1
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,960
[theme music playing]

2
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,600
Oh, please, if you're about
to say something like

3
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,800
"porn is killing sex"
we are going to have a massive argument.

4
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,280
-Please don't say it.
-Porn is killing sex.

5
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,040
-Bring it.
-Listen, hot shot,

6
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,640
-I've wanked over the entire internet.
-Oh, goodness.

7
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,440
Computer screens used to give me
faster boners than a flash of a tit

8
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:07,840
and that is not normal.

9
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,200
Can we please stop talking about porn?

10
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:10,480
Lulu, you're supposed to be helping me!

11
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,680
You know that a common
side effect of excessive porn use

12
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,440
-is erectile dysfunction...
-[exclaims]

13
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:15,680
Are you getting better boners?

14
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:16,800
What do you think is holding the table up?

15
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,520
Lulu, kitchen now!

16
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,600
Guys, am I too much?

17
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,320
-[shouting]
-Hot.

18
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,600
You look lovely.

19
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,200
Cheers. Sam helped.

20
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,560
Ladies and gentlemen...
This is my greatest achievement.

21
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,240
You look so hot!

22
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,800
Here, try this.

23
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,800
-Is it a hot one?
-No. It's sweet.

24
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:45,520
Oh, yeah.

25
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,280
Thank you for letting me stay here.

26
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,760
I know it can't have been ideal me just...

27
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,400
Turning up out of the... Oh, my God!

28
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,120
-You are a bastard!
-[laughing]

29
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,360
You bastard!

30
00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,080
I should have seen it coming, you fucker!

31
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,960
Fred, where's your date?
We need to get going.

32
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:03,640
I'll call him again.

33
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,240
Stood up.

34
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,760
-He's probably just got stuck on a...
-Penis.

35
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,120
-Train.
-Penis train.

36
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,920
He'll be here. He's very reliable.

37
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,560
[ALL] Woohoo! Reliable!

38
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,840
So, go on, pray tell us
all about the penis train.

39
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:21,120
Oh, yeah, well... He-he's lovely.
Yeah, he's really, um...

40
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,800
He's just so nice to me, I don't...

41
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:28,240
I just... I mean, it's... Early days.

42
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,560
What's wrong with you? It's broken.

43
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,360
-Oh, it's broken!
-Don't mess me up, OK? I like him.

44
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,520
Yeah sure. Never seen you look so sexy.

45
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,760
OK, here we go. Can we move that, please?

46
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:39,880
[cheering]

47
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,040
Yup. OK.

48
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,680
Tonight there will be three curries,
this first one is...

49
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,200
[gasping]

50
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,600
Vindalulu!

51
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,120
Yeah. No. Now it's called Katie Korma.

52
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,440
What? But it's not even a korma.

53
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,680
No, it's always been a korma.

54
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,080
You were just so chuffed
with your wordplay

55
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,280
I couldn't break it to you.

56
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,160
Wow.

57
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,520
It was named after you first?

58
00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,280
Oh, it seems I was just the holding

59
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:00,840
name until he got himself
an actual girlfriend.

60
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,160
Fiancée.

61
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,480
Fiancée. Sorry, I forgot people
still did that.

62
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,240
Don't get weird about it. It's a curry.

63
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,960
I'm not being weird about it!

64
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,720
Oh, he meant her.

65
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,160
That's embarrassing.

66
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,840
-Ah. I'll get over it.
-Where's Melody?

67
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:17,280
-[Fred] Oh, she's still painting Colin.
-[Sam] I bet she is.

68
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:18,160
Lulu, go get her.

69
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,200
[chattering]

70
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,600
Mate, if this bhaji was a hat,
Kate would wear it to work.

71
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,080
It's like you've come in my mouth.

72
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,760
Thanks, guys. And the chutney?

73
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,960
[overlapping comments]

74
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,640
Mmmm, tastes like cunt.

75
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,320
[giggles]

76
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:46,840
Thanks, baby.

77
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,640
-[Indian accent] OK.
-Don't.

78
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,000
But why not-ah? It's curry night!

79
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,160
It's offensive.

80
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,040
What? Why? I'm good at it...

81
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,960
-No. Can we just serve the curry?
-Yeah.

82
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,160
[Lulu] But why is it offensive?

