1 00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:07,172 For the last time, I'm not looking for a great career! 2 00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:10,843 It's too much work... Arrgh! 3 00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,746 You would not believe the morning I've had. 4 00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:16,015 Oh? Did you finally realize that your anger is a 5 00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,483 defense mechanism that prevents you from 6 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,118 meaningful introspection? 7 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,786 I have been repeatedly-- 8 00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,521 What?! No. 9 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,489 What are you--?! 10 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:24,656 Never mind. 11 00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:25,624 I have been inundated with-- 12 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:25,958 (phone RINGS) 13 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,092 Arrgh! 14 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,695 One second. Hello? 15 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:35,034 No, I do not want a subscription to "Knitting Today!" 16 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,436 These stupid telemarketers have been calling me 17 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,439 every five minutes since nine this morning! 18 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,241 And, call me crazy here, 19 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:45,010 but they all sound like the same guy. 20 00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:49,048 Yes. Telemarketers are wretched, soulless creatures, 21 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,783 indistinguishable from one another, 22 00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:55,554 kept alive by evil magics to plague the world of the living. 23 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,056 Weren't you a telemarketer? 24 00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,590 Those were dark times. 25 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,193 (phone rings) 26 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,011 Hello? 27 00:01:02,012 --> 00:01:02,828 (telemarketer on phone) Hello, sir. 28 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,463 Would you love to donate to the 29 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,099 "Save the Tapeworms" foundation? hmm? 30 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,934 Stop calling me! 31 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:09,968 Give me your phone. 32 00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,259 That should do it. 33 00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:18,376 I put you on the super-do-not-call list. 34 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:19,845 It blocks your number from every telemarketing 35 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,613 phone bank in the country. 36 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,817 Good. Now buy me lunch. 37 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:39,531 (phone rings) 38 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,699 Hello? 39 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:41,800 (telemarketer on phone) Hello, Dan. 40 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:44,536 You have won an exciting prize! 41 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,839 Finally. What is it? 42 00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:47,706 (telemarketer on phone) You have been randomly 43 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,475 selected to be added to our exclusive 44 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,177 "Call all the time" list! 45 00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:55,447 We'll be calling you day and night to let you know all about 46 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,516 our exciting promotions, specials, deals, 47 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,218 and so much more! 48 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,621 AAAAHHHH! 49 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:07,960 TELEMARKETER!!! 50 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,580 Chris! Did you hear that? 51 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,648 Mmph. Wha..? 52 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,450 Are you calling this ship because the ship 53 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:33,418 you're on has been captured? 54 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,221 Never mind. I'll handle it. 55 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,859 Dan. 56 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:45,731 Oh, hey Elise. You can't sleep either? 57 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,699 I WAS sleeping just fine. 58 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:48,934 How did you get in? 59 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,536 Kitchen window was unlocked. 60 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:54,573 Hey, since we're both up, how about you- 61 00:02:54,575 --> 00:03:01,880 -toddle into the kitchen and make us some dairy-free cocoa? 62 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:06,018 What are you doing here? 63 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,955 Waiting for my cocoa, Elise. Chop-chop! 64 00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,757 Last chance before I de-bone you. 65 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,760 What are you doing in our living room? 66 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:17,629 I told you already, I can't sleep. 67 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,131 They keep calling me. 68 00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:19,965 Who does? 69 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,300 Telemarketers! 70 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,001 It's like you don't even listen. 71 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,770 Why don't you turn your phone off? 72 00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:28,373 I can't. What if Chris needs me in the middle of the night? 73 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,210 Sometimes when a person is in a toxic relationship, 74 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,445 they need a friend they can talk to. 75 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,647 Okay, this has been a hoot and a half, 76 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,917 but if you don't leave right now I'm going to emasculate you. 77 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,220 I think you mean "eviscerate." 78 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,956 I know what I said. 79 00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,358 Elise? You coming back to-- 80 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,426 Hey, Dan. 81 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,294 What are you doing here? 82 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,130 Chris, I'm glad you're up. Go make me some cocoa. 83 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,632 Dan! You are leaving! 84 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:57,703 I can't! The telemarketers know my every step! 85 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,438 I think they work for some kind of 86 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,374 shadowy quasi governmental organization. 87 00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:06,178 Trust me, you are of no interest to the intelligence community. 88 00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:10,349 Then how do you explain how they know where I am at all times? 