1 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,046 What are you doing? 2 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:15,216 They started showering in gym class. 3 00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:18,519 * Yes, no, maybe 4 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,222 * I don't know 5 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:24,658 * Can you repeat the question? 6 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,827 * You're not the boss of me now * 7 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,263 * You're not the boss of me now * 8 00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,698 * You're not the boss of me now * 9 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:33,701 * And you're not so big 10 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,370 * You're not the boss of me now * 11 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,372 * You're not the boss of me now * 12 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,841 * You're not the boss of me now * 13 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,611 * And you're not so big 14 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:48,282 * Life is unfair. 15 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,585 (giggling) 16 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,721 (burping): Could you pass the peas, please? 17 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,623 (laughing) 18 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,425 (burping): Thank you. 19 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,492 (laughing) 20 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,061 (burping): You're welcome. 21 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:01,895 (laughing) 22 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,097 Hal. 23 00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,899 (burping): All right, boys, that's enough. 24 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,000 (laughing) 25 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,638 (breaking wind) 26 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,140 (all laughing) 27 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,474 Do you think for once 28 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:16,076 we could have a civilized conversation during dinner, 29 00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,112 free of sound effects? 30 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:20,581 Your mother's right. I don't think it's asking too much 31 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,483 for us to have some nice dinner conversation. 32 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,323 Malcolm, how was school today? 33 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,791 History class was cool. 34 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,160 Really? Tell us about it. 35 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,427 Jimmy Perkins kicked the crap 36 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,963 out of Fred Nason right outside our window. 37 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,631 REESE: He beat up Fred Nason? That dude's huge. 38 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:38,732 I know! I couldn't believe it. 39 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:39,767 Fred knocked Jimmy's hat off, 40 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,502 and Jimmy turned and punched him in the face, 41 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,103 like, five times in a row in, like, a second. 42 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,838 Fred fell in the bush and then he just started 43 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:45,973 hitting him and hitting him and hitting him. 44 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,275 It was awesome. 45 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,009 Jimmy Perkins is crazy. 46 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,644 It's like I've always told you boys-- 47 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:51,979 crazy beats big every time. 48 00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,081 (breaking wind) 49 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,318 (laughing) 50 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,452 (laughter stops) 51 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:08,095 So, how was your day, dear? 52 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:09,197 Hey, Eric, it's Francis. 53 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:10,198 How's Alaska? 54 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:11,465 Francis, where are you? 55 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,834 You were supposed to be here two weeks ago. 56 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,303 I know, but no one will pick me up. 57 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,638 I ran out of money and had to work tarring roofs for a week. 58 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:18,972 Apparently there's a serial killer 59 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,474 loose in Idaho who looks just like me. 60 00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,809 You'd better get here soon. 61 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,544 I don't know how much longer they'll hold the job. 62 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,678 I'm almost there. 63 00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,014 Listen, do I take the Provincial Highway 99 64 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,483 or do I take the 27 to Provincial Highway 12? 65 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,818 What? Where are you? 66 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:31,985 I'm close to British Columbia. 67 00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,221 I'm in Bellingham, Washington. 68 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,689 Francis, you're still 2,000 miles away. 69 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,658 What? No way. I got to be near Alaska. 70 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:40,361 I just exchanged all my money for Alaskan dollars. 71 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,996 There's no such thing as Alaskan dollars. 72 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,199 Sir! 73 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,737 Are you almost finished with that? 74 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,005 What have you got in mind? 75 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,842 I need you to watch the boys next Tuesday night. 76 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,344 I've joined a book club. 77 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,078 Oh, Lois, you don't want to do that. 78 00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:01,014 I joined a record club once, and they hounded me for years. 79 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,683 It's not that kind of a club, Hal. 80 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:06,654 This is women from school-- adults-- discussing books. 81 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:07,521 Oh. 82 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:08,722 I live in a house 83 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:09,890 filled with boys. 84 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:10,758 I listen to boy talk 85 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:11,825 and boy noises. 86 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,394 I need to spend some time with females. 87 00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:14,395 Mm-hmm. 88 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,364 Whenever I see them at the PTA meetings, 89 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:19,533 they always invite me to do things with them and I never go. 90 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:20,501 Mm-hmm, yeah. 91 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,170 I need to do this for my sanity. 