1 00:00:27,946 --> 00:00:32,655 Hello. It's Cheech. I'm not here right now. 2 00:00:32,826 --> 00:00:36,740 I'm here, but I'm not here. I'm on my way to Amsterdam. 3 00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:39,997 We were invited to Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton's film festival. 4 00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:42,372 So I want to be in Amsterdam a while. 5 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:48,877 If you have to get hold of me, then leave a message after the beep. 6 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,833 And if it's Donna… 7 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,384 put it where it'll do, baby. 8 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,391 See you. 9 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:02,685 Hey, where are you? I'm at the airport. 10 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:06,306 The plane will take off soon without us. Come now! 11 00:01:32,049 --> 00:01:34,966 It is the first airport I have not been searched in 12 00:01:35,135 --> 00:01:38,006 You don't smuggle to Amsterdam! 13 00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,974 Many thanks. 14 00:01:49,607 --> 00:01:51,814 - Mr. Burt Reynolds. - A pleasure to meet you. 15 00:01:51,985 --> 00:01:55,603 On behalf of Amsterdam International Film Festival, 16 00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:58,983 we warmly welcome them to Amsterdam, Mr. Burt Reynolds. 17 00:01:59,158 --> 00:02:02,029 I hope they get one pleasant stay. 18 00:02:02,203 --> 00:02:05,654 Do they know about Miss Dolly Parton was on the plane? 19 00:02:05,831 --> 00:02:07,658 Was Dolly Parton on the plane? 20 00:02:07,833 --> 00:02:09,991 I didn't see Dolly Parton. Was she on the plane? 21 00:02:10,169 --> 00:02:14,996 I have seen your film. They are much higher in reality. 22 00:02:15,173 --> 00:02:19,253 May I... may I call you Burt, mr reynolds? 23 00:02:19,428 --> 00:02:20,423 What? 24 00:02:20,595 --> 00:02:26,929 I could call you Mr. Burt, mr Reynolds Or Burt or similar. 25 00:02:27,102 --> 00:02:31,728 - May I call you Burt, Mr. Reynolds? - I'm not Burt Reynolds. 26 00:02:31,898 --> 00:02:35,978 - Aren't you Burt Reynolds? - No man, I'm Cheech. 27 00:02:36,152 --> 00:02:38,061 This is Chong. We are Cheech and Chong. 28 00:02:38,237 --> 00:02:42,484 Turn around so he can see. Cheech and Chong. Can you see? 29 00:02:46,662 --> 00:02:49,497 They are here and… 30 00:02:49,665 --> 00:02:52,582 Here, where is the car? 31 00:02:52,751 --> 00:02:57,745 There is a carriage waiting for you Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds. 32 00:02:57,923 --> 00:03:00,248 But you can take the van if you want. 33 00:03:00,425 --> 00:03:03,628 Go outside. There is a van. 34 00:03:09,434 --> 00:03:12,351 No more autographs, please. No more pictures. 35 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,596 Thank you, thank you. It is wonderful to be here. 36 00:03:14,772 --> 00:03:17,310 Drive me to the nearest Lebbe. Thanks. 37 00:03:17,483 --> 00:03:18,858 Beware. 38 00:03:19,568 --> 00:03:23,020 I have write block. Otherwise, thanks. 39 00:03:24,406 --> 00:03:26,648 Hey, man, I think I'll stay need to do it. 40 00:03:26,825 --> 00:03:30,159 - Do what? - Scammer my face. 41 00:03:30,329 --> 00:03:33,413 I look too good. The guy thinks I'm Burt Reynolds. 42 00:03:33,582 --> 00:03:36,417 I will have to give the other actors a chance. 43 00:03:36,585 --> 00:03:40,119 i don't think you need to go far. 44 00:03:40,296 --> 00:03:45,124 You just need to get another big pimple. Just like the one you have there. 45 00:03:45,301 --> 00:03:48,219 Where? Do I have a nose? 46 00:03:48,387 --> 00:03:50,713 Yes, a big yellow one. 47 00:03:50,890 --> 00:03:52,598 - Is it big? - Yes. 48 00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,843 It looks like you have two noses. 49 00:03:55,019 --> 00:03:59,681 If you want to be ugly, you can let a busman sit in the moustache. 50 00:03:59,857 --> 00:04:02,774 - Is it gone? - And if you want to be uglier... 51 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:05,066 Shut up! 52 00:04:09,574 --> 00:04:13,358 Ah, You're sitting here... watching there... 53 00:04:14,829 --> 00:04:19,123 ...these seats actually existed Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds. 54 00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,913 Should Dolly Parton sit here? 55 00:04:22,086 --> 00:04:24,624 We can then move together a little. 56 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:28,665 I asked the others about putting you in the van. 57 00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,840 They just told us to sit here. 58 00:04:34,014 --> 00:04:37,099 They probably didn't understand it. 59 00:04:37,268 --> 00:04:40,968 Are you sure that Burt Reynolds wasn't on the plane? 60 00:04:41,146 --> 00:04:43,815 He was not with us. We flew in first class. 61 00:04:43,982 --> 00:04:46,438 Maybe he sat down together with the farmers. 62 00:04:46,610 --> 00:04:51,402 - Do you fly in first class? - Yes, thanks for the tickets. 63 00:04:51,573 --> 00:04:55,985 There is a small problem. Didn't you get the telegram? 64 00:04:56,161 --> 00:04:59,446 Which telegram? You said come over here and party here. 65 00:04:59,622 --> 00:05:03,536 You were on the list, but there is a small financial problem. 66 00:05:03,709 --> 00:05:05,749 Do you know Mr. Patrick? 67 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,419 It was the guy who called. And sent us the tickets. 68 00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:12,461 He's a good guy. Met him at a party. 69 00:05:12,635 --> 00:05:15,754 He is a big fan of us. 70 00:05:17,056 --> 00:05:20,590 He said: "come to Amsterdam and let's party." 71 00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:23,056 We know how to party. 72 00:05:23,228 --> 00:05:26,478 - We have become quite good at it. - We are ready. 73 00:05:26,648 --> 00:05:32,353 To be honest. I asked him to cancel this trip. 74 00:05:32,529 --> 00:05:35,020 We have a small financial problem. 75 00:05:37,033 --> 00:05:42,620 Mr Patrick disappeared with all the money. And my car. 76 00:05:42,788 --> 00:05:47,201 Well, he'll be back one of the closest days. 77 00:05:47,376 --> 00:05:49,499 Yes, sure. He's coming back. 78 00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:52,790 We'll probably help you. We're putting on a show. 79 00:05:52,965 --> 00:05:55,123 We haven't worked in four years. 80 00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,423 It doesn't matter. I can remember it all. 81 00:05:57,594 --> 00:06:01,888 - Where are the windmills? - Maybe you can see one on the left. 82 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,215 Where is the chocolate? 83 00:06:04,392 --> 00:06:06,848 You haven't been to the Netherlands before? 84 00:06:07,020 --> 00:06:12,227 What are you doing in America? Radio or something like that? 85 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,689 Never heard of Cheech and Chong? 86 00:06:14,861 --> 00:06:17,399 Where have you been hiding? 87 00:06:17,572 --> 00:06:18,734 We make movies. 88 00:06:18,906 --> 00:06:22,358 I have a beautiful cinema in Amsterdam. 89 00:06:22,535 --> 00:06:24,860 We're going to have a press conference. 90 00:06:25,037 --> 00:06:28,240 I want to introduce Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds 91 00:06:28,415 --> 00:06:32,365 to the Dutch and people from the press. 92 00:06:32,544 --> 00:06:36,542 Where will the party be held? In your cinema? 93 00:06:36,715 --> 00:06:40,298 Patrick said, that Sylvia Kristel is coming to the party. 94 00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:43,837 - Maybe she does. - You are Dutch. 95 00:06:44,014 --> 00:06:45,923 I'm Dutch, yes. 96 00:06:46,099 --> 00:06:51,259 Parties are held, but some have been cancelled due to financial problems. 97 00:06:51,437 --> 00:06:53,264 Maybe we can have a single party. 