1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,000 *** Subtitles created by dylux *** 2 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:16,139 I just hope it doesn't cause any permanent damage. 3 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:25,728 - So how long have you been here, anyway? - A while. 4 00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:30,399 - You missed your prom? - Yeah. 5 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:39,884 - The thing is, when I made that bet - Ooh! Ooh! 6 00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:44,497 There he is. It's Freddie. He's wearing a tux. 7 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:48,500 Hey, what's up? I met a whole other person inside of you. 8 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:53,093 I guess. There's a whole other person inside of both of us. 9 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,408 Would the whole other person inside of you 10 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,656 - like to dance? - Oh! 11 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,501 Yes! 12 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,281 - Morning, sweetie! - Oh! Heh. Daddy! Oh! 13 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:34,133 - What are you doing in here? - What did I in come in here for? 14 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,728 It's her birthday, Dad. 15 00:01:35,755 --> 00:01:39,172 Oh! Happy Birthday, sweetie. 16 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:46,680 - What's that buzzing sound? - I just... need a minute... here. 17 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:48,890 Maybe they're still doing that construction next door. 18 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,309 - Where's my little angel? - Uh! 19 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,190 Happy birthday, Honey. 20 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:54,566 Grandma? Grandpa? 21 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,238 Rosco! Uh! 22 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,528 Rosco, go! 23 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,406 - Hello, Janey. - Father O'Flannagan? 24 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,875 I brought some of your some special friends down from the center to wish ya a Happy Bithday! 25 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,578 - Happy birthday, Janey! - Janey's making silly faces. 26 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,629 It smells in here. 27 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,874 Okay, make a wish, dear. 28 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,085 No! 29 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:33,517 Let's begin now. 30 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,039 This is not your typical high school. 31 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:51,878 See, at John Hughes, there are no cliques, no exclusive social groups. 32 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:55,548 You're accepted for you are, not for who you hang out with. 33 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:57,920 Ok, we're gonna divide the tour into everal smaller groups 33.5 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,138 so you can get to know some of your peers a little bit better. 34 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:03,427 Let's get all you big jockey guys over here to my right in one group 35 00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:06,950 - and then get you slutty girls over here by me. - Slutty? 36 00:03:06,996 --> 00:03:09,604 Hey, how you doing? Welcome. 37 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,649 And, uh, you losers, you guys should hang out in the back. 38 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:16,443 Hey! Hey! That clearly includes you. Come on, get back there. 39 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:19,443 Take a good look at the kid standing beside you. 40 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:24,702 They're your only friends for the next four years. 41 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,200 Okay, let's move it, people! 42 00:03:36,635 --> 00:03:41,503 - You really need to start dating. - I don't date. You know that. 43 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,588 Oh, come on, Janey, you know Dad's rule... 44 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,639 If you don't have sex, then I'm not allowed to. 45 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:49,060 Look, Mitch, I don't conform to typical high school norms, okay? 46 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:53,606 I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat tofu. 47 00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:57,310 - I'm a unique rebel. - Sounds more like you're a lesbo. 48 00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,942 Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone. 49 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,526 Thank you, Daddy. 50 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,735 If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision. 51 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,498 Go! Fight! Win! 52 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:19,041 - Nice combination, Crissy! - Oooohhh! 53 00:04:22,181 --> 00:04:26,548 - Ohhhh! Ahhh! - I've been meaning to get that fixed. 54 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,183 Later, Dad. 55 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,308 Hey, uh, I-- I might be late to pick you guys up. 56 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,480 Why? Do you have a job interview today, Daddy? 57 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:39,148 No, honey. I-- I'll probably just be way too drunk. 58 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,900 That's good. We don't want you to be drinking and driving. 59 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:45,992 Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick up guys up. 60 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,695 Okay. Bye, Daddy. 61 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,030 Bye, pumpkin-head. 62 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:59,046 - Oh, my God! - Get out of the road! 63 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:18,558 Oh, my God, it's Jake. 64 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,236 - Hi, stud. - Hi, Jake. 65 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:26,316 - I love what he does with his eyebrows. - Those sideburns. 66 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:30,028 Oh, my God, there's Jake. He's so popular. 67 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,700 He just looked at me. 68 00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,579 - Here! You can keep it. - Tiff. 69 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:38,537 Hi, Jake. It's all wet. 70 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,587 Melanie. 71 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,791 Hey, Jake. 72 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,716 Hey, Arthur. 73 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,103 Heeeeere's Ricky! 74 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,306 Hey, Ricky. What did you do this weekend? 75 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:03,152 Well, uh, Friday night I stood outside your window in the pouring rain 76 00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:04,941 screaming your name for several hours. 77 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:09,325 And then I spent all Saturday and Sunday making you this great 78 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:13,822 Janey-I've-been-desperately- trying-to-tell-you-that-I'm 79 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,127 I'm-madly-in-love-with-you 80 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:18,580 uh, mix tape for your birthday. 81 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:22,163 A mix tape? Ohh, that's so sweet, Ricky. 82 00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,337 See you in English. 83 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,504 Catch you guy later. 84 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,517 What happening? 85 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,222 Damn, Shorty, dog is pretending to be Asian and shit. 86 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:44,186 That cracker is white! Can't he see that, yo? 87 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,147 So? Did you guys get any action this weekend? 88 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:50,949 - I visit grandfather. - And I played tetherball with my sisters. 89 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,527 Jesus, we're pathetic! 90 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,000 How are we ever gonna lose our virginity by graduation? 90.5 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,000 The Sex Club will be meeting after school... 91 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,371 - Uh, Mitch, we're freshmen here. - What's with the attitude? 92 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:03,212 - It's not easy to get lucky here. - Girls are sensitive, man. 93 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:07,542 They're not looking for sex. They're looking for love. 94 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,219 Uh! Love me! Oh! Harder! 95 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,723 Amanda Becker. 96 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:23,641 She is so perfect. 97 00:07:33,479 --> 00:07:35,115 Pfff! Keep dreaming. 98 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,829 What's up, Reggie Ray? 99 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,408 Man, I cannot wait til Friday night's game, y'all. 100 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:45,171 What about your head? The doctor said you had a blood clot the size of a grapefruit. 101 00:07:45,252 --> 00:07:49,467 Five more concussions and... you'll die. You should probably take it easy. 102 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:52,712 - Don't listen to him, Reggie Ray. - Austin. 103 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:58,434 Mr. Not-First-String-Anymore, isn't first-string anymore. Ha ha ha ha! 104 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:02,472 Besides we know what happened last time Jake here was calling the plays. 105 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,858 And now, number 4, our hometown hero, 106 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:09,403 first-string quarterback, Jake Wyler! 107 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,982 Hi, Malik. Would you hold these books here for a minute? 108 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,034 Sure. Why not? I am the token black guy. 109 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,738 I am just supposed to smile, stay out of the conversation 110 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:24,453 and say things like "Damn!", "Shit!" and "That is whack!" 