1 00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:13,081 Oh... 2 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,051 Aha. 3 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:24,258 (squeaking) 4 00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,199 (sighs) 5 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,838 (engine knocking) 6 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,608 Hal, could you replace that light bulb in the kitchen? 7 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,444 What does it look like I'm doing?! 8 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:48,216 * Yes, no, maybe 9 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,751 * I don't know 10 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,021 * Can you repeat the question? 11 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,290 * You're not the boss of me now * 12 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,692 * You're not the boss of me now * 13 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,095 * You're not the boss of me now * 14 00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:03,131 * And you're not so big 15 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,633 * You're not the boss of me now * 16 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,635 * You're not the boss of me now * 17 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,204 * You're not the boss of me now * 18 00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,973 * And you're not so big 19 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:17,345 * Life is unfair. 20 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,151 Here we are, Bernard. 21 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,085 This is my cage. 22 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:29,089 Are you serious? 23 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,658 Mom, Dad... 24 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:31,759 This is Bernard. 25 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,294 He's the hamster from my class. 26 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,729 Remember? It's my weekend to take care of him. 27 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,798 Dewey, please. This isn't a good time. 28 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:40,301 I just want you to see how good I could be at taking care him. 29 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,603 Just like how good I would be at taking care of a dog. 30 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,971 I don't know 31 00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,773 if I mentioned that all the other kids 32 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,508 in the neighborhood have dogs. 33 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,810 Honey, your father and I need to talk. 34 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,613 I saw a nice one at the pet store. 35 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,448 He's half Great Dane and something else. 36 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:55,616 I could name him Jeff and... 37 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,285 Go play in your room! 38 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,686 Okay. 39 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:06,026 I'll put your cage right here, Bernard. 40 00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:09,830 Sorry I talked about wanting a dog in front of you. 41 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,333 Is your brain big enough to get your feelings hurt? 42 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,101 Me neither. 43 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,704 But don't worry, I'll still take really good care of you. 44 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,508 Bernard? 45 00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:30,551 (squeaking) 46 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,692 But, Hal, I thought you were just getting a routine check-up. 47 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,961 That's when they usually find these things. 48 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,396 Can't they do anything? 49 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,832 No, not until they get the biopsy back. 50 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,070 There you are. 51 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,641 You can't call that a shortcut! 52 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,543 A shortcut has to be shorter! 53 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,910 REESE: Says who? 54 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,679 Says the word! 55 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,215 No, a shortcut is just when you don't use regular streets. 56 00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,483 So, according to you, 57 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,151 if it took 150 years to cross the street, 58 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,854 just as long as you went through some bushes and trees, 59 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,322 that would qualify as a shortcut? 60 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,258 God, you hate being wrong. 61 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,859 Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. 62 00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,862 What is wrong with you?! 63 00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,096 Look at that floor! 64 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,498 Oh, sorry. 65 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,267 How many times have I told you 66 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,068 don't track mud into this house?! 67 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,169 We'll clean it up. 68 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,170 That's not good enough! 69 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,372 You're grounded for a week! 70 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,706 What?! You can't do that. 71 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,107 It's just some stupid footprints. 72 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,609 You want to be grounded for two weeks? 73 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:29,543 Dad? 74 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:30,711 You heard your mother! 75 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:31,679 This is ridiculous! 76 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:32,913 You're being totally unfair! 77 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,848 Just because Malcolm got mud on his shoes 78 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,884 and thoughtlessly tracked it through the house 79 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,586 doesn't mean he should be grounded. 80 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,988 Go to your room. Now! 81 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,692 What is her problem? 82 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,460 Mom and Dad-- their lives are so boring 83 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,896 they have to invent stuff to be upset about. 84 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,537 Are you the biggest idiot to ever walk this Earth? 85 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,938 Good morning. 86 00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:00,274 What'd I tell you to do, jackass? 87 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,743 To paint the kitchen. Which I'm doing. 88 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,446 What kind of a moron paints a kitchen white? 89 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,448 You want to see all the dirt? 90 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,249 What do they teach you in college, anyway? 