1
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:44,710
Home sweet home.

2
00:00:47,968 --> 00:00:49,803
Thanks, Cochise.

3
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,867
No, you fucking idiot!
I've worked at a restaurant my whole life.

4
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:25,172
Shit! It gonna be that kind of a party.

5
00:01:25,256 --> 00:01:27,591
I'm gonna stick my dick
in the mashed potatoes!

6
00:01:36,267 --> 00:01:39,436
<i>- Guess who. Hi, Dean. lt's Mom.</i>
- Ah, shit.

7
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,248
<i>I know you're not gonna
forget lunch with me,</i>

8
00:01:41,272 --> 00:01:43,732
<i>but l thought l'd call just to make sure.</i>

9
00:01:44,858 --> 00:01:47,278
Oh, hey.

10
00:01:47,861 --> 00:01:49,697
I forgot you were here.

11
00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:52,658
Yeah, I know. I know.

12
00:01:52,866 --> 00:01:55,244
- What?
- Nothing.

13
00:01:58,664 --> 00:02:00,207
I'll see you at work, okay?

14
00:03:10,903 --> 00:03:14,198
Hey, there, Natasha.
How's my favorite minor doing today?

15
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:17,201
Hung over. I got so shitty last night.

16
00:03:17,586 --> 00:03:19,004
On a school night?

17
00:03:19,546 --> 00:03:20,839
Kids today...

18
00:03:21,673 --> 00:03:25,135
I must say, there's nothing more attractive
than tainted youth.

19
00:03:25,468 --> 00:03:27,804
Yes. I am indeed a pervert.

20
00:03:28,555 --> 00:03:30,724
- Does that offend you?
- Nope.

21
00:03:30,807 --> 00:03:33,727
I think that most tainted youths
end up being perverts.

22
00:03:33,810 --> 00:03:36,021
Good answer.

23
00:03:39,357 --> 00:03:41,860
Oh, and Monty, just so you know,

24
00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:43,945
I'm only a minor for another week.

25
00:03:44,029 --> 00:03:45,280
I turn 18 on Wednesday.

26
00:03:45,363 --> 00:03:48,992
Well, then I guess I better hurry up then.
I don't have much time.

27
00:03:52,662 --> 00:03:54,831
- Hey, Dan.
- Hey, Monty.

28
00:03:54,915 --> 00:03:57,918
- How you doing?
- Good. This is Mitch. It's his first day.

29
00:03:58,001 --> 00:04:01,087
I want you to show him around.
Train him on everything while it's slow,

30
00:04:01,171 --> 00:04:04,799
and when the dinner rush hits,
we'll have him watch the training videos.

31
00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,927
Mitch, just listen to
what Monty says today,

32
00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:09,346
and we'll have you out
on the floor by early next week.

33
00:04:09,429 --> 00:04:10,680
- Sound good?
- Yeah.

34
00:04:10,764 --> 00:04:13,475
All right then. Give him a quick tour
before your shift starts.

35
00:04:13,558 --> 00:04:14,976
Good stuff.

36
00:04:18,104 --> 00:04:21,691
Well, Mitch, first thing.
You ever worked in a restaurant before?

37
00:04:22,484 --> 00:04:24,921
- Actually, yeah...
- Well, it doesn't really matter anyway.

38
00:04:24,945 --> 00:04:27,197
Working in a restaurant's
all about learning a routine.

39
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:30,116
Everything that Dan wants me
to show you, teach you,

40
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,369
all that can be learned in a few hours.

41
00:04:32,452 --> 00:04:33,703
But...

42
00:04:34,329 --> 00:04:35,956
if you wanna work here,

43
00:04:37,791 --> 00:04:39,376
in this restaurant,

44
00:04:40,251 --> 00:04:41,854
I really think that you
need to ask yourself

45
00:04:41,878 --> 00:04:44,965
one simple question.

46
00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:50,387
How do you feel about frontal male nudity?

47
00:05:04,442 --> 00:05:06,820
- What the heck...
- Pretty fucked up, huh?

48
00:05:06,903 --> 00:05:09,781
You see, the reason that I ask
is most of the guys that work here

49
00:05:09,864 --> 00:05:13,827
like to play this little game that involves
flashing their genitalia to each other.

50
00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:15,996
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.

51
00:05:16,079 --> 00:05:19,082
Now, the exact object of the game
is to get the other participants

52
00:05:19,165 --> 00:05:22,252
to unknowingly
look at your testicles and/or penis.

53
00:05:22,335 --> 00:05:25,046
And if they do, you ridicule them
mercilessly for being a fag

54
00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:27,298
and get to kick them in the ass.

55
00:05:27,549 --> 00:05:29,175
- But that's...
- I know. I know.

56
00:05:29,259 --> 00:05:32,804
It's demented, depraved, senseless.

57
00:05:33,471 --> 00:05:34,597
All true.

58
00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:37,017
Now there are rules to the game,

59
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:40,228
different variations on how to show
your dick and/or balls,

60
00:05:40,311 --> 00:05:41,438
which allow for more kicks.

61
00:05:41,521 --> 00:05:43,356
But we're gonna get into that later.

62
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,818
Right now, the first thing
that you have to do

63
00:05:47,068 --> 00:05:51,197
Is look deep inside yourself and figure out
if you can take an eyeful of that.

64
00:05:55,994 --> 00:05:59,497
So are you taking any interesting classes
this semester?

65
00:05:59,581 --> 00:06:01,541
Well, yeah.
I'm only taking the two classes,

66
00:06:01,624 --> 00:06:03,501
but I like them both.

67
00:06:03,668 --> 00:06:05,628
I really like my teachers. Cool guys.

68
00:06:05,712 --> 00:06:07,756
Both have mustaches,
which is a little weird.

69
00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:09,966
- Well, that's just terrific.
- Yeah.

70
00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:13,428
- Guess who I ran into yesterday?
- Who's that?

71
00:06:13,511 --> 00:06:17,223
Nancy Miller and her son Chett.
You remember Chett Miller, don't you?

72
00:06:17,515 --> 00:06:20,518
Oh, yeah. I remember Chett. Yeah.

73
00:06:20,643 --> 00:06:24,105
- I haven't seen that guy since high school.
- Well, he was away at college.

74
00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:25,648
Right.

75
00:06:25,732 --> 00:06:29,277
Didn't you two have
all the same honors classes together?

76
00:06:29,861 --> 00:06:31,738
Yeah, we sure did.

77
00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:35,575
- Yeah, it sounds like he's doing really well.
- I'll bet.

78
00:06:35,658 --> 00:06:39,746
Seems he just graduated with a bachelor's
degree in electrical engineering.

79
00:06:39,829 --> 00:06:43,249
Wow! His parents must
really be proud, huh?

80
00:06:46,336 --> 00:06:48,588
Well, I'm gonna go.
Always love these get-togethers.

81
00:06:48,671 --> 00:06:51,674
I think we really broke through there.

82
00:06:52,425 --> 00:06:56,721
Let me tell you something.
My trainer, that bastard,

83
00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:59,432
he didn't pre-warn me at all.

84
00:07:00,225 --> 00:07:01,810
He set me up big time.

85
00:07:07,524 --> 00:07:09,609
- Right around that corner.
- Okay.

86
00:07:13,196 --> 00:07:15,281
Look at the log, bitch.

87
00:07:19,577 --> 00:07:21,955
There are few things
in this world more unsettling

88
00:07:22,038 --> 00:07:23,957
than going into the back
to grab condiments,

89
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:28,294
and ending up staring
at a huge, steaming pile of cock.

90
00:07:50,024 --> 00:07:51,568
Hey, Serena.

91
00:07:53,111 --> 00:07:55,572
- Hey, babe.
- What's up, hangover?

92
00:07:55,655 --> 00:07:57,031
I'm not hung over.

93
00:07:57,115 --> 00:07:59,993
- Oh, you and Monty were crazy last night.
- Yeah, it was cool.

94
00:08:00,076 --> 00:08:01,828
How about you? You have a good time?

95
00:08:01,911 --> 00:08:05,665
I would've had a better time if somebody
hadn't been ignoring me all night.

96
00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:06,916
Was that me?

97
00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:09,169
Think Monty and I got
a little carried away.

98
00:08:09,252 --> 00:08:12,797
- Oh, I swear, when you two are together...
- You're perverts! All of you.

99
00:08:12,881 --> 00:08:16,509
If you guys can go five minutes without
referencing your genitals, I'll be amazed.

100
00:08:17,135 --> 00:08:19,179
I know what you're thinking now.

101
00:08:19,387 --> 00:08:21,556
You think we're all gay, don't you?

102
00:08:21,931 --> 00:08:24,225
Think we're all just a bunch
of deviant lifestyle-living,

103
00:08:24,309 --> 00:08:26,769
same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?

104
00:08:28,146 --> 00:08:29,731
- Yeah.
- Well, listen.

105
00:08:29,814 --> 00:08:32,233
You can put that faggoty baby
to bed right now.

106
00:08:32,317 --> 00:08:34,444
None of the guys that work here are gay.

107
00:08:34,527 --> 00:08:38,198
I mean, I'll stick my finger in my ass every
now and again when I'm feeling squirrelly,

108
00:08:38,281 --> 00:08:40,158
but that's about the extent of it.

109
00:08:42,577 --> 00:08:44,704
It's absolutely true. I've seen him do it.

110
00:08:44,787 --> 00:08:46,539
See what I mean? Perverts.

111
00:08:46,623 --> 00:08:48,708
Hey, I've seen you use more than a finger.

112
00:08:48,791 --> 00:08:50,710
- Oh!
- Bye, babe.

113
00:08:52,712 --> 00:08:55,548
- What's up, buddy?
- Nothing, man. What's going on?

114
00:08:57,967 --> 00:08:59,469
What? What?

115
00:09:02,096 --> 00:09:04,474
- What's wrong?
- I'll tell you later.

116
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:09,062
Listen, man. You got nothing
to worry about. It's just a game.

117
00:09:09,145 --> 00:09:11,189
- Exactly.
- And besides, you know,

118
00:09:11,814 --> 00:09:14,567
if heterosexual men
can't show their cocks to each other,

119
00:09:14,651 --> 00:09:17,695
- then what the hell are we doing here?
- Amen, brother.

120
00:09:18,071 --> 00:09:19,364
You're adorable.

121
00:09:25,370 --> 00:09:28,456
Hey, Bishop. This is Mitch.

122
00:09:28,539 --> 00:09:29,832
He's the new guy.

123
00:09:41,010 --> 00:09:42,178
Mitch,

124
00:09:43,388 --> 00:09:45,807
I want you to do a couple things for me.

125
00:09:46,766 --> 00:09:51,813
First, I want you to observe very closely
your surroundings today.

126
00:09:52,814 --> 00:09:54,565
Take everything in.

127
00:09:55,441 --> 00:09:58,152
Leave no mental stone unturned.

128
00:09:58,903 --> 00:10:00,863
Can you do that for me, Mitch?

129
00:10:02,282 --> 00:10:03,449
Good.

130
00:10:03,866 --> 00:10:07,704
Then I want you think about
what your life would be like

131
00:10:07,787 --> 00:10:09,622
if you had been born blind.

132
00:10:14,627 --> 00:10:15,920
Thanks, Bishop.

133
00:10:16,045 --> 00:10:18,548
Go. Go, go, go, go, go.

134
00:10:21,426 --> 00:10:23,386
As you can see, this is a wait station.

135
00:10:23,469 --> 00:10:26,031
This is where you're gonna get the ice,
the soft drinks, the condiments,

136
00:10:26,055 --> 00:10:27,807
the doggie bags, etc., and so forth.

137
00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:30,810
That's the computer where you're gonna
put the food and drink orders in.

138
00:10:30,893 --> 00:10:33,146
I hate this fucking place
sometimes, you know.

139
00:10:33,229 --> 00:10:36,441
Why the fuck do we need four more people
on at this time of day, man?

140
00:10:36,524 --> 00:10:38,318
Look at this place! It's fucking dead.

141
00:10:38,401 --> 00:10:42,572
I swear, Dan needs to clean the shit
out of his fucking brain sometimes, man.

142
00:10:42,655 --> 00:10:46,075
Fucking asshole.
What are you looking at, fuckwad?

143
00:10:47,243 --> 00:10:51,581
That's Naomi.
And she's been working here way too long.

144
00:10:51,664 --> 00:10:54,917
But she's actually a pretty sweet girl
when she's drunk. Let's go.

145
00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:58,421
Come on, baby. It's nothing like that.

146
00:10:58,504 --> 00:11:01,466
It's true.
You just treat me like a piece of meat.

147
00:11:01,549 --> 00:11:05,261
Not just any piece of meat, baby.
A prime rib.

148
00:11:05,345 --> 00:11:09,349
- Really?
- Baby, you're oozing with sexuality.

149
00:11:09,432 --> 00:11:11,493
Yeah, but why does it always
have to be about my looks?

150
00:11:11,517 --> 00:11:14,354
I mean, just 'cause I dress slutty
doesn't mean I am slutty.

151
00:11:14,437 --> 00:11:17,273
Okay. This is for deliveries.

152
00:11:17,357 --> 00:11:18,797
There's the Dumpster for the trash.

153
00:11:18,858 --> 00:11:22,258
Also, if you wanna get out of the restaurant
and chill out for a second, here you go.

154
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,530
And these two fun-loving pieces
of wannabe gangster shit

155
00:11:24,614 --> 00:11:25,740
are Nick and Theodore.

156
00:11:25,823 --> 00:11:29,118
How many fucking times I told you, man?
It's the fucking T-Dog, yo.

157
00:11:29,202 --> 00:11:31,079
- Sorry, G.
- Hey, yo, bitch.

158
00:11:32,205 --> 00:11:34,415
What makes you think I won't cut you?

159
00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:36,751
Come on, now, dog.

160
00:11:36,834 --> 00:11:38,920
You know I'm just fucking with you.

161
00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:43,007
You know I give you the mad,
phat, superfly, stupid-dope,

162
00:11:43,091 --> 00:11:45,385
dumb-ass, retarded, bomb-shit props.

163
00:11:45,468 --> 00:11:47,762
Yo, it's almost 4:20, dog. Let's go.

164
00:11:51,974 --> 00:11:55,436
Those guys should be sterilized.
And I'm not kidding at all.

165
00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:57,855
You don't talk much, do you, Mitch?

166
00:11:57,939 --> 00:12:00,274
- Actually, you haven't really given...
- That's okay.

167
00:12:00,358 --> 00:12:03,069
'Cause I didn't talk much
when I first started working here either.

168
00:12:03,152 --> 00:12:05,405
You just gotta get used
to your surroundings.

169
00:12:05,488 --> 00:12:07,824
- What's up, Poncho?
- Hey, Raddimus. How you doing?

170
00:12:07,907 --> 00:12:11,494
Actually, more importantly,
how are you and Danielle doing?

171
00:12:11,828 --> 00:12:14,539
I saw that you guys were arguing, and...

172
00:12:14,997 --> 00:12:18,167
Shit, you know, it would be a shame
if you guys broke up.

173
00:12:18,292 --> 00:12:20,211
You two are really good together.

174
00:12:21,546 --> 00:12:25,758
Fuck off, okay. Even if we did break up,
you stand no chance in hell, man.

175
00:12:26,175 --> 00:12:30,179
She got this thing about dating grown men
who've had sex with 1 6-year-old girls.

176
00:12:30,263 --> 00:12:32,265
See, that's the problem with women, okay?

177
00:12:32,348 --> 00:12:35,101
They're always trying to
project their own values on you.

178
00:12:35,184 --> 00:12:37,478
Whatever. Anyway, look, this is Mitch.

179
00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:39,623
He just started today,
so I thought I'd give you the pleasure

180
00:12:39,647 --> 00:12:42,984
of explaining
the finer points of the game to him.

181
00:12:43,359 --> 00:12:46,404
Oh, virgin blood. Follow me.

182
00:12:46,487 --> 00:12:47,822
Come here. I wanna talk to you.

183
00:12:47,905 --> 00:12:49,866
Thanks, Raddimus. Be gentle.

184
00:12:50,283 --> 00:12:53,202
- There you go, Dean.
- Aw, thanks, Tyla. You rock.

185
00:12:53,286 --> 00:12:55,472
Yeah, Tyla, you're the coolest girl
in the whole school.

186
00:12:55,496 --> 00:12:56,706
Hey, man.

187
00:12:57,290 --> 00:13:00,543
Tyla, every time I look at you,
I wish I was a lesbian.

188
00:13:00,626 --> 00:13:04,005
Oh, what a coincidence.
Every time I look at you,

189
00:13:04,088 --> 00:13:06,507
- I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
- Ouch.

190
00:13:08,259 --> 00:13:11,471
Oh, hey, Christy. It's just Calvin calling.

191
00:13:11,888 --> 00:13:13,681
Just starting to work the double.

192
00:13:13,764 --> 00:13:15,308
You owe me.

193
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,519
No, I was kidding.
You don't really owe me anything.