89 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,450 They don't! 90 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:19,057 (phone rings) Hello? 91 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,326 It's for you. 92 00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:22,894 Yes? 93 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,798 No, I am not interested in your delousing service! 94 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,769 How did you get this number? 95 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:35,907 (phone rings) 96 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,209 Well?! 97 00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:40,879 Chris, would you make us some cocoa? 98 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,915 They can mess with Dan all they want. 99 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:47,619 But call MY house? I don't think so... 100 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,789 Sixty-seven voicemail messages? 101 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,258 Since when do they leave voicemails? 102 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,826 I kind of miss telemarketing. 103 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,361 Good hours, steady work... 104 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,364 Until they outsourced all the call center positions. 105 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:03,535 Then let's get on a plane to India and kick some butts! 106 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:04,803 It's probably a little premature to fly 107 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,571 halfway around the world. 108 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,240 Oh, you're so smart? 109 00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:09,708 What are you doing? 110 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,611 And what is taking so long with the cocoa?! 111 00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:15,047 Good cocoa takes time. 112 00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:18,517 I'm hacking the companies the telemarketers were advertising 113 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,185 to find out who does their cold calling. 114 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,587 That could take forever! 115 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,556 Let the record show I was done before Chris. 116 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:28,427 Do you want good cocoa, or rushed cocoa? 117 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,896 Looks like it's the company you used to work for, after all. 118 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,365 I knew it! I'm flying to Mumbai. 119 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,801 You'll be about eighty-seven hundred miles off, then. 120 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:36,601 How do you mean? 121 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,370 They outsourced to Reseda. 122 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,039 What? That's just ten miles away. 123 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,175 I would have commuted there. 124 00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,976 Come on, guys. 125 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,312 It's up to us to stop this evil menace from 126 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,448 destroying countless lives. 127 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:52,784 As long as we're back by brunch. 128 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,353 Are you coming? 129 00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,254 You do NOT ask me to make cocoa 130 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:59,891 in the middle of the night and then leave before it's ready. 131 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:00,809 But--! 132 00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:01,726 Sit down! 133 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,297 Okay, that's really good. 134 00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,536 So how do we get inside? 135 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,538 Same as any force infiltration. 136 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,308 Identify a weak spot in the defenses and exploit it. 137 00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:19,277 Chris, you throw a brick through a window and run away. 138 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,247 When they chase you, I'll sneak inside. 139 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:25,317 That's your plan? You never cease to underwhelm. 140 00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:28,720 You never cease to mamana-mamana! 141 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,222 All right, you two. 142 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,557 None of us have had any sleep, so let's try and remember 143 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,459 that we're all on the same side here. 144 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:35,560 Fine. 145 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,796 Completely forgiven. 146 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:42,634 Hey, that's my old boss! I bet he could get us inside. 147 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:43,435 I'm on it. 148 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,485 Piece of cake. What? 149 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,654 I meant he's a nice guy. 150 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,423 He probably would have let us into the building 151 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,091 if I asked him to. 152 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,560 Oh. Eh...Oh well. 153 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:23,942 Poor Mr. Zimmerman. He never hurt anyone. 154 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:28,180 So can you erase my number from their system, or what? 155 00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:30,515 Huh. That's odd. 156 00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:34,085 According to the call logs, all the calls to Dan's phone 157 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:37,889 were made by the same employee. 158 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,459 Him. 159 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,394 I'll handle it from here. 160 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:50,202 All right, you filthy telemarketer! You! 161 00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:52,037 Hey, it's that guy who stole Dan's identity 162 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,039 and tried to ruin his life. 163 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:57,075 Hiya, Dan. How've you been? 164 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:12,357 It's me! I mean, I'm you! I mean, you know who you are! 165 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,092 Stop calling me! 166 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:17,596 Oh, I can't do that now, can I? 167 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,897 Not after I spent six months in 168 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,533 jail because the police thought I was you. 169 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:25,036 Because you stole my identity! 170 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,705 Whose fault is that? 171 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,841 So... I should just let it go then? 172 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,877 I would! 173 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,578 By the way, hi, Chris and Elise. 