1 00:00:00,695 --> 00:00:02,789 Good afternoon, Eleanor. What can I get you today? 2 00:00:03,789 --> 00:00:05,822 Whoa. Lot of new flavors. 3 00:00:05,858 --> 00:00:07,458 Michael felt bad about the sinkhole, 4 00:00:07,493 --> 00:00:09,296 so he wanted to give you all a little treat. 5 00:00:09,321 --> 00:00:12,398 I recommend "Full Cell Phone Battery." 6 00:00:13,532 --> 00:00:15,064 Whoa. 7 00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:17,567 It somehow tastes how I felt when my cell phone 8 00:00:17,602 --> 00:00:19,169 was fully charged. 9 00:00:19,204 --> 00:00:20,770 Oh, I'm so relaxed. 10 00:00:20,838 --> 00:00:22,205 But they all look good. 11 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,839 This might take me a while. 12 00:00:23,875 --> 00:00:26,208 You know what, Gunnar, uh, why don't you go ahead? 13 00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:27,676 - Thanks so much, Eleanor. - Mm-hmm. 14 00:00:27,711 --> 00:00:29,411 - What can I get you, Gunnar? - Hi, Janet. 15 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:32,214 - Can I have some Folded Laundry? - Coming up. 16 00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:35,584 [indistinct chatter] 17 00:00:36,554 --> 00:00:39,521 [upbeat music] 18 00:00:39,557 --> 00:00:41,190 ♪ ♪ 19 00:00:41,225 --> 00:00:42,723 Chidi! 20 00:00:42,758 --> 00:00:43,933 You'll never believe it. 21 00:00:43,958 --> 00:00:45,059 I was at the frozen yogurt place 22 00:00:45,094 --> 00:00:46,394 and I didn't know what I wanted, 23 00:00:46,429 --> 00:00:48,128 so I turned to the guy behind me, and I was like, 24 00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:49,797 "Why don't you go ahead?" [gasps] 25 00:00:49,865 --> 00:00:52,733 Just like that! "Why don't you go ahead?" 26 00:00:52,768 --> 00:00:54,068 O-okay? 27 00:00:54,103 --> 00:00:55,469 Dude, you don't understand! 28 00:00:55,538 --> 00:00:57,771 I never did stuff like that when I was on Earth. 29 00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,073 But now, thanks to your "good person" lessons, 30 00:01:00,108 --> 00:01:01,441 I didn't hold up the line. 31 00:01:01,476 --> 00:01:04,244 I didn't even try a dozen samples I didn't want 32 00:01:04,279 --> 00:01:06,613 just to spite some jerk who told me I was holding up the line. 33 00:01:06,648 --> 00:01:07,675 You do that? 34 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:10,417 No, Chidi, I used to do that. 35 00:01:10,452 --> 00:01:13,553 Now I do selfless things without even thinking about it. 36 00:01:13,589 --> 00:01:14,621 That's great. 37 00:01:14,648 --> 00:01:16,614 I-I'm proud of you. 38 00:01:16,657 --> 00:01:17,889 So where's our yogurt? 39 00:01:17,925 --> 00:01:19,592 Ugh. I forgot it. 40 00:01:19,627 --> 00:01:21,960 Oh... Can you go? 41 00:01:21,985 --> 00:01:23,429 I don't want to go all the way back. 42 00:01:23,454 --> 00:01:26,498 I ran all the way here and it was so hot. 43 00:01:27,266 --> 00:01:31,337 I mean, I will happily get it, because I told you I would. 44 00:01:34,772 --> 00:01:35,903 Good person. 45 00:01:35,928 --> 00:01:40,992 Synced and corrected by 00:02:05,469 then you can justify any number of bad actions, 57 00:02:05,504 --> 00:02:08,471 like torturing one innocent person to save a hundred, 58 00:02:08,506 --> 00:02:09,705 or preemptive war... 59 00:02:09,774 --> 00:02:11,206 Oh, dip, I get it. 60 00:02:11,276 --> 00:02:13,142 It's like, I knew this girl Sheila? 61 00:02:13,177 --> 00:02:16,479 She was a black market alligator dealer with a pierced jawbone. 62 00:02:16,514 --> 00:02:18,781 Um, okay, what? 63 00:02:18,816 --> 00:02:21,550 Sheila was gonna get married to my boy, Donkey Doug 64 00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:23,552 and make him move to Sarasota. 65 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,720 It would've broken up my whole break dancing crew 66 00:02:25,789 --> 00:02:28,323 and Donkey Doug was our best pop-and-locker. 67 00:02:28,358 --> 00:02:30,392 So I hid a bunch of stolen boogie boards 68 00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:32,860 in Sheila's garage and called the cops. 69 00:02:32,896 --> 00:02:35,330 I framed one innocent gator dealer 70 00:02:35,365 --> 00:02:37,965 to save a 60-person dance crew. 71 00:02:38,001 --> 00:02:41,202 Shockingly, that is a relevant example 72 00:02:41,237 --> 00:02:42,670 of the Utilitarian dilemma. 73 00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:44,471 - Well done. - Thanks! 74 00:02:44,507 --> 00:02:46,640 Um... 75 00:02:46,676 --> 00:02:48,642 - Uh, yes, Jianyu? - Can I be excused? 76 00:02:48,678 --> 00:02:50,811 Tahani's doing a brunch party and I want to get there 77 00:02:50,846 --> 00:02:52,579 before all the mini-waffles run out. 78 00:02:52,648 --> 00:02:55,215 - Go ahead, man. - Yes! 79 00:02:56,319 --> 00:02:59,419 So, you want to roll right into another lesson? 80 00:02:59,487 --> 00:03:01,354 I am revved up to learn, man. 81 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,722 My brain is horny! 