111 00:08:40,746 --> 00:08:44,081 What's she doing here? She graduated, like, four years ago. 112 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,566 - Hi, Jake. - Catherine. 113 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,440 Can I ask you a question? 114 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:53,944 Why is it every time I tell a guy they can put it wherever they want 115 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:57,152 - they always stick it in my ass? - Oh, damn! 116 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,532 That's just way too much information for me, Catherine. 117 00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:04,083 Oh, no. Jake. Way too much information would be telling you 118 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:07,253 that after they're done I always take a huge dump. 119 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,458 Shit! 120 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,333 On their chest. 121 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,759 Oh, that is whack! 122 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,611 Priscilla, there you are. 123 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,939 Jake, I need some T-to-the-fourth-power Y. 124 00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:39,739 - Huh? - Some time to talk to you. 125 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,285 God. 126 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,751 It made sense to me, Priscilla. 127 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,757 You're leaving me for this guy? 128 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:57,257 I'm sorry, Jake. But we met over spring break. 129 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,012 I'm not ordinary. 130 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,350 You're leaving me for this guy? 131 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,521 His name is Les, 132 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:12,317 and he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 133 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,030 And so is his bag. 134 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:52,316 Janey Briggs, please report to the office. Janey Briggs, please report to the office. 135 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,523 I know that being a foreign exchange student can be a little scary 136 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,529 adjusting to a- a new school, and a new country. 137 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:05,363 But I think you're going to find that the students here are very accepting of who you are. 138 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,326 Well, you certainly have a sunny disposition. 139 00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,670 So, you got your class schedule, right? 140 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,635 Well, isn't that wonderful? 141 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,096 Oh, Janey, come in. 142 00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,763 Janey, this is Areola, our new foreign exchange student. 143 00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,941 Areola, this is Janey and she is going to show you to your first class. 144 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,485 Hi. 145 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:43,867 I like your backpack. 146 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:54,499 Hey, dude! I heard there's an undercover reporter posing as a high school student. 147 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,797 Dude! No way, dude. 148 00:11:57,008 --> 00:12:00,342 Uh, do either of you know where Mr. Keller's English class is? 149 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,887 - Down the hall, on your left. - Sweet, dude. 150 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:08,517 For the thousandth time, I said, "Swallow that thing." 151 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,560 Am I right? 152 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:18,106 How could Priscilla dump me, Jake Wyler? 153 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,278 I mean, who the hell does she think she is? 154 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,732 I got two words for you, Jake... 155 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,243 Prom queen... material. 156 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,614 Austin, she's an illusion. 157 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,121 Okay, you take away the makeup, the clothes, 158 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:37,213 the way she wears her hair, the smell of her perfume, 159 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,549 that cute little face she makes when she's tonguing my balls. 160 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,303 Look, she's totally replaceable, okay? 161 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,633 Given the right look, the right boyfriend, 162 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:52,310 - any girl could be this year's prom queen. - Well, I smell a bet. 163 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,185 Okay, Jakey, Jakey, about to make a big... 164 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,520 mistakey. 165 00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:01,228 Here's the wager... I'm gonna pick the most hopeless girl at this school 166 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:05,066 and I'll bet that you can't turn her into prom queen. 167 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,901 You're on, Austin. 168 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,077 And I'll bet you that you lose that bet 169 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,908 but in doing so, you learn a much more valuable lesson and win. 170 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,367 In life, that is. 170.5 00:13:14,400 -->00:13:15,700 Huh! 171 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:16,914 You're both on. 172 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,038 All right. 173 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:23,885 Let's find you a prom queen, Mr. Let's-Find-Me-A-Prom-Queen. 174 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,003 What about her? 175 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,259 So baby's got a little back. Hunch, that is. 176 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,057 - Naw, way too easy. - Okay, uhh... 177 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,890 ♪ I have no pig-ment ♪ 178 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,770 Any girl with a guitar is hot. 179 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,422 ♪ I need sunscreen ♪ 180 00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:40,977 Granted, she's a hippie albino. She could still be prom queen. 181 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,399 Okay, uh, what about the Fratelli sisters? 182 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,203 So they're slightly disfigured and connected at the head. 182.5 00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:47,103 - Hi, Jake! - Hi, Jake! 183 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:50,932 But combined, those two make up one pretty decent chick. 184 00:13:50,947 --> 00:13:53,409 - Cha! I'd do 'em! - I know you would, Reggie Ray! 185 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,455 But, no, I'm looking for somebody who's really messed up. 186 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,004 I'm talking about a real shitbomb. 187 00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:07,674 Oh... Well... Bombs away! 188 00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:12,804 No, no, no, no. Anyone but her! Not Janey Briggs. 189 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,603 Guys, she's got glasses and a ponytail. 190 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,978 Ah, look at that! She's got paint on her overalls! What is that? 191 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,643 Guys, there's no way she could be prom queen. 192 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,018 Damn, that shit's whack. 193 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,483 Aim for the head! 194 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,587 Can you imagine what they're doing in there? 195 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,252 Holy cow. 196 00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:51,805 Guys, ohh! Get your heads out of the gutter. 197 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:55,138 It's just a girls' locker room. I'm sure it's no sexier in there 198 00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:56,800 than it is in here. 199 00:14:57,271 --> 00:15:00,514 Hey, Molly, can you help me take off my panties? 200 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,938 Hold on, Christie, I've got lotion all over my hands. 201 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:07,237 That's okay. You can just use your mouth. 202 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,038 Thank you, Miss Peters. 203 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:18,744 So... 204 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:22,829 who would like to share their poem with the rest of the class? 205 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:28,126 Mr. Keller? Over here. Right here. O-o-over here. Right here. Please. 206 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,380 Anyone? 207 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,962 Mr. Keller, please pick me. I'm the one. 208 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:33,342 Yes... 209 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,515 Ricky. 210 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:47,562 - "Ten Things I Love About Janey." - Oh, not again. 211 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,237 By Ricky Lipman. 212 00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:54,660 I love it when Janey talks, I love it when Janey walks, 213 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:59,620 I love it when Janey drinks, I love it when Janey blinks, 214 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,622 I love it when Janey says "Hi", 215 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:06,914 I love it when Janey says, "See you in English", 216 00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:12,966 I love following Janey to the mall 217 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,094 And I love... collecting strands 218 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:21,853 of... Janey's hair 219 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:24,561 and rolling them up 220 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:29,479 into little Janey h-h-hairballs. 221 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:45,536 Thank you, Ricky. For that interesting poem. 222 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:51,129 - You guys, I'm not sure we should be doing this. - Shh! Quiet! I think I hear 'em. 223 00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,549 I can't believe what we just did all that stuff to each other, Molly. 