92 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,706 Yeah. Hee-hee-hee-hee, yes. 93 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,409 Yeah. Are you even listening to me? 94 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,910 Of course I am. 95 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,245 Here's what I think: 96 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,381 this book club is a great idea, Lois. 97 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,616 It's about time you did something like this. 98 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,352 You have a brilliant and beautiful mind 99 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,553 that needs challenging. 100 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,590 I just hope those other women can keep up with you. 101 00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,626 Now, make a wish. 102 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,064 Okay, I left the phone number on the counter. 103 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,733 The dishes are soaking in the sink. 104 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,435 I took the batteries out of the remote 105 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,203 and I put them in the smoke detector-- 106 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,405 just for tonight. 107 00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,639 Would you relax, honey? 108 00:03:58,672 --> 00:03:59,773 You're off the clock. 109 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,909 This is supposed to be your night out. 110 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,277 Just enjoy yourself, huh? 111 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,144 Stop worrying. Yeah, Mom. Have fun. 112 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:05,913 Oh, oh, oh. 113 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:06,914 Uh, remember to take 114 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,749 the garbage cans to the curb tonight. 115 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,284 Would you please stop worrying? 116 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,419 Just go have some fun. 117 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:12,453 Now? 118 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:16,790 No. Let's let Mom get a few blocks away. 119 00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,326 Right. This could be a trick. 120 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,160 What are you guys talking about? 121 00:04:20,192 --> 00:04:22,496 We've got some fireworks buried in the backyard. 122 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,665 We're going to dig them up while Mom's gone. 123 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,099 Tracy Hines is having a party 124 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,735 tomorrow night and we're not invited. 125 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,604 Our justice will be swift but fair. 126 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,839 We'll be fine! 127 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,308 Okay, I don't want to screw this up. 128 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,143 Lois needs time to herself. 129 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,911 She deserves a night out. 130 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:41,582 She'll have a great time and then come home all happy. 131 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:45,018 I just have to somehow keep the boys under control. 132 00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,154 Oh, what am I talking about? They're good kids. 133 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,256 What am I talking about "what am I talking about"? 134 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,325 They're monsters! 135 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,594 They'll destroy everything and then ruin Lois's night, 136 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,964 and then, then she'll feel like we can't be trusted on our own. 137 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,367 She'll never want to have a night out again, 138 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,001 and it will all be my fault! 139 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,136 We're going out back. 140 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,538 You're not going anywhere. 141 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:05,939 You're going to stay 142 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,175 in your room all night with the door shut! Now go! 143 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,310 Go! 144 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,782 Mmm. This cheddar is wonderful. 145 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,849 It is good. 146 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,118 So, I really liked the book. 147 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,653 Really? 148 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,255 Oh, Karen, let's have some more of that wine. 149 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,459 I like the way the author shifted 150 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,395 the voice of the narrator from character to character. 151 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,062 Oh... 152 00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,832 well, I'll just have to take your word on that. 153 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,734 I didn't really read the book. 154 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,035 Oh. 155 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,705 Was anyone else confused by those flashbacks? 156 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,677 Am I the only one who read the book? 157 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:48,516 Actually, Lois, we don't make it mandatory to read the book. 158 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,217 What? I mean, we're all busy. 159 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,686 But that shouldn't prevent us 160 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,755 from enjoying a relaxing evening 161 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,824 every once in a while. 162 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,693 Lois, don't you feel you deserve 163 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,530 one night away from the bickering, 164 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,932 the yelling and the TV blaring? 165 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,199 Away from all 166 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,368 the stupid little problems 167 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:11,872 that can't seem to be solved without you? 168 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,877 Little more. 169 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,625 Oh, thank you. 170 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,126 Thank you for stopping. 171 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,928 Oh, glad to. My name's Roy. 172 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:36,897 I'm Francis. God, it's freezing out there. 173 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,933 I've been standing in that same stretch of road for six hours. 174 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,803 People were actually flipping me off as they drove past me. 175 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,705 Why would they do that? 176 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,707 So, how far you going? 177 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,941 Mamu. 178 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,042 I'm going up to Green River. 179 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,478 I can take you almost the whole way. 180 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,979 Oh, my God, really? 181 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,749 It's taken me the last three days to get 20 miles. 