82 00:03:02,757 --> 00:03:04,223 Um, can we take a little break? 83 00:03:04,258 --> 00:03:05,891 I've been standing at this chalkboard all day. 84 00:03:05,927 --> 00:03:06,992 Oh, yeah, I get it. 85 00:03:07,028 --> 00:03:08,994 Oh, you could, um, grade my paper I wrote 86 00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:10,697 on the concept of Dharma. 87 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:13,533 Six pages, and I didn't even do that thing 88 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:16,201 where I try to make it longer by starting every sentence with 89 00:03:16,236 --> 00:03:17,236 "Interestingly..." 90 00:03:17,270 --> 00:03:19,538 Sure, I'll do that and, uh... 91 00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:21,740 we can start another lesson. 92 00:03:25,946 --> 00:03:27,412 Ah, Tahani. 93 00:03:27,448 --> 00:03:30,582 I've been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter. 94 00:03:30,617 --> 00:03:32,550 Tell me what you think. 95 00:03:32,585 --> 00:03:34,852 That "New Yorker" article was crazy. 96 00:03:34,887 --> 00:03:36,754 You haven't seen "Hamilton"? 97 00:03:36,789 --> 00:03:38,589 Hey, did you hear about Stephanie? 98 00:03:38,624 --> 00:03:41,392 - Very well done, Michael. - Hi, there! 99 00:03:41,427 --> 00:03:46,230 We have a Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis. 100 00:03:46,265 --> 00:03:49,387 A Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis? 101 00:03:49,412 --> 00:03:50,433 - Mm-hmm. - Sorry, 102 00:03:50,469 --> 00:03:53,208 what is a Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis? 103 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,938 It's nothing, it's a tiny little inconvenience. 104 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:58,941 Tahani, dear, could you show us to a private room 105 00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:01,578 where no one can see or hear us, even if I yell 106 00:04:01,613 --> 00:04:04,280 very loudly out of fear? 107 00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:07,549 [device chimes] 108 00:04:07,585 --> 00:04:08,950 [gasps] 109 00:04:08,986 --> 00:04:11,286 It appears that the sinkhole is not repairing itself. 110 00:04:11,321 --> 00:04:13,489 This is very bad, Janet. 111 00:04:13,557 --> 00:04:16,425 We have to go into the sinkhole and fix it by hand. 112 00:04:16,460 --> 00:04:17,626 Get the tools. 113 00:04:17,661 --> 00:04:19,652 Sorry, can I be of any service? 114 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,060 - Ah, Tahani. - _ 115 00:04:21,085 --> 00:04:23,431 Didn't see you there. Uh, no, no. 116 00:04:23,466 --> 00:04:24,766 We're just having a slight problem 117 00:04:24,801 --> 00:04:27,479 with the enormous sinkhole. 118 00:04:27,504 --> 00:04:29,104 Yes, I meant to tell you... 119 00:04:29,129 --> 00:04:31,005 I walked past it last night and I... 120 00:04:31,030 --> 00:04:32,542 I actually saw it get a little bit bigger. 121 00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:33,841 [screams] 122 00:04:33,910 --> 00:04:35,075 It got bigger? 123 00:04:35,111 --> 00:04:37,645 Ah, well, that's... that's so normal. 124 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,781 Um, this is the reaction I have when things 125 00:04:39,816 --> 00:04:41,981 are incredibly mundane and expected. 126 00:04:42,017 --> 00:04:43,417 I'm gonna leave now... 127 00:04:43,452 --> 00:04:45,419 at my regular pace, 128 00:04:45,454 --> 00:04:48,354 as I do in most scenarios. 129 00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:56,496 Finally! 130 00:04:56,532 --> 00:04:58,330 Let's get back to it. 131 00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,212 Whip out that chalkboard, big boy, show me 132 00:05:00,237 --> 00:05:01,500 what you're working with. 133 00:05:01,536 --> 00:05:04,837 Actually, I was going to head into town and pick up some... 134 00:05:05,498 --> 00:05:06,564 blankets. 135 00:05:06,589 --> 00:05:08,040 Great, I'll grab my sweater. 136 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,975 I can practice letting people cut in front of me. 137 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,977 You know, uh, I just realized 138 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:15,513 that I have blankets, so I'm going to take a nap 139 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,849 using the several blankets that I already have. 140 00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,116 Good night. 141 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,819 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 142 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,520 What's wrong? Out with it. 143 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,889 I'm just tired, need a break. No big deal. 144 00:05:25,053 --> 00:05:26,724 The way you're talking to me right now? 145 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:29,919 "Everything's cool, no big deal"... I know that move. 146 00:05:29,944 --> 00:05:32,395 When I told a boyfriend something was "no big deal," 147 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:35,499 it meant anything from "I just bought weed from your nephew," 148 00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:38,068 to "I secretly befriended your ex-girlfriend last year, 149 00:05:38,136 --> 00:05:40,136 things got out of hand, and now I'm her bridesmaid." 