98 00:06:53,439 --> 00:06:56,938 - Where can we score some hash? - What do you mean? 99 00:06:57,109 --> 00:07:00,525 - I have the address of that tent cafe. - Cool. 100 00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:03,068 We have many cafés in Amsterdam. 101 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,989 You have to smoke a lot of tent to compensate for his jet lag. 102 00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:35,634 Mr Burt, Welcome to the Netherlands. 103 00:07:59,127 --> 00:08:03,172 Mr. Dolly, Mr. Burt, Follow me. 104 00:08:04,465 --> 00:08:09,008 This is our very best. The Saskia van Uylenburgh suite. 105 00:08:09,178 --> 00:08:11,716 Rembrandt's former wife. The best we have. 106 00:08:13,391 --> 00:08:17,009 So here we are, at our very best. 107 00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:19,759 Amsterdam for your feet. The Venice of Northern Europe. 108 00:08:19,939 --> 00:08:21,433 Excuse me. 109 00:08:22,107 --> 00:08:24,515 Rye building to the big markets. 110 00:08:24,693 --> 00:08:27,065 The National Museum. 111 00:08:27,237 --> 00:08:29,645 The Vincent Van Gogh Museum. 112 00:08:29,823 --> 00:08:33,192 Amsterdam History Museum. 113 00:08:33,368 --> 00:08:36,404 There are many attractions here. 114 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:39,117 Many, Mr. Burt, many. 115 00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:43,246 - The Queen's Castle. - uh, yes. 116 00:08:43,419 --> 00:08:45,079 The Stedelijk Museum. 117 00:08:45,254 --> 00:08:48,754 Xaviera Hollander's house. 118 00:08:48,925 --> 00:08:53,882 Mr. Burt, I am so glad they are here. 119 00:08:55,139 --> 00:08:59,302 I'm your biggest fan, Mr. Burt. You can safely believe that. 120 00:08:59,476 --> 00:09:03,556 Mr Burt, I am your biggest fan. I have seen all your movies. 121 00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:07,099 Except the latest one. I haven't seen the latest one. 122 00:09:07,276 --> 00:09:08,307 Neither have I! 123 00:09:08,485 --> 00:09:11,770 Excuse me, Mr. Burt, Do they have any Dutch money? 124 00:09:11,947 --> 00:09:15,529 No, no, no, no, Mr. Dolly, They don't have to pay. 125 00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:18,108 It's free, man. 126 00:09:23,750 --> 00:09:27,664 Sorry. It's not free. They must sign the bill. 127 00:09:34,009 --> 00:09:37,544 Mr Jan Godefry has arranged everything for you. 128 00:09:37,721 --> 00:09:39,963 They just order and sign. 129 00:09:41,642 --> 00:09:43,100 Just sign. 130 00:09:43,268 --> 00:09:48,428 What is Raquel Welch like? Like, skin against skin? 131 00:09:48,607 --> 00:09:51,180 - She lasts forever. - Really? 132 00:09:53,862 --> 00:09:56,816 If there is anything you need... 133 00:09:56,990 --> 00:10:01,201 - I mean, anything. - Anything? 134 00:10:01,369 --> 00:10:06,529 Whatever. We have some ivory statues. 135 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,949 Oriental statues... 136 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,499 ...from "Beautiful Fun" in the basement. 137 00:10:14,673 --> 00:10:18,837 The little fingers bring you up to the marks, slowly, slowly, 138 00:10:19,011 --> 00:10:22,047 to a pleasure you have never experienced. 139 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,345 - And you just sign? - Just sign. 140 00:10:24,516 --> 00:10:26,888 Sorry, I need him. 141 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,729 1001 pleasures. 142 00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,522 Everything you want. 143 00:10:36,694 --> 00:10:41,023 Enjoy your stay in Amsterdam... in the Netherlands. 144 00:10:43,784 --> 00:10:46,454 Sign. Whatever. 145 00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:48,447 Amsterdamski, man! 146 00:10:50,958 --> 00:10:52,333 Your luggage. 147 00:10:55,129 --> 00:10:56,587 Hey, man, just sign. 148 00:10:56,755 --> 00:10:58,582 - Sign? - Sign. 149 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,388 And to you. 150 00:11:09,017 --> 00:11:12,931 - Can I get one for the doorman? - Of course. 151 00:11:14,647 --> 00:11:15,892 Thanks. 152 00:11:17,817 --> 00:11:18,979 Goodbye. 153 00:11:21,612 --> 00:11:23,486 We made it, man. 154 00:11:23,656 --> 00:11:25,981 Where is there a toilet ski? 155 00:11:39,379 --> 00:11:44,504 Just look at the size of this bathtub. We could have a few friends in on it. 156 00:11:44,676 --> 00:11:46,752 Do you still have your outboard motor? 157 00:11:47,429 --> 00:11:50,678 Wow, look here. What is it? 158 00:11:51,307 --> 00:11:54,142 Hey, man, help! 159 00:11:55,853 --> 00:11:57,431 what are you doing 160 00:12:09,366 --> 00:12:11,109 Room service? 161 00:12:12,077 --> 00:12:14,948 This is Mr. Burt in the Suzi Q suite. 162 00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:20,332 You know, Burt and Dolly. 163 00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:22,957 Yes, her Raquel Welch. She is something special. 164 00:12:23,129 --> 00:12:24,458 No, they are married. 165 00:12:24,631 --> 00:12:30,170 Here, that caviar you sent up today? It smells like fish. 166 00:12:30,345 --> 00:12:32,467 Yes, and it has turned completely black. 167 00:12:32,638 --> 00:12:35,343 Someone must have forgotten to put it in the fridge. 168 00:12:35,516 --> 00:12:40,807 Can't you send up the other caviar? Send some of that Belgian. 169 00:12:42,815 --> 00:12:47,975 I don't know that. A pound? No, let's have five pounds. 170 00:12:48,195 --> 00:12:52,607 Just what you have. Send it up immediately. We are really hungry. 171 00:12:52,783 --> 00:12:54,989 Good, �seltank. 172 00:12:55,160 --> 00:13:00,201 Cool, the game. This is the new version. 173 00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:17,051 I'm starting to get bored. Let's go out to see the city. 174 00:13:52,506 --> 00:13:56,835 Amsterdam. Look at those buds. 175 00:13:57,011 --> 00:13:58,802 See here. 176 00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:01,466 They are married! 177 00:14:04,309 --> 00:14:07,393 - Would you like something to eat? - Yes, thank you. 178 00:14:07,562 --> 00:14:10,433 - Today's dish is Indika. - Cool. 179 00:14:10,607 --> 00:14:14,474 - Would you like some marijuana tea? - That would be nice. 180 00:14:16,237 --> 00:14:22,607 Wow, look what they got, man. Seasonal fresh buds with melon. 181 00:14:22,785 --> 00:14:25,193 Look here, filet au cola. 182 00:14:26,831 --> 00:14:31,327 Here is my favorite, sweet soup. God knows if there's pepper in it. 183 00:14:33,629 --> 00:14:38,706 First a mixed Californian bouillon salad, and then a shake-shake. 184 00:14:39,551 --> 00:14:44,012 What is "Mushroom Mungus"? Dirty. Just give me one. 185 00:14:44,181 --> 00:14:50,634 For the main course, a Bogart special with all of it, including the mold. 186 00:14:50,812 --> 00:14:53,766 And then I try a Tempel Surprise, 187 00:14:54,315 --> 00:14:56,604 To screw it up, man. 188 00:14:56,776 --> 00:15:01,485 I'll have a cream soup with hash and barley. 189 00:15:01,656 --> 00:15:04,491 Is it the season for fresh buds? 190 00:15:07,119 --> 00:15:11,164 For dessert, I take the rum yogurt with chopped colan�ds. 191 00:15:11,332 --> 00:15:14,202 Thanks. Let it go a little faster. 192 00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,409 Can you feel anything? 193 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:43,919 I'm still hungry, man. Shall we order another round? 194 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:52,173 Try to explain why the people on the list do not come. 195 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:57,092 Sit here, and you can sit... 196 00:17:19,287 --> 00:17:22,241 - Do you have a headache pill? - I have a half. 197 00:17:22,457 --> 00:17:24,449 My concentration fails. 198 00:17:37,638 --> 00:17:39,844 Try to be as friendly as possible. 199 00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:43,218 I will have to go, I will call to arrange 200 00:17:43,394 --> 00:17:47,142 Miss Parton and Mr Burton's plane. I'll be back soon. 201 00:17:48,482 --> 00:17:52,230 Mr Cheek and Mr Wrong. 