224 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:59,600 It was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience, Christie, that will never, ever happen again. 225 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:00,971 Shit! We missed it. 226 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,181 Let's keep going. 227 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:07,099 Hey, I found a buffalo nickel! 228 00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,110 Jackpot. 229 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,568 Mitch, girl go pee-pee not something I want to see-see. 230 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:18,948 I agree-gree. 231 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,998 Would you two please try and be a little open-minded here? 232 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:28,917 Class, let's open our books and continue with our poetry lesson. 233 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,542 You know what I think about poetry? 234 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,888 Oh, is... is that amusing? 235 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:41,634 Is that what your generation considers... humor? 236 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,649 - This make me kind of happy in pants. - Yeah! 237 00:17:58,619 --> 00:17:59,951 Goodness. 238 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:03,326 That make me kind of sad in pants. 239 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:07,076 Shakespeare, Molière, 240 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,995 Oscar Wilde. 241 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,876 These were humorists. 242 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:15,796 I'm gonna be sick. 243 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:20,507 The sublime poetic genius of a clever turn of phrase. 244 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,682 That is true comedy. 245 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:24,851 Heavens to Betsy. 246 00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:32,438 Your modern day, moronic, feeble-minded, sophomoric excuse for wit 247 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,572 is merely a parade of nasty 248 00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,154 filthy, vulgar, 249 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,245 human excrement! 250 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,386 'Scuse me. 251 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:16,111 - Hey, Janey. What's up? - Excuse me? 252 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:20,111 So, listen. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be the most popular girl in school? 253 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,318 You mean anorexic, superficial, a bitch? 254 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,653 A whore who lacks any real long-term goals? 255 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,100 Exactly. 256 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:31,702 So, if you're interested, I thought maybe we could go out sometime. 257 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,207 Be seen in public together. 258 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,758 - You haven't spoken to me in like, four years, Jake. - Actually, it's more like six. 259 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:41,337 'Cause the time you were referring to when we were standing in line at that movie theater, 260 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:44,218 I was actually saying "Hey" to the person right behind you. 261 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:56,026 Okay, we're down a cheerleader for Friday's State Championship game against North Compton 262 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:58,399 and that squad always tries to bring it. 263 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,732 - Bring what, Priscilla? - Bring it. 264 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:04,489 Right, but what is "it"? 265 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,328 It's just what they bring, okay? 266 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,443 New girl. 267 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:27,341 Hi, I'm Sandy Sue. And I just wanna say that it is simply swell to meet all of you. 268 00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,431 Peachy. I assume you brought a routine? 269 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,932 Oh, you betcha. 270 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,974 Give me an "H", give me a "U" 271 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:40,580 Give me a giant pussy-licking, ass-fucker cock shit...! 272 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,327 I'm sorry. Um, that was my Tourette's. 273 00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:50,864 I don't know about her. 274 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:55,877 Okay. Let's get one thing straight. This is not a cheerocracy. 275 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,587 I am the cheertator. 276 00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:01,712 I make the cheercisions around here, and I will deal with the cheeronsequences. 277 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,589 Now, if there are no more cheeruptions, we can cheertinue. 278 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:08,885 Thank you. 279 00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:15,022 Grandpa stuck a finger in my ass! Cum face! 280 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:20,314 She'll cheer do. Great. 281 00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,610 Goddamn it, let's go now! Thirty-two draw! 282 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:27,284 Goddamn it! Let's show some goddamn hustle! 283 00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:32,035 Look alive out there! This isn't a goddamn tryout, you know! 284 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,616 - Goddamn it! - Blue 21! 21! Hut! 285 00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:36,326 What the hell is going on? 286 00:21:36,387 --> 00:21:39,000 Goddamn it! Nobody's covering that hole out there! 287 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:42,049 Goddamn it! Let's do it again! Come on! 288 00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:46,386 Marty! Marty! Marty! 289 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,381 All right, Marty. 290 00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:53,885 - Get your stumpy little ass in there. - Are you sure, Coach? 291 00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:56,517 Just go, goddamn it. 292 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,940 Wyler, we got this goddamn game wrapped up. 293 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:02,440 All you gotta do is run out the clock. 294 00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:08,033 And for God's sakes, don't try anything fancy! 295 00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:09,780 Goddamn it. 296 00:22:12,623 --> 00:22:14,410 Alright, listen up, boys. 297 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:17,083 We got time for one more play. 298 00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:19,183 - I say we get the ball to Marty. - Huh? 298.5 00:22:19,694 --> 00:22:20,583 Damn! 299 00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:23,586 That's okay. I'm just happy being on the field. 300 00:22:23,801 --> 00:22:26,816 But, Jake, Coach reckons we oughta just take a knee. We're up 42-nothin'. 301 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,592 Well, I don't care what Coach reckons. 302 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,388 Look, you can't go through life being scared, Marty. 303 00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:36,936 'Cause if you do, you'll always wonder, "What if?" 304 00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:41,395 But if you go out there and you give it your all 305 00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:42,858 that's heroic. 306 00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:47,940 Really, guys, I appreciate this, but-- 307 00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:50,845 - That's the spirit! Ready? - Rah! 308 00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:58,749 What are you doing, man? Get out of here. 309 00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:00,585 Not here, Marty. Down there. 310 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:01,877 Over here, right? 311 00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:04,172 What are you doing, man? Over here! Over here! 312 00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:05,798 Here? 313 00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:08,338 We love you, Marty! 314 00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:10,136 Set, hut! 315 00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:22,019 No. No. 316 00:23:24,111 --> 00:23:25,477 No, don't throw it to me. 317 00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:35,355 Noooo! 318 00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:57,884 - Nice hands, Marty! - I did it. 319 00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,763 - I'm a hero! - Walk it off, Marty! 320 00:24:02,066 --> 00:24:05,685 All right, goddamn it! Let's hit the showers, goddamn it! 321 00:24:06,195 --> 00:24:09,154 Bunch of candy-asses. Lousy practice! 322 00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:12,108 We'll gonna get our asses kicked Friday! 323 00:24:12,326 --> 00:24:15,660 Coach, what about fourth-string? I didn't even get to practice. 324 00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:19,706 Wyler, after all the goddamn shenanigans you pulled last season... 325 00:24:19,917 --> 00:24:24,161 you should be thanking God you're still in goddamn uniform, goddamn it! 326 00:24:48,779 --> 00:24:50,683 If my parents find out I got detention, 326.5 00:24:50,693 --> 00:24:53,023 they're not going to let me eat dessert for, like, a week. 327 00:24:53,242 --> 00:24:55,325 We've disgraced ourselves and our families. 328 00:24:55,536 --> 00:25:01,578 Guys, guys, guys. Im sensin' the morale's a little low here. I say we make a pact... 329 00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:03,996 Right here, right now. 330 00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:07,454 Before the end of the year, we all get laid! 331 00:25:08,048 --> 00:25:09,880 Mitch, we always make that pact. 332 00:25:10,092 --> 00:25:13,005 But we've been waiting for this moment since we hit puberty. 333 00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:16,834 - That was two and a half weeks ago! - I just got first hair on ball. 334 00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:19,762 Guys, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. 335 00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:23,561 I'm talking about becoming the masters of our sexual destiny. 