:15,626 THAT COCK-BLOCKING TURKEY. 547 00:33:15,626 --> 00:33:19,864 Darren: WHAT? NO! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KILL THIS 548 00:33:19,864 --> 00:33:21,632 TURKEY. 549 00:33:21,632 --> 00:33:23,101 I MEAN, HELL, HE'S SURVIVED EVERYTHING THAT WE'VE THROWN AT 550 00:33:23,101 --> 00:33:24,535 HIM. 551 00:33:24,535 --> 00:33:25,737 Johnny: NO! WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO STOP 552 00:33:25,737 --> 00:33:27,205 HIM YET. 553 00:33:27,205 --> 00:33:32,744 Darren: OH, YEAH. WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO 554 00:33:32,744 --> 00:33:34,412 KILL HIM. 555 00:33:34,412 --> 00:33:37,949 REMEMBER ALL OF THOSE BOOKS THAT I WAS TELLING YOU THAT WERE 556 00:33:37,949 --> 00:33:39,684 WRITTEN ABOUT ABOUT THIS TURKEY? 557 00:33:39,684 --> 00:33:42,987 Billy: YEAH, SO? Darren: WELL, FUCK, BILLY, WE 558 00:33:42,987 --> 00:33:44,288 GO TO THE LIBRARY. 559 00:33:44,288 --> 00:33:46,090 Johnny: NO, THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK. 560 00:33:46,090 --> 00:33:47,658 ALL THE LIBRARIES ARE CLOSED AT 561 00:33:47,658 --> 00:33:50,194 THIS TIME OF NIGHT. Kristen: HEY, GUYS, I JUST 562 00:33:50,194 --> 00:33:51,562 THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. 563 00:33:51,562 --> 00:33:53,131 MY DAD HAS A HUGE COLLECTION OF BOOKS. 564 00:33:53,131 --> 00:33:54,465 I'M SURE HE HAS SOMETHING ON 565 00:33:54,465 --> 00:33:56,768 KILLER TURKEYS. Darren: THAT COULD WORK. 566 00:33:56,768 --> 00:33:58,236 Johnny: YEAH, TRUE. 567 00:33:58,236 --> 00:33:59,771 LET'S DO IT, GUYS. LET'S GO GET THAT SON OF A 568 00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:01,773 BITCH. 569 00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:15,887 Roud: HEY. BILLS. 570 00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:18,122 BILLS. 571 00:34:18,122 --> 00:34:22,393 BILLS. HEY. 572 00:34:22,393 --> 00:34:23,461 HEY. HEY! 573 00:34:23,461 --> 00:34:25,596 I GOT TO GET DRESSED! 574 00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:33,905 [DOORBELL RINGS] HELLO THERE. 575 00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:37,508 HELLO? THOSE DARN KIDS. 576 00:34:37,508 --> 00:34:39,377 [CLEARS THROAT] DOWN HERE. 577 00:34:39,377 --> 00:34:41,579 Roud: OH, WELL, HELLO THERE, 578 00:34:41,579 --> 00:34:43,815 LITTLE BUDDY. WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR? 579 00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:45,183 YEAH. 580 00:34:45,183 --> 00:34:49,053 UM, I'M LOOKING FOR KELSEY. Roud: YOU MEAN KRISTEN? 581 00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:50,488 ARE YOU A FRIEND OF HERS? 582 00:34:50,488 --> 00:34:52,256 YEAH. Roud: WELL I'D NEVER KNOWN 583 00:34:52,256 --> 00:34:53,624 THAT SHE HAD A MIDGET FOR A 584 00:34:53,624 --> 00:34:58,563 BUDDY. YOU WANT TO COME IN AND WAIT ON 585 00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:00,131 HER? 586 00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:13,144 [YAWNS] [SNEEZES] 587 00:35:13,144 --> 00:35:18,449 Roud: BLESS YOU. 588 00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:23,387 ALLERGY SEASON, YOU KNOW? FUCKING WEATHER. 589 00:35:23,387 --> 00:35:24,655 BUT IT WAS NICE TODAY, HUH? 590 00:35:24,655 --> 00:35:27,291 Roud: DID YOU JUST SAY "FUCKING"? 591 00:35:27,291 --> 00:35:28,860 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 592 00:35:28,860 --> 00:35:31,529 IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN THAT MIDGETS CAN'T CUSS? 593 00:35:31,529 --> 00:35:33,865 Roud: I WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT 594 00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:37,201 THE SIZE OF THE "FUCK," I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE AGE OF THE 595 00:35:37,201 --> 00:35:38,336 "FUCK." 596 00:35:38,336 --> 00:35:45,343 HOW OLD ARE YOU? 510 YEARS OLD. 597 00:35:45,343 --> 00:35:46,477 Roud: FUCK IT THEN, I GUESS 598 00:35:46,477 --> 00:35:51,249 YOU CAN SAY IT. HAZELNUT? 599 00:35:51,249 --> 00:35:53,684 Roud: YEP. 600 00:35:53,684 --> 00:35:56,988 WELL, I'M NOT GONNA LIE. THIS IS PRETTY DAMN AWKWARD, 601 00:35:56,988 --> 00:35:58,656 SHERIFF. 602 00:35:58,656 --> 00:36:00,858 I'M GOING TO TAKE OFF NOW. SAY HELLO TO KRISTEN FOR ME, 603 00:36:00,858 --> 00:36:02,226 OKAY? 604 00:36:02,226 --> 00:36:04,128 Roud: OH, NO PROBLEM. I AM A BIG PROPONENT OF YOU 605 00:36:04,128 --> 00:36:05,429 LITTLE GUYS. 606 00:36:05,429 --> 00:36:07,965 I THINK Y'ALL BEEN TREATED WRONG. 607 00:36:07,965 --> 00:36:10,601 ONE MORE WORD AND I SWEAR TO 608 00:36:10,601 --> 00:36:13,204 GOD! Roud: WHAT DID YOU SAY? 609 00:36:13,204 --> 00:36:14,772 NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. 610 00:36:14,772 --> 00:36:17,775 HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, SHERIFF. Roud: ALL RIGHT, PAL. 611 00:36:17,775 --> 00:36:19,143 YOU TAKE CARE. 612 00:36:19,143 --> 00:36:25,149 MAN, WHAT AN ODD LITTLE DUCK. ALL RIGHT, THAT DOES IT. 613 00:36:25,149 --> 00:36:28,352 Roud: [SCREAMING] 614 00:36:33,324 --> 00:36:37,461 Kristen: I HOPE WE GET THERE BEFORE HE GETS TO MY DAD, TOO. 615 00:36:37,461 --> 00:36:38,729 Johnny: WELL, MAYBE HE CAN 616 00:36:38,729 --> 00:36:40,164 HELP US. I MEAN, HE IS A COP. 617 00:36:40,164 --> 00:36:43,367 Kristen: OKAY, RIGHT THERE. 