83
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,760
[Irish accent] Would you say that
this is offensive, now Anthony?

84
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,000
Yes. Very.

85
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,000
[American accent] Is this offensive.
This is, like, totally offensive, right?

86
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,160
Doing an Indian accent is different.

87
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:06,680
Why can't I do an Indian accent?

88
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,400
I'm not taking the piss
out of Indian people,

89
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,080
I'm just doing the accent-ah
on curry night-ah!

90
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,560
It's racist. OK.

91
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,120
How is it racist?

92
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,600
It just is.
It makes me feel uncomfortable.

93
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,720
Because it makes you feel like
you are around Indian people?

94
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:19,760
No. I didn't say...

95
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,560
Am I making you feel uncomfortable, Kate?

96
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:22,720
Do you want him to leave?

97
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,480
I just feel there are certain connotations
that come with mocking certain accents.

98
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,960
Come on, it's not the 1980s any more.

99
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,440
You can do an accent
without it being mocking!

100
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,680
[posh accent] Is this offending
any of you, darlings?

101
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:34,960
I just got hard.

102
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,400
You can't censor
an Indian accent just because

103
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,160
it makes you feel uncomfortable.

104
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,720
If anything, that's racist.

105
00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:42,640
I don't know why it makes me
feel weird. It just does.

106
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,320
[exaggerated accent]
Oh, do the accent, Katy.

107
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,240
[laughter and encouragement]

108
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,720
Do the accent, Katy.

109
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:52,840
No!

110
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:54,040
No!

111
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,440
Can we just, um...

112
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,560
The pomegranate seeds might be
a little bit too much, I'm not sure.

113
00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,520
-What, there's...
-They're in the raita.

114
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:03,120
[indistinct chattering]

115
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,840
[exaggerated Indian accent]
I'm going to pop my belly

116
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,280
if I don't munch on a pappadums soon, ya?

117
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,920
You understand me, ya?

118
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,000
Maybe it is racist.

119
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,240
Jesus, Kate. I mean.

120
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,520
This is really beautiful food.

121
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,160
Yeah, with herbs
it would be even better, actually.

122
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,680
It shouldn't really need herbs.

123
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,200
[indistinct chattering]

124
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,920
The worst thing about it is, a part
of him always knew it was happening,

125
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,480
but he was just too much
of a coward to be alone.

126
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,360
He'd rather have her while she's being
licked out by her accountant,

127
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:39,440
than not have her at all.

128
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:44,920
Romantic, pathetic, beautiful.
It's so many things.

129
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:47,360
Wow.

130
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,520
Yes, I wasn't expecting her
to tell you all that.

131
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,560
You're through the worst now.

132
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,320
He also has sometimes touched himself
thinking of the two of them together.

133
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:02,120
He is a sexually complicated man.
But with a huge heart.

134
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,480
-Right.
-A huge, broken, heart.

135
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,120
-OK, Melody.
-Shattered.

136
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:07,480
Bum out.

137
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,360
No, look. She has found love with Brian.

138
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,960
I cannot begrudge her that.

139
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,600
Your pain is so beautiful.

140
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,760
Thank you.

141
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:19,160
Have you been in touch with Cara?

142
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,400
Yes. She sent me a photo of her garden.

143
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:24,520
Her front garden?

144
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,560
No, although she does
have a lovely little front garden.

145
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,840
But I only paid attention
to the back garden.

146
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,440
More space for aggressive seeding
and such.

147
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,520
It was rather a weekend passion of mine.

148
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,840
Can we see a picture of her back garden?

149
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,280
Of course. If you like that sort of thing.

150
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,680
Here are the lovely camellias.

151
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:44,840
[gasping]

152
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,400
And you can just make out that
climbing rose blossoming

153
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:48,600
through the sweet peas.

154
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:49,680
What's that?

155
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,560
That's Brian jumping through the sprinkler
in front of the chrysanthemums.

156
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:54,520
He's very...

157
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,840
Hairy, yes.

158
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,400
I haven't that gift, I'm afraid.

159
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,560
[clears throat]

160
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:03,440
I think it's beautiful.

161
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,160
That you tried. She let you down.

162
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,480
You held your end up. Good for you.

163
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:13,520
Thank you, Sam.

164
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,560
Are you trying
to have sex with someone here?