202 00:17:52,444 --> 00:17:56,311 I don't understand anything. I've been waiting half an hour. 203 00:17:56,531 --> 00:17:59,283 We overslept. We slept under us. 204 00:18:00,243 --> 00:18:03,943 - Who are you? - Cheech and Chong. 205 00:18:04,163 --> 00:18:06,915 Cheech as peach. Chong as Dong. 206 00:18:07,083 --> 00:18:09,953 What films do we get to see during the festival? 207 00:18:10,127 --> 00:18:14,505 Are you taking over for a while? 208 00:18:15,466 --> 00:18:18,751 Do you know when are Reynolds and Parton coming? 209 00:18:21,055 --> 00:18:25,551 Dolly Parton is coming, and Burt Reynolds and Paul Newman. 210 00:18:25,726 --> 00:18:32,558 Jimi Hendrix is coming, and ET, he is one of my good friends. 211 00:18:32,732 --> 00:18:36,101 - Who are you? - Cheech and Chong. 212 00:18:36,277 --> 00:18:38,768 We are big in America. 213 00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:15,148 I am proud to be able to present the world-famous actors. 214 00:19:15,315 --> 00:19:18,150 Mr Cheech and Mr Chong. 215 00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:32,206 You can now ask your questions. 216 00:19:32,373 --> 00:19:38,126 Thank you for coming to the Netherlands. We are terribly excited. 217 00:19:38,295 --> 00:19:43,171 Now we can meet you in reality. We can greet you personally. 218 00:19:43,342 --> 00:19:49,130 My question: why do you make yours first film festival in Amsterdam? 219 00:19:49,848 --> 00:19:51,721 Because... 220 00:20:02,777 --> 00:20:07,237 We are really happy to have you here and I love you. 221 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,410 I mean, I love all your movies. 222 00:20:12,161 --> 00:20:17,914 I have seen all but the last one. There was a k� p� approx. Five kilometers. 223 00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:22,875 - So I couldn't get a ticket. - The Cheech will get you tickets. 224 00:20:30,386 --> 00:20:34,598 We know you made that scar to give other actors a chance. 225 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:40,851 But you are even more beautiful with it scars on the face. It's fantastic. 226 00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:44,770 What can I do? I try. 227 00:20:51,281 --> 00:20:54,318 I owe everything to my instructor. 228 00:21:01,666 --> 00:21:06,043 Wake up, it's over. Let us have some breakfast. I'm hungry. 229 00:21:06,212 --> 00:21:10,340 Why do you say such things? I asked you to be kind. 230 00:21:10,508 --> 00:21:13,711 There were many important ones journalists from the Netherlands. 231 00:21:13,886 --> 00:21:16,424 And why talked you about Paul Newman? 232 00:21:16,597 --> 00:21:18,804 Who invited ET? 233 00:21:31,195 --> 00:21:35,322 - Beware. - I know exactly what I want. 234 00:21:35,490 --> 00:21:40,781 A large plate of "huevos rancheros" with rice, beans and hot dog tortillas. 235 00:21:40,954 --> 00:21:46,196 - And a small glass of tequila. - I don't understand. 236 00:21:46,376 --> 00:21:51,417 - I'll have coffee and toast. - Two of them. 237 00:21:54,759 --> 00:21:58,424 - I wanted the "muchacha burrito". - Do you want clams? 238 00:21:58,637 --> 00:22:02,884 - No, just coffee and toast. - Are you sure? 239 00:22:05,477 --> 00:22:10,720 - Let's think a bit about our show. - We should really think about it. 240 00:22:10,899 --> 00:22:15,561 Let's do a skit about parties. Something we know about. 241 00:22:15,737 --> 00:22:20,980 We promised him the guy a show. We should start thinking about it. 242 00:22:21,159 --> 00:22:26,829 - What are we going to do? - Something about movies and TV. 243 00:22:26,998 --> 00:22:30,497 I was working on a sketch. I forgot to tell you that. 244 00:22:30,668 --> 00:22:35,081 We start from ET. Just in a Mexican version. 245 00:22:35,256 --> 00:22:39,040 It should be called: "Eddie Torres, the extra testicle". 246 00:22:41,011 --> 00:22:44,095 It's about a horny guy from eastern outer space. 247 00:22:44,264 --> 00:22:46,934 He lands on Earth in a flying saucer 248 00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:50,765 He depends on a girl who is alone at home and hides him in a closet. 249 00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:54,223 And he chases her around the house. 250 00:22:54,399 --> 00:22:58,812 - How are we going to do it on stage? - I have a costume. 251 00:22:59,029 --> 00:23:02,278 I had a guy make it. 252 00:23:02,824 --> 00:23:07,450 A. Eddie Torres, the extra testicle. 253 00:23:07,662 --> 00:23:09,820 Checked, right? 254 00:23:09,997 --> 00:23:14,374 And look here, special effects. Let's run it all the way out. Big budget. 255 00:23:16,003 --> 00:23:21,128 The girl comes by, and he chases her around the house. 256 00:23:32,227 --> 00:23:34,800 She probably doesn't speak Spanish. 257 00:24:14,517 --> 00:24:19,559 Get out. I have something running here. Leave me alone. 258 00:24:20,023 --> 00:24:24,649 Now get out, man. I mean that… 259 00:24:37,748 --> 00:24:42,575 - Is something wrong? - The door is locked. 260 00:24:44,046 --> 00:24:47,212 Now I have to help you. 261 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:29,337 I mean it. Go to hell. 262 00:25:50,651 --> 00:25:53,854 Open the door. I'm stuck. Close up. 263 00:25:54,029 --> 00:25:56,983 Open the door! 264 00:26:02,370 --> 00:26:05,205 Now get the hell out of me, right? 265 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:14,268 I'm fine. Forget the tuition fees. I'm fine. 266 00:27:35,751 --> 00:27:40,294 No more, no more. 267 00:28:50,448 --> 00:28:53,982 - Let's get something to eat. - Let's eat at the club. 268 00:28:54,159 --> 00:28:57,991 - Where is the club? - This way. 269 00:28:58,163 --> 00:29:01,164 - Where, that way? - Follow me. 270 00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:23,180 Ah, hi. �self tank. 271 00:29:24,438 --> 00:29:26,645 Nice Dutch entertainment. 272 00:29:26,816 --> 00:29:30,315 Czechoslovak band and American singers. 273 00:29:31,529 --> 00:29:36,071 - What would you like to drink? - Champagne. 274 00:29:37,034 --> 00:29:40,485 Champagne. bring it on and put it on the table. 275 00:29:43,457 --> 00:29:49,210 - It looks like the place we started in. - Yes, it really looks like it. 276 00:29:52,507 --> 00:29:57,169 Would you like a cigar? They are Cuban. You can only get them here. 277 00:30:08,272 --> 00:30:10,478 I wanted to do our show here. 278 00:30:10,649 --> 00:30:16,105 I wanted to do a show with the cigar girl. An unnatural show. 279 00:30:21,493 --> 00:30:25,028 Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 280 00:30:27,749 --> 00:30:31,034 Our name is, "Top Flight". A mainstream American vocal group. 281 00:30:31,211 --> 00:30:36,501 If you want to see more, stay tuned. We'll be back with more entertainment. 282 00:30:36,674 --> 00:30:43,590 Piccadilly Nightclub presents, from America, Rode Pik. 283 00:30:54,775 --> 00:30:58,060 Many thanks. Thank you for the applause. 284 00:30:59,070 --> 00:31:04,943 Thanks for the introduction, though my name is Rode Nick, not Rode Pik. 285 00:31:06,119 --> 00:31:10,247 The guy must have the sneak peek in the dressing room. 286 00:31:10,415 --> 00:31:12,822 Many thanks. 287 00:31:15,211 --> 00:31:21,878 I'm used to singing in the street. This is my first time on a stage. 288 00:31:23,594 --> 00:31:29,597 I'm so nervous that you can't beat one nail me in the ass with a mukert. 289 00:31:32,936 --> 00:31:35,059 Here's a joke. 290 00:31:35,230 --> 00:31:39,228 You know why cowboys do you have shit in your moustache? 291 00:31:39,401 --> 00:31:43,101 They are looking for love the wrong places. 292 00:31:47,825 --> 00:31:54,824 Thanks. Good, now I want to sing a song. 293 00:31:55,041 --> 00:31:57,994 It is called "the first time I saw her". 294 00:31:58,169 --> 00:32:02,000 It's an original song. I wrote it myself. 295 00:32:04,216 --> 00:32:05,924 Many thanks. 296 00:32:31,701 --> 00:32:33,989 Many thanks. 297 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:47,131 It is a pleasure to introduce an old friend. He is a blues singer. 