182 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,417 (choking up): Thank you. 183 00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:58,452 You okay? 184 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,621 Yeah. It's just... 185 00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,956 people aren't very nice. 186 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,391 You want some coffee? 187 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,927 Yes. 188 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:09,463 And when I was leaving, 189 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,932 my mom and I are yelling and screaming at each other 190 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,568 and she's still finding the time to tell the cab driver 191 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,403 which route to take to the bus station. 192 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,805 She's a total control freak. 193 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,006 She sounds like she's afraid. 194 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,941 What would my mom have to be afraid of? 195 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,576 Well, she could be afraid 196 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,845 that if she doesn't control every aspect of her life 197 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,947 or the lives of the people she cares about, 198 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,616 that horrible things will happen. 199 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,150 Like what horrible things? 200 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,785 Well, maybe her oldest son 201 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,821 moving 5,000 miles away from her? 202 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,023 All right, you got me there. 203 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,691 You're pretty smart. 204 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:39,827 Well, I'm on the road 18 hours a day. 205 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,429 Gives me a lot of time to think about things, 206 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,098 about people, why they do the things they do. 207 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,200 I'm kind of a wannabe psychiatrist. 208 00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,169 Well, I'm just glad to finally be out of it. 209 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,004 I got a line that I'm not going to cross 210 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:53,541 and if anyone tries to push me across it, I'm gone. 211 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:54,542 Well, sure, 212 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,510 everybody's got a line. 213 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:59,279 But what's interesting is, everyone's line is different. 214 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,447 Sometimes it moves. 215 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,950 I mean, look at your situation right here. 216 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,353 It is freezing cold, there's no other cars on the road. 217 00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:07,855 Hypothetically, if I said 218 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,356 "Put on a curly, red wig 219 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,491 or I'll throw you out of the truck," 220 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:14,461 are you really going to go back out into the cold? 221 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,896 Yeah, but that's ridiculous. 222 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,331 You can't use a silly example like that to prove... 223 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,201 You're kidding. 224 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,939 Okay, okay. 225 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,813 You haven't made a sound in a half an hour! 226 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,081 What's going on in here? 227 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,883 Nothing. I expect perfect behavior 228 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,517 out of you boys tonight. 229 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,386 Trust me, if you try anything-- anything at all-- 230 00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:44,124 I will be on you like a rainbow on an oil slick! 231 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,732 Okay, this is good. 232 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,601 You sent them a message. 233 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,003 Fired a shot across their bow. 234 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,405 Now they know who's in charge. 235 00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,740 Maybe I was too harsh. 236 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,041 If the boys push back, 237 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,343 they might do something ten times worse 238 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,178 and spoil everything for Lois. 239 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,447 Don't go soft. 240 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:11,585 All these boys understand is the iron fist. 241 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,955 No. I need to get them on my side. 242 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:18,391 Dewey, you be lookout while we dig up the fireworks. 243 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:19,793 What's going on with Dad? 244 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:20,928 I don't know. 245 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,030 Maybe he's dealing with something at work. 246 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,431 I hope he's going to be okay. 247 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,533 At his age, carrying around that kind of tension 248 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,567 can't be good for you. 249 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,236 Whoa! Dad's here. 250 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,472 Who wants ice cream? 251 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:37,444 So, I come home after working a ten-hour shift 252 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:38,779 and I see my boys, 253 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,447 and they're covered with grass 254 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,783 and they're covered with paint, and they look at me 255 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,885 and you know what all they can say is? 256 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,654 "Where's dinner?" 257 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:47,487 Oh, yeah. 258 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,656 Oh, yeah. 259 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,290 Too much is expected of us. 260 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,226 Well, our society is just so screwed up. 261 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:56,964 30 years ago, you could just at least pick something 262 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,065 and go with it. 263 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,467 A housewife, a career woman, sex slave. 264 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:04,437 But now you're supposed to do everything, and it's impossible! 265 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,907 Unless you're Lillian Miller. 266 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,941 Oh, yeah. 267 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,476 You know, if it weren't for me, 268 00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:10,744 my family would be naked, 269 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,345 living in trees, eating berries. 270 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,982 I mean, do they appreciate what I do for them? No! 271 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,149 No. 272 00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,250 Lillian Miller's family 273 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,186 just surprised her with a trip to Spain. 