174 00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,748 You guys look stunning! You do. 175 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,351 Have you been working out? tell? tell? 176 00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,686 Oh stop, you. 177 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,756 Hey! Don't be charmed by this miscreant! 178 00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:48,026 Need I remind you that he's calling your house, too? 179 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,897 Dan's right. I get one more sales call at four a.m. 180 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:56,935 and you find out how hard it is to dial without fingers. 181 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,403 Whoa now, tigress. 182 00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,405 Im gonna have to put you on a leash. 183 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,874 I don't have a problem with you guys. 184 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,843 I wont call you anymore. heh? 185 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,912 Huh. All right, then. 186 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,480 And you'll stop calling me, too? 187 00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,949 (telemarketer laughs) 188 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:14,553 It's adorable that you think that. 189 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:18,356 Oh, come on! Look, I got you thrown in jail. 190 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:21,493 Fine. But this is just sub-human. 191 00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:22,594 Listen man-cookie. 192 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,931 I learned all about "sub-human" on cellblock 2. 193 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,667 Well, I got what I wanted. I'll be outside. 194 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:31,703 I demand to know why you've called me over two hundred 195 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,939 times in the last twenty four hours. 196 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:38,109 Ha. Maybe I have a dream, Dan. You ever think of that? 197 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,446 Um... I had not thought of that.. 198 00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,115 Maybe I just want to be the best telemarketer I can be. 199 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,951 You'd, uh, probably be better at it 200 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,953 if you called more than one person. 201 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,120 Chris has a point. 202 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,189 Maybe that's not my dream after all. 203 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,326 Stop playing games and tell me what you want. 204 00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:58,997 To drive you absolutely batty. Nutso. Around the bend. 205 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,132 And I have to say, I don't expect it to take long. 206 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,535 Now, I've enjoyed our little chat here, but if you don't 207 00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:07,105 leave immediately, I'll have you arrested for trespassing. 208 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:11,242 And Dan? We're on parole. 209 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,813 You abysmal excuse for a human being! 210 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,682 I will find a way to-- 211 00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:19,985 I'll call you. 212 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,154 Man, I hate that guy! 213 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:26,157 And how could you ditch me in my moment of need? 214 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,493 He's trying to make me crazy, you know. 215 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,028 You mean crazy-er? 216 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:33,064 He clearly doesn't know who he's messing with! 217 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,033 Uh-huh. 218 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:40,005 You hear me in there!? You can't drive me mad! 219 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,107 I laugh at you! 220 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:47,178 Ha! Ha! Ha-ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 221 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:51,549 You come down here right now so I can bite you! 222 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:56,955 Rarh! Rarh! 223 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,126 (grumbling to himself) Bite his stupid face off. 224 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,694 That's what I'll do! 225 00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:03,728 Calm down, Dan. 226 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,597 Listen, I made it look like I was ditching you, 227 00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,132 but really I was sneaking away so I could-- 228 00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:08,733 You don't need to explain. 229 00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:12,203 It's like I told Chris when I was driving him to your wedding. 230 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,407 "Don't marry Elise. She's a jerk." 231 00:11:15,409 --> 00:11:18,510 What?! Okay, you are going to have to beg, 232 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:23,748 and I mean BEG, on bended knee, for me to help you now. 233 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,184 When the devil goes ice-skating, missy. 234 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,656 Some friends. 235 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,492 Don't expect my help when the people YOU sent to jail 236 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:37,162 for six months come back for revenge. 237 00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,406 You'll see, Mr. Mumbles. 238 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:52,644 This will all seem better after a good nights sleep. 239 00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:53,111 (phone rings) 240 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,079 Mrroww!!! 241 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,247 Whaa! Ow! 242 00:11:56,249 --> 00:12:00,085 Why is your first instinct always to claw my face?! 243 00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:00,585 And what--? 244 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,876 (telemarketer on phone) Hello, sir. 245 00:12:07,877 --> 00:12:09,460 Did you know that many people with your aesthetic have signed 246 00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:11,896 up for our reduced-rate cosmetic surgery? 247 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,398 Aaargrhh! 248 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:22,073 (phone rings) 249 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,675 (telemarketer on phone) Interested in dirt-cheap 250 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,276 disposable cell phones? Our prices are so low, 251 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,679 you'll think you're going CRAZY. 252 00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:29,514 Aah! 253 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:32,684 (phones ring continuallly) 254 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,309 Elise, I'm sorry I was rude to you earlier. 255 00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,945 I need your help. Please. 256 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,080 Come on in. 257 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,081 Jerk. 258 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:03,948 What was that?! 259 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,984 I said, "Thank you!" 260 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,986 As I was trying to tell you in the car, 261 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,955 when I walked away I went back to Mr. Zimmerman's office-- 262 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,024 I hear he's off the respirator. 