91 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,952 For your information, I'm a high school dropout. 92 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,121 And I used the paint that you set out for me. 93 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,389 I moved that paint 94 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,790 so you could get to the green, idiot. 95 00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,291 Now, you're going to do this over. 96 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:20,428 I don't care if you're here all night doing it. 97 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,162 What?! That paint you wasted 98 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,798 is coming out of your pay. 99 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,166 Maybe I should 100 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,436 just paint it the same color as your dye job. 101 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,107 What? 102 00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,476 He didn't say anything. 103 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,578 I said... 104 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:41,281 maybe I should just paint it the same color as your dye job, 105 00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,584 you sagging, leathery, hatchet-faced, 106 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,619 dried-up old hag. 107 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,821 All right, college boy, 108 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,457 you want it, you got it. 109 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,291 I'm going to kick your ass. 110 00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,292 Excuse me? 111 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,627 I'm kicking your ass. 112 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,029 You don't ever disrespect me like that. 113 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,465 Francis, what are you doing? 114 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,699 You can't challenge Lavernia to a fight. 115 00:04:58,732 --> 00:04:59,967 I didn't challenge anybody. 116 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,436 Hey, Lavernia's fighting college boy! 117 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,437 (men shouting) 118 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:04,638 MAN: We got an opening 119 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,440 Sunday at 2:00 before Mass. 120 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:09,710 Sunday, 2:00-- your ass, my foot. 121 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,011 This is insane. 122 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,312 There's no way I'm going to fight a woman. 123 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,682 If I don't mind, why should you? 124 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,517 (men oohing, laughing) 125 00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,352 Did you see what she did there? 126 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,388 She as much as called him a woman. 127 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,155 It's going to be a bloodbath. 128 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,525 (men laughing, cheering) 129 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,032 (squeaking) 130 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,744 Yeah, you're right, Dewey. 131 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,847 When was the last time we played ball? 132 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,582 I don't know. 133 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:51,018 Sometimes life just gets away from you 134 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:54,021 and you forget the things that are really important. 135 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,458 (yelling) 136 00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,326 This is crazy. 137 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,028 I have enough on my mind 138 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,397 without worrying about you boys and your shenanigans. 139 00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:05,533 But, Mom... You and your brother are not to leave this room. 140 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,701 I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you, 141 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:10,871 I don't want to so much as sense your presence... 142 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,006 For crying out loud, Reese! 143 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,175 There's a mirror right there! 144 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:19,379 Believe me, I am going to watch that door like a hawk. 145 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,117 What's her problem? 146 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,753 This can't just be about the mud. 147 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,220 There's something else going on. 148 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,889 What have you done lately? 149 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,391 The Richardsons' fire, the Blodgets' windshield, 150 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,461 the Sampsons' fire, the Jacksons' fire. 151 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,362 Nothing she knows about. 152 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,130 This sucks. 153 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:41,201 Well, if you can't do the time, then don't do the crime. 154 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,736 See you Monday. 155 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,037 Hey, moron. 156 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,773 Do you know what tomorrow night is? 157 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,140 Christine Maxton's party. 158 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,109 What? That's this weekend? 159 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,044 Yeah, and her sister Gina's bringing all their friends 160 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,112 from Catholic school. 161 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,113 I love those girls. 162 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,147 I hear they tongue kiss 163 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,415 whether they like you or not. 164 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,917 It's like shaking hands to them. 165 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,752 It's some kind of cultural thing. 166 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,320 We have to go. 167 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:04,424 Reese, if I show you a way we can go to the party, 168 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,960 do you promise never to let anyone find out, 169 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,729 even though you're an idiot? 170 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:09,730 I swear. 171 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,465 Okay. 172 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,136 I was saving this for a life-or-death emergency. 173 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:19,306 Or a really, really good party. 174 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,808 Tell me! 175 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,749 No way. I'm not hitting Mom with that. 176 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,985 Reese, tomorrow night, after everyone's gone to bed, 177 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,353 we take out the floorboard 178 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,455 and sneak outside through the crawl space. 