274 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,187 Really? No kidding. 275 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,454 You know, the other day 276 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,290 I discovered a two- inch long hair 277 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,758 growing out of my shoulder. 278 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,760 I mean, how long has that been there? 279 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:30,030 I don't even have time to put myself together in the morning. 280 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,498 Lillian Miller... 281 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:36,003 brought 20 homemade cakes to the school bake sale. 282 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,638 I had those. 283 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,174 They were delicious. 284 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:46,146 The woman just cooks like a god, but she never puts on a pound. 285 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:49,950 You can't be 45 and still be a size two. 286 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,452 That's children sizes. That's for children! 287 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,553 And Lillian! 288 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,454 Yeah. 289 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,388 You know, ladies, 290 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,190 I just realized something. 291 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:59,693 Society isn't the thing that's making us miserable. 292 00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,361 I mean, hell, we're society. 293 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,662 Uh-huh, yeah. 294 00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,231 No, no. 295 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:07,868 Every single one of our problems can be traced back 296 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,637 to that tight-assed, overachieving, 297 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:15,843 marathon-running, master chef, Lillian Miller. 298 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,213 * Mademoiselle from Armentieres * 299 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:21,548 * Parlez vous 300 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,083 * Mademoiselle from Armentieres * 301 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,484 * Parlez vous 302 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,919 * She got the palm and croix de guerre * 303 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,387 * For washing soldiers' underwear * 304 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,757 * Hinky-dinky, parlez vous. 305 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:31,892 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What? 306 00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:34,161 It's "Hinky-dinky, parlez vous." 307 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,362 That's what I said, Roy. 308 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,563 No. You said, "Inky-dinky." 309 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,265 Now you've got to start over. 310 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:39,499 I'm not starting over. 311 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,600 It's freezing out there. 312 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,635 I can barely feel my lips anymore. 313 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:47,374 * Mademoiselle from Armentieres * 314 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,742 * Parlez vous 315 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,410 * Mademoiselle from Armentieres * 316 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,244 * Parlez... 317 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,415 Thanks for the ice cream, dad. 318 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,184 Oh, you're welcome, Dewey. 319 00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:00,087 Don't worry about this mess. I'll take care of it. 320 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,555 Boys, just sit there and... relax. 321 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,393 All right, what the hell is going on? 322 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,560 I'm not sure, but I think 323 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,862 he's feeling guilty about something. 324 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,630 Maybe we can exploit it. 325 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,465 How? Why don't we send Dewey in there crying 326 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,567 about the train set Mom put in the attic? 327 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,269 Mom didn't put a train set in the attic. 328 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,405 Exactly. When he's up there trying to find it, 329 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,973 you and I can dig up the fireworks 330 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:20,941 before mom gets home. 331 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,709 Dewey, we need you to cry. 332 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,878 But it's got to be the right kind of crying. 333 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,446 Not sobbing, more of a whiny sound 334 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:27,714 with a penetrating quality. 335 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,717 Give me a moment. 336 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,119 Okay, that was a good idea. 337 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,821 The boys are happy. 338 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,789 I think you've got them motivated to behave themselves, 339 00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,624 and, and Lois is, is going to see 340 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,893 that I can handle them without her. 341 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:40,961 Are you kidding me? 342 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,662 You've gone soft. 343 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,798 You've totally lost the boys' respect. 344 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,299 Lois isn't going to like this. 345 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,467 Come on. 346 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,002 They're under control. 347 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,503 But what if they aren't? 348 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,339 What if they're just pretending to behave 349 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,673 so they can set you up? 350 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,075 (dishes clanging) 351 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,844 You've got to occupy these boys, 352 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:59,412 keep them so busy, they don't have time to get in trouble. 353 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,848 How am I going to keep them busy? 354 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,649 Well, you'd better find a way. 355 00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,284 (Dewey crying) 356 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,685 Dad, Dewey really wants you to... 357 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,255 Boys, let's spend a little time together. 358 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,190 We can, uh... Ah! I know, I know! 359 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,859 We can, uh, do some calisthenics. 360 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,294 What? Come on, you boys love to exercise. 361 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,629 But I just ate a ton of ice cream. 362 00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,298 All the more reason. 