150 00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:41,538 Wow. 151 00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:44,476 Okay, well, in this case, it really is no big deal. 152 00:05:44,501 --> 00:05:46,076 Dude, you're hiding something! 153 00:05:46,144 --> 00:05:48,811 - What's wrong? - Nothing! 154 00:05:49,478 --> 00:05:52,849 What... is... 155 00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:54,884 wrong? 156 00:05:56,821 --> 00:05:57,887 [device chimes] 157 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,629 _ 158 00:06:03,461 --> 00:06:04,961 Jianyu second. 159 00:06:05,029 --> 00:06:08,062 Oh, well done, my love. 160 00:06:08,098 --> 00:06:10,113 So where am I? 161 00:06:10,138 --> 00:06:11,638 Eleanor... 6th? 162 00:06:11,824 --> 00:06:13,434 Come on. 163 00:06:22,112 --> 00:06:23,410 Oh, no. 164 00:06:23,445 --> 00:06:26,580 I'm second to last. 165 00:06:26,616 --> 00:06:28,415 Mummy, I made you this. 166 00:06:28,450 --> 00:06:30,784 It's the pretty bird we saw in the garden. 167 00:06:30,820 --> 00:06:33,921 Thank you, Tahani. It's very competent. 168 00:06:33,956 --> 00:06:35,956 I made a bird, as well. 169 00:06:35,992 --> 00:06:40,092 I worked in a reflective alloy, holding up a mirror to mankind 170 00:06:40,128 --> 00:06:42,762 and its mistreatment of these defenseless animals. 171 00:06:42,797 --> 00:06:44,597 Excellent, Kamilah. 172 00:06:44,633 --> 00:06:47,967 I sense the influence of Brancusi and Kapoor. 173 00:06:48,003 --> 00:06:50,102 It seems you're moving out of your structural period, 174 00:06:50,138 --> 00:06:52,104 and more into conceptual abstraction. 175 00:06:52,140 --> 00:06:53,439 Good eye, Mother. 176 00:06:53,474 --> 00:06:55,675 I grew tired of objective representation. 177 00:06:55,744 --> 00:06:57,910 I trust my audience. 178 00:06:57,945 --> 00:06:59,448 My birdie has a hat. 179 00:06:59,473 --> 00:07:01,346 Yes, well done, Tahani. 180 00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:04,243 - What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong. 181 00:07:04,268 --> 00:07:05,495 - What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong. 182 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,034 - What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong. 183 00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:08,409 - Would you stop doing that? - What's wrong? 184 00:07:08,434 --> 00:07:09,796 - Okay, fine! - What's wrong? 185 00:07:09,823 --> 00:07:10,956 You want to know what's wrong? 186 00:07:10,991 --> 00:07:12,948 You are a full-time job. 187 00:07:12,973 --> 00:07:14,557 I wake up, there's Eleanor. 188 00:07:14,582 --> 00:07:16,541 I spend all day teaching Eleanor. 189 00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,307 And then it's, "Good night, Eleanor." 190 00:07:18,332 --> 00:07:20,631 Oh, this is a nice dream, my grandma's here. 191 00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:22,099 Wait, she's got Eleanor's face! 192 00:07:22,134 --> 00:07:23,968 And tentacles for some reason. 193 00:07:24,003 --> 00:07:26,136 I thought you liked teaching me. 194 00:07:26,172 --> 00:07:28,606 So now I'm just some huge burden for you? 195 00:07:28,641 --> 00:07:29,607 Yes! 196 00:07:29,642 --> 00:07:30,607 Of course you are! 197 00:07:30,642 --> 00:07:31,975 I am in paradise! 198 00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:33,777 I should be doing paradise things, 199 00:07:33,812 --> 00:07:36,212 like rowing out on a lake with a good bottle of wine, 200 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:37,547 reading French poetry. 201 00:07:37,616 --> 00:07:39,816 That's your idea of paradise? 202 00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:42,151 You know, and I can't stop helping you, 203 00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:44,788 because then I am shirking my ethical duty. 204 00:07:44,823 --> 00:07:46,189 It's an impossible position! 205 00:07:46,224 --> 00:07:48,190 You know what, if you're so stressed from writing 206 00:07:48,225 --> 00:07:50,292 on a chalkboard, why don't you just leave? 207 00:07:50,327 --> 00:07:51,994 We can pretend to be soul mates in public, 208 00:07:52,029 --> 00:07:53,996 but other than that, we don't have to see each other! 209 00:07:54,031 --> 00:07:55,631 Fine with me! I'll move out right now. 210 00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:56,632 Fine! 211 00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:57,733 [alarm blares] 212 00:07:57,802 --> 00:07:59,234 Good afternoon. 213 00:07:59,303 --> 00:08:01,536 As you all may remember, a sinkhole recently 214 00:08:01,572 --> 00:08:03,572 opened up in the town center. 215 00:08:03,641 --> 00:08:06,040 The situation, sadly, has worsened. 