194
00:13:18,769 --> 00:13:22,398
So, I was just calling you,
'cause it's kind of dead here right now.

195
00:13:22,482 --> 00:13:25,234
So, I don't know...

196
00:13:25,318 --> 00:13:28,237
Give me a call back. I'm at work.

197
00:13:29,238 --> 00:13:30,865
Duh. Duh.

198
00:13:31,115 --> 00:13:34,869
Come on. Talk to me, goose.
What's wrong?

199
00:13:34,952 --> 00:13:37,079
Remember Chett Miller from high school?

200
00:13:37,163 --> 00:13:38,891
Tall guy,
kind of smelled like my dad's ass?

201
00:13:38,915 --> 00:13:40,124
That's the one.

202
00:13:40,208 --> 00:13:42,043
My mother told me he graduated

203
00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:44,246
with his bachelor's degree
in electrical engineering.

204
00:13:44,295 --> 00:13:46,005
Yeah, so?

205
00:13:46,339 --> 00:13:49,550
Well, you know, we were in all
the same classes in high school.

206
00:13:49,634 --> 00:13:51,552
We're the same fucking age.

207
00:13:51,636 --> 00:13:53,513
Well, yeah. But electrical engineering?

208
00:13:53,596 --> 00:13:56,140
- Come on. Screw that noise.
- Yeah, but come on, man.

209
00:13:56,224 --> 00:13:59,227
We haven't even graduated
from community college.

210
00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:01,187
Haven't even got our A.A. degree.

211
00:14:01,270 --> 00:14:04,482
Then when we do, what? What the hell
can you do with an A.A. degree anyway?

212
00:14:04,565 --> 00:14:07,527
You can get a job substitute teaching
for retarded kids or something.

213
00:14:07,610 --> 00:14:08,611
Exactly.

214
00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:13,074
That's the dish area back there.
This is where you pick up the food.

215
00:14:13,157 --> 00:14:15,868
That's Floyd. Floyd!

216
00:14:15,952 --> 00:14:17,870
Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch.

217
00:14:17,954 --> 00:14:21,374
Okay, that's the dry area, man.
That's where we keep all the condiments.

218
00:14:21,457 --> 00:14:23,793
Right over here. This is the cooler.

219
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:27,213
The milk and vegetables,
the marshmallows, whatever.

220
00:14:27,296 --> 00:14:30,591
Back here is the freezer.
You'll find the meat...

221
00:14:30,675 --> 00:14:32,927
Okay, so let me tell you
about this little game we play.

222
00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:36,639
I assume Monty went over
the basic idea with you, right?

223
00:14:36,806 --> 00:14:38,683
- Yeah, he...
- You know the object, right?

224
00:14:38,766 --> 00:14:41,143
To have the other guy look at you naked.

225
00:14:43,062 --> 00:14:44,689
Are you okay with that?

226
00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:48,734
What are you, some kind of a fucking sick,
demented pervert, huh?

227
00:14:48,818 --> 00:14:52,488
- No, no. I was... He told me.
- Come on, bro. I'm just fucking with you.

228
00:14:52,572 --> 00:14:54,824
Look, man, we're all sick. All right?

229
00:14:54,991 --> 00:14:57,785
Now, look. The main thing to remember

230
00:14:57,868 --> 00:15:01,789
is to get the other guy to unknowingly
look at your cock and balls.

231
00:15:01,872 --> 00:15:05,167
Okay, don't just fucking pull down
your pants and say, "Look at my dick!"

232
00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:07,003
You gotta be sneaky.

233
00:15:07,336 --> 00:15:08,897
I'm gonna go through
the positions with you.

234
00:15:08,921 --> 00:15:10,965
The first one's the easiest one, okay?

235
00:15:11,048 --> 00:15:13,551
Call that one "The Look." All right?

236
00:15:13,634 --> 00:15:16,154
All you gotta do, pull down your pants
real quick, show them the goods.

237
00:15:16,178 --> 00:15:19,599
If they look,
you get to kick them in the ass once.

238
00:15:20,433 --> 00:15:24,770
Second one is called "The Brain." Right?

239
00:15:24,854 --> 00:15:29,066
What you gotta do is isolate your nuts
with your fist.

240
00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:31,777
Okay, now,
take the time to look at it, okay?

241
00:15:31,861 --> 00:15:34,572
Because it bears
a striking resemblance to...

242
00:15:35,531 --> 00:15:37,908
Aha. Brain. Yeah.

243
00:15:38,993 --> 00:15:42,163
Okay. For that you get two kicks.

244
00:15:42,622 --> 00:15:47,460
- So...
- The third one, I call it the "Bat Wing."

245
00:15:47,543 --> 00:15:51,964
Okay. What you do is you take
the excess skin from your nuts,

246
00:15:52,048 --> 00:15:56,469
and you take it and you make it flat
like paper, all right?

247
00:15:56,552 --> 00:15:59,972
Now, once again,
you take the time to appreciate this.

248
00:16:00,056 --> 00:16:03,309
You see that it looks all veiny and alive
like a bat wing, all right?

249
00:16:03,392 --> 00:16:08,314
If they look, they get three
kicks, all right?

250
00:16:08,397 --> 00:16:09,982
But you can't forget this, all right?

251
00:16:10,066 --> 00:16:12,151
You gotta call them a fag, okay?

252
00:16:12,234 --> 00:16:13,736
Very important.

253
00:16:13,819 --> 00:16:16,280
The game loses its meaning
if you don't humiliate them

254
00:16:16,364 --> 00:16:18,407
for being a fucking meatcake. You got that?

255
00:16:18,908 --> 00:16:20,576
I just don't understand

256
00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:22,995
why your mom gives you
so much shit anyway.

257
00:16:23,079 --> 00:16:24,330
I don't know, man, you know.

258
00:16:24,413 --> 00:16:26,582
She's my mom.
She wants me to succeed in life.

259
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:28,793
Yeah. Whatever the hell that means.

260
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,087
Jesus, I'm just glad
my mom's not like that.

261
00:16:31,671 --> 00:16:34,423
So I called your house today at 2: 00.

262
00:16:35,216 --> 00:16:36,616
You were still asleep, weren't you?

263
00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:38,594
That's an understatement.

264
00:16:38,678 --> 00:16:39,970
So what did you do last night?

265
00:16:40,054 --> 00:16:43,265
I trust my little angel
didn't do anything immoral.

266
00:16:43,516 --> 00:16:46,227
Well, let's see.

267
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:50,231
I started by getting completely
hammered drunk. It was bad.

268
00:16:50,523 --> 00:16:54,485
Then drove while intoxicated to pick up
this disease-infested prostitute.

269
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:57,697
Uh-huh?

270
00:16:57,780 --> 00:17:00,991
From there, let's see.
Me and the hooker went back to my place...

271
00:17:01,075 --> 00:17:03,119
The hooker and I.

272
00:17:03,327 --> 00:17:07,415
Excuse me.
The hooker and I went back to my place.

273
00:17:07,498 --> 00:17:09,458
And from there...

274
00:17:09,542 --> 00:17:13,629
God, it was just a blur of intravenous
drug abuse and unprotected sex

275
00:17:13,963 --> 00:17:16,132
while taking the Lord's name in vain.

276
00:17:18,008 --> 00:17:20,678
Dean, did you know that
when Monty was a child,

277
00:17:20,761 --> 00:17:22,638
everyone thought he was retarded?

278
00:17:22,722 --> 00:17:24,974
Dean, doesn't my mom look old?

279
00:17:25,057 --> 00:17:27,977
I mean, like,
much older than she rightfully should?

280
00:17:28,811 --> 00:17:32,606
So why aren't you and Serena
still together? I liked her.

281
00:17:32,815 --> 00:17:34,650
I don't know. I guess it got old.

282
00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:36,736
We had a relationship based on orgasms.

283
00:17:36,819 --> 00:17:38,237
Oh, how charming.

284
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,282
You are being safe, aren't you?

285
00:17:41,490 --> 00:17:44,577
I don't think I could handle
the idea of you reproducing.

286
00:17:44,660 --> 00:17:48,164
Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe.

287
00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:50,332
I pull out.

288
00:17:50,499 --> 00:17:52,209
Yes, well, your father pulled out too,

289
00:17:52,293 --> 00:17:55,004
but we've all seen
the tragic end of that story.

290
00:17:55,171 --> 00:17:57,965
You think I wanna have kids?
Absolutely not.

291
00:17:58,299 --> 00:18:00,301
That's why I stick to anal sex.

292
00:18:02,344 --> 00:18:04,054
If only I had been so lucky.

293
00:18:07,391 --> 00:18:09,101
Okay, so that's the Abraham Lincoln.

294
00:18:09,185 --> 00:18:11,496
But remember, you have to shave it
so it looks like his beard.

295
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,272
Otherwise, it don't count.

296
00:18:13,856 --> 00:18:17,693
Now the last one.
The last one is called "The Goat."

297
00:18:18,319 --> 00:18:21,280
Okay, it's a bit trickier.
But if you can pull it off,

298
00:18:21,363 --> 00:18:24,116
you are a god among men, all right?

299
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,787
What you do is you take
your nuts and your dick, right?

300
00:18:28,245 --> 00:18:30,623
And you tuck it underneath.

301
00:18:30,706 --> 00:18:33,918
Pull your pants down, show it, all right?

302
00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:36,670
With it sticking out the backside.
You got that?

303
00:18:36,754 --> 00:18:40,758
Okay, well, that just about covers
all the different variations that we have.

304
00:18:40,841 --> 00:18:42,903
But you know,
we're always looking for new positions.

305
00:18:42,927 --> 00:18:45,971
So next time you got a little downtime,
you find yourself a little bored,

306
00:18:46,055 --> 00:18:47,574
play with your nuts,
you know what I'm saying?

307
00:18:47,598 --> 00:18:49,934
See what you come up with, okay?
It's all good.

308
00:18:50,226 --> 00:18:54,063
All right. I really only have one thing
I wanna talk about today,

309
00:18:54,897 --> 00:18:56,398
and that's teamwork.

310
00:18:56,941 --> 00:18:59,193
When the dinner rush hits
and things start to get hectic,

311
00:18:59,276 --> 00:19:03,072
you all have a tendency to start
yelling and screaming at one another.

312
00:19:03,155 --> 00:19:08,035
That's just dumb and senseless, 'cause
you're only gonna be hurting yourselves.

313
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,453
Let's think about it.

314
00:19:09,537 --> 00:19:12,414
If you upset the hostess,
she's not gonna seat you.

315
00:19:13,415 --> 00:19:17,419
If you upset the busboys, they're
not gonna care if your table's ready.

316
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,004
If you upset the cooks,

317
00:19:19,088 --> 00:19:21,257
they're not gonna care
if your food's taking too long.

318
00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:23,676
- The brain!
- Ah, shit!

319
00:19:23,759 --> 00:19:25,845
Oh, the brain!

320
00:19:26,095 --> 00:19:28,848
I think you're all
great waiters and waitresses.

321
00:19:29,139 --> 00:19:33,018
And you should be able to rely on
one another when you're in the weeds.

322
00:19:33,269 --> 00:19:38,107
Remember, gang. The difference between
ordinary and extraordinary

323
00:19:39,233 --> 00:19:40,609
is that little extra.

324
00:19:41,527 --> 00:19:44,113
All right. That's all I have for you today.

325
00:19:44,196 --> 00:19:45,948
Let's have a great shift.

326
00:19:47,116 --> 00:19:49,743
Oh, push the fish. It's about to turn.

327
00:19:50,828 --> 00:19:51,954
That's it.

328
00:19:54,081 --> 00:19:57,793
- Dean, can I have a word with you?
- Sure.

329
00:20:02,131 --> 00:20:04,049
- Have a seat, Dean.
- Thanks, Dan.

330
00:20:09,221 --> 00:20:11,974
- How long you been a waiter?
- Since I was 18,

331
00:20:12,057 --> 00:20:14,143
so about four years.

332
00:20:14,226 --> 00:20:17,646
Wow. You don't wanna be
a waiter forever, do you?

333
00:20:17,730 --> 00:20:19,315
What do you mean?

334
00:20:20,482 --> 00:20:23,527
Carson got promoted to GM
over at Riverside,

335
00:20:23,777 --> 00:20:25,946
so we need a new assistant manager.

336
00:20:26,530 --> 00:20:28,657
I'd like to offer the job to you.

337
00:20:28,824 --> 00:20:31,285
- Are you serious?
- Heck, yeah, I'm serious.

338
00:20:31,368 --> 00:20:34,163
Now I'm not gonna lie to you.
The job comes with more responsibility,

339
00:20:34,246 --> 00:20:36,165
but it offers a lot more rewards.

340
00:20:36,248 --> 00:20:38,584
You get full medical, dental,
two-weeks' paid vacation,

341
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:41,629
and I might add, a hefty pay increase.

342
00:20:41,712 --> 00:20:44,089
- I do pretty well.
- Cool.

343
00:20:44,381 --> 00:20:45,841
It is cool.

344
00:20:46,342 --> 00:20:51,347
And let's not forget the power.

345
00:20:51,639 --> 00:20:54,350
- Right.
- Control.

346
00:20:55,684 --> 00:20:58,687
You tell people to do things,
and they have to do it,

347
00:20:58,854 --> 00:21:00,606
or they get in trouble.

348
00:21:01,565 --> 00:21:05,361
I mean, you're in the driver's seat here.
Your finger's on the button.

349
00:21:05,903 --> 00:21:08,113
- Think about it.
- Okay.

350
00:21:08,197 --> 00:21:09,281
Well.

351
00:21:13,369 --> 00:21:15,555
- Are you okay? If you're not interested...
- No, no, no.

352
00:21:15,579 --> 00:21:18,123
It's not that I'm not interested, I just...

353
00:21:18,707 --> 00:21:22,169
Sorry, Dan, just a lot of things... Can
I take a little while to think about it?

354
00:21:22,252 --> 00:21:24,838
Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, take your time.

355
00:21:24,922 --> 00:21:26,882
Yeah, don't rush, you know.

356
00:21:26,966 --> 00:21:29,009
Talk about it next week
or something like that.

357
00:21:29,093 --> 00:21:31,261
- Cool. Thanks, Dan.
- Let me ask you something.

358
00:21:31,345 --> 00:21:34,014
- What's that?
- Why don't we hang out?

359
00:21:34,723 --> 00:21:37,393
- Oh. Like...
- Why don't we hang out more often?

360
00:21:38,060 --> 00:21:39,728
- We do at work.
- You and me.

361
00:21:39,812 --> 00:21:42,856
I was thinking to myself last night,
laying in bed, going,

362
00:21:42,940 --> 00:21:46,652
"Why don't Dean and I hang out?
We're practically the same guy."

363
00:21:49,071 --> 00:21:52,783
I sort of have a core group of friends.
You have your own friends and...

364
00:21:52,866 --> 00:21:54,910
You know what? You'd think I do. I don't.

365
00:21:55,577 --> 00:21:58,097
- Has anyone seen Dean?
- Oh, he's in the back talking to Dan.

366
00:21:58,122 --> 00:22:00,124
Yeah, you wanna know
what they're talking about?

367
00:22:00,207 --> 00:22:02,543
Dan wants to make Dean
assistant fucking manager.

368
00:22:02,626 --> 00:22:05,838
- Well, did he take the job?
- I don't know. I couldn't...

369
00:22:05,921 --> 00:22:07,339
He better fucking not have.

370
00:22:07,423 --> 00:22:08,966
Okay, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

371
00:22:09,049 --> 00:22:11,802
I gotta warn you. Take my car,
what do you think's gonna happen?

372
00:22:11,885 --> 00:22:14,138
- Yeah, I don't really think...
- Score.

373
00:22:14,763 --> 00:22:15,931
Okay.

374
00:22:16,598 --> 00:22:17,766
God.

375
00:22:18,517 --> 00:22:20,352
Hey, so what was that about?

376
00:22:20,894 --> 00:22:23,022
Nothing important. Just bullshit.

377
00:22:25,691 --> 00:22:26,942
What?

378
00:22:28,902 --> 00:22:31,572
Hey, there, folks.
My name's Dean. I'll be your waiter today.

379
00:22:31,655 --> 00:22:34,134
Can get you something to drink
while you're looking at the menus?

380
00:22:34,158 --> 00:22:38,787
Hi, there, guys. My name is Serena,
and I'll be taking care of you today.

381
00:22:38,871 --> 00:22:42,541
Hey, there, ladies. Hi, my name is Amy,
and I'll be your waitress today.

382
00:22:42,624 --> 00:22:45,586
Is there anything I can get you to drink
while you're looking at the menus?

383
00:22:45,669 --> 00:22:49,590
Yeah, I want a single shot of whiskey
and a double-shot of whiskey,

384
00:22:49,673 --> 00:22:51,550
and she'll have a water.

385
00:22:52,968 --> 00:22:55,387
You know, what the hell?
It's our anniversary.