363 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,766 You are starting to get a little flabby. Come on. 364 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,601 (laughing) 365 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,303 I'm too full. 366 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,873 Well, when you start moving, you'll feel better! 367 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,607 Let's go! One, two. 368 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,441 One, two. 369 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,410 One, two. One, two. 370 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,381 Stupid, stupid. 371 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,782 It was a terrible idea. 372 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,350 It was a great idea. 373 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,552 A great idea poorly executed. 374 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:42,789 Terrible idea, terrible execution. 375 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,691 Why don't you just lock them in the bathroom 376 00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:47,294 till Lois gets home, and be done with it?! 377 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,062 (laughter) 378 00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,899 Shh! 379 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,033 Look at that house. 380 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,701 It's perfect. 381 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:58,238 No, no, no! 382 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,540 We didn't come here for mindless vandalism. 383 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,910 We came to screw up her car. 384 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,077 Let's see how she feels 385 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:06,246 when she's ten minutes late for carpool 386 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,881 like a real person. 387 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,582 She probably won't even be able 388 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,919 to get out of bed in the morning. 389 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,054 Yeah, this time next year 390 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,156 she's going to be living in a trailer 391 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,725 with a little ceramic donkey in the front yard. 392 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,160 (laughing) 393 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,794 Oh, shh! 394 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,435 Shh! 395 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,174 She's wearing pearls to make cookies? 396 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,442 Doilies? 397 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,945 What kind of a monster is this woman? 398 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,613 Oh, God, those cookies smell good. 399 00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,382 Let's kill her and eat them. 400 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,384 Karen... 401 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,719 why don't you go stand guard? 402 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,057 Come on. 403 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,458 (snickering) 404 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,160 Shh! Shh! 405 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,298 (stifled laughter) 406 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,267 (laughing) Shh! 407 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,302 (laughing) 408 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,606 Ooh. 409 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,809 One of us should probably know something about cars. 410 00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:12,045 Ah, doesn't matter, just pull some of the wires. 411 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,580 Let's get out of here. 412 00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,315 (screaming laughter) 413 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,850 (laughing hysterically) 414 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:19,819 Karen, Karen. 415 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:20,820 You got to stop. 416 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:21,989 Karen. 417 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,823 You got to settle down. 418 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,126 Whoa! 419 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,260 Karen, why don't you see 420 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:29,963 if you can say the alphabet backwards. 421 00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:33,166 Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R, Q 422 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,836 P, O, N, M, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A. 423 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,138 (giggling) 424 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,140 I've been pulled over a few times. 425 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,475 Hey! Lillian's gone. 426 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,876 What do you mean Lillian's gone? 427 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:46,179 (gasping) 428 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,781 Run! 429 00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:53,120 (screaming) 430 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:18,645 This is a pointless exercise. You haven't proven a thing. 431 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,282 You certainly haven't determined what my limits are. 432 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,550 None of this has bothered me. 433 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,885 And if you think it has, the joke is on you. 434 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,021 Clench. 435 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,729 That's the third time 436 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,231 he drove down that alley. 437 00:16:38,265 --> 00:16:40,067 He knows we're in here. 438 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,468 This is gross. 439 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:44,037 I can't believe I'm wearing open-toed shoes. 440 00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:48,007 (crying): I can't believe I'm hiding from the cops in a Dumpster. 441 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:51,878 I just wanted to talk about books. 442 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:56,249 Oh, and it was such a good book, too. 443 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:59,552 The foreshadowing was effective without being heavy-handed, 444 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,488 the characters were, were flawed 445 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,056 but compelling, 446 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,657 and the entire story was brimming with insight 447 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,096 (choking up): into the human condition. 448 00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:11,864 But how did you even find time to read it? 449 00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:14,067 Your family sounds so horrible. 450 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,868 I was lying. 451 00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:21,273 I made all that stuff up so that I would fit in. 452 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,910 They're wonderful. 453 00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:28,013 I mean, they're idiots, but at least they try. 454 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,117 They wanted me to have this nice evening, 455 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,718 and look what I did with it. 456 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:34,954 What are you doing? 