618 00:36:45,236 --> 00:36:47,972 AND THERE -- THAT'S THE HOUSE. Johnny: YEAH, I KNOW, I 619 00:36:47,972 --> 00:36:49,273 REMEMBER. 620 00:36:49,273 --> 00:36:50,241 I DROPPED YOU OFF LAST NIGHT, KRISTEN. 621 00:36:50,241 --> 00:36:54,011 Kristen: OH, RIGHT. 622 00:36:54,011 --> 00:36:55,947 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 623 00:37:04,322 --> 00:37:07,825 OH, HELLO, SWEETIE. HOW ARE YOU? 624 00:37:07,825 --> 00:37:10,528 Kristen: DADDY! 625 00:37:10,528 --> 00:37:14,198 YOU LOOK DIFFERENT. OH. 626 00:37:14,198 --> 00:37:16,267 Kristen: OH, YOU GOT A 627 00:37:16,267 --> 00:37:18,769 HAIRCUT. YEAH! 628 00:37:18,769 --> 00:37:20,538 AREN'T YOU GONNA INTRODUCE ME 629 00:37:20,538 --> 00:37:23,040 TO YOUR FRIENDS? Kristen: OF COURSE. 630 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:24,542 THIS IS JOHNNY. 631 00:37:24,542 --> 00:37:26,644 Johnny: HEY, HOW YOU DOING? Kristen: AND DARREN. 632 00:37:26,644 --> 00:37:28,312 Darren: HAPPY THANKSGIVING, 633 00:37:28,312 --> 00:37:30,081 SHERIFF. Kristen: AND BILLY. 634 00:37:30,081 --> 00:37:31,549 Billy: HI. 635 00:37:31,549 --> 00:37:33,417 HOW ARE YOU GUYS? Kristen: DAD, WE NEED TO USE 636 00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:34,752 YOUR COLLECTION OF BOOKS. 637 00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:36,554 WOULD YOU MIND SHOWING US TO THE GARAGE? 638 00:37:36,554 --> 00:37:38,756 UM, OF COURSE, YEAH, NO 639 00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:41,425 PROBLEM AT ALL. I MEAN... 640 00:37:41,425 --> 00:37:43,027 WHERE IS IT AGAIN, HONEY? 641 00:37:43,027 --> 00:37:46,797 Kristen: OH, DAD, YOU AND YOUR RAPIDLY FADING MEMORY. 642 00:37:55,539 --> 00:37:59,877 Darren: EXCUSE ME, SIR. Kristen: WELL, GUYS, HERE IT 643 00:37:59,877 --> 00:38:01,178 IS. 644 00:38:01,178 --> 00:38:03,648 I'M SURE WE'LL BE ABLE TO FIND SOMETHING IN HERE. 645 00:38:08,753 --> 00:38:11,222 WHAT IS IT THAT YOU KIDS ARE LOOKING FOR? 646 00:38:11,222 --> 00:38:12,490 Darren: WELL, ACTUALLY, 647 00:38:12,490 --> 00:38:13,824 SHERIFF, THERE'S THIS BOOK THAT -- 648 00:38:13,824 --> 00:38:15,426 Kristen: OH, NOTHING, DADDY. 649 00:38:15,426 --> 00:38:19,096 I GOT POISON IVY YESTERDAY AND I'M LOOKING FOR A CURE. 650 00:38:19,096 --> 00:38:21,465 OH, OKAY, GOOD LUCK NOW, 651 00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:24,502 KIDS. Kristen: THANKS, DADDY. 652 00:38:24,502 --> 00:38:28,472 I'D DIE IF WASN'T FOR YOU. 653 00:38:28,472 --> 00:38:32,276 MORE LIKE YOU WILL DIE IF IT WAS FOR ME. 654 00:38:32,276 --> 00:38:33,511 Kristen: WHAT WAS THAT, 655 00:38:33,511 --> 00:38:36,681 DADDY? OH, NOTHING AT ALL. 656 00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:42,486 Darren: SO, KRISTEN, TELL ME, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL YOUR FATHER 657 00:38:42,486 --> 00:38:44,155 ABOUT THE KILLER TURKEY? 658 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:46,290 Kristen: MAYBE 'CAUSE HE'D NEVER BELIEVE US IN A MILLION 659 00:38:46,290 --> 00:38:47,825 YEARS. 660 00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:49,060 I WAS JUST TRYING TO AVOID A LONG CONVERSATION. 661 00:38:49,060 --> 00:38:50,361 Darren: THAT'S RIGHT. 662 00:38:50,361 --> 00:38:51,629 THAT MAKES SENSE. Johnny: ALL RIGHT, GUYS, 663 00:38:51,629 --> 00:38:53,831 LET'S GET TO WORK. 664 00:39:50,855 --> 00:39:56,660 Darren: GUYS, I FOUND IT. Billy: IT'S ABOUT TIME. 665 00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:57,995 GOD, THAT TOOK FOREVER. 666 00:39:57,995 --> 00:40:00,231 Kristen: THAT WAS FIVE MINUTES. 667 00:40:00,231 --> 00:40:02,032 Darren: WHOA, GUYS. 668 00:40:02,032 --> 00:40:04,735 LOOK -- RIGHT HERE, IT SAYS THE TURKEY CAN BE KILLED IF HE IS 669 00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:06,036 REMOVED FROM HIS MAGICAL 670 00:40:06,036 --> 00:40:08,372 TALISMAN. Johnny: I DON'T KNOW, GUYS. 671 00:40:08,372 --> 00:40:09,840 I NEVER NOTICED ANY MAGICAL 672 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:11,742 TALISMAN. Kristen: HE PROBABLY KEEPS IT 673 00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:13,310 HIDDEN UNDER HIS FEATHERS. 674 00:40:13,310 --> 00:40:16,247 Darren: NO, KRISTEN, I THINK YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT. 675 00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:18,048 LOOK -- THIS IS WHAT IT SAYS. 676 00:40:18,048 --> 00:40:21,051 IF THE TALISMAN IS NOT IN PLAIN VIEW, THEN IT IS VERY PROBABLE 677 00:40:21,051 --> 00:40:22,953 THAT THE TURKEY KEEPS IT IN HIS 678 00:40:22,953 --> 00:40:25,723 PLUMAGE. Johnny: GREAT. 