1 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,240 David. David? 2 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:24,960 - Have you eaten anything? - Did you come straight from work? 3 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:26,600 No, I've been to the gym. 4 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,240 I hardly slept anything, I took a Stilnoct from you. 5 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,840 Still knocked out, right? 6 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:43,040 All right, I'll shower and change, and then we can go grab something. 7 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,440 Come on now. 8 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,240 - Did someone say anything at work? - No. 9 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,720 They just wondered how you are, but... 10 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,440 - What did you say? - Just that you're not well. 11 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,480 But... 12 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:35,720 You know... Siri came by today. 13 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,440 - At work? - Yeah, she wanted to talk. 14 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:39,840 Are you kidding? 15 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:45,840 - She shouldn't come to work. - No, I know, it's a little... 16 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,080 Well... 17 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:59,760 - What did she say? - She said lots of stuff. 18 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,040 - She was kind of broken... - She shouldn't talk to you. 19 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,280 I don't want you to talk to her. 20 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,440 No, I know, but she came to work. I can't just tell her to get lost. 21 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,840 No... 22 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:20,320 - But, what's your plan? - I don't know. 23 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,600 Okay. How long are you going to call in sick? 24 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:27,880 What, did anyone say anything? 25 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:33,640 No, but going to work might be good for you. 26 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:37,120 That you have something to do, besides staying at home, and... 27 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,920 I'm so fucking tired all the time. 28 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,280 But you get even more tired when you don't do anything, so... 29 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,000 Why don't you come to work tomorrow and see how you feel? 30 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,320 It's Friday, and it's only one day. 31 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,560 After that, you can chill at home all weekend. 32 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,640 It's Shane's last day. He's going back to Ireland. 33 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,040 We were planning to go out and have some fun... 34 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:05,280 - I can't be bothered to go out. - No, but maybe a beer? 35 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,040 Have a taste? 36 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:14,480 Come on now... Listen to what Papa Bear says. 37 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,320 Drag your fat ass to work tomorrow... 38 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,560 We're going to have a fucking blast on Friday. 39 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,560 Oops. 40 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,120 Hey, how's it going? Are you feeling better? 41 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,120 - Yeah, a bit better, thanks. - Good. 42 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,200 Just a reminder, I'll need a doctor's note 43 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,080 since there's been more than a week. 44 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,480 - Okay. - Yeah? 45 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,120 There's another issue too. 46 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,800 Your girlfriend was here yesterday looking for you. 47 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,520 She was really upset. 48 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,560 As you know, this is a work environment 49 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,680 and it's not appropriate for her to turn up like that. 50 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,760 - Yeah, no, I understand. - So if you could let her know. 51 00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:12,200 - Yeah. - Thank you. 52 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,600 Thanks. 53 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,240 - Hi. - Why did you come to my office? 54 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,400 Are you out of your mind? 55 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:46,360 - You didn't answer. I just want... - You can't come to my office! 56 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:51,880 But I can't reach you. I don't know if we're over, or what's happening, 57 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,560 I'm just trying, I don't know... 58 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,040 Can you stop stalking me. You're embarrassing me! 59 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,240 I just want to talk to you, it's... 60 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,480 Thank you for calling Plus Phone South London. 61 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,040 My name is David. How can I assist you today? 62 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,760 Mario: Are you coming? 63 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:36,520 I'm coming 64 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,000 I've got one small glass and one big glass. 65 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,600 - Oh, double fist! - Do you really need that? 66 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,240 Shane! Shane! 67 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:11,040 So I look down at his little head, and its claws and that... 68 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:16,200 and it's still sort of alive, but I'm just thinking, 69 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,280 "This little fucker's dying", right? 70 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,960 So I ran down, 71 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:24,320 there were some people sort of behind us there and I was like, 72 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:28,520 "Listen, have you got anything that I can but some water in? 73 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:32,840 Cause I have this crab here in my hand, right?" 74 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,240 Right there! 75 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:38,640 So I ran down the street towards the water, to try to let it free. 76 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:42,920 And for a moment I think we're in with a bit of a chance there. 77 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,640 And before I know it, 78 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:49,480 the little fucker is dead... in my hand. 79 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,920 - Calm down. - Shane... 80 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:58,280 I think the whole world should be a bit kinder to animals. 81 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,360 Preach. Preach. 82 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:04,800 - I would like to be an animal... - Animal rescuer. 83 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,000 Animal rescuer, I want to be one of those! 84 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,760 - Yeah. - I'm gonna miss you, Shane. 85 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,880 Shane! 86 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,760 Come here, you sexy Irish fuck! Come here. 87 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,040 What have I missed? 88 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,640 Hey! 89 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,280 - Next, next. - Shut the fuck up! 90 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,080 It was the fucking... 91 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,040 - Next! Next. - Seriously? 92 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,880 From the ground up, man. 93 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,080 Jacqueline, let's go. Jacqueline, vraiment. 94 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,680 I'm wearing heels, it's like, lots going on. 95 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,640 Shane! 96 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,000 No clue where you're going, you fucking prick! 97 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,600 You're all a bunch of dickheads. 98 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,840 Could I have one beer and three tequila shots? 99 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,680 Where's my tequila? 100 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,760 Excuse me. 101 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,360 No, no. 102 00:10:56,440 --> 00:11:00,400 A good ballsack has a good balance between the balls and the sack. 103 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:04,480 A bad ballsack is like a bag with all this floppy skin 104 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:07,200 and two small nuts chilling way down. 105 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,520 Or when they've got like no balls at all, they're like, right up here. 106 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,360 No sack at all, and they ask you, "Can you lick my balls?" 