179 00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:38,992 Wow. Tunneling out of our own room. 180 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,161 She can't lock us in anymore. 181 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,596 Mom's powerless. 182 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,865 Yeah, now she's just a crazy old lady 183 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,634 we happen to live with. 184 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,357 Thanks, Dewey! 185 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,696 There's Dewey. Let's hurt him, fellow idiot. 186 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,331 Yes, I hate him for his handsomeness. 187 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,219 Hi, Dewey. 188 00:08:39,251 --> 00:08:40,520 Hi, Lance. 189 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,222 Well, what do you know. 190 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,323 It's Bernard. 191 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,357 Let me see him. 192 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,659 You can't have him. 193 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,695 That's all right, I can wait. 194 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,163 Next week is my turn to have him. 195 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,934 We're going to have a lot of fun. 196 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,239 You cannot keep the hamster. 197 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,708 He belongs to the class. 198 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,910 But he won't be safe. Dewey, I know you take 199 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,778 good care of him, but you have to share him 200 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:05,879 with your friends. 201 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,380 Lance is not my friend. 202 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:10,517 He tore Billy's shirt off after school, and... 203 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,052 (phone ringing) 204 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,122 Hello! Yes, this is he! 205 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,024 He killed a frog and brought it 206 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,525 to school and showed everybody. 207 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,027 Dewey, I said no! 208 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,129 Do you want to be grounded like your brothers? 209 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,564 No. 210 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,969 Man, I've never seen Lavernia this worked up for a fight. 211 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,437 You mean she's done this before? 212 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,239 In the two months I've been here, 213 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,041 she's fought five guys. Consider yourself lucky 214 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,408 you got some warning. 215 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:38,245 You know Big Don from accounting? 216 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,379 The guy with one ear? 217 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,081 Yeah. He was going to the privy, 218 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,617 and she dropped on him just like a spider. 219 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,218 What is wrong with her?! 220 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,320 We were just having a stupid little argument. 221 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,289 How did it suddenly turn into a fight? 222 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,891 That's how we settle things up there. 223 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,126 There are three other fights scheduled for tomorrow. 224 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,594 Four. 225 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:57,297 Ned cut in front of Daryl at the mess line. 226 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,598 Well, I hate to disappoint you guys, 227 00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,133 but I'm not fighting Lavernia. 228 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,735 Really? 229 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:02,936 Are you sure? 230 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:05,072 No, no, he'll fight her. 231 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,774 No, I won't. 232 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,475 Thank you! 233 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,477 Hey, fellas, looks like 234 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,445 we're going to have us a coward's cotillion! 235 00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,681 (men cheering) 236 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:14,748 I'll get the dogs ready. 237 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,249 I'll sharpen the pig-sticker. 238 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,318 Wait-wait-wait. What are you talking about? 239 00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:21,088 Look, fighting's the only entertainment we get up here. 240 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,489 You've seen our TV reception. 241 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,325 So if somebody cheats the boys out of a fight, 242 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,327 they have a coward's cotillion. 243 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,596 What the hell is a coward's cotillion?! 244 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,431 Oh, it's always a little different. 245 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,266 You never know what kind of animal 246 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,002 the blood's going to attract. 247 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,370 So my choices are, I have to fight a woman 248 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,472 or do this stupid cotillion thing? 249 00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:40,708 Well... 250 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:45,545 there's always the howdy stranger. 251 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,219 (squeaking) 252 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,806 How can they make us wait another 24 hours? 253 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,208 Apparently they're shorthanded at the lab. 254 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:18,011 Don't they realize this is someone's life? 255 00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:24,818 Don't worry, Bernard. 256 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,386 This is for the best. 257 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,587 I'm setting you free. 258 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:28,856 You won't have to worry 259 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,191 about anyone being mean to you anymore. 260 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,763 Come on, Bernard, run. 261 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,697 Run like the wind. 262 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,238 You have to do this, Bernard. 263 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:48,175 It's for your own good. 264 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,377 I'll be okay. 265 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,518 Go on. 266 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,587 I don't want you anymore. 267 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,955 I don't like you. 268 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:04,091 I never did. 269 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,427 Go on. 270 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,430 Go on, you dumb old hamster. 