298 00:32:47,299 --> 00:32:49,968 He has sung with me down at the Dam Square. 299 00:32:50,135 --> 00:32:52,804 We have made a lot of money together 300 00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:57,882 He is the world's oldest blues singer. So old that his farts are dusty. 301 00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:03,934 He is the father of the blues. So let's give a warm welcome to 302 00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:07,689 Blind Melon Chitlins. Come and see. 303 00:33:09,362 --> 00:33:11,235 Blind Melon Chitlins. 304 00:33:22,082 --> 00:33:26,744 Blind Melon Chitlins, The blindest singer in the world. 305 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,039 Sit down here. 306 00:33:35,595 --> 00:33:39,889 Like that. Just sit down. 307 00:33:48,607 --> 00:33:54,859 He cannot see because he is blind, but he is not deaf. Give him a hand. 308 00:34:43,952 --> 00:34:46,704 Ladies and Gentlemen... 309 00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,257 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 310 00:35:06,140 --> 00:35:09,473 My name is Blind Melon Chitlins. 311 00:35:11,687 --> 00:35:17,440 I am a legend. I am 156 years old. 312 00:35:18,193 --> 00:35:24,480 It is true. 156 years old. And I can still get it up. 313 00:35:28,953 --> 00:35:31,076 I just can't get it in. 314 00:35:36,627 --> 00:35:39,581 I want to have fun with you now, 315 00:35:39,755 --> 00:35:44,002 and sing a song I wrote one day. 316 00:35:44,176 --> 00:35:49,171 It is called, "Going down town, going to meet my girl". 317 00:35:49,348 --> 00:35:51,803 It sounds like this here. 318 00:36:26,133 --> 00:36:29,087 You are welcome to dance if you feel like it. 319 00:36:53,117 --> 00:36:55,822 Yes, I want to dance a little now. 320 00:36:55,995 --> 00:36:57,904 Well. 321 00:37:02,126 --> 00:37:04,367 Blind Melon Chitlins. 322 00:37:10,550 --> 00:37:14,168 It's good that this place has Open 24 hours a day. 323 00:37:14,346 --> 00:37:17,050 Everything in this city has legs all day. 324 00:37:17,223 --> 00:37:20,343 I waited for the bar to close, and it never closed. 325 00:37:20,518 --> 00:37:23,056 I love Amsterdam. 326 00:37:23,229 --> 00:37:27,061 Soon I won't be able to party anymore. I am completely devastated. 327 00:37:27,233 --> 00:37:32,820 I hope they have a masseuse here. The back needs. So does the cover. 328 00:37:50,338 --> 00:37:52,497 - Cheech? - �h! 329 00:37:52,674 --> 00:37:56,506 - I can't see without my glasses. - Come and sit next to me. 330 00:37:56,720 --> 00:38:00,669 I thought of another sketch. Gay worlds. 331 00:38:00,890 --> 00:38:03,926 - Do you remember Gayworlds? - Yes. 332 00:38:04,143 --> 00:38:07,726 - Tails in outer space. - That's fine. 333 00:38:07,939 --> 00:38:13,525 These two busses are fine ready for a party, remember? 334 00:38:13,736 --> 00:38:15,444 Gay worlds. 335 00:38:15,988 --> 00:38:19,902 - What should I wear to the party? - Something exciting. 336 00:38:20,159 --> 00:38:25,070 I know that. I drive Peter Allen style. 337 00:38:25,497 --> 00:38:31,202 - I don't think so. - No, I'm tired of Carmen Miranda. 338 00:38:32,629 --> 00:38:33,909 Tonight... 339 00:38:36,299 --> 00:38:38,541 I'm Butch. 340 00:38:41,220 --> 00:38:46,559 - Too Jackson Five-esque. - Yes, you're right. 341 00:38:49,145 --> 00:38:51,766 What about Liza? 342 00:39:03,367 --> 00:39:05,525 I don't think so. 343 00:39:07,495 --> 00:39:12,122 It all bores me. We have to buy some new clothes. 344 00:39:25,179 --> 00:39:29,675 - This is my cloak, take it off. - I'm just trying it on. 345 00:39:29,850 --> 00:39:32,851 - Take it off. - I'll wear it tonight. 346 00:39:33,020 --> 00:39:35,558 You always make stains on my clothes. 347 00:39:35,731 --> 00:39:39,942 - I want it on. - I'll put it on. This is my cloak. 348 00:39:40,110 --> 00:39:42,862 - I know it's your cloak. - Then take it off. 349 00:39:43,029 --> 00:39:45,152 Ah, get yourself an enema! 350 00:39:45,323 --> 00:39:48,194 If I don't put the cloak on, I'm not taking it 351 00:39:48,368 --> 00:39:52,033 - So let it be. - I'm not coming. 352 00:39:54,707 --> 00:39:59,702 - There are lots of clothes. - I said I'm not coming. 353 00:40:00,171 --> 00:40:06,125 - We have to go. We are star guardians. - I don't need to go anywhere. 354 00:40:06,343 --> 00:40:11,301 - Fine, then I'll go alone. - You liked that, huh? 355 00:40:11,473 --> 00:40:14,308 Who will come to the party? 356 00:40:14,518 --> 00:40:18,350 You know that very well. Erik Bang. 357 00:40:19,189 --> 00:40:22,273 Aren't you afraid to use your hands. 358 00:40:22,442 --> 00:40:25,443 I stay at home and smovser in chocolate. 359 00:40:30,408 --> 00:40:32,365 Cheer up, Doug. 360 00:40:32,535 --> 00:40:36,864 Are you menstruating again? It was a joke. 361 00:40:37,415 --> 00:40:41,282 - I'm just getting old. - No, you're not. 362 00:40:41,460 --> 00:40:46,336 - You can see my stretch marks. - Let's stay home and watch cartoons. 363 00:40:46,507 --> 00:40:48,832 I'm making popcorn. 364 00:40:54,014 --> 00:40:57,383 PRISONER TALK 365 00:40:57,559 --> 00:41:02,636 - It's not a cartoon. - Now let's just see what it is. 366 00:41:06,067 --> 00:41:09,234 Welcome to "Prison Talk". 367 00:41:09,404 --> 00:41:15,572 I am your host, Sleepy Gonzales. We will cut it out of cardboard today. 368 00:41:15,743 --> 00:41:21,995 To all you little rascals out there, how you stay out of the loop. 369 00:41:23,208 --> 00:41:28,451 I sat inside Sensitive, Soledad and Chino. 370 00:41:28,630 --> 00:41:33,422 This is my guest. He is famous. 371 00:41:33,593 --> 00:41:39,845 His name is Joe 'in the hole' Cole. He spent 40 years in Q. I Quentin. 372 00:41:40,016 --> 00:41:42,768 And 20 years in the hole. 373 00:41:42,936 --> 00:41:47,514 Welcome to the show. Here is a cake. You don't owe me anything. 374 00:41:47,690 --> 00:41:50,691 - And I don't owe you anything. - Thanks, Speedy. 375 00:41:50,860 --> 00:41:53,018 Sleepy. 376 00:41:55,448 --> 00:41:59,528 So... like... the topic today is arms control. 377 00:42:02,329 --> 00:42:06,991 I'm against... no I'm for. I am for gun control. 378 00:42:09,461 --> 00:42:11,750 Guns can kill you. 379 00:42:11,922 --> 00:42:15,373 Knives can also kill you. 380 00:42:15,550 --> 00:42:19,963 See here. I was stabbed 13 times in this arm. 381 00:42:20,138 --> 00:42:25,298 In this arm I got... I can't roll up that sleeve. 382 00:42:25,476 --> 00:42:30,518 But I'm still alive. And check it out here. 383 00:42:30,690 --> 00:42:35,850 I was shot in the side of the head. The ball is still in there. 384 00:42:36,028 --> 00:42:39,444 That's why I speak slowly. 385 00:42:39,615 --> 00:42:42,188 It's not because of drugs. 386 00:42:42,367 --> 00:42:46,910 And now, Joe will explain it to you. 387 00:42:50,542 --> 00:42:52,748 First, Speedy, 388 00:42:52,919 --> 00:42:55,790 i would say you are full of shit. 389 00:42:57,715 --> 00:43:01,795 You were full of shit, and you're more full of shit now. 390 00:43:04,347 --> 00:43:08,214 - Guys like me need guns. - You need guns, man. 391 00:43:08,392 --> 00:43:11,263 This is how I make a living. I rob banks. 392 00:43:11,437 --> 00:43:16,348 Can you see me walking into a bank with a knife and say: "hands up!" 393 00:43:16,525 --> 00:43:18,601 Yes, that would be sour. 394 00:43:19,570 --> 00:43:23,353 Besides, guns don't kill people... 395 00:43:23,532 --> 00:43:28,443 - Stringers kill people. - Exactly. I agree. 396 00:43:28,620 --> 00:43:33,780 The point is, you have to be an idiot for mishandling a gun. 397 00:43:33,958 --> 00:43:37,659 The first thing you do, is to ensure that the weapon does not... 398 00:43:57,397 --> 00:44:01,015 That was all we had time for today in Prison Talk. 399 00:44:01,193 --> 00:44:07,112 See next week where the topic is: How to score drugs in prison. 400 00:44:07,282 --> 00:44:10,117 Or how to avoid... prison. 401 00:44:10,285 --> 00:44:13,535 Hey, man, have some coffee. 