336 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:26,936 No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused. 337 00:25:28,110 --> 00:25:30,272 No longer we steal Grandfather's porn. 338 00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:34,952 Yea, yea! No longer will we wear blindfolds when we're jerking each other off. 339 00:25:35,117 --> 00:25:36,949 All right, that's it. 340 00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:42,701 What in God's name's going on in here? 341 00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:46,034 - What was that ruckus? - I no hear ruckus. 342 00:25:46,253 --> 00:25:50,418 - I was just in my office. I heard a ruckus. - Can you describe this ruckus, sir? 343 00:25:50,632 --> 00:25:53,375 Oh, you better watch your tongue, young man! You better watch it! 344 00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:55,460 We were just sitting here like we're supposed to. 345 00:25:55,679 --> 00:25:58,717 I don't want to hear it, mister. You just bought yourself another detention. 346 00:25:58,932 --> 00:26:01,766 - That's not fair. - Cry me a river, dickface. 347 00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:04,845 - You bought yourself another one. - Eat my shorts. 348 00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:06,729 What was that? 349 00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:10,149 Eat. My. Shorts. 350 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:13,103 - Don't mess with a bull, young man. You'll get the horns. - I'm shaking. 351 00:26:13,322 --> 00:26:14,984 - You just got another. - Good! 352 00:26:15,199 --> 00:26:17,782 - You through? - Not even close... bud. 353 00:26:17,993 --> 00:26:19,780 - You want another one? - Yes. 354 00:26:19,995 --> 00:26:21,687 - You got it! - Good. 355 00:26:21,710 --> 00:26:24,159 - That's another one. You had enough yet? - No. 356 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:25,623 - That's another one. - So? 357 00:26:25,834 --> 00:26:27,791 - You just way the word. I'll keep going. - Go! 358 00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:30,165 - Eeny, meeny, miny-- - Mo. 359 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:31,666 - Your mother was a-- - Ho. 360 00:26:31,882 --> 00:26:33,498 - He was a famous clown. - Bobo. 361 00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:36,046 Mitch, cut it out! 362 00:26:38,100 --> 00:26:40,179 - That's another one for you. - But I was tellin' him-- 363 00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:41,276 That's another one! 364 00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:44,680 - So, that make one more for Ox or for Mitch? - Another. 365 00:26:45,312 --> 00:26:47,599 - I confused. - Shut your hole, Wang Chung. 366 00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:51,729 I got all three of you guys for the rest of your natural born lives. You're mine. 367 00:26:52,152 --> 00:26:54,269 Next time I come in here, I'm cracking skulls. 367.5 00:26:56,660 --> 00:27:03,000 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey! Ooooh! ♪ 368 00:27:10,379 --> 00:27:14,168 Oh, God, Dad. How many times have I told you I'm not going to Princeton? 369 00:27:14,424 --> 00:27:16,256 Listen, I'm not pressuring you, son. 370 00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:18,520 All I'm saying is give it four years. 371 00:27:18,595 --> 00:27:21,929 If you don't like it, there's always a job waitin' for you at my firm. 372 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:24,929 I don't want your life! 373 00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:26,760 That's okay, son. 374 00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:29,437 I heard about what happened between you and Priscilla. 375 00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:31,264 The good news is 376 00:27:31,283 --> 00:27:34,021 I've got the perfect rebound girl for you. 377 00:27:34,278 --> 00:27:35,564 Really? 378 00:27:36,864 --> 00:27:39,607 Beverly! Could you come in here? 379 00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:46,989 Dad, that's Mom! 380 00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:48,243 What do you say, kiddo? 381 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,327 I'm just gonna leave you two alone. 382 00:27:55,549 --> 00:27:56,960 Make me proud, son. 383 00:27:57,676 --> 00:27:59,759 So... you're in love? 384 00:28:02,347 --> 00:28:06,091 - Yeah, I think I am. - Well, who is this guy? 385 00:28:06,310 --> 00:28:10,270 His name's Blane. He's a senior. He's so beautiful. 386 00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:18,520 Janey? Sweetheart? 387 00:28:21,867 --> 00:28:23,199 Hi, Daddy. 388 00:28:23,410 --> 00:28:26,073 Is something wrong? You were awfully quiet at dinner tonight. 389 00:28:26,622 --> 00:28:28,579 Daddy, you were passed out on the table. 390 00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:36,378 Listen, honey, 391 00:28:37,007 --> 00:28:41,001 I may not always be coherent or conscious 392 00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:45,385 but I know when my little girl's got something on her mind. 393 00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:48,175 Well, there is this popular boy, Jake. 394 00:28:48,936 --> 00:28:52,145 Ohhh, sweetie. 395 00:28:54,191 --> 00:28:55,932 Jake knocked you up, didn't he? 396 00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:59,600 - No, he asked me out. - Oh. 397 00:29:00,589 --> 00:29:03,607 Well, do you like him? Are you attracted to him? 398 00:29:04,159 --> 00:29:06,617 I mean, would you give him head? 399 00:29:06,828 --> 00:29:09,662 Well, he is kind of cute, but... 400 00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:12,240 he's always been a total jerk. 401 00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:14,951 It's just so weird that he would start talking to me now. 402 00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:19,005 Especially after you've packed on a couple of pounds. 403 00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:24,965 W- What do you think I should do? 404 00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:27,551 Look, sweetie. 405 00:29:27,766 --> 00:29:32,306 I would never, ever want you to do anything that compromises who you are 406 00:29:32,521 --> 00:29:35,855 because you're very, very special to me. 407 00:29:36,066 --> 00:29:40,026 If Jake character is only asking you out to get into your pants 408 00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:41,986 well, then I'd say... 409 00:29:42,864 --> 00:29:43,945 go out with him. 410 00:29:44,825 --> 00:29:48,364 I mean, let's be honest. You could certainly use the popularity points. 411 00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,574 And if Jake really likes you 412 00:29:50,831 --> 00:29:55,292 then maybe those kids will quit throwing bags of shit all over the porch. 413 00:30:01,508 --> 00:30:03,170 Ahh, I feel better. 414 00:30:05,762 --> 00:30:07,298 Um, thanks for the advice, Daddy. 415 00:30:09,391 --> 00:30:11,929 That's what I'm here for, pumpkin-tits. 416 00:30:17,693 --> 00:30:22,777 - Catherine. I need to ask you a favor. - It's about time. 417 00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:24,354 No, not that. 418 00:30:27,034 --> 00:30:29,993 Listen. You're the cruelest girl in high school. 419 00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:32,205 You're the only one who can help trick Janey Briggs into liking me. 420 00:30:32,405 --> 00:30:38,150 Whoa. You don't mean that girl with the glasses and the ponytail, do you? 421 00:30:38,378 --> 00:30:40,791 Don't forget about the paint-covered overalls. 422 00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:43,873 Well... 423 00:30:45,010 --> 00:30:47,753 it's going to be difficult. 424 00:30:48,305 --> 00:30:50,262 But I think I can help you. 425 00:30:50,974 --> 00:30:52,465 Sit. 426 00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,303 For a price. 427 00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:02,271 And this time, I don't want your car. 428 00:31:04,404 --> 00:31:06,111 I want you. 429 00:31:06,306 --> 00:31:09,105 Ugh! Catherine, that's disgusting. You're my sister! 430 00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:11,864 - Only by blood. - Oh God! 431 00:31:12,913 --> 00:31:18,454 - What is wrong with this family? - Hey, do you want my help or not? 432 00:31:31,264 --> 00:31:33,881 Okay. There are three things you need to do 433 00:31:34,059 --> 00:31:36,472 to have Janey eating out of the palm of your hand. 434 00:31:38,397 --> 00:31:40,309 First, you're gonna have to earn her trust. 435 00:31:40,524 --> 00:31:42,060 Come on, guys, leave him alone! 436 00:31:42,442 --> 00:31:46,812 Hey! Come on, guys, back off. That's enough, okay? 437 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,941 You little shit. 438 00:32:03,547 --> 00:32:05,288 And don't you guys mess with him again. 439 00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:10,836 Once you've got her trust, it's time to make her feel special. 440 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:15,514 Pick a song with her name in it. That always works. 441 00:32:33,535 --> 00:32:35,572 ♪ Janey's got a gun, ♪ 442 00:32:36,830 --> 00:32:38,366 ♪ Janey Briggs' got a gun. ♪ 443 00:32:38,540 --> 00:32:41,408 She's got a gun! Janey's got a gun! 444 00:32:41,877 --> 00:32:43,334 What? 445 00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,958 ♪ Janey Briggs' got a gun. ♪ 446 00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:51,842 ♪ So run away, run away from the pain ♪ 447 00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:53,590 Take it easy, miss. 448 00:32:53,805 --> 00:32:56,263 - No! Wait. - Hey! Get back here! C'mon! 449 00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:59,300 ♪ Run away from the pain ♪ 450 00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:01,177 Hold her down. 451 00:33:03,899 --> 00:33:07,142 - Give me your hand! - Just give us the gun, Janey. 452 00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:10,478 After you've succeeded in making her feel special 453 00:33:11,448 --> 00:33:14,441 it's time to put the icing on the cake. 454 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:17,242 I'm really glad you showed up, Janey. 455 00:33:17,454 --> 00:33:22,245 Listen, Jake, the only reason that I came here was to tell you just-- to leave me alone. 456 00:33:22,501 --> 00:33:25,494 You know, I was just making a snack. 457 00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:27,461 You want one? 458 00:33:28,131 --> 00:33:32,000 - No. L-Listen, Jake-- - I'll be right back. 459 00:33:32,802 --> 00:33:33,838 But I-- 460 00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:10,792 Hungry? 461 00:34:13,927 --> 00:34:15,384 I don't like sundaes. 462 00:34:15,637 --> 00:34:19,051 Oh, it's not a sundae. It's a banana split. 463 00:34:21,685 --> 00:34:25,224 I don't like those, either. Goodbye, Jake. 464 00:34:40,453 --> 00:34:43,412 Now, Preston, I left some money on the kitchen counter. 465 00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:46,036 Oh, and the emergency numbers are by the phone. 466 00:34:46,251 --> 00:34:48,743 And remember, son. No parties. 467 00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:50,211 I know, Dad. I know. 468 00:34:50,589 --> 00:34:52,376 Keg's coming through. Hey, Preston. 469 00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:54,377 What's up, man? 470 00:34:54,593 --> 00:34:56,585 We're really trusting you here, Preston. 