386
00:22:55,471 --> 00:22:56,930
Why don't you bring her a Pepsi?

387
00:22:57,181 --> 00:22:59,016
You'll be taking care of us?

388
00:22:59,099 --> 00:23:01,060
I like the sound of that.

389
00:23:02,227 --> 00:23:03,687
I like that.

390
00:23:04,188 --> 00:23:05,898
Okay, I don't mean to be a bitch,

391
00:23:05,981 --> 00:23:09,485
but the last four times we've come here,
the food was awful.

392
00:23:10,110 --> 00:23:14,406
Well, I apologize for the food
the last few times,

393
00:23:14,490 --> 00:23:17,576
and we will certainly do our best
to make sure that doesn't happen again.

394
00:23:17,659 --> 00:23:19,912
Yeah, that's what the last waitress said.

395
00:23:21,497 --> 00:23:23,832
Can I get an extra side of blue cheese?

396
00:23:23,916 --> 00:23:25,501
Sir, yes, sir.

397
00:23:27,461 --> 00:23:30,589
Right. Blue cheese for you, stat.

398
00:23:30,672 --> 00:23:33,717
- Have a good day, big guy.
- Thanks.

399
00:23:36,178 --> 00:23:38,680
Assistant Manager Jackoff.

400
00:23:42,017 --> 00:23:43,769
Come on, you worthless dick.

401
00:23:43,852 --> 00:23:46,021
Just pee.

402
00:23:46,230 --> 00:23:47,397
Fuck.

403
00:23:48,607 --> 00:23:50,526
I'll try the other hand maybe.

404
00:23:53,445 --> 00:23:54,988
God damn it.

405
00:23:55,781 --> 00:23:58,158
I can't believe you would do that to me.

406
00:23:58,242 --> 00:24:01,829
No, that's it. Do not...
Do not call me back.

407
00:24:02,204 --> 00:24:04,998
Hey. Are you okay?

408
00:24:06,625 --> 00:24:09,545
I'm about this close
to swearing off men altogether.

409
00:24:10,087 --> 00:24:12,005
Let me get you another drink.

410
00:24:13,048 --> 00:24:15,467
All right,
see what Serena's doing right there?

411
00:24:15,551 --> 00:24:18,303
- She's baiting those poor saps.
- I love Patrick Swayze.

412
00:24:18,387 --> 00:24:20,389
- Do you?
- Yeah, you kind of remind me of him.

413
00:24:20,472 --> 00:24:22,766
I guarantee you
they're gonna leave her a fat tip.

414
00:24:22,850 --> 00:24:25,811
Women, they're so fucking wily.

415
00:24:27,896 --> 00:24:30,315
Oh, but poor Amy. She's a different story.

416
00:24:30,399 --> 00:24:32,359
She was D.O.A. from the very beginning.

417
00:24:32,442 --> 00:24:36,572
And by extra lemon we mean enough
for our waters and then some more.

418
00:24:36,822 --> 00:24:38,824
Look at the scowl on that woman's face.

419
00:24:38,907 --> 00:24:40,426
- It's all my fault.
- That would be lovely.

420
00:24:40,450 --> 00:24:41,827
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

421
00:24:41,910 --> 00:24:43,138
- Don't worry.
- You are too kind.

422
00:24:43,162 --> 00:24:44,955
She'll be lucky to get 10%.

423
00:24:45,914 --> 00:24:47,600
I'm surprised you didn't
give those guys a lap dance.

424
00:24:47,624 --> 00:24:49,418
Oh, what's that, jealousy?

425
00:24:51,128 --> 00:24:54,464
- Women troubles, Amy?
- I just don't understand

426
00:24:54,548 --> 00:24:58,802
what would compel a person
to be such a bitch to a total stranger.

427
00:24:58,886 --> 00:25:02,264
- Maybe she was abused as a child.
- Oh, God. I fucking hope so.

428
00:25:04,266 --> 00:25:06,143
Oh, man. You look really pissed.

429
00:25:06,226 --> 00:25:08,187
- You really are an asshole.
- Shenaniganz.

430
00:25:08,270 --> 00:25:10,772
- Fuck you.
- He has a shy bladder.

431
00:25:12,149 --> 00:25:14,502
- So is there...
- Mitch, go in the back, check out the cooks.

432
00:25:14,526 --> 00:25:16,778
I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?

433
00:25:19,781 --> 00:25:22,409
So, what do you think of Natasha?

434
00:25:22,826 --> 00:25:26,205
- I think she's illegal.
- Yeah. I've made peace with that.

435
00:25:26,580 --> 00:25:29,875
Seriously, look at her.
You know she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.

436
00:25:29,958 --> 00:25:31,335
Statutory rape.

437
00:25:31,793 --> 00:25:33,513
On the other hand,
maybe she is too young.

438
00:25:33,587 --> 00:25:35,422
Like that's ever stopped you before.

439
00:25:35,505 --> 00:25:38,133
That is a very, very good point.

440
00:25:38,508 --> 00:25:42,554
And I'm convinced Natasha will be mine.
Thanks for the advice, buddy.

441
00:25:42,638 --> 00:25:44,306
- Hey, anytime.
- Yeah.

442
00:25:44,973 --> 00:25:47,643
- What's going on with you and Amy?
- What's up, Obsession?

443
00:25:47,726 --> 00:25:51,438
- Shut up.
- So how long have you two been...

444
00:25:51,647 --> 00:25:54,274
- Three months. Shit or get off the pot time.
- Yep.

445
00:25:54,483 --> 00:25:58,320
- Has he even hinted that he's aware of it?
- No, he's acting oblivious.

446
00:25:58,528 --> 00:26:01,740
Are you gonna talk to her or hope you're
never forced to make an actual decision?

447
00:26:01,823 --> 00:26:04,243
- I'm going with option B.
- That's my boy.

448
00:26:04,534 --> 00:26:07,746
- Have you talked to him about it?
- No. I'm playing hard to get.

449
00:26:07,829 --> 00:26:11,083
Oh, but haven't you slept with him
the past five nights?

450
00:26:11,166 --> 00:26:12,834
Well, not real hard to get.

451
00:26:13,168 --> 00:26:16,296
She really is a little badass though.
And fun to hang out with. Laid back.

452
00:26:16,380 --> 00:26:18,257
Maintenance fees are really low.
I like that.

453
00:26:18,340 --> 00:26:22,135
Yeah, she's a cool chick. I'd do her.
Hell, I'd probably even pay.

454
00:26:24,846 --> 00:26:26,056
I would.

455
00:26:26,682 --> 00:26:29,518
I don't know, man.
I'm not even thinking about Amy right now.

456
00:26:29,601 --> 00:26:31,979
- Who are you thinking about?
- Chett Miller.

457
00:26:32,062 --> 00:26:34,022
Come on, man! You're wracked with regret

458
00:26:34,106 --> 00:26:37,359
just because some old fuck-boy
classmate graduated college?

459
00:26:39,695 --> 00:26:42,239
Are you gonna take
the assistant manager job?

460
00:26:42,698 --> 00:26:44,342
Wait. How the hell do you know about that?

461
00:26:44,366 --> 00:26:46,618
Are you fucking kidding me?
You know this place.

462
00:26:46,702 --> 00:26:48,787
People with the day off already know.

463
00:26:48,870 --> 00:26:52,874
Half of me is like, "Take the job." I could
really use the money. It's a smart move.

464
00:26:53,417 --> 00:26:56,753
<i>But the other half's like,
"Am l fucking nuts?</i>

465
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,922
<i>"Do l really wanna end up like Dan?"</i>

466
00:27:01,591 --> 00:27:02,884
Busted.

467
00:27:08,056 --> 00:27:11,518
Hey, Rocco? It's Dan down at Shenaniganz.

468
00:27:12,019 --> 00:27:13,895
Got another one for you.

469
00:27:14,229 --> 00:27:15,439
All right.

470
00:27:16,857 --> 00:27:18,233
Not on my watch.

471
00:27:20,861 --> 00:27:22,154
And there you go, folks.

472
00:27:22,237 --> 00:27:24,323
Damn, boy. What the hell took so long?

473
00:27:24,406 --> 00:27:27,409
Well, you had the two well-done steaks,

474
00:27:27,492 --> 00:27:29,328
so it usually takes a little while to cook.

475
00:27:29,411 --> 00:27:32,122
Yeah, well,
could you get me some more ketchup?

476
00:27:32,205 --> 00:27:33,915
Sure. No problem.

477
00:27:36,710 --> 00:27:39,880
Nothing sets off the flavor
of a steak like some ketchup.

478
00:27:40,172 --> 00:27:42,674
And his mouth tasted just like buttermilk.

479
00:27:44,092 --> 00:27:46,636
Hey, Monty?
Could you drop off my food, please?

480
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,930
I can't deal with that bitch anymore.

481
00:27:52,184 --> 00:27:53,393
No problem.

482
00:27:53,685 --> 00:27:54,936
It's go time, Mitch.

483
00:27:57,147 --> 00:27:58,690
Hey, there, ladies.

484
00:27:58,774 --> 00:28:01,193
Amy's busy, so I thought
I'd bring your food out for you.

485
00:28:01,276 --> 00:28:02,986
But I still have some salad left.

486
00:28:03,070 --> 00:28:05,530
Oh, well, would you like me
to take the food back

487
00:28:05,614 --> 00:28:07,199
and bring it out in a few minutes?

488
00:28:07,282 --> 00:28:09,868
Yeah, and let it dry out
under the heat lamps?

489
00:28:09,951 --> 00:28:11,370
Just give me the food.

490
00:28:11,453 --> 00:28:13,163
Okay. There you go.

491
00:28:14,247 --> 00:28:19,002
Wait. Did that waitress
listen to a word I said?

492
00:28:19,795 --> 00:28:21,713
This steak is medium-rare.

493
00:28:22,089 --> 00:28:23,715
I asked for it medium.

494
00:28:23,799 --> 00:28:26,468
And I wanted extra gravy
on my mashed potatoes.

495
00:28:27,344 --> 00:28:30,639
Let me ask you something.
How hard is your job?

496
00:28:31,306 --> 00:28:35,018
How intelligent do you have to be
to take a food order?

497
00:28:35,102 --> 00:28:36,478
- Jesus!
- Ma'am.

498
00:28:37,104 --> 00:28:40,857
Ma'am, you're absolutely right,
and I apologize.

499
00:28:42,984 --> 00:28:45,237
I'm gonna get this fixed
for you right away.

500
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,115
Good. Now I can finish my salad.

501
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:49,408
Okay.

502
00:28:56,998 --> 00:29:02,087
Gentlemen, we have our first
official bee-atch of the day.

503
00:29:02,170 --> 00:29:05,507
Oh, come on, guys.
She wasn't that bad, was she?

504
00:29:05,590 --> 00:29:09,010
Well, Amy, it's your table. You decide.

505
00:29:14,015 --> 00:29:16,184
She was a fucking bitch! Do it.

506
00:29:18,019 --> 00:29:20,105
Yo, we need to get
some fucking hydroponics

507
00:29:20,188 --> 00:29:21,940
so we can grow our own shit, yo.

508
00:29:22,023 --> 00:29:25,944
Hells, yes. Soon as we get the hydro,
we can run this city like the fucking mob.

509
00:29:26,027 --> 00:29:29,197
I swear, we gotta grow it, smoke
it, sell it. We'd be a fucking pimp.

510
00:29:29,281 --> 00:29:31,616
Yo, and you know the bitches
be loving that shit.

511
00:29:31,700 --> 00:29:34,494
We'll get more fucking puss
than Busta, more than Dre,

512
00:29:34,578 --> 00:29:36,663
more than fucking Snoop Dogg.

513
00:29:36,746 --> 00:29:38,558
So it's on then?
We're getting the fucking hydro.

514
00:29:38,582 --> 00:29:40,792
We're gonna run this city
like the motherfucking mob.

515
00:29:41,362 --> 00:29:45,157
The first thing we do is add a little
extra gravy to the mashed potato.

516
00:29:50,454 --> 00:29:53,957
Ah, that's it. Good job, buddy. Nice one.

517
00:29:54,041 --> 00:29:58,170
Followed by a thin spread
of cheese for your garlic bread.

518
00:29:58,253 --> 00:30:01,715
- Some "fromunda" cheese.
- Yeah, make us proud.

519
00:30:02,841 --> 00:30:05,386
Fresh from the taint. We like this. Good.

520
00:30:05,469 --> 00:30:07,012
Up next, what we're gonna do...

521
00:30:07,096 --> 00:30:09,348
How about a little guacamole for the steak?

522
00:30:09,431 --> 00:30:12,434
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

523
00:30:13,310 --> 00:30:16,563
Come on, man. You can't be mixing
Mexican and Continental.

524
00:30:16,855 --> 00:30:19,650
Come on, man.
I thought you was better than that.

525
00:30:20,943 --> 00:30:23,779
All right. How about a little garlic salt?

526
00:30:27,491 --> 00:30:30,369
That's what I'm talking about.
Finesse, baby!

527
00:30:30,452 --> 00:30:32,496
These guys have
a deep commitment to their job.

528
00:30:32,705 --> 00:30:37,334
Finally, a garnish of alfalfa sprouts.

529
00:30:37,751 --> 00:30:39,294
Adds a touch of...

530
00:30:43,006 --> 00:30:46,009
Touch of class to any meal.

531
00:30:48,679 --> 00:30:50,097
There we go.

532
00:30:50,347 --> 00:30:52,266
Oh, God.

533
00:30:52,433 --> 00:30:53,684
Good stuff.

534
00:31:03,157 --> 00:31:05,367
I'll pull out my motherfucking shotty.

535
00:31:05,784 --> 00:31:07,119
Pull up like John Gotti.

536
00:31:07,202 --> 00:31:10,622
I'll have the motherfucker on the carpet.
I fucked that bitch!

537
00:31:10,706 --> 00:31:12,386
Hell, yeah, motherfucker. We be down...

538
00:31:12,458 --> 00:31:15,919
Okay, Nicholas, Theodore. Boys.

539
00:31:16,336 --> 00:31:18,338
It doesn't take 10 minutes
to take out the trash.

540
00:31:18,422 --> 00:31:21,383
Now, if you don't get your asses out front
and start doing some work,

541
00:31:21,467 --> 00:31:24,761
I'm gonna fire you faster than you can say,
<i>"Yo, MTV Raps."</i>

542
00:31:24,845 --> 00:31:25,929
- Yes, sir.
- I'm sorry?

543
00:31:26,013 --> 00:31:27,598
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

544
00:31:33,437 --> 00:31:35,022
Hey, Rocco.

545
00:31:35,439 --> 00:31:37,691
Yeah, right there.

546
00:31:42,905 --> 00:31:44,698
Here you go, ma'am.

547
00:31:45,449 --> 00:31:48,827
I had the chefs take
extra special care of it for you.

548
00:31:48,911 --> 00:31:51,038
I'm truly sorry for the inconvenience.

549
00:32:02,966 --> 00:32:06,470
You know, we should probably feel guilty,
but she broke the cardinal rule,

550
00:32:06,553 --> 00:32:09,932
"Don't fuck with people
that handle your food."

551
00:32:10,557 --> 00:32:13,685
All right. How you guys doing?
Everything prepared okay?

552
00:32:13,936 --> 00:32:15,729
Could be better. It'll do.

553
00:32:16,355 --> 00:32:19,608
I'm sorry. Is there anything
I can do to make it better?

554
00:32:19,691 --> 00:32:21,652
Yeah, get me an extra roll.

555
00:32:22,444 --> 00:32:23,904
And bring me the check.

556
00:32:23,987 --> 00:32:25,197
Sure.

557
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:26,657
No problem.

558
00:32:27,407 --> 00:32:30,035
And I'm gonna sing
that bitch a fucking 187.

559
00:32:30,118 --> 00:32:31,995
All right then, Calvin.

560
00:32:32,079 --> 00:32:34,581
Just relax and start at the beginning.

561
00:32:35,249 --> 00:32:36,416
Okay.

562
00:32:37,459 --> 00:32:39,127
About three months ago,

563
00:32:39,711 --> 00:32:43,298
I just finished my shift,
and I really had to take a piss.

564
00:32:43,924 --> 00:32:46,385
<i>So, l go into the bathroom.</i>

565
00:32:46,677 --> 00:32:51,306
<i>And l'm at the urinal,
just waiting for the flow,</i>

566
00:32:51,682 --> 00:32:53,392
<i>minding my own business.</i>

567
00:32:53,767 --> 00:32:56,770
<i>When l notice out of my peripheral vision,</i>

568
00:32:57,854 --> 00:33:01,400
<i>the guy standing next to me
was looking straight at my dick.</i>

569
00:33:02,693 --> 00:33:05,529
<i>He's just staring at it
like they're old pals.</i>

570
00:33:05,821 --> 00:33:08,448
<i>I could practically hear
what he was thinking.</i>

571
00:33:09,199 --> 00:33:11,618
"Whoa. That's a nice dick."