402 00:44:17,750 --> 00:44:20,039 Does it? 403 00:44:23,798 --> 00:44:26,549 Hey, you're in luck. It came out. 404 00:44:27,593 --> 00:44:30,000 Mine's still in there, man. 405 00:44:30,179 --> 00:44:32,218 Hey, far out. 406 00:44:32,389 --> 00:44:35,343 See you next week. 407 00:44:40,731 --> 00:44:45,273 You know what we haven't done yet? A sketch about drugs. 408 00:44:47,695 --> 00:44:52,191 What we do is start with a telephone collection. 409 00:44:52,367 --> 00:44:56,032 You know, like Jerry Lewis does. Collecting money for children. 410 00:44:58,414 --> 00:45:01,331 I have it. We call it a teletent fundraiser. 411 00:45:03,252 --> 00:45:05,410 We have guest hosts on. 412 00:45:06,672 --> 00:45:11,499 We collect money for potheads, who has had a bad horse. 413 00:45:11,677 --> 00:45:15,591 - Do you like it? - I love it. You good God. 414 00:45:15,764 --> 00:45:20,805 I like that... Tent collection. 415 00:45:31,612 --> 00:45:38,326 Welcome to teletent collection '82 I am your host throughout the evening. 416 00:45:39,620 --> 00:45:46,239 We have to be here for 36 hours to collect for pot victims from all over the world. 417 00:45:46,418 --> 00:45:50,665 And now a presentation of what this teletjald collection '82 is about 418 00:45:50,839 --> 00:45:56,794 Let's give a big hand President Aske Skodholder! 419 00:45:58,430 --> 00:46:01,003 Welcome, Ash. 420 00:46:01,599 --> 00:46:07,139 Can you explain to people behind the scenes, what is teletjald collection? 421 00:46:09,357 --> 00:46:14,517 We are here because the government has burned our crops. 422 00:46:15,196 --> 00:46:20,356 They cause tent malnutrition all over the world. 423 00:46:21,493 --> 00:46:26,535 - Here is a victim of the burning. - Isn't it cute? 424 00:46:26,707 --> 00:46:29,791 It is a strange sight. 425 00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:34,918 We will collect to buy some tanks and anti-aircraft guns. 426 00:46:35,090 --> 00:46:36,714 Good idea. 427 00:46:36,883 --> 00:46:40,750 We must stop this, because it takes over. 428 00:46:40,929 --> 00:46:46,219 There are many people who are depend on us supplying drugs. 429 00:46:47,935 --> 00:46:52,348 The world would surely collapse, if it weren't for peasants like us, 430 00:46:52,523 --> 00:46:55,773 which takes us time to cultivate the dirt. 431 00:46:55,943 --> 00:47:00,404 It is true. That's why we must spend your money, then send it in. 432 00:47:00,572 --> 00:47:05,281 - Where are you from? - Ann Arbor, in Michigan. 433 00:47:05,452 --> 00:47:10,161 I was there in the 60s, when the universe had meaning. 434 00:47:10,332 --> 00:47:15,077 Hello, people out there in Ann Arbor. Now we show a small film. 435 00:47:15,253 --> 00:47:19,381 They sent it over from the studio. It is the first trailer from a new season. 436 00:47:19,591 --> 00:47:23,884 "The Harder They Don't Come" Run the movie. 437 00:47:28,182 --> 00:47:31,681 HIS DELICIOUSNESS BERTRAM MERUSKER i 438 00:47:33,020 --> 00:47:35,641 The Harder They Don't Come 439 00:47:35,814 --> 00:47:38,815 Hashish: Lebanese, homegrown Nigerian... 440 00:47:38,984 --> 00:47:41,060 Moroccans. 441 00:47:42,029 --> 00:47:48,149 Tent! Hi sister, Lebanese, Moroccan hash. Nigerian. 442 00:47:48,326 --> 00:47:51,944 Home grown. Come on, sister. You get a good price. 443 00:48:15,185 --> 00:48:19,100 Hi bro. Do you want to buy something? smoke of me? Good price. 444 00:48:19,273 --> 00:48:23,317 Moroccans, Lebanese, Afghans, Nigerians. Home grown. 445 00:48:23,527 --> 00:48:29,529 I wandered in here by chance. I was just looking for a drink. 446 00:48:29,699 --> 00:48:32,155 I wandered into the wrong place. 447 00:48:32,327 --> 00:48:35,493 Want some jazz tobacco? You should enjoy the music, bro. 448 00:48:35,705 --> 00:48:41,126 You call that music? Sounds like a jungle war. 449 00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:46,958 - It's good reggae. - It sounds like a big jungle war. 450 00:48:47,174 --> 00:48:50,626 - Where are you from? - Canada. 451 00:48:50,844 --> 00:48:53,466 Sergeant Preston. 452 00:48:56,934 --> 00:48:59,341 Good, you get a special Canadian price. 453 00:48:59,519 --> 00:49:02,935 You buy from me Nigerians, Moroccans, Lebanese home grown. 454 00:49:03,106 --> 00:49:07,851 - I'm not going to buy souvenirs. - I don't sell souvenirs. 455 00:49:08,028 --> 00:49:10,435 Good happy tobacco for good happy music. 456 00:49:10,613 --> 00:49:12,072 Not interested. 457 00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:17,317 How are you supposed to enjoy good music? without good marijuana? 458 00:49:17,537 --> 00:49:18,651 What? 459 00:49:18,830 --> 00:49:22,613 How should you be able to enjoy good music without good marijuana? 460 00:49:22,792 --> 00:49:27,085 Let me get something straight. You sell marijuana out here? 461 00:49:27,254 --> 00:49:30,789 There fell the ten, brother. 462 00:49:30,966 --> 00:49:35,129 - Good, up with your paws. - You don't need to rob me. 463 00:49:35,345 --> 00:49:38,132 - Police. - Police? 464 00:49:38,348 --> 00:49:43,555 I love you bro. I have all your records. 465 00:49:46,981 --> 00:49:50,979 Fool. Narcotics police. 466 00:49:51,194 --> 00:49:56,947 Go over there. Off with... What the hell? 467 00:49:57,158 --> 00:50:02,662 Hey, I'm American. I'm from Detroit. 468 00:50:02,872 --> 00:50:07,000 Go over there. Shut up. 469 00:50:07,209 --> 00:50:11,670 I'm in the army. Those assholes don't pay a penny. 470 00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:16,423 My mom got me into this. She threatened me to do so. 471 00:50:17,385 --> 00:50:20,422 Have you tried to discuss with a Dutch mother? 472 00:50:20,597 --> 00:50:22,636 First of all, you have to look up to them. 473 00:50:22,807 --> 00:50:26,307 She has been cycling all day. She could give you a kick ass. 474 00:50:26,478 --> 00:50:29,644 I'm just selling harmless tobacco. 475 00:50:30,773 --> 00:50:35,649 Harmless tobacco? Yes, it looks like harml�s tobacco. 476 00:50:35,861 --> 00:50:41,900 I have diabetes. It's saccharine. You can just throw it out. 477 00:50:51,418 --> 00:50:54,703 Great, you have my entire inventory. Now give me a chance. 478 00:50:54,921 --> 00:50:57,495 Do you want a chance? 479 00:50:57,841 --> 00:51:01,625 Come on, try to run away. 480 00:51:01,845 --> 00:51:07,883 One, two... It doesn't usually fail like that. 481 00:51:08,142 --> 00:51:11,843 Perhaps the chamber was empty. Let's try again. 482 00:51:12,021 --> 00:51:17,359 - One, two, three. - Be nice, man. 483 00:51:17,568 --> 00:51:19,940 - Remove the gun from my head. - Shut up. 484 00:51:20,112 --> 00:51:23,445 I just got penicillin. 485 00:51:23,615 --> 00:51:25,655 You're a real Karl Smart, huh? 486 00:51:25,826 --> 00:51:28,780 Just about in the ass. It hurt. 487 00:51:28,954 --> 00:51:32,453 Turn around, "on your ass". I said turn around. 488 00:51:35,919 --> 00:51:41,293 - Hey, give me a chance. Let me go. - You can just walk, come on, run! 489 00:51:41,466 --> 00:51:45,760 - Get that out of my head. - Don't you have any nuts? 490 00:51:47,930 --> 00:51:51,880 - Come on. - You have a big mouth, don't you? 491 00:51:52,101 --> 00:51:56,561 - Yes, Mr. - Turn around. Down on your knees, important person. 492 00:51:56,730 --> 00:52:02,235 - I said, down on your knees, important. - Yes, Mr. 493 00:52:03,445 --> 00:52:06,980 Come over here. Come and see here. 494 00:52:10,494 --> 00:52:16,329 - You know what to do, right? - Fuck you, man. 495 00:52:16,499 --> 00:52:19,417 Shut up, scumbag. 496 00:52:22,380 --> 00:52:25,049 You must begin to pray. 497 00:52:27,635 --> 00:52:32,795 Master! Bless us and these gifts that we shall receive... 498 00:52:35,517 --> 00:52:38,637 - Get up, dude. - Hold up, man. 499 00:52:38,812 --> 00:52:42,513 - Do you think God is funny? - I didn't make fun of God. 500 00:52:43,775 --> 00:52:46,646 You stupid pig... 501 00:52:57,038 --> 00:53:00,371 N�, give me the gun. 502 00:53:02,752 --> 00:53:07,579 You are already in trouble. Now don't make it worse. 503 00:53:10,259 --> 00:53:14,885 I see you're high on drugs. Don't make it worse. 504 00:53:15,055 --> 00:53:18,887 Here here. Give me the gun and you can go. 505 00:53:19,268 --> 00:53:22,185 Leave it at that. It has a sensitive trigger. 