679 00:40:25,723 --> 00:40:27,091 ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS CATCH HIM, 680 00:40:27,091 --> 00:40:29,727 REMOVE HIS STUPID THINGIE, AND HE'S DEAD? 681 00:40:29,727 --> 00:40:31,195 Kristen: I THINK WE STILL 682 00:40:31,195 --> 00:40:33,264 HAVE TO KILL HIM. DARREN, DOES IT SAY IF THERE'S 683 00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:35,399 SOME SPECIAL WAY TO THAT? 684 00:40:35,399 --> 00:40:36,834 Darren: SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM. 685 00:40:36,834 --> 00:40:38,169 THE REST OF THIS BOOK IS WRITTEN 686 00:40:38,169 --> 00:40:46,143 IN CODE. IT'S A MATHEMATICAL CODE, SO I 687 00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:47,445 THINK I CAN CRACK IT. 688 00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:52,783 NO, I KNOW I CAN CRACK IT. Billy: GOD, I HATE BOOKS. 689 00:40:52,783 --> 00:40:55,553 CAN'T IT JUST TELL US WHAT TO 690 00:40:55,553 --> 00:40:59,623 DO? KRISTEN, DO YOU HAVE ANY SNACKS 691 00:40:59,623 --> 00:41:00,891 OR ANYTHING? 692 00:41:00,891 --> 00:41:01,992 I'M STARVING. I DON'T KNOW, BILLY. 693 00:41:01,992 --> 00:41:03,627 HOW CAN YOU BE THINKING ABOUT 694 00:41:03,627 --> 00:41:06,864 FOOD AT A TIME LIKE THIS? Billy: WELL, I'M HUNGRY. 695 00:41:06,864 --> 00:41:08,766 Darren: BILLY, JUST GO 696 00:41:08,766 --> 00:41:12,203 OUTSIDE OR SOMETHING. GO FIND SOMETHING TO EAT. 697 00:41:12,203 --> 00:41:16,240 WE'LL FIGURE THIS OUT. 698 00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:18,442 Johnny: YOU GOT IT YET? Darren: JUST... 699 00:41:18,442 --> 00:41:20,444 [WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY] 700 00:41:20,444 --> 00:41:23,848 Johnny: HURRY UP. Darren: JOHNNY. 701 00:41:26,617 --> 00:41:28,886 Billy: WHERE IS THE FUCKING KITCHEN? 702 00:41:28,886 --> 00:41:33,290 I'M FUCKING STARVING. 703 00:41:33,290 --> 00:41:35,993 I JUST WANT SOME FOOD. 704 00:41:38,062 --> 00:41:43,467 OH, HEY, SHERIFF. WHAT YOU GOT THERE? 705 00:41:43,467 --> 00:41:45,035 OH, JUST TIDYING UP. 706 00:41:45,035 --> 00:41:49,573 NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Billy: IF THAT'S THE SHERIFF, 707 00:41:49,573 --> 00:41:52,476 THEN YOU MUST BE TURKEY! 708 00:41:52,476 --> 00:41:57,615 GUYS! COME ON, COME QUICK, THE 709 00:41:57,615 --> 00:42:01,452 TURKEY'S HERE! 710 00:42:01,452 --> 00:42:06,257 [LAUGHS] YOU KIDS ARE RETARDED. 711 00:42:06,257 --> 00:42:07,525 Darren: LEAVE US ALONE! 712 00:42:07,525 --> 00:42:09,627 WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING US?! Kristen: DADDY, NO! 713 00:42:09,627 --> 00:42:11,629 SHUT UP, I DO THE TALKING, 714 00:42:11,629 --> 00:42:13,964 FAGGOT. A LONG TIME AGO, ONE OF YOUR 715 00:42:13,964 --> 00:42:15,666 ANCESTORS DISRESPECTED OUR 716 00:42:15,666 --> 00:42:19,937 PEOPLE REALLY, REALLY BADLY. AND SO AS PAYBACK, I'M HERE TO 717 00:42:19,937 --> 00:42:21,505 KILL ANY WHITE PERSON THAT 718 00:42:21,505 --> 00:42:26,510 DISRESPECTS INDIANS OR OUR LAND. Johnny: BUT WE GAVE YOUR 719 00:42:26,510 --> 00:42:28,612 PEOPLE LAND, AND WE LET YOU HAVE 720 00:42:28,612 --> 00:42:30,948 CASINOS. DOESN'T THAT MAKE UP FOR WHAT 721 00:42:30,948 --> 00:42:32,283 OUR ANCESTORS DID? 722 00:42:32,283 --> 00:42:36,520 [LAUGHS] IT ALMOST DID, BUT IT DIDN'T. 723 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:41,659 PREPARE TO BE DEAD! 724 00:42:41,659 --> 00:42:44,628 YOU FAT BASTARD! Billy: QUIT JUST STANDING 725 00:42:44,628 --> 00:42:46,530 THERE, GUYS, GRAB HIS FUCKING 726 00:42:46,530 --> 00:42:50,968 THINGIE! Johnny: GOT IT! 727 00:42:50,968 --> 00:42:52,202 Kristen: NOW WHAT DO WE DO, 728 00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:53,404 DARREN? Darren: I DON'T KNOW! 729 00:42:53,404 --> 00:42:54,438 I HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT THE 730 00:42:54,438 --> 00:42:57,408 EQUATION YET! [LAUGHS] 731 00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:58,642 Kristen: GOD DAMN IT! 732 00:42:58,642 --> 00:43:02,379 DOUCHE BAGS! Billy: ALL THAT WORK FOR 733 00:43:02,379 --> 00:43:03,781 NOTHING? 734 00:43:03,781 --> 00:43:05,749 YOU GUYS SUCK SOMETIMES. Kristen: IT WASN'T FOR 735 00:43:05,749 --> 00:43:07,184 NOTHING, BILLY. 736 00:43:07,184 --> 00:43:09,553 WE GOT THE TALISMAN. NOW WE CAN KILL HIM. 737 00:43:09,553 --> 00:43:11,555 Billy: GOD, I'M SO TIRED OF 738 00:43:11,555 --> 00:43:15,659 THIS STUPID TURKEY JUST PLAYING GAMES WITH US, LIKE WE'RE SOME 739 00:43:15,659 --> 00:43:17,227 KIND OF PUPPETS. 740 00:43:17,227 --> 00:43:21,565 WHATEVER, I'M OUT OF HERE. Darren: BE CAREFUL, BILLY, 741 00:43:21,565 --> 00:43:23,133 YOU KNOW HE'S STILL OUT THERE. 742 00:43:23,133 --> 00:43:26,403 Johnny: WELL... HE'S DEAD. Kristen: DON'T SAY STUPID 743 00:43:26,403 --> 00:43:27,905 SHIT LIKE THAT. 744 00:43:27,905 --> 00:43:33,344 NOW, DARREN, DO YOUR MAGIC. Darren: ALL RIGHT. 745 00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:53,163 Johnny: I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, KRISTEN. 746 00:43:53,163 --> 00:43:54,965 I'M SORRY THAT WE WERE EVEN 747 00:43:54,965 --> 00:44:01,572 THROWN INTO THIS MESS. THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME 748 00:44:01,572 --> 00:44:04,174 AGAIN. 