572
00:33:13,370 --> 00:33:14,746
<i>And that's it.</i>

573
00:33:15,038 --> 00:33:17,874
Since that time, I haven't been able
to use a public bathroom.

574
00:33:17,958 --> 00:33:19,209
Goodness.

575
00:33:19,543 --> 00:33:21,771
And the next time I tried to take a leak,
I could've sworn

576
00:33:21,795 --> 00:33:24,881
the guy standing next to me
was staring at me, and I freaked.

577
00:33:27,759 --> 00:33:29,469
Quit staring at my dick!

578
00:33:30,679 --> 00:33:33,432
In retrospect,
I think I might've been mistaken.

579
00:33:34,391 --> 00:33:36,059
What about the stall?

580
00:33:36,268 --> 00:33:37,978
<i>No, it didn't work either.</i>

581
00:33:38,478 --> 00:33:40,105
<i>Every time l go to take a piss,</i>

582
00:33:40,188 --> 00:33:42,899
I get the image
of that guy's eyes on my shmack.

583
00:33:43,734 --> 00:33:46,903
And then that's when
I start hearing the voices.

584
00:33:47,613 --> 00:33:48,739
Voices?

585
00:33:49,031 --> 00:33:51,908
I get this paranoid feeling
there are people outside the stall,

586
00:33:51,992 --> 00:33:55,120
<i>and they know l'm having
a difficult time taking a piss.</i>

587
00:33:55,203 --> 00:33:58,749
<i>I can hear them saying,
"What's taking him so long?</i>

588
00:33:59,333 --> 00:34:01,877
"Why can't he just piss
like a normal person?

589
00:34:02,044 --> 00:34:04,546
<i>"I don't hear any pee!"</i>

590
00:34:05,380 --> 00:34:06,923
I'm really fucked up.

591
00:34:07,549 --> 00:34:10,344
Psychosomatic auditory hallucinations.

592
00:34:12,179 --> 00:34:14,431
Most people have to pay for such a thing.

593
00:34:14,514 --> 00:34:16,099
So what the hell should I do?

594
00:34:16,183 --> 00:34:17,476
Well, first,

595
00:34:18,310 --> 00:34:21,372
you need to think about how this problem
affects other parts of your personality.

596
00:34:21,396 --> 00:34:23,315
- Oh.
- See, I recommend...

597
00:34:30,781 --> 00:34:32,282
Oh, bro, that ain't right, man.

598
00:34:32,366 --> 00:34:37,204
- Take a look at the bat wing, bitch!
- Oh, it's so veiny.

599
00:34:39,665 --> 00:34:40,665
Damn, Raddimus.

600
00:34:40,707 --> 00:34:44,795
Now, does Danielle know that you like
to go both ways? How does that work?

601
00:34:45,671 --> 00:34:47,130
Sweet victory.

602
00:34:49,633 --> 00:34:51,259
Good job, asshole.

603
00:34:55,389 --> 00:34:56,890
I'm sorry. Go ahead.

604
00:35:01,561 --> 00:35:04,648
Hello, sir. My name is Monty.
This is my trainee, Mitch.

605
00:35:04,731 --> 00:35:09,277
- How are you doing today?
- Oh, I'm slipping gradually into senility.

606
00:35:09,861 --> 00:35:13,198
Really? Do you consider that
a good thing or a bad thing?

607
00:35:13,573 --> 00:35:15,450
Well, it's a mixed bag.

608
00:35:15,534 --> 00:35:20,789
It's good in the sense that
I can take walks in my underwear.

609
00:35:20,872 --> 00:35:23,625
I can give small children
the middle finger.

610
00:35:24,459 --> 00:35:27,462
But as long as I look happy
while I'm doing it,

611
00:35:27,546 --> 00:35:29,965
people just assume I'm senile.

612
00:35:30,590 --> 00:35:32,300
Yeah, so what's the bad?

613
00:35:32,384 --> 00:35:36,096
Well, sometimes I give
small children the middle finger

614
00:35:36,430 --> 00:35:40,183
and don't realize I'm doing it
until someone slaps me.

615
00:35:40,809 --> 00:35:43,145
So I really am going senile.

616
00:35:43,770 --> 00:35:45,647
Alzheimer's can't be all bad.

617
00:35:46,064 --> 00:35:48,692
You get a chance
to meet new people every day.

618
00:35:51,778 --> 00:35:55,282
- I like you, Monty.
- I like you too, sir.

619
00:35:55,699 --> 00:35:57,617
I like you too, Monty.

620
00:35:58,785 --> 00:36:00,912
So what could I get you to drink?

621
00:36:00,996 --> 00:36:02,330
I trust you.

622
00:36:03,582 --> 00:36:06,626
You know what? You can count on me, sir.

623
00:36:09,838 --> 00:36:11,673
I don't even care if
he gives me a poor tip,

624
00:36:11,757 --> 00:36:14,509
that is the coolest old man
I've met in my entire life.

625
00:36:14,593 --> 00:36:17,053
- How's your table?
- Couple of hicks.

626
00:36:17,429 --> 00:36:19,431
- Yikes.
- Yeah, but the check total's $63,

627
00:36:19,514 --> 00:36:22,726
so even if they tip 15%
I should make 10 bucks.

628
00:36:22,809 --> 00:36:26,354
You're a bastard.
So far I've made 15% of jack shit.

629
00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:31,151
Jesus.

630
00:36:34,946 --> 00:36:37,032
There you go, buddy. It's all you.

631
00:36:37,908 --> 00:36:40,660
Thanks a lot. We'll see you next time.

632
00:36:51,922 --> 00:36:53,340
How much did they leave you?

633
00:36:53,423 --> 00:36:55,342
$1.91?

634
00:36:55,717 --> 00:36:57,594
No fucking way.

635
00:37:09,856 --> 00:37:12,984
Excuse me, sir. You forgot your change.

636
00:37:13,693 --> 00:37:16,154
No. That's for you. That's your tip.

637
00:37:16,238 --> 00:37:18,156
Oh, no, no, no. I insist. You take it.

638
00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:20,617
You obviously need this more than I do.

639
00:37:23,245 --> 00:37:25,622
I wanna speak to
your manager now, please.

640
00:37:25,705 --> 00:37:27,165
This is horse shit.

641
00:37:27,249 --> 00:37:29,709
Okay, Mitch, you see what Dean did there?

642
00:37:29,876 --> 00:37:31,294
Don't ever do that.

643
00:37:31,670 --> 00:37:34,464
- What, did he stiff you?
- He might as fucking well have.

644
00:37:34,548 --> 00:37:36,383
Two bucks on a $63 check.

645
00:37:36,550 --> 00:37:38,426
Oh, damn. That is pretty shitty.

646
00:37:38,510 --> 00:37:44,015
For insulting me I should get some free gift
certificates and a key chain and a hat!

647
00:37:44,099 --> 00:37:45,433
Absolutely, sir. Yes.

648
00:37:45,517 --> 00:37:47,662
And how about a couple of sundaes
with some nuts on them?

649
00:37:47,686 --> 00:37:50,981
Yes. Yeah, I will have Natasha
take down all your information,

650
00:37:51,064 --> 00:37:53,775
and I will make sure corporate
sends those out to you.

651
00:37:53,859 --> 00:37:56,140
You're gonna mail me a sundae?
I want it now, God damn it!

652
00:37:56,736 --> 00:37:57,904
Get in here.

653
00:37:58,238 --> 00:38:01,074
You wanna explain to me
what the heck you were thinking out there?

654
00:38:01,157 --> 00:38:03,159
Insulting a customer like that?

655
00:38:03,243 --> 00:38:05,662
You're right. I know. I know. He just...

656
00:38:05,745 --> 00:38:07,163
I'm having a really bad day, Dan,

657
00:38:07,247 --> 00:38:09,791
and that guy caught me
at the worst possible moment.

658
00:38:09,875 --> 00:38:12,085
- I'm sorry. I lost it.
- You're sorry?

659
00:38:12,252 --> 00:38:15,213
I don't understand.
I've never gotten a complaint on you.

660
00:38:15,297 --> 00:38:17,799
And you had to pick the day
I offer you a promotion?

661
00:38:17,883 --> 00:38:19,885
I promise you it won't happen again, okay?

662
00:38:19,968 --> 00:38:23,930
Opportunity is knocking at the door.
If you don't wanna answer it, fine.

663
00:38:24,347 --> 00:38:26,182
There are people
who would jump at the chance.

664
00:38:26,266 --> 00:38:28,351
Calvin is chomping at the bit for this job!

665
00:38:28,435 --> 00:38:33,064
I am offering you an opportunity to take it
to the next level, earn more money.

666
00:38:33,148 --> 00:38:36,860
And you need to decide if you're ready
to take it to the next level yourself!

667
00:38:36,943 --> 00:38:39,529
I want an answer
by the end of your shift tonight!

668
00:38:39,613 --> 00:38:42,157
And, Dean, this is an exploding offer.

669
00:38:42,741 --> 00:38:46,286
I don't work within
the exact boundaries of the law,

670
00:38:46,369 --> 00:38:49,205
because I wasn't consulted
when the goddamn laws were made.

671
00:38:49,289 --> 00:38:53,251
No, instead, nameless,
faceless politicians,

672
00:38:53,335 --> 00:38:55,629
the so-called
protectors of the moral majority

673
00:38:55,712 --> 00:38:58,173
decide what is right and what is wrong.

674
00:38:58,256 --> 00:38:59,841
I mean, come on!

675
00:39:00,425 --> 00:39:02,585
I govern my life
around my own personal code of ethics,

676
00:39:02,636 --> 00:39:04,387
and I suggest you do the same.

677
00:39:04,471 --> 00:39:07,891
That way if,
within the constructs of my own morality,

678
00:39:07,974 --> 00:39:11,394
I were to do something
that was considered illegal, so be it.

679
00:39:11,728 --> 00:39:13,563
I feel no guilt whatsoever.

680
00:39:13,647 --> 00:39:17,567
And furthermore, if I were to buckle
under the social weight of the system

681
00:39:17,651 --> 00:39:20,070
by adhering to laws
that I do not truly believe in,

682
00:39:20,153 --> 00:39:24,699
then I would be extinguishing the very
fire of patriotism and individuality.

683
00:39:24,866 --> 00:39:26,743
It's... It's so...

684
00:39:28,453 --> 00:39:29,913
In a sense,

685
00:39:31,498 --> 00:39:33,416
by having sex with Natasha,

686
00:39:34,250 --> 00:39:38,380
I'd be preserving the rights
our forefathers fought and died for, right?

687
00:39:40,215 --> 00:39:43,343
- Well, I guess...
- Bro, it was a rhetorical question.

688
00:39:43,426 --> 00:39:44,886
Okay? So...

689
00:39:48,723 --> 00:39:52,852
Oh, hey, Dean. I heard Dan yelling at you.
It was kind of crazy.

690
00:39:53,019 --> 00:39:55,164
You think you're still in the running
for the assistant manager?

691
00:39:55,188 --> 00:39:59,150
Did you ever just wake up and realize,
"Holy shit. I'm a fucking loser"?

692
00:39:59,484 --> 00:40:00,568
Yeah, man.

693
00:40:00,652 --> 00:40:03,989
God, I just wanna be able to say,
"I wanna be a teacher," you know,

694
00:40:04,072 --> 00:40:07,951
or a podiatrist
or a fucking electrical engineer.

695
00:40:08,034 --> 00:40:10,245
Anything! Just have a fucking clue!

696
00:40:10,328 --> 00:40:12,205
Hey, who has a clue, right?

697
00:40:12,288 --> 00:40:16,626
Hey, I don't. Hello?
I don't know what's going on.

698
00:40:16,793 --> 00:40:18,273
Hey, could you put down the ice pick?

699
00:40:18,545 --> 00:40:21,631
- Sorry you had to hear that guy yell.
- Oh, it's okay.

700
00:40:22,549 --> 00:40:24,634
You shouldn't have to be subjected to that.

701
00:40:24,718 --> 00:40:26,219
You're way too sweet.

702
00:40:27,012 --> 00:40:30,432
- Way too cute, too.
- Stop it. You're gonna make me blush.

703
00:40:31,766 --> 00:40:34,310
Bet you drive the boys wild at your school.

704
00:40:34,602 --> 00:40:37,272
Maybe. I don't really like
the boys at my school.

705
00:40:37,355 --> 00:40:39,357
No? Why?

706
00:40:39,941 --> 00:40:41,860
I prefer older men.

707
00:40:42,193 --> 00:40:43,987
Really? Wow.

708
00:40:44,070 --> 00:40:45,905
I like a man in power.

709
00:40:46,322 --> 00:40:50,493
Yeah, well, being a manager,
obviously, I know what you mean.

710
00:40:50,577 --> 00:40:54,122
It takes a lot of power to command
the respect of everybody at the restaurant.

711
00:40:54,205 --> 00:40:56,291
- That's true.
- Yeah.

712
00:40:56,458 --> 00:41:01,880
We should go to dinner sometime
and talk about it.

713
00:41:01,963 --> 00:41:04,799
I'll bring my manager card,
and we'll just eat for free.

714
00:41:04,883 --> 00:41:09,095
As they say, membership has its privileges.

715
00:41:09,929 --> 00:41:12,390
What's up with you?
What are you still doing here, man?

716
00:41:12,474 --> 00:41:15,101
Christy asked me to work for her,
so I'm working a double.

717
00:41:15,185 --> 00:41:18,021
Time-out.
Isn't this your only night off this week?

718
00:41:18,104 --> 00:41:19,105
Yeah.

719
00:41:19,189 --> 00:41:22,609
And you're using it to work
a double-shift for Christy?

720
00:41:23,109 --> 00:41:26,404
Wait. You actually have to get the pussy
before you can be whipped by it.

721
00:41:26,488 --> 00:41:28,198
- That's right.
- You guys suck.

722
00:41:28,281 --> 00:41:29,866
Yes, we do.

723
00:41:29,949 --> 00:41:31,868
Wait. Didn't you take
out Christy last night?

724
00:41:31,951 --> 00:41:34,305
- Yeah, we went out last night.
- Come on, man! Details!

725
00:41:34,329 --> 00:41:38,041
No. Fuck the details. I wanna know.
Did you do it? Did you make a move?

726
00:41:38,124 --> 00:41:40,543
- What do you mean?
- Don't give me that shit. You know.

727
00:41:40,627 --> 00:41:43,189
- Did you kiss her? Rub against her skin?
- Cuddle with her? Rub her leg?

728
00:41:43,213 --> 00:41:45,590
- Hold her hand?
- Nipple tweak? Anything?

729
00:41:46,674 --> 00:41:48,218
- No, I'm still...
- Oh, my God!

730
00:41:48,301 --> 00:41:49,344
I need more time.

731
00:41:49,427 --> 00:41:52,180
- Forget it. It's over. You're fucked.
- Not literally.

732
00:41:52,263 --> 00:41:55,558
- Why? Because you won't pull the trigger.
- And you're too fucking nice!

733
00:41:55,642 --> 00:41:57,560
Why do you always say that? I'm not...

734
00:41:57,644 --> 00:42:00,063
- What happens with every girl you like?
- Nothing!

735
00:42:00,146 --> 00:42:03,108
You take them out, you pay for everything,
and you never make a move!

736
00:42:03,191 --> 00:42:07,153
Then you go home, alone, to masturbate
while you cry, using your own tears as...

737
00:42:07,237 --> 00:42:11,324
That was once, and I was drunk,
and it was Valentine's Day. So back off.

738
00:42:12,075 --> 00:42:16,079
Don't try to candy coat it.
All we ever do is hang out and have sex.

739
00:42:16,162 --> 00:42:20,208
What are you talking about? Didn't I
take you to the movies last week, huh?

740
00:42:20,750 --> 00:42:23,294
Yeah, but you kept trying
to get me to jerk you off.

741
00:42:26,047 --> 00:42:28,133
What do you want? It was a dull movie.

742
00:42:28,216 --> 00:42:32,762
Yeah, but I just get the feeling
that you don't care.

743
00:42:33,888 --> 00:42:36,474
I don't care? I don't care?

744
00:42:37,350 --> 00:42:41,271
When my uncle died, didn't I ask you
to be by my side at the funeral?

745
00:42:41,729 --> 00:42:45,358
Yeah, but you kept trying
to get me to jerk you off.

746
00:42:48,570 --> 00:42:50,947
How many times can we have
the same exact conversation?

747
00:42:51,030 --> 00:42:52,949
It's like we're stuck in a time paradox

748
00:42:53,032 --> 00:42:55,785
where neither our wisdom
nor your virginity will ever escape.

749
00:42:55,869 --> 00:42:58,621
I attempt to make a move.

750
00:42:58,955 --> 00:43:01,457
I get in close. I'm there and I just get...

751
00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:03,793
Fuck!

752
00:43:03,877 --> 00:43:06,379
- You need therapy.
- Hush, now.