457 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,089 You'll see. 458 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:38,291 Go home to your family and hug them for me. 459 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:39,559 They sound wonderful. 460 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,362 Hi, piggies! 461 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,464 Over here! 462 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,266 Here, piggy, piggy, piggy. 463 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,900 (grunting) 464 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,102 (squeals) 465 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,572 Come on! 466 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,641 Show me what you got! 467 00:17:56,143 --> 00:18:00,280 Am I supposed to be afraid of an electric shaver? 468 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,282 (Taser buzzes, Karen screams) 469 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,486 NARRATOR: It's lighter than most other minerals... 470 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,289 Why is he making us watch a documentary about salt? 471 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,424 Would you rather still be locked in the bathroom? 472 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,726 Or be chased by the hug monster? 473 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,296 Will you just do something? I'm trying. 474 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,831 But every time we make a move, he's two steps ahead of us. 475 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,066 He's impossible to predict. 476 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,169 At least with Mom, you get a little consistency. 477 00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,404 But Dad's operating on a whole other plane. 478 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,472 (sighs) 479 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:28,875 Hey, they put salt on French fries. 480 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,511 Ground them. 481 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,313 Cut off their food supply. 482 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,282 They just need love. 483 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,883 Give them the belt. 484 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,420 (small Hals talking) 485 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:43,022 (all talking at once) 486 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,696 These are precious years! 487 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,664 Get in the car and go. 488 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,967 (all talking at once) 489 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:08,481 Shut up! 490 00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:12,319 Okay, that's it. 491 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:17,357 I am going to take a bath. 492 00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:21,194 I'm asking you boys one last time to behave. 493 00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,329 Not for me 494 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,063 but for your mother. 495 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,399 After all she does for you, 496 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:28,335 one night of peace shouldn't be too much 497 00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,836 to ask for. 498 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:33,940 So if you love her, you will do this for her. 499 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,816 Wow, Francis, 500 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,718 I've never had anyone empty the box before. 501 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,053 I'm out of props. 502 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,154 You know, I wasn't on board 503 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,689 with your little experiment at first, 504 00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:50,757 but I got to admit, 505 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,659 I learned a lot about myself tonight. 506 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,561 I mean, who am I to judge other people 507 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,162 for the choices they make? 508 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,264 You know, for now on 509 00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,098 I'm going to be a little more understanding 510 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,567 and a lot more humble. 511 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,535 You want to stop for some dinner? 512 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,937 What, like this? 513 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:05,905 Sure. 514 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,940 Why not like this? 515 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,776 Have you ever thought about writing a book? 516 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,978 Because I'm sure there's a lot of people... Hey, Myrna. 517 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,316 What time's the pageant? 518 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,188 Fluffy's collar? 519 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,223 Mom said he ran away. 520 00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:25,458 Get out of there, Dewey. 521 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,895 Tracy really should have invited us. 522 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:31,097 This is what people get for being rude. 523 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,932 Okay, we'll hide these in the closet tonight. 524 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,634 When we get out, we'll cover up the hole, 525 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,635 and by the time Mom's home, 526 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:36,969 we'll be in bed sleeping like babies. 527 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,237 LOIS: Boys! 528 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,807 Fireworks?! 529 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,975 Fireworks?! 530 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,911 (grunting) 531 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,414 How did she...? I don't know. 532 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,982 You boys are in so much trouble. 533 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,151 I can't leave you alone for a second! 534 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,320 I guess next time I go out, 535 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,288 I'll have to chain you to the floor. 536 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:58,758 We tell you to behave, and you don't even pretend to listen! 537 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,793 You might as well cut off your ears 538 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:02,995 and throw them in the trash for as little as you use them. 539 00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:05,465 You are grounded for the next month! 540 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,966 OFFICER: Get down on the ground 541 00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,568 with your hands behind your head! 542 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,737 And while you're being punished, 543 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:15,274 I hope your friends are doing all sorts of fun stuff 544 00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:18,144 because you won't be doing any of it! 545 00:21:18,177 --> 00:21:20,079 You are going to suffer! 546 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,648 No TV! 547 00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:23,483 Oh, I should get out there. No visitors! 548 00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:24,917 Nah, you'd just screw it up. 549 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,919 Good call.