216 00:08:06,076 --> 00:08:08,242 Starting right now, no one may go outside 217 00:08:08,311 --> 00:08:10,678 under any circumstances. 218 00:08:10,714 --> 00:08:14,181 Leaving your homes could result in catastrophic damage, 219 00:08:14,217 --> 00:08:17,018 to you and to the very fabric of the universe. 220 00:08:17,053 --> 00:08:19,186 Okay, bye. 221 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,513 Or we could both just stay here. 222 00:08:23,860 --> 00:08:27,476 We hope you enjoy your eternal stay in the Good Place. 223 00:08:27,766 --> 00:08:30,884 Take advantage of our day spa, or Janet... 224 00:08:31,204 --> 00:08:34,438 a magical assistant who can get you whatever you want. 225 00:08:34,506 --> 00:08:36,040 You mind turning that off? 226 00:08:36,075 --> 00:08:37,874 It's been playing on a loop for two days. 227 00:08:37,909 --> 00:08:40,376 The whole Neighborhood is offline. 228 00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:42,278 We only get the welcome channel. 229 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:45,118 I would love to not watch TV, 230 00:08:45,143 --> 00:08:47,258 but you canceled school. 231 00:08:47,283 --> 00:08:48,337 [gasps] 232 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,946 What have you done to me, you monster? 233 00:08:51,344 --> 00:08:53,522 Look at all these dishes piling up. 234 00:08:53,558 --> 00:08:55,275 I used to just throw them in the sink, 235 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,626 and they'd be magically cleaned by morning. 236 00:08:57,643 --> 00:08:59,211 I did that. I cleaned the dishes. 237 00:08:59,236 --> 00:09:00,510 Oh. 238 00:09:00,545 --> 00:09:02,047 Then what's up with these bad boys? 239 00:09:02,072 --> 00:09:05,048 You are unbelievable. 240 00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:06,382 Are you still upset? 241 00:09:06,417 --> 00:09:08,018 - You're not over it yet? - How can I be over it? 242 00:09:08,053 --> 00:09:10,854 We haven't discussed it or even spoken for days. 243 00:09:10,889 --> 00:09:13,188 Well, it sounds like you've had a really nice "vacation" 244 00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:14,857 from your "full-time job." 245 00:09:14,892 --> 00:09:16,271 Get your story straight, bro! 246 00:09:16,296 --> 00:09:17,292 [knocking] 247 00:09:17,317 --> 00:09:19,683 Hey, guys, it's Michael. 248 00:09:20,569 --> 00:09:22,792 Hi, Michael, what a lovely surprise. 249 00:09:22,817 --> 00:09:25,701 Oh, I'd love to make small talk... I've been practicing, too. 250 00:09:25,736 --> 00:09:28,037 I'm amazing at it... but I'm in a bit of a rush here. 251 00:09:28,072 --> 00:09:29,871 This is Bart and Nina. 252 00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:32,740 They live right next door to the, uh, sinkhole, 253 00:09:32,776 --> 00:09:35,109 so they obviously need a place to stay. 254 00:09:35,178 --> 00:09:37,045 I was wondering, as my assistant, maybe you could 255 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,579 put them up for a while? 256 00:09:38,614 --> 00:09:39,914 Oh, of course. 257 00:09:39,949 --> 00:09:41,015 Don't... don't think twice. 258 00:09:41,051 --> 00:09:42,216 Okay, shouldn't take long. 259 00:09:42,251 --> 00:09:44,218 Between an hour and, um... 260 00:09:44,253 --> 00:09:45,219 11 months. 261 00:09:45,254 --> 00:09:47,587 Somewhere in there. Okay, bye. 262 00:09:48,757 --> 00:09:50,223 Don't go outside. 263 00:09:51,193 --> 00:09:52,559 [door closes] 264 00:09:52,594 --> 00:09:53,594 Ha... 265 00:09:53,628 --> 00:09:55,595 [chuckles] 266 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,034 Hello, everyone, and welcome to day three 267 00:10:01,070 --> 00:10:02,635 of our brunch siege. 268 00:10:02,704 --> 00:10:06,638 I stayed up all night to plan a full day of fun activities. 269 00:10:06,708 --> 00:10:08,874 Just check the schedule I made. 270 00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:11,143 Tahani, you are truly the best. 271 00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:14,613 Yes, you would think so, wouldn't you, Henriette? 272 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:17,282 [device chimes] 273 00:10:17,318 --> 00:10:19,408 Still second to last. 274 00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:21,152 [sighs] 275 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,989 [indistinct chatter] 276 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,424 Tahani! 277 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:30,095 This auction threatens to be an embarrassing failure. 278 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,764 5.2 million isn't bad. 279 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,933 It's very "middle-thermometer." 280 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:39,669 Your public failure is our public failure. 281 00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:42,072 You know what has to be done. 282 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,641 I'm very pleased to announce that there has been 283 00:10:44,676 --> 00:10:47,644 an addition to today's docket. 