753
00:43:07,380 --> 00:43:09,799
The way I see it, with chicks,

754
00:43:10,508 --> 00:43:13,219
there's really only two possible things
that could happen.

755
00:43:13,303 --> 00:43:14,888
Either they won't sleep with you,

756
00:43:14,971 --> 00:43:17,265
and then there's
no need to call them again,

757
00:43:17,348 --> 00:43:21,436
or they do sleep with you, and then
there's no need to call them again.

758
00:43:22,061 --> 00:43:25,565
This is what I don't get. How can someone
be such a complete asshole all the time

759
00:43:25,648 --> 00:43:27,567
and get as many women as you do?

760
00:43:27,650 --> 00:43:29,402
That's a good question.

761
00:43:31,404 --> 00:43:34,324
- Amy! Serena! Calvin needs our help.
- No.

762
00:43:34,407 --> 00:43:36,534
- No, I don't need help.
- Shh, shh.

763
00:43:36,659 --> 00:43:38,578
Women like assholes, am I right?

764
00:43:38,661 --> 00:43:41,664
- Well, I agree that you're an asshole.
- Okay.

765
00:43:41,748 --> 00:43:45,376
"A", fuck you.
"B", just answer the question.

766
00:43:46,044 --> 00:43:49,923
Well, okay. Girls like assholes, not women.

767
00:43:50,006 --> 00:43:52,800
What women are attracted to
is self-confidence.

768
00:43:52,884 --> 00:43:55,803
Yes, and we absolutely
fucking hate insecurity.

769
00:43:55,887 --> 00:43:58,449
Yes! The more insecure you are,
the more you ask, "Is something wrong?"

770
00:43:58,473 --> 00:44:00,409
- "Is everything okay?"
- "What are you thinking about?"

771
00:44:00,433 --> 00:44:02,852
"What's wrong?"
And the more you do that, Calvin,

772
00:44:02,936 --> 00:44:05,438
the more it becomes
this self-fulfilling prophecy.

773
00:44:05,521 --> 00:44:09,234
You just need to relax
and not worry so much. Okay?

774
00:44:09,817 --> 00:44:10,818
Calvin.

775
00:44:12,445 --> 00:44:15,114
Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

776
00:44:15,615 --> 00:44:18,618
- I'm gonna work on it.
- Yeah. Yeah, you do that.

777
00:44:19,118 --> 00:44:22,622
And by the way, take whatever advice that
she gives you with a big grain of salt.

778
00:44:22,705 --> 00:44:26,125
Yeah, and take anything that he gives you
with a shot of penicillin.

779
00:44:26,209 --> 00:44:29,212
Seriously, Calvin, do yourself a favor.

780
00:44:29,295 --> 00:44:31,923
Unless you're combing the playground
for middle schoolers,

781
00:44:32,006 --> 00:44:34,384
don't become an asshole like Monty.

782
00:44:35,593 --> 00:44:38,972
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but haven't I been inside you?

783
00:44:47,397 --> 00:44:49,357
- Oh, Monty.
- Oh, me.

784
00:44:49,524 --> 00:44:53,236
You wanna brag about your sexual
conquests, you big stud, you?

785
00:44:53,319 --> 00:44:56,072
Okay, you know what? Fine.
Let's talk about it.

786
00:44:56,155 --> 00:44:59,909
Let me describe Monty's
amazing sexual prowess.

787
00:44:59,993 --> 00:45:04,497
He'd barrel into me with that
pathetic excuse for a child's penis.

788
00:45:04,831 --> 00:45:08,251
And it would end so quickly, so abruptly,

789
00:45:08,334 --> 00:45:10,545
I wouldn't even have
time to feel any sort of

790
00:45:10,628 --> 00:45:14,507
morbid, accidental amusement
towards his "technique,"

791
00:45:14,966 --> 00:45:16,926
which was basically him
seizuring on top of me

792
00:45:17,010 --> 00:45:19,387
for, oh, about 45 seconds,

793
00:45:19,470 --> 00:45:23,099
while I laid there trying
not to laugh or cry.

794
00:45:23,182 --> 00:45:24,267
Ouch.

795
00:45:24,350 --> 00:45:27,562
Is it any wonder why you still date girls
in high school?

796
00:45:27,645 --> 00:45:30,148
They're the only ones left.
They don't know any better.

797
00:45:30,231 --> 00:45:32,483
Okay, okay. All right.

798
00:45:32,567 --> 00:45:34,819
First of all, for the record,

799
00:45:34,902 --> 00:45:38,031
I always had an orgasm when we had sex.

800
00:45:38,114 --> 00:45:40,783
Secondly, everybody knows
that I'm orally fixated.

801
00:45:40,867 --> 00:45:43,369
You can't deny that I played your vagina
like a violin.

802
00:45:43,453 --> 00:45:48,374
Oh! As if that somehow negates the fact
that once we got past foreplay,

803
00:45:48,458 --> 00:45:51,085
you turned into the little engine
that couldn't hold his load.

804
00:45:51,169 --> 00:45:53,296
Oh, what the fuck ever!

805
00:45:53,379 --> 00:45:56,507
If I was that bad, then why were you
at my house every night?

806
00:45:56,591 --> 00:45:59,427
All I had to do was call and say,
"Hey. I'm horny."

807
00:45:59,510 --> 00:46:01,471
And then fucking poof!

808
00:46:01,554 --> 00:46:04,974
As if by some form of slut magic,
you'd appear. Now why is that?

809
00:46:05,058 --> 00:46:08,311
Because at first,
I really liked spending time with you.

810
00:46:08,394 --> 00:46:10,980
I thought you were a genuinely
interesting guy to be around.

811
00:46:11,064 --> 00:46:12,065
Very true.

812
00:46:12,148 --> 00:46:15,485
But eventually, it all wore thin.
I realized that your personality

813
00:46:15,568 --> 00:46:18,321
was just one short
punctuated joke after another,

814
00:46:18,404 --> 00:46:20,323
much like our sex life.

815
00:46:20,406 --> 00:46:24,243
And, oh, Monty, do you remember
why we stopped dating?

816
00:46:24,327 --> 00:46:27,580
Yeah, I do. Because you were old news.

817
00:46:27,663 --> 00:46:29,543
I was looking at other girls
and getting bored.

818
00:46:29,582 --> 00:46:31,667
Basically, that was why.

819
00:46:31,751 --> 00:46:33,878
Yeah, yeah. All that.

820
00:46:33,961 --> 00:46:35,505
And the fact that I dumped you.

821
00:46:35,588 --> 00:46:38,174
- Wait, I thought you said you dumped...
- Shut up, Calvin.

822
00:46:38,257 --> 00:46:40,927
I was just trying to let you down easy,
but this is bullshit.

823
00:46:41,010 --> 00:46:44,347
Because we both know that you enjoyed
having sex with me.

824
00:46:44,555 --> 00:46:47,392
The only real pleasure I ever got
from having sex with you

825
00:46:47,475 --> 00:46:49,519
came from making fun of it
later with my friends.

826
00:46:49,602 --> 00:46:52,647
- Tell him, Amy.
- It's true. We laughed a lot at your expense.

827
00:46:52,730 --> 00:46:56,859
So you know when you're walking past
a group of people, you hear them laughing,

828
00:46:56,943 --> 00:46:59,987
you sometimes get
that paranoid self-conscious feeling?

829
00:47:00,196 --> 00:47:03,199
Maybe they're laughing about you
when they're really not?

830
00:47:03,282 --> 00:47:06,202
Well, in your case, they really are.

831
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,095
God, I love her.

832
00:47:26,806 --> 00:47:28,391
<i>Oh, hello there.</i>

833
00:47:28,474 --> 00:47:31,394
<i>Thank you for joining our family
at Shenaniganz bar and grill.</i>

834
00:47:31,477 --> 00:47:34,289
<i>It is our goal to maintain the absolute
highest standard in all aspects...</i>

835
00:47:34,313 --> 00:47:36,691
Hey, man. We all had to watch it.

836
00:47:37,817 --> 00:47:40,027
I'm gonna come back and get you
after the dinner rush.

837
00:47:40,111 --> 00:47:41,404
The tape should be done then.

838
00:47:41,487 --> 00:47:42,530
Cool?

839
00:47:44,407 --> 00:47:46,200
Well, I mean, I guess. I...

840
00:47:46,284 --> 00:47:48,035
<i>of our most sacred company policies</i>

841
00:47:48,119 --> 00:47:50,580
<i>to ensure that you have
all the skills necessary</i>

842
00:47:50,663 --> 00:47:54,167
<i>- to uphold our standard of excellence.</i>
- Shit.

843
00:47:54,250 --> 00:47:56,752
<i>Are you ready? Well, okay. Follow me.</i>

844
00:47:58,171 --> 00:48:00,423
All right, men. This is it.

845
00:48:00,506 --> 00:48:04,677
The time has come. Remember,
product pride. Portion consciousness.

846
00:48:04,927 --> 00:48:07,263
Zero hour is upon us.

847
00:48:07,346 --> 00:48:09,932
Let us seize the day!

848
00:48:10,016 --> 00:48:12,310
Yeah, yeah! Carpe deez nuts.

849
00:48:12,393 --> 00:48:14,228
God, I can't wait to quit this job!

850
00:48:25,865 --> 00:48:27,700
Okay, your waiter will be right with you.

851
00:48:27,783 --> 00:48:29,428
Hi there, folks.
What can I get you to drink?

852
00:48:29,452 --> 00:48:31,204
Would you like to start with an appetizer?

853
00:48:31,287 --> 00:48:33,706
Would you like a baked potato,
French fries or rice pilaf?

854
00:48:33,789 --> 00:48:36,292
- Order up!
- Is everything prepared okay?

855
00:48:36,375 --> 00:48:38,794
- How about some dessert?
- And here you go, folks.

856
00:48:38,878 --> 00:48:41,297
I hope you enjoyed everything.
I know I did.

857
00:48:51,445 --> 00:48:54,698
- Fuck!
- The five-second rule! The five-second rule!

858
00:48:54,781 --> 00:48:56,658
One, two, three,

859
00:48:56,742 --> 00:48:59,494
four, five.

860
00:49:01,288 --> 00:49:05,250
A little floor spice makes everything nice.
There you go.

861
00:49:06,001 --> 00:49:09,171
Damn, man. We almost had to switch
to the 10-second rule.

862
00:49:11,965 --> 00:49:14,426
You green snot-beard faggot!

863
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:22,851
Fuck you!

864
00:49:22,934 --> 00:49:26,480
- Oh, no.
- Hang on. I only have a small order.

865
00:49:26,563 --> 00:49:29,274
- I have to put in an appetizer. God damn it.
- Chill the fuck out!

866
00:49:29,357 --> 00:49:30,776
Well, hurry up.

867
00:49:33,820 --> 00:49:35,697
Okay, hey, gang. Listen up.

868
00:49:35,781 --> 00:49:37,508
Let's get out there,
take care of our guests.

869
00:49:37,532 --> 00:49:39,951
I know it's getting crazy,
but we can do it. We can do it.

870
00:49:40,035 --> 00:49:42,871
Let's put that extra, just that
little extra, back in extraordinary.

871
00:49:42,954 --> 00:49:44,873
Okay. There's no "me" in "team ."

872
00:49:46,958 --> 00:49:48,001
Yeah.

873
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:50,837
Hey, guys.
Which one of these is medium-rare?

874
00:49:55,828 --> 00:49:57,788
Shoot. Let's just...

875
00:49:59,832 --> 00:50:02,877
God damn it!

876
00:50:03,836 --> 00:50:05,254
Please.

877
00:50:05,671 --> 00:50:08,215
Let me do it.

878
00:50:09,383 --> 00:50:11,260
All right, you two, let's go.

879
00:50:11,677 --> 00:50:14,513
Hurry up, or your asses are fired!

880
00:50:16,974 --> 00:50:20,478
<i>So remember, find the solution
before there's a problem.</i>

881
00:50:20,978 --> 00:50:24,273
<i>Now let's go take a look at our problem
back in the kitchen.</i>

882
00:50:25,524 --> 00:50:27,610
Come on, guys. This is bull crap.

883
00:50:27,693 --> 00:50:29,945
Where the hell's my chicken sandwich?

884
00:50:32,281 --> 00:50:33,866
Fuck you, bitch!

885
00:50:33,949 --> 00:50:35,701
What the hell did I do to you, Floyd?

886
00:50:43,542 --> 00:50:44,960
Okay, that's hardly sanitary.

887
00:50:45,044 --> 00:50:47,713
Hey, Dan. I have a table that needs to...

888
00:51:14,406 --> 00:51:18,577
Trying to get a feel for the whole
manager thing. You caught me.

889
00:51:19,119 --> 00:51:21,163
Do you think you could
get a feel for it outside?

890
00:51:21,247 --> 00:51:22,581
I need some fresh air.

891
00:51:25,209 --> 00:51:27,920
Hey, hey, Christy. It's Calvin again. I...

892
00:51:29,672 --> 00:51:32,967
Just calling again.
Just checking in or whatever.

893
00:51:33,050 --> 00:51:36,095
Called before a few times.
Maybe you didn't...

894
00:51:36,178 --> 00:51:37,596
I got all my bars.

895
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:39,932
So anyway, it's getting kind of busy.

896
00:51:40,307 --> 00:51:42,685
But I'm never too busy to call you.

897
00:51:42,893 --> 00:51:47,022
So call me back.
You know the number. Okay. Bye.

898
00:51:47,356 --> 00:51:48,440
Fuck.

899
00:51:50,192 --> 00:51:53,737
So is everything okay?
Is something wrong?

900
00:51:55,614 --> 00:51:56,824
Are you mad?

901
00:52:00,536 --> 00:52:02,371
- Dean?
- Yeah?

902
00:52:03,289 --> 00:52:07,126
Something bad happens
when you become a manager.

903
00:52:07,793 --> 00:52:09,628
You put on your fucking tie,

904
00:52:09,962 --> 00:52:11,439
and you get
your fucking little manager card,

905
00:52:11,463 --> 00:52:13,942
and you think you're so fucking cool
because you write the schedule

906
00:52:13,966 --> 00:52:15,634
and tell us what to do!

907
00:52:15,718 --> 00:52:18,721
When in reality, you know
you're not even worth a bit of bullshit!

908
00:52:18,804 --> 00:52:20,764
Whoa, Naomi!

909
00:52:20,848 --> 00:52:22,641
Relax.

910
00:52:23,392 --> 00:52:25,894
Relax, woman.

911
00:52:26,854 --> 00:52:30,941
I guess if you become manager, you won't
be able to date any of the waitresses.

912
00:52:31,413 --> 00:52:35,583
<i>While working here, you'll probably find
some of your fellow employees attractive.</i>

913
00:52:35,667 --> 00:52:39,087
<i>It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that.</i>

914
00:52:39,170 --> 00:52:41,673
<i>But it's important
not to act on those urges.</i>

915
00:52:42,173 --> 00:52:45,385
<i>For Shenaniganz to run like an efficient,
well-oiled machine,</i>

916
00:52:45,468 --> 00:52:48,763
<i>it's a must that everyone act as a team.</i>

917
00:52:49,013 --> 00:52:52,642
<i>And when employees date each other,
unfortunately, it complicates things.</i>

918
00:52:52,851 --> 00:52:54,269
<i>So for that reason</i>

919
00:52:54,394 --> 00:52:57,188
<i>we strongly discourage
such relationships from forming.</i>

920
00:52:58,293 --> 00:53:01,254
- Dean, Amy, I just sat you.
- Oh, shit. What do we got?

921
00:53:01,337 --> 00:53:04,465
Well, yours are cool.
They look like business people.

922
00:53:04,549 --> 00:53:06,551
- All right.
- What about mine?

923
00:53:06,884 --> 00:53:08,845
I don't know. They don't speak English.

924
00:53:08,928 --> 00:53:10,513
- Foreigners!
- I'm sorry.

925
00:53:10,597 --> 00:53:15,310
- Are you mad at me?
- No, I swear. I'm just going by the rotation.

926
00:53:15,393 --> 00:53:20,315
I fucking hate foreigners!
It's such bullshit!

927
00:53:20,398 --> 00:53:22,483
Like they don't know how to tip?
Oh, they know.

928
00:53:22,567 --> 00:53:24,444
Yeah, they fucking know.

929
00:53:25,570 --> 00:53:28,239
All right. It's time to show the goat.

930
00:53:33,995 --> 00:53:37,332
<i>You could cut through shoes if you had to.
I mean...</i>

931
00:53:37,415 --> 00:53:40,293
What are you doing, man?

932
00:53:40,376 --> 00:53:42,503
Frontline stuff. Watch this. Watch this.

933
00:53:42,587 --> 00:53:45,256
<i>We have just been cutting things
90 to nothing.</i>

934
00:53:45,340 --> 00:53:48,009
<i>And the cooks,
they just love it because every time...</i>

935
00:53:50,720 --> 00:53:53,890
Hey, there, folks. My name is Amy,
and I'll be taking care of you.