471 00:34:56,803 --> 00:35:01,047 - Where do you want these speakers set up, Preston? - Yeah, just move all the shit in the dining room. 472 00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:03,508 Well, you guys should hit the road. Huh? 473 00:35:03,727 --> 00:35:06,310 'Cause I'm about to take your antique Ferrari to the inner city to buy some hookers. 474 00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:09,138 Well, all right, Sweetie, we'll call you later to check in. 475 00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:11,940 Oh, Mom by that point, I'll be so high, I won't even know where the phone is. 476 00:35:12,569 --> 00:35:14,356 Ha! Ha! That's my boy. 477 00:35:17,741 --> 00:35:19,983 Jake, what are you doing here? 478 00:35:20,201 --> 00:35:22,864 I'm taking you to Preston Wasserstein's big party. 479 00:35:23,455 --> 00:35:24,536 I can't. 480 00:35:24,748 --> 00:35:28,913 I-I'm not dressed to go to a party. L-Look at me. I'm a complete mess. 481 00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:32,711 I'd say you're one big fucking train wreck. 482 00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:38,337 Do I know you? 483 00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:56,852 That's it. I've got it. 484 00:35:57,989 --> 00:35:59,196 What? 485 00:35:59,407 --> 00:36:02,400 It might seem crazy, but you're just gonna have to trust me. 486 00:36:31,231 --> 00:36:32,517 That's it. 487 00:36:33,191 --> 00:36:35,524 I did it, I'm a miracle worker. 488 00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:40,646 Gentlemen, 489 00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:43,983 may I present to you the new and improved 490 00:36:44,452 --> 00:36:45,533 Janey Briggs. 490.2 00:37:06,033 --> 00:37:10,533 ♪ Kiss me out of the bearded barley ♪ 490.4 00:37:10,533 --> 00:37:15,533 ♪ Lightly, beside the green, green grass ♪ 490.6 00:37:15,533 --> 00:37:19,533 ♪ Swing, swing, swing the spinning step ♪ 490.8 00:37:19,533 --> 00:37:23,406 ♪ You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress ♪ 491 00:37:21,406 --> 00:37:22,171 Congratulations. 491.2 00:37:22,171 --> 00:37:25,071 You just got your first slow-motion entrance. 491.4 00:37:25,073 --> 00:37:29,571 ♪ Kiss me beneath the milky twilight ♪ 491.5 00:37:29,571 --> 00:37:34,571 ♪ Lead me out on the moonlit floor ♪ 491.6 00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:32,500 Oops. 491.8 00:37:34,571 --> 00:37:36,500 ♪ Lift your open hand ♪ 491.9 00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:37,500 ♪ Strike up-- ♪ 492 00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:50,189 I'm okay! Heh. 493 00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:51,554 - Janey? - Ow! 494 00:37:53,563 --> 00:37:57,182 Come on out of there, honey. Quit fartin' around. 495 00:38:06,075 --> 00:38:08,243 - Got your mom's car keys? - Check. 496 00:38:11,122 --> 00:38:12,738 - Sleeping bags? - Check. 497 00:38:12,957 --> 00:38:13,993 - Condoms? - Check. 498 00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:19,333 Three pubescent libidos that will take us on a series of wacky mishaps and wild adventures? 499 00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:21,880 Check! Road trip! 499.3 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,480 ♪ I like the nightlife baby ♪ 499.5 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:32,880 ♪ She says ♪ 499.7 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:36,880 ♪ Let's go ♪ 500 00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:38,480 We here. 501 00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:42,977 Gentlemen, tonight we are going to our first big high school party. 502 00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:46,773 Now, if there is any place to buzz the Brillo, this is it. 503 00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:49,074 How you plan on buzzing Brillo? 504 00:38:49,953 --> 00:38:54,118 With this letter. Now Amanda Becker will finally know the truth... 505 00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:57,040 That I have loved her since the first time I saw her. 506 00:38:58,253 --> 00:38:59,585 Welcome to the party, guys. 507 00:38:59,796 --> 00:39:03,289 Oh, if you gonna have sex, please, do it in my parent's bedroom. 508 00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:07,546 - Does that girl go to our school? - Janey Briggs! 508.5 00:39:07,546 --> 00:39:09,764 It's like, not even the same person. 509 00:39:09,764 --> 00:39:12,572 Janey-stainey-stained-pants-overalls? Oh my God. 510 00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:14,926 I can't believe you talked me into this. 511 00:39:15,144 --> 00:39:19,855 Priscilla must be freaking out now that Janey's lost her glasses and her ponytail. 512 00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:23,233 Well, I'm going to go fuck a complete stranger. I'll see you guys later. 513 00:39:23,444 --> 00:39:26,312 - Hey, I'm a complete stranger. - I'm a complete stranger. 514 00:39:28,825 --> 00:39:32,018 Relax, all right? It's gonna to be okay. 515 00:39:32,871 --> 00:39:33,907 Nice turtleneck. 516 00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:36,034 So... what's your name? 517 00:39:36,249 --> 00:39:39,583 Ooh, why, I'm Sandy Sue. Limp dick fag fucker! 518 00:39:39,794 --> 00:39:41,831 Okay, who told you that? Was it-- was it Alison? 519 00:39:42,088 --> 00:39:44,796 Because Alison was really bitter when we broke up and-- 520 00:39:45,008 --> 00:39:49,503 - 100% completely fake. - I agree, that is not her natural hair color. 521 00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:52,886 Oh my God! I can't believe she's wearing the same outfit as me! 521.5 00:39:52,886 --> 00:39:54,301 It looks much better on you. 522 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:56,968 Where is she? I thought she'd be here by now. 523 00:40:06,696 --> 00:40:08,358 - What's going on? - Shhh! 524 00:40:09,449 --> 00:40:14,500 We can't talk until she starts moving again. 525 00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:21,329 She took forever this time. 526 00:40:30,562 --> 00:40:32,503 What are you doing here? 527 00:40:35,224 --> 00:40:36,465 What do you mean? 528 00:40:36,684 --> 00:40:40,428 Well, I'm supposed to be the only black guy at this party. 529 00:40:40,436 --> 00:40:45,395 - Ohhhh! Heh heh! Damn. Shit. - Yeah, I know. 530 00:40:45,568 --> 00:40:46,684 It's whack. 531 00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:47,897 Hey, man, my bad, man. 532 00:40:48,112 --> 00:40:49,899 - Take this. - Thanks. 533 00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:51,480 Do your thing. 534 00:40:52,116 --> 00:40:55,359 - Peace out, brother. - Hey, honest mistake. 535 00:41:03,336 --> 00:41:06,079 Hi, my name is Catherine. 536 00:41:06,756 --> 00:41:11,091 Yeah, I know. We just had sex five minutes ago. 537 00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,965 Not scoring any cock, either? 538 00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:22,024 Cock? I've never even been kissed. 539 00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:29,856 What up, my yellow brothers? Chinks in the house! 540 00:41:39,872 --> 00:41:44,037 Reggie Ray, have you seen Janey anywhere? 541 00:41:44,961 --> 00:41:47,829 It's a good night for smokin'. 542 00:41:48,047 --> 00:41:50,289 Ain't that right, Sausage? 543 00:41:57,932 --> 00:42:01,596 Okay, now close your eyes and wet your lips. 544 00:42:01,853 --> 00:42:05,437 - Are you for real? - Do you want to learn or not? 545 00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:08,565 I guess. 546 00:42:19,871 --> 00:42:25,208 - See? That wasn't so scary. - It was nothing. 547 00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:28,038 Okay, 548 00:42:29,172 --> 00:42:31,164 let's try again. 549 00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:35,467 Only this time, I'm gonna stick my tongue in your mouth. 550 00:42:36,512 --> 00:42:41,052 And when I do that, I want you to massage my tongue with yours. 551 00:42:41,267 --> 00:42:45,682 - And that's what first base is. - Okay. 552 00:42:45,980 --> 00:42:47,687 Eyes closed. 553 00:43:13,049 --> 00:43:15,211 That was cool. 554 00:43:17,512 --> 00:43:18,548 Now... 555 00:43:19,388 --> 00:43:21,971 have you ever eaten pussy before? 556 00:43:25,228 --> 00:43:28,141 You call this a party? 557 00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:30,939 I'm a golden goddess! 558 00:43:31,150 --> 00:43:34,018 - Show us how drunk you are! - Go for it! 559 00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:42,659 You're a unique rebel, Janey! 560 00:43:43,412 --> 00:43:45,278 Janey, are you all right? 561 00:43:46,207 --> 00:43:51,293 - I told you not to let me drink. - Janey, I gave you a nonalcoholic beer. 561.5 00:43:53,293 --> 00:43:54,493 Oh. 562 00:43:55,758 --> 00:43:57,374 What the hell are you doing here? 563 00:43:57,593 --> 00:43:59,880 I... I was invited. 564 00:44:00,096 --> 00:44:04,932 Look, you may have lost those glasses and that ponytail thing you do 565 00:44:04,932 --> 00:44:08,102 but to everyone that matters, you're still a loser. 565.5 00:44:11,000 -->00:44:12,500 Oopsie. 566 00:44:13,818 --> 00:44:17,027 Look at that. Oh, my God. Oh, oh oh! 567 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,488 Oh, see, that's gonna stain. 568 00:44:24,620 --> 00:44:26,782 You're not going to cry now, are you? 569 00:45:09,916 --> 00:45:14,035 Look, you can't just start a slow clap at any old time. 570 00:45:14,253 --> 00:45:15,744 You gotta wait for the right moment. 571 00:45:16,214 --> 00:45:19,958 But, how am I going to know when it's the right moment? 572 00:45:20,403 --> 00:45:23,464 Oh... you'll know. 573 00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:39,230 Nobody's allowed down here. 574 00:45:39,737 --> 00:45:41,444 Listen, Janey, I just thought-- 575 00:45:41,656 --> 00:45:44,899 How did you get in here? I deadbolted the door. 576 00:45:46,410 --> 00:45:48,367 There's a hole in the side of your house. 577 00:45:54,377 --> 00:45:55,413 Who's that? 578 00:45:56,504 --> 00:45:59,918 - It's my mother. - You have her eyes. 579 00:46:02,176 --> 00:46:03,587 She died when I was six. 580 00:46:04,372 --> 00:46:07,008 Oh. I'm sorry. 581 00:46:08,057 --> 00:46:10,299 I remember it like it was yesterday. 582 00:46:11,143 --> 00:46:16,810 Christmas, 1989. Dad had just gotten fired from the zipper factory. 583 00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:20,059 Mom was still pulling in tricks to make ends meet. 584 00:46:20,319 --> 00:46:23,600 - Daniel Day-Lewis won an Oscar for My Left Foot. - Hmm. 585 00:46:23,606 --> 00:46:27,240 And all I wanted was one of those little Betsy Wetsy dolls. 586 00:46:27,702 --> 00:46:31,637 I remember those. You push her belly, she'd piss all over herself. 587 00:46:32,873 --> 00:46:36,282 She said she was going out to get my dad a bottle of gin, but... 588 00:46:37,128 --> 00:46:39,541 I knew she was going to get me that present. 589 00:46:41,090 --> 00:46:45,084 It was raining really hard that night 590 00:46:45,261 --> 00:46:48,095 and the roads were... slippery. 591 00:46:48,597 --> 00:46:51,931 Oh, God, Janey. A car accident. 592 00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:54,260 No. Cancer. 593 00:46:55,982 --> 00:47:01,521 It was so hard. I had to take on all of her responsibilities... 594 00:47:01,736 --> 00:47:05,275 The-The cooking and cleaning and breast-feeding Mitch. 595 00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:08,653 Oh, Janey, It's in the past now. You gotta start thinking about your future. 