749 00:44:04,174 --> 00:44:08,612 IT'S ALL MY FAULT. Kristen: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 750 00:44:08,612 --> 00:44:10,180 THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS IN 751 00:44:10,180 --> 00:44:13,484 LIFE WE CAN'T CONTROL. AND UNFORTUNATELY, THIS IS ISN'T 752 00:44:13,484 --> 00:44:14,818 LIKE A FOOTBALL GAME WHERE WE 753 00:44:14,818 --> 00:44:17,054 CAN JUST CALL AN AUDIBLE AT ANY TIME. 754 00:44:17,054 --> 00:44:18,756 Johnny: YOU'RE RIGHT. 755 00:44:18,756 --> 00:44:25,696 LIFE IS NOT LIKE A PLAYBOOK. I JUST GOT TO ROLL WITH IT. 756 00:44:25,696 --> 00:44:27,431 LIFE MOVES ON. 757 00:44:27,431 --> 00:44:31,835 Kristen: I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW, JOHNNY, THAT I REALLY 758 00:44:31,835 --> 00:44:34,071 APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU'VE 759 00:44:34,071 --> 00:44:37,174 DONE FOR US. YOU CAN BE MY QUARTERBACK ANY 760 00:44:37,174 --> 00:44:38,442 DAY. 761 00:44:38,442 --> 00:44:40,844 Johnny: OH, KRISTEN. Darren: HEY, GUYS -- WHOA. 762 00:44:40,844 --> 00:44:45,349 HEY, GUYS, WHOA, UM, I CRACKED 763 00:44:45,349 --> 00:44:47,651 THE CODE. I KNOW HOW TO KILL THE TURKEY 764 00:44:47,651 --> 00:44:49,219 NOW. 765 00:44:49,219 --> 00:44:51,522 Kristen: SO, WHAT DOES IT SAY? WELL, BASICALLY IT TELLS ME 766 00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:53,123 EVERYTHING WE NEED TO KNOW TO 767 00:44:53,123 --> 00:44:56,527 KILL HIM. AND I'M JUST FIGURING THAT'S WHY 768 00:44:56,527 --> 00:44:58,128 THE CODE WAS SO HARD TO BREAK. 769 00:44:58,128 --> 00:45:00,431 Johnny: OKAY, DARREN, YOU HAVEN'T TOLD US ANYTHING YET. 770 00:45:00,431 --> 00:45:02,299 Darren: OH, RIGHT. 771 00:45:02,299 --> 00:45:07,438 OKAY, SO, WE NEED TO BURN HIM AT THE STAKE, JUST LIKE A WITCH. 772 00:45:07,438 --> 00:45:09,239 AND THEN WE NEED TO SAY A 773 00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:12,109 DEMONIC PRAYER IN UNISON BACKWARDS. 774 00:45:12,109 --> 00:45:13,610 JUST THE USUAL THING. 775 00:45:13,610 --> 00:45:16,547 Johnny: DAMN! THIS SHIT IS NOT GONNA BE EASY. 776 00:45:16,547 --> 00:45:18,015 Darren: NO SHIT, IT'S NOT 777 00:45:18,015 --> 00:45:19,983 GONNA BE EASY. HE WAS NECROMANCED BY ONE OF THE 778 00:45:19,983 --> 00:45:21,251 MOST POWERFUL INDIANS IN 779 00:45:21,251 --> 00:45:23,787 HISTORY. Kristen: WE GOT TO DO WHAT WE 780 00:45:23,787 --> 00:45:25,456 GOT TO DO. 781 00:45:25,456 --> 00:45:26,690 Johnny: FIRST THING WE HAVE TO DO IS FIND OUT WHERE THIS 782 00:45:26,690 --> 00:45:28,459 TURKEY'S AT. 783 00:45:28,459 --> 00:45:31,161 Darren: IT SAYS HERE, "IF THE TURKEY IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN, 784 00:45:31,161 --> 00:45:33,130 IT'S LIKELY HE'S RETURNED TO HIS 785 00:45:33,130 --> 00:45:35,132 TEEPEE." Johnny: SHIT, THERE CAN'T BE 786 00:45:35,132 --> 00:45:36,800 THAT MANY TEEPEES IN TOWN, CAN 787 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,002 THERE? LET'S GO BLITZ HIS ASS. 788 00:45:39,002 --> 00:45:40,838 Darren: "HOWEVER, IF HE IS 789 00:45:40,838 --> 00:45:45,709 NOT IN THE TEEPEE, HE'S KILLING ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS." 790 00:45:45,709 --> 00:45:47,478 All: BILLY! 791 00:45:53,383 --> 00:45:55,686 [LAUGHS] SUCKER. 792 00:45:55,686 --> 00:45:59,022 Billy: SO HUNGRY. 793 00:45:59,022 --> 00:46:02,192 GOD DAMN. OH, BILLY! 794 00:46:02,192 --> 00:46:03,961 BILLY, BILLY, BILLY, COME 795 00:46:03,961 --> 00:46:08,732 EAT ME! COME EAT ME, BILLY. 796 00:46:08,732 --> 00:46:12,002 I TASTE REAL GOOD. 797 00:46:27,918 --> 00:46:32,389 Billy: THAT HIT THE SPOT. [BELCHES] 798 00:46:47,704 --> 00:46:49,973 OH! 799 00:46:55,345 --> 00:47:00,918 GOBBLE, GOBBLE, MOTHERFUCKER. NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL "FOWL" 800 00:47:00,918 --> 00:47:01,919 PLAY. 801 00:47:01,919 --> 00:47:04,087 [LAUGHS] 802 00:47:13,030 --> 00:47:15,032 Johnny: I THINK WE'RE TOO LATE. 803 00:47:15,032 --> 00:47:16,600 Darren: HOLY SHIT! 804 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:18,902 GUYS, PULL OVER! PULL OVER, THERE'S BILLY! 805 00:47:18,902 --> 00:47:20,671 THERE'S BILLY, PULL OVER, GOD 806 00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:27,311 DAMN IT! NO! BILLY! 807 00:47:27,311 --> 00:47:29,279 BILLY! 808 00:47:29,279 --> 00:47:34,918 MY BUDDY, MY BEST FRIEND! NO, YOU CAN'T GO LIKE THIS! 809 00:47:34,918 --> 00:47:37,354 BILLY, YOU CAN'T GO LIKE THIS, 810 00:47:37,354 --> 00:47:41,959 MAN. Billy: IT'S OKAY. 811 00:47:41,959 --> 00:47:45,229 YOU'RE ONE OF THE COOL KIDS NOW. 812 00:47:47,564 --> 00:47:50,701 Darren: IT'S NOT EVEN THAT BAD, BILLY. 813 00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:53,203 I AM ONE OF THE COOL KIDS, 814 00:47:53,203 --> 00:47:56,840 BECAUSE OF YOU. BECAUSE OF YOU, I'M ONE OF THE 815 00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:58,475 COOL KIDS! 816 00:47:58,475 --> 00:48:00,944 YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH GOOD AND BAD 817 00:48:00,944 --> 00:48:02,279 TIMES. 818 00:48:02,279 --> 00:48:04,948 GOOD AND BAD TIMES TOGETHER, BILLY. 819 00:48:04,948 --> 00:48:06,550 IT'S NOT GONNA END LIKE THIS. 820 00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:09,152 THERE'S GONNA BE MANY MORE GOOD TIMES. 