936
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:02,815
- Sir, what can I get for you?
- I'd like a New York strip, mid-rare,

937
00:54:02,899 --> 00:54:05,777
and a baked potato
with sour cream and chives only.

938
00:54:05,860 --> 00:54:08,863
And... Hey.
You're not writing any of this down.

939
00:54:09,072 --> 00:54:11,449
Oh. Steel-trap.

940
00:54:12,700 --> 00:54:14,661
You got the baby back ribs with fries,

941
00:54:14,744 --> 00:54:18,039
you got the Mandingo chicken with rice
and a salad with a side of blue cheese.

942
00:54:18,122 --> 00:54:20,291
I respect the lactose intolerance.

943
00:54:20,416 --> 00:54:22,251
Okay. Okay, you're good.

944
00:54:28,591 --> 00:54:30,551
Haley is so fucking fine,

945
00:54:30,635 --> 00:54:33,429
you know I be all up in that shit.
Give her the bowling ball grip.

946
00:54:33,513 --> 00:54:36,140
Two in the pink, one in the stink.

947
00:54:38,270 --> 00:54:44,482
Nick, T-Dog... You guys are so one-dimensional.

948
00:54:46,776 --> 00:54:48,319
Yo, fuck you, whitey.

949
00:54:49,612 --> 00:54:52,490
I just sat you. You're gonna love them.

950
00:55:02,875 --> 00:55:05,086
Hey, there, ladies. My name is Monty.

951
00:55:18,391 --> 00:55:21,620
Hey, Floyd, make sure there's no bacon on
that chef salad. It's against her religion.

952
00:55:21,644 --> 00:55:24,105
- All right?
- Yes, master. Right away, master.

953
00:55:24,188 --> 00:55:26,399
Ain't gonna be no bacon
on the salad, master.

954
00:55:26,482 --> 00:55:30,945
No bacon. Oh, no, no.
Oh, no, no. Please. Oh.

955
00:55:31,028 --> 00:55:33,489
Oh, no.

956
00:55:43,416 --> 00:55:48,296
So, is there anything else
I can get you folks this evening?

957
00:55:48,379 --> 00:55:51,799
I think I'd like a hot fudge sundae.

958
00:55:55,636 --> 00:55:59,056
That does sound good.
I'll be right back with that for you.

959
00:56:01,684 --> 00:56:04,854
Like that bitch needs to be
eating dessert anyway.

960
00:56:05,599 --> 00:56:11,903
Naomi... You know, if you ever want
counseling in anger management, or...

961
00:56:13,529 --> 00:56:14,906
alcoholism,

962
00:56:15,740 --> 00:56:18,117
I'd be more than glad to do it for you.

963
00:56:20,912 --> 00:56:22,455
You'd do that for me?

964
00:56:27,251 --> 00:56:29,754
Thank you. I appreciate that.

965
00:56:30,671 --> 00:56:34,383
But I think I'd rather you just
wash the fucking dishes

966
00:56:34,467 --> 00:56:36,886
and shut the fuck up!

967
00:56:36,969 --> 00:56:41,641
Fucking psycho-babble-bullshit asshole!

968
00:56:42,975 --> 00:56:46,187
Fucking bitch. Son of a bitch, cocksucker.

969
00:56:46,270 --> 00:56:48,773
Fucking, I hate her. I hate her!

970
00:57:03,871 --> 00:57:06,165
Fucking Nick and T-Dog!

971
00:57:19,136 --> 00:57:23,850
<i>That is why we are always on guard
for guests. You never know when...</i>

972
00:57:23,933 --> 00:57:28,062
- Shit.
<i>- So you have to make sure they...</i>

973
00:57:29,063 --> 00:57:31,482
Fuck! Man, no!

974
00:57:31,816 --> 00:57:35,444
If we're gonna beat last year's numbers,
I need you guys to be more hands-on.

975
00:57:35,944 --> 00:57:38,000
I need you to be sure that things
don't fall through the cracks

976
00:57:38,422 --> 00:57:40,841
Basically, I need you
to be more like Dean here.

977
00:57:40,925 --> 00:57:44,511
I question whether you can see that
by me serving food,

978
00:57:44,595 --> 00:57:46,513
but thank you anyway.

979
00:57:47,431 --> 00:57:50,225
- How is everything, guys?
- Everything's perfect.

980
00:57:50,309 --> 00:57:52,227
You're a master of your craft.

981
00:57:52,353 --> 00:57:53,520
Thanks.

982
00:57:53,896 --> 00:57:57,524
You keep this up, I may just try
to lure you away from this place.

983
00:57:58,317 --> 00:58:00,319
All right. Well, thank you, sir.

984
00:58:00,819 --> 00:58:03,113
Let me know if you need anything, guys.

985
00:58:03,614 --> 00:58:07,910
<i>You're probably wondering what makes
Shenaniganz such a great restaurant.</i>

986
00:58:07,993 --> 00:58:10,788
<i>So l thought l'd share with you
a few key examples</i>

987
00:58:10,871 --> 00:58:13,040
<i>of why we've had so much success.</i>

988
00:58:13,958 --> 00:58:17,294
<i>First of all, our entrées are always cooked</i>

989
00:58:17,378 --> 00:58:19,672
<i>exquisitely to perfection.</i>

990
00:58:19,755 --> 00:58:22,466
<i>Our deserts were designed
by gourmet chefs.</i>

991
00:58:23,217 --> 00:58:26,553
<i>We always treat our guests
with respect and dignity.</i>

992
00:58:26,679 --> 00:58:28,222
Did you see the tits on table 12?

993
00:58:28,389 --> 00:58:30,849
<i>We treat each other
with respect and dignity.</i>

994
00:58:30,933 --> 00:58:32,184
Fucking-ass pervert!

995
00:58:32,267 --> 00:58:37,064
<i>Remember, the difference between
ordinary and extraordinary</i>

996
00:58:37,731 --> 00:58:39,024
<i>is that little extra.</i>

997
00:58:39,441 --> 00:58:41,902
The penis just looks ridiculous. You know.

998
00:58:41,986 --> 00:58:44,154
It's like a shriveled roll of dimes
or something.

999
00:58:44,238 --> 00:58:46,323
I know. It's a joke.

1000
00:58:46,407 --> 00:58:48,492
- She's in love.
- Hey, Tyla.

1001
00:58:48,575 --> 00:58:51,537
You gonna talk to your girlfriend all night
or make my drink?

1002
00:59:00,629 --> 00:59:04,133
That's okay. I understand how it works.

1003
00:59:04,341 --> 00:59:06,760
Birds of a feather flock to vagina.

1004
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:19,189
Nicholas, Theodore.
Get off your asses and get help me!

1005
00:59:19,273 --> 00:59:20,983
Oh. You want some help, bitch?

1006
00:59:24,445 --> 00:59:26,488
Here you go.

1007
00:59:29,158 --> 00:59:31,702
Theodore! What the heck are you doing?

1008
00:59:31,785 --> 00:59:35,497
How many times I told you?
My name is T-Dog, bitch!

1009
00:59:35,581 --> 00:59:38,959
<i>My name is T-Dog, bitch!
My name is T-Dog, bitch!</i>

1010
00:59:41,086 --> 00:59:45,340
Hey, sweetie. It's almost 9:00.
I just came to say goodbye.

1011
00:59:47,634 --> 00:59:49,136
Hey, baby.

1012
00:59:49,219 --> 00:59:51,472
You wanna go in the car
and have a little sex?

1013
01:00:02,041 --> 01:00:04,252
So what if there's
plenty of parking spaces?

1014
01:00:04,276 --> 01:00:06,570
It's the principle of the matter.

1015
01:00:06,653 --> 01:00:09,281
Hey, you're preaching to the choir here.
Know what I mean?

1016
01:00:09,505 --> 01:00:12,884
The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.

1017
01:00:13,092 --> 01:00:14,176
Damn, come on.

1018
01:00:19,807 --> 01:00:21,934
What the fuck?

1019
01:00:23,978 --> 01:00:26,564
Here you go, sir.
Once again, I hope you enjoyed everything.

1020
01:00:26,647 --> 01:00:28,107
- Thanks.
- See you guys.

1021
01:00:28,190 --> 01:00:30,484
Dean, I wanna tell you,
you did an extraordinary job.

1022
01:00:30,568 --> 01:00:32,111
Oh, thank you, sir.

1023
01:00:32,194 --> 01:00:34,488
- How old are you?
- I'm 22.

1024
01:00:34,572 --> 01:00:37,283
Well, you're obviously
a very intelligent young man.

1025
01:00:37,366 --> 01:00:39,035
Let me give you my card.

1026
01:00:39,911 --> 01:00:42,551
Ever get tired of this place,
you're looking for a new opportunity,

1027
01:00:42,580 --> 01:00:44,832
- you give me a call.
- All right.

1028
01:00:44,916 --> 01:00:47,418
Thank you, sir. I honestly appreciate that.

1029
01:00:47,627 --> 01:00:50,212
Great. All right. Have a good night, guys.

1030
01:00:50,296 --> 01:00:52,006
Thanks again. Thank you.

1031
01:00:54,508 --> 01:00:55,927
Well, I hope he calls.

1032
01:01:09,273 --> 01:01:12,777
Mama said they's my magic shoes.

1033
01:01:12,860 --> 01:01:14,695
Mama said they'd take me anywhere.

1034
01:01:14,779 --> 01:01:18,032
Of course, Mama used to beat me
with a rubber hose, call me a retard.

1035
01:01:18,115 --> 01:01:21,077
Dude, please stop. Stop. Okay?

1036
01:01:21,494 --> 01:01:24,163
I appreciate what you're
trying to do. I do.

1037
01:01:24,246 --> 01:01:28,167
But, dude, I'm really not in the mood
for smiling, all right?

1038
01:01:28,250 --> 01:01:29,460
Okay.

1039
01:01:29,543 --> 01:01:31,837
- What?
- The old lady at table 37 wants you to sing

1040
01:01:31,921 --> 01:01:33,506
the birthday song for her grandson.

1041
01:01:33,589 --> 01:01:36,133
His name is Timmy,
and he's eight years old.

1042
01:01:38,219 --> 01:01:39,887
I need birthday singers!

1043
01:01:39,971 --> 01:01:42,181
Come on, people!
We need birthday singers!

1044
01:01:42,264 --> 01:01:43,265
Fuck.

1045
01:01:48,521 --> 01:01:52,066
There he is. There's the big winner.

1046
01:01:55,350 --> 01:01:56,893
All right. Attention, guests!

1047
01:01:56,977 --> 01:01:59,896
Today's a very special occasion.

1048
01:01:59,980 --> 01:02:02,399
It's Timmy's eighth birthday!

1049
01:02:02,482 --> 01:02:05,318
Big round of applause. He's earned it.

1050
01:02:05,402 --> 01:02:08,655
He's got his whole life ahead of him.
The sky's the limit.

1051
01:02:25,672 --> 01:02:29,050
- Look at the camera!
- Picture time.

1052
01:02:32,178 --> 01:02:34,514
<i>- All right. All right.
- Cry it off</i>

1053
01:02:34,681 --> 01:02:36,975
Well, we can't go in the parking lot.

1054
01:02:38,226 --> 01:02:40,520
Can't go anywhere in the kitchen.

1055
01:02:42,606 --> 01:02:44,733
Well, maybe we could...

1056
01:02:44,816 --> 01:02:47,235
We are not having sex in the bathroom.

1057
01:02:47,319 --> 01:02:49,446
- But...
- No. No way. Forget it.

1058
01:02:51,865 --> 01:02:55,619
Oh. Come on, baby.

1059
01:02:57,662 --> 01:02:59,414
Come on.

1060
01:03:02,876 --> 01:03:04,002
Okay.

1061
01:03:05,253 --> 01:03:08,256
- Okay, but this is the last time.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1062
01:03:10,300 --> 01:03:12,510
So where do you girls go to college?

1063
01:03:14,471 --> 01:03:16,473
Actually, we're still in high school.

1064
01:03:16,556 --> 01:03:19,517
You're kidding. How old are you girls?

1065
01:03:20,185 --> 01:03:21,478
Sixteen.

1066
01:03:21,561 --> 01:03:22,896
Wow!

1067
01:03:23,897 --> 01:03:29,152
You look a lot older than that.
I would've guessed 19, 20, maybe 21.

1068
01:03:29,235 --> 01:03:30,987
Yeah, we get that a lot.

1069
01:03:34,407 --> 01:03:36,701
Here. Let me give you a hand with that.

1070
01:03:36,785 --> 01:03:39,245
It's the stupid childproof lighters.

1071
01:03:42,232 --> 01:03:44,985
Hey, Bishop.
Can I talk to you about something?

1072
01:03:45,736 --> 01:03:47,779
- Yeah, sure. Have a seat.
- Thanks.

1073
01:03:51,825 --> 01:03:54,870
All right,
so I went to my mother's this morning.

1074
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:57,599
You've been working here, what?
About a year and four months, right?

1075
01:03:57,623 --> 01:04:00,459
Yeah, I guess. About.

1076
01:04:00,542 --> 01:04:04,755
- But anyway, we have a good relationship...
- About three years ago,

1077
01:04:04,838 --> 01:04:07,716
this restaurant went through
quite a low point.

1078
01:04:08,258 --> 01:04:11,553
Okay, I'm sorry. Did you wanna hear
what I was gonna say or...

1079
01:04:11,637 --> 01:04:15,515
Please. See,
the store morale was beginning to slip.

1080
01:04:15,599 --> 01:04:18,143
Clientele base began dropping off.

1081
01:04:18,226 --> 01:04:19,686
That of course led to lower tips,

1082
01:04:19,770 --> 01:04:22,564
which in time,
led to an even lower store morale.

1083
01:04:23,106 --> 01:04:27,194
Basically, the entire restaurant was
going through quite a downward spiral.

1084
01:04:27,861 --> 01:04:29,112
Okay.

1085
01:04:29,821 --> 01:04:31,907
Then Raddimus began working here.

1086
01:04:32,866 --> 01:04:36,578
And with him came the
penis-showing game you all like to play.

1087
01:04:37,079 --> 01:04:40,499
Okay, I... Why are you telling me this?

1088
01:04:41,333 --> 01:04:43,418
Restaurant began to improve.

1089
01:04:43,961 --> 01:04:45,754
Employees started having
more fun at work.

1090
01:04:45,837 --> 01:04:48,173
They started joking around a lot more,

1091
01:04:48,423 --> 01:04:50,676
which led to a raise in the clientele base,

1092
01:04:50,759 --> 01:04:52,928
higher tips and so on and so forth.

1093
01:04:53,929 --> 01:04:56,264
Yeah, I still don't understand, Bishop.

1094
01:04:57,265 --> 01:04:58,517
Point is,

1095
01:05:00,143 --> 01:05:03,438
the penis-showing game became a catalyst

1096
01:05:03,522 --> 01:05:06,525
for the change necessary
to be made in the restaurant.

1097
01:05:07,859 --> 01:05:12,656
So, when things in your life
become stagnant,

1098
01:05:14,408 --> 01:05:17,494
you know, you're no longer happy
with what you're doing,

1099
01:05:17,577 --> 01:05:20,122
then you figure out
what's important to you.

1100
01:05:20,831 --> 01:05:25,002
Then create your own penis-showing game,

1101
01:05:26,378 --> 01:05:28,505
metaphorically speaking, that is.

1102
01:05:31,341 --> 01:05:34,219
Okay. Okay, thanks, Bishop.

1103
01:05:37,556 --> 01:05:40,517
So do you think
taking the assistant manager job

1104
01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:42,477
would be like my penis-showing game?

1105
01:05:42,561 --> 01:05:44,396
Is that what you're saying?

1106
01:05:47,831 --> 01:05:48,831
Okay.

1107
01:05:50,918 --> 01:05:53,170
Where the hell is it?
It's been over half a fuckin hour!

1108
01:05:53,254 --> 01:05:56,066
Told you it'd be up in a minute! Get
out of my face or I'll lose your ticket!

1109
01:05:56,090 --> 01:05:57,091
What? What do you want?

1110
01:05:57,174 --> 01:05:59,510
Get back to the training room,
you ass cock!

1111
01:05:59,593 --> 01:06:03,180
God damn it! I hate these fucking cooks.
I hate them!

1112
01:06:03,264 --> 01:06:06,016
Twenty minutes for two
medium-rare steaks? This is bullshit.

1113
01:06:06,100 --> 01:06:10,396
What the hell? They need to get rid of every
single one of these lousy cocksucking...

1114
01:06:10,479 --> 01:06:12,439
So how is everything?

1115
01:06:17,111 --> 01:06:18,696
Give me a call when you get this.

1116
01:06:18,779 --> 01:06:21,824
Can you bring this to table 75 for me?
I gotta try to take a piss.

1117
01:06:21,907 --> 01:06:23,617
- Okay, good luck.
- Thanks.

1118
01:06:25,786 --> 01:06:28,872
Okay, so how would you like
your steak prepared tonight?