506 00:53:22,354 --> 00:53:27,312 It could fire at any time. I have a wife and child. 507 00:53:27,484 --> 00:53:30,983 Do you also want a new asshole? 508 00:53:31,237 --> 00:53:35,531 Please leave it alone. I'm not even a policeman. 509 00:53:35,700 --> 00:53:41,952 I'm a security guard at Woolworths. I'm on holiday, for heaven's sake. 510 00:53:42,123 --> 00:53:45,622 Please leave it alone. 511 00:53:46,794 --> 00:53:51,290 Hey, I like your kind. Honestly, I can. 512 00:53:51,465 --> 00:53:56,341 - Down on your knees. - Yes, Mr. 513 00:53:56,512 --> 00:54:00,212 You know what I want you to do right? 514 00:54:01,433 --> 00:54:04,434 That's not begging, bitch. 515 00:54:13,903 --> 00:54:18,114 We are back. Teletjald collection '82, and we are still driving. 516 00:54:18,282 --> 00:54:22,991 Keep the telephone exchange ready. We need your money, and promises. 517 00:54:23,162 --> 00:54:27,160 A special guest has fallen within the study. 518 00:54:27,374 --> 00:54:29,367 Let's give a warm welcome 519 00:54:29,543 --> 00:54:32,746 to the triple US Open International masturbation champion. 520 00:54:32,921 --> 00:54:35,756 Here he is, Harry H�rih�nd. 521 00:54:37,092 --> 00:54:40,591 Harry H�ri�hand. Let's give him a warm welcome. 522 00:54:40,762 --> 00:54:46,800 Harry, We are glad to see you. Fantastic. Nice of you to come. 523 00:54:50,438 --> 00:54:53,937 What a handshake you have, Harry. 524 00:54:54,150 --> 00:54:59,488 You are a graduate of St Agnes Catholic boys school, right? 525 00:54:59,697 --> 00:55:03,908 And you just returned from the great move in Russia. 526 00:55:04,118 --> 00:55:10,238 The World Championships. And you came in first and third place. 527 00:55:10,457 --> 00:55:13,126 Pull yourself together, Harry. 528 00:55:17,130 --> 00:55:20,166 Good for the skin. Well, but... 529 00:55:20,342 --> 00:55:24,209 Harry, you have renewed the gambling lodge. 530 00:55:24,387 --> 00:55:30,508 You have given us "quick change of hands". "around the dew" and "death's grip". 531 00:55:30,727 --> 00:55:34,261 This year you have introduced a completely new grip. What is it? 532 00:55:34,438 --> 00:55:39,266 This year I just take it in both hands and hit it against the forehead. 533 00:55:39,443 --> 00:55:43,607 Fantastic. That's what I call using your head. 534 00:55:43,822 --> 00:55:50,157 - What is happening now? - I'm going to the hotel and train. 535 00:55:50,329 --> 00:55:54,278 Always training. When is your next competition? 536 00:55:54,458 --> 00:55:58,537 Now it's off to Hong Kong, for the N�venyttig tournament. 537 00:55:58,712 --> 00:56:04,251 Good luck. We know you want to press it off for us. Harry H�ri�hand. 538 00:56:06,719 --> 00:56:09,969 You know what we don't been doing for a long time? 539 00:56:10,139 --> 00:56:13,259 Do you remember Bruno Hakalugi, the italian wrestler? 540 00:56:13,434 --> 00:56:17,134 There where Bruno mother The Invisible Man? 541 00:56:17,313 --> 00:56:20,397 Why don't we make it where you play the samurai warrior? 542 00:56:20,608 --> 00:56:25,103 I can be Bruno Hakalugi, then we do the wrestling sketch. 543 00:56:25,279 --> 00:56:28,114 I loved that skit. 544 00:56:30,450 --> 00:56:35,112 Welcome to the wrestling championship. 545 00:56:35,288 --> 00:56:37,744 I am your host, Jerry Dumpy. 546 00:56:37,916 --> 00:56:42,044 With me tonight is the triple World Heavyweight Champion, Mike McGraw. 547 00:56:42,211 --> 00:56:46,291 - Welcome, Iron Mike. - Thanks, Jerry. 548 00:56:46,466 --> 00:56:50,000 We have an excellent program for you tonight 549 00:56:50,177 --> 00:56:52,929 the Italian champion, Bruno Hakalugi, 550 00:56:53,097 --> 00:56:57,141 and his teammate, Japanese Kloogkradse. 551 00:56:57,309 --> 00:57:04,521 - What do the boys look like, Iron Mike? - The Italian looks good. 552 00:57:04,733 --> 00:57:07,769 The Japanese guy looks good. They both look good. 553 00:57:07,944 --> 00:57:12,191 Their opponent tonight is that world famous champion from Ingensteder. 554 00:57:12,407 --> 00:57:17,863 The Invisible Man. What do you think of him, Iron Mike? 555 00:57:18,037 --> 00:57:23,079 I haven't seen much of him. In fact, no one has. 556 00:57:23,251 --> 00:57:28,043 Because he is invisible. But he will probably be a good opponent. 557 00:57:29,965 --> 00:57:34,212 Hakalugi and Kloogkradse really doesn't show him much respect. 558 00:57:34,428 --> 00:57:37,215 They show him no respect at all. 559 00:57:37,389 --> 00:57:40,723 But I don't think either that the Invisible Man is afraid of them. 560 00:57:40,893 --> 00:57:45,554 They discuss who will be first in the ring. 561 00:57:45,731 --> 00:57:51,815 Yes, they discuss who will be first in the ring. 562 00:57:51,986 --> 00:57:55,651 It's quite a discussion. I don't understand what they are saying. 563 00:57:55,823 --> 00:57:58,694 The Invisible Man is ready. 564 00:58:01,370 --> 00:58:04,288 I think it will be the Italian. 565 00:58:07,293 --> 00:58:10,377 The bell rang. Here we go. 566 00:58:10,546 --> 00:58:17,544 Remember these are Texas rules. None judge, and no prize for the winner. 567 00:58:17,719 --> 00:58:20,969 And he is struck by a blow, like lightning from a clear sky. 568 00:58:21,139 --> 00:58:26,430 And one more stroke of lightning. He's already down. What a mess. 569 00:58:26,603 --> 00:58:31,229 - The Italian is in trouble. - Have him in an arm�s. 570 00:58:50,084 --> 00:58:55,540 And now he gets the Japanese guy, Kloogkradse, into the ring. 571 00:58:56,798 --> 00:59:00,547 He looks around. Attempting a sneak attack. 572 00:59:04,848 --> 00:59:09,344 - And he gets a kick in the groin. - He received a kick right in the crown. 573 00:59:09,519 --> 00:59:14,062 It is illegal, but there is no one judge, so it doesn't matter. 574 00:59:27,661 --> 00:59:31,611 He bit him. That's good wrestling. Bites are allowed. 575 00:59:31,790 --> 00:59:33,830 Another kick in the guts. 576 00:59:46,179 --> 00:59:50,259 Here comes Bruno Hakalugi into the ring. What is he doing? 577 00:59:50,475 --> 00:59:53,392 He will probably find bed bugs. 578 00:59:53,561 --> 00:59:59,231 He eats garlic. He wants to blow him off with garlic. 579 00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:05,023 The Japanese is down. And then a knee drop! 580 01:00:14,748 --> 01:00:18,448 Ouch! And into the corner. You can hear that it hurts. 581 01:00:18,627 --> 01:00:23,205 - It's pretty hard on the back. - That's right, Iron Mike. 582 01:00:23,381 --> 01:00:29,300 - Look at that one. - He has a handle on the long end. 583 01:00:29,470 --> 01:00:34,844 Now he has his hands full. He really pulls it off. 584 01:00:35,893 --> 01:00:40,970 He slipped away. It must be the greasy hands. 585 01:00:41,148 --> 01:00:44,731 And he pulls again. And again. 586 01:00:44,902 --> 01:00:50,240 Over the shoulder to Volga-Sailor-on-the-road-to-Moscow. 587 01:00:59,791 --> 01:01:04,868 Now he's down. He didn't expect it. 588 01:01:05,046 --> 01:01:09,126 - You cannot see invisible balls. - That's true. 589 01:01:30,112 --> 01:01:37,158 - So there's bass! - It is not recognized wrestling. 590 01:01:37,327 --> 01:01:43,614 Then the Double Dutch must be shipped. Hear them hit the ground. 591 01:01:48,588 --> 01:01:51,873 I would think that The Invisible Man is in trouble. 592 01:01:52,049 --> 01:01:56,841 - He looks quite hung up. - I think he can get out of it. 593 01:01:59,348 --> 01:02:04,223 Hakalugi tries a four-cornered lob. 594 01:02:05,145 --> 01:02:10,934 It hurts, I can tell. It happened to me once. 595 01:02:14,821 --> 01:02:20,491 Hakalugi is down. And also� Kloogkradse. And the Invisible Man wins. 596 01:02:20,660 --> 01:02:25,238 Those bullets are dangerous when they flutter around like that. 597 01:02:47,310 --> 01:02:49,386 How can you stay in there for so long? 598 01:02:49,562 --> 01:02:53,430 Do you know what skit we are going to do? Alice Bowie and a sex club. 599 01:03:33,605 --> 01:03:36,890 I am completely ruined. 600 01:03:37,066 --> 01:03:43,021 I just received a call. Burt Reynolds is definitely not coming. 