165
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:18,440
No.

166
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,360
[ukulele strums]

167
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:32,600
OK. It's Ukululu time.
We're going to play Truth Songs.

168
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:33,960
So, fill your cups.

169
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,440
It's time to get to know
each other properly

170
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,760
and these are the only two ways
I know how to do it.

171
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,440
-I have work tomorrow.
-Ah, we all do.

172
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:42,880
-Well...
-What?

173
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:44,680
You're a receptionist.

174
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,000
And?

175
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,400
Well...

176
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,960
Sing one about
this deliciously spicy curry!

177
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,720
OK. [clears throat]

178
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,920
♪ I really liked the curry ♪

179
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,280
♪ Which is really lucky ♪

180
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,000
Whoa!

181
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:08,280
♪ 'Cause Kate told us
To big it up whether we did or not ♪

182
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,720
[applause and cheers]

183
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:13,440
Is that true?

184
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,600
No.

185
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,840
Yes. Who's next?

186
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,040
Kate do one!

187
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,200
Excellent idea!

188
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,120
-Do one about...
-Nothing sexual, please.

189
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,360
Orgasms!

190
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,520
I'm not going to sing about orgasms!

191
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,520
[all] Come on!

192
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:26,880
[ukulele strums]

193
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,320
[chuckles]

194
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:37,400
♪ They feel really nice ♪

195
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:43,560
♪ They feel really nice ♪

196
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:49,640
♪ I really like orgasms ♪

197
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:56,280
♪ They happen down there ♪

198
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,480
You nailed it, babe.

199
00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:04,670
[all cheering and applauding]

200
00:09:06,030 --> 00:09:08,760
I want to do one with Colin, about love.

201
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:09,680
Hold my hand.

202
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,000
♪ Oooooo Oooooo ♪

203
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:24,720
♪ Why am I here? ♪

204
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:32,200
♪ Most mornings I wish I was dead ♪

205
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:37,280
Wow.

206
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,240
[all applauding]

207
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,600
Fucking amazing.

208
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:43,440
[timer dings]

209
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,120
Second curry.

210
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,720
-[Fred] Oh, sorry!
-Uh...

211
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:52,960
[slurps]

212
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,160
What's that smell?

213
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,400
It's the next curry.

214
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,240
Oh, lovely. Why did you tell
Lulu about my orgasm thing?

215
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,080
I didn't. Why did you tell everyone
to pretend to like my meal?

216
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:02,960
I didn't.

217
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,040
Why did you tell Lulu I've never jizzed?

218
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,640
I didn't! Baby, you can't say jizzed.

219
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,040
Well, she's fucking intuitive then,

220
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,760
picking me to sing
the one song about orgasms.

221
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:12,720
Lucky I pulled it off.

222
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,320
Later. Please. This one is fish.

223
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,200
It's all in the timing.

224
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,440
Promise me she doesn't know.

225
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:18,560
I promise.

226
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,320
-Swear on our future children.
-I swear.

227
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:26,200
♪ Kate can't come ♪

228
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:37,680
[Lulu] I was singing about how...

229
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,760
How you can't come to the cinema
with Sam and Fred tomorrow.

230
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,440
-Sure.
-Seriously, I didn't know.

231
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:43,680
Seriously, it's OK.

232
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,840
I didn't know. Anthony never tells me
anything any more. Seriously.

233
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,440
I'm sorry.

234
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,360
I don't want to talk about it.

235
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:56,880
OK.

236
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,480
I can get the ukulele
if you'd rather sing about it.

237
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,080
-I could fucking murder you sometimes.
-Sorry.

238
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,400
Hey, I'm a good listener, though.

239
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,040
-I'm sure you--
-What?

240
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,040
[scoffs]

241
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,800
I just feel like everyone else can jizz
at the drop of a cock.

242
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,920
Tell me about it.

243
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,320
You struggle as well?

244
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,960
Oh, no, sorry. I'm one of the lucky ones.

245
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,720
I get close just looking at The Shard.

246
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:21,400
Huh...

247
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:22,480
[door bangs]

248
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,120
[Anthony] Lulu, get out, come on.

249
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,200
I can feel you ruining
my relationship from here.

250
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,440
[Kate] It's OK, baby.

251
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,400
I know you didn't say anything.
We're just chatting.