821 00:48:09,152 --> 00:48:11,521 AND WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THERE BE 822 00:48:11,521 --> 00:48:15,859 A LOT OF BAD TIMES. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. 823 00:48:15,859 --> 00:48:17,661 I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL THAT 824 00:48:17,661 --> 00:48:23,367 GODDAMN TURKEY. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. 825 00:48:23,367 --> 00:48:24,735 BILLY! 826 00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:30,707 BILLY, NO, YOU CAN'T GO! IT'S NOT EVEN THAT BAD. 827 00:48:30,707 --> 00:48:33,210 IT'S NOT EVEN THAT BAD. 828 00:48:33,210 --> 00:48:37,180 BILLY, I LOVE YOU. YOU'RE MY FRIEND. 829 00:48:37,180 --> 00:48:39,416 I'VE NEVER HAD ANYBODY COME INTO 830 00:48:39,416 --> 00:48:43,186 MY LIFE LIKE YOU, BILLY. REMEMBER WHEN YOU GAVE ME MY 831 00:48:43,186 --> 00:48:45,322 FIRST ICE-CREAM CONE UNDER THE 832 00:48:45,322 --> 00:48:51,428 SUNSET? I MISS YOU SO MUCH, BILLY. 833 00:48:51,428 --> 00:48:54,898 THIS SONG GOES OUT TO YOU. 834 00:48:54,898 --> 00:48:57,968 OH, YEAH. MMM. 835 00:48:57,968 --> 00:49:01,772 YEAH, I LOVE YOU, BILLY. 836 00:49:01,772 --> 00:49:05,776 AND NOW YOU'VE GONE AND LEFT ME 837 00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:08,111 YOU WERE MY, YOU WERE MY 838 00:49:08,111 --> 00:49:09,780 FRIEND MY FRIEND 839 00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:12,115 YOU GOT KILLED BY THE 840 00:49:12,115 --> 00:49:16,119 TURKEY WHO'S NOT, WHO'S NOT MY 841 00:49:16,119 --> 00:49:17,821 FRIEND 842 00:49:17,821 --> 00:49:21,124 HE'S NOT MY FRIEND, YEAH OH BILLY, BILLY, BILLY, 843 00:49:21,124 --> 00:49:25,696 YOU WERE MY, MY BEST FRIEND 844 00:49:25,696 --> 00:49:30,167 WE WERE MEANT TO BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER 845 00:49:30,167 --> 00:49:33,070 AND NOW YOU ARE A DEAD BEST 846 00:49:33,070 --> 00:49:38,308 FRIEND A DEAD BEST FRIEND 847 00:49:38,308 --> 00:49:40,711 BILLY, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO 848 00:49:40,711 --> 00:49:46,416 LEAVE ME, BILLY WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME 849 00:49:46,416 --> 00:49:48,018 YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND, 850 00:49:48,018 --> 00:49:53,056 BILLY BEST FRIEND, BILLY 851 00:50:06,570 --> 00:50:12,476 [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] OH, YEAH. 852 00:50:12,476 --> 00:50:14,211 TOSSING. 853 00:50:14,211 --> 00:50:19,750 PERFECT. LOW IN CALORIES, HIGH IN FIBER. 854 00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:21,418 TOSS IT. 855 00:50:21,418 --> 00:50:26,523 WHEW, NOTHING LIKE A LONG DAY TO HAVE A BIG JUICY SALAD IN MY 856 00:50:26,523 --> 00:50:28,025 STOMACH. 857 00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:31,528 Kristen: THERE'S THE TEEPEE, GUYS, ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. 858 00:50:46,743 --> 00:50:48,979 Darren: OKAY, GUYS, SO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW? 859 00:50:48,979 --> 00:50:50,247 Johnny: FUCK, I DON'T KNOW. 860 00:50:50,247 --> 00:50:51,448 I DIDN'T REALLY THINK ABOUT THAT. 861 00:50:51,448 --> 00:50:52,883 KRISTEN, WHAT DO YOU GOT? 862 00:50:52,883 --> 00:50:55,485 Kristen: I DON'T KNOW. DO WE HAVE ANY ROPE? 863 00:50:55,485 --> 00:50:58,488 Johnny: YEAH, I GOT SOME OUT 864 00:50:58,488 --> 00:51:01,124 OF THE JEEP. I THOUGHT IT COULD BE USEFUL. 865 00:51:01,124 --> 00:51:02,459 Kristen: OKAY, WELL, THIS IS 866 00:51:02,459 --> 00:51:04,094 A START. DARREN, HOW ABOUT JOHNNY AND I 867 00:51:04,094 --> 00:51:05,796 GO IN THROUGH THE MAIN ENTRANCE 868 00:51:05,796 --> 00:51:08,598 AND WE CAN DISTRACT TURKEY. THEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GO 869 00:51:08,598 --> 00:51:10,367 IN THROUGH THE BACK, SNEAK 870 00:51:10,367 --> 00:51:13,370 UP ON HIM, NAIL HIM, AND TIE HIM UP WITH THIS ROPE. 871 00:51:13,370 --> 00:51:14,838 Darren: SO I'M DOING ALL THE 872 00:51:14,838 --> 00:51:18,475 WORK? Johnny: DO YOU WANT TO AVENGE 873 00:51:18,475 --> 00:51:21,144 BILLY'S DEATH OR NOT? 874 00:51:21,144 --> 00:51:23,880 THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. NOW QUIT BEING A PUSSY AND LET'S 875 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,148 MAKE THIS HAPPEN. 876 00:51:25,148 --> 00:51:29,920 Darren: FINE, FINE, I'LL DO IT. 877 00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:31,521 Kristen: WAIT, DO WE HAVE 878 00:51:31,521 --> 00:51:33,723 MATCHES OR A LIGHTER? Johnny: YEAH, I GOT A LIGHTER 879 00:51:33,723 --> 00:51:36,159 RIGHT HERE. 880 00:51:36,159 --> 00:51:39,830 I'M ALWAYS PREPARED, BABY, AND WHEN I'M NOT, I JUST CALL AN 881 00:51:39,830 --> 00:51:41,398 AUDIBLE. 882 00:51:41,398 --> 00:51:44,201 Darren: OKAY, WELL, LET'S KICK THIS FOUL-MOUTHED BASTARD'S 883 00:51:44,201 --> 00:51:45,502 ASS. 884 00:51:45,502 --> 00:51:49,139 Johnny: LET'S DO IT. [MUSIC CONTINUES] 885 00:51:58,582 --> 00:52:00,951 [RECORD SCRATCHES] YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BADASS AFTER 886 00:52:00,951 --> 00:52:02,285 ALL. 887 00:52:02,285 --> 00:52:05,088 [LAUGHS] YOUR DAD THOUGHT I WAS PRETTY 888 00:52:05,088 --> 00:52:06,523 BADASS. 