1119
01:06:28,956 --> 01:06:32,543
Oh, let's see. Medium, medium-rare.

1120
01:06:32,710 --> 01:06:35,462
Well, I want a hot, pink center.

1121
01:06:36,130 --> 01:06:37,464
Don't we all?

1122
01:06:40,301 --> 01:06:43,053
All right.
Do you know what you guys want?

1123
01:06:43,137 --> 01:06:46,640
- I'd like a tossed salad, please.
- Oh, you're bad.

1124
01:06:46,724 --> 01:06:48,642
Yo, girl, give me the instant camera.

1125
01:06:48,726 --> 01:06:52,354
Yo, there's a birthday party in the
kitchen. We're gonna take a picture.

1126
01:06:52,438 --> 01:06:55,065
Bus table 73 first,
and then I'll give you the camera.

1127
01:06:55,149 --> 01:06:56,775
Yeah, whatever.

1128
01:06:57,568 --> 01:06:59,778
Ma'am, I don't doubt
the steak was overcooked,

1129
01:06:59,862 --> 01:07:02,573
but did you have to eat it all
before you complained about it?

1130
01:07:02,656 --> 01:07:04,634
It's too bad
chlamydia has to be a venereal disease.

1131
01:07:04,658 --> 01:07:06,201
It's such a pleasant-sounding word.

1132
01:07:06,285 --> 01:07:08,078
- Chlamydia?
- Chlamydia.

1133
01:07:08,162 --> 01:07:11,415
Chlamydia. I think I might
name my daughter Chlamydia.

1134
01:07:11,498 --> 01:07:15,711
Okay, he wanted the jumbo shrimp
with baked potato, and she wanted the...

1135
01:07:15,794 --> 01:07:17,504
Fuck. What did she order?

1136
01:07:17,671 --> 01:07:19,089
- I can't.
- Hothead.

1137
01:07:20,799 --> 01:07:24,845
Hi. Here's your change.
I hope you guys have a really nice evening.

1138
01:07:40,861 --> 01:07:42,196
Fuck!

1139
01:07:42,279 --> 01:07:44,823
Hurry up. Come on.

1140
01:07:45,866 --> 01:07:47,284
What's taking so long?

1141
01:07:47,368 --> 01:07:49,370
Shh. I'm trying to concentrate.

1142
01:07:49,536 --> 01:07:50,954
Somebody here?

1143
01:07:51,038 --> 01:07:52,373
Hurry up.

1144
01:07:52,456 --> 01:07:53,957
This is crazy.

1145
01:07:54,041 --> 01:07:55,417
Shh, shh, shh.

1146
01:07:55,501 --> 01:07:57,044
No, no. Stop. Stop.

1147
01:07:57,127 --> 01:08:00,547
- Here we go.
- Oh, God!

1148
01:08:04,802 --> 01:08:07,763
<i>- My fucking man! Yeah, man!
- You like that?</i>

1149
01:08:07,846 --> 01:08:09,765
<i>Yo, give me the fucking picture back.</i>

1150
01:08:37,876 --> 01:08:40,587
So um, what are you doing tonight?

1151
01:08:41,380 --> 01:08:43,757
Oh, I'm sure I'll end up at the party.

1152
01:08:45,342 --> 01:08:46,593
Oh, yeah?

1153
01:08:50,305 --> 01:08:51,557
Do you...

1154
01:08:53,892 --> 01:08:55,394
Do you think I...

1155
01:08:56,437 --> 01:08:59,022
- You wanna come to the party?
- Well, yeah.

1156
01:08:59,106 --> 01:09:02,609
Those guys, they always seem to forget
to tell me where it's at.

1157
01:09:03,235 --> 01:09:06,989
Okay. As soon as I find out where it is,

1158
01:09:07,406 --> 01:09:09,700
I'll make sure to give you directions.

1159
01:09:10,284 --> 01:09:15,372
Well, then. Tonight should be a good night
for both of us, huh?

1160
01:09:21,211 --> 01:09:23,213
Only 30 more minutes to go, man.

1161
01:09:23,297 --> 01:09:26,425
We better not have no late-night asshole
coming in here.

1162
01:09:26,592 --> 01:09:28,302
So how'd y'all do tonight?

1163
01:09:28,802 --> 01:09:32,055
- I made about 70.
- 86.

1164
01:09:32,139 --> 01:09:34,683
I made 67 on a double.

1165
01:09:34,892 --> 01:09:37,186
Oh, God! How pissed are you?

1166
01:09:37,478 --> 01:09:39,646
- How much did you make?
- A bill.

1167
01:09:39,980 --> 01:09:43,358
I never make...
How do you make $100 every night?

1168
01:09:44,568 --> 01:09:46,111
- You wanna know?
- Yeah.

1169
01:09:46,195 --> 01:09:49,406
You really wanna know
how I make $100 every night?

1170
01:09:49,490 --> 01:09:51,783
- Yes.
- It's all about that right there.

1171
01:09:54,161 --> 01:09:55,787
Yes!

1172
01:09:55,871 --> 01:09:57,414
Yes!

1173
01:09:57,498 --> 01:09:59,249
Monty with the assist!

1174
01:09:59,333 --> 01:10:01,543
I can't believe how many homos
we got working in here.

1175
01:10:01,627 --> 01:10:04,880
It's crazy. Mitch, cherry-popping time.

1176
01:10:04,963 --> 01:10:07,841
Okay, Monty, my bitch.
Kick me a field goal.

1177
01:10:07,925 --> 01:10:09,760
You know what? I don't understand.

1178
01:10:09,843 --> 01:10:13,639
You plot and you scheme on how to
get the other person to look at your goat

1179
01:10:13,722 --> 01:10:15,599
or chicken wing or whatever.

1180
01:10:15,682 --> 01:10:18,602
And then when he looks, you call him a fag.

1181
01:10:18,685 --> 01:10:22,272
It's like it's an exercise
in retarded homophobic futility.

1182
01:10:22,356 --> 01:10:24,149
You know you girls love it.

1183
01:10:24,608 --> 01:10:28,237
So, seriously, ladies,
why don't you wanna play the game?

1184
01:10:28,737 --> 01:10:30,840
I really think that we'd be willing
to amend the rules for you.

1185
01:10:30,864 --> 01:10:34,284
- Oh, yeah. I bet you would.
- No girl would ever play that game.

1186
01:10:34,368 --> 01:10:35,452
Why not?

1187
01:10:35,536 --> 01:10:37,120
- You wanna know why?
- Yeah.

1188
01:10:37,204 --> 01:10:39,456
- You really wanna know why?
- I really do.

1189
01:10:39,540 --> 01:10:42,209
Okay. I'll tell you why.

1190
01:10:42,292 --> 01:10:44,878
- It's because of this!
- Oh!

1191
01:10:45,379 --> 01:10:47,756
Oh, yeah. Bang. Pow! Pow! Pow!

1192
01:10:48,149 --> 01:10:49,442
It's so angry!

1193
01:10:51,026 --> 01:10:53,195
Oh, God! Does that thing have its shots?

1194
01:10:53,279 --> 01:10:56,699
- Put it away. Put it away.
- Dinner is served!

1195
01:10:58,409 --> 01:10:59,660
Oh, my God!

1196
01:10:59,743 --> 01:11:03,122
Well, it's official.
Now my penis is just for show.

1197
01:11:03,831 --> 01:11:06,625
Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night
to start working here.

1198
01:11:06,709 --> 01:11:09,086
- Oh, my God!
- Bend over, boys.

1199
01:11:09,170 --> 01:11:11,422
Oh, it's ladies' time.

1200
01:11:13,757 --> 01:11:17,428
- Spread them. Let's go.
- All right. That's enough.

1201
01:11:20,097 --> 01:11:21,682
You loved it.

1202
01:11:22,183 --> 01:11:24,894
- Mitch, you're coming to the party tonight?
- Well, yeah...

1203
01:11:24,977 --> 01:11:26,538
Great. Let's get this party started then.

1204
01:11:26,562 --> 01:11:28,814
I gotta stop home first.
I'll meet you guys there.

1205
01:11:28,898 --> 01:11:30,691
Why do you have to go home?

1206
01:11:31,150 --> 01:11:33,527
Oh. Right. Sorry, Calvin.

1207
01:11:35,362 --> 01:11:37,615
Okay, baby doll,
you're definitely coming, right?

1208
01:11:37,698 --> 01:11:39,992
If you do everything right, I will.

1209
01:11:40,117 --> 01:11:43,996
Oh, God, Natasha, you're gonna have
to stop that. You're making it hard.

1210
01:11:44,413 --> 01:11:45,789
I mean, difficult.

1211
01:11:46,123 --> 01:11:48,209
Hey, Cochise, we're out of here.
I'll see you tonight, okay?

1212
01:11:48,292 --> 01:11:50,044
Yeah. I'll see you there.

1213
01:11:51,086 --> 01:11:53,964
Okay, I am so ready to get stupid.

1214
01:11:58,928 --> 01:12:02,139
Only three more minutes
till the ball drop, baby. Come on.

1215
01:12:02,806 --> 01:12:04,058
Come on.

1216
01:12:07,311 --> 01:12:10,773
- Oh, hi there.
- You're not closed yet, are you?

1217
01:12:11,815 --> 01:12:14,068
- Not quite.
- Oh, terrific.

1218
01:12:17,071 --> 01:12:19,490
- Great.
- Here you go.

1219
01:12:19,573 --> 01:12:21,951
And Dean will be your waiter this evening.

1220
01:12:22,034 --> 01:12:23,619
Awesome.

1221
01:12:29,542 --> 01:12:32,342
Hey, there, folks. My name is Dean.
I'll be your waiter this evening.

1222
01:12:32,378 --> 01:12:33,712
Hello, Dean.

1223
01:12:37,758 --> 01:12:39,760
Hey, Chett.

1224
01:12:41,512 --> 01:12:42,930
I'm sorry, guys.

1225
01:12:48,143 --> 01:12:52,731
Why? Why? Why? Why?

1226
01:12:53,023 --> 01:12:55,526
Okay, so I'll go ahead
and put your order in,

1227
01:12:55,609 --> 01:12:57,653
and maybe when I come back
we'll catch up a bit.

1228
01:12:57,736 --> 01:12:59,863
- Yeah, sounds good.
- Cool.

1229
01:13:06,537 --> 01:13:09,164
Oops. How clumsy of me.

1230
01:13:15,879 --> 01:13:19,550
Oh, man, look what I did.
I'm all thumbs today.

1231
01:13:21,010 --> 01:13:23,596
All right, guys. Here you go, Chett.
You got a steak.

1232
01:13:23,679 --> 01:13:25,681
So, did you hear?
I got my bachelor's degree.

1233
01:13:25,764 --> 01:13:27,850
Yeah, yeah. My mother told me.

1234
01:13:27,933 --> 01:13:30,394
- That's really cool. Congratulations.
- Yeah.

1235
01:13:30,477 --> 01:13:33,772
- Yeah, I heard you were working here.
- Yeah.

1236
01:13:34,023 --> 01:13:38,819
Anyway. Yeah. I just started my new career.
They're starting me off at 48,000 a year.

1237
01:13:38,902 --> 01:13:40,863
Wow. Wow.

1238
01:13:40,946 --> 01:13:43,824
Yeah, I've been looking at houses.
It's really exciting.

1239
01:13:43,907 --> 01:13:45,159
I'll bet.

1240
01:13:45,242 --> 01:13:48,287
- So what have you been doing?
- Oh, you know.

1241
01:13:48,370 --> 01:13:52,249
Well, I've been working here, obviously.

1242
01:13:52,416 --> 01:13:56,045
And I'm still finishing up at CC,
taking a few more classes.

1243
01:13:56,128 --> 01:13:58,839
I was actually thinking about
taking an assistant manager...

1244
01:13:58,922 --> 01:14:00,633
Could I get some more tea?

1245
01:14:02,217 --> 01:14:03,969
Sure. Yeah.

1246
01:14:07,848 --> 01:14:09,183
Coming right up.

1247
01:14:11,268 --> 01:14:13,145
Hey, Dan, man, we outta here.

1248
01:14:20,444 --> 01:14:22,571
Okay, Dan, I'm just leaving now.

1249
01:14:22,905 --> 01:14:25,366
But here are the directions to the party.

1250
01:14:26,033 --> 01:14:27,785
What time are you coming over?

1251
01:14:27,868 --> 01:14:29,953
I should be out of here soon.

1252
01:14:30,245 --> 01:14:32,081
I'm gonna go home and change

1253
01:14:32,289 --> 01:14:34,083
and be right over.

1254
01:14:34,291 --> 01:14:35,501
Okay.

1255
01:14:35,751 --> 01:14:39,129
I just wanna warn you,
I might be really drunk tonight.

1256
01:14:39,713 --> 01:14:41,715
I hope you won't think less of me.

1257
01:14:41,799 --> 01:14:44,134
No. No, I'm not.

1258
01:14:44,301 --> 01:14:45,636
I won't.

1259
01:14:46,387 --> 01:14:48,389
Okay. Well, I'll see you there.

1260
01:14:56,146 --> 01:14:57,231
Fuck.

1261
01:14:59,483 --> 01:15:01,777
- Dean, really, it's...
- No.

1262
01:15:01,860 --> 01:15:03,028
It's what?

1263
01:15:08,075 --> 01:15:10,369
Here you go, Chett.
It was nice seeing you again.

1264
01:15:10,452 --> 01:15:12,788
Yeah, you too, Dean. Listen.

1265
01:15:14,331 --> 01:15:16,041
You take care of yourself.

1266
01:15:17,626 --> 01:15:19,503
You too. Okay.

1267
01:15:33,267 --> 01:15:34,977
How much did he leave you?

1268
01:15:36,353 --> 01:15:37,938
He must have made a mistake.

1269
01:15:53,537 --> 01:15:55,789
Chett, Chett. I think you made a mistake.

1270
01:15:55,873 --> 01:15:58,709
- You gave me a $100 bill.
- No, it's all there.

1271
01:15:58,792 --> 01:16:03,839
- We're straight.
- The check's only $31. That's like a $70 tip.

1272
01:16:03,922 --> 01:16:07,426
Look, I just thought maybe
you needed it more than I do.

1273
01:16:24,568 --> 01:16:26,528
Hey! Dean.

1274
01:16:29,239 --> 01:16:30,949
Have you thought about it?

1275
01:16:32,117 --> 01:16:33,994
You want that assistant manager job?

1276
01:16:41,565 --> 01:16:43,526
- Weiser?
- No, thanks.

1277
01:16:53,847 --> 01:16:54,890
Look...

1278
01:16:56,725 --> 01:16:58,769
Hello? Hey, Christy.

1279
01:16:58,852 --> 01:17:00,271
What's up?

1280
01:17:01,480 --> 01:17:03,399
No, I'm not. No, I was just...

1281
01:17:08,195 --> 01:17:10,322
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, then.

1282
01:17:10,781 --> 01:17:13,075
Okay. Bye. Bye.

1283
01:17:13,325 --> 01:17:14,493
Bye.

1284
01:17:16,287 --> 01:17:19,206
- What's up with Christy?
- Oh, she's...

1285
01:17:20,624 --> 01:17:22,001
She's on a date.

1286
01:17:22,751 --> 01:17:25,170
That's why she wanted me
to cover her shift.

1287
01:17:25,254 --> 01:17:27,298
She's... She's still with him.

1288
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:30,384
God, that's it.

1289
01:17:30,467 --> 01:17:32,886
I'm gonna... I'm gonna change.

1290
01:17:33,595 --> 01:17:34,972
Well, good.

1291
01:17:35,514 --> 01:17:37,266
You should start tonight.

1292
01:17:37,558 --> 01:17:41,228
- Go get one of those high school girls.
- You think?

1293
01:17:41,505 --> 01:17:44,550
Mitch, I want you to know
that you did a really great job today.

1294
01:17:44,633 --> 01:17:45,885
And you didn't even cry once,

1295
01:17:45,968 --> 01:17:48,762
which is more than I can say
for my last trainee.

1296
01:17:49,305 --> 01:17:53,058
So, honestly,
you think you can handle working here?

1297
01:17:56,437 --> 01:17:58,314
- Yeah...
- Hey, fuck off for a second.

1298
01:17:58,397 --> 01:17:59,565
I'll be right back.

1299
01:18:02,067 --> 01:18:04,004
Hey, whoa.
Amy called, she told me what happened.

1300
01:18:04,028 --> 01:18:06,947
- Yeah.
- You know what? Fuck Chett Miller.

1301
01:18:07,239 --> 01:18:08,991
Hey, man, relax.

1302
01:18:09,074 --> 01:18:10,868
All right? Relax. I'm okay.

1303
01:18:11,035 --> 01:18:12,286
You serious?

1304
01:18:12,369 --> 01:18:15,247
- I'd be ready to kill someone.
- No, you know what?

1305
01:18:15,414 --> 01:18:17,458
I'm glad he came in. I really am.