252
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:30,840
-About what?
-The Shard.

253
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,200
[Anthony] Get out of there!

254
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,280
We're bonding!

255
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,840
I'm serious! She's a teenage boy,
she has nothing to offer!

256
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,920
It's OK, baby. We'll be back down
in a minute.

257
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,760
I know you didn't tell her anything.

258
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,680
[Anthony] Yeah, well, I don't like it.

259
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,360
Is it really gross for you
to talk about all this stuff?

260
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,680
I know you two are like siblings, right?

261
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:47,560
No, it's fine.

262
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,640
Siblings... Right?

263
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:51,520
Yes.

264
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,080
Look, the main thing about orgasms...

265
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,360
Oh, fuck's sake. I have jizzed.

266
00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,440
I've just never...

267
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,000
With Anthony.

268
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,960
-Oh.
-Please don't tell him I told you.

269
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,560
-'Course.
-I don't want it to mean we're not happy.

270
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:08,560
It doesn't.

271
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,280
Happy people jizz.

272
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,800
Everyone has a thing. You probably just
haven't found yours yet.

273
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,280
You've got to keep
experimenting. Don't give up.

274
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:18,720
-[slaps]
-[chuckles]

275
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:20,600
Thanks.

276
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,680
[whispers] I did actually come in here
because I need to poo.

277
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:25,840
Sure.

278
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,000
-Hey.
-[chuckles]

279
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:35,400
What are you doing?

280
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,320
Wow! Nothing.

281
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:38,760
Come on. Tell me, like...

282
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,000
Why is this one not right for me?

283
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,480
Is she too kind? Too successful?

284
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:46,360
Too attractive?

285
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:47,240
You've got a bogey.

286
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:49,320
I know that's not true.

287
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:53,880
Fuck you.

288
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,680
No, come on. Please, tell me.

289
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:58,760
I do think she's right for you.

290
00:12:58,840 --> 00:12:59,960
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

291
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:00,840
Thanks.

292
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,720
I'm just not sure you're right for her.

293
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,280
You don't even come together.

294
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,680
I told you that in confidence.

295
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,200
Aw, shit. Lulu...

296
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,120
I'm really fucking happy now.

297
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,600
I don't think you are.

298
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,960
Stop trying to fuck Sam.

299
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,880
You're embarrassing yourself
and I don't want him to catch anything.

300
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,720
Hey, guys. Sorry to interruptaroo.

301
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,880
You don't know where I can find
a little fella called Fred, do you?

302
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,640
[chatter]

303
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:51,960
[talk grows louder]

304
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,920
Go on! No, way!
No, I hardly know you guys.

305
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,080
Look, if I can do a song, then you can!

306
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,160
It's rather liberating.

307
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,040
Yeah, it doesn't matter if you can't sing,
it's not about that.

308
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:02,440
It's about truth!

309
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:03,320
Just fucking do it.

310
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:04,880
[laughing]

311
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,560
Only if Fred gives me the topic.

312
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:11,680
Ooh, me? Oh, I don't know...
I feel under pressure now.

313
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,040
-How about, um...
-Cock?

314
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,080
Sam.

315
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,120
How about... Penguins?

316
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:18,320
Lovely!

317
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:19,560
Excellent choice, Fred.

318
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,080
Classic Fred.

319
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,000
[clears throat] Ready?

320
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,520
[playing ukulele]

321
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,960
♪ I'll sing you a song
about penguins and ♪

322
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,880
I... Oh, my God.

323
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,480
Oh, no, no! It's good.

324
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:36,880
One more go, one more go.

325
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,880
Just do it again.

326
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,920
All right, come on.
With groove, groove it.

327
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:49,720
♪ And I wish that I could
Sing about those penguins ♪

328
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:57,600
♪ But all that I have in my head, yeah ♪

329
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,840
♪ Is a tune, a tune, a tune ♪

330
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,520
♪ About the most beautiful
creature in the world ♪

331
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,600
♪ So I guess I got to sing ♪

332
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,120
♪ So I guess I got to sing ♪

333
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:15,120
♪ I got to sing about Fred! ♪

334
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,120
[cheering]

335
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,040
I want to do one.

336
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,240
You can't beat that!

337
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,880
I think I surprised myself with that one!