601 01:03:43,197 --> 01:03:49,152 He's in Florida. And Dolly Parton is in the hospital. 602 01:03:50,537 --> 01:03:53,787 Aren't they coming? Surely not? 603 01:03:53,957 --> 01:03:57,540 - They called me. - It's a shame. 604 01:03:57,711 --> 01:04:01,625 It doesn't matter. Who needs Burt Reynolds? 605 01:04:02,549 --> 01:04:08,219 We are here. What do you worry about? We're putting on a great show. 606 01:04:08,388 --> 01:04:12,136 Don't think of Burt Reynolds or Dolly Parton. 607 01:04:12,308 --> 01:04:15,392 My reputation is ruined. I have no money. 608 01:04:15,561 --> 01:04:20,437 - Who needs material goods? - Real tears. 609 01:04:20,608 --> 01:04:24,107 Hey, man. Come now. Take it easy. 610 01:04:24,278 --> 01:04:27,481 Dry your eyes, man. I hate to see a grown man cry. 611 01:04:27,656 --> 01:04:34,619 Take it easy. Worries about money getting old by now. 612 01:04:34,788 --> 01:04:37,361 I can't show up in Amsterdam now. 613 01:04:37,541 --> 01:04:43,579 Relax. We're putting on a great show. People will cheer and scream. 614 01:04:46,716 --> 01:04:49,207 Stop, man. He jumps out. 615 01:04:49,385 --> 01:04:51,592 Stop him. I have to change the movie. 616 01:04:51,763 --> 01:04:55,131 Hello. Come and see. Release. 617 01:05:00,855 --> 01:05:03,061 Clear. Just let him go. 618 01:05:04,233 --> 01:05:07,518 See how far down there is. 619 01:05:10,697 --> 01:05:12,357 You don't want to jump. 620 01:05:12,532 --> 01:05:16,945 You end up like spaghetti. So we're going to scrape you off the pavement. 621 01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:19,825 You have nothing to worry about. 622 01:05:19,998 --> 01:05:24,494 My son is nine years old. My daughter is only... 623 01:05:24,669 --> 01:05:29,794 Steven Spielberg is my good friend. I call him. 624 01:05:29,966 --> 01:05:33,548 We often have lunch at "I love sushi" in Malibu. 625 01:05:33,719 --> 01:05:38,796 We get ET over here. You will be very successful. Take it easy. 626 01:05:38,974 --> 01:05:42,972 Take a watch. It suits you. 627 01:05:44,813 --> 01:05:48,645 - It looks cool. - Will you give me a watch? 628 01:05:48,817 --> 01:05:52,186 Here's one for your wife too. She will like that. 629 01:05:55,115 --> 01:05:57,356 I am happy about that. 630 01:06:00,078 --> 01:06:04,621 Just come to the cinema. So you must see something you've never seen before. 631 01:06:04,791 --> 01:06:07,957 It's going to be big. Don't worry. 632 01:06:08,127 --> 01:06:13,881 - But I have to think about my reputation. - You don't have to think about that. 633 01:06:14,049 --> 01:06:17,169 - You will be cool in Amsterdam. - Thanks for the watches. 634 01:06:17,344 --> 01:06:23,714 Relax. Everything will be fine. Go home and take a pill. 635 01:06:23,892 --> 01:06:28,139 - See you at the cinema. - Thank you. 636 01:06:36,571 --> 01:06:41,447 - Thank you very much. - It's okay. 637 01:06:42,452 --> 01:06:44,740 Do you think it's too much? with this clothes? 638 01:06:49,959 --> 01:06:55,249 Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton. 639 01:07:09,728 --> 01:07:12,053 I think a mistake has been made. 640 01:07:17,026 --> 01:07:22,400 We are not Burt and Dolly… We are Cheech and Chong. 641 01:07:22,573 --> 01:07:25,444 We'll put on a show for you anyway. 642 01:07:28,746 --> 01:07:35,413 We start with a guy, who had his arm blown off in the war. 643 01:07:35,586 --> 01:07:40,746 He is a bit sensitive to it. You know, opposite the arm. 644 01:07:40,924 --> 01:07:47,176 So let's give him a hand. Be so good. Limey Bitters. 645 01:07:57,899 --> 01:08:00,769 Can you see his arm? 646 01:08:07,491 --> 01:08:12,995 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. It is a pleasure to be here. 647 01:08:13,163 --> 01:08:18,288 I would like to perform an unnatural number. 648 01:08:18,460 --> 01:08:20,702 Hello. 649 01:08:20,879 --> 01:08:23,833 Here, man. Turn down the microphones. 650 01:08:24,007 --> 01:08:25,964 Can't you hear them? They do feedback. 651 01:08:26,134 --> 01:08:28,376 Turn them down. 652 01:08:28,553 --> 01:08:33,594 And don't wear black. Don't wear black until we say so. 653 01:08:33,766 --> 01:08:37,846 Don't touch anything. Just let it be as it is. 654 01:08:38,020 --> 01:08:42,978 You must not tell all those things. There are many important people. 655 01:08:43,150 --> 01:08:47,397 They are waiting for the queen herself. All those from the intelligence service... 656 01:08:47,571 --> 01:08:51,818 Don't use the word "pimple". Don't use that kind of language. 657 01:08:57,164 --> 01:09:01,327 I know what all of you in the room are thinking. 658 01:09:04,421 --> 01:09:07,090 What kind of number will this be? 659 01:09:10,551 --> 01:09:13,469 Let me say, ladies and gentlemen. 660 01:09:13,638 --> 01:09:17,505 The number I'm talking about... 661 01:09:17,683 --> 01:09:21,728 is that I... am the only one in the world 662 01:09:21,896 --> 01:09:25,679 who can play the trumpet... with his nose. 663 01:09:27,276 --> 01:09:30,561 It is true. And not enough of that. 664 01:09:30,737 --> 01:09:34,569 I want this trumpet to sound like a trombone. 665 01:09:38,620 --> 01:09:42,368 I want to play a tune called: 666 01:09:42,582 --> 01:09:48,288 "Almost nobody knows me, but I know my nose". 667 01:09:50,173 --> 01:09:54,585 With the nose. 668 01:09:54,885 --> 01:09:59,179 Many thanks. Here it comes. 669 01:10:08,315 --> 01:10:11,684 Had a bit of a busser sitting there. 670 01:10:58,071 --> 01:11:02,020 - Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. - Limey Bitters. 671 01:11:03,576 --> 01:11:05,616 He is a great talent. 672 01:11:05,787 --> 01:11:10,947 They say that we only come here p� because of the drugs and it's true. 673 01:11:14,420 --> 01:11:17,919 It is a nice place. I don't think so you have to smoke, so don't smoke. 674 01:11:19,174 --> 01:11:22,626 Ladies and Gentlemen. The astronaut. 675 01:12:03,133 --> 01:12:07,427 Ten... nine... eight... seven... 676 01:12:07,596 --> 01:12:12,934 six... five... four... three... 677 01:12:13,101 --> 01:12:16,517 two... one... zero! 678 01:12:48,885 --> 01:12:52,336 �self tank. Ladies and Gentlemen. 679 01:12:52,514 --> 01:12:57,341 Right now we would like to invite you to the Vondel park. 680 01:12:58,561 --> 01:13:03,270 Look at all those damn pigeons. 681 01:13:03,899 --> 01:13:10,697 Come here, beep, beep, beep... I have popcorn for you. 682 01:13:11,198 --> 01:13:17,651 Beware. Look at the little guy. 683 01:13:44,438 --> 01:13:50,227 It is not to be indiscreet, but are you dirty in your pants? 684 01:13:51,028 --> 01:13:55,440 - What? - Are you dirty in your pants? 685 01:13:58,535 --> 01:14:05,665 - Yes, my pants are dirty. - Why the hell don't you change them? 686 01:14:05,834 --> 01:14:10,910 I'm not done. I have one week left. 687 01:14:13,132 --> 01:14:18,043 - I like you. You are fat. - Can you take your hands away. 688 01:14:21,348 --> 01:14:25,595 What is this, old man talk? 689 01:14:25,811 --> 01:14:30,224 You should have much more respect for me. 690 01:14:30,399 --> 01:14:33,850 I could be your father. 691 01:14:37,364 --> 01:14:42,571 - Could you be my father? - Yes, I used to fuck buffaloes. 692 01:14:55,339 --> 01:15:00,795 You also look like your mother. Did you know that? 693 01:15:04,890 --> 01:15:08,140 You must not say anything about my mother. 694 01:15:09,561 --> 01:15:12,396 Wanna play, funny guy? 695 01:15:12,564 --> 01:15:15,434 Old man with cane wants to play? 696 01:15:15,609 --> 01:15:18,016 How about playing racing driver. 697 01:15:18,194 --> 01:15:22,607 You fat bastard, get out of here or I'll kick your ass. 698 01:15:25,451 --> 01:15:28,369 Do you want to kick my ass? 699 01:15:32,583 --> 01:15:35,501 Come on. It's free, come see it. 700 01:15:40,049 --> 01:15:43,049 You don't have much to aim for. 701 01:15:49,891 --> 01:15:54,220 - It was the kill. I'll kill you. - You bastard! 702 01:15:54,396 --> 01:15:58,310 - Do you think I'm afraid of you? - I do it with a chair. 703 01:16:10,995 --> 01:16:14,494 what did you do Come now. Let's go. 704 01:16:18,210 --> 01:16:20,286 I'll take your wallet. 