596 00:47:08,868 --> 00:47:10,530 I mean, look how talented you are. 597 00:47:11,495 --> 00:47:16,081 I have this dream of one day just hopping on a plane and going to Paris. 598 00:47:16,292 --> 00:47:19,285 There's an art school there, but... I can't afford it. 599 00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:24,040 Unless I find some way of raising $26,000 before the admissions cutoff. 600 00:47:24,258 --> 00:47:27,429 Oh my God, Janey. Do you realize my parents give a scholarship 600.5 00:47:27,429 --> 00:47:29,930 to a girl who can't get into art school every year? 601 00:47:29,930 --> 00:47:31,762 Really? That's amazing! 602 00:47:31,974 --> 00:47:36,309 Yeah! This year we gave it to Lupe Rodriguez, the Mexican finger painter. 603 00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,557 I think you'd really like her work. 604 00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:43,901 Sometimes I ju-- I wish my life was a fairy tale 605 00:47:44,111 --> 00:47:47,020 and some guy would just come and take me away from all this. 605.5 00:47:47,020 --> 00:47:48,620 Shhhh. 605.7 00:48:05,103 -->00:48:08,000 - Oh, oh. - Oh. Um... 606 00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:13,429 - I was-- I was, my-- - Yeah-- 607 00:48:13,599 --> 00:48:18,569 - My eyes were shut. Then I was gonna-- Then I... - And we couldn't even, yeah. Totally. Hooo! 608 00:48:23,486 --> 00:48:27,899 Uhh... I'm, um, I umma, umma... 609 00:48:28,114 --> 00:48:29,946 - I'm gonna go. - Okay. 610 00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:35,154 Congratulations go out to the young men and women nominated for prom queen. 611 00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:48,628 You think you're gonna be Prom Queen? Well, think again, Janey, 612 00:48:48,630 --> 00:48:52,712 because you put the "ass" in "embarrassment." The "boo" in "taboo." 613 00:48:52,888 --> 00:48:55,926 And the "suck" in "liposuction." 614 00:48:59,478 --> 00:49:01,185 Is that the best you can do? 615 00:49:02,648 --> 00:49:03,809 No. 616 00:49:04,567 --> 00:49:07,526 You also put the "brat" in "bratwurst." 617 00:49:07,945 --> 00:49:10,688 And the "eww" in "jujitsu." 618 00:49:10,865 --> 00:49:15,860 And the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism." 619 00:49:17,997 --> 00:49:22,367 So I told her, I said, "You take the old lady and send your mama back here." 620 00:49:24,128 --> 00:49:28,919 So, Wyler, you asked your four-eyed circus freak to the prom yet? 621 00:49:29,175 --> 00:49:32,292 We resent that! God! 622 00:49:32,595 --> 00:49:34,461 Look, why don't you just drop it, okay, Austin? 623 00:49:34,790 --> 00:49:38,206 Whoa! Looks like, uh, Jake here's made a few paint stains 623.5 00:49:38,206 --> 00:49:41,500 in his pants thinking about Janey. 624 00:49:41,604 --> 00:49:43,687 It's just a bet. Okay, man? 625 00:49:45,024 --> 00:49:47,532 You always did have a thing for butt ugly girls 626 00:49:47,585 --> 00:49:50,728 Mr. I-Have-a-Thing-For-Butt-Ugly-Girls. Right? 627 00:49:53,908 --> 00:49:55,399 Are you talkin' about Janey? 628 00:49:55,418 --> 00:49:57,057 'Cause I saw her last night at the party, man, 628.5 00:49:57,057 --> 00:49:59,371 and she was lookin' as good as a dumpster filled wi' gristles. 629 00:49:59,371 --> 00:50:01,078 Bling-bling. 630 00:50:03,501 --> 00:50:05,288 Janey Briggs... 631 00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:07,702 is hot. 632 00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:27,647 - Hey, Janey. - Oh! Hey, Jake. 633 00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:32,171 Listen, I've been doing a lot of thinking and the thing is, 634 00:50:32,986 --> 00:50:34,575 there's something that I wanna ask you. 635 00:50:35,991 --> 00:50:39,078 I don't wanna make a big deal of it and drag it out 636 00:50:39,078 --> 00:50:42,496 so I'm just gonna... lay it out there, okay? 637 00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:45,500 Here it is... 638 00:50:48,170 --> 00:50:51,188 See, I don't like making big speeches. 639 00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:55,213 I'm a straight shooter. I-I-I call them like I see 'em. 640 00:50:55,678 --> 00:50:57,935 W-W-What you see is what you get. 641 00:50:58,305 --> 00:51:03,315 Ain't-Ain't nobody gonna break-a my stride. Ain't nobody gonna slow me down. Oh no! 642 00:51:03,602 --> 00:51:06,936 Jake, are-- are you trying to ask me to the-- ? 643 00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:08,183 Yeah. 644 00:51:09,483 --> 00:51:11,566 I'd love to go with you. 645 00:51:16,240 --> 00:51:18,698 - Great. - Great. 646 00:51:21,829 --> 00:51:23,036 I'll see you in English. 647 00:51:27,110 --> 00:51:30,453 All right! It's time to play some football! 648 00:51:30,879 --> 00:51:35,920 Tonight, the John Hughes' Wasps defend their title against the North Compton Wildcats. 649 00:51:53,777 --> 00:51:55,393 Goddamn! 650 00:52:02,111 --> 00:52:05,904 Wow! That was the fastest first half of football I've ever seen. 651 00:52:10,878 --> 00:52:14,588 Don't think you foolin' us, because we saw you at our practice and I know you stole our routine. 652 00:52:14,798 --> 00:52:19,543 'Kay, I don't know what you're talkin' about. Because we've always done our own cheers. Right, girls? 653 00:52:19,662 --> 00:52:20,798 That's right! 654 00:52:21,138 --> 00:52:24,097 Well, then, you better bring it. 655 00:52:24,350 --> 00:52:26,592 Oh, it's already been broughten. 656 00:52:27,144 --> 00:52:29,636 Nice comeback, Priscilla! Yeah! 657 00:52:29,813 --> 00:52:33,102 We are the North Compton Wildcats 658 00:52:33,317 --> 00:52:34,979 We're black, we know it 659 00:52:35,194 --> 00:52:37,311 We shake our big booties and show it 660 00:52:37,529 --> 00:52:39,521 We ain't white, we ain't white 661 00:52:39,582 --> 00:52:42,500 We definitely ain't white! Break it down, niggas! 662 00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:51,617 Damn, those bitches represent! 663 00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:03,677 - Hey, Reggie Ray. - I smell a bet. 664 00:53:04,807 --> 00:53:06,173 You all right? 665 00:53:06,517 --> 00:53:09,510 Coach says it's all right to bleed from the ears. 666 00:53:14,900 --> 00:53:16,641 I gotta go back out on the field. 667 00:53:19,363 --> 00:53:22,356 - All right, just be careful. You know you only have three-- 668 00:53:23,325 --> 00:53:26,818 Two concussions left. Reggie Ray. 669 00:53:27,037 --> 00:53:28,719 And we're back for the second half. 670 00:53:30,541 --> 00:53:32,407 Let's go, Wasps! 671 00:53:39,007 --> 00:53:40,748 Blue 33! Set! 672 00:53:43,011 --> 00:53:44,673 That's defense right there, baby. 673 00:53:45,931 --> 00:53:48,048 Say "G'day" to Reggie Ray. 674 00:53:50,561 --> 00:53:53,645 Sit down, boy. He just got the wind knocked out of him. 675 00:53:54,273 --> 00:53:57,311 - Come on, Reggie Ray, get up! - Reggie Ray. 676 00:53:57,484 --> 00:53:59,726 You still have another concussion! 677 00:54:02,948 --> 00:54:03,984 C'mon, big dog! 678 00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:05,986 It doesn't look good, Coach. 679 00:54:07,244 --> 00:54:09,406 - Can he play? - He's in a coma. 680 00:54:09,407 --> 00:54:12,698 Answer my question! Can he play? 681 00:54:12,916 --> 00:54:15,704 I don't even think he can breathe. We gotta get him to a hospital immediately. 682 00:54:15,878 --> 00:54:17,085 You listen to me right now! 683 00:54:17,504 --> 00:54:22,841 I don't care what you have to do! Reggie Ray stays in the game, goddamn it! 684 00:54:34,772 --> 00:54:37,531 Holy shit, this motherfucker's heavy. 685 00:54:38,192 --> 00:54:39,478 Blue 15! 686 00:54:42,279 --> 00:54:43,770 Set! Hut! 687 00:54:47,743 --> 00:54:49,860 Goddamn it, Reggie Ray! 688 00:54:50,829 --> 00:54:52,195 Oh, shit. 689 00:55:11,433 --> 00:55:14,471 Wham, bam! What the fuck just happened? 690 00:55:17,606 --> 00:55:22,017 Okay, Wyler, I got no choice. You're the only quarterback I got left. 691 00:55:23,821 --> 00:55:28,065 - I say get the ball to Marty. - All you gotta do is run out the clock. 692 00:55:29,034 --> 00:55:31,227 - You'll always wonder, "What if?" - I'm a hero! 692.5 00:55:31,227 --> 00:55:32,127 That's heroic. 693 00:55:35,274 --> 00:55:37,582 Wyler, goddamn it! Get your pansy ass in the game! 694 00:55:37,643 --> 00:55:39,409 You're our only chance! Goddamn it! 695 00:55:40,796 --> 00:55:44,216 - You're a pussy, Wyler! - Do it for Marty's torso! 696 00:55:48,470 --> 00:55:50,177 You got butterflies, huh? 697 00:55:50,556 --> 00:55:51,637 Who are you? 698 00:55:59,398 --> 00:56:00,559 I'm the wise janitor. 699 00:56:01,191 --> 00:56:04,309 I'm here to impart knowledge. Help youngsters overcome their fears. 700 00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:06,690 I also replace the sanitary cakes in the urinals. 701 00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:09,613 But right now, I'm here to help you get your throw back. 702 00:56:10,409 --> 00:56:12,321 - How did you--? - I've been watching, kid. 703 00:56:12,494 --> 00:56:17,205 During practice, in the hallways, in the locker rooms, taking a shower 704 00:56:17,316 --> 00:56:20,282 whipping other boys with a wet towel. Hmm! 705 00:56:20,294 --> 00:56:25,164 - I can tell you kind of like that. - Oh! Hey! Let's get back to the throw, okay? 706 00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,125 Look, that thing that happened with Marty? It wasn't your fault. 707 00:56:28,902 --> 00:56:29,338 Really? 708 00:56:29,720 --> 00:56:32,804 Okay, it was your fault. But the point is, you got to get over it. 709 00:56:33,015 --> 00:56:34,506 I mean, it could've happened to anybody. 710 00:56:35,559 --> 00:56:38,973 Anybody that disobeyed the Coach's orders and the team wishes, 711 00:56:39,187 --> 00:56:42,248 and threw a bullet pass to a slightly retarded 90 pound kid 711.5 00:56:42,248 --> 00:56:43,850 who should have never been on the field in the first place. 712 00:56:43,850 --> 00:56:48,228 Whoa! Stop. How is any of this supposed to be helping me? 713 00:56:48,447 --> 00:56:50,530 You're right. Forget about what I said. 714 00:56:50,741 --> 00:56:55,406 The main thing, you got to go out there, believe in the ball and throw yourself. 715 00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:57,533 You can do it. 716 00:57:02,419 --> 00:57:04,206 I'm going out there. 717 00:57:10,969 --> 00:57:14,508 Only 25 seconds remaining, and the fate of the season 718 00:57:14,723 --> 00:57:19,013 rests in the hands of fourth-string quarterback Jake Wyler. 719 00:57:19,227 --> 00:57:22,345 Translation: We're shit out of luck. 720 00:57:22,522 --> 00:57:24,889 - Give me a "W!" - W! 721 00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:27,184 - Give me a "Y!" - Y! 722 00:57:27,402 --> 00:57:30,645 Give me a "Lick my pussy ass cock shit!" 723 00:57:31,448 --> 00:57:34,065 Lick my pussy ass cock shit! 724 00:57:38,372 --> 00:57:39,533 Blue 83! 725 00:57:39,790 --> 00:57:41,247 Blue 83! 726 00:57:42,159 --> 00:57:44,291 Am I too late? I reckon I'm feeling much better. 727 00:57:44,544 --> 00:57:45,876 Set! Hut! 727.5 00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:06,000 ♪ There goes my hero Watch him as he goes ♪ 727.7 00:58:012,500 --> 00:58:18,500 ♪ There goes my hero He's ordinary ♪ 728 00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,502 Oh, shit. Uh. 729 00:58:45,772 --> 00:58:50,267 That has to be the worst pass I've ever seen. Ever. 730 00:58:52,487 --> 00:58:54,444 What the hell was that? 731 00:59:22,559 --> 00:59:24,300 Jake? 732 00:59:26,396 --> 00:59:27,932 Jake. 733 00:59:29,566 --> 00:59:30,773 Hey. 734 00:59:31,526 --> 00:59:34,860 - You did great out there. - I blew the game, Janey. 