263 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:17,095 --and printed out the telemarketer's employee file. 264 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,597 It has his home address. 265 00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:25,336 You know, I think I get more use out of 266 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,604 my ski mask than most people. 267 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,340 Stay focused. 268 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:35,013 We go in hard, nab him, and then introduce him to Mr. Crowbar. 269 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:40,018 Ha! Now who's-- --not here. 270 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,620 Huh. 271 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,722 (phone rings) 272 00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:48,126 Saw that coming. 273 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,328 I am really beginning to dislike you. 274 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,497 (telemarketer on phone) You can't... 275 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,665 (laughs) Oh gosh. You silly boy. 276 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,634 You cant win, Dan. 277 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,704 Because I know what you're going to do before you do it. 278 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,890 Says you. 279 00:14:01,891 --> 00:14:04,075 (telemarketer on phone) I've BEEN you, remember? 280 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:07,045 I know how that tiny brain of yours works. 281 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,214 It's proportional to my body! 282 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,815 (telemarketer on phone) I know you so well, 283 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:14,552 I could even predict where Chris would be standing when you guys 284 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,421 broke into my apartment. 285 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,255 Aaahhh! 286 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,556 Chris! 287 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:21,125 I left a little something special for him. 288 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,995 (chris o.s.) A pie? Awesome! 289 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,797 Hey Dan, thank him for me. 290 00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:32,437 Don't worry. No trap door for you. 291 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:33,571 Uh-oh. 292 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,741 (telemarketer on phone) Nighty night, Dan. 293 00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:53,424 Ugh. Oh... 294 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,927 Has my apartment been redecorated?! 295 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,362 (telemarketer o.s.) That's the thing, Dan. 296 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,864 Aaahh! 297 00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:04,936 Meaow. 298 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:05,570 You just never know what I'll do. 299 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,916 Isnt that fun? 300 00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:08,261 Maybe I'll redecorate your place. 301 00:15:08,262 --> 00:15:09,606 Maybe I'll dress up as your cat. Do you love it? 302 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:14,846 Or I could dress up as you and steal a police car. 303 00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:19,851 Who knows? Buh bye now. 304 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,208 Hello? 305 00:15:26,209 --> 00:15:27,292 Come and pick me up right now. 306 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:29,327 Dan! Hey, I'm glad you're all right. 307 00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,396 By the time I finished the pie and climbed out of the pit, 308 00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:32,397 you were gone. 309 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,699 Wait, you finished the pie first? 310 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,668 Well yeah. 311 00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:40,004 Unbelievable. Just get over here. 312 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,040 (phone rings) 313 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,415 I don't know what took you so long, but we have got to-- 314 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,850 Oh, no. 315 00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:57,655 Ohh!! Got to what, buddy? 316 00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:08,433 Oof! Ow! Ah! Darn it! Ouch! Ahhhhh! 317 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,868 Run this by me one more time. 318 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:13,404 Fine! There's this guy, okay? 319 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,406 He tried to steal my identity. 320 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,375 While you were in jail? 321 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,377 No. HE went to jail, not me! 322 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:23,014 But it was for something I did. Because he was me. 323 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,215 So...he's you? 324 00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,317 No! But kind of. 325 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,988 And now he's a telemarketer who won't stop calling. 326 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,390 And then he attacked you? 327 00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:34,791 Yes! He knocked me unconscious so he could dress up as my cat 328 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,928 and redecorate my apartment. 329 00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,496 Because... 330 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:44,035 He's trying to make it seem like I'm losing my marbles! 331 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,737 Which I'm not! 332 00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:48,906 I assure you sir, we will give this matter 333 00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,409 all the attention it deserves. 334 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,945 (telemarketer o.s.) Which means none, of course. 335 00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,780 Did you hear that?! 336 00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,849 Uh... Hear what? 337 00:16:57,851 --> 00:17:00,518 (telemarketer o.s.) He can't hear the 338 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,287 voices in your head, silly. 339 00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,455 Come on. 340 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,157 You leave me alone! 341 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,359 With pleasure. The door's that way. 342 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,861 I'm not talking to you! 343 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,896 (telemarketer o.s.) Hey now, don't be a jerk. 344 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,164 You're a jerk! 345 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:16,334 Do not call me names, sir. I carry a gun. 346 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,003 I said, "I'm not talking to you!" 347 00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,606 I'm talking to the telemarketer! 