284 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,948 I'm sure you all know my sister, Kamilah. 285 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,617 [cheers and applause] 286 00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:55,351 Yes. Kamilah. 287 00:10:55,419 --> 00:10:57,787 Kamilah, of course, is the youngest person ever 288 00:10:57,822 --> 00:10:59,756 to graduate from Oxford University, 289 00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:03,659 she's a world-class painter, social activist, iconoclast, 290 00:11:03,694 --> 00:11:07,130 Olympic gold medalist for archery, 291 00:11:07,165 --> 00:11:09,966 a BAFTA Award-winner for her documentary 292 00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,200 on her Grammy Award-winning album, 293 00:11:12,269 --> 00:11:16,437 and the person voted "Most Likely to be Banksy." 294 00:11:16,473 --> 00:11:19,174 So without further ado, 295 00:11:19,209 --> 00:11:20,809 take it away from me! 296 00:11:20,844 --> 00:11:23,645 Sorry, I mean take it away, Kamilah. 297 00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:27,048 [applause] 298 00:11:27,117 --> 00:11:29,464 I am auctioning off a lunch date with me. 299 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,550 [crowd exclaims] 300 00:11:30,575 --> 00:11:33,988 The bidding shall commence at £3 million. 301 00:11:34,023 --> 00:11:35,832 [excited murmuring] 302 00:11:35,857 --> 00:11:37,057 5 million! 303 00:11:37,126 --> 00:11:38,159 [crowd exclaims] 304 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,365 Thank you guys so much. 305 00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:49,368 - Sorry for the imposition. - Oh, bah. 306 00:11:49,404 --> 00:11:51,070 Oh, well, if you want to know the truth, 307 00:11:51,139 --> 00:11:52,872 we asked Michael if we could stay with you. 308 00:11:52,908 --> 00:11:55,141 We are obsessed with your relationship. 309 00:11:55,177 --> 00:11:58,144 Always whispering, locking yourself in the house all day. 310 00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:01,047 I thought I was an expert in true love 'cause of my old job, 311 00:12:01,082 --> 00:12:03,481 but I have a lot to learn from you guys. 312 00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:05,184 Your job? What was your job? 313 00:12:05,219 --> 00:12:06,685 I was a marriage counselor. 314 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,754 You could say I wrote the book on healthy relationships. 315 00:12:09,824 --> 00:12:10,923 And I did! 316 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:12,257 [both laughing] 317 00:12:12,326 --> 00:12:14,927 It's called, "How to Spot Problems in a Marriage 318 00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:16,394 From 100 Miles Away." 319 00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:17,863 both: Oh, cool. 320 00:12:17,898 --> 00:12:19,096 - Really cool. - Cool. 321 00:12:19,165 --> 00:12:20,698 - Really, really cool. - Cool, cool. 322 00:12:20,733 --> 00:12:21,999 And what about you, Bart? 323 00:12:22,035 --> 00:12:24,368 Oh, well, my job wasn't nearly as interesting. 324 00:12:24,403 --> 00:12:27,004 I started a company that investigated identity theft. 325 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,273 Analyzing body language, tracking and catching people 326 00:12:29,342 --> 00:12:30,908 pretending to be someone they're not. 327 00:12:30,944 --> 00:12:33,010 It's... pssh, snooze, am I right? 328 00:12:33,046 --> 00:12:35,112 [both chuckling] 329 00:12:35,181 --> 00:12:36,279 They're gonna catch us! 330 00:12:36,348 --> 00:12:38,781 This is an extremely precarious situation! 331 00:12:38,851 --> 00:12:40,217 I am vexed, Eleanor! 332 00:12:40,252 --> 00:12:42,452 A marriage counselor and a human lie detector 333 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,888 isn't my first choice for company, either. 334 00:12:44,923 --> 00:12:47,390 But they have no reason to suspect us! 335 00:12:47,425 --> 00:12:51,228 Plus, I think they may have actually just come here 336 00:12:51,263 --> 00:12:54,529 to, you know, swing. 337 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,065 I say we do it. 338 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,532 It'll get 'em to stop asking questions. 339 00:12:57,568 --> 00:13:00,069 No, I am not going to have sex with someone 340 00:13:00,104 --> 00:13:02,071 to get them to stop talking to me! 341 00:13:02,106 --> 00:13:04,240 Really? You and I are very different. 342 00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:05,474 Yeah, I noticed! 343 00:13:05,542 --> 00:13:06,909 You know what, man? 344 00:13:06,944 --> 00:13:08,807 I have spent every second in this place 345 00:13:08,832 --> 00:13:09,911 worried I was gonna get caught, 346 00:13:09,946 --> 00:13:11,412 but if we go down right now, 347 00:13:11,447 --> 00:13:12,981 that's on you, okay? 348 00:13:13,049 --> 00:13:14,949 Oh, you spend all your time teaching a 349 00:13:14,985 --> 00:13:16,251 charming, awesome lady? 350 00:13:16,286 --> 00:13:18,819 How sad for you. Face it, dude. 351 00:13:18,889 --> 00:13:20,421 I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. 