735 00:59:35,072 --> 00:59:36,483 I let everyone down. 736 00:59:36,698 --> 00:59:41,068 It's just a football game, Jake. Besides, 737 00:59:42,704 --> 00:59:44,616 you didn't let me down. 738 00:59:45,207 --> 00:59:46,448 Really? 739 00:59:47,751 --> 00:59:50,539 Jake, you've taught me to be myself. 740 00:59:50,712 --> 00:59:53,750 You never saw me as the girl in glasses and a pony-tail. 741 00:59:53,965 --> 00:59:55,831 Don't forget the paint-covered overalls. 742 00:59:56,718 --> 00:59:59,426 Right, you never noticed those either. 743 01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:02,968 You taught me a lot about myself too, Janey. 744 01:00:03,350 --> 01:00:07,594 Oh, Jake. Nothing could ever come between us now. 745 01:00:07,813 --> 01:00:09,099 Jake Wyler. 746 01:00:10,899 --> 01:00:14,313 So congratulations, man. You just blew my perfect season. 747 01:00:14,528 --> 01:00:18,488 - Señor You-Blew-My-Perfect-Season. - What do you want, Austin? 748 01:00:18,740 --> 01:00:19,776 A life... 749 01:00:21,493 --> 01:00:22,859 And payback. 750 01:00:23,286 --> 01:00:26,450 - Come on, man, don't do this. - No, man, I think I'll hang around. 751 01:00:26,665 --> 01:00:31,626 Maybe tell Janey a little S-E-C-R-A-T-P-- 752 01:00:35,048 --> 01:00:36,835 What's going on? 753 01:00:37,008 --> 01:00:38,749 Austin. 754 01:00:38,927 --> 01:00:40,008 Austin, this isn't funny! 755 01:00:41,388 --> 01:00:42,504 No. 756 01:00:44,015 --> 01:00:45,000 I don't believe it. 757 01:00:45,125 --> 01:00:48,000 All right! Janey, I said I could turn you into Prom Queen 757.5 01:00:48,001 --> 01:00:50,103 but thats when I thought you were just ugly Janey Briggs, 758 01:00:50,113 --> 01:00:55,104 you know, the girl with no friends and who was dirt poor and smelled a little funky. 759 01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:58,399 Look, I made a mistake. 760 01:00:58,989 --> 01:01:02,858 If I could go back now, I never would've made that stupid bet. 761 01:01:06,037 --> 01:01:07,118 What bet? 762 01:01:09,084 --> 01:01:13,792 Whoa. I never said anything about a bet. 763 01:01:24,639 --> 01:01:25,800 All I said was... 764 01:01:26,016 --> 01:01:27,803 "I'm pretending to whisper a big secret in your ear 765 01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:30,055 so Jake here thinks I'm telling you a big secret 766 01:01:30,228 --> 01:01:32,720 which will cause him to break into a hysterical confession 767 01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:35,544 where he actually reveals a big secret, thus confirming everything 767.5 01:01:35,545 --> 01:01:37,944 I just whispered in your ear." 768 01:02:04,721 --> 01:02:08,089 ♪ I wish I didn't make that bet ♪ 769 01:02:08,308 --> 01:02:11,892 ♪ That's not the guy I want to be ♪ 770 01:02:12,103 --> 01:02:15,596 ♪ If I could just turn back the clock ♪ 771 01:02:15,815 --> 01:02:20,776 ♪ Then Janey would still be with me ♪ 772 01:02:23,615 --> 01:02:26,779 ♪ Tell me, Mom, what should I do? ♪ 773 01:02:27,118 --> 01:02:28,450 ♪ I love this boy ♪ 774 01:02:28,620 --> 01:02:35,459 ♪ But he has been untrue ♪ 775 01:02:36,461 --> 01:02:39,374 ♪ I'll do my best to make things right ♪ 776 01:02:40,465 --> 01:02:44,084 ♪ I wish we could resolve this fight ♪ 777 01:02:44,970 --> 01:02:48,429 - ♪ It could happen ♪ - ♪ It could happen ♪ 778 01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:52,759 ♪ At the prom tonight! ♪ 779 01:02:58,358 --> 01:03:01,317 ♪ I'm getting pussy no matter what ♪ 780 01:03:01,528 --> 01:03:04,271 ♪ Even if it with dirty slut ♪ 781 01:03:04,489 --> 01:03:07,106 ♪ True love is what I want the most ♪ 782 01:03:07,325 --> 01:03:10,909 ♪ I just jerked off in your French toast ♪ 783 01:03:11,454 --> 01:03:17,200 ♪ So what if we have the same mother ♪ 784 01:03:17,377 --> 01:03:22,748 ♪ Tonight I'm going to fuck my brother ♪ 785 01:03:22,924 --> 01:03:25,758 ♪ In a few hours I'll be Queen of the Prom ♪ 786 01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:32,299 ♪ I've been an alcoholic Since my first tour in 'Nam 787 01:03:34,686 --> 01:03:38,350 ♪ I asked Janey to the prom And she doesn't know why ♪ 788 01:03:40,734 --> 01:03:44,899 ♪ I'm only in the song Because I'm a black guy ♪ 789 01:03:47,782 --> 01:03:52,700 ♪ I have no money I have to make my own dress ♪ 789.5 01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:53,850 Ahh! 790 01:03:54,372 --> 01:04:00,084 ♪ Look at me, my breasts are perky, yes ♪ 791 01:04:00,253 --> 01:04:03,212 ♪ I'm gonna win her back No matter what it takes ♪ 792 01:04:03,423 --> 01:04:09,670 ♪ Here I go, I'm gonna forget about Jake ♪ 793 01:04:11,431 --> 01:04:15,000 ♪ Prom tonight Do do do do-do ♪ 794 01:04:15,112 --> 01:04:18,518 ♪ Prom tonight Do do do do-do ♪ 795 01:04:18,630 --> 01:04:21,926 ♪ Prom tonight Do do do do-do ♪ 795.5 01:04:21,930 --> 01:04:24,596 ♪ Ohhhhh! ♪ 796 01:04:24,822 --> 01:04:30,875 ♪ It's gonna happen, gonna happen Gonna happen, gonna happen ♪ 797 01:04:31,951 --> 01:04:38,744 ♪ At the prom ♪ 798 01:04:39,017 --> 01:04:40,253 ♪ Tonight! ♪ 798.3 01:04:49,025 --> 01:04:52,500 ♪ I need you now like I needed you then ♪ 798.5 01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:57,000 ♪ You always said we'd still be friends ♪ 798.7 01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:58,800 ♪ I touch you once ♪ 799 01:04:59,145 --> 01:05:05,187 When I was a freshman, I threw 176 touchdown passes. 800 01:05:05,443 --> 01:05:09,680 My sophomore year, I ran 14 in on my own with a sprained ankle 801 01:05:09,690 --> 01:05:15,280 a... broken phalange, a ruptured duodenum and a subdermal hematoma. 801.3 01:05:15,680 --> 01:05:17,387 ♪ Scoobie doobie do-bop ♪ 801.7 01:05:17,387 --> 01:05:21,600 ♪ Scoob-scoobie doobie doobie doobie doobie Do-bop, yeah! ♪ 802 01:05:32,387 --> 01:05:34,570 I bet she great bonk. 803 01:05:34,681 --> 01:05:38,095 Excuse me, Bruce? No, no. You do not "bonk" Amanda Becker. 804 01:05:38,685 --> 01:05:42,174 You make sweet, sweet love to her. 805 01:05:43,189 --> 01:05:45,297 Amanda Becker's like a flower. 806 01:05:46,067 --> 01:05:47,324 You smell her. 807 01:05:47,735 --> 01:05:49,692 You touch her gently. 808 01:05:50,113 --> 01:05:54,633 You admire the beauty. You watch it blossom. 809 01:05:55,326 --> 01:05:59,912 And you thank God He created something so perfect. 810 01:06:02,584 --> 01:06:04,075 Go to her. 811 01:06:16,681 --> 01:06:18,218 Be strong, Mitch! 812 01:06:31,779 --> 01:06:33,236 What do you expect from me? 813 01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:39,895 - Do you think I'm just gonna have sex with you? - No! No, no, you-- you don't understand, I--. 814 01:06:39,913 --> 01:06:42,030 Because I am some kind of cheap slut. 815 01:06:42,248 --> 01:06:45,241 I don't screw every pathetic guy that gives me a letter. 816 01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:50,166 I give them handjobs. 816.2 01:06:52,166 --> 01:06:52,800 ♪ Hey! ♪ 816.4 01:06:54,466 --> 01:06:55,166 ♪ Hey! ♪ 816.6 01:06:56,566 --> 01:06:57,266 ♪ Hey! ♪ 816.8 01:06:58,765 --> 01:06:59,330 ♪ Hey! ♪ 817 01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:02,263 - Wannna dance? - Only if we're horizontal. 818 01:07:03,269 --> 01:07:04,886 I totally heard that. 818.3 01:07:09,820 --> 01:07:10,520 ♪ Hey! ♪ 818.7 01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:12,700 ♪ Hey! ♪ 819 01:07:19,494 --> 01:07:20,700 We're dancing. 819.2 01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:23,360 ♪ I know a girl who's tough but sweet ♪ 819.4 01:07:25,460 --> 01:07:27,960 ♪ She's so fine she can't be beat ♪ 819.5 01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:32,460 ♪ She's got everything that I desire ♪ 819.7 01:07:34,460 --> 01:07:37,060 ♪ She sets the summer sun on fire ♪ 819.9 01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:41,060 ♪ I want candy ♪ 820 01:07:42,642 --> 01:07:43,680 It's funny, isn't it? 821 01:07:43,700 --> 01:07:47,637 You would never suspect that everyone at this school is a professional dancer. 821.3 01:07:56,637 --> 01:07:58,837 ♪ I want candy ♪ 821.7 01:08:00,700 --> 01:08:02,000 ♪ I want candy ♪ 822 01:08:02,078 --> 01:08:03,410 Oh, God! No. 823 01:08:03,621 --> 01:08:05,783 I want to do it right here on the dance floor. 824 01:08:05,957 --> 01:08:07,018 Janey! 825 01:08:07,333 --> 01:08:10,576 Don't you forget our deal. She wins, you're mine. 826 01:08:22,849 --> 01:08:26,968 And now... the moment every popular guy who's made a bet 827 01:08:27,186 --> 01:08:31,772 to turn a uniquely rebellious girl into prom queen has been waiting for. 828 01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:35,309 The announcement of this year's Prom King and Queen. 829 01:08:35,528 --> 01:08:38,020 This year's Prom King is... 830 01:08:38,698 --> 01:08:39,734 Marty! 831 01:08:40,491 --> 01:08:41,652 Jake Wyler! 832 01:08:57,033 --> 01:08:58,344 Way to go, Jake! 833 01:08:59,177 --> 01:09:02,011 This year's Prom Queen is... 834 01:09:02,221 --> 01:09:03,507 You got it, Priscilla! 835 01:09:03,681 --> 01:09:07,300 - It's in the bag, Priscilla. - I don't believe it. It's a tie. 836 01:09:07,810 --> 01:09:08,846 A tie? 837 01:09:09,020 --> 01:09:10,727 - Holy shit! - Oh my God! 838 01:09:12,357 --> 01:09:14,690 Your new Prom Queens are... 839 01:09:16,110 --> 01:09:19,569 - Kara and Sara Fratelli. - Fuck. 840 01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:24,450 - Oh my God! - They deserve it! 841 01:09:26,871 --> 01:09:28,203 Congratulations! 842 01:09:29,700 --> 01:09:34,210 Okay, there we go! Your King and Queen. 843 01:09:40,218 --> 01:09:43,586 I say we make like a tree and... branch... 844 01:09:44,389 --> 01:09:46,130 outta here. 845 01:09:47,892 --> 01:09:49,758 All right, Kara and Sara! 846 01:09:49,936 --> 01:09:53,000 Now, it is traditional for the King and Queen 847 01:09:53,001 --> 01:09:56,766 - to share a ceremonial dance. - Come here. 847.3 01:09:58,366 --> 01:10:04,066 ♪ Put your heads on my shoulder ♪ 847.7 01:10:05,066 --> 01:10:07,566 ♪ Hold me in your arms ♪ 848 01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:09,869 - You smell good. - ♪ Baby ♪ 848.3 01:10:11,569 --> 01:10:13,569 ♪ Squeeze me oh so tight ♪ 848.5 01:10:13,669 --> 01:10:16,469 ♪ And show me ♪ 848.7 01:10:18,469 --> 01:10:21,669 ♪ That you love me too ♪ 849 01:10:22,927 --> 01:10:24,964 Janey! 849.5 01:10:25,164 --> 01:10:29,000 ♪ Put your lips next to mine dear ♪ 850 01:10:29,016 --> 01:10:31,224 Malik, do you know where Austin went? 851 01:10:31,436 --> 01:10:35,430 All I know is that he rented a room at the Sunrise Motel. Room number six. 852 01:10:35,648 --> 01:10:38,812 It's the one right past the ice dispenser. If you hit the Pepsi machine, you went too far. 853 01:10:39,861 --> 01:10:42,524 Oh, and the door will definitely not be locked. 854 01:10:45,116 --> 01:10:46,607 That's all I know. 855 01:10:47,702 --> 01:10:48,988 Thanks, Malik. 856 01:10:50,037 --> 01:10:53,250 You know, you're an intelligent, insightful human being 856.5 01:10:53,250 --> 01:10:56,338 who doesn't get the respect and attention that he deserves. 857 01:10:57,738 --> 01:11:00,124 Wow! You really mean that, Jake? 858 01:11:00,840 --> 01:11:04,584 That's great, man! Because I've always wanted to discuss with you the repercussions of the ramification-- 859 01:11:04,761 --> 01:11:06,673 Crap! I actually got to go. Sorry. 860 01:11:07,430 --> 01:11:08,466 Motherfucker. 