107 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,040 "Yeah, sure, if I can find them." 108 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,520 And they have to press them down! 109 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,840 - "Send the elevator down!" - Exactly! 110 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,760 - How's your ballsack? - Very well balanced. 111 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,720 - You'd love it. - Can I feel it? 112 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,960 - No, you can't feel my balls out. - Come on! Why not? 113 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,800 It's my ballsack! 114 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,200 Oh, I'm sorry, is this a touchy subject for you? 115 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,880 Not at all, just reacting to you asking if you can feel my ballsack. 116 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,400 You can feel my ballsack. 117 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,800 Yeah, don't be shy, yeah, feel it. 118 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:47,920 - That's impressive. - Okay, so are you a feminist? 119 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,320 Am I what? 120 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,960 What if I asked you if I could feel your pussy? 121 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:55,520 Oh my god, are you seriously gonna lecture me about feminism now? 122 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,800 - I'm asking if you're a feminist? - I'm a woman. What do you think? 123 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,640 - Are you a feminist? - Of course. 124 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,720 - Yeah, of course you are. - I love the sarcasm. 125 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,360 Honestly, personally I feel it's a gift to all men, feminism. 126 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,720 Really? Feminism is a gift to men? 127 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,720 Yes. And I strive to leverage my preassumed authority of being a man 128 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,280 to argue that the system that gave me that authority is fucked up. 129 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,000 Well I think any guy raving about being a feminist 130 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,520 is simply hi-jacking the label just to score points. 131 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,560 Making feminism all about them, like everything else. 132 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,080 I don't think guys should call themselves feminists. 133 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:33,760 Okay, so wait. No, so you are not pro equality of sexes then? 134 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,280 - That's not what I'm saying. - It is, you just did. 135 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,880 Men can be advocates for the movement, or male allies, 136 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:42,360 or pro feminism, but never feminists, they're not entitled. 137 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,040 - Well, I am a feminist, so... - Whatever. 138 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,680 I'm also a humanist. 139 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,920 I apologise for wanting to feel your ballsack. 140 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,440 - You don't have to apologise. - Can we stop this? 141 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,800 Honestly, it's about you being a human being. 142 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,240 When I look myself in the mirror, I don't see gender. 143 00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:59,640 I see a human being. 144 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,960 Yeah? Because privilege is invisible to those who possess it. 145 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,720 - End of conversation! - Oh my God! 146 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,240 End of conversation! 147 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:15,280 Okay. Fun fact though, still on your favourite topic. 148 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,800 It's about balls, right. 149 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:20,560 Did you know that chimpanzee ballsacks grow for every orgasm? 150 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,640 - How sick is that? - Where the fuck does that come from? 151 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,040 YouTube! 152 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,840 They also have a clip with a chimp making out with a frog. 153 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,840 - You should try that. - I love that one, I have. 154 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,680 Works every time, like a charm. 155 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,280 - So, how are you? - Good. 156 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,520 Someone said that you broke up with your girlfriend. 157 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:40,920 What? 158 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,680 Someone said that you broke up with your girlfriend. 159 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,400 - Who said that? - I don't know, just someone. 160 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,480 Baby, look. 161 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,440 - No... - Yeah! 162 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:58,080 - What's he said? - Exactly... 163 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:02,120 No, I'm not gonna reply. Why should I? This is my night. 164 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,360 - I don't know! - Then who the hell is it? 165 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:08,520 - I don't fucking know. - Someone's talking shit, obviously. 166 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,320 But Siri came to the office, right? 167 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,160 We were in reception, she was upset, people walked by. 168 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,480 People get these things. 169 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,120 - I can't stand people talking shit. - No, I hear you. 170 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,640 - It's not their fucking business. - No, I hear you. 171 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,200 You wanna go home? 172 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,280 Fuck, David. Listen, straight up. 173 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:38,680 I don't want to make things worse, but what Siri did is so fucked up. 174 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,600 And I get that you are sad, 175 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,960 and you don't want people to talk, but fuck them, okay? 176 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:49,160 You need to have fun now. Screw them, fuck them. 177 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,200 Hey, do you want another line? 178 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,000 Huh, you want another line? Hey? 179 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,760 I'm sorry. 180 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,840 Do you wanna turn around for me? 181 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,240 Fuck, I'm sorry. 182 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,880 You wanna touch yourself? Is that okay? Yeah? 183 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,280 Fuck. Okay. 184 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,520 I'm sorry. 185 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:29,520 I'm sorry. 186 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,280 - Lie down. - What? 187 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,680 Lie down. 188 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,600 I'm sorry. It's not gonna happen. 189 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:12,880 It's okay. 190 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,760 Do you wanna finish? 191 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,320 - Do you want me to help you? - No. 192 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,600 Okay. 193 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,600 Have you got my bra? 194 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:09,600 Hi. 195 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,040 Hi. 196 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,440 What are you doing? 197 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,680 Trying to sleep. 198 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:33,600 What are you doing? 199 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,960 I'm sitting on Mario's roof. 200 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,840 How are you? 201 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,480 So-so. 202 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,640 And you? 203 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,680 Not so great. 204 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:35,640 Can't we meet and try to talk? Please, David. 205 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,160 I don't know, Siri. 206 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,120 Subtitles: Annika Bidner plint.com