271 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,572 Bye, Bernard. 272 00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:31,584 Booby-trapped? 273 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,553 A broom handle tied to a string of tin cans. 274 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,788 A classic. 275 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,589 You know, if Mom ever trusted us, 276 00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,892 I think she'd be pleasantly surprised. 277 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,761 Yeah, we're basically good kids. 278 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,296 She's so unreasonable. 279 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,066 You almost ready? 280 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,167 Just a sec. 281 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,369 Will you come on? 282 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,882 Remember, if anyone asks, I'm a junior in college. 283 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:07,654 (faint pounding) 284 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,665 (grunting) 285 00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,026 My boys. 286 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,568 You don't know how lucky you are. 287 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,904 Everything is new. 288 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,805 Everything is open to you. 289 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,741 Please don't ever take that for granted. 290 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:05,012 Make every moment the best you possibly can. 291 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:10,350 God, I am so proud of all of you. 292 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,455 You kids are the best thing I've ever done. 293 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,527 You'll never know how much I love you. 294 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,199 Maybe you're not supposed to. 295 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,406 Sleep well, my little angels. 296 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,607 (shrieking) 297 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,677 (screaming) 298 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,112 (shrieking) 299 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,416 This was amazing. 300 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,352 I made out with a sophomore. 301 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,420 I am so far ahead of schedule. 302 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,190 Did you see the TV set fly off the roof into the pool? 303 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,392 That was me. 304 00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,632 Man, I hope we get grounded next weekend. 305 00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:06,940 (boys screaming) 306 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,746 How dare you?! 307 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,382 How dare you defy us like that?! 308 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,450 Well, we wouldn't have had to if you hadn't been 309 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,286 ridiculously hard over a little mud on the floor! 310 00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,554 You two are the most ungrateful, 311 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,791 badly-behaved, inconsiderate boys ever born! 312 00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,994 How could you be so heartless?! 313 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,129 What is heartless about going to a party 314 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,763 with a bunch of slutty girls? 315 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:31,764 Be cool. 316 00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,566 You were at a party? 317 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,335 While we were here worrying?! 318 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,570 Can I have a napkin? 319 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,772 I cannot believe you two! 320 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,608 All right, that's it! 321 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,844 You are grounded for the rest of the school year! 322 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:45,845 You can't do that! 323 00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,347 You're crazy! 324 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,782 You do not talk to your mother that way ever! 325 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,751 You will show her nothing but the love 326 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:55,155 and respect she deserves, whether I am here or not! 327 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,356 This family sucks! 328 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,258 You are ruining our lives! 329 00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,892 I wish you were dead! 330 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,469 What was that all about? 331 00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,937 I don't know. 332 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,474 She usually just says, "I'm taking you with me." 333 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,846 Lavernia, I want to tell you something. 334 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,314 We'll talk at 2:00. 335 00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,616 No, I'm going to tell you this right now. 336 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,651 I hate your guts. 337 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,519 You are the most horrible person 338 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:27,987 I have ever met. 339 00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,723 You are mean, sadistic, twisted and spiteful. 340 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,525 And I owe you an apology. 341 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,894 Because what I said to you 342 00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,329 didn't have anything to do with that; 343 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,031 it was just a cheap shot about your looks 344 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,533 and you don't deserve that-- no one deserves that. 345 00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:44,003 You're right. 346 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,872 Thank you. 347 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,075 What the hell are we doing this for, anyway? 348 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,009 This isn't going to solve anything. 349 00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:53,080 We're just putting on a show for bunch of slack-jawed idiots. 350 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,382 I don't know if you think you have to prove something to them 351 00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:56,983 because you're a woman, but you don't. 352 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,718 You came up here all alone 353 00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,653 and you built a successful business 354 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,021 in this god-awful place. 355 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,656 You have accomplished plenty. 356 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,825 Oh, my God. 357 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,560 You're coming on to me. 358 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:08,761 What? 359 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,097 Well, you better peddle your sugar 360 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,499 to somebody else, 'cause this bee ain't buying. 