1306
01:18:17,541 --> 01:18:21,378
I mean. Yeah, he was a prick,
and at first I was so fucking pissed off,

1307
01:18:21,462 --> 01:18:23,631
but it was weird.

1308
01:18:23,714 --> 01:18:27,009
In one second, it all just kind
of snapped into perspective.

1309
01:18:28,010 --> 01:18:30,888
Please, elaborate. Did you talk to Dan?

1310
01:18:31,263 --> 01:18:33,223
Do you want the assistant manager job?

1311
01:18:35,935 --> 01:18:36,936
No.

1312
01:18:38,270 --> 01:18:39,438
I quit.

1313
01:18:39,605 --> 01:18:40,689
What?

1314
01:18:40,773 --> 01:18:43,692
You know, I thought about it.
I thought a lot about it,

1315
01:18:43,776 --> 01:18:46,570
and I know I don't wanna
wait tables anymore. I know that.

1316
01:18:46,654 --> 01:18:48,322
This is all temporary.

1317
01:18:48,405 --> 01:18:50,532
This is supposed to be the in-between time.

1318
01:18:50,616 --> 01:18:52,785
If I become an assistant manager,

1319
01:18:52,868 --> 01:18:55,120
it's just one more step
towards permanence.

1320
01:18:55,204 --> 01:18:56,830
Fuck that, man. No way.

1321
01:18:57,790 --> 01:18:59,833
So you've really...

1322
01:19:03,504 --> 01:19:06,757
What did Dan say
when you told him you quit?

1323
01:19:07,132 --> 01:19:10,094
You're flushing a golden opportunity
down the toilet.

1324
01:19:11,136 --> 01:19:14,056
And just so you know, hot dog,

1325
01:19:14,477 --> 01:19:17,355
if you do come back,
this job won't be here for you.

1326
01:19:18,105 --> 01:19:20,107
- I hope you're right.
- I am right!

1327
01:19:20,191 --> 01:19:23,361
- You're fired!
- I mean, I already quit, so...

1328
01:19:23,444 --> 01:19:25,154
No, you're fired!

1329
01:19:25,404 --> 01:19:27,114
I write the book, okay?

1330
01:19:27,365 --> 01:19:29,784
Here's how it went down. You walked in...

1331
01:19:29,951 --> 01:19:31,494
You're fired!

1332
01:19:31,577 --> 01:19:34,580
All right. Then, thanks for being
so mature about this and professional.

1333
01:19:34,664 --> 01:19:36,916
I was very professional. You're fired.

1334
01:19:36,999 --> 01:19:38,251
All right.

1335
01:19:38,334 --> 01:19:41,003
Get out! Get out of my sight!

1336
01:19:41,671 --> 01:19:43,548
- That's harsh.
- Yeah.

1337
01:19:43,631 --> 01:19:47,301
He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight
on his cock-shaped pillow.

1338
01:19:49,262 --> 01:19:51,013
What are you gonna do now?

1339
01:19:51,556 --> 01:19:52,890
I don't know.

1340
01:19:53,516 --> 01:19:54,767
I don't know.

1341
01:19:57,019 --> 01:19:58,938
I'm definitely gonna do something.

1342
01:19:59,021 --> 01:20:00,273
Fuck it.

1343
01:20:00,356 --> 01:20:02,149
Let's go out there, let's celebrate,

1344
01:20:02,233 --> 01:20:05,987
let's just get totally fucking annihilated,
hammered-ass drunk

1345
01:20:06,237 --> 01:20:07,989
and then run the train on Amy.

1346
01:20:08,072 --> 01:20:09,073
Fuck.

1347
01:20:09,240 --> 01:20:11,033
You really are an asshole, man.

1348
01:20:11,367 --> 01:20:12,743
So I'm told.

1349
01:20:14,537 --> 01:20:16,247
You're a good friend, too.

1350
01:20:16,330 --> 01:20:19,792
Let's just keep that on the DL.
I'm all about low expectations.

1351
01:20:19,876 --> 01:20:21,586
What, are you flirting with me?

1352
01:20:24,046 --> 01:20:25,673
Oh, by the way, Cal.

1353
01:20:26,048 --> 01:20:29,385
I've been thinking about
your entire public bathroom phobia.

1354
01:20:29,468 --> 01:20:31,637
- Yeah?
- I believe I have a solution.

1355
01:20:31,721 --> 01:20:34,181
Really? What is it?

1356
01:20:34,265 --> 01:20:37,685
- Tell me what to do.
- Okay, but first,

1357
01:20:37,768 --> 01:20:39,353
close your eyes.

1358
01:20:39,437 --> 01:20:41,230
Close my... Okay.

1359
01:20:43,190 --> 01:20:44,692
Now,

1360
01:20:44,775 --> 01:20:48,070
envision yourself at a bathroom urinal

1361
01:20:48,571 --> 01:20:51,073
<i>with everybody you know
crowded around you.</i>

1362
01:20:52,158 --> 01:20:53,618
<i>And they're cheering you on.</i>

1363
01:20:53,701 --> 01:20:54,994
Calvin! Calvin!

1364
01:20:55,077 --> 01:20:57,496
<i>They're chanting your name.</i>

1365
01:20:57,580 --> 01:21:00,082
<i>Not only do they want you to urinate,</i>

1366
01:21:00,291 --> 01:21:01,709
<i>they wanna see it.</i>

1367
01:21:01,792 --> 01:21:05,254
- Proud of you, buddy!
- Hell, yeah!

1368
01:21:05,421 --> 01:21:08,549
- Fucking piss, man!
- We believe in you!

1369
01:21:08,633 --> 01:21:11,135
You can do it!

1370
01:21:11,218 --> 01:21:13,012
You pissing son of a bitch!

1371
01:21:13,095 --> 01:21:16,599
<i>Now, see yourself urinating, Calvin.</i>

1372
01:21:16,807 --> 01:21:19,393
<i>You can do it! Do it!</i>

1373
01:21:19,477 --> 01:21:21,270
<i>Do it proudly.</i>

1374
01:21:37,123 --> 01:21:38,374
<i>It's historic!</i>

1375
01:21:38,458 --> 01:21:42,545
So, go ahead and visualize that
for the next few weeks.

1376
01:21:42,754 --> 01:21:45,298
Start off at home first, by yourself.

1377
01:21:45,632 --> 01:21:47,592
Then you can move to a stall,

1378
01:21:47,675 --> 01:21:50,512
and then eventually to an actual urinal.

1379
01:21:52,138 --> 01:21:54,140
Thanks, Bishop. I mean it.

1380
01:21:54,557 --> 01:21:56,226
That totally makes sense.

1381
01:21:56,309 --> 01:21:59,229
Look, well, you guys, I'm feeling good.

1382
01:22:00,063 --> 01:22:02,774
You know what? I'm gonna go talk
to one of those high school girls.

1383
01:22:02,857 --> 01:22:04,943
- Well, good luck with that.
- Thank you.

1384
01:22:13,660 --> 01:22:15,620
So, what grade are you in?

1385
01:22:17,330 --> 01:22:19,541
Oh, look at that. A bedroom.

1386
01:22:32,762 --> 01:22:33,846
No.

1387
01:22:33,930 --> 01:22:36,266
What? What do you mean?

1388
01:22:36,349 --> 01:22:39,686
You start playing this weird ambivalence
bullshit, and it makes me feel psycho.

1389
01:22:39,769 --> 01:22:41,354
And I never get psycho!

1390
01:22:41,437 --> 01:22:42,605
I know.

1391
01:22:44,190 --> 01:22:46,192
So I need you to do me a favor.

1392
01:22:46,901 --> 01:22:49,028
I need you to not be such a pussy.

1393
01:22:49,779 --> 01:22:52,448
Wow, there's the sass that I was missing.

1394
01:22:52,532 --> 01:22:55,660
- You're a flake.
- I know I'm a flake!

1395
01:22:55,743 --> 01:22:57,383
- Fuck you!
- You can't even get a boner.

1396
01:22:57,453 --> 01:22:59,581
Whoa, sorry to interrupt.

1397
01:23:00,206 --> 01:23:01,708
Wait. Hey, Bishop.

1398
01:23:02,709 --> 01:23:04,919
I created my own penis-showing game.

1399
01:23:06,879 --> 01:23:08,590
So you quit your job.

1400
01:23:09,674 --> 01:23:11,259
How'd you know I quit?

1401
01:23:15,221 --> 01:23:16,347
Wow.

1402
01:23:22,228 --> 01:23:23,521
Are you okay?

1403
01:23:24,772 --> 01:23:26,232
Is something wrong?

1404
01:23:28,985 --> 01:23:30,236
Just checking.

1405
01:23:45,611 --> 01:23:47,613
Wait. Wait, wait.

1406
01:23:49,615 --> 01:23:50,658
What?

1407
01:23:50,742 --> 01:23:54,162
You turn 18 next Wednesday, right?

1408
01:23:55,997 --> 01:23:57,457
Yeah.

1409
01:23:58,041 --> 01:23:59,542
Okay, then...

1410
01:23:59,667 --> 01:24:02,128
Why don't we make this

1411
01:24:02,211 --> 01:24:04,088
a "to be continued

1412
01:24:05,340 --> 01:24:06,966
"until next Wednesday"?

1413
01:24:07,759 --> 01:24:10,928
Why? Do you think I'm gonna turn you in?

1414
01:24:11,137 --> 01:24:13,765
- You think you're going to get arrested?
- No, no, no.

1415
01:24:13,848 --> 01:24:16,351
I just... I feel like... I don't wanna be

1416
01:24:17,810 --> 01:24:19,228
taking...

1417
01:24:23,191 --> 01:24:25,234
- Let's just wait the week.
- Okay.

1418
01:24:25,360 --> 01:24:26,444
Okay.

1419
01:24:30,725 --> 01:24:33,602
But if anybody asks, anybody at all,

1420
01:24:34,103 --> 01:24:35,354
I fucked you.

1421
01:24:37,940 --> 01:24:39,191
Twice.

1422
01:24:41,736 --> 01:24:43,863
So, Mitch, how was your first day?

1423
01:24:46,991 --> 01:24:48,200
Well?

1424
01:24:50,036 --> 01:24:51,203
Well, it was...

1425
01:24:51,287 --> 01:24:54,040
I remember my first day.

1426
01:24:54,415 --> 01:24:57,126
What a doozy, huh?
Bishop, you're gonna love this.

1427
01:24:57,209 --> 01:25:00,296
I was so nervous
I dropped this bowl of soup on a nun.

1428
01:25:00,379 --> 01:25:02,631
Hey, turn down the music for a minute.

1429
01:25:03,591 --> 01:25:06,552
- Hey, would you turn down the music for a minute?
- Dude, chill.

1430
01:25:07,845 --> 01:25:11,265
Would you turn down the fucking music
for a minute? Jesus!

1431
01:25:11,766 --> 01:25:13,726
This is fucking bullshit!

1432
01:25:13,809 --> 01:25:17,730
I have been here all goddamned day,
and you haven't let me say one thing!

1433
01:25:17,897 --> 01:25:19,065
None of you!

1434
01:25:19,607 --> 01:25:21,650
- Well, damn, Mitch, I...
- Oh, no, asshole!

1435
01:25:21,734 --> 01:25:24,612
You shut the fuck up now.
It's my turn to talk!

1436
01:25:25,571 --> 01:25:28,991
You're all fucked in the head!
All of you! I mean you...

1437
01:25:29,241 --> 01:25:33,621
Change your fucking tampon and have
another drink you crazy, fucking bitch!

1438
01:25:34,038 --> 01:25:37,583
And you! "I don't know
what to be when I grow up!"

1439
01:25:37,666 --> 01:25:39,710
Join the fucking army or something!

1440
01:25:39,794 --> 01:25:41,087
God damn!

1441
01:25:41,462 --> 01:25:42,797
Oh, and you!

1442
01:25:44,465 --> 01:25:46,467
You know what? You're too easy.

1443
01:25:47,968 --> 01:25:49,387
And you.

1444
01:25:51,211 --> 01:25:52,796
Fuck you, Monty!

1445
01:25:53,088 --> 01:25:55,549
Always gotta be right,
with your little quips!

1446
01:25:55,632 --> 01:25:59,052
We get it, man.
You're fucking edgy and cool. Yeah!

1447
01:25:59,136 --> 01:26:01,805
You're the coolest fucking guy
at Shenaniganz!

1448
01:26:02,848 --> 01:26:06,560
That's like being the smartest kid
with Down syndrome!

1449
01:26:07,561 --> 01:26:08,979
Oh, and... Oh, yeah.

1450
01:26:09,062 --> 01:26:10,313
Why aren't you in jail?

1451
01:26:10,397 --> 01:26:12,941
I mean, what are you, like 13, 14?

1452
01:26:13,066 --> 01:26:14,484
She's almost 18.

1453
01:26:14,985 --> 01:26:17,571
You know what? Fuck this!

1454
01:26:17,654 --> 01:26:19,156
You all suck. I quit.

1455
01:26:23,452 --> 01:26:24,661
Oh, yeah.

1456
01:26:25,495 --> 01:26:27,205
There is one more thing.

1457
01:26:30,292 --> 01:26:31,334
You.

1458
01:26:33,587 --> 01:26:35,797
You are the biggest piece of shit

1459
01:26:35,881 --> 01:26:37,632
in this entire restaurant.

1460
01:26:38,967 --> 01:26:40,802
And I hope you burn in hell.

1461
01:26:41,219 --> 01:26:44,347
Me? What the fuck did I do to you, man?

1462
01:26:45,223 --> 01:26:46,433
Seriously?

1463
01:26:47,768 --> 01:26:49,811
Oh, shit!

1464
01:26:49,895 --> 01:26:54,066
The goat! The goat, you bastard!

1465
01:26:56,291 --> 01:26:58,126
Fucking faggots.

1466
01:27:00,379 --> 01:27:02,381
That was the shit!

1467
01:27:02,881 --> 01:27:05,217
Mitch! Mitch! Stop, please.

1468
01:27:05,300 --> 01:27:06,468
Look, look. Stop, stop.

1469
01:27:06,551 --> 01:27:08,220
Okay, I am sorry,

1470
01:27:08,595 --> 01:27:10,972
and I hereby swear
my undying allegiance to you.

1471
01:27:11,056 --> 01:27:12,724
You are the fucking man.

1472
01:27:14,643 --> 01:27:16,478
Now, come back to the party.

1473
01:27:16,978 --> 01:27:18,105
Please?

1474
01:27:20,232 --> 01:27:23,110
I swear to God,
I'll never underestimate you again.

1475
01:27:26,738 --> 01:27:28,740
- All right.
- Okay.

1476
01:27:29,157 --> 01:27:30,492
All right.

1477
01:27:30,742 --> 01:27:32,577
Dean, you've been replaced.

1478
01:27:34,996 --> 01:27:36,456
Fuck!

1479
01:27:37,374 --> 01:27:38,750
All right, everybody, listen up.

1480
01:27:38,834 --> 01:27:41,461
From here on out, Mitch is a made man.

1481
01:27:41,545 --> 01:27:45,424
Anyone who has anything different to say,
Nick and T-Dog will fucking fuck you!

1482
01:27:47,662 --> 01:27:50,540
Let's talk about that T-Dog one more time!

1483
01:27:50,624 --> 01:27:51,917
Shut up!

1484
01:27:53,460 --> 01:27:54,628
What's that?

1485
01:27:57,589 --> 01:27:58,840
Don't do that!

1486
01:28:00,425 --> 01:28:02,761
Yo, man, yo! Yo! Beer run, man.

1487
01:28:36,211 --> 01:28:37,504
Why the hell would you do that?

1488
01:28:37,587 --> 01:28:41,841
- He's a fucking manager.
- Well, he asked, so, I...

1489
01:28:53,123 --> 01:28:55,208
What the hell are you doing here?

1490
01:28:57,878 --> 01:29:01,423
Yo! What you doing?

1491
01:29:01,506 --> 01:29:03,346
- What's up? How you doing?
- Those look heavy.

1492
01:29:03,383 --> 01:29:05,010
No, I think you can make it.

1493
01:29:05,093 --> 01:29:07,762
- Asshole.
- Shenaniganz.

1494
01:29:08,763 --> 01:29:11,141
You bring my goddamn gift certificates?

1495
01:29:13,518 --> 01:29:16,271
Is Natasha here?

1496
01:29:22,569 --> 01:29:24,696
Okay. Yeah. They got me.

1497
01:29:25,780 --> 01:29:27,199
All right. Okay.

1498
01:29:28,992 --> 01:29:31,077
You... One week!

1499
01:32:42,852 --> 01:32:44,979
Peace out, bitch-ass motherfuckers.

1500
01:32:45,063 --> 01:32:47,399
Get the fuck out of my fucking face.

1501
01:32:47,482 --> 01:32:51,111
<i>- Get the fuck out of my fucking face.
- Bitch-ass motherfuckers.</i>

1502
01:33:31,151 --> 01:33:32,777
Oh, yeah!