338
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,160
Oh-oh-oh-oh!

339
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,440
I'm going to have
to strap you in, baby girl.

340
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,520
[table shakes] Oh!

341
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,680
Why am I the only ones drunk?

342
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,840
'Cause you drank everyone's wine.

343
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,480
Sam, help me, would you?

344
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:46,920
-Sam?
-Yeah.

345
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:51,760
So, Lulu...

346
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,160
-Pretty full-on, yeah.
-She's just trying to piss me off.

347
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,080
She doesn't actually
want to have sex with you.

348
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,720
-She does. Mmm.
-She doesn't.

349
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:58,880
She does.

350
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:00,400
She doesn't.

351
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,560
-She does.
-I don't have time to do this.

352
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:04,440
She doesn't.

353
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:07,560
She doesn't.

354
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,320
Can you carry those in?

355
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:16,920
So, just to be clear...
You still want to bang Lulu?

356
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:18,680
No! No.

357
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,600
OK, cool! So she's not red zone any more?

358
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:22,920
-Do what you want, man.
-Really?

359
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,080
No!

360
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,600
But, yeah, sure. But no.

361
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,600
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

362
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,040
No. Cool?

363
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,280
-Are you OK?
-No.

364
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,040
That'll keep me busy for
a couple of weeks.

365
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,720
And then... Colin?

366
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,360
I suppose a drop more can't hurt.

367
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:45,640
Then I'm whisking Fred away
to this lovely little villa

368
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,360
that I've got in Palma.

369
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:48,720
Aw, how romantic.

370
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,000
Are we nearly finished?

371
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,120
Nope, no-one move.

372
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,000
Ow! Melody, Fred hit me!

373
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,440
Fred, do it again.

374
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,320
Give me that.
I'm so sorry about this, Will.

375
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,040
Don't make crazy Fred come to town, OK?

376
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:00,840
[all] Oh!

377
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,200
You have ruined the shirt!

378
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:09,760
It was my shirt! I've ruined
my shirt. And "crazy Fred"?

379
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,440
Oh, you're adorable.

380
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,480
Stop touching me. I'm not adorable.

381
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:14,360
I'm a man.

382
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,880
All right, stop showing off,
you little squid.

383
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,240
I made you.

384
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:19,480
Excuse me?

385
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,000
Give me my shirt back.

386
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,960
-What?
-I don't think that's necessary, is it?

387
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:26,840
Now.

388
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,200
All yours.

389
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,920
OK...

390
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,880
Now let's play...

391
00:17:41,070 --> 00:17:44,280
"Who's going to have sex tonight?"

392
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:46,280
Melody and Colin!

393
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,000
-That is not what this is.
-Oh, come on.

394
00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:52,070
We've all seen you sneaking
out of Melody's room

395
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,200
like a satisfied little squirrel.

396
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,640
Come on, Colin.

397
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:57,110
Aw, Lolita, don't run!

398
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,560
Oh, God, I think I'll, erm...

399
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,920
It's OK, Colin. You're going
through a big life change.

400
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,320
You're bound to make very odd decisions.

401
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,960
I understand English, you know.

402
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:07,920
Why is everyone freaking out?

403
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,040
Zey are lovers. Let zem be!

404
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,960
Is zat offensive, Anthony?

405
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,520
He's not my lover!

406
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,520
He's my muse!

407
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:16,920
[exhaling sharply]

408
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,400
[scoffs]

409
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,920
Please excuse me.

410
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:26,480
Merci.

411
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,840
-I warned you he was fragile.
-He's an adult.

412
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,480
Well, he just stormed off
like a little baby.

413
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:31,760
Your muse?

414
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,160
Well, I think that's just lovely.

415
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,680
-Me, too.
-No, you don't.

416
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,760
Like an artist's muse?

417
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:37,840
Just lovely.

418
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:38,920
Yes, he is!

419
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,280
You think meeting someone like Colin
happens to artists all the time?

420
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:43,680
He gives so much.

421
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,280
Yeah, sure, and you just lap
it up and just

422
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,480
slap it on a canvas.

423
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,360
Pardon?

424
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,760
"His pain is so beautiful."

425
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,480
You're using him to indulge yourself.

426
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,560
I am indulging. And what is this?

427
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,280
That is a £4 bottle of wine.