361 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:13,599 What?! 362 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,068 The last thing I need 363 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,569 is some young punk frolicking in my nethers. 364 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,439 You don't listen to... 365 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,340 I try to talk to you... 366 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,276 Ew! 367 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,114 Do you hear anything? 368 00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:28,581 Mom's still crying. 369 00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,517 Did she ever go to sleep? 370 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,686 Around 3:00, she went from sobbing to a quiet whimper. 371 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,389 I'm telling you, she's just trying to psych us out. 372 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,390 I don't think so. 373 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,192 I mean, when was the last time 374 00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,094 you heard Dad yell and Mom cry? 375 00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,362 You're right. 376 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,297 Something really weird is going on. 377 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,766 They've been whispering a lot, too. 378 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,501 I just figured it out. 379 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:53,373 Oh, no... oh, no! 380 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,741 (crowd cheering) 381 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,277 (grunts) 382 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,811 Come on. Come on. 383 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,413 Big hit. Big hit. Oh, come on. 384 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,984 (crowd cheering) 385 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,753 (laughs) I've never seen her like this. 386 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,954 What do you expect? 387 00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,556 The boy tried to jump in bed with her 388 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,324 without so much as a "howdy-do." 389 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,393 Dude, she's killing you. 390 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,427 Do something. 391 00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,796 I will not hit a woman. 392 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:17,930 Well, then here, take this. 393 00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,566 What is it? Screwdriver. 394 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,833 Jab and twist. 395 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,835 I'm not using a screw... 396 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,271 (yelling) 397 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,510 Fight... back. 398 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,644 Fight... 399 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,413 back! 400 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,014 Lavernia, ease up on the boy. 401 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,816 His only crime was loving you. 402 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:37,917 (whimpers) 403 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,152 You disgust me. 404 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:41,621 You better run home to mama 405 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:42,855 so she can kiss your tears away 406 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,024 and make you cocoa and tell you... 407 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,326 (crowd cheering) 408 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,495 For your information, 409 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:50,630 my mother's a tormenting control freak, 410 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:53,800 and it would never even occur to her to make me cocoa. 411 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,015 You're going down, college boy. 412 00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,718 Bring it on, you toad. 413 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,235 (both grunt) 414 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:53,526 (crowd cheering) 415 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,094 Ed, Daryl, you're up. 416 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,764 Somebody help me clear this floor. 417 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:06,906 (sighs) 418 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:09,576 All right, I'll get the camera. 419 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,015 Remember, if anyone at school asks, 420 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,517 you're name's Bernard. 421 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,887 You like carrots and having your tummy scratched. 422 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,357 HAL: Well, I need to know. 423 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:26,058 No. We have been waiting for hours. 424 00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:28,695 Now, please... 425 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,697 Negative?! Negative! 426 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,932 That's the good one, right? 427 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,768 Yes! Thank you. Oh, God. 428 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:44,577 If Mom does a load of blankets, I'll bring you a friend. 429 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,615 Mom, Dad, we have something to say. 430 00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,951 We know why you've been crying so much lately. 431 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,953 You don't have to protect us from this. 432 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,255 We think getting a divorce is a great idea. 433 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,391 What? You don't have to stay 434 00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,892 together for us-- we've known for years 435 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:00,893 your marriage was a sham. 436 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,094 REESE: I mean, clearly 437 00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:03,963 your relationship isn't working. 438 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,333 Mom, you need someone who's going to control you better. 439 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,800 And Dad needs someone younger. 440 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,636 MALCOLM: You both deserve some happiness. 441 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,938 In fact, I think we all do. 442 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,272 Amen to that. 443 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,508 So I guess we should be going 444 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,909 to a motel with Dad or something? 445 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:17,977 Our bags are packed. 446 00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,111 And don't worry, Mom, 447 00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,580 you'll still be part of our lives. 448 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:21,981 We'll see you every other weekend, 449 00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,983 and feel free to call us anytime. 450 00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:30,357 We've already discussed it. 451 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,925 I get full custody.