889 00:52:06,523 --> 00:52:08,325 Johnny: YOU BASTARD, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU. 890 00:52:08,325 --> 00:52:10,093 Kristen: NOT NOW, JOHNNY. 891 00:52:10,093 --> 00:52:12,095 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? 892 00:52:12,095 --> 00:52:13,430 YOU KIDS CAN'T KILL ME, 893 00:52:13,430 --> 00:52:17,234 ASSHOLES -- I'M INVINCIBLE. OH, SHIT! 894 00:52:17,234 --> 00:52:18,802 WHAT THE FU--? 895 00:52:18,802 --> 00:52:22,105 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? CATCH A FISH, YOU FUCKING PRICK? 896 00:52:22,105 --> 00:52:23,540 Darren: I GOT HIM! 897 00:52:23,540 --> 00:52:26,243 WHAT! WHAT, TURKEY?! Johnny: GOOD JOB, MAN. 898 00:52:26,243 --> 00:52:27,978 Darren: OH MY GOD, I'M ON 899 00:52:27,978 --> 00:52:29,246 FIRE! WHAT IS THIS? 900 00:52:29,246 --> 00:52:30,814 LOOKS LIKE I GOT SOMETHING YOU 901 00:52:30,814 --> 00:52:33,316 DON'T GOT, TURKEY. WHAT'S THAT, DARREN? 902 00:52:33,316 --> 00:52:34,784 A VAGINA? 903 00:52:34,784 --> 00:52:37,187 Darren: FUCK, NO! I'VE GOT A BOOK THAT'S GONNA 904 00:52:37,187 --> 00:52:38,922 SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL. 905 00:52:38,922 --> 00:52:41,992 YOU THINK THAT'S REAL? YOU KIDS ARE EVEN MORE RETARDED 906 00:52:41,992 --> 00:52:43,560 THAN BILLY! 907 00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,428 Johnny: GO BACK, GO BACK! Kristen: CALM DOWN, DARREN. 908 00:52:45,428 --> 00:52:46,796 Johnny: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, 909 00:52:46,796 --> 00:52:48,331 DARREN. LET'S JUST FINISH THIS BASTARD. 910 00:52:48,331 --> 00:52:49,799 YOU GOT THE PRAYER READY? 911 00:52:49,799 --> 00:52:52,135 Darren: I'VE GOT TO FIND THE FUCKING PRAYER. 912 00:52:52,135 --> 00:52:53,436 I'VE GOT IT. 913 00:52:53,436 --> 00:52:56,006 YOU READY? Johnny: LET'S DO THIS. 914 00:52:56,006 --> 00:52:57,574 Darren: LET'S DO IT. 915 00:52:57,574 --> 00:53:01,378 All: ASHLASHI BEGUNDI KA. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, 916 00:53:01,378 --> 00:53:02,579 FUCKING BLAH. 917 00:53:02,579 --> 00:53:03,613 All: KRIBASH SHOLASH KARI MAFESTO. 918 00:53:03,613 --> 00:53:05,148 THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING 919 00:53:05,148 --> 00:53:06,449 YOU KIDS HAVE DONE YET. All: ASHLASHI BEGUNDI KA. 920 00:53:06,449 --> 00:53:09,819 KRIBASH SHOLASH KARI MAFESTO. 921 00:53:09,819 --> 00:53:12,923 OH, WHAT ARE YOU... All: ASHLASHI BEGUNDI KA. 922 00:53:12,923 --> 00:53:13,857 STOP! STOP IT! 923 00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:17,127 All: KRIBASH SHOLASH KARI MAFESTO. 924 00:53:17,127 --> 00:53:18,395 Darren: THERE, GUYS! 925 00:53:18,395 --> 00:53:19,696 Johnny: AT LEAST IT'S WORKING. 926 00:53:19,696 --> 00:53:21,431 Darren: YEAH, THAT SHOULD'VE 927 00:53:21,431 --> 00:53:25,268 WORKED, BECAUSE NOW HE'S LOST ALL OF HIS INVINCIBILITY POWER. 928 00:53:25,268 --> 00:53:28,071 OKAY, IT SAYS HERE, HE'S NOW 929 00:53:28,071 --> 00:53:31,308 READY TO BE SACRIFICED. FUCK, BURN HIM ALIVE, GUYS. 930 00:53:31,308 --> 00:53:33,076 Kristen: NICE, YOU STILL GOT 931 00:53:33,076 --> 00:53:34,511 THAT LIGHTER, JOHNNY? Johnny: YEAH, I GOT IT. 932 00:53:34,511 --> 00:53:35,845 Kristen: I'M READY TO SEE 933 00:53:35,845 --> 00:53:38,181 THIS COCK BURN. Johnny: YOU MEAN TURKEY, 934 00:53:38,181 --> 00:53:39,816 RIGHT? 935 00:53:39,816 --> 00:53:41,318 Kristen: NO, I MEAN LIKE A DICK, NOT LIKE THE ANIMAL. 936 00:53:41,318 --> 00:53:42,819 DO YOU HAVE THE LIGHTER OR NOT? 937 00:53:42,819 --> 00:53:48,725 Johnny: YEAH, I GOT IT. SO LONG, SUCKERS. 938 00:53:48,725 --> 00:53:51,494 [LAUGHS] 939 00:53:51,494 --> 00:53:53,330 Oscar: NOT THIS TIME, ASSHOLE! 940 00:53:53,330 --> 00:53:54,497 OH, FUCK! 941 00:53:54,497 --> 00:54:01,972 ARGH! [COUGHING] 942 00:54:01,972 --> 00:54:06,109 Johnny: YOU! 943 00:54:06,109 --> 00:54:08,979 WHERE DID THAT TURKEY GO? Oscar: I KILLED THAT SON OF 944 00:54:08,979 --> 00:54:10,413 A BITCH. 945 00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:11,314 HE'S RIGHT IN THAT DUMPSTER RIGHT OVER THERE. 946 00:54:11,314 --> 00:54:12,782 Kristen: YOU DON'T 947 00:54:12,782 --> 00:54:14,184 UNDERSTAND, HE NEEDS TO BE KILLED IN A CERTAIN WAY. 948 00:54:14,184 --> 00:54:16,086 IF HE ISN'T, WHO KNOW WHAT MIGHT 949 00:54:16,086 --> 00:54:21,558 HAPPEN. Johnny: BASTARD. 950 00:54:21,558 --> 00:54:23,793 Kristen: OH, YEP, HE'S DEAD. 951 00:54:23,793 --> 00:54:26,529 THAT'S PRETTY NASTY. OH, SHIT. 952 00:54:26,529 --> 00:54:28,131 Kristen: NICE SHOT, HERMIT. 953 00:54:28,131 --> 00:54:30,700 Oscar: THANK YOU THERE, PRETTY LADY, BUT IT WAS PRETTY 954 00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:32,235 MUCH POINT-BLANK RANGE. 955 00:54:32,235 --> 00:54:35,238 Johnny: YEAH, IT WAS. Oscar: WELL, LOOKS LIKE MY 956 00:54:35,238 --> 00:54:37,007 WORK'S DONE HERE. 957 00:54:37,007 --> 00:54:40,243 KILLED THAT GODDAMN TURKEY, AND AVENGED THE DEATH OF MY DOG, 958 00:54:40,243 --> 00:54:41,678 OL' FLASHY. 