705 01:16:34,684 --> 01:16:36,807 Now stop being stupid. 706 01:16:43,192 --> 01:16:45,897 Hey, mate. 707 01:16:52,701 --> 01:16:54,528 Good, I say sorry. 708 01:17:00,417 --> 01:17:03,038 what are you doing 709 01:17:03,837 --> 01:17:06,589 I didn't touch him. 710 01:17:09,843 --> 01:17:12,594 I was just teasing you, man. 711 01:17:14,222 --> 01:17:17,009 I am very happy. 712 01:17:24,482 --> 01:17:26,521 I have said sorry. 713 01:17:28,027 --> 01:17:29,521 Hey, mate. 714 01:17:40,038 --> 01:17:42,446 Excuse me. 715 01:17:45,210 --> 01:17:48,958 You got really scared there, didn't you? 716 01:18:05,229 --> 01:18:08,183 Margaret, where the hell are you? 717 01:18:11,026 --> 01:18:14,477 Come out of that fucking toilet. Come over here. 718 01:18:14,655 --> 01:18:17,905 We're going to see a real sex show, live. 719 01:18:19,242 --> 01:18:25,779 Right on the damn stage. I haven't seen a live show in 12 years. 720 01:18:27,834 --> 01:18:30,455 It also cost a farm back then. 721 01:18:30,628 --> 01:18:36,251 Margaret, what the hell are you doing out on that toilet? Do you dive? 722 01:18:37,134 --> 01:18:43,504 Now, for heaven's sake, get out here. Maybe you can learn something. 723 01:18:43,682 --> 01:18:48,391 Don't worry about all the assholes. Come and see. 724 01:18:51,440 --> 01:18:55,900 Where have you been? Don't you want to watch? Sit down. 725 01:18:56,069 --> 01:18:59,520 I took the damn canal cruise. 726 01:18:59,698 --> 01:19:03,280 If I see one more windmill, then I break down. 727 01:19:04,327 --> 01:19:10,495 Come on, we're going to see a live show. Kick the fox and shut up. 728 01:19:10,666 --> 01:19:16,502 We've been here for 12 bloody days, and it's only now that it gets exciting. 729 01:19:18,299 --> 01:19:23,210 What's wrong with you? There's nothing about it. 730 01:19:28,058 --> 01:19:33,397 What the hell is that? It feels like modeling wax. 731 01:19:35,565 --> 01:19:41,105 There must be some kids up there the balcony. Sit down, for heaven's sake. 732 01:19:41,279 --> 01:19:45,027 Now get started. What the hell are you waiting for? 733 01:19:45,199 --> 01:19:50,988 My God. Damn live show. my god I hope not, it's the star. 734 01:19:52,540 --> 01:19:57,036 She is so old that she has stretch marks on her mouth. 735 01:20:00,631 --> 01:20:04,000 She looks a lot like your sister Ethel. 736 01:20:05,594 --> 01:20:08,797 - It's Ethel. - No, it's not. 737 01:20:08,972 --> 01:20:12,306 - Hello, Ethel. Over here. - Be quiet. 738 01:20:12,476 --> 01:20:17,552 She tries to ignore us. She has taken off her clothes. 739 01:20:18,857 --> 01:20:22,439 - Nix, it's not Ethel. - I said it wasn't Ethel. 740 01:20:25,738 --> 01:20:28,146 I don't think it's Ethel. 741 01:20:29,492 --> 01:20:35,031 Lord Jemini, lady, put it back on. You scare people with that body. 742 01:20:36,457 --> 01:20:41,451 Look at her breasts. It looks like oranges in a pair of socks. 743 01:20:44,006 --> 01:20:46,793 Watch out, you're about to step on them. 744 01:20:50,720 --> 01:20:55,715 Why doesn't she take off her panties? Ah, she's not wearing them. 745 01:21:00,480 --> 01:21:03,149 What the hell kind of hairstyle is that? 746 01:21:05,193 --> 01:21:07,565 It looks like someone's initials. 747 01:21:13,784 --> 01:21:16,571 Now she shows it to us. 748 01:21:18,038 --> 01:21:20,244 No, I don't want to see that anytime soon. 749 01:21:22,709 --> 01:21:24,916 It looks like the Holland Tunnel. 750 01:21:26,004 --> 01:21:28,756 See, it makes parodies. 751 01:21:30,634 --> 01:21:35,295 Look, Margaret. There is a sandwich with curry salad. 752 01:21:38,224 --> 01:21:41,640 It's really funny. Sit down. 753 01:21:43,312 --> 01:21:46,099 What the hell is she going to do with that coke bottle? 754 01:21:47,942 --> 01:21:50,267 You great God. 755 01:21:52,613 --> 01:21:56,776 You don't think she has a �loophole up there, eh? 756 01:22:01,163 --> 01:22:07,283 The bottle must have disappeared. No deposit probably. 757 01:22:10,672 --> 01:22:14,539 There it is. Watch it slip out of there. 758 01:22:14,717 --> 01:22:17,802 She shot the bottle across the room. 759 01:22:18,888 --> 01:22:22,304 And it's legs. Look, Margaret! 760 01:22:23,517 --> 01:22:26,055 There really is a Houdini up there. 761 01:22:28,272 --> 01:22:30,893 Now what is she doing with those grapes? 762 01:22:38,282 --> 01:22:43,239 She pokes them… For God's sake. 763 01:22:43,620 --> 01:22:46,407 Why don't you get yourself a bag? 764 01:22:47,957 --> 01:22:50,365 Shit clunkers. Look there! 765 01:22:50,543 --> 01:22:54,042 Are you saving them for later? What the hell are you doing? 766 01:22:54,213 --> 01:22:57,084 How does she get them out of there? 767 01:22:57,258 --> 01:22:59,251 There they come! 768 01:23:01,470 --> 01:23:05,088 Just like hitting the jackpot. Look there! 769 01:23:08,185 --> 01:23:11,056 Uh, no. She eats them. 770 01:23:17,486 --> 01:23:21,269 If you are so hungry, I'll give you a hamburger. 771 01:23:21,448 --> 01:23:24,152 What's wrong? Are you getting sick? 772 01:23:26,161 --> 01:23:28,698 Put your head down between your legs. 773 01:23:28,872 --> 01:23:31,576 You might be even more sick of. Straighten up. 774 01:23:32,625 --> 01:23:34,333 Sit down. 775 01:23:36,879 --> 01:23:39,631 Look away if you get bad. 776 01:23:43,844 --> 01:23:50,463 A dog came in. Just look at the size of that clapper! 777 01:23:51,560 --> 01:23:54,810 I bet that dog has dirt all over Amsterdam. 778 01:24:02,737 --> 01:24:09,107 Ladies and Gentlemen, we present the dogs, Ralph and Herbie. 779 01:24:46,362 --> 01:24:51,238 - Herbie. - How the hell does that? 780 01:24:59,458 --> 01:25:04,369 - You look good. - I could hardly recognize you. 781 01:25:04,546 --> 01:25:09,885 I got a new haircut. It's punk. It is red, orange, green and yellow. 782 01:25:10,052 --> 01:25:14,096 - I like that. - And brown in the middle. 783 01:25:15,890 --> 01:25:19,473 Where have you been? I haven't seen you in a while. 784 01:25:19,644 --> 01:25:23,095 - My human had locked me in. - Really? 785 01:25:23,272 --> 01:25:28,777 He went to London on holiday. He left me in his room for two weeks. 786 01:25:28,945 --> 01:25:32,029 But that's okay. I spooned into his headphones. 787 01:25:33,574 --> 01:25:36,326 I �d� his pot stock too. 788 01:25:37,745 --> 01:25:43,368 - Shall we hunt some cats? - I could use some mis now. 789 01:25:46,336 --> 01:25:48,329 Can you smell it? 790 01:25:51,633 --> 01:25:54,124 It's Fifi. 791 01:25:57,805 --> 01:26:00,890 She makes me so horny that I could pole vault. 792 01:26:01,934 --> 01:26:04,639 Every time I smell her, I'm going crazy. 793 01:26:13,112 --> 01:26:14,985 Drop it, Ralph. 794 01:26:15,823 --> 01:26:20,235 - Sorry. Don't know where it came from. - I know where that one came from. 795 01:26:24,456 --> 01:26:26,448 Just stay in front of me. 796 01:26:26,625 --> 01:26:30,574 - Just come. Give again. - Then you stop. 797 01:26:32,172 --> 01:26:35,208 You have been locked up for too long. 798 01:26:35,425 --> 01:26:40,133 Let's go down and hunt some Fifi. Come on, I'm horny. 799 01:26:40,346 --> 01:26:43,929 - I have to make furs. - What? Right now? 800 01:26:44,100 --> 01:26:46,591 Yeah, you hit a nerve or something. 801 01:26:48,354 --> 01:26:52,731 - Piss. Let's find a good place. - I can't wait. 802 01:26:52,900 --> 01:26:54,643 So do it here. 803 01:26:54,818 --> 01:26:59,147 Well, we are in the middle of the restaurant. So much the better. 804 01:26:59,323 --> 01:27:01,399 I keep up with the waiter. 805 01:27:30,477 --> 01:27:35,720 Herbie, here it comes. It's a big one. 806 01:27:38,694 --> 01:27:40,401 Close fully. 807 01:27:42,739 --> 01:27:45,230 See the size of that cousin. 808 01:27:46,159 --> 01:27:50,287 - Did I make it? - What should we call it? 809 01:27:50,455 --> 01:27:52,328 It still smokes. 810 01:27:53,666 --> 01:27:56,453 And you have put it in a nice place. 811 01:27:56,627 --> 01:28:00,459 The servant slips all the way into the kitchen! 812 01:28:00,631 --> 01:28:06,420 Many thanks. It has been a pleasure.