428
00:18:58,360 --> 00:18:59,800
[yelling]

429
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,960
What did I just say? That's expensive!

430
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,760
Can we all grow up
for a second here, please?

431
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:04,960
I can't believe you can't come.

432
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,400
Sorry if I upset you, Melody.

433
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,240
You don't upset me. You bore me.

434
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:12,480
All you seem to want to do is drink
and wank and drink and wank.

435
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,120
Well, at least I don't have to wank other
people's pain onto a canvas,

436
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,240
and then shove it in people's
faces and call it "my art."

437
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,200
Well, at least
I don't have to stare at other people's

438
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,120
miserable, naked bodies
to make me feel something.

439
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,200
This is so hot.

440
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,480
Isn't that exactly what
you're doing with Colin?

441
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,640
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
should I call him your muse?

442
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,920
Maybe Kate should try staring
at a naked Colin

443
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,440
to help her orgasm debut.

444
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:34,920
I have had an orgasm!

445
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,600
You are all obsessed with sex! Pathetic.

446
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,560
Don't walk out on this,
this is the big one.

447
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,600
This is the curr-icane!

448
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,920
I can't bear it, mate. I'm going to have
to make her come.

449
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,400
I have had an orgasm!

450
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,600
This is a very delicate mix of three very
unusual, sought-after spices.

451
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,320
This is the first time
I've managed to make it.

452
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,720
It takes three days to marinate so...

453
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:53,400
-What does it feel like, then?
-Oh, leave her alone.

454
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:54,520
Can we focus on the curries, please?

455
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,240
-You blatantly haven't.
-She has!

456
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,200
I have had an orgasm!

457
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,560
She's just never orgasmed with Anthony!

458
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,960
Can we drop the wind-ups for a second, Lu?

459
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,080
OK...

460
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:24,400
I am just going to gather up
all of this negative energy

461
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,200
and I'm just going to pop it in here, OK?

462
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,640
Don't put it in there.

463
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,520
I've spent three days marinating!

464
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:37,320
No!

465
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,400
Oh, God, it's delicious.

466
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,960
[Kate]Come on, baby,
let's go to bed. Anthony.

467
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,560
-Fuck!
-I'll do it.

468
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,360
Aw. Our first fight.

469
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:51,000
G'day. I'm going to go and get
you a big pint of water, OK?

470
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,440
Fred, have you got some cups
and some cloths?

471
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,280
Yes. Sure. This way.

472
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,040
Your friends are lunatics.

473
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,280
I know.

474
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,200
Ugh!

475
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,840
[groans]

476
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,400
Oh...

477
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,080
Hey.

478
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:14,640
Oh.

479
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:16,880
Hey.

480
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,120
It's tempting, Chuckles, but I'm too full.

481
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,480
Aw, come on. Get your tits out.

482
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:22,360
We can't.

483
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:24,640
Sorry.

484
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,120
No!

485
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,680
I'll let you call me Fred!

486
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:32,600
That was a joke.

487
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,400
[Melody] I thought you left.

488
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,480
So did I.

489
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,000
You don't have to be here
if you can't handle...

490
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,080
No.

491
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,120
I want to be here.

492
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,960
I want to be the pain in your paintings...

493
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:03,960
So to speak.

494
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,040
Merci,  Colin.

495
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:21,920
[inhaling sharply]

496
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,200
Yup.

497
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,840
That's OK.

498
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,440
Yup.

499
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,320
This is humiliating.

500
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,160
No, baby, it's not. We've just
got to find our... Thing.

501
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,880
[sniffs] I'm sorry.

502
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,840
I don't want to... Whoo!

503
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:41,800
Cry in front of you, but...

504
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,720
No... That's fine.

505
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,840
Maybe we're just going to have
to admit that we're not...

506
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,680
Keep crying. Don't stop crying...

507
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,360
-Compatible...
-Yeah!

508
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,360
-Keep going.
-Together.

509
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,640
Think about how sad that makes you.

510
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,800
-Keep crying!
-[sobs]

511
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,040
Cry! Cry!

512
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,560
Oh, yeah! Please, cry!

513
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,480
Oh, you're sad! Yeah!

514
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,360
Ugh! Ugh!

515
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:14,920
-Did you...
-Yep.

516
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,360
Yeah, I did.