959 00:54:41,678 --> 00:54:43,246 Kristen: YEAH, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT YOUR DOG. 960 00:54:43,246 --> 00:54:45,015 THAT MUST BE HARD TO DEAL WITH. 961 00:54:45,015 --> 00:54:48,451 Oscar: WELL, I KNOW HE'S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW, BUT IT STILL 962 00:54:48,451 --> 00:54:50,487 HURTS A LITTLE BIT ON THE 963 00:54:50,487 --> 00:54:52,822 INSIDE. ONE OF THESE DAYS, YOU KIDS 964 00:54:52,822 --> 00:54:54,724 THERE, YOU MIGHT FEEL WHAT I 965 00:54:54,724 --> 00:54:58,461 FEEL WHEN LOSING SOMEBODY YOU LOVE, LIKE YOUR MOTHER, YOUR 966 00:54:58,461 --> 00:55:00,697 FATHER, OR YOUR BEST FRIEND. 967 00:55:00,697 --> 00:55:03,133 WELL, I'VE GOT TO GO, KIDS, HERE. 968 00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:05,335 YOU GUYS HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. 969 00:55:08,872 --> 00:55:12,709 Johnny: WELL, I SURE LEARNED A LOT FROM THIS EXPERIENCE. 970 00:55:12,709 --> 00:55:15,945 AND I MADE LIFELONG FRIENDS. 971 00:55:15,945 --> 00:55:19,716 Kristen: WHAT A NICE GUY. Johnny: I DON'T KNOW. 972 00:55:19,716 --> 00:55:21,818 HE FUCKING KIND OF CREEPS ME 973 00:55:21,818 --> 00:55:23,620 OUT. KIND OF WEIRD. 974 00:55:23,620 --> 00:55:25,822 I DON'T KNOW, THOUGH, HE DID 975 00:55:25,822 --> 00:55:28,391 SAVE OUR LIVES. I GUESS THAT MAKES HIM COOL, 976 00:55:28,391 --> 00:55:30,093 RIGHT? 977 00:55:30,093 --> 00:55:35,498 Darren: WELL, GUYS, WE JUST KILLED THE MOST DEMONIC TURKEY 978 00:55:35,498 --> 00:55:37,167 TO EVER ROAM THE FACE OF THE 979 00:55:37,167 --> 00:55:40,070 EARTH. WHAT NOW? 980 00:55:40,070 --> 00:55:41,971 [LAUGHTER] 981 00:55:41,971 --> 00:55:46,643 Johnny: WE DID, DIDN'T WE? Darren: WE SURE DID. 982 00:55:46,643 --> 00:55:47,977 Johnny: WELL, I DON'T THINK 983 00:55:47,977 --> 00:55:49,546 WE CAN DO ANYTHING TO TOP THIS ONE. 984 00:55:49,546 --> 00:55:51,181 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO BACK TO 985 00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:53,750 KRISTEN'S AND WATCH THE MOVIES? HOW DOES THAT SOUND? 986 00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:55,118 Darren: HELL, YES. 987 00:55:55,118 --> 00:55:57,954 HELL, YES. Kristen: COME ON, GUYS, IT'S 988 00:55:57,954 --> 00:55:58,988 THROUGH HERE. 989 00:55:58,988 --> 00:56:00,290 Johnny: LET'S ROCK THIS MOVIE. 990 00:56:00,290 --> 00:56:01,157 Darren: I WANT TO WATCH IT. 991 00:56:01,157 --> 00:56:03,393 I'M SO EXCITED. 992 00:56:15,839 --> 00:56:22,412 Johnny: GOT MY POPCORN, ALL SNUGGLED UP ON THE COUCH. 993 00:56:22,412 --> 00:56:25,014 SO, YOU KNOW, KRISTEN. 994 00:56:25,014 --> 00:56:30,353 IN A WAY, I'M KIND OF GLAD ALL THIS HAPPENED. 995 00:56:30,353 --> 00:56:32,222 IF NOT, I WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN 996 00:56:32,222 --> 00:56:36,693 THIS CLOSE TO YOU. I MAY HAVE LOST MY PARENTS, BUT 997 00:56:36,693 --> 00:56:40,663 I GAINED A GIRLFRIEND. 998 00:56:40,663 --> 00:56:43,566 Kristen: G-GIRLFRIEND? Darren: OH, BROTHER. 999 00:56:43,566 --> 00:56:44,934 Kristen: YOU MEAN... 1000 00:56:44,934 --> 00:56:48,705 Johnny: YES. WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME? 1001 00:56:48,705 --> 00:56:51,007 Kristen: OH, JOHNNY, I DON'T 1002 00:56:51,007 --> 00:56:54,577 KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I MEAN, I DO KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 1003 00:56:54,577 --> 00:56:56,045 YES, OF COURSE. 1004 00:56:56,045 --> 00:57:00,450 Johnny: AWESOME, SHE'S GONNA GO OUT WITH ME. 1005 00:57:00,450 --> 00:57:02,652 AWESOME. 1006 00:57:15,131 --> 00:57:20,270 [UNZIPPING] Darren: I'M GONNA GO PEE NOW. 1007 00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:22,806 YEAH, I'M GOING TO GO PEE. 1008 00:58:08,251 --> 00:58:12,188 [ZING!] AAH! 1009 00:58:12,188 --> 00:58:13,490 [DING!] 1010 00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:15,124 YOU'RE DONE, BITCH. Darren: YOU SON OF A BITCH! 1011 00:58:15,124 --> 00:58:17,594 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DIE ALREADY? 1012 00:58:17,594 --> 00:58:19,496 ARGH! 1013 00:58:21,731 --> 00:58:24,534 Darren: [SCREAMING] 1014 00:59:00,003 --> 00:59:06,075 Billy: COME ON, DARREN. COME ON. 1015 00:59:06,075 --> 00:59:07,310 GOD'S A-WAITING. 1016 00:59:07,310 --> 00:59:11,614 COME ON. NO TURKEYS UP HERE, DARREN. 1017 00:59:11,614 --> 00:59:13,583 NO TURKEYS UP HERE, DARREN. 1018 00:59:13,583 --> 00:59:20,557 LET'S GO. LET'S GO. [LAUGHS] 1019 00:59:21,190 --> 00:59:23,393 Kristen: WHAT'S THE MATTER, JOHNNY? 1020 00:59:23,393 --> 00:59:24,727 Johnny: I DON'T KNOW. 1021 00:59:24,727 --> 00:59:30,366 I THOUGHT I HEARD TURKEY. I COULDN'T HAVE. 1022 00:59:30,366 --> 00:59:31,634 IT JUST... 1023 00:59:31,634 --> 00:59:32,902 IT JUST MUST HAVE BEEN A BAD DREAM. 1024 00:59:32,902 --> 00:59:34,470 Kristen: THERE IS NO WAY, 1025 00:59:34,470 --> 00:59:37,106 JOHNNY, HE HAD A SHOTGUN WOUND THE SIZE OF MY HEAD. 1026 00:59:37,106 --> 00:59:38,741 PLUS, WE SAID THE PRAYER IN 1027 00:59:38,741 --> 00:59:42,912 REVERSE. Johnny: YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 1028 00:59:42,912 --> 00:59:45,014 HE'S GOT BE DEAD. 1029 00:59:45,014 --> 00:59:50,420 UNLESS HE FELL INTO SOME RADIOACTIVE WASTE. 