861 01:11:08,681 --> 01:11:10,593 Hold it right there, mister. 862 01:11:10,933 --> 01:11:16,179 I am not going to let you hurt Janey again, okay? Besides, I love her. 863 01:11:16,397 --> 01:11:17,558 Well, so do I. 864 01:11:18,524 --> 01:11:22,589 Yes, but I'm the best friend, and I have been in front of her face the whole time 865 01:11:22,589 --> 01:11:27,523 and she just-- she just hasn't really realized it yet, but she will. 866 01:11:28,284 --> 01:11:31,527 I'm the reformed, cool guy who's learned the error of his ways. 867 01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:35,239 She's gonna forgive me for my mistakes and realize that I really love her. 868 01:11:37,043 --> 01:11:38,625 Damn it! That's true. 869 01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:56,518 Why's this door locked? It's a fire hazard! 869.2 01:11:59,818 --> 01:12:05,318 ♪ Well, just look at that girl With the lights comin' up in her eyes ♪ 869.4 01:12:07,518 --> 01:12:10,618 ♪ She's got to be somebody's baby ♪ 869.6 01:12:11,518 --> 01:12:14,218 ♪ She must be somebody's baby ♪ 870 01:12:12,078 --> 01:12:14,115 Get out of the road! 871 01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:15,441 Hey, watch it, man! 871.5 01:12:15,100 --> 01:12:16,741 ♪ 'Cause all the guys on the corner ♪ 871.7 01:12:16,741 --> 01:12:19,441 ♪ Stand back and let her walk on by ♪ 872 01:12:16,958 --> 01:12:18,845 She's not attracted to you! 873 01:12:19,877 --> 01:12:21,389 She doesn't love you! 873.5 01:12:21,889 --> 01:12:25,489 ♪ She said she's got to be somebody's baby ♪ 874 01:12:22,755 --> 01:12:24,793 Ah, you'll never be more than a friend! 874.5 01:12:25,933 --> 01:12:28,933 ♪ She must be somebody's baby ♪ 875 01:12:26,133 --> 01:12:27,425 Two dollars! 875.2 01:12:29,725 --> 01:12:32,325 ♪ She's got to be somebody's baby ♪ 875.4 01:12:32,825 --> 01:12:34,225 ♪ She's so fine... ♪ 875.6 01:12:35,325 --> 01:12:38,825 ♪ She's probably somebody's only light ♪ 876 01:12:37,228 --> 01:12:38,794 Ice dispenser. 876.5 01:12:38,994 --> 01:12:41,094 ♪ Gonna shine tonight ♪ 877 01:12:39,730 --> 01:12:40,946 Six. 878 01:12:41,607 --> 01:12:45,772 Oh, yeah! I'll make you forget all about losing Prom Queen. 879 01:12:45,945 --> 01:12:49,484 Tell me who your daddy is now! Can you tell me who your papa is? 880 01:12:51,951 --> 01:12:53,613 Get off her, man! 881 01:12:54,412 --> 01:12:55,573 Priscilla. 882 01:12:55,788 --> 01:12:57,245 Don't move. 883 01:13:02,128 --> 01:13:04,916 - What the hell is going on in here? - Something beautiful. 884 01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:09,007 - Where's Janey? - Little Miss Run-Home-To-My-Daddy 885 01:13:09,160 --> 01:13:10,901 ran home to her daddy. 886 01:13:12,930 --> 01:13:16,514 - That's for taking Janey to the prom. - You put the-- 887 01:13:16,726 --> 01:13:20,265 - That's for hurting Janey at Preston's party! - This is really turning me on. 888 01:13:21,772 --> 01:13:24,890 That's for... being.... really weird. 889 01:13:25,109 --> 01:13:26,566 Thank you. 890 01:13:32,116 --> 01:13:34,073 I don't know what that was for. 890.5 01:13:34,173 --> 01:13:35,973 ♪ Make her mine tonight ♪ 891 01:13:40,583 --> 01:13:42,245 Hello. 892 01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:45,168 Hi. 893 01:13:46,631 --> 01:13:49,840 I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but... 894 01:13:50,718 --> 01:13:55,554 for once, I wish I could meet a nice, sensitive guy... 895 01:13:56,057 --> 01:13:57,889 who wanted more than just sex. 896 01:14:00,478 --> 01:14:03,186 That is very admirable. 897 01:14:05,858 --> 01:14:08,771 For once, I wish a guy would take me out for dinner. 898 01:14:09,236 --> 01:14:11,023 I feel the same way. 899 01:14:13,157 --> 01:14:14,944 And for once... 900 01:14:16,821 --> 01:14:20,120 I wish a guy would take a dump on my chest. 901 01:14:23,334 --> 01:14:25,166 That is appalling! 902 01:14:29,507 --> 01:14:31,464 That really upsets me. 903 01:14:32,802 --> 01:14:35,419 I can't believe nobody's ever taken a dump on your chest. 904 01:14:40,643 --> 01:14:42,225 Will you be that guy? 905 01:14:48,943 --> 01:14:52,857 It would be an honor... and a privilege. 906 01:15:03,165 --> 01:15:04,656 Janey! 907 01:15:08,045 --> 01:15:09,286 Hello? 908 01:15:10,256 --> 01:15:11,788 Is anybody home? 909 01:15:12,633 --> 01:15:15,091 Get down! Enemy fire! 910 01:15:16,595 --> 01:15:18,257 Mr. Briggs? 911 01:15:18,472 --> 01:15:21,510 Mr. Briggs, excuse me, sir. Do you know where Janey is? 912 01:15:21,767 --> 01:15:26,028 She went out there. On her own. There's Charlie everywhere. 913 01:15:26,731 --> 01:15:29,144 Right, uh, do you know where she went? 914 01:15:29,483 --> 01:15:32,146 Couldn't take it anymore. Went to the airport. 915 01:15:32,361 --> 01:15:37,072 Something about... Paris. Her tour is over. 916 01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:39,528 Paris. Thank you, sir. 917 01:15:39,994 --> 01:15:43,704 I need ammo! I can't hold them off much longer! 918 01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:52,663 Off the road, you glasses and ponytail freak! 919 01:16:05,811 --> 01:16:07,018 Two dollars! 920 01:16:07,480 --> 01:16:09,346 - Two dollars! - Two dollars! 921 01:16:15,696 --> 01:16:17,858 Next stop, airport. 922 01:16:18,115 --> 01:16:22,655 The red zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. 923 01:16:22,870 --> 01:16:24,361 No parking. 924 01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:25,787 Your attention, please. 925 01:16:25,998 --> 01:16:31,335 All 1986 red Porsche 944's parked in the white zone will be towed immediately. 926 01:16:36,634 --> 01:16:40,173 Paris Air, Flight 805 to art school in Paris 927 01:16:40,387 --> 01:16:43,229 from Gate 122, is now boarding. 928 01:16:56,070 --> 01:16:58,437 Excuse me! Everyone! 929 01:16:59,073 --> 01:17:03,283 There's a girl boarding a plane right now to Paris that I love. 930 01:17:04,829 --> 01:17:07,993 And if I don't get there in time and tell her how I really feel 931 01:17:08,582 --> 01:17:10,198 I may never see her again. 932 01:17:15,256 --> 01:17:16,417 Go get her, son. 933 01:17:17,466 --> 01:17:18,752 Good luck, young man. 934 01:17:21,095 --> 01:17:22,927 - Go get her! - Go for it, man. 935 01:17:25,599 --> 01:17:26,965 Oh, hell, just go. 936 01:17:29,770 --> 01:17:30,851 Freeze, bitch! 937 01:17:41,824 --> 01:17:43,682 You're bleeding on my suitcase. 938 01:17:50,541 --> 01:17:51,577 Excuse me! 939 01:17:52,626 --> 01:17:54,037 Excuse me, everyone! 940 01:17:54,545 --> 01:18:00,337 There's a girl about to board a plane to Paris right now that I love and 941 01:18:00,509 --> 01:18:03,877 We already heard that one. Asshole. 942 01:18:05,723 --> 01:18:10,684 This is the final call for Paris Air Flight 805 to art school in Paris 943 01:18:10,895 --> 01:18:13,137 departing from Gate 122. 944 01:18:13,314 --> 01:18:14,930 Janey! 945 01:18:16,066 --> 01:18:17,398 Hey, shithead, that's mine. 946 01:18:18,485 --> 01:18:19,817 Come on, give it back! 947 01:18:20,154 --> 01:18:23,864 Just believe in the ball, Jake. And throw yourself. 948 01:18:36,213 --> 01:18:38,670 - Yes! - Nice shot, Jake. 949 01:18:40,925 --> 01:18:44,043 - Jake? - Janey. Thank God I got to you in time. 950 01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:47,634 Listen to me. I'm not going to let you get on this plane and go to Paris. 951 01:18:48,182 --> 01:18:50,970 - This is the final boarding call - Why not? 952 01:18:51,185 --> 01:18:53,393 for flight nonstop to art school in Paris. 953 01:18:53,604 --> 01:18:59,071 So if you're trying to find the words to stop a girl from leaving, now would be the time. 954 01:18:59,443 --> 01:19:01,150 Janey, 955 01:19:02,529 --> 01:19:06,239 I made that bet before I knew you. 956 01:19:07,576 --> 01:19:09,909 Before I really knew me. 957 01:19:11,622 --> 01:19:12,908 Oh, Jake. 958 01:19:15,042 --> 01:19:16,783 Okay, hold it right there. 959 01:19:20,923 --> 01:19:24,212 Tell me you that you didn't just quote Freddie Prinze Jr. 960 01:19:26,136 --> 01:19:29,925 I knew it. That was a line from She's All That. 961 01:19:30,140 --> 01:19:32,553 I masturbate to that movie. 962 01:19:35,896 --> 01:19:36,977 Uh, do you mind? I'm-- 963 01:19:37,147 --> 01:19:40,356 No, not at all. I think masturbation's very healthy. 964 01:19:44,029 --> 01:19:48,899 Janey, you told me you couldn't believe in someone that didn't believe in you. 965 01:19:49,243 --> 01:19:53,408 Well, I believed in you. I always believed in you. 966 01:19:54,581 --> 01:19:55,662 Oh, Jake. 967 01:19:56,417 --> 01:20:00,286 Oh, God. I can't believe you fell for that crap. 968 01:20:00,462 --> 01:20:03,125 - That's from Pretty in Pink. - Are you sure? 969 01:20:03,924 --> 01:20:05,005 Trust me. 970 01:20:05,175 --> 01:20:10,421 - Excuse me. What are you doing? - Let me give you a little piece of advice, here, Jake. 971 01:20:10,597 --> 01:20:14,511 Why don't you lose the I'm-The-Cute-And-Sensitive Popular-Boy-With-The-Big-Sideburns routine. 972 01:20:14,768 --> 01:20:15,849 It's just too pathetic. 973 01:20:16,061 --> 01:20:19,395 And for once, tell Janey what's true in your heart. 974 01:20:19,606 --> 01:20:21,268 Stop being such a little bitch. 975 01:20:22,326 --> 01:20:24,762 And you, Janey. Little Miss Other-Side-Of-The-Tracks- 975.5 01:20:24,762 --> 01:20:27,723 Awkward-Rebel-Girl-With-The- Pseudo-Intellectual-Glasses. 976 01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:32,284 Why don't you wise up to Jake's bullshit? Stop being such a dumb-ass. 977 01:20:35,873 --> 01:20:37,284 She's right. 978 01:20:38,000 --> 01:20:40,208 - Janey. - Yes, Jake? 979 01:20:42,880 --> 01:20:45,588 Maybe you should get on that plane and go to Paris. 979.5 01:20:46,888 --> 01:20:47,750 Huh? 980 01:20:47,801 --> 01:20:51,511 Well, you know, I mean if you stay, we really only have the summer and 981 01:20:51,722 --> 01:20:56,012 Then I go to college and we'll talk on the phone and we'll spend the occasional weekend together. 982 01:20:56,226 --> 01:20:57,467 Which is nice. 983 01:20:58,103 --> 01:21:02,598 But chances are, one night I'm gonna get wrecked and have unprotected sex with some girl in my dorm. 984 01:21:02,816 --> 01:21:04,728 You'll find her thong and call me a slut. 985 01:21:05,027 --> 01:21:08,191 I'll call you a cocktease and we'll break up. 986 01:21:08,405 --> 01:21:12,149 So when you really think about it, what's the point? 987 01:21:15,329 --> 01:21:20,415 Well, that wasn't exactly the kind of truth I was expecting. 988 01:21:22,795 --> 01:21:27,460 Doesn't mean I'm not gonna fall for it. I mean, how big of a dumb-ass do you think I am? 989 01:21:27,633 --> 01:21:30,250 You obviously stole that speech from Karate Kid. 990 01:21:30,886 --> 01:21:32,673 - No, actually, I-- - Shh! 991 01:21:32,971 --> 01:21:35,463 Jake, it's okay. 992 01:21:35,974 --> 01:21:37,806 I love you too. 993 01:21:37,976 --> 01:21:39,683 We all know where this is going. 994 01:21:40,354 --> 01:21:42,091 Fucking teenagers. 995 01:21:51,865 --> 01:21:53,276 This is it. 996 01:21:53,450 --> 01:21:54,941 The right moment. 997 01:22:09,675 --> 01:22:11,541 Son of a bitch! 998 01:22:30,737 --> 01:22:32,023 Betty, 999 01:22:33,031 --> 01:22:35,148 meet Apollonia. 1000 01:22:35,325 --> 01:22:37,738 We're going to have a three-way. 1001 01:28:40,857 --> 01:28:43,770 Sun's burned my cornea 1002 01:28:44,444 --> 01:28:48,108 ♪ I can no longer see ♪ 1003 01:28:48,698 --> 01:28:53,739 ♪ I'm not kidding Somebody please fucking help me ♪ 1004 01:28:57,123 --> 01:28:58,830 Quick! Grab her guitar.