352 00:13:20,456 --> 00:13:22,223 Because guess what, Chidi? 353 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:25,226 - Ya basic! - Eleanor... 354 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,262 Yeah, I know, you want to do that thing where we're 355 00:13:27,296 --> 00:13:29,263 arguing and fighting, but then suddenly it's like, 356 00:13:29,298 --> 00:13:31,298 "Whoa, this is hot," and we start making out. 357 00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:32,465 Dream on! 358 00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,067 Or, whatever, fine, let's just do it. 359 00:13:34,103 --> 00:13:35,468 No, Eleanor, look. 360 00:13:42,077 --> 00:13:44,232 So how much of that did you hear? 361 00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:45,983 We couldn't hear you, but I'm an expert in 362 00:13:46,008 --> 00:13:47,992 non-verbal communication, and it is clear... 363 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,494 you are in conflict. 364 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,861 We're not judging you. 365 00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,596 This has been a tough couple of weeks. 366 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,366 I'm sure the stress of the sinkhole has caused 367 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,068 lots of soul mate squabbles. 368 00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,170 Yes, that's what it is. 369 00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:00,271 A squabble. 370 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,005 - We're squabbling. - Squabble, squabble! 371 00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,241 I can help. 372 00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:06,443 I'm gonna take your relationship and put it under a microscope 373 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,546 and dig and poke and prod 374 00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:12,449 until you are back to soul mate harmony. 375 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,017 Eleanor, why don't you... 376 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:17,254 She never does the dishes. I have to do them all the time. 377 00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:19,422 We just have different interests. 378 00:14:19,457 --> 00:14:22,224 I like relaxing, he likes getting on my case 379 00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:23,292 about the dishes. 380 00:14:23,327 --> 00:14:25,227 I'm getting a lot of repressed anger. 381 00:14:25,263 --> 00:14:27,629 I suspected this when I arrived, but now I'm sure. 382 00:14:27,665 --> 00:14:31,667 - You are hiding something. - What on earth would I be... 383 00:14:31,735 --> 00:14:33,669 No, no, no, not you. 384 00:14:33,737 --> 00:14:36,604 Him. 385 00:14:38,141 --> 00:14:39,640 Please go back inside. 386 00:14:39,676 --> 00:14:42,343 It isn't safe to be out of your home. 387 00:14:42,412 --> 00:14:44,079 Please go back inside. 388 00:14:44,114 --> 00:14:46,013 Janet, could you see what's wrong? 389 00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:47,582 Everything. 390 00:14:47,617 --> 00:14:49,317 Ugh. 391 00:14:50,753 --> 00:14:52,019 My goodness! 392 00:14:52,088 --> 00:14:53,187 It's even worse than I thought. 393 00:14:53,255 --> 00:14:54,535 Tahani, what're you doing here? 394 00:14:54,590 --> 00:14:56,590 Well, everyone else might be okay staying inside, 395 00:14:56,625 --> 00:14:58,158 but I wanted to help. 396 00:14:58,194 --> 00:15:00,527 So I've brought some cheer and sustenance 397 00:15:00,596 --> 00:15:01,661 to raise your spirits. 398 00:15:01,697 --> 00:15:03,497 Look, I made donut holes. 399 00:15:03,532 --> 00:15:05,599 Do you get it? "Donut holes"? 400 00:15:05,634 --> 00:15:07,267 Sinkhole. 401 00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:09,168 - Funny, no? - No, too soon. 402 00:15:09,204 --> 00:15:10,970 By exactly nine days. 403 00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:14,140 Tahani, this sinkhole is incredibly dangerous. 404 00:15:14,175 --> 00:15:15,608 If a human gets too close to it, 405 00:15:15,643 --> 00:15:17,643 there could be disastrous side effects. 406 00:15:17,678 --> 00:15:19,278 [shimmering tones] 407 00:15:19,314 --> 00:15:21,214 What's... what's happening to me? 408 00:15:21,282 --> 00:15:22,648 Oh, that's one of the side effects. 409 00:15:22,683 --> 00:15:25,151 Janet, knock her out while we still have time. 410 00:15:25,186 --> 00:15:26,518 Knock me out? What does that... 411 00:15:26,553 --> 00:15:27,986 Boop. 412 00:15:30,918 --> 00:15:33,558 Guys, really, it's no big deal. 413 00:15:33,627 --> 00:15:36,528 "It's not a big deal" is nearly always code 414 00:15:36,563 --> 00:15:38,530 for "something is wrong." 