1030 00:59:50,420 --> 00:59:51,888 WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT 1031 00:59:51,888 --> 00:59:52,989 HAPPENING, RIGHT? Kristen: DON'T BE SILLY, THAT 1032 00:59:52,989 --> 00:59:54,324 KIND OF STUFF ONLY HAPPENS IN 1033 00:59:54,324 --> 00:59:56,426 MOVIES. Johnny: YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE 1034 00:59:56,426 --> 00:59:57,760 RIGHT. 1035 00:59:57,760 --> 00:59:58,995 WELL, I'M GOING TO GO CHECK ON DARREN. 1036 00:59:58,995 --> 01:00:00,897 I'M STILL A LITTLE FREAKED ABOUT 1037 01:00:00,897 --> 01:00:03,333 THAT DREAM. Kristen: THERE IS NOTHING TO 1038 01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:04,667 BE WORRIED ABOUT, JOHNNY. 1039 01:00:04,667 --> 01:00:08,671 REMEMBER THAT. OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 1040 01:00:13,843 --> 01:00:18,815 Johnny: DARREN? DARREN, THIS ISN'T FUNNY. 1041 01:00:18,815 --> 01:00:21,017 WHERE YOU AT, MAN? 1042 01:00:21,017 --> 01:00:25,688 I'M IN THE KITCHEN, MAKING A TURKEY SANDWICH. 1043 01:00:25,688 --> 01:00:27,890 Johnny: ALL RIGHT. 1044 01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:41,237 DARREN... KRISTEN, HE'S -- 1045 01:00:51,347 --> 01:01:00,923 [SCREAMING] Kristen: JOHNNY! NO! 1046 01:01:00,923 --> 01:01:02,959 YOU! HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE? 1047 01:01:02,959 --> 01:01:08,264 I ALWAYS COME BACK FOR SECONDS. 1048 01:01:08,264 --> 01:01:09,666 JOHNNY, COME ON! 1049 01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:15,405 WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! HANG IN THERE, JOHNNY! 1050 01:01:15,405 --> 01:01:16,939 DON'T YOU LEAVE ME! 1051 01:01:16,939 --> 01:01:19,108 COME ON, LET'S HIDE IN THAT SHACK OVER THERE. 1052 01:01:19,108 --> 01:01:20,410 Johnny: I DON'T THINK I'M 1053 01:01:20,410 --> 01:01:22,612 GONNA MAKE IT. DON'T SAY THAT. 1054 01:01:22,612 --> 01:01:28,284 YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE. 1055 01:01:28,284 --> 01:01:34,791 HANG IN THERE, JOHNNY. YOU STILL GOT THAT LIGHTER? 1056 01:01:34,791 --> 01:01:36,993 YEAH, HERE. 1057 01:01:44,734 --> 01:01:49,172 ROAST IN HELL, ASSHOLE. OH, FUCK. 1058 01:01:49,172 --> 01:01:51,741 NO! 1059 01:01:51,741 --> 01:01:55,645 OH, GOD! OH, MY FEATHERS ARE FUCKING 1060 01:01:55,645 --> 01:01:56,913 MELTING! 1061 01:01:56,913 --> 01:02:01,551 OH! OH! Johnny: I'M NOT GONNA MAKE 1062 01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:03,119 IT. 1063 01:02:03,119 --> 01:02:05,822 I'M SORRY, I WISH I COULD CALL A TIME OUT FOR THIS ONE. 1064 01:02:05,822 --> 01:02:07,323 Kristen: STOP IT. 1065 01:02:07,323 --> 01:02:10,326 SHUT UP, SHUT UP. Johnny: LOOK AT ME. 1066 01:02:10,326 --> 01:02:11,561 YOU DID GOOD. 1067 01:02:11,561 --> 01:02:14,664 YOU SURVIVED, AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. 1068 01:02:14,664 --> 01:02:16,999 KRISTEN, I LOVE YOU. 1069 01:02:16,999 --> 01:02:19,135 Kristen: I LOVE YOU, TOO. 1070 01:02:27,310 --> 01:02:30,580 Darren: WE NEED TO BURN HIM AT THE STAKE, JUST LIKE A 1071 01:02:30,580 --> 01:02:32,014 WITCH. 1072 01:02:32,014 --> 01:02:36,486 Kristen: "PECK" ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE. 1073 01:02:36,486 --> 01:02:43,793 [SCREAMING] 1074 01:02:43,793 --> 01:02:46,863 GOD! OH, IT FUCKING BURNS! 1075 01:02:46,863 --> 01:02:48,397 [SCREAMING] 1076 01:02:48,397 --> 01:02:54,237 I'LL COME BACK! I'LL KILL YOU ALL! 1077 01:02:59,542 --> 01:03:04,881 Oscar: WELL-DONE, GAL. Kristen: YEAH, I KNOW. 1078 01:03:04,881 --> 01:03:07,150 Oscar: [LAUGHS] 1079 01:03:27,270 --> 01:03:30,072 I BROUGHT PIE. MMM, YEAH. 1080 01:03:30,072 --> 01:03:31,574 CAN'T WAIT TO EAT. 1081 01:03:31,574 --> 01:03:37,680 NO, NOT YET. WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT HAT, 1082 01:03:37,680 --> 01:03:38,881 CALEB? 1083 01:03:38,881 --> 01:03:48,758 I JUST LOVE THANKSGIVING. OKAY. 1084 01:03:48,758 --> 01:03:50,459 LET'S BOW OUR HEADS. 1085 01:03:50,459 --> 01:03:53,663 OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN, WE GIVE THANKS FOR THE PLEASURE OF 1086 01:03:53,663 --> 01:03:55,097 GATHERING TOGETHER FOR THIS 1087 01:03:55,097 --> 01:03:58,000 OCCASION. WE GIVE THANKS FOR THIS FOOD 1088 01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,702 PREPARED BY LOVING HANDS. 1089 01:03:59,702 --> 01:04:04,373 WE GIVE THANKS FOR LIFE, THE FREEDOM TO ENJOY IT ALL AND ALL 1090 01:04:04,373 --> 01:04:05,908 OTHER BLESSINGS. 1091 01:04:05,908 --> 01:04:09,378 AS WE PARTAKE OF THIS FOOD, WE PRAY FOR THE HEALTH AND STRENGTH 1092 01:04:09,378 --> 01:04:11,247 TO CARRY ON AND TRY TO LIVE AS 1093 01:04:11,247 --> 01:04:14,650 YOU WOULD HAVE US. THIS WE ASK IN THE NAME OF 1094 01:04:14,650 --> 01:04:16,652 CHRIST, OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. 1095 01:04:16,652 --> 01:04:19,689 AMEN. ARGH! 1096 01:04:19,689 --> 01:04:23,893 DO I SMELL SEQUEL, BIATCH?! 1096 01:04:24,689 --> 01:06:23,893 Subtitles created by: WoKKeL