348 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,541 Oh, so he's here now? 349 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:27,678 No! Yes! I mean-- No. 350 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,113 (telemarketer o.s.) That was very smooth. 351 00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:33,317 SHUT UP! 352 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,219 (telemarketer o.s.) Why you so upset? 353 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,120 (telemarketer o.s.) Where having fun together!! 354 00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,389 (telemarketer o.s.) And think this is 355 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,656 only the beginning! 356 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,692 He's in my brains! 357 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,732 Sign me up for the laughing academy, Chris! 358 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,201 Book me a room at the padded hotel! 359 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,502 Hey, Dan. What's new? 360 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,137 He's done it! 361 00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:56,641 I'm completely round the bend! 362 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:59,143 Yeah? Well no one asked you! 363 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:01,846 Stupid voice in my head... 364 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,082 You're hearing the telemarketer in your head? 365 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:07,418 Uh-huh. Except when I ran under some power lines. 366 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:12,790 Then it changed to smooth jazz for some reason. 367 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:15,426 Dan, do you trust me? 368 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,028 Of course not! 369 00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:28,106 Blah! Stop it! 370 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,340 What happened?! 371 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:32,143 I have been unconscious quite enough for one day! 372 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:35,246 It's okay now, Dan. We can talk openly. 373 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,281 Fine. I've never liked you. 374 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,083 She means she's muted the transmitter that the 375 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,552 Telemarketer put in one of your molars. 376 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,554 The what? Oh. 377 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,990 It's a very sophisticated piece of equipment, actually. 378 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,625 He must have spent a fortune on it. 379 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,093 Well, I'm worth it. 380 00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,862 Anyway, looks like our little friend 381 00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,497 has finally made a mistake. 382 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:53,882 Why's that? 383 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,266 Because he's got to be transmitting from somewhere. 384 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,068 Once we remove the device-- 385 00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:58,136 Wait, is that going to hurt? 386 00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,005 No. It's just clamped on to one of your teeth. 387 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,974 Should come right off. Then, we trace the 388 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,543 signal back to its source, and we've got him. 389 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,378 I like it. 390 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,946 Okay. Hold still. 391 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,214 (garbled) Be gentle! 392 00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:14,152 It won't hurt, Dan, trust me. One, two... 393 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:21,893 Ah! Oh! Holy mother of-- My face! 394 00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:25,062 I thought you were just going to remove the transmitter! 395 00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:28,699 I didn't even pull that hard! Dan teeth are like egg shells. 396 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:33,571 Ah! Whoa, mamma that's pain! Ahh! 397 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,607 Uh... sorry, Dan. But you really need to start 398 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,209 brushing and flossing regularly. 399 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,644 I'll floss your neck! 400 00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:40,645 Woah. Alright. 401 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,480 Save it for the telemarketer. 402 00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,535 There he is. 403 00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:49,253 So he lives in that apartment, 404 00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:52,123 and rented the one above it just to trap me? 405 00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,725 I wondered why his downstairs neighbors didn't complain about 406 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,427 the trap door in their ceiling. 407 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:59,931 Dan? Dan, are you awake yet? 408 00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:02,833 I need to talk Dan. Are you there? 409 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:05,903 Common It's me, it's the Telemarketer. Cut it out. 410 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:06,871 CRASH! Ha! 411 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:10,575 Whuh-oh. 412 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:13,477 After him! 413 00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:14,979 Hey, look! 414 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:22,286 It's a trap, Chris. See how it's on a pressure plate? 415 00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:24,922 Oh, he's good. 416 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,258 Oh no Dan. Oh no. 417 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,260 You can't hide in there! 418 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:33,297 You've got to help me! He's crazy! He's crazy! 419 00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,398 Who's crazy? 420 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,334 Now I've got you! 421 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,435 Don't Dan. 422 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,737 You again? Put down the weapon, sir. 423 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,040 Back off, copper. This is between me and-- 424 00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,314 I dont wanna be rude but, He's still moving. 425 00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:51,182 Could you--- 426 00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:56,153 I really shouldnt, but okay. 427 00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,958 So in conclusion, I'm using my one phone call to let 428 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,861 you know that, while it would appear to the untrained 429 00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:09,400 observer that I have lost this battle, I have, in fact, won. 430 00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:12,803 I get to spend the next six weeks in a place 431 00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:20,044 where no telemarketer can call me. So, ha-ha! 432 00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:28,653 All right, Danno, I guess you did win. 433 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:33,424 Man, that guy should learn to let stuff go. 434 00:21:33,426 --> 00:21:33,457 (whistles)