415 00:15:38,565 --> 00:15:40,458 Boom! That's what I said. 416 00:15:40,483 --> 00:15:41,972 I should've been a marriage counselor. 417 00:15:41,997 --> 00:15:44,013 Okay, Chidi, out with it. 418 00:15:44,038 --> 00:15:47,151 What is so unsatisfying about your soul mate relationship? 419 00:15:47,176 --> 00:15:48,791 Be honest, Chidi. 420 00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:53,354 Be, like, the exact right amount of honest 421 00:15:53,379 --> 00:15:55,942 so that we can both be happy. 422 00:15:57,239 --> 00:16:00,583 I never had a soul mate on earth. 423 00:16:00,618 --> 00:16:03,319 I-I never even really had 424 00:16:03,388 --> 00:16:06,489 a girlfriend that I "loved." 425 00:16:06,558 --> 00:16:08,418 And when I got here, and Michael said I would 426 00:16:08,443 --> 00:16:10,809 finally meet my actual soul mate, 427 00:16:10,833 --> 00:16:12,266 I was so excited. 428 00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:13,887 And it isn't... 429 00:16:15,138 --> 00:16:18,387 exactly... what I thought. 430 00:16:18,973 --> 00:16:21,874 You've never had an intense relationship before. 431 00:16:21,944 --> 00:16:24,277 This is all uncharted territory. 432 00:16:24,313 --> 00:16:27,113 No wonder you're so tense. 433 00:16:27,149 --> 00:16:31,451 You know, Nina and I are skilled in the art of massage. 434 00:16:31,486 --> 00:16:33,486 Uh, not erotic massage. 435 00:16:33,521 --> 00:16:35,887 Although, it can be, and it often leads there, anyway... 436 00:16:35,957 --> 00:16:37,856 Okay, well, you know what? 437 00:16:37,891 --> 00:16:40,570 You guys have given us so much to think about. 438 00:16:40,595 --> 00:16:41,828 And I think we should go to bed. 439 00:16:41,853 --> 00:16:44,156 Just the two of us, alone. Just us. 440 00:16:44,181 --> 00:16:46,267 [whispers] I know it's not the right time, but I told you. 441 00:16:47,251 --> 00:16:49,283 Tahani, wake up, dear. 442 00:16:49,319 --> 00:16:50,970 Michael. 443 00:16:51,767 --> 00:16:53,221 Did it work? 444 00:16:53,256 --> 00:16:55,991 Did I fix the sinkhole? Am I a heroine? 445 00:16:56,059 --> 00:16:59,072 No, you did something catastrophically stupid 446 00:16:59,097 --> 00:17:00,721 and we had to knock you unconscious. 447 00:17:00,746 --> 00:17:03,347 Why in the world did you go outside? 448 00:17:03,374 --> 00:17:06,374 Because I saw the rankings in the manual. 449 00:17:06,410 --> 00:17:08,677 That manual is only meant to be seen by 450 00:17:08,712 --> 00:17:10,345 Architects and Janets. 451 00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:12,785 It's got some very sensitive material. 452 00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:15,161 Plus some song lyrics I've been working on, 453 00:17:15,186 --> 00:17:16,816 and I'd rather not let people see those 454 00:17:16,841 --> 00:17:18,121 until they're finished. 455 00:17:19,256 --> 00:17:23,624 Anyway, why did seeing the rankings unravel you so? 456 00:17:25,728 --> 00:17:29,440 I was so sorry to hear of your parents' passing. 457 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,766 Please bear with me as I share their last will and testament. 458 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,503 "To Kamilah, we have left £68 million, 459 00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:38,072 "the home in Kensington, the yacht, 460 00:17:38,107 --> 00:17:40,640 and other assorted weekend boats." 461 00:17:40,675 --> 00:17:43,621 Well, what did they leave their second favorite child? 462 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,611 There's still quite a lot of money 463 00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,574 and property that goes to you. 464 00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:49,849 There is one issue, however. 465 00:17:49,884 --> 00:17:53,420 They have, um, spelled your name incorrectly in the will. 466 00:17:53,488 --> 00:17:54,887 You've got to be kidding me. 467 00:17:54,923 --> 00:17:58,657 It says, "We bequeath the rest of our estate to Tahini." 468 00:17:58,692 --> 00:17:59,858 Like the sauce. 469 00:17:59,893 --> 00:18:01,427 You know what? 470 00:18:01,495 --> 00:18:02,727 I don't want the money. 471 00:18:02,763 --> 00:18:05,431 My sister can have it all. 472 00:18:05,499 --> 00:18:08,767 My whole life, I have lived in your shadow, 473 00:18:08,836 --> 00:18:11,095 but now I'm going to step out of it. 474 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:14,821 I am going to reach heights of success and sophistication 475 00:18:14,846 --> 00:18:16,446 that you can only dream of. 476 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,048 Your cardigan's on inside out. 477 00:18:18,073 --> 00:18:19,577 I know! 478 00:18:19,612 --> 00:18:22,513 It's a new trend that I am starting. 479 00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:24,015 Just one example of how I'm going to 480 00:18:24,050 --> 00:18:25,549 step out of your shadow. 481 00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:27,957 [sighs] 482 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,817 Oh, I'm sorry that I looked at the rankings, Michael. 483 00:18:30,857 --> 00:18:33,857 But I just don't understand how I'm so low. 484 00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:37,157 My entire life, I have tried to be extraordinary, 485 00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:38,838 but it just never seemed to be enough. 486 00:18:39,127 --> 00:18:40,439 Ah. 487 00:18:40,464 --> 00:18:42,799 And you thought you could increase your ranking 488 00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:46,270 by helping us fix the sinkhole. 489 00:18:46,305 --> 00:18:50,773 Tahani, the point evaluations stop the moment you die. 490 00:18:50,808 --> 00:18:54,543 But also, out of literally billions, 491 00:18:54,612 --> 00:18:58,714 you were one of the most remarkable people on Earth. 492 00:18:58,783 --> 00:19:02,484 You have nothing left to prove, to anyone. 493 00:19:03,148 --> 00:19:04,514 - [chiming] - Hi, there. 494 00:19:04,539 --> 00:19:06,621 The sinkhole has begun to repair itself. 495 00:19:06,656 --> 00:19:08,156 - [gasps] - It has? 496 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:09,263 - Could it be... - But how... 497 00:19:09,288 --> 00:19:10,260 Did I...? 498 00:19:10,285 --> 00:19:12,528 - "Tahani saves the un..." - No, no, no. 499 00:19:12,562 --> 00:19:14,216 Still not you. You have nothing to do with it. 500 00:19:14,241 --> 00:19:15,696 We've got to leave immediately. 501 00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:18,755 It's now safe to go outside. 502 00:19:20,169 --> 00:19:21,973 It's now safe to go outside. 503 00:19:21,998 --> 00:19:23,364 _ 504 00:19:23,389 --> 00:19:25,303 It's now safe to go outside. 505 00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:29,876 - Morning, teach! - Morning. 506 00:19:29,912 --> 00:19:31,678 What's this about? 507 00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,380 Well, here's what I realized. 508 00:19:33,416 --> 00:19:35,849 It's not just that helping me is a full-time job 509 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,319 that you feel you have to do. 510 00:19:38,354 --> 00:19:40,853 The real problem is, that the more you help me, 511 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,423 the greater the chance is that I can stay here, 512 00:19:43,491 --> 00:19:45,524 and me staying here means 513 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,594 you'll never get a real soul mate. 514 00:19:48,663 --> 00:19:51,848 - I'm basically a Utilitarian nightmare. - [laughs] 515 00:19:51,873 --> 00:19:55,001 Every ounce of my happiness leads to a ton of pain for you. 516 00:19:55,036 --> 00:19:58,736 So every time the simple fact of my existence 517 00:19:58,772 --> 00:20:00,869 starts to bum you out, 518 00:20:01,741 --> 00:20:03,681 I want you to hold this up. 519 00:20:03,705 --> 00:20:05,368 [laughs] _ 520 00:20:05,393 --> 00:20:08,079 At which point, I will leave you alone 521 00:20:08,548 --> 00:20:09,881 for as long as you need. 522 00:20:09,916 --> 00:20:14,352 I know we'll never be soul mates, but we're friends. 523 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:17,588 Now get in this boat and read some boring French poetry. 524 00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:30,467 I... I've never actually done this before. 525 00:20:30,535 --> 00:20:32,302 This is a theoretical fantasy. 526 00:20:32,652 --> 00:20:34,217 How do you row a boat? 527 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,373 I'll tell ya, it's good as new. 528 00:20:36,408 --> 00:20:37,740 Go ahead, if you want, just... here. 529 00:20:37,775 --> 00:20:38,875 Whoo! See? 530 00:20:38,910 --> 00:20:40,043 You can jump up and down on it. 531 00:20:40,078 --> 00:20:42,479 Hey, boss. So you fixed the sinkhole. 532 00:20:42,547 --> 00:20:44,814 Yup, good as new. Crisis averted. 533 00:20:44,883 --> 00:20:46,316 Everybody have a wonderful day, 534 00:20:46,385 --> 00:20:48,817 because I fixed the sinkhole. 535 00:20:48,886 --> 00:20:51,320 - I didn't fix the sinkhole. - Sorry? 536 00:20:51,389 --> 00:20:53,622 I tried and I tried, but nothing worked. 537 00:20:53,657 --> 00:20:54,923 And then all of a sudden... 538 00:20:54,958 --> 00:20:56,925 this morning, out of the blue, it just... whoop! 539 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,628 It just closed over. 540 00:20:59,663 --> 00:21:01,330 Huh. 541 00:21:01,399 --> 00:21:02,998 How 'bout that? 542 00:21:03,067 --> 00:21:04,765 Well, as your assistant, 543 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,012 I officially declare this good news. 544 00:21:07,037 --> 00:21:09,570 No, this is terrible news! 545 00:21:09,605 --> 00:21:12,006 I have no idea what caused it, Eleanor. 546 00:21:12,075 --> 00:21:14,442 And no idea what fixed it. 547 00:21:14,477 --> 00:21:17,611 I want you to come to my office first thing in the morning. 548 00:21:17,646 --> 00:21:21,392